June 11, 2025 • 16 mins
In today’s episode, I share what it’s been like to navigate a nonlinear healing journey. From breakdowns in hospital gowns to tender moments at home, from sitz baths and swelling to glimpses of joy—I reflect on the rawness, the resilience, and the love that has carried me through.
This one’s for anyone in the middle of it.
For those learning how to be in a body that’s still healing.
For the caregivers holding it all.
And for the sacred wisdom that emerges when we’re forced to slow all the way down.
Topics we touch on:
- The emotional rollercoaster of re-hospitalization
- Living with a blood clot + starting blood thinners
- The invisible strength in surrender
- Celebrating small wins like sitting upright and soaking less
- The essential role of caregivers (and how they need care too)
- Reimagining resilience: relational, body-led, and gentle
- My daily rhythm as a devotional practice
- How healing becomes a conversation with the body
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Lisa (00:11):
Hey guys.
Lisa Dawn here.
Welcome back to this week'sepisode.
My, oh my.
Well, the last time I was onhere, I was quite certain that I
was healing and going to beupdating y'all with another
episode the following week, andthat was in the middle of May.
(00:33):
But as you can tell from myradio silence that life had
other plans.
As Murphy's Law would have it ammere.
Six days after I aired thatepisode, I was back in the
hospital for yet anothersurgery.
This is the follow up.
I didn't know I'd be recording,and it's about more than just
(00:55):
recovery.
It's about the sacred reckoningthat happens when we're first
forced to stop forced intostillness, forced into
surrender.
In today's episode, I share whatit's been like to navigate a
non-linear healing journey frombreakdowns in hospital gowns to
(01:19):
tender moments at home, fromsits, baths and swelling to
glimpses of joy.
I reflect on the rawness, theresilience, and the love that
has carried me through.
This one's for anyone in themiddle of it.
For those learning how to be ina body that's still healing for
(01:42):
the caregivers, holding it all,and for the sacred wisdom that
emerges when we're forced toslow all the way down.
I, uh, for those of you whodidn't tune into my last
episode, here is a very briefrecap of what happened.
(02:06):
In the beginning of May, I had abaseball sized abscess form in
my perineum, which landed me inthe emergency room for surgery.
Then two weeks later, I hadanother surgery to remove a
prolapsed hemorrhoid that formedfrom the pressure of the drained
abscess.
(02:28):
Then a week after that, a bloodclot formed above the IV site on
my right arm.
And so I started blood thinnersand the spiral of surrender
deepened.
On a side note, I didn't realizehow much pain comes with a blood
(02:48):
clot.
I actually couldn't fullystraighten my right arm until
the blood thinners started doingtheir job.
About a week later.
Where are my blood clot homiesat sending a shout out to all of
you who've had this strange anduncomfortable experience and the
(03:09):
girl has been through it On topof all of the medical stuff, my
husband and our dog, Merlin,have been staying at Tim's
parents' place for the last fewmonths.
It's closer to the hospital andall the checkups I've had to go
in for.
We finally went home for thefirst time last weekend, and it
(03:32):
truly felt like I turned acorner on my healing journey.
I had almost forgotten how muchI love our home, the decor, the
birds, our land mates and bestfriends who we share the
property with.
We had dinner, caught up,laughed, cried.
It was everything.
And so here we are almost threeweeks after my last surgery and
(03:55):
the blood clot, and I think it'ssafe to say I'm on the mend.
And yes, I literally justknocked on wood after saying
that.
As I'm recording this, I'm happyto report that I'm sitting up
straight for the first timesince April 27th.
Yeah, it's the middle of June.
That's a long time.
(04:17):
I never thought I'd becelebrating things like sitting
or needing to soak my ass oneless time per day, or that
instead of four hour middaynaps, I now am only down to one
or two.
So.
Here are some of the things thatI've been navigating and that
(04:40):
I've learned about resilience,surrender, and healing in
addition to everything that Ishared in my last episode.
First, I wanna sayunsurprisingly, there were some
really, really low moments, morethan I'll share here, but one in
particular stands out.
(05:02):
I remember being in theemergency room in that strange
in-between land.
You know the time if you've beento emergency where you've been
admitted, but you still don'tknow what's happening.
You're surrounded by others whoare sick, scared or injured, and
I was waiting for CT scanresults.
(05:25):
And the doctor came in and toldme that he'd have to operate
again.
My husband was sitting beside meand I'd already been in
emergency for nine hours at thatpoint, and I just, I broke down.
I sobbed for what felt like 30minutes straight, hunched over
in my hospital gown, stillrecovering from my last surgery
(05:49):
in complete shock.
And despair that I was back hereagain and about to have another
surgery.
And at that point I hadn't eatensince around 11:00 AM and it was
close to 10 at night.
And I knew from my last surgerythat they can't go in and
(06:12):
operate and put you onanesthesia if you've eaten.
Um.
I believe it was three hours, upto three hours prior, so I'd
kind of just been holding out.
And eventually the tears slowedand the surgeon came back in to
say that the operation would bepostponed until the morning,
(06:33):
which meant I could eat anddrink anything I wanted until
midnight.
And just like that, somethingshifted.
A spark of joy returned yesfood.
I was so thrilled.
I think that was the first timethat I had smiled that day.
And I quickly sent my husband alist of everything I was
(06:53):
craving, and he promptly wentand, and gathered all of all of
the food that I wanted.
And that moment reminded me thatno state is permanent.
I can't speak to this healingjourney without acknowledging
(07:14):
the caregivers.
The ones who witness our pain,who hear our sobs in the night,
who see the worry etched intoour faces, the ones who hold it
while holding themselves.
My husband, Tim, has been thatperson for me for months now.
(07:38):
He has cleaned me, fed me, andbeen my emotional anchor.
He's witnessed everything fromlearning how to change an IV bag
to supporting me after bowelmovements while quietly managing
his own fear and putting hislife on pause.
(08:00):
Thank you, babe.
And although he's the one that'sbeen in the trenches with me,
there's no amount of gratitudethat can fully express all of
the support I've received fromso many different people from my
parents, my parents in-laws, mysiblings, all of my friends, the
(08:20):
hospital staff, the strangersthat have reached out and shared
their own experiences.
I'm grateful for you all.
So this bit is for thecaregivers.
Compassion fatigue is real.
The people who care for us alsoneed care, and this is not a
(08:43):
luxury.
It's essential that they findways to receive their own
support to, whether it's goingfor a massage therapy, doing
things they love, seeingfriends, or just taking time
alone.
This all matters.
It's paramount.
(09:04):
These kinds of long-term healthjourneys are hard on everyone
and no one should or can carryit alone.
Yeah.
Whew.
I used to think resilience wasabout, you know, kind of just
(09:26):
pushing through and making it tothe other side.
I.
Now I know it's about stayingwith and being present to it
all.
My resilience has been aboutwaking up swollen and bruised,
and still choosing to feedmyself.
(09:46):
It's been crying in the showerand then softening into my own
hands just to remember.
I'm still here.
It's been a journey intotrusting that my body knows,
even when my mind is tired ofwaiting.
And resilience is relational,it's body led, and for me lately
(10:11):
it's looked like napping orlaying down when I need to
crying and allowing the ebbs andflows of frustration and fear to
be there.
And from that place, rememberingthat.
This is also a temporaryexperience and I will not feel
this way forever.
It's looked like snuggling withmy dog, Merlin while I breathe
(10:35):
through discomfort, letting mybody be where it is without
rushing it into who I wasbefore.
It is been about sitting in thegazebo and just watching.
The plants and the flowers andthe birds.
(10:58):
Hmm.
It's been about hanging out withmy husband and allowing him to
witness me to see me for who Iam right now.
And just a note on surrender issurrender.
(11:20):
It isn't about giving up.
It's more about giving in, notto defeat, but to life itself.
To the slow unfurling of tissuesto blood flow repair scar tissue
reorientation to the grief thatsays, I miss my old energy and
(11:43):
the love that replies, butyou're still whole lately.
I've been thinking of the bodyas a sacred altar, and this is
not the first time I felt thisway, but even more so now.
It demands presence, and when wefinally sit at its feet, even if
(12:07):
it's through illness or injury,it begins to speak.
Healing doesn't happen on ourschedule.
It happens in micro moments oflistening, of being kind of
surrender.
(12:27):
My daily rhythm has changed somuch over these past two months,
and I found so much peace and agentle rhythm that holds me.
Warm teas in the morning, softlight looking out at the
(12:48):
sunrise.
Something that's consistent.
Protein rich iron building foodsto support what was lost at the
beginning.
It wasn't that way though.
All I wanted was apple juice.
It was so weird.
I hadn't purchased apple juicein like.
I don't even remember the lasttime my body just needed quick,
(13:10):
quick stores of energy, but nowI'm on to rebuilding.
Rebuilding my blood, sits baths.
I never knew I could spend somuch time in the bathroom
cleaning my butt, uh,restorative movement.
(13:33):
Um.
This one has been huge becauseI've been so sedentary because
of my injuries.
It's, yeah, been a bitdisabling, so getting back into
just gentle movement, gentlestretches, gentle everything.
(13:59):
Getting more in tune with mybreath, listening to music that
I love.
And then reflecting on the day,what did my body do well today?
How could I have responded morekindly to myself?
(14:19):
And this feels less of aprotocol and more of a prayer.
It's me relearning how to be ina body that's still healing.
Still sacred, still worthy oflove, even when it's swollen and
stitched and slower than I'dlike.
(14:39):
So if you are in a healingseason two, please hear this.
You don't have to be productive,even though you may choose to be
at times.
You don't have to be gratefulall the time, even though you
may choose to be at times.
You don't even have to be brave.
You just have to be withyourself gently, honestly, and
(15:05):
with the kind of care you'doffer a baby.
Just learning how to stand orwalk.
Your body is doing holy work,even in the quiet, even when it
feels like nothing is happening,even when it hurts.
And I'm right here with you.
(15:26):
In the middle of it, learning totrust the sacred pace of
healing.
So thank you for being here withme today, and as always, take
care of yourself and each otherI Bye for now.
(15:48):
As always, thank you so much forlistening.
Life is busy, so it means evenmore that you're carving out
time in your day to be here.
Listen, we've got so many greatepisodes coming up, so please
make sure you subscribe tofollow along on Apple Podcasts
or Spotify.
And for those of you who like towatch your podcasts, we are now
(16:08):
uploading them to YouTube.
And if you appreciate theseepisodes, please do us a favor
and leave a rating or a reviewand share it with anyone you
think could benefit.
See you again next Wednesday.
Hey guys.
Lisa Dawn here.
Welcome back to this week'sepisode.
My, oh my.
Well, the last time I was onhere, I was quite certain that I
was healing and going to beupdating y'all with another
episode the following week, andthat was in the middle of May.
(00:33):
But as you can tell from myradio silence that life had
other plans.
As Murphy's Law would have it ammere.
Six days after I aired thatepisode, I was back in the
hospital for yet anothersurgery.
This is the follow up.
I didn't know I'd be recording,and it's about more than just
(00:55):
recovery.
It's about the sacred reckoningthat happens when we're first
forced to stop forced intostillness, forced into
surrender.
In today's episode, I share whatit's been like to navigate a
non-linear healing journey frombreakdowns in hospital gowns to
(01:19):
tender moments at home, fromsits, baths and swelling to
glimpses of joy.
I reflect on the rawness, theresilience, and the love that
has carried me through.
This one's for anyone in themiddle of it.
For those learning how to be ina body that's still healing for
(01:42):
the caregivers, holding it all,and for the sacred wisdom that
emerges when we're forced toslow all the way down.
I, uh, for those of you whodidn't tune into my last
episode, here is a very briefrecap of what happened.
(02:06):
In the beginning of May, I had abaseball sized abscess form in
my perineum, which landed me inthe emergency room for surgery.
Then two weeks later, I hadanother surgery to remove a
prolapsed hemorrhoid that formedfrom the pressure of the drained
abscess.
(02:28):
Then a week after that, a bloodclot formed above the IV site on
my right arm.
And so I started blood thinnersand the spiral of surrender
deepened.
On a side note, I didn't realizehow much pain comes with a blood
(02:48):
clot.
I actually couldn't fullystraighten my right arm until
the blood thinners started doingtheir job.
About a week later.
Where are my blood clot homiesat sending a shout out to all of
you who've had this strange anduncomfortable experience and the
(03:09):
girl has been through it On topof all of the medical stuff, my
husband and our dog, Merlin,have been staying at Tim's
parents' place for the last fewmonths.
It's closer to the hospital andall the checkups I've had to go
in for.
We finally went home for thefirst time last weekend, and it
(03:32):
truly felt like I turned acorner on my healing journey.
I had almost forgotten how muchI love our home, the decor, the
birds, our land mates and bestfriends who we share the
property with.
We had dinner, caught up,laughed, cried.
It was everything.
And so here we are almost threeweeks after my last surgery and
(03:55):
the blood clot, and I think it'ssafe to say I'm on the mend.
And yes, I literally justknocked on wood after saying
that.
As I'm recording this, I'm happyto report that I'm sitting up
straight for the first timesince April 27th.
Yeah, it's the middle of June.
That's a long time.
(04:17):
I never thought I'd becelebrating things like sitting
or needing to soak my ass oneless time per day, or that
instead of four hour middaynaps, I now am only down to one
or two.
So.
Here are some of the things thatI've been navigating and that
(04:40):
I've learned about resilience,surrender, and healing in
addition to everything that Ishared in my last episode.
First, I wanna sayunsurprisingly, there were some
really, really low moments, morethan I'll share here, but one in
particular stands out.
(05:02):
I remember being in theemergency room in that strange
in-between land.
You know the time if you've beento emergency where you've been
admitted, but you still don'tknow what's happening.
You're surrounded by others whoare sick, scared or injured, and
I was waiting for CT scanresults.
(05:25):
And the doctor came in and toldme that he'd have to operate
again.
My husband was sitting beside meand I'd already been in
emergency for nine hours at thatpoint, and I just, I broke down.
I sobbed for what felt like 30minutes straight, hunched over
in my hospital gown, stillrecovering from my last surgery
(05:49):
in complete shock.
And despair that I was back hereagain and about to have another
surgery.
And at that point I hadn't eatensince around 11:00 AM and it was
close to 10 at night.
And I knew from my last surgerythat they can't go in and
(06:12):
operate and put you onanesthesia if you've eaten.
Um.
I believe it was three hours, upto three hours prior, so I'd
kind of just been holding out.
And eventually the tears slowedand the surgeon came back in to
say that the operation would bepostponed until the morning,
(06:33):
which meant I could eat anddrink anything I wanted until
midnight.
And just like that, somethingshifted.
A spark of joy returned yesfood.
I was so thrilled.
I think that was the first timethat I had smiled that day.
And I quickly sent my husband alist of everything I was
(06:53):
craving, and he promptly wentand, and gathered all of all of
the food that I wanted.
And that moment reminded me thatno state is permanent.
I can't speak to this healingjourney without acknowledging
(07:14):
the caregivers.
The ones who witness our pain,who hear our sobs in the night,
who see the worry etched intoour faces, the ones who hold it
while holding themselves.
My husband, Tim, has been thatperson for me for months now.
(07:38):
He has cleaned me, fed me, andbeen my emotional anchor.
He's witnessed everything fromlearning how to change an IV bag
to supporting me after bowelmovements while quietly managing
his own fear and putting hislife on pause.
(08:00):
Thank you, babe.
And although he's the one that'sbeen in the trenches with me,
there's no amount of gratitudethat can fully express all of
the support I've received fromso many different people from my
parents, my parents in-laws, mysiblings, all of my friends, the
(08:20):
hospital staff, the strangersthat have reached out and shared
their own experiences.
I'm grateful for you all.
So this bit is for thecaregivers.
Compassion fatigue is real.
The people who care for us alsoneed care, and this is not a
(08:43):
luxury.
It's essential that they findways to receive their own
support to, whether it's goingfor a massage therapy, doing
things they love, seeingfriends, or just taking time
alone.
This all matters.
It's paramount.
(09:04):
These kinds of long-term healthjourneys are hard on everyone
and no one should or can carryit alone.
Yeah.
Whew.
I used to think resilience wasabout, you know, kind of just
(09:26):
pushing through and making it tothe other side.
I.
Now I know it's about stayingwith and being present to it
all.
My resilience has been aboutwaking up swollen and bruised,
and still choosing to feedmyself.
(09:46):
It's been crying in the showerand then softening into my own
hands just to remember.
I'm still here.
It's been a journey intotrusting that my body knows,
even when my mind is tired ofwaiting.
And resilience is relational,it's body led, and for me lately
(10:11):
it's looked like napping orlaying down when I need to
crying and allowing the ebbs andflows of frustration and fear to
be there.
And from that place, rememberingthat.
This is also a temporaryexperience and I will not feel
this way forever.
It's looked like snuggling withmy dog, Merlin while I breathe
(10:35):
through discomfort, letting mybody be where it is without
rushing it into who I wasbefore.
It is been about sitting in thegazebo and just watching.
The plants and the flowers andthe birds.
(10:58):
Hmm.
It's been about hanging out withmy husband and allowing him to
witness me to see me for who Iam right now.
And just a note on surrender issurrender.
(11:20):
It isn't about giving up.
It's more about giving in, notto defeat, but to life itself.
To the slow unfurling of tissuesto blood flow repair scar tissue
reorientation to the grief thatsays, I miss my old energy and
(11:43):
the love that replies, butyou're still whole lately.
I've been thinking of the bodyas a sacred altar, and this is
not the first time I felt thisway, but even more so now.
It demands presence, and when wefinally sit at its feet, even if
(12:07):
it's through illness or injury,it begins to speak.
Healing doesn't happen on ourschedule.
It happens in micro moments oflistening, of being kind of
surrender.
(12:27):
My daily rhythm has changed somuch over these past two months,
and I found so much peace and agentle rhythm that holds me.
Warm teas in the morning, softlight looking out at the
(12:48):
sunrise.
Something that's consistent.
Protein rich iron building foodsto support what was lost at the
beginning.
It wasn't that way though.
All I wanted was apple juice.
It was so weird.
I hadn't purchased apple juicein like.
I don't even remember the lasttime my body just needed quick,
(13:10):
quick stores of energy, but nowI'm on to rebuilding.
Rebuilding my blood, sits baths.
I never knew I could spend somuch time in the bathroom
cleaning my butt, uh,restorative movement.
(13:33):
Um.
This one has been huge becauseI've been so sedentary because
of my injuries.
It's, yeah, been a bitdisabling, so getting back into
just gentle movement, gentlestretches, gentle everything.
(13:59):
Getting more in tune with mybreath, listening to music that
I love.
And then reflecting on the day,what did my body do well today?
How could I have responded morekindly to myself?
(14:19):
And this feels less of aprotocol and more of a prayer.
It's me relearning how to be ina body that's still healing.
Still sacred, still worthy oflove, even when it's swollen and
stitched and slower than I'dlike.
(14:39):
So if you are in a healingseason two, please hear this.
You don't have to be productive,even though you may choose to be
at times.
You don't have to be gratefulall the time, even though you
may choose to be at times.
You don't even have to be brave.
You just have to be withyourself gently, honestly, and
(15:05):
with the kind of care you'doffer a baby.
Just learning how to stand orwalk.
Your body is doing holy work,even in the quiet, even when it
feels like nothing is happening,even when it hurts.
And I'm right here with you.
(15:26):
In the middle of it, learning totrust the sacred pace of
healing.
So thank you for being here withme today, and as always, take
care of yourself and each otherI Bye for now.
(15:48):
As always, thank you so much forlistening.
Life is busy, so it means evenmore that you're carving out
time in your day to be here.
Listen, we've got so many greatepisodes coming up, so please
make sure you subscribe tofollow along on Apple Podcasts
or Spotify.
And for those of you who like towatch your podcasts, we are now
(16:08):
uploading them to YouTube.
And if you appreciate theseepisodes, please do us a favor
and leave a rating or a reviewand share it with anyone you
think could benefit.
See you again next Wednesday.
Popular Podcasts
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Special Summer Offer: Exclusively on Apple Podcasts, try our Dateline Premium subscription completely free for one month! With Dateline Premium, you get every episode ad-free plus exclusive bonus content.
24/7 News: The Latest
The latest news in 4 minutes updated every hour, every day.