March 26, 2025 • 23 mins
In this week's episode, Lisa Don delves into the challenges of setting boundaries and maintaining healthy relationships, especially when dealing with attachment wounds.
She explores the difference between intellectual knowledge and embodied experiences, discussing how our nervous systems are wired for survival rather than fulfillment. Lisa offers insights on how to identify and heal from anxious, avoidant, and disorganized attachment styles through embodied practices.
She shares practical exercises, like the Safe Touch and Containment Exercise, the Inner Secure Anchor journaling exercise, and the Yes-No Body Compass, to help listeners develop self-trust and regulate their emotions.
The episode emphasizes the importance of experiencing safety and security in real-time relationships, advocating for a combination of cognitive understanding and embodied practice for true transformation and healing.
00:00 Introduction and Episode Overview
00:23 Understanding Attachment Wounds
01:19 Embodied Experience vs. Intellectual Knowledge
02:21 Anxious, Avoidant, and Disorganized Attachment Styles
05:15 Healing Through Embodied Experience
14:53 Practical Exercises for Healing
22:15 Final Thoughts and Summary
23:22 Closing Remarks and Announcements
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Lisa (00:11):
Hey guys.
Lisa Don here.
Welcome back to this week'sepisode.
Today we are diving intosomething that so many of us
struggle with.
Boundaries and relationships,especially when attachment
wounds are in play, what ittakes to heal and how having
(00:32):
knowledge of something is quitedifferent from having an
embodied experience of it.
So if you've ever found yourselfovergiving.
Chasing someone's love,struggling to walk away from a
connection that isn't meetingyour needs, running away from
connection or straight up,wondering why you just can't
(00:54):
seem to get it when it comes torelationships.
Then stick around friend.
We'll talk about why thishappens.
How our nervous systems arewired for survival rather than
fulfillment.
And how to retrain yourself tochoose love that actually feels
safe and reciprocal.
(01:15):
Yay us.
We can do it.
Before we get into all of that,I, I do wanna talk about this
idea of having knowledge aboutsomething versus embodied
experience.
So when we read aboutattachment, we cognitively
(01:35):
understand what attachmentstyles are, how they form, and
the impact they have onrelationships.
But intellectual knowledge alonedoesn't.
Shift our body's responses oralter our nervous system
responses.
We can cognitively understandwhy someone is doing something,
(01:57):
but that doesn't change how ourbody reacts to the behavior.
Man, and I understand this alltoo well.
I used to be and still am aninformation gatherer and it was
pretty great.
But years later, without theembodiment piece, I was still
struggling with the same issuesand then beating myself up for
(02:17):
why I just wasn't getting it.
So this ties into how we mayhave an experience of our
attachment wounds.
So for example, for my peoplewho tend to be more on the
anxious side, so how someonethat leans more anxious might
(02:39):
experience a trigger is suddenlythey become overwhelmed with
anxiety.
So that could feel like feelinga sense of panic or dread when
they perceive emotional distanceor lack of attention.
It could come up as insecurity.
(02:59):
Constantly questioning if theirpartner still loves them,
needing reassurance, but feelingunsure of how to get it.
And again, this goes beyondintimate partnerships.
This applies to friendships, um,workplace dynamics, and pretty
much any relational experiencethat we have.
(03:21):
This could look like clclinginess feeling.
An urgent need to be closer,texting or calling more
frequently, trying to forceconnection when things feel
uncertain.
Now, if you are more on theavoidant side of things, you may
(03:41):
experience an attachment triggeras pulling away.
So a strong urge to createdistance sometimes without even
realizing it, such aswithdrawing from conversations
or avoiding vulnerabilityaltogether, you might double
(04:01):
down on self-reliance,overcompensating by focusing on
independence and rejecting anyform of dependence.
Now if you are moredisorganized, this means that
your relationships were likelyrooted in some chaos,
(04:23):
uncertainty, and some scarysituations.
So you might overanalyzesituations.
So spinning into thoughts,imagining worst case scenarios,
and trying to understand whythings went wrong.
Could be prone to emotionaloutbursts, so getting lost in
(04:45):
arguments, getting confused andforgetting what even happened
moments before.
And of course, we can experiencemany of these adaptations
throughout our life depending onthe person, the relationship,
and the circumstance.
(05:06):
So these are the kinds ofthings, a few examples anyway
that happen when our attachmentadaptation parts are triggered.
Now in order to heal, weactually need to begin having an
embodied experience of theopposite.
Now, of course, on the podcast,I love giving tips and guided
(05:28):
experiences, which do help.
They, of course, don't replaceworking through these triggers
therapeutically with a trained,embodied witness, but they do
absolutely help.
And through these processes,through working with someone,
this is where through therapy wecan create more internal secure
(05:51):
attachment space so that thereis room to experience something
different.
So this embodied experience iswhen you live these principles
in your body and in real timerelationships, it's about
feeling what safety feels likein your system.
(06:11):
Learning to trust your instinctsand rewiring patterns that no
longer serve you.
So reading and knowledge givesus the map, but the embodied
experience is living the actualjourney.
I.
And as many of you know, ifyou've been following along for
(06:32):
a while, attachment wounds aredeeply embedded in our nervous
system.
Our bodies have adapted to thesafety mechanisms we developed
as children.
Whether that is overreacting inanxiety or shutting down
emotions or somewhere inbetween.
So you can understand thesepatterns on a cognitive level,
(06:54):
but if you've never experienceda safe, regulated nervous
system, your body can and willstill associate closeness with
danger, rejection, or neglect.
So embodied work helps rewireour nervous system to feel
secure and grounded, not justknow it intellectually, and this
(07:16):
is how healing work sticks.
And isn't just another bandaidsolution and safety, it can't be
conceptualized.
It has to be felt.
And when attachment wounds arehealed, they're healed on a
somatic level.
This means safety isn'tsomething that you can just talk
(07:37):
about.
It's something that you feel.
It's about feeling safe enoughto be vulnerable and knowing
that you can rely on yourself,your emotions, and others for
support.
Now, this also doesn't mean thatour attachment wounds won't be
triggered in differentcircumstances.
(07:59):
It just means that we have amore secure base to come back
to.
A more secure way of being withourselves and soothing ourselves
and self-regulating so that whenlife does throw us relational
obstacles, we can come back tocenter much more quickly and can
(08:21):
be flexible and.
Adaptable in many differentcircumstances while still
honoring ourselves in theprocess.
So when we begin to reconnectwith our body and allow ourself
to feel safe in ways that bookscan't necessarily provide, there
are practices that allow yourbody to process and release
(08:45):
stored trauma, which thencreates the foundation for
healthier attachment patterns.
And of course, attachment isrelational.
So attachment is never justabout you as the individual.
Although it can feel that waysometimes.
It's always in relationship toothers, and surprisingly enough
(09:11):
that includes how you relate toyourself.
So again, reading a book mayhelp you understand your
attachment style, but truehealing requires us to practice
these concepts in relationshipsand develop and develop them
within your internalrelationship to yourself.
(09:34):
Hmm.
Another thing I wanted tomention is that healing
attachment wounds takes time andrepetition.
So the real transformation comesfrom these places.
It takes time to relearn how totrust yourself and others, how
(09:57):
to set healthy boundaries, howto regulate your emotions and
embodied experiences.
Give us the space to practicethese things until they become
part of who we are.
Part of our new way of being.
And this is why it is such anincredible experience to have a
(10:21):
safe container to do that withina therapeutic connection.
So just to summarize, readingcan give us the language and the
tools, but embodied experiencegives us the transformation.
So the shift from intellectualunderstanding to real lived
experience is the key to healingattachment wounds and developing
(10:45):
a secure inner self.
Hmm.
So by integrating, you don'tjust know what safe attachment
looks like.
You begin to live it.
Now what I wanna say is,throughout my own life, I've
cycled through literally all ofthese attachment wounds.
(11:07):
When I was anxious, I fearedthat people were going to leave
and never come back.
When I was avoidant, I craved.
Sexual experiences, but as soonas emotions were on the table, I
bolted.
When I was more disorganized andworking through a bunch of my
own trauma, I felt dissociatedevery time a partner and I would
(11:31):
have a disagreement.
And this happened in friendshipstoo.
I would forget midway throughthe conversation what I had said
a moment prior.
And an interesting thing to noteis that during those times, I
didn't realize these behaviorswere originating from me, so
that was a hard pill to swallow.
(11:52):
I, I tended to blame a lot.
I didn't take responsibility,and I certainly didn't have
language for what all of thisfelt like.
I just thought relationshipswere chaotic and scary.
So I know that I've touched onthis in a few other episodes,
but let's briefly cover what asecure response may be from a
(12:18):
securely attached person to anavoidant person.
So it's this combination ofboundaries, self-trust, and
self-respect.
So.
A secure person when someone ispulling away will communicate
needs clearly and withself-respect.
(12:41):
So that might look somethinglike, Hey, I've noticed you seem
distant.
Our level of communication ischanged.
Are you still interested in theconnection that we have?
And this doesn't feel scary or,I mean, sometimes it does.
As a secure person or someonethat's developed or remembered
(13:01):
her secure attachment, it stillcan be a little bit scary to
have these conversations.
But it's not like a fear, asurvival based fear like I'll
withhold because I want theperson to stay rather than
having a honest conversation.
(13:21):
And then from there, we observeactions, not just words.
And if the avoidant person isn'tmaking an effort, the secure
person doesn't chase.
So sometimes this means lettinggo with self-worth intact.
If their needs aren't met, theyenforce boundaries instead of
(13:42):
sacrificing themselves.
And ano.
Another thing I wanna add tothat is that xten to walk away
when a relationship provesitself to be one sided.
So not as a punishment, but asself preservation.
So holding a boundary doesn'tmean rejecting love, it means
(14:02):
choosing respect overbreadcrumbs.
Boundaries are a way to keeplove in, not push it away.
Boundaries are not aboutrejection.
They are about self-respect.
And every time we honor them, westrengthen the relationship that
we have with ourselves.
And remember, your nervoussystem once believed that
(14:24):
survival depended on not rockingthe boat, but now you have
choice.
You get to decide what thatlooks like.
So it's important to engage bothour mind and our body when doing
this work so we can consciouslystart to check in by also asking
some questions and engaging ourbody and our nervous system by
(14:49):
doing some embodiment practices.
So I wanted to give a few ofthese to add to your wellness
toolbox.
So this one is called the SafeTouch and Containment Exercise.
So this is meant to create asense of inner holding and
(15:11):
stability.
Many attachment wounds stem froma lack of safe physical contact
as a child.
So this exercise can recreatethe felt sense of holding and
containment that fosterssecurity.
So how do you do it?
And we'll just take a moment andthen just cross your arms over
(15:37):
your chest in a gentle hug.
Or you can place your hands overyour heart and your belly and
you're just applying a slightpressure as if you're holding
yourself with care andsteadiness.
(16:02):
Now, you might already be doingthis, and if not, I just invite
you to rock slowly, side toside.
It is mimicking this soothingrhythm of being held, and you
can bring in the wordsinternally or out loud.
(16:23):
I am safe.
I am held.
I am here for myself.
And then just notice whathappens.
I'm actually doing this exerciseright now, and my shoulders just
dropped.
I took a deep breath Notice foryourself if this creates a sense
(16:47):
of warmth, grounding, orpresence, more presence.
So you can use this duringmoments of stress, overwhelm, or
self-doubt to signal safety.
To your nervous system.
So this next one I wanna talkabout is called the Inner Secure
(17:09):
Anchor, and it's a bit of a, ashort journaling exercise.
So this is one for shifting fromexternal to internal validation.
And when we have attachmentwounds, we often seek external
validation instead of trustingour own wisdom.
So this practice develops astaple inner voice that
(17:32):
reinforces self-trust.
How you do it well, at the endof each night, you can just
simply write down.
One way that you showed up foryourself today.
Now, this could be emotionally,physically, relationally.
(17:57):
Today I gave myselfself-compassion.
Today I went for a walk andmoved my body.
Today I told someone.
That.
I love that.
I love them.
So those are just a fewexamples, and then you can write
(18:22):
down one thing that you're proudof.
No matter how small today, Idoubt with the stack of laundry
on my dresser, that's a personalexample.
Or I did the dishes, whatever itis.
One thing that you're proud of,no matter how small.
(18:44):
And then lastly for this one,you can finish with this
sentence.
I am learning that I can trustmyself because, so an example of
this could be because I listento my gut today or because I set
(19:04):
a small boundary.
So over time, this rewires thebrain to recognize self-trust as
a lived experience rather thansomething you need only from
others.
So the next one is simple andpretty profound.
(19:25):
This one is called the yes nobody compass, and this is used
to reconnect to inner wisdom andboundaries.
And folks who have attachmentwounds often override their own
needs to keep others happy.
So this exercise helps you torebuild trust in your inner
signals and set healthierboundaries.
(19:48):
So how you do it, you just wantto stand or sit with your feet
on the ground, and just take afew breaths here.
Notice yourself connecting withyour seat and with your feet.
And then take a moment to thinkof a clear yes in your life.
(20:10):
Okay?
So this could be somethingreally simple, your favorite
food, a place that you love, andthen notice how your body
responds.
Do you feel lighter, more open?
A sense of ease.
Just notice whatever you noticein your body with your clear
(20:33):
yes.
And now think of a clear no.
So something stressful,something you dislike, and
again, notice your body'sresponse to it.
Do you feel tightness,heaviness, contraction,
(20:55):
anywhere?
And then you can also take thisa step further by practicing
asking yourself small questionsthroughout the day and tuning
into your body's natural yes andno signals.
Hmm, another cognitive way.
(21:23):
And bodily way that you cancheck in with yourself on a
daily basis is to just stand,maybe looking out the window,
kind of scanning the horizon.
Take a breath, check in withyour body and ask yourself, what
(21:44):
is one way I can honor my needstoday?
What is one way I can honor myneeds today and see if an answer
makes itself available to you.
(22:04):
So those are a few practicesthat kind of tie in this mind
body connection.
And here's what I wanna leaveyou with.
You are the keeper of your owngarden.
No one else will do this foryou.
(22:26):
It's yours to water and tend tolove, can feel nourishing,
reciprocal, and steady.
And if a relationship makes youfeel like you're constantly
questioning your worth, that'snot it.
It's probably an old survivalresponse.
(22:47):
So part of this work is feelingsafe and secure within yourself,
so you have this internalcompass that's a felt sense that
navigates you back to yourselftime and time again, and
navigates you back to your needsand the non-negotiables that you
need and have in your life.
(23:10):
So thank you so much for tuningin.
Until next time, take care ofyourself.
Bye for now.
As always, thank you so much forlistening.
Life is busy, so it means evenmore that you're carving out
time in your day to be here.
(23:32):
Listen, we've got so many greatepisodes coming up, so please
make sure you subscribe tofollow along on Apple Podcasts
or Spotify.
And for those of you who like towatch your podcasts, we are now
uploading them to YouTube.
And if you appreciate theseepisodes, please do us a favor
and leave a rating or a reviewand share it with anyone you
(23:53):
think could benefit.
See you again next Wednesday.
Hey guys.
Lisa Don here.
Welcome back to this week'sepisode.
Today we are diving intosomething that so many of us
struggle with.
Boundaries and relationships,especially when attachment
wounds are in play, what ittakes to heal and how having
(00:32):
knowledge of something is quitedifferent from having an
embodied experience of it.
So if you've ever found yourselfovergiving.
Chasing someone's love,struggling to walk away from a
connection that isn't meetingyour needs, running away from
connection or straight up,wondering why you just can't
(00:54):
seem to get it when it comes torelationships.
Then stick around friend.
We'll talk about why thishappens.
How our nervous systems arewired for survival rather than
fulfillment.
And how to retrain yourself tochoose love that actually feels
safe and reciprocal.
(01:15):
Yay us.
We can do it.
Before we get into all of that,I, I do wanna talk about this
idea of having knowledge aboutsomething versus embodied
experience.
So when we read aboutattachment, we cognitively
(01:35):
understand what attachmentstyles are, how they form, and
the impact they have onrelationships.
But intellectual knowledge alonedoesn't.
Shift our body's responses oralter our nervous system
responses.
We can cognitively understandwhy someone is doing something,
(01:57):
but that doesn't change how ourbody reacts to the behavior.
Man, and I understand this alltoo well.
I used to be and still am aninformation gatherer and it was
pretty great.
But years later, without theembodiment piece, I was still
struggling with the same issuesand then beating myself up for
(02:17):
why I just wasn't getting it.
So this ties into how we mayhave an experience of our
attachment wounds.
So for example, for my peoplewho tend to be more on the
anxious side, so how someonethat leans more anxious might
(02:39):
experience a trigger is suddenlythey become overwhelmed with
anxiety.
So that could feel like feelinga sense of panic or dread when
they perceive emotional distanceor lack of attention.
It could come up as insecurity.
(02:59):
Constantly questioning if theirpartner still loves them,
needing reassurance, but feelingunsure of how to get it.
And again, this goes beyondintimate partnerships.
This applies to friendships, um,workplace dynamics, and pretty
much any relational experiencethat we have.
(03:21):
This could look like clclinginess feeling.
An urgent need to be closer,texting or calling more
frequently, trying to forceconnection when things feel
uncertain.
Now, if you are more on theavoidant side of things, you may
(03:41):
experience an attachment triggeras pulling away.
So a strong urge to createdistance sometimes without even
realizing it, such aswithdrawing from conversations
or avoiding vulnerabilityaltogether, you might double
(04:01):
down on self-reliance,overcompensating by focusing on
independence and rejecting anyform of dependence.
Now if you are moredisorganized, this means that
your relationships were likelyrooted in some chaos,
(04:23):
uncertainty, and some scarysituations.
So you might overanalyzesituations.
So spinning into thoughts,imagining worst case scenarios,
and trying to understand whythings went wrong.
Could be prone to emotionaloutbursts, so getting lost in
(04:45):
arguments, getting confused andforgetting what even happened
moments before.
And of course, we can experiencemany of these adaptations
throughout our life depending onthe person, the relationship,
and the circumstance.
(05:06):
So these are the kinds ofthings, a few examples anyway
that happen when our attachmentadaptation parts are triggered.
Now in order to heal, weactually need to begin having an
embodied experience of theopposite.
Now, of course, on the podcast,I love giving tips and guided
(05:28):
experiences, which do help.
They, of course, don't replaceworking through these triggers
therapeutically with a trained,embodied witness, but they do
absolutely help.
And through these processes,through working with someone,
this is where through therapy wecan create more internal secure
(05:51):
attachment space so that thereis room to experience something
different.
So this embodied experience iswhen you live these principles
in your body and in real timerelationships, it's about
feeling what safety feels likein your system.
(06:11):
Learning to trust your instinctsand rewiring patterns that no
longer serve you.
So reading and knowledge givesus the map, but the embodied
experience is living the actualjourney.
I.
And as many of you know, ifyou've been following along for
(06:32):
a while, attachment wounds aredeeply embedded in our nervous
system.
Our bodies have adapted to thesafety mechanisms we developed
as children.
Whether that is overreacting inanxiety or shutting down
emotions or somewhere inbetween.
So you can understand thesepatterns on a cognitive level,
(06:54):
but if you've never experienceda safe, regulated nervous
system, your body can and willstill associate closeness with
danger, rejection, or neglect.
So embodied work helps rewireour nervous system to feel
secure and grounded, not justknow it intellectually, and this
(07:16):
is how healing work sticks.
And isn't just another bandaidsolution and safety, it can't be
conceptualized.
It has to be felt.
And when attachment wounds arehealed, they're healed on a
somatic level.
This means safety isn'tsomething that you can just talk
(07:37):
about.
It's something that you feel.
It's about feeling safe enoughto be vulnerable and knowing
that you can rely on yourself,your emotions, and others for
support.
Now, this also doesn't mean thatour attachment wounds won't be
triggered in differentcircumstances.
(07:59):
It just means that we have amore secure base to come back
to.
A more secure way of being withourselves and soothing ourselves
and self-regulating so that whenlife does throw us relational
obstacles, we can come back tocenter much more quickly and can
(08:21):
be flexible and.
Adaptable in many differentcircumstances while still
honoring ourselves in theprocess.
So when we begin to reconnectwith our body and allow ourself
to feel safe in ways that bookscan't necessarily provide, there
are practices that allow yourbody to process and release
(08:45):
stored trauma, which thencreates the foundation for
healthier attachment patterns.
And of course, attachment isrelational.
So attachment is never justabout you as the individual.
Although it can feel that waysometimes.
It's always in relationship toothers, and surprisingly enough
(09:11):
that includes how you relate toyourself.
So again, reading a book mayhelp you understand your
attachment style, but truehealing requires us to practice
these concepts in relationshipsand develop and develop them
within your internalrelationship to yourself.
(09:34):
Hmm.
Another thing I wanted tomention is that healing
attachment wounds takes time andrepetition.
So the real transformation comesfrom these places.
It takes time to relearn how totrust yourself and others, how
(09:57):
to set healthy boundaries, howto regulate your emotions and
embodied experiences.
Give us the space to practicethese things until they become
part of who we are.
Part of our new way of being.
And this is why it is such anincredible experience to have a
(10:21):
safe container to do that withina therapeutic connection.
So just to summarize, readingcan give us the language and the
tools, but embodied experiencegives us the transformation.
So the shift from intellectualunderstanding to real lived
experience is the key to healingattachment wounds and developing
(10:45):
a secure inner self.
Hmm.
So by integrating, you don'tjust know what safe attachment
looks like.
You begin to live it.
Now what I wanna say is,throughout my own life, I've
cycled through literally all ofthese attachment wounds.
(11:07):
When I was anxious, I fearedthat people were going to leave
and never come back.
When I was avoidant, I craved.
Sexual experiences, but as soonas emotions were on the table, I
bolted.
When I was more disorganized andworking through a bunch of my
own trauma, I felt dissociatedevery time a partner and I would
(11:31):
have a disagreement.
And this happened in friendshipstoo.
I would forget midway throughthe conversation what I had said
a moment prior.
And an interesting thing to noteis that during those times, I
didn't realize these behaviorswere originating from me, so
that was a hard pill to swallow.
(11:52):
I, I tended to blame a lot.
I didn't take responsibility,and I certainly didn't have
language for what all of thisfelt like.
I just thought relationshipswere chaotic and scary.
So I know that I've touched onthis in a few other episodes,
but let's briefly cover what asecure response may be from a
(12:18):
securely attached person to anavoidant person.
So it's this combination ofboundaries, self-trust, and
self-respect.
So.
A secure person when someone ispulling away will communicate
needs clearly and withself-respect.
(12:41):
So that might look somethinglike, Hey, I've noticed you seem
distant.
Our level of communication ischanged.
Are you still interested in theconnection that we have?
And this doesn't feel scary or,I mean, sometimes it does.
As a secure person or someonethat's developed or remembered
(13:01):
her secure attachment, it stillcan be a little bit scary to
have these conversations.
But it's not like a fear, asurvival based fear like I'll
withhold because I want theperson to stay rather than
having a honest conversation.
(13:21):
And then from there, we observeactions, not just words.
And if the avoidant person isn'tmaking an effort, the secure
person doesn't chase.
So sometimes this means lettinggo with self-worth intact.
If their needs aren't met, theyenforce boundaries instead of
(13:42):
sacrificing themselves.
And ano.
Another thing I wanna add tothat is that xten to walk away
when a relationship provesitself to be one sided.
So not as a punishment, but asself preservation.
So holding a boundary doesn'tmean rejecting love, it means
(14:02):
choosing respect overbreadcrumbs.
Boundaries are a way to keeplove in, not push it away.
Boundaries are not aboutrejection.
They are about self-respect.
And every time we honor them, westrengthen the relationship that
we have with ourselves.
And remember, your nervoussystem once believed that
(14:24):
survival depended on not rockingthe boat, but now you have
choice.
You get to decide what thatlooks like.
So it's important to engage bothour mind and our body when doing
this work so we can consciouslystart to check in by also asking
some questions and engaging ourbody and our nervous system by
(14:49):
doing some embodiment practices.
So I wanted to give a few ofthese to add to your wellness
toolbox.
So this one is called the SafeTouch and Containment Exercise.
So this is meant to create asense of inner holding and
(15:11):
stability.
Many attachment wounds stem froma lack of safe physical contact
as a child.
So this exercise can recreatethe felt sense of holding and
containment that fosterssecurity.
So how do you do it?
And we'll just take a moment andthen just cross your arms over
(15:37):
your chest in a gentle hug.
Or you can place your hands overyour heart and your belly and
you're just applying a slightpressure as if you're holding
yourself with care andsteadiness.
(16:02):
Now, you might already be doingthis, and if not, I just invite
you to rock slowly, side toside.
It is mimicking this soothingrhythm of being held, and you
can bring in the wordsinternally or out loud.
(16:23):
I am safe.
I am held.
I am here for myself.
And then just notice whathappens.
I'm actually doing this exerciseright now, and my shoulders just
dropped.
I took a deep breath Notice foryourself if this creates a sense
(16:47):
of warmth, grounding, orpresence, more presence.
So you can use this duringmoments of stress, overwhelm, or
self-doubt to signal safety.
To your nervous system.
So this next one I wanna talkabout is called the Inner Secure
(17:09):
Anchor, and it's a bit of a, ashort journaling exercise.
So this is one for shifting fromexternal to internal validation.
And when we have attachmentwounds, we often seek external
validation instead of trustingour own wisdom.
So this practice develops astaple inner voice that
(17:32):
reinforces self-trust.
How you do it well, at the endof each night, you can just
simply write down.
One way that you showed up foryourself today.
Now, this could be emotionally,physically, relationally.
(17:57):
Today I gave myselfself-compassion.
Today I went for a walk andmoved my body.
Today I told someone.
That.
I love that.
I love them.
So those are just a fewexamples, and then you can write
(18:22):
down one thing that you're proudof.
No matter how small today, Idoubt with the stack of laundry
on my dresser, that's a personalexample.
Or I did the dishes, whatever itis.
One thing that you're proud of,no matter how small.
(18:44):
And then lastly for this one,you can finish with this
sentence.
I am learning that I can trustmyself because, so an example of
this could be because I listento my gut today or because I set
(19:04):
a small boundary.
So over time, this rewires thebrain to recognize self-trust as
a lived experience rather thansomething you need only from
others.
So the next one is simple andpretty profound.
(19:25):
This one is called the yes nobody compass, and this is used
to reconnect to inner wisdom andboundaries.
And folks who have attachmentwounds often override their own
needs to keep others happy.
So this exercise helps you torebuild trust in your inner
signals and set healthierboundaries.
(19:48):
So how you do it, you just wantto stand or sit with your feet
on the ground, and just take afew breaths here.
Notice yourself connecting withyour seat and with your feet.
And then take a moment to thinkof a clear yes in your life.
(20:10):
Okay?
So this could be somethingreally simple, your favorite
food, a place that you love, andthen notice how your body
responds.
Do you feel lighter, more open?
A sense of ease.
Just notice whatever you noticein your body with your clear
(20:33):
yes.
And now think of a clear no.
So something stressful,something you dislike, and
again, notice your body'sresponse to it.
Do you feel tightness,heaviness, contraction,
(20:55):
anywhere?
And then you can also take thisa step further by practicing
asking yourself small questionsthroughout the day and tuning
into your body's natural yes andno signals.
Hmm, another cognitive way.
(21:23):
And bodily way that you cancheck in with yourself on a
daily basis is to just stand,maybe looking out the window,
kind of scanning the horizon.
Take a breath, check in withyour body and ask yourself, what
(21:44):
is one way I can honor my needstoday?
What is one way I can honor myneeds today and see if an answer
makes itself available to you.
(22:04):
So those are a few practicesthat kind of tie in this mind
body connection.
And here's what I wanna leaveyou with.
You are the keeper of your owngarden.
No one else will do this foryou.
(22:26):
It's yours to water and tend tolove, can feel nourishing,
reciprocal, and steady.
And if a relationship makes youfeel like you're constantly
questioning your worth, that'snot it.
It's probably an old survivalresponse.
(22:47):
So part of this work is feelingsafe and secure within yourself,
so you have this internalcompass that's a felt sense that
navigates you back to yourselftime and time again, and
navigates you back to your needsand the non-negotiables that you
need and have in your life.
(23:10):
So thank you so much for tuningin.
Until next time, take care ofyourself.
Bye for now.
As always, thank you so much forlistening.
Life is busy, so it means evenmore that you're carving out
time in your day to be here.
(23:32):
Listen, we've got so many greatepisodes coming up, so please
make sure you subscribe tofollow along on Apple Podcasts
or Spotify.
And for those of you who like towatch your podcasts, we are now
uploading them to YouTube.
And if you appreciate theseepisodes, please do us a favor
and leave a rating or a reviewand share it with anyone you
(23:53):
think could benefit.
See you again next Wednesday.
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