Ep68 How Language Transforms Love: Name What Your Heart Requires

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In this episode, Dr. Dar Hawks shares a clear message for generous women who feel “too much”: your needs aren’t excessive, they’re unnamed. We map five core sovereign relationship needs and show how naming your primary need turns conflict into conversation and over giving into clarity.

• why caring partners get labeled as “too much”
• the hidden cost of unnamed needs in love
• indirect asks versus clear, calm requests
• five core sovereign relationship needs explained
• how to identify your primary need
• shifts that follow clarity and boundaries
• affirmations that ground self-worth
• next steps with tools for naming needs

Take the quiz here at needs.drdarhawks.com
Book a free consultation with me at contact.darhawks.com

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• Understand what you need → https://needs.drdarhawks.com
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Episode Transcript

SPEAKER_00 (01:28):
Welcome to the Healing Relationships from the
Inside Out Podcast, formerlyknown as the Better
Relationships Podcast, effectivewith this episode.
I'm Dr.
Dar Hawks, Relationship andCommunication Coach and Healer,
and today I'm talking about amessage I wish every caring,

(01:50):
compassionate, generous womancould hear.
Your needs are not too much.
They're just unnamed.
If you've ever been told you'reemotional, sensitive,
overreacting, or expecting toomuch, I invite you to sit back,

(02:12):
take a breath, and let thismessage land.
You're not difficult, you're notneedy, you're not asking for
anything excessive.
Consider the possibility thatyou've simply never been given
the language to name what yourheart requires to feel safe,

(02:36):
connected, appreciated, andloved.
Today I'm diving deep into whythis happens, how it impacts
your relationship, and whatshifts everything once your
needs finally have names.
Let's start with why you thinkyour needs are too much.

(03:03):
Most women who find their way tome share a similar story.
They're thoughtful, loving,emotionally generous, and very
giving.
But inside, whether they canacknowledge it or not, whether
they're aware of it or not, deepdown, they feel starved for

(03:28):
reciprocity.
You try to choose the rightmoment, say it in the softest
way, not overwhelm your partner,or dial yourself down so you
don't create conflict.
And when you do try to expresswhat you need, you're met with

(03:49):
annoyance, defensiveness, blankstares, or emotional shutdown.
And so your brain tells you,maybe I'm asking for too much.
Maybe I should do more.
Maybe I should give more.
Maybe I should wait and not talkabout this, if ever.

(04:10):
But here's the truth.
Most caring, compassionate,giving women are not asking for
too much.
They're asking for the basicswithout the language to
articulate them.
The real problem is unnamedneeds.
This is where things get quietlypainful.

(04:31):
When you don't have a clearunderstanding of what your
relationship needs actually are,you end up asking indirectly.
Instead of saying, I needreassurance, you might say, Do
you even care about us?
Instead of I need quality time,you might say, we never do

(04:52):
anything together anymore.
Instead of I need emotionalsafety, you might shut down,
withdraw, or over-explain.
Unspoken and unnamed needs turninto resentment, emotional
exhaustion, feeling invisible,conflict, never-ending looping

(05:14):
arguments, and overfunctioning.
Overfunctioning means doing evenmore, giving even more.
And it's not because you're hardto love, but because your needs
were never named, taught,supported, or normalized.

(05:35):
Let's now dive into the fivecore sovereign relationship
needs.
Every human being has these fivecore sovereign relationship
needs.
Number one, love and belonging.
To feel cherished, valued, andemotionally safe and held.

(05:59):
Number two, freedom.
To feel unpressured, respected,free to be yourself and free to
make your own choices.
Number three, fun, to feel joy,lightness, play, and emotional
ease.
four, safety and survival, tofeel secure, stable, and

(06:24):
anchored.
Number five, empowerment orpower.
To feel heard, influential, andrespected.
Each of these core sovereignrelationship needs don't
function independently of eachother.
They're intertwined.

(06:46):
And each of us has one that wegravitate towards as our primary
sovereign relationship need.
When any of these needs areunmet, you don't feel needy.
You feel incomplete.
When they're unnamed, yourpartner can't understand what
you're actually asking for.

(07:08):
Naming your primary relationshipneed is like putting the missing
puzzle piece back into youremotional and conversational
world.
Everything starts making sense.
Here's why naming your needschanges everything.
When you finally know what yourprimary sovereign relationship

(07:31):
need is, how it shows up in yourlife, how you react when it's
ignored, and how to communicateit clearly, your entire
relationship dynamic shifts.
You stop explaining yourself,you stop overgiving, you stop

(07:54):
walking on eggshells, you stopshrinking, and you stop hoping
your partner just knows.
And instead, you beginexpressing your needs calmly,
setting boundaries withoutguilt, recognizing emotional

(08:15):
patterns, choosing connectioninstead of survival mode, and
creating conversations insteadof conflict.
Your partner often respondsbetter too, because clarity
removes pressure, doubt, andconfusion.

(08:35):
Let's now talk about supportingyourself moving forward.
Please know and accept andacknowledge and stand in these
things.
Your needs matter.
Your heart matters.
Your voice matters.
Your feelings matter.

(08:58):
You matter.
And nothing about you is toomuch.
The first step is naming whatyou've been carrying alone.
If you would like helpidentifying and naming your
primary sovereign relationshipneed and how it shapes every

(09:18):
part of your relationship, takemy free relationship needs quiz.
It's gentle, insightful, andeye-opening.
And you'll instantly understandwhy your needs have felt so big
when really they've just beenunspoken and unnamed.

(09:41):
Take the quiz here at needs.com.
That's needs.com.
And if you listened today andthought, whoa, yes, this is me,
I resonate with this message.

(10:04):
I would love to support youpersonally.
Book a free consultation with meat contact.darhawks.com.
You no longer have to keepquiet.
You don't have to keep peace bylosing yourself.

(10:24):
You don't have to do this alone.
Your needs are not too much.
They're simply waiting to benamed.
And I'm here with you every stepof the way.
Thank you for your time andlistening, and I look forward to
connecting with you in the quizor on a free consultation.

(10:45):
I just can't wait to hear yourlovely voice.