08. Cactus Trust: When Self-Reliance Makes You Lonely

Self-Reliance Feels Safe—But Is It Keeping You Lonely?

You pride yourself on being independent. You don’t need anyone. But if you’re honest, there are moments when self-reliance feels more like loneliness than strength.

That’s Cactus Trust—a trust pattern where keeping people at a distance feels safer than letting them in. It’s why you struggle to ask for help, shut down emotional conversations, and secretly wonder why connection feels so hard.

In this episode, we’re unpacking:

👉 Why trust issues aren’t just about trust—they’re about survival.
👉 How childhood experiences shape your ability to trust.
👉 The 5 hidden ways you might be pushing people away—without realizing it.
👉 What to do if vulnerability makes you anxious (but you still crave connection).

00:00 Introduction to Cactus Trust

01:21 Understanding Cactus Trust

03:18 Tom's Story: A Case Study

06:41 Origins of Cactus Trust

08:35 Recognizing Cactus Trust in Yourself and Others

10:29 Reflection Activity and Next Steps

12:10 Conclusion and Upcoming Episode

So if you’re tired of feeling like relationships require too much or that you have to choose between independence and intimacy—and you’re ready to build trust in a way that feels safe, mutual, and natural—hit play. Let’s dive in.

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