August 12, 2025 • 50 mins
Is midlife really a crisis, or is it the launchpad to your most vibrant chapter yet? In this empowering episode, Dr. Ellen Albertson, The Midlife Whisperer, brings her infectious energy and groundbreaking wisdom to debunk myths about aging, body image, and what it means to thrive after 50.
At 62, Dr. Albertson radiates confidence that challenges society's obsession with youth. Her secret? Self-compassion. Through transformative research with Dr. Kristin Neff, she discovered that women who practice self-compassion experience less body shame and greater appreciation for themselves—without changing a single thing physically.
We dive into why the outdated "eat less, exercise more" approach fails midlife women and explore how working with, rather than against, your changing hormones can lead to sustainable, joyful health. Dr. Albertson shares her "big four" factors: wholesome nutrition, stress management, quality sleep, and joyful movement that strengthens both body and mind.
But that's not all! This conversation takes a candid turn as Dr. Albertson talks about beauty, silver hair transitions, and intimacy in midlife. Far from diminishing, these aspects of life can deepen as we shed the societal pressures to perform and embrace our authentic selves. As Dr. Albertson puts it, "We know ourselves and we're done with the BS."
If you're ready to transform your relationship with aging, shed the shame, and step into your prime time glow up, this episode is a must-listen.
_________________________________________
Are you ready to reclaim your midlife body and health? I went through my own personal journey through menopause, the struggle with midsection weight gain, and feeling run-down. Faster Way, a transformative six-week group program, set me on the path to sustainable change.
https://www.fasterwaycoach.com/?aid=MicheleFolan
Have questions about Faster Way? Please email me at:
mfolanfasterway@gmail.com
Sign up for Michele's weekly newsletter for more health and fitness tips and insights. https://michelefolanfasterway.myflodesk.com/i6i44jw4fq
RIMAN skincare finally gave me real, visible results—restoring my glow, firmness, and confidence in my skin at 61. RIMAN Korea's #1 Skincare Line - https://michelefolan.riman.com
*Transcripts are done with AI and may not be perfectly accurate.
**This podcast is for general informational purposes only and does not constitute the practice of medicine, nursing, or other professional healthcare services, including the giving of medical advice. The content of this podcast is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Users should not disregard or delay in obtaining medical advice for any medical condition they may have and should seek the assistance of their healthcare professionals for any such conditions.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Michele Folan (00:00):
Be honest, did summer throw you off track?
You had good intentions at thestart, and then came the rosé,
the road trips and the screw it.
I'll start in September mindset.
But here's the thing yourmidlife body doesn't bounce back
like it used to, and that's notyour fault.
It just means your strategyneeds an upgrade.
That's where I come in.
(00:21):
I coach women through thefaster way A six-week reset that
ditches diet culture andactually works with your
hormones.
We focus on fat loss, leanmuscle, balanced meals and, yes,
you get to still eat carbs.
If you're ready to feel morelike you again, before the first
tailgate or pumpkin spice latte, check the link in the show
(00:43):
notes or you can just shoot me amessage on Instagram.
Let's do this together Health,wellness, fitness and everything
in between.
We're removing the taboo fromwhat really matters in midlife.
I'm your host, Michele Folan,and this is Asking for a Friend.
(01:06):
What if midlife wasn't a crisisbut a launchpad?
My guest today is here to flipthe script on everything we've
been taught about aging, beautyand what it means to feel
confident in our skin.
Dr Ellen Albertson, also knownas the Midlife Whisperer, is a
psychologist, registereddietitian, board-certified
(01:29):
health and wellness coach and amindful self-compassion teacher
who's been helping womentransform their health and
mindset for over 30 years.
She's written five books,including the best-selling Rock
your Midlife, serves on themedical board of the National
Menopause Foundation and hasbeen featured everywhere from
Forbes to Prevention.
But more than anything, she's avoice of radical truth and
(01:52):
possibility for women, 50 andbeyond.
In this episode, we're going toget into why your midlife body
isn't broken, howself-compassion can be your
ultimate superpower broken, howself-compassion can be your
ultimate superpower, why eatingless doesn't work anymore and
what really does, and how toturn this chapter into the most
empowered, intimate and vibrantone.
(02:13):
Yet she's 62, glowing and notapologizing for any of it, and
neither should you.
Dr Ellen Albertson, welcome toAsking for a Friend.
Dr. Ellen Albertson (02:23):
Thanks, Michele, it is awesome to be
here Well.
Michele Folan (02:26):
I love your energy.
Already We've talked justbriefly here, but I knew this
was going to be a fantastictopic.
We probably don't talk aboutmindset quite enough on the
podcast and this is a great timeto have this conversation.
I want to talk a little bitabout you first, and kind of
(02:47):
your genesis here.
So you've worn a lot of hats,ellen.
You are psychologist, dietitian, health coach, even a celebrity
chef, which I was like.
What?
What brought you to this pointand why are you so focused on
helping women rock midlife?
Dr. Ellen Albertson (03:03):
Well, I love this time of life and I
want to like shout from therooftops like midlife is the
best time of life, it is yourprime time, glow up.
And it's interesting midlifewomen have always come to me.
I'm kind of like a one-stopshop for all your midlife needs
and the reason I have moredegrees than a thermometer is I
just keep wanting more and moretools.
I mean, I love to learn, I lovehelping midlife women because,
(03:26):
let's face it, it is a reallychallenging time of life, both
what's going on physiologicallyas well as what's going on in
our lives, between empty nestand aging parents and all of the
things.
So you know, when I started mycareer as an outpatient
dietitian way back in 1993, ofcourse I was in my thirts right
and all the women coming to mewere midlife women.
(03:48):
Because if you have not beentaking care of your body as you
go through the changes, thetransition through menopause,
your body starts talking to you.
So you know they were gainingweight, cholesterol was high,
blood pressure's high, bloodsugar's high.
So these women kept coming tome.
And then when I became apersonal fitness trainer in my
40s, same thing Like what isgoing on with my body.
This is before we were talkingabout menopause.
(04:09):
And then, you know, I'm in itmyself, so I just love this time
of life.
It kind of found me, and so Iam just so dedicated to helping
midlife women rock their midlife.
Michele Folan (04:21):
You've said at 62 , you feel more confident and
beautiful than ever.
Was this a turning point inyour own life that helped you
fully own that truth?
Dr. Ellen Albertson (04:32):
Well, the biggest turning point was
learning self-compassion,because when you learn to treat
yourself the way you would agood friend, you stop, you know,
judging yourself or you catchthose thoughts.
You are kind to yourself, youtreat yourself basically like
you would treat your bestie, andso that changes everything,
because you stop doing thosethings that insult your soul and
(04:54):
you start to attract what istruly in your best interest, and
it changes that inner dialogueright.
So you look in the mirror andyou can't say, oh my God, my
arms are floppy, what's going onwith my waistline?
It's like you just would neversay that to a friend, like when
we say, walked up a friend andsay, you know, that's out of
line today.
I mean, of course, if theyweren't, if something was out of
line with their dress, we wouldsay that the other thing that
is so magical aboutself-compassion is that you stop
(05:18):
caring what other people thinkabout you and and you care about
yourself, and so that reallybrings out the authenticity.
So confidence the root of theword confidence is to confine.
You start to trust yourselfbecause you're not doing
everything I know for myself.
I was always like on thistreadmill, like first it was
like pleasing the parents.
When you're a kid, you want to.
I was that good girl, right?
That perfectionist with a fearof self-critic, really wanting
(05:41):
to like.
I want my parents to love me.
So I really wanting to like my,want my parents to love me, so
I'll be perfect, right, get inthe right schools, get the right
job, do all of those things, dowhat society said is going to
make you feel okay.
And it's kind of like I wasclimbing up this ladder of
success but the ladder was upagainst the wrong building.
And I think that's a lot of usat midlife, right.
We've been climbing, clawing upthis ladder of success and we
(06:01):
get to the top and we lookaround and like, wait a minute,
I am not happy, I don't feelgood, I don't like my life, and
so for me, that was that turningpoint of learning
self-compassion and givingmyself permission to really know
and love myself, take care ofmyself and stop really getting
off that treadmill of trying tomake everybody else happy.
I thought, well, if I makeeverybody else happy, then I'll
(06:22):
be happy.
They never got happy.
We're each in charge of our ownhappiness.
So I think the turning pointfor me was really
self-compassion that led to meleaving a 25-year marriage.
It really helped me through alot of the crises that we have,
everything from menopause andemptiness.
Also, I'm a breast cancersurvivor.
I went blind three times.
I had a retinal detachment, soit's like self-compassion has
(06:46):
seen me through everything.
So it really is a superpower.
Michele Folan (06:50):
Like you, yeah, you have to embrace it as a
superpower almost to be able tonavigate this time of life.
You brought up something aboutafter 25 years.
We're like, okay, what's goingon?
Like your marriage, what is itabout women in their 50s and 60s
?
I mean, they're dealing withloss, sometimes loss of roles,
(07:14):
right, Emptiness, whatever.
Their bodies are changing.
Sometimes they're stuck in thisrut where they're not even sure
of their own identity.
How do we start rebuilding anew version of ourselves without
the old baggage?
Dr. Ellen Albertson (07:30):
Well, first of all, we have to allow things
to be there before we can getto acceptance.
It's sort of this allow what islike, this is where I'm finding
myself right now, then this Ihave acceptance which we can
change, and then there'sembracing of where we are.
I tell people, you know, youput the bags down, unpack them,
change that story.
So I could look at you know mymarriage and it was such a mess
(07:51):
and he was awful and blah, blah,blah.
Or I could say you know what,when I was in my thirties and
forties, you know, this is whatI needed.
Then I learned a lot from thatrelationship.
I learned a lot about media.
We were literally the cookingcouple in the 90s.
We were celebrity chefs.
It's helped me with my wholeplatform and career in media.
So there was a lot of reallygood things.
We have two beautiful children.
So you can unpack the bags andsay, okay, who was?
(08:14):
I rewrite that narrative becauseeverything that's happened to
has brought you to this moment,and this moment is all that you
have.
So you come to the presentmoment and then you start
thinking about, okay, thisfuture self, like who do I want
to be?
And age is totally not doesn'tneed to be part of the equation.
I like to say I'm a perennial.
I've got gorgeous gardens here,we've got our lilacs, we've got
(08:37):
our lilies we just had anamazing tul, you know.
So be a perennial and thinkabout okay, who am I becoming?
Start to visualize who is thatwoman and then bring a piece of
who you want to be into yourpresent reality.
Okay, so, how does she walk?
How does she dress?
I just did a big photo shoot,which was super fun because I've
(08:57):
changed my style.
See a stylist.
Think about how do I want topresent myself?
And the cool thing is that whenyou do that, you give every
single midlife woman permissionto do the same, and we help our
daughters right, we help ourkids to see like no, this isn't
the end.
This is like the prime time actwhere I think, when you're
going through menopause, thebrain literally changes, our
(09:20):
wiring changes and we getselfish, and so you can start to
say, okay, what do I want in mylife?
And we're living longer.
If you take care of your body,you know you've got another 20,
30, 40 years.
I'm hoping to make it to 100plus, and so you've got this
incredible juicy chapter.
So think about okay, what'sthis next version of myself, and
(09:41):
how do I start bringing herinto my now?
Michele Folan (09:44):
I love midlife pivots.
It gets me so excited.
This is what's so fun aboutdoing this podcast is I get to
meet women like you that arereally doing these incredible
things in our 60s.
Think about our mothers whenthey were 60.
Think about our mothers whenthey were 60, and we thought
(10:05):
that was so old, right, we allhave that experience somewhere
back in our memories, right, ofwhat 60 was supposed to look
like.
And I think we've looked atmidlife sometimes as this
downhill slide.
But from what you're saying,it's really just the beginning.
So how do we unlearn all that?
(10:28):
We've thought to really thrivein this chapter?
Dr. Ellen Albertson (10:32):
Yeah, well, the first thing, you know,
practicing that self-compassionis really important.
And noticing your thoughts,noticing when I have this
thought oh, I look so old, Ifeel so tired and do you want to
believe that thought?
We have, you know, somethinglike 40 to 60,000 thoughts every
single day, and some of themare neutral, some of them are
positive, some of them arenegative.
And so when you have thenegative thought, it's not like
you can't push the negativethought down, but you're like
(10:53):
huh, question that thought, getcurious, like why am I having
that thought?
And a lot of it, frankly, isthe media.
You know, if women feltbeautiful and attractive, we
wouldn't buy all the stuff.
The media wants us to feel badabout ourselves so that we buy
all the things and it'sdisempowering for women, right?
When we don't love ourselves,when we're feeling bad, when we
(11:14):
feel like our best years arebehind us, it takes our power
away.
And we need to take our powerback and say wait a minute, I
have this space and time.
Maybe you know I'm empty nestnow, or maybe I'm.
You know I'm looking atretirement, where I'm going to
have this time on my hands.
Maybe I've let my body go alittle bit.
I need to focus on that.
And so what are the things thatI me want?
And we need to also get rid ofthis idea about being selfish.
(11:35):
Be selfish yes, absolutely Ahundred percent you.
And self-care isn't reallyselfish.
It's really about feeling yourbest, Because when you feel your
best, then you can take care ofthe people.
I'm taking care of 93,95-year-old parents and I've got
24 and 28-year-old kids andI've got a partner in my life
(11:56):
and other people and the86-year-old wonderful lady who
lives across the street that Ihelp with.
But you've got to take care ofyourself first.
So you need to get rid of thatkind of dialogue around.
This is selfish and I work withthat with my clients all the
time.
I had one client she loves toeat, right, she loves to work
out, but she wasn't doing itbecause every time she did the
self-care piece she felt guilty.
(12:17):
So we had to do this sort ofinternal family systems work and
really kind of understanding.
She was like, oh my God, that'swhat's keeping me going from
the gym.
We feel so guilty when we go tothe gym, when we take time to
prep meals, that we don't dothose things because that
guilt's kind of trying toprotect us, but it's not
beneficial.
At this point in our lives, somany times we feel guilt.
(12:37):
It's not beneficial.
Guilt's great if you've donesomething wrong, a behavior that
you want to change.
So let's say, you yell at yourkids, yell at your parents, yell
at your dog, right, and you'relike, oh my God, that's not me,
I don't want to do that, it'sagainst my core values.
So you change your behavior.
But being nice to yourself,taking care of your body, is a
(12:57):
good behavior that you want todo more of.
And so you have to reallyquestion these feelings that
come up when you start takingcare of yourself.
Because, again, we've beenconditioned that everybody else
comes first and then there's noenergy for us.
And then again this piece ofthis dialogue of I feel so old,
it's too late, I'm washed up.
That is just total BS.
And also, I would recommendfollow cool people, right, I've
started following you and I lovethe vacuuming and I follow you
(13:20):
yeah the vacuuming with the facemask, right With the, I guess
it right, it's great, and don'ttake yourself too seriously too.
I think we need to lighten upand I think you know, for me,
the breast cancer diagnosis waslike such a wake up call of like
you're running out of time andI think that's the bigger
question, like when I'm 80 andit really is too late to do
(13:41):
those things.
What do I want my 80-year-oldself to say?
Thank God you did that thing.
Thank God you took care of yourbody.
Thank God you wrote that book,started that podcast, did that
side hustle, took that potteryclass right.
So you look back and you'relike okay, I made the best use
of the limited amount ofprecious time that I have.
Michele Folan (14:01):
Okay, a couple things.
I'm like I've got all thesethings.
I want to say time that I have.
Okay, a couple things.
I'm like I've got all thesethings.
I want to say so you don't haveto start a podcast or write a
book, but take the pottery class.
Or have you loved to paint?
Go take a painting class.
Go do something for you.
Because let me just tell yousomething, nothing fries my ass
(14:22):
more than having a discussionwith a client and we start
talking about the meals.
Here's your meal plan.
This is proven to work.
And I'm like, oh, my husbandwill never eat this.
And I'm like, who cares whatyour husband will or won't eat?
This is not about him, this isabout you.
(14:44):
This is your time.
You are doing this for you.
He can go make his own damnfood, if that's you know.
But I get really upset when Ihear women not prioritizing
themselves because they'reworried about somebody else.
Dr. Ellen Albertson (15:02):
And yeah, speed dial dominoes here, dear.
Here's the number for dominoes,right, yeah, I mean that was.
You know that is the spousething is hard to do, that piece.
I'm blessed that I have a manwho grows a mini farm in the
back.
He is a gardenaholic.
That's nice.
Put in 32 blueberry bushes andthe garden is we have more
produce than we can use.
But you have to take care ofyourself and you know men are
(15:30):
men, need to like.
If you don't like it, then toobad.
But you know he might come onboard too over time because the
guys are having issues too right.
They're like.
You know the penis is thecanary in the coal mine.
Oh God, his cholesterol is high.
Michele Folan (15:40):
It ain't working.
Let me tell you how many of myclients' husbands have lost
weight actually more than theirwives by just paying attention
to what they eat.
And that's the other thing too.
You know what.
The guys need to have a littleself-assessment too, because
they're maybe not in midlifecrisis, but they are definitely
(16:04):
in a midlife place that theycan't continue doing what they
did before either.
So I think there's.
You know, we talk about womenall the time in this podcast,
but I can give you plenty ofexamples of men who probably
have some opportunity to makesome changes too.
So, Ellen, we're going to take aquick break and when we come
(16:26):
back, I want to talk about bodyimage, beauty and intimacy.
I know how you might be feelingabout your skin right now.
It is changing.
It may be duller, or you'reseeing lines where there didn't
used to be, or you're just tiredof spending a fortune on
products that don't deliver.
Well, that was me until I foundRIMAN.
(16:48):
It's South Korea's number oneskincare line.
It's clean, effective and,honestly, it's affordable.
No fluff, no 12-step routine,just results.
My skin is brighter, smootherand, for the first time in years
, I'm actually getting realcompliments.
Want to see what I use, checkthe show notes or DM me on
(17:09):
Instagram.
I'll send you my full routine,because good skin shouldn't be a
mystery or a luxury.
All right, we are back.
Before we went on the break, Imentioned that I wanted to talk
about body image and beauty andthen how it kind of dovetail
into intimacy.
Before we started recordingEllen, I mentioned hey, you let
(17:33):
your hair go gray, and you kindof corrected me about that.
I was like, oh, you know, it'snot about letting our hair go
gray, it's a decision to go gray.
Can you talk a little bit aboutthat and that process for you?
Dr. Ellen Albertson (17:48):
Sure, and first of all, I totally embrace
wherever you're at.
If that's not for you, it'sokay, but for me, gosh, I did it
twice.
So I moved to Vermont, which Imoved from like the Boston area
to Vermont.
It was, you know, vermont's akind of crunchy place, so it's
easy to just not do it.
And I've got curly hair andintegrated.
(18:09):
And then my ex-husband and Iwere working on a platform which
everything went, everythingwent south about 12 years ago,
and he was like you need to, youneed to be, you look like your
40 year old self.
And I was like this does notfeel right.
My first sort of going outthere with this, this brand
called Smasher Scale.
It all imploded so I colored itagain and I was like, oh, this
is it for me.
It just never felt like me,like I'm a natural girl, I don't
(18:31):
wear a lot of makeup, it's likeBurt's Bees lip gloss and maybe
a little eyebrow gel.
Skincare just didn't feel likeme, and so the grow out wasn't
terrible.
I mean, I know that a lot ofwomen really struggle with it
and I think the struggle is,yeah, if you have that
demarcation like you get that,you know white coming in and
there.
You know, if you're you'retrying to grow out.
(18:52):
I recommend follow silversisters on Instagram.
There are tons of women andtons of support out there.
It was a whole movement thatactually started during COVID.
Like so many women couldn't goto the hairdresser, so for me, I
absolutely love my silver hair,like I don't have to worry
about it.
I, whenever I colored it, itwas oh, and I started coloring
really early.
I had a kind of a streak, socolor the rest and leave the
streak and you know, within aweek or two, you always had that
(19:15):
kind of line happening and alot of consciousness about it.
And you know, I mean I knowwomen in their nineties who
still color it.
I'm like honey, who are youpulling here?
Michele Folan (19:24):
It's like oh God, it'll probably be me.
Dr. Ellen Albertson (19:29):
But it's okay If it makes you feel more
confident.
For me, I I didn't like theflatness and the way that my
hair looked and I love, love,love my silvers.
And the other issue, frankly,is toxicity.
My beloved hairdresser of 15years just came down with lung
cancer.
Hairdressers have a much higherrate of certain cancers.
You're putting toxic stuff onyour head, it's your skin, it's
(19:53):
penetrating, you can feel itwhen you put it on and there's a
wonderful movie out there Ifyou want to check it out.
It's called your Roots AreShowing and it talks all about
that.
And there's a woman there whowent into like anaphylactic
shock from the hair dye.
So it can be really toxic.
So for me, I you know, embracewho you are, but if you're
curious and you're tired of andI think the biggest issue is
(20:15):
that you know we again, we'vebeen taught that we need to look
like our 25, 30-year-old selfand so we're on this treadmill
like I got to keep the bodyskinny and I've got to keep the
skin without any wrinkles and Ihave to, you know, keep my hair
looking a certain way.
We're trying to look like our24, 25-year-old self and that's
part of that.
Looking in the mirror and a lotof the work I do is helping
(20:35):
women remirror themselves.
So you're like who and what yousee in the mirror and embracing
who you are.
Now I am always kind of onwomen's cases when it's like
you're using your 25 year oldheadshot you know, girl, it's
time to get a new headshot andjust work with a stylist.
The girl it's not fun, but Ithink it's that you know,
looking at yourself in themirror and saying, okay, I'm 40,
I'm 50.
(20:56):
But there's a lot of women alsogoing gray in their 30s, you
know early on, who just getreally tired of the expense, the
toxicity, and then, honestly,99 times out of 100, women are
like why didn't I do thisearlier?
I absolutely freaking love this.
Michele Folan (21:12):
I know I'm sitting here going.
I know you know it's funny,though, because during COVID I
was at the salon.
It was the first visit.
You know, during COVID I was atthe salon.
It was the first visit duringCOVID, and I said, all right,
what's the look in the back?
Tell me how gray am I?
Because I had no idea.
And she said, oh, probably 75,80%, and now it's more.
Dr. Ellen Albertson (21:38):
I think I'm like 90% gray, but then that's
a dialogue right.
So, why is it?
And I don't even say gray graysounds so, oh, gray Silver.
Michele Folan (21:45):
Silver, okay Silver.
Dr. Ellen Albertson (21:47):
But silver hair.
It's so cool.
It's actually translucent, it'sclear, and so my hair does
different things in the sunlightand you get these really cool
highlights.
If you're listening, you cancheck me out on the Midlife
Whisperer on Instagram and seeyou know, and check out Silver
Sisters, because it really is soincredibly what nature does and
the kind of highlights that youget, and think about all the
(22:09):
time and money you're going tosave as well.
So the grow out's no fun, but Ithink it's, it's cool and it's
worth it.
Michele Folan (22:15):
Yeah, I mean your hair looks fantastic.
I mean you have a reallygorgeous head of hair and I have
done one show on going gray.
It was my best friend, Anne,and it was great to hear her
process and how her journey wentwith that.
But you've said that beautyisn't behind you, it's becoming
(22:38):
you, and that's a very radicalshift from what most of us grew
up believing.
How do we start to reframebeauty in midlife?
Dr. Ellen Albertson (22:48):
Well, beauty is coming from within,
right?
So for me and I just had thoseheadshots taken I was looking at
it, going like what I wastelling my photographer, asking
her did you Photoshop me Likewhat?
Because I'm so damn happy.
Yeah, I'm so happy and I'm sohealthy and my glow comes from
waking up every morning andbeing happy to be alive.
(23:10):
I have a great partner, I getto live I live in this beautiful
farm in Vermont and then I goto Costa Rica in the winter and
my life is exactly the way Iwant it to be.
So there is this happiness andalso this desire to radiate
beauty, to show other women atmidlife that it's your it to be.
So there's this happiness andalso this desire to radiate
beauty, to show other women atmidlife that it's your time to
shine, it's your midlife glow up.
And again, the self-compassionpiece is really important,
(23:30):
because when you practiceself-compassion, you look at
yourself in the mirror, you canlook at yourself and if you're
listening and I have my clientsdo this Look yourself in the eye
, you know, and tell yourselfyou're beautiful, I love you, I
care about you, I want you to behappy.
So it comes from thatconfidence piece which is
knowing yourself, and we talkedabout that self-compassion piece
(23:52):
which allows you to be yourauthentic self and embrace
yourself warts and flaws and allit's about that self-care piece
.
You know we're both lookinggood because we take really
great, I take fantastic care ofmy body.
I absolutely love my body.
I hear this all the time fromwomen like my body is betraying
me.
Your body is not betraying you.
Your silvers are a symbol ofhow wise you are.
(24:16):
I mean that's kind of like whenyou're wiser, that sort of
crown chakra glowing up.
Your wrinkles are like okay,I've lived life, so we need to
change again this dialogue andsay that I'm a perennial.
The age doesn't matter.
But it's about confidence, it'sabout character.
That's why, again, I love thisphoto shoot, because it was like
okay, I don't look like anybodyelse.
(24:37):
I love wearing fun glasses andbright colors and dancing and
being joyful.
Find what works for you and Ithink that comes from you know,
work with a stylist.
You know, invest a little bitof money.
It doesn't have to be crazy.
Get a new wardrobe, getclothing that makes you feel
beautiful.
But it comes from within andevery woman is beautiful.
I mean, we are all here toshine, to glow, to spread light
(25:01):
and love, and when you loveyourself it automatically
radiates.
So it's kind of this inside outjob.
But I've never felt moreattractive and, honestly, the
self-compassion piece is huge,what my research showed.
So I did this research study formy dissertation.
I did with Kristen Neff, who isthe pioneer in this area of
self-compassion, and we sentwomen meditations,
(25:21):
self-compassion meditations.
Half of them got it, half ofthem didn't.
What my research showed is thewomen who listened to the
self-compassion podcast.
Not only did self-compassion goup, so self-compassion is like
a muscle Wherever you are at,you can be nicer to yourself.
But body shame went down, bodydissatisfaction went down,
self-worth based on appearancewent down and body appreciation
went up.
So nothing to do with changingthe body, simply changing the
(25:43):
way that you treat yourself.
The dialogue when you look inthe mirror and you go, hey, girl
, you're looking pretty goodtoday, right?
Or just hello, I love you, youknow, I care about you.
That changes the way you seeyourself.
It's truly magical.
Michele Folan (25:55):
You know one thing we have to remember too
our bodies have done someamazing things.
I mean childbirth in itself,right.
Our ability to heal, you'vesurvived cancer, right.
Our bodies do great things.
But how do we reconcileaccepting our changing bodies
(26:17):
while we still want to improvehow we look right?
Because that seems like a neverending goal line that keeps
moving.
Dr. Ellen Albertson (26:27):
Yeah, well, I think that the first piece of
just allowing, just allowing mybody to be where it is, I think
that gratitude piece can bereally, really helpful of like,
hey, body, I am grateful, youknow, for the yes, the two kids
that you helped create.
I am grateful you know that,that, yes, the two kids that you
helped create.
I am grateful you know that Ican walk.
I mean, I actually had a friendover yesterday.
She's a paraplegic and I'm so Iadore her and she's doing
(26:49):
amazing things.
But it's like I'm so gratefulthat I can bike and I can hike
and I can do all of these things.
So that gratitude piece.
And then then we get to thatacceptance piece.
Okay, I'm accepting that I'm inthis 40, 50, 60 year old body,
um, and then like saying, okay,so what does this body need to
look and feel good?
Like I started to go to thephysical therapist because I
want to, I want to lift heavierand even though I was a personal
(27:12):
fitness trainer, I know whatI'm doing.
I'm like you know what?
I need a little bit of supporthere.
Um, I'm always upping my dieteven more.
I mean, I probably eat 15, 20servings of fruits and veggies a
day, but like, how do I loveand care for myself?
So changing that conversation,that it doesn't just become
about I want to look better andlike, can we stop talking about
the weight loss piece, please?
Like, I've been a dietitian for30 years and watching your
(27:33):
weight is like, you know,watching paint dry.
It's not very interesting.
Focus on the things that you arein charge of.
Which is the big four for me,and I'm sure you feel the same
way.
It's your diet.
It's not crazy.
It's whole food, plant-baseddiet, getting enough protein,
eating less processed foods.
It's your stress.
Stress plays a huge role,particularly in midlife.
(27:53):
Cortisol, which is the stresshormone, and estrogen.
Both come from the sameprecursor, pregnenolone.
So if your stress is way up,there's less estrogen, which
estrogen really plays a role inbone health, skin health, brain,
everything.
Sleep is so important.
That's one that I am constantlyworking on.
We're just really understandingthe importance of sleep.
And then, of course, there ismovement, finding enjoyable
(28:15):
movement.
So focus on those things.
Don't focus on the scale,because what I find with my
clients is that.
And we don't focus on the scale, cause what I find with my
clients is that, and we don'tfocus on scale.
We start with theself-compassion beast.
Doing cause, you love yourself,but when you focus on the scale
and you're doing all of thesethings to get that number to go
down and the number doesn't godown even though you're eating
the restrictive diet you knowyou're killing yourself at the
gym, all of the things then youjust get angry at yourself and
(28:36):
you just stop and you go andhave a threesome with Ben and
Jerry's.
You know nothing wrong with icecream.
I'm from Vermont.
I love ice cream, but it's sortof all or nothing and it's like
it's like all and somethinglike can we please take care of
yourself in this place of selflove, because you want to be
there for your kids, yourgrandkids yourself, you want to
enjoy your life, so it's healthyand strong.
(28:58):
We've got to get away from theskinny BS.
Right that?
We've been told the same.
I get crazy on Instagram now Isee menopause is now so hot, so
I get all the time this like BSsolutions.
Lose the weight fast, you know.
Lose 20 pounds in two months.
No, forget about the scale.
It's a great, it's a goodmetric, you know it's there.
But like, focus on what youhave.
Control, because I I I've beenagain to do this for 30 years
(29:21):
and I've seen women really eatWell I guess we call it clean
right and move their bodies anddo all the things and the scale
still doesn't budge.
It takes a while and a lot oftime.
The fat is sometimes there toprotect you.
It's sort of a if you'refeeling not safe in your body,
um, if you have a lot of stressand the hormonal piece is really
huge.
So it's not just calories incalories out the way.
We've been told we overestimateexercise.
(29:44):
Exercise is not a weight lossmethod.
Right, exercise is like Prozac.
It's great for your body, yourbrain, but it's something you do
, hopefully, because you enjoyit and to take care of yourself
and eating right.
Again, this piece of self-careand your body will get to where
it's supposed to be in terms ofyour weight and if that's a size
12, great.
But focus on your health.
Look at other metrics, you know.
(30:05):
Look at your waist reference.
Look at your blood pressure,your blood sugar, your
cholesterol.
All of those things.
Focus on your health.
Focus on getting strong.
I mean, my mom is 93 and it's,you know, it's hard.
She's lost her muscle mass.
Yeah, I don't want to be likethat when I'm 93.
That's why I'm trying to put on10 pounds of muscle mass over
the next couple of years, so Idon't get frail.
Michele Folan (30:28):
Yeah, if any of my clients are listening to
Ellen right now, see, it's notjust me, I am.
I mean, you and I are 100%aligned on this.
I actually ask my clients notto weigh themselves.
At the beginning I'm like,let's, let's, for the first six
weeks, let's not weigh ourselves, let's let our bodies, because
(30:54):
it's really about bodyrecomposition.
We're shifting from fat tomuscle.
The scale's not going toreflect that necessarily and we
also have back to theself-compassion piece.
And we also have back to theself-compassion piece.
It took us a long time to getto where we are right now in
terms of our weight, if youexpect huge changes at six or
(31:18):
eight weeks.
Dr. Ellen Albertson (31:18):
Hello, that's you know.
That's that you're not givingyourself any grace on that one.
Yeah, adding to that that I'vebeen posting a lot about this on
Instagram, about eat less,exercise more doesn't work at
midlife and actually backfires,because that again we go back to
that cortisol piece.
When you are eating less thanyour body actually needs, your
body goes into fight and flightbecause it thinks it's trying to
.
Your body just wants to keepyou alive.
That's the only thing it caresabout.
(31:39):
So when you eat that 1,200,1,600-calorie diet, your body
goes into fight and flight andit wants to hold on to
everything.
It ratchets metabolism down,appetite goes up and you're
starving and thinking about foodall the time and then you have
a binge and then you beatyourself up and you've got to
get off that cycle.
And strength training is superimportant, you know, not such
(32:00):
intense cardio all the time.
You've got to help your body.
It's all you know.
It's all about feeling good.
We are energetic beings, we aremade of sunlight, so it's all
about feeling good, finding themovement that feels good, the
foods that feel good, that's youknow.
I eat right because I want tofeel great, like when I eat crap
, or even now I can't drinkalcohol anymore.
I just feel horrible.
(32:21):
When I drink alcohol, I don'tsleep and it's hard because some
of my friends still do and it'slike it just doesn't do it for
me anymore.
It's so much about feeling good.
Now, if you are following aprogram and you feel good,
you're doing the right thing.
Michele Folan (32:36):
Yeah, I love that , and I've had my own epiphany
with alcohol too.
I'll still have a cocktail hereand there, but I could never.
I'm like I know now I cannothave more than one, because I
feel like hell even at thatmoment, and then the next day
it's just 10 times worse.
(32:56):
So I just choose to.
I just went to Italy with mydaughter and I proved it there.
I'm like I can't do this.
I can't keep up with the bigboys when it comes to alcohol.
Okay, I do want to talk aboutintimacy, because women are
whispering about it.
Why is midlife actually thebest time for real connection?
Dr. Ellen Albertson (33:19):
Because we know ourselves and we're done
with the BS stuff.
I mean when, before midlife,you know it's like I would put
this mask on, like I'd have tolike show up a certain way,
dress a certain way, you know,have some alcohol, do all of
these things.
And then you know I was reallyinteresting with my man Kenny,
my fiance.
We actually didn't have sex fora year and a half.
(33:39):
We met during COVID.
He wasn't quite working right,and the guys are having issues
too.
I needed a dry out period, likerebound guy.
It was just all about sex allthe time and it was like no, no,
I need to like, I need this,the person I'm becoming to be in
alignment in the bedroom.
And so you know, we worked onit.
It took time, but now it's justit's, it's playful, it's honest
(34:04):
, it's present, it's fun,there's no pressure, we're not
going anywhere.
So I don't know, I mean, Idon't know, everyone has a
different experience, but it'sjust so, it's.
It's like the icing on the cake.
It's this thing that we dotogether that really connects us
.
That is just totally a joy andfun.
And we, you know, give eachother pleasure and you can ask
(34:25):
for what you need.
You know you can try new things.
It's this piece of thatauthenticity of you know
speaking up and saying you know,I don't like this or I don't
want to do this or I'm not inthe mood today, and I think so
much.
You know, we feel like inmarriage it's like, well, if
we're not having sex and themarriage is falling apart for me
the sexual piece was often aband-aid.
It's like okay, if we're doingthis thing, then the marriage is
(34:46):
okay.
But the marriage was not okay.
Now the relationship is awesome.
We started off as like adoringeach other and best friends and
the cool thing about it too isthat the touch there's not this
like.
There's always sort of thisdifference between sex, touching
like intimacy, and how we'rerelating and out of the bedroom,
and now it's just fluid.
(35:07):
We're always touching, we'realways dancing, we're always
playful.
It all just sort of goestogether.
And I saw your reel abouthormone replacement and I want
to say, ladies, estradiol,topical estradiol is a lifesaver
.
It's not very expensive.
Your OBGYN will give you aprescription.
What it does is it, you know,gives you a JJ, as my best
(35:30):
friend says makes your vaginahappy.
So you know, it's moist, it'sthicker, you know, because if
sex is painful, you're just notgoing to want to do it, and so
I'm all about topical estradiol.
I think they just got rid ofthe black box.
They're working on it, workingon it.
So you know, I'm a breastcancer survivor and I take HRT
(35:53):
and I take estradiol and I thinkthat's a really important
conversation that we need to behaving.
A lot of that early research wasreally off.
If you read why EstrogenMatters by Blumenthal, you can
read all about how that happened.
Where it was.
All of a sudden, hrt kills,right, and everybody stopped
doing it.
I mean, again, my mom's gotosteoporosis and that's the only
way I'm going to prevent it.
(36:14):
I mean, I can keep track of thebreast cancer piece and I don't
have estrogen progesterone.
You have to have a conversationwith your doctor and see what
your risks are.
But it's also there's so manyreasons in terms of feeling good
and aging well.
I think it's a piece of,instead of like, trying to look
younger, let's talk about agingwell.
Let's talk about that.
You know, doing what we need todo now, so your future self
(36:35):
will thank you.
Michele Folan (36:36):
Yeah, you know, kind of back to the intimacy
piece too.
Intimacy can look different fordifferent couples and I've had
plenty of conversations withfriends, clients, who their
relationship has kind oftransformed a bit and they've
made some decisions togetherthat that's not, that kind of
(36:59):
intimacy isn't super important.
But what may still be importantis cuddling or finding
different ways to pleasure eachother.
Maybe it's not intercourseanymore, maybe we're sleeping in
separate bedrooms now becauseone partner snores or whatever,
but it's still making that timefor each other where you focus
(37:23):
on that piece, the intimacypiece.
But again, for a lot of couplesthat doesn't mean intercourse
right, and intimacy starts atbreakfast right like yes hi
honey, you know you're looking,you know you look beautiful
today.
Dr. Ellen Albertson (37:38):
Tell your partner what you need.
Um, you know, maybe working onthe food piece, again, there is
this piece of if your body ishealthy, you're going to, you're
, you know it's going to makethe intimacy work better.
Again, that penis, canary andcoal, mine.
Same thing, you know, for women.
There's certain the whole foodplant-based diet really does
help.
But I love that because we're,you know, we and we we don't
(38:00):
have a roadmap, and I thinkthat's what's so exciting, but
also what's difficult.
We each need to figure out andI think that's what we both want
to work with our clients, right, like, who do you want to be?
Coaching is all about, okay,you're here, let's create a
vision of who you want to be andlet's get you there as fast as
possible and have some fun alongthe way instead of, like, just
floundering and feeling stuck.
And I think one thing we didn'ttalk about, michelle, is the
(38:23):
fear factor.
That is such a big thingbecause it comes down to neuro.
I'm a neuroscience geek andit's like your brain isn't
interested in you beingfulfilled, happy, actualized,
passionate.
It wants to keep you safe andall of the things that you want
to do, your brain's like don'tdo that, you could fail.
You know something terriblecould happen.
(38:44):
So that's where sort of theanxiety comes up.
If you want to transform atmidlife, whether you want to
transform your intimacy, youwant to transform your body, you
want to do something careerwise, you want to even you know,
even volunteering or taking aclass.
There's a fear there.
Right, it's all world likeyou're meeting new people,
you're in a new environment, andso you have to work
productively with your anxiety.
(39:04):
And I have a whole freedom fromanxiety kit I've created where
I, you know, help people withthis kind of the semantics of it
the body, mind piece.
Because what happens is youhave an anxious, you want to do
something and all of a suddenyou're excited about it, but
then you're anxious and so thebody starts picking up the
anxiety and the brain is like oh, the body's anxious, and it
goes back and forth.
So you've got to calm the bodydown.
Things like breath work aregreat or yoga, any kind of
(39:26):
dancing movement.
Before I was feeling a littleanxious this morning, I got on
my rebounder, I put my rock androll on, I jumped up and down
for 10 minutes.
But we have to work with thatanxiety piece because all of
these changes that we're talkingabout, if you're feeling
anxious, you're moving in theright direction, but you have to
learn how to work with youranxiety productively.
And one of my favorite tools isturning that anxiety into
(39:46):
excitement, because excitementand anxiety are very similar
physiologically.
Right, where you know we sweat,our heart rate goes up, our
eyes may dilate and it's like,you know, when you get on a
rollercoaster, if you like them,you're like this is exciting
instead of like, oh my God, thisis terrifying.
Right, and we go see, we seescary movies because we like
(40:08):
that excitement.
But we want to feel that we'resafe.
Remind your body, you're safe,which is a big piece of
self-compassion.
Even in this moment, feelinganxious, I'm safe.
Okay, I'm doing this thing, butI'm not going to be eaten by a
saber tooth tiger.
I am totally, totally safe.
So we have to work with thatfear, with that anxiety, and I
am just here to say if you'regoing to rock your midlife,
you're going to feel anxious.
And a lot of you know whenclients come to me, they feel
(40:29):
uncomfortably comfortablebecause they're so stuck in this
doing the same things.
Like Einstein says, insanity isdoing the same things over and
over again and expectingdifferent results.
If you want different results,you've got to do some work.
I'll tell my clients right offthe bat I'm only going to take
you on as a client if you'regoing to do the work.
I don't want clients, I don'twant you to invest in coaching
(40:52):
with me if you're not going todo the things.
It may take some time.
We may have to work on someanxiety.
We may have to really take alook at why you're not reaching
your goals, get curious about itand see.
But you've got to do the workand you've got to go places that
are going to be a littleuncomfortable.
Michele Folan (41:08):
You know, it's that fear of failure piece that
you know we're trying somethingnew.
But you know, I will say now,at 61, I worry less about the
failure piece because I havethat a little more confidence
than I had.
Because I have that a littlemore confidence than I had even
(41:28):
10 years ago and it's like, well, I'll try it, why not?
You know, it's very empowering,I think, being in my sixties
where I don't care as much whatother people think.
I mean, obviously I don't carewhat people think, because I
post stuff on Instagram and Italk about my personal life a
little, probably too much, butyou know what?
I don't care.
Dr. Ellen Albertson (41:50):
Really Do you?
No, because and I posted athing, you know, when I was in
my forties, fifties, when I wasa personal trainer, I felt I
would have this dialogue of Ifeel so fat.
It was weird because, you know,I think that's a piece of that
whole weight loss, piece of thatwhen things are going difficult
in our lives, we're just likeI'm going to go on another diet,
I'll change my body and thenit'll be better.
But I posted about that likethe sense of like I was in like
(42:12):
this puffy coat and I was havinga hot flash and I was sweating
and layers and I was like theonly thing going through my head
was I feel so fat.
So I do post about, you know,personal things.
I think it's important thatwomen see that it's not all.
You know rainbows and unicorns.
It's a lot of rainbows andunicorns, but it's also, you
know, difficult things likedealing with adult children,
(42:33):
aging parents.
You know I'm dealing with someback issues right now.
I had my mammogram the other day.
It was negative, super happy,but I was like congratulations.
I was like if you, you, I thinkit's difficult for all of us
but to be, you know, to go walkin there and I always feel like
it's like slow motion, like I'mwalking into the mat you know
the mammogram place clinic andI'm like, oh my god, I can't
(42:56):
believe I have to do this.
Or even I had, you know,cataracts done um a couple
months ago and I've had thatretinal detachment and my
retinal detachment the firsttime came after I had had
cataract surgery and this fearthing.
But to say that this is normalI think we're normalizing that.
You know, I'll say for myselfI'm a bit of a hot mess.
I make mistakes all the timeand I own them and post about
(43:18):
them.
Michele Folan (43:18):
No, you make mistakes A lot.
I overwork myself.
Oh, me too.
Dr. Ellen Albertson (43:28):
But the thing about the self-compassion
piece is, when you have thatself-compassion, you, instead of
beating yourself up, you'relike, okay, made a mistake,
forgive myself.
What did I learn?
How do I not do it again?
Because if you figure out hownot to do it again, you've
learned.
You grow, and that's anotherpiece we haven't talked too much
.
There's this growth thathappens in midlife because you
know, like, like I talked, youknow being a perennial and
you're giving yourself the rightsoils, you've got the right
(43:50):
environment.
You're watering yourself.
You know self compassion isemotional regulatory technique.
You're learning how to own allyour emotions I don't say good,
bad emotions, there's positiveones and there's difficult ones.
And then you're you know thesunlight, like you're doing what
brings you joy.
You're you're connecting withpeople that you love.
You're cutting those people offand those things off that you
(44:12):
know that aren't doing anythingfor you.
You stop saying yes toeverything and stop people
pleasing, stop criticizingyourself and just be like, okay,
this is who I am.
And you grow because everythingthat's happening to you is all
there, because it's all there tohelp you with your becoming, to
becoming that woman that youare destined to be.
I love it.
Michele Folan (44:33):
I love this stage of life and I think you just
encapsulated it so well there.
And I would love to know, Ellen, what's one daily
non-negotiable that keeps yougrounded.
Dr. Ellen Albertson (44:46):
I have so many.
Michele Folan (44:48):
I know, don't we.
Dr. Ellen Albertson (44:49):
I don't do what I do in the morning for my
self-care routine.
It's crazy, but it's abouthabits.
So I mean, I think sleep is areal non-negotiable for me.
If I don't sleep well, I feelterrible.
I just do so.
I'm really in bed 10, 10, 30,sleeping to 6, 6, 30.
So that's kind of anon-negotiable.
Certainly I'm eating a healthydiet.
(45:10):
Last couple of days we've beenentertaining, so my body's kind
of like I feel it right when Ieat.
We eat a lot of plants.
It's a green smoothie forbreakfast, it's salads, stir
fries, all of those things.
For lunch it's mostlyplant-based, although I do eat a
little bit of animal protein.
When I don't eat right,everything starts to hurt.
I feel inflamed.
So diet's super important.
(45:30):
Yeah, I guess those are the twobiggies sleep, diet and also
just having fun and joy and nottaking myself too seriously.
Movement I move every single day.
I probably move two to threehours a day, but I love it.
That's a healthy lifestyle andit's so cool where I live both
places I live so many healthy.
I guess we're not quite seniorsyet, but it's like everybody is
(45:51):
.
So in Tysia in Costa Rica,everybody's walking every
morning, everybody's playingpickle ball, everybody's
swimming, and the same thinghere in North Hero people are
biking and we're dancing andwe're feeling so good.
We're doing yoga.
So that movement piece I wouldsay the diet, the sleep and the
movement are all non-negotiablesfor me.
Michele Folan (46:10):
Amen, I love it Very good.
What is one thing you wishevery midlife woman knew about
herself?
Dr. Ellen Albertson (46:17):
You're amazing Just thinking about it
when I just stand back and justthink about you know, your mom
and your dad had sex and youpopped out and here you are.
So you're amazing and that youhave agency.
We need to move, and this iswhat I'm doing a whole new kind
(46:38):
of methodology that I'm workingon, called dragon flying, and
dragon flying is all about.
We talk about the butterfly asthe metamorphosis, and the
butterfly is just, it's icky,right that you make a shroud,
you digest yourself, youstruggle to get out, you do all
the things like a bird eats you,right, dragonfly.
On the other hand, thedragonfly spends two years as a
nymph in the water and it's afierce predator.
(47:00):
And then one night I like tosay the stroke of midnight it
climbs up the stalk of grass.
And then one night I like tosay the stroke of midnight it
climbs up the stalk of grass andit morphs, it molts and it's
the dragonfly.
And so it can happen reallyfast.
If you're listening to this, youknow, get a coach, talk to me,
talk to Michele.
There are great coaches outthere who want to help you
transform.
So you are amazing.
You're here for a reason theworld needs your light and love.
(47:22):
As the Dalai Lama says, theWestern woman is going to save
the world.
I mean, the world is changing.
We need to be here for our kids, our grandkids or whatever that
thing is that you're called to.
Whatever that passion is foryou, you're here for a reason.
So love yourself, take care ofyourself, and I can go through
my seven steps, which are beyourself, love yourself,
(47:43):
energize yourself, take care ofyour body, reprogram your brain,
empower yourself.
Once you do those first four,jump out of that plane.
You got to do that thing andyou know.
Face your fears, rehab thoserelationships.
So work on those relationships.
Then enlighten yourself,understand that you aren't just
a human with a soul, your soulthat's having a human experience
(48:04):
and I think that changeseverything.
But just see what a miraclelife is.
Get out in nature.
I get out in nature and I'mjust like wow, I'm like part of
all.
That is Like look at thisincredible natural world that I
get to be alive.
And the only regret I haveabout being so joyful, happy and
high vibe is that life goes byso fast.
When I was miserable, you know,when I was in my 40s and 50s
(48:25):
and both menopause and not in agreat marriage with you know
teens and all of the things Iwas like life just was like a
snail's pace.
I was like I can't wait to thisto be over, to get to this next
place.
But do you find that like thebetter life gets, the quicker it
goes?
Michele Folan (48:40):
Yeah, I thought it was just because I'm over 60.
Yeah, I thought it was justbecause I'm over 60.
But yeah, it does.
Things are going at a muchquicker pace, but I'm enjoying
life more now than I ever have.
So I'd rather have that than goback to where I was in my 40s
(49:04):
and even my 50s, ellen.
Where can listeners go to divedeeper into your Rock, your
Midlife framework andself-compassion superpower?
Dr. Ellen Albertson (49:15):
So the easiest place to find me is just
themidlifewhisperercom.
That's themidlifewhisperercom.
I'm the only midlife whispereron the planet.
I'm on Instagram, I'm onFacebook or Dr Ellen Albertson.
If you Google me or go onFacebook, they're easiest places
to just go to my website andyou'll see the new photo shoot,
which was super fun to do, and Iencourage women just to get
(49:38):
that makeover.
Feel good about yourself,Because I think when we feel
good, everything else falls inplace.
It's really all about beingthat light, being that love,
feeling good.
But yeah, check me out MidlifeWhisper.
I also have a book called Rockyour Midlife, which is on Amazon
.
Michele Folan (49:53):
Fantastic, Dr Ellen Albertson.
Thank you so much for being onAsking for a Friend.
Thank you, Michele.
Thank you for listening.
Please rate and review thepodcast where you listen and, if
you'd like to join the Askingfor a Friend community, click on
the link in the show notes tosign up for my weekly newsletter
, where I share midlife wellnessand fitness tips, insights, my
(50:15):
favorite finds and recipes.
Be honest, did summer throw you off track?
You had good intentions at thestart, and then came the rosé,
the road trips and the screw it.
I'll start in September mindset.
But here's the thing yourmidlife body doesn't bounce back
like it used to, and that's notyour fault.
It just means your strategyneeds an upgrade.
That's where I come in.
(00:21):
I coach women through thefaster way A six-week reset that
ditches diet culture andactually works with your
hormones.
We focus on fat loss, leanmuscle, balanced meals and, yes,
you get to still eat carbs.
If you're ready to feel morelike you again, before the first
tailgate or pumpkin spice latte, check the link in the show
(00:43):
notes or you can just shoot me amessage on Instagram.
Let's do this together Health,wellness, fitness and everything
in between.
We're removing the taboo fromwhat really matters in midlife.
I'm your host, Michele Folan,and this is Asking for a Friend.
(01:06):
What if midlife wasn't a crisisbut a launchpad?
My guest today is here to flipthe script on everything we've
been taught about aging, beautyand what it means to feel
confident in our skin.
Dr Ellen Albertson, also knownas the Midlife Whisperer, is a
psychologist, registereddietitian, board-certified
(01:29):
health and wellness coach and amindful self-compassion teacher
who's been helping womentransform their health and
mindset for over 30 years.
She's written five books,including the best-selling Rock
your Midlife, serves on themedical board of the National
Menopause Foundation and hasbeen featured everywhere from
Forbes to Prevention.
But more than anything, she's avoice of radical truth and
(01:52):
possibility for women, 50 andbeyond.
In this episode, we're going toget into why your midlife body
isn't broken, howself-compassion can be your
ultimate superpower broken, howself-compassion can be your
ultimate superpower, why eatingless doesn't work anymore and
what really does, and how toturn this chapter into the most
empowered, intimate and vibrantone.
(02:13):
Yet she's 62, glowing and notapologizing for any of it, and
neither should you.
Dr Ellen Albertson, welcome toAsking for a Friend.
Dr. Ellen Albertson (02:23):
Thanks, Michele, it is awesome to be
here Well.
Michele Folan (02:26):
I love your energy.
Already We've talked justbriefly here, but I knew this
was going to be a fantastictopic.
We probably don't talk aboutmindset quite enough on the
podcast and this is a great timeto have this conversation.
I want to talk a little bitabout you first, and kind of
(02:47):
your genesis here.
So you've worn a lot of hats,ellen.
You are psychologist, dietitian, health coach, even a celebrity
chef, which I was like.
What?
What brought you to this pointand why are you so focused on
helping women rock midlife?
Dr. Ellen Albertson (03:03):
Well, I love this time of life and I
want to like shout from therooftops like midlife is the
best time of life, it is yourprime time, glow up.
And it's interesting midlifewomen have always come to me.
I'm kind of like a one-stopshop for all your midlife needs
and the reason I have moredegrees than a thermometer is I
just keep wanting more and moretools.
I mean, I love to learn, I lovehelping midlife women because,
(03:26):
let's face it, it is a reallychallenging time of life, both
what's going on physiologicallyas well as what's going on in
our lives, between empty nestand aging parents and all of the
things.
So you know, when I started mycareer as an outpatient
dietitian way back in 1993, ofcourse I was in my thirts right
and all the women coming to mewere midlife women.
(03:48):
Because if you have not beentaking care of your body as you
go through the changes, thetransition through menopause,
your body starts talking to you.
So you know they were gainingweight, cholesterol was high,
blood pressure's high, bloodsugar's high.
So these women kept coming tome.
And then when I became apersonal fitness trainer in my
40s, same thing Like what isgoing on with my body.
This is before we were talkingabout menopause.
(04:09):
And then, you know, I'm in itmyself, so I just love this time
of life.
It kind of found me, and so Iam just so dedicated to helping
midlife women rock their midlife.
Michele Folan (04:21):
You've said at 62 , you feel more confident and
beautiful than ever.
Was this a turning point inyour own life that helped you
fully own that truth?
Dr. Ellen Albertson (04:32):
Well, the biggest turning point was
learning self-compassion,because when you learn to treat
yourself the way you would agood friend, you stop, you know,
judging yourself or you catchthose thoughts.
You are kind to yourself, youtreat yourself basically like
you would treat your bestie, andso that changes everything,
because you stop doing thosethings that insult your soul and
(04:54):
you start to attract what istruly in your best interest, and
it changes that inner dialogueright.
So you look in the mirror andyou can't say, oh my God, my
arms are floppy, what's going onwith my waistline?
It's like you just would neversay that to a friend, like when
we say, walked up a friend andsay, you know, that's out of
line today.
I mean, of course, if theyweren't, if something was out of
line with their dress, we wouldsay that the other thing that
is so magical aboutself-compassion is that you stop
(05:18):
caring what other people thinkabout you and and you care about
yourself, and so that reallybrings out the authenticity.
So confidence the root of theword confidence is to confine.
You start to trust yourselfbecause you're not doing
everything I know for myself.
I was always like on thistreadmill, like first it was
like pleasing the parents.
When you're a kid, you want to.
I was that good girl, right?
That perfectionist with a fearof self-critic, really wanting
(05:41):
to like.
I want my parents to love me.
So I really wanting to like my,want my parents to love me, so
I'll be perfect, right, get inthe right schools, get the right
job, do all of those things, dowhat society said is going to
make you feel okay.
And it's kind of like I wasclimbing up this ladder of
success but the ladder was upagainst the wrong building.
And I think that's a lot of usat midlife, right.
We've been climbing, clawing upthis ladder of success and we
(06:01):
get to the top and we lookaround and like, wait a minute,
I am not happy, I don't feelgood, I don't like my life, and
so for me, that was that turningpoint of learning
self-compassion and givingmyself permission to really know
and love myself, take care ofmyself and stop really getting
off that treadmill of trying tomake everybody else happy.
I thought, well, if I makeeverybody else happy, then I'll
(06:22):
be happy.
They never got happy.
We're each in charge of our ownhappiness.
So I think the turning pointfor me was really
self-compassion that led to meleaving a 25-year marriage.
It really helped me through alot of the crises that we have,
everything from menopause andemptiness.
Also, I'm a breast cancersurvivor.
I went blind three times.
I had a retinal detachment, soit's like self-compassion has
(06:46):
seen me through everything.
So it really is a superpower.
Michele Folan (06:50):
Like you, yeah, you have to embrace it as a
superpower almost to be able tonavigate this time of life.
You brought up something aboutafter 25 years.
We're like, okay, what's goingon?
Like your marriage, what is itabout women in their 50s and 60s
?
I mean, they're dealing withloss, sometimes loss of roles,
(07:14):
right, Emptiness, whatever.
Their bodies are changing.
Sometimes they're stuck in thisrut where they're not even sure
of their own identity.
How do we start rebuilding anew version of ourselves without
the old baggage?
Dr. Ellen Albertson (07:30):
Well, first of all, we have to allow things
to be there before we can getto acceptance.
It's sort of this allow what islike, this is where I'm finding
myself right now, then this Ihave acceptance which we can
change, and then there'sembracing of where we are.
I tell people, you know, youput the bags down, unpack them,
change that story.
So I could look at you know mymarriage and it was such a mess
(07:51):
and he was awful and blah, blah,blah.
Or I could say you know what,when I was in my thirties and
forties, you know, this is whatI needed.
Then I learned a lot from thatrelationship.
I learned a lot about media.
We were literally the cookingcouple in the 90s.
We were celebrity chefs.
It's helped me with my wholeplatform and career in media.
So there was a lot of reallygood things.
We have two beautiful children.
So you can unpack the bags andsay, okay, who was?
(08:14):
I rewrite that narrative becauseeverything that's happened to
has brought you to this moment,and this moment is all that you
have.
So you come to the presentmoment and then you start
thinking about, okay, thisfuture self, like who do I want
to be?
And age is totally not doesn'tneed to be part of the equation.
I like to say I'm a perennial.
I've got gorgeous gardens here,we've got our lilacs, we've got
(08:37):
our lilies we just had anamazing tul, you know.
So be a perennial and thinkabout okay, who am I becoming?
Start to visualize who is thatwoman and then bring a piece of
who you want to be into yourpresent reality.
Okay, so, how does she walk?
How does she dress?
I just did a big photo shoot,which was super fun because I've
(08:57):
changed my style.
See a stylist.
Think about how do I want topresent myself?
And the cool thing is that whenyou do that, you give every
single midlife woman permissionto do the same, and we help our
daughters right, we help ourkids to see like no, this isn't
the end.
This is like the prime time actwhere I think, when you're
going through menopause, thebrain literally changes, our
(09:20):
wiring changes and we getselfish, and so you can start to
say, okay, what do I want in mylife?
And we're living longer.
If you take care of your body,you know you've got another 20,
30, 40 years.
I'm hoping to make it to 100plus, and so you've got this
incredible juicy chapter.
So think about okay, what'sthis next version of myself, and
(09:41):
how do I start bringing herinto my now?
Michele Folan (09:44):
I love midlife pivots.
It gets me so excited.
This is what's so fun aboutdoing this podcast is I get to
meet women like you that arereally doing these incredible
things in our 60s.
Think about our mothers whenthey were 60.
Think about our mothers whenthey were 60, and we thought
(10:05):
that was so old, right, we allhave that experience somewhere
back in our memories, right, ofwhat 60 was supposed to look
like.
And I think we've looked atmidlife sometimes as this
downhill slide.
But from what you're saying,it's really just the beginning.
So how do we unlearn all that?
(10:28):
We've thought to really thrivein this chapter?
Dr. Ellen Albertson (10:32):
Yeah, well, the first thing, you know,
practicing that self-compassionis really important.
And noticing your thoughts,noticing when I have this
thought oh, I look so old, Ifeel so tired and do you want to
believe that thought?
We have, you know, somethinglike 40 to 60,000 thoughts every
single day, and some of themare neutral, some of them are
positive, some of them arenegative.
And so when you have thenegative thought, it's not like
you can't push the negativethought down, but you're like
(10:53):
huh, question that thought, getcurious, like why am I having
that thought?
And a lot of it, frankly, isthe media.
You know, if women feltbeautiful and attractive, we
wouldn't buy all the stuff.
The media wants us to feel badabout ourselves so that we buy
all the things and it'sdisempowering for women, right?
When we don't love ourselves,when we're feeling bad, when we
(11:14):
feel like our best years arebehind us, it takes our power
away.
And we need to take our powerback and say wait a minute, I
have this space and time.
Maybe you know I'm empty nestnow, or maybe I'm.
You know I'm looking atretirement, where I'm going to
have this time on my hands.
Maybe I've let my body go alittle bit.
I need to focus on that.
And so what are the things thatI me want?
And we need to also get rid ofthis idea about being selfish.
(11:35):
Be selfish yes, absolutely Ahundred percent you.
And self-care isn't reallyselfish.
It's really about feeling yourbest, Because when you feel your
best, then you can take care ofthe people.
I'm taking care of 93,95-year-old parents and I've got
24 and 28-year-old kids andI've got a partner in my life
(11:56):
and other people and the86-year-old wonderful lady who
lives across the street that Ihelp with.
But you've got to take care ofyourself first.
So you need to get rid of thatkind of dialogue around.
This is selfish and I work withthat with my clients all the
time.
I had one client she loves toeat, right, she loves to work
out, but she wasn't doing itbecause every time she did the
self-care piece she felt guilty.
(12:17):
So we had to do this sort ofinternal family systems work and
really kind of understanding.
She was like, oh my God, that'swhat's keeping me going from
the gym.
We feel so guilty when we go tothe gym, when we take time to
prep meals, that we don't dothose things because that
guilt's kind of trying toprotect us, but it's not
beneficial.
At this point in our lives, somany times we feel guilt.
(12:37):
It's not beneficial.
Guilt's great if you've donesomething wrong, a behavior that
you want to change.
So let's say, you yell at yourkids, yell at your parents, yell
at your dog, right, and you'relike, oh my God, that's not me,
I don't want to do that, it'sagainst my core values.
So you change your behavior.
But being nice to yourself,taking care of your body, is a
(12:57):
good behavior that you want todo more of.
And so you have to reallyquestion these feelings that
come up when you start takingcare of yourself.
Because, again, we've beenconditioned that everybody else
comes first and then there's noenergy for us.
And then again this piece ofthis dialogue of I feel so old,
it's too late, I'm washed up.
That is just total BS.
And also, I would recommendfollow cool people, right, I've
started following you and I lovethe vacuuming and I follow you
(13:20):
yeah the vacuuming with the facemask, right With the, I guess
it right, it's great, and don'ttake yourself too seriously too.
I think we need to lighten upand I think you know, for me,
the breast cancer diagnosis waslike such a wake up call of like
you're running out of time andI think that's the bigger
question, like when I'm 80 andit really is too late to do
(13:41):
those things.
What do I want my 80-year-oldself to say?
Thank God you did that thing.
Thank God you took care of yourbody.
Thank God you wrote that book,started that podcast, did that
side hustle, took that potteryclass right.
So you look back and you'relike okay, I made the best use
of the limited amount ofprecious time that I have.
Michele Folan (14:01):
Okay, a couple things.
I'm like I've got all thesethings.
I want to say time that I have.
Okay, a couple things.
I'm like I've got all thesethings.
I want to say so you don't haveto start a podcast or write a
book, but take the pottery class.
Or have you loved to paint?
Go take a painting class.
Go do something for you.
Because let me just tell yousomething, nothing fries my ass
(14:22):
more than having a discussionwith a client and we start
talking about the meals.
Here's your meal plan.
This is proven to work.
And I'm like, oh, my husbandwill never eat this.
And I'm like, who cares whatyour husband will or won't eat?
This is not about him, this isabout you.
(14:44):
This is your time.
You are doing this for you.
He can go make his own damnfood, if that's you know.
But I get really upset when Ihear women not prioritizing
themselves because they'reworried about somebody else.
Dr. Ellen Albertson (15:02):
And yeah, speed dial dominoes here, dear.
Here's the number for dominoes,right, yeah, I mean that was.
You know that is the spousething is hard to do, that piece.
I'm blessed that I have a manwho grows a mini farm in the
back.
He is a gardenaholic.
That's nice.
Put in 32 blueberry bushes andthe garden is we have more
produce than we can use.
But you have to take care ofyourself and you know men are
(15:30):
men, need to like.
If you don't like it, then toobad.
But you know he might come onboard too over time because the
guys are having issues too right.
They're like.
You know the penis is thecanary in the coal mine.
Oh God, his cholesterol is high.
Michele Folan (15:40):
It ain't working.
Let me tell you how many of myclients' husbands have lost
weight actually more than theirwives by just paying attention
to what they eat.
And that's the other thing too.
You know what.
The guys need to have a littleself-assessment too, because
they're maybe not in midlifecrisis, but they are definitely
(16:04):
in a midlife place that theycan't continue doing what they
did before either.
So I think there's.
You know, we talk about womenall the time in this podcast,
but I can give you plenty ofexamples of men who probably
have some opportunity to makesome changes too.
So, Ellen, we're going to take aquick break and when we come
(16:26):
back, I want to talk about bodyimage, beauty and intimacy.
I know how you might be feelingabout your skin right now.
It is changing.
It may be duller, or you'reseeing lines where there didn't
used to be, or you're just tiredof spending a fortune on
products that don't deliver.
Well, that was me until I foundRIMAN.
(16:48):
It's South Korea's number oneskincare line.
It's clean, effective and,honestly, it's affordable.
No fluff, no 12-step routine,just results.
My skin is brighter, smootherand, for the first time in years
, I'm actually getting realcompliments.
Want to see what I use, checkthe show notes or DM me on
(17:09):
Instagram.
I'll send you my full routine,because good skin shouldn't be a
mystery or a luxury.
All right, we are back.
Before we went on the break, Imentioned that I wanted to talk
about body image and beauty andthen how it kind of dovetail
into intimacy.
Before we started recordingEllen, I mentioned hey, you let
(17:33):
your hair go gray, and you kindof corrected me about that.
I was like, oh, you know, it'snot about letting our hair go
gray, it's a decision to go gray.
Can you talk a little bit aboutthat and that process for you?
Dr. Ellen Albertson (17:48):
Sure, and first of all, I totally embrace
wherever you're at.
If that's not for you, it'sokay, but for me, gosh, I did it
twice.
So I moved to Vermont, which Imoved from like the Boston area
to Vermont.
It was, you know, vermont's akind of crunchy place, so it's
easy to just not do it.
And I've got curly hair andintegrated.
(18:09):
And then my ex-husband and Iwere working on a platform which
everything went, everythingwent south about 12 years ago,
and he was like you need to, youneed to be, you look like your
40 year old self.
And I was like this does notfeel right.
My first sort of going outthere with this, this brand
called Smasher Scale.
It all imploded so I colored itagain and I was like, oh, this
is it for me.
It just never felt like me,like I'm a natural girl, I don't
(18:31):
wear a lot of makeup, it's likeBurt's Bees lip gloss and maybe
a little eyebrow gel.
Skincare just didn't feel likeme, and so the grow out wasn't
terrible.
I mean, I know that a lot ofwomen really struggle with it
and I think the struggle is,yeah, if you have that
demarcation like you get that,you know white coming in and
there.
You know, if you're you'retrying to grow out.
(18:52):
I recommend follow silversisters on Instagram.
There are tons of women andtons of support out there.
It was a whole movement thatactually started during COVID.
Like so many women couldn't goto the hairdresser, so for me, I
absolutely love my silver hair,like I don't have to worry
about it.
I, whenever I colored it, itwas oh, and I started coloring
really early.
I had a kind of a streak, socolor the rest and leave the
streak and you know, within aweek or two, you always had that
(19:15):
kind of line happening and alot of consciousness about it.
And you know, I mean I knowwomen in their nineties who
still color it.
I'm like honey, who are youpulling here?
Michele Folan (19:24):
It's like oh God, it'll probably be me.
Dr. Ellen Albertson (19:29):
But it's okay If it makes you feel more
confident.
For me, I I didn't like theflatness and the way that my
hair looked and I love, love,love my silvers.
And the other issue, frankly,is toxicity.
My beloved hairdresser of 15years just came down with lung
cancer.
Hairdressers have a much higherrate of certain cancers.
You're putting toxic stuff onyour head, it's your skin, it's
(19:53):
penetrating, you can feel itwhen you put it on and there's a
wonderful movie out there Ifyou want to check it out.
It's called your Roots AreShowing and it talks all about
that.
And there's a woman there whowent into like anaphylactic
shock from the hair dye.
So it can be really toxic.
So for me, I you know, embracewho you are, but if you're
curious and you're tired of andI think the biggest issue is
(20:15):
that you know we again, we'vebeen taught that we need to look
like our 25, 30-year-old selfand so we're on this treadmill
like I got to keep the bodyskinny and I've got to keep the
skin without any wrinkles and Ihave to, you know, keep my hair
looking a certain way.
We're trying to look like our24, 25-year-old self and that's
part of that.
Looking in the mirror and a lotof the work I do is helping
(20:35):
women remirror themselves.
So you're like who and what yousee in the mirror and embracing
who you are.
Now I am always kind of onwomen's cases when it's like
you're using your 25 year oldheadshot you know, girl, it's
time to get a new headshot andjust work with a stylist.
The girl it's not fun, but Ithink it's that you know,
looking at yourself in themirror and saying, okay, I'm 40,
I'm 50.
(20:56):
But there's a lot of women alsogoing gray in their 30s, you
know early on, who just getreally tired of the expense, the
toxicity, and then, honestly,99 times out of 100, women are
like why didn't I do thisearlier?
I absolutely freaking love this.
Michele Folan (21:12):
I know I'm sitting here going.
I know you know it's funny,though, because during COVID I
was at the salon.
It was the first visit.
You know, during COVID I was atthe salon.
It was the first visit duringCOVID, and I said, all right,
what's the look in the back?
Tell me how gray am I?
Because I had no idea.
And she said, oh, probably 75,80%, and now it's more.
Dr. Ellen Albertson (21:38):
I think I'm like 90% gray, but then that's
a dialogue right.
So, why is it?
And I don't even say gray graysounds so, oh, gray Silver.
Michele Folan (21:45):
Silver, okay Silver.
Dr. Ellen Albertson (21:47):
But silver hair.
It's so cool.
It's actually translucent, it'sclear, and so my hair does
different things in the sunlightand you get these really cool
highlights.
If you're listening, you cancheck me out on the Midlife
Whisperer on Instagram and seeyou know, and check out Silver
Sisters, because it really is soincredibly what nature does and
the kind of highlights that youget, and think about all the
(22:09):
time and money you're going tosave as well.
So the grow out's no fun, but Ithink it's, it's cool and it's
worth it.
Michele Folan (22:15):
Yeah, I mean your hair looks fantastic.
I mean you have a reallygorgeous head of hair and I have
done one show on going gray.
It was my best friend, Anne,and it was great to hear her
process and how her journey wentwith that.
But you've said that beautyisn't behind you, it's becoming
(22:38):
you, and that's a very radicalshift from what most of us grew
up believing.
How do we start to reframebeauty in midlife?
Dr. Ellen Albertson (22:48):
Well, beauty is coming from within,
right?
So for me and I just had thoseheadshots taken I was looking at
it, going like what I wastelling my photographer, asking
her did you Photoshop me Likewhat?
Because I'm so damn happy.
Yeah, I'm so happy and I'm sohealthy and my glow comes from
waking up every morning andbeing happy to be alive.
(23:10):
I have a great partner, I getto live I live in this beautiful
farm in Vermont and then I goto Costa Rica in the winter and
my life is exactly the way Iwant it to be.
So there is this happiness andalso this desire to radiate
beauty, to show other women atmidlife that it's your it to be.
So there's this happiness andalso this desire to radiate
beauty, to show other women atmidlife that it's your time to
shine, it's your midlife glow up.
And again, the self-compassionpiece is really important,
(23:30):
because when you practiceself-compassion, you look at
yourself in the mirror, you canlook at yourself and if you're
listening and I have my clientsdo this Look yourself in the eye
, you know, and tell yourselfyou're beautiful, I love you, I
care about you, I want you to behappy.
So it comes from thatconfidence piece which is
knowing yourself, and we talkedabout that self-compassion piece
(23:52):
which allows you to be yourauthentic self and embrace
yourself warts and flaws and allit's about that self-care piece
.
You know we're both lookinggood because we take really
great, I take fantastic care ofmy body.
I absolutely love my body.
I hear this all the time fromwomen like my body is betraying
me.
Your body is not betraying you.
Your silvers are a symbol ofhow wise you are.
(24:16):
I mean that's kind of like whenyou're wiser, that sort of
crown chakra glowing up.
Your wrinkles are like okay,I've lived life, so we need to
change again this dialogue andsay that I'm a perennial.
The age doesn't matter.
But it's about confidence, it'sabout character.
That's why, again, I love thisphoto shoot, because it was like
okay, I don't look like anybodyelse.
(24:37):
I love wearing fun glasses andbright colors and dancing and
being joyful.
Find what works for you and Ithink that comes from you know,
work with a stylist.
You know, invest a little bitof money.
It doesn't have to be crazy.
Get a new wardrobe, getclothing that makes you feel
beautiful.
But it comes from within andevery woman is beautiful.
I mean, we are all here toshine, to glow, to spread light
(25:01):
and love, and when you loveyourself it automatically
radiates.
So it's kind of this inside outjob.
But I've never felt moreattractive and, honestly, the
self-compassion piece is huge,what my research showed.
So I did this research study formy dissertation.
I did with Kristen Neff, who isthe pioneer in this area of
self-compassion, and we sentwomen meditations,
(25:21):
self-compassion meditations.
Half of them got it, half ofthem didn't.
What my research showed is thewomen who listened to the
self-compassion podcast.
Not only did self-compassion goup, so self-compassion is like
a muscle Wherever you are at,you can be nicer to yourself.
But body shame went down, bodydissatisfaction went down,
self-worth based on appearancewent down and body appreciation
went up.
So nothing to do with changingthe body, simply changing the
(25:43):
way that you treat yourself.
The dialogue when you look inthe mirror and you go, hey, girl
, you're looking pretty goodtoday, right?
Or just hello, I love you, youknow, I care about you.
That changes the way you seeyourself.
It's truly magical.
Michele Folan (25:55):
You know one thing we have to remember too
our bodies have done someamazing things.
I mean childbirth in itself,right.
Our ability to heal, you'vesurvived cancer, right.
Our bodies do great things.
But how do we reconcileaccepting our changing bodies
(26:17):
while we still want to improvehow we look right?
Because that seems like a neverending goal line that keeps
moving.
Dr. Ellen Albertson (26:27):
Yeah, well, I think that the first piece of
just allowing, just allowing mybody to be where it is, I think
that gratitude piece can bereally, really helpful of like,
hey, body, I am grateful, youknow, for the yes, the two kids
that you helped create.
I am grateful you know that,that, yes, the two kids that you
helped create.
I am grateful you know that Ican walk.
I mean, I actually had a friendover yesterday.
She's a paraplegic and I'm so Iadore her and she's doing
(26:49):
amazing things.
But it's like I'm so gratefulthat I can bike and I can hike
and I can do all of these things.
So that gratitude piece.
And then then we get to thatacceptance piece.
Okay, I'm accepting that I'm inthis 40, 50, 60 year old body,
um, and then like saying, okay,so what does this body need to
look and feel good?
Like I started to go to thephysical therapist because I
want to, I want to lift heavierand even though I was a personal
(27:12):
fitness trainer, I know whatI'm doing.
I'm like you know what?
I need a little bit of supporthere.
Um, I'm always upping my dieteven more.
I mean, I probably eat 15, 20servings of fruits and veggies a
day, but like, how do I loveand care for myself?
So changing that conversation,that it doesn't just become
about I want to look better andlike, can we stop talking about
the weight loss piece, please?
Like, I've been a dietitian for30 years and watching your
(27:33):
weight is like, you know,watching paint dry.
It's not very interesting.
Focus on the things that you arein charge of.
Which is the big four for me,and I'm sure you feel the same
way.
It's your diet.
It's not crazy.
It's whole food, plant-baseddiet, getting enough protein,
eating less processed foods.
It's your stress.
Stress plays a huge role,particularly in midlife.
(27:53):
Cortisol, which is the stresshormone, and estrogen.
Both come from the sameprecursor, pregnenolone.
So if your stress is way up,there's less estrogen, which
estrogen really plays a role inbone health, skin health, brain,
everything.
Sleep is so important.
That's one that I am constantlyworking on.
We're just really understandingthe importance of sleep.
And then, of course, there ismovement, finding enjoyable
(28:15):
movement.
So focus on those things.
Don't focus on the scale,because what I find with my
clients is that.
And we don't focus on the scale, cause what I find with my
clients is that, and we don'tfocus on scale.
We start with theself-compassion beast.
Doing cause, you love yourself,but when you focus on the scale
and you're doing all of thesethings to get that number to go
down and the number doesn't godown even though you're eating
the restrictive diet you knowyou're killing yourself at the
gym, all of the things then youjust get angry at yourself and
(28:36):
you just stop and you go andhave a threesome with Ben and
Jerry's.
You know nothing wrong with icecream.
I'm from Vermont.
I love ice cream, but it's sortof all or nothing and it's like
it's like all and somethinglike can we please take care of
yourself in this place of selflove, because you want to be
there for your kids, yourgrandkids yourself, you want to
enjoy your life, so it's healthyand strong.
(28:58):
We've got to get away from theskinny BS.
Right that?
We've been told the same.
I get crazy on Instagram now Isee menopause is now so hot, so
I get all the time this like BSsolutions.
Lose the weight fast, you know.
Lose 20 pounds in two months.
No, forget about the scale.
It's a great, it's a goodmetric, you know it's there.
But like, focus on what youhave.
Control, because I I I've beenagain to do this for 30 years
(29:21):
and I've seen women really eatWell I guess we call it clean
right and move their bodies anddo all the things and the scale
still doesn't budge.
It takes a while and a lot oftime.
The fat is sometimes there toprotect you.
It's sort of a if you'refeeling not safe in your body,
um, if you have a lot of stressand the hormonal piece is really
huge.
So it's not just calories incalories out the way.
We've been told we overestimateexercise.
(29:44):
Exercise is not a weight lossmethod.
Right, exercise is like Prozac.
It's great for your body, yourbrain, but it's something you do
, hopefully, because you enjoyit and to take care of yourself
and eating right.
Again, this piece of self-careand your body will get to where
it's supposed to be in terms ofyour weight and if that's a size
12, great.
But focus on your health.
Look at other metrics, you know.
(30:05):
Look at your waist reference.
Look at your blood pressure,your blood sugar, your
cholesterol.
All of those things.
Focus on your health.
Focus on getting strong.
I mean, my mom is 93 and it's,you know, it's hard.
She's lost her muscle mass.
Yeah, I don't want to be likethat when I'm 93.
That's why I'm trying to put on10 pounds of muscle mass over
the next couple of years, so Idon't get frail.
Michele Folan (30:28):
Yeah, if any of my clients are listening to
Ellen right now, see, it's notjust me, I am.
I mean, you and I are 100%aligned on this.
I actually ask my clients notto weigh themselves.
At the beginning I'm like,let's, let's, for the first six
weeks, let's not weigh ourselves, let's let our bodies, because
(30:54):
it's really about bodyrecomposition.
We're shifting from fat tomuscle.
The scale's not going toreflect that necessarily and we
also have back to theself-compassion piece.
And we also have back to theself-compassion piece.
It took us a long time to getto where we are right now in
terms of our weight, if youexpect huge changes at six or
(31:18):
eight weeks.
Dr. Ellen Albertson (31:18):
Hello, that's you know.
That's that you're not givingyourself any grace on that one.
Yeah, adding to that that I'vebeen posting a lot about this on
Instagram, about eat less,exercise more doesn't work at
midlife and actually backfires,because that again we go back to
that cortisol piece.
When you are eating less thanyour body actually needs, your
body goes into fight and flightbecause it thinks it's trying to
.
Your body just wants to keepyou alive.
That's the only thing it caresabout.
(31:39):
So when you eat that 1,200,1,600-calorie diet, your body
goes into fight and flight andit wants to hold on to
everything.
It ratchets metabolism down,appetite goes up and you're
starving and thinking about foodall the time and then you have
a binge and then you beatyourself up and you've got to
get off that cycle.
And strength training is superimportant, you know, not such
(32:00):
intense cardio all the time.
You've got to help your body.
It's all you know.
It's all about feeling good.
We are energetic beings, we aremade of sunlight, so it's all
about feeling good, finding themovement that feels good, the
foods that feel good, that's youknow.
I eat right because I want tofeel great, like when I eat crap
, or even now I can't drinkalcohol anymore.
I just feel horrible.
(32:21):
When I drink alcohol, I don'tsleep and it's hard because some
of my friends still do and it'slike it just doesn't do it for
me anymore.
It's so much about feeling good.
Now, if you are following aprogram and you feel good,
you're doing the right thing.
Michele Folan (32:36):
Yeah, I love that , and I've had my own epiphany
with alcohol too.
I'll still have a cocktail hereand there, but I could never.
I'm like I know now I cannothave more than one, because I
feel like hell even at thatmoment, and then the next day
it's just 10 times worse.
(32:56):
So I just choose to.
I just went to Italy with mydaughter and I proved it there.
I'm like I can't do this.
I can't keep up with the bigboys when it comes to alcohol.
Okay, I do want to talk aboutintimacy, because women are
whispering about it.
Why is midlife actually thebest time for real connection?
Dr. Ellen Albertson (33:19):
Because we know ourselves and we're done
with the BS stuff.
I mean when, before midlife,you know it's like I would put
this mask on, like I'd have tolike show up a certain way,
dress a certain way, you know,have some alcohol, do all of
these things.
And then you know I was reallyinteresting with my man Kenny,
my fiance.
We actually didn't have sex fora year and a half.
(33:39):
We met during COVID.
He wasn't quite working right,and the guys are having issues
too.
I needed a dry out period, likerebound guy.
It was just all about sex allthe time and it was like no, no,
I need to like, I need this,the person I'm becoming to be in
alignment in the bedroom.
And so you know, we worked onit.
It took time, but now it's justit's, it's playful, it's honest
(34:04):
, it's present, it's fun,there's no pressure, we're not
going anywhere.
So I don't know, I mean, Idon't know, everyone has a
different experience, but it'sjust so, it's.
It's like the icing on the cake.
It's this thing that we dotogether that really connects us
.
That is just totally a joy andfun.
And we, you know, give eachother pleasure and you can ask
(34:25):
for what you need.
You know you can try new things.
It's this piece of thatauthenticity of you know
speaking up and saying you know,I don't like this or I don't
want to do this or I'm not inthe mood today, and I think so
much.
You know, we feel like inmarriage it's like, well, if
we're not having sex and themarriage is falling apart for me
the sexual piece was often aband-aid.
It's like okay, if we're doingthis thing, then the marriage is
(34:46):
okay.
But the marriage was not okay.
Now the relationship is awesome.
We started off as like adoringeach other and best friends and
the cool thing about it too isthat the touch there's not this
like.
There's always sort of thisdifference between sex, touching
like intimacy, and how we'rerelating and out of the bedroom,
and now it's just fluid.
(35:07):
We're always touching, we'realways dancing, we're always
playful.
It all just sort of goestogether.
And I saw your reel abouthormone replacement and I want
to say, ladies, estradiol,topical estradiol is a lifesaver
.
It's not very expensive.
Your OBGYN will give you aprescription.
What it does is it, you know,gives you a JJ, as my best
(35:30):
friend says makes your vaginahappy.
So you know, it's moist, it'sthicker, you know, because if
sex is painful, you're just notgoing to want to do it, and so
I'm all about topical estradiol.
I think they just got rid ofthe black box.
They're working on it, workingon it.
So you know, I'm a breastcancer survivor and I take HRT
(35:53):
and I take estradiol and I thinkthat's a really important
conversation that we need to behaving.
A lot of that early research wasreally off.
If you read why EstrogenMatters by Blumenthal, you can
read all about how that happened.
Where it was.
All of a sudden, hrt kills,right, and everybody stopped
doing it.
I mean, again, my mom's gotosteoporosis and that's the only
way I'm going to prevent it.
(36:14):
I mean, I can keep track of thebreast cancer piece and I don't
have estrogen progesterone.
You have to have a conversationwith your doctor and see what
your risks are.
But it's also there's so manyreasons in terms of feeling good
and aging well.
I think it's a piece of,instead of like, trying to look
younger, let's talk about agingwell.
Let's talk about that.
You know, doing what we need todo now, so your future self
(36:35):
will thank you.
Michele Folan (36:36):
Yeah, you know, kind of back to the intimacy
piece too.
Intimacy can look different fordifferent couples and I've had
plenty of conversations withfriends, clients, who their
relationship has kind oftransformed a bit and they've
made some decisions togetherthat that's not, that kind of
(36:59):
intimacy isn't super important.
But what may still be importantis cuddling or finding
different ways to pleasure eachother.
Maybe it's not intercourseanymore, maybe we're sleeping in
separate bedrooms now becauseone partner snores or whatever,
but it's still making that timefor each other where you focus
(37:23):
on that piece, the intimacypiece.
But again, for a lot of couplesthat doesn't mean intercourse
right, and intimacy starts atbreakfast right like yes hi
honey, you know you're looking,you know you look beautiful
today.
Dr. Ellen Albertson (37:38):
Tell your partner what you need.
Um, you know, maybe working onthe food piece, again, there is
this piece of if your body ishealthy, you're going to, you're
, you know it's going to makethe intimacy work better.
Again, that penis, canary andcoal, mine.
Same thing, you know, for women.
There's certain the whole foodplant-based diet really does
help.
But I love that because we're,you know, we and we we don't
(38:00):
have a roadmap, and I thinkthat's what's so exciting, but
also what's difficult.
We each need to figure out andI think that's what we both want
to work with our clients, right, like, who do you want to be?
Coaching is all about, okay,you're here, let's create a
vision of who you want to be andlet's get you there as fast as
possible and have some fun alongthe way instead of, like, just
floundering and feeling stuck.
And I think one thing we didn'ttalk about, michelle, is the
(38:23):
fear factor.
That is such a big thingbecause it comes down to neuro.
I'm a neuroscience geek andit's like your brain isn't
interested in you beingfulfilled, happy, actualized,
passionate.
It wants to keep you safe andall of the things that you want
to do, your brain's like don'tdo that, you could fail.
You know something terriblecould happen.
(38:44):
So that's where sort of theanxiety comes up.
If you want to transform atmidlife, whether you want to
transform your intimacy, youwant to transform your body, you
want to do something careerwise, you want to even you know,
even volunteering or taking aclass.
There's a fear there.
Right, it's all world likeyou're meeting new people,
you're in a new environment, andso you have to work
productively with your anxiety.
(39:04):
And I have a whole freedom fromanxiety kit I've created where
I, you know, help people withthis kind of the semantics of it
the body, mind piece.
Because what happens is youhave an anxious, you want to do
something and all of a suddenyou're excited about it, but
then you're anxious and so thebody starts picking up the
anxiety and the brain is like oh, the body's anxious, and it
goes back and forth.
So you've got to calm the bodydown.
Things like breath work aregreat or yoga, any kind of
(39:26):
dancing movement.
Before I was feeling a littleanxious this morning, I got on
my rebounder, I put my rock androll on, I jumped up and down
for 10 minutes.
But we have to work with thatanxiety piece because all of
these changes that we're talkingabout, if you're feeling
anxious, you're moving in theright direction, but you have to
learn how to work with youranxiety productively.
And one of my favorite tools isturning that anxiety into
(39:46):
excitement, because excitementand anxiety are very similar
physiologically.
Right, where you know we sweat,our heart rate goes up, our
eyes may dilate and it's like,you know, when you get on a
rollercoaster, if you like them,you're like this is exciting
instead of like, oh my God, thisis terrifying.
Right, and we go see, we seescary movies because we like
(40:08):
that excitement.
But we want to feel that we'resafe.
Remind your body, you're safe,which is a big piece of
self-compassion.
Even in this moment, feelinganxious, I'm safe.
Okay, I'm doing this thing, butI'm not going to be eaten by a
saber tooth tiger.
I am totally, totally safe.
So we have to work with thatfear, with that anxiety, and I
am just here to say if you'regoing to rock your midlife,
you're going to feel anxious.
And a lot of you know whenclients come to me, they feel
(40:29):
uncomfortably comfortablebecause they're so stuck in this
doing the same things.
Like Einstein says, insanity isdoing the same things over and
over again and expectingdifferent results.
If you want different results,you've got to do some work.
I'll tell my clients right offthe bat I'm only going to take
you on as a client if you'regoing to do the work.
I don't want clients, I don'twant you to invest in coaching
(40:52):
with me if you're not going todo the things.
It may take some time.
We may have to work on someanxiety.
We may have to really take alook at why you're not reaching
your goals, get curious about itand see.
But you've got to do the workand you've got to go places that
are going to be a littleuncomfortable.
Michele Folan (41:08):
You know, it's that fear of failure piece that
you know we're trying somethingnew.
But you know, I will say now,at 61, I worry less about the
failure piece because I havethat a little more confidence
than I had.
Because I have that a littlemore confidence than I had even
(41:28):
10 years ago and it's like, well, I'll try it, why not?
You know, it's very empowering,I think, being in my sixties
where I don't care as much whatother people think.
I mean, obviously I don't carewhat people think, because I
post stuff on Instagram and Italk about my personal life a
little, probably too much, butyou know what?
I don't care.
Dr. Ellen Albertson (41:50):
Really Do you?
No, because and I posted athing, you know, when I was in
my forties, fifties, when I wasa personal trainer, I felt I
would have this dialogue of Ifeel so fat.
It was weird because, you know,I think that's a piece of that
whole weight loss, piece of thatwhen things are going difficult
in our lives, we're just likeI'm going to go on another diet,
I'll change my body and thenit'll be better.
But I posted about that likethe sense of like I was in like
(42:12):
this puffy coat and I was havinga hot flash and I was sweating
and layers and I was like theonly thing going through my head
was I feel so fat.
So I do post about, you know,personal things.
I think it's important thatwomen see that it's not all.
You know rainbows and unicorns.
It's a lot of rainbows andunicorns, but it's also, you
know, difficult things likedealing with adult children,
(42:33):
aging parents.
You know I'm dealing with someback issues right now.
I had my mammogram the other day.
It was negative, super happy,but I was like congratulations.
I was like if you, you, I thinkit's difficult for all of us
but to be, you know, to go walkin there and I always feel like
it's like slow motion, like I'mwalking into the mat you know
the mammogram place clinic andI'm like, oh my god, I can't
(42:56):
believe I have to do this.
Or even I had, you know,cataracts done um a couple
months ago and I've had thatretinal detachment and my
retinal detachment the firsttime came after I had had
cataract surgery and this fearthing.
But to say that this is normalI think we're normalizing that.
You know, I'll say for myselfI'm a bit of a hot mess.
I make mistakes all the timeand I own them and post about
(43:18):
them.
Michele Folan (43:18):
No, you make mistakes A lot.
I overwork myself.
Oh, me too.
Dr. Ellen Albertson (43:28):
But the thing about the self-compassion
piece is, when you have thatself-compassion, you, instead of
beating yourself up, you'relike, okay, made a mistake,
forgive myself.
What did I learn?
How do I not do it again?
Because if you figure out hownot to do it again, you've
learned.
You grow, and that's anotherpiece we haven't talked too much
.
There's this growth thathappens in midlife because you
know, like, like I talked, youknow being a perennial and
you're giving yourself the rightsoils, you've got the right
(43:50):
environment.
You're watering yourself.
You know self compassion isemotional regulatory technique.
You're learning how to own allyour emotions I don't say good,
bad emotions, there's positiveones and there's difficult ones.
And then you're you know thesunlight, like you're doing what
brings you joy.
You're you're connecting withpeople that you love.
You're cutting those people offand those things off that you
(44:12):
know that aren't doing anythingfor you.
You stop saying yes toeverything and stop people
pleasing, stop criticizingyourself and just be like, okay,
this is who I am.
And you grow because everythingthat's happening to you is all
there, because it's all there tohelp you with your becoming, to
becoming that woman that youare destined to be.
I love it.
Michele Folan (44:33):
I love this stage of life and I think you just
encapsulated it so well there.
And I would love to know, Ellen, what's one daily
non-negotiable that keeps yougrounded.
Dr. Ellen Albertson (44:46):
I have so many.
Michele Folan (44:48):
I know, don't we.
Dr. Ellen Albertson (44:49):
I don't do what I do in the morning for my
self-care routine.
It's crazy, but it's abouthabits.
So I mean, I think sleep is areal non-negotiable for me.
If I don't sleep well, I feelterrible.
I just do so.
I'm really in bed 10, 10, 30,sleeping to 6, 6, 30.
So that's kind of anon-negotiable.
Certainly I'm eating a healthydiet.
(45:10):
Last couple of days we've beenentertaining, so my body's kind
of like I feel it right when Ieat.
We eat a lot of plants.
It's a green smoothie forbreakfast, it's salads, stir
fries, all of those things.
For lunch it's mostlyplant-based, although I do eat a
little bit of animal protein.
When I don't eat right,everything starts to hurt.
I feel inflamed.
So diet's super important.
(45:30):
Yeah, I guess those are the twobiggies sleep, diet and also
just having fun and joy and nottaking myself too seriously.
Movement I move every single day.
I probably move two to threehours a day, but I love it.
That's a healthy lifestyle andit's so cool where I live both
places I live so many healthy.
I guess we're not quite seniorsyet, but it's like everybody is
(45:51):
.
So in Tysia in Costa Rica,everybody's walking every
morning, everybody's playingpickle ball, everybody's
swimming, and the same thinghere in North Hero people are
biking and we're dancing andwe're feeling so good.
We're doing yoga.
So that movement piece I wouldsay the diet, the sleep and the
movement are all non-negotiablesfor me.
Michele Folan (46:10):
Amen, I love it Very good.
What is one thing you wishevery midlife woman knew about
herself?
Dr. Ellen Albertson (46:17):
You're amazing Just thinking about it
when I just stand back and justthink about you know, your mom
and your dad had sex and youpopped out and here you are.
So you're amazing and that youhave agency.
We need to move, and this iswhat I'm doing a whole new kind
(46:38):
of methodology that I'm workingon, called dragon flying, and
dragon flying is all about.
We talk about the butterfly asthe metamorphosis, and the
butterfly is just, it's icky,right that you make a shroud,
you digest yourself, youstruggle to get out, you do all
the things like a bird eats you,right, dragonfly.
On the other hand, thedragonfly spends two years as a
nymph in the water and it's afierce predator.
(47:00):
And then one night I like tosay the stroke of midnight it
climbs up the stalk of grass.
And then one night I like tosay the stroke of midnight it
climbs up the stalk of grass andit morphs, it molts and it's
the dragonfly.
And so it can happen reallyfast.
If you're listening to this, youknow, get a coach, talk to me,
talk to Michele.
There are great coaches outthere who want to help you
transform.
So you are amazing.
You're here for a reason theworld needs your light and love.
(47:22):
As the Dalai Lama says, theWestern woman is going to save
the world.
I mean, the world is changing.
We need to be here for our kids, our grandkids or whatever that
thing is that you're called to.
Whatever that passion is foryou, you're here for a reason.
So love yourself, take care ofyourself, and I can go through
my seven steps, which are beyourself, love yourself,
(47:43):
energize yourself, take care ofyour body, reprogram your brain,
empower yourself.
Once you do those first four,jump out of that plane.
You got to do that thing andyou know.
Face your fears, rehab thoserelationships.
So work on those relationships.
Then enlighten yourself,understand that you aren't just
a human with a soul, your soulthat's having a human experience
(48:04):
and I think that changeseverything.
But just see what a miraclelife is.
Get out in nature.
I get out in nature and I'mjust like wow, I'm like part of
all.
That is Like look at thisincredible natural world that I
get to be alive.
And the only regret I haveabout being so joyful, happy and
high vibe is that life goes byso fast.
When I was miserable, you know,when I was in my 40s and 50s
(48:25):
and both menopause and not in agreat marriage with you know
teens and all of the things Iwas like life just was like a
snail's pace.
I was like I can't wait to thisto be over, to get to this next
place.
But do you find that like thebetter life gets, the quicker it
goes?
Michele Folan (48:40):
Yeah, I thought it was just because I'm over 60.
Yeah, I thought it was justbecause I'm over 60.
But yeah, it does.
Things are going at a muchquicker pace, but I'm enjoying
life more now than I ever have.
So I'd rather have that than goback to where I was in my 40s
(49:04):
and even my 50s, ellen.
Where can listeners go to divedeeper into your Rock, your
Midlife framework andself-compassion superpower?
Dr. Ellen Albertson (49:15):
So the easiest place to find me is just
themidlifewhisperercom.
That's themidlifewhisperercom.
I'm the only midlife whispereron the planet.
I'm on Instagram, I'm onFacebook or Dr Ellen Albertson.
If you Google me or go onFacebook, they're easiest places
to just go to my website andyou'll see the new photo shoot,
which was super fun to do, and Iencourage women just to get
(49:38):
that makeover.
Feel good about yourself,Because I think when we feel
good, everything else falls inplace.
It's really all about beingthat light, being that love,
feeling good.
But yeah, check me out MidlifeWhisper.
I also have a book called Rockyour Midlife, which is on Amazon
.
Michele Folan (49:53):
Fantastic, Dr Ellen Albertson.
Thank you so much for being onAsking for a Friend.
Thank you, Michele.
Thank you for listening.
Please rate and review thepodcast where you listen and, if
you'd like to join the Askingfor a Friend community, click on
the link in the show notes tosign up for my weekly newsletter
, where I share midlife wellnessand fitness tips, insights, my
(50:15):
favorite finds and recipes.
Popular Podcasts
New Heights with Jason & Travis Kelce
Football’s funniest family duo — Jason Kelce of the Philadelphia Eagles and Travis Kelce of the Kansas City Chiefs — team up to provide next-level access to life in the league as it unfolds. The two brothers and Super Bowl champions drop weekly insights about the weekly slate of games and share their INSIDE perspectives on trending NFL news and sports headlines. They also endlessly rag on each other as brothers do, chat the latest in pop culture and welcome some very popular and well-known friends to chat with them. Check out new episodes every Wednesday. Follow New Heights on the Wondery App, YouTube or wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen to new episodes early and ad-free, and get exclusive content on Wondery+. Join Wondery+ in the Wondery App, Apple Podcasts or Spotify. And join our new membership for a unique fan experience by going to the New Heights YouTube channel now!
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!