September 16, 2025 • 52 mins
Steffani LeFevour shares that manifestation isn’t magic—it’s mindset. Learn how to create life on your terms.
Why do some prayers go unanswered while others manifest with ease? The difference may surprise you. Manifestation mentor and happiness coach Steffani LeFevour joins me on Asking for a Friend to share how women in midlife can stop asking and start becoming—rewriting their stories to create the life they truly desire.
Steffani’s journey is both raw and inspiring. After losing her sister at 11 and growing up with an alcoholic father, she spiraled into self-sabotage before discovering the spiritual tools that helped her climb what she calls “the mountain” toward happiness. Her story reminds us that reinvention isn’t a crisis—it’s an opportunity.
In this episode, you’ll discover:
✅ The five power tools—thoughts, words, feelings, beliefs, and stories—that shape your reality
✅ Steffani’s four-step manifestation framework for lasting transformation
✅ The “New Reality Formula” that aligns your energy, beliefs, and actions
✅ Practical routines and self-care practices to shift out of negativity and into possibility
Whether you’re facing a career change, relationship challenges, or simply craving more joy in daily life, Steffani’s perspective will challenge you to take back your power. As she says, “All the peace is available. All the joy is available—if you choose it.”
👉 If you’re a woman in your 40s, 50s, or beyond, this is a must-listen conversation on midlife reinvention, manifestation, and creating life on your terms.
You can find Steffani LeFevour at https://www.instagram.com/coachwithsteff/
Her book You Are a Badass Mom is available on Amazon
_________________________________________
💌 Have questions about 1:1 health and nutrition coaching or Faster Way? Reach me anytime at mfolanfasterway@gmail.com
✨ For more tips, science-backed strategies, and midlife health inspiration, sign up for my weekly newsletter:
👉 https://michelefolanfasterway.myflodesk.com/i6i44jw4fq
🎤 In addition to coaching, I speak to women’s groups, moderate health panel discussions, and bring experts together for real, evidence-based conversations about midlife health. If you’d like me at your next event, let’s connect!
OsteoCollective osteoporosis resources and community link: https://app.osteocollective.com/invitation?code=BE98G9
Transcripts are created with AI and may not be perfectly accurate.
Disclaimer: This podcast is for general informational purposes only and does not constitute the practice of medicine, nursing, or other professional healthcare services. It is not a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your qualified healthcare provider with any questions regarding a medical condition.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Michele Folan (00:00):
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Health, wellness, fitness andeverything in between.
We're removing the taboo fromwhat really matters in midlife.
I'm your host, Michele Folan,and this is Asking for a Friend.
What's the difference betweenpraying for something and
(01:08):
actually manifesting it?
Prayer is about asking.
Manifestation is about becoming.
In midlife, when so many of usare ready for reinvention, that
distinction really matters.
Today's guest, SteffaniLeFevour, also known as Coach
Steff, is a manifestation mentor, happiness coach and author who
(01:29):
helps women turn desires intoreality by aligning beliefs,
mindset and action.
If you've ever wondered whetheryour dreams are possible, this
episode will make you thinkdifferently.
Steffani LeFevour, welcome toAsking for a Friend.
Steffani LeFevour (01:44):
Thank you for having me.
Love that intro.
I'm intrigued, I want to talkabout it.
Michele Folan (01:48):
I want to hear more.
Well, I think this audience isgoing to be very intrigued about
what you have to say.
I want to start first with yourjourney and your story.
Tell us a little bit about howyou first realized that you had
a bit of a gift to helpingothers, and really about
(02:11):
creating your own happiness.
Steffani LeFevour (02:13):
Wow, great question.
I think when I was young, I hadkind of a rocky, tumultuous
childhood.
But I didn't know that, becausewhen you're in it it's just
normal to you.
You know, I thought everyonehad a childhood like this.
I had an alcoholic father whowas pretty violent.
We never talked about it, wenever processed it.
My sister died when I was 11.
(02:34):
She was 18 in a car accident,oh gosh.
And we didn't have, you know,grief, therapy or counseling or
anything.
Maybe it was available backthen, in 1981, but we didn't
have access to it and really myfamily just froze.
We did the best that we knew todo at the time with what we
were given and it was just a lotof grief.
(02:56):
I feel like now I look back andwe were all on our own grief
islands, just trying to survive,you know, and to support each
other as best we could from ourown island yeah, because we
didn't know, you know, and tosupport each other as best we
could from our own island yeah,because we didn't know, you know
.
Did it?
Did it build our family up?
Yes, did we get closer?
Yes, but we all shut down fordecades, not knowing how to
grieve and how to support eachother.
(03:18):
So I just had a plan to throw mylife away.
That's all I really knew.
I saw my dad do it.
I saw it happen to my sister.
I thought when you get close topeople, they leave, you lose
them.
I can reflect now.
Hindsight is so huge.
When you reflect back on yourchildhood you can see it all
with a different lens.
But at the time it was justreally heartbreaking.
(03:41):
I felt very broken and veryunlovable.
I felt like I was broken andunworthy of a happy, healthy
life.
So when you have that andyou're 11, 12, you're a teenager
, you're in your twenties.
What I did was just sort ofsabotage my life and spiral out
of control.
I drank a lot and I partied andI failed a lot of classes and I
(04:02):
got fired from a lot of jobsand you know it was all I knew
to like reach for the, thebetter feeling of like partying
and you know being in the momentbecause my feelings and my, my
history was like too much for meto deal with.
So we're going real deep rightaway.
But I'm sharing all this becauseI think I knew when I was young
(04:25):
that these experiences happenedfor me so that I would best
learn about loss and aboutspirituality and about life and
about happiness and about innerstrength and inner peace,
because without all that I don'tthink I would have found my way
to it.
Yeah, so I think I pushed thataway for a long time, but I
(04:46):
always had a calling and I cansee, you know, when I was 20 and
I was writing my brother abirthday card when he turned 18
and I was only 20 and I was inthe midst of my sabotaging, you
know self-destructive behaviorand I was saying to him in this
card life is so precious, likestay in the moment, like be all
(05:09):
that you can be, because you areso special and you're so gifted
and you can be and do and haveanything you want in this life.
You are meant for greatness.
And so he gave me this cardthat I gave him and I was
shocked.
He gave it to me.
When you know that I gave himand I was shocked.
He gave it to me.
When you know, in the lastdecade, I was shocked to see
that that many years ago I waspreaching the same thing I'm
(05:32):
preaching now, that I had thatinside of me and I was sharing
that with him.
So it was always there.
I really denied it for a longtime.
I tried to sabotage it for along time, but it was always
there.
And I think in college I thinkI hit many sort of milestones or
dark nights of the soul thatbuilt into the becoming of who I
(05:57):
am now.
One time in college I kind ofrealized I have two roads here.
I can keep sabotaging my lifeor I can start climbing my way
up to happiness.
I'm going to have to do a lotof work to get there.
I read the book by MarianneWilliamson, A Return to Love,
and it taught me aboutforgiveness and I was like this
(06:19):
is a concept that has never beenintroduced to me and I was
probably 19 or 20 at the timeand I was going what Forgiveness
?
Not to mention like forgivingthe girl who was driving the car
when my sister died, butforgiving my sister for leaving,
forgiving my dad for leaving,forgiving my dad for his
addiction, forgiving myself forthe self-destructive behavior
(06:42):
that had been going on for thelast 10 years.
Like so many beautiful concepts, it was like I was left at this
, you know, fork in the road.
Do I ignore these concepts?
And this, you know, inner work,and I was, you know, the
watching Oprah and she wasturning me on to new authors and
I'm here reading MarianneWilliamson and then Wayne Dyer,
(07:04):
and then Deepak Chopra and PemaChodron and all of these magical
, really insightful tools.
Do I ignore them and just goback to the self-destructive
behavior or do I make a choice?
So I made a conscious choice andI had this rock that I had
found in the woods at a like kegparty that I had put in my
(07:25):
pocket.
I took the rock and a book ofMaya Angelou poems and I went
down to a river nearby atEastern Illinois where I went to
school, and I put all of mysadness and all of my fears and
all of my unforgiveness intothis rock and I read a Maya
Angelou poem and I threw therock in the river.
(07:46):
Like where did I have this?
Like ceremony and ritual, Idon't know, but like I needed it
because the self-destructivebehavior was so strong, the past
trauma and childhood woundswere so strong and there was
something pulling me in theother direction.
And so I did that and I hadthis like energetic shift and I
(08:12):
wouldn't say everything was likerainbows and butterflies.
After that it wasn't like, oh,and now I?
You know I didn't like getsober, I didn't like get healthy
and happy, but it was like anudge in the right direction.
It was like I agreed to makethe climb up the mountain toward
figuring out my own happinessand finding my own you know
soul's journey, um.
So I made a choice and I I'mreally grateful that I did, and
(08:35):
I became kind of a personalgrowth junkie after that, you
know, soaking it all up anddoing everything that I could
get my hands and my heart on.
Michele Folan (08:43):
Well, there were two paths you could have taken.
Right, you could have continueddown your path, which a lot of
people do, and you can't blamethem.
Sometimes, with everything thatthey've been through in life,
it's hard to get yourself out ofthat, to pull yourself up out
(09:06):
of that, to pull yourself up.
But there you know it's.
I know it's hard for you todefine what this wake-up call
was, but something pulled you inanother direction and it's just
fascinating how we make theselife choices that you know are
so profound.
And you know.
Look where you are now.
Steffani LeFevour (09:23):
Yeah, a lot of the life choices.
Some things happen that aren'tas conscious.
Sometimes you get fired from ajob or, for me, my boyfriend
checks into rehab, things likethat that you're not consciously
making a choice.
It's like God or the universeis making it for you.
It's slamming a door closed,it's opening another one.
So that was a conscious choiceback in college.
(09:45):
That made a big internal shiftthat I still reflect back on to
this day.
Michele Folan (09:49):
Many of my listeners are women in midlife I
would say mostly maybe 55 plus,somewhere around there.
They're going through thoselife transitions.
They're maybe career and emptynesting relationships.
Sometimes this is where theyhave the epiphany that maybe
(10:11):
they're not happy in theirmarriage.
They're taking care of theirill parents.
How do you feel like your ownlife transition?
All of them so you've beenmarried, you have kids have
shaped the work that you dotoday.
Steffani LeFevour (10:26):
Yeah, it continues to get shaped right.
I just turned 55 a week ago and, gosh, it changes so much.
I've been with my husband for29 years.
We've been married for 19 yearsand together for 29 years and
it's like when back in college Idecided to start climbing that
mountain, I thought that was themountain.
(10:48):
But then you get a new careerand it's a new mountain.
Then you decide to get marriedand it's a totally new mountain.
Then you have a preemie babyand it's a brand new mountain.
Then you have a second kid andit's a new mountain.
Then you go through decadeswith a person and it's a new
mountain, new mountain, newmountain.
Then you start a new business.
(11:09):
So there's so much reinventing.
I think we are undervaluing allof the reinvention that we've
done through every decade of ourlife and putting almost a
little too much weight on themidlife reinvention, because we
are forever changing and growingand becoming, and we have done
(11:31):
it up until now and we can makea decision to do it out of fear
or out of faith, right Out ofbeing reactive or proactive,
like I proactively decide andchoose to reinvent myself all
the time.
You know, I tell my kids and Itell any of my clients, all the
time that you get to decide howyou want your life to be and
(11:54):
then you get to make it that way, period.
So if we are always living withthat, forward, with that lens,
I get to decide how I want mylife to be and then I get to
make it that way with my career,with my kids leaving the house,
with my husband and myrelationship, even though it's
two, takes two people.
I get to decide how I want itto be and I get to make it that
(12:17):
way.
That's really what manifestingis all about and we have the
power to do that about and wehave the power to do that.
If we have that, we wear thatlens first of all because within
that lens is a story and wecreate from our five power tools
.
We create from our thoughts,our words, our feelings, our
beliefs and our stories.
(12:37):
And our stories contain a lotof those things a lot of
feelings, a lot of thoughts, alot of history.
So if we have a story that isoh, when my kids move out, when
I'm an empty nester, oh, I'mjust going to fall apart and our
relationship is teetering onthe edge and it's getting worse
by the year and I gain fivepounds every year because it's
(12:59):
menopause.
And all of these are stories.
We don't have to believe them.
I'm in the best shape of my life, at 55, the best shape of my
life.
I've never felt better, I'venever looked better, I've never
felt sexier, healthier, happier.
(13:19):
My relationship is in the bestplace.
It's like incredibly fulfillingand connected and fun and
loving, and just like passionate.
It's awesome.
I love being a parent ofteenagers.
I feel like I was born to be aparent of teenagers.
I love it so much, and I knowthat's not normal.
I know it's not a normal thing.
God bless you, stephanie.
Yes, but it's the story thatI've chosen, and so it is my
(13:43):
reality.
Our stories shape our reality,so it's my reality and I gift
that story to anyone else whowants it.
You can jump on with any one ofthese stories and take it on as
your own, because you get todecide how you want your life to
be and then you get to make itthat way, and so we get to
choose our stories and look atthe ones that don't work for us
(14:05):
and rewrite them.
Michele Folan (14:06):
Yeah, oh, okay.
I've got so many questions foryou.
We are going to take a quickbreak and we'll get back.
I want to talk about thedifference between manifestation
and prayer.
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All right, we are back.
I know you have talked quite abit about the difference between
prayer and manifestation and Ithink this is a really good
(15:13):
place to start.
Can you break that down for ourlisteners?
Steffani LeFevour (15:17):
I mean, it all depends on how you define
prayer and what you're doing.
I think it's really importantto understand that prayer is a
way to you look at prayer as Alot of people define prayer as
praying to God when you're in aplace of need and desire.
Please, god, I pray for my sonto make the hockey team.
Please let him make the hockeyteam.
(15:38):
That is usually what I wouldsay 98% of people think of as
prayer laying down at night andsaying thank you for all these
things and please also give methat promotion.
I'd really like that promotion,but I and then we think of
manifestation as all these otherthings.
When we do vision boards and wedo meditation and we're like
(15:58):
athletes have been visualizingsince the dawn of time.
They've been meditating andvisualizing on these certain
things.
Well, what is the difference?
I don't know that there's thatbig of a difference we create
from those power tools.
So if in prayer you arethinking and feeling and
(16:18):
believing in something, you'remanifesting it.
If you are sitting in prayerand saying, please, let my son
make the hockey team, but thenall day long you're complaining,
you're upset, you're in anegative energy, you're yelling
at him because he'sirresponsible and he's not
committed enough.
All of that is also a prayer.
(16:39):
Everything that we think goesout there, everything we feel is
reflected and magnetized backto us.
Everything we believe ismanifested.
Every story we tell, every wordhas wings, and so it's all a
manifestation.
And you might look at that asit's all prayer.
(17:02):
That's okay.
If that word works for you tosay oh, that for me is praying,
then great.
I use the word universe andsource and people say are you
talking about God?
I'm like sure I can use thatword too.
So I hope that doesn't leavemore of a question, because
(17:23):
there is not really a difference.
It's in the decision.
So I create more of anythingthat I give my energy, attention
and focus on.
So I will create more of what Ipray for.
But also, what am I doing themajority of the day?
We create from our dominantthought.
We create from our dominantfeeling.
We create from our dominantstory.
(17:43):
So if one time in the day I waslike frustrated and I was just
like, oh my gosh, that was sofrustrating, but the rest of the
day I was joyful and hopefuland happy, then I'm creating
from that place, if the majorityof the day we're frustrated,
and one moment in prayer.
We're begging and we'repleading and we're hopeful.
We're creating frustration.
(18:04):
We create from our dominantfeeling, our dominant energy
right.
And so it always comes down towhat have I been thinking,
feeling, saying, who have I beenbeing?
Because that is all going to bereflected back to me.
You don't get more of what youwant.
You don't get more of what youneed.
You don't get more of what youpray for.
You get more of who you are,what you have been embodying.
(18:27):
That's the good news and thebad news.
Michele Folan (18:31):
Yeah, it's like ooh, I better watch my thoughts,
Because you can say one thingbut you can almost self-sabotage
with your thoughts.
Steffani LeFevour (18:43):
Yeah, we have these dominant stories that are
always running and I can tellyou a lot of self-sabotaging
dominant stories that I hadrunning.
I had running a bad story thatI was a terrible mom, that my
kids were so misbehaved and itwas because I was such a bad mom
.
Until I woke up to that story,I could never change it and I
had this frustrating bedtimebattles and they were always
(19:06):
getting trouble at school.
And it had this frustratingbedtime battles and you know,
they were always getting troubleat school and it was like this,
like terrible friction.
And here I am I've been doingthis work for 30 years and I run
into that because it was thissneaky story of you didn't know
if you wanted to have kidsbecause you were afraid you'd be
a bad mom.
So now it's a self fulfillingprophecy and you're a terrible
mom.
Oh, I have that story running.
(19:28):
No wonder I see everything theydo as misbehaving and bad,
because it's the universe tryingto show me that story.
Yeah, right, it's like when wehave these underlying stories,
we're announcing to the universeplease only show me my kids
when they're horrible and badand misbehaving and show me what
a bad mom I am, thank you.
(19:48):
And then the universe is likeokay, only let things happen
that show her what a bad mom sheis.
Don't let her see the goodstuff, don't let her see the
kindness, don't let her see whenher kids are really sweet and
amazing.
Only show her the bad.
You know it is.
It's reflecting back to meanything that I asked for.
(20:10):
So when I had this mommy monstermoment and I was on a life
class with Oprah and Dr Shefali,I had a mom intervention.
I woke up to that on my own.
I went, oh wow.
I was always afraid I was goingto be a bad mom and it's a
self-fulfilling prophecy.
I have to do the work on thatstory and I have to turn it
(20:35):
around.
I am a good mom.
I'm a really good mom.
I am the mom that my kids needme to be.
I might not be a perfect mom,but I am the mom that they need
and I am doing the best with allthat I've got in this moment.
Look at the difference betweenthose two stories.
They're night and day.
Yeah Right, when I had thatwake up another one of my
(20:59):
awakenings I started operatingdifferently as a mom.
I fully embraced being a mom ofmy kids.
They were at that time likefour and seven and I started
loving it and I started seeingall of their light.
And I started seeing all of mylight and I started telling them
every night that they're thelight and that they're meant for
greatness and I started justlike really opening up to this
(21:22):
stuff instead of stomping aroundlike this mom that was always
trying to control them.
And so terrible.
And the same thing in myrelationship when I started.
After many, many years togetherwith this guy, we have this epic
love story.
We met when we were so youngand I know we have a sole
assignment to be together.
But after years you can kind offorget that right.
It can kind of start driftingaway from you.
(21:45):
And I started having a dominantthought of gosh.
He's so negative.
Oh my God, we communicate sopoorly.
We couldn't be on oppositepages.
Oh, he drives me crazy.
He's a workaholic, he's neveravailable.
And guess what?
The universe responds and goes.
(22:05):
Make sure he's never available.
Make sure they communicatepoorly.
You know, even though he's like, charming and sweet and kind,
make sure she only sees hisnegativity and his grumpiness.
I'm creating it myself.
John is like a player in myworld, but I can change it by
changing my story.
So when I recognized andrealized that story oh, I can
(22:30):
change this story too I changedit to like we're so connected.
We have this epic love story.
We have a soul assignment and Idon't know if I softened or he
softened, but we show up foreach other always and we laugh a
lot and we have a good timetogether and it's been a long
(22:50):
time and it is better than ever.
That's the story that Iexperienced.
Michele Folan (22:54):
I was giggling only because I'm like, yeah, I
probably do that.
I mean, I know I do that.
Right, you put something outthere the other day because I
told Steph, I follow you onInstagram and I find it's so
motivating for me.
But it's not just about theself-talk but really saying
(23:18):
something great's going tohappen to me today.
Good things are coming my way,coming my way, and that, to me,
is such a remarkable way tostart any day is to let yourself
(23:38):
know that good things arecoming.
You're going to have a greatday and it seems so simple, but
it really does change thetrajectory of your mood for the
day.
Steffani LeFevour (23:49):
It does.
Well, it's the reticularactivating system in our brain.
When we decide that we're goingto see good things just like I
said with my bad parentinglimiting belief and my bad
relationship limiting beliefwhen we decide that that's all
that our brain starts to lookfor and that's all that we see.
So when we say something greatis going to happen today, I used
(24:10):
to say to my kids when theywere little and they would join
me on these mantras, which theydon't anymore, they're teenagers
, that's fine I used to saytoday is going to be a, and they
would say great day.
I'd say I'm open and receptive,and they'd say to all that is
good.
And I'd say miracles.
(24:30):
And they'd say find me now, youknow.
And that primes us for all ofthose things A great day, being
open and receptive and seeingmiracles.
When we decide today is going tobe a great day, we are looking
all day long for how it's agreat day when we go big.
Every morning we begin ingratitude.
We're looking all day for thethings that we're going to be
grateful for the next morning.
You know, with my clients in myinner circle we do at the end
(24:53):
of every night, we do this soulhappy moments.
What are the soul happy moments, those moments that made me
happy to my core?
That happened today.
So it's a shift, because we'reusually preparing for the worst
and focused on what went wrong.
It's just the nature of howwe're wired.
It's unfortunate, but we'rewired for that.
(25:14):
We're wired for negativity.
We're wired for unhappiness.
We're wired to protectourselves.
I hated hearing that.
I've read all the books aboutit, but we can hardwire ourself
for happiness and it takesthings like you just mentioned,
like today is going to be agreat day.
I am open and ready for a greatand amazing day and to witness
(25:34):
all of the miracles that arecoming my way.
That sets you up for success.
It's really, it's science.
It's not just woo-woo, it'sscience.
It's the bridge of woo-woo andscience.
Michele Folan (25:47):
My daughters and I went to a psychic on my
birthday.
We've done this now two yearsin a row and I was talking to
the psychic about my businessand that sort of thing and he's
got a religious focus.
But I didn't realize at thetime what he was asking me to do
(26:13):
was manifest.
And he kept saying you need toask for what you want.
And he said and be very, veryspecific about what it is you
want.
And he talks a lot about spiritand angels and that sort of
thing.
So that can be really anyentity you wish it to be.
(26:34):
But I was wondering are thereother best practices that you
suggest for manifesting?
Steffani LeFevour (26:44):
Oh yeah, I mean yes, we have to ask for
what we want.
What and why is up to us, howand when is up to the universe.
So you have to focus on whatyou want.
What I teach as far asmanifesting are these four steps
to advance manifesting.
You know, regular manifestingis ask, believe, receive.
That's been around forcenturies.
(27:05):
Abraham Hicks shares that.
And that ask, believe, receive.
It's like we know that askingis asking for what you want.
Believe how do I do that?
What even is that?
And receive that's even moreelusive.
So what I teach are these foursteps to manifesting.
The first one is ask for thegeneral end result of what you
(27:28):
want.
I call it a header highlydesired end result, h-d-e-r.
The highly desired end resultis how you want to feel.
So for my business, I want tohelp more women find more daily
happiness, like that's alwaysbeen the highly desired end
result result for decades.
So if that unfolds in a book orfollowers or a website or
(27:53):
courses, who knows?
But the highly desired endresult is that I want to feel
fulfilled by helping women findmore daily happiness and
understanding their soulassignment, having a better soul
experience, that is I am all in.
I want to feel that.
So focus on the header.
Step two for me is the ask.
So I teach manifesting verydifferently than most.
(28:16):
Step two is ask for how, likeask to be shown the way to that.
So it's a very different ask.
Not I want the thing, thecareer, the six figures, I want
the guidance to be shown.
What is the most efficient andeffective way to get that
feeling, because the universeprovides the how.
(28:38):
So there's a million differentways.
It might not be that thislaunch happens, but it might be
that you get that book contract.
It might not be the bookcontract, but it might be the
speaking gigs.
So show me the way to thatfeeling, give me all the
guidance and make it very clear.
Step three is take inspiredaction when you get that
(29:02):
guidance.
I just had an idea the otherday to send an email to a book
agent.
Now I already have twocontracts for my book, two
offers of contracts for my nextbook, soul Assignments.
But I got this idea.
Someone told me about thisagent.
I looked her up.
(29:22):
I was really impressed.
I got the idea when I was onthe treadmill and I sent the
email.
That's taking inspired actionon the guidance that comes If
the universe is showing me howmy book, how my message can
reach millions, how my book canget out there and change the
most people's lives, I need totake that inspired action.
And step four is something a lotof people don't teach and don't
(29:44):
talk about.
It's how you receive, it'sbeing okay, no matter what,
being happy in the now.
I can't sit here like in lackand grumpy and complaining and
expect that I'm going to get abook contract and everything's
going to work out and myrelationship's going to be great
(30:04):
and I'm going to.
No, I need to be so happy inthe present moment that this is
how I allow in that dream.
I have to be so grateful and sohappy in my life which I am
like almost moved to tears on adaily basis that like I'm okay
without it.
If I don't get that bookcontract, if I don't, if that
book doesn't ever get out there,I am blissfully happy, no
(30:27):
matter what.
That's how you receive.
So being okay, no matter what,focus on the header, ask how to
get there, ask for theinspiration, take action and be
okay in the now.
Be so happy and grateful thatyou don't need it.
That's how you detach from itand that's how you allow it in.
Michele Folan (30:46):
You know, and I think about women, our age I'm
61, that think I'm too old, it'stoo late.
This is just how it is.
What can you suggest forsomeone that has that overwhelm?
One simple manifestationpractice that they could start
(31:08):
just even tomorrow.
Steffani LeFevour (31:10):
You know, I think I mean it takes a choice.
Like you're either operating,you're either reactive about
your life or proactive.
And I find most of the womenthat I coach are my age and your
age.
I think when we're younger wedon't have these deep spiritual
awakenings and by our fiftiesand our sixties we wake up to
(31:32):
power by reflection, power bywisdom, power by becoming, and
so I think we have more desirefor it.
Like that's why you do thispodcast, that's why women listen
to your podcast, that's whywomen join my courses, that's
why you do this podcast, that'swhy women listen to your podcast
, that's why women join mycourses.
So you have to want it, becauseif you just are happy operating
(31:54):
your life by default and beingreactive, then you'll just keep
doing that.
That's fine, that is 100% fine.
I have so much acceptance forpeople who choose that road.
But if you've been hearing thecall and you have some desires
and you are no longer satisfiedwith what you look around and
see in your life, usually with,like, your level of health and
fitness, with the way you'reshowing up for yourself, with
(32:15):
your level of growth andexpansion, with your
relationship, with your career,sometimes it can be all of those
things you can be going.
God, I feel like I'm kind ofsettling.
I don't know how many years Ihave left.
This is so precious andimportant.
Why aren't I being moreproactive about it?
Why aren't I being moreintentional about it?
Then we have to take action tomake a change and it takes a lot
(32:38):
of work.
I'm not going to deny that ittakes a lot of work.
It's like we've gone down thisold path in the woods and it has
found us to this safe clearingand we can be content there, we
look around and we like it there.
But there's this other clearingover here that has a lot more
fulfillment and a lot moregrowth and a lot more expansion
(32:58):
and a lot more joy and some newthings.
And we're like, oh, I want toget there.
Oh, but there's no clearing toget there.
I have to actually do the workto clear the woods to get to
that clearing and it's a lot ofwork.
And, oh, sometimes it's toomuch work and I just go back
over here and I go back tocomplaining and I go back to
getting on my phone first thingin the morning and I go back to
back back.
We have to use some tools tocreate the new path in the woods
(33:21):
to get to the new clearing, andI promise you the nudge, the
voice that you've heard, itwon't go away.
The feeling of settling doesn'tget better, it gets worse.
Yeah, so the one tool I wouldrecommend is to prime yourself
every day, to focus on yourmorning, because if we create
(33:41):
from these five power tools, youhave to think about how you
feel every morning.
You know what you mentionedlike today is going to be a
great day is a great tool to usein the morning.
Not reaching for your phone,you know.
Beginning in gratitude is agreat tool.
Drinking lemon water beforeyour coffee, getting outside in
nature, taking a few breaths.
(34:01):
I'm not talking about the gurusthat share the morning routines
that are like 20 minutes of ahigh, intense interval training
workout, 20 minutes ofmeditation and 20 minutes of
writing.
You're like do you even have akid at home?
Do you have a job?
Because I love to scout it.
Do you have a job?
What do you do?
Because that is what the malegurus all share about these
(34:23):
morning routine.
Things Wake up at 4.30.
If you're not up by 4.30, you'rea piece of shit.
It's like I do what feels goodto me.
I wake up.
I begin in gratitude.
I do a soul happy daily plannerthat I created myself.
That's for the women in mycourses because I'm focused on
writing a new story.
(34:43):
I'm focused on my gratitude.
I'm focused about what could gogreat in my day.
I'm focused about how can Iprevent anything from going
wrong in the day and thenwriting a new story.
I'm finding evidence everynight.
I'm looking for the soul happymoments.
I am proactive about how I feel.
So take the gurus out, take allof the shoulds out and think
about what can you do startingtomorrow morning to prime
(35:08):
yourself and feel a littlebetter than you feel so far.
You know what would feel reallygood?
Would it be to have your cup ofcoffee outside on your front
porch and just have threeminutes of like silent
reflection, you know?
Would it be to write downthings you're grateful for while
your coffee is brewing?
You can stack a habit.
But what can you do to feel alittle better in the morning?
Michele Folan (35:36):
That's a small thing that we can all start that
really creates big change.
There really is a self-carecomponent to this, about
integrating healthy habits thatfocus on you.
I try to tell women all thetime taking care of yourself and
your well-being and thatincludes your mind is not
selfish, you know, and I thinkthis whole idea of manifestation
(35:59):
and seeing what else ispossible in your life I mean for
me personally I don't want tobe 85 years old and have regrets
that I didn't try something orI didn't do the thing, because
to me that would be worse thanfailing.
Steffani LeFevour (36:18):
Yeah, for sure that's one of the number
one biggest regrets of the dyingis that I never lived true to
myself and made my happiness apriority, right, and so so many
people.
I'm going to sneak in one moreformula here.
I call it the new realityformula.
We try and create a new realityby taking action, and that is
(36:40):
not what creates a new reality.
So, like my husband and I arein a bad place, my health is in
a bad place.
You know, I'm going to startdoing date nights and I'm going
to join a gym.
That's a great idea and itwon't last, because what we need
to do is put our state first.
(37:01):
We need to feel different, weneed to feel connected in our
marriage, we need to feelhealthy and happy.
And then our story next.
We need to think thoughts thatare better.
We need to have a better storyabout our marriage and a better
story about our health andwellness, and then our strategy
will work.
(37:22):
So it's S plus S plus S equalsR.
Your state, how you feel, howyou prime yourself, matters
first and foremost.
You can change all the strategyyou want, but if you feel bad
every day and you're complainingall the time and you're
negative and your thoughts arealigned with that, it's never
going to change.
You're never going to change.
(37:42):
So your state and how you feel,plus your story and what you
think about, has to be aligned,or no change, never going to
change.
So your state and how you feel,plus your story and what you
think about, has to be alignedor no change is going to happen.
Then the strategies that youtake and the actions you take
will create a new reality.
We can't just change fromaction alone.
We have to have our state andour story on board.
So what you said about self-carewhy it's so important so what
(38:19):
you said about self-care, whyit's so important it comes down
to the science that is, ourenergy and our state matters.
How worse things we cannot getout of that.
It's a spiral downwards.
Self-care helps give you thatpriming space that you can feel
better.
And then your husband comes toyou with a problem and you're
(38:42):
like what is it, babe?
I'm ready.
How can I help?
We've got this, we're a team.
If you haven't had anyself-care, imagine he comes to
you with a problem and you'relike you deal with it?
Why are you coming to me?
I mean, it's just if you werehungry and angry and you got
pulled over by a policeman, itwould be the same thing If you
(39:02):
were in a great place and youhad a great morning and you got
pulled over.
You'd be like officer.
I'm so sorry.
How are you?
How's your day?
What can I do for you?
What happened?
What did I do?
Right?
It matters, it's all inneroutliving instead of outward
inliving.
If you're outward inliving, youwill always struggle.
If you do inner outliving, youwill always find peace.
Michele Folan (39:25):
It's this law of attraction, this stuff.
Just I get goosebumps.
I love this stuff.
I do want to talk about yourbook.
You wrote You Are a Badass Mom.
I would love to know whatinspired that and who you wrote
it for.
Steffani LeFevour (39:47):
Yeah, I wrote that a while ago when my kids
were younger and when I had mybig monster mom moment,
awakening, where I reallyrealized about that limiting
belief that I that I'm going tobe a bad mom and I was it was
playing out in my life.
You know, I've been in thisworld teaching this stuff for
decades and I saw people writingbooks and becoming bestsellers
(40:08):
on Amazon and all this and I waslike I can do this.
I can do that.
I have a message inside of meand I want to share it.
So for 10 years I wanted towrite a book and then I decided
to pick a launch date and Iwrote it in two months and I put
it out there and it has soldthousands of copies and it's on
Amazon and it became abestseller on Amazon and it's
(40:30):
really sharing through my ownpersonal experiences of
discovering my limiting beliefsand turning them around and
being reactionary to life andbecoming proactive about my life
.
So it's just my journey ofusing all these tools as I've
continued to climb that mountainand it's been an amazing
(40:50):
experience.
I love being an author andhaving that out there.
People buy it every day andtell me that they love it.
It means the world to me, and Iwrote a second book called Soul
Assignments.
That is probably the reason I'mhere on this planet is to share
these messages of soulassignments, and so that's
(41:11):
really exciting and it willhopefully be out next year.
Michele Folan (41:13):
This is, that's exciting.
Well, we'll have to have youback yeah, I'd love to when that
book comes out and we can talkmore about that, because
congratulations, by the way,finishing a second book is.
I know I've had enough authorson the show to know that there's
quite the process there, butthat's admirable for sure.
(41:35):
How do you work with clientstoday?
What does that process looklike, from the first
conversation to maybe thatbreakthrough?
Steffani LeFevour (41:45):
Well, I love working with women in a group
coaching container.
You know, I started doingone-on-one coaching 15 years ago
when I started my business, andit was everything.
To me it was like be all endall.
I have one-on-one clients.
This is amazing.
And then I realized I wassaying the same thing one after
the other and it wasn't aseffective because women would
(42:07):
come to a one-on-one call andthey'd go okay, what was I
supposed to do from last time?
I don't remember what we talkedabout, catch me up.
And I'd be like oh, oh, we, wewere, we were.
We got a lot of work to do here, and when I put it into a group
container, women felt moreaccountable.
So I have courses.
(42:28):
I have a manifesting masterycourse, a next level life
experience.
I have more content than anyonecould probably ever absorb,
because that's what I love to do.
When you graduate from mycourses, you get an opportunity
to join my inner circle, and myinner circle is where we have a
couple calls per month and we Ishare content.
Every month we have a challenge.
Every month we have a hot seatcoaching call.
We do the manifestation workLike we're doing wheels of focus
(42:53):
and we're doing future pollsand we're we're dreaming bigger,
we're flexing our dream muscleand we're supporting each other
and we're checking in on thechallenges.
And so the inner circle iswhere everyone ideally wants to
land, because that's when wherethe rubber meets the road, where
you're integrating all of thework and we share our wins every
Friday and we, you know, sharewhat went well every month, like
(43:14):
it is the work.
Right now, I have a five monthcontainer that I just put
together for my birthday acouple couple of days ago, and
so that's only available on myInstagram bio page.
You know it's not even on mywebsite, because I literally
asked my team let's put both ofmy courses back to back and
offer it at a really low priceand see how many people want to
(43:37):
join this five month containerto get.
I do group coaching.
So you know, coaching is onething, but community is
something totally different.
That helps you grow andtransform, and then
accountability is what takes itto the next level.
So this contains coaching,community and accountability.
So we have two calls per monthso I can hold you accountable to
(43:58):
do the work in the videos andin the you know the homework, so
that you don't just like hearsomething and put it away and
never apply it, so it's a reallywonderful container that
creates the most transformation.
Michele Folan (44:13):
Yeah, I love that .
Happy birthday, by the way,thank you.
Can you share a success story?
You have a client that you wantto talk?
Steffani LeFevour (44:20):
about.
Yeah, I have so many.
I mean a lot of my clients havebeen with me for five years or
more.
I started my first mastermindseven or eight years ago and
some of them are still in myinner circle and getting coached
by me.
And you know these women.
I won't share their first names.
I'll call this woman Nina cameto me because she was.
(44:42):
Her relationship was in a reallyrocky place.
They had been to a mediator,they were considering getting
divorced, he was sort ofstraying in another relationship
and she was devastated andhateful and resentful and angry.
And we looked at in in mycourse with her and group
coaching, like what she wantedand why she wanted it and how
(45:06):
she planned on getting it.
And she wanted thisrelationship.
She wanted to repair it.
Their lives were so intertwined.
They had a business together,they had kids together and he
wanted it too, and so she didthe work, the inner work that
she had never been I'vepresented with before.
You know a lot of this work.
That is deep spiritual work.
(45:27):
It might be very common to menow, but it is uncommon to most
people Like.
These concepts are not thatcommon.
That's why when I put thisstuff out there in reels on
Instagram.
It can go viral and it's verypopular because it's like wait
what I get to decide how I wantmy life to be, and then I get to
(45:47):
make it that way.
What Wait, I can be moreproactive.
Wait, I've got these five powertools.
What?
We're not presented with thisthat often and we're wired to
the negative and we're wired tocomplain and we find people that
are doing that and it feelsreally comfortable and she
decided she didn't want to livelike that and so she turned her
(46:09):
relationship around.
She turned her inner worldaround and she turned her
relationship around.
And I hear from her all the timebecause we are gratitude
buddies, so we share gratitudesall the time about how much she
appreciates her relationship nowand it came so far and they're
so happy and they travel aroundand you know their their son is
(46:31):
off and graduated from collegeand their other son has a
girlfriend and like they made itwork and I don't think there's
any any better success storiesthan resuscitating or rescuing a
relationship, because I thinkour relationships are part of
our sole assignment and whywe're here, and I think,
especially in this country, Ithink we just cut ties from
(46:54):
relationships too quicklybecause we can't stand in the
face of the storm and do thework that it takes internally on
our own.
We always think it's the otherperson that has to change.
We're not ready to do the workthat it takes to show up in the
relationship as who we can showup as, and so that's my I'm.
I'm most proud of that.
(47:14):
When this work has helped savesome relationships and marriages
, that's so nice and you don'tget that necessarily in marriage
counseling.
Yeah, a lot of times it'stalking about your past and your
trauma and you know, likehashing all that out, like we
just have to do the inner work,and you know, show up for each
(47:36):
other and lean in and it's allavailable to us.
Michele Folan (47:39):
Yeah, I do have a personal question for you what
is one of your non-negotiableself-care priorities?
What is it?
Something that you have to dofor yourself, without a doubt.
Steffani LeFevour (47:51):
Well, I um, you know I never used to be very
good at habits.
You know I wasn't like amorning person and I didn't have
, you know, wasn't really goodat like morning routines and
stuff.
So I say that because now, ifyou follow me on Instagram,
you'll see that I am verydisciplined, but I never used to
be disciplined.
I made a decision to get moredisciplined.
I used coaching, community andaccountability to get more
(48:14):
disciplined.
Like just recently in my innercircle, I said to them I've been
getting the nudge, I've beenhearing from source that I need
to shake up my morning routineand I want to do a cold plunge
every day for 30 days and it'snot easy, it's hard, but when I
say I'm going to do something, Ido it because I said I would,
(48:39):
for no other reason than becauseI said I would.
So I have a daily practice ofgetting in the cold plunge at 46
degrees for three minutes andit is amazing.
It's so hard and it feels sogood when you're done and it
like skyrockets me to anotherlevel of like confidence.
I'm challenging myself, I'mshowing up for myself when I
(49:03):
decide something is anon-negotiable, like my workouts
or, you know, um, mysupplements, or getting outside
daily or learning a new thing.
I decided it's a non-negotiable.
It's a non-negotiable.
I do it because I have thecommunity and the accountability
that.
So I posted a picture every daya picture or a video of myself
in the cold plunge every day for30 days, because that's massive
(49:26):
accountability.
So that's how you create a newhabit or a non-negotiable you
have someone hold youaccountable and I have that
built into my business that Ilove so much.
These women all decided whattheir non-negotiables were and
they were commenting under thephoto every day.
It's so powerful.
Michele Folan (49:43):
Ah, it's good stuff.
You all need to follow Steffanibecause you will be incredibly
inspired by her, her community.
I've picked up so manywonderful tidbits and habits
that I am using every day, and Iwas so excited when she agreed
(50:04):
to be on the podcast because Ijust I think women in midlife,
Steph, really need to hear this.
They need to be empowered tostep out of their comfort and go
after the thing right.
Shake shit up, yeah.
Steffani LeFevour (50:24):
Shake shit up , right, yeah and use new tools,
because the same things aren'tgoing to get you a different
result.
You know, being reactive tolife, putting out fires
everywhere, always responding toeverybody, serving everyone's
needs before your own, is notgoing to get you a different
result.
Like take your power back.
Step in your power.
Start doing some things for you.
(50:44):
Work on your inner world.
Stop handing away youremotional wellbeing to everyone
outside of you in everycircumstance Because we think,
oh, the school is just so and ohmy God, the government and oh,
my husband, and well, if you sawmy.
Take your power back.
Start with you.
Do the inner work.
All the peace is available, allthe joy is available.
(51:06):
You can choose how you wantyour life to be and you can make
it that way when you're in yourpower, but not when you're in
victimhood.
So it's all available and Ilove sharing that every day I
can and every way I can on myInstagram and speaking of which,
how can people find you?
Yeah, on Instagram I'mcoachwithsteff and that's Steff
(51:27):
with two Fs.
Coachwithsteffcom is also mywebsite, but I live on Instagram
mostly.
I'm on Facebook as well, butthat's about it.
I may have a TikTok page, but Idon't really go on it.
I have a social media VA whoposts on there, so you might
find me on there, but I'm not onthere.
I go live on Instagram a lot.
(51:48):
I share stories a lot.
So, yeah, find me on Instagramand on my website.
Coach with Steph.
Fantastic Steffani LaFevourthank you for being here today.
Thank you, you're so great atthis.
Thanks for having me.
I love it, thank you.
Michele Folan (52:02):
Thank you for listening.
Please rate and review thepodcast where you listen and if
you'd like to join the Askingfor a Friend community, click on
the link in the show notes tosign up for my weekly newsletter
, where I share midlife wellnessand fitness tips, insights, my
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Are you still eating a protein bar and banana
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Listen, if you're trying tolose weight on 1,200 calories or
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That's why you feel stuck,tired and frustrated.
(00:22):
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Click the link in the shownotes and let's do this together
(00:44):
Health, wellness, fitness andeverything in between.
We're removing the taboo fromwhat really matters in midlife.
I'm your host, Michele Folan,and this is Asking for a Friend.
What's the difference betweenpraying for something and
(01:08):
actually manifesting it?
Prayer is about asking.
Manifestation is about becoming.
In midlife, when so many of usare ready for reinvention, that
distinction really matters.
Today's guest, SteffaniLeFevour, also known as Coach
Steff, is a manifestation mentor, happiness coach and author who
(01:29):
helps women turn desires intoreality by aligning beliefs,
mindset and action.
If you've ever wondered whetheryour dreams are possible, this
episode will make you thinkdifferently.
Steffani LeFevour, welcome toAsking for a Friend.
Steffani LeFevour (01:44):
Thank you for having me.
Love that intro.
I'm intrigued, I want to talkabout it.
Michele Folan (01:48):
I want to hear more.
Well, I think this audience isgoing to be very intrigued about
what you have to say.
I want to start first with yourjourney and your story.
Tell us a little bit about howyou first realized that you had
a bit of a gift to helpingothers, and really about
(02:11):
creating your own happiness.
Steffani LeFevour (02:13):
Wow, great question.
I think when I was young, I hadkind of a rocky, tumultuous
childhood.
But I didn't know that, becausewhen you're in it it's just
normal to you.
You know, I thought everyonehad a childhood like this.
I had an alcoholic father whowas pretty violent.
We never talked about it, wenever processed it.
My sister died when I was 11.
(02:34):
She was 18 in a car accident,oh gosh.
And we didn't have, you know,grief, therapy or counseling or
anything.
Maybe it was available backthen, in 1981, but we didn't
have access to it and really myfamily just froze.
We did the best that we knew todo at the time with what we
were given and it was just a lotof grief.
(02:56):
I feel like now I look back andwe were all on our own grief
islands, just trying to survive,you know, and to support each
other as best we could from ourown island yeah, because we
didn't know, you know, and tosupport each other as best we
could from our own island yeah,because we didn't know, you know
.
Did it?
Did it build our family up?
Yes, did we get closer?
Yes, but we all shut down fordecades, not knowing how to
grieve and how to support eachother.
(03:18):
So I just had a plan to throw mylife away.
That's all I really knew.
I saw my dad do it.
I saw it happen to my sister.
I thought when you get close topeople, they leave, you lose
them.
I can reflect now.
Hindsight is so huge.
When you reflect back on yourchildhood you can see it all
with a different lens.
But at the time it was justreally heartbreaking.
(03:41):
I felt very broken and veryunlovable.
I felt like I was broken andunworthy of a happy, healthy
life.
So when you have that andyou're 11, 12, you're a teenager
, you're in your twenties.
What I did was just sort ofsabotage my life and spiral out
of control.
I drank a lot and I partied andI failed a lot of classes and I
(04:02):
got fired from a lot of jobsand you know it was all I knew
to like reach for the, thebetter feeling of like partying
and you know being in the momentbecause my feelings and my, my
history was like too much for meto deal with.
So we're going real deep rightaway.
But I'm sharing all this becauseI think I knew when I was young
(04:25):
that these experiences happenedfor me so that I would best
learn about loss and aboutspirituality and about life and
about happiness and about innerstrength and inner peace,
because without all that I don'tthink I would have found my way
to it.
Yeah, so I think I pushed thataway for a long time, but I
(04:46):
always had a calling and I cansee, you know, when I was 20 and
I was writing my brother abirthday card when he turned 18
and I was only 20 and I was inthe midst of my sabotaging, you
know self-destructive behaviorand I was saying to him in this
card life is so precious, likestay in the moment, like be all
(05:09):
that you can be, because you areso special and you're so gifted
and you can be and do and haveanything you want in this life.
You are meant for greatness.
And so he gave me this cardthat I gave him and I was
shocked.
He gave it to me.
When you know that I gave himand I was shocked.
He gave it to me.
When you know, in the lastdecade, I was shocked to see
that that many years ago I waspreaching the same thing I'm
(05:32):
preaching now, that I had thatinside of me and I was sharing
that with him.
So it was always there.
I really denied it for a longtime.
I tried to sabotage it for along time, but it was always
there.
And I think in college I thinkI hit many sort of milestones or
dark nights of the soul thatbuilt into the becoming of who I
(05:57):
am now.
One time in college I kind ofrealized I have two roads here.
I can keep sabotaging my lifeor I can start climbing my way
up to happiness.
I'm going to have to do a lotof work to get there.
I read the book by MarianneWilliamson, A Return to Love,
and it taught me aboutforgiveness and I was like this
(06:19):
is a concept that has never beenintroduced to me and I was
probably 19 or 20 at the timeand I was going what Forgiveness
?
Not to mention like forgivingthe girl who was driving the car
when my sister died, butforgiving my sister for leaving,
forgiving my dad for leaving,forgiving my dad for his
addiction, forgiving myself forthe self-destructive behavior
(06:42):
that had been going on for thelast 10 years.
Like so many beautiful concepts, it was like I was left at this
, you know, fork in the road.
Do I ignore these concepts?
And this, you know, inner work,and I was, you know, the
watching Oprah and she wasturning me on to new authors and
I'm here reading MarianneWilliamson and then Wayne Dyer,
(07:04):
and then Deepak Chopra and PemaChodron and all of these magical
, really insightful tools.
Do I ignore them and just goback to the self-destructive
behavior or do I make a choice?
So I made a conscious choice andI had this rock that I had
found in the woods at a like kegparty that I had put in my
(07:25):
pocket.
I took the rock and a book ofMaya Angelou poems and I went
down to a river nearby atEastern Illinois where I went to
school, and I put all of mysadness and all of my fears and
all of my unforgiveness intothis rock and I read a Maya
Angelou poem and I threw therock in the river.
(07:46):
Like where did I have this?
Like ceremony and ritual, Idon't know, but like I needed it
because the self-destructivebehavior was so strong, the past
trauma and childhood woundswere so strong and there was
something pulling me in theother direction.
And so I did that and I hadthis like energetic shift and I
(08:12):
wouldn't say everything was likerainbows and butterflies.
After that it wasn't like, oh,and now I?
You know I didn't like getsober, I didn't like get healthy
and happy, but it was like anudge in the right direction.
It was like I agreed to makethe climb up the mountain toward
figuring out my own happinessand finding my own you know
soul's journey, um.
So I made a choice and I I'mreally grateful that I did, and
(08:35):
I became kind of a personalgrowth junkie after that, you
know, soaking it all up anddoing everything that I could
get my hands and my heart on.
Michele Folan (08:43):
Well, there were two paths you could have taken.
Right, you could have continueddown your path, which a lot of
people do, and you can't blamethem.
Sometimes, with everything thatthey've been through in life,
it's hard to get yourself out ofthat, to pull yourself up out
(09:06):
of that, to pull yourself up.
But there you know it's.
I know it's hard for you todefine what this wake-up call
was, but something pulled you inanother direction and it's just
fascinating how we make theselife choices that you know are
so profound.
And you know.
Look where you are now.
Steffani LeFevour (09:23):
Yeah, a lot of the life choices.
Some things happen that aren'tas conscious.
Sometimes you get fired from ajob or, for me, my boyfriend
checks into rehab, things likethat that you're not consciously
making a choice.
It's like God or the universeis making it for you.
It's slamming a door closed,it's opening another one.
So that was a conscious choiceback in college.
(09:45):
That made a big internal shiftthat I still reflect back on to
this day.
Michele Folan (09:49):
Many of my listeners are women in midlife I
would say mostly maybe 55 plus,somewhere around there.
They're going through thoselife transitions.
They're maybe career and emptynesting relationships.
Sometimes this is where theyhave the epiphany that maybe
(10:11):
they're not happy in theirmarriage.
They're taking care of theirill parents.
How do you feel like your ownlife transition?
All of them so you've beenmarried, you have kids have
shaped the work that you dotoday.
Steffani LeFevour (10:26):
Yeah, it continues to get shaped right.
I just turned 55 a week ago and, gosh, it changes so much.
I've been with my husband for29 years.
We've been married for 19 yearsand together for 29 years and
it's like when back in college Idecided to start climbing that
mountain, I thought that was themountain.
(10:48):
But then you get a new careerand it's a new mountain.
Then you decide to get marriedand it's a totally new mountain.
Then you have a preemie babyand it's a brand new mountain.
Then you have a second kid andit's a new mountain.
Then you go through decadeswith a person and it's a new
mountain, new mountain, newmountain.
Then you start a new business.
(11:09):
So there's so much reinventing.
I think we are undervaluing allof the reinvention that we've
done through every decade of ourlife and putting almost a
little too much weight on themidlife reinvention, because we
are forever changing and growingand becoming, and we have done
(11:31):
it up until now and we can makea decision to do it out of fear
or out of faith, right Out ofbeing reactive or proactive,
like I proactively decide andchoose to reinvent myself all
the time.
You know, I tell my kids and Itell any of my clients, all the
time that you get to decide howyou want your life to be and
(11:54):
then you get to make it that way, period.
So if we are always living withthat, forward, with that lens,
I get to decide how I want mylife to be and then I get to
make it that way with my career,with my kids leaving the house,
with my husband and myrelationship, even though it's
two, takes two people.
I get to decide how I want itto be and I get to make it that
(12:17):
way.
That's really what manifestingis all about and we have the
power to do that about and wehave the power to do that.
If we have that, we wear thatlens first of all because within
that lens is a story and wecreate from our five power tools
.
We create from our thoughts,our words, our feelings, our
beliefs and our stories.
(12:37):
And our stories contain a lotof those things a lot of
feelings, a lot of thoughts, alot of history.
So if we have a story that isoh, when my kids move out, when
I'm an empty nester, oh, I'mjust going to fall apart and our
relationship is teetering onthe edge and it's getting worse
by the year and I gain fivepounds every year because it's
(12:59):
menopause.
And all of these are stories.
We don't have to believe them.
I'm in the best shape of my life, at 55, the best shape of my
life.
I've never felt better, I'venever looked better, I've never
felt sexier, healthier, happier.
(13:19):
My relationship is in the bestplace.
It's like incredibly fulfillingand connected and fun and
loving, and just like passionate.
It's awesome.
I love being a parent ofteenagers.
I feel like I was born to be aparent of teenagers.
I love it so much, and I knowthat's not normal.
I know it's not a normal thing.
God bless you, stephanie.
Yes, but it's the story thatI've chosen, and so it is my
(13:43):
reality.
Our stories shape our reality,so it's my reality and I gift
that story to anyone else whowants it.
You can jump on with any one ofthese stories and take it on as
your own, because you get todecide how you want your life to
be and then you get to make itthat way, and so we get to
choose our stories and look atthe ones that don't work for us
(14:05):
and rewrite them.
Michele Folan (14:06):
Yeah, oh, okay.
I've got so many questions foryou.
We are going to take a quickbreak and we'll get back.
I want to talk about thedifference between manifestation
and prayer.
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All right, we are back.
I know you have talked quite abit about the difference between
prayer and manifestation and Ithink this is a really good
(15:13):
place to start.
Can you break that down for ourlisteners?
Steffani LeFevour (15:17):
I mean, it all depends on how you define
prayer and what you're doing.
I think it's really importantto understand that prayer is a
way to you look at prayer as Alot of people define prayer as
praying to God when you're in aplace of need and desire.
Please, god, I pray for my sonto make the hockey team.
Please let him make the hockeyteam.
(15:38):
That is usually what I wouldsay 98% of people think of as
prayer laying down at night andsaying thank you for all these
things and please also give methat promotion.
I'd really like that promotion,but I and then we think of
manifestation as all these otherthings.
When we do vision boards and wedo meditation and we're like
(15:58):
athletes have been visualizingsince the dawn of time.
They've been meditating andvisualizing on these certain
things.
Well, what is the difference?
I don't know that there's thatbig of a difference we create
from those power tools.
So if in prayer you arethinking and feeling and
(16:18):
believing in something, you'remanifesting it.
If you are sitting in prayerand saying, please, let my son
make the hockey team, but thenall day long you're complaining,
you're upset, you're in anegative energy, you're yelling
at him because he'sirresponsible and he's not
committed enough.
All of that is also a prayer.
(16:39):
Everything that we think goesout there, everything we feel is
reflected and magnetized backto us.
Everything we believe ismanifested.
Every story we tell, every wordhas wings, and so it's all a
manifestation.
And you might look at that asit's all prayer.
(17:02):
That's okay.
If that word works for you tosay oh, that for me is praying,
then great.
I use the word universe andsource and people say are you
talking about God?
I'm like sure I can use thatword too.
So I hope that doesn't leavemore of a question, because
(17:23):
there is not really a difference.
It's in the decision.
So I create more of anythingthat I give my energy, attention
and focus on.
So I will create more of what Ipray for.
But also, what am I doing themajority of the day?
We create from our dominantthought.
We create from our dominantfeeling.
We create from our dominantstory.
(17:43):
So if one time in the day I waslike frustrated and I was just
like, oh my gosh, that was sofrustrating, but the rest of the
day I was joyful and hopefuland happy, then I'm creating
from that place, if the majorityof the day we're frustrated,
and one moment in prayer.
We're begging and we'repleading and we're hopeful.
We're creating frustration.
(18:04):
We create from our dominantfeeling, our dominant energy
right.
And so it always comes down towhat have I been thinking,
feeling, saying, who have I beenbeing?
Because that is all going to bereflected back to me.
You don't get more of what youwant.
You don't get more of what youneed.
You don't get more of what youpray for.
You get more of who you are,what you have been embodying.
(18:27):
That's the good news and thebad news.
Michele Folan (18:31):
Yeah, it's like ooh, I better watch my thoughts,
Because you can say one thingbut you can almost self-sabotage
with your thoughts.
Steffani LeFevour (18:43):
Yeah, we have these dominant stories that are
always running and I can tellyou a lot of self-sabotaging
dominant stories that I hadrunning.
I had running a bad story thatI was a terrible mom, that my
kids were so misbehaved and itwas because I was such a bad mom
.
Until I woke up to that story,I could never change it and I
had this frustrating bedtimebattles and they were always
(19:06):
getting trouble at school.
And it had this frustratingbedtime battles and you know,
they were always getting troubleat school and it was like this,
like terrible friction.
And here I am I've been doingthis work for 30 years and I run
into that because it was thissneaky story of you didn't know
if you wanted to have kidsbecause you were afraid you'd be
a bad mom.
So now it's a self fulfillingprophecy and you're a terrible
mom.
Oh, I have that story running.
(19:28):
No wonder I see everything theydo as misbehaving and bad,
because it's the universe tryingto show me that story.
Yeah, right, it's like when wehave these underlying stories,
we're announcing to the universeplease only show me my kids
when they're horrible and badand misbehaving and show me what
a bad mom I am, thank you.
(19:48):
And then the universe is likeokay, only let things happen
that show her what a bad mom sheis.
Don't let her see the goodstuff, don't let her see the
kindness, don't let her see whenher kids are really sweet and
amazing.
Only show her the bad.
You know it is.
It's reflecting back to meanything that I asked for.
(20:10):
So when I had this mommy monstermoment and I was on a life
class with Oprah and Dr Shefali,I had a mom intervention.
I woke up to that on my own.
I went, oh wow.
I was always afraid I was goingto be a bad mom and it's a
self-fulfilling prophecy.
I have to do the work on thatstory and I have to turn it
(20:35):
around.
I am a good mom.
I'm a really good mom.
I am the mom that my kids needme to be.
I might not be a perfect mom,but I am the mom that they need
and I am doing the best with allthat I've got in this moment.
Look at the difference betweenthose two stories.
They're night and day.
Yeah Right, when I had thatwake up another one of my
(20:59):
awakenings I started operatingdifferently as a mom.
I fully embraced being a mom ofmy kids.
They were at that time likefour and seven and I started
loving it and I started seeingall of their light.
And I started seeing all of mylight and I started telling them
every night that they're thelight and that they're meant for
greatness and I started justlike really opening up to this
(21:22):
stuff instead of stomping aroundlike this mom that was always
trying to control them.
And so terrible.
And the same thing in myrelationship when I started.
After many, many years togetherwith this guy, we have this epic
love story.
We met when we were so youngand I know we have a sole
assignment to be together.
But after years you can kind offorget that right.
It can kind of start driftingaway from you.
(21:45):
And I started having a dominantthought of gosh.
He's so negative.
Oh my God, we communicate sopoorly.
We couldn't be on oppositepages.
Oh, he drives me crazy.
He's a workaholic, he's neveravailable.
And guess what?
The universe responds and goes.
(22:05):
Make sure he's never available.
Make sure they communicatepoorly.
You know, even though he's like, charming and sweet and kind,
make sure she only sees hisnegativity and his grumpiness.
I'm creating it myself.
John is like a player in myworld, but I can change it by
changing my story.
So when I recognized andrealized that story oh, I can
(22:30):
change this story too I changedit to like we're so connected.
We have this epic love story.
We have a soul assignment and Idon't know if I softened or he
softened, but we show up foreach other always and we laugh a
lot and we have a good timetogether and it's been a long
(22:50):
time and it is better than ever.
That's the story that Iexperienced.
Michele Folan (22:54):
I was giggling only because I'm like, yeah, I
probably do that.
I mean, I know I do that.
Right, you put something outthere the other day because I
told Steph, I follow you onInstagram and I find it's so
motivating for me.
But it's not just about theself-talk but really saying
(23:18):
something great's going tohappen to me today.
Good things are coming my way,coming my way, and that, to me,
is such a remarkable way tostart any day is to let yourself
(23:38):
know that good things arecoming.
You're going to have a greatday and it seems so simple, but
it really does change thetrajectory of your mood for the
day.
Steffani LeFevour (23:49):
It does.
Well, it's the reticularactivating system in our brain.
When we decide that we're goingto see good things just like I
said with my bad parentinglimiting belief and my bad
relationship limiting beliefwhen we decide that that's all
that our brain starts to lookfor and that's all that we see.
So when we say something greatis going to happen today, I used
(24:10):
to say to my kids when theywere little and they would join
me on these mantras, which theydon't anymore, they're teenagers
, that's fine I used to saytoday is going to be a, and they
would say great day.
I'd say I'm open and receptive,and they'd say to all that is
good.
And I'd say miracles.
(24:30):
And they'd say find me now, youknow.
And that primes us for all ofthose things A great day, being
open and receptive and seeingmiracles.
When we decide today is going tobe a great day, we are looking
all day long for how it's agreat day when we go big.
Every morning we begin ingratitude.
We're looking all day for thethings that we're going to be
grateful for the next morning.
You know, with my clients in myinner circle we do at the end
(24:53):
of every night, we do this soulhappy moments.
What are the soul happy moments, those moments that made me
happy to my core?
That happened today.
So it's a shift, because we'reusually preparing for the worst
and focused on what went wrong.
It's just the nature of howwe're wired.
It's unfortunate, but we'rewired for that.
(25:14):
We're wired for negativity.
We're wired for unhappiness.
We're wired to protectourselves.
I hated hearing that.
I've read all the books aboutit, but we can hardwire ourself
for happiness and it takesthings like you just mentioned,
like today is going to be agreat day.
I am open and ready for a greatand amazing day and to witness
(25:34):
all of the miracles that arecoming my way.
That sets you up for success.
It's really, it's science.
It's not just woo-woo, it'sscience.
It's the bridge of woo-woo andscience.
Michele Folan (25:47):
My daughters and I went to a psychic on my
birthday.
We've done this now two yearsin a row and I was talking to
the psychic about my businessand that sort of thing and he's
got a religious focus.
But I didn't realize at thetime what he was asking me to do
(26:13):
was manifest.
And he kept saying you need toask for what you want.
And he said and be very, veryspecific about what it is you
want.
And he talks a lot about spiritand angels and that sort of
thing.
So that can be really anyentity you wish it to be.
(26:34):
But I was wondering are thereother best practices that you
suggest for manifesting?
Steffani LeFevour (26:44):
Oh yeah, I mean yes, we have to ask for
what we want.
What and why is up to us, howand when is up to the universe.
So you have to focus on whatyou want.
What I teach as far asmanifesting are these four steps
to advance manifesting.
You know, regular manifestingis ask, believe, receive.
That's been around forcenturies.
(27:05):
Abraham Hicks shares that.
And that ask, believe, receive.
It's like we know that askingis asking for what you want.
Believe how do I do that?
What even is that?
And receive that's even moreelusive.
So what I teach are these foursteps to manifesting.
The first one is ask for thegeneral end result of what you
(27:28):
want.
I call it a header highlydesired end result, h-d-e-r.
The highly desired end resultis how you want to feel.
So for my business, I want tohelp more women find more daily
happiness, like that's alwaysbeen the highly desired end
result result for decades.
So if that unfolds in a book orfollowers or a website or
(27:53):
courses, who knows?
But the highly desired endresult is that I want to feel
fulfilled by helping women findmore daily happiness and
understanding their soulassignment, having a better soul
experience, that is I am all in.
I want to feel that.
So focus on the header.
Step two for me is the ask.
So I teach manifesting verydifferently than most.
(28:16):
Step two is ask for how, likeask to be shown the way to that.
So it's a very different ask.
Not I want the thing, thecareer, the six figures, I want
the guidance to be shown.
What is the most efficient andeffective way to get that
feeling, because the universeprovides the how.
(28:38):
So there's a million differentways.
It might not be that thislaunch happens, but it might be
that you get that book contract.
It might not be the bookcontract, but it might be the
speaking gigs.
So show me the way to thatfeeling, give me all the
guidance and make it very clear.
Step three is take inspiredaction when you get that
(29:02):
guidance.
I just had an idea the otherday to send an email to a book
agent.
Now I already have twocontracts for my book, two
offers of contracts for my nextbook, soul Assignments.
But I got this idea.
Someone told me about thisagent.
I looked her up.
(29:22):
I was really impressed.
I got the idea when I was onthe treadmill and I sent the
email.
That's taking inspired actionon the guidance that comes If
the universe is showing me howmy book, how my message can
reach millions, how my book canget out there and change the
most people's lives, I need totake that inspired action.
And step four is something a lotof people don't teach and don't
(29:44):
talk about.
It's how you receive, it'sbeing okay, no matter what,
being happy in the now.
I can't sit here like in lackand grumpy and complaining and
expect that I'm going to get abook contract and everything's
going to work out and myrelationship's going to be great
(30:04):
and I'm going to.
No, I need to be so happy inthe present moment that this is
how I allow in that dream.
I have to be so grateful and sohappy in my life which I am
like almost moved to tears on adaily basis that like I'm okay
without it.
If I don't get that bookcontract, if I don't, if that
book doesn't ever get out there,I am blissfully happy, no
(30:27):
matter what.
That's how you receive.
So being okay, no matter what,focus on the header, ask how to
get there, ask for theinspiration, take action and be
okay in the now.
Be so happy and grateful thatyou don't need it.
That's how you detach from itand that's how you allow it in.
Michele Folan (30:46):
You know, and I think about women, our age I'm
61, that think I'm too old, it'stoo late.
This is just how it is.
What can you suggest forsomeone that has that overwhelm?
One simple manifestationpractice that they could start
(31:08):
just even tomorrow.
Steffani LeFevour (31:10):
You know, I think I mean it takes a choice.
Like you're either operating,you're either reactive about
your life or proactive.
And I find most of the womenthat I coach are my age and your
age.
I think when we're younger wedon't have these deep spiritual
awakenings and by our fiftiesand our sixties we wake up to
(31:32):
power by reflection, power bywisdom, power by becoming, and
so I think we have more desirefor it.
Like that's why you do thispodcast, that's why women listen
to your podcast, that's whywomen join my courses, that's
why you do this podcast, that'swhy women listen to your podcast
, that's why women join mycourses.
So you have to want it, becauseif you just are happy operating
(31:54):
your life by default and beingreactive, then you'll just keep
doing that.
That's fine, that is 100% fine.
I have so much acceptance forpeople who choose that road.
But if you've been hearing thecall and you have some desires
and you are no longer satisfiedwith what you look around and
see in your life, usually with,like, your level of health and
fitness, with the way you'reshowing up for yourself, with
(32:15):
your level of growth andexpansion, with your
relationship, with your career,sometimes it can be all of those
things you can be going.
God, I feel like I'm kind ofsettling.
I don't know how many years Ihave left.
This is so precious andimportant.
Why aren't I being moreproactive about it?
Why aren't I being moreintentional about it?
Then we have to take action tomake a change and it takes a lot
(32:38):
of work.
I'm not going to deny that ittakes a lot of work.
It's like we've gone down thisold path in the woods and it has
found us to this safe clearingand we can be content there, we
look around and we like it there.
But there's this other clearingover here that has a lot more
fulfillment and a lot moregrowth and a lot more expansion
(32:58):
and a lot more joy and some newthings.
And we're like, oh, I want toget there.
Oh, but there's no clearing toget there.
I have to actually do the workto clear the woods to get to
that clearing and it's a lot ofwork.
And, oh, sometimes it's toomuch work and I just go back
over here and I go back tocomplaining and I go back to
getting on my phone first thingin the morning and I go back to
back back.
We have to use some tools tocreate the new path in the woods
(33:21):
to get to the new clearing, andI promise you the nudge, the
voice that you've heard, itwon't go away.
The feeling of settling doesn'tget better, it gets worse.
Yeah, so the one tool I wouldrecommend is to prime yourself
every day, to focus on yourmorning, because if we create
(33:41):
from these five power tools, youhave to think about how you
feel every morning.
You know what you mentionedlike today is going to be a
great day is a great tool to usein the morning.
Not reaching for your phone,you know.
Beginning in gratitude is agreat tool.
Drinking lemon water beforeyour coffee, getting outside in
nature, taking a few breaths.
(34:01):
I'm not talking about the gurusthat share the morning routines
that are like 20 minutes of ahigh, intense interval training
workout, 20 minutes ofmeditation and 20 minutes of
writing.
You're like do you even have akid at home?
Do you have a job?
Because I love to scout it.
Do you have a job?
What do you do?
Because that is what the malegurus all share about these
(34:23):
morning routine.
Things Wake up at 4.30.
If you're not up by 4.30, you'rea piece of shit.
It's like I do what feels goodto me.
I wake up.
I begin in gratitude.
I do a soul happy daily plannerthat I created myself.
That's for the women in mycourses because I'm focused on
writing a new story.
(34:43):
I'm focused on my gratitude.
I'm focused about what could gogreat in my day.
I'm focused about how can Iprevent anything from going
wrong in the day and thenwriting a new story.
I'm finding evidence everynight.
I'm looking for the soul happymoments.
I am proactive about how I feel.
So take the gurus out, take allof the shoulds out and think
about what can you do startingtomorrow morning to prime
(35:08):
yourself and feel a littlebetter than you feel so far.
You know what would feel reallygood?
Would it be to have your cup ofcoffee outside on your front
porch and just have threeminutes of like silent
reflection, you know?
Would it be to write downthings you're grateful for while
your coffee is brewing?
You can stack a habit.
But what can you do to feel alittle better in the morning?
Michele Folan (35:36):
That's a small thing that we can all start that
really creates big change.
There really is a self-carecomponent to this, about
integrating healthy habits thatfocus on you.
I try to tell women all thetime taking care of yourself and
your well-being and thatincludes your mind is not
selfish, you know, and I thinkthis whole idea of manifestation
(35:59):
and seeing what else ispossible in your life I mean for
me personally I don't want tobe 85 years old and have regrets
that I didn't try something orI didn't do the thing, because
to me that would be worse thanfailing.
Steffani LeFevour (36:18):
Yeah, for sure that's one of the number
one biggest regrets of the dyingis that I never lived true to
myself and made my happiness apriority, right, and so so many
people.
I'm going to sneak in one moreformula here.
I call it the new realityformula.
We try and create a new realityby taking action, and that is
(36:40):
not what creates a new reality.
So, like my husband and I arein a bad place, my health is in
a bad place.
You know, I'm going to startdoing date nights and I'm going
to join a gym.
That's a great idea and itwon't last, because what we need
to do is put our state first.
(37:01):
We need to feel different, weneed to feel connected in our
marriage, we need to feelhealthy and happy.
And then our story next.
We need to think thoughts thatare better.
We need to have a better storyabout our marriage and a better
story about our health andwellness, and then our strategy
will work.
(37:22):
So it's S plus S plus S equalsR.
Your state, how you feel, howyou prime yourself, matters
first and foremost.
You can change all the strategyyou want, but if you feel bad
every day and you're complainingall the time and you're
negative and your thoughts arealigned with that, it's never
going to change.
You're never going to change.
(37:42):
So your state and how you feel,plus your story and what you
think about, has to be aligned,or no change, never going to
change.
So your state and how you feel,plus your story and what you
think about, has to be alignedor no change is going to happen.
Then the strategies that youtake and the actions you take
will create a new reality.
We can't just change fromaction alone.
We have to have our state andour story on board.
So what you said about self-carewhy it's so important so what
(38:19):
you said about self-care, whyit's so important it comes down
to the science that is, ourenergy and our state matters.
How worse things we cannot getout of that.
It's a spiral downwards.
Self-care helps give you thatpriming space that you can feel
better.
And then your husband comes toyou with a problem and you're
(38:42):
like what is it, babe?
I'm ready.
How can I help?
We've got this, we're a team.
If you haven't had anyself-care, imagine he comes to
you with a problem and you'relike you deal with it?
Why are you coming to me?
I mean, it's just if you werehungry and angry and you got
pulled over by a policeman, itwould be the same thing If you
(39:02):
were in a great place and youhad a great morning and you got
pulled over.
You'd be like officer.
I'm so sorry.
How are you?
How's your day?
What can I do for you?
What happened?
What did I do?
Right?
It matters, it's all inneroutliving instead of outward
inliving.
If you're outward inliving, youwill always struggle.
If you do inner outliving, youwill always find peace.
Michele Folan (39:25):
It's this law of attraction, this stuff.
Just I get goosebumps.
I love this stuff.
I do want to talk about yourbook.
You wrote You Are a Badass Mom.
I would love to know whatinspired that and who you wrote
it for.
Steffani LeFevour (39:47):
Yeah, I wrote that a while ago when my kids
were younger and when I had mybig monster mom moment,
awakening, where I reallyrealized about that limiting
belief that I that I'm going tobe a bad mom and I was it was
playing out in my life.
You know, I've been in thisworld teaching this stuff for
decades and I saw people writingbooks and becoming bestsellers
(40:08):
on Amazon and all this and I waslike I can do this.
I can do that.
I have a message inside of meand I want to share it.
So for 10 years I wanted towrite a book and then I decided
to pick a launch date and Iwrote it in two months and I put
it out there and it has soldthousands of copies and it's on
Amazon and it became abestseller on Amazon and it's
(40:30):
really sharing through my ownpersonal experiences of
discovering my limiting beliefsand turning them around and
being reactionary to life andbecoming proactive about my life
.
So it's just my journey ofusing all these tools as I've
continued to climb that mountainand it's been an amazing
(40:50):
experience.
I love being an author andhaving that out there.
People buy it every day andtell me that they love it.
It means the world to me, and Iwrote a second book called Soul
Assignments.
That is probably the reason I'mhere on this planet is to share
these messages of soulassignments, and so that's
(41:11):
really exciting and it willhopefully be out next year.
Michele Folan (41:13):
This is, that's exciting.
Well, we'll have to have youback yeah, I'd love to when that
book comes out and we can talkmore about that, because
congratulations, by the way,finishing a second book is.
I know I've had enough authorson the show to know that there's
quite the process there, butthat's admirable for sure.
(41:35):
How do you work with clientstoday?
What does that process looklike, from the first
conversation to maybe thatbreakthrough?
Steffani LeFevour (41:45):
Well, I love working with women in a group
coaching container.
You know, I started doingone-on-one coaching 15 years ago
when I started my business, andit was everything.
To me it was like be all endall.
I have one-on-one clients.
This is amazing.
And then I realized I wassaying the same thing one after
the other and it wasn't aseffective because women would
(42:07):
come to a one-on-one call andthey'd go okay, what was I
supposed to do from last time?
I don't remember what we talkedabout, catch me up.
And I'd be like oh, oh, we, wewere, we were.
We got a lot of work to do here, and when I put it into a group
container, women felt moreaccountable.
So I have courses.
(42:28):
I have a manifesting masterycourse, a next level life
experience.
I have more content than anyonecould probably ever absorb,
because that's what I love to do.
When you graduate from mycourses, you get an opportunity
to join my inner circle, and myinner circle is where we have a
couple calls per month and we Ishare content.
Every month we have a challenge.
Every month we have a hot seatcoaching call.
We do the manifestation workLike we're doing wheels of focus
(42:53):
and we're doing future pollsand we're we're dreaming bigger,
we're flexing our dream muscleand we're supporting each other
and we're checking in on thechallenges.
And so the inner circle iswhere everyone ideally wants to
land, because that's when wherethe rubber meets the road, where
you're integrating all of thework and we share our wins every
Friday and we, you know, sharewhat went well every month, like
(43:14):
it is the work.
Right now, I have a five monthcontainer that I just put
together for my birthday acouple couple of days ago, and
so that's only available on myInstagram bio page.
You know it's not even on mywebsite, because I literally
asked my team let's put both ofmy courses back to back and
offer it at a really low priceand see how many people want to
(43:37):
join this five month containerto get.
I do group coaching.
So you know, coaching is onething, but community is
something totally different.
That helps you grow andtransform, and then
accountability is what takes itto the next level.
So this contains coaching,community and accountability.
So we have two calls per monthso I can hold you accountable to
(43:58):
do the work in the videos andin the you know the homework, so
that you don't just like hearsomething and put it away and
never apply it, so it's a reallywonderful container that
creates the most transformation.
Michele Folan (44:13):
Yeah, I love that .
Happy birthday, by the way,thank you.
Can you share a success story?
You have a client that you wantto talk?
Steffani LeFevour (44:20):
about.
Yeah, I have so many.
I mean a lot of my clients havebeen with me for five years or
more.
I started my first mastermindseven or eight years ago and
some of them are still in myinner circle and getting coached
by me.
And you know these women.
I won't share their first names.
I'll call this woman Nina cameto me because she was.
(44:42):
Her relationship was in a reallyrocky place.
They had been to a mediator,they were considering getting
divorced, he was sort ofstraying in another relationship
and she was devastated andhateful and resentful and angry.
And we looked at in in mycourse with her and group
coaching, like what she wantedand why she wanted it and how
(45:06):
she planned on getting it.
And she wanted thisrelationship.
She wanted to repair it.
Their lives were so intertwined.
They had a business together,they had kids together and he
wanted it too, and so she didthe work, the inner work that
she had never been I'vepresented with before.
You know a lot of this work.
That is deep spiritual work.
(45:27):
It might be very common to menow, but it is uncommon to most
people Like.
These concepts are not thatcommon.
That's why when I put thisstuff out there in reels on
Instagram.
It can go viral and it's verypopular because it's like wait
what I get to decide how I wantmy life to be, and then I get to
(45:47):
make it that way.
What Wait, I can be moreproactive.
Wait, I've got these five powertools.
What?
We're not presented with thisthat often and we're wired to
the negative and we're wired tocomplain and we find people that
are doing that and it feelsreally comfortable and she
decided she didn't want to livelike that and so she turned her
(46:09):
relationship around.
She turned her inner worldaround and she turned her
relationship around.
And I hear from her all the timebecause we are gratitude
buddies, so we share gratitudesall the time about how much she
appreciates her relationship nowand it came so far and they're
so happy and they travel aroundand you know their their son is
(46:31):
off and graduated from collegeand their other son has a
girlfriend and like they made itwork and I don't think there's
any any better success storiesthan resuscitating or rescuing a
relationship, because I thinkour relationships are part of
our sole assignment and whywe're here, and I think,
especially in this country, Ithink we just cut ties from
(46:54):
relationships too quicklybecause we can't stand in the
face of the storm and do thework that it takes internally on
our own.
We always think it's the otherperson that has to change.
We're not ready to do the workthat it takes to show up in the
relationship as who we can showup as, and so that's my I'm.
I'm most proud of that.
(47:14):
When this work has helped savesome relationships and marriages
, that's so nice and you don'tget that necessarily in marriage
counseling.
Yeah, a lot of times it'stalking about your past and your
trauma and you know, likehashing all that out, like we
just have to do the inner work,and you know, show up for each
(47:36):
other and lean in and it's allavailable to us.
Michele Folan (47:39):
Yeah, I do have a personal question for you what
is one of your non-negotiableself-care priorities?
What is it?
Something that you have to dofor yourself, without a doubt.
Steffani LeFevour (47:51):
Well, I um, you know I never used to be very
good at habits.
You know I wasn't like amorning person and I didn't have
, you know, wasn't really goodat like morning routines and
stuff.
So I say that because now, ifyou follow me on Instagram,
you'll see that I am verydisciplined, but I never used to
be disciplined.
I made a decision to get moredisciplined.
I used coaching, community andaccountability to get more
(48:14):
disciplined.
Like just recently in my innercircle, I said to them I've been
getting the nudge, I've beenhearing from source that I need
to shake up my morning routineand I want to do a cold plunge
every day for 30 days and it'snot easy, it's hard, but when I
say I'm going to do something, Ido it because I said I would,
(48:39):
for no other reason than becauseI said I would.
So I have a daily practice ofgetting in the cold plunge at 46
degrees for three minutes andit is amazing.
It's so hard and it feels sogood when you're done and it
like skyrockets me to anotherlevel of like confidence.
I'm challenging myself, I'mshowing up for myself when I
(49:03):
decide something is anon-negotiable, like my workouts
or, you know, um, mysupplements, or getting outside
daily or learning a new thing.
I decided it's a non-negotiable.
It's a non-negotiable.
I do it because I have thecommunity and the accountability
that.
So I posted a picture every daya picture or a video of myself
in the cold plunge every day for30 days, because that's massive
(49:26):
accountability.
So that's how you create a newhabit or a non-negotiable you
have someone hold youaccountable and I have that
built into my business that Ilove so much.
These women all decided whattheir non-negotiables were and
they were commenting under thephoto every day.
It's so powerful.
Michele Folan (49:43):
Ah, it's good stuff.
You all need to follow Steffanibecause you will be incredibly
inspired by her, her community.
I've picked up so manywonderful tidbits and habits
that I am using every day, and Iwas so excited when she agreed
(50:04):
to be on the podcast because Ijust I think women in midlife,
Steph, really need to hear this.
They need to be empowered tostep out of their comfort and go
after the thing right.
Shake shit up, yeah.
Steffani LeFevour (50:24):
Shake shit up , right, yeah and use new tools,
because the same things aren'tgoing to get you a different
result.
You know, being reactive tolife, putting out fires
everywhere, always responding toeverybody, serving everyone's
needs before your own, is notgoing to get you a different
result.
Like take your power back.
Step in your power.
Start doing some things for you.
(50:44):
Work on your inner world.
Stop handing away youremotional wellbeing to everyone
outside of you in everycircumstance Because we think,
oh, the school is just so and ohmy God, the government and oh,
my husband, and well, if you sawmy.
Take your power back.
Start with you.
Do the inner work.
All the peace is available, allthe joy is available.
(51:06):
You can choose how you wantyour life to be and you can make
it that way when you're in yourpower, but not when you're in
victimhood.
So it's all available and Ilove sharing that every day I
can and every way I can on myInstagram and speaking of which,
how can people find you?
Yeah, on Instagram I'mcoachwithsteff and that's Steff
(51:27):
with two Fs.
Coachwithsteffcom is also mywebsite, but I live on Instagram
mostly.
I'm on Facebook as well, butthat's about it.
I may have a TikTok page, but Idon't really go on it.
I have a social media VA whoposts on there, so you might
find me on there, but I'm not onthere.
I go live on Instagram a lot.
(51:48):
I share stories a lot.
So, yeah, find me on Instagramand on my website.
Coach with Steph.
Fantastic Steffani LaFevourthank you for being here today.
Thank you, you're so great atthis.
Thanks for having me.
I love it, thank you.
Michele Folan (52:02):
Thank you for listening.
Please rate and review thepodcast where you listen and if
you'd like to join the Askingfor a Friend community, click on
the link in the show notes tosign up for my weekly newsletter
, where I share midlife wellnessand fitness tips, insights, my
favorite finds and recipes.
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