Against All Odds - "Make it last forever."

Church Girl meets Guy!

College Sweethearts, Carmela & Carrington Adkins share their 28 year road map though their ups & downs...baby before marriage, boundaries, standards, separation, forgiveness & devotion. Through it all Prayer is Everything!

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Episode Transcript

(00:00):
My life, without her in it, Ialmost know what that would look
like.
It would be trashy.
It would be horrible because,there are things that she
supplies to me that I need.
We're one.
You have passion and romancewith God, then you will have

(00:22):
passionate romance everywhereelse.
And the things that most peopledeal with won't be an issue.
Carmela and Carrington Atkinsare my guests today on Heavenly
hookups.
As we talk about what love lookslike after 28 years and making
it against all odds.
Carmela and Carrington how areyou?
Hey, Camille.

(00:44):
Hi.
Thanks for joining us on mysecond interview here with
heavenly hookups, amen.
It's our pleasure.
I'm so excited to have you twohere.
You both have amazing voices andCarmela's sounds like an angel
when she's singing andCarrington sounds like an angel
when he's preaching and playsthe piano.

(01:05):
Also you can hear him on Envoy,which is a fantastic news outlet
produced by Carrington and acouple of other of our
preachers.
It's a great, if you want toknow what's going on in
Washington, DC and what'shappening from God's
perspective, it's a really afresh new way of looking at
things.

(01:26):
I'm just here to learn from youguys.
You've been together for 28years now and that's an amazing
accomplishment.
Yeah.
Thank you.
Thank you.
I know it's probably not been aneasy road.
You know, I'm divorced.
I admire that you two could makeit and push through.

(01:47):
You know, it's never easy, but Ithink it's really fantastic.
I think that you'll help a lotof people when they learn about
what you went through, how yougot there and, how you're in
such a great place right now.
And, how excited you are.
You're more like newlyweds nowat 28 years when she say
beginning.
Yeah.

(02:07):
So let's start at the beginning.
Let's find out, a little bitmore about how you fell in love
and how you came together.
Carmela, were you attracted toCarrington at the beginning?
Oh yeah, absolutely.
Absolutely.
The physical attraction, was ofcourse a big draw, but I knew
better, you know, having come tocollege, and was, already a

(02:30):
believer in Christ.
I knew better not to be, tooovertaken by the outward
appearance.
Like that's not necessarily whatI was looking for in a man and a
guy.
So we met through a mutualfriend and then actually started
our, what we would call afriendship, but really was a

(02:53):
romance that started one night.
When we both met each other at acampus, dance or party, we'd
already, known each other, butboth of us came individually by
ourselves and, you know, causewe liked to dance and we both
liked music.

(03:13):
And so yeah, that's kind of,we're still dancing here.
That's right.
It's in the kitchen.
Oh, it's crazy in here.
I love that.
I love that.
I'm not going to tell you whatmy dad used to say that he'd do
in the kitchen once all of ourkids move out.
I'll probably do that.

(03:35):
That's probably what I do.
But anyway, so even in thedance, what happened there was,
again, like she said, we went,solo, which was strange for both
of us.
We both had friends and I neverhad gone before without anyone
else.
My buddies and, so I saw herthere and we danced to the fast
song and then the slow song cameon and then trying to, well,

(03:58):
we're gonna do you know what Imean?
Now we've got a decision tomake, well, we danced and the
song was called, make it lastforever.
Wow.
Yeah.
Yeah, it was make it lastforever.
And so just one of those signsthat, one of those little, I
guess unspoken criteria, my mindthat was, met was a when I was

(04:22):
singing the song because thesong is actually a song that's a
duo and it has a man's part, thewoman's part.
And so I was singing the man'spart, you know, just singing it
and she's then she's sang, and,and I was like, Oh, wow, you're
right.
She seems like an angel in myear.
I was like, Oh, and that waslike a first sign.
Cause I got, I got a few thingsthat my dad told me that I

(04:43):
should, you know, I took all mycues from family up until, I
became a believer and, that wasone of those things he told me
what to marry, but thatprivately in my own, that was
my, one of my list.
Things, you know, that no one Inever spoke out I wrote out is
that she will be able to sing.
Cause I knew I was musical.
So anyway, we went on from thereto talk, the rest of that whole

(05:04):
night until she had to go tochurch.
And I discovered that she was afamily person, just like me.
I mean, literally her mom, justlike my mom has 10 siblings.
Oh wow.
And so we realized reallyquickly that we're family people
that we love music.
We like to dance.
And, you know, she was a waybetter person, but I was all

(05:27):
right.
Ish, ish.
And, that was enough for us to,you know, for something to begin
there.
Well, I love how you stayed upall night talking.
I think that's a big indicatorthat you're in love.
I think that's really, it's abeautiful part of your story.
So, from there, she's has thischurch thing going on.

(05:47):
She's a church girl.
She wants to go to church.
And, and how do you feel aboutit, Carrington?
How do I feel about her being achurch girl felt like, you know
what?
I'll be honest.
I was, I left that night.
She went on to church.
I left, I walked her to her dormroom and by the way, I walked
her to her dorm.

(06:08):
When we stayed downstairs, nomen were allowed up.
So we stayed down there and wetalked, till 6:00 AM but I left
thinking, wow, she's got a lotof qualities.
All of it.
She's attractive.
She's good.
She's got integrity.
You know, she's got that.
She only has one little fault.

(06:30):
His name was Jesus.
Yes, she right.
She was the Jesus girl.
And, I just was like, yeah.
Man, you know, we all have ourvices.
Right.
So I felt like that was just avice.
So yeah, yeah.
Your head was not there at thatmoment.
You're more going, hanging outand going to the club and

(06:53):
probably, yeah, yeah.
We were 18 years old, youngcollege students, freshmen, you
know, when you come intocollege, your freshman year,
it's like, everything is openedup to you.
So he definitely didn't want tobe limited by tieing himself to
some church girl.
Yeah.

(07:13):
You just got there.
Yeah.
It meant don't do a bunch ofstuff.
Like all the good stuff.
Don't do those things.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So then what happened fromthere?
So then, we go on and we have arelationship thing, for a long

(07:33):
time.
We had a baby and then fastforwarding through quite a bit.
You know, she became seriousabout God and, she was already a
Christian, but she decided tocommit herself to God.
Meaning that she loved God moreand she became devoted and one

(07:57):
of the signs that she did thatwas, I was visiting my
grandmother as I did often.
And while I was there, I got aphone call from her saying that,
this relationship thing is overthis, that's it, after a long
time and me after a baby, youknow, after a long time.

(08:17):
And so she said to me, yeah,we're, we're unequally yoked.
And, I think I'm 20 or somethinglike that.
So unequally, yoked, I thoughtthat that's verbiage for like a
adult or something.
I don't even know what that was.
I didn't read the Bible.
I literally didn't understandwhat she was saying, you know?

(08:38):
And, she kept with it though.
We were unequally yoked.
We can't be together.
Okay.
And what were you doing?
What did you tell me before thatyou had been doing right before
she called you?
I was cutting the grass.
We had like 8 or 9 acres ofgrass.
I kinda enjoyed it.
I mean, it's our familyproperty, I was cutting the
grass, come in.
I was tired, and that phone rangand I got the phone.

(09:00):
I'm not sure if my grandmotheranswered her who, but anyway.
Yeah.
So she told me were unequallyyoked, and then she, then she
kept with that and hung up.
And I looked at that phone aftershe hung up about at least 10,
15 seconds, like what justhappened?
I don't even understand that.
And so what happened was thatshe began setting standards.

(09:22):
She began to show that God wasfirst in her life.
She began to make steps.
To align herself with what sheknew was right from the inside.
I always say this, she wasbackslidden with me.
I wasn't back slidden I was justsliding.
I didn't have anything to goback to.
I didn't have a foundation, inChrist or anything like that.

(09:43):
I hadn't had any experience atall, except for, just going to
church with my family and theholidays.
And even then I was thinkingabout something else while the
service was going on.
So she was living this thing outand she began to take steps and
it went on from there, that shebegan to set standards, even for
visiting my son.
Now we have a son, you know, andI went over there whenever I

(10:06):
felt like it.
I like literally morning, night.
You know, I remember I'll neverforget.
She's laughing, she's laughingbecause she knows where I'm
going to go, but I gotta tellthe story.
So, one morning, cause I, Iworked a lot, I had 3 jobs and
some of them overnight and soI'll never forget.

(10:26):
I felt like I wanted to go seemy son literally just random.
I just, when I wanted to seehim, I wanted to see him.
And so I went over there.
I went over there this time.
Yeah, no, that'd be, yeah, Imean.
I'm just thinking I went up tothe house, both of y'all, but
I'm just saying I went overthere and I'll never forget when
I got there.

(10:46):
I got off at seven, so 7:00 AM.
And so I got there, I don'tknow, whatever 7:15 or 7:30.
Do you know that there wasanother man?
Whew.
Well, first I wasn't there.
She wasn't there.
And I saw, I was like, Whoa,Whoa, Whoa.
It is early, you know?

(11:06):
Oh, Whoa.
You know, that was a strange,not necessarily a flag then, but
I'll never forget.
I stayed around for just asecond, but long enough for her
to come back home.
And then this other man has gother.
I love it.
And my baby and he's carrying mybaby out in the baby thing.

(11:30):
What you guys all know, thepeople who are listening
wouldn't know now is that wasn'tokay with me.
And I I'm the kind that wouldshow it.
And it is a miracle.
I mean, I looked at him like, Hewas ready to get punched in his
face.
I don't know what else to do.
I don't know what else to do.
I mean, this, how this looks, Imean, you know, and come to find

(11:53):
out, she had returned from anearly morning prayer where she
was giving God and our son, thefirst fruits of her day under
God, he was just the ride.
He was the over the campusministry.
And so that was that scenario,but I, that was all that
would've been too deep for me toeven understand it.
She explained it for two hours.
Well, I know there's a manholding my baby and you know, so

(12:18):
I'll never forget that I was, Iwas hot.
I was hot.
But anyway, so anyway, we won'tgo on from there.
She.
They became closer with campusministry.
She, you know, she would gettapes and everything to, to
enrich herself.
And so she would get tapes andshe gave me one, she tried to
play one of my car before, likea year prior.

(12:41):
And I was like, no, no, no, Idon't do self-help people
talking on tapes, just music.
Is all I really like, and, so itwas this summer, and this was a
pivotal time right here.
After summer, after my son wasborn, I guess, really, almost a
year actually.
And, it was, it was a year afterhe was born and that tape that

(13:02):
she gave me before I put thetape in, and it was a man
preaching about the kingdom ofGod and eternity and talking
about honor and humility andserving and all these qualities.
And I was like, I'd never heardanything like that in my whole
life.
I played it over and over andover for two weeks, I began to
get convicted.
And then I had an experience inmy room, with God, literally

(13:27):
with God and the visitation thattook, I don't know how long
hours I was just sitting there.
I felt like it was burning.
And so went over to her house,knocked on her door.
And cause he was the onlyChristian that I knew she would
know what was going on.
Cause she told me about Jesusand try to get me to go to Jesus
before.
But Jesus had to appear to mepersonally and I had to find him

(13:49):
on my own.
And that's what happened is so Iwent straight over there and
said, Hey, I think I'm aChristian now.
Or something happened in myroom.
Not really sure.
And she took me to Kmart andbought me a Bible.
She bought herself one matchingblack and pink and that began my

(14:10):
Christian walk there.
Wow.
So, how long did it take to havethis encounter after you were
listening to these tapes?
Was it just the two weeks or wasit longer?
It was about two weeks.
I had put the, I started thetapes and what was really
strange, which I should haveknown something was strange.
Then I didn't play any music forthat whole two weeks.

(14:34):
And I was played that tape,those two tapes over and over
and over and over and over.
He was talking about, listen tothis.
He was talking about datingChristian dating, you know, or
premature Christian dating whenyou're not ready.
I think it's worth Carmelatalking about, now maybe the
standards that you set and whydid you just backtrack a little

(14:55):
bit to your standard that youset in your own time?
Yeah.
Yeah.
So, to backtrack a little bit,really after our son was born,
not even after he was born, butlike when I was pregnant and,
realize, okay, I'm pregnantoutside of wedlock, with another
human being that I'm going to beresponsible for it.

(15:15):
So life started sobering up forme a little bit, meaning the
weight of that responsibilityreally began to set in.
And I had to, reevaluate my lifebecause I knew that I would be
responsible for another lifeand, being a Christian, I knew
that this wasn't the right way,this wasn't God's best, for me

(15:36):
to be number one, involved with,a guy who isn't a believer.
And I knew the standard becauseof the church that I was part
of.
And then, the campus ministriesthat were geared to young
adults.
And, I knew this standard.
I had a lot of examples of theright Christian standard as far

(15:56):
as, dating and marriage, theChristian way.
So, having said all that andthen, not allowing myself to
have the level of accountabilitythat I really should have,
because that would have helpedme or guided me more.
Into really abstaining from arelationship that's not rooted

(16:18):
and grounded in God.
So you had talked about, youwere evangelizing dating.
Yeah.
That missionary, we call it somany things back then.
We called it missionary dating.
We called it evangelist dating.
But the bottom line is, datingsomebody that, is not, not only

(16:39):
is not a professing believer inChrist.
Cause that's the first step, isthe person a believer, have they
repented of their sins, are theysaved, but then, you do have the
youth that are saved, butthey're just living,
backslidden.
Evangelistic dating is literallydating somebody who isn't a

(17:01):
believer, isn't a Christian.
And then in the hopes that yourlifestyle and your prayers, and
you're evangelizing them, willset them right.
And get them straight, you know?
And I, I laugh because it is sodeceiving, the girl or the guy,
either way, if it's a girl doingit or it's a guy doing it, just

(17:22):
to think that, just yourexample, there will that example
alone of not holding a standardis an example against the walk
that you're supposed to have asa, as a believer.
You know, having realized thatafter getting pregnant I really
had to make a choice with mylife and had to decide to follow

(17:43):
Christ and follow the Lord withall my heart the right way.
Even having to face, possiblybeing a single parent, because I
didn't know what the Lord wasgoing to do in Carrington's
heart.
I knew at that point we're aboutto have a baby together.
And then even after having ababy together, I knew I loved
him and cared for him deeply.

(18:04):
I knew that if I were to try tocontinue with a relationship
with him, Yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
It must've been so hard to giveup the man that you love and the
future that you thought you weregoing to have.
Right.
And the family you're going tohave together.
And it was so brave of you tolike, say, no, this is not the

(18:27):
way my son's future is going togo.
His dad is not just going tocome and go when he feels like
it.
You know, we're not going tohave that because that's not
what, what, how it was designedto be.
So I really admire you for that.
That's not an easy thing to doafter the fact it's much easier.
Don't you think to maybe havethat standard beforehand?

(18:49):
Oh yeah, because you know, Imean, there were times, I don't
know if I've even articulated tohim this, but there were times
when I was, when I was pregnantand knowing where we were.
In our relationship Carringtonand I, and there were times
where I was just, you know, justso much regret.

(19:11):
I was thinking, why didn't I endthis relationship?
Like, you know, when I, when Ishould have like, you know, that
was going through my head allwhile, and, and the reason I
probably hadn't ever talked tohim about it, because eventually
the Lord did bring us together.
We got married and we believe,you know, with all of, well, our
hearts, that, that it was thewill of God for us to be
married.
So, you know, those were justall of the, the doubts and the

(19:35):
fears that, I was going throughin that Valley time, when, I was
pregnant and not knowing what Imean, literally my question,
there was a question Mark in myfuture.
So during the encounter that youhad, you were talking about is
that when you ask God, should Imarry?

(19:57):
Yeah.
So, so yeah.
So after.
So I became a Christian.
I had I had an experience withGod and she helped me navigate
that.
She, you know, helped me, youknow, we, we were I went before
the people and to, you know, toprofess that, you know, and
everything.
And I got, you know,accountability group of brothers

(20:17):
around me, you know, for thefirst time I haven't people
asking me, how am I doing withsome very private things?
What, what did you say?
So I had this a whole new world.
It was a whole new world, butanyway, I received those
brothers and you know, but youknow, but one thing that I

(20:38):
didn't want to do was because Ihad a personal, a very, very
personal encounter with theLord.
I mean, I went back to my ownapartment and I was like with
the Lord, I mean, it was great.
I mean, I had no bad stuff in mylife.
I mean, it was just that.
So I actually I remember one ofmy first prayers, you know, to

(21:03):
God, after he visited me was Iguess, where I prayed for what I
call a God said, which issomething that I can bank on
fully that I know as much as I'malive, that God said this to me.
I was praying because I wantedto not get married.
Just because we had a baby,there was something that I knew

(21:25):
about the sanctity of marriage,you know, even without studying
the whole lot at all, at thatpoint that I wanted to make sure
that, you know, that I wasmarrying her for, because we're
supposed to be married.
So I needed a God said, and Iprayed and I'll never forget.

(21:45):
I did.
I got a God said, wow.
You know, I got a yes from God,you know?
And without that, I don't thinkthat I would have.
And so meaning, meaning I havethis whole new relationship with
him now.
So anyway, that's just a realpivotal piece for me, because
that was my first God said.

(22:07):
Yeah, it is.
And because, and that will playa part in a lot of things that
happen in the future.
So anyway, but yeah, it was so Idid become a Christian, I had my
experience and then And then Igot a word from God to marry.
That's amazing.
So when you went to the club andCarmela prayed before you went

(22:27):
there, was that before or after?
Yeah, so yeah, that, so that waskinda during the season of, you
know, after we had the baby andhe would sometimes come to visit
me and the baby and I was fullyliving turn my life over to the
Lord.
And so during that time, ofcourse I'm praying for him, you

(22:49):
know, in that season where I'mfully committing myself to the
Lord and, you know, I, I, he wasin my prayers often, so, and
that was one of those timeswhere I think right before,
cause I'd had like a a time cutoff of when he could come over.
Yeah, that was her.
I mean, she put these things inplace, two things.

(23:11):
This is, this is around the timethat, that, that gentle man is a
friend of mine.
Now a man of God, you know, whowas holding my baby, you know,
at that time she had these rulesand they were that I could not
come over there.
After after 8:00 PM, Iremembered the time.
Was it eight early?
Yeah.

(23:31):
For a reason.
And then I couldn't come alonewhen I did.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I mean, that's just saying afterthe fact we have a baby, what do
you want them to come over attwo o'clock in the morning?
I want to call them to know thatthat was not happening.
She was serious about it too.
And I had to keep those thestandards cause she wanted to,

(23:55):
you know, she did that.
Her, her idea was to, as shesaid earlier, what she didn't do
with me by relationship, theidea of before you ever get to a
place where you regret, thereare a lot of steps before that
you have an opportunity to cutit off.
Right.
And so her, her idea was to air.

(24:16):
On the side of caution becausewe have a history.
Right.
And so that was her standard.
So that was why she was doingthat.
It was the goal was to preventfour or five or six steps later,
or maybe we have 10 babies.
Right.
I don't know.
That's what we wanted when weset out to get married.

(24:39):
Anyway.
That's, that's the importance ofthat.
So anyway, so finishing thatstory about the yeah, the club
thing.
So she was praying for me and Ididn't know, I don't know what
she was praying for me.
All I know is I'm going to theclub.
Like I like to do, I loved it.
I had a membership and I'llnever forget.
I went this night again bymyself, first time ever by

(25:01):
myself, I went to the club andyou know, doing what a guy would
do, you know, a wants to doafterward, you know, and really
just dance.
I mean, I I'm telling you thisparticular night was the only
night in my whole life.
Up until that point where I hadan absolute horrible time.
I mean, I just almost like Icouldn't find by dance with or

(25:23):
something.
I didn't, you know, all thenormal things that were happen,
none of them would happen.
I mean, so much so that I wentback to my car.
I said, let me just hang out atmy car.
I mean, maybe something willhappen.
I mean, it just, it was just, Imean, I, like, I don't know why
the night was so bad.
I heard asked that by my car andfor a while, and I became

(25:44):
enraged with why this night sohorrible.
All of a sudden, and I go backand I tell her about that.
I'm not sure when that had did,but she chuckled.
And I was like, what'd youcheck?
I just gave you a horriblestory, you know?
And she chuckled because she'stold me Al right.

(26:06):
I was praying for you that youwould have a bad night,
something like that.
Can you imagine that?
And do you know that from thatnight forward, I never ever went
again, that I, that I remember.
And yeah, I really, really did.
And, and, you know, and one ofthe other things I did that
happened when I became aChristian that I had, my

(26:27):
experience was the music I waslistening to influenced me it,
you know, music.
We don't really understand that,but music is pretty serious.
It's not just something smoothto do while riding to work.
There's something that's go thatgoes on there in the lives of
people who make the songs andwhat the lyrics are.

(26:48):
And, but we don't realize thatwe rehearsing and we're playing
a song over and over and overagain, we're rehearsing the very
spirit of that thing.
And I mentioned that because wehad discussions, discussions,
ah, we had debates about.
You know, music before, and Iwould just mess with her a lot

(27:08):
of times, you know, and I willtry to put my music in and she
wouldn't let me do it.
No, no, no, you can't play thismusic.
And we would go back and forthand she, you know, she didn't
approve of my music.
And so, you know, and now, Imean, obviously now I understand
why, because I even remembergood music, you know, with no
band lyrics or anything.

(27:29):
And her point was, if it's notglorifying, God is glorifying
something.
And so there was a very, veryimportant thing that happened
with me when I became aChristian, I was, I had lots of,
I was known for music.
I always had the freshest musicI had at first and CDs and
everything back, you know, youknow, I spent a lot of money on
it and I'll never forget I wasgoing to take my CDs back after

(27:52):
I became a Christian to the pawnshop or somewhere to get some
value back for the CDs.
So I could, you know, maybe getsome Christian music or
whatever, you know, and I, thatwas one of my earliest
convictions that I had.
Wow.
I felt as I gathered them andput them in a bag to take to the
pawn shop, I felt like I wasgoing to give the people, the

(28:17):
music that I was listening toand that the things that I, who
I was before that music wouldcontribute to them being that
same way or worse.
Wow.
Again, most music today isreally trying to tell you what
love is and what kind ofbehavior is acceptable.

(28:37):
Do you know, going down tode-value and women, or what to
say about women and nowadaysit's even worse, but even back
then, it was bad enough where Isaid, you know what?
I don't want this music goingback out there.
So it was a faith step when my,my first one where I took those
CDs in that bag, I don't knowhow many that were.
Wow.

(28:58):
And I chucked it into a garbagecan.
And since that day, I have nothad a desire to listen to any
music or that doesn't glorifyGod.
As a matter of fact, from thatpoint, I went on a fast by
first, really fast, and that wasa fast for music.

(29:19):
There was Christian music outand it was okay.
I mean, Christian music backthen was way behind in quality.
Then I'm sure it probably istoday, but I can tell you that
even back then the desire towant to, move my head to
something or move my body tosomething.
I knew that I had to have a timeof seriousness before God
without anything.

(29:41):
And so I had, I'm not sure if itwas a couple of months.
I think it was where I didn't,want to hear anything and I
just, wanted the word I wantedto come in me and, do something.
So anybody that's just a kind ofthe early days, but we did get
married.
And got my God said we gotmarried.
So obviously our baby was, ayear old, he was at our wedding
and our pictures have our son, alot of them have him in it and

(30:04):
that's just part of our story,you know?
I use my faith and what we werelearning in our church and by
the men of God, real men of Godwho were serious about prayer
and humility and relationships,and covenant with God.
And, so we got married and I hada lot to learn, but you know,
right away, you know, I'll neverforget.

(30:24):
I said, we had to set standardsin our home.
Carmela, you can talk about ittoo, but for me, it was
important to Well, first of all,obviously there was a time where
we didn't think we were going tomake it within the first year
and that was centered aroundCarrington.
Really?

(30:45):
I think about it because Imessed around and found a
scripture that says wives submitto your husbands, you them.
And in my mind, because the,the, as a funny, funny thing,
how it all came about, but itwasn't funny back then, because

(31:06):
I have to, to my knowledge, Iwas doing everything that I was
learning.
And so I felt like everybodyaround me was converting the
same revelation at the samerate.
So I felt justified by, the sameway that I, everything I was
reading, I was trying to become,I felt pure to go and point out,

(31:26):
Hey, Oh, by the way, here's foryou.
So you got me into all thisJesus stuff.
Anyway, it shouldn't be too farfetched for you to look at this
scripture right here.
Here you go.
Right here, wives.
I put it right in her face.
Wives.
Let me just tell you what thatlanded us right in counseling.
Okay.
I'm in counseling.

(31:47):
We're trying to figure outwhether we going to make it
based upon, my family, I camefrom you know men, men's men,
you know, and they live that wayin every sense, but I, I didn't
know better than to, appreciateher as a matter of fact, in that
council session, what came truein my ear from my Bishop, my

(32:08):
pastor was he was encouragingme.
Cause my mind I thinking.
If you just be like me, we'll bejust fine.
I don't understand.
You know, where if you justwould just be just like me, we
would be like the coupleperfect, you know, and he was
explained to me and he taught methis one thing I left there with

(32:31):
the revelation, not just theteaching, not just information I
left there, the light bulb wentoff and he told me that I need
to, you got to appreciate thedifferences.
I, at that time young, I'm notsure if it was just
chronological youth or whatever,but that thing changed me.

(32:51):
And so to this very day.
So for then, and to this veryday, I appreciate that.
She's not like me, you know,that makes it dynamic.
You know, it literally does, youknow, and I believe that we
should be United in core value.
That's important, but but herdifferences, man, that, that
keeps things fresh.
It's I love it.
That she's not like me.

(33:12):
That was a huge lesson, a hugelesson at a huge price.
So we did make it.
But from there I began to setstandards.
I think it's important for theman to set standards in a
Christian home, I had to learnthat I'll be honest, my
philosophy before that was, Ithink it all needs to be equal.
It all needs to be just jointly,which I agree with overall, but,

(33:35):
God is real clear about the manleading things.
And so where she was the prayerperson, because I mean, I'm
talking about a woman that Imarried that even after this
time period, I'm talking about,I discovered in the attic
prayers.
Where she was praying to God.
So, when we referenced that shewas praying for me, for my

(33:58):
salvation, she wasn't justpraying that God blessed
so-and-so God bless Carrington.
I discovered that the literalphysical prayers that she put on
paper and that had to bring themto her and say, what is all
this?
I found them in the attic herprivate prayers.
The reason I bring that up isbecause it's very, very

(34:19):
important that what is done insecret will be rewarded openly.
God is really clear about therelationship that we have with
him is very personal between usindividually.
The Bible talks about that Godwill know us, that knowing is
the same way that Adam knew Eve,which is physically.

(34:41):
So he likens prayer to somethingphysical between a husband and a
wife, that level of knowing Godshe was working on that.
And that I believe I wasliterally looking at prayers
that were about me.
I mean, do you understand that,broke?
You want to break somebody down,even a man's man that broke me

(35:04):
down.
I'm just telling you, I mean, Idon't mean it, you know, but I
saw those, I saw the prayers.
I went through a couple of them,but I left it alone because that
was personal between her andGod.
In other words, it's not amistake that I'm here now.
Camille prayer is a huge settingstandards.
Is huge.

(35:25):
So anyway, some of the earlierstandards that I set in the home
after I understood theappreciate her differences and
we got past the Ephesians five,and my first memorized scripture
that's funny was that I want tomake sure that we don't ever,
ever, ever use the word, the Dword, D I V O R C E.

(35:47):
And to this day, I'm really,really careful about even saying
it.
Because that played a part inour testimony, our recent
testimony, not just the one backthen, but recently what's
happened to us.
So I did set a standard,standards in the home that would
lend more towards our beingunified.
And so that word was a word wedidn't even use in the house.
I needed to do that because, youknow, you never know how far you

(36:11):
would be from something likethat happening.
So I wanted to make sure likeher to air early on the side of
caution to say, we're not evengoing to say it.
Yeah.
I think that's really wise andsmart.
And I think one of the otherthings you guys talked about is
that you said that you promisedthat you would not sleep
separately.
Yep.

(36:31):
That is true.
Yeah.
I wanted to make sure to everynight, by the end of the night,
whatever goes on during the day,That it's all resolved, you
know, right in the bedroom.
We didn't want to do that couchthing.
I'll go on the couch type ofthing.
Like I saw on TV.
Cause again, you know, TV,music, TV, they'll dictate to
you.
What's acceptable inrelationships and how that

(36:52):
should go.
I mean, if I'm going to do that,that I don't need to be a
Christian.
She knew for me, I knew I, I hadto either go all the way or not
at all.
It's very important for us inrelationship not to get our cues
about love from the world, fromTV, from music that's not

(37:13):
centered in Jesus Christ becauseif people haven't heard so far,
he is the sole reason why we gottogether.
And the sole reason why we'retogether even now.
And you'll hear that a littlebit later.
Yeah.
So now you've been together fora while, and then there was a
bit of a turning point whathappened before your separation,

(37:34):
what made you part ways?
Yeah, so fast forwarding allthat foundation that we just
talked about helped make for agreat marriage, an individual
relationship with God, me to Godand into her, her to God, and
then to me.
And that was one of the thingsthat we talked about that would

(37:55):
help make our marriagesuccessful.
Well, my son began to havebehavior.
That was bad and we didn't knowwhat to do with that.
And eventually that led to usdisagreeing on how to handle
that in our own home.

(38:16):
And I found myself isolated andisolated, meaning from,
isolating more and more fromchurch from people, from what I,
when things that I knew and Ifound myself drifting so far
away.
We tried to do it ourselves tohandle it ourselves for a couple
of years, but unsuccessful indoing so.

(38:39):
Because my wife suggested that Igo to counseling and that kind
of thing.
We went to one and then we wentto a recovery program, I think
one time or something and no, Ithink we didn't go.
I wouldn't go.
Because I felt like I knew morethan anybody could possibly say
to me.
I mean, we talking about I'm inthe Lord.
We couldn't do it on our own, wedidn't need help.

(39:02):
But what I, what the help thatwe needed, we really learn later
what that helped was it wasn'tcounseling.
It wasn't just accountability.
It was something, it was backnow to knowing God, because long
before anyone ever getsseparated, long before anyone

(39:26):
ever goes through with that tothe next level, to the D word,
you have to be separated fromGod and you have to do the D
word toward God.
Somebody is always offsomewhere.
And usually we find by principleis every natural problem down
here in the world is a result ofsomething spiritually that's off

(39:50):
somewhere else.
So I had to get back to that,and anyway, we separated and she
came to DC and I stayed down inAtlanta.
And then, I lived really,wishy-washy life before God,
really mad at God, why'd youtake away?
My family, you know, good andwell.
That's all I really care aboutreally is my family.

(40:10):
And the one thing I love youtook away my family, you know?
And so, and that really that,no, it's not on him.
Why'd you allow that?
I know that I did it, so let'sget that right.
I know, I know that my, my part,but you know, he allowed that to
happen and so I coped with it,in my kind of coping way, you

(40:31):
know, different anybody else,but privately within less than
two years, I knew that we wereseparated for almost for three
and a half years for three and ahalf years, three years and six
or seven months.
Right.
And so I knew that, after awhile, Yeah.
I'm, I'm living in alternate.

(40:52):
I knew I was living in analternate life and I knew that
the cause of my depression,fear, anxiety, PTSD, trust
issues, those things came in melike almost overnight with the
separation.
And then they grew as I beganless and less trusting anybody

(41:13):
out there has my back for real.
And so I would live theextremely isolated life.
It's very important to knowthat, I had to take a brave,
step and moving up here.
Trying to do something, backtogether even the previous year,

(41:34):
but I didn't, and I neverforget, she challenged me and
she called me one day there andshe said, what prevents you from
moving up here?
And let's just, you know, let'sjust get, you know, let's just
get forward with some things inour marriage and let's work on
this thing and I hung up thephone.

(41:57):
And couldn't think of anythingexcept for the very comfort that
I had created.
I learned how to live like that,in my city down there in
Atlanta.
I knew where things were, Ilived a very simple life and
there was a little comfort inthat actually having been
through a bunch of, you know,hell yeah.
And I hung up the phone and allI know is.

(42:20):
Within one day I moved up here.
Isn't that?
Not true.
In one day I moved up here.
Yeah.
As a matter of fact, there was atime before that.
I don't know if that was a time,but I remember I came up here.
I didn't even know.
Tell her.
Yeah.
I just came up here because itwas very, yeah.
Important.
The reason why is because I knewthis from the past, when it

(42:42):
comes to making Godly decisions,it's not really hard to hear,
got anything that comes throughyour mind that has God word.
That's probably him.
In other words, if you have twoalternatives and one is less of
God, and one is more closer, forexample, one is more for,
towards staying in Atlanta andliving, living around and, not

(43:04):
even having any, somewhere tosleep every night, and I hate to
admit that, but that's, that'show isolated I was.
It wasn't an issue of money.
It wasn't an issue of family orfriends.
I had plenty of all that.
It was an issue of, I didn'twant accountability for, I was
cause I was so confused, but ittakes, it took a bravery.
And what I've found is when itcomes to responding to God, the

(43:29):
best way to do that isbrainlessly.
If you start thinking about it,if you start going back and
forth about the pros and consand all this stuff, and you do
math, the more you involve mathas relates to hearing from God,
then the more you're probablygoing to not do it.

(43:49):
And so for me, I needed again toair on the side of caution, by
saying, you know what, geteverything you can fit in this
car and go.
And literally after thatconversation, I don't even think
I told you did I, I just came uphere and then I had to go back
one time to finish out closingout, moving stuff.

(44:10):
And I've been here ever since,literally just saying one day.
Well, I remember Carmela saidthat the last time we talked
about this, you said I don'tknow what you're doing or who
you're with.
Yeah.
She just shared this.
She shared this.
She said that laid down the law.
Yeah, she did.
But what it was, I think, that'smore of a throwback to the level

(44:34):
of the effectiveness of herprayers.
You see, I get the privilege ofknowing how she lives in
private.
In here, and I couldn't, Iwouldn't even begin to say some
of those things because that'sbetween her and God, let me just
say this.
I will make a plug here.
Her first husband is God, she'sloyal.

(44:57):
Isaiah 54, thy maker is thyhusband.
And so that, you know, I gave mytestimony and we didn't really
go cover all the recoverypieces, but I will say this in
her own, right.
There were things that she saidalong the way over the years,
because during that time periodbeing separated, she sent me

(45:18):
scriptures.
She was, she was still textingme scriptures, even though I
wouldn't always respond orwhatever.
During that time period, shecalled me, asked me, what are we
doing?
Like, what are we doing?
I mean, after a year or sixmonths, or two years, or three
years, what are we doing?
What is this, when she can tellyou the things that were in her
mind to do.
I would tell you that, she stillstayed with, God and sending me

(45:45):
stuff.
And one time again.
Yes, you're right.
She did call me up and she said,I don't know what you're doing
or who you're doing it with, butI'm your wife.
Yeah, that's right.
That's what she said.
And, I remember getting off thephone, and that was not the

(46:06):
first, but it was one of thefirst time, maybe the first sure
time when I said to myself, notto her at that time, I said,
she's right, right.
In other words, cause what shewas saying was that anything
else that's out there?

(46:26):
That's not me.
Isn't real.
It doesn't have the blessing,the favor and the backing of God
as a marriage does because welive in a day where people,
where people want to, they wantthe benefit of marriage.
Primarily the, the bed benefitof marriage.

(46:47):
Let's be honest.
They want that benefit first.
They want the companionship partsecond.
So most people today, if we lookat the numbers, it's inverted.
The amount of people that getmarried now is not, it's not
that many people do settle fornot giving because they don't
want to make that commitmentunder God.

(47:10):
They want to get their benefit.
So back to that day sheunderstood that whatever I was
doing, whoever I was doing itwith, she understood that's not
her.
In other words, whatever itlooks like or feels like, or
whatever else.
It's not her.
Even though at the beginning ofthat year, I decided, okay,
Lord, I'm going to try as aresolution.

(47:31):
And I forget, it was a fouryear, five years ago.
I wanted to start my phase backinto my, being with God and
having my family and doingsomething.
I just, I knew I wanted to, butin that year and when she said
that to me, and that, wasn't theonly thing she said, you know?
I, I never forgot it.

(47:53):
And it, it gave me a framework.
Yes, this is that's my wife,that's my wife, you know, and I
just needed to the behavior andthis things that needed to
happen to reconcile, just needto begin to take him places.
But that fact was something tobuild from.
It was the foundation to buildfrom.
Because I remember asking duringthat time period, I said, I

(48:15):
remember asking her early on, Idon't mean to expose this now,
but I'm going to just say itCarmela.
But I asked her probably after ayear after separating, I'm not
sure what year it was.
Maybe she remembers, but I said,do you believe that God brought
us together?
I asked her that.
And she said, I used to, orsomething like that.

(48:41):
You see, because what happens iswhen, when things get crazy,
crazy, crazy, like our life,then you do begin to question
God.
Yeah.
And that is why earlier Ibrought up a God said, do you
understand?
A God said always is until hesays something differently.

(49:03):
It always is.
And I needed to know becausethat very word that I got the
first word.
I had to remember that I neededto work on remembering that and
putting them in aligning andrealigning my life back around
the God said, yes.
He said, yes, she's your wife,that's it, period.

(49:25):
Yes.
You were to marry her in otherwords..
That's who I have for you.
She's the only one I have foryou.
Okay.
Well, my life didn't add upuntil all that time of
separating and before that andeverything else.
So I had to get back to that.
And so that was huge.
It's important to have Godsaids..
So Carmela, how did you not giveup on Carrington?

(49:49):
A lot of women would have justsaid, forget it.
And so, during thatthree,three-year period, over
three years, there was somegiven up and then there was some
fallen back.
On the Lord and leaning backinto the Lord because, you know
you know, keeping in mind thatwhole time I was not Lord

(50:13):
restore my marriage, Lordrestore my marriage.
I wasn't like it as a matter ofthe first year separation.
I was basically trying to drawcloser to God to restore God
back as first in my life.
Because the reality is, thatover the years, you're married

(50:34):
for so long and, life and thecares of life and everything
start to become first.
I'd say for myself there was astray for me away from a real
tender heart and real intimacywith the Lord and seeking God,
because I was so consumed withlife, job, money, our son.

(51:00):
Carrington didn't mentionleading up to the issue with the
son was one of many things thatwas going on, but that was the
one that was the mostdevastating to us, of course.
So during that time of beingseparated my goal was to
literally draw closer to theLord.
So at all costs, I was clinging.

(51:20):
I had everything that matteredin my life and pretty much
everything that was probably, ifI'm honest was first in my life,
God allowed that stuff to betaken from me, my marriage, job,
my son, we were so heavilyinvolved with our ministry and

(51:40):
our church.
So even, serving in the church,like all of that stuff came to a
halt.
Literally, just me and God.
I moved back home here to the DCarea, after leaving Atlanta, I
was a part of a church where Iwas new to the church and it was
a big church.
It was somewhere I could just goand worship and I wasn't a part

(52:02):
of anything where I was givenout.
I needed to be ministered to.
So to answer your question whatmade me not give up?
I was too busy trying to seek toseek the Lord first.
Then those days turned intomonths, months turned into
years, and then, as I wasdealing with my own hurt and

(52:23):
going through a recovery programfor the Lord to minister healing
first and forgiveness in me.
I didn't start to think about,really consider divorce until
later in that year, 2016, whenhe was saying the Lord was
starting to redirect his mindback to towards his family and

(52:46):
his marriage.
So in that year, I really made acommitment to the Lord that
Lord, okay, you know, all thistime has passed if you want,
I've never felt a release.
And I was like, if it's, if it'sokay, a release to get a
divorce, because I was adamantthat just like, I got a word

(53:08):
from God to marry him.
I felt like I needed to get areal sense and word from the
Lord that I was released and Icould get a divorce.
Number one, I never got that.
And then number two, I said,well, okay, I'm going to commit
to, like, I didn't in ourmarriage during, especially

(53:29):
during those challenging years,when things started getting
tough, I got away from prayingfor him, like daily praying for
him.
And so I said, okay, Lord, whatI'm going to do is commit to
every day, praying for him, likeliterally, but you know, of
course that took some time to doso.

(53:52):
I said, I'm going to pray forhim, you know, and prayed it.
You get you a, literally give mea word as to what you're going
to do in this marriage.
Because yeah, what was it likewhen you reconnected?
I'm sure it wasn't like, Oh,it's for back together.
It's all happy.
Well, you know what?
I remember one thing that shesaid to me, this is, this is
something that, that it made mecry.

(54:17):
And because you can imagine, youcan only imagine the bitterness
that she would have had towardme and all that comes with that
and all the insecurities,everything else that comes with
it.
And so she did complete arecovery program.
I do want to put a plug forrecovery.
I do believe that we do need to,when we get so far off, you

(54:40):
know, we do have to go back tothe, the foundation,
foundational principles andscriptures.
And so she did complete and, youknow, get a part of a recovery
program to, you know, begindoing inventory, to figure out,
you know, that's part of her wayto give back to God for herself.

(55:00):
And so, in doing that andcompleting that program and all
that, and then I'll never forgetjust her attitude toward me.
I could see that it wasdifferent, but it was these
words right here that reallymade me cry, just broke me down
and was, she said aren't Idifferent aren't I different
now.

(55:22):
And the reason why that broke medown is because again, the
backdrop of all the bitternessand the, you know, and just felt
like trash, I felt like trash.
I felt like I felt like trash,you know?
And, and that, that plagued mefor all the whole time and to
see her smile and to see her.
You know, look, health looking,inwardly healthy.

(55:46):
I could tell that she had beenwith God again, and that he
fulfilled his part and refillingher enough so that she could be
available to even entertainwhether we should be.
And she went through all of thatin private.
The key about this getting backtogether, and again, I just want

(56:07):
to say this right now, even atthis point in this, this is not
a just marriage talk.
This is not self-help type oftalk.
You see, I'm, I'm hoping thatpeople can hear that God was at
the beginning of it.
And specifically he had toappear he had to come to me
first in that way.

(56:29):
It's very, very important thatindividually we have
relationship with God.
And that's the main thing thatqualifies us to be able to have
other relationships, includingmarriage.
I can't imagine a marriagewithout God in the middle.
Then where in the world do youget your cues from?
If there's no God said at all,if there's nothing that's

(56:49):
binding you, if you can doanything you want to, and, and,
you know, it was based upon justromance.
That's not enough, it's notenough.
And so having said that, youknow that the thing that brought
us together and really sealed itfor me was that she asked me
aren't I different just that onelittle phrase, my mind played

(57:15):
back all the way back to beforewhen I treat her like all the
way, like trash, all the wayforward up into coming here and
seeing the smile on her faceagain, I was in tears because I
saw that.
Yes, you're different.
You're different because you'vebeen with God.
That was obvious to me, notbecause you told me that you

(57:35):
were, because I can see that youwere, there were things in your
life and I guess that you know,that I could see.
And so that was the thing.
And so what that did for me, Wasit made me want to look.
So I said, okay, well, she, wedid a recovery program not long
after we got here.
And yes, it was kind ofdifficult.
I mean, you're talking about, Imean, I haven't been, you know,

(57:57):
we haven't been around eachother for four years, almost
three and a half years.
So we had to kind of, you know,learn how to do that, but we
still knew, you know, fun.
And we know we had to relearn alot of things, but one of the
things that we did right away asa practical step, a spiritually
practical step was to get meinvolved in recovery program
because I need to go back andlook and figure out.

(58:19):
Cause because I took on again, Isaid PTSD, fear, trust issues,
anxiety.
I mean, depression.
I mean, I took on a lot of stuffresulting from all of this
trauma in my life and I neverhad it before that, that I knew
of.
I mean, I was quite confident,probably too much, you know, but
I go from that to being just acomplete weakling in every area.

(58:42):
And and didn't care about whatanybody thought about it.
And so I get into recoverycommitted for a year, looked at
my stuff and dealt with it andyou know, so much.
So our first anniversary we'reback together again.
Yeah.
You know, you would think thatwe would just, yeah, we're going
to go to Aruba.
We gotta, we gotta get out ofhere.

(59:03):
We got a lot of making up to do.
Guess what we did at, we spentour anniversary in a recovery
program, recovery retreatrecovery retreat, with a bunch
of people talking about theirissues, their hurts, all their
hurts habits and hangups came tolight.
You know, they happen to have abed for us to stay together, but

(59:24):
everybody else was there becausethere was look at this.
Now this is sweet.
She did the recovery programwith me.
She didn't have to do that.
She did it with me again for ayear commitment.
Wow.
Yeah.
With me, she didn't want medoing that by myself and going
and talking about problems,especially as a man sitting
around in circles and dealingwith your stuff for two hours in

(59:48):
depth, you know, and homework.
And like, you're constantlythinking about who hurts you,
what, in fact that it had onyour life and who you hurt, who
you hurt all this other stuff.
So, anyway, that's my plug forthat, but that was really very,
yeah.
Touched by a feeling.
I don't need my feeling.
I'm sorry.
I need to go forward.
I'm a man.

(01:00:08):
Right.
We women love to deal with that.
Yeah.
So what, what advice would yougive people going into marriage
after all you've been through?
Okay.
So I would start by first of allyou know, it, you have to have
a, God said just like Carringtonhas said so many times tonight.

(01:00:30):
You have to have a sense in yourgut that knowing that this is a
person that the Lord has calledyou ordained for you to walk out
this life together and for whatpurpose, that's the first part
of it.
That's the advice I would give.
And then second, you have to gointo it with a heart to give and

(01:00:55):
to serve and to not be selfish,but to put your brother or your
sister before yourself.
That's so good.
I just got a picture of a heartwith give in the middle.
Like nobody thinks of love islike giving.
I've heard Carrington say thatbefore, too.
You only think about thereceiving.
Yeah.
Yeah.

(01:01:15):
I would agree with those, youknow, having a God said and the
reason why is because you haveto have something, I mean, you
think about it.
I mean, think about all theinsecurities of life at a job,
every relationship there'salways a level of risk, right?
You don't know which daysomebody might hurt you.
Well, to know that God won't,I'll be honest.

(01:01:37):
Even as a man, I need that.
I need to know he will not hurtme.
And so those God's saids arewords that I can recall back to
myself and also to him, God,Hey, remember you said this.
So then when something comes up,because the idea is that when
challenges come up, that's whenthose are most useful.

(01:02:00):
Hold on God, because again, ifyou establish that you have a,
God said it, if you can say,beyond a shadow of a doubt, I
have a God said it becausethat's not the only one I've
gotten before, we should begetting those, throughout our
life.
Having a God said is afoundational, piece that's
needed to remember in times ofconflict, the same way that I

(01:02:23):
asked her, do you believe thatGod brought us together?
So I would say that having arelationship with God.
Overall is most important.
My conclusion I was thinking ofwriting a book about all this
stuff, and I remember one of themajor pieces or chapters I
wanted to say was, you need todivorce everybody in your life,

(01:02:44):
marry God, and then go back andmarry the people in your life.
Meaning whoever they are in yourlife.
And because if you love God,then you love people.
Well, that's not just a fact.
It's also a qualitative fact tothe degree that you love God is
to the degree that you lovepeople.

(01:03:04):
You know, there's no way to sayhe's.
He says this, there's no way youcan say that you love God and
you hate your brother.
Well, the converse is also trueto the degree that you love God
to do what you would love yourbrother.
So when you find yourself notloving your brother, you have to
admit something as off.
I see a lot of people who arevery spiritual who want all the

(01:03:25):
advanced things of God, buttheir relationships, horrible.
I mean, starting with the peopleclosest to them, they get the
worst part of you.
So I I'm really big into that.
So anyway, but just having a Godsaid, having a relationship back
with God, and then really,almost the same as she said
before, and this is, this is ahuge 28 years I've realized this

(01:03:48):
almost every day.
Now my life, without her in it,I almost know what that look
would look like.
And it would be trashy.
It would be horrible because,there are things that she
supplies to me that I need.

(01:04:08):
Just by who she is that I can'teven communicate good enough.
I need her the way she looks atlife to, to be, you know, cause
we're, we're each other's, youknow, we're, we're each other's
half, right.
We're one.
You have passion and romancewith God, then you will have
passionate romance everywhereelse.

(01:04:29):
And the things that most peopledeal with won't be an issue.
So I have a heart for that, butbefore the man, I really
encouraged being a man.
You know who again, that strongaccountability, just until you
get started until you findyourself flowing, you gotta
identify those motives and beprepared to give.
Whenever you first read it firstCorinthians 13, I always say,

(01:04:53):
this is my last piece.
When you read that scripture isit sounded like as beautiful,
romantic love.
But if you really look at itagain, read it again.
It's really con it's reallyfirst Corinthians 13, the whole
chapter, and that's the lovechapter.
And when you look at it, thatscripture is about conflict

(01:05:18):
based love.
It's not, it's not this romancethat we see in the romantic
comedy that we're going to watchprobably after this podcastright
Carmela.
It's not that it's, it's moreabout devotion.
And I think that there's asobriety that comes with that

(01:05:39):
because it's easy to have drunklove, drunk with love.
You know, that's what most of uswant.
We want, we all want to beswept, even men, we want to be
swept, but there's a part whereyou do it soberly, you know, and
I think there's a, a sobrietythat comes with a devotion to
God, and that same sobrietyshould be kept throughout your

(01:05:59):
marriage, you know?
And I think then it'll flow andyou know, and, and it's just,
anyway, that's just, that's whatI get because I'm, I'm very
fortunate to have a wife and Iencourage everybody to live in
inside out life.
And I'm, I'm big on talkingabout that because it's, I've
seen what happens if you do lifeoutside in externals first,

(01:06:23):
self-help talk, doing theoutward, fix everything.
So people don't people thinkthat you're better than you
think they are.
I'm big on living in an insideout life before God.
And my encouragement is thatpeople do that in prayer.
Don't boy don't ever go into amarriage without prayer out
hearing this story.
Prayer has been like everything,right?

(01:06:46):
My wife's prayer for me whileseparated my wife's prayer for
me before we got together, myprayer to God, even to get saved
at all.
I asked him a question.
I said, God, I'm living in thereal world out here.
Right.
I'm ready to hustle and do whatneeds to be done to live a
successful life.
And, but if this faith worldCarmela's talking about, cause
that's what happened to me.

(01:07:07):
If that's more real than theworld, I'm planning on living.
When I get, 25, 30 an older,then I need you to tell me now.
So I don't waste my time.
That was my first prayer that Iever remember, really praying to
God.
And he answered me withpresence, his presence, and it
changed me.

(01:07:28):
And so you have prayer there,you have prayer, all the way
throughout prayer to prayertogether.
Prayer.
I, I I'd say part of thechallenges that we had in our
family kind of fallen apart whenthe bottom fell out, being so
consumed with all of the stuffthat was happening in life,

(01:07:50):
forgetting to grab each other'shands and pray together.
Like really pray stuff through.
No, that that would have, Ibelieve made a difference and it
has made a difference with uscoming back together, and
choosing to pray togetherinstead of trying to figure out

(01:08:11):
life and in our own wisdom andin our own strength, good word
in such good way to end that youended up learning that lesson,
that it's better to praytogether and not forget to pray
together.
Yeah.
You have your own time alonewith the Lord and praying
together, even prayer is theglue that will keep your

(01:08:34):
marriage together.
Yeah.
It's, it's, it's really huge.
Now you finished Camille, butit, I would say this prayer is
everything.
It is hard to keep ought againstsomebody else and to be salty
to, or somebody that you'repraying for.

(01:08:56):
There should be phases inprayer.
Initially really take you towhere you pray out of your heart
and by doing so there's no wayyou can continually pray out of
your heart and keep a badattitude towards somebody, even
if they're the ones wrong.
So prayer can you even changeyour own heart by your devotion

(01:09:16):
to God?
When you say God, I, you know,it'd be honest.
I don't like this person rightnow, but I'm going to commit to
pray for them until you dosomething in them.
And I promise you something willhappen in you that will make
your prayer more effective.
And then change will just beovernight, seemingly overnight.

(01:09:37):
It may take a while.
It may take years for her.
It took years to pray for meyears.
You know, we're praying for ourson right now.
We've seen some, some signs, butwe still been praying, but we've
made out of this, you know, inclosing we've made prayer, our
main thing.
Now that's our favorite thing.
I mean, that's, that's thefavorite part of, for me

(01:09:59):
service, my wife leads worship,which is a way to pray, you
know?
I think prayer is everything,you know, she's even by her own
life, I don't have to go toJesus or Paul or anybody else.
I can go to the book of Carmelaand see that her prayers for me
have changed, have changed me.

(01:10:19):
God's use her prayers to changeme.
They sure have.
We sure have some amazing, soJust before we go.
I just want to say one of thethings that you said Carrington
and I think is so beautiful.
Is in one of your sermons, or acouple of times, I've heard you
publicly commit to Carmela thatgoing forward, you intend to be

(01:10:40):
the best husband ever.
And I just love that.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I, I, what I found and that'ssomething that I said earlier, I
Lord knows I've got work to do,but what I find is is that when
we have a job, do you realizeeverywhere else we are.
We intend for our performance tobe the best, so much so that

(01:11:04):
when it comes to performancetimes, I remember performing so
well, especially after getting anot perfect score, like 4.5 out
of five in my mind, I was like,hold on.
What was like, where's that 0.5go?
What, what happened here?
You know, I'm just like that.
But most of us are like thatsomewhere where I find is most
of us are willing to bemeasured.

(01:11:26):
Everywhere else, but inside ofour own home, true, you know,
for money, we'll, we'll give ourdedication for, you know, a
sense of being doing good.
We'll give this and that andwe'll do these things, you know,
but I think that for me itproved to me, to myself that I

(01:11:47):
was serious about becoming thebest husband in the world is
what I said to her.
I wanted to do that, when I saidto her, because I wanted her to
help me be accountable becausemy seriousness about that was
under God, not just her.
So I use her to help me to beaccountable.

(01:12:08):
And I've also said the samething to my son.
And that's, that's veryimportant.
I think that it shows that we'reserious when we say we want to
be the best, or we, we say wewant to have the best in this
area, whatever it is, overall orspecific areas, we invite the
accountability, we don't, wedon't take, I don't take her
criticisms as hard as, as Iwould if I didn't have that as a

(01:12:30):
goal, because you will not bethe best without any pressure
you just won't be.
I just think if, if that's thegoal than you, then you invite
it and you, you put the work inand you know, it's not always
comfortable, but, that's what myheart and I'm glad you brought
that up.
I got a lot of work to do andI'll keep working on it.

(01:12:50):
Well, I just wanted to share incase anybody else out there
wants to take it.
I think it's amazing.
And I just appreciate you guysso much for taking your time.
It's been wonderful.
And I really appreciate you guysand look forward to seeing you
again tomorrow probably, but youguys enjoy your evening and I
just thank you so much and Iappreciate it.

(01:13:13):
I'm going to pray a prayer overthis ministry.
This is a ministry Camille, andI know it's a podcast, but this
is a ministry.
And I believe that God isordained it.
And I believe that just like ourmarriage we emphasize the
kingdom of God and eternity andall that.
And that's wonderful.

(01:13:33):
You know, I am aiming for it.
We're all aiming for it, butthere's a real kingdom of
darkness that's working againstthat.
And we didn't really highlightthat enough as relates to our
marital issues.
But it's been really clear somuch so that I remember one time
being in the car with just afunky situation.

(01:13:54):
I don't remember what it was.
It was so funky that the devillike went overboard.
And I remember looking at, welooked at each other like, wait
a minute where you see what'sgoing on here.
And we kind of ended uplaughing.
Like we call this guy out, youknow, we called him out.
And I believe that that samekingdom may be trying to work

(01:14:14):
against this.
The enemy wants these marriagesto, to fail, or he wants you,
you know, people to never getmarried again or, or to have bad
marriages if they marry again,which I believe is, you know,
the Lord, the Lord allowsdivorce.
You know, and he allows, that,and I believe that there is, I

(01:14:35):
have a heart for people who, whodo want to get married again,
but the enemy is really, really,really at work.
And so I, I want to pray overthis ministry because I believe
that this could evolve into abook and a bunch of other stuff.
And I want to pray over this, sofather, we just thank you
tonight.
God, thank you for thisministry.

(01:14:56):
Well, we thank you father forLord.
Just, just what Camille hasstarted, I believe is your heart
Lord to cause her to put thistogether, to go through the work
of, of doing what it takes toget it up and running, to
troubleshoot, to do all this,but to keep her face before you
guys fixed like a Flint God, sothat she would perform that what

(01:15:20):
you've called to do.
I thank you God, for her heart.
I thank you for heravailability.
I thank you for her own, evenfor her own story.
Well, I pray that one daysomebody gets to interview her
and her story.
I thank you father, that I'd bewilling to do it, but I thank
you father for her.
I thank you for Lord, herwillingness, God to face down
everything she's faced in herlife got everything that she's

(01:15:44):
seen before her every examplethat has been good.
Every example that has been,that has been bad.
I thank you, God, that whatyou're forming in her is
something God that you cantrust.
She's somebody you can trust Godwith stewarding over Lord, a
platform and a ministry, aministry that people can look to

(01:16:04):
to see how to live singlesuccessfully in God, how to
live.
With someone else in marriageunder God, either way that the
common denominator is still you.
So I thank you father forbringing that out.
I thank you for, for protectingthis ministry.
I thank you for the people thatwill listen, tenderize their

(01:16:25):
hearts.
Now God, would you do it,everybody.
Who's confused about thepriorities of life and they've
gotten into marriages orrelationships that they're, that
they're wondering, how did I gethere?
They're not good.
They don't feel like they'refulfilled.
Well, we know Goodwill that,that lack of fulfillment, that

(01:16:47):
lack of knowing that that thefavor of God is there is because
it may not be.
So I thank you, father for theheart of the people that are
listening that are impacted thatwant to get it right.
In Jesus name called them towant to be in alignment with
you.
I pray God that you will bring afreshness over them in Jesus

(01:17:07):
name, Lord, you romance me attimes.
I pray God that you wouldcontinue to do that God out
there, that everything peopleare looking for, that they can
find in God, everything thatthey think that needs to be
satisfied in by the world.
God, you can do a satisfactionand an infilling that would,

(01:17:33):
that would never go away.
It wouldn't desire anything everlike that again.
So I pray God that you wouldLord just, just fill every place
in every heart of every personlistening.
Every person in their futurelistens every person.
If she writes a book or whateverelse that comes out in the
forming a whole organization.

(01:17:55):
I pray right now over that inJesus' name, God, we declare
that you are the author of thisand that the enemy as the only
author of confusion.
We thank you, God, that you'rethe God of clarity.
Thank you for just demystifyingeverything about relationships
in marriage and all this stuff.
God, that, that we know really,really simply, if we give

(01:18:17):
ourselves to you, then wequalify Lord to handle more with
anybody else on earth.
So we thank you father, as welove you.
We love people in Jesus name.
Amen.
I receive it.
Thank you so much, man.
All right.
All right, Camille, have a greatnight.

(01:18:38):
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Same to you.
Thank you.
All right, bye.