March 30, 2023 • 24 mins
Habits and rituals, two seemingly different words, but really tied very closely together, one just holds a little more power than the other.
The word "ritual" can make some people cringe. It can take your mind all sorts of places, but in this episode I invite you to consider looking at the word slightly differently.
Whether your in the "habits" camp or the "rituals" camp, or possibly even both camps, like I am, one thing is certain, being intentional about your habits is crucial in keeping exhaustion, overwhelm and burnout at bay.
Find out what "ritual" really means, and why it's not just a word for worshiping something.
--------------------------------
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Resources:
Intention-setting Worksheet
Essentialism: The Disciplined Pursuit of Less, Greg McKeown
Atomic Habits, James Clear
#52: Intention-setting for Focus in Life, Energetic Rhythms Phase 1
#54: Taking Action and Letting It Go, Energetic Rhythms Phase 2
More Episodes Like This One:
#68: How to Make Transitions Effortless, Part 1
#69: Three Essentials to Make Transitions Effortless, Part 2
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Cathy (00:00):
Habits and rituals two seemingly different words, but
really tied, very closelytogether.
One just holds a little morepower than the other.
(01:13):
Hey friends.
Welcome to episode 73 of thepodcast.
Because we are talking abouthabits and rituals today, this
episode is brought to you by theintention setting worksheet.
Now in the past, I've oftencalled this the intention
setting ritual worksheet.
So it might give you a littleinsight into why this episode is
(01:34):
brought to you by thatparticular worksheet.
Nonetheless, if you haven't setintentions in the past, or don't
even know what intentions are.
I've got a podcast about that.
You might have to scroll back alittle bit.
I think it's episode 52.
And It's all about beginning toset intentions.
If you haven't set intentionsbefore you don't necessarily.
(01:56):
Have to do anything special.
Although today we're going totalk about how to make that a
little bit more impactful inyour life.
But you certainly can.
I do something special and I'vegot just the tool to help you
with that.
It is this intention settingworksheet.
It walks you through the processof how to set intentions and
just some additional elementsthat could go along with setting
(02:17):
intentions.
So that you have more of alikelihood of aligning your
thoughts, actions, and beliefswith those intentions as you
move throughout the month, theyear, the week, whatever it may
be, that you are settingintentions for.
Find the link in the show notesfor that intention setting
(02:38):
worksheet.
Okay.
Habits versus rituals.
Habits versus rituals.
Rituals sometimes get a bad rap.
People often equate them toeverything from religious
ceremonies to pagan worshipingceremonies.
But in all actuality rituals arereally just a way of deepening
(03:00):
intention and connection.
That being said, we're going tostart first with habits.
Habits as defined by the Oxforddictionary are a settled or
regular tendency or practice.
Especially one that is hard togive up.
I'm going to read that again sothat you can let it sink in.
(03:21):
A habit is a settled or regulartendency or practice, especially
one that is hard to give up.
Now, just like that definitionstates habits are something that
happen regularly.
And often they are automatic.
There are things that we can dowith, or without thinking.
(03:44):
And with, or without intention.
Right.
And they're generally cultivatedover time.
Sometimes there are things thatwe've done.
For as long as we've even beenalive or maybe even before we
were alive.
I know just the other day I wastalking about one of my children
who had a tendency to alwayscross her legs when she was in
my belly.
And she still to this day hasthat tendency to just cross her
(04:06):
little ankles.
Which I think is kind of cool.
So there are these thoughtpatterns or things that we do
sometimes automatically.
Now sometimes habits.
Aren't automatic though.
And we have to work at them totry and cultivate them and to
try and get them to stick in ourpsyche.
They can be developedintentionally or maybe even
unintentionally.
(04:27):
We can put a lot of effort andthought into creating a habit or
into doing a habit like, a yogapractice, for instance.
They might be positive ornegative.
And when you go, when we go backup to that definition and think
that it says especially one thatis hard to give up, those are
most often the negative.
Habits right.
(04:48):
Whether it is, um, somethingthat negatively impacts your
health or negatively impactsothers around you.
Not too often that I can thinkof at least, but maybe you can
think of some, if you can sharethem, are there positive habits
that we need to give up.
I just thought of a reason youmight give up a positive habit.
sometimes, they're positivehabits for us, but because of
(05:10):
the season of life that we'rein.
Maybe.
We have to back off on them alittle bit.
Or set them aside for just, justa while.
Um, but maybe that's cyclical ormaybe that's seasonal and it's
all the rhythm of things.
Right.
So examples that you guys knowof, of habits, and I'm sure
(05:30):
you'll think of far more than Ihave listed here, but things
like brushing your teeth atfirst.
That's not effortless.
That's not easy, but eventuallyit becomes that way.
And it becomes something thatyou don't think about having to
do before you leave the house.
At least I hope you don't.
Sometimes if you're getting upearly in the morning, maybe you
do.
But brushing your teeth is ahabit that sometimes we equate
(05:53):
to or reference when we'relearning something new, we want
it to become as easy andeffortless as brushing our
teeth.
Right.
Flossing is one that's maybe notas easy.
But one that we have to work atto cultivate, at least in, in my
own experience, flossing isn'tas easy and effortless as
brushing my teeth is, but I'msure working on it.
Other examples of habits wouldbe the way you make your coffee.
(06:16):
I bet you have some sort oflittle routine that you do when
you make your coffee or your teain the morning, or maybe in the
afternoon.
Uh, what's the first thing thatyou do when you wake up or when
you get to work, those arehabits.
Practicing yoga, like I said,that that's a habit that it has
to be cultivated playing amusical instrument, drinking
enough water throughout the day.
Um, the way you talk toyourself, that's a habit,
(06:38):
whether it's positive ornegative, or maybe a little bit
of both.
Drinking too much, smoking orovereating, those are all those
negative habits that maybe havea negative impact on us.
The way you schedule your time,whether you fill your schedule
completely, or maybe not at all,or over-schedule.
Or maybe you schedule just rightfor you and you feel calm and,
(07:00):
at ease all the time.
The way you parent, the way youapproach life in general.
So whether you're maybe anover-functioner or an under
functioner, um, Those could beways that you approach life, um,
or just, just the mentality thatyou have when you, when you look
at life, if you're a sour grapeor if you always find the silver
(07:20):
lining in things.
And the way you interact withyour spouse.
And the way that you respond tosurprises in life or unexpected
things that come up, um, you,whether you get triggered or
whether you have a calm way ofzooming out and looking at those
unexpected events or thosesurprises in a different light.
Those are all habits that wehave in our lives.
(07:43):
And that list is by all meansnot all encompassing or
comprehensive.
Those are just some of them thatoff the top of my head.
I can think of as habits thatyou might relate to and you
might think, oh yeah, I can wrapmy mind around how those things
become habits.
And maybe you already knew thatthey were habits.
This habit stuff is kind ofhonestly review because you
(08:05):
probably know that you have someof these habits, but some of
those deeper ones, like the wayyou parent, the way you approach
life, the way you talk toyourself, you may not realize
that those are habits that youhave.
So I want to bring awareness tothose as well.
Now let's break down thatdefinition a little bit further.
It begins with saying a settled.
Or regular tendency.
So settled.
(08:25):
When we talk about settled, itmeans that you're comfortable
with it.
It means that you have come intoyour own space, come into this
place of being, and that you'recomfortable and it's familiar.
So habits can have a tendency tobe comfortable.
And familiar.
Right?
They are familiar becausethey're habits.
(08:47):
When you're intentionallybeginning a new habit, it's not
necessarily settled though.
It takes practice andconsistency.
And I talk about that inepisodes 68 and 69.
When I talk about transitionsabout how sometimes those
transitions can be a little bitmessy, but we can do some things
to make them more effortless.
But it's not necessarily settledand there are endless tips out
(09:10):
there to help you make habits,stick and make them more
effortless.
And actually two of my favoritebooks on these topics.
Specifically are atomic habitsby James clear.
And effortless by, um, Oh,goodness.
McCowen.
Greg McCowen.
Um, I'll link to those in theshow notes as well.
(09:32):
So you can check those out ifyou want, but.
Sometimes habits, aren't alwayseasy to stick, right?
The ones that we want to try andcultivate, I'm sure at first,
when you're a kid growing up,because I'm experiencing this
with my own kids, brushing yourteeth is a bit of an effort to
remember, to do or, um, to do,to just have the internal
motivation to actually do.
(09:53):
But now as an adult, my guess isbrushing your teeth is kind of
an effortless thing.
And I keep going back to thatbecause it's the one that's kind
of universal that everybody.
Um, kind of agrees upon at leastwhere we are that brushing your
teeth is a good thing.
Right?
So.
That becomes more effortless.
You're settled into the thinginto the, into the habit that
you brush your teeth every day.
(10:14):
Hopefully it's a settled habit.
Right?
Okay.
And the next part of thatdefinition says regular
tendency, which means in my mindit happens.
Often.
Now it may be one of thosethings that you start and stop
doing.
Rhythmically or cyclically,right?
At various times throughout yourlife for various seasons of your
(10:35):
life.
But overall, maybe the generalfeeling is that this habit you
are going to keep coming backto.
Now, let's look at it from theflip side.
So what if exercising orpracticing yoga or doing thought
work or being compassionate withyourself is the habit that you
are trying to cultivate in yourlife.
But you have the tendency.
(10:56):
To not do that, or it's a littlebit harder to do those things
because the habit that you'retrying to break is not
exercising or not practicing,not moving your body.
Um, talking to yourselfnegatively.
So for every habit that you'retrying to create, there's likely
a habit that you're also tryingto break.
And that habit can be hard tobreak.
(11:19):
It can be hard to break yourselfof and relearn a new way of
doing things.
Some of these habits may be soset in your psyche that you
don't even realize you're doingthem.
And so it just takes the firstact of awareness to begin to
change that habit.
Like maybe you didn't evenrealize you were talking
negatively to yourself in yourmind, or maybe you didn't even
(11:40):
realize you were not beingcompassionate with yourself and
you were over-schedulingyourself.
Maybe you didn't even realizethat until something happens
that you realize, oh, yikes.
I have a bad habit ofover-committing or of trying to
do all the things and then beingcompletely exhausted and worn
out.
I want to break that habit.
(12:02):
And once you have thatrealization, then you can start
to do the work, to break thehabit and to change the habit or
to cultivate new habits, whichis a beautiful thing.
So that's habits for you,friends, habits are those things
that, I mean, you know, prettycommonplace, they're kind of the
boring one.
They're the ones that, thethings that we do all the time,
or maybe that we want to do allthe time, and we want them to
(12:24):
become automatic so automaticthat we don't really have to
think about them.
Because it's when they becomeautomatic, that you can begin to
turn them into a ritual if youso choose to.
Now when I say ritual, hang withme.
Okay.
Resist the urge, if you justhate that word, if you just
cringe at it, resist the urge toturn this off.
(12:46):
Listen on, because I'm going totell you maybe a little bit
different way of thinking aboutrituals than you have thought of
in the past.
Okay.
My definition of a ritual is asacred way of putting your
spirit and authenticity into ahabit to give it more meaning in
your life.
(13:07):
And intentional act that resultsfrom an increase in the amount
of attention or energy you putinto it.
I'm going to read that again anda little bit more slowly because
there's a lot in that littledefinition and I want you to
just start pulling nuggets awayfrom it and start to let it sink
in.
(13:29):
So a ritual is a sacred way ofputting your spirit and
authenticity into a habit togive it more meaning in your
life.
It's an intentional act thatresults from an increase in the
amount of attention or energy.
(13:49):
You put into it.
Boom.
That can be pretty darnpowerful.
I want to point out that it doesnot have to do with anything
religious or non-religious thiscan be anything.
That you are putting moreintention into.
It's about putting thatintention into something that
(14:10):
you do over and over again, sothat when you do it, It creates
a specific outcome.
It creates an intended outcomefor you.
And then once you've createdthat outcome or the outcome that
you want.
You can do things like anchoryourself into that state so that
you can return to that state,that emotional state.
Anytime you want, even if youhaven't done that particular
(14:33):
ritual.
So I've done this with my yogapractice.
I'll just give you a quickexample.
I've anchored in the way that Ifeel at the end of my yoga
practice.
So that I can apply my anchor,which is just squeezing the
space in between my finger andthumb on my left hand.
And once I do, it immediatelybrings me back to this feeling
(14:56):
of energized, calm.
And I can apply that anchoranytime I want to.
And the more often I apply it.
The more I come back to thatstate.
My point is that my yogapractice tends to be a ritual
that I do to put myself in aspecific emotional state.
To create a different outcome ora desired outcome, depending on
(15:19):
the amount of energy andattention that I put into it.
And once you put that intentiontowards anything, you can anchor
any sort of emotional state orfeeling that you've come into
and allow yourself to hold on tothat.
So a ritual allows you to dothose sorts of things and allows
you to create who you want to bein this world in a sense.
(15:45):
Rituals might also evenencourage you to continue with
the habit because it creates aspecific feeling when you do
that ritual.
It's when rituals become rote oras though you're just going
through the motions that that'sa signal that something needs to
change or be adjusted within theritual that you, that you're
doing in order to bring meaningback to it.
(16:05):
And that just might beremembering why you do the
ritual in the first place orthat it is indeed a ritual and
not just a habit.
But rituals should have meaning,and the caution or the red flag
would be when they start to justbecome everyday practice and
they become more habitual andnot so much ritual.
(16:25):
That we start to lose the edgein them, I guess.
And I'm thinking specifically,With a yoga practice here, but
really in anything because whenit doesn't have that, meaning
it's not so ritualistic anymore.
I also want to point out thatrituals have nothing to do with
religion, even though theycould, but instead everything,
to do with habits.
(16:47):
Rituals are a habit that becomesso familiar that you can give it
more meaning by making it aritual by making it more special
or important in your life byelevating it or going deeper
with it, and by doing so it getsanchored into your psyche as
something positive and somethingthat you want to keep coming
back to.
(17:07):
So it absolutely can keepencouraging you to do something.
It fulfills something within youthat may not otherwise be filled
simply by going through themotions and doing something as a
habit, like brushing your teeth.
My guess is you're not going tocreate a ritual around brushing
your teeth, but maybe you are,maybe you absolutely are.
Maybe you create a ritual aroundflossing, your teeth.
(17:29):
So that's something that, you doa little bit more of.
But my guess is you're probablynot going to oh, light some
candles.
And, and, uh, clear the spaceand get your favorite things out
to create that ritual forbrushing your teeth.
Right?
The ritual is when you take ahabit that you want to assign
more meaning to it or elevate itin your life and you make it
(17:51):
more ritualistic, but how do youdo that?
Right.
How do you do that?
You incorporate the things.
That puts you in the frame ofmind that you want to be in.
I mentioned lighting a candle.
So maybe it's lighting a candle.
Maybe it is clearing the space.
Maybe it is.
Putting on some music.
(18:13):
There are little things you cando to create more of a
ritualistic feeling.
And you can even do this withmundane tasks that are hard to
do or that you don't want to doin order to make them more
enjoyable.
Right.
So one example of that would belike the way you do your
finances.
Maybe if this is something thatyou really hate doing is sitting
down to do a budget each monthor sitting down to, um, balance
(18:33):
a checkbook or whatever it maybe.
Maybe you make that moreritualistic by.
Lighting a candle putting onmusic that you enjoy listening
to grabbing your favorite snackor your favorite beverage and
making it something that hasmore meaning.
So that it's something you lookforward to.
Generally rituals are somethingthat you can look forward to.
(18:56):
And you want to be able to lookforward to them because they
fill you up a little bit more.
As I said, rituals, incorporatethings that put you into the
frame of mind that you want tobe in.
Maybe you want to be more calm.
maybe you want to be, feel safe,maybe you want to be more
present.
Maybe you want to be moreconnected.
Whatever it is.
Creating a ritual around thatfeeling or around allowing you
(19:19):
to feel that feeling can make amundane task have more meaning
in your life.
Anything can become ritualistic.
Now I kind of joked aboutbrushing your teeth.
But I suppose if you wanted to,you could absolutely create a
ritual around that.
I also mentioned that a yogapractice can be ritual.
Once, you know, a yoga practice,so well, you're able to deepen
(19:42):
your connection with it andstart to add other elements into
your practice, whether it'spaying more attention to your
body sensations or your breath,or maybe incorporating a mantra.
Those are all ways that you canstep on your mat and create a
ritualistic feeling.
And a ritualistic way of moving.
To be in your yoga practice.
(20:05):
Some other ways that some otherthings that you do throughout
your day, that you mightconsider creating a ritual
around would be maybe the wayyou make your coffee or your
tea.
Maybe that allows you to pauseand just be more intentional
while you wait for the coffee tobrew, or while you wait for the
tea to steep, or the water tothe water to warm.
Maybe you have a monthlyintention setting ritual that
(20:29):
you do.
Like I said, when I referencedepisode 52, it is all about
intention setting for focus inlife.
Maybe each month you sit downand use not only your own
rhythms, but also the moon cycleto set intentions.
I definitely encourage thataround here.
In fact, if you've listen tothis podcast for any sort of
(20:49):
time, you know, that that'ssomething that I do regularly as
well.
And some of the things that Isometimes do when I do this
ritual are to clear the air orthe space with either a room
spray or Sage or Palo Santo.
You might also bring in thingsthat inspire you, like crystals
or candles or music, or otherthings that you can look at that
(21:10):
helped you feel inspired, maybeit's a favorite pen or a
favorite journal where you keepall of your intentions.
Those are all ways to makeintention setting more real,
more ritualistic.
Those are all ways to makeintention setting.
More ritualistic.
Now you can also do that withyour monthly releasing
meditation or releasing ceremonythat you do each month.
(21:34):
Letting go is important.
And I talk about that inepisode, probably it would be 54
or 55, maybe.
Um, if I'm just consideringfrom.
My other reference to intentionsetting.
Um, but a monthly releasingritual.
Same things apply as theintention setting ritual, except
maybe this time you incorporate.
(21:56):
Um, someplace where you're maybedoing this around a fire, or you
have the ability to burn somethings to actually get rid of
some of those.
Things that you write down thatyou want to release from your
life.
There's lots of ways that youcan do that.
Maybe it's a weekly or annualplanning that you turn into a
ritual.
Um, the way that you enter intowork on a Monday morning and
(22:17):
decide you want to plan out yourweek, or maybe you do this on a
Sunday afternoon, you create aritual around it.
Maybe it's your bedtime routineor practice that you do in order
to communicate rest to yourbody.
There's so many things that youcan create rituals around and
just place more intention intohow you're doing these everyday
habits that you have.
(22:38):
You might have already have somerituals that you don't even
realize you do that are actuallyvery ritualistic.
Maybe it's the way you run yourbath or maybe it's where you sit
when you read or do somethingelse that fills you up.
Or maybe it actually is prayer.
Perhaps you want to be moreintentional about making time to
pray and put your concerns andrequests out there.
(22:59):
Rituals help you feel moreconnected to regular daily
habits or things you do to carefor yourself and bring more
intention into your life.
Sure.
There are definitely ritualswith religious ceremonies and
beliefs, as well asnon-religious or pagan beliefs
in ceremonies.
But just because something is aritual doesn't mean it has to be
(23:20):
tied to a belief system.
Rituals deepen impact.
They bring meaning andconnection.
And sometimes that connection issimply with knowing yourself on
a deeper level.
And sometimes it's just helpingyou come back to the present
moment instead of living for thefuture or in the past.
It is my hope friends that fromthis episode, you have learned
(23:44):
what a ritual really is or whatit really means to do something
ritually.
And why it's not just anotherword for worshiping something.
Until next week you've beenlistening to Health Harmony and
Happiness with Cathy.
Cheers to cultivating your ownversion of health harmony and
happiness in your life
Habits and rituals two seemingly different words, but
really tied, very closelytogether.
One just holds a little morepower than the other.
(01:13):
Hey friends.
Welcome to episode 73 of thepodcast.
Because we are talking abouthabits and rituals today, this
episode is brought to you by theintention setting worksheet.
Now in the past, I've oftencalled this the intention
setting ritual worksheet.
So it might give you a littleinsight into why this episode is
(01:34):
brought to you by thatparticular worksheet.
Nonetheless, if you haven't setintentions in the past, or don't
even know what intentions are.
I've got a podcast about that.
You might have to scroll back alittle bit.
I think it's episode 52.
And It's all about beginning toset intentions.
If you haven't set intentionsbefore you don't necessarily.
(01:56):
Have to do anything special.
Although today we're going totalk about how to make that a
little bit more impactful inyour life.
But you certainly can.
I do something special and I'vegot just the tool to help you
with that.
It is this intention settingworksheet.
It walks you through the processof how to set intentions and
just some additional elementsthat could go along with setting
(02:17):
intentions.
So that you have more of alikelihood of aligning your
thoughts, actions, and beliefswith those intentions as you
move throughout the month, theyear, the week, whatever it may
be, that you are settingintentions for.
Find the link in the show notesfor that intention setting
(02:38):
worksheet.
Okay.
Habits versus rituals.
Habits versus rituals.
Rituals sometimes get a bad rap.
People often equate them toeverything from religious
ceremonies to pagan worshipingceremonies.
But in all actuality rituals arereally just a way of deepening
(03:00):
intention and connection.
That being said, we're going tostart first with habits.
Habits as defined by the Oxforddictionary are a settled or
regular tendency or practice.
Especially one that is hard togive up.
I'm going to read that again sothat you can let it sink in.
(03:21):
A habit is a settled or regulartendency or practice, especially
one that is hard to give up.
Now, just like that definitionstates habits are something that
happen regularly.
And often they are automatic.
There are things that we can dowith, or without thinking.
(03:44):
And with, or without intention.
Right.
And they're generally cultivatedover time.
Sometimes there are things thatwe've done.
For as long as we've even beenalive or maybe even before we
were alive.
I know just the other day I wastalking about one of my children
who had a tendency to alwayscross her legs when she was in
my belly.
And she still to this day hasthat tendency to just cross her
(04:06):
little ankles.
Which I think is kind of cool.
So there are these thoughtpatterns or things that we do
sometimes automatically.
Now sometimes habits.
Aren't automatic though.
And we have to work at them totry and cultivate them and to
try and get them to stick in ourpsyche.
They can be developedintentionally or maybe even
unintentionally.
(04:27):
We can put a lot of effort andthought into creating a habit or
into doing a habit like, a yogapractice, for instance.
They might be positive ornegative.
And when you go, when we go backup to that definition and think
that it says especially one thatis hard to give up, those are
most often the negative.
Habits right.
(04:48):
Whether it is, um, somethingthat negatively impacts your
health or negatively impactsothers around you.
Not too often that I can thinkof at least, but maybe you can
think of some, if you can sharethem, are there positive habits
that we need to give up.
I just thought of a reason youmight give up a positive habit.
sometimes, they're positivehabits for us, but because of
(05:10):
the season of life that we'rein.
Maybe.
We have to back off on them alittle bit.
Or set them aside for just, justa while.
Um, but maybe that's cyclical ormaybe that's seasonal and it's
all the rhythm of things.
Right.
So examples that you guys knowof, of habits, and I'm sure
(05:30):
you'll think of far more than Ihave listed here, but things
like brushing your teeth atfirst.
That's not effortless.
That's not easy, but eventuallyit becomes that way.
And it becomes something thatyou don't think about having to
do before you leave the house.
At least I hope you don't.
Sometimes if you're getting upearly in the morning, maybe you
do.
But brushing your teeth is ahabit that sometimes we equate
(05:53):
to or reference when we'relearning something new, we want
it to become as easy andeffortless as brushing our
teeth.
Right.
Flossing is one that's maybe notas easy.
But one that we have to work atto cultivate, at least in, in my
own experience, flossing isn'tas easy and effortless as
brushing my teeth is, but I'msure working on it.
Other examples of habits wouldbe the way you make your coffee.
(06:16):
I bet you have some sort oflittle routine that you do when
you make your coffee or your teain the morning, or maybe in the
afternoon.
Uh, what's the first thing thatyou do when you wake up or when
you get to work, those arehabits.
Practicing yoga, like I said,that that's a habit that it has
to be cultivated playing amusical instrument, drinking
enough water throughout the day.
Um, the way you talk toyourself, that's a habit,
(06:38):
whether it's positive ornegative, or maybe a little bit
of both.
Drinking too much, smoking orovereating, those are all those
negative habits that maybe havea negative impact on us.
The way you schedule your time,whether you fill your schedule
completely, or maybe not at all,or over-schedule.
Or maybe you schedule just rightfor you and you feel calm and,
(07:00):
at ease all the time.
The way you parent, the way youapproach life in general.
So whether you're maybe anover-functioner or an under
functioner, um, Those could beways that you approach life, um,
or just, just the mentality thatyou have when you, when you look
at life, if you're a sour grapeor if you always find the silver
(07:20):
lining in things.
And the way you interact withyour spouse.
And the way that you respond tosurprises in life or unexpected
things that come up, um, you,whether you get triggered or
whether you have a calm way ofzooming out and looking at those
unexpected events or thosesurprises in a different light.
Those are all habits that wehave in our lives.
(07:43):
And that list is by all meansnot all encompassing or
comprehensive.
Those are just some of them thatoff the top of my head.
I can think of as habits thatyou might relate to and you
might think, oh yeah, I can wrapmy mind around how those things
become habits.
And maybe you already knew thatthey were habits.
This habit stuff is kind ofhonestly review because you
(08:05):
probably know that you have someof these habits, but some of
those deeper ones, like the wayyou parent, the way you approach
life, the way you talk toyourself, you may not realize
that those are habits that youhave.
So I want to bring awareness tothose as well.
Now let's break down thatdefinition a little bit further.
It begins with saying a settled.
Or regular tendency.
So settled.
(08:25):
When we talk about settled, itmeans that you're comfortable
with it.
It means that you have come intoyour own space, come into this
place of being, and that you'recomfortable and it's familiar.
So habits can have a tendency tobe comfortable.
And familiar.
Right?
They are familiar becausethey're habits.
(08:47):
When you're intentionallybeginning a new habit, it's not
necessarily settled though.
It takes practice andconsistency.
And I talk about that inepisodes 68 and 69.
When I talk about transitionsabout how sometimes those
transitions can be a little bitmessy, but we can do some things
to make them more effortless.
But it's not necessarily settledand there are endless tips out
(09:10):
there to help you make habits,stick and make them more
effortless.
And actually two of my favoritebooks on these topics.
Specifically are atomic habitsby James clear.
And effortless by, um, Oh,goodness.
McCowen.
Greg McCowen.
Um, I'll link to those in theshow notes as well.
(09:32):
So you can check those out ifyou want, but.
Sometimes habits, aren't alwayseasy to stick, right?
The ones that we want to try andcultivate, I'm sure at first,
when you're a kid growing up,because I'm experiencing this
with my own kids, brushing yourteeth is a bit of an effort to
remember, to do or, um, to do,to just have the internal
motivation to actually do.
(09:53):
But now as an adult, my guess isbrushing your teeth is kind of
an effortless thing.
And I keep going back to thatbecause it's the one that's kind
of universal that everybody.
Um, kind of agrees upon at leastwhere we are that brushing your
teeth is a good thing.
Right?
So.
That becomes more effortless.
You're settled into the thinginto the, into the habit that
you brush your teeth every day.
(10:14):
Hopefully it's a settled habit.
Right?
Okay.
And the next part of thatdefinition says regular
tendency, which means in my mindit happens.
Often.
Now it may be one of thosethings that you start and stop
doing.
Rhythmically or cyclically,right?
At various times throughout yourlife for various seasons of your
(10:35):
life.
But overall, maybe the generalfeeling is that this habit you
are going to keep coming backto.
Now, let's look at it from theflip side.
So what if exercising orpracticing yoga or doing thought
work or being compassionate withyourself is the habit that you
are trying to cultivate in yourlife.
But you have the tendency.
(10:56):
To not do that, or it's a littlebit harder to do those things
because the habit that you'retrying to break is not
exercising or not practicing,not moving your body.
Um, talking to yourselfnegatively.
So for every habit that you'retrying to create, there's likely
a habit that you're also tryingto break.
And that habit can be hard tobreak.
(11:19):
It can be hard to break yourselfof and relearn a new way of
doing things.
Some of these habits may be soset in your psyche that you
don't even realize you're doingthem.
And so it just takes the firstact of awareness to begin to
change that habit.
Like maybe you didn't evenrealize you were talking
negatively to yourself in yourmind, or maybe you didn't even
(11:40):
realize you were not beingcompassionate with yourself and
you were over-schedulingyourself.
Maybe you didn't even realizethat until something happens
that you realize, oh, yikes.
I have a bad habit ofover-committing or of trying to
do all the things and then beingcompletely exhausted and worn
out.
I want to break that habit.
(12:02):
And once you have thatrealization, then you can start
to do the work, to break thehabit and to change the habit or
to cultivate new habits, whichis a beautiful thing.
So that's habits for you,friends, habits are those things
that, I mean, you know, prettycommonplace, they're kind of the
boring one.
They're the ones that, thethings that we do all the time,
or maybe that we want to do allthe time, and we want them to
(12:24):
become automatic so automaticthat we don't really have to
think about them.
Because it's when they becomeautomatic, that you can begin to
turn them into a ritual if youso choose to.
Now when I say ritual, hang withme.
Okay.
Resist the urge, if you justhate that word, if you just
cringe at it, resist the urge toturn this off.
(12:46):
Listen on, because I'm going totell you maybe a little bit
different way of thinking aboutrituals than you have thought of
in the past.
Okay.
My definition of a ritual is asacred way of putting your
spirit and authenticity into ahabit to give it more meaning in
your life.
(13:07):
And intentional act that resultsfrom an increase in the amount
of attention or energy you putinto it.
I'm going to read that again anda little bit more slowly because
there's a lot in that littledefinition and I want you to
just start pulling nuggets awayfrom it and start to let it sink
in.
(13:29):
So a ritual is a sacred way ofputting your spirit and
authenticity into a habit togive it more meaning in your
life.
It's an intentional act thatresults from an increase in the
amount of attention or energy.
(13:49):
You put into it.
Boom.
That can be pretty darnpowerful.
I want to point out that it doesnot have to do with anything
religious or non-religious thiscan be anything.
That you are putting moreintention into.
It's about putting thatintention into something that
(14:10):
you do over and over again, sothat when you do it, It creates
a specific outcome.
It creates an intended outcomefor you.
And then once you've createdthat outcome or the outcome that
you want.
You can do things like anchoryourself into that state so that
you can return to that state,that emotional state.
Anytime you want, even if youhaven't done that particular
(14:33):
ritual.
So I've done this with my yogapractice.
I'll just give you a quickexample.
I've anchored in the way that Ifeel at the end of my yoga
practice.
So that I can apply my anchor,which is just squeezing the
space in between my finger andthumb on my left hand.
And once I do, it immediatelybrings me back to this feeling
(14:56):
of energized, calm.
And I can apply that anchoranytime I want to.
And the more often I apply it.
The more I come back to thatstate.
My point is that my yogapractice tends to be a ritual
that I do to put myself in aspecific emotional state.
To create a different outcome ora desired outcome, depending on
(15:19):
the amount of energy andattention that I put into it.
And once you put that intentiontowards anything, you can anchor
any sort of emotional state orfeeling that you've come into
and allow yourself to hold on tothat.
So a ritual allows you to dothose sorts of things and allows
you to create who you want to bein this world in a sense.
(15:45):
Rituals might also evenencourage you to continue with
the habit because it creates aspecific feeling when you do
that ritual.
It's when rituals become rote oras though you're just going
through the motions that that'sa signal that something needs to
change or be adjusted within theritual that you, that you're
doing in order to bring meaningback to it.
(16:05):
And that just might beremembering why you do the
ritual in the first place orthat it is indeed a ritual and
not just a habit.
But rituals should have meaning,and the caution or the red flag
would be when they start to justbecome everyday practice and
they become more habitual andnot so much ritual.
(16:25):
That we start to lose the edgein them, I guess.
And I'm thinking specifically,With a yoga practice here, but
really in anything because whenit doesn't have that, meaning
it's not so ritualistic anymore.
I also want to point out thatrituals have nothing to do with
religion, even though theycould, but instead everything,
to do with habits.
(16:47):
Rituals are a habit that becomesso familiar that you can give it
more meaning by making it aritual by making it more special
or important in your life byelevating it or going deeper
with it, and by doing so it getsanchored into your psyche as
something positive and somethingthat you want to keep coming
back to.
(17:07):
So it absolutely can keepencouraging you to do something.
It fulfills something within youthat may not otherwise be filled
simply by going through themotions and doing something as a
habit, like brushing your teeth.
My guess is you're not going tocreate a ritual around brushing
your teeth, but maybe you are,maybe you absolutely are.
Maybe you create a ritual aroundflossing, your teeth.
(17:29):
So that's something that, you doa little bit more of.
But my guess is you're probablynot going to oh, light some
candles.
And, and, uh, clear the spaceand get your favorite things out
to create that ritual forbrushing your teeth.
Right?
The ritual is when you take ahabit that you want to assign
more meaning to it or elevate itin your life and you make it
(17:51):
more ritualistic, but how do youdo that?
Right.
How do you do that?
You incorporate the things.
That puts you in the frame ofmind that you want to be in.
I mentioned lighting a candle.
So maybe it's lighting a candle.
Maybe it is clearing the space.
Maybe it is.
Putting on some music.
(18:13):
There are little things you cando to create more of a
ritualistic feeling.
And you can even do this withmundane tasks that are hard to
do or that you don't want to doin order to make them more
enjoyable.
Right.
So one example of that would belike the way you do your
finances.
Maybe if this is something thatyou really hate doing is sitting
down to do a budget each monthor sitting down to, um, balance
(18:33):
a checkbook or whatever it maybe.
Maybe you make that moreritualistic by.
Lighting a candle putting onmusic that you enjoy listening
to grabbing your favorite snackor your favorite beverage and
making it something that hasmore meaning.
So that it's something you lookforward to.
Generally rituals are somethingthat you can look forward to.
(18:56):
And you want to be able to lookforward to them because they
fill you up a little bit more.
As I said, rituals, incorporatethings that put you into the
frame of mind that you want tobe in.
Maybe you want to be more calm.
maybe you want to be, feel safe,maybe you want to be more
present.
Maybe you want to be moreconnected.
Whatever it is.
Creating a ritual around thatfeeling or around allowing you
(19:19):
to feel that feeling can make amundane task have more meaning
in your life.
Anything can become ritualistic.
Now I kind of joked aboutbrushing your teeth.
But I suppose if you wanted to,you could absolutely create a
ritual around that.
I also mentioned that a yogapractice can be ritual.
Once, you know, a yoga practice,so well, you're able to deepen
(19:42):
your connection with it andstart to add other elements into
your practice, whether it'spaying more attention to your
body sensations or your breath,or maybe incorporating a mantra.
Those are all ways that you canstep on your mat and create a
ritualistic feeling.
And a ritualistic way of moving.
To be in your yoga practice.
(20:05):
Some other ways that some otherthings that you do throughout
your day, that you mightconsider creating a ritual
around would be maybe the wayyou make your coffee or your
tea.
Maybe that allows you to pauseand just be more intentional
while you wait for the coffee tobrew, or while you wait for the
tea to steep, or the water tothe water to warm.
Maybe you have a monthlyintention setting ritual that
(20:29):
you do.
Like I said, when I referencedepisode 52, it is all about
intention setting for focus inlife.
Maybe each month you sit downand use not only your own
rhythms, but also the moon cycleto set intentions.
I definitely encourage thataround here.
In fact, if you've listen tothis podcast for any sort of
(20:49):
time, you know, that that'ssomething that I do regularly as
well.
And some of the things that Isometimes do when I do this
ritual are to clear the air orthe space with either a room
spray or Sage or Palo Santo.
You might also bring in thingsthat inspire you, like crystals
or candles or music, or otherthings that you can look at that
(21:10):
helped you feel inspired, maybeit's a favorite pen or a
favorite journal where you keepall of your intentions.
Those are all ways to makeintention setting more real,
more ritualistic.
Those are all ways to makeintention setting.
More ritualistic.
Now you can also do that withyour monthly releasing
meditation or releasing ceremonythat you do each month.
(21:34):
Letting go is important.
And I talk about that inepisode, probably it would be 54
or 55, maybe.
Um, if I'm just consideringfrom.
My other reference to intentionsetting.
Um, but a monthly releasingritual.
Same things apply as theintention setting ritual, except
maybe this time you incorporate.
(21:56):
Um, someplace where you're maybedoing this around a fire, or you
have the ability to burn somethings to actually get rid of
some of those.
Things that you write down thatyou want to release from your
life.
There's lots of ways that youcan do that.
Maybe it's a weekly or annualplanning that you turn into a
ritual.
Um, the way that you enter intowork on a Monday morning and
(22:17):
decide you want to plan out yourweek, or maybe you do this on a
Sunday afternoon, you create aritual around it.
Maybe it's your bedtime routineor practice that you do in order
to communicate rest to yourbody.
There's so many things that youcan create rituals around and
just place more intention intohow you're doing these everyday
habits that you have.
(22:38):
You might have already have somerituals that you don't even
realize you do that are actuallyvery ritualistic.
Maybe it's the way you run yourbath or maybe it's where you sit
when you read or do somethingelse that fills you up.
Or maybe it actually is prayer.
Perhaps you want to be moreintentional about making time to
pray and put your concerns andrequests out there.
(22:59):
Rituals help you feel moreconnected to regular daily
habits or things you do to carefor yourself and bring more
intention into your life.
Sure.
There are definitely ritualswith religious ceremonies and
beliefs, as well asnon-religious or pagan beliefs
in ceremonies.
But just because something is aritual doesn't mean it has to be
(23:20):
tied to a belief system.
Rituals deepen impact.
They bring meaning andconnection.
And sometimes that connection issimply with knowing yourself on
a deeper level.
And sometimes it's just helpingyou come back to the present
moment instead of living for thefuture or in the past.
It is my hope friends that fromthis episode, you have learned
(23:44):
what a ritual really is or whatit really means to do something
ritually.
And why it's not just anotherword for worshiping something.
Until next week you've beenlistening to Health Harmony and
Happiness with Cathy.
Cheers to cultivating your ownversion of health harmony and
happiness in your life
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