March 11, 2024 • 37 mins
Have you ever caught yourself in a whirlwind of motherhood, yearning for a pinch of serenity amidst the chaos? Jen Larimore, the soothing force from the Mom First podcast, joins us to unwrap the joys often overlooked in our jam-packed schedules. Her wisdom, infused with personal anecdotes, offers a treasure trove of strategies to find that sweet spot of calm and presence that every mom craves.
This conversation isn't just about keeping your head above water; it's a deep dive into crafting a life brimming with joy and gratitude. We tackle the sneaky return of busy calendars in the post-pandemic world and share a simple, sensory exercise that promises to elevate your mental fitness. Whether you're a high achiever or a stay-at-home mom, the journey to infusing fun into your ambition begins here.
And for the moms out there trying to lead by example, we've got you covered. From setting attainable fitness targets like a daily dash of yoga, to modeling the pursuit of happiness for our kiddos, we're dishing out inspiration. Come for the practical tips, stay for the heartwarming stories, and let us accompany you in transforming your parenting journey into an adventure that's as fulfilling as it is joyful.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:03):
Hey there, welcome to the Hot Mess Mom Health Podcast
.
Do you wish you could find asustainable way to get healthy
and not feel overwhelmed in theprocess?
Do you find yourself up late atnight scouring Pinterest for
meal prep ideas and quickworkouts?
Do you wake up with big,ambitious goals only to feel
stressed out and disappointedwhen you fall back in your old
habits?
Drive through the Chick-fil-Adrive-through for the second
(00:25):
time this week, all while thefresh produce you just bought
goes bad?
Hey, I'm Rebecca.
I too am a working mom of twolittle and self-proclaimed Hot
Mess Mom.
All my life I've struggled withtrying to maintain a healthy
weight and feel good in my skin.
I could add yoyo diet or to myresume.
After I packed on 50 pluspounds with two pregnancies, I
(00:45):
decided to change for good.
I wanted to stop obsessingabout food, stay consistent and
set a good, healthy example formy kids, but I kept telling
myself that I didn't have thetime, the energy or
accountability to stay on track,until I changed my mindset and
created one healthy habit at atime.
In this podcast, you will findsimple, actionable steps that
you can create a healthylifestyle and get relief from
(01:07):
the overwhelm.
Spray that dry shampoo, grabyour iced coffee, turn up the
volume and let's get healthy.
Hey there, happy Monday andwelcome back to another episode
of Hot Mess, mom Health.
I'm so grateful that you arehere with me this week.
You are in for a treat.
This week I have an interviewwith Jen Larmor from the Mom
(01:30):
First podcast.
She is an amazing working momof five littles, which I'm just
an all by because I canliterally barely handle the two
humans that I am raising.
But she is an amazing podcasterand she has a really cool
segment on her podcast calledCall to Joy.
I was really drawn to itbecause, if you've listened to
(01:51):
my podcast episodes, I had amessage this year of just
choosing joy more often,especially in situations where I
usually see the glass halfempty.
In this podcast we dive intobeing a busy, crazy, working mom
and finding joy in littlemoments, in things that we're
doing and ways to keep our selfcalm.
(02:14):
Jen has a really calming senseabout her which I'm an all about
completely because I know how Iam in my life and she on her
podcast just brings this reallycalming nature to you.
She leaves really greattactical tips almost every
single episode, so I highlyrecommend on any of your podcast
apps tuning in to the Mom Firstpodcast and, without further
(02:37):
ado, on to the interview.
Hi Jen, welcome to the Hot MessMom Health podcast.
Speaker 2 (02:43):
Thanks so much for having me.
I'm so pumped to be here, yes.
Speaker 1 (02:47):
Thank you for taking time out of your day to be here
For everyone out there listening.
There's a lot of negativesabout social media that I will
go on about, but there are somepositives, and the biggest
positive is being connected topeople that you would not meet
necessarily in regular everydaylife, and that's how I was
connected through Jen.
She has a podcast andimmediately when I started
(03:08):
listening to it it's called MomFirst.
It spoke to me and she has awhole segment about choosing joy
, and I just love that, becauseI'm actually the process of
getting a tattoo on my wrist.
This is choose joy, because Ithink it is something that is
the missing piece of what, asworking, busy moms were missing.
We are missing that joycomponent and I had to bring Jen
on because I wanted her toshare all of her wisdom and
(03:30):
knowledge in that topic with youguys, because it's definitely
something I struggle with and Ithink a lot of women do, and Jen
just has this calmness abouther and she really speaks to me
about that.
So I think she's going to helpa lot of you listeners out there
just find joy in your life.
So thank you so much for comingon.
Why don't you tell my audiencea little bit about yourself.
Speaker 2 (03:49):
Well, thank you so much.
That was just incredible and sokind.
So I'd love to share a littlebit about my personal background
.
So I'm 42 years old, I'm a momof five, I live in the Midwest
and so I definitely as a mom offive and a busy working mom at
(04:09):
that I am an attorney bytraining.
I currently work in higher edand as a life coach as well, and
then I do this podcast.
My kids, like I know you havesaid on the podcast that one of
your kiddos does travelingbaseball.
Is that right?
Yeah, so not only are we busywith our own lives, like, and
our partner's lives, probably,but also with our kids.
(04:32):
So I have five children andthree of them are heavily
involved in hockey, and I meantraveling baseball.
We can totally relate.
Hockey is just bonkers.
It's like seven, eight monthsout of the year and it's just
all the time, and so we have alot going on in our life too.
And what I realized back in I'vewanted to do a podcast for a
(04:55):
really long time, and it was thefall of 2021 when I decided I
finally was going to do it,really, because I kind of lost a
little bit of my spark.
I don't know if it was apandemic or what, but I really
just felt like I lost some ofwho I was and I couldn't get
(05:16):
myself out of this bunk I was in, and so I knew I just needed to
start.
As busy as I was, I just neededto start really going after the
things that felt like they werelighting me up from the inside.
And that's kind of how mom firststarted.
Speaker 1 (05:32):
Nice.
Is that what kind of sparkedthat segment called a joy?
Speaker 2 (05:36):
Exactly, yeah.
So, and well, to back up alittle bit like so, I kind of
started on the podcast journeyand I realized like how much fun
I was having just by doing thisand how then I had so much more
energy, so much more time foreverything else in my life.
You know, as busy working moms,we have like a thousand things
(05:56):
on our to-do list and then wehave like another thousand
things like rotating in the backof our mind on our should-do
list, right, and so with allthose things kind of happening,
like it's really hard to getlost in the day-to-day hustle
and grind and not make time tohave some fun.
I noticed, you know, I had, Ithink, friends that were sort of
(06:21):
in two camps during thepandemics those that really like
stressed out the entire timeduring the pandemic and those
that took a moment to kind ofslow down and look around and
figure out what was reallyimportant to them.
And as we all started to kindof come out of the pandemic and
really for my family it reallyfelt like that started to happen
(06:42):
last fall like really, with alot of things opening up and
kind of going back to normal,things started to kind of pile
on everybody's plates again.
And one thing that I noticedwith my family, but also with
other families and other friendsand moms, was that they were
starting to kind of pile theirplate again with a whole bunch
of things and they weren'tmaking time for the things that,
(07:06):
like really lit them up.
They weren't making that spacefor joy.
And it doesn't mean that there'ssomething wrong with doing all
those things.
Like I am a high achiever and Iidentify as that and I really
want to do all the things likeevery day too, and I really want
to have some fun along the way.
For me.
(07:27):
I kind of wake up every dayknowing, like this could be it.
None of us are guaranteed, likeeven till the end of the day,
right, none of us are guaranteedtomorrow.
And if this is like what I haveto work with, I want to make
sure that I show up as the bestversion of myself, that I can
(07:48):
Give myself some grace, ofcourse, but show up as the best
that I can and Really make somespace for gratitude and joy and
fun in my life.
Yeah, and that's kind of how Igot that idea to do that series
and I hope it inspires othermoms to Look around and say, hey
, you don't need like a hundredthousand dollars in the bank,
(08:08):
you know you can have fun andmake some space for joy right
now.
Even if things aren't perfectat work, even if the house is a
mess, there's still room for joyevery day.
Speaker 1 (08:19):
Yeah, and I love the segment even more because it's
quick, right, like I can get agood, I feel like I get a win
when I listen to it and I feellike it's something tangible,
right, you leave a takeawayevery week, which I love.
What would be like your biggesttip, the, if you have, like
you're speaking to that momwho's like burnt out,
overwhelmed, stressed out, likewe've all been there, right, and
(08:41):
what would you say to her?
What would be your biggestnumber one thing she can start
with, like a quick takeawaytoday To give her that sense of
calming, to feel a little bit ofjoy, even if it's not like the
pinnacle of joy, but just alittle bit like what's the
biggest thing you could talk wewould tell her right now, yeah,
so I think Sure.
Speaker 2 (09:02):
So this is a big.
This is a big question, right?
Because we could go in a lot ofdifferent directions with this,
and I'll just be honest withyou I think the fastest,
quickest way to be able to dropinto that space of joy is really
to drop Physically back intoyour body.
So a lot of moms I know arekind of running all around.
They got there like a lot ofthings in their head, even if
(09:23):
they're calm and centered, theyhave, like they're in their mind
and their brain is running at amile a minute.
That to do this is alwaysticking, and so what I would
suggest is that you take twominutes, find someplace calm and
Literally just take some timeto drop back into your body.
(09:46):
And when I say that, what Imean is like really get centered
in your brain and focus on thephysical Sensations in your body
.
And that can be as simple asjust taking some big breaths and
feeling how those breaths comein and out, how what the
temperature feels like when itleaves your breath, like leaves
your body versus when it comesin, noticing, like by rubbing
(10:10):
your fingertips together, howyour fingertips feel.
Have you ever felt the ridgeson your fingertips I never have
now and feel so, just take amoment and kind of feel that,
yeah, feel what it's like tolike curl your toes and just set
a timer, do that for twominutes, where you're really
(10:33):
like feeling what's in your body.
What this does is this reallyCool like kind of feature where
it sort of just brings you backinto your body and helps to
center you so that you can comeat everything in your day from
less of a reactive space.
What you're actually doing isyou're building what I call your
(10:54):
mental fitness Muscles and soyou're giving your body, like
you're giving your brain, thatchance to reconnect with your
body and make some space.
When I work with people andkind of developing this and
developing a routine arounddoing these kinds of things,
what I find is that the folks Iwork with are then able to kind
of identify some of the thoughtsthat are running, you know, on
(11:17):
default in their head, so thatthey can make space to really
choose on purpose how they wantto react, what they want to do
each day and really how theywant to show up, and it's just
really about kind of makingspace.
I like to do this for about 12minutes every morning, but you
don't have to do it for thatlong and it's almost just a form
(11:37):
of meditation.
Yeah, in a way, and and reallylike you can see results in
doing this in just two minutes aday.
So when I do this work with thefolks that I work with, I have
like a mental fitness programand there are studies that show
like that you can actually seelike increases in the Prefrontal
(11:58):
cortex areas of the brain interms of, like, how much they
light up on MRIs, through doingthis on a regular basis and
building these muscles andEspecially, I think, if you're a
mom who's like showing up atyou, know, inpatient, yelling a
lot Not like the way that youwant to write, like don't beat
yourself up for that Just likerecognize that you need to
(12:21):
develop some of the tools, likeone of the things that you're
doing right now Is all this likefit at 40, which is incredible,
right, so you're building allyour physical muscles.
We have to do that same thingwith our brains, yeah, and we
have to constantly be doing it.
If we don't go to the gym fortwo or three, four, five, six
months, right, like our bodiesaren't going to stay in that
state of health.
Yeah, it's the same thing withour brains, and so you can do
(12:44):
this, like with these kinds ofexercises, just that I just
mentioned, or with somethinglike meditation To.
There's so many ways to buildthis kind of muscle so that you
can make some room for Join inyour life.
Speaker 1 (12:56):
I love that and you know something like grounding,
meditation, those types ofthings.
You always see them on lists oflike the most highly successful
people and these are peoplethat are operating Way above
anything I'm doing right likethey're.
They look like they're superall together and they have
multiple kids, they havemultiple businesses and they do
these things like there's areason, right, like there's a
(13:17):
reason.
And a lot of us, like busy moms, we're pouring into our kids
and we're forgetting about theelement of us all the time.
And I love that because itspeaks to like in order For us
to be happy, we have to putourselves first.
Sometimes, and even if it istwo minutes or we just take to
do a body scan or meditation ora grounding or whatever it is, I
(13:38):
mean, I think that's that'swhat it's about is just taking
that time for yourself andrecognizing that I'm about to
lose it and I need to simmerdown.
Speaker 2 (13:46):
Yeah, totally, and I, you know, I think that there is
so much of value in what youjust said because you know you
can do these kinds of thingswhen you're in the moment and
you can do them to kind of likepregame Right, to like prep
yourself for the day ahead.
And I do think that you know alot of People who we would call
like highly successful.
(14:07):
Right, they have a practice,and what's really important is
that you find something that'sgonna work for you.
So, like not everyone can startout doing like 30 minutes of
meditation.
I can't do 30 minutes ofmeditation.
Forget about it like I don'thave time for that, and Like my
brain and body, like we don'tsit and do that.
So you have to find somethingthat works for you, yeah.
Speaker 1 (14:30):
So, speaking to the fitness part, you mentioned
mental fitness, but when itcomes to Actually like going to
the gym or working out andhaving a routine of that nature,
how, how do you or how wouldyou recommend somebody find joy
in that, because I think that'sa big step back or a reason why
people don't go to work out orgo to the gym because they don't
think it's Fun, you know.
(14:51):
So what are some ways you couldrecommend to someone that's
like look, I only want to dothis if it's fun, if it's
bringing me joy.
What would you tell that thatmom?
Speaker 2 (15:00):
I think the thing to keep in mind is that the best
workout is the one that you'reactually going to do Dinging.
So, however, you can get it in,whether it's running around with
your kids, whether it's takingthem to the park, doing a little
bit of just sort of intentionsetting with how you're going to
do that.
(15:20):
So, and I think things becomeless fun when we set goals that
are so extreme and high that,like we end up beating ourselves
up for it.
Yeah, so I I am definitelysomeone who I identify as a goal
setter, right, like I'm alwayskind of setting that goal, and
what I did this year was, I toldmyself I'm just going to see if
(15:44):
I can do 10 minutes of yogaevery day, that's great, to
build it into my routine andmake it kind of fun for me in
that way, in a sense of, likethis is just 10 minutes I'm
going to take, I'm going to tryto do it every day, and if I do
more, that's great, and I knowthat I at least have 10 minutes
(16:05):
to do that.
Right, and I find that if I canlike make my bed in the morning
, have some space for connectionwith my kids in the morning and
do 10 minutes of yoga.
I am feeling just incredible bythe time I roll into work.
Speaker 1 (16:19):
Yeah, I love that.
It's all about starting smalltoo, like even if you started
with five minutes and you keptthat promise that you made to
yourself and then you built fromthere.
I think there's a lot to besaid about that.
I love that.
Yeah, do you like yoga?
I?
Speaker 2 (16:32):
do.
Well, I need to do it.
I have a job that I where I sitat a desk a lot or at a
computer, and so I need to do it.
So I have a couple of videosthat I watch on Amazon.
I have a favorite place I go toin my hometown for actually
taking classes here and there,but I really can only do that
once or twice a month, just witheverything that we have going
(16:54):
on.
Yeah, and I've started usingthe Daily Yoga app and I'm kind
of like in that too.
Okay.
Speaker 1 (17:01):
That's definitely something I want to incorporate
more in my life because I needthat, like stretching, calming.
My therapist tells me all thetime I need to do yoga and I'm
just like I don't feel like I'mworking out if I'm not sweating,
and she's like, no, you're notdoing the right yoga.
Then I'm like okay.
Speaker 2 (17:16):
So she's curious.
I'm definitely not an expert inyoga and I think that's okay
and I know there are so manydifferent kinds.
My sister does hot yoga, so ifyou really want to get like that
sweat, I think you can really.
You know, obviously they'relike really experienced that and
that's incredible and reallyjust for me, like I know, like I
also know that if I don't dothat 10 minutes of yoga, I'll be
(17:37):
okay if I miss like maybe oneday or two days.
But if I miss three days, likeI am probably going to have to
like really do a lot ofstretching to kind of just
limber back up, maybe go get amassage, and that's just kind of
how my body reacts Like get outthe foam roller and have to do
a lot more work.
So it's almost like it's easierfor me to do the 10 minutes of
(18:00):
yoga every day than to not do it.
Does that make sense?
Speaker 1 (18:03):
Yeah, oh for sure, yeah, so switching gears a
little bit, on another one ofyour podcast episodes, you were
speaking about how, at the endof the day I think for everyone
out there listening all we wantis for our kids to be happy,
right, like that is literallywhat we all want, and some days
it seems hard, right, hutterthan others.
But what would?
What are some examples that wecan set as moms who are, you
(18:25):
know, on the verge of losing ourminds, and we want to set that
example for our kids that we'rehappy as people, so that they
can grow up to be happy andchoose joy.
You know, because that'ssomething that I get caught up a
lot in and that's why I'mgetting a tattoo to my wrist,
because I need that constantreminder to not only for myself,
but to be that example for mykids, because I do want them to
(18:46):
be happy and I want to be happy.
You know, that's ultimatelywhat we all want, but we
struggle so much with it.
Speaker 2 (18:53):
Yeah, I think that your experience is very common
and I know that I personally canrelate to that, and that is
part of the thinking behind.
Mom first is like not only dowe have to make space and have
mom be first, you know, becausekind of with that idea of like
fill your own cup first, butalso like mom has to go first in
(19:15):
a leadership sense.
If you want your kids to growup to be empowered, happy,
confident folks who are going topursue their goals and dreams,
you need to do that too.
They learn by example and so ifyou don't set that example for
them, they're not going to knowhow to do it.
And so the best way to makesure that your kids are going to
(19:38):
have that opportunity andchance and experience and being
around somebody who is confidentand happy, it's to be that
yourself.
So I think there are lots ofways to kind of implement this
in your life.
The first is to just own it andtell your kids hey, I'm trying
to improve myself in this way,I'm trying to focus more on joy,
(20:00):
and our kids are really good atbeing like focused and in the
present moment, and so you cantalk to them about that and give
them the chance to almost teachyou how to do that.
Give them permission, ifthey're older, to like even call
you out if you're like on yourphone when you're supposed to be
like having fun, right, Right.
(20:21):
So give them permission andlike let them see you fail and
let them see you make mistakesand let them see you take
accountability for that, becausea lot of people don't know how
to do that, and so you canalready set that example for
them.
Another thing that you can do isreally actively go after your
(20:42):
own goals and dreams, whateverthat is.
If that's a fitness goal, youcan let your kids know hey, I
have a goal to run this 10 K bythe end of the year, and this is
a goal that I have, I've alwayswanted to do.
You could tell them the whybehind it and then you can make
space for that and hopefullythey will see you do that and
(21:03):
they'll be like yeah, my mom didthat and like made space for
that.
And then when I have a goal, Iknow that if I want to achieve
it, I have to be on purpose andintentional about it and make
space for it too.
And if they show you, see youshowing up as like, happy and
content, not flustered, notanxious about what you're seeing
on social media or in the news.
(21:24):
They're going to have thechance to like realize that
that's a possibility that'savailable to them too.
Speaker 1 (21:30):
Yeah, I love that so much.
I never even thought abouttelling my kids.
That's a good tip because,although, like you know, me and
my husband just did 75 hard,they knew we were doing it and
they knew we had to read ourbook and we had to work out.
They kind of knew, but we neverreally sat them down and said
this is a goal mommy and daddyare working on, this is
something we want to do togetheras a team.
(21:51):
We never really sat them downand that was kind of a missed
opportunity to include them inthe process.
Speaker 2 (21:57):
You know, yeah, and you can always talk to them
about it.
Now, you know, as or as they'regetting older and like do those
kinds of things, and I thinkit's really cool when kids see
their parents working onsomething together and see you
kind of like also failing tooand making you know a space to
try again.
(22:17):
I mean, that is what you alldid, was something that is.
I mean, there's a reason it'scalled hard right, like that's
really hard and intentional andI think it's cool for people to
see other people really tryingto work on themselves, like
that's the people I want to bearound.
I want to be around the peoplewho are, like, trying to make
their day better, who are tryingtheir best to make their
(22:38):
community better, who areworking hard to improve
themselves.
Speaker 1 (22:41):
Yeah, no, I agree wholeheartedly.
I mean it's.
It is funny too, something thatyou said about kids they do
tend to find the joy, right.
I feel like if I could justemulate what my kids do all day,
I'd be fine, but it's so hardto do when you're a stressed out
adult.
But if we just sat and watchedthem, they literally do this all
(23:01):
day long.
They find the joy and the magicand everything, and, especially
like young toddlers, everythingis magical to them and it's
almost like taking a step backand watching them and reminding
yourself that you still have aninner child, right.
Like there's still some innerchild in there that just needs
to come out and find that joy inthe day.
But the kids do, it's just.
It's amazing when you reallytake that step back and look at
(23:24):
how they act and how theyinteract with the world 100%.
Speaker 2 (23:28):
It's so cool and I love that you mentioned younger
toddlers, because that is likethose people are my jam I love.
I love that age like rightbefore preschool like basically,
from like once they starttoddling around and walking till
preschool.
It's so fun For the reasons youmentioned, because everything
is so magical and we can, we canteach our brains to do that and
(23:51):
we have the capacity as humansto kind of choose some of our
thoughts on purpose and to dothat, and so we can direct our
minds and so we can askourselves questions like where
is the magic here?
How could this be more magical?
How could I revel in thismoment?
And I love using words likerevel and delight and finding
(24:12):
the joy.
Yeah, so there are lots of waysin which we can kind of, you
know, train our brains to lookfor those things, and that's a
great way to kind of have moreof it in our own life.
Speaker 1 (24:26):
And if you can't, you just get a tattooed on your
wrist.
You can't forget, absolutely100%.
You don't have to go as far asme, but that's what I'm doing
because I need to be smackedover the head with things to get
it in.
What is one thing?
Obviously, hindsight is 20-20,of course, but what would you
tell your younger self about joyand happiness?
Speaker 2 (24:46):
Oh, I love this question because this is
something I've been working onmy whole life.
I've always found somebodywho's just like, a little bit
more serious, like I was theoldest of five kids.
I was the kid who got likestraight A's all the time,
graduated like out or near thetop of my class, did well in law
school too.
(25:06):
And I think if I could lookback and when I have looked back
at different points in my life,I would tell myself not to take
it so seriously.
Right, that would be a big partof it for me and I have a coach
that just recently kind ofcharacterized it like this is
that we're all going to die andnone of this matters.
(25:30):
And there is this weird paradoxin that statement, because it
all matters and it all doesn'tmatter all at the same time,
like this moment matters so muchbecause you're here for a
finite time and you have afinite amount of time to have
(25:51):
this experience as a human.
And it doesn't matter because atthe end of the day, you know we
are all going to pass on andcome back to where we came from,
right?
So there is this paradox inthat, where it's like it's so
freeing because it gives us thisidea, gives us time and space
(26:13):
to sort of think about what wecould do in that moment and also
to realize, like the thingsthat are holding us back or the
things we're worried aboutreally don't matter.
It really does not matter, forexample, what my GPA was in
college or law school, like thatcould not matter less and I was
really worried about it at thetime.
(26:34):
And when I think about, youknow, being a mom and a working
mom, is it really better if Iwas 10 minutes too late to work
yesterday?
For some people's jobs maybe,but not for mine.
And so is it worth stressingout in the car when I'm dropping
my kids off.
Speaker 1 (26:53):
No.
Speaker 2 (26:54):
No, right, I can instead use that time with them
to really connect and to startour days off in the way that I
want it to, for them and for me.
Speaker 1 (27:03):
Right?
No, I think that's that's agreat message and that's easier
said than done, right whenyou're in the moment.
But if you keep remindingyourself of that, I think it
helps.
Yeah, no, I mean I love it Isthere.
I mean, obviously you're likejust hearing the fact that you
have five kids, right, Like Idon't want to say it stresses me
out, but like I can barelyhandle the two that I have.
(27:25):
So kudos to you for survivingwith five kids.
How do you do it?
Like spill the beans, becausehow do you do it with joint
happiness in your life?
Because I feel like I'm goingto poke my eyeballs out with two
kids.
So please fill all your secrets.
Speaker 2 (27:43):
You're so funny and I am sure you're doing an
incredible job.
I can tell just from thepodcast episodes that I've
listened to just how much loveyou have for your children and
how incredible of an exampleyou're trying to set for them
with all that you're doing.
So I think the number one thingis like to give ourselves grace
.
I 100%, I yell sometimes.
(28:07):
I talk about in the podcast howwe can never find shoes at our
house.
Like my children have so manyshoes.
Like where do they go?
Where are the shoes?
Like, where are they?
Like my toddler, like I can'tfind shoes, that we regularly
lose shoes for her.
It's just unreal.
And so, and my kids all thetime are like oh, I can't get in
(28:28):
the car because I can't find myshoes.
Oh, my gosh, you know so and Itotally.
There are times in the one we'retrying to get out the door that
I totally yell and I don't wantto be that person, right?
So I am doing the best I canevery day in there, some days
when I'm really good at it andlike feel like I have it more
together than others, and Iwould just offer to you that I
think my experience is like thenorm and very typical, and I
(28:52):
think if somebody is trying tosell you something different,
then maybe, maybe you shouldn'ttrust them, because I just don't
think that that's like legit,right, like we all are trying to
do our best with what we haveat that time, we do the best
with what we know, and so Ireally think, kind of giving
yourself like grace and knowingthat even the person who seems
(29:13):
like they have it totallytogether has days where it's
just like a complete mess.
Yeah, right, and so that's likenumber one.
Number two is to really likeset that intentionality for who
you want to be in the moment,and I think, like one of the
(29:33):
things that I'm working on rightnow is not just thinking of
like who I want to be in thefuture, but like how I'm going
to be when my kids, like, forexample, won't get in the car,
when they're throwing a tempertantrum, like when they are when
they can't find their shoes.
So I try to think right nowabout when I, when that happens,
(29:56):
how am I going to react to,almost visualizing like what I'm
going to do, to try to likepractice being who I want to be,
and those are kinds of thethree things that I'm really
working on right now is likegiving myself grace, setting
that intention and practicing.
That's what I got.
Speaker 1 (30:16):
I think it's.
I think they're great tips.
I mean, I think it's like yousaid, the mental fitness,
whether it's lifting weights andgetting fit, is the practice
and the repetition that probably, like you're probably just
further along the line that I amright, like you have practiced
it more, you've honed it in alittle bit more.
But everybody has a moment.
They break.
Everybody does right.
I think I know for me I don'tremind myself that I'm human
(30:37):
enough.
You know that I do need to givemyself more grace and I think
anyone out there listening Ifthere's a takeaway that I'm
getting at that we do have toremind ourselves that we are
human and we have to giveourselves more grace, because
nothing is some of this stuff'snot natural.
It's not natural at all.
Speaker 2 (30:53):
Right, 100%, and we haven't practiced it and we
haven't been around people whoare doing this all the time, and
so you don't wake up one dayjust like being able to run a
marathon.
Right, you practice and trainfor that, and it's the same
thing with all these dailythings.
And I think it's reallyincredible when working moms
(31:13):
make the time and space just tosay, hey, I'm going to try to
work on this one thing, whetherit's like being able to run a
mile, being able to lift acertain amount of weight or
being able to, you know, reallybe present in the moment with
their kids.
Speaker 1 (31:27):
Yeah, I love that.
Is there anything that you'recurrently working on right now
as far as a health around thisgoal?
Speaker 2 (31:33):
I am.
So you know I already mentionedmy 10 minutes of daily yoga, so
that's really my primary goal,but I am working up to for my
for my 42nd birthday, like Iguess.
Actually, so I'm 41 right now,not 42.
Okay, but for my 42nd birthday,what I want to do, which is
this March, is I want to be ableto run a mile without stopping
(31:56):
Nice.
I want to be able to do a pullup, which I haven't been able to
do in my adult life, and I wantto be able to do one headstand
for 10 seconds.
So I am working on all three ofthose things I have.
There's someone who's been on mypodcast.
Her name is Talita.
She helped me come up withthese three like things as a
(32:18):
goal for myself for the nextyear.
So that's something that I'mworking toward.
So I just recently startedrunning again and working with a
trainer every Friday morning toreally improve my core because,
as you can imagine, afterhaving five children, I am
(32:39):
lacking a little bit in corestrength and I need that core
strength to be able to move intoa headstand.
So I'm hoping to get to atripod by Thanksgiving and that
way, once I can do that like Ican then like really have like
the core strength and the upperbody strength to do a full on
headstand by March the end ofMarch.
Speaker 1 (33:00):
So that's such a unique goal.
I've never heard anybody saythat.
Speaker 2 (33:04):
No.
Speaker 1 (33:05):
I've never heard that .
No, I mean, were you like agymnast or something?
Speaker 2 (33:08):
Oh my gosh?
No, definitely not.
But the person I'm working withon Fridays was a gymnast, so I
mean I mean I love challenges,right?
Speaker 1 (33:15):
I mean that's you want to challenge yourself and
in the process you're having fun.
You know I love it.
It's something so unique but Inever would have even thought of
it.
But that's a really cool goal.
Speaker 2 (33:24):
I love it, oh, thanks .
Yeah, I'm pretty excited aboutit, I think in part because it
is kind of unique and I wantedit to be something.
That was kind of fun.
Now that you mentioned that,when I think back to when I set
that and it is like definitely astretch goal for me.
Like I told you, like I havenever been able to do a pull up
in my adult life like ever, youknow, when I was like much more
(33:46):
fit, when I was like in mytwenties like I could never do a
pull up.
So this is like a really big,like changing my body kind of
thing.
Speaker 1 (33:55):
Awesome, I love it.
Well, it's okay with you.
I'm just going to do threerapid fire questions to end the
interview, all right, the firstone is what is your best quick
weeknight dinner that's also kidfriendly?
Speaker 2 (34:07):
We do a quinoa salad, and so we have the quinoa ready
to go, and then we just chop upthe veggies that we've already
prepped, toss it all together,and they love it, and I love it
too.
Speaker 1 (34:18):
Okay, awesome, I have not.
I've gotten away from quinoa,so I need to give it another try
.
I haven't had it in a couple ofyears and I haven't even had my
kids try it.
So if you're giving it five kidapproved, I need to give it a
try.
Speaker 2 (34:28):
And if we just had it last night, I threw some
mozzarella in it and some freshbasil and then just let them.
You know, what I did is I letthem put on the spices that they
wanted, and they really werepretty into that.
Speaker 1 (34:39):
Nice.
I hope to give it a try.
Do you have any mantras?
Speaker 2 (34:45):
Yes, so this is one that I developed with the
fitness goal that I have, whichis that I am a strong, free,
bold, joy getter.
Oh lovely, yeah.
I try to repeat that when Iwalk through any kind of, when I
walk over any threshold.
So when I walk through any door, I try to repeat that in my
head I am a strong, free, bold,joy getter.
Speaker 1 (35:07):
I love that.
Super cool, all right, and thelast question do you have any
song that like pumps you up forthe day or pumps you up for a
workout or just something whenyou need a mood boost?
Speaker 2 (35:18):
Yeah, so this is kind of silly.
But my kids, when I drop themoff at school, we listen to
music on the car and my fiveyear old likes to listen to
Miley Cyrus's wrecking ball, andthen when it gets to the part
where it came in like a wreckingball, we all scream it as loud
(35:38):
as we can and it's so fun.
So whenever I need to just sortof smile in my own like heart
and head, I listen to or thinkabout that song and like think
about my kids and like how funthat is, and so that is for sure
, the song that just sort oflike pumps me up and makes me
happy.
Speaker 1 (35:55):
I love it.
That's such a unique song.
Most people are like I had atiger, or like something rough,
like I love it, like such a goodsong, like family friendly, you
know Well, thank you so much,jen, for coming on today.
I you should shared so manyvaluable nuggets that I think my
audience will get from thisepisode.
But to wrap it up all in alittle bow, I think I would just
remind everyone that much likeI'm working on, much like it
(36:18):
sounds like you even every daywork on this isn't something
that is going to happenovernight.
It's definitely a process.
It takes time and we have toremind ourselves that.
You know it's it's not going tohappen overnight for anybody.
And it's like you're, I wouldsay, an expert in this area, at
least from what I can tell onyour podcast, and you even have
moments and it's just remindingourselves to.
(36:39):
We have to give ourselves grace, we have to remember that we're
human and it's worth it.
It's just going to take a whileto get to that point where you
are full of joy and happinessand understanding that not every
day is rainbows and butterfliesFor sure.
So thank you again, Iappreciate you so much and I
look forward to chatting.
Speaker 2 (36:58):
Yeah, thank you.
I really enjoyed our timetogether.
I really appreciate it andthanks so much.
Thanks, Jen.
Speaker 1 (37:05):
Thank you so much for tuning in and listening to this
episode of Hot Mess Mom Health.
If you'd love this episode,please leave me an iTunes review
.
It would mean the world to meand it would help me get the
word out about helping othermoms reclaim their health.
Thank you so much.
Hey there, welcome to the Hot Mess Mom Health Podcast
.
Do you wish you could find asustainable way to get healthy
and not feel overwhelmed in theprocess?
Do you find yourself up late atnight scouring Pinterest for
meal prep ideas and quickworkouts?
Do you wake up with big,ambitious goals only to feel
stressed out and disappointedwhen you fall back in your old
habits?
Drive through the Chick-fil-Adrive-through for the second
(00:25):
time this week, all while thefresh produce you just bought
goes bad?
Hey, I'm Rebecca.
I too am a working mom of twolittle and self-proclaimed Hot
Mess Mom.
All my life I've struggled withtrying to maintain a healthy
weight and feel good in my skin.
I could add yoyo diet or to myresume.
After I packed on 50 pluspounds with two pregnancies, I
(00:45):
decided to change for good.
I wanted to stop obsessingabout food, stay consistent and
set a good, healthy example formy kids, but I kept telling
myself that I didn't have thetime, the energy or
accountability to stay on track,until I changed my mindset and
created one healthy habit at atime.
In this podcast, you will findsimple, actionable steps that
you can create a healthylifestyle and get relief from
(01:07):
the overwhelm.
Spray that dry shampoo, grabyour iced coffee, turn up the
volume and let's get healthy.
Hey there, happy Monday andwelcome back to another episode
of Hot Mess, mom Health.
I'm so grateful that you arehere with me this week.
You are in for a treat.
This week I have an interviewwith Jen Larmor from the Mom
(01:30):
First podcast.
She is an amazing working momof five littles, which I'm just
an all by because I canliterally barely handle the two
humans that I am raising.
But she is an amazing podcasterand she has a really cool
segment on her podcast calledCall to Joy.
I was really drawn to itbecause, if you've listened to
(01:51):
my podcast episodes, I had amessage this year of just
choosing joy more often,especially in situations where I
usually see the glass halfempty.
In this podcast we dive intobeing a busy, crazy, working mom
and finding joy in littlemoments, in things that we're
doing and ways to keep our selfcalm.
(02:14):
Jen has a really calming senseabout her which I'm an all about
completely because I know how Iam in my life and she on her
podcast just brings this reallycalming nature to you.
She leaves really greattactical tips almost every
single episode, so I highlyrecommend on any of your podcast
apps tuning in to the Mom Firstpodcast and, without further
(02:37):
ado, on to the interview.
Hi Jen, welcome to the Hot MessMom Health podcast.
Speaker 2 (02:43):
Thanks so much for having me.
I'm so pumped to be here, yes.
Speaker 1 (02:47):
Thank you for taking time out of your day to be here
For everyone out there listening.
There's a lot of negativesabout social media that I will
go on about, but there are somepositives, and the biggest
positive is being connected topeople that you would not meet
necessarily in regular everydaylife, and that's how I was
connected through Jen.
She has a podcast andimmediately when I started
(03:08):
listening to it it's called MomFirst.
It spoke to me and she has awhole segment about choosing joy
, and I just love that, becauseI'm actually the process of
getting a tattoo on my wrist.
This is choose joy, because Ithink it is something that is
the missing piece of what, asworking, busy moms were missing.
We are missing that joycomponent and I had to bring Jen
on because I wanted her toshare all of her wisdom and
(03:30):
knowledge in that topic with youguys, because it's definitely
something I struggle with and Ithink a lot of women do, and Jen
just has this calmness abouther and she really speaks to me
about that.
So I think she's going to helpa lot of you listeners out there
just find joy in your life.
So thank you so much for comingon.
Why don't you tell my audiencea little bit about yourself.
Speaker 2 (03:49):
Well, thank you so much.
That was just incredible and sokind.
So I'd love to share a littlebit about my personal background
.
So I'm 42 years old, I'm a momof five, I live in the Midwest
and so I definitely as a mom offive and a busy working mom at
(04:09):
that I am an attorney bytraining.
I currently work in higher edand as a life coach as well, and
then I do this podcast.
My kids, like I know you havesaid on the podcast that one of
your kiddos does travelingbaseball.
Is that right?
Yeah, so not only are we busywith our own lives, like, and
our partner's lives, probably,but also with our kids.
(04:32):
So I have five children andthree of them are heavily
involved in hockey, and I meantraveling baseball.
We can totally relate.
Hockey is just bonkers.
It's like seven, eight monthsout of the year and it's just
all the time, and so we have alot going on in our life too.
And what I realized back in I'vewanted to do a podcast for a
(04:55):
really long time, and it was thefall of 2021 when I decided I
finally was going to do it,really, because I kind of lost a
little bit of my spark.
I don't know if it was apandemic or what, but I really
just felt like I lost some ofwho I was and I couldn't get
(05:16):
myself out of this bunk I was in, and so I knew I just needed to
start.
As busy as I was, I just neededto start really going after the
things that felt like they werelighting me up from the inside.
And that's kind of how mom firststarted.
Speaker 1 (05:32):
Nice.
Is that what kind of sparkedthat segment called a joy?
Speaker 2 (05:36):
Exactly, yeah.
So, and well, to back up alittle bit like so, I kind of
started on the podcast journeyand I realized like how much fun
I was having just by doing thisand how then I had so much more
energy, so much more time foreverything else in my life.
You know, as busy working moms,we have like a thousand things
(05:56):
on our to-do list and then wehave like another thousand
things like rotating in the backof our mind on our should-do
list, right, and so with allthose things kind of happening,
like it's really hard to getlost in the day-to-day hustle
and grind and not make time tohave some fun.
I noticed, you know, I had, Ithink, friends that were sort of
(06:21):
in two camps during thepandemics those that really like
stressed out the entire timeduring the pandemic and those
that took a moment to kind ofslow down and look around and
figure out what was reallyimportant to them.
And as we all started to kindof come out of the pandemic and
really for my family it reallyfelt like that started to happen
(06:42):
last fall like really, with alot of things opening up and
kind of going back to normal,things started to kind of pile
on everybody's plates again.
And one thing that I noticedwith my family, but also with
other families and other friendsand moms, was that they were
starting to kind of pile theirplate again with a whole bunch
of things and they weren'tmaking time for the things that,
(07:06):
like really lit them up.
They weren't making that spacefor joy.
And it doesn't mean that there'ssomething wrong with doing all
those things.
Like I am a high achiever and Iidentify as that and I really
want to do all the things likeevery day too, and I really want
to have some fun along the way.
For me.
(07:27):
I kind of wake up every dayknowing, like this could be it.
None of us are guaranteed, likeeven till the end of the day,
right, none of us are guaranteedtomorrow.
And if this is like what I haveto work with, I want to make
sure that I show up as the bestversion of myself, that I can
(07:48):
Give myself some grace, ofcourse, but show up as the best
that I can and Really make somespace for gratitude and joy and
fun in my life.
Yeah, and that's kind of how Igot that idea to do that series
and I hope it inspires othermoms to Look around and say, hey
, you don't need like a hundredthousand dollars in the bank,
(08:08):
you know you can have fun andmake some space for joy right
now.
Even if things aren't perfectat work, even if the house is a
mess, there's still room for joyevery day.
Speaker 1 (08:19):
Yeah, and I love the segment even more because it's
quick, right, like I can get agood, I feel like I get a win
when I listen to it and I feellike it's something tangible,
right, you leave a takeawayevery week, which I love.
What would be like your biggesttip, the, if you have, like
you're speaking to that momwho's like burnt out,
overwhelmed, stressed out, likewe've all been there, right, and
(08:41):
what would you say to her?
What would be your biggestnumber one thing she can start
with, like a quick takeawaytoday To give her that sense of
calming, to feel a little bit ofjoy, even if it's not like the
pinnacle of joy, but just alittle bit like what's the
biggest thing you could talk wewould tell her right now, yeah,
so I think Sure.
Speaker 2 (09:02):
So this is a big.
This is a big question, right?
Because we could go in a lot ofdifferent directions with this,
and I'll just be honest withyou I think the fastest,
quickest way to be able to dropinto that space of joy is really
to drop Physically back intoyour body.
So a lot of moms I know arekind of running all around.
They got there like a lot ofthings in their head, even if
(09:23):
they're calm and centered, theyhave, like they're in their mind
and their brain is running at amile a minute.
That to do this is alwaysticking, and so what I would
suggest is that you take twominutes, find someplace calm and
Literally just take some timeto drop back into your body.
(09:46):
And when I say that, what Imean is like really get centered
in your brain and focus on thephysical Sensations in your body
.
And that can be as simple asjust taking some big breaths and
feeling how those breaths comein and out, how what the
temperature feels like when itleaves your breath, like leaves
your body versus when it comesin, noticing, like by rubbing
(10:10):
your fingertips together, howyour fingertips feel.
Have you ever felt the ridgeson your fingertips I never have
now and feel so, just take amoment and kind of feel that,
yeah, feel what it's like tolike curl your toes and just set
a timer, do that for twominutes, where you're really
(10:33):
like feeling what's in your body.
What this does is this reallyCool like kind of feature where
it sort of just brings you backinto your body and helps to
center you so that you can comeat everything in your day from
less of a reactive space.
What you're actually doing isyou're building what I call your
(10:54):
mental fitness Muscles and soyou're giving your body, like
you're giving your brain, thatchance to reconnect with your
body and make some space.
When I work with people andkind of developing this and
developing a routine arounddoing these kinds of things,
what I find is that the folks Iwork with are then able to kind
of identify some of the thoughtsthat are running, you know, on
(11:17):
default in their head, so thatthey can make space to really
choose on purpose how they wantto react, what they want to do
each day and really how theywant to show up, and it's just
really about kind of makingspace.
I like to do this for about 12minutes every morning, but you
don't have to do it for thatlong and it's almost just a form
(11:37):
of meditation.
Yeah, in a way, and and reallylike you can see results in
doing this in just two minutes aday.
So when I do this work with thefolks that I work with, I have
like a mental fitness programand there are studies that show
like that you can actually seelike increases in the Prefrontal
(11:58):
cortex areas of the brain interms of, like, how much they
light up on MRIs, through doingthis on a regular basis and
building these muscles andEspecially, I think, if you're a
mom who's like showing up atyou, know, inpatient, yelling a
lot Not like the way that youwant to write, like don't beat
yourself up for that Just likerecognize that you need to
(12:21):
develop some of the tools, likeone of the things that you're
doing right now Is all this likefit at 40, which is incredible,
right, so you're building allyour physical muscles.
We have to do that same thingwith our brains, yeah, and we
have to constantly be doing it.
If we don't go to the gym fortwo or three, four, five, six
months, right, like our bodiesaren't going to stay in that
state of health.
Yeah, it's the same thing withour brains, and so you can do
(12:44):
this, like with these kinds ofexercises, just that I just
mentioned, or with somethinglike meditation To.
There's so many ways to buildthis kind of muscle so that you
can make some room for Join inyour life.
Speaker 1 (12:56):
I love that and you know something like grounding,
meditation, those types ofthings.
You always see them on lists oflike the most highly successful
people and these are peoplethat are operating Way above
anything I'm doing right likethey're.
They look like they're superall together and they have
multiple kids, they havemultiple businesses and they do
these things like there's areason, right, like there's a
(13:17):
reason.
And a lot of us, like busy moms, we're pouring into our kids
and we're forgetting about theelement of us all the time.
And I love that because itspeaks to like in order For us
to be happy, we have to putourselves first.
Sometimes, and even if it istwo minutes or we just take to
do a body scan or meditation ora grounding or whatever it is, I
(13:38):
mean, I think that's that'swhat it's about is just taking
that time for yourself andrecognizing that I'm about to
lose it and I need to simmerdown.
Speaker 2 (13:46):
Yeah, totally, and I, you know, I think that there is
so much of value in what youjust said because you know you
can do these kinds of thingswhen you're in the moment and
you can do them to kind of likepregame Right, to like prep
yourself for the day ahead.
And I do think that you know alot of People who we would call
like highly successful.
(14:07):
Right, they have a practice,and what's really important is
that you find something that'sgonna work for you.
So, like not everyone can startout doing like 30 minutes of
meditation.
I can't do 30 minutes ofmeditation.
Forget about it like I don'thave time for that, and Like my
brain and body, like we don'tsit and do that.
So you have to find somethingthat works for you, yeah.
Speaker 1 (14:30):
So, speaking to the fitness part, you mentioned
mental fitness, but when itcomes to Actually like going to
the gym or working out andhaving a routine of that nature,
how, how do you or how wouldyou recommend somebody find joy
in that, because I think that'sa big step back or a reason why
people don't go to work out orgo to the gym because they don't
think it's Fun, you know.
(14:51):
So what are some ways you couldrecommend to someone that's
like look, I only want to dothis if it's fun, if it's
bringing me joy.
What would you tell that thatmom?
Speaker 2 (15:00):
I think the thing to keep in mind is that the best
workout is the one that you'reactually going to do Dinging.
So, however, you can get it in,whether it's running around with
your kids, whether it's takingthem to the park, doing a little
bit of just sort of intentionsetting with how you're going to
do that.
(15:20):
So, and I think things becomeless fun when we set goals that
are so extreme and high that,like we end up beating ourselves
up for it.
Yeah, so I I am definitelysomeone who I identify as a goal
setter, right, like I'm alwayskind of setting that goal, and
what I did this year was, I toldmyself I'm just going to see if
(15:44):
I can do 10 minutes of yogaevery day, that's great, to
build it into my routine andmake it kind of fun for me in
that way, in a sense of, likethis is just 10 minutes I'm
going to take, I'm going to tryto do it every day, and if I do
more, that's great, and I knowthat I at least have 10 minutes
(16:05):
to do that.
Right, and I find that if I canlike make my bed in the morning
, have some space for connectionwith my kids in the morning and
do 10 minutes of yoga.
I am feeling just incredible bythe time I roll into work.
Speaker 1 (16:19):
Yeah, I love that.
It's all about starting smalltoo, like even if you started
with five minutes and you keptthat promise that you made to
yourself and then you built fromthere.
I think there's a lot to besaid about that.
I love that.
Yeah, do you like yoga?
I?
Speaker 2 (16:32):
do.
Well, I need to do it.
I have a job that I where I sitat a desk a lot or at a
computer, and so I need to do it.
So I have a couple of videosthat I watch on Amazon.
I have a favorite place I go toin my hometown for actually
taking classes here and there,but I really can only do that
once or twice a month, just witheverything that we have going
(16:54):
on.
Yeah, and I've started usingthe Daily Yoga app and I'm kind
of like in that too.
Okay.
Speaker 1 (17:01):
That's definitely something I want to incorporate
more in my life because I needthat, like stretching, calming.
My therapist tells me all thetime I need to do yoga and I'm
just like I don't feel like I'mworking out if I'm not sweating,
and she's like, no, you're notdoing the right yoga.
Then I'm like okay.
Speaker 2 (17:16):
So she's curious.
I'm definitely not an expert inyoga and I think that's okay
and I know there are so manydifferent kinds.
My sister does hot yoga, so ifyou really want to get like that
sweat, I think you can really.
You know, obviously they'relike really experienced that and
that's incredible and reallyjust for me, like I know, like I
also know that if I don't dothat 10 minutes of yoga, I'll be
(17:37):
okay if I miss like maybe oneday or two days.
But if I miss three days, likeI am probably going to have to
like really do a lot ofstretching to kind of just
limber back up, maybe go get amassage, and that's just kind of
how my body reacts Like get outthe foam roller and have to do
a lot more work.
So it's almost like it's easierfor me to do the 10 minutes of
(18:00):
yoga every day than to not do it.
Does that make sense?
Speaker 1 (18:03):
Yeah, oh for sure, yeah, so switching gears a
little bit, on another one ofyour podcast episodes, you were
speaking about how, at the endof the day I think for everyone
out there listening all we wantis for our kids to be happy,
right, like that is literallywhat we all want, and some days
it seems hard, right, hutterthan others.
But what would?
What are some examples that wecan set as moms who are, you
(18:25):
know, on the verge of losing ourminds, and we want to set that
example for our kids that we'rehappy as people, so that they
can grow up to be happy andchoose joy.
You know, because that'ssomething that I get caught up a
lot in and that's why I'mgetting a tattoo to my wrist,
because I need that constantreminder to not only for myself,
but to be that example for mykids, because I do want them to
(18:46):
be happy and I want to be happy.
You know, that's ultimatelywhat we all want, but we
struggle so much with it.
Speaker 2 (18:53):
Yeah, I think that your experience is very common
and I know that I personally canrelate to that, and that is
part of the thinking behind.
Mom first is like not only dowe have to make space and have
mom be first, you know, becausekind of with that idea of like
fill your own cup first, butalso like mom has to go first in
(19:15):
a leadership sense.
If you want your kids to growup to be empowered, happy,
confident folks who are going topursue their goals and dreams,
you need to do that too.
They learn by example and so ifyou don't set that example for
them, they're not going to knowhow to do it.
And so the best way to makesure that your kids are going to
(19:38):
have that opportunity andchance and experience and being
around somebody who is confidentand happy, it's to be that
yourself.
So I think there are lots ofways to kind of implement this
in your life.
The first is to just own it andtell your kids hey, I'm trying
to improve myself in this way,I'm trying to focus more on joy,
(20:00):
and our kids are really good atbeing like focused and in the
present moment, and so you cantalk to them about that and give
them the chance to almost teachyou how to do that.
Give them permission, ifthey're older, to like even call
you out if you're like on yourphone when you're supposed to be
like having fun, right, Right.
(20:21):
So give them permission andlike let them see you fail and
let them see you make mistakesand let them see you take
accountability for that, becausea lot of people don't know how
to do that, and so you canalready set that example for
them.
Another thing that you can do isreally actively go after your
(20:42):
own goals and dreams, whateverthat is.
If that's a fitness goal, youcan let your kids know hey, I
have a goal to run this 10 K bythe end of the year, and this is
a goal that I have, I've alwayswanted to do.
You could tell them the whybehind it and then you can make
space for that and hopefullythey will see you do that and
(21:03):
they'll be like yeah, my mom didthat and like made space for
that.
And then when I have a goal, Iknow that if I want to achieve
it, I have to be on purpose andintentional about it and make
space for it too.
And if they show you, see youshowing up as like, happy and
content, not flustered, notanxious about what you're seeing
on social media or in the news.
(21:24):
They're going to have thechance to like realize that
that's a possibility that'savailable to them too.
Speaker 1 (21:30):
Yeah, I love that so much.
I never even thought abouttelling my kids.
That's a good tip because,although, like you know, me and
my husband just did 75 hard,they knew we were doing it and
they knew we had to read ourbook and we had to work out.
They kind of knew, but we neverreally sat them down and said
this is a goal mommy and daddyare working on, this is
something we want to do togetheras a team.
(21:51):
We never really sat them downand that was kind of a missed
opportunity to include them inthe process.
Speaker 2 (21:57):
You know, yeah, and you can always talk to them
about it.
Now, you know, as or as they'regetting older and like do those
kinds of things, and I thinkit's really cool when kids see
their parents working onsomething together and see you
kind of like also failing tooand making you know a space to
try again.
(22:17):
I mean, that is what you alldid, was something that is.
I mean, there's a reason it'scalled hard right, like that's
really hard and intentional andI think it's cool for people to
see other people really tryingto work on themselves, like
that's the people I want to bearound.
I want to be around the peoplewho are, like, trying to make
their day better, who are tryingtheir best to make their
(22:38):
community better, who areworking hard to improve
themselves.
Speaker 1 (22:41):
Yeah, no, I agree wholeheartedly.
I mean it's.
It is funny too, something thatyou said about kids they do
tend to find the joy, right.
I feel like if I could justemulate what my kids do all day,
I'd be fine, but it's so hardto do when you're a stressed out
adult.
But if we just sat and watchedthem, they literally do this all
(23:01):
day long.
They find the joy and the magicand everything, and, especially
like young toddlers, everythingis magical to them and it's
almost like taking a step backand watching them and reminding
yourself that you still have aninner child, right.
Like there's still some innerchild in there that just needs
to come out and find that joy inthe day.
But the kids do, it's just.
It's amazing when you reallytake that step back and look at
(23:24):
how they act and how theyinteract with the world 100%.
Speaker 2 (23:28):
It's so cool and I love that you mentioned younger
toddlers, because that is likethose people are my jam I love.
I love that age like rightbefore preschool like basically,
from like once they starttoddling around and walking till
preschool.
It's so fun For the reasons youmentioned, because everything
is so magical and we can, we canteach our brains to do that and
(23:51):
we have the capacity as humansto kind of choose some of our
thoughts on purpose and to dothat, and so we can direct our
minds and so we can askourselves questions like where
is the magic here?
How could this be more magical?
How could I revel in thismoment?
And I love using words likerevel and delight and finding
(24:12):
the joy.
Yeah, so there are lots of waysin which we can kind of, you
know, train our brains to lookfor those things, and that's a
great way to kind of have moreof it in our own life.
Speaker 1 (24:26):
And if you can't, you just get a tattooed on your
wrist.
You can't forget, absolutely100%.
You don't have to go as far asme, but that's what I'm doing
because I need to be smackedover the head with things to get
it in.
What is one thing?
Obviously, hindsight is 20-20,of course, but what would you
tell your younger self about joyand happiness?
Speaker 2 (24:46):
Oh, I love this question because this is
something I've been working onmy whole life.
I've always found somebodywho's just like, a little bit
more serious, like I was theoldest of five kids.
I was the kid who got likestraight A's all the time,
graduated like out or near thetop of my class, did well in law
school too.
(25:06):
And I think if I could lookback and when I have looked back
at different points in my life,I would tell myself not to take
it so seriously.
Right, that would be a big partof it for me and I have a coach
that just recently kind ofcharacterized it like this is
that we're all going to die andnone of this matters.
(25:30):
And there is this weird paradoxin that statement, because it
all matters and it all doesn'tmatter all at the same time,
like this moment matters so muchbecause you're here for a
finite time and you have afinite amount of time to have
(25:51):
this experience as a human.
And it doesn't matter because atthe end of the day, you know we
are all going to pass on andcome back to where we came from,
right?
So there is this paradox inthat, where it's like it's so
freeing because it gives us thisidea, gives us time and space
(26:13):
to sort of think about what wecould do in that moment and also
to realize, like the thingsthat are holding us back or the
things we're worried aboutreally don't matter.
It really does not matter, forexample, what my GPA was in
college or law school, like thatcould not matter less and I was
really worried about it at thetime.
(26:34):
And when I think about, youknow, being a mom and a working
mom, is it really better if Iwas 10 minutes too late to work
yesterday?
For some people's jobs maybe,but not for mine.
And so is it worth stressingout in the car when I'm dropping
my kids off.
Speaker 1 (26:53):
No.
Speaker 2 (26:54):
No, right, I can instead use that time with them
to really connect and to startour days off in the way that I
want it to, for them and for me.
Speaker 1 (27:03):
Right?
No, I think that's that's agreat message and that's easier
said than done, right whenyou're in the moment.
But if you keep remindingyourself of that, I think it
helps.
Yeah, no, I mean I love it Isthere.
I mean, obviously you're likejust hearing the fact that you
have five kids, right, Like Idon't want to say it stresses me
out, but like I can barelyhandle the two that I have.
(27:25):
So kudos to you for survivingwith five kids.
How do you do it?
Like spill the beans, becausehow do you do it with joint
happiness in your life?
Because I feel like I'm goingto poke my eyeballs out with two
kids.
So please fill all your secrets.
Speaker 2 (27:43):
You're so funny and I am sure you're doing an
incredible job.
I can tell just from thepodcast episodes that I've
listened to just how much loveyou have for your children and
how incredible of an exampleyou're trying to set for them
with all that you're doing.
So I think the number one thingis like to give ourselves grace
.
I 100%, I yell sometimes.
(28:07):
I talk about in the podcast howwe can never find shoes at our
house.
Like my children have so manyshoes.
Like where do they go?
Where are the shoes?
Like, where are they?
Like my toddler, like I can'tfind shoes, that we regularly
lose shoes for her.
It's just unreal.
And so, and my kids all thetime are like oh, I can't get in
(28:28):
the car because I can't find myshoes.
Oh, my gosh, you know so and Itotally.
There are times in the one we'retrying to get out the door that
I totally yell and I don't wantto be that person, right?
So I am doing the best I canevery day in there, some days
when I'm really good at it andlike feel like I have it more
together than others, and Iwould just offer to you that I
think my experience is like thenorm and very typical, and I
(28:52):
think if somebody is trying tosell you something different,
then maybe, maybe you shouldn'ttrust them, because I just don't
think that that's like legit,right, like we all are trying to
do our best with what we haveat that time, we do the best
with what we know, and so Ireally think, kind of giving
yourself like grace and knowingthat even the person who seems
(29:13):
like they have it totallytogether has days where it's
just like a complete mess.
Yeah, right, and so that's likenumber one.
Number two is to really likeset that intentionality for who
you want to be in the moment,and I think, like one of the
(29:33):
things that I'm working on rightnow is not just thinking of
like who I want to be in thefuture, but like how I'm going
to be when my kids, like, forexample, won't get in the car,
when they're throwing a tempertantrum, like when they are when
they can't find their shoes.
So I try to think right nowabout when I, when that happens,
(29:56):
how am I going to react to,almost visualizing like what I'm
going to do, to try to likepractice being who I want to be,
and those are kinds of thethree things that I'm really
working on right now is likegiving myself grace, setting
that intention and practicing.
That's what I got.
Speaker 1 (30:16):
I think it's.
I think they're great tips.
I mean, I think it's like yousaid, the mental fitness,
whether it's lifting weights andgetting fit, is the practice
and the repetition that probably, like you're probably just
further along the line that I amright, like you have practiced
it more, you've honed it in alittle bit more.
But everybody has a moment.
They break.
Everybody does right.
I think I know for me I don'tremind myself that I'm human
(30:37):
enough.
You know that I do need to givemyself more grace and I think
anyone out there listening Ifthere's a takeaway that I'm
getting at that we do have toremind ourselves that we are
human and we have to giveourselves more grace, because
nothing is some of this stuff'snot natural.
It's not natural at all.
Speaker 2 (30:53):
Right, 100%, and we haven't practiced it and we
haven't been around people whoare doing this all the time, and
so you don't wake up one dayjust like being able to run a
marathon.
Right, you practice and trainfor that, and it's the same
thing with all these dailythings.
And I think it's reallyincredible when working moms
(31:13):
make the time and space just tosay, hey, I'm going to try to
work on this one thing, whetherit's like being able to run a
mile, being able to lift acertain amount of weight or
being able to, you know, reallybe present in the moment with
their kids.
Speaker 1 (31:27):
Yeah, I love that.
Is there anything that you'recurrently working on right now
as far as a health around thisgoal?
Speaker 2 (31:33):
I am.
So you know I already mentionedmy 10 minutes of daily yoga, so
that's really my primary goal,but I am working up to for my
for my 42nd birthday, like Iguess.
Actually, so I'm 41 right now,not 42.
Okay, but for my 42nd birthday,what I want to do, which is
this March, is I want to be ableto run a mile without stopping
(31:56):
Nice.
I want to be able to do a pullup, which I haven't been able to
do in my adult life, and I wantto be able to do one headstand
for 10 seconds.
So I am working on all three ofthose things I have.
There's someone who's been on mypodcast.
Her name is Talita.
She helped me come up withthese three like things as a
(32:18):
goal for myself for the nextyear.
So that's something that I'mworking toward.
So I just recently startedrunning again and working with a
trainer every Friday morning toreally improve my core because,
as you can imagine, afterhaving five children, I am
(32:39):
lacking a little bit in corestrength and I need that core
strength to be able to move intoa headstand.
So I'm hoping to get to atripod by Thanksgiving and that
way, once I can do that like Ican then like really have like
the core strength and the upperbody strength to do a full on
headstand by March the end ofMarch.
Speaker 1 (33:00):
So that's such a unique goal.
I've never heard anybody saythat.
Speaker 2 (33:04):
No.
Speaker 1 (33:05):
I've never heard that .
No, I mean, were you like agymnast or something?
Speaker 2 (33:08):
Oh my gosh?
No, definitely not.
But the person I'm working withon Fridays was a gymnast, so I
mean I mean I love challenges,right?
Speaker 1 (33:15):
I mean that's you want to challenge yourself and
in the process you're having fun.
You know I love it.
It's something so unique but Inever would have even thought of
it.
But that's a really cool goal.
Speaker 2 (33:24):
I love it, oh, thanks .
Yeah, I'm pretty excited aboutit, I think in part because it
is kind of unique and I wantedit to be something.
That was kind of fun.
Now that you mentioned that,when I think back to when I set
that and it is like definitely astretch goal for me.
Like I told you, like I havenever been able to do a pull up
in my adult life like ever, youknow, when I was like much more
(33:46):
fit, when I was like in mytwenties like I could never do a
pull up.
So this is like a really big,like changing my body kind of
thing.
Speaker 1 (33:55):
Awesome, I love it.
Well, it's okay with you.
I'm just going to do threerapid fire questions to end the
interview, all right, the firstone is what is your best quick
weeknight dinner that's also kidfriendly?
Speaker 2 (34:07):
We do a quinoa salad, and so we have the quinoa ready
to go, and then we just chop upthe veggies that we've already
prepped, toss it all together,and they love it, and I love it
too.
Speaker 1 (34:18):
Okay, awesome, I have not.
I've gotten away from quinoa,so I need to give it another try
.
I haven't had it in a couple ofyears and I haven't even had my
kids try it.
So if you're giving it five kidapproved, I need to give it a
try.
Speaker 2 (34:28):
And if we just had it last night, I threw some
mozzarella in it and some freshbasil and then just let them.
You know, what I did is I letthem put on the spices that they
wanted, and they really werepretty into that.
Speaker 1 (34:39):
Nice.
I hope to give it a try.
Do you have any mantras?
Speaker 2 (34:45):
Yes, so this is one that I developed with the
fitness goal that I have, whichis that I am a strong, free,
bold, joy getter.
Oh lovely, yeah.
I try to repeat that when Iwalk through any kind of, when I
walk over any threshold.
So when I walk through any door, I try to repeat that in my
head I am a strong, free, bold,joy getter.
Speaker 1 (35:07):
I love that.
Super cool, all right, and thelast question do you have any
song that like pumps you up forthe day or pumps you up for a
workout or just something whenyou need a mood boost?
Speaker 2 (35:18):
Yeah, so this is kind of silly.
But my kids, when I drop themoff at school, we listen to
music on the car and my fiveyear old likes to listen to
Miley Cyrus's wrecking ball, andthen when it gets to the part
where it came in like a wreckingball, we all scream it as loud
(35:38):
as we can and it's so fun.
So whenever I need to just sortof smile in my own like heart
and head, I listen to or thinkabout that song and like think
about my kids and like how funthat is, and so that is for sure
, the song that just sort oflike pumps me up and makes me
happy.
Speaker 1 (35:55):
I love it.
That's such a unique song.
Most people are like I had atiger, or like something rough,
like I love it, like such a goodsong, like family friendly, you
know Well, thank you so much,jen, for coming on today.
I you should shared so manyvaluable nuggets that I think my
audience will get from thisepisode.
But to wrap it up all in alittle bow, I think I would just
remind everyone that much likeI'm working on, much like it
(36:18):
sounds like you even every daywork on this isn't something
that is going to happenovernight.
It's definitely a process.
It takes time and we have toremind ourselves that.
You know it's it's not going tohappen overnight for anybody.
And it's like you're, I wouldsay, an expert in this area, at
least from what I can tell onyour podcast, and you even have
moments and it's just remindingourselves to.
(36:39):
We have to give ourselves grace, we have to remember that we're
human and it's worth it.
It's just going to take a whileto get to that point where you
are full of joy and happinessand understanding that not every
day is rainbows and butterfliesFor sure.
So thank you again, Iappreciate you so much and I
look forward to chatting.
Speaker 2 (36:58):
Yeah, thank you.
I really enjoyed our timetogether.
I really appreciate it andthanks so much.
Thanks, Jen.
Speaker 1 (37:05):
Thank you so much for tuning in and listening to this
episode of Hot Mess Mom Health.
If you'd love this episode,please leave me an iTunes review
.
It would mean the world to meand it would help me get the
word out about helping othermoms reclaim their health.
Thank you so much.
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