July 22, 2025 • 59 mins
Former Army veteran Ernie Mariscal shares his powerful journey from troubled youth to military service and his struggle with PTSD after combat deployment.
• Growing up in Brawley, California and dropping out of school at 16 to live on the streets
• Finding direction after a life-threatening encounter with a gunman at a drug house
• Joining the Army in 1991 and experiencing the culture shock of basic training
• Deploying to Iraq in 2004 as a Staff Sergeant in charge of recovery operations
• Witnessing the aftermath of combat violence, including retrieving a Humvee after a fatal RPG attack
• Struggling with alcoholism, PTSD, and failed relationships after returning home
• Reaching the breaking point after retirement, cycling through five jobs and contemplating suicide
• Finding purpose through speaking to at-risk youth, which became his saving grace
• Building a new life focused on speaking, running his businesses, and maintaining his mental health
• Creating Keep Up the Fight cigars and apparel as part of his mission to help others struggling with similar challenges
For bookings and more information, find Ernie Mariscal on Instagram, Facebook, or visit keepuptofightapparel.com.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Hector Bravo unhinged .
Speaker 2 (00:06):
Chaos is now in session.
Speaker 1 (00:10):
Welcome back to our channel Warriors.
We are still growing today.
Another banger for you guys.
Man, a special treat.
Somebody from my hometown,ernie Mariscal, former Army
veteran and motivational speaker.
Glad to have you on the show,bro.
Hey, appreciate you having mehere, man, it's honor.
Thank you, yeah, we werediscussing earlier.
I saw you traveled from fresnotoday.
Speaker 2 (00:30):
Yes, I flew in just about a couple hours ago.
Speaker 1 (00:33):
Okay, cool.
Well, thanks for making it.
Man shit, thanks for invitingme.
So you grew up in imperial.
Speaker 2 (00:40):
So I grew up in brawley, so I was born in uvalde
, texas, you know where all thatmass shooting happened.
I was born in that little town.
It's about the same size asBrawley, so I was born there.
When I was about six months old, we moved to Brawley and then I
grew up there and I graduatedand I dropped out of school.
(01:01):
Actually, I was living in thestreets at 16 years old.
I don't know if you want to gothat far.
Speaker 1 (01:07):
Absolutely 16 years old.
You dropped out?
Yeah, because you need a highschool diploma to join the
military, yes, so what happened?
Speaker 2 (01:14):
So my dad kicked me out.
I was just running the streetdoing bad things and my dad
kicked me out so I dropped outof school at the same time.
So I was living in the streets,basically from friend's house
to friend's house and doing whatI wanted.
You know, I tried to be thecool kid which I wasn't and I
was actually at one by theprojects, at a dope house, and I
(01:38):
was hanging out and this guyshowed up with a gun and had a
gun in my face asking for money,asking for dope, and in that
moment, man, I was like shit,man, I'm 17 years old and this
is it for me.
So after that, the guy luckilyhe left and I called my mom, man
.
And then I was like hey, mom,this happened to me.
(01:59):
And my mom was like all right,well, I'm going to come get you
and you're going to go live withyour brother.
And so I went to go live withmy brother, went back to school.
After I graduated, I left.
Where was your brother living?
He was living right behind Jackin a Box in those apartments.
Speaker 1 (02:11):
I forgot the name, but in Brawley, yes.
So you got out of school alittle early.
You started running the streets, ended up in the projects with
a gun to your face, space and,yes, the epiphany you had an.
You had an epiphany, yeah, aforceful one, right, it happens
sometimes, man, oh, definitely.
What gave you the idea to jointhe military?
Speaker 2 (02:32):
I had, uh, some uncles that were in the military
.
I had one that was, uh, anofficer, actually graduated,
graduated from west point.
He was my mom's sister'shusband, so I see him.
And then I saw my other unclefrom, actually, another sister
from my mom, he was in themilitary too.
He was in the Army as well.
So we would go see him at FortCham, houston, nice, and so I
(02:57):
saw all these guys in uniform,you know, disciplined all these
things, and I was like man Iwant.
And then, you know, back in the80s there was a lot of war
movies and you know, disciplinedall these things, and I was
like man I want.
And then, you know, back in theeighties there was a lot of war
movies, and you know, rambo andshit like that.
Speaker 1 (03:08):
They had good commercials back in the day, man
, yes, yes, so you know, be allyou can be, you know.
Speaker 2 (03:14):
And then I was kind of like looking at that and I
was like, man, you know, I wantto be something and of course.
So after I graduated I was likelet's go do that.
Speaker 1 (03:23):
When you graduated?
How long after, until you tookoff to the Army Right after?
Speaker 2 (03:27):
Actually, my mom said this to me she goes I don't
know what you're going to do,but you're not going to do it
here.
And then basically, she waslike get the hell out Absolutely
.
And then that's where the Armycame in.
What year was that?
That was in October of 1991.
Speaker 1 (03:44):
Had the Gulf War happened?
Was it happening?
Speaker 2 (03:46):
Actually it was happening and then it ended in
January, I believe, of that year.
Speaker 1 (03:50):
So when you joined, you went to basic training.
Was there people, were yoursuperiors, talking about the
Gulf War or anything?
Not really, no.
Speaker 2 (04:01):
I did have some Vietnam veterans that were still
in and when I went throughbasic, veterans that were still
in and when I went through basicman, it was crazy when did you
go to basic?
At Fort Sill, oklahoma?
Speaker 1 (04:11):
right.
Was that your first time?
Besides being born in Texas?
Was that your first time beingout of the state like that?
Speaker 2 (04:19):
No, Well, we would always travel, because I have
family in Arizona and we wouldtravel through all that stuff.
So that wasn't my first timeout of state, but that was my
first time alone.
So when I got to Fort Sill andsee, here's the funny part about
it so when I got there theyleft me in a transitional
barracks for a week.
So we weren't doing basic, weweren't doing Army shit.
Speaker 1 (04:41):
It was like reception .
Speaker 2 (04:42):
Yes, for a week.
So me, you know, I'm didn'tknow anything in life.
So I have these drill sergeants.
They weren't yelling at us,they weren't doing nothing, they
were just calm and collective.
So they would just be like, hey, study these, you know tanks or
aircraft, you know russian,blah, blah, blah.
And so we would go eat, comeback to sleep, and then on the
(05:06):
fifth day of Friday, they said,hey, you're going to be picked
up by your basic training, right?
So we're all lined up andthere's a parade field in front
of us and across the paradefield, three cattle trucks pull
up and in my mind I'm like whatthe fuck is this?
And I just seen six guys hugedudes were round, browns like
(05:27):
walking at a fast pace towardsus.
And by the time they got closeto us they were like you better
jump in that truck.
Like it's on fire, right, man?
That was the worst fun day ofmy life.
Speaker 1 (05:42):
What were you feeling , what was your mentality when
you were alone for the firsttime?
And during that one week period, uh, you're basically.
It feels like purgatory.
Speaker 2 (05:51):
I was scared you were scared, yes, scared, nervous of
the unknown because, again, youknow, I grew up in this small
town, right, and I didn't knowshit.
And trying to, I know, in inour culture it's always negative
, you know, scary somethingbad's gonna happen, right.
So it was like that exactly.
Speaker 1 (06:11):
So there you are, fucking.
You said you were you eating inthe chow hall.
Yes, yeah, and probably back,because I remember, I remember
reception.
You were able to eat, like thecake, you were able to eat the
ice cream, but then, when theypick you up, all that gone
correct.
Speaker 2 (06:26):
Yes, so we had a.
I remember it was like swallowit and taste it later, correct.
And everywhere we went you hadto run.
Speaker 1 (06:34):
You couldn't walk explain to the crowd what a
cattle truck is, man so?
Speaker 2 (06:38):
basically a cattle truck is what they pick up
cattle in.
You know they, it looks, hasthose sidings with holes in it.
You know cows piss out of itand everything.
It stunk bad too, by the way,and looking back at it I
understood what they were doing.
They're making you feel likeshit, like you don't matter, but
everybody didn't mattertogether and that was the whole
part of it, because it broke youdown and you know, being in
(07:03):
basic man, I was like at zero.
But then they built yourconfidence back up, little by
little by little by little.
Speaker 1 (07:07):
Is that what you took the cattle trucks for?
Because I mean it could alsojust be like a transportation
thing.
But I could also see thedemoralizing of being in that
all steel nut to butt.
Speaker 2 (07:18):
Yes, I mean how packed were you guys in there,
oh man, just like you said it,and we all had for me I had a
duffel in the front, duffel inthe back, and then I was
carrying two bags, yeah.
So every time they said, lookinward, look outward, and I'm
short as hell.
So every time they did that Iwas getting smacked around.
But you had to do what you hadto do, right.
Speaker 1 (07:40):
Were they also giving you unrealistic time limits to
accomplish goals?
Yes, what do you think, lookingback in hindsight, was the
purpose of that?
Speaker 2 (07:50):
To get better.
You know, in a sense, where yougot to think before you react,
kind of thing Like okay, how amI going to execute this and how
fast can I do it?
You know, I would see it likethat.
Speaker 1 (08:00):
Yeah, were you enjoying this during this time?
No, you weren't embracing it.
You weren't enjoying it.
Yeah, were you enjoying this?
Speaker 2 (08:08):
during this time?
No, you weren't embracing it,you weren't enjoying it.
Were you hating it?
I wasn't hating it because Iwas still in that unknown phase.
I didn't know what the hellnext was going to happen.
I mean, we would go to bed by Idon't know 10 and we'd wake up
by 3.
So we barely had enough sleep.
And again, I don't know none ofthis shit Getting up at o'clock
in the morning.
Never heard of, you know atthat age.
Speaker 1 (08:27):
How about the physical portion?
Were you guys ruck marking?
Speaker 2 (08:30):
yes, we're running every morning yes, pt, and every
morning getting up doing pt, Ithink by zero four, and doing it
, I don't remember how long, butanyway, yeah, we were running
row, marching, we were doing itall.
And back then I don't know howit is now, but back then I know
it was really straight to yourface kind of thing.
And I can tell you one examplewhere we were in formation and
(08:55):
there was this Puerto Rican guynext to me and the drill
sergeant was like, hey, this iswhat we're going to do, this is
how we're going to do it, blah,blah, blah.
And this Puerto Rican dude waslike I'm not going to do it,
it's always the Puerto Ricansman.
And you know what, in the backof my mind I was like, oh shit,
it's about to pop off.
That drill sergeant grabbed him.
And what was crazy is, whenthat drill sergeant grabbed him,
(09:15):
like three other drillsergeants showed up out of
nowhere and they grabbed him andthey drug him behind the
formation and all I could hearwas like, oh, ah, they were
beating the shit out of him.
Just when I came back around,stood in front of the formation,
looked at us and said Privates,you guys see anything?
Nope, no man, that was wild.
Speaker 1 (09:35):
But guess what, after that shit, dude was straight he
was oh yes, it's funny how thatworks, huh yeah funny how it
works A little wall-to-wallcounseling man, since we're on
this subject and I like what youjust said and I think we've
gotten away from that are youable to identify between what is
hazing and what is developingdiscipline?
(09:56):
Is there some things that arewarranted and some things that
are not?
Speaker 2 (10:02):
Ooh man, that's a good one.
Speaker 1 (10:03):
Oh bro, all I ask are good ones.
Speaker 2 (10:05):
Yeah, you know, I think when we would do the wall
to wall because there was otherthings we would do, you know,
the blanket parties and thingslike that I thought that was
kind of like discipline, gettingpeople straight because you
wanted your platoon to getstraight.
Because one guy fucks it up,everybody's going to pay for it,
correct, everybody going to payfor it, correct.
So I thought that was good.
And then when we moved forward,you know, into my service in my
(10:28):
younger years, getting promoted, you know, we dug the ranks in
the chest Pounded in Blood rank,blood rank, yes, and I mean I
thought that was like a rite ofpassage, absolutely, you know,
and we loved it.
And then we would lineeverybody up in and file line,
and then we would have the guyrun in between and we would
punch the shit out of them,right, and I mean it was I agree
(10:51):
.
Speaker 1 (10:51):
I agree it built, I agree it builds character, it
does, it does and I liked it.
And you know what.
The public may not agree withthat and that's fine.
But, and you know, they did atone point try to put women in
the infantry.
Actually they did put women inthe infantry but I was never on
board with that because Iunderstand what it takes to be
in a unit like that cohesiveunit of men, of warriors.
(11:12):
So to say yes, yeah, well.
Speaker 2 (11:14):
So I was always with mechanized infantry, so I was
headquarters, but all the thealpha bravo, charlie delta were
all infantrymen, right.
So I supported the infantrycompany, but right so I
supported the infantry company,but we would always train with
the infantry, absolutely.
So the thing was just like yousaid, to build that warrior
you've got to go through someshit together.
(11:34):
Right, and when you do thatshit together, there's nothing
that can break you guys as oneman.
Because there was some unitsthat I was in, especially when
we went to Korea.
I was in 1-9 Infantry.
We were like a gang over there.
Speaker 1 (11:49):
Really yes.
So you say you got yourheadquarters.
What unit was that where youwere headquarters?
And then Okay, so every unit.
Speaker 2 (11:58):
after when I got to, when I graduated basic, I went
to AIT for six months.
Damn, that's a long fuckingtime, yeah man.
So we had to study the Bradley.
Speaker 1 (12:07):
What did you guys learn?
Speaker 2 (12:08):
How to take off the track no, not that part, because
that was all weapon systems.
Speaker 1 (12:12):
So I did all the electrical systems 25 Mike Mike,
25 Mike Mike Bushmaster, what?
Speaker 2 (12:16):
about the Halon.
The Halon system, that was morehull side, so I was turret side
, weapon side, okay, so I knewabout that.
And the tow system and the towOkay, so that's what I had to
learn about the schematics,electrical systems, all that
stuff.
So I had to learn how totroubleshoot it, how it works.
You know all the nine yards,yeah.
So from there I went to FortRiley, kansas.
That was my first unit, 116thInfantry, devil Rangers.
(12:41):
Man.
That was hardcore shit, man.
And to top it off, I was like Ithink I was the only hispanic
dude in my company, so I washeadquarters, company
headquarters, 116th infantry.
And then, like I said, alphabravo, charlie delta, we had
echo back then.
Okay, and that was the um,there were the hotels, basically
the tow mounted on the humvees,yes, yeah, because back then
(13:03):
they had different.
Speaker 1 (13:04):
You were like 11 hotel, which was the humvees 11
mike, which back then they haddifferent.
You were like 11 hotel, whichwas the humvees 11 mike, which
was mechanized, yes, and then itwould switch over to 11 bravo
or 11 charlie morterman yes, sowe had all that in that okay,
and during that time, those arethe good old years, bro, though
I look at them as a good oldyears yes, um, when you had
issues back then the guys solvedthem yes, they.
They got handled.
(13:25):
America only got softer afterthose years.
Speaker 2 (13:32):
Yes, I agree.
I would say during.
I'm trying to remember theyears, I want to say in 2008-ish
timeframe that's when theystarted allowing the trans, the
transgenders, whatever all thatso we can get to that and we can
identify, how you know we canidentify it together.
Speaker 1 (13:50):
Um, so, back then you're going to basic let's,
let's talk about it.
Now you go to your unit.
What is the army's focus ontraining their soldiers?
Is it transgender training?
Is you know what I mean?
When I got to my first unit,correct like let's, were they
focused on war fighting and itwas all war fighting, exactly it
was always training.
Speaker 2 (14:12):
So if we weren't at the motor pool working on
vehicles, whatever it is, youwere doing hip pocket training
or shooting at the range,shooting at the range.
So the the um, the grunts, theywould go do the training.
We would do, do our training.
It was always training.
We were always getting ready tofight and it was about rush of
this, rush of that.
Rush of this rush of that.
When we went out and trained wehad those little Ivans.
(14:33):
We would shoot at the littleIvans.
When we would go out to thegunnery for the Bradleys, we
were shooting at BMPs, t-72s orwhatever.
It was 70 tunes or whatever itwas.
We were shooting at that.
It was all tank shit or openfield battles.
Speaker 1 (14:46):
What would happen if, back in that timeframe, if one
of your platoon mates would sayhey guys, today I'm Mandy, I
identify as a woman.
Speaker 2 (14:55):
What would happen in that era, in that moment, they
would probably got their asskicked and got kicked out.
Speaker 1 (15:02):
I wish I could play sound effects, but I'll probably
have to edit it in somehow.
But you know I don't encourageass kickings, but I understand
the time frame you know.
Speaker 2 (15:13):
One of the biggest things is when, in our unit, you
know when somebody from theoutside or somebody wasn't one
of the guys you got fucked up,you know.
Speaker 1 (15:23):
You just reminded me of something, bro.
Like, yeah, I remember, likewhen we got out of the Army, one
of my good brothers still mybrother till this day you know,
we kind of found out some moretruth about him.
And we're like, bro, you'relucky we didn't find this shit
out when we were in the Army.
Dude, we would have fucking,you know, kick your ass, bro, we
would have ostracized you, butnow we're fucking, you know,
mature adults and, yes, you'reour brother.
Speaker 2 (15:44):
So whatever, bro, yeah I mean to each their own
man correct.
You know you keep that stuff toyourself.
Speaker 1 (15:49):
Yeah, and that's what I feel yeah, but the focus,
right, the focus of the militarywars winning wars, and I will
dive into the whole political,uh you know, going on iran,
israel and all that other crazyshit.
From your perspective, theseBradleys were during this time
frame.
How was the equipment?
(16:10):
Was it good?
To me it was good.
I mean, they weren't yeah theywere effective.
Speaker 2 (16:15):
I mean that .25 Mike, mike man, it penetrated.
You know, solid steel, I meanit would go through.
I remember some of the guysthat were in Desert Storm.
They would tell me how theywere just ripping through the
BMPs, whatever the T-72s Ibelieve they were.
I mean they were just rippingthem up and they were telling me
(16:35):
how they were slaughteringpeople, man.
Speaker 1 (16:38):
Yeah, it's definitely a weapon system capable of
slaughtering people.
Yes, by the masses.
Speaker 2 (16:44):
Yes and that's what it's designed for, correct?
I mean, we're not going inthere to be nice guys correct.
Speaker 1 (16:51):
Uh, when, what year did you deploy to iraq?
Speaker 2 (16:55):
I deployed in 2004 and came back in 2005.
What was your rank?
I?
I was a staff sergeant at thattime, god damn bro.
Speaker 1 (17:03):
So see, that's what I like.
I like that you joined in the90s.
You had some time under yourbelt.
Any point in between there didyou reenlist?
Speaker 2 (17:09):
Yes, I reenlisted, I think twice already Twice yes.
Speaker 1 (17:13):
Were you attempting to make it a career or was it
spontaneous decisions?
Speaker 2 (17:22):
Actually, you spontaneous decisions.
Actually, you know that.
Remember, when I told you aboutthat fear of the unknown,
correct, it went back to thefear of the unknown.
Being a civilian makes sense,right?
Speaker 1 (17:26):
so I kept going, kept going, because this is all I
knew I I figure a lot ofsoldiers experience that, a lot
of military service members notme.
I wanted to get the hell out,bro.
I didn't.
I don't do good with authorityman I'm.
Speaker 2 (17:41):
You know what you're.
You're right, I wasn't either,but there was always physical.
You know right, get back inline discipline.
Speaker 1 (17:50):
Yes, yeah, um, so you go as a staff sergeant.
Bro, do you have troops?
Speaker 2 (17:55):
underneath you.
Yes, I, I don't remember howmany.
I think I had 10 or 11, shit,shit, yeah.
So I ran a recovery section.
So what a recovery section isis I have 88s.
I think I had three 88s.
I had one 10-ton wrecker, sobasically I was like the tow
truck service for the mileysyeah.
Well, no, no, 88 mics weretruck drivers.
Speaker 1 (18:14):
So the 88s were those big ones that have the big yeah
, the boom on it and stuff.
Speaker 2 (18:19):
Correct the boom, the spade in the front.
Speaker 1 (18:20):
Yeah, yes, so those big boys are 56 tons, so they
would go out, or we would go outand grab snatch Bradleys that
broke down or whatever happenedto them and bring them back.
How did that look in your guys'?
Did you guys have a motor poolIn Iraq?
Yeah, a makeshift one.
Where were you at?
What part of Iraq?
Speaker 2 (18:41):
So we were in northern Baghdad.
That was in fact Haifa.
Speaker 1 (18:46):
Street.
You know where Haifa Street was.
One of my good friends, HectorLeja, was killed on Haifa Street
.
Speaker 2 (18:50):
Very bad area, so we were just down the street from
there.
Speaker 1 (18:53):
Bad area, and I'm assuming it was bad in 04, 05?
Speaker 2 (18:57):
Oh yes, Well see, when we showed up in April 1st
of 2004.
Yeah, so that's when thetransition was happening.
The invasion force.
Speaker 1 (19:07):
Oh, bro.
We mean you were in Iraq in thesame exact time.
Then that showed up in March2004.
Speaker 2 (19:11):
That's when I showed up March, at the end of March.
So day one was April 1st.
Okay, that's when we actuallygot into Baghdad to our FOB on
that night.
So I remember you know, we gotthere so we were all going to
set up in tents.
The guys that were alreadythere were in the hard buildings
.
So we're in the back 40.
(19:33):
I'm laying in my tent and Iremember I could see the boon,
and I'm laying down in bed in mycot and I'm like man, I'm in
combat man and I was nervous.
I was afraid'm in combat man,right, and I was nervous.
I was afraid, you know, scaredor whatever you want to call it.
And right when I said that Ijust saw RPG, boom, they started
attacking us.
Come to find out what they weredoing.
(19:55):
For one, they were trying toscare us.
Two, they were testing us.
So what happened?
Is they set up across the riverI forgot what river that was.
Across the river was the Iforgot the name of it a side
city or something like that.
It was another bad area.
And what happened is that theywere setting up ambushes for the
QRFs.
So what happened?
(20:16):
When the QRFs was going out andthey had soft Humvees, too
soft-skinned Humvees, so they—who?
Speaker 1 (20:23):
had soft Humvees.
Our guys, your guys, had softHumvees.
You guys didn't take the.
Speaker 2 (20:27):
Bradleys Negative.
Well, they were the QRF guys,so the Bradleys were already out
.
So they sent the Humveessoft-skinned Humvees as QRF, and
that was it's because acrossthe river was 3-8 Cav and we
were 1-9 Cav, so 3-8 Cav was theones that sent the soft skins
and they lost seven guys in thatmoment.
In that incident.
(20:49):
They lost seven guys, sevenguys.
Speaker 1 (20:51):
From the outgoing unit or the incoming unit.
That was from the incoming unit.
Okay, I mean it's fuckinghorrible news either way, but it
would have sucked for it to bethe outgoing unit.
Exactly horrible news eitherway, but it would have sucked
for it to be the outgoing unit,exactly.
Speaker 2 (21:03):
Well, there's a little bit more to that one um.
So one of them was I don't knowif you remember um last name
was sheehan the mom that kept umprotesting at george bush's
ranch and stuff.
The name is ringing a bell.
So her son was that in that uhconvoy.
Okay, so that's what startedthat.
But back to what I was saying.
So that night, you know, we gotbaptized into combat and that
(21:27):
changed my whole perspective assort of like man this is real
shit, man, you know.
And but again, when thathappened started throwing
soldiers a, directing them intobunkers and stuff like that,
training took over.
You know, go back to that.
That training, training,training, training, training.
It all just kicks in, man, it'slike muscle memory when that
shit kicks off was it a big fobit was, I would say, yes, it was
(21:50):
a big fob bigger.
Speaker 1 (21:52):
What did it have on there?
Did it have like a internetcafe?
Yes, we had little stores andstuff.
You guys had little stores.
Speaker 2 (21:58):
Yeah, damn, that's cool man, yeah it was nice, all
our food was mermited in, sookay, it wasn't fancy, okay, but
it was okay.
Um, now the, the force thatwe're replacing, they got
extended.
Speaker 1 (22:13):
Oh yes, yeah, what unit was that?
If you do you remember, it wasfirst ad for oh yeah, the first
hour.
How did those soldiers look toyou?
They were pissed off man, no.
But how did they look Like allsalty and shot like veterans?
Yes, yes I remember theiruniform, like we relieved the
fourth ID, and they look likefucking OGs man, yes, they
wanted to get the fuck out ofthere.
Speaker 2 (22:32):
Yes, yes, they had attitudes and I don't blame them
.
Well, they were pissed off.
They were everything man and wereally didn't talk to them and I
remember the guy that kind ofwas in control of the whole fob,
our fob.
He was a staff sergeant,squared away, dude, right.
So he was briefing us on thefob, the areas and stuff like
(22:56):
that, what to do and what not todo.
And I remember him saying he go, we built this fob and he goes,
and I kind of don't like havingit to leave it to you guys.
Why?
Because you're going to fuck itup.
Speaker 1 (23:07):
Yeah, I could see that, and you know, he had
ownership Right.
Speaker 2 (23:10):
So they got deployed to, they got shifted over to
Nazareth or some shit like thatNazarea, nazarea.
And a week later, man, he gotkilled in the car bomb.
The uh e6 did.
Yeah, damn him and I, I thinkit was like five or six soldiers
and there was.
(23:31):
They should have been gone homealready.
And I was like, damn, thatsucked that, that sucked man.
And one of the biggest thingsfor me is when we had our first
KIA.
So again, you know, recovery.
They brought the Humvee, theRPG, went through the front
windshield, took out the driverman.
(23:52):
I think everything went in slowmotion after that.
You know, seeing that goingthrough that and opening up the
Humvee and seeing, you know,brain matter everywhere, that
right there, that right there issomething that I will never
forget and in fact just talkingabout it right now puts me back
in that moment and going slowlythrough everything.
Speaker 1 (24:13):
What kind of Humvee was it Up armored Humvee?
Triple one, four, yes, one oneone, one four.
Speaker 2 (24:18):
one four yes.
Speaker 1 (24:19):
And the RPG hit the windshield yes, and the RPG hit
the windshield yes, went throughthe windshield.
Did the RPG detonate on impactor did it?
It went through it.
So the RPG went through thewindshield yes, and detonated
inside of the Humvee Negative.
Speaker 2 (24:32):
It went straight through it, so it went through.
If you remember, in the backarea there was vents, yeah, so
it went through the windshieldand it went out the vent.
So never detonated, neverdetonated.
And it d I would assume itdecapitated the a soldier?
Speaker 1 (24:51):
yes, it, I wouldn't say it decapitated, just just
obliterated?
Yeah, basically, um, and wasthere?
Do you?
From what you recall, was itone casualty or were there
numerous casualties?
Just one?
Speaker 2 (24:57):
was he?
Was he the driver?
He was the driver and thelieutenant was the passenger.
Fuck man.
Speaker 1 (25:02):
The lieutenant survived, so and you're on the
FOB at this point in time.
Yes, they brought back theHumvee.
Did you guys know beforehandwhat they were going to be
bringing back?
Yes, you guys did know.
Yes, did you guys know themoment they got attacked?
Negative, negative.
Speaker 2 (25:17):
So all we knew was they were bringing back a KIA,
or not the KIA, but the Humveethat got hit with an RPG.
Speaker 1 (25:23):
Okay, and was that the first time you saw brain
matters like that?
Were you mentally prepared forwhat you were about to see?
No, when you saw that, whatkind of thoughts went through
(25:46):
your head.
Speaker 2 (25:46):
It wasn't more thoughts, it was more like
reality.
Like you know, it sucks andthere's nothing you could do to
change anything.
But you had a mission and yougot to keep pushing forward.
Speaker 1 (26:01):
What was your duties and responsibility at that point
with that vehicle?
Speaker 2 (26:06):
So what we were going to do, we're going to prepare
it to ship out.
They were going to take it backto Kuwait, so we had to get it
prepared.
We had to clean it out, in asense.
Fuck dude.
Speaker 1 (26:15):
Damn bro.
I never even not once, did itever consider my mind of us
bringing vehicles like that backto the mechanics in the
maintenance bay and them havingto deal with the aftermath.
Speaker 2 (26:28):
And his squad members were helping us too.
Nobody was talking, buteverybody was helping.
Speaker 1 (26:35):
Fuck dude.
Yeah, shit After that.
Was it continuous, continuous,ongoing stuff like that, or was
it?
Did you guys catch a littlebreak here and there?
Speaker 2 (26:48):
from what I remember either, those guys when the,
when the guys would go out, theywould get attacked daily.
We would get probably mortared,probably every other day.
Speaker 1 (26:59):
Maybe you know what about rockets as well?
That too?
Did you guys have a protocolwhere you go to a bunker of some
sort or you kind of whatever?
Speaker 2 (27:07):
you know you funny.
You say that because at thebeginning it was bunker time,
right, but towards the middle Ididn't give a shit.
Yeah, nobody did I just stayedstill and I was like okay, if it
hits you, I'm alive.
Speaker 1 (27:18):
Yeah, yeah, and it was like that so explain to the
crowd how that happens, how thatinitially your first time
getting exposed to indirect fire, you're you're scared and you
want to take cover.
After it's happening so manytimes, you literally don't care.
Speaker 2 (27:34):
I didn't care, and not only that.
I understand death now to whereI'm not afraid of it.
I mean I don't want it, butit's going to happen, so when it
does I'm okay with it.
Makes sense to me.
Speaker 1 (27:49):
Was it a one-year deployment?
Speaker 2 (27:50):
Yes, did you go on R&R?
Yes, I did, I was the last one.
I let all my guys go first andthen I was the last one.
Speaker 1 (27:56):
Nice how did you feel about R&R?
Speaker 2 (28:01):
Did you one nice?
How'd you feel about r&r?
Did you not want to go back?
Actually, I wanted to be.
I wanted, I never wanted toleave because I wanted my, I
want to be with my guys.
Yeah, and real quick.
So on our first actual mission,we had uh in our sector.
We had, um, a car bomb go offand I think it was some delta
force guys got killed.
So they got a hold of me andthey said hey, ernie, you know,
sorry, my god, you're gonna goout with the wrecker and grab
(28:23):
that, that uh vehicle and bringit back.
I was scared man.
So at first I told lopez and uh, chavarria, I was like, hey,
you're gonna go out there, chainup, dude, chain it up and just
drag it back, man, don't stop.
And I could see both my guys'faces that were scared as fuck.
Man, I was scared as fuck.
But in that moment, man, thatNCO kicked in and I said
(28:49):
Chavarria, you're staying, lopez, anything that happens to you
is going to happen to me.
And then his face just, oh,fuck, yes, that's cool.
Speaker 1 (28:56):
Yeah, it gives you a like, puts you at ease a bit,
yeah.
Speaker 2 (29:00):
I mean at the end of the day.
If anything was to happen, I'drather it happen to me.
Speaker 1 (29:04):
Well, I can see that, bro, for sure.
That's what a good leader doesLeads by example.
Speaker 2 (29:12):
This is also another thing I remember when we
deployed, one of the dads frommy soldiers came up to me and
goes hey, bring my son back.
Speaker 1 (29:24):
I was like shit, that's a big responsibility, man
, that's a big.
You know what I mean?
Because, yeah, that shit hit me.
What did those recoverymissions look like?
Speaker 2 (29:30):
um, it depended on what type of vehicle it was, but
it was always.
I mean, we got proficient at it.
Man, we would go out there justsnatch them up and haul ass you
guys got proficient compared tothe beginning.
Speaker 1 (29:40):
Yes, why were you guys like fumbling around?
You know how to they didn'tknow.
Speaker 2 (29:43):
Yes, you know, we didn't know what the hell we
were doing it.
In a sense, we didn't.
We were scared because you hadto think about the outside you
know, people pulling securityfor you guys.
Yes, yeah, the guys were doingit.
You know the grunts they werepulling the security.
We would go out there.
But at the same time, you knowyou're still afraid of what
what's going to happen, you know.
You got to watch your perimeter, you know, but again it went
back to.
You know what these guys got it.
(30:04):
You know, if it happens, ithappens.
Right, man, we just snatched upand rolled out how long does
the recovery process take?
it depends on what type ofsituation you're in man, car
bombs, um, or a vehiclebreakdown.
It just you know you're more atease, more relaxed, and you
just snatch them up and thenhaul ash.
We chain them up first, liftthem up and roll out.
(30:25):
Now if it's a situation whereit's more relaxed, then we hook
up with the tow bar and then wepull the vehicle Murphy's Law
ever happened where somethingwent horribly south during a
recovery.
Speaker 1 (30:36):
Actually, we had a 12-hour recovery mission.
What was up with that so?
Speaker 2 (30:40):
the guys.
They were in the Bradley.
So a platoon was patrolling anarea.
Well, they went over somerailroad tracks and then they
had the track on one side of therailroad track.
The railroad track was in themiddle, so what happened?
They pivoted, knocked off thetrack.
Damn, another Bradley goes outthere to get that.
Gets stuck in the mud.
Damn.
Another Bradley comes out thereto get that.
(31:01):
Gets stuck in the mud.
Damn, another Bradley comes outstuck in the mud.
Damn yes.
So we sent an 88 out Gets stuckin the mud.
So we had to send another 88.
It was shit, that's bad man.
And then they started gettingattacked.
Of course, yeah, that was wild.
And this whole time I'm tryingto leave, I'm like, hey, I need
to go out there.
They're like, no, no, you gotto control it from back here.
You got to control it back here.
(31:21):
I'm like, fuck this man, but itis what it is, you got to take
orders.
Speaker 1 (31:26):
So after that deployment you come back
stateside.
Yes, were you suffering fromany like PTSD?
Speaker 2 (31:34):
at that point.
You know what, looking back atit, I didn't know Right, but I
was, and I'll tell you the redflags right now.
Yeah, so we get back the firstnight.
I get back, we get fuckingdrunk Me and all my guys get
shit-faced drunk.
Next day we get drunk again,and well, they give us 30 days
(31:55):
off, right when you land.
So we were drinking, drinking,drinking.
I really didn't spend time withmy family, my kids.
You know, I didn't know how tobe a dad again.
I did.
You had kids during yourdeployment.
Yes, that's rough, dude.
Yeah, man, that is rough.
I think it was hard on my son,but I didn't know how to turn
the switch off.
How many kids did you have?
(32:15):
Two?
You had two kids.
Speaker 1 (32:17):
Yes, how hard was that being deployed to iraq, bro
, with two little ones?
They were little, yes, littleones at home.
Speaker 2 (32:24):
You know, honestly, I didn't even really think about
them.
Okay, I know that probablysounds bad yeah not in a bad way
.
It's just like your focus, man,correct, this is life and death
.
Did I miss them?
Yes, but you know, it's justfocus on mission Right, it's
(32:44):
just focused on mission right.
Um, but when I did call home,it was probably every week, you
know, because it was hard to getonline that the internet would
go down like there was notomorrow, you know yeah, so it
was hard.
Speaker 1 (32:50):
Every time a soldier got killed it was blackout, yeah
and um.
Speaker 2 (32:54):
So it was just.
It was just working all thetime, man, and stayed busy and
busy.
And I think when I got back Ihad to stay busy at something
and I didn't know what to doanymore.
And after coming back, man, itwas just drinking.
I was self-medicating myselfwith alcohol.
Speaker 1 (33:13):
Prior to Iraq.
Were you drinking as well?
I would party.
Yes, I would drink.
Speaker 2 (33:18):
But this was more turnt up.
Oh yes, I think I turned it upto 10 on that one.
You did yes because I would getblack out drunk now, like I
would drink till I woke up thenext day like, oh shit, what did
I do?
Where would you do it?
In the barracks at the bar?
Speaker 1 (33:32):
at my house.
I had a house, you had a house,yes, and you would just get
smashed, yes, and then you wakeup in the morning be like, oh
shit, yes, and then would youstart all over again.
Speaker 2 (33:43):
I wouldn't start drinking again.
If the guys would come over.
Yeah, we'd start partying again, but it was either I was
staying busy, doing something,um, but I know I had issues.
I had mood swings.
I know loud bangs would triggerme.
Sometimes I would freak out.
You look around, like what thefuck?
I did not like being in packedplaces, a lot of people.
(34:05):
I don't like it.
I still don't like it, right, Ijust don't like people behind
me, things like that.
And it was just a differentperson now and I didn't know how
to deal with it.
So alcohol was my go-to.
Speaker 1 (34:16):
So, looking back in hindsight, how much of a problem
was alcohol?
Very.
Looking back in hindsight, howmuch of a problem was alcohol?
Very bad, very bad.
Yes.
Self-medicating,self-medicating, abuse of
alcohol, yes, everything,probably not knowing what was
happening either, right, because, oh, 2005,.
Mental health was not prevalent, oh, no.
(34:38):
And also if you said you hadmental health like ohacized yeah
, what do they call that?
A stigma at the time?
Speaker 2 (34:45):
thankfully, now in 2025, people are more
comfortable and aware, but backthen we were on our own man oh
yeah, man, if you any type ofweakness I mean going to sick
call you're weak facts you knowyou still are and so you know I
did.
I just kept pushing forward mandealing with it by drinking.
(35:07):
You know, work hard all week,drink hard on the weekend now.
Speaker 1 (35:13):
Was this solving your problems?
No, it was making them worse,elaborate now.
Speaker 2 (35:19):
Well, I created family problems, right?
Oh, I was married at that timeokay, it's my first marriage, by
the way, so I was having issuesthere.
Um, I didn't feel connected.
I didn't feel connected to myspouse, I didn't feel connected
to my kids.
I just I was a different person, man.
I didn't know who I was anymore.
I know I thought differently.
You know, I just saw lifedifferently.
It's just something, a wholenew world, and I didn't know who
(35:40):
I was anymore.
I know I thought differently.
You know, I just saw lifedifferently.
It's just something, a wholenew world, and I didn't know how
to deal with it.
Speaker 1 (35:47):
Did you promote over there or you were still E6?
Speaker 2 (35:50):
So when I came back I in 2006, I got promoted E7.
Speaker 1 (35:54):
You were E7.
Were you still drinking at thattime?
Yes, damn dude, I was stillporting.
You were yes, damn dude, I wasstill porting.
Speaker 2 (35:58):
You were yes, were you having a hard time managing
being an E7 and with thedrinking and with the
relationship?
I don't think so, because Ijust focused on drinking and
working.
Speaker 1 (36:17):
That was the life you know.
But ultimately you did notremain in that marriage Negative
and I'm not going to say that'swhat the cause was, because I
have no idea, but do you believeit contributed?
Speaker 2 (36:27):
oh yeah, definitely yeah, you know, but I can't, you
know, I can't wallow in it orwhatever you know it's done,
it's gone, absolutely and moveforward so how was coming back?
Speaker 1 (36:41):
and how was coming back after iraq, bro?
Like, how was?
Did you find garrison lifeboring or slow?
Speaker 2 (36:47):
yes, looking back at it now, the adrenaline wasn't
there anymore.
That that that high wasn'tthere, no more.
So how do you find it?
And that was a problem.
So working hard, staying busy,drinking and just trying to do
something that kept my mind busy, and I think I didn't give in
(37:12):
to my kids.
I didn't do anything reallywith my kids to help them.
I was in some type of, you know, cruise control destruction.
What age were they at this time?
Oh man, I would say probably.
I think my son was probablylike seven, you know, seven,
(37:33):
eight years old, and my daughterwas probably like 10, 11.
Speaker 1 (37:40):
Were you engaging in any reckless behavior, looking
for an adrenaline rush?
I know I was doing a lot ofdrinking and driving.
So you were doing a lot ofdrinking and driving.
Yes, um, did you ever get a dui?
Speaker 2 (37:52):
yes, what during that time frame?
Um, I think it was before.
No, it was before.
Speaker 1 (37:59):
It was before before, bro so you were risking another
fucking DUI?
Yes, yes, and I'm sure you knewyou weren't supposed to be
drinking and driving.
Oh hell, no, but yeah, I wasfucking out At any point in time
.
Did you consider seeking help?
No, why?
That's weakness, or that's whatyou perceived to be.
Speaker 2 (38:21):
Yes, yes perceived as weakness is that a myth?
Speaker 1 (38:29):
that if you ask for help, you're a weak person?
That's a myth.
What's the reality?
Speaker 2 (38:33):
the reality is it's okay to not be okay, but you got
to get help and you always gotto reach out.
Now that I did reach out, bythe time I knew I was at zero
when I got the help, that's whenI realized, like you know what
I was never honest with myself,correct, and that was the
problem being honest withyourself and knowing that you
need help, because nobody canhelp you until you're honest is
(38:59):
post-traumatic stress disorderonly for people that experience
war.
Negative Because I'veexperienced it before combat and
that was when childhood, I hadchildhood trauma as well.
Speaker 1 (39:13):
So you had childhood trauma?
Yes, then you go to Iraq.
You get some more trauma, oh,yeah, then you come back and now
you're just drinking up a storm.
Yes, was there a breaking pointfor you when I retired?
When you retired, yes, what?
Speaker 2 (39:31):
did that breaking point look like?
So the breaking point for thatone is the day that I retired,
and when I do my speaking andstuff I tell about this.
On the day that I retired I wasso excited because, man, I was
a sergeant first class.
I mean, I had a 73 man platoon.
(39:51):
Damn, I was responsible formillions upon millions of
dollars of equipment.
Man, I had all these, you knowawards and all this shit, we
left it all for the Taliban.
Speaker 1 (39:59):
Yeah, we left it all for the Taliban.
Yeah, no shit.
Speaker 2 (40:02):
And I remember, man, people are going to be calling
my phone, blowing up my emails,all these things.
Nobody called me.
I was putting applications in.
I went through five jobs, man,I got fired.
Speaker 1 (40:18):
You got out of the Army.
Yes, you got out of the Army,and then you applied for five
jobs or you applied for a bunchof jobs.
Speaker 2 (40:28):
Yes, I've applied for jobs.
I went through five jobs withinmy first year after retiring.
Now, mind you, six guys for theunit that I deployed, with an
old four or five committedsuicide.
So, man, you know, know, it'sjust getting that news.
You know, not being able totransition, man, I felt like a
loser, I felt were they fromyour, directly from your platoon
(40:50):
, or for the other negative,there was all our, my whole unit
, complete unit, some of theguys I knew, someone I didn't,
and they committed suicide,suicide.
Speaker 1 (40:57):
Throughout what time frame?
Throughout their whole career,they were offing themselves.
Speaker 2 (41:02):
Yes, damn, I know, man, it sucked.
It was fucking horrible.
Yeah, it's bad as fuck.
And it is just more man,because the more that happened
and the more I drank, the more Icouldn't become a civilian.
It was just, I was going lowerand lower.
I started questioning who I was, I started questioning my
accomplishments and I startedquestioning my worth, Correct?
(41:24):
So at that point, of course,alcohol is still there, right?
And I got to a point, man,where I was going to kill myself
.
So I was like fuck it, I'm outof here too, man.
Speaker 1 (41:33):
I just and I was on my.
Speaker 2 (41:35):
Did you own a gun?
Yes, and I was on my secondmarriage, by the way, so I
wasn't getting support and I'mnot trying to blame her for that
, but what I'm going to say isthat she didn't know how to deal
with it.
I didn't know how to deal withit and it just, it just is what
it is.
Yeah, and so on the dayactually where I was sitting in
(41:57):
the garage, drunk as hell, and Iwas like you know what, I think
it's time I the garage, drunkas hell, and I was like you know
what, I think it's time I'mgonna fucking off myself and, um
, I had a friend of mine call me, reach out to me and say, hey,
man, can you come talk to thekids?
And, um, that helped, thatsaved my life.
So when I stood in front ofthose kids and talked to them,
that's when I knew, fuck this,this is me right here, this,
(42:19):
this is my purpose.
I found it.
And then, ever since then, man,shit gone up, were they his
personal kids?
Speaker 1 (42:26):
or was it like a school?
No?
Speaker 2 (42:26):
school.
He was a teacher, I'm sorry.
Yeah, at Brawley, really yes,and they were high-risk kids, by
the way, so they were in thecontinuation.
Speaker 1 (42:45):
Oh man we probably have the same friend and I got
the same opportunity, did you?
Yeah, uh, so that damn, bro,that's a to me, that's a miracle
from god, bro, amen, amen,brother, honestly, yes, think
about it.
You were in the garage, drunkas hell, with the gun about,
ready to do yourself in, and youget a call hey man, I need you
to come and talk to theseat-risk kids at my school.
I, I'm a teacher and you, whatkind of sense of purpose did you
get when you spoke to thosechildren?
You?
Speaker 2 (43:06):
know, honestly, I related it to every morning when
I would talk to my platoon.
It made me feel worth, you know.
It made me feel like I'm givingpeople direction, giving people
purpose, you know, and I feltthat man, and then you know what
.
So when I spoke to those kids,you know it felt like the same
thing.
You know I'm giving them what Iknow, what I can help them with
(43:26):
, cause I remember when I was akid I was a troublemaker and I
wish somebody would have cametalk to us in school, man, and
said, hey, you could be whateveryou want to be in life, and so
that's what I want to do andthat's what I'm doing.
Speaker 1 (43:41):
How much afterwards did you start to seek therapy,
or did you ever seek therapy?
Speaker 2 (43:47):
Yes, I did, or ask for help.
Yes, what did that process looklike?
It was good.
I went to the VA and I said,hey, I need help.
But the thing that I didn'tlike they were like, okay, take
this medication.
I'm like, no, I don't want totake medication, take the
medication.
So I took the medication and Iwas on it for six months.
I didn't like it.
I felt like a zombie.
(44:08):
You know what I felt like Likesomebody in a glass case inside
my mind.
It wasn't me, but I was in likean auto mode.
I didn't like it.
So what I finally did is I wentcold turkey.
I said I'm not taking this shit, no more.
And I started going hiking.
And then that hiking helped meout so much.
So I started getting insomewhat shape and I told my
(44:32):
therapist I was like, hey, Istopped taking medications.
They're like you can't do that,you're going to become suicidal
.
I go well, guess what I didn't?
I started hiking and I starteddoing things that were positive.
Guess what I didn't?
I started hiking and I starteddoing things that were positive,
and then, of course, I did myspeaking.
So I found me a nice job.
So I got this nice job, startedhiking, I started speaking and
then just everything juststarted elevating for me, man.
Speaker 1 (44:53):
How did you know how to hike?
Not how did you know how tohike.
How did you know how to findthese positive activities?
Did you search the internet?
Did you read books, magazinearticles?
Ask people.
Speaker 2 (45:05):
You know, that's a good question, because I'm
trying to remember that I thinkit was just looking for
positivity.
I already knew that physicaltraining was positive, right, so
I knew I had to go do that and,mind you, I kind of skipped
something when, after I, youknow, talked to those kids, I
did finally get a divorce, thesecond divorce yes, this is my
(45:28):
second divorce, but I didn'tstop the drinking, okay, right,
so it was still there and I didget a DUI that time too.
Yes, that time too.
So that was my second one, andthis is in 2018.
So, at this time, I was goingthrough a divorce, I was
fighting for custody and goingthrough a dui, so I was going
(45:48):
through three court cases.
Speaker 1 (45:50):
That was pretty good at that time what the hell was
going through your mind, bro,man, I don't know, because I
recently separated from my wife,about a year ago.
Man, that's not easy.
It's not, let alone dealingwith all this stuff.
And add a DUI to that, fuck man.
Speaker 2 (46:08):
Yeah, it was crazy man, but again I chose to get
the fuck up and go after it.
Speaker 1 (46:15):
Did you face any adversity or challenges in that?
Speaker 2 (46:20):
Oh yes, oh yes, oh yes.
What kept you grounded?
Just myself, man.
My purpose and knowing that,what I wanted to do in life and
I'm going to go after it, andthat was my goal line, man, I
mean, it's still there.
I'm always getting better andI'm always pushing it because I
(46:42):
want to become better and bigger.
So I just keep going, man.
Become better than yesterday,and that's what I see it are you
?
Speaker 1 (46:48):
passionate about helping other people.
Yes, I love doing that.
If we can fast forward to thenext war that happens in america
.
Man and some young 23 year oldgets out and is lost.
Lost and drinking alcohol.
What words would you have forthat individual?
Speaker 2 (47:07):
Here's my biggest thing.
This is what I always say Donot try to reinvent the wheel
when the wheel's already there.
Look at us.
We've been through this shit.
Reach out to those that havebeen through it.
Talk to them, and that's whereyou get your experience.
And then you know some thingswork for me that are not going
to work for you, you know, andit's vice versa.
So you got to talk to people,especially the ones that have
(47:28):
been through it.
Surround yourself with positivepeople, with good people.
That'll build you and helpbuild you Right.
That's the biggest thing, man.
Speaker 1 (47:37):
So what are some of the positive things you focus on
today, in today's day and age?
Speaker 2 (47:42):
Again, be better than yesterday, try to improve
myself.
I'm not going to say try, do Iprove myself every single day,
because that's what it's allabout.
I listen to podcasts, I listento audio books on, just like
right now.
What is the book I'm listeningto right now?
Be Okay With being Disliked, orsomething like that.
(48:04):
Okay Now, what is the book I'mlistening to right now?
Be Okay With being Disliked, orsomething like that.
It's a psychology book, butit's really good.
It talks about trauma andthings like that, how to deal
with it, and it's just learningabout life, learning about
things that you can use tobecome better, and that's what
it's all about.
Like, I've hung out with, likeJocko youo.
Hanging out with that dude andjust talking to him, and not
(48:26):
once when I had a conversationwith that dude, it was nothing
about him, it was all about me,and not saying that I'm somebody
special.
What I'm trying to say is thathanging out with people like
that, and not one time did heever talk about himself.
It was just hey, how you doing,what are you about?
What do you do, how do you doit, things like that and just
surrounding your guy.
And I hang out with VincentVargas as well, and just hanging
(48:48):
out with dudes like that man.
Speaker 1 (48:55):
And just learning more and wanting more.
Earlier we talked about how,back in the day, they'd give you
wall-to-wall counselingdifferent generation the 90s,
the early 2000s, somewhat themid-2000s.
Do you believe that America hasa problem right now a
generational problem withunderstanding their emotions and
communication skills?
Speaker 2 (49:15):
Yes, we need discipline.
We don't have discipline.
Now, I'm not saying we need togo back to wall-to-wall, but
what I am saying is that we needgood structure, because without
structure there's chaos.
So what I'm saying is that thediscipline, or teaching our kids
discipline, like hey, if youdon't commit to this or you
(49:35):
don't finish what you'resupposed to do, there's going to
be consequences to it.
There has to be consequences.
If there's no consequences,there's no threat.
Right, it'll just be afree-for-all.
Exactly.
So we need consequence.
Speaker 1 (49:47):
I mean, we need discipline fuck, I don't know
why, but you just seem like agood person to ask about this.
Like what about the roles?
The roles between a man and awoman?
Do you believe that some ofthose roles may have gotten
distorted?
yes, they have and you know thatI think that's, you know,
getting on the politics side ofit, because I'm staying away
(50:10):
from the politics, but I wantyou to, from your perspective,
talk about, uh, what you haveseen you know, a woman's
supposed to be a woman, a man'ssupposed to be a man.
Speaker 2 (50:17):
I mean, think about it.
We're a caveman, right?
Exactly what did the man go do?
He went out and hunted and gotthem, got the food for the
family, right, you know?
Speaker 1 (50:24):
and that's the way it's supposed to be, you know we
got away from that we got awayfrom that and do you think
social media played a role andmainstream media played a role?
And maybe, uh, I'm not gonnasay brainwashing, but they
influenced them.
The influence that's a greatword man influence influenced
them.
Speaker 2 (50:42):
They influenced that's a great word, man
Influenced.
Influenced them to thinkotherwise.
Rather than you know what,stick to what we're good at, you
know.
Speaker 1 (50:49):
Well, just like you stated earlier, we don't have to
reinvent the wheel.
Man, yeah, and that's theproblem.
I mean people get votes off.
Chaos man.
For some reason, negativitysells.
Speaker 2 (51:04):
That too.
Yes, get votes off.
Chaos, man.
Oh, for some reason, negativitysells.
That too, yes, you know they.
They can say one word and theyget the word, and they make it
into something else, and theyfear tactic.
Speaker 1 (51:09):
so what would you say to the person that dwells on
negativity, always looking forthe bullshit on the social media
and then wondering why theirlife is hell in a handbasket and
they're out there partying,drinking, snoring lines off of
fucking strippers' asses andwondering why they can't get
their shit together?
Speaker 2 (51:26):
Well, I remember one time I had a conversation with a
veteran.
He called me, saying he was hey, man, I'm thinking about
suicide and I was like, okay,let's talk about this.
Man.
I go, what are the things thatare making you feel this way?
First thing, he said the news.
I said, okay, let's stopwatching the news.
Well, I can't stop doing that.
(51:47):
I go do you listen to yourselfright now?
I go, you're telling me whatthe problem is, but you don't
want a solution to it.
I go come on, man.
Social media is man.
It's fake.
It's fake.
It's where people pretend to besomething else and people run
with that.
And what's happening is you gotthis guy looking at this other
guy and he wants to be like thatother guy, and that guy's fake.
(52:09):
And then now this guy can't belike this guy.
So guess what?
He's not going to think he'sgood enough, correct.
And there comes that depression.
There comes all these otherthings that go with it.
Start drinking, start doingdrugs, because I'm not good.
Pornography, pornography.
There you go, man, and it'sjust going to go lower, lower
and lower, and it's just allthese things that affect your
mind.
Get out there in nature, startdoing that hiking.
(52:30):
Get out there, meet with goodpeople, surround yourself with
good people, your environment.
It's like you can't grow afruit or a tree that bears fruit
in a nasty soil.
Speaker 1 (52:42):
Absolutely.
So there it is.
It almost seems so easy, right?
But that's us looking like fromthe outside in.
Yes because we already beenthrough hell, Because when
you're in it it's fucking chaos.
But you're right, Something assimple as stop watching the news
.
I actually had a Vietnamveteran tell me stop watching
the news, Hector.
Stop watching the news.
Speaker 2 (53:06):
And I pretty much responded to I can't.
But eventually I did, bro, andthat did the trick.
It did.
It changes.
I did the same thing.
I stopped watching it like 10years ago.
Me too, I think you know.
When people on my like feed Isee negative shit, I'm like get
out of here.
Speaker 1 (53:13):
It's just like dude, you know what can I do to change
?
Speaker 2 (53:16):
you know what happens there in Washington DC.
Right, I can just vote.
Speaker 1 (53:22):
What about projecting ?
Speaker 2 (53:30):
Did you ever have a problem with projecting?
Speaker 1 (53:31):
like fearing the future.
Give me an example of that.
Speaker 2 (53:36):
Like, oh man, like in your head going like thinking
ahead, like I was talking aboutthe unknown, right?
Yeah, so this is one of thethings that I love talking about
in my speeches is that weshouldn't let the unknown put us
in fear, right, but what weshould do is work on our
capabilities to overcome theunknown.
There it is, there's yoursolution.
Speaker 1 (53:57):
So a lot of people remain the stagnant and the same
, because they are content intheir comfort zone.
Yes, what advice do you have topeople to get out of their
comfort zone?
You're going to get left behind.
You're going to get left behind.
Yes, is there anything wrongwith getting left behind?
Speaker 2 (54:12):
I mean, if that makes you happy stay there, right,
but a lot of time.
It doesn't make you happy.
It doesn't make you happy,exactly so that's what I'm
saying.
You got to be calm, comfortablewith being uncomfortable.
Speaker 1 (54:21):
And then they become internet trolls and hate on the
next fucking man.
Speaker 2 (54:25):
Yes For getting out of that comfort zone Again get
off that social media, get outin the world and start doing
things for you to build you.
You know, because what's goingto happen there?
Your wealth is going to bebetter, you know.
And then what you're doing isyou're teaching your kids how to
be better, and when you teachthem that they're going to
become better, and then it'sjust going to keep going on
(54:46):
generations and generations.
Speaker 1 (54:48):
So what you do right now for work, is it on par with
helping others, or that totallyseparate?
Speaker 2 (54:52):
So what I do on work, I'm a fleet manager for a trash
company, right, I run twolocations.
I make really good income.
I can't say that too loud.
I still pay child support.
Oh, I hear you, bro, so I dothat.
And then I have my ownbusinesses.
I do, I have a cigar line, andthen I also do t-shirts as well.
So what's your cigar?
Speaker 1 (55:13):
line called keep up to fight cigars.
Keep up the fight cigars.
Speaker 2 (55:16):
They're on a website on the instagram you'll find
them under uh pain mason awebsite so you can get them
there.
Actually, they're made out ofhere in San Diego, and my
T-shirts, of course, I get themprinted, and so the logo.
On what this logo is all about,you'll see the warrior right
and then behind it is the shield, but it's the Aztec shield,
(55:38):
yeah, or the Aztec shield or theAztec calendar, I'm sorry.
So it's 365 days of being awarrior keeping up the fight.
So that's what all that has todo with.
And so when I'm not at work,I'm working on myself and I'm
working in my businesses,spending time with my family.
Speaker 1 (55:51):
Now I'm married for the third time and it's awesome.
Speaker 2 (55:55):
On this right here, just real quick, talking about
relationships.
I was always looking forsomebody to fix me, Right.
Yeah, that's that trauma stuff,right?
This time it's all aboutbuilding together.
I pick someone who I can buildwith rather than trying to fix
me or me trying to fix her.
Speaker 1 (56:19):
But also people.
Speaker 2 (56:20):
people change, People are different people at
different stages of their lives.
It depends, because some peoplecould be fake for so long and
then you see the true them.
Speaker 1 (56:25):
Oh shit.
Speaker 2 (56:26):
You know what I'm saying?
Yeah, because they're in love,they're going to do anything for
love, but then that shit wearsout Right.
So I'm saying you got to workon you to be the best you In a
marriage.
Speaker 1 (56:38):
Should it be 50-50?
Speaker 2 (56:39):
How do you view it.
I think it should be 100-100.
Speaker 1 (56:44):
I like that.
You said that, man, You'reprobably like the second person
that I've asked the same exactquestion.
I even forgot 100-100.
Speaker 2 (56:50):
Yeah, because you always got to be and you know
what.
Sometimes I can only give 25because I'm feeling down and
just going back real quick.
Do I sometimes get depressed?
Still, yes, I do, but now Icreate action to overcome it.
Right, I do something to offsetthat negativity or the
depression.
Right, but there's some daysthat I'm not going to be good.
(57:11):
Right, but she picks me up,picks me up back up to 100.
And she knows, when I'm downshe'll pick me up.
She'll be like, hey, you needme.
Or sometimes, and I'll say, hey, you know what, I just need to
be alone for a little bit, letme do my thing.
And she knows I'll be back Likeall right, you know get that
shit out of me.
Speaker 1 (57:28):
Where can people find you if they wanted to reach out
to you?
Speaker 2 (57:32):
So I'm on social media, ernie Mariscal Instagram,
facebook.
I also have a website,keepuptofightapparelcom.
You can look at me there, youcan see my, you can contact me
there, book me there or you canbuy some shirts.
They're awesome shirts, by theway.
They look nice, thank you.
I mean, these polos are awesome, man.
They're for golfing and stufflike that.
But yeah, that's where you canfind me, man, and I'm not out to
(57:58):
try to get things from people.
What I want to do, if I canhelp you, I'm going to help you
absolutely.
Or, if I can point you in theright direction, I'm going to
put you in the right direct, inthe right direction.
But know this, man, there'speople out there that want to
help, but you got to be honestwith yourself to get the help do
you think ego plays a role inpeople not asking for help?
(58:18):
yes, I was one of those.
I thought I was a sergeantfirst class, right, I knew
everything, right, I didn't knowshit about life.
Speaker 1 (58:28):
What goals, what future goals do you have, or
aspirations?
Do you see yourself?
Speaker 2 (58:32):
I want to be the best speaker in the world.
Yeah, and I'm going to do it.
Hell yeah, dude.
Speaker 1 (58:40):
Hell yeah.
Well, thanks for coming out onthe show, bro.
Speaker 2 (58:43):
It was a pleasure.
Speaker 1 (58:44):
We got to get you back on here for another round.
Man, Hell yeah.
But I appreciate you, dude.
And again, if you guys want totap in, he put his social media.
We'll link it on the bottom.
That way you guys can hire himto speak.
If you guys like what you saw,make sure you hit that subscribe
.
Love you.
Hector Bravo unhinged .
Speaker 2 (00:06):
Chaos is now in session.
Speaker 1 (00:10):
Welcome back to our channel Warriors.
We are still growing today.
Another banger for you guys.
Man, a special treat.
Somebody from my hometown,ernie Mariscal, former Army
veteran and motivational speaker.
Glad to have you on the show,bro.
Hey, appreciate you having mehere, man, it's honor.
Thank you, yeah, we werediscussing earlier.
I saw you traveled from fresnotoday.
Speaker 2 (00:30):
Yes, I flew in just about a couple hours ago.
Speaker 1 (00:33):
Okay, cool.
Well, thanks for making it.
Man shit, thanks for invitingme.
So you grew up in imperial.
Speaker 2 (00:40):
So I grew up in brawley, so I was born in uvalde
, texas, you know where all thatmass shooting happened.
I was born in that little town.
It's about the same size asBrawley, so I was born there.
When I was about six months old, we moved to Brawley and then I
grew up there and I graduatedand I dropped out of school.
(01:01):
Actually, I was living in thestreets at 16 years old.
I don't know if you want to gothat far.
Speaker 1 (01:07):
Absolutely 16 years old.
You dropped out?
Yeah, because you need a highschool diploma to join the
military, yes, so what happened?
Speaker 2 (01:14):
So my dad kicked me out.
I was just running the streetdoing bad things and my dad
kicked me out so I dropped outof school at the same time.
So I was living in the streets,basically from friend's house
to friend's house and doing whatI wanted.
You know, I tried to be thecool kid which I wasn't and I
was actually at one by theprojects, at a dope house, and I
(01:38):
was hanging out and this guyshowed up with a gun and had a
gun in my face asking for money,asking for dope, and in that
moment, man, I was like shit,man, I'm 17 years old and this
is it for me.
So after that, the guy luckilyhe left and I called my mom, man
.
And then I was like hey, mom,this happened to me.
(01:59):
And my mom was like all right,well, I'm going to come get you
and you're going to go live withyour brother.
And so I went to go live withmy brother, went back to school.
After I graduated, I left.
Where was your brother living?
He was living right behind Jackin a Box in those apartments.
Speaker 1 (02:11):
I forgot the name, but in Brawley, yes.
So you got out of school alittle early.
You started running the streets, ended up in the projects with
a gun to your face, space and,yes, the epiphany you had an.
You had an epiphany, yeah, aforceful one, right, it happens
sometimes, man, oh, definitely.
What gave you the idea to jointhe military?
Speaker 2 (02:32):
I had, uh, some uncles that were in the military
.
I had one that was, uh, anofficer, actually graduated,
graduated from west point.
He was my mom's sister'shusband, so I see him.
And then I saw my other unclefrom, actually, another sister
from my mom, he was in themilitary too.
He was in the Army as well.
So we would go see him at FortCham, houston, nice, and so I
(02:57):
saw all these guys in uniform,you know, disciplined all these
things, and I was like man Iwant.
And then, you know, back in the80s there was a lot of war
movies and you know, disciplinedall these things, and I was
like man I want.
And then, you know, back in theeighties there was a lot of war
movies, and you know, rambo andshit like that.
Speaker 1 (03:08):
They had good commercials back in the day, man
, yes, yes, so you know, be allyou can be, you know.
Speaker 2 (03:14):
And then I was kind of like looking at that and I
was like, man, you know, I wantto be something and of course.
So after I graduated I was likelet's go do that.
Speaker 1 (03:23):
When you graduated?
How long after, until you tookoff to the Army Right after?
Speaker 2 (03:27):
Actually, my mom said this to me she goes I don't
know what you're going to do,but you're not going to do it
here.
And then basically, she waslike get the hell out Absolutely
.
And then that's where the Armycame in.
What year was that?
That was in October of 1991.
Speaker 1 (03:44):
Had the Gulf War happened?
Was it happening?
Speaker 2 (03:46):
Actually it was happening and then it ended in
January, I believe, of that year.
Speaker 1 (03:50):
So when you joined, you went to basic training.
Was there people, were yoursuperiors, talking about the
Gulf War or anything?
Not really, no.
Speaker 2 (04:01):
I did have some Vietnam veterans that were still
in and when I went throughbasic, veterans that were still
in and when I went through basicman, it was crazy when did you
go to basic?
At Fort Sill, oklahoma?
Speaker 1 (04:11):
right.
Was that your first time?
Besides being born in Texas?
Was that your first time beingout of the state like that?
Speaker 2 (04:19):
No, Well, we would always travel, because I have
family in Arizona and we wouldtravel through all that stuff.
So that wasn't my first timeout of state, but that was my
first time alone.
So when I got to Fort Sill andsee, here's the funny part about
it so when I got there theyleft me in a transitional
barracks for a week.
So we weren't doing basic, weweren't doing Army shit.
Speaker 1 (04:41):
It was like reception .
Speaker 2 (04:42):
Yes, for a week.
So me, you know, I'm didn'tknow anything in life.
So I have these drill sergeants.
They weren't yelling at us,they weren't doing nothing, they
were just calm and collective.
So they would just be like, hey, study these, you know tanks or
aircraft, you know russian,blah, blah, blah.
And so we would go eat, comeback to sleep, and then on the
(05:06):
fifth day of Friday, they said,hey, you're going to be picked
up by your basic training, right?
So we're all lined up andthere's a parade field in front
of us and across the paradefield, three cattle trucks pull
up and in my mind I'm like whatthe fuck is this?
And I just seen six guys hugedudes were round, browns like
(05:27):
walking at a fast pace towardsus.
And by the time they got closeto us they were like you better
jump in that truck.
Like it's on fire, right, man?
That was the worst fun day ofmy life.
Speaker 1 (05:42):
What were you feeling , what was your mentality when
you were alone for the firsttime?
And during that one week period, uh, you're basically.
It feels like purgatory.
Speaker 2 (05:51):
I was scared you were scared, yes, scared, nervous of
the unknown because, again, youknow, I grew up in this small
town, right, and I didn't knowshit.
And trying to, I know, in inour culture it's always negative
, you know, scary somethingbad's gonna happen, right.
So it was like that exactly.
Speaker 1 (06:11):
So there you are, fucking.
You said you were you eating inthe chow hall.
Yes, yeah, and probably back,because I remember, I remember
reception.
You were able to eat, like thecake, you were able to eat the
ice cream, but then, when theypick you up, all that gone
correct.
Speaker 2 (06:26):
Yes, so we had a.
I remember it was like swallowit and taste it later, correct.
And everywhere we went you hadto run.
Speaker 1 (06:34):
You couldn't walk explain to the crowd what a
cattle truck is, man so?
Speaker 2 (06:38):
basically a cattle truck is what they pick up
cattle in.
You know they, it looks, hasthose sidings with holes in it.
You know cows piss out of itand everything.
It stunk bad too, by the way,and looking back at it I
understood what they were doing.
They're making you feel likeshit, like you don't matter, but
everybody didn't mattertogether and that was the whole
part of it, because it broke youdown and you know, being in
(07:03):
basic man, I was like at zero.
But then they built yourconfidence back up, little by
little by little by little.
Speaker 1 (07:07):
Is that what you took the cattle trucks for?
Because I mean it could alsojust be like a transportation
thing.
But I could also see thedemoralizing of being in that
all steel nut to butt.
Speaker 2 (07:18):
Yes, I mean how packed were you guys in there,
oh man, just like you said it,and we all had for me I had a
duffel in the front, duffel inthe back, and then I was
carrying two bags, yeah.
So every time they said, lookinward, look outward, and I'm
short as hell.
So every time they did that Iwas getting smacked around.
But you had to do what you hadto do, right.
Speaker 1 (07:40):
Were they also giving you unrealistic time limits to
accomplish goals?
Yes, what do you think, lookingback in hindsight, was the
purpose of that?
Speaker 2 (07:50):
To get better.
You know, in a sense, where yougot to think before you react,
kind of thing Like okay, how amI going to execute this and how
fast can I do it?
You know, I would see it likethat.
Speaker 1 (08:00):
Yeah, were you enjoying this during this time?
No, you weren't embracing it.
You weren't enjoying it.
Yeah, were you enjoying this?
Speaker 2 (08:08):
during this time?
No, you weren't embracing it,you weren't enjoying it.
Were you hating it?
I wasn't hating it because Iwas still in that unknown phase.
I didn't know what the hellnext was going to happen.
I mean, we would go to bed by Idon't know 10 and we'd wake up
by 3.
So we barely had enough sleep.
And again, I don't know none ofthis shit Getting up at o'clock
in the morning.
Never heard of, you know atthat age.
Speaker 1 (08:27):
How about the physical portion?
Were you guys ruck marking?
Speaker 2 (08:30):
yes, we're running every morning yes, pt, and every
morning getting up doing pt, Ithink by zero four, and doing it
, I don't remember how long, butanyway, yeah, we were running
row, marching, we were doing itall.
And back then I don't know howit is now, but back then I know
it was really straight to yourface kind of thing.
And I can tell you one examplewhere we were in formation and
(08:55):
there was this Puerto Rican guynext to me and the drill
sergeant was like, hey, this iswhat we're going to do, this is
how we're going to do it, blah,blah, blah.
And this Puerto Rican dude waslike I'm not going to do it,
it's always the Puerto Ricansman.
And you know what, in the backof my mind I was like, oh shit,
it's about to pop off.
That drill sergeant grabbed him.
And what was crazy is, whenthat drill sergeant grabbed him,
(09:15):
like three other drillsergeants showed up out of
nowhere and they grabbed him andthey drug him behind the
formation and all I could hearwas like, oh, ah, they were
beating the shit out of him.
Just when I came back around,stood in front of the formation,
looked at us and said Privates,you guys see anything?
Nope, no man, that was wild.
Speaker 1 (09:35):
But guess what, after that shit, dude was straight he
was oh yes, it's funny how thatworks, huh yeah funny how it
works A little wall-to-wallcounseling man, since we're on
this subject and I like what youjust said and I think we've
gotten away from that are youable to identify between what is
hazing and what is developingdiscipline?
(09:56):
Is there some things that arewarranted and some things that
are not?
Speaker 2 (10:02):
Ooh man, that's a good one.
Speaker 1 (10:03):
Oh bro, all I ask are good ones.
Speaker 2 (10:05):
Yeah, you know, I think when we would do the wall
to wall because there was otherthings we would do, you know,
the blanket parties and thingslike that I thought that was
kind of like discipline, gettingpeople straight because you
wanted your platoon to getstraight.
Because one guy fucks it up,everybody's going to pay for it,
correct, everybody going to payfor it, correct.
So I thought that was good.
And then when we moved forward,you know, into my service in my
(10:28):
younger years, getting promoted, you know, we dug the ranks in
the chest Pounded in Blood rank,blood rank, yes, and I mean I
thought that was like a rite ofpassage, absolutely, you know,
and we loved it.
And then we would lineeverybody up in and file line,
and then we would have the guyrun in between and we would
punch the shit out of them,right, and I mean it was I agree
(10:51):
.
Speaker 1 (10:51):
I agree it built, I agree it builds character, it
does, it does and I liked it.
And you know what.
The public may not agree withthat and that's fine.
But, and you know, they did atone point try to put women in
the infantry.
Actually they did put women inthe infantry but I was never on
board with that because Iunderstand what it takes to be
in a unit like that cohesiveunit of men, of warriors.
(11:12):
So to say yes, yeah, well.
Speaker 2 (11:14):
So I was always with mechanized infantry, so I was
headquarters, but all the thealpha bravo, charlie delta were
all infantrymen, right.
So I supported the infantrycompany, but right so I
supported the infantry company,but we would always train with
the infantry, absolutely.
So the thing was just like yousaid, to build that warrior
you've got to go through someshit together.
(11:34):
Right, and when you do thatshit together, there's nothing
that can break you guys as oneman.
Because there was some unitsthat I was in, especially when
we went to Korea.
I was in 1-9 Infantry.
We were like a gang over there.
Speaker 1 (11:49):
Really yes.
So you say you got yourheadquarters.
What unit was that where youwere headquarters?
And then Okay, so every unit.
Speaker 2 (11:58):
after when I got to, when I graduated basic, I went
to AIT for six months.
Damn, that's a long fuckingtime, yeah man.
So we had to study the Bradley.
Speaker 1 (12:07):
What did you guys learn?
Speaker 2 (12:08):
How to take off the track no, not that part, because
that was all weapon systems.
Speaker 1 (12:12):
So I did all the electrical systems 25 Mike Mike,
25 Mike Mike Bushmaster, what?
Speaker 2 (12:16):
about the Halon.
The Halon system, that was morehull side, so I was turret side
, weapon side, okay, so I knewabout that.
And the tow system and the towOkay, so that's what I had to
learn about the schematics,electrical systems, all that
stuff.
So I had to learn how totroubleshoot it, how it works.
You know all the nine yards,yeah.
So from there I went to FortRiley, kansas.
That was my first unit, 116thInfantry, devil Rangers.
(12:41):
Man.
That was hardcore shit, man.
And to top it off, I was like Ithink I was the only hispanic
dude in my company, so I washeadquarters, company
headquarters, 116th infantry.
And then, like I said, alphabravo, charlie delta, we had
echo back then.
Okay, and that was the um,there were the hotels, basically
the tow mounted on the humvees,yes, yeah, because back then
(13:03):
they had different.
Speaker 1 (13:04):
You were like 11 hotel, which was the humvees 11
mike, which back then they haddifferent.
You were like 11 hotel, whichwas the humvees 11 mike, which
was mechanized, yes, and then itwould switch over to 11 bravo
or 11 charlie morterman yes, sowe had all that in that okay,
and during that time, those arethe good old years, bro, though
I look at them as a good oldyears yes, um, when you had
issues back then the guys solvedthem yes, they.
They got handled.
(13:25):
America only got softer afterthose years.
Speaker 2 (13:32):
Yes, I agree.
I would say during.
I'm trying to remember theyears, I want to say in 2008-ish
timeframe that's when theystarted allowing the trans, the
transgenders, whatever all thatso we can get to that and we can
identify, how you know we canidentify it together.
Speaker 1 (13:50):
Um, so, back then you're going to basic let's,
let's talk about it.
Now you go to your unit.
What is the army's focus ontraining their soldiers?
Is it transgender training?
Is you know what I mean?
When I got to my first unit,correct like let's, were they
focused on war fighting and itwas all war fighting, exactly it
was always training.
Speaker 2 (14:12):
So if we weren't at the motor pool working on
vehicles, whatever it is, youwere doing hip pocket training
or shooting at the range,shooting at the range.
So the the um, the grunts, theywould go do the training.
We would do, do our training.
It was always training.
We were always getting ready tofight and it was about rush of
this, rush of that.
Rush of this rush of that.
When we went out and trained wehad those little Ivans.
(14:33):
We would shoot at the littleIvans.
When we would go out to thegunnery for the Bradleys, we
were shooting at BMPs, t-72s orwhatever.
It was 70 tunes or whatever itwas.
We were shooting at that.
It was all tank shit or openfield battles.
Speaker 1 (14:46):
What would happen if, back in that timeframe, if one
of your platoon mates would sayhey guys, today I'm Mandy, I
identify as a woman.
Speaker 2 (14:55):
What would happen in that era, in that moment, they
would probably got their asskicked and got kicked out.
Speaker 1 (15:02):
I wish I could play sound effects, but I'll probably
have to edit it in somehow.
But you know I don't encourageass kickings, but I understand
the time frame you know.
Speaker 2 (15:13):
One of the biggest things is when, in our unit, you
know when somebody from theoutside or somebody wasn't one
of the guys you got fucked up,you know.
Speaker 1 (15:23):
You just reminded me of something, bro.
Like, yeah, I remember, likewhen we got out of the Army, one
of my good brothers still mybrother till this day you know,
we kind of found out some moretruth about him.
And we're like, bro, you'relucky we didn't find this shit
out when we were in the Army.
Dude, we would have fucking,you know, kick your ass, bro, we
would have ostracized you, butnow we're fucking, you know,
mature adults and, yes, you'reour brother.
Speaker 2 (15:44):
So whatever, bro, yeah I mean to each their own
man correct.
You know you keep that stuff toyourself.
Speaker 1 (15:49):
Yeah, and that's what I feel yeah, but the focus,
right, the focus of the militarywars winning wars, and I will
dive into the whole political,uh you know, going on iran,
israel and all that other crazyshit.
From your perspective, theseBradleys were during this time
frame.
How was the equipment?
(16:10):
Was it good?
To me it was good.
I mean, they weren't yeah theywere effective.
Speaker 2 (16:15):
I mean that .25 Mike, mike man, it penetrated.
You know, solid steel, I meanit would go through.
I remember some of the guysthat were in Desert Storm.
They would tell me how theywere just ripping through the
BMPs, whatever the T-72s Ibelieve they were.
I mean they were just rippingthem up and they were telling me
(16:35):
how they were slaughteringpeople, man.
Speaker 1 (16:38):
Yeah, it's definitely a weapon system capable of
slaughtering people.
Yes, by the masses.
Speaker 2 (16:44):
Yes and that's what it's designed for, correct?
I mean, we're not going inthere to be nice guys correct.
Speaker 1 (16:51):
Uh, when, what year did you deploy to iraq?
Speaker 2 (16:55):
I deployed in 2004 and came back in 2005.
What was your rank?
I?
I was a staff sergeant at thattime, god damn bro.
Speaker 1 (17:03):
So see, that's what I like.
I like that you joined in the90s.
You had some time under yourbelt.
Any point in between there didyou reenlist?
Speaker 2 (17:09):
Yes, I reenlisted, I think twice already Twice yes.
Speaker 1 (17:13):
Were you attempting to make it a career or was it
spontaneous decisions?
Speaker 2 (17:22):
Actually, you spontaneous decisions.
Actually, you know that.
Remember, when I told you aboutthat fear of the unknown,
correct, it went back to thefear of the unknown.
Being a civilian makes sense,right?
Speaker 1 (17:26):
so I kept going, kept going, because this is all I
knew I I figure a lot ofsoldiers experience that, a lot
of military service members notme.
I wanted to get the hell out,bro.
I didn't.
I don't do good with authorityman I'm.
Speaker 2 (17:41):
You know what you're.
You're right, I wasn't either,but there was always physical.
You know right, get back inline discipline.
Speaker 1 (17:50):
Yes, yeah, um, so you go as a staff sergeant.
Bro, do you have troops?
Speaker 2 (17:55):
underneath you.
Yes, I, I don't remember howmany.
I think I had 10 or 11, shit,shit, yeah.
So I ran a recovery section.
So what a recovery section isis I have 88s.
I think I had three 88s.
I had one 10-ton wrecker, sobasically I was like the tow
truck service for the mileysyeah.
Well, no, no, 88 mics weretruck drivers.
Speaker 1 (18:14):
So the 88s were those big ones that have the big yeah
, the boom on it and stuff.
Speaker 2 (18:19):
Correct the boom, the spade in the front.
Speaker 1 (18:20):
Yeah, yes, so those big boys are 56 tons, so they
would go out, or we would go outand grab snatch Bradleys that
broke down or whatever happenedto them and bring them back.
How did that look in your guys'?
Did you guys have a motor poolIn Iraq?
Yeah, a makeshift one.
Where were you at?
What part of Iraq?
Speaker 2 (18:41):
So we were in northern Baghdad.
That was in fact Haifa.
Speaker 1 (18:46):
Street.
You know where Haifa Street was.
One of my good friends, HectorLeja, was killed on Haifa Street
.
Speaker 2 (18:50):
Very bad area, so we were just down the street from
there.
Speaker 1 (18:53):
Bad area, and I'm assuming it was bad in 04, 05?
Speaker 2 (18:57):
Oh yes, Well see, when we showed up in April 1st
of 2004.
Yeah, so that's when thetransition was happening.
The invasion force.
Speaker 1 (19:07):
Oh, bro.
We mean you were in Iraq in thesame exact time.
Then that showed up in March2004.
Speaker 2 (19:11):
That's when I showed up March, at the end of March.
So day one was April 1st.
Okay, that's when we actuallygot into Baghdad to our FOB on
that night.
So I remember you know, we gotthere so we were all going to
set up in tents.
The guys that were alreadythere were in the hard buildings
.
So we're in the back 40.
(19:33):
I'm laying in my tent and Iremember I could see the boon,
and I'm laying down in bed in mycot and I'm like man, I'm in
combat man and I was nervous.
I was afraid'm in combat man,right, and I was nervous.
I was afraid, you know, scaredor whatever you want to call it.
And right when I said that Ijust saw RPG, boom, they started
attacking us.
Come to find out what they weredoing.
(19:55):
For one, they were trying toscare us.
Two, they were testing us.
So what happened?
Is they set up across the riverI forgot what river that was.
Across the river was the Iforgot the name of it a side
city or something like that.
It was another bad area.
And what happened is that theywere setting up ambushes for the
QRFs.
So what happened?
(20:16):
When the QRFs was going out andthey had soft Humvees, too
soft-skinned Humvees, so they—who?
Speaker 1 (20:23):
had soft Humvees.
Our guys, your guys, had softHumvees.
You guys didn't take the.
Speaker 2 (20:27):
Bradleys Negative.
Well, they were the QRF guys,so the Bradleys were already out
.
So they sent the Humveessoft-skinned Humvees as QRF, and
that was it's because acrossthe river was 3-8 Cav and we
were 1-9 Cav, so 3-8 Cav was theones that sent the soft skins
and they lost seven guys in thatmoment.
In that incident.
(20:49):
They lost seven guys, sevenguys.
Speaker 1 (20:51):
From the outgoing unit or the incoming unit.
That was from the incoming unit.
Okay, I mean it's fuckinghorrible news either way, but it
would have sucked for it to bethe outgoing unit.
Exactly horrible news eitherway, but it would have sucked
for it to be the outgoing unit,exactly.
Speaker 2 (21:03):
Well, there's a little bit more to that one um.
So one of them was I don't knowif you remember um last name
was sheehan the mom that kept umprotesting at george bush's
ranch and stuff.
The name is ringing a bell.
So her son was that in that uhconvoy.
Okay, so that's what startedthat.
But back to what I was saying.
So that night, you know, we gotbaptized into combat and that
(21:27):
changed my whole perspective assort of like man this is real
shit, man, you know.
And but again, when thathappened started throwing
soldiers a, directing them intobunkers and stuff like that,
training took over.
You know, go back to that.
That training, training,training, training, training.
It all just kicks in, man, it'slike muscle memory when that
shit kicks off was it a big fobit was, I would say, yes, it was
(21:50):
a big fob bigger.
Speaker 1 (21:52):
What did it have on there?
Did it have like a internetcafe?
Yes, we had little stores andstuff.
You guys had little stores.
Speaker 2 (21:58):
Yeah, damn, that's cool man, yeah it was nice, all
our food was mermited in, sookay, it wasn't fancy, okay, but
it was okay.
Um, now the, the force thatwe're replacing, they got
extended.
Speaker 1 (22:13):
Oh yes, yeah, what unit was that?
If you do you remember, it wasfirst ad for oh yeah, the first
hour.
How did those soldiers look toyou?
They were pissed off man, no.
But how did they look Like allsalty and shot like veterans?
Yes, yes I remember theiruniform, like we relieved the
fourth ID, and they look likefucking OGs man, yes, they
wanted to get the fuck out ofthere.
Speaker 2 (22:32):
Yes, yes, they had attitudes and I don't blame them
.
Well, they were pissed off.
They were everything man and wereally didn't talk to them and I
remember the guy that kind ofwas in control of the whole fob,
our fob.
He was a staff sergeant,squared away, dude, right.
So he was briefing us on thefob, the areas and stuff like
(22:56):
that, what to do and what not todo.
And I remember him saying he go, we built this fob and he goes,
and I kind of don't like havingit to leave it to you guys.
Why?
Because you're going to fuck itup.
Speaker 1 (23:07):
Yeah, I could see that, and you know, he had
ownership Right.
Speaker 2 (23:10):
So they got deployed to, they got shifted over to
Nazareth or some shit like thatNazarea, nazarea.
And a week later, man, he gotkilled in the car bomb.
The uh e6 did.
Yeah, damn him and I, I thinkit was like five or six soldiers
and there was.
(23:31):
They should have been gone homealready.
And I was like, damn, thatsucked that, that sucked man.
And one of the biggest thingsfor me is when we had our first
KIA.
So again, you know, recovery.
They brought the Humvee, theRPG, went through the front
windshield, took out the driverman.
(23:52):
I think everything went in slowmotion after that.
You know, seeing that goingthrough that and opening up the
Humvee and seeing, you know,brain matter everywhere, that
right there, that right there issomething that I will never
forget and in fact just talkingabout it right now puts me back
in that moment and going slowlythrough everything.
Speaker 1 (24:13):
What kind of Humvee was it Up armored Humvee?
Triple one, four, yes, one oneone, one four.
Speaker 2 (24:18):
one four yes.
Speaker 1 (24:19):
And the RPG hit the windshield yes, and the RPG hit
the windshield yes, went throughthe windshield.
Did the RPG detonate on impactor did it?
It went through it.
So the RPG went through thewindshield yes, and detonated
inside of the Humvee Negative.
Speaker 2 (24:32):
It went straight through it, so it went through.
If you remember, in the backarea there was vents, yeah, so
it went through the windshieldand it went out the vent.
So never detonated, neverdetonated.
And it d I would assume itdecapitated the a soldier?
Speaker 1 (24:51):
yes, it, I wouldn't say it decapitated, just just
obliterated?
Yeah, basically, um, and wasthere?
Do you?
From what you recall, was itone casualty or were there
numerous casualties?
Just one?
Speaker 2 (24:57):
was he?
Was he the driver?
He was the driver and thelieutenant was the passenger.
Fuck man.
Speaker 1 (25:02):
The lieutenant survived, so and you're on the
FOB at this point in time.
Yes, they brought back theHumvee.
Did you guys know beforehandwhat they were going to be
bringing back?
Yes, you guys did know.
Yes, did you guys know themoment they got attacked?
Negative, negative.
Speaker 2 (25:17):
So all we knew was they were bringing back a KIA,
or not the KIA, but the Humveethat got hit with an RPG.
Speaker 1 (25:23):
Okay, and was that the first time you saw brain
matters like that?
Were you mentally prepared forwhat you were about to see?
No, when you saw that, whatkind of thoughts went through
(25:46):
your head.
Speaker 2 (25:46):
It wasn't more thoughts, it was more like
reality.
Like you know, it sucks andthere's nothing you could do to
change anything.
But you had a mission and yougot to keep pushing forward.
Speaker 1 (26:01):
What was your duties and responsibility at that point
with that vehicle?
Speaker 2 (26:06):
So what we were going to do, we're going to prepare
it to ship out.
They were going to take it backto Kuwait, so we had to get it
prepared.
We had to clean it out, in asense.
Fuck dude.
Speaker 1 (26:15):
Damn bro.
I never even not once, did itever consider my mind of us
bringing vehicles like that backto the mechanics in the
maintenance bay and them havingto deal with the aftermath.
Speaker 2 (26:28):
And his squad members were helping us too.
Nobody was talking, buteverybody was helping.
Speaker 1 (26:35):
Fuck dude.
Yeah, shit After that.
Was it continuous, continuous,ongoing stuff like that, or was
it?
Did you guys catch a littlebreak here and there?
Speaker 2 (26:48):
from what I remember either, those guys when the,
when the guys would go out, theywould get attacked daily.
We would get probably mortared,probably every other day.
Speaker 1 (26:59):
Maybe you know what about rockets as well?
That too?
Did you guys have a protocolwhere you go to a bunker of some
sort or you kind of whatever?
Speaker 2 (27:07):
you know you funny.
You say that because at thebeginning it was bunker time,
right, but towards the middle Ididn't give a shit.
Yeah, nobody did I just stayedstill and I was like okay, if it
hits you, I'm alive.
Speaker 1 (27:18):
Yeah, yeah, and it was like that so explain to the
crowd how that happens, how thatinitially your first time
getting exposed to indirect fire, you're you're scared and you
want to take cover.
After it's happening so manytimes, you literally don't care.
Speaker 2 (27:34):
I didn't care, and not only that.
I understand death now to whereI'm not afraid of it.
I mean I don't want it, butit's going to happen, so when it
does I'm okay with it.
Makes sense to me.
Speaker 1 (27:49):
Was it a one-year deployment?
Speaker 2 (27:50):
Yes, did you go on R&R?
Yes, I did, I was the last one.
I let all my guys go first andthen I was the last one.
Speaker 1 (27:56):
Nice how did you feel about R&R?
Speaker 2 (28:01):
Did you one nice?
How'd you feel about r&r?
Did you not want to go back?
Actually, I wanted to be.
I wanted, I never wanted toleave because I wanted my, I
want to be with my guys.
Yeah, and real quick.
So on our first actual mission,we had uh in our sector.
We had, um, a car bomb go offand I think it was some delta
force guys got killed.
So they got a hold of me andthey said hey, ernie, you know,
sorry, my god, you're gonna goout with the wrecker and grab
(28:23):
that, that uh vehicle and bringit back.
I was scared man.
So at first I told lopez and uh, chavarria, I was like, hey,
you're gonna go out there, chainup, dude, chain it up and just
drag it back, man, don't stop.
And I could see both my guys'faces that were scared as fuck.
Man, I was scared as fuck.
But in that moment, man, thatNCO kicked in and I said
(28:49):
Chavarria, you're staying, lopez, anything that happens to you
is going to happen to me.
And then his face just, oh,fuck, yes, that's cool.
Speaker 1 (28:56):
Yeah, it gives you a like, puts you at ease a bit,
yeah.
Speaker 2 (29:00):
I mean at the end of the day.
If anything was to happen, I'drather it happen to me.
Speaker 1 (29:04):
Well, I can see that, bro, for sure.
That's what a good leader doesLeads by example.
Speaker 2 (29:12):
This is also another thing I remember when we
deployed, one of the dads frommy soldiers came up to me and
goes hey, bring my son back.
Speaker 1 (29:24):
I was like shit, that's a big responsibility, man
, that's a big.
You know what I mean?
Because, yeah, that shit hit me.
What did those recoverymissions look like?
Speaker 2 (29:30):
um, it depended on what type of vehicle it was, but
it was always.
I mean, we got proficient at it.
Man, we would go out there justsnatch them up and haul ass you
guys got proficient compared tothe beginning.
Speaker 1 (29:40):
Yes, why were you guys like fumbling around?
You know how to they didn'tknow.
Speaker 2 (29:43):
Yes, you know, we didn't know what the hell we
were doing it.
In a sense, we didn't.
We were scared because you hadto think about the outside you
know, people pulling securityfor you guys.
Yes, yeah, the guys were doingit.
You know the grunts they werepulling the security.
We would go out there.
But at the same time, you knowyou're still afraid of what
what's going to happen, you know.
You got to watch your perimeter, you know, but again it went
back to.
You know what these guys got it.
(30:04):
You know, if it happens, ithappens.
Right, man, we just snatched upand rolled out how long does
the recovery process take?
it depends on what type ofsituation you're in man, car
bombs, um, or a vehiclebreakdown.
It just you know you're more atease, more relaxed, and you
just snatch them up and thenhaul ash.
We chain them up first, liftthem up and roll out.
(30:25):
Now if it's a situation whereit's more relaxed, then we hook
up with the tow bar and then wepull the vehicle Murphy's Law
ever happened where somethingwent horribly south during a
recovery.
Speaker 1 (30:36):
Actually, we had a 12-hour recovery mission.
What was up with that so?
Speaker 2 (30:40):
the guys.
They were in the Bradley.
So a platoon was patrolling anarea.
Well, they went over somerailroad tracks and then they
had the track on one side of therailroad track.
The railroad track was in themiddle, so what happened?
They pivoted, knocked off thetrack.
Damn, another Bradley goes outthere to get that.
Gets stuck in the mud.
Damn.
Another Bradley comes out thereto get that.
(31:01):
Gets stuck in the mud.
Damn, another Bradley comes outstuck in the mud.
Damn yes.
So we sent an 88 out Gets stuckin the mud.
So we had to send another 88.
It was shit, that's bad man.
And then they started gettingattacked.
Of course, yeah, that was wild.
And this whole time I'm tryingto leave, I'm like, hey, I need
to go out there.
They're like, no, no, you gotto control it from back here.
You got to control it back here.
(31:21):
I'm like, fuck this man, but itis what it is, you got to take
orders.
Speaker 1 (31:26):
So after that deployment you come back
stateside.
Yes, were you suffering fromany like PTSD?
Speaker 2 (31:34):
at that point.
You know what, looking back atit, I didn't know Right, but I
was, and I'll tell you the redflags right now.
Yeah, so we get back the firstnight.
I get back, we get fuckingdrunk Me and all my guys get
shit-faced drunk.
Next day we get drunk again,and well, they give us 30 days
(31:55):
off, right when you land.
So we were drinking, drinking,drinking.
I really didn't spend time withmy family, my kids.
You know, I didn't know how tobe a dad again.
I did.
You had kids during yourdeployment.
Yes, that's rough, dude.
Yeah, man, that is rough.
I think it was hard on my son,but I didn't know how to turn
the switch off.
How many kids did you have?
(32:15):
Two?
You had two kids.
Speaker 1 (32:17):
Yes, how hard was that being deployed to iraq, bro
, with two little ones?
They were little, yes, littleones at home.
Speaker 2 (32:24):
You know, honestly, I didn't even really think about
them.
Okay, I know that probablysounds bad yeah not in a bad way
.
It's just like your focus, man,correct, this is life and death
.
Did I miss them?
Yes, but you know, it's justfocus on mission Right, it's
(32:44):
just focused on mission right.
Um, but when I did call home,it was probably every week, you
know, because it was hard to getonline that the internet would
go down like there was notomorrow, you know yeah, so it
was hard.
Speaker 1 (32:50):
Every time a soldier got killed it was blackout, yeah
and um.
Speaker 2 (32:54):
So it was just.
It was just working all thetime, man, and stayed busy and
busy.
And I think when I got back Ihad to stay busy at something
and I didn't know what to doanymore.
And after coming back, man, itwas just drinking.
I was self-medicating myselfwith alcohol.
Speaker 1 (33:13):
Prior to Iraq.
Were you drinking as well?
I would party.
Yes, I would drink.
Speaker 2 (33:18):
But this was more turnt up.
Oh yes, I think I turned it upto 10 on that one.
You did yes because I would getblack out drunk now, like I
would drink till I woke up thenext day like, oh shit, what did
I do?
Where would you do it?
In the barracks at the bar?
Speaker 1 (33:32):
at my house.
I had a house, you had a house,yes, and you would just get
smashed, yes, and then you wakeup in the morning be like, oh
shit, yes, and then would youstart all over again.
Speaker 2 (33:43):
I wouldn't start drinking again.
If the guys would come over.
Yeah, we'd start partying again, but it was either I was
staying busy, doing something,um, but I know I had issues.
I had mood swings.
I know loud bangs would triggerme.
Sometimes I would freak out.
You look around, like what thefuck?
I did not like being in packedplaces, a lot of people.
(34:05):
I don't like it.
I still don't like it, right, Ijust don't like people behind
me, things like that.
And it was just a differentperson now and I didn't know how
to deal with it.
So alcohol was my go-to.
Speaker 1 (34:16):
So, looking back in hindsight, how much of a problem
was alcohol?
Very.
Looking back in hindsight, howmuch of a problem was alcohol?
Very bad, very bad.
Yes.
Self-medicating,self-medicating, abuse of
alcohol, yes, everything,probably not knowing what was
happening either, right, because, oh, 2005,.
Mental health was not prevalent, oh, no.
(34:38):
And also if you said you hadmental health like ohacized yeah
, what do they call that?
A stigma at the time?
Speaker 2 (34:45):
thankfully, now in 2025, people are more
comfortable and aware, but backthen we were on our own man oh
yeah, man, if you any type ofweakness I mean going to sick
call you're weak facts you knowyou still are and so you know I
did.
I just kept pushing forward mandealing with it by drinking.
(35:07):
You know, work hard all week,drink hard on the weekend now.
Speaker 1 (35:13):
Was this solving your problems?
No, it was making them worse,elaborate now.
Speaker 2 (35:19):
Well, I created family problems, right?
Oh, I was married at that timeokay, it's my first marriage, by
the way, so I was having issuesthere.
Um, I didn't feel connected.
I didn't feel connected to myspouse, I didn't feel connected
to my kids.
I just I was a different person, man.
I didn't know who I was anymore.
I know I thought differently.
You know, I just saw lifedifferently.
It's just something, a wholenew world, and I didn't know who
(35:40):
I was anymore.
I know I thought differently.
You know, I just saw lifedifferently.
It's just something, a wholenew world, and I didn't know how
to deal with it.
Speaker 1 (35:47):
Did you promote over there or you were still E6?
Speaker 2 (35:50):
So when I came back I in 2006, I got promoted E7.
Speaker 1 (35:54):
You were E7.
Were you still drinking at thattime?
Yes, damn dude, I was stillporting.
You were yes, damn dude, I wasstill porting.
Speaker 2 (35:58):
You were yes, were you having a hard time managing
being an E7 and with thedrinking and with the
relationship?
I don't think so, because Ijust focused on drinking and
working.
Speaker 1 (36:17):
That was the life you know.
But ultimately you did notremain in that marriage Negative
and I'm not going to say that'swhat the cause was, because I
have no idea, but do you believeit contributed?
Speaker 2 (36:27):
oh yeah, definitely yeah, you know, but I can't, you
know, I can't wallow in it orwhatever you know it's done,
it's gone, absolutely and moveforward so how was coming back?
Speaker 1 (36:41):
and how was coming back after iraq, bro?
Like, how was?
Did you find garrison lifeboring or slow?
Speaker 2 (36:47):
yes, looking back at it now, the adrenaline wasn't
there anymore.
That that that high wasn'tthere, no more.
So how do you find it?
And that was a problem.
So working hard, staying busy,drinking and just trying to do
something that kept my mind busy, and I think I didn't give in
(37:12):
to my kids.
I didn't do anything reallywith my kids to help them.
I was in some type of, you know, cruise control destruction.
What age were they at this time?
Oh man, I would say probably.
I think my son was probablylike seven, you know, seven,
(37:33):
eight years old, and my daughterwas probably like 10, 11.
Speaker 1 (37:40):
Were you engaging in any reckless behavior, looking
for an adrenaline rush?
I know I was doing a lot ofdrinking and driving.
So you were doing a lot ofdrinking and driving.
Yes, um, did you ever get a dui?
Speaker 2 (37:52):
yes, what during that time frame?
Um, I think it was before.
No, it was before.
Speaker 1 (37:59):
It was before before, bro so you were risking another
fucking DUI?
Yes, yes, and I'm sure you knewyou weren't supposed to be
drinking and driving.
Oh hell, no, but yeah, I wasfucking out At any point in time
.
Did you consider seeking help?
No, why?
That's weakness, or that's whatyou perceived to be.
Speaker 2 (38:21):
Yes, yes perceived as weakness is that a myth?
Speaker 1 (38:29):
that if you ask for help, you're a weak person?
That's a myth.
What's the reality?
Speaker 2 (38:33):
the reality is it's okay to not be okay, but you got
to get help and you always gotto reach out.
Now that I did reach out, bythe time I knew I was at zero
when I got the help, that's whenI realized, like you know what
I was never honest with myself,correct, and that was the
problem being honest withyourself and knowing that you
need help, because nobody canhelp you until you're honest is
(38:59):
post-traumatic stress disorderonly for people that experience
war.
Negative Because I'veexperienced it before combat and
that was when childhood, I hadchildhood trauma as well.
Speaker 1 (39:13):
So you had childhood trauma?
Yes, then you go to Iraq.
You get some more trauma, oh,yeah, then you come back and now
you're just drinking up a storm.
Yes, was there a breaking pointfor you when I retired?
When you retired, yes, what?
Speaker 2 (39:31):
did that breaking point look like?
So the breaking point for thatone is the day that I retired,
and when I do my speaking andstuff I tell about this.
On the day that I retired I wasso excited because, man, I was
a sergeant first class.
I mean, I had a 73 man platoon.
(39:51):
Damn, I was responsible formillions upon millions of
dollars of equipment.
Man, I had all these, you knowawards and all this shit, we
left it all for the Taliban.
Speaker 1 (39:59):
Yeah, we left it all for the Taliban.
Yeah, no shit.
Speaker 2 (40:02):
And I remember, man, people are going to be calling
my phone, blowing up my emails,all these things.
Nobody called me.
I was putting applications in.
I went through five jobs, man,I got fired.
Speaker 1 (40:18):
You got out of the Army.
Yes, you got out of the Army,and then you applied for five
jobs or you applied for a bunchof jobs.
Speaker 2 (40:28):
Yes, I've applied for jobs.
I went through five jobs withinmy first year after retiring.
Now, mind you, six guys for theunit that I deployed, with an
old four or five committedsuicide.
So, man, you know, know, it'sjust getting that news.
You know, not being able totransition, man, I felt like a
loser, I felt were they fromyour, directly from your platoon
(40:50):
, or for the other negative,there was all our, my whole unit
, complete unit, some of theguys I knew, someone I didn't,
and they committed suicide,suicide.
Speaker 1 (40:57):
Throughout what time frame?
Throughout their whole career,they were offing themselves.
Speaker 2 (41:02):
Yes, damn, I know, man, it sucked.
It was fucking horrible.
Yeah, it's bad as fuck.
And it is just more man,because the more that happened
and the more I drank, the more Icouldn't become a civilian.
It was just, I was going lowerand lower.
I started questioning who I was, I started questioning my
accomplishments and I startedquestioning my worth, Correct?
(41:24):
So at that point, of course,alcohol is still there, right?
And I got to a point, man,where I was going to kill myself
.
So I was like fuck it, I'm outof here too, man.
Speaker 1 (41:33):
I just and I was on my.
Speaker 2 (41:35):
Did you own a gun?
Yes, and I was on my secondmarriage, by the way, so I
wasn't getting support and I'mnot trying to blame her for that
, but what I'm going to say isthat she didn't know how to deal
with it.
I didn't know how to deal withit and it just, it just is what
it is.
Yeah, and so on the dayactually where I was sitting in
(41:57):
the garage, drunk as hell, and Iwas like you know what, I think
it's time I the garage, drunkas hell, and I was like you know
what, I think it's time I'mgonna fucking off myself and, um
, I had a friend of mine call me, reach out to me and say, hey,
man, can you come talk to thekids?
And, um, that helped, thatsaved my life.
So when I stood in front ofthose kids and talked to them,
that's when I knew, fuck this,this is me right here, this,
(42:19):
this is my purpose.
I found it.
And then, ever since then, man,shit gone up, were they his
personal kids?
Speaker 1 (42:26):
or was it like a school?
No?
Speaker 2 (42:26):
school.
He was a teacher, I'm sorry.
Yeah, at Brawley, really yes,and they were high-risk kids, by
the way, so they were in thecontinuation.
Speaker 1 (42:45):
Oh man we probably have the same friend and I got
the same opportunity, did you?
Yeah, uh, so that damn, bro,that's a to me, that's a miracle
from god, bro, amen, amen,brother, honestly, yes, think
about it.
You were in the garage, drunkas hell, with the gun about,
ready to do yourself in, and youget a call hey man, I need you
to come and talk to theseat-risk kids at my school.
I, I'm a teacher and you, whatkind of sense of purpose did you
get when you spoke to thosechildren?
You?
Speaker 2 (43:06):
know, honestly, I related it to every morning when
I would talk to my platoon.
It made me feel worth, you know.
It made me feel like I'm givingpeople direction, giving people
purpose, you know, and I feltthat man, and then you know what
.
So when I spoke to those kids,you know it felt like the same
thing.
You know I'm giving them what Iknow, what I can help them with
(43:26):
, cause I remember when I was akid I was a troublemaker and I
wish somebody would have cametalk to us in school, man, and
said, hey, you could be whateveryou want to be in life, and so
that's what I want to do andthat's what I'm doing.
Speaker 1 (43:41):
How much afterwards did you start to seek therapy,
or did you ever seek therapy?
Speaker 2 (43:47):
Yes, I did, or ask for help.
Yes, what did that process looklike?
It was good.
I went to the VA and I said,hey, I need help.
But the thing that I didn'tlike they were like, okay, take
this medication.
I'm like, no, I don't want totake medication, take the
medication.
So I took the medication and Iwas on it for six months.
I didn't like it.
I felt like a zombie.
(44:08):
You know what I felt like Likesomebody in a glass case inside
my mind.
It wasn't me, but I was in likean auto mode.
I didn't like it.
So what I finally did is I wentcold turkey.
I said I'm not taking this shit, no more.
And I started going hiking.
And then that hiking helped meout so much.
So I started getting insomewhat shape and I told my
(44:32):
therapist I was like, hey, Istopped taking medications.
They're like you can't do that,you're going to become suicidal
.
I go well, guess what I didn't?
I started hiking and I starteddoing things that were positive.
Guess what I didn't?
I started hiking and I starteddoing things that were positive,
and then, of course, I did myspeaking.
So I found me a nice job.
So I got this nice job, startedhiking, I started speaking and
then just everything juststarted elevating for me, man.
Speaker 1 (44:53):
How did you know how to hike?
Not how did you know how tohike.
How did you know how to findthese positive activities?
Did you search the internet?
Did you read books, magazinearticles?
Ask people.
Speaker 2 (45:05):
You know, that's a good question, because I'm
trying to remember that I thinkit was just looking for
positivity.
I already knew that physicaltraining was positive, right, so
I knew I had to go do that and,mind you, I kind of skipped
something when, after I, youknow, talked to those kids, I
did finally get a divorce, thesecond divorce yes, this is my
(45:28):
second divorce, but I didn'tstop the drinking, okay, right,
so it was still there and I didget a DUI that time too.
Yes, that time too.
So that was my second one, andthis is in 2018.
So, at this time, I was goingthrough a divorce, I was
fighting for custody and goingthrough a dui, so I was going
(45:48):
through three court cases.
Speaker 1 (45:50):
That was pretty good at that time what the hell was
going through your mind, bro,man, I don't know, because I
recently separated from my wife,about a year ago.
Man, that's not easy.
It's not, let alone dealingwith all this stuff.
And add a DUI to that, fuck man.
Speaker 2 (46:08):
Yeah, it was crazy man, but again I chose to get
the fuck up and go after it.
Speaker 1 (46:15):
Did you face any adversity or challenges in that?
Speaker 2 (46:20):
Oh yes, oh yes, oh yes.
What kept you grounded?
Just myself, man.
My purpose and knowing that,what I wanted to do in life and
I'm going to go after it, andthat was my goal line, man, I
mean, it's still there.
I'm always getting better andI'm always pushing it because I
(46:42):
want to become better and bigger.
So I just keep going, man.
Become better than yesterday,and that's what I see it are you
?
Speaker 1 (46:48):
passionate about helping other people.
Yes, I love doing that.
If we can fast forward to thenext war that happens in america
.
Man and some young 23 year oldgets out and is lost.
Lost and drinking alcohol.
What words would you have forthat individual?
Speaker 2 (47:07):
Here's my biggest thing.
This is what I always say Donot try to reinvent the wheel
when the wheel's already there.
Look at us.
We've been through this shit.
Reach out to those that havebeen through it.
Talk to them, and that's whereyou get your experience.
And then you know some thingswork for me that are not going
to work for you, you know, andit's vice versa.
So you got to talk to people,especially the ones that have
(47:28):
been through it.
Surround yourself with positivepeople, with good people.
That'll build you and helpbuild you Right.
That's the biggest thing, man.
Speaker 1 (47:37):
So what are some of the positive things you focus on
today, in today's day and age?
Speaker 2 (47:42):
Again, be better than yesterday, try to improve
myself.
I'm not going to say try, do Iprove myself every single day,
because that's what it's allabout.
I listen to podcasts, I listento audio books on, just like
right now.
What is the book I'm listeningto right now?
Be Okay With being Disliked, orsomething like that.
(48:04):
Okay Now, what is the book I'mlistening to right now?
Be Okay With being Disliked, orsomething like that.
It's a psychology book, butit's really good.
It talks about trauma andthings like that, how to deal
with it, and it's just learningabout life, learning about
things that you can use tobecome better, and that's what
it's all about.
Like, I've hung out with, likeJocko youo.
Hanging out with that dude andjust talking to him, and not
(48:26):
once when I had a conversationwith that dude, it was nothing
about him, it was all about me,and not saying that I'm somebody
special.
What I'm trying to say is thathanging out with people like
that, and not one time did heever talk about himself.
It was just hey, how you doing,what are you about?
What do you do, how do you doit, things like that and just
surrounding your guy.
And I hang out with VincentVargas as well, and just hanging
(48:48):
out with dudes like that man.
Speaker 1 (48:55):
And just learning more and wanting more.
Earlier we talked about how,back in the day, they'd give you
wall-to-wall counselingdifferent generation the 90s,
the early 2000s, somewhat themid-2000s.
Do you believe that America hasa problem right now a
generational problem withunderstanding their emotions and
communication skills?
Speaker 2 (49:15):
Yes, we need discipline.
We don't have discipline.
Now, I'm not saying we need togo back to wall-to-wall, but
what I am saying is that we needgood structure, because without
structure there's chaos.
So what I'm saying is that thediscipline, or teaching our kids
discipline, like hey, if youdon't commit to this or you
(49:35):
don't finish what you'resupposed to do, there's going to
be consequences to it.
There has to be consequences.
If there's no consequences,there's no threat.
Right, it'll just be afree-for-all.
Exactly.
So we need consequence.
Speaker 1 (49:47):
I mean, we need discipline fuck, I don't know
why, but you just seem like agood person to ask about this.
Like what about the roles?
The roles between a man and awoman?
Do you believe that some ofthose roles may have gotten
distorted?
yes, they have and you know thatI think that's, you know,
getting on the politics side ofit, because I'm staying away
(50:10):
from the politics, but I wantyou to, from your perspective,
talk about, uh, what you haveseen you know, a woman's
supposed to be a woman, a man'ssupposed to be a man.
Speaker 2 (50:17):
I mean, think about it.
We're a caveman, right?
Exactly what did the man go do?
He went out and hunted and gotthem, got the food for the
family, right, you know?
Speaker 1 (50:24):
and that's the way it's supposed to be, you know we
got away from that we got awayfrom that and do you think
social media played a role andmainstream media played a role?
And maybe, uh, I'm not gonnasay brainwashing, but they
influenced them.
The influence that's a greatword man influence influenced
them.
Speaker 2 (50:42):
They influenced that's a great word, man
Influenced.
Influenced them to thinkotherwise.
Rather than you know what,stick to what we're good at, you
know.
Speaker 1 (50:49):
Well, just like you stated earlier, we don't have to
reinvent the wheel.
Man, yeah, and that's theproblem.
I mean people get votes off.
Chaos man.
For some reason, negativitysells.
Speaker 2 (51:04):
That too.
Yes, get votes off.
Chaos, man.
Oh, for some reason, negativitysells.
That too, yes, you know they.
They can say one word and theyget the word, and they make it
into something else, and theyfear tactic.
Speaker 1 (51:09):
so what would you say to the person that dwells on
negativity, always looking forthe bullshit on the social media
and then wondering why theirlife is hell in a handbasket and
they're out there partying,drinking, snoring lines off of
fucking strippers' asses andwondering why they can't get
their shit together?
Speaker 2 (51:26):
Well, I remember one time I had a conversation with a
veteran.
He called me, saying he was hey, man, I'm thinking about
suicide and I was like, okay,let's talk about this.
Man.
I go, what are the things thatare making you feel this way?
First thing, he said the news.
I said, okay, let's stopwatching the news.
Well, I can't stop doing that.
(51:47):
I go do you listen to yourselfright now?
I go, you're telling me whatthe problem is, but you don't
want a solution to it.
I go come on, man.
Social media is man.
It's fake.
It's fake.
It's where people pretend to besomething else and people run
with that.
And what's happening is you gotthis guy looking at this other
guy and he wants to be like thatother guy, and that guy's fake.
(52:09):
And then now this guy can't belike this guy.
So guess what?
He's not going to think he'sgood enough, correct.
And there comes that depression.
There comes all these otherthings that go with it.
Start drinking, start doingdrugs, because I'm not good.
Pornography, pornography.
There you go, man, and it'sjust going to go lower, lower
and lower, and it's just allthese things that affect your
mind.
Get out there in nature, startdoing that hiking.
(52:30):
Get out there, meet with goodpeople, surround yourself with
good people, your environment.
It's like you can't grow afruit or a tree that bears fruit
in a nasty soil.
Speaker 1 (52:42):
Absolutely.
So there it is.
It almost seems so easy, right?
But that's us looking like fromthe outside in.
Yes because we already beenthrough hell, Because when
you're in it it's fucking chaos.
But you're right, Something assimple as stop watching the news
.
I actually had a Vietnamveteran tell me stop watching
the news, Hector.
Stop watching the news.
Speaker 2 (53:06):
And I pretty much responded to I can't.
But eventually I did, bro, andthat did the trick.
It did.
It changes.
I did the same thing.
I stopped watching it like 10years ago.
Me too, I think you know.
When people on my like feed Isee negative shit, I'm like get
out of here.
Speaker 1 (53:13):
It's just like dude, you know what can I do to change
?
Speaker 2 (53:16):
you know what happens there in Washington DC.
Right, I can just vote.
Speaker 1 (53:22):
What about projecting ?
Speaker 2 (53:30):
Did you ever have a problem with projecting?
Speaker 1 (53:31):
like fearing the future.
Give me an example of that.
Speaker 2 (53:36):
Like, oh man, like in your head going like thinking
ahead, like I was talking aboutthe unknown, right?
Yeah, so this is one of thethings that I love talking about
in my speeches is that weshouldn't let the unknown put us
in fear, right, but what weshould do is work on our
capabilities to overcome theunknown.
There it is, there's yoursolution.
Speaker 1 (53:57):
So a lot of people remain the stagnant and the same
, because they are content intheir comfort zone.
Yes, what advice do you have topeople to get out of their
comfort zone?
You're going to get left behind.
You're going to get left behind.
Yes, is there anything wrongwith getting left behind?
Speaker 2 (54:12):
I mean, if that makes you happy stay there, right,
but a lot of time.
It doesn't make you happy.
It doesn't make you happy,exactly so that's what I'm
saying.
You got to be calm, comfortablewith being uncomfortable.
Speaker 1 (54:21):
And then they become internet trolls and hate on the
next fucking man.
Speaker 2 (54:25):
Yes For getting out of that comfort zone Again get
off that social media, get outin the world and start doing
things for you to build you.
You know, because what's goingto happen there?
Your wealth is going to bebetter, you know.
And then what you're doing isyou're teaching your kids how to
be better, and when you teachthem that they're going to
become better, and then it'sjust going to keep going on
(54:46):
generations and generations.
Speaker 1 (54:48):
So what you do right now for work, is it on par with
helping others, or that totallyseparate?
Speaker 2 (54:52):
So what I do on work, I'm a fleet manager for a trash
company, right, I run twolocations.
I make really good income.
I can't say that too loud.
I still pay child support.
Oh, I hear you, bro, so I dothat.
And then I have my ownbusinesses.
I do, I have a cigar line, andthen I also do t-shirts as well.
So what's your cigar?
Speaker 1 (55:13):
line called keep up to fight cigars.
Keep up the fight cigars.
Speaker 2 (55:16):
They're on a website on the instagram you'll find
them under uh pain mason awebsite so you can get them
there.
Actually, they're made out ofhere in San Diego, and my
T-shirts, of course, I get themprinted, and so the logo.
On what this logo is all about,you'll see the warrior right
and then behind it is the shield, but it's the Aztec shield,
(55:38):
yeah, or the Aztec shield or theAztec calendar, I'm sorry.
So it's 365 days of being awarrior keeping up the fight.
So that's what all that has todo with.
And so when I'm not at work,I'm working on myself and I'm
working in my businesses,spending time with my family.
Speaker 1 (55:51):
Now I'm married for the third time and it's awesome.
Speaker 2 (55:55):
On this right here, just real quick, talking about
relationships.
I was always looking forsomebody to fix me, Right.
Yeah, that's that trauma stuff,right?
This time it's all aboutbuilding together.
I pick someone who I can buildwith rather than trying to fix
me or me trying to fix her.
Speaker 1 (56:19):
But also people.
Speaker 2 (56:20):
people change, People are different people at
different stages of their lives.
It depends, because some peoplecould be fake for so long and
then you see the true them.
Speaker 1 (56:25):
Oh shit.
Speaker 2 (56:26):
You know what I'm saying?
Yeah, because they're in love,they're going to do anything for
love, but then that shit wearsout Right.
So I'm saying you got to workon you to be the best you In a
marriage.
Speaker 1 (56:38):
Should it be 50-50?
Speaker 2 (56:39):
How do you view it.
I think it should be 100-100.
Speaker 1 (56:44):
I like that.
You said that, man, You'reprobably like the second person
that I've asked the same exactquestion.
I even forgot 100-100.
Speaker 2 (56:50):
Yeah, because you always got to be and you know
what.
Sometimes I can only give 25because I'm feeling down and
just going back real quick.
Do I sometimes get depressed?
Still, yes, I do, but now Icreate action to overcome it.
Right, I do something to offsetthat negativity or the
depression.
Right, but there's some daysthat I'm not going to be good.
(57:11):
Right, but she picks me up,picks me up back up to 100.
And she knows, when I'm downshe'll pick me up.
She'll be like, hey, you needme.
Or sometimes, and I'll say, hey, you know what, I just need to
be alone for a little bit, letme do my thing.
And she knows I'll be back Likeall right, you know get that
shit out of me.
Speaker 1 (57:28):
Where can people find you if they wanted to reach out
to you?
Speaker 2 (57:32):
So I'm on social media, ernie Mariscal Instagram,
facebook.
I also have a website,keepuptofightapparelcom.
You can look at me there, youcan see my, you can contact me
there, book me there or you canbuy some shirts.
They're awesome shirts, by theway.
They look nice, thank you.
I mean, these polos are awesome, man.
They're for golfing and stufflike that.
But yeah, that's where you canfind me, man, and I'm not out to
(57:58):
try to get things from people.
What I want to do, if I canhelp you, I'm going to help you
absolutely.
Or, if I can point you in theright direction, I'm going to
put you in the right direct, inthe right direction.
But know this, man, there'speople out there that want to
help, but you got to be honestwith yourself to get the help do
you think ego plays a role inpeople not asking for help?
(58:18):
yes, I was one of those.
I thought I was a sergeantfirst class, right, I knew
everything, right, I didn't knowshit about life.
Speaker 1 (58:28):
What goals, what future goals do you have, or
aspirations?
Do you see yourself?
Speaker 2 (58:32):
I want to be the best speaker in the world.
Yeah, and I'm going to do it.
Hell yeah, dude.
Speaker 1 (58:40):
Hell yeah.
Well, thanks for coming out onthe show, bro.
Speaker 2 (58:43):
It was a pleasure.
Speaker 1 (58:44):
We got to get you back on here for another round.
Man, Hell yeah.
But I appreciate you, dude.
And again, if you guys want totap in, he put his social media.
We'll link it on the bottom.
That way you guys can hire himto speak.
If you guys like what you saw,make sure you hit that subscribe
.
Love you.
Popular Podcasts
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Special Summer Offer: Exclusively on Apple Podcasts, try our Dateline Premium subscription completely free for one month! With Dateline Premium, you get every episode ad-free plus exclusive bonus content.
24/7 News: The Latest
The latest news in 4 minutes updated every hour, every day.