Finding Yourself After Losing Everything

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For seventeen years, I'd been trapped in what I now call the "performance prison" – building my entire identity around being Laura King, the high achiever who got results no matter what. When my external validation disappeared, I was forced to face the question: who am I underneath it all?

Through therapy, neurofeedback, journaling, and deep spiritual connection, I discovered that true transformation begins with different questions. Instead of "How can I achieve more?" I asked "Who am I when I'm not achieving?" Instead of obsessing over what to do, I asked what my soul needed. The profound realization emerged: I am not what I do. I am not my achievements or rankings. My worth was established long before I achieved anything.

Now I measure success by presence rather than performance, by authenticity rather than accolades. The miraculous thing? When I aligned with my true self, my external success naturally increased. Operating from flow instead of force created magic – the right people and opportunities appeared without struggle. Just yesterday, enjoying ice cream with my children, I experienced the pure joy of being fully present, knowing my healing work means they won't need external validation for their worthiness.

Checkout Laura King as a Peak Performance Coach + Speaker on her website:

https://www.lauraeking.com/

Subscribe to Laura's Peak of the Week:

https://www.lauraeking.com/peak-of-the-week

Checkout Mondo Davison as a Believer Speaker on his website:

https://www.aramondo.com/

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:01):
Hey, it's Laura.
Welcome to this week's Peak ofthe Week.
As a reminder, this is where Idraw from.
The Peak of the Week comes frommy newsletter that comes out
every Friday.
I believe so much in speakingthese words out loud because the
words itself hold such gravityand such energy, and so I also

(00:27):
tend to riff off them as well.
If you want to get my peak ofthe weeks, just head to
lauraekingcom I believe there'sa pop-up.
Otherwise, just go scroll tothe bottom and there's peak of
the week.
Thanks for being here Today.
I am talking about how losing myidentity led me to finding

(00:51):
myself.
There are moments in life thatdivide your story into before
and after.
May 2023 was mine.
I just landed in Miami with myhusband for what should have
been a celebration of anothersuccessful year, a celebration
of marriage, a celebration of us, a celebration of our life.

(01:15):
The email notification chimedon my phone.
You know those moments in lifewhere you're like I should have
just deleted all of my email.
I should have done that becauseI was addicted to checking my
phone and the quarterly rankingswere in the year before I had

(01:39):
generated nearly $900,000 inrevenue for the firm.
I was a star performer, someonethat people looked up to the
definition of professionalsuccess.
But here I was clocking in at35K.

(02:04):
Last Last Laura King, last Isobbed and I sobbed and I sobbed
.
But what I didn't know in thatmoment of complete devastation
was that God was about to giveme the greatest gift of my life

(02:28):
the death of my false identityand birth of my true self, the
self that had always been therebut had just been gunked up for
too many years.
For 17 years, I'd built myentire sense of worth around
being Laura King, the executiverecruiter.

(02:50):
I was the high achiever, theoverachiever, the one who got
results, no matter what, andsome of you know I mean.
At times it almost cost merelationships, relationships
that were so important to me.

(03:10):
But if you're a high performerreading this or listening to
this, you know exactly what Imean.
We build these identitiesaround our roles, our
achievements, these externalmarkers of success.
We become human doings insteadof human beings.

(03:33):
I had been trapped in what Inow call the performance prison,
where your worth is only asgood as your last achievement,
your value only as stable asyour most recent success.
The problem with building youridentity on these external
accomplishments is that whenthose accomplishments or jobs or

(03:59):
whatever disappear because theyalways do you're left wondering
who you are underneath it all.
That ranking email didn't justhurt my ego.
It shattered my entire sense ofself.
If I wasn't the best, who was I?

(04:21):
The months that followed werethe most challenging and, now I
see, transformative of my life.
I had to face the reality thatI had been so focused on doing
that I had forgotten how tosimply be me.
Through therapy, neurofeedback,journaling, countless

(04:47):
conversations with God, a lot ofconversations with God, I began
to understand that thisbreakdown wasn't a punishment.
This was my invitation, aninvitation to discover who I was
.
Beneath the titles, beneath theachievements, beneath the
external validation, I realizedI've been carrying generations,

(05:14):
generations of achievementaddiction.
My need to perform didn't evenoriginate with me.
It had been passed down throughfamily lines, each generation

(05:38):
doing their best butunconsciously passing along the
belief that worth must be earned.
The real transformation beganwhen I started asking different
questions.
Instead of how can I achievemore, I asked who am I when I'm
not achieving?
Instead of what do I need to do, I asked what does my soul need
?
Instead of how can I besuccessful, I asked how can I be

(06:05):
present.
These questions led me to aprofound realization.
Excuse me, questions led me toa profound realization.
I am not what I do, I am not myachievements, I am not my

(06:26):
number.
I am love, I am joy.
I am me, I am the story that'sunfolding.
I am whatever I choose to be.
So today I measure success verydifferently.
Instead of looking at externalmetrics, I ask myself how much
time did I spend fully presenttoday?
Did I make decisions from loveor from fear?

(06:50):
Was I authentic in myinteractions with people?
Did I listen to my inner wisdom?
The most amazing thing happenedwhen I shifted these metrics.
My external success actuallyincreased, not because I was

(07:14):
chasing it, but because I wasaligned aligned with my true
self.
And when you operate frompresence instead of performance,
from flow instead of force,magic happens.
The right people appear, theright opportunities appear,

(07:39):
people find you.
Everything becomes easierbecause you're swimming
downstream instead of fightingthe current.
So if you're someone who hasbuilt your identity around
achievements, I want you to knowyou are not your job title, you
are not your revenue number,you are not your last

(07:59):
performance review, you are noteven your greatest success.
You are so much more.
Your worth was established longbefore you achieved anything,
and it will remain long afteryour achievements are forgotten.
The most courageous thing youcan do is get quiet, quiet,

(08:22):
quiet stillness, to remember whoyou are behind all the doing,
and maybe you're in your ownversion of that Miami moment
that I had where I basicallyjust fell to my knees.
Maybe your breakdown is callingyou toward your breakthrough.

(08:48):
If so, I want you to know.
This is not the end.
This is the beginning of themost important chapter you'll
ever write, the chapter whereyou discover that you are not
what you do.
You are who you are, and whoyou are is more than enough.

(09:11):
What false identity are youready to release?
What would it feel like todefine yourself by your being
instead of your doing?
The journey inward is the mostimportant journey you'll ever

(09:32):
take, and I sign off always withdeep belief in your
magnificence, and I sign offalways with deep belief in your
magnificence.
I just want to riff on this fora little bit, because yesterday
was my kids' last day of schooland we decided to go to
Bridgman's for ice cream inWoodbury and we'd done this

(09:57):
before, and I remember thesepast versions of myself going
for ice cream and not beingfully present.
I was worrying about somethingfor work.
I was worrying about my to-dolist.
I was worrying I wasn't there.
I mean, I was there but Iwasn't fully there.

(10:19):
And we had such a fun time lastnight Like I was able to be
with these boys and I was ableto even to think through.
Like they don't have to gothrough what I went through.
They're not going to need tohave external validation for

(10:40):
their worthiness and I just feltso proud of all this healing
work that I've done because I'mseeing a direct benefit in the
peace and the presence in myfamily unit.
And then it continued.
We got home and we played foursquare and we were just laughing

(11:04):
and just.
It was such a beautiful nightand those are the moments I live
for now of pure presence, beingwith the people I love and
knowing that it's all here foryou.
Like this world has so much tooffer us, but we get lost in the

(11:30):
ruminations of our mind and I,just I would offer you to come
back to the present moment totake three deep, big breaths in.

(11:51):
I talked to a lot of people.
I know a lot of people who areon this journey.
I want you to know you are notalone.
Send us a text.
We love getting your textmessages and hearing what's
resonating, just what words hit,what's your story Like?

(12:13):
We all have these gifts tooffer each other other, and what
God told me is Laura, you'regoing to share.
You're going to share becauseyou're going through it right
now and you're going to helppeople by just really being

(12:35):
authentic, just being me, beingopen, being real.
So that's what I'm doing and Ihope that you know that you have
everything within you.
Everything it's aboutremembering the truth of who you

(12:55):
are, which is magnificent,magnificent.
You you just like me, probablygot some layers right, some
things to shed, some identitiesto let go of.
I'm cheering you on and Ibelieve that today you can drop

(13:20):
an old identity that's notserving you.