June 3, 2025 • 38 mins
What If Sober Was the New Cool? Breaking the Wine Culture Narrative with Kim Bellas
This episode of Asking for a Friend is sponsored by Better Help. https://betterhelp.com/askingforafriend
Is wine really the answer to midlife stress—or have we just been sold that story?
In this episode of Asking for a Friend, I sit down with Kim Bellas, founder of the global movement Sober is the New Cool, to talk about what happens when midlife women challenge the “mommy juice” narrative and rethink their relationship with alcohol.
At 52, Kim gave up wine—not because she had to, but because her son’s epilepsy meds meant he couldn’t drink. In a moment of clarity (wine glass in hand), she realized the message she was sending and committed to going sober for 3 months in solidarity.
That was 12 years ago.
What started as a short-term decision became a full-blown transformation—one that led to better sleep, stronger confidence, Fashion Week appearances (yes, really!), and a worldwide community of women just like her.
This conversation will speak to any woman who’s ever thought:
- “I don’t have a problem, but maybe I drink more than I want to.”
- “I’m curious what life would be like without wine.”
- “I want to feel better, sleep better, and show up better—but without feeling judged.”
✨ Whether you’re sober-curious, alcohol-free, or simply sick of feeling like you need a drink to relax, this episode is your permission slip to explore something different.
🎧 Listen in—and let’s redefine what cool looks like in midlife.
You can find Sober is the New Cool at https://soberisthenewcool.ca/
Follow Kim Bellas at https://www.instagram.com/sober.is.the.new.cool/
Kim's favorite alcohol-free wines:
Leitz Eins Zwei Sparkling Rose
Prima Pave Sparkling
This episode is sponsored by Better Help. Get 10% off your first month of therapy at https://betterhelp.com/askingforafriend
#SoberIsTheNewCool #MidlifeSobriety #SoberCurious #WomenOver50 #QuitDrinkingJourney #AlcoholFreeLife #MidlifeWellness
_________________________________________
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Sign up for Michele's weekly newsletter for more health and fitness tips and insights. https://michelefolanfasterway.myflodesk.com/i6i44jw4fq
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Michele Folan (00:00):
Let's be honest, midlife can feel like a lot.
Shifting roles, changing bodies, aging parents, and sometimes
you just need a safe space totalk it all through.
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Visit BetterHelpcom forwardslash asking for a friend to get
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That's BetterHelpcom.
Forward slash asking for afriend.
Health, wellness, fitness andeverything in between.
We're removing the taboo fromwhat really matters in midlife.
I'm your host, Michele Folan,and this is Asking for a Friend.
(01:10):
Ladies, let's talk aboutsomething that's everywhere in
midlife Wine nights, happy hours, mommy juice and the idea that
we need a glass of somethingstrong to unwind, fit in or take
the edge off.
But what if we've been sold alie?
(01:31):
More women than ever arerethinking their relationship
with alcohol, not because theyhit rock bottom, but because
they want to feel better energy,sleep, mental clarity, skin.
Alcohol impacts all of it, andmidlife is when we start
noticing those effects big time.
Meanwhile, the non-alcoholicbeverage industry is booming,
(01:53):
offering more choices than everfor those who want to cut back
or go all in on sobriety.
My guest today, Kim Bellas,founder of Sober, is the New
Cool.
Never expected to give upalcohol, but when her son was
diagnosed with epilepsy andcould no longer drink, she made
a life-changing decision to quitdrinking, in solidarity with
(02:16):
him.
What started as a personalchoice became a movement,
helping thousands of peopleredefine what it means to be
social, confident and coolwithout alcohol.
Kim Bellas, welcome to Askingfor a Friend.
Kim Bellas (02:30):
Oh, thank you so much.
I love everything you do.
You're so much about wellnessand I think the women are just
so lucky to have you to look upto and be inspired, because it's
truly magnificent, oh, kim.
Michele Folan (02:44):
I would say the exact same thing about you, and
those are very kind words.
Thank you, I just loveeverything you're doing.
I want you first of all to tellthe audience who you are, where
you're from, like where yougrew up, and then your family
details.
So my name is Kim.
Kim Bellas (03:04):
Bellas, I grew up in Montreal, canada.
I had, you know, pretty perfectlife.
Looking in, you know, the whitepicket fence, you know
everything was good.
Childhood was good, you know itwas just basically, you know,
but those were the.
I was born in 1961.
So I'm 64 years old, so I'llstart with that.
(03:25):
So back then it was quite, youknow, common that everybody was
just, you know, very neighborlyand everything was, you know,
just kind of status quo, butsaying that nobody really talked
about problems or family issues.
Michele Folan (03:40):
Oh, no, right, You're correct.
Yeah, and I will say this Kim,we grew up in a really great
time.
Kim Bellas (03:48):
Yes, we did.
Michele Folan (03:49):
Yeah, but you're right about people.
Just didn't talk about stuff,yeah.
Kim Bellas (03:54):
And you know, I think the time when we grew up,
everybody was we weren't fearfulof each other, we were very
open.
We were very open to oneanother.
We were helpful.
We I don't know, you know thedoors were unlocked, people were
running in and out of eachother's homes and neighborhoods.
There was none of this.
You know problems that we havetoday, you know.
Michele Folan (04:15):
Yeah, and then how did you land in New York?
Kim Bellas (04:18):
No, I well, actually I'm still in Montreal right now
.
Michele Folan (04:21):
Oh, you are.
Kim Bellas (04:22):
Yes, most of my events are actually done there,
because I just found that thewomen who came into my life in
the last 12 years were from theUK.
That was my main gang first,and then it was the United
States and Canada.
I mean, I live here but we arefar behind in the wellness
(04:46):
industry.
Michele Folan (04:46):
We're just starting to catch up, I think,
Okay, so interesting.
And yeah.
So I immediately thought,because you're in New York.
All the time I thought you wereliving there, but you're not.
We even talked before werecorded and I never made that
connection so fascinating.
(05:08):
So you find, with yourorganization, that you get a lot
of support in that area.
Kim Bellas (05:15):
Well, no, I think that New York has just become
like a hub where whenever I doan event, someone from
California will come, someonefrom Minnesota comes, someone
from Kansas comes.
It kind of seems one.
Everybody loves New York,Everybody wants to go to New
York, so it's the perfect timefor people to meet up.
Michele Folan (05:34):
Yeah, that's awesome and we'll dive into your
events here in a second, but Ido want you to take us back.
Your son was diagnosed withepilepsy.
How did that change everythingfor your family?
Kim Bellas (05:51):
Well, you know, in 2013, he was playing football
five nights a week.
He was, you know, and great atit, and that was his passion and
his love, and you know.
So, from one day to the next,he had a seizure and
automatically the coaches,everybody just thought, oh, this
is football related, right,because he was a big guy, he was
(06:14):
.
You know the hitting back andforth, and you know, we went
back and forth the first littlewhile with, oh, it was just a
concussion.
He still play football and,unfortunately, as time
progressed, we realized in thebeginning of 2013 that football
would not be an option, sportswould not be an option.
Um, and our lives just turnedupside down.
(06:37):
You know, we went from, youknow, being outside every night
of the week almost, and himbeing social to me, being afraid
for him to drive a bicyclebecause we never knew when the
next seizure would come.
And so, therefore, all of asudden, we had all these
different options and medicationbecame the only option that
(07:00):
would work for him and therefore, alcohol would never be part of
his life.
Michele Folan (07:05):
Yeah, so did he have more recurring seizures.
Kim Bellas (07:12):
Oh yes, we ended up in the ambulance a few times
because, as you know, boys willbe boys and you know, I remember
, actually at the hospital, oneof the doctors saying well, you
could have one or two drinks.
I don't know any teenager thatwould have one or two and stop.
So we went down that road a fewtimes and finally we got the
(07:36):
right medication.
We were, like you know, aboutthree, four months in no
seizures, because the first yearwe had probably 11 seizures,
okay, and so finally, after that, we kind of got settled and I
said, Okay, you've got to getout, you've got to go back and
see your friends and we've gotto start living again somehow.
And he called me after abouthalf an hour 40 minutes that he
(08:00):
had been out and say Mom, pickme up.
And I'd pick him up.
And the third time I said, okay, what's going on here?
This is crazy, Matthew.
And he said, mom, everybodydrinks or smokes pot.
I just don't fit in and I'msitting there going oh, come on,
you don't need alcohol or drugsto have fun.
And as I said it, I had thebiggest glass of red wine in my
(08:21):
hand and it was like a truck hitme and I remember to this day
how much I felt like such a hugehypocrite and at that minute I
just thought okay, I'm going tostop for three months.
I'm going to prove a point, asmoms do, and say you know what?
Look see, I'm right, I can doit, you don't need, I could
(08:42):
still be fine without it.
I'm right, I can do it, I couldstill be fine without it.
Michele Folan (08:47):
And it is 12 years later, I've never had
another drink.
That's amazing.
I have to ask you, though, whatwas your relationship with
alcohol prior to thisconversation with Matthew?
Kim Bellas (08:56):
Well, listen, I drank wine every single night
and now I realize, looking backway too much, and this you have
to remember I was 52 years old,I had just finished menopause,
because I had menopause early on.
But you know, the sleeping wasnot great, you know, lack of
energy, gaining weight, all thatstuff was kind of mixed in the
(09:17):
bag there and alcohol obviouslydidn't help me.
And as soon as I stopped forhim, because I loved him more
than I loved myself, I reallyrealized the energy I had.
I was open to more things, Iwas more positive, I was
starting to exercise more, I waseating better and it just was.
(09:38):
And then Sobers, the new coolkind of got started.
My sister made a logo, I made atrademark.
Don't ask me why.
He didn't want to talk aboutepilepsy, he didn't want to be
the one that said he couldn'tdrink.
And the first year when I didstop everywhere I went, people
(10:00):
would say, oh, you never had aproblem, just come here, have a
drink with me, we won't tell.
And I thought, wow, I'm 52.
If people are saying that to meand I'm saying, no, I made a
promise to my son, how's hegoing to manage?
You know, it's just everywhere,and I guess we made a Facebook
page, didn't know what we weredoing, and it just took off.
(10:22):
It just took off.
Michele Folan (10:24):
Yeah, you know.
So when did you realize thatsober is the new cool would be
bigger than just your personaljourney.
Kim Bellas (10:34):
You know, I think early on it was just kind of
like I started getting thesemessages.
Some mothers with kids withepilepsy how did I navigate that
?
And you know, you know socialsurroundings and then just moms
in general saying well, did youdrink after um homework time?
I said yeah god, did I ever like?
(10:55):
That was like oh, thank god,right, and cooking when I'd
start dinner.
You know that's the big one,right, and it was just.
I think for me I was a habit.
But looking back 12 years now,I just don't want to even have a
sip because I never want to goback to that.
(11:17):
I just don't.
Michele Folan (11:18):
Yeah, you feel that good.
Kim Bellas (11:21):
Yes, yeah, I feel great.
I think the sobriety was justthe tip of the iceberg.
I mean, I've done things thatnever in my wildest dreams could
I have imagined.
The people who I've met aroundthe world, the women that are so
incredible and are helpingother people's children even
(11:44):
though they've lost a child oftheir own I mean, it's just what
this has brought for me helpingothers.
I just seem to be at the rightplace at the right time.
And there's something so muchbigger than me, because every
time I want to give up and think, ok, I'm not doing enough.
I, you know I'm notaccomplishing enough.
(12:04):
Something happens and whoops, Iget back on the train and I'm
okay, let's try this again, andyou know.
Michele Folan (12:13):
You listen to the podcast, you might even see my
reels on Instagram.
Perhaps you've even clicked alink or two, but you still
haven't made a move.
You're still waiting for theright time to start.
But here's the truth.
There's no perfect time, butthere is today, and if you're
feeling stuck, low on energy andlike your body isn't responding
(12:34):
the way it used to, you are notalone.
That's why I coach womenthrough Faster Way.
We start with the basicsfueling your body with real food
, building strength and finallylearning how to support your
metabolism instead of fightingit.
No extremes, no restriction,just a smarter, proven approach
for women over 50.
(12:55):
If you're even a little curious, click the link in the show
notes or shoot me an email.
I'm happy to chat with nopressure, but maybe it's time to
stop watching and start doing.
Let's do this together.
So, kim, many midlife womenstruggle with wine culture.
(13:17):
You know we talked about havinga glass when you're cooking
dinner, homework's finished andyou want to have a glass of wine
to relax.
But it's also very ingrained insocializing and oftentimes it's
kind of like you know, picturedas self-care.
(13:38):
Yes, you know, have a glass ofwine and relax.
How do we start shifting thatmindset?
You know?
Kim Bellas (13:47):
I think for me anyways, a lot of, especially
now.
I find a lot of the young womenare into yoga, and after yoga,
instead of going for tea, theyseem to go for wine.
And so they've asked me thisquestion and I, you and I don't
really know what the answer isbecause it's everywhere.
(14:08):
So to me, for me, it waseasiest to be open and honest
about no, I just don't drink,whether they were having wine or
not.
And I guess I used my son as anexcuse and he used me as an
excuse to get through thosemoments, and once I got tired of
that, I just decided to own it.
I love the way I feel.
(14:29):
I want to make memories.
I want to remember everyconversation.
I want to go home going what anevening, right, as opposed to
that, oh, what part kind of youknow sometimes, what did I say?
I don't even know it's.
What did I say or how did I sayit, right, yeah, and I think
(14:50):
that was the biggest thing forme.
So now I'm very open and honest.
Everywhere I go is just no, Idon't drink, Because at first I
used to say no, thank you.
Oh, you don't want white wine?
Okay, do you want red?
No, thank you, so I was doingthe no thank yous as opposed to
no.
I don't drink, but I do askalways for a club soda or a
(15:12):
Perrier or San Pellegrino in awine glass because I want to
feel too that I'm part of, and Ithink once you do that, nobody
really knows what's in yourglass and nobody really cares,
right?
Michele Folan (15:27):
Yeah, I agree with you there, and the festive
glass is such a key thing.
Yeah, you know, I can have acan of Spindrift and maybe throw
just a little splash ofcranberry juice in there and a
lime, and it looks pretty in theglass and I don't feel like I'm
(15:47):
missing out.
And then I'm hydrated too,which is even better.
What are some of the biggestmyths about sobriety that you
think hold people back fromgiving it a try?
Kim Bellas (15:59):
I think people think they're going to miss out on
something, that they becomeboring.
Well, let me tell you this thatis the least thing that's going
to happen in your world,because since I've stopped
drinking, I've walked in FashionWeek at 62 years of age.
I've met people from all overthe world.
I am able to communicate in away that I was never able to
(16:22):
communicate before because I wasshy before.
And I think that when I did doevents or did you know things
for cancer parties to raisemoney and stuff, I'd always have
that wine, because everythinghad to be perfect and everything
had to be, and I was so uptightand it's so much better without
it for me now and it's so muchbetter without it for me now,
you know.
Michele Folan (16:42):
Yeah, and I think women often feel that pressure
to drink at social events, rightyeah, and you were talking
about, you know, some of thoseways that you say no without
feeling awkward or left out, andI think, just building some
strategy around that, you know.
The other thing is, I thinkit's going in with a plan.
Kim Bellas (17:05):
Yes, absolutely.
Michele Folan (17:07):
Right.
So you kind of, as you'regetting ready to go out, you
already have in your mind whatyou kind of play it forward,
like what you're going to askfor to drink and what that looks
like, and I think that makesyou a little bit more
accountable to sticking to yourstrategy.
Kim Bellas (17:27):
And I think if I'm going to people's homes many
times, you know what?
My husband still drinks wine,so we'll bring wine or whatever.
But I bring things for me,whether it's San Pellegrino,
whether it's a non-alcoholicwine or a bubbly.
There are so many options nowfor people, so I bring my own,
(17:47):
because that way I know I've gotmy backup plan already set.
Michele Folan (17:53):
Yeah, do you have a favorite?
Do you have a favorite brand oranything that you want to share
?
I do.
Kim Bellas (17:59):
Well, actually I have two right now, because I
was, I loved rosé and I lovedchampagne.
So there's Prima Pave fromItaly and they are now.
They distribute everything outof California.
They are their rosé is.
People have had it at my homeand can't tell the difference.
Michele Folan (18:21):
Really?
Is it a sparkling?
Kim Bellas (18:23):
Rosé Sparkling, and it is phenomenal.
And there's another one, EinsZwei, which they have a rosé
it's not a champagne though,it's just a sparkling rosé and
that also is absolutelyphenomenal.
So, you know, I do try to do iton special occasions, and not
always because there is a sugarcontent, which you know we all
(18:47):
try to.
You are the queen of that andhow to avoid that, right?
Michele Folan (18:52):
Yeah, we'll have to put those suggestions in the
show notes.
So remind me to do that.
When we get off the call here,we get off the call here.
So, besides just feeling better, were there any other
unexpected benefits that youexperienced?
Kim Bellas (19:08):
after quitting alcohol.
Well, I never expected any ofthis to happen.
I never expected to meet peopleall over the world.
I never expected like, forexample, I have two beautiful
sons.
I never had any daughters,always wanted to.
I was fortunate enough to meet ayoung lady by the name of Natty
, from London, England, andshe's been in my life for the
(19:29):
last eight years.
Unfortunately, she lost herlife last year in March.
But out of eight billion peoplein this world, she asked me to
do a matching tattoo, which isthe infinity sign, with a white
heart and a pink heart.
So we did a WhatsApp her inLondon, England, me in Montreal,
(19:50):
Canada.
We did a matching tattoo.
We spoke to each other every day.
She spoke with my family, withmy kids, with my mother.
She really became part of ourlives and I wouldn't trade a
minute of you know, andunfortunately part of our world
(20:11):
with mental health and addiction.
We do lose people, but she wasa gift and I truly believe she's
my angel in heaven that keepsme going every single day and
you know, she brought so much tomy life.
She really did, she was, shewas like you know, she sparkled
like nobody else and you know,with her.
(20:33):
I think that just opened me up.
I guess because of my age,people didn't see me as their
mother.
They me more as a friend so Icould be completely honest with
them and they wouldn't get quiteso mad at me when I would.
But I think I was the safeplace for these people to fall,
and still am, and I think thathas given me more than I give to
(20:56):
them well, first of all, I'm sovery sorry for your loss.
Michele Folan (21:03):
It had to be incredibly difficult, but I do
believe that she is up therecheering you on.
I would love to know, you know,an inspiring transformation
that you've seen with someone,that you've been connected.
Oh my God there's so many.
Kim Bellas (21:22):
I have one woman who five years ago contacted me
right around Christmas time andI do sell merchandise, but that
is not a moneymaker, that's justfor people to wear as a sign of
, you know, pride.
And so this woman reaches outto me and asks me can I send you
, can you send me a t-shirt?
(21:43):
I said sure, some women like tofor me to post about them and
tell their story, others don't.
She sent me a picture and shesaid please don't post.
I said okay, no problem, thatwas it Christmas Eve that year,
somehow 4.30, I looked at myphone and there's a message from
her saying my grandkids justcame in and said they want you
(22:06):
to post my picture because I'mwearing Sober's the New Cool
t-shirt on Christmas Eve becausethey said they got their
grandmother back.
She stopped drinking at 80 yearsold.
She is 85 now and she's fiveyears.
I'm crying and that I mean Icannot make up the stuff of the
(22:28):
people that I have met, thattheir lives have not only
transformed mine but like, onewoman from South Africa
contacted me about her son and Isaid, oh, wow, I don't.
Oh, I said I don't think I knowanybody and then I thought, oh
yes, there's a young man that Imet, that's.
I don't know how far he is, letme text him while I'm talking
(22:50):
to you.
And, sure enough, it took threetries, but her son now is sober,
with the help of this otheryoung man.
I mean, I'm in Canada, they'rein South Africa.
There to me, I think it's thepower of one that's really made
me realize that for some reason,I'm able to find something for
(23:10):
somebody else, and then theyfind it for somebody else, and
it's's just become this, thiswave of of, you know, people
helping one another and andbeing there for one another.
And I think that that's themost important thing out of all
this that nobody's perfect.
Michele Folan (23:29):
Nobody's perfect.
We all make mistakes.
Kim Bellas (23:31):
So don't not worry, it's like a diet, it's like no
matter what else you're doing inyour life.
You know, just come on back.
There's no judgment, becauseI've not walked in your shoes,
so how can I judge you right?
Michele Folan (23:45):
Right, but you're building this international
community.
I mean, the support is reallyamazing, but I have to give you
a ton of credit in this becauseyou are the most nurturing,
caring, genuine person.
(24:06):
So you are the connector ofthis community and you bring
that empathy to the table thatpeople are looking for.
Just like you said, we're allhuman.
We make mistakes.
So what do you say to someonewho feels like they failed
(24:28):
because they drank after tryingto quit?
Kim Bellas (24:31):
You know, sometimes I listen more than.
I say anything a lot of thetimes, you know, because I think
that there's so much sadnessand almost everyone who I've met
along this journey, whetherthey've lost a child or they've
suffered, it all has to stemfrom mental health and I think
(24:52):
it's a lack of like myself, notfeeling good enough, not feeling
like I should have been.
This, I should have done that,and that's where I think that I
start with trying to do this.
I am exercise with them where Isend one positive word in the
morning, after I am, and one atthe evening, because I think, if
(25:13):
you get up to a positive wordand you end your day looking at
something, because I think weforget all the qualities we have
, and I think that's where ithas to start to rebuild that way
for people to know that, hey,you know what I'm artistic, or
I'm sporty, or you know, we havethis conception of what being
(25:35):
successful is, when, in reality,all the things I thought I
should have been in my life, no,this is who I am and I don't
want anybody to wait tillthey're 64 to realize they're
good enough, just who they areright now.
Yeah, so that's where I startto try and build their them up,
find people in their community,because AA is not for everybody.
(25:59):
But to me, the more things thatpeople can try and do to set
themselves up for successexercise, eating right there's
books, there's podcasts, andit's not just about sobriety,
For me, it's about wellness.
That's really my goal here?
Michele Folan (26:17):
Yeah, just overall wellness.
Yes, how has this journeychanged your relationship with
your family and friends?
Oh, my God.
Kim Bellas (26:25):
Well, I think I'm lucky in the way that I wasn't
one of those people that hadlost a lot of people in my life
because I stopped drinking,because some people do, and that
I think is unfortunate.
But then I think that's whereyou realize who your friends are
and who your friends aren'tCertainly Right.
This has given me a sense ofpurpose, my kids and I.
(26:46):
I think the biggest thing it'sbrought them is that they know
when I say I'm going to dosomething, I mean it Because I
said I would stop drinking forthree months and I it and I
carried on, and they'reextremely proud of what happened
at a kitchen island you knowsomebody at 52 that knew nothing
(27:06):
about the internet or orFacebook or Instagram and to
have created something wherepeople you know know our
international recovery walk, ourinternational recovery walk
this year we had 30 countrieswalking virtually with us.
(27:26):
So we are creating somethingwhere it doesn't matter where
you are in the world, because Ithink the most important thing
is connection and as long as youfind people to help you grow
and you can help them, I thinkand I, my kids, really love what
I do.
They, they, they loved my nanny.
They, you know, she was like asister to them and, um, you know
(27:49):
, they love the, the fact thatI've really stuck to what I said
I was going to do and I keepgoing and I keep trying.
And I'm a one-woman show andit's been hard, it still is, but
I keep going somehow.
So I think for them, andespecially my son Matthew I
think it made him realize justabout anything is possible.
Michele Folan (28:09):
Absolutely, and so you have this international
walk.
Yeah, tell me a little bit moreabout some of the other.
Sober is the New Cool eventsthat you do.
Kim Bellas (28:21):
So the first one is the international walk, which
our government has recognized asInternational Recovery Day in
September, so the rest of theworld can walk with us, no
matter where they are, which isfantastic.
We have the white party that'sin New York City this year it
will be May 16th and women comefrom all over this year.
We have I don't know how manydifferent states in the United
(28:43):
States that women are comingfrom and we meet and it's a
White Party and basically meanseverybody just wears white and
it's incredible because everyonetells their story, but it's a
safe place and it's likeeveryone's talking about the
sunshine when they're talkingabout mental health or their
addiction or the problemsthey've had, and it's just the
(29:05):
connections and the friendshipsthat are made.
And we have women from 20 yearsof age up to 75.
You know like it's.
And this year we're really lucky.
We have some great, greatsponsors.
We have um peace and lovejewelry by nancy davis.
She's an incredible woman thatlost her son.
We have prima pavé, that'sgoing to send something.
(29:28):
We have a woman who's I can'ttell all the little secrets
because the gift bag is just soincredible.
They they're going to be sospoiled this year, which is how
fun the women, are it really?
is the gift bag they're going toget is really incredible.
The following day we will takea walk, weather permitting, but
(29:48):
we take a walk in Central Parkand there's this one woman in
New York that was is in recoveryand she now has famous cookie
stores all over New York and shefeatures on Shark Tank, but she
came from living underneath abridge, so we are going to go
meet her.
As part of our, we're going togo to another place called Big
(30:10):
Vision in New York to see theirnew center that they've opened,
because I think that's part ofit, because we never know who
knows who or who needs what, soI just try and keep, and so the,
the two-day event is kind ofjust a safe place for people to
share and then our walk and thenthe rest of it is just.
(30:31):
You know, whatever I do fashionweek, I'm asked to walk in
Fashion Week with someone calledAlexandra Nieman, which she's a
Hello Lady cat, which is partof the Sober Curator.
They do a fashion show that isinclusive to all, which means if
(30:52):
you're 64 and not 100 pounds,if you are whatever gender
doesn't matter, if you are tall,if you are small, if you are
slim, if you're not different,you know.
It's just differentnationalities, different ways,
and it's a beautiful way to showthe fashion industry that you
don't need drugs and alcohol tohave fun.
(31:12):
They're trying to pass a lawthere called Daniel's Law for
Mental Health.
Basically, you know what allthese things I do?
I don't seem to say no to much.
Michele Folan (31:25):
You have the energy, and that's the beautiful
thing is you're this you knowenergetic, stunning 64-year-old
woman that still has stuff to doright, oh God, yeah.
Kim Bellas (31:39):
And I think the most important thing I'm trying to
get across now is I've got lotsof energy, but I need others to
come on board and take over,because you know, that's where
the younger generation, you know, it's kind of like when I when
I don't know if you remember,but for me drinking and driving,
you know, was not so long ago.
(32:00):
People did it, and now the kidsdon't.
They take ubers, they taketaxis, you know, and I think
we're, you know, which is goodfor everybody.
Michele Folan (32:07):
You know they should be drinking and driving
so.
Kim Bellas (32:10):
I think that the shift is happening in the
wellness shift of for mentalhealth and everything else, and
being there for one another andcaring for one another, I think
has to come back and I thinkthis is part of it.
Michele Folan (32:22):
Yeah, it's such a great story.
If someone listening right nowis super curious but not 100%
ready to commit, what small stepwould you say they should take
today?
Kim Bellas (32:38):
Well, you know a lot of people do like sober January
dry, dry July, sober, October.
A lot of people start onsomething like that or they
decide it's kind of like whatyou're showing people how to eat
well and whatever, and it canincorporate taking out the
alcohol part of it just for thatpart, just to get, get you know
, weight off or whatever, andsee how they feel, see how
(33:01):
they're sleeping, see how theirenergy is, and go from there.
And I mean I think that it'sone day at a time.
You don't have to look at itand say I'm never going to drink
again.
I never thought that was goingto be me and I can never say
never.
I just know that it's 12 yearslater and I'm at a better place
(33:21):
than I was then and I want tokeep getting better, as opposed
to not.
Right.
Michele Folan (33:27):
Yeah, so inspiring.
So how can we better supportloved ones who are trying to cut
back or quit drinking better?
Kim Bellas (33:36):
support loved ones who are trying to cut back or
quit drinking.
Well, that's, you know.
I know that there's a lot ofpeople that say tough love.
I'm not a huge advocate forthat, because I do understand
that the first drink is theirchoice, but after that it's not.
So there's a very fine line andI think that sometimes we have
(33:59):
to sit in silence and not givetoo much advice and just try and
listen.
And I really think if peoplejust took a few minutes to
realize that there's somethingbigger than the drinking that's
there, there's a sadness,there's something where people
feel they need to get filled,there's something lacking in
(34:19):
them, and I think if we justkind of step back and just try
not to be judgmental and it'shard.
It's hard especially when youget frustrated and you think why
can't you just do this?
Well, I met some people that Isaid tell people to put their
phone away for a week, let's seehow well they do, because it's
(34:39):
the same kind of thing and it'shard.
It's hard and just because itdoesn't work the first time,
please never give up, becausethere's always hope.
There's always hope.
I've seen people that I neverthought, or they never thought,
would be able to make it, andwhether they found God or
(35:00):
whether they found exercise orwhether they found something,
they have found it.
So we just keep trying until weget it right.
Michele Folan (35:08):
Yeah, and it's you know, we have more data now
on that health effects,long-term cancers, you know all
of that.
So, aside from the aestheticreasons to give up alcohol our
weight, our skin, sleep, whichreflects in everything we do,
(35:29):
you know, I think for thosereasons alone it's been pretty
motivating for people like me tosay okay, and I told you this
when we first talked.
I said you know, I still havean occasional cocktail, but it's
, you know, I don't do the, youknow, half a bottle of wine
every night any longer.
(35:50):
And you know it's been lifechanging.
It really has.
Kim Bellas (35:56):
And I think that's like the first step.
Right Is just because you justtry it, you see right, you just
try and see.
Michele Folan (36:05):
Yeah, you do.
And then I would love to know,just from a personal perspective
, what is one of your importantself-care non negotiables.
Kim Bellas (36:14):
Okay, I think the biggest thing is negativity.
I do not like to surroundmyself with anyone that's
negative, and by that I don'tmean somebody that's drank again
or had a slip with alcohol ordrugs.
That's not what I mean.
I mean someone that always seesthe negative part instead of
(36:35):
saying, okay, how do we moveforward?
That, to me, is imperative inmy life.
I need to surround myself withpeople that see the light at the
end of the tunnel.
Michele Folan (36:47):
Okay, yeah, I love that.
That's really nice and I cantell I can tell that would be
important to you, because I loveyour inspiring posts on
Instagram.
They just really make you feelso good.
Your message is always one oflove and hope and I have to
(37:09):
think that that keeps peoplebuoyed in your community.
Where can people find you andlearn more about?
Sober is the New Cool.
Kim Bellas (37:18):
So we have a website , soberisthenewcool.
ca, and the best place actuallyis Instagram.
We have, you know, we're onFacebook, we're on Instagram,
we're on YouTube, but basicallyInstagram is the best place.
I will get back to you verysoon.
I do a pretty good job ofcatching up and making sure
(37:39):
everybody and I'm lucky I havewomen around the world that call
themselves Sobers the new coolambassadors now where the main
concern is their kindness andhelping others, and, whether
it's going for a coffee, go fora walk, do you know?
Do an exercise, challenge,whatever it is, because a lot of
them do that and we send outthese little white hearts.
(38:01):
That's part of the White HeartInitiative so people know that
they are seen, heard, loved andnever judged.
Michele Folan (38:10):
Yeah, great message, Kim Bellss.
This was so nice to see youagain and thank you for being a
guest today on the show.
Thank you for having me.
Hey, thanks for tuning in.
Please rate and review the showwhere you listen to the podcast
.
And did you know that askingfor a friend is available now to
(38:31):
listen on youtube?
You can subscribe to thepodcast there as well.
Your support is appreciated andit helps others find the show.
Thank you.
Let's be honest, midlife can feel like a lot.
Shifting roles, changing bodies, aging parents, and sometimes
you just need a safe space totalk it all through.
That's where therapy comes in.
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That's BetterHelpcom.
Forward slash asking for afriend.
Health, wellness, fitness andeverything in between.
We're removing the taboo fromwhat really matters in midlife.
I'm your host, Michele Folan,and this is Asking for a Friend.
(01:10):
Ladies, let's talk aboutsomething that's everywhere in
midlife Wine nights, happy hours, mommy juice and the idea that
we need a glass of somethingstrong to unwind, fit in or take
the edge off.
But what if we've been sold alie?
(01:31):
More women than ever arerethinking their relationship
with alcohol, not because theyhit rock bottom, but because
they want to feel better energy,sleep, mental clarity, skin.
Alcohol impacts all of it, andmidlife is when we start
noticing those effects big time.
Meanwhile, the non-alcoholicbeverage industry is booming,
(01:53):
offering more choices than everfor those who want to cut back
or go all in on sobriety.
My guest today, Kim Bellas,founder of Sober, is the New
Cool.
Never expected to give upalcohol, but when her son was
diagnosed with epilepsy andcould no longer drink, she made
a life-changing decision to quitdrinking, in solidarity with
(02:16):
him.
What started as a personalchoice became a movement,
helping thousands of peopleredefine what it means to be
social, confident and coolwithout alcohol.
Kim Bellas, welcome to Askingfor a Friend.
Kim Bellas (02:30):
Oh, thank you so much.
I love everything you do.
You're so much about wellnessand I think the women are just
so lucky to have you to look upto and be inspired, because it's
truly magnificent, oh, kim.
Michele Folan (02:44):
I would say the exact same thing about you, and
those are very kind words.
Thank you, I just loveeverything you're doing.
I want you first of all to tellthe audience who you are, where
you're from, like where yougrew up, and then your family
details.
So my name is Kim.
Kim Bellas (03:04):
Bellas, I grew up in Montreal, canada.
I had, you know, pretty perfectlife.
Looking in, you know, the whitepicket fence, you know
everything was good.
Childhood was good, you know itwas just basically, you know,
but those were the.
I was born in 1961.
So I'm 64 years old, so I'llstart with that.
(03:25):
So back then it was quite, youknow, common that everybody was
just, you know, very neighborlyand everything was, you know,
just kind of status quo, butsaying that nobody really talked
about problems or family issues.
Michele Folan (03:40):
Oh, no, right, You're correct.
Yeah, and I will say this Kim,we grew up in a really great
time.
Kim Bellas (03:48):
Yes, we did.
Michele Folan (03:49):
Yeah, but you're right about people.
Just didn't talk about stuff,yeah.
Kim Bellas (03:54):
And you know, I think the time when we grew up,
everybody was we weren't fearfulof each other, we were very
open.
We were very open to oneanother.
We were helpful.
We I don't know, you know thedoors were unlocked, people were
running in and out of eachother's homes and neighborhoods.
There was none of this.
You know problems that we havetoday, you know.
Michele Folan (04:15):
Yeah, and then how did you land in New York?
Kim Bellas (04:18):
No, I well, actually I'm still in Montreal right now
.
Michele Folan (04:21):
Oh, you are.
Kim Bellas (04:22):
Yes, most of my events are actually done there,
because I just found that thewomen who came into my life in
the last 12 years were from theUK.
That was my main gang first,and then it was the United
States and Canada.
I mean, I live here but we arefar behind in the wellness
(04:46):
industry.
Michele Folan (04:46):
We're just starting to catch up, I think,
Okay, so interesting.
And yeah.
So I immediately thought,because you're in New York.
All the time I thought you wereliving there, but you're not.
We even talked before werecorded and I never made that
connection so fascinating.
(05:08):
So you find, with yourorganization, that you get a lot
of support in that area.
Kim Bellas (05:15):
Well, no, I think that New York has just become
like a hub where whenever I doan event, someone from
California will come, someonefrom Minnesota comes, someone
from Kansas comes.
It kind of seems one.
Everybody loves New York,Everybody wants to go to New
York, so it's the perfect timefor people to meet up.
Michele Folan (05:34):
Yeah, that's awesome and we'll dive into your
events here in a second, but Ido want you to take us back.
Your son was diagnosed withepilepsy.
How did that change everythingfor your family?
Kim Bellas (05:51):
Well, you know, in 2013, he was playing football
five nights a week.
He was, you know, and great atit, and that was his passion and
his love, and you know.
So, from one day to the next,he had a seizure and
automatically the coaches,everybody just thought, oh, this
is football related, right,because he was a big guy, he was
(06:14):
.
You know the hitting back andforth, and you know, we went
back and forth the first littlewhile with, oh, it was just a
concussion.
He still play football and,unfortunately, as time
progressed, we realized in thebeginning of 2013 that football
would not be an option, sportswould not be an option.
Um, and our lives just turnedupside down.
(06:37):
You know, we went from, youknow, being outside every night
of the week almost, and himbeing social to me, being afraid
for him to drive a bicyclebecause we never knew when the
next seizure would come.
And so, therefore, all of asudden, we had all these
different options and medicationbecame the only option that
(07:00):
would work for him and therefore, alcohol would never be part of
his life.
Michele Folan (07:05):
Yeah, so did he have more recurring seizures.
Kim Bellas (07:12):
Oh yes, we ended up in the ambulance a few times
because, as you know, boys willbe boys and you know, I remember
, actually at the hospital, oneof the doctors saying well, you
could have one or two drinks.
I don't know any teenager thatwould have one or two and stop.
So we went down that road a fewtimes and finally we got the
(07:36):
right medication.
We were, like you know, aboutthree, four months in no
seizures, because the first yearwe had probably 11 seizures,
okay, and so finally, after that, we kind of got settled and I
said, Okay, you've got to getout, you've got to go back and
see your friends and we've gotto start living again somehow.
And he called me after abouthalf an hour 40 minutes that he
(08:00):
had been out and say Mom, pickme up.
And I'd pick him up.
And the third time I said, okay, what's going on here?
This is crazy, Matthew.
And he said, mom, everybodydrinks or smokes pot.
I just don't fit in and I'msitting there going oh, come on,
you don't need alcohol or drugsto have fun.
And as I said it, I had thebiggest glass of red wine in my
(08:21):
hand and it was like a truck hitme and I remember to this day
how much I felt like such a hugehypocrite and at that minute I
just thought okay, I'm going tostop for three months.
I'm going to prove a point, asmoms do, and say you know what?
Look see, I'm right, I can doit, you don't need, I could
(08:42):
still be fine without it.
I'm right, I can do it, I couldstill be fine without it.
Michele Folan (08:47):
And it is 12 years later, I've never had
another drink.
That's amazing.
I have to ask you, though, whatwas your relationship with
alcohol prior to thisconversation with Matthew?
Kim Bellas (08:56):
Well, listen, I drank wine every single night
and now I realize, looking backway too much, and this you have
to remember I was 52 years old,I had just finished menopause,
because I had menopause early on.
But you know, the sleeping wasnot great, you know, lack of
energy, gaining weight, all thatstuff was kind of mixed in the
(09:17):
bag there and alcohol obviouslydidn't help me.
And as soon as I stopped forhim, because I loved him more
than I loved myself, I reallyrealized the energy I had.
I was open to more things, Iwas more positive, I was
starting to exercise more, I waseating better and it just was.
(09:38):
And then Sobers, the new coolkind of got started.
My sister made a logo, I made atrademark.
Don't ask me why.
He didn't want to talk aboutepilepsy, he didn't want to be
the one that said he couldn'tdrink.
And the first year when I didstop everywhere I went, people
(10:00):
would say, oh, you never had aproblem, just come here, have a
drink with me, we won't tell.
And I thought, wow, I'm 52.
If people are saying that to meand I'm saying, no, I made a
promise to my son, how's hegoing to manage?
You know, it's just everywhere,and I guess we made a Facebook
page, didn't know what we weredoing, and it just took off.
(10:22):
It just took off.
Michele Folan (10:24):
Yeah, you know.
So when did you realize thatsober is the new cool would be
bigger than just your personaljourney.
Kim Bellas (10:34):
You know, I think early on it was just kind of
like I started getting thesemessages.
Some mothers with kids withepilepsy how did I navigate that
?
And you know, you know socialsurroundings and then just moms
in general saying well, did youdrink after um homework time?
I said yeah god, did I ever like?
(10:55):
That was like oh, thank god,right, and cooking when I'd
start dinner.
You know that's the big one,right, and it was just.
I think for me I was a habit.
But looking back 12 years now,I just don't want to even have a
sip because I never want to goback to that.
(11:17):
I just don't.
Michele Folan (11:18):
Yeah, you feel that good.
Kim Bellas (11:21):
Yes, yeah, I feel great.
I think the sobriety was justthe tip of the iceberg.
I mean, I've done things thatnever in my wildest dreams could
I have imagined.
The people who I've met aroundthe world, the women that are so
incredible and are helpingother people's children even
(11:44):
though they've lost a child oftheir own I mean, it's just what
this has brought for me helpingothers.
I just seem to be at the rightplace at the right time.
And there's something so muchbigger than me, because every
time I want to give up and think, ok, I'm not doing enough.
I, you know I'm notaccomplishing enough.
(12:04):
Something happens and whoops, Iget back on the train and I'm
okay, let's try this again, andyou know.
Michele Folan (12:13):
You listen to the podcast, you might even see my
reels on Instagram.
Perhaps you've even clicked alink or two, but you still
haven't made a move.
You're still waiting for theright time to start.
But here's the truth.
There's no perfect time, butthere is today, and if you're
feeling stuck, low on energy andlike your body isn't responding
(12:34):
the way it used to, you are notalone.
That's why I coach womenthrough Faster Way.
We start with the basicsfueling your body with real food
, building strength and finallylearning how to support your
metabolism instead of fightingit.
No extremes, no restriction,just a smarter, proven approach
for women over 50.
(12:55):
If you're even a little curious, click the link in the show
notes or shoot me an email.
I'm happy to chat with nopressure, but maybe it's time to
stop watching and start doing.
Let's do this together.
So, kim, many midlife womenstruggle with wine culture.
(13:17):
You know we talked about havinga glass when you're cooking
dinner, homework's finished andyou want to have a glass of wine
to relax.
But it's also very ingrained insocializing and oftentimes it's
kind of like you know, picturedas self-care.
(13:38):
Yes, you know, have a glass ofwine and relax.
How do we start shifting thatmindset?
You know?
Kim Bellas (13:47):
I think for me anyways, a lot of, especially
now.
I find a lot of the young womenare into yoga, and after yoga,
instead of going for tea, theyseem to go for wine.
And so they've asked me thisquestion and I, you and I don't
really know what the answer isbecause it's everywhere.
(14:08):
So to me, for me, it waseasiest to be open and honest
about no, I just don't drink,whether they were having wine or
not.
And I guess I used my son as anexcuse and he used me as an
excuse to get through thosemoments, and once I got tired of
that, I just decided to own it.
I love the way I feel.
(14:29):
I want to make memories.
I want to remember everyconversation.
I want to go home going what anevening, right, as opposed to
that, oh, what part kind of youknow sometimes, what did I say?
I don't even know it's.
What did I say or how did I sayit, right, yeah, and I think
(14:50):
that was the biggest thing forme.
So now I'm very open and honest.
Everywhere I go is just no, Idon't drink, Because at first I
used to say no, thank you.
Oh, you don't want white wine?
Okay, do you want red?
No, thank you, so I was doingthe no thank yous as opposed to
no.
I don't drink, but I do askalways for a club soda or a
(15:12):
Perrier or San Pellegrino in awine glass because I want to
feel too that I'm part of, and Ithink once you do that, nobody
really knows what's in yourglass and nobody really cares,
right?
Michele Folan (15:27):
Yeah, I agree with you there, and the festive
glass is such a key thing.
Yeah, you know, I can have acan of Spindrift and maybe throw
just a little splash ofcranberry juice in there and a
lime, and it looks pretty in theglass and I don't feel like I'm
(15:47):
missing out.
And then I'm hydrated too,which is even better.
What are some of the biggestmyths about sobriety that you
think hold people back fromgiving it a try?
Kim Bellas (15:59):
I think people think they're going to miss out on
something, that they becomeboring.
Well, let me tell you this thatis the least thing that's going
to happen in your world,because since I've stopped
drinking, I've walked in FashionWeek at 62 years of age.
I've met people from all overthe world.
I am able to communicate in away that I was never able to
(16:22):
communicate before because I wasshy before.
And I think that when I did doevents or did you know things
for cancer parties to raisemoney and stuff, I'd always have
that wine, because everythinghad to be perfect and everything
had to be, and I was so uptightand it's so much better without
it for me now and it's so muchbetter without it for me now,
you know.
Michele Folan (16:42):
Yeah, and I think women often feel that pressure
to drink at social events, rightyeah, and you were talking
about, you know, some of thoseways that you say no without
feeling awkward or left out, andI think, just building some
strategy around that, you know.
The other thing is, I thinkit's going in with a plan.
Kim Bellas (17:05):
Yes, absolutely.
Michele Folan (17:07):
Right.
So you kind of, as you'regetting ready to go out, you
already have in your mind whatyou kind of play it forward,
like what you're going to askfor to drink and what that looks
like, and I think that makesyou a little bit more
accountable to sticking to yourstrategy.
Kim Bellas (17:27):
And I think if I'm going to people's homes many
times, you know what?
My husband still drinks wine,so we'll bring wine or whatever.
But I bring things for me,whether it's San Pellegrino,
whether it's a non-alcoholicwine or a bubbly.
There are so many options nowfor people, so I bring my own,
(17:47):
because that way I know I've gotmy backup plan already set.
Michele Folan (17:53):
Yeah, do you have a favorite?
Do you have a favorite brand oranything that you want to share
?
I do.
Kim Bellas (17:59):
Well, actually I have two right now, because I
was, I loved rosé and I lovedchampagne.
So there's Prima Pave fromItaly and they are now.
They distribute everything outof California.
They are their rosé is.
People have had it at my homeand can't tell the difference.
Michele Folan (18:21):
Really?
Is it a sparkling?
Kim Bellas (18:23):
Rosé Sparkling, and it is phenomenal.
And there's another one, EinsZwei, which they have a rosé
it's not a champagne though,it's just a sparkling rosé and
that also is absolutelyphenomenal.
So, you know, I do try to do iton special occasions, and not
always because there is a sugarcontent, which you know we all
(18:47):
try to.
You are the queen of that andhow to avoid that, right?
Michele Folan (18:52):
Yeah, we'll have to put those suggestions in the
show notes.
So remind me to do that.
When we get off the call here,we get off the call here.
So, besides just feeling better, were there any other
unexpected benefits that youexperienced?
Kim Bellas (19:08):
after quitting alcohol.
Well, I never expected any ofthis to happen.
I never expected to meet peopleall over the world.
I never expected like, forexample, I have two beautiful
sons.
I never had any daughters,always wanted to.
I was fortunate enough to meet ayoung lady by the name of Natty
, from London, England, andshe's been in my life for the
(19:29):
last eight years.
Unfortunately, she lost herlife last year in March.
But out of eight billion peoplein this world, she asked me to
do a matching tattoo, which isthe infinity sign, with a white
heart and a pink heart.
So we did a WhatsApp her inLondon, England, me in Montreal,
(19:50):
Canada.
We did a matching tattoo.
We spoke to each other every day.
She spoke with my family, withmy kids, with my mother.
She really became part of ourlives and I wouldn't trade a
minute of you know, andunfortunately part of our world
(20:11):
with mental health and addiction.
We do lose people, but she wasa gift and I truly believe she's
my angel in heaven that keepsme going every single day and
you know, she brought so much tomy life.
She really did, she was, shewas like you know, she sparkled
like nobody else and you know,with her.
(20:33):
I think that just opened me up.
I guess because of my age,people didn't see me as their
mother.
They me more as a friend so Icould be completely honest with
them and they wouldn't get quiteso mad at me when I would.
But I think I was the safeplace for these people to fall,
and still am, and I think thathas given me more than I give to
(20:56):
them well, first of all, I'm sovery sorry for your loss.
Michele Folan (21:03):
It had to be incredibly difficult, but I do
believe that she is up therecheering you on.
I would love to know, you know,an inspiring transformation
that you've seen with someone,that you've been connected.
Oh my God there's so many.
Kim Bellas (21:22):
I have one woman who five years ago contacted me
right around Christmas time andI do sell merchandise, but that
is not a moneymaker, that's justfor people to wear as a sign of
, you know, pride.
And so this woman reaches outto me and asks me can I send you
, can you send me a t-shirt?
(21:43):
I said sure, some women like tofor me to post about them and
tell their story, others don't.
She sent me a picture and shesaid please don't post.
I said okay, no problem, thatwas it Christmas Eve that year,
somehow 4.30, I looked at myphone and there's a message from
her saying my grandkids justcame in and said they want you
(22:06):
to post my picture because I'mwearing Sober's the New Cool
t-shirt on Christmas Eve becausethey said they got their
grandmother back.
She stopped drinking at 80 yearsold.
She is 85 now and she's fiveyears.
I'm crying and that I mean Icannot make up the stuff of the
(22:28):
people that I have met, thattheir lives have not only
transformed mine but like, onewoman from South Africa
contacted me about her son and Isaid, oh, wow, I don't.
Oh, I said I don't think I knowanybody and then I thought, oh
yes, there's a young man that Imet, that's.
I don't know how far he is, letme text him while I'm talking
(22:50):
to you.
And, sure enough, it took threetries, but her son now is sober,
with the help of this otheryoung man.
I mean, I'm in Canada, they'rein South Africa.
There to me, I think it's thepower of one that's really made
me realize that for some reason,I'm able to find something for
(23:10):
somebody else, and then theyfind it for somebody else, and
it's's just become this, thiswave of of, you know, people
helping one another and andbeing there for one another.
And I think that that's themost important thing out of all
this that nobody's perfect.
Michele Folan (23:29):
Nobody's perfect.
We all make mistakes.
Kim Bellas (23:31):
So don't not worry, it's like a diet, it's like no
matter what else you're doing inyour life.
You know, just come on back.
There's no judgment, becauseI've not walked in your shoes,
so how can I judge you right?
Michele Folan (23:45):
Right, but you're building this international
community.
I mean, the support is reallyamazing, but I have to give you
a ton of credit in this becauseyou are the most nurturing,
caring, genuine person.
(24:06):
So you are the connector ofthis community and you bring
that empathy to the table thatpeople are looking for.
Just like you said, we're allhuman.
We make mistakes.
So what do you say to someonewho feels like they failed
(24:28):
because they drank after tryingto quit?
Kim Bellas (24:31):
You know, sometimes I listen more than.
I say anything a lot of thetimes, you know, because I think
that there's so much sadnessand almost everyone who I've met
along this journey, whetherthey've lost a child or they've
suffered, it all has to stemfrom mental health and I think
(24:52):
it's a lack of like myself, notfeeling good enough, not feeling
like I should have been.
This, I should have done that,and that's where I think that I
start with trying to do this.
I am exercise with them where Isend one positive word in the
morning, after I am, and one atthe evening, because I think, if
(25:13):
you get up to a positive wordand you end your day looking at
something, because I think weforget all the qualities we have
, and I think that's where ithas to start to rebuild that way
for people to know that, hey,you know what I'm artistic, or
I'm sporty, or you know, we havethis conception of what being
(25:35):
successful is, when, in reality,all the things I thought I
should have been in my life, no,this is who I am and I don't
want anybody to wait tillthey're 64 to realize they're
good enough, just who they areright now.
Yeah, so that's where I startto try and build their them up,
find people in their community,because AA is not for everybody.
(25:59):
But to me, the more things thatpeople can try and do to set
themselves up for successexercise, eating right there's
books, there's podcasts, andit's not just about sobriety,
For me, it's about wellness.
That's really my goal here?
Michele Folan (26:17):
Yeah, just overall wellness.
Yes, how has this journeychanged your relationship with
your family and friends?
Oh, my God.
Kim Bellas (26:25):
Well, I think I'm lucky in the way that I wasn't
one of those people that hadlost a lot of people in my life
because I stopped drinking,because some people do, and that
I think is unfortunate.
But then I think that's whereyou realize who your friends are
and who your friends aren'tCertainly Right.
This has given me a sense ofpurpose, my kids and I.
(26:46):
I think the biggest thing it'sbrought them is that they know
when I say I'm going to dosomething, I mean it Because I
said I would stop drinking forthree months and I it and I
carried on, and they'reextremely proud of what happened
at a kitchen island you knowsomebody at 52 that knew nothing
(27:06):
about the internet or orFacebook or Instagram and to
have created something wherepeople you know know our
international recovery walk, ourinternational recovery walk
this year we had 30 countrieswalking virtually with us.
(27:26):
So we are creating somethingwhere it doesn't matter where
you are in the world, because Ithink the most important thing
is connection and as long as youfind people to help you grow
and you can help them, I thinkand I, my kids, really love what
I do.
They, they, they loved my nanny.
They, you know, she was like asister to them and, um, you know
(27:49):
, they love the, the fact thatI've really stuck to what I said
I was going to do and I keepgoing and I keep trying.
And I'm a one-woman show andit's been hard, it still is, but
I keep going somehow.
So I think for them, andespecially my son Matthew I
think it made him realize justabout anything is possible.
Michele Folan (28:09):
Absolutely, and so you have this international
walk.
Yeah, tell me a little bit moreabout some of the other.
Sober is the New Cool eventsthat you do.
Kim Bellas (28:21):
So the first one is the international walk, which
our government has recognized asInternational Recovery Day in
September, so the rest of theworld can walk with us, no
matter where they are, which isfantastic.
We have the white party that'sin New York City this year it
will be May 16th and women comefrom all over this year.
We have I don't know how manydifferent states in the United
(28:43):
States that women are comingfrom and we meet and it's a
White Party and basically meanseverybody just wears white and
it's incredible because everyonetells their story, but it's a
safe place and it's likeeveryone's talking about the
sunshine when they're talkingabout mental health or their
addiction or the problemsthey've had, and it's just the
(29:05):
connections and the friendshipsthat are made.
And we have women from 20 yearsof age up to 75.
You know like it's.
And this year we're really lucky.
We have some great, greatsponsors.
We have um peace and lovejewelry by nancy davis.
She's an incredible woman thatlost her son.
We have prima pavé, that'sgoing to send something.
(29:28):
We have a woman who's I can'ttell all the little secrets
because the gift bag is just soincredible.
They they're going to be sospoiled this year, which is how
fun the women, are it really?
is the gift bag they're going toget is really incredible.
The following day we will takea walk, weather permitting, but
(29:48):
we take a walk in Central Parkand there's this one woman in
New York that was is in recoveryand she now has famous cookie
stores all over New York and shefeatures on Shark Tank, but she
came from living underneath abridge, so we are going to go
meet her.
As part of our, we're going togo to another place called Big
(30:10):
Vision in New York to see theirnew center that they've opened,
because I think that's part ofit, because we never know who
knows who or who needs what, soI just try and keep, and so the,
the two-day event is kind ofjust a safe place for people to
share and then our walk and thenthe rest of it is just.
(30:31):
You know, whatever I do fashionweek, I'm asked to walk in
Fashion Week with someone calledAlexandra Nieman, which she's a
Hello Lady cat, which is partof the Sober Curator.
They do a fashion show that isinclusive to all, which means if
(30:52):
you're 64 and not 100 pounds,if you are whatever gender
doesn't matter, if you are tall,if you are small, if you are
slim, if you're not different,you know.
It's just differentnationalities, different ways,
and it's a beautiful way to showthe fashion industry that you
don't need drugs and alcohol tohave fun.
(31:12):
They're trying to pass a lawthere called Daniel's Law for
Mental Health.
Basically, you know what allthese things I do?
I don't seem to say no to much.
Michele Folan (31:25):
You have the energy, and that's the beautiful
thing is you're this you knowenergetic, stunning 64-year-old
woman that still has stuff to doright, oh God, yeah.
Kim Bellas (31:39):
And I think the most important thing I'm trying to
get across now is I've got lotsof energy, but I need others to
come on board and take over,because you know, that's where
the younger generation, you know, it's kind of like when I when
I don't know if you remember,but for me drinking and driving,
you know, was not so long ago.
(32:00):
People did it, and now the kidsdon't.
They take ubers, they taketaxis, you know, and I think
we're, you know, which is goodfor everybody.
Michele Folan (32:07):
You know they should be drinking and driving
so.
Kim Bellas (32:10):
I think that the shift is happening in the
wellness shift of for mentalhealth and everything else, and
being there for one another andcaring for one another, I think
has to come back and I thinkthis is part of it.
Michele Folan (32:22):
Yeah, it's such a great story.
If someone listening right nowis super curious but not 100%
ready to commit, what small stepwould you say they should take
today?
Kim Bellas (32:38):
Well, you know a lot of people do like sober January
dry, dry July, sober, October.
A lot of people start onsomething like that or they
decide it's kind of like whatyou're showing people how to eat
well and whatever, and it canincorporate taking out the
alcohol part of it just for thatpart, just to get, get you know
, weight off or whatever, andsee how they feel, see how
(33:01):
they're sleeping, see how theirenergy is, and go from there.
And I mean I think that it'sone day at a time.
You don't have to look at itand say I'm never going to drink
again.
I never thought that was goingto be me and I can never say
never.
I just know that it's 12 yearslater and I'm at a better place
(33:21):
than I was then and I want tokeep getting better, as opposed
to not.
Right.
Michele Folan (33:27):
Yeah, so inspiring.
So how can we better supportloved ones who are trying to cut
back or quit drinking better?
Kim Bellas (33:36):
support loved ones who are trying to cut back or
quit drinking.
Well, that's, you know.
I know that there's a lot ofpeople that say tough love.
I'm not a huge advocate forthat, because I do understand
that the first drink is theirchoice, but after that it's not.
So there's a very fine line andI think that sometimes we have
(33:59):
to sit in silence and not givetoo much advice and just try and
listen.
And I really think if peoplejust took a few minutes to
realize that there's somethingbigger than the drinking that's
there, there's a sadness,there's something where people
feel they need to get filled,there's something lacking in
(34:19):
them, and I think if we justkind of step back and just try
not to be judgmental and it'shard.
It's hard especially when youget frustrated and you think why
can't you just do this?
Well, I met some people that Isaid tell people to put their
phone away for a week, let's seehow well they do, because it's
(34:39):
the same kind of thing and it'shard.
It's hard and just because itdoesn't work the first time,
please never give up, becausethere's always hope.
There's always hope.
I've seen people that I neverthought, or they never thought,
would be able to make it, andwhether they found God or
(35:00):
whether they found exercise orwhether they found something,
they have found it.
So we just keep trying until weget it right.
Michele Folan (35:08):
Yeah, and it's you know, we have more data now
on that health effects,long-term cancers, you know all
of that.
So, aside from the aestheticreasons to give up alcohol our
weight, our skin, sleep, whichreflects in everything we do,
(35:29):
you know, I think for thosereasons alone it's been pretty
motivating for people like me tosay okay, and I told you this
when we first talked.
I said you know, I still havean occasional cocktail, but it's
, you know, I don't do the, youknow, half a bottle of wine
every night any longer.
(35:50):
And you know it's been lifechanging.
It really has.
Kim Bellas (35:56):
And I think that's like the first step.
Right Is just because you justtry it, you see right, you just
try and see.
Michele Folan (36:05):
Yeah, you do.
And then I would love to know,just from a personal perspective
, what is one of your importantself-care non negotiables.
Kim Bellas (36:14):
Okay, I think the biggest thing is negativity.
I do not like to surroundmyself with anyone that's
negative, and by that I don'tmean somebody that's drank again
or had a slip with alcohol ordrugs.
That's not what I mean.
I mean someone that always seesthe negative part instead of
(36:35):
saying, okay, how do we moveforward?
That, to me, is imperative inmy life.
I need to surround myself withpeople that see the light at the
end of the tunnel.
Michele Folan (36:47):
Okay, yeah, I love that.
That's really nice and I cantell I can tell that would be
important to you, because I loveyour inspiring posts on
Instagram.
They just really make you feelso good.
Your message is always one oflove and hope and I have to
(37:09):
think that that keeps peoplebuoyed in your community.
Where can people find you andlearn more about?
Sober is the New Cool.
Kim Bellas (37:18):
So we have a website , soberisthenewcool.
ca, and the best place actuallyis Instagram.
We have, you know, we're onFacebook, we're on Instagram,
we're on YouTube, but basicallyInstagram is the best place.
I will get back to you verysoon.
I do a pretty good job ofcatching up and making sure
(37:39):
everybody and I'm lucky I havewomen around the world that call
themselves Sobers the new coolambassadors now where the main
concern is their kindness andhelping others, and, whether
it's going for a coffee, go fora walk, do you know?
Do an exercise, challenge,whatever it is, because a lot of
them do that and we send outthese little white hearts.
(38:01):
That's part of the White HeartInitiative so people know that
they are seen, heard, loved andnever judged.
Michele Folan (38:10):
Yeah, great message, Kim Bellss.
This was so nice to see youagain and thank you for being a
guest today on the show.
Thank you for having me.
Hey, thanks for tuning in.
Please rate and review the showwhere you listen to the podcast
.
And did you know that askingfor a friend is available now to
(38:31):
listen on youtube?
You can subscribe to thepodcast there as well.
Your support is appreciated andit helps others find the show.
Thank you.
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