From Jamaica to California: A Journey of Resilience

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:01):
Hector Bravo.
Unhinged Chaos is now insession.
Jamaica Ocho Rios of all places, beautiful country, came to

(00:24):
Southern California, groundedhis roots and has a whole life
of experience.
We're about to dive in.
What up, rupert?

Speaker 2 (00:30):
How you doing, sir.

Speaker 1 (00:31):
Good, how about yourself, man?

Speaker 2 (00:32):
I'm doing well.
Thanks for having me here today.

Speaker 1 (00:34):
I'm glad you're here, dude.
How was the drive?
Any traffic?
No, it was smooth.
It was smooth, that's good,dude.
So let's jump right intoJamaica.
Yes, sir, were you born?

Speaker 2 (00:42):
there?
Yes, I was born there.
What city?
I was born in St Ann's, but,from my memory, grew up in Ocho
Rios uptown area and there mylife unfolded.

Speaker 1 (00:55):
Where is Ocho Rios in comparison to Negril and to
Kingston, like on the map?

Speaker 2 (01:02):
You know what?
I'll be honest with you.
You couldn't even tell you that, really couldn't tell you that.
That leads to more to thatstory later on.

Speaker 1 (01:11):
But what type of um like was there buildings,
villages.
What type of like scenery wasthere?

Speaker 2 (01:18):
dirt roads, dirt roads um homes, but miles apart
Drown in the bushes.
You know we like to call, wecall them gullies, you know.
And just my school and thebeach.
We were very excluded.
My father was a member of theJLP household, so therefore you

(01:42):
know he had to keep us hidden.
We moved homes quite often, buthe kept us in school.

Speaker 1 (01:49):
You mentioned that your father was part of the like
politician.
Yes, how many different partieswere there?

Speaker 2 (01:56):
Two different parties .
So in Jamaica you have JLP,jamaican Labor Party, pnp,
people's National Party.
My dad was the Speaker of theHouse for JLP.

Speaker 1 (02:04):
So, from your memory, aside from the politicians, was
there also a law enforcementpresence in that area?

Speaker 2 (02:11):
Law enforcement.

Speaker 1 (02:14):
I never saw him.

Speaker 2 (02:15):
I always saw my dad's men.
I was, you know, whenever hewas around, he was with a lot of
men armed.
They have guns, yes, they haveguns.
My dad's a retired captain.
So for men armed, they haveguns.
Yes, they had guns, my dad'sretired captain.
So for the longest I didn'teven know my dad's name, that
everybody calls him captain, uh,captain francis, um, or capo
for short, um, and that's what Iremember now.

Speaker 1 (02:34):
We were talking earlier and you mentioned you
grew up on the higher side ofthe poor side.
What does that mean?

Speaker 2 (02:40):
meaning we had a big home.
We had a big home.
We had a big home, but itwasn't really much in it.
You know, my dad, my dad wasalways on the road.
You know, elections or whateverhe was involved in, he was
always on the road.
So I was always with a nanny,so I was just always in the
streets, just gone.
Was your mother present?
No, she lived in.

(03:00):
She was here at the time.
Okay, she was here in Americaat the time.
Okay, uh, she was here inamerica, um at the time known as
foreign um.
You know, I spoke to her very,uh, very rarely on the phone.
Um didn't start living with heruntil I came here.
Did you have siblings?
Uh, yes, I'm one of 13 kids.
One of 13 kids?
yes, uh, eight girls, four boyssame mom and same dad no, my dad

(03:24):
, I to say had his first childat 16.
Okay, had me at 41.

Speaker 1 (03:28):
So to give you a but were you growing up in a
household of 13?

Speaker 2 (03:31):
No seven.
Household of seven.
When we came here it was withthe last seven.
My dad was about 49, 50 yearsold.

Speaker 1 (03:37):
Okay, your dad was a busy man, aside from being a
politician, yes, sir.
And what, how many levels oflevels of status are there?
Because you said like, let'stalk about, like the poor, poor,
and then to the rich, rich, howmany levels in between?

Speaker 2 (03:57):
I don't think it's too many levels in between.
As I said before, you know wehad more, but now, in retrospect
, when I I think about it, I'mlike it really wasn't anything.
You know I'm thinking back to atv.
You know, dining room set bed,but at that time, you know when
people are living in.
You know the roof is a tin, tinfoil.
You know the sides of it isclay or whatever it may have

(04:18):
been at the time.

Speaker 1 (04:18):
Um, we were on top.
Did you ever visit those typesof neighborhoods like maybe your
friends or anything Once?

Speaker 2 (04:25):
Once we had to very hastily relocate, so that's the
only time I remember going toanything less than the big walls
I was used to.
Then, very shortly after that,we jumped on a plane and got out
of there.

Speaker 1 (04:41):
Can you talk about?
Was there a specific reason?

Speaker 2 (04:43):
Yes, can you talk about.
Was there a specific reason?
Yes, a specific reason was thisnight in particular, two men
came to try to kidnap my sistermy mom was actually there at the
time so she could actuallyattest to the story Myself, my
mom, the nanny and one othersibling.
We had to pull her back in thehome.

(05:04):
They had her.
They were trying to pull herout the window so actively we
pulled her back in through thewindow and we barricaded
ourselves in.
My dad's room, had an extrametal fence in there that we
were able to lock, and I justremember us just screaming.
We're screaming for the.
We had a caretaker he took careof like.
He lived in the bottom house.
We called it the bottom house.
It was another home we owned,like a mile even further down

(05:29):
from our house.
So we're screaming for his name, but he never came.
Eventually we were in therescreaming for hours.
My dad eventually came, camewith a group of men, declared
the home, then after that weshortly left.

Speaker 1 (05:41):
Who are those guys?

Speaker 2 (05:42):
Opp we shortly left.
Who were those guys?

Speaker 1 (05:43):
Opposition of your dad.
As a result, I think so.

Speaker 2 (05:45):
And that was one of my things with my dad growing up
.
Even still, to this day, henever talks about anything.
All the stories I've gottenwere through my aunt yeah,
little luncheons.
She actually stays out here inSan Diego, but my dad never
talks about anything.

Speaker 1 (06:00):
Did your aunt specifically speak on that
situation?
No, no.

Speaker 2 (06:04):
No about anything.
Did your aunt specificallyspeak on that situation?
No, no, no.
Just that a lot of peoplewanted my dad.
You know, damn, how old wereyou at that time?
That time, I want to say I waseither six or seven.

Speaker 1 (06:14):
That's pretty traumatizing man to be a six or
seven-year-old kid who's seenyour sister about to be
kidnapped by two men.

Speaker 2 (06:20):
I saw a lot of incidents like that.
I've seen kids One time inparticular, walking to KFC with
my dad.
I saw a kid getting stoned inthe street KFC where In Jamaica.

Speaker 1 (06:31):
I didn't even know that they had a KFC in Jamaica
man.

Speaker 2 (06:33):
If you're anybody, you're going to be eating in KFC
at that period of time.
You have money.
It was considered a fancyrestaurant.
What year are we talking?
What's your timeframe?
Fancy restaurant?
What year are we talking?
What's your time frame?
Nine 2000, 1999 damn.

Speaker 1 (06:50):
Okay, because I know, shortly after we came here,
that's when 9-11 happened.
Okay, so, dude.
So to me it seems like you wereliving well, yes, well over
there, yes, with the unfortunatethreat of bad guys.
Yes, you said you.
What did you say?

Speaker 2 (07:05):
you saw somebody get stoned a child, a kid, um, not
sure buried.
No, no, no, not buried anything.
I just saw it was like ahomeless dude and he was just
throwing rocks at him.
He was just throwing bigboulders at him and I remember,
you know, tugging on my dad like, hey, let's look what's going
on.
And my dad just told me, comeon, mind your business, let's go
damn, yeah, damn.

Speaker 1 (07:24):
Now what was that Local?

Speaker 2 (07:26):
local town, just local town, local town.
We had to have been somewherein Ocho Rios head to KFC when
that happened.
But a lot of incidents tookplace like that, where you know
you would just be quiet.
You know, I remember a periodof time where my dad sorry pop

(07:48):
he was, you know, he was at some.
He took me to some lady's house.
Later found out he was mybrother's mom's house and I was
in the pickup truck.
My dad was inside her house.
I heard arguing, something wasgoing on and some other lady
came out of the house and shecame to me in the truck and she
started choking me.
She was damn near choking me todeath and she was asking where
my dad's gun was.
I was the only person that knewwhere my dad's gun was, because
every time he needed it I hadto go get it.

(08:10):
So could you imagine?
You know I'm a little kid andI'm running with a big .45.
I knew to keep it to the floor,finger off the trigger and I
would hand it to him.
Not at all, I thought I wasgoing to die that day, right,
but I still had that level ofloyalty.

Speaker 1 (08:25):
That's loyalty, man, even as a child.

Speaker 2 (08:27):
So you know, I think now to my daughter and I know
that same loyalty exists in hertowards me.
Loyalty is rare, dude, it'srare.
Loyalty is extremely rare.
You can't teach it.
It's in you or it's not.

Speaker 1 (08:40):
Did you have to get your dad's gun numerous times,
Numerous times?

Speaker 2 (08:44):
yes, he taught me to shoot, did you ever see him?
use it.
No, I've only seen him useknives.
But we had livestock.
We had pigs, chickens, goats.
That was another thing too.
That was traumatic for me Inever spoke about Just.
You know, I used to play in thepig pen.
You know these are my friends.
I was feeding them.
You know, I was naming them.

(09:04):
They'd break out.
I go get them last one up.
And one day I saw my dad takehim and string him up to the
tree right in the throat, slithis neck and, um, you know,
having to look at that,dissociate, like you know.

Speaker 1 (09:17):
Okay, it's a part of nature, it's supposed to happen
looking back in hindsight, uh,do you think that is an
appropriate thing to do when yousee a man stoning, a child in
jamaica?
Would you change anything?
Or, looking back in hindsight,I would definitely I would
definitely change that.

Speaker 2 (09:36):
Um, although as a child I thought nothing was
wrong with it.
I just thought it was just youknow but what about now?

Speaker 1 (09:42):
of course?
What would you do?
Intervene?

Speaker 2 (09:45):
I would intervene for sure, for sure.
It was a lot, a lot of things Iwould have intervened on.
But you know, as a boy childyou were made to just.

Speaker 1 (09:54):
Is that how you carry yourself now through life?
If you see something that needsto be intervened, you'll,
you'll step up and do it.

Speaker 2 (10:00):
That's why I'm here now, and it sucks sometimes
because it's like man, why do Igive a fuck, why do I care?
Right, you know, because, again, I understand nature and,
unfortunately, some things it'sgoing to sound.
It might sound, you know, crude, but some things need to die in
order for there's no life toflourish.

Speaker 1 (10:17):
This is uh, hector, bravo, unhinged, you can say
whatever you want, man.
Uh, I want to elaborate more onyou understand nature, because
I understand nature as wellcertain things in nature that
were born into this lifeultimately just to be food.

Speaker 2 (10:34):
It is their place.
Their place is food on theecosystem, and I feel the same
with us.

Speaker 1 (10:39):
Some people are just their place is food, but would
you agree that also?
Nature is brutal?
Yes, and it doesn't.

Speaker 2 (10:46):
it has no favorites.
It has no, it is just what itis, and that's the side I don't
want to look at people as,because sometimes I want to feel
that way, like man.
It is what it is.
Some people are just supposedto die.
You know you're fooled,especially if you're presenting
yourself that way.

Speaker 1 (11:06):
Would you agree that usually the weak do not survive
in nature?
They don't survive.

Speaker 2 (11:13):
They don't In any level of nature.
They don't survive.

Speaker 1 (11:18):
What characteristics would you define as a strong
individual?

Speaker 2 (11:26):
Character.
Character to me are attributesthat you can depend on when you
come under pressure, when youcome under fire.
That allows you to still behuman.
Some people shut down and they,you know, some people are just
trained to go.
So, you know, part of theirbrain shuts down and they're
just able to do just the mosthorrible things.

(11:48):
But I think, especially inthose situations, you have to be
able to think and havecompassion.
And that's what led me down thepath on which I am today,
because I still have thatcompassion in me when, like I
said, most times, I just, I justdon't want to give a fuck, but
I can't, Right, you know, whichleads to it being a calling

(12:10):
right.
Certain people, fortunately,how you feel doesn't matter how
you feel.
If you're called to do it,right, you know it's either
you're gonna listen or you'regonna.
Um, the guilt might consume youand then everything around you
burns down that's fucking golddude.

Speaker 1 (12:20):
yes, sir, so I credit you because you experienced a
lot of trauma at a very youngage.
To me it's a foreign country Toyou, it's your hometown yes,
your homeland, but as a resultof everything you endured, did
that change the way you view theworld?

Speaker 2 (12:38):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I view the world through a weird
lens.
Like I said, I learned a aweird lens.
Um, like I said, I had tounlearn a lot of things like
what?
Um?
Homophobia, for one I had tounlearn.
I was very homophobic even as ayoung child.

Speaker 1 (12:54):
okay, and then in the time frame as well violently
homophobic, like I would seethose things.

Speaker 2 (12:58):
I would want to be violent as a child because it's
what I saw where do you thinkthat ain't, that's what you saw
it.

Speaker 1 (13:04):
Where do you think?

Speaker 2 (13:05):
okay, I'm home from jamaica at that time.
You know I'm not sure abouttoday.
I haven't been home in 20 years.
Okay, still not allowed back.
I hope to make it there one day.
But no, that's good to hear,man, that people can undo
certain life perspectives and orwhat do you call those, um you
know, biases yes, certain,certain biases, um, like I said,

(13:27):
that were um taught to me, youknow, and I thought, okay, this
is how it is what it's supposedto be like, all right what
advice do you?

Speaker 1 (13:34):
have somebody that's younger and they think, wow,
that's just the way it'ssupposed to be um, my advice is
understanding, uh, yourself.

Speaker 2 (13:43):
You're not the self you portray to the world, the
self you go to sleep at night.
You know who you are and youknow your truth and
understanding that we're alldifferent and it's okay to be
you.
You'll find your peopleeventually.
Especially as a child, I feellike they learn that nasty trait

(14:04):
right away.
And clicking up and separatingfrom what's deemed weird, right?
Which brings me to my questionwhat exactly is weird Right?
What is crazy Right?
Because my mindset differs fromyou, right?
We like to throw these labelson people because we simply
don't understand them, andrather than getting to

(14:25):
understand them, I do away withthem.
And then a lot of villain arcsstart that way.
True, either they're going tobe the hero.

Speaker 1 (14:37):
You're riding the money, dude, you're knocking
these questions out of the parkman.
So do you think societal normsplay a role in this behavior?
And you said, kids learn it ata very young age?
I mean.
I got a young daughter.
You got a young daughter, sothis is something that we would
probably rather have them hear.

Speaker 2 (14:52):
Oh, she hears it and she's going to hear this you
know, because she is my daughterand I know her.
She's a bit of a follower and Itell her that You're a follower
Storm.
But guess what?
Because one day she asked medad just don't understand, why
can't I just do whatever I wantto do?
And whereas when I was a child,when most of her children,
right, would be shooed away uhyeah, I have these conversations

(15:14):
with her absolutely I said umwell, in order to do what you
want to do in life, you have tohave a teacher.
Right, I'm your teacher.
Let me teach you.
One day, when I feel you'reable to, you can do the rest.
Really.

Speaker 1 (15:24):
Like, yeah, that's money, dude, that's gold, that's
it.
And it's funny because I'mdrawn to people that are good
fathers, dude, yes.
And like I feel drawn to youand before I even got to, as I'm
getting to know you now, I'mlike, dude, communication is
huge with your children.
Do you think that America lacksparenting and children

(15:45):
communicating?

Speaker 2 (15:46):
Definitely we feel like a child should stay in
their place.
No, that is a mind.
That is a different world.
You know how people often saywe all, oh, he's living in
another world.
Yes, he is, because the worldthrough his lens is different.
So therefore, that is adifferent world.
That child is a different world.
It's speaking to you.
They say children are closestto God.

(16:07):
Right, when my child speaks Idon't let her influence me, like
she's God, but when she speaksit's the purest thing.
I've ever heard Facts and I'mtalking to it Facts.
I'm connected to somethingthrough it.
That's me.
Yeah, you know.
So I just look at it different.
Whereas, you know, my fatherchose to, which I get you had

(16:28):
seven children, 13, 13, but whenwe arrived at seven, I get it,
you're 49, 50, because in just10 years he got his phd you know
the way I look at it, man, andI know you don't blame your
father.

Speaker 1 (16:42):
The same way I don't blame my father.
I look at it as generations.
Right, I'm sure they did betterthan what was taught to them by
their father, to us.
But now we get to give that toour offspring and hopefully they
can do even do better than us.

Speaker 2 (16:55):
And that's the hope.
Right, you know, my dad'sfather wasn't there, so he was
just operating on what he, whathe knew.
Right, I always say, at leasthe was just operating on what he
knew.
Right, I always say, at leasthe was there.
You know well my dad's me,right, you know, yeah, certain
things were missing, but she wasstill there, true, you know.

Speaker 1 (17:14):
Where did you guys relocate to when you came from
over there Came from.

Speaker 2 (17:17):
Jamaica to Florida.
We drove from Florida toCalifornia.
No way dude.
Yep, I want to say it was aFord Focus hatchback.
Seven kids no way man.
Yeah, I was on an adventure.
We were stopping in certainstates at the rest stops
showering up.
But you know, coming fromJamaica, dirt roads right to
America and you're just seeingall this greenery.

(17:39):
I'm thinking, wow, was thatyour first time to America?
My first time to America, myfirst time, what did you think?
It was like heaven on earth.
It was the most beautiful thingI've ever seen.
I was naive to the real of whatI've come to know and
experience and what has happenedto me in my story, but at that
point in time, as a child,through my lens, it was the most

(18:00):
beautiful thing.

Speaker 1 (18:02):
It was like a wonderland.
With that being said, do youbelieve that a lot of americans
today are um, what's the word?
I'm ungrateful?
Yeah, that's the easy word.
That's the easy word.
Do you believe they're umspoiled?
Yeah, pretty much along thelines of like.
Do you believe that they actthe way they do because they

(18:26):
don't realize how bad it can bein other?

Speaker 2 (18:28):
places, Of course Listen.
If someone knew for what theirbelief was, their arm would be
chopped off next.

Speaker 1 (18:37):
No, you're right.
Do you think they would speak?

Speaker 2 (18:39):
up.
No, you're right, listen,they're going to crack like a
duck.
They're going to want like aduck.
They're going gonna get in line.

Speaker 1 (18:49):
Absolutely unfortunately, this is the
greatest country on earth,correct.
Have the freedom to, you know,say how we feel.
Even politics aside and all theshenanigans we see on
television and on the socialmedia, this is still the best,
greatest place to be and yeah,it's not as bad as some people
make it out.
Yes, sir, it's not as a matterfact, they're probably making it
worse in their own head andexternally than it has to be.
Yes, first world problems iswhat we call it, I'm telling you
.

Speaker 2 (19:09):
That's why I'm glad to have had that experience
Right and coming from where Icome from, because I know.
Oh you're extremely gratefulman.
I am grateful.

Speaker 1 (19:20):
I am American man.
Do you have a?
Could you seem proud, though,of your Jamaican heritage?
Of course you can't forgetwhere you came from.

Speaker 2 (19:26):
Do you?

Speaker 1 (19:26):
have like a Jamaican flag, like at your house or
something.

Speaker 2 (19:28):
Sure do, on my wall in my room.
There you go.
Yes, sir, that's good, and Iteach my daughter about it.
She's like damn Jamaican, right?
You sure are that.
You know, at the end of the day, boots land on the ground here.
No, they don't see no Jamaicanflag, they see American in front
of them.
Right, so you know, I get inline as an American Dude.

Speaker 1 (19:49):
I respect the shit out of that man being former
military, because I understandman.
It's a calling, it's patriotismto the country.

Speaker 2 (19:57):
Yes.

Speaker 1 (19:57):
Right, because my heritage comes from Mexico.
Yes, but at At the end of thefucking day, I'm American dude.
Yes, sir, to the end.

Speaker 2 (20:02):
Yes, sir.
Thank you for your service Tothe bloody end.
Thank you.
And sometimes you know mostpeople don't want that, but
still they're there.
I think they fear it.
What is fear?
Right Now, we have to breakthat down.
What exactly is fear?
I've come to find that it is myfriend.
You need fear in order tosurvive.
Nature gave us fear in order tosurvive.

(20:24):
Castillo Amado.

Speaker 1 (20:27):
You are extremely experienced man.
How do you view fear?

Speaker 2 (20:32):
That I need it.
I need it In any givensituation.
It heightens my awareness when,without it, you just die.
You're not fearful, Well,whatever you know.

Speaker 1 (20:47):
But Do you think that dates back to our primitive
primal ages?

Speaker 2 (20:51):
Yes, Right back to our nature, and that's why we're
still at it today.
Exactly that's why we're stillat it and we'll forever be at it
.
Now it's just taking differentshapes and forms and colors and
sizes, but it's all the samebird, Right?

Speaker 1 (21:08):
So it took you four days to get to California.
Where did you touch down at?

Speaker 2 (21:12):
Ontario to a trailer park lamplighters.
I mean, yeah, the lamplighterstrailer park.

Speaker 1 (21:18):
And did you eventually get into school right
away?

Speaker 2 (21:21):
Yeah, we got into school right away.
Like I said, my dad sat me down.
Hey man, it's what it is,you're normal.
You're normal.
Now you're going to school andI'm sitting there like because
in jamaica I remember there weretimes, um, I'd be left at bars
and you know, I'm waiting forpeople to get drunk and leave
their cigarettes half lit, theirbeers half full, and I'd grab
still beer and cigarettes andI'm a little kid, ducked off and
drinking, just hanging out.

(21:43):
How did you?

Speaker 1 (21:43):
feel smoking and drinking.
At a very young age, I feltlike I was taking the edge off.

Speaker 2 (21:50):
My dad used to always say, son, once you've acquired
a taste for a beer, you'vebecome a man.
And I'm like.
Well, you know, I thought atthat time, I thought I was a man
.

Speaker 1 (22:00):
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Make sure you hit that link inthe description below Right.
Well, I'm an alcoholic man.
I got 14 years of sobriety, butat one point I was drinking a

(22:22):
beer with my dad and I thought,oh, I made it, I'm a man, but
looking back in hindsight,that's not a man.

Speaker 2 (22:27):
You know what I mean.
No, I'm sure you would agree.
Yes, I'm there now I I don'tdrink, correct?

Speaker 1 (22:31):
you know that's awesome dude.

Speaker 2 (22:32):
Um, you know when, when?
Um, I also have a sister.
Uh, rest peace to my sister,janine.
Um, we lost her.
A drunk driver hit her on a 10freeway.
Um snapped her neck on impact.
Sorry to hear that man.
Sorry for your loss, dude.
So it started from a young age.
I do remember very lightly.
I do remember going to herfuneral.

(22:52):
Okay, that's it.

Speaker 1 (22:54):
No, these topics that we're talking about are very
serious and very real,definitely.

Speaker 2 (23:00):
They affect everyday people, facts, our actions.
We don't know the end resultand who it would affect.

Speaker 1 (23:10):
What do you think plays a role in that?
What do you think plays a rolein people doing bad behavior,
not caring about other people's?

Speaker 2 (23:21):
Feeling bad for themselves, self-pity.
Therefore, it gives them anoutlet, an excuse to do what it
is they want to do what aboutlack of direction, immaturity,
lack of guidance?
that's who they can use that tofuel like well, I never had
anyone, you know, falls into theself-pity the excuses I never
had anyone.
No one showed me.
Um, I used it, you know, tillthis day I'm 33 years old

(23:42):
through texts.
I'm glad we've said it now, butmy parents have never
physically told me they love me.
We don't hug, we handshake.
So therefore, when I wasgrowing up, I thought my parents
hated me.
That was my belief system.
So there, that's how I foundmyself in the streets first.
People that told me they lovedme were gang members,
unfortunately how old were you?
in what year?
I was about nine or ten, fifthgrade in ont In Ontario, in

(24:04):
Rancho.
At this point I was in thestreets Rancho Cucamonga, yep.
We went to Rancho from Ontario,moved to an apartment and there
I started hanging out with theCrips man.

Speaker 1 (24:14):
The Crips yes, sir, all right, this story's going to
get juicy man.
Because I didn't want to botherto ask you prior, right, and
I'm like all right, cool, let'sget to talking.
So, youngster ranch kookamonga,the cribs man, what kind of set
were they or what was theirnames?
So?

Speaker 2 (24:30):
these, these group of gentlemen, were coming from all
over la, okay, um, a lot ofcliques that were rancho at the
time, right, because a lot ofpeople would try to downplay
like man, you're in the ie ranch, kookamonga, it's beautiful, it
is beautiful, but guess whatthey have?
They have section eight, likeeverywhere else absolutely, and
you know people from all overcoming for the housing you know,
came there and, um, we werethere and I started hanging out

(24:53):
with these guys and, um, my bestfriend growing up, his name was
, uh, for the longest I calledhim ace, but his name is joseph
jackson but his gang moniker wasace, yes, ace.

Speaker 1 (25:04):
Were these dudes all wearing blue?
Oh, all the time did you beginto?

Speaker 2 (25:07):
start dressing in blue.
I did, I did for a long periodof time.
I, I would talk, talk, like him, the blue I I.
He would tell me from thehistory of the things you know,
starting with tookie.
Yeah, um, he would break itdown to me on a historical level
.
And here I am coming fromjamaica.
I don't know anything aboutAmerican history, right?
So this is my firstintroduction.
I'm like, oh, it's like a movie.

(25:28):
I'm like whoa, I want to beinvolved.

Speaker 1 (25:31):
Was your father present during this time?

Speaker 2 (25:34):
He was present, but he worked various jobs.
Three or four jobs.

Speaker 1 (25:37):
And he was going to school.
Did he ever comment on maybeyour appearance?
You were starting to dress?

Speaker 2 (25:40):
different, talk different.
Oh, all the time he was goingto send me back to Jamaica when
I got my ear pierced.
So you got your ear piercedRight and in Jamaica you know,
like I said, the homophobiaright you get the ear pierced.

Speaker 1 (25:49):
Correct.

Speaker 2 (25:50):
Oh yeah, my dad would have whooped my fucking ass man
.

Speaker 1 (25:59):
It went down that day .
But you know he didn you getyour ear pierced.
Why did you get your earpierced?

Speaker 2 (26:06):
Was everybody else doing it.
Everybody else was doing it.
Everybody else was saggingtheir pants, wearing huge shirts
, piercing their ears.

Speaker 1 (26:11):
And then, at what point in time did your father
see you, and how did that godown?

Speaker 2 (26:17):
He saw me at the points in time I would come home
At 10 years old.
I'd be gone for two weeks at atime, and he saw your ear.
He said come here, man.
He saw my ear and he juststarted cursing me out.
You know, y'all turn to thinkit.
So, you know, like a, like ahood I mean not a hood rat, but
like a rug rat, yeah, you know,and he's just always at that
point in time, the communicationwas just off.

(26:37):
It would just, you know, alwaystell me.
You know you're going to die,you're going to go to jail, you
know you're going to getdeported.

Speaker 1 (26:45):
So he was attempting.

Speaker 2 (26:46):
He was attempting to yeah, that way.
But it was never no explanation, like you know.
It was just hey, you're goingto get deported, you're going to
die, you know you're not goingto be nothing.
It was just a lot of that.
So that's all I heard for along period of time, and you
know.

Speaker 1 (27:01):
Did you feel that you found that love amongst your
group of friends?

Speaker 2 (27:04):
Yes, they were the first ones to say you know, I
love you, bro.
I didn't know what that feltlike, so once I heard that, I
was willing to do whatever and Istarted kind of activities,
were you guys?
Doing robbing houses, homeinvasions or or burglaries, oh
um burglaries so when nobody washome, nobody was home, how
would you guys get in um?

(27:25):
I would let them in.
I was friends with all themarks.
No fucking way I could diveinto any world you know right um
right.

Speaker 1 (27:34):
My dad always had us right reading and writing right,
so I was very articulate, holyshit man this is getting
interesting because right beforeyou said that, you mentioned
like hey, people do thingswithout caring about hurting
other people, so you weredefinitely in a different
mindset at that time, definitely, I was thinking completely.
What were you thinking duringthat period of time um coming up

(27:55):
?

Speaker 2 (27:56):
these, these guys.
No, I didn't care about comingup, I didn't care about any of
that.
All I all I cared about wasthese guys, love me, I'm gonna,
I'm gonna show them that.
You know, wow, dude, yeah, itwas.
I didn't care about anything.
I don't want no money, none ofthat stuff, just for the love of
the game, for love of theseguys.
You know, I was just for theirpower, yeah, for their approval.
And I told my dad one time wehad a sit down man and I told
him, from 18 to 23, I was Idon't believe in, never believe

(28:20):
in taking my own life, but I wastrying to get up out of here.
I hear you, you know I've beenthere and so I was just, you
know we call it crashing out.
I was just crashing out, man,whatever, whatever you want to
do that, let's go do it.
You know, and that's how I lostmy best friend, but we'll get
to that were you you consumingsubstances at this time?
Yeah, I was drinking, I wassmoking.
Nine, 10 years old, I wasdrinking and smoking.

(28:41):
I'd wake up smoking.
I'm talking about first thingI'm opening my eyes to inhaling
some weed.

Speaker 1 (28:47):
This is probably not the type of weed that they have
nowadays, right?
No, no, no, no.

Speaker 2 (28:51):
Very different stuff nowadays.
I couldn't even tell you, man.

Speaker 1 (28:54):
Exactly People don't understand.

Speaker 2 (28:56):
It's crazy.
They got like crystals and shit.
It's fucking weird and peoplethink it's natural.

Speaker 1 (29:03):
So you are.
Are you going to school?
Are you dropping out?
No, I'm still going, Are you?

Speaker 2 (29:09):
skipping school.
I'm still going, I'm stillshowing up, I'm still showing up
, I'm at school fighting youshowing up, I'm at school
fighting, you know, I meanraising hell.

Speaker 1 (29:21):
Who are you fighting?

Speaker 2 (29:21):
uh being defined towards staff um, were you guys
ever fighting the oppositiongangs?
Um, no, not, not.
Well, yes, at this point, yes,so my friends are older, they're
already in um high school atthis point.
So I'm, I'm leaving middleschool and I'm riding my bicycle
to the, to the, to the brawl,you know, and I'm trying to find
the smallest guy, cause Iunderstand I'm a small guy, so
you know, but I'm still going toparticipate.

(29:42):
So, yeah, you know, I, youtruly are loyal man.
Yeah, yes, yes, and that's whatalmost screwed me over, man.
I just want to, you know, forthe other ones out there that
are stuck in that lifestylebecause of their loyalty.
I don't want them to fallbefore men that are not like
them, and it took me almostgoing to prison for 10 years.

(30:06):
One of my best friends stood onthe stand and pointed me out,
but it was a blessing.
Now, in hindsight, no fuckingway, dude, I'm with them every
day.
You know we're chasing thegirls.

Speaker 1 (30:16):
This story is getting better and better brand oh, it
gets no because you understandthat I this podcast helps people
.
Yes, it reaches the people itneeds to reach.
Yes, and it reaches the peoplethat are still in the hood,
still doing their thing.
Yes, but you got to understandwhat comes with that and the
reality of it.
Yes, so this friend of yours,how long had he been in your

(30:38):
life prior to being on the standwith you?

Speaker 2 (30:42):
Out of eighth grade summer into high school, I met
him.
You know, I met him through anincident that was happening on
campus.
But I understood really fast.
I needed to find alliancesbecause I was outnumbered.
Was he a Crip gang member?
No, he was affiliated with theBloods.
His brother was OG from QueenStreet.

(31:02):
Was he a Blood gang member?
No, just a family member.
So now as I get older, right,you start to learn, because I
was led astray.
It's not officially fromanywhere, okay.
No, the guy that grandfatheredme in per se, his father, was an
og from there, you know, um, sohe felt like he could do that.

(31:25):
But as I got older andunderstood politics, who gave
you that green light?
Right, right.
So stopped talking to him for avery long time because I really
felt like betrayed, like bro, Ididn't know anything about this
lifestyle and you got me comingon to it like goofy, looking
like you know, I didn't know ifit was authentic or not.
I never knew if it wasauthentic or not, because here I
am in IE and your family's fromInglewood, and you're telling

(31:47):
me that's where I'm from.
And as you get older and youstart to, you know you're going
to jail, you're starting to riseto the political system.
You're realizing, hold on what.
You didn't have the authorityauthority to do that right.
So I was able to pull my headout, my ass from all of that,
but we'll get to that too.

Speaker 1 (32:02):
Yeah, we'll get to that man.
So did you get any?
You got a lot of tattoos.
Did you get any gang tattoos onyou?

Speaker 2 (32:08):
um, no, never did.
I understood that.
Um, that would be a telltalesign, right?
I understood a lot of guys weregetting stopped, their bodies
were being searched.
You know, I understood a lot ofguys were getting stopped,
their bodies were being searched.
You know, I understood a lotmore than these guys because I
was reading and writing, I wasmore articulate.
But, yeah, I suppressed it, Ihid it because I wanted to fit
in.
I talked like them, I walkedlike them, but in actuality I
was never like them.

(32:28):
You know, I was more.
Uh, I guess I was a hybrid.
you know, I was like a supernigger, you know what I mean?

Speaker 1 (32:40):
Hey, I'm just, that's probably the best moment of
this whole entire fuckingpodcast.
Man, Holy shit, you caught meoff guard dude, yeah man I lost
my train of thought.

Speaker 2 (32:50):
I tend to do that man .

Speaker 1 (32:51):
No, what had happened was I was trying to come up
with another question to ask youright after you were going to
be done speaking.
Then you hit me with that dudeand just knocked me off.

Speaker 2 (32:59):
my rhythm, my rhythm.
But back to your last questionabout how did I feel when he was
on the stand.

Speaker 1 (33:05):
But before that man, what I meant to say is like okay
, you were not destined for thestreets, right?
Obviously, you were better thanthat.

Speaker 2 (33:11):
Yes, that's where I think the conflict was coming in
.
That that's where I think theconflict was coming in.
That was never my destinyCorrect, it just took a sharp,
abrupt turn.

Speaker 1 (33:19):
I'm like how the fuck did I get here?
100% yeah, but you were willingand able to do what you needed
to do, yes, to feel inclusive,yes.

Speaker 2 (33:26):
I just wanted you know I'm in a house which is not
abnormal man?
No, I'm in a house of girls.
It was either.
You know what's crazy thethoughts went through my head at
that young.
If I didn't get up out of there, it was a possibility of me.

Speaker 1 (33:38):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (33:38):
I hear what you're saying.

Speaker 1 (33:39):
Right, no, that makes sense when you're looking.
One thing I've come to realizeman is testosterone.
It's fucking real.
Yeah, it's real.

Speaker 2 (33:45):
I was in there putting on heels.
I'm telling you, testosteroneis real man.
I'll never the next thing, youknow, I'm in the streets, I hear
you.

Speaker 1 (33:55):
so I understand now, dad I hear you and that's why
people join gangs the militarylaw enforcement they're looking
for.
They're looking for that,they're looking for their way,
they're like little unguidedmissiles.
That's it.

Speaker 2 (34:05):
That's it if they just had somewhere to go right,
uh, uh, you know um, they wouldgo that route, you know.
Hence mike tyson meetingcustody amado out of the
juvenile facility.
Yeah, you know him adopting him.
And then what happened?
You know he has someone toguide him.
That rage, that aggression,right.

Speaker 1 (34:25):
What crime did you guys commit or let you have
committed to end up on a standof some sort?

Speaker 2 (34:34):
So this one was a week after graduation, so what
it was?
Right in hindsight, it was aninfraction man.
It was something that wassupposed to be a site and
release Okay, Stealing a $20bottle of alcohol, but because
you know they had secretshoppers and because you know

(34:55):
the person I was with at thetime, you had a struggle with
them upgraded that to burglarywhen they when they eventually,
when they eventually um burglary, robbery, um and mayhem, I
don't even know what mayhem waswhat consisted of the mayhem
charge me running.
But the reason why I ran was Ihad an international license at

(35:17):
the time.
My dad went to jamaica and gotme an international license so I
could be able to get to andfrom work, okay, but I was out
there doing other things, ofcourse.
So I ran because of that man,um and I think I was on
probation at the time um, and Iran and I did the whole, I did
the, did the most man.
I'm jumping through backyards,backyards.

(35:37):
Is anybody in?

Speaker 1 (35:38):
hot pursuit of you.

Speaker 2 (35:38):
Oh yeah, there's two birds on me.
Listen, man.
The whole Rancho Sheriffdepartment is on me, man, hey,
shout out to them guys.
Yeah, nobody whooped my ass,man.

Speaker 1 (35:47):
How did they get alerted so fast there?

Speaker 2 (35:50):
was a struggle going on at the store.
I went to the park, man, andhere we talked about my loyalty,
right?
Yeah, my stupid ass.
I went to the.
I went to the park.
I had like an hour to get away.
You had an hour to get away.
I went to the park because Iwas already gone as soon as I
saw him struggling with I don'tknow who.
These guys were, okay off, Idon't really know that guy like
that, so I didn't know him.
I told my buddy about him, likehey, bro, I think he's up to no

(36:12):
good, I don't like this guy.
And then this happened, so Idon't even know this guy.
I'm gone.
So I break across the freeway.
Um, I go to the park.
I'm calling my cell phonebecause I lost my phone.
Oh wow, I got naked photos onthere of my girlfriend at the
time my child's mother, okay,that I recently, uh, separated
from.
Yeah.
So I'm like I don't wantanybody to see her photos.
This is my thinking of the time.
I don't want anybody to see hernaked photos.

(36:32):
I gotta get, no way, dude.
So I'm sitting there calling myphone for like forever.
I'm thinking something in myhead like, okay, it was just a
bottle of alcohol.
How were you calling the phoneif you didn't have your phone
Payphone?
Okay, this time payphones werevery popular.
They were still at the parks.
So I was on a payphone callingmy phone and it was answered,
but nothing was said.
Oh man was said, oh man.

(36:54):
So as soon as I hung up I sawundercover.
So I did and law enforcementrop in high school as well.
So I've always been.
You know, law has alwaysfascinated me, you know, um.
So I noticed that there wasundercover in the park.
I hung the phone up and I justtook off the guy.
He got out the car startedchasing me.
I took off into the firstbackyard.

(37:14):
You know movie type scene man,family's back there eating the
whole nine.
I'm busting through theirbackyard.
I get to the other home and Ibury myself in some bushes.
I'm thinking all right, man,I'm out of breath.
Let me try to hide now.
So I bury myself.
I forget about the uh, what'sthat?
The infrared?
Yeah, that's how they got me.
Um, when they got me back there, man, I was screaming from the

(37:35):
bushes hey, I give up, man, Igive up.
They came over there with myass then everybody bearing
yourself with leaves, leaves.

Speaker 1 (37:43):
We have a similar story, man, that I have yet to
speak on, the time that I buriedmyself with some dirt, but I
was also on the run.

Speaker 2 (37:49):
But but this is how it turned to, where I was like
how were they able to do this tome?
I was intrigued, I didn't getbitter.
How were they able to do thisto me?
I was intrigued, I didn't getbitter.
How were they able to do thisto me?
I want to know how they wereable to catch you.
No, how they were able to.
These officers, these deputies,that day when they caught me
and brought me back to the Vons,they didn't know what to charge
me with.
I didn't understand at the time, when they were conversating

(38:10):
with each other.
What are you going to chargehim with?
Him with right?
I don't understand at the timethat they should have cited and
released me regardless ofcorrect.
The guy laughed I'll throw thebook at him.
I don't understand what thebook was.
Okay, felony robbery, burglary,mayhem three felonies at 18.
A week out of high school, theysent me down to west valley
with.

Speaker 1 (38:30):
Do you, in hindsight, do you believe that your race
had anything to do with it?
Of course, no, honestly.
Do you believe they werethinking especially?

Speaker 2 (38:36):
anything to do with it?
Of course, no, honestly, do youbelieve they were?

Speaker 1 (38:38):
thinking especially in rancho.
Yes, yes, like pretty much justfuck this dude, throw the book
at him.
Yes, that's crazy man that'sunfortunate child, a child at
that, but I'm starting to seethe the system for what it is.

Speaker 2 (38:49):
Yes, and it's unfortunate.
But even, even so, I still,like I said, I didn't become
bitter.
I said I want to know what theyknow.
So you know I fought it.
I took a deal.
I took a deal at first becausehere I am, I didn't physically
take anything out of the store,I was just a lookout, right.
I didn't do anything.
But I was trying to explain tomy father I can't like turn

(39:11):
around and tell on this guy Ican't Right, can't right.
He didn't understand that sideof things, of things.
You know he didn't, he didn'tunderstand.
Okay, you know, um, the nosnitching, you know.
You know we're all bravadoabout um, I said I can't tell on
this guy.
I said I said it's cool, man,don't worry about it, just let
me take the hit, let me ridethis out.
You told him that.
I told my dad this.
My dad was like you're stupid.
Oh yeah, right, yeah, my dadwas cussing me out and I'm

(39:32):
sitting here thinking I'm agangster and shit.
I'm like, damn, come on, let'sjust take the hit, man, I'm good
.

Speaker 1 (39:36):
Where is the other guy during all of this?

Speaker 2 (39:39):
So this guy that actually did it right, correct.
He's sitting next to me.
This is how I knew he was goingto tell.
He was like so at the time theycalled me Tyson, he was like
Tyson, how much he was gonnatell.
I said, fuck man.
And it wasn't that he was gonnatell he was gonna blame it on

(40:01):
me.
He was, of course, I knew this.
He's a juvenile, he's 17, okay.
So I know he's gonna get hit onthe wrist.
So I'm telling him take yourcharge, that's what.
I'm sitting there telling himhey, it's your charge, bro.
Like you know, you're ajuvenile.
So I just turned 18.
I already understood what wasgonna happen, because I went to
juvenile hall.
So and they tell you, there wastelling me all the time in
juvie like, hey, you don't getyour shit together, you're going
to the big house, absolutely,so fast forward.
I'm sitting here like, oh shit,I'm going to the big house.
Hey, bro, take your charge.

(40:22):
Yeah, take your charge, you're17, they're gonna hit you on the
wrist.
Nah, man, they separate us.
And, um, I had another guy thatwas with me, the one that I
told you I felt led me astraybecause he grandfathered me onto
a gang.
Yeah, um, from inglewood right.
So the deputy he did show uslove, he made sure we got housed
together where did you westvalley, west valley, west valley

(40:44):
, were you guys in dorms?
or cells dorms.
We're in a dorm.
I didn't know anything aboutpolitics.

Speaker 1 (40:50):
Gp dorm um general population, regular gang members
, yes, different races umdifferent races.

Speaker 2 (40:55):
Yes, so that was my introduction to the uh, the uh,
18 years old.
18 years old a week out of highschool, right, damn, like, yeah
, let me take this, dad, youknow, thinking I was doing the
right thing, like I'm, and theycharge you with freaking
felonies yes, three of them onestuff, because I bet you.
Yeah, I took a deal.
You took a deal.

(41:15):
I took a deal to get out ontime served.
I felt at that point in timewhen I took that deal, I
remember it was a briefvisitation with my dad after I
got transferred to Atlanta.
I'll never forget crying to himbecause I told him.
I said you know, I'm in heredoing things.
I have no choice, right, andI'm afraid, like if that's asked

(41:38):
of me, I'm gonna do it, correct, I'm telling I'm gonna do it.
I don't want to do it, you know, but I'm gonna do it if that's.
You know, if it's either me orthem, I'm doing them.
That was my thinking at thetime.
So he refinances the house andbails me out like 60, 70 g's man
, but not everybody has thatopportunity at all, correct?

Speaker 1 (41:55):
so some people in your what, what advice do you
have to current young gangmembers that don't understand
what they're going to get intothemselves, into, once they get
incarcerated and they're goingto be asked to do things that
they have to participate in?

Speaker 2 (42:10):
Whoever you are not with that gun, without it,
that's the person you're goingto have to depend on if your
fortune destines you on theinside, it's the toughest way to
find out you're not that person.
Unfortunately, I was doing verywell and that's what scared me,
because I realized, oh, I wasnever faking the funk.

(42:32):
I'm really like that, right,I'm thinking it's a rite of
passage, correct, but it's stilltheite of passage correct, but
but it's still the wrong thingto do, boy our boy.
How wrong I was right it's theworst thing to do, right?
There's no, there's no life inthat.
There's no life in that.
Two things are promised jail ordeath.
Facts, you know, and that'swhere you find out that you have
no friends.
There is no love in the streets, true.

(42:53):
There's no honor amongstthieves, truly there's no honor
amongst thieves.

Speaker 1 (42:56):
Truly, there's no honor amongst thieves.

Speaker 2 (42:57):
Man, I know you know that, lieutenant, I know you saw
them and they're singing allday.
That's huge man.
There's no honor and that'swhat they fail to realize, their
little gangs they're runningaround with.
Who's the one that's going totell?
Who's the one that's going toget touched?

Speaker 1 (43:12):
Were you actually in a courtroom when this dude told
on you, of course?
How the hell did that go downlike this?

Speaker 2 (43:17):
Like this.
He fucking pointed.

Speaker 1 (43:20):
The dude went all out .
Man, listen, would have thrownhim a block of cheese.

Speaker 2 (43:24):
Listen, you know.
And still I can sit here todayand say rest in peace to that
man.

Speaker 1 (43:28):
Oh he's no longer living.

Speaker 2 (43:29):
He's no longer here because of some things that
happened with his brother's gangand they kidnapped him and
Azusa Wow dude and they foundhis body in Azusa Cannon chopped
up.
So I'm not sure what they wereinvolved in, but I know that he
got nabbed up behind that.
Rest in peace to him.
Nobody deserves to leave theearth that way I still.

(43:52):
You know, it was kind of myfault in a sense, because when
these things happen, I know Icould look back and be like damn
multiple red flags you ignored,right, I was able to see that
and I took accountability forwhat I missed.
You know, whereas the culturedeems it no, you know, you got
to kill a snitch or all thatweird stuff.
Nah, man, I forgave him.

Speaker 1 (44:13):
So what psychological changes happened when you got
snitched on in a freakingcourtroom or like the blinds
lifted out of your eyes, whereyou can see shit for what it was
.

Speaker 2 (44:23):
Yes, man, and it's been a painful experience ever
since, because now I see shitfor what it is, right, um, you
know, they say love is blind.
I'm no longer blinded by thesethings.
I see it for what it is.
And you know, my dad used toalways say once somebody, show
you, shows you who they are,believe them, believe them, you
know, and um, but because oflove, we make excuses.
Well, no, this, that and theother, no, I believe that person

(44:46):
now.

Speaker 1 (44:47):
Was that one of the pivotal turning points for you
to want to change your lifestyle?
Not right?

Speaker 2 (44:52):
away.
But I say like probably sixyears after that.
I just thought at the time Iplayed the system, I'm getting
away with it.
I'm back out here in thestreets, you know, still running
rapid, doing my thing.
It wasn't until I lost two ofmy best friends to street
violence.

(45:12):
Damn yes.
My best friend, britton, wasshot 10 times in front of me.
I held him as he died.

Speaker 1 (45:19):
Talk to me about the events of that incident.

Speaker 2 (45:24):
He was a truck driver on the road.
He just came off the road.
We're going to go drop his dogoff to his girlfriend's house up
in Hesperia, my first time everup there.
I'm underage at the time butI'm armed, you know, I always
kept a gun on me.
So you know, I wasn't oldenough to get into the bar.

(45:46):
So I stayed in the car and hewent to the bar and he was in
there drinking.
So you know, at some point thebar lets out guys in the back to
wake me up, or whatever I getout, I start back to wake me up.
Whatever I get out, I startsitting on the hood.
Just, you know, watching theparking lot, some guys come out
the park, come out of the bar.
You're kind of talking loud,they're rowdy and you know,

(46:09):
honestly, like it wasn't evenabout the gang, the gang stuff,
a lot of times I you know now Irealize I was just in pain, man,
and I just wanted to put someof that on somebody else.
So therefore that's where a lotof my issues came from.
So I started something thatnight.
Words were exchanged, guy tookoff running, but it was kind of

(46:29):
like that takeoff, like okay, Igot something for you.
So, all right, my gun's in thetrunk, right, I'm taking off the
other way.
But Britton takes off afterthat guy.
So I'm looking over here whereI'm looking at my weapon, I'm
looking at Britton, so I chasemy bro, I chase my boy, I'm
running behind him.
They're fashioning me.

(46:50):
We get to this gentleman's carand I'm stuck in between the
doors.
So this is the door.
Right here.
I'm on the other side of thecar door, britton's on this side
of the car door.
They're fighting, they'refighting.
The guy's digging, he's diggingas they're fighting.
The next thing, you know, I seeflashes, just gunshots go off.
Britton drops, I drop with him.

(47:12):
He turns the gun on me, gunjams, he jumps in the car and
takes off.
Um, I'm telling him it's gonnabe okay, you're gonna be good.
You know he's grasping,grasping for air and took his
last, last breath in my arms.
Yeah, dude, you should havedied that incident.
I definitely should have diedthat night.
And um, right now is the firsttime I've ever even talked about

(47:34):
it.
There's a reason why you livedman.
Man, yes, and that's whatbrought me here today.
Absolutely, dude.
Yes, it's been many incidentslike that.
And my cousin I called thatnight to tell him what happened.
He was sticking with me a yearafter that too, drive-by
shooting.

Speaker 1 (47:53):
So, as you're growing older man and you're seeing
things for what they are yeah,is that so, as you're growing
older man and you're seeingthings for what they are yeah,
is that when you start to make?

Speaker 2 (48:00):
changes, major changes.
I'm I'm going to jail behindfalse, false friends, right um.
I'm losing friends, right um.
I'm seeing it for what it is.
I'm like man, like I was, I'vealways had the ability to look
at older people.
I'm like where does this end,right?
Who survived this and who'sdoing good right now?

(48:23):
That's smart dude.
I wasn't able to see anyone,either some junkies or, you know
, somebody just living above thepoverty level, like nobody's
successful.
Well, we got rappers and acouple people that make it in
the sports.
Nobody's really successful inthe streets, right, but we have
cultural people giving theirheart to the streets Behind what

(48:44):
Do you think the system drivesthat?
Yes, yes, the single motherhouseholds.
You know they start in the home.
You know they take the fatherout the home.
The home is broken.
Many of these women think theycould do it on their own.
You can't raise a boy into aman.
It takes another man.

Speaker 1 (49:04):
By the time you had your daughter, were you already
out of the gang game?
Yes, you had already been out.

Speaker 2 (49:10):
Been out a long time.

Speaker 1 (49:12):
When you met your daughter's mother, were you in
the gang game?
Yes, I was deep in it, but shedrew me out because I fell in
love.
Okay, that adds to my theory,man, that every girl wants to
fix a broken boy, of course,which leads me to believe why
you and I are no longer with ourbaby mamas, man.

Speaker 2 (49:32):
They feel like you know what they say a reason,
season or a lifetime.
She came for a reason and she Ithink she, and that's how I was
able to A reason a season or alifetime, or a lifetime.

Speaker 1 (49:41):
I've never heard that dude.
That makes sense.

Speaker 2 (49:44):
And she came for a reason she came.
Our season was 15 years, but itwasn't a lifetime.
I was under the impression.
Life has other avenues we haveto take to ultimately become the
person we were meant to becomewe can't avoid it.

Speaker 1 (50:01):
So you make these changes, man.
You become a father, right?
What was your feeling like whenyour daughter was born?

Speaker 2 (50:11):
What emotions did you feel?
I think I felt emotions liketruly, for the first time.
I'm thinking.
I know love Right, neverexperienced it until I held my
daughter, until I held her man,I was like God damn, I've never
felt this before and I thinkthat's why I was able to just do
a lot of things and not reallyhave any emotions behind it.
You know, I would look at myex-wife, would cry to me most

(50:34):
times.
I would just look at her, like,like, why are you crying?
I'll never feel anything.
Yeah, you know, and I alwaysfelt like that was you know
what's wrong with you, bro, likeyou know, you know, relate with
her.
I never felt nothing, you know,but until my daughter was here
that I started to feel, and youknow it felt weird.

Speaker 1 (50:49):
Did you feel a sense of responsibility?
Yes, what kind ofresponsibility did you feel for
your daughter?

Speaker 2 (50:54):
That she's depending on me for survival.
And again back to my loyalty.
It just sparked something in me, Right, you know, and every
single waking day.

Speaker 1 (51:07):
Now, during that period of time, what role did
you feel a mother had to play inthe dynamics of a family?

Speaker 2 (51:15):
Turning the house into a home.
I don't necessarily believe ingender roles, right, you know
dishes need to be washed and youknow you've had a long day.
I wash the dishes.
But in terms of nature andnurture, right from the
beginning of time, this is justhow it was.
Nobody told you to stay in yourplace, you just you had a place
, but nobody told you to staythere.

(51:37):
You know, I just felt like itwas a natural role.
Women, you know, look atcivilizations of before man.
Women were really holding itdown.
They couldn't go to war, dowhat they did without, you know,
the backbone to what they weredoing it for, and that was the
woman.
So I felt like, because shedidn't have a dad, which I

(51:58):
brought back into her life year,this was like year 11 or 12.
I saw him at a birthday party.
I made him get a DNA testRecent season lifetime, right,
what if my job was to bring herfather back into her life?
But it's always been thatdisconnect, like you can't tell
me what it is to be a man.

(52:18):
There was never one around toshow you and it comes off.
You know it's hurt her a lot oftimes, but that's just what the
truth is, and that's what thefact is.

Speaker 1 (52:30):
You can't tell me that you know, and I still feel
that way.
Do you believe that socialmedia, and maybe a modern agenda
that was pushed around 2012,diluted the role of a female or
of a mother or of a wife?

Speaker 2 (52:46):
Very much or of a female Very much, very much,
social media, the music.
You know, I'm telling you itboils down to frequency.
You know what's your tune,what's your tune to make you
tune in.
You know, um, and I think 2020was when it really it really
started gaining some traction.
With the lockdown, you know, alot of people were forced to

(53:09):
face themselves, face theirpartners, face situations
whereas before you were just toobusy to even realize that it
was a problem, whereas beforeyou were just too busy to even
realize that it was a problem.
But here we are, locked intogether and I noticed that more
drinking started, morescrolling started and then the
problems came right.
The water's green where youwater it.
You know it's never going toflourish in your backyard if

(53:35):
you're on the fence looking overinto somebody else's.
And I feel like, because Iunderstand that, you know,
because it got to.
You know, know, I want to go onmore vacations, I want to do
this, I'll do that, and I'msitting here like, okay, well,
get a little job, then help outthe family yeah next thing you
know, I'm homeless.
You are, yeah, five.

Speaker 1 (53:49):
I was homeless for about five months, yeah, just
recently, yeah did you everreach a point where you were
working your ass off for thefamily?

Speaker 2 (53:58):
yeah, I worked multiple jobs.
I was working side gigs, I was,and maybe you weren't valued or
appreciated.

Speaker 1 (54:05):
I felt that way.
Aside from that and I don'tknow your personal story, but do
you feel also maybe they werebringing you down or they just
weren't contributing, justweren't contributing?

Speaker 2 (54:18):
just weren't contributing, weren't
contributing.
You know, I'm like, I'm sittinghere like I watched my mom and
dad worked hand in hand for 30years to do this together,
absolutely.
But you know what's crazy mydad told me when I was 15, a few
months after I got my child'smom, he told me because he, he,
he, had noticed.
You know, he was like son, likeyou spoiled that girl too much.

(54:40):
You're going to regret that oneday, crazy 15 years later,
because I never allowed her todo anything.
My dad's the type of fatherlike if, if it was like chores
to be done and you came overyou're doing a chore, so he
would designate her chores and Iwould no, don't worry about it,
go in the room, I'll do it forher.
And he noticed that and hetried to nip it in the bud.

(55:00):
And you know, I work two jobs.
I never allowed, I never let itwork.
You know things like that.
And then you know, when it gotdown to it after the child, I'm
like man, I can't do this on myown.

Speaker 1 (55:21):
I asked for a bit of assistance and next thing, you
know, I'm homeless and, ofcourse, right, they say it's
three sides to a story.
So you ask her and it's gonnabe a whole different version.
But that's my truth.
I get it.
Yeah, no, I get it.
Man, had you already planned onseparating prior to the
separation, or considered it atleast?

Speaker 2 (55:31):
I guess I didn't take it serious, okay, oh, like I
said in in the end, right, Imissed all the signs, or maybe,
yeah, I just chose to miss itbecause I was still in love.
But unfortunately I feel whenwomen check out it's a different
.
It's different.
You know, um, I was.
You know I'm thinking forbetter or worse, why.
You know, I never believed inmarriage.

(55:52):
I married her, never believedin it.
My parents been together 30years, no marriage, you know.
So I figured out she's pregnant.
You know it's the right thing.

Speaker 1 (56:00):
Well, that's probably why they lasted 30 years, man,
because there was nothing to it.
It was just well.
I'm just saying.
I feel once a girl gets married, it's just like oh, I already
checked the block, I'm outexactly it's.

Speaker 2 (56:09):
It's a bucket list, correct, you know?
And if it, if it wasn't likethat fairytale type thing, then
it's like.
You know, a lot of women downhere feel they're meant for more
, and it's harsh saying it, butyou know, some people aren't
meant for greatness, some peopleare just meant to survive and I

(56:30):
think a lot of people it's atough pill to swallow they want
to taste that life and it's likeyou were never meant to.
I hear you, dude.
You know there's nothing wrongwith that um, how devastating
was it separating from yourdaughter man, still to this day,
right now, I still feel pain inmy stomach every day, man,

(56:52):
because to go from her waking upto you every single day to now
understanding what's going on.
Right, per, what a week or twoago she's crying Dad, you broke
my heart.
You know why aren't you here?
And she's eight.
What do I tell her?
But to keep a fake smile on myface.
You know, I want to cry everytime I talk to her, so sometimes
I don't even answer her call.

(57:12):
You know, because we're bothgoing through it and I feel her
energy.
You know, down to the frequency, and I don't think her mom sees
what she's doing to her.
Oh, she sees it, man, she seesit.
That's my, that's my thoughts,well, thoughts as well I don't
know.

Speaker 1 (57:28):
Like I said, I don't know her.
I don't want to speaknegatively, yes, but I am in the
same exact shoes that you arein, dude because it's our legacy
.

Speaker 2 (57:35):
They want to hurt us through our legacy, but we can't
let that happen because my dadwould say I could, I could teach
I could, I could show youbetter than I could tell you.
So this is me accepting thispain is is is going to teach her
down the line how to deal withthat pain, because she's going
to go through it some more.
Right, I felt like my dad nevershowed me how to navigate these

(57:59):
waters things I feel.
I told him, man, I feelsomething in me, man, I don't
know why I feel it.
5150 runs in my family.
My sister has her PhD, sheworks in a, she works in a psych
house and we have some veryinteresting conversations.
She'd be a great.
She'd be a great.

Speaker 1 (58:17):
Yeah, plug her in man .

Speaker 2 (58:18):
We have interesting conversations.

Speaker 1 (58:20):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (58:20):
It boils down to the fact that you know what's the
difference between us andsomebody that's lost it?
Nothing, really.
We're all one bad day fromlosing it, losing our shit, but
what keeps us waking up everyday wanting to say you know what
, let me give it one more go,and that's why I'm still here.
I don't know what it is, butsometimes I hate it, man,

(58:40):
because I'm like before mydaughter.
Man, I didn't want to be here,I didn't care about any of it,
ran my credit up.
I didn't care about any of it.
I thought it was a waste of mytime.

Speaker 1 (58:48):
So this is stupid why do you feel it's important to
be present in your daughter'slife and to establish that
foundation?
Is it because you don't wanther to grow up a certain bad way
, or you want to show her therole of a father and of a man in

(59:08):
a woman's life?
A little bit of both.

Speaker 2 (59:11):
Okay, I don't want her going up the bad way because
, unfortunately, a lot of thegirls you know I grew up with,
what was the common thingamongst a lot of them?
No, father, daddy issues, daddyissues.
Right, I don't want to leaveher that way and also I want to
show her, you know, okay, oneday, if you do want to choose a
mate.

Speaker 1 (59:30):
I'm like a magnet for toxic girls.
Man Listen.

Speaker 2 (59:35):
That's how I've always felt man I'm like damn.
But I've always felt man I'mlike damn.
But I've always had the youknow, you probably all has.

Speaker 1 (59:42):
You probably have always had the ability to help
them in some way shape, oh man,yeah, I mean fuck, I think we've
done more than we've taken fromthem, or so they think we've
taken from them.

Speaker 2 (59:50):
I think we've done more.
Good, um, I know I have.
Listen, she doesn't have togive me my flowers.
I know what I did your fatherwasn't there during a pivotal
time.
Yeah True, I reminded you ofyour worth True man, dude,
that's solid right there.

Speaker 1 (01:00:04):
Come on, you know, and I'm asking you these
questions more so out of a placefrom my experience, man,
because I actually want to knowwhat you do you know what I mean
in your, because this, this isnew to me as well.
Yes, and it's just new every dayand there's a lot of men out
there in the same situation.
Dude, let me be the one to tellyou that their marriage, or

(01:00:26):
their set, their relationshipsplit and now there's custody
issues you know how many men Ihugged during the covid era man,
I was working for fedex so Igot.

Speaker 2 (01:00:36):
I got first-hand.
Look at the community, at youknow, 30 year marriages.
I had men just coming out checktheir mail spilling everything
to me.
Damn dude, the random male dude, and I would sit there and
listen.
Yeah, because at the end of theday, who listens?
Who listens to men right in asociety where you're?
You told them to take it on achin.
You're a man, uh, you knowyou're supposed to be able to

(01:00:58):
take this.
No, we're not all the same.
We all handle it differently.

Speaker 1 (01:01:05):
How important is it for men to seek mental health
treatment and speak about theirfeelings?

Speaker 2 (01:01:12):
Well, coming from a person where today is the first
day I've even taken that step,oh, I commend you for it.
I've always felt like I'll getto it.
I've always put it on the backburner.
You know I have more pressingissues but honestly, we are the
business right?
If you don't take care ofyourself, who's going to run the

(01:01:32):
business?
Damn.

Speaker 1 (01:01:34):
I'm going to ask you a serious question Are men
allowed to have emotions?

Speaker 2 (01:01:39):
I think we are.
We are, but society has made itto where we get critiqued for
having emotions.
But honestly, I think that'swhere true power comes from is
having that compassion, facts,but also being able to drop that
rod if you need to.
Yep, and those are the marks.

Speaker 1 (01:02:00):
That's what I learned from my dad do you believe
maybe a lot of mental healthissues in the united states
today, and maybe worldwide, stemfrom men not thoroughly living
out their primal needs?
And, you know, eating unhealthy, being like a bitch to their
spouse, yes, or, you know, likebeing second to their spouse.

Speaker 2 (01:02:21):
Yes, it stems from how were they raised, for
example, the Hispanic culture.
Right, I've seen from what I'veseen, because when I got here
from the fifth grade, I dated aLatina from the fifth grade to
the ninth grade.
I left her for my child's mom,so I've always been in long
relationships.
Yeah, you know, um, and fromfrom what I've seen, um, it's

(01:02:47):
either the boys are being babiedand the girls are being treated
more like masking, like I suckit up that's what I saw, you
know.
But the boys, the women oh, mypoor baby come here.
Yeah, you know.
So.
Therefore, um, now they getolder and a lot of the wives run
the show, you know, um, notjust them, various cultures, uh,

(01:03:10):
communities, um, but from yourperspective, should wives be
running the show?
from my my perspective.
Like I said, I feel you're mybackbone.
Without you I can't walk.
But you have to be behind,right.
You have to allow me to take myplace to lead this family.

Speaker 1 (01:03:30):
And I don't.
Is it biblical right?
Is it spiritual?
Is it from the beginning oftime?

Speaker 2 (01:03:35):
Yes, I feel more so spiritual, you know, is it from
the beginning of time?
Yes, I feel more so spiritual,you know.
This is, you know, more sospiritual.
It's how it's been, you know,if it's not broken, why fix it?
You know, type thing, I don'tknow.
We've just gotten to a place insociety where it's just too
much us versus them, them versusus, women, men, black, white.

(01:03:55):
You know, on every level it'sjust fighting, it's chaos.

Speaker 1 (01:04:01):
Who wins in a situation like that?

Speaker 2 (01:04:03):
who wins we don't win , nobody wins, and that's,
that's the truth of what about?
politicians.
Of course I was going to get tothem.
Oh they're, they're winning,they're still winning.
You know, they're stillcollecting their checks, they're
still, um, fighting in front ofus, but behind closed doors,
cheers and then high-fiving.
Absolutely, man, you know it'sa show.
It's a show, but to what level.

(01:04:25):
And you know, I've never beenthe person like, oh, the
government, this, the governmentthat?
No, think about it.
We, the people, are in thosepositions that put our foot on
people's neck.
It's not the government,somebody like you and I,
somebody going through the samestressors like you and me, but
they're in that position to keepthat foot on your neck.
We're doing it to ourselves,you know.
But yeah, they're foreseeing iton a deeper, deeper level of

(01:04:48):
things.

Speaker 1 (01:04:54):
But if we just decide to say no, who's going to make
us?

Speaker 2 (01:04:59):
What would the population deciding to say no
look like an uprising, a protest, solidarity you're not gonna
get nothing without a littlebloodshed, and that's just the
truth of things.
Look how america was birthed.
You're gonna have to be willingto spill a little blood and
then, unfortunately, we'vereached a place, society, where
people don't want to die, peopleare scared, they don't want to
rise up for nothing.

Speaker 1 (01:05:20):
Well, what did Thomas Jefferson say, man?
Those that would exchangesecurity for liberty deserve
neither.
Come on.

Speaker 2 (01:05:26):
Deserve neither.
It's going to get taken eitherway, whether you fight or not,
and that's what I'm sitting herelike.

Speaker 1 (01:05:34):
You people are not realizing.
Well, we see eye to eye man.

Speaker 2 (01:05:41):
We're on the same level.
Yeah, we see it.
Yes, if it's you're gonna gettaken.
You might as well go down witha fucking fight.
Come on, champ, come on, youknow, and um, that's all I want
to display to my daughter.
You know, follow your dreams,follow your heart and stand for
something, for your belief.

Speaker 1 (01:05:52):
Die for that, if need be stand for something and
you'll back her.
100 of the whole entire way,thousand percent from the day
she was born.

Speaker 2 (01:06:00):
I'm in service to her very interesting man.

Speaker 1 (01:06:03):
I'm glad.
I'm glad you're taking thatstance with your daughter.
Yes, because you know and thisis not a shot at my parents, but
they're old school.
Yeah, they wanted me to shut upand put up.
Yep, my boss is an asshole.
Shut up, go to work and justlisten.
Don't talk back.
Don't talk back, just do whatyou're told.
Yes, would you give yourdaughter that advice?

Speaker 2 (01:06:24):
No, no, she has to.
There's a way to speak yourmind without coming off
disrespectful, respectfully, soI want her to stay within that
light.
I don't want her to beemotionally.
I don't want her to be speakingfrom emotions and don't allow
anyone to influence you unlessthey influence you with facts.
And if you can't find factswithin what somebody's saying,

(01:06:44):
do your own research.
Facts, you know, but too manypeople don't want to do their
research.

Speaker 1 (01:06:48):
You know what is that man?
People too scared to doanything, People too lazy to do
anything.

Speaker 2 (01:06:55):
I don't think so.
I think we've reached a pointin society where people like the
way things are.
They like somebody else pullingthe strings.
It's easier.
It takes all the thinking outof it for me.
Think about it, right?
That's where the sheepmentality comes from, correct?
You know, some people don'twant their bubble disturbed.
Have you ever been trying totell somebody something and

(01:07:22):
they're like ah, I get out ofhere, man, you're conspiracy
theorist every day, dude.
Come on those people, andthat's what I mean about nature
and some things that need to die.

Speaker 1 (01:07:26):
those are the people that I wouldn't blink an eye if
yeah, yeah, no, I hear exactlywhat the fuck you're saying, man
.
It's just a brutal honest truth.
It's just the truth, it's justthe way things are, you know um
well, basically what you justsaid, dude, is not everybody's
on the same level.

Speaker 2 (01:07:40):
No, no, spiritually.
Um, our frequencies aredifferent and and and that's
that's what drew the wedgebetween me and the people I I
used to try to identify with youknow, it.
It became completely, you know,complete, like oh, he's
definitely not like one of us,right, I'm like fuck.
But I've always felt like moreconnected to those kinds of

(01:08:03):
people.
You know, I guess because youknow the state of mind is what
I'm saying when I say where Icome from the state of mind Most
people think the ghetto is aplace.
It's not, it's the state ofmind.
You can be in the ghettowherever you live.
How would you define success?
Success is being the ability towake up every single day and, um

(01:08:27):
, you have, you know, you haveall your things in order.
You could, you could talk, walk, you know a lot of things we
take for granted.
The air is on roof over yourhead, food.
That's success.
To me, it doesn't matter ifit's a mansion or if it's a
shack.
I used to think no, I can onlybe successful or happy if I'm in
the mansion.
I used to only think that way.
I can only be happy if I getthis, if I get that.

(01:08:50):
The truth is, you can have allof that and still feel the same,
and I don't think peopleunderstand that.
So they look at that, that thatlife is glamorous, like that's
what I need materialistic,materialistic, and I've never,
thank heavens man, notmaterialistic at all, you know,
because I just I was.

(01:09:10):
I had like one outfit like tolike the eighth grade.
You know my mom would do whatshe could, but you know that's
where and that's why I startedrobbing man, because I was like
dude, I need to gotta get someclothes.

Speaker 1 (01:09:22):
How important is internal happiness?

Speaker 2 (01:09:25):
it's it's the, it's the.
It's the most important in my,in my book, because if you're
not happy with you, how can yougo pick a partner and say you
know and that's where thedependency comes from right,
where she was like you, you stoploving me.
It was never my job.
You need to love yourself,because if you love you and I

(01:09:47):
love me and we come together,we're just loving bro.

Speaker 1 (01:09:49):
We have the same exact life.
Come on, we have the same exactlife and it's like you're like
dude, I'm.

Speaker 2 (01:09:54):
That sounds like so cut and dry.
What are you not?
What are you not getting?
But there's the divide againwhat are you reading?
What are you eating?
What are you listening to?
First and foremost, if yourgirl has a bunch of single
friends you setting yourself upfor failure man.

Speaker 1 (01:10:10):
I was just about to ask you that.
Man, how do you feel about ifyour wife was hanging around a
bunch of divorcees?

Speaker 2 (01:10:16):
That's what happened to me, man.
She was around a bunch ofdivorcees.
That's what happened to me, man.
She was around a bunch ofold-ass bitches and like screwed
my friends, man.

Speaker 1 (01:10:21):
Hey, if that happened to you, in the chat box put a
number one.
Man because that fuckinghappened to me Put a number two
man you know what.

Speaker 2 (01:10:27):
It happened a couple times, baby.
I'm saying like, what advicecan a single person give you,
right, right, except for youknow, misery loves company and
they don't see it, they don'tget it.

Speaker 1 (01:10:37):
This is some bullshit , man.

Speaker 2 (01:10:39):
You know, all her friends were just great friends
with their child's fathersBroken up.
But they still come over with anew dude over there, just
kumbaya, having a great time andI'm like what is going on here?

Speaker 1 (01:10:50):
Talk to me about the loyalty of men, and I'm not
talking about like straying withanother woman.
I'm talking about the loyaltyof a man in a household the
purpose, the role.
What is he willing to do forthe family?
What?

Speaker 2 (01:11:02):
exactly exactly what is he willing to do, and and
that's why a lot of ourenvironments are the way they
are because what was your fatherwilling to do for you?
It's an unfortunate pill toswallow if you're living in
complete shit For real, for real, right.
You know what I mean.
Just, you're living in completeshit for real, for real, right.
You know I mean just nothing,but same same thing.

(01:11:22):
Just a gang out front.
Dad's nowhere to be found, deadsomewhere, whatever the case
may be, you know, but if hewould have been there, you got
to understand you wouldn't havebeen that person.
Your life would be a lotdifferent.
That's how important a father'srole is, especially to a young
boy.

Speaker 1 (01:11:37):
What do you feel the role of a man in a family is?

Speaker 2 (01:11:43):
To protect and provide, protect, provide.

Speaker 1 (01:11:48):
The woman teaches, nourishes, we all have our so to
protect and provide whathappens when things get twisted
or misconstrued from the woman'sperspective, Thinking oh, I got
this, I don't need a man.
Does that offset the cycle?

Speaker 2 (01:12:04):
It offsets it, because then, as a man, if you
start to feel less than you know, you're going to start
producing a lot less than you'realready producing.
You know, depending on how youdeal with you know, a lot of the
trauma most men are goingthrough is is, uh, you know,
subliminal, their subconsciousmind.

(01:12:25):
Just that small little thing.
The last thing she said in thatargument you might remember.
For weeks you think, like man,what you know, um, like I said,
we all take, we all deal withthings different, and that's
where the divide comes you know,did you gain weight during a
certain time of this?

Speaker 1 (01:12:41):
Because I've seen a picture.

Speaker 2 (01:12:42):
I crashed my motorcycle man.
So let me go back.
So after I got out of jailright, I fought it for the next
two years A judge looked at meand said you know what Never
happened, took it off my record.
I took that chance to go tocollege, went to college for

(01:13:02):
correctional science.
They had a 15-week correctionsofficer program I signed up for.
We had a pretty importantmeeting.
She was like well, shit thingsyou've done, things you've been
through like.
It's going to be tough for youto get in, but I think you'll
still be able to get in.
Most important thing is you gotto put some time in between

(01:13:23):
this and I knew I was about togo on a long journey.
So you know I embarked on it andyou know I had my first mentor.
That was like me.
You know, black gentleman,worked CDCR, put on a PD for 30
years, shared his experienceswith me.
I graduated from there, made itthrough academy.
So what led me up to theaccident was I was supposed to

(01:13:48):
go through CDCR.
That's what I wanted to do,right?
But my instructor, cheston, waslike Francis, no man, foot in
the door is a foot in the door.
Wherever you need to go, gothere.
So I went through SanBernardino County Sheriff I was
going through the process Metwith my background investigator,

(01:14:08):
told him everything I just toldyou right now, went to jail the
whole night.

Speaker 1 (01:14:13):
Smoked weed with the Crips.
Smoked weed with the.

Speaker 2 (01:14:15):
Crips.
I said hey, hey, straight up,before he even started digging.
I said is there anything I toldyou right now that could like
bar me?
Let me know right now.
Don't waste my time, I'm notgonna waste yours.
He's like no, no, no, no he's.
Let me tell you something, man.
I've never forgotten it to thisday.
Look me in my eyes.
I forget his name.
I wish I would remember hisname.
But he told me he's like we getsome of our best officers from

(01:14:35):
the bottom of the barrel.
Oh, that's a fucking fact, dude.
I said why is that?
He's like well, you've been onboth sides of the law, baby, you
understand it.
You understand it.
And that's when my thinkingreally started to whoa.
A mass awakening started.
I said oh shit, he's right.
And then, shortly after that,crashed my motorcycle.
I broke my hip.
What were you on a freeway, Iwas on a road, I was on my way

(01:15:00):
to get my hair cut?

Speaker 1 (01:15:01):
what?

Speaker 2 (01:15:01):
kind of motorcycle was like harley davidson.
I was 20, I was 21, um, youknow, always wanted a harley.
Um, you know, got me asportster 1200, 1300.
Um, I was riding on pepper andrialto and um, I saw, I saw the
guy in the median.
He was just sitting there in acar, in the car, just sitting
there in the median.
Saw the guy in the median.
He was just sitting there In acar, in a car, just sitting
there in the median.
Saw the threat, assessed it, Isaid you know what, in case he

(01:15:23):
wants this lane, let me get over.
Right when I'm about to passhim, he cuts both lanes and
T-boned you Yep, and fracturedmy pelvis Open book fracture.
If it would have opened anotherhalf an inch I would have bled
to death.
I broke my scaphoid.
You see that little dent rightthere.
Yeah, I did surgery on that.
Did you lose consciousness?

(01:15:43):
No, I don't believe so.
I crashed three times after thistoo.
So this wasn't my only crash.
I crashed a bunch more timesafter this.
No way, man.
Yeah, I wasn't walking for twoyears.

Speaker 1 (01:15:55):
They told me that I wouldn't walk again ever so well
I added what was the reason youkept getting back on the
motorcycle after you would crash?

Speaker 2 (01:16:04):
it was the only thing that made me feel alive outside
of outside of my daughter.

Speaker 1 (01:16:08):
My daughter wasn't here at that point, okay so, and
so that's when you gainedweight or you started going down
a path.

Speaker 2 (01:16:15):
I was yeah, I wasn't walking.
I didn't walk for two and ahalf years.
I was on the couch, couch likethis, my legs tied in a sheet.
I didn't have insurance.
I took a free hit no way.
I checked myself out after acouple weeks.
No way, man, I didn't haveinsurance.

Speaker 1 (01:16:30):
Took a free hit.
Did the other person haveinsurance?

Speaker 2 (01:16:33):
He wasn't even from here from some random african
dude just standing there justlooking like he didn't know what
was going on.
You know, I mean my lawyer waslike listen rupert, I dug in
everything.
Man, he has nothing.
The car wasn't even his, I'mjust sitting there like fuck.
Well, how bad were the injuriesopen book fracture, um broken,
broken, scaphoid.
I had a wound under my um.

(01:16:55):
Was there surgery performed?
They wanted to do surgery on mypelvis.
I told him no.
So then what?
Then he told me we don't knowif you're going to walk again.
I said, well, that's cool, I'lltake my chances.
But no, I let them do that, butnot that.
I don't want no middle.
What was the pain level like?
Oh man, I'm talking about somestuff.

(01:17:20):
I ain't ever felt before whereI was.
You know, up until then, weedwas the only thing I tried.
In my younger years it did cometo a point where I had to stop
smoking All through high school.
You know, my next drug was justfighting and causing chaos
after that.
But I stopped smoking and stuffbecause it wasn't me.
I was doing it because it wasavailable.
I was just hanging out, youknow, but it wasn't me.

(01:17:42):
Now, what was the question?
Again, I'm sorry, the painlevel.
Pain level, yeah, 20,.
Man, I was just thinking youwould have made a great
correctional officer, dude.
You know, man, I'm telling youmy uncles were corrections
officers as well.
Yeah, did 20, 30 year careers,you know, that's and because of
what happened to me is why?
Because I said you know whatI'm going to sit around and
blame this man, that man.

(01:18:03):
What did I do to put myself inthat position, to cause these
things to happen?
Even as a young man, I was ableto take accountability and ask
myself these questions, whereasagain I bring it back to the
single mother households.
A lot of these men don'tunderstand that they're running
around versions of their mothersemotional think about it.
Where you from.
They're emotional womentendencies facts 100.

(01:18:25):
Their environment dictated that.
So they're out here becausethey can't control you know what
, what you have to, what youhave to face as a man and take
from society.

Speaker 1 (01:18:36):
they can't control that, so this is the easier way
to cope how important is it fora man or young man to accept
accountabilities for his actions, whether they be good actions
or bad actions?

Speaker 2 (01:18:47):
It's what allows the change, the growth.
You have to, you have to takeaccountability, because if you
always place the blame, thenthat's your, that's your, that's
your way out.
There's no change that comesfrom that.
You got to face yourself.
My life started to change whenI looked in the mirror and I
said well, what have you done tocontribute to these stereotypes
?
You know, then it gets funnybecause you're like oh, you

(01:19:09):
played right into the game.
No, you did, yes, and I wasable to see that, but man, it
took no.

Speaker 1 (01:19:15):
What's crazy is that you were able to unsee that and
see it from a differentperspective.

Speaker 2 (01:19:19):
Not that many people get to see that shit?
No, and you know why I I owe itto my father never having cable
.
Never, we didn't have cablegrowing up.
My whole entire life.
We had to read.
I was the only way I stimulatedmy imagination reading, writing
, speaking out loud.
I wasn't programmed.
Have you read a lot of books?
Read a lot of books.
I've read a lot of books.
My favorite is theautobiography Mike Tyson.

Speaker 1 (01:19:43):
What about philosophy ?

Speaker 2 (01:19:44):
Philosophy.
Have you read any Greekphilosophy?
I read a lot of that.
I love the players of history.
You know the Achilles.
You know those types of figures.
I've read on a lot of differenttypes of wars.
Um, war is a pivotal time.
You know why?

(01:20:05):
Why did these people go to war?
What was the reason?
A lot of history repeats itself.
It sure does.
Sure does just differentclothing, man, yeah, but history
definitely repeats itself.

Speaker 1 (01:20:14):
So you know I've heard you say different clothing
numerous times.
Can you elaborate on that?

Speaker 2 (01:20:18):
I I feel like a lot of times, nothing has changed.
Man.
Um, it might have got sweptunder the rug now, but I think
in like beginning of 2020 orsomething like that, there were
lynchings happening.
Oh, where, at like on the eastcoast?
No, over here, where over here?
I I screenshotted, Iscreenshotted it, but I can't.
I don't want to misquote it,but yeah were lynchings
happening.
It was like a couple lynchings,certain things that were still

(01:20:40):
happening.
So I'm like I don't thinkthings ever really changed.
We just changed clothings andtime zones.

Speaker 1 (01:20:49):
No, you're right, Because I was watching the
Netflix Vietnam documentaryseries and Vietnam is so
identical to the Iraq war.
The failures in A lot of thewars are identical.

Speaker 2 (01:21:01):
Failures in Iraq war and the failures in a lot of the
wars are identical failures inuh government, and and the
reason why I like, I likestudying the players, like I say
um, um Hitler, um Stalin, um,because it's the mind that
intrigues me, why they thinkthis way earlier you said that
we are all probably just a badexperience or a day away from
losing our shit.

Speaker 1 (01:21:22):
51 50 right now you mentioned, uh, hitler, stalin,
and you want to know what makeshim tick.
Why did they think that way?
Yeah I've seen some youtubeinterviews of charles manson
right.
I've watched a lot of his andcharles manon actually sounds
like a very intelligent man.

Speaker 2 (01:21:41):
It draws me back to my question again what exactly
is crazy?

Speaker 1 (01:21:45):
Do you believe that the government views those
individuals as threats becausethey cannot be controlled?

Speaker 2 (01:21:50):
They cannot be controlled, they cannot be
programmed Threats in regards togathering a following, and it
doesn't take much People mightthink it takes much to take back
power.
It doesn't take much.
And there, through history,you've seen certain figures
knocked off Martin Luther King,malcolm X, and the list goes on

(01:22:11):
and on and on.
You think I'm trying to becomea martyr?

Speaker 1 (01:22:14):
Hell, no, I am For people refusing to again like I
say, some of these people haveto go in order for that change
we want to see happen.

Speaker 2 (01:22:25):
Right, I know that within my own community, these
people on the corner some ofthem got to go yeah, if the
purge was ever legal.

Speaker 1 (01:22:31):
I know what I'm doing so you said you worked at a.
Did you say you currently workthere in a psych ward?
Yes, as security?
Yes, and I feel at home howmany clients or customers
approximately there are, likehundreds of them, 20 of them, 10
?
Hundreds man, hundreds of them,hundreds man, working in an

(01:22:52):
environment of mentally ill orquote unquote mentally people.
Do you see that maybe there's amental health issue in the
United States of America?

Speaker 2 (01:23:01):
Of course, of course you know, and it's being, you
know, people are filtering indrugs, alcohol, whatever you
know, vices give allows them alittle bit of escape, you know,
and it's further, you know,further, dragging them down that
hole of mental despair.

Speaker 1 (01:23:20):
Talk to me about self-medication right now.

Speaker 2 (01:23:24):
Yeah, they're getting prescriptions written for
everything.
Man, your biggest dealer isyour doctor.

Speaker 1 (01:23:30):
Let's be honest here I'm talking about like with a
person with mental illness ortrauma, consumes alcohol or
drugs or dope.
To try to numb the talk to meabout that.
Is it effective or not?

Speaker 2 (01:23:43):
no case in point.
Um, my brother tried somethingfor the first time to try a
little bit of escape, 19 yearsold, in law school.
Um last I know he's been inrikers island the last seven
years and he's doing full-blownheroin now, fuck, you know it
doesn't help.
No, it's real, dude, it'sdefinitely real.
It's real and its effects aredevastating and, believe it or

(01:24:07):
not, it's crazy man, thesethings happening around me.
That's what kept me away fromit, because my whole life all I
wanted to do was try drugs,correct, and a lot of them.

Speaker 1 (01:24:16):
Yeah, I was like man, I can't wait.
I want to do the most.

Speaker 2 (01:24:19):
It sounds like a good time, right?
That's what you're thinkingLike.
What are you guys talking about?
But then you start seeingaround you what it's doing,
Correct?

Speaker 1 (01:24:29):
I'm like, oh whoa, this stuff isn't good at all.
Yeah, what is the answer, man?
What is the answer?
Because I, that is staring usin the face.
I mean, we're in downtown SanDiego right now.
You got homeless people.
We see where the problem iscoming from.
We see that government isfunding it.
That is not a conspiracy theory.
No, that is actually fuckingfact, yes and proven yes.

(01:24:49):
What is the answer?
What is?

Speaker 2 (01:24:50):
the solution?
The answer has always beenwithin us.
It's got to be you.
You have to find that salvation.
You got to look yourself in themirror.
Ask yourself this question whenwas the last time you looked
into your eyes?
When was the last time you hada five, 10 minute stare into
your eyes?
What do you see?
I do that periodically andthat's why I fight in a cage.

(01:25:12):
I know what I see.
Do you like the person that yousee in the mirror?
I don't, but I know I need them.
Neither do I, and I agree, Iknow I need them I mean, I see
it the same way yin and yang.

Speaker 1 (01:25:21):
Correct the good wolf versus a bad wolf.

Speaker 2 (01:25:24):
You see, I can't be good without him, so I use mma
as my escape um are you afraidof the man that you're capable
of being?
Yeah yes, me too.
There's no place in society forsomeone like that, right right.
So it takes men like us thatassume the good guy role to face

(01:25:47):
true monsters I don't believewe're assuming the good guy role
.

Speaker 1 (01:25:51):
I'm assuming, I'm feeling that we are naturally in
the good guy role.
Yes, however, if need be, wecan always fall back on what we
have to.

Speaker 2 (01:26:01):
Absolutely right, Definitely well put.
Yes, sir, and that's how I'vealways felt.
Again, I'm like man why?
I feel like I've been called toserve, Don't want to, but I'm
like.
I've always felt like I've beencalled to do it.

Speaker 1 (01:26:15):
You're right on time, dude.
You're right where you need tobe right now, in this exact
moment dude.

Speaker 2 (01:26:19):
Yeah, and I feel it, man.
I feel the energy of it all andI'm just like damn Sometimes I
just don't want to man, it'seasier to just cop out and just
you know, but that's not the way.

Speaker 1 (01:26:28):
It's not the way.

Speaker 2 (01:26:29):
It's not the path, and I know that, and that's what
you said you had 3 millionviews on that freaking fight.

Speaker 1 (01:26:37):
Dude, how did you get into that?
Fighting that backyard brawlingstreet?
What was it called man?

Speaker 2 (01:26:43):
street beefs.
Shout out to my coach, mansuper.

Speaker 1 (01:26:45):
MMA.
Let them know where they canfind you if they tap it in to
see your fight.

Speaker 2 (01:26:48):
Man, I'm gonna watch it right now you can find me
online Vegeta Black versusFairplay or Wild Goose.
My coach, batiste Mansouri.
He's been involved in the mmascene for 20, 30 years.
Man, heavily involved.
Not sure if you heard of tatianasuarez, no, um, well, she's a
traitor.
Um, but before, before you know, she chose that life.

(01:27:11):
Yeah, um, he raised her, youknow um, from a child, you know
and up.
She's in in the UFC.
Now she just had a bout againstAh-Wei Lee.
That's awesome.
It just recently passed.
She wasn't successful and hereare my thoughts on that Because
of truly who she is at her core,her character.
That's why she lost.
You know she's not a goodperson at her core, so, but

(01:27:37):
we'll get into that later on.
But he's coached SeanStrickland.
Um, another piece of crap.
Um, a lot of these people can'tlike you know, somebody that
bites the hand that fed them atany point in your time in your
life.
You're a piece of crap.
It's like I'm sitting here withyou one day, right now, right,
and you turn around you stab mein the back.

Speaker 1 (01:27:53):
Stab me in the back like damn rupert.
You see what I'm saying.
Like it doesn't matter.

Speaker 2 (01:27:57):
it doesn't matter if I, if I lose contact with you
from here on out.
No, I still owe you thatloyalty to speak good on your
name, we had good interactions.
But these people, you see, butthat's why their careers are
going the way they're going.
But okay, I'm sorry, I'mgetting off track Back to Street
Beats.

Speaker 1 (01:28:12):
Yeah, man, when you were fighting in the backyard
All this traitorous activity.

Speaker 2 (01:28:15):
man no, get it out there dude, all this traitorous
activity, man?

Speaker 1 (01:28:17):
No, get it out there, dude, it's going to get out
there man, it's going to get outthere.

Speaker 2 (01:28:20):
But so 2020?
Now they announced lockdownsand I'm actively going through
the separation, the battle athome, right, but what led me to
even fight, man, is crazyspiritual, because after I
learned to walk again on my own,I started to work for a
security company at a dispensary, where I met a gentleman that
was the hiring manager for thesecurity guards at Monster

(01:28:43):
Energy Nice.
So here's the story starts Ihad worked for Monster Energy.
I'm meeting fighters.
Now I'm meeting the gentlemanin charge of sponsoring all the
fighters, hans Mollenkamp.
And one day Hans gives me somefree tickets.
He's like hey, man, you want to?
You ever watch a man?
No, I've never been to a show,but he's like you want to go.

(01:29:04):
I was like he's like rightthere on terry.
I was like man, baby, yeah,I'll take it.
Um, so I take my wife at thetime.
We go.
We go to the show.
Lo and behold man.
What are the chances of this?
Kevin holland he fights in ufccurrently, right now went to
high school with kevin.
I used to smoke with kevin andhis grandpa.
We're childhood friends.
I told kevin no when kevin.

(01:29:24):
He might lie about it, butkevin wanted to join my clique
in high school.
Yeah, I told him no, right, heto me.
He was a skater, you know, butgreat guy, I didn't take
anything from him for being askater.
I just thought, no, this lifeisn't for you.
I was always that, that persontoo.
If I could, if I thought youweren't that type of person, I
wouldn't even let you engageover here.
You know so.
But long story short, kevin'sfighting.

(01:29:46):
That night, on the King of theCage card that I got from Hans,
I reached out to Kevin onFacebook.
On Facebook, hey, dude, I wantto try this MMA.
Where should I go?
Kevin's the one that got metraining with my coach that I'm
still with to this day.
That's awesome.
But fast forward 2020, thingsare on lock.
Now my coach mentioned StreetBeavis.
He's like I want you to stayactive, man.
I don't want you to get like noring rest or anything.

(01:30:08):
I think you should compete.
I was like I never heard of it,but I'll check it out.
Start watching the fightsonline.
It's right up my alley, man, Icould do this.
So, yeah, I fought a guy namedFairplay.
He came from Jersey.
Shout out to Fairplay, shoutout to Jersey man, honorable guy
, man, great guy.
He came from Jersey, nobodywanted to fight him and I'm
sitting here like there's no wayyou're going to come to

(01:30:28):
California and nobody wants tofight you, so I'll fight you.
Yeah, so he was like MMA.
In my thinking process at thetime, I felt that I could have
beat him in MMA.
I said that's not going to goviral.
I said I need something to goviral.
Right In my mind's eye is can Igain the traction, can I gain
the attention of the people,regardless of the outcome?

(01:30:51):
Because I lost.
Let's get that out the way.
But what exactly did I loseExactly?
It went all three rounds wentto a decision.
No, that's a win, dude, it's awin.
It was a great learningexperience.
He follows me on social media,but we did.
I think in the first six monthswe did like a million views.

Speaker 1 (01:31:10):
That's a lot dude yeah.

Speaker 2 (01:31:25):
I've been in this social media game now for two
years's.
Hitting a million is freakinghard, dude.
Street beefs is a big platform.
Yeah, so I knew.
I knew that.
So the numbers are there, butyou still have to be like you
know how all these guys becomplaining about money they
earn and stuff that's their ownfault.
Think about it, right boring.

Speaker 1 (01:31:31):
What makes you want to watch any of these guys.
I like watching nate diazfights and because he has
personality.

Speaker 2 (01:31:36):
Yeah, that, that's Stockton man, right?
You know what I mean?
Yeah, he has that Californiapersonality.
Yeah, kevin's doing well, theycall him Big Mouth.
That California personality?
Yeah, you know shit, california.
We're going to talk man Facts,dude, but a lot of these guys.
They're, you know.

Speaker 1 (01:31:53):
Real quick guess is that a lot of people probably
have a misconception of peoplefrom california thinking all
those liberal hippies, man, isit really like that over here,
or there's some solid?

Speaker 2 (01:32:02):
dudes.
It's some solid dudes man listenthey don't call this the west
coast for no reason, man.
Hey, coast with me.
Man, it's a lot of culture here.
Um, I was called.
Look at, look at the product.
I'm a product of this culture.
Yeah, do you know, beforenipsey hussle passed, man, I, I
had the honor.
Man, thank you, jesus.
Shout out to my cousin.
His portrait is on my back.
He's the one I lost afterBritain.

(01:32:22):
Okay, he took me to Nipsey whenhe was dealing out of his trunk
, so to see what he built toAwesome, dude, you know, because
all those neighborhoods areconnected and I owe my life to
Brandon, because Brandon was theone that to the stupidity I was
trying to get involved in.
He took me around to differentneighborhoods and he showed me
how real reputables from thoseneighborhoods lived.

(01:32:43):
I was just, I'm causing chaosin IE, but these guys, this is
their reality every day.
Yeah, it's no joke.
It's no joke and I'm forevergrateful for him, for showing me
that, because in a sense, hesaved my life.
So you still train MMA.
Yes, it's been six years,that's what's up since my wife
that show.
She looked at me.
She said if you took thisserious, yeah, this would be

(01:33:06):
nothing to you.
And it's like I think that washer mission, how I brought her
dad into her life.
Yeah, I think she brought mymission to me with this mma,
because I've lost a lot behindit, including her, and the day I
started out I knew that was apossibility, but I was willing
to accept anything.

Speaker 1 (01:33:24):
What future goals or aspirations do you have for
yourself and your life?

Speaker 2 (01:33:29):
My future goals and aspirations.
I do want to go to law school.
I think it's one of my dad'sonly regrets.
Like I said, in just 10 years,at 49 years old, with seven kids
, he went to his PhD here,became a professor.
He taught English andpsychology, but one of his
regrets was law school.
He said if I would have justhad the time I would have done

(01:33:51):
law school.
And the thing is, I'm not reallya school person, but I've
always been smart.
I tried to suppress that, butI've always been smart.
I tried to suppress that.
My, my intelligence, myintelligentness, I'm smart.
I suppressed it to try tobecome fit in, you know.
So it's something I know Icould do, absolutely dude.
Yes, I can see that a hundredpercent.
That's my long-term goal.

(01:34:12):
But my goal for right now is toembark upon this mission and to
talk to the kids that are inthe positions where I was and
tell them that it does getbetter.
It doesn't matter whatenvironment you've been birthed
in.
You know diamonds are in themuddiest and shittiest
conditions.
You know survive.
You'll shine again one day, butyou can't use this as an excuse

(01:34:32):
.

Speaker 1 (01:34:33):
If you could give a final message to the youth out
there, what would you tell them,man?

Speaker 2 (01:34:42):
Don't use your position in life at the moment
as an excuse.
Um, weaponize it as energy.
Use it to uh to guide you tothe next level.
Different levels requiredifferent uh, different versions
of yourself.
Don't quit on the you right now.
The pain, unfortunately, howbad it might feel, is for a

(01:35:03):
reason and it's going to revealyou to your higher self.
But you got to hold on in orderfor that to happen.

Speaker 1 (01:35:13):
Yes, sir, no man steps in the same river twice.
Where it's not the same man,it's not the same river.
It's not the same river.
That's true.
That's what it reminded me ofman You're going to you're
different stages of life isgoing to require a different
level of you.
Yes, Fuck dude.
Well, I want to thank you, man,for that experience.
I knew this was going to be abanger bro.

Speaker 2 (01:35:40):
I knew this was going barely nothing, man.
It was just like I was tellingyou.
It was random how I was justsitting here scrolling through
the Explore page and it just wasin there and I said, oh, let me
click on that.
And now we're here.
That's God, dude, that's Godman.

Speaker 1 (01:35:46):
So once again, rupert , thanks for coming out.

Speaker 2 (01:35:48):
man Pleasure having you guys here.
Thank you for having me.

Speaker 1 (01:36:07):
Appreciate you.
Knowledge you can't getanywhere else except here.

Speaker 2 (01:36:09):
So if you like what you saw, make sure you hit that
subscribe button.
Love you guys.
Keep pushing forward unhingedline.
Hector's legend engraved.

Speaker 1 (01:36:13):
Living life raw, never been tamed.
From the hood to the truthentails plan hector bra won't
hinge.
Story never ends.

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