November 23, 2023 • 43 mins
This episode comes with a trigger warning of domestic violence.
In episode 49, Mitch Wallis speaks to Jacinta Dubojski who is the creator and founder of Just Another GIRL, an initiative designed to inspire and empower students by arming them with the tools to navigate difficult situations; such as bullying, and domestic violence, both of which are experiences that she's survived. Jacinta is a big believer in sharing stories to connect and help others, something I’m equally passionate about so I'm honoured to be able to bring you her story of resilience.
This episode covers:
- Her traumatic experience at school confronting her childhood bully 15 years later
- The psychological entrapment of an emotionally and physically abusive relationship
- How to rebuild mental fortitude when you've experienced repeated hardship
- Receiving psychiatric care at her most vulnerable and the shocking treatment from staff
- How to get out of victim mindset and forgive yourself for all you put up with to survive
- Her best tools to shift self-esteem and internal narratives from unworthy to deserving
Stay connected:
www.instagram.com/just.anothergirl_
www.justanothergirlproject.com.au
www.instagram.com/mitch.wallis
Have feedback to share, questions you want answered or guests you want to see on the show? Get in touch: contact@mitchwallis.com
Watch the full episode on YouTube: https://youtu.be/yMis1WuMPQA
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
And I thought, oht my God what is?
What is wrong? What has happened to me?
Remember just saying to my mother and sister, I just this
is just so hard. I just don't.
I don't want to leave. I feel like my brain, someone
had taken it out, smash it against a brick wall, put it
(00:21):
back in my head and said go do life, alright, we're on it.
I wonder what you mean. When you use the word I.
Use the word Idi. Take a break.
(00:42):
Aversion to ourselves and to what's happening inside us,
inside of us. I've been very interested in
this problem for a long, long time.
Something settles. Today's guest on the show is
Jacinta Dubowski. She's the creator and founder of
(01:05):
Just Another Girl, an initiativedesigned to inspire and empower
students by arming them with thetools to navigate difficult
situations like bullying and domestic violence.
She herself has experienced bothof these things throughout
school and then in her adult life.
She's worked incredibly hard to heal her past traumas and now
(01:26):
dedicates her entire life. This.
She's a big believer in the power of storytelling and wow,
does she tell some powerful stories in our discussion.
We go really deep here and I will say that there are some
trigger warnings, particularly around the domestic violence
side of things, where we dive into some memories and
experiences that can feel quite present for someone.
(01:48):
If that is a traumatic memory that is very close to home, I
would advise you to listen to this with a trusted person, a
medical professional or when you.
Are in a stable headspace. The outcome, though, of going
towards these harder parts is toendeavour.
(02:09):
To allow others to know truly that you are not alone and
despite the hardship and the situations that you may have or
are experiencing, that there arepeople like Jacinta flying the
flag and showing that the North Star can be emotional freedom,
can be self worth and can be a life worth living.
(02:29):
I hope you take as much out of this episode as I did and feel
the inspiration that this warrior and soldier just Scinta
has been able to. Accomplish so without further
ado. Introducing Jacinda.
(02:49):
Just into, can you tell me the 1st?
Comment or action from your childhood that made you stop and
feel like something was very wrong.
So that's takes me to year 7. That's a private Christian
(03:14):
School where I did my schooling and I had one of my classmates
say to me, I'll just seem to your freakishly tall, you know,
you look like a giant. The storf Bigfoot.
(03:36):
That was something that was played over and over and over
and over, but probably almost over 4 years, from year 7 to
Year 10. Wow.
What that does to sort of just to stop.
(03:57):
And I think when you're trying as a teenager trying to find
yourself and learn to fit in andyour peers and those pressures
and you're developing and as a woman and you're changing and
you're growing, it's just erodedmy self esteem and self
confidence and love of myself, sadly.
(04:22):
Yeah, I'll bet. I'll bet it did.
Especially because it's a physical attribute.
And not only that, it's one thatyou can't control, which is not
only unfair, but would drive some sense of powerlessness over
the ability to shift your circumstance to be that from
outcast to belonging. I remember the the guy that was
(04:47):
giving it, giving me such a hardtime, he drew on the border.
I remember one lunchtime and drew on the whiteboard in the
science lab and the a picture ofthis really lanky, tall girl
with these really big, long, freakishly long feet.
You know, so because I have big feet as well, I'm tall.
I'm 6 foot 2 and I just knew that that image was was of me
(05:12):
and I left the science lab and Iran, just sprinted downstairs
you know two floors to the girl's toilets where the girls
rooms were and hitting the toilets and was just crying and
crying and crying and he actually ran after me my bully
ran after me and the the teacherat the time had to get him out
(05:34):
and and just apologise and it was just it was it was it's
traumatising. Do you know where that person is
at today? Have you ever seen or spoken to
them since? Great question.
About six years ago they bumped into my bully.
(05:58):
I was. I was working in Aubrey, where
I'm from, Born and raised Aubreywere Donga and he was attending
a wedding. I was working at this wedding
and I'd see I saw him from a distance and my heart rate at
the time just skyrocketed and I and something just that, just
(06:20):
from not seeing him probably 15 years, a good 15 years after
school, said Eyes on him. The the emotional, the effect
physically that it had inside mybody and I went up to him and I
said how are you going? Can we have a chat about school?
(06:40):
Something in my mind and heart, said Jacinta.
I need you to speak to him. I know you're terrified.
I know you're scared. I need you to speak to him.
I need you to. I need you to confront him.
Now's your chance, your only chance, I said.
I want to talk about some thingsat school, he said to me.
What do you mean, we? You wouldn't know.
You would remember anything fromschool, I said to him in that
(07:03):
moment looking down on him, because he probably comes up to
about here on me now. And he and I looked down on him
and I said, actually, I remembereverything.
It was like a little puppy dog. It's like ears went down and
tail under the bum. I said, I'll be talking to you
later. We had a break in the in the
(07:25):
evening, pulled him aside privately, he says, what do you
want to talk about? And my and I was sweating and my
heart was going a billion miles an hour.
I said I wanna know why you weresuch an asshole, such a
horrible, disgusting person to me in school.
(07:48):
You killed myself. Esteem.
I never believed in myself. I struggled with modelling, with
loving myself and accepting myself.
And I rattled off every single name calling item that he ever
called me. And I said I want to know why
and I just it was so empowering,he said to me in that moment he
(08:13):
was, he was actually, he was shaking.
He started getting emotional, hesaid.
Jacinta, I had no idea the bullying had this effect on you,
he said. I'm so sorry, I said, did you
get off with people putting people in so much pain?
I said I wanna know why. I said you're not going anywhere
(08:35):
until I know why, He then explained to me, which I didn't
know. So he lived with his father and
stepmother all through his childhood and his stepmother
gave him a horrific time at homeso would never wouldn't accept
him, didn't ever celebrate his birthdays and just gave him
(08:59):
absolute hell at home. In turn, he came to school and
gave everyone in these classes, Not just me, almost everyone in
this class absolute hell. And he was so confident.
He was so cocky, so reassured that my God, did he hide that
(09:23):
pain from home inside him so well to deflect that everyone
else isn't good enough because he's not good enough.
It's so interesting to I think it's the first time maybe that
I've personally ever heard someone as an adult confront
(09:44):
childhood their childhood bully.A lot of the time we don't get
to tie a loose end in that knot and not in that loose end.
Sorry, I should say. And and you had that opportunity
and so. So the next question is, by the
end of that conversation, what was the emotion you were left
with? I felt lighter.
(10:05):
I felt free. I took the power back.
Jacinta. Little little teenage Jacinta.
Little vulnerable teenage child Jacinta, who's still in here,
who I carry with me every day, felt empowered, felt like she
(10:27):
had a voice. What's your gut feel
anecdotally? Or evidence based on how many
people who were childhood bullies, grow up and actually
look at that and go I fucked up?Or do they just continue to live
in ignorant bliss and treat people horribly?
Yeah, that's that's a good question.
Which I think, look, I'd like tothink that they change.
(10:52):
I'd like to think that who you are as a as a teen or a child
and then coming into your adulthood, maybe having their
own children with the partners, you know, relationships, getting
married, having to do some real big life changing events and
then maybe seeing their own children going through school
(11:13):
and being bullied possibly. I'd like to think there's some
shift there. But also, he had no idea that
really, maybe he he was a bully.Yeah, it's interesting.
You know, you said it takes certain life events for for
(11:36):
particular people to change their ways, like such as having
children. That to me is a really
concerning reality that people change after they have children,
not before, because often they're the intergenerational
trauma or the unhealthy behaviours will be passed down
and the wake up call is sometimes too late once the
(11:59):
damage is already done to their own children.
And it's kind of really selfish in a way, when you think people
would prefer to run away from their own pain and make it
someone else's problem because it's too hard to look in the
mirror 100%. Yeah.
But but Mitch, that's that's that's healing.
(12:22):
That's that's doing the work andit's and it's ugly and it's
painful and it's and it hurts. Oh my God, does it hurt?
I know for you there were moments, even after childhood,
where the bullying in its traditional sense might not have
been the same or let up a bit. But you then faced new and.
(12:48):
Different challenges in the formof abuse in romantic
relationships. How, when that started to occur,
did it bring you back to that feeling?
Ironically small, even though you were tall in childhood.
Once the abuse started in adulthood, I think, to be
(13:13):
honest, to make sure I didn't actually realise how much of A
damaging effect, psychologically, mentally, the
bullying had on me and not doingany work, not doing any therapy,
(13:35):
no psychology work, not yet, no counselling.
And then going into late teens and early 20s into an abusive
relationship, thinking it's OK because, well, I'm actually, I'm
entering that space knowing thatI'm not enough.
(13:58):
I'm not OK. I don't really fit in and I
really just need a guide to tellme that I'm enough and I'm
lovable and I'm A and I'm OK. Hmm.
So then when psychologically, sadly you're reaffirmed that in
(14:23):
a more probably aggressive state.
So being a domestic violence survivor from my early 20s in a
relationship for three years, there is the physical going to
work with bruises on my neck, with bruises all on my arms,
(14:43):
being choked, being grabbed on the bed, strangled.
The sociological abuse, the mental abuse I feel is 1000
times worse and just eroded, Mayeven more to almost like just
(15:06):
completely soulless. To just do nothing soulless.
To just to nothing. To nothing.
But remember, you know, I I couldn't.
I was trying to actually fall pregnant.
Not being able to do so, trying several times, not being able to
do so, being called screaming from another room.
(15:32):
You're useless. Fucking you can't even fall
pregnant. What good are you tears
immediately. Just just emotion.
Just like Daggers in the Heart. And all I could think of at the
time was I can't have a child with this person that they say,
(15:58):
listen to your heart, not your head.
My head was saying it's OK, you can do this, you can do this,
it's OK. My heart was actually pleading
and crying to me, saying just seemed to please don't have a
child with this horrible, horrible monster.
(16:19):
Hmm. I remember running down to the
symmetry only probably a 5 minute jog, 6 minute jog.
I ran down to the same if you where my dear late grandmother
is buried many many years ago now when I was 10 she passed
(16:41):
away and I remember seeing aftermassive Blues, massive massive
Blues physically mentally massive Blues out actually sit
at the base of her grave and just put my hand on the on the
marble on the base of the grave and just say Nana I need you to
save me from this man. Please, please, please save me
(17:05):
from this monster. I couldn't leave.
It's for people to say, well, I wouldn't be treated like that,
just leave, you know, just walk out.
Don't let someone treat you likethat.
It's. There's so many layers.
There's so many layers to this, to sychological abuse, to to to
(17:30):
trauma of the brain and the and the you know, how complex our
minds are that I just, I'd prayed he had was seeing another
woman whilst we were together and ended up kicking me out of
the house. He's pretty much just said,
(17:52):
yeah, I don't love you anymore or judge me to drop you to your
parents or your best friend's house and and that was it.
Yeah, it's kind of hard to even respond to.
What you just said, because there's just no words for any
human injuring that type of behaviour from another human
(18:16):
being, it's deplorable, doesn't even come close.
And you said something very important there, which is so
many people ask why doesn't she leave?
And I've recently learned the expression we need to replace
this with. Why doesn't he stop?
And. In those moments from the study
(18:37):
I've done on family and domesticviolence, what people don't
realise is the cycle of control and manipulation that a
perpetrator has on the victim, if that's OK for me to use that
term, victim in this, in this context of the experience of
that abuse and. That the mind games plus the
(19:01):
physical fear, plus then all theother domains of control that
can struggle around that, Whether that be financial
blackmail, whether that be through psychological belittling
to the point where you don't have the self worth to feel like
you deserve better. It could be holding pets for
ransom, it could be blockading you from outside connection, It
could be physical entrapment. There's so many parts of it and
(19:26):
even if it's not experienced theextreme.
Control and manipulation can weed its way through the vines
of our our, our personality, andour.
Thought that we can actually be and have something different and
I'm sure that that was the case for you 100% which you've you've
no you know every nail on the head thereof of there's just
(19:51):
there's there's so many factors and different channels and
different avenues of yet of of control and and narcissism.
So I was what was one thing thatwas very much in you will be
nothing. Sorry.
You are nothing without me. Do you hear me?
(20:14):
Do you understand me? You are nothing without me.
You will never accomplish anything without me.
Do you hear me? And it just it midgets so
heartbreaking that I, I I think back and I can ever remember
(20:36):
exactly where I was in the home where that conversation was
happening 1213 years ago and I wholeheartedly believed him and
said yes. Wow.
I I understand that I am nothingwithout you.
(20:58):
I wholeheartedly 1000% believed him.
For it to get to that point, it's it means that it has sunk
in. Beyond a thought.
It is now a whole body scheme ofbelief.
And after that relation, yeah. And then after that relationship
(21:23):
ended, I don't know the timeline, so excuse me if I'm
getting the details wrong, but Ithink that's when you ended up
in an inpatient unit in hospitalshortly after that.
Is that right? Hi.
Yes, Poppy, I maybe he year and a half later, yeah, yeah.
(21:48):
OK. And what was the trigger, What
was the what was happening for you to know or fathers to know
the hospital needed to happen? So I had actually move to City,
did a lot of lot of counselling,a lot of psychology work on
(22:10):
myself, and I'd actually moved to Sydney for a short time and
did some modelling. My agent at the time,
unfortunately, was quite a controlling gentlemen.
That, and it sadly brought up a lot of past trauma and past
(22:32):
beliefs. Uh, that maybe were underlying
from officially that that relationship we just discussed,
I'd found my anxiety was just sort of skyrocketing again.
Just that that really that this tightness of the chest and just
(22:53):
so much fear playing out. I then said goodbye to that
world. I'd moved back to Aubrey.
What I didn't actually realise, which at the time was having a
mental breakdown. So my the front lobal prefrontal
cortex of the mind completely went to sleep.
(23:15):
One of the scariest things I've ever experienced to date,
absolutely petrifying what I couldn't.
I just remember every morning just waking up with so much
panic, so just that I'd go to sleep.
I sleep pretty good during the night, wake up quite early and
just this just this fear, this panic.
(23:38):
Just like a You know the Sabre Tooth tiger is is coming to bite
your face off for but there's notiger and just as time went on
that just that fear just got worse and worse and worse and
worse and I found myself mentally, not just not being
able to concentrate, not being able to really whole
(23:59):
conversations finding work are quite overwhelming hard to hard
to actually even do a day to daywork.
I then remember waking up going but I'd had a shower one
morning, got some my got to my clothes, I got a beautiful
wardrobe, loving clothes, lovingfashion and I went to my
(24:23):
cupboard and I couldn't. Actually getting, getting
dressed, putting myself, stylingmyself just in an outfit.
Everyday outfit was like climbing Everest with no oxygen
tank, with no poles, with no gear, with no clothes, with no
(24:44):
and I thought, Oh my God, what is wrong?
What has happened to me? Remember just saying to my
mother and sister, I just this is just so hard.
I just don't. I don't want to leave.
I feel like my brain someone hadtaken it out smashed it against
a brick wall put it back in my head and said go do life go do
(25:11):
you everyday day to day life. My mother and sister then we're
just like just into needs more help.
She we can't continue with just this cycle of just just being so
mentally unwell. Just saying I just, I don't want
to be here. This is all too hard.
(25:31):
I went to the public hospital inAubrey Psychiatric Hospital.
I went to sleep that night. I remember waking up in the
morning and there was just this banging on my door and I was on
sleeping tablets and all sorts of things, all stressed, Bang,
(25:52):
Bang, bangs and the nurses sort of reefed, opened the door and
said get up, it's time to get up.
Everyone's out there eating. Get up.
I didn't think life could actually get any worse in that
(26:14):
moment. Being in an isolated in a in A
room, in a psychiatric ward. My brain was was stride, was
completely offline, wasn't working and this mental health
nurse is yelling at me. I was in there for a week.
(26:36):
I remember a male mental health at one of the male nurses saying
to me. It just seemed to do you, you
know, what do you have goals in life or this sort of thing or
doing some writing and things like that.
And I said yes, I'd actually love to, to share my story.
One day I actually would like togo and speak to teens and speak
(26:58):
and and you know, sort of about abuse and bullying and the
effects and this sort of thing, he said to me.
You can't actually put a sentence together, let alone
getting up on stage and presenting to people.
How are you going to do that? To date, I think I've spoken to
(27:18):
almost 3000 teenagers about my story.
These are the people in our public health system that are
meant to be healing, restoring, repairing, feeling safe.
What has happened to the world? So everyone listening to this
(27:39):
right now is gonna be going How the fuck did you come back from
that? How did you come back from
childhood bullying through a domestic violence relationship
to a horrible experience at yourmost vulnerable time when you're
at rock bottom thinking it can'tget any worse, you gotta.
You gotta be ready to give up atthat point, So was there a
(28:03):
particular moment? Or someone that flipped this and
turned this around? Or was it a slow, gradual
process of rebuilding? I think, Richard, it's a slow,
it's a slow rebuilding of of just, you know, it's listening
(28:26):
to, you know, incredible storieslike like yourself, other just
wonderful people that have been through so much hardship, so
much pain, so much trauma and they just come out the other
side and it's just this Jacinta,you're gonna be OK.
(28:47):
Just just keep going. Just please, just please don't
give up. And it's hard and it's still, I
still very much, you know, I meditate every day.
So my mental health is still very much something that I need
to check in on every day. It's a the process of Sundays.
(29:12):
It's great. Some days it's it's pretty
ordinary and I know that the theself care needs to needs to ramp
up the exercise and meditation and mindfulness and connecting
with people, but it's trying to remember how far I've come.
(29:33):
Forgiveness. That's a massive 1 fig.
Giving myself a pudding myself into, sadly, wasn't just one
abusive relationship. It was several in different
ways, shapes and forms. I'm going.
(29:55):
The world hasn't, you know, justjust got more of the world that
I need to give. I need to do some powerful work
here and I need to keep going. What would you say to someone
listening to this who's relatingto your story in some way,
particularly the aspect of not feeling like you have self
(30:16):
worth? Or any type of.
Internal system that you can lean on.
And they're at rock bottom. It might look different to what
your rock bottom looked like, but what's the number one piece
of advice you would give to thathuman?
You're not alone. Even though you feel alone and
(30:39):
you're the only one going through what you're going
through, there's so many that have experienced something very
similar to what you're going through.
Please find the courage to seek help through a professional
(31:02):
psychologist, counsellor, whatever it may be.
Please. You don't have to feel this way
forever, and this will pass. It doesn't feel like it in that
moment. It feels like this is my
(31:23):
forever. I'm going to feel like this is
forever. I feel so shit.
My whole world's completely fallen around me.
I have nothing. But you can get better.
The brain can heal. Our brains are these incredible,
incredible organs that yes, theycan work against us very much,
(31:44):
but every day they're actually trying to heal and restore you
and get you into a better space.It's it's thought, it's nature,
it's our bodies incredible way of healing.
It just takes time and patience.You use the word nothing a few
times. Who or what was the thing that
(32:06):
helped you start to believe thatyou were something?
That's, that's something Mitch, that resides I think within
yourself. So from clinical psychology,
from counselling, from books, from podcasts, from all these
certain different things, it's being able to, I think even even
(32:30):
just standing in the mirror doing some self love, just
staying in the mirror and just saying I love you.
Like except you just as you are.I'd be going for runs of a
morning, for example, and just having sort of affirmations just
(32:50):
playing in my ears just on repeat over and over over and
over, over and over. And very, very slowly, these
neural pathways in the brain actually kind of start to form,
going actually, I am enough, andI always was enough.
(33:16):
I've just sadly been told for solong that I wasn't and I sadly
believed that, believed all those negative, horrible
thoughts that have sort of, you know, there was cemented in my,
you know, in, in in my mind for so long.
So it's it's gradual, but it does have to come from here
(33:41):
through myself, through many different avenues, I feel, just
to finally really believe and go, yeah, well, I'm amazing
making sure we don't have any other external factors that are
telling us that we're not good enough.
So we want to make sure that you're doing the really good
(34:01):
work. Who am I surrounding myself
with? My loved ones?
My friends? Do they actually love me?
Are they supporting me? Are they backing me?
Are they respectful? Are they kind?
Are they reaffirming all these beautiful, wonderful things and
all this hard work I'm doing in therapy and actually adding to
(34:22):
all the beauty and good work that I'm doing in here, if that
makes sense. Does the narrative of I'm
nothing or a lack of self worth still play out with you today as
an adult? Yes, it does.
(34:43):
Only from when at times when I'mtriggered, when something
triggers me quite severely from the past and that nasty bit of
old fear and anxiety comes up and says, hey, Remember Me,
(35:04):
remember that really luckiness from many, many years ago?
And that's when I've got to get out my tool belt in the tool
belt and go, OK, time to ramp upthese tools and let's lift that
work. Do I need to connect in with the
(35:25):
psychologist again? Do I need to make sure that
exercise, that gratitude, that mindfulness, That meditation
very, very important. So it's not just oh, OK, I went
through that 10 years ago. Now I'm perfect and life's lifes
not going to a through any kind of luckiness my way.
(35:46):
Oh, it does. Life likes to do this to us, as
I'm sure you've probably experienced in your own.
Yeah, absolutely. Well.
What's the what do you think themost helpful thing as
psychologist has ever said to you in the last decade or so?
Oh, that's a good one. I'm not broken and I don't need
(36:10):
fixing. Hmm.
You might have felt that, but your psychologist was helping
you realise that you're not smashed and broken.
You are someone that has an internal worth in and of
yourself and you just need to pour some fertiliser and some
gasoline. On the good part, not the bad
part, yes, I think Also if if I can add to that, realising that
(36:38):
I used to think that trauma was just was and not taking away
from UH was a car crash and someone losing a leg using a
losing a life. I thought that was that was
(36:59):
trauma, yes. And period.
Then it was an actually going deeper into the work I went wow,
actually I've been through shit tonnes of trauma.
Ah, that's why I feel this way and my brains actually just
(37:21):
responding and doing a a human natural thing in in just trying
to get its way through life. Yeah, it's just it's a response
to to trauma. So, so trauma.
Actually, yeah, it's it's there's a lot there and almost
(37:42):
probably everyone on the planet,in a way, as possibly
experienced some sense, some level of trauma.
Hmm. I agree.
Yeah. I think we we have and some more
than others. And I think there's ways to
respond, and I'm so glad that. Through all the interventions.
(38:09):
All the hard work, discipline, belief, resilience, luck,
blessings and everything else you've been able to come through
your experiences and now you make meaning from your pain in
order to help others not go through what you went through.
So on that note, what do you think is your your main message
(38:32):
like? What would you put on?
The as a billboard on the highway.
If you're struggling, please, please reach out.
Please seek help because there'sthere's help available and you
(38:53):
don't need to live this this. This isn't how you need to do
life, you know that. This, this feeling or this pain
that you're feeling isn't everything.
And the world has so much more you know.
You have so much more to give and do and be in the world.
(39:15):
So please have that courage and and speak up and reach out and
get that help. And.
What? What happens if someone's
reached out for help before and it hasn't worked well?
What would you say to them? Find someone else.
Hmm. Keep going.
(39:36):
I went through while living on the South Coast for a short time
for a couple of years, and I remember going through 4
clinical psychologists, maybe five.
I saw one clinical psychologist.I gave a bit of a download, a
brief of what I've of what I've been through, how I'm feeling,
(39:57):
what's happening for me, she said.
Jacinta, I actually can't help you.
You're too complex for me. I actually can't help you.
I don't know what to do with you.
Hmm. Then I went OK well.
I'm going to go and try and findsomeone that maybe thinks.
I'm not as broken or someone that actually can heal me.
(40:20):
There has to be someone out herein this medical world.
That can actually help me. They can do some good for me.
And I did, and I did some some great work with the clinical
psychologist, but it took four, maybe 5.
Hmm. So if one doesn't work, get rid
(40:40):
of them. Keep going.
Next doesn't work. Get rid of them.
Next. There's someone for you like I
assure you. Amen.
Where can we find more about you, Jacinta?
Yes, so through just another girl.
Project.com dot AU is my websiteso you can book me for a yes for
(41:06):
a chat or a presentation or you will see me on Instagram and.
Facebook and YouTube Just another girl project.
Uh, Jacinto Devorski, Perfect and And who's the best type of
person that should reach out to you if they're experiencing what
type of issues? Any.
(41:27):
School, any teenager or. Woman man that has maybe it's
workplace bullying, maybe it's self esteems or I can not only
go into a into school, into school halls and things in
classrooms, I can also present in more of a a corporate
environment as well. So I'm a happy and if I if I
(41:49):
can't help I can move it on to Ato someone else.
I feel that maybe more suited tothem so.
Yeah, well, thank you so much for your time today, Jacinta.
It's been a honour to hear your story and inspiring to be
exposed to the resilience that you've had throughout all these
(42:12):
difficult times. Thank you likewise which one of
pedestal and keep doing the amazing work.
Thank you for being you. The pedestal is definitely not
needed. I'm the one looking up to your
your strength. So yeah, no, it's it's an honour
to honour to have you here. I.
(42:34):
Wholeheartedly appreciate it and.
Take that on. That's that's another one when
we get compliments. Really feel them.
Hmm. And take and take them in.
You know, it's it's it's it's a blessing.
It's a gift. We don't always get them.
(42:55):
It can be hard to give them to ourselves, but really.
Really type that in because it'sso good.
Damn straight. Emotions have a natural tendency
to dissipate unless they get reinforced.
And so if there's more thoughts,more stories, more intentions
(43:17):
come along so they act of how amI.
Leaving it alone is an act of not act, adding more stories,
adding fuel to it. So it might not go away in 2
minutes, but it begins to relax,it dissipate.
And so, rather than being the person who has to fix it, would
become the person who makes space for the heart, the mind to
relax and settle away itself.
And I thought, oht my God what is?
What is wrong? What has happened to me?
Remember just saying to my mother and sister, I just this
is just so hard. I just don't.
I don't want to leave. I feel like my brain, someone
had taken it out, smash it against a brick wall, put it
(00:21):
back in my head and said go do life, alright, we're on it.
I wonder what you mean. When you use the word I.
Use the word Idi. Take a break.
(00:42):
Aversion to ourselves and to what's happening inside us,
inside of us. I've been very interested in
this problem for a long, long time.
Something settles. Today's guest on the show is
Jacinta Dubowski. She's the creator and founder of
(01:05):
Just Another Girl, an initiativedesigned to inspire and empower
students by arming them with thetools to navigate difficult
situations like bullying and domestic violence.
She herself has experienced bothof these things throughout
school and then in her adult life.
She's worked incredibly hard to heal her past traumas and now
(01:26):
dedicates her entire life. This.
She's a big believer in the power of storytelling and wow,
does she tell some powerful stories in our discussion.
We go really deep here and I will say that there are some
trigger warnings, particularly around the domestic violence
side of things, where we dive into some memories and
experiences that can feel quite present for someone.
(01:48):
If that is a traumatic memory that is very close to home, I
would advise you to listen to this with a trusted person, a
medical professional or when you.
Are in a stable headspace. The outcome, though, of going
towards these harder parts is toendeavour.
(02:09):
To allow others to know truly that you are not alone and
despite the hardship and the situations that you may have or
are experiencing, that there arepeople like Jacinta flying the
flag and showing that the North Star can be emotional freedom,
can be self worth and can be a life worth living.
(02:29):
I hope you take as much out of this episode as I did and feel
the inspiration that this warrior and soldier just Scinta
has been able to. Accomplish so without further
ado. Introducing Jacinda.
(02:49):
Just into, can you tell me the 1st?
Comment or action from your childhood that made you stop and
feel like something was very wrong.
So that's takes me to year 7. That's a private Christian
(03:14):
School where I did my schooling and I had one of my classmates
say to me, I'll just seem to your freakishly tall, you know,
you look like a giant. The storf Bigfoot.
(03:36):
That was something that was played over and over and over
and over, but probably almost over 4 years, from year 7 to
Year 10. Wow.
What that does to sort of just to stop.
(03:57):
And I think when you're trying as a teenager trying to find
yourself and learn to fit in andyour peers and those pressures
and you're developing and as a woman and you're changing and
you're growing, it's just erodedmy self esteem and self
confidence and love of myself, sadly.
(04:22):
Yeah, I'll bet. I'll bet it did.
Especially because it's a physical attribute.
And not only that, it's one thatyou can't control, which is not
only unfair, but would drive some sense of powerlessness over
the ability to shift your circumstance to be that from
outcast to belonging. I remember the the guy that was
(04:47):
giving it, giving me such a hardtime, he drew on the border.
I remember one lunchtime and drew on the whiteboard in the
science lab and the a picture ofthis really lanky, tall girl
with these really big, long, freakishly long feet.
You know, so because I have big feet as well, I'm tall.
I'm 6 foot 2 and I just knew that that image was was of me
(05:12):
and I left the science lab and Iran, just sprinted downstairs
you know two floors to the girl's toilets where the girls
rooms were and hitting the toilets and was just crying and
crying and crying and he actually ran after me my bully
ran after me and the the teacherat the time had to get him out
(05:34):
and and just apologise and it was just it was it was it's
traumatising. Do you know where that person is
at today? Have you ever seen or spoken to
them since? Great question.
About six years ago they bumped into my bully.
(05:58):
I was. I was working in Aubrey, where
I'm from, Born and raised Aubreywere Donga and he was attending
a wedding. I was working at this wedding
and I'd see I saw him from a distance and my heart rate at
the time just skyrocketed and I and something just that, just
(06:20):
from not seeing him probably 15 years, a good 15 years after
school, said Eyes on him. The the emotional, the effect
physically that it had inside mybody and I went up to him and I
said how are you going? Can we have a chat about school?
(06:40):
Something in my mind and heart, said Jacinta.
I need you to speak to him. I know you're terrified.
I know you're scared. I need you to speak to him.
I need you to. I need you to confront him.
Now's your chance, your only chance, I said.
I want to talk about some thingsat school, he said to me.
What do you mean, we? You wouldn't know.
You would remember anything fromschool, I said to him in that
(07:03):
moment looking down on him, because he probably comes up to
about here on me now. And he and I looked down on him
and I said, actually, I remembereverything.
It was like a little puppy dog. It's like ears went down and
tail under the bum. I said, I'll be talking to you
later. We had a break in the in the
(07:25):
evening, pulled him aside privately, he says, what do you
want to talk about? And my and I was sweating and my
heart was going a billion miles an hour.
I said I wanna know why you weresuch an asshole, such a
horrible, disgusting person to me in school.
(07:48):
You killed myself. Esteem.
I never believed in myself. I struggled with modelling, with
loving myself and accepting myself.
And I rattled off every single name calling item that he ever
called me. And I said I want to know why
and I just it was so empowering,he said to me in that moment he
(08:13):
was, he was actually, he was shaking.
He started getting emotional, hesaid.
Jacinta, I had no idea the bullying had this effect on you,
he said. I'm so sorry, I said, did you
get off with people putting people in so much pain?
I said I wanna know why. I said you're not going anywhere
(08:35):
until I know why, He then explained to me, which I didn't
know. So he lived with his father and
stepmother all through his childhood and his stepmother
gave him a horrific time at homeso would never wouldn't accept
him, didn't ever celebrate his birthdays and just gave him
(08:59):
absolute hell at home. In turn, he came to school and
gave everyone in these classes, Not just me, almost everyone in
this class absolute hell. And he was so confident.
He was so cocky, so reassured that my God, did he hide that
(09:23):
pain from home inside him so well to deflect that everyone
else isn't good enough because he's not good enough.
It's so interesting to I think it's the first time maybe that
I've personally ever heard someone as an adult confront
(09:44):
childhood their childhood bully.A lot of the time we don't get
to tie a loose end in that knot and not in that loose end.
Sorry, I should say. And and you had that opportunity
and so. So the next question is, by the
end of that conversation, what was the emotion you were left
with? I felt lighter.
(10:05):
I felt free. I took the power back.
Jacinta. Little little teenage Jacinta.
Little vulnerable teenage child Jacinta, who's still in here,
who I carry with me every day, felt empowered, felt like she
(10:27):
had a voice. What's your gut feel
anecdotally? Or evidence based on how many
people who were childhood bullies, grow up and actually
look at that and go I fucked up?Or do they just continue to live
in ignorant bliss and treat people horribly?
Yeah, that's that's a good question.
Which I think, look, I'd like tothink that they change.
(10:52):
I'd like to think that who you are as a as a teen or a child
and then coming into your adulthood, maybe having their
own children with the partners, you know, relationships, getting
married, having to do some real big life changing events and
then maybe seeing their own children going through school
(11:13):
and being bullied possibly. I'd like to think there's some
shift there. But also, he had no idea that
really, maybe he he was a bully.Yeah, it's interesting.
You know, you said it takes certain life events for for
(11:36):
particular people to change their ways, like such as having
children. That to me is a really
concerning reality that people change after they have children,
not before, because often they're the intergenerational
trauma or the unhealthy behaviours will be passed down
and the wake up call is sometimes too late once the
(11:59):
damage is already done to their own children.
And it's kind of really selfish in a way, when you think people
would prefer to run away from their own pain and make it
someone else's problem because it's too hard to look in the
mirror 100%. Yeah.
But but Mitch, that's that's that's healing.
(12:22):
That's that's doing the work andit's and it's ugly and it's
painful and it's and it hurts. Oh my God, does it hurt?
I know for you there were moments, even after childhood,
where the bullying in its traditional sense might not have
been the same or let up a bit. But you then faced new and.
(12:48):
Different challenges in the formof abuse in romantic
relationships. How, when that started to occur,
did it bring you back to that feeling?
Ironically small, even though you were tall in childhood.
Once the abuse started in adulthood, I think, to be
(13:13):
honest, to make sure I didn't actually realise how much of A
damaging effect, psychologically, mentally, the
bullying had on me and not doingany work, not doing any therapy,
(13:35):
no psychology work, not yet, no counselling.
And then going into late teens and early 20s into an abusive
relationship, thinking it's OK because, well, I'm actually, I'm
entering that space knowing thatI'm not enough.
(13:58):
I'm not OK. I don't really fit in and I
really just need a guide to tellme that I'm enough and I'm
lovable and I'm A and I'm OK. Hmm.
So then when psychologically, sadly you're reaffirmed that in
(14:23):
a more probably aggressive state.
So being a domestic violence survivor from my early 20s in a
relationship for three years, there is the physical going to
work with bruises on my neck, with bruises all on my arms,
(14:43):
being choked, being grabbed on the bed, strangled.
The sociological abuse, the mental abuse I feel is 1000
times worse and just eroded, Mayeven more to almost like just
(15:06):
completely soulless. To just do nothing soulless.
To just to nothing. To nothing.
But remember, you know, I I couldn't.
I was trying to actually fall pregnant.
Not being able to do so, trying several times, not being able to
do so, being called screaming from another room.
(15:32):
You're useless. Fucking you can't even fall
pregnant. What good are you tears
immediately. Just just emotion.
Just like Daggers in the Heart. And all I could think of at the
time was I can't have a child with this person that they say,
(15:58):
listen to your heart, not your head.
My head was saying it's OK, you can do this, you can do this,
it's OK. My heart was actually pleading
and crying to me, saying just seemed to please don't have a
child with this horrible, horrible monster.
(16:19):
Hmm. I remember running down to the
symmetry only probably a 5 minute jog, 6 minute jog.
I ran down to the same if you where my dear late grandmother
is buried many many years ago now when I was 10 she passed
(16:41):
away and I remember seeing aftermassive Blues, massive massive
Blues physically mentally massive Blues out actually sit
at the base of her grave and just put my hand on the on the
marble on the base of the grave and just say Nana I need you to
save me from this man. Please, please, please save me
(17:05):
from this monster. I couldn't leave.
It's for people to say, well, I wouldn't be treated like that,
just leave, you know, just walk out.
Don't let someone treat you likethat.
It's. There's so many layers.
There's so many layers to this, to sychological abuse, to to to
(17:30):
trauma of the brain and the and the you know, how complex our
minds are that I just, I'd prayed he had was seeing another
woman whilst we were together and ended up kicking me out of
the house. He's pretty much just said,
(17:52):
yeah, I don't love you anymore or judge me to drop you to your
parents or your best friend's house and and that was it.
Yeah, it's kind of hard to even respond to.
What you just said, because there's just no words for any
human injuring that type of behaviour from another human
(18:16):
being, it's deplorable, doesn't even come close.
And you said something very important there, which is so
many people ask why doesn't she leave?
And I've recently learned the expression we need to replace
this with. Why doesn't he stop?
And. In those moments from the study
(18:37):
I've done on family and domesticviolence, what people don't
realise is the cycle of control and manipulation that a
perpetrator has on the victim, if that's OK for me to use that
term, victim in this, in this context of the experience of
that abuse and. That the mind games plus the
(19:01):
physical fear, plus then all theother domains of control that
can struggle around that, Whether that be financial
blackmail, whether that be through psychological belittling
to the point where you don't have the self worth to feel like
you deserve better. It could be holding pets for
ransom, it could be blockading you from outside connection, It
could be physical entrapment. There's so many parts of it and
(19:26):
even if it's not experienced theextreme.
Control and manipulation can weed its way through the vines
of our our, our personality, andour.
Thought that we can actually be and have something different and
I'm sure that that was the case for you 100% which you've you've
no you know every nail on the head thereof of there's just
(19:51):
there's there's so many factors and different channels and
different avenues of yet of of control and and narcissism.
So I was what was one thing thatwas very much in you will be
nothing. Sorry.
You are nothing without me. Do you hear me?
(20:14):
Do you understand me? You are nothing without me.
You will never accomplish anything without me.
Do you hear me? And it just it midgets so
heartbreaking that I, I I think back and I can ever remember
(20:36):
exactly where I was in the home where that conversation was
happening 1213 years ago and I wholeheartedly believed him and
said yes. Wow.
I I understand that I am nothingwithout you.
(20:58):
I wholeheartedly 1000% believed him.
For it to get to that point, it's it means that it has sunk
in. Beyond a thought.
It is now a whole body scheme ofbelief.
And after that relation, yeah. And then after that relationship
(21:23):
ended, I don't know the timeline, so excuse me if I'm
getting the details wrong, but Ithink that's when you ended up
in an inpatient unit in hospitalshortly after that.
Is that right? Hi.
Yes, Poppy, I maybe he year and a half later, yeah, yeah.
(21:48):
OK. And what was the trigger, What
was the what was happening for you to know or fathers to know
the hospital needed to happen? So I had actually move to City,
did a lot of lot of counselling,a lot of psychology work on
(22:10):
myself, and I'd actually moved to Sydney for a short time and
did some modelling. My agent at the time,
unfortunately, was quite a controlling gentlemen.
That, and it sadly brought up a lot of past trauma and past
(22:32):
beliefs. Uh, that maybe were underlying
from officially that that relationship we just discussed,
I'd found my anxiety was just sort of skyrocketing again.
Just that that really that this tightness of the chest and just
(22:53):
so much fear playing out. I then said goodbye to that
world. I'd moved back to Aubrey.
What I didn't actually realise, which at the time was having a
mental breakdown. So my the front lobal prefrontal
cortex of the mind completely went to sleep.
(23:15):
One of the scariest things I've ever experienced to date,
absolutely petrifying what I couldn't.
I just remember every morning just waking up with so much
panic, so just that I'd go to sleep.
I sleep pretty good during the night, wake up quite early and
just this just this fear, this panic.
(23:38):
Just like a You know the Sabre Tooth tiger is is coming to bite
your face off for but there's notiger and just as time went on
that just that fear just got worse and worse and worse and
worse and I found myself mentally, not just not being
able to concentrate, not being able to really whole
(23:59):
conversations finding work are quite overwhelming hard to hard
to actually even do a day to daywork.
I then remember waking up going but I'd had a shower one
morning, got some my got to my clothes, I got a beautiful
wardrobe, loving clothes, lovingfashion and I went to my
(24:23):
cupboard and I couldn't. Actually getting, getting
dressed, putting myself, stylingmyself just in an outfit.
Everyday outfit was like climbing Everest with no oxygen
tank, with no poles, with no gear, with no clothes, with no
(24:44):
and I thought, Oh my God, what is wrong?
What has happened to me? Remember just saying to my
mother and sister, I just this is just so hard.
I just don't. I don't want to leave.
I feel like my brain someone hadtaken it out smashed it against
a brick wall put it back in my head and said go do life go do
(25:11):
you everyday day to day life. My mother and sister then we're
just like just into needs more help.
She we can't continue with just this cycle of just just being so
mentally unwell. Just saying I just, I don't want
to be here. This is all too hard.
(25:31):
I went to the public hospital inAubrey Psychiatric Hospital.
I went to sleep that night. I remember waking up in the
morning and there was just this banging on my door and I was on
sleeping tablets and all sorts of things, all stressed, Bang,
(25:52):
Bang, bangs and the nurses sort of reefed, opened the door and
said get up, it's time to get up.
Everyone's out there eating. Get up.
I didn't think life could actually get any worse in that
(26:14):
moment. Being in an isolated in a in A
room, in a psychiatric ward. My brain was was stride, was
completely offline, wasn't working and this mental health
nurse is yelling at me. I was in there for a week.
(26:36):
I remember a male mental health at one of the male nurses saying
to me. It just seemed to do you, you
know, what do you have goals in life or this sort of thing or
doing some writing and things like that.
And I said yes, I'd actually love to, to share my story.
One day I actually would like togo and speak to teens and speak
(26:58):
and and you know, sort of about abuse and bullying and the
effects and this sort of thing, he said to me.
You can't actually put a sentence together, let alone
getting up on stage and presenting to people.
How are you going to do that? To date, I think I've spoken to
(27:18):
almost 3000 teenagers about my story.
These are the people in our public health system that are
meant to be healing, restoring, repairing, feeling safe.
What has happened to the world? So everyone listening to this
(27:39):
right now is gonna be going How the fuck did you come back from
that? How did you come back from
childhood bullying through a domestic violence relationship
to a horrible experience at yourmost vulnerable time when you're
at rock bottom thinking it can'tget any worse, you gotta.
You gotta be ready to give up atthat point, So was there a
(28:03):
particular moment? Or someone that flipped this and
turned this around? Or was it a slow, gradual
process of rebuilding? I think, Richard, it's a slow,
it's a slow rebuilding of of just, you know, it's listening
(28:26):
to, you know, incredible storieslike like yourself, other just
wonderful people that have been through so much hardship, so
much pain, so much trauma and they just come out the other
side and it's just this Jacinta,you're gonna be OK.
(28:47):
Just just keep going. Just please, just please don't
give up. And it's hard and it's still, I
still very much, you know, I meditate every day.
So my mental health is still very much something that I need
to check in on every day. It's a the process of Sundays.
(29:12):
It's great. Some days it's it's pretty
ordinary and I know that the theself care needs to needs to ramp
up the exercise and meditation and mindfulness and connecting
with people, but it's trying to remember how far I've come.
(29:33):
Forgiveness. That's a massive 1 fig.
Giving myself a pudding myself into, sadly, wasn't just one
abusive relationship. It was several in different
ways, shapes and forms. I'm going.
(29:55):
The world hasn't, you know, justjust got more of the world that
I need to give. I need to do some powerful work
here and I need to keep going. What would you say to someone
listening to this who's relatingto your story in some way,
particularly the aspect of not feeling like you have self
(30:16):
worth? Or any type of.
Internal system that you can lean on.
And they're at rock bottom. It might look different to what
your rock bottom looked like, but what's the number one piece
of advice you would give to thathuman?
You're not alone. Even though you feel alone and
(30:39):
you're the only one going through what you're going
through, there's so many that have experienced something very
similar to what you're going through.
Please find the courage to seek help through a professional
(31:02):
psychologist, counsellor, whatever it may be.
Please. You don't have to feel this way
forever, and this will pass. It doesn't feel like it in that
moment. It feels like this is my
(31:23):
forever. I'm going to feel like this is
forever. I feel so shit.
My whole world's completely fallen around me.
I have nothing. But you can get better.
The brain can heal. Our brains are these incredible,
incredible organs that yes, theycan work against us very much,
(31:44):
but every day they're actually trying to heal and restore you
and get you into a better space.It's it's thought, it's nature,
it's our bodies incredible way of healing.
It just takes time and patience.You use the word nothing a few
times. Who or what was the thing that
(32:06):
helped you start to believe thatyou were something?
That's, that's something Mitch, that resides I think within
yourself. So from clinical psychology,
from counselling, from books, from podcasts, from all these
certain different things, it's being able to, I think even even
(32:30):
just standing in the mirror doing some self love, just
staying in the mirror and just saying I love you.
Like except you just as you are.I'd be going for runs of a
morning, for example, and just having sort of affirmations just
(32:50):
playing in my ears just on repeat over and over over and
over, over and over. And very, very slowly, these
neural pathways in the brain actually kind of start to form,
going actually, I am enough, andI always was enough.
(33:16):
I've just sadly been told for solong that I wasn't and I sadly
believed that, believed all those negative, horrible
thoughts that have sort of, you know, there was cemented in my,
you know, in, in in my mind for so long.
So it's it's gradual, but it does have to come from here
(33:41):
through myself, through many different avenues, I feel, just
to finally really believe and go, yeah, well, I'm amazing
making sure we don't have any other external factors that are
telling us that we're not good enough.
So we want to make sure that you're doing the really good
(34:01):
work. Who am I surrounding myself
with? My loved ones?
My friends? Do they actually love me?
Are they supporting me? Are they backing me?
Are they respectful? Are they kind?
Are they reaffirming all these beautiful, wonderful things and
all this hard work I'm doing in therapy and actually adding to
(34:22):
all the beauty and good work that I'm doing in here, if that
makes sense. Does the narrative of I'm
nothing or a lack of self worth still play out with you today as
an adult? Yes, it does.
(34:43):
Only from when at times when I'mtriggered, when something
triggers me quite severely from the past and that nasty bit of
old fear and anxiety comes up and says, hey, Remember Me,
(35:04):
remember that really luckiness from many, many years ago?
And that's when I've got to get out my tool belt in the tool
belt and go, OK, time to ramp upthese tools and let's lift that
work. Do I need to connect in with the
(35:25):
psychologist again? Do I need to make sure that
exercise, that gratitude, that mindfulness, That meditation
very, very important. So it's not just oh, OK, I went
through that 10 years ago. Now I'm perfect and life's lifes
not going to a through any kind of luckiness my way.
(35:46):
Oh, it does. Life likes to do this to us, as
I'm sure you've probably experienced in your own.
Yeah, absolutely. Well.
What's the what do you think themost helpful thing as
psychologist has ever said to you in the last decade or so?
Oh, that's a good one. I'm not broken and I don't need
(36:10):
fixing. Hmm.
You might have felt that, but your psychologist was helping
you realise that you're not smashed and broken.
You are someone that has an internal worth in and of
yourself and you just need to pour some fertiliser and some
gasoline. On the good part, not the bad
part, yes, I think Also if if I can add to that, realising that
(36:38):
I used to think that trauma was just was and not taking away
from UH was a car crash and someone losing a leg using a
losing a life. I thought that was that was
(36:59):
trauma, yes. And period.
Then it was an actually going deeper into the work I went wow,
actually I've been through shit tonnes of trauma.
Ah, that's why I feel this way and my brains actually just
(37:21):
responding and doing a a human natural thing in in just trying
to get its way through life. Yeah, it's just it's a response
to to trauma. So, so trauma.
Actually, yeah, it's it's there's a lot there and almost
(37:42):
probably everyone on the planet,in a way, as possibly
experienced some sense, some level of trauma.
Hmm. I agree.
Yeah. I think we we have and some more
than others. And I think there's ways to
respond, and I'm so glad that. Through all the interventions.
(38:09):
All the hard work, discipline, belief, resilience, luck,
blessings and everything else you've been able to come through
your experiences and now you make meaning from your pain in
order to help others not go through what you went through.
So on that note, what do you think is your your main message
(38:32):
like? What would you put on?
The as a billboard on the highway.
If you're struggling, please, please reach out.
Please seek help because there'sthere's help available and you
(38:53):
don't need to live this this. This isn't how you need to do
life, you know that. This, this feeling or this pain
that you're feeling isn't everything.
And the world has so much more you know.
You have so much more to give and do and be in the world.
(39:15):
So please have that courage and and speak up and reach out and
get that help. And.
What? What happens if someone's
reached out for help before and it hasn't worked well?
What would you say to them? Find someone else.
Hmm. Keep going.
(39:36):
I went through while living on the South Coast for a short time
for a couple of years, and I remember going through 4
clinical psychologists, maybe five.
I saw one clinical psychologist.I gave a bit of a download, a
brief of what I've of what I've been through, how I'm feeling,
(39:57):
what's happening for me, she said.
Jacinta, I actually can't help you.
You're too complex for me. I actually can't help you.
I don't know what to do with you.
Hmm. Then I went OK well.
I'm going to go and try and findsomeone that maybe thinks.
I'm not as broken or someone that actually can heal me.
(40:20):
There has to be someone out herein this medical world.
That can actually help me. They can do some good for me.
And I did, and I did some some great work with the clinical
psychologist, but it took four, maybe 5.
Hmm. So if one doesn't work, get rid
(40:40):
of them. Keep going.
Next doesn't work. Get rid of them.
Next. There's someone for you like I
assure you. Amen.
Where can we find more about you, Jacinta?
Yes, so through just another girl.
Project.com dot AU is my websiteso you can book me for a yes for
(41:06):
a chat or a presentation or you will see me on Instagram and.
Facebook and YouTube Just another girl project.
Uh, Jacinto Devorski, Perfect and And who's the best type of
person that should reach out to you if they're experiencing what
type of issues? Any.
(41:27):
School, any teenager or. Woman man that has maybe it's
workplace bullying, maybe it's self esteems or I can not only
go into a into school, into school halls and things in
classrooms, I can also present in more of a a corporate
environment as well. So I'm a happy and if I if I
(41:49):
can't help I can move it on to Ato someone else.
I feel that maybe more suited tothem so.
Yeah, well, thank you so much for your time today, Jacinta.
It's been a honour to hear your story and inspiring to be
exposed to the resilience that you've had throughout all these
(42:12):
difficult times. Thank you likewise which one of
pedestal and keep doing the amazing work.
Thank you for being you. The pedestal is definitely not
needed. I'm the one looking up to your
your strength. So yeah, no, it's it's an honour
to honour to have you here. I.
(42:34):
Wholeheartedly appreciate it and.
Take that on. That's that's another one when
we get compliments. Really feel them.
Hmm. And take and take them in.
You know, it's it's it's it's a blessing.
It's a gift. We don't always get them.
(42:55):
It can be hard to give them to ourselves, but really.
Really type that in because it'sso good.
Damn straight. Emotions have a natural tendency
to dissipate unless they get reinforced.
And so if there's more thoughts,more stories, more intentions
(43:17):
come along so they act of how amI.
Leaving it alone is an act of not act, adding more stories,
adding fuel to it. So it might not go away in 2
minutes, but it begins to relax,it dissipate.
And so, rather than being the person who has to fix it, would
become the person who makes space for the heart, the mind to
relax and settle away itself.
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