March 30, 2021 • 42 mins
This is a raw & vulnerable account of a former missionary youth pastor turned tantra teacher and her incredible journey of healing through trauma, shame and abuse.*
A brave narrative of how she stood up to owning her power after disassociating from her oppressive, fundamental, Christian-cult following patriarchal family structure; breaking out of her good girl image to discovering the paradigm-shifting wisdom of Indian Goddesses and leading her to teaching the feminine way of Neo Tantra.
Amy Jindra is a Tantra Teacher, Sacred Sexuality Coach, and writer. Passionate about sharing sacred sexuality and the healing it brings through tantra. Amy takes great pride helping create a world without shame and guilt, especially around sexuality and our bodies, so that everyone can live a fully expressed and vivid life.
Follow her on
IG here : https://www.instagram.com/amy.jindra/
FB here: https://www.facebook.com/amy.jindra.1
*This episode is for all those healing & have been working through trauma, abuse, psychosocial & religious obstacles to owning their agency, power and path.
Please consider talking to a therapist & reach out to Amy for recommendation if this episode brings up any unprocessed grief.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:12):
Welcome to this powerfulcontainer of infinite
possibilities to a highest stateof awareness.
Join me.
Should we shut that tie as weuncover the pathways to the
world's most illuminatedleaders, Seacoast creators.
And perhaps even some saints
Sritha (00:32):
today, I have with me Amy Jindra, a certified tantra
coach.
Who has taught workshops, workedwith clients all over the world.
She's really passionate aboutsharing secrets, sexuality and
the healing it brings and takesimmense pride in helping the
world without shame and guilt.
Especially around sexualitiesand our body so that everyone
(00:54):
can live a fully expressed andvivid life.
Her mission is to build aplatform of sexual healing and
education programs that bringawareness to sexual trauma and
the power of tantra practice toheal.
She has two books available onAmazon, woman and me and the one
she's released right in themiddle of COVID be with me.
(01:17):
I met Amy and one of a commonfriends Valentine's dinner I.
Got this beautiful opportunityto witness her thrawled entire
room her practice.
And for me at that point oftime, I had just about a year
in, in New York, I was shy abouttantra because.
(01:38):
You know, Indian, cultural,conservatism kind of leaves me
away, but something about Amymade it seem so, so welcoming.
And with that, I'd like to look,come here, Amy.
Thank you so much for cominghere on the podcast.
AMY (01:54):
It's good to see your face and hear your voice and hear
your voice.
Sritha (01:59):
So dive right deep into it Tried, most of the questions
and the articles out there.
Ooh, tantra sex.
And I know, Oh, that's not whatit is.
Is a path to yourself toexperiencing life.
Completely.
A lot of people used it toattract.
Find your best man.
Find your perfect, get richdoing tantra.
(02:22):
You have done any of those.
I'd love for you to speak onwhat you believe your brand of
tantra is supposed to be?
AMY (02:31):
Yeah, well, I have a brand of Tundra.
It's kind of me navigating thisand there's so many different
facets to it.
Cause I'm a Western white womanteaching a very controversial
ancient practice from a lineagein India.
I'm can't generalize it and belike, Oh, I've heard white women
(02:52):
specifically say, Oh, well,Indians don't own this.
It was a practice that's fromEgypt.
And it was also in like ancientBabylon and whatever.
And it's just like, That's itvery white supremacist.
,thing to say, because we thinkabout the history of tantra,
this path, that's so taboo andit's taboo and a lot of reasons,
(03:14):
not just because it doesn'tignore sex, it improves it in
your practices.
But because there were femaleleaders back in ancient days, it
broke a lot of the rules of howyou're supposed to act any.
Texts that you read, whetherit's ancient or modern from a
teacher is talking aboutshedding, your conceptions of
(03:35):
who you are and how you perceivethe world So of course it's a
little dangerous versus society.
Whenever you're teaching people,how to question everything and
to be uncomfortable, going theirown way and going their own
path.
And it's wild.
For me, the path of tantra is afeminine one you're connecting
with the feminine aspects oflife, which have been stripped
(03:57):
from us so many ways.
And so many times, especiallyhere in the West, we get born
into a hospital in a sterileenvironment and the wild primal,
natural instincts that we have.
As women and as fathers and aspeople, we're taught to think in
ways of consuming and thinkingof ways of checking boxes and
(04:19):
being very logical and practicalwhen you actually get out into
nature and start to get removedfrom more of the modern.
Styles of living, then yourealize, well, nature's fucking
wild and brutal and beautifuland powerful.
And I'm also a part of that.
I'm not separate from that.
So What has been this wild path,and it's also called the
(04:41):
lightening path because when youstart to practice and start to
tap in to, what's essentiallyyour sexual energy, which is our
life force energy, it's how wecreate a child.
You're tapping into that.
You're cultivating more of that.
Where are you going to put it?
And if you have a ton of wounds,of course, you're going to be
like, Oh, well I want to makemyself better.
I want to be rich and showeverybody how great I am.
(05:01):
Or I want to check a partner whowill love me in ways that I
can't love myself, or howeveryou want to spin it.
You got to put that energysomewhere.
And one thing that's really beengrilled into me the last three
years as a practitioner.
And not just as a teacher hasbeen to honor where it comes
from and the people who.
Held that sacred knowledge forthousands and thousands of
(05:24):
years, especially theperspective of America.
We are, we're a baby country andtalking to some of my teachers
in India.
They're like India has beenaround for over 10,000 years.
Like you guys.
You'll come and go.
Like we're not worried aboutyou.
And that's just kind of shockedme.
And I was like, Whoa, inAmerica, we're like, we're in a
world power.
Everybody wants to be us.
(05:44):
And it's like, well, that'sactually not true.
And there's things that we don'tunderstand because we are so
young.
And part of my unlearning, mywhite supremacy had to do with
my spirituality.
And especially in turn, turningaround and teaching and going,
who am I to teach this?
Like, do I have the rights tothis to even understand where
this comes from and what isperfect about what we talked
(06:06):
about earlier?
Really presenting Tanisha islike, it's a living, breathing
energy and force and path.
And yes, it's East meets Westthere's aspects that are open to
me as a Western woman to freelypractice without so much fear of
being abandoned or shamed, oreven killed in some aspects and
(06:26):
the Eastern understanding ofwhere it actually comes from and
how to honor it, how to honoryour teachers.
So it's definitely a meeting ofboth of those.
Have been particularlyinterested in knowing about the
Western and the Eastern woman,because me born in India brought
up in different bubbles anddifferent experiences.
When I moved to America, one ofmy biggest aha moments was.
(06:49):
Whoa, like I thought Vivasuppressed.
And then I moved here and I'd belike, yeah.
How bad patriarchy was likedisguised over here.
I'd love for us to go into yourstory, your personal story of
being born into that you haveall us witnesses.
In the name of sacred.
They put upon many oppressionand you had this experience of
(07:10):
finding your spirituality andseeking what is right for you
how did you listen to that innervoice?
When you went from being theJoel's witness, a kid from there
breaking out of that church,finding personal experiences
that were really devastatingbecoming a youth pastor leader,
(07:31):
I was raised to have thiswitness and it is so wildly
controlled and fear based.
So it was all about what not todo and their safety in that when
you have so many rules andpeople, they actually have a
panel of.
Elders of men that will, you cancome to and be like, is this
right?
What should I do in thissituation?
(07:52):
And they will give you a finalanswer on that.
it's pretty wild, but if youwant the safety and security of.
Always knowing what's right.
And never living in the graybeing in this polarized world
where, you know, what's rightand what's wrong and you know,
why bad things happen, it feelssafe.
But what it's doing is reallytaking away your power or your
personality, it's stripping youof that spark.
(08:15):
But I, as a little girl, I wasalways really wild.
I was loud.
I was obnoxious.
I asked too many questions.
It was always getting in troubleand I didn't know how to not be
that.
My family was super strict withit and the Jehovah's witness
realm and would always try todictate like how I dressed and
how I wore my hair.
And I wasn't allowed to be likeloud or provocative and I'm very
(08:38):
loud and productive.
Like I think I was just born outof the room loud and everybody
face.
So with that, I just never fitin, but anytime like I would
dance or create or be in nature,I would feel so connected to
something bigger than me.
And I just always was like,yeah, I don't believe you guys.
And I remember being like fiveyears old and they like having
(09:00):
me read these scriptures andthese books and give a talk on
it.
And I was just like, I'm notreally into this, this isn't my
thing.
but.
Part of our psychology.
We have to have the safety ofour family as a child said, live
and survive.
And so we adapt and we learn tosuppress parts of ourselves that
are dangerous for our familybonds and our ties.
(09:21):
So I learned how to be polishedand how to be mild and meek and
obedient.
And it just, you know, it washard and so hard for me.
I felt like I was just so big inmy skin also within the church,
like you, you don't have sexuntil you're married.
And basically a woman's place isto get married and have children
(09:41):
and serve.
Her husband and served forcongregation and that's one's
life outside of that.
It's like, there was just allthese messages of like, if there
was a woman, like who maybe weresingle and her late forties and
didn't have kids, everybody'sbeen like, Oh, poor thing, and
things like that.
And the positions of power withthat I worked at as a young
(10:02):
girl, it really bothered me thatit was all men.
there was not any womenreflected in the Bible that were
like me where I was like, I havetwo brothers, I'm definitely
smarter than them.
Like, I can handle it.
Like I can handle myself.
What do you mean they're allowedto do these things?
And I'm not, or even my family,like I asked my dad, I was like,
you want to go to college?
(10:22):
And he's like, no, he's like,you just need to get married and
worry about that.
And so I was like, okay, I'mstill going to go to college.
Like screw you guys.
But.
It was just heavy.
It was just like, almost as if.
Wow.
I'm really choosing over yourlungs.
Like you're not going to love meif I go my own way.
And that kind of just gotimpressed upon me over and over.
(10:44):
And when it comes to certainthings like, especially
sexuality, There's so much shamearound it that shifts you don't
even realize you're picking upsome stories of your parents.
And you're hearing that andyou're like, Oh, this, until you
learn to question where youlearned about sex and sexuality,
you automatically believe whatyour parents taught you or what
your community teaches you.
Or maybe it was like a TV showthat you just caught on to and
(11:07):
use very subtly.
You're like, Oh, this is what Ibelieve.
And with that, like within thechurch, I was already in trouble
all the time.
I was always like, and a wildone, I was really young, like I
was getting in trouble, like Iran away from home.
Like I was always acting out Iwas really angry at like a
really young age.
And whenever I was 12 years old,I was molested by a member of
(11:31):
the church and they were like,Oh, well, I'm going to take you
far away from this small townand your family and telling me
all these beautiful things and.
The thing about sexual abuse isthat we picture it as something
so violent.
And so it's so outside of ourlives.
So we think it's like someonewho isn't a ski mask and an
(11:52):
alley going come here a littlegirl.
And it's usually someone thatno, it's usually someone in your
community and your socialcircles and what's hard to
identify sexual abuse or evenspeak up about it is because
they don't abuse everyone.
people who target, especiallyyounger children, they're not
out like touching everyone ormaking it known.
(12:12):
They usually have a pretty greatpersona in the community where
everyone's like, Oh, I love thatguy.
Or I love that person.
And, and that's what makes ittricky.
And that's what makes it toughto speak up on is it's hard for
people to accept that.
And it's also hard because ifpeople don't see it firsthand,
We're just programmed to go, Oh,don't talk about that.
(12:33):
Whether that's abuse or justsexuality in general.
So it's just like this breedingground of abuse and pain.
Whenever we don't talk aboutsex.
And when something like thathappened and I was a young girl
and I was like, I definitelycan't go to my parents with
this.
I'm gonna get in so much troubleand it just continued to happen.
And finally, I told a friend.
(12:55):
Who told the parents who toldthe congregation.
And so it got out and like theydid all the right things, quote,
unquote of what they knew.
So I went to therapy, they hadme file a police report, but
what I learned at a really youngage was like, none of this made
it better.
Like the things that.
(13:17):
They're putting into place ofwhat we were supposed to do
after your child is sexuallyabused.
None of it made me feel safe inmy body.
I didn't feel safe talking aboutsex.
I kind of just turned into ashell of a person and I would
have these overwhelming emotionsand not know where to put them
in a really young age.
And I just learned to shut itdown.
And just become really numb andplastic almost where I was like,
(13:41):
okay, I'm going to perceive whatyou want me to be.
And I'm going to be that becauseI no longer feel safe in my
body.
I don't want to be abandoned.
I don't want that kind of pain.
And there wasn't a way for me tofeel safe, to feeling all of it
and even understanding fullywhat happened and because also
psychologically.
If you're molested, sometimes Ijust feel good.
(14:03):
And you associate that pleasureor that heat.
or even that intimacy for me, Ithink with my abuser, it just
was so nice to have someone payattention to me and be soft with
me and loving.
And when I got hurt, what thatdid, was it created?
A connection to my shame.
I started to believe when mypants were like, Oh, you're bad.
(14:23):
You're not you're this you'rethat you're too loud.
You're too much.
It was like, Oh, they'reprobably right.
Like, I, got hurt because I'mthis.
And I just internalize that aslike, I need to be different.
So that just doesn't happenanymore.
And life can just be better.
Sritha (14:39):
then you go through abuse, which further makes you
internalize saying it's myfault.
And I don't have but I think alot of women go through that
place where Yes, it was me.
I was a reasoning.
Even though cognitively andintellectually, you're no, it
was all of his, that's theirfault.
Then there's an element where,you also internalize all of
(15:03):
this.
How were you able to movethrough how did that manifest
for you?
AMY (15:08):
So I just completely shut down and I was like, all right,
I'm gonna try my best to justsurvive at this point.
And it was just like sheersurvival mode.
I developed like wild anxiety.
I was like afraid of traveling.
I was afraid of leaving my smalltown.
I was afraid of so many thingsthat didn't necessarily match up
(15:31):
with my personality and who Ireally am.
So that looks like I starteddrinking at a young age I would
act out and then I would feelincredible guilt and shame over
it.
And then I would go back to myfamily make my life about them
and taking care of them andbeing the good daughter.
So totally unconsciously, justrunning around, trying to
survive, like had no plan for mylife.
(15:52):
so I found this church that itwas like, okay, it's still like
against my parents' religion.
And it was a Holy ghost church.
So it was like very curiousabout it.
And you're working with the Holyspirit and people would have
miracles in tongues and it wasvery ecstatic and I was having
all these ecstatic experienceswith this church.
So in my brain, I was like, Ohwow.
(16:13):
I feel so good here.
And they knew me and they leftme like, this must be the thing.
So I just immersed myself at ayoung age into this church and I
was like, Nope, new life plan.
I'm going to be a pastor's wife.
I'm going to go to Bible school,all that stuff.
And I'm just trying, at thispoint, I was still young at this
(16:34):
point.
I'm like 19.
So, and I'm in Bible school.
How did he find the height?
I just met?
I just met someone who was like,come to church with me.
And I was like, like, I feel soweird about this.
So uncomfortable.
But what got me was like, theywere singing and they were happy
and they were joyful and it wasa community.
(16:56):
And I was like, Oh yeah, thisis, this is where I belong.
And then I started studying theBible, really studying the Bible
contextually, like from ahistorical standpoint also, how
it developed, how it got spreadthroughout the world.
And I was like, Whoa, Whathappened to all the women?
Like there's no women in theBible that are like me and as a
(17:17):
youth pastor where I would getup and give these sermons.
And I was a missionary, I wastraveling all over the world,
like preaching and sharing aboutlove and Pierce and joy, but I
still didn't have that.
All the way within myself.
Cause I was still shut down.
I still had to be monetarist andconservative and it's like, well
we don't talk about this.
Or, Oh, we don't go here and wedon't do this.
(17:38):
And it's just like, well, itstill wasn't there for me.
And what I started to do also islook at.
different bodies of texts forspiritual beliefs and part of
Bible schools.
You learn how to convert otherreligions by studying their
culture and their body of workand their religion.
And when I was reading aboutdifferent religions that have
(17:58):
feminine goddesses, I was like,what are you talking about?
Like, I've never even.
Thought of the concept of Godbeing like me at all.
It's always this older man who'smad at me and I have to follow
the rules or I'm going to go tohell.
Like that's, that's what Ibelieved.
And it just.
Blew something open in me thatit could be different, that it
could be like me as I am.
(18:20):
And instead of having to fightmy nature, and I thought that
for a long time, I kind oftucked it away and continue.
And I got married to someonethat my parents loved and was
like super conservative andbuilding my cute little lines
and.
It just all exploded one yearand I was still studying goddess
worship and I was still settinglike different religions.
(18:42):
But it was very quiet.
It wasn't out in the open.
I still hadn't healed mysexuality.
So in order to even have sexwith my husband, I would be
really drunk or I would alwayslike feel super rigid.
And the moments that I did feelpleasure, I would notice that I
would feel really guilty after.
And as an adult, I was like,wait, no, I'm supposed to be
six.
(19:02):
I got married.
That was supposed to be thebridge of like, now you get to
enjoy sex.
And I was like, wait, no, I didthe thing.
I got married.
There's a paper that says likewhite, like I'm allowed to
orgasm now.
Right.
And it just wasn't connectingfor me.
So I had this really.
Eye opening year and it was justeverything kind of, the rug got
(19:26):
pulled out.
And I just had all these cleardecisions to make of like, are
you going to really take care ofyourself and love yourself?
Or are you going to get backinto box?
And I was in a bar class, thoselike pure bar where it's like
ballet and Pilates class.
And I.
For some reason that year, I waslike super into fitness and like
really cleaning up my diet andlike no alcohol, like no sugar.
(19:50):
I was just really feeling mybody for the first time and
honoring that, which I'd neverdone in my life.
always like transcend the body.
Like the body is sinful.
The body is causes pain.
The body is what we're trying toescape from.
I was in his paragraph class andwe were tucking our pelvis.
help explore squeezes.
And I just had these ripples oforgasm, like violently through
(20:10):
my body.
And I had never felt pleasurelike that before.
And I had no idea what it was.
I was so amazed and surprisedand just blown open by how good
my own body can feel.
And I realized, wow, I reallyhave no idea.
How to treat myself.
I have no idea who I am.
I've been like trying to getpieces from other people of who
(20:32):
I am, but this kind of beautyand power was just in me.
And I didn't know that.
And so I kind of followed thecookie crumbs and I remember the
moment my best friend went to gostudy with a Dow, his teacher.
And I was like, Oh no, there'ssomething about this.
Tom's your teacher.
And I just fully submitted likehead in.
First.
And I was just like, there'ssomething here that I'm missing.
(20:53):
she was a Neo tantra teacher.
So she studied in India forabout 10 years.
But when she came back toAmerica to teach.
her groomer is like code, takethis to the Western woman.
So she came and brought somepractices here, but it was
geared towards intimacy andsexuality.
And when it's really focused onthat is called me on tantra.
Because if you go study tantrain India, it's not going to be
about sex and relationships.
(21:15):
It's going to be about mantraand yantra and Contra.
It's a complete, slightlydifferent approach.
So I started studying with herand we started to really get
into the layers of why I'mafraid of my own power, why I am
afraid of myself, why I've beenliving such a small controlled
life.
And it had to do so much with, Ijust have never been allowed to
(21:37):
be a powerful woman or a sexualwoman, or just relax and not be
on the edge of my seat of who Ishould be for other people.
And.
That was revolutionary for me.
And I worked a lot with Hindugoddesses who helped me heal a
lot of my heart and a lot of mysexual wounds, because it was
like, wow, I'm looking at thesescriptures that are devoted and
(22:00):
people pray to these goddessesand.
You feel that devotion, you feelthat love and that power behind
it, but they get angry.
They fuck, they love, theyfight.
And I was like, Whoa, anyconcept that I had of a woman
was like the Virgin Harry andwhere she's super pious and
she's a vessel for God to comethrough, but she's not actually
(22:21):
divine, you know?
And it was just working with.
The idea is that, wow, I alsohave that in me.
I also have that divinity and meand in my body, it really
started to shed those layersquickly of who I thought life
was about.
And I no longer was just tryingto survive and maybe get like
morsels of love from peoplealong the way.
(22:42):
I was like, Whoa, I'm reallystarting to create my own life.
And I'm really starting toembody who I am.
And for me, it's so important towalk into a room full of women
and to just be able to relax andbe myself.
And even though there arepowerful rituals and practices,
there's such an opening of like,Just sharing who you are with
(23:06):
somebody that already startsthat shift of like, wow, if your
nervous system is calm andrelaxed, my nervous system is
calm and relaxed.
If you are pissed off and angryand fiery, but you're not
destroying with it.
You just are like, even justbeing around somebody in a pure
emotion, it's just so liberatingand Creating environments for
(23:26):
women to not only explore theirown energy when they feel like
with your pleasure but alsogetting to move through things
like emotions and traumas andthe history of the stories of
who they think they are.
And.
Feeling unguarded, like creatingspace for that is so important
to me and wherever I go, I'mconstantly like trying to create
(23:49):
that environment for women.
And I get a lot of men who werelike, what about men?
We need that too.
And I'm just like, I'm sorry.
I just, I feel like, in mypractice and in my life, like,
Whenever a woman bodys her powerand loves herself completely and
knows where she begins and whereshe ends, like that affect the
whole community.
(24:09):
we're going to share that we'regoing to spread that we don't
have to just keep it all toourselves because we don't.
And that's the feminine way,whether it's a male or a woman,
we, we share, we uplifteverybody whenever we are.
Healing and whenever we are ableto give from a full place.
Sritha (24:27):
Totally agree with that whole idea of working with
women, helping them get intotheir power.
That was all my businesses thatI've started in the last year.
Seven years is about how do weget women to fall in love with
themselves.
I loved that whole story becauseof your disempowerment and your
lack of enjoying a pleasure ofguilt-free you followed these
(24:49):
cookie crumbs, he kept followingit, and then found your aha
moment found something thatreally uplifted you tooth key to
that space of complete pleasure.
Orgasm A I know this is aquestion.
Every girlfriend's.
And I remember sitting down,it's like, okay, I don't know if
I actually had an orgasm yet.
What is a full body orgasm?
AMY (25:09):
Women have six different types of orgasms and a lot of
learning to tap into yourpleasure.
It's being able to turn yourbrain off.
Your brain is actually yourlargest sex organ.
And whenever we have manypreconceived notions of what we
think it should be, how we thinkit should feel or look, we're
actually blocking our pleasure.
(25:32):
That's a huge of living and thenorgasmic state or having access
to pleasure is.
And it being in a meditativestate where you can have one
thought, be completely present,whether that's with yourself
during masturbation or with apartner when you're getting
ready for socks or engagingtogether, presence is such a key
(25:53):
part and pleasure.
And that's where breath work.
Meditation mantra really helpedto calm your body, calm your
mind down and calm your nervoussystem down.
So you can actually feel.
Whenever we get into that, like,I want an orgasm, I want an
orgasm.
It becomes like almost acompetition for ourselves that
in turn blocks it because we'renot present with what's really
(26:15):
there and orgasm.
Isn't really the goal becausesex is incredibly healing.
I mean, we're primal beings atthe end of the day.
it's part of our socialstructure, sexist, something
where we create a space thatrequires another person to.
Give us attention and touch andbe with us in that moment.
And you're sharing somethingjust between the two of you.
(26:38):
And that is a very rareoccurrence outside of church or
meditation or yoga.
Like it's being with anotherperson completely.
Present if possible.
And whenever we experiencepleasure, there's a lot of
studies done about how women areactually orgasming, but not
feeling it because their brainisn't saying, Oh, this is
pleasure.
And how you rewire your brainfor pleasure is calm down your
(27:03):
nervous system and explore yourown Bonnie.
I love a unique practice.
I think that's one of the keytools and really connecting with
your body, giving yourselfpermission to touch your pussy
or your body, or exploreyourself and really start to
feel how sensitive your internaltissues are.
A lot of women are stillclenched and have lack of blood
(27:26):
flow and energetically.
You're also cutting off yourenergy to that space, your
sacred, that also your feminineenergy, where we create life
from.
And even if you don't want tohave a child or can't have a
child, you still have thatenergy of creation within you.
So orgasm really is just amovement and opening to pleasure
and a full body.
(27:46):
Orgasm is just You've.
Opens to not just having a spikeof pleasure and your clitoris or
in your G-spot, but it's reallywaves and ripples where you feel
it in every cell of your body.
And it's like at the tip of yourtea, your hair, your fingernails
are orgasming and you just feelpleasure.
And it's not in a way, that wesee in movies where it's not
(28:09):
this spike.
Like a lot of orgasms are kindof like a lightning strike it's
um, it's just a sharp peak oforgasm and pleasure, and then
it's over.
And then maybe you feel kind oftired after when you eat some
food or you just roll over andfall asleep.
Um, the other side of that,whenever you have used opening
healing orgasms, essentiallybecause you.
(28:30):
With practice.
And with time you can move yourown energy.
A lot of my clients say it'slike, Oh, this is like sex.
Reiki is, you know what Reiki iswhere it's like energy movement
on a chocolate system.
I'm like, it is that's yourenergy and you can move it.
You can enhance, you can open indifferent ways.
So for instance, if I have beenfeeling anxiety or really shut
(28:51):
down or lack of confidence, Imight really focus on my core
and I'll do a core workout.
Really see if I'm feeling weak.
See if my thoughts even come upof maybe I can get to that root
of my thought process of like,why my core.
Of my being, which is your,solar plexus.
So it's your power, it's yoursolar energy.
(29:12):
It's your ability to go out intothe world and get things done
and to actually be effective.
And so if I want to work onthat, I can even.
Have an orgasmic practice andjust focus on that part of my
body open, really listen to it,open it and through like massage
or maybe one or just breath workand visualization, like start to
see what's really going onbecause our body has so much
(29:35):
wisdom in it.
And if we're living just fromthe neck up and just from our
brain and our perceptions ofwhat things are, and everything
needs to be in a neat littlebox, that's actually not the
part of our brain that we feelpleasure in.
It's the other, it's the grayarea that we need to be in to
order to experience instead ofto categorize.
Sritha (29:55):
So how does one embody that feminine, this power you've
tapped into cause where you'renot feeling power is exactly
where you are.
The most powerful is what Ibelieve.
So if someone's experiencing sayrepression in specific space and
they're using differentmodalities, maybe meditation,
how did you start using this?
(30:17):
Tapped channels for yourself.
AMY (30:19):
My most crucial part, is my discipline.
So showing up for myself everyday.
So there are different ways totap into that energy.
And I invite people to explorewith that whenever you feel
pleasure, what are you doing inthat moment?
Are you dancing?
Are you singing?
Are you cooking?
What is that?
I love to look at Saks becauseit is so taboo, but it also
(30:40):
gives you every piece ofinformation that you need.
So if you're numb, if you areaddicted, if you are doubtful or
not confident, or whatever'sgoing on in your mind, how
you're showing up for yourselfthrough masturbation and orgasm
or with your partner, is goingto give you all the information
that you need for the rest ofyour life.
If you're paying attention.
(31:01):
So.
For instance, if I feel reallyshut down to my body and I,
every time I go to Oregon and Iwant to cry, like I can use that
as a meditation, I can slowdown, really be with myself.
Calm, my nervous system damageis key so that we're not in
fight or flight, and we're notcreating stories around what
this means so that we don't haveto be uncomfortable, which is a
(31:23):
lot of patterns that we have islike, I just don't want to be
uncomfortable.
So I'm going to externally tryto control this, but finding a
practice where not only can yoube comfortable being
uncomfortable and that's how youstart to shed, what's not real
and what's not you.
And what's right.
Closing around your power is I'mreally uncomfortable right now,
(31:43):
but I'm not going to make itworse.
I'm not going to create anenvironment where I'm going to
numb out.
I'm going to feel this.
I'm going to see what's reallythere and have compassion for
myself, but also to then feelpleasure.
Too, even when you'reuncomfortable or sad or angry or
frustrated, you have somethingthat I'm like, Oh, I'm going to
do this.
And I know I'm going to feelgood.
(32:03):
You're going to get those goodendorphins.
You're going to get serotoninand oxytocin.
And you're going to calm downyour central nervous system,
which is cute too.
Any type of power is.
Connecting with your body andyour body, not only just being a
vessel for your consciousness,but a key piece in your
experience in life and having itbe sacred.
(32:26):
And I think in religion, there'ssome context of your body as a
temple.
And even though we read it inBible school, like I didn't
believe my body was in temple.
I felt dirty.
I felt wrong.
I felt unsafe.
And having to really reclaimthat through pleasure, through
learning, to calm myself down,through having the discipline to
(32:48):
sit in my discomfort.
And my path was with a teacherwho would hold my ass
accountable and every mentor andteacher that I've had, that's
been so effective.
Has.
Not in afraid of pissing me offhas not been afraid of making me
uncomfortable.
They loved me enough to likebring out that sort of truth,
which is it can be superpainful, but also what thank
(33:08):
you.
Thank you for that.
I get caught up in my bullshitand I needed help and community.
So all of a sudden, other partof that is sisterhood.
Like when we're healing, wedon't have to do it alone.
And it's easier to connect withour self-love.
If we have mirrors with peoplewho can also look at us with
love.
So sometimes when we wake up andwe feel like shit, and we're
(33:31):
just like, God, what am I doing?
This my life I'm exhausted.
I'm broken.
I'm this I'm alone.
Whatever.
But having a community, havingsisterhood, having someone who
can look at you and even playthat game of like, wait, I would
never say these things to you.
Why am I saying it to myself?
So I think community is reallyimportant.
Having a practice that includesyour body and also exploring
(33:54):
your pleasure is so important.
And traditionally in tantra,it's theirs.
The rituals that are done by apriest precess.
There's the principles that youcan do that you can do at home.
But, these aren't always themost effective, especially from
a Western perspective.
It doesn't always feel like yourhome.
It may feel like so foreign toyou or so far out of your
(34:17):
comfort zone.
And that's when I think brasswork is such a powerful tool
because you don't need anythingoutside of you, it's you and
your breath, and you can learnhow good you feel.
You can learn your fear.
You can learn how to calmyourself down and really be
present with your breath.
And I think that might be one ofthe key tools of bridging the
East and West is likeunderstanding the power of our
(34:38):
breath.
Sritha (34:39):
you believe that it is finding a good teacher that
helped you to get to that nextstate?
Right?
How does one person beginningthat journey, N one, and learn
more about pleasure themselves,how to embody this power
themselves?
How should they find the rightteacher?
AMY (34:55):
Get a chest yourself and just kind of learn to get quiet
and follow the cookie crumbs.
And I don't necessarily believethat everyone has to have a
guru.
Like there are very few truegrooves out in the world today,
but having someone who embodieswhat you're looking for and who
can hold you accountable can belife-changing.
there are so many ways to getthere.
You can read books and you canpractice, but I think.
(35:18):
Either way you choose, whetherit's through a teacher or self
studies.
it's really about listening toyourself.
It's really about.
Finding something that your bodyis actually responding to and
having that chemical reactionwithin yourself, having that
physical that really lands itfor you because our brain is so
tricky.
I get so many clients, like Igot to a sales.
(35:38):
I called today.
And she was just like, I knowexactly where my trauma's from
and why I do this.
I just want to break thatpattern.
And that was like, I thinkthat's your brain creating
another beautiful story.
We really don't know until youfeel in your body.
What's going on.
Like your body is such a key tonot only, what's honest, because
it's not creating a story.
Your body doesn't really speakin language.
(36:01):
It's not creating the story ofthis is why this happened.
And this is why this is showingup in your life or whatever your
body is like.
It's a feeling and it'sundeniable.
When you feel what's going on inyour body.
So, I don't necessarily believeyou have to have a teacher, but
if you're looking for a teacher,look for someone who is living
in a way that you admire, lookfor someone who you feel drawn
(36:23):
to.
And it can be as simple as that,like even certain like new age
concepts, I'm like, yeah, that'sgood.
Like, I get a little skepticalsometimes, and I get frustrated
sometimes, but things like ifyou've ever worked with crystals
and sometimes it's the simplest,which one do you think is great.
Hmm, which one feels good toyou?
Which one did you look at firstand keep thinking about
(36:43):
something as simple as that,like just walking through with
yourself and it's all about you.
You're not.
Practicing to get to knowsomebody else other than
yourself, you practice.
And you do all this healing workso that when you move it's you,
whenever you create it's you, ifthat makes sense,
Sritha (37:01):
that's such a valuable advice.
Going back to yourself and goingfrom there.
But most of the time when we'reseeking we're in that lowest
point, and it gets difficult totrust yourself.
And that's when we stop seekingthese modalities and path to our
bigger purpose.
But that actually also wanted totap back into the beginning of a
(37:21):
conversation You went throughabuse as a child, and then you
found tantra to liberateyourself, for someone who's
listening right now.
And I know myself, I've been,I've been a victim of sexual
abuse and agenda violence.
Almost every person has ahistory of some kind of sexual
trauma.
(37:41):
Is there some kind of framework,a set up help for our listener.
That could begin their safecontainer to explore that and
not feel shame
AMY (37:51):
Well, creating a container is, it's what my life's work is.
And I think it's a balance ofeducation that science-based,
that is grounded in reality.
And I work with a lot oftherapists.
A lot of therapists will sendtheir clients to me cause
they're like we can only get sofar and licensing.
They can only do so much.
And then they're just like, getthem into their body, move their
(38:14):
body, feel where their ideasare.
getting into a practice withyour body.
Modern therapy has a lot ofrestrictions behind, also it's
really about having that alonetime and intimacy with yourself.
Self massage breath, workmeditation, being able to be
alone with yourself, even thoughit might be the scariest part is
like, Oh my God, what am I goingto find?
(38:34):
what if I don't even like her Isthere like a drag leading in my
subconscious?
it could be terrifying.
every woman is different andtheir needs, and our
experiences.
But I think that having.
A community that you can behonest with and love yourself
with and even saying, Hey, Ineed help right now.
Or I need something like beingable to express our needs is so
(38:57):
important.
And then having a team likehaving someone who will hold you
accountable for.
Keeping your body strong,somebody that will hold you
accountable for your practice,therapy.
I love their beer.
I think it's fantastic.
I think that you don't have todo it alone and someone who can
hold that space, whether it'scognitive behavioral therapy,
(39:18):
whether it is.
Goal-based therapies now whereit's, you don't really go to the
past.
You just focus on the future.
there's so many differentmodalities to therapy, and I
think that it's one piecebecause it's your body, it's
your mind and it's your energy.
So all of the years to get in toa rhythm together and understand
they're all connected.
(39:39):
There's many differentapproaches to it.
But I think that you, myapproach definitely is the body
is getting into where you'reholding onto trauma, where
you're holding onto pain, ormaybe you're numb, and your
body's going to give you thatinformation.
And when you start to healsomething as significant as
trauma, that's stored in yourtissues, that's in your body and
(40:00):
it affects you in ways that youdon't always realize until
you're on the other side of it.
And even then they're strap.
No, there's still things thatI'm like.
Whoa.
I can't believe I believe this,or I'll be in a situation and
I'll have just like a gutreaction.
And I'm like, Whoa, what did Ido that?
And.
Through tantra and meditationand all these spiritual
practices.
It's not a magic wand, but itgives you space between your
(40:24):
trigger and your actions.
So you're not constantlyspinning out of control, burning
out, creating situations foryourself based on your wound.
You have a little space, you cango, Whoa, I really want to do
this.
But I'm going to stop and pauseand ask myself why.
I want to shut down.
I want to run away.
I want to numb out whatever ourpattern is to not feel we have a
(40:44):
little space, then it's notgoing to be.
I went to this workshop and Iorgasm.
Then now I'm healed.
That's not how it works.
Did daily.
Choice to show up for ourselves.
And some days you feel amazingand powerful and orgasmic and
other days you're like, this ishard.
I hate this.
Why did I do this?
And either way, you returned toa practice that works for you.
(41:07):
And then you're able to get somespace and some peace between
that.
Sritha (41:11):
Beautiful.
Well, I am really, reallyenriched by this conversation.
I feel like there's.
So much more than what we'vediscussed.
And there are so many ways wecould move into the
conversation, but to end ourconversation, I'd love to ask
you, what is your path to toNirvana
AMY (41:33):
So for me, my, my Nirvana, my heaven on earth and that
somebody that I get to touchit's really from the purest
place of who I am.
And sometimes I touch it duringsex.
Sometimes it's throughmeditation.
Sometimes it's just smelling aflower.
I'll get these moments of.
(41:54):
Complete and pure, no thought,no, what's my name.
Like no concept, but just thesemoments where it's me here.
And I don't have to rejectmyself or catered other people
or dance around who I am.
I just get to be.
And for me, that's Nirvana.
Sritha (42:12):
Well, I wish you loads of Nirvana that was really
enlightening and eye openingrather.
Thank you
And with that, we come to anend.
Please follow us on Instagram athello Nirvana world.
Like share, subscribe and leavea review wherever you get your
podcasts.
(42:33):
Thank you for your valuablepresence.
Goodwill goodbye and vishing youhello nirvana
Welcome to this powerfulcontainer of infinite
possibilities to a highest stateof awareness.
Join me.
Should we shut that tie as weuncover the pathways to the
world's most illuminatedleaders, Seacoast creators.
And perhaps even some saints
Sritha (00:32):
today, I have with me Amy Jindra, a certified tantra
coach.
Who has taught workshops, workedwith clients all over the world.
She's really passionate aboutsharing secrets, sexuality and
the healing it brings and takesimmense pride in helping the
world without shame and guilt.
Especially around sexualitiesand our body so that everyone
(00:54):
can live a fully expressed andvivid life.
Her mission is to build aplatform of sexual healing and
education programs that bringawareness to sexual trauma and
the power of tantra practice toheal.
She has two books available onAmazon, woman and me and the one
she's released right in themiddle of COVID be with me.
(01:17):
I met Amy and one of a commonfriends Valentine's dinner I.
Got this beautiful opportunityto witness her thrawled entire
room her practice.
And for me at that point oftime, I had just about a year
in, in New York, I was shy abouttantra because.
(01:38):
You know, Indian, cultural,conservatism kind of leaves me
away, but something about Amymade it seem so, so welcoming.
And with that, I'd like to look,come here, Amy.
Thank you so much for cominghere on the podcast.
AMY (01:54):
It's good to see your face and hear your voice and hear
your voice.
Sritha (01:59):
So dive right deep into it Tried, most of the questions
and the articles out there.
Ooh, tantra sex.
And I know, Oh, that's not whatit is.
Is a path to yourself toexperiencing life.
Completely.
A lot of people used it toattract.
Find your best man.
Find your perfect, get richdoing tantra.
(02:22):
You have done any of those.
I'd love for you to speak onwhat you believe your brand of
tantra is supposed to be?
AMY (02:31):
Yeah, well, I have a brand of Tundra.
It's kind of me navigating thisand there's so many different
facets to it.
Cause I'm a Western white womanteaching a very controversial
ancient practice from a lineagein India.
I'm can't generalize it and belike, Oh, I've heard white women
(02:52):
specifically say, Oh, well,Indians don't own this.
It was a practice that's fromEgypt.
And it was also in like ancientBabylon and whatever.
And it's just like, That's itvery white supremacist.
,thing to say, because we thinkabout the history of tantra,
this path, that's so taboo andit's taboo and a lot of reasons,
(03:14):
not just because it doesn'tignore sex, it improves it in
your practices.
But because there were femaleleaders back in ancient days, it
broke a lot of the rules of howyou're supposed to act any.
Texts that you read, whetherit's ancient or modern from a
teacher is talking aboutshedding, your conceptions of
(03:35):
who you are and how you perceivethe world So of course it's a
little dangerous versus society.
Whenever you're teaching people,how to question everything and
to be uncomfortable, going theirown way and going their own
path.
And it's wild.
For me, the path of tantra is afeminine one you're connecting
with the feminine aspects oflife, which have been stripped
(03:57):
from us so many ways.
And so many times, especiallyhere in the West, we get born
into a hospital in a sterileenvironment and the wild primal,
natural instincts that we have.
As women and as fathers and aspeople, we're taught to think in
ways of consuming and thinkingof ways of checking boxes and
(04:19):
being very logical and practicalwhen you actually get out into
nature and start to get removedfrom more of the modern.
Styles of living, then yourealize, well, nature's fucking
wild and brutal and beautifuland powerful.
And I'm also a part of that.
I'm not separate from that.
So What has been this wild path,and it's also called the
(04:41):
lightening path because when youstart to practice and start to
tap in to, what's essentiallyyour sexual energy, which is our
life force energy, it's how wecreate a child.
You're tapping into that.
You're cultivating more of that.
Where are you going to put it?
And if you have a ton of wounds,of course, you're going to be
like, Oh, well I want to makemyself better.
I want to be rich and showeverybody how great I am.
(05:01):
Or I want to check a partner whowill love me in ways that I
can't love myself, or howeveryou want to spin it.
You got to put that energysomewhere.
And one thing that's really beengrilled into me the last three
years as a practitioner.
And not just as a teacher hasbeen to honor where it comes
from and the people who.
Held that sacred knowledge forthousands and thousands of
(05:24):
years, especially theperspective of America.
We are, we're a baby country andtalking to some of my teachers
in India.
They're like India has beenaround for over 10,000 years.
Like you guys.
You'll come and go.
Like we're not worried aboutyou.
And that's just kind of shockedme.
And I was like, Whoa, inAmerica, we're like, we're in a
world power.
Everybody wants to be us.
(05:44):
And it's like, well, that'sactually not true.
And there's things that we don'tunderstand because we are so
young.
And part of my unlearning, mywhite supremacy had to do with
my spirituality.
And especially in turn, turningaround and teaching and going,
who am I to teach this?
Like, do I have the rights tothis to even understand where
this comes from and what isperfect about what we talked
(06:06):
about earlier?
Really presenting Tanisha islike, it's a living, breathing
energy and force and path.
And yes, it's East meets Westthere's aspects that are open to
me as a Western woman to freelypractice without so much fear of
being abandoned or shamed, oreven killed in some aspects and
(06:26):
the Eastern understanding ofwhere it actually comes from and
how to honor it, how to honoryour teachers.
So it's definitely a meeting ofboth of those.
Have been particularlyinterested in knowing about the
Western and the Eastern woman,because me born in India brought
up in different bubbles anddifferent experiences.
When I moved to America, one ofmy biggest aha moments was.
(06:49):
Whoa, like I thought Vivasuppressed.
And then I moved here and I'd belike, yeah.
How bad patriarchy was likedisguised over here.
I'd love for us to go into yourstory, your personal story of
being born into that you haveall us witnesses.
In the name of sacred.
They put upon many oppressionand you had this experience of
(07:10):
finding your spirituality andseeking what is right for you
how did you listen to that innervoice?
When you went from being theJoel's witness, a kid from there
breaking out of that church,finding personal experiences
that were really devastatingbecoming a youth pastor leader,
(07:31):
I was raised to have thiswitness and it is so wildly
controlled and fear based.
So it was all about what not todo and their safety in that when
you have so many rules andpeople, they actually have a
panel of.
Elders of men that will, you cancome to and be like, is this
right?
What should I do in thissituation?
(07:52):
And they will give you a finalanswer on that.
it's pretty wild, but if youwant the safety and security of.
Always knowing what's right.
And never living in the graybeing in this polarized world
where, you know, what's rightand what's wrong and you know,
why bad things happen, it feelssafe.
But what it's doing is reallytaking away your power or your
personality, it's stripping youof that spark.
(08:15):
But I, as a little girl, I wasalways really wild.
I was loud.
I was obnoxious.
I asked too many questions.
It was always getting in troubleand I didn't know how to not be
that.
My family was super strict withit and the Jehovah's witness
realm and would always try todictate like how I dressed and
how I wore my hair.
And I wasn't allowed to be likeloud or provocative and I'm very
(08:38):
loud and productive.
Like I think I was just born outof the room loud and everybody
face.
So with that, I just never fitin, but anytime like I would
dance or create or be in nature,I would feel so connected to
something bigger than me.
And I just always was like,yeah, I don't believe you guys.
And I remember being like fiveyears old and they like having
(09:00):
me read these scriptures andthese books and give a talk on
it.
And I was just like, I'm notreally into this, this isn't my
thing.
but.
Part of our psychology.
We have to have the safety ofour family as a child said, live
and survive.
And so we adapt and we learn tosuppress parts of ourselves that
are dangerous for our familybonds and our ties.
(09:21):
So I learned how to be polishedand how to be mild and meek and
obedient.
And it just, you know, it washard and so hard for me.
I felt like I was just so big inmy skin also within the church,
like you, you don't have sexuntil you're married.
And basically a woman's place isto get married and have children
(09:41):
and serve.
Her husband and served forcongregation and that's one's
life outside of that.
It's like, there was just allthese messages of like, if there
was a woman, like who maybe weresingle and her late forties and
didn't have kids, everybody'sbeen like, Oh, poor thing, and
things like that.
And the positions of power withthat I worked at as a young
(10:02):
girl, it really bothered me thatit was all men.
there was not any womenreflected in the Bible that were
like me where I was like, I havetwo brothers, I'm definitely
smarter than them.
Like, I can handle it.
Like I can handle myself.
What do you mean they're allowedto do these things?
And I'm not, or even my family,like I asked my dad, I was like,
you want to go to college?
(10:22):
And he's like, no, he's like,you just need to get married and
worry about that.
And so I was like, okay, I'mstill going to go to college.
Like screw you guys.
But.
It was just heavy.
It was just like, almost as if.
Wow.
I'm really choosing over yourlungs.
Like you're not going to love meif I go my own way.
And that kind of just gotimpressed upon me over and over.
(10:44):
And when it comes to certainthings like, especially
sexuality, There's so much shamearound it that shifts you don't
even realize you're picking upsome stories of your parents.
And you're hearing that andyou're like, Oh, this, until you
learn to question where youlearned about sex and sexuality,
you automatically believe whatyour parents taught you or what
your community teaches you.
Or maybe it was like a TV showthat you just caught on to and
(11:07):
use very subtly.
You're like, Oh, this is what Ibelieve.
And with that, like within thechurch, I was already in trouble
all the time.
I was always like, and a wildone, I was really young, like I
was getting in trouble, like Iran away from home.
Like I was always acting out Iwas really angry at like a
really young age.
And whenever I was 12 years old,I was molested by a member of
(11:31):
the church and they were like,Oh, well, I'm going to take you
far away from this small townand your family and telling me
all these beautiful things and.
The thing about sexual abuse isthat we picture it as something
so violent.
And so it's so outside of ourlives.
So we think it's like someonewho isn't a ski mask and an
(11:52):
alley going come here a littlegirl.
And it's usually someone thatno, it's usually someone in your
community and your socialcircles and what's hard to
identify sexual abuse or evenspeak up about it is because
they don't abuse everyone.
people who target, especiallyyounger children, they're not
out like touching everyone ormaking it known.
(12:12):
They usually have a pretty greatpersona in the community where
everyone's like, Oh, I love thatguy.
Or I love that person.
And, and that's what makes ittricky.
And that's what makes it toughto speak up on is it's hard for
people to accept that.
And it's also hard because ifpeople don't see it firsthand,
We're just programmed to go, Oh,don't talk about that.
(12:33):
Whether that's abuse or justsexuality in general.
So it's just like this breedingground of abuse and pain.
Whenever we don't talk aboutsex.
And when something like thathappened and I was a young girl
and I was like, I definitelycan't go to my parents with
this.
I'm gonna get in so much troubleand it just continued to happen.
And finally, I told a friend.
(12:55):
Who told the parents who toldthe congregation.
And so it got out and like theydid all the right things, quote,
unquote of what they knew.
So I went to therapy, they hadme file a police report, but
what I learned at a really youngage was like, none of this made
it better.
Like the things that.
(13:17):
They're putting into place ofwhat we were supposed to do
after your child is sexuallyabused.
None of it made me feel safe inmy body.
I didn't feel safe talking aboutsex.
I kind of just turned into ashell of a person and I would
have these overwhelming emotionsand not know where to put them
in a really young age.
And I just learned to shut itdown.
And just become really numb andplastic almost where I was like,
(13:41):
okay, I'm going to perceive whatyou want me to be.
And I'm going to be that becauseI no longer feel safe in my
body.
I don't want to be abandoned.
I don't want that kind of pain.
And there wasn't a way for me tofeel safe, to feeling all of it
and even understanding fullywhat happened and because also
psychologically.
If you're molested, sometimes Ijust feel good.
(14:03):
And you associate that pleasureor that heat.
or even that intimacy for me, Ithink with my abuser, it just
was so nice to have someone payattention to me and be soft with
me and loving.
And when I got hurt, what thatdid, was it created?
A connection to my shame.
I started to believe when mypants were like, Oh, you're bad.
(14:23):
You're not you're this you'rethat you're too loud.
You're too much.
It was like, Oh, they'reprobably right.
Like, I, got hurt because I'mthis.
And I just internalize that aslike, I need to be different.
So that just doesn't happenanymore.
And life can just be better.
Sritha (14:39):
then you go through abuse, which further makes you
internalize saying it's myfault.
And I don't have but I think alot of women go through that
place where Yes, it was me.
I was a reasoning.
Even though cognitively andintellectually, you're no, it
was all of his, that's theirfault.
Then there's an element where,you also internalize all of
(15:03):
this.
How were you able to movethrough how did that manifest
for you?
AMY (15:08):
So I just completely shut down and I was like, all right,
I'm gonna try my best to justsurvive at this point.
And it was just like sheersurvival mode.
I developed like wild anxiety.
I was like afraid of traveling.
I was afraid of leaving my smalltown.
I was afraid of so many thingsthat didn't necessarily match up
(15:31):
with my personality and who Ireally am.
So that looks like I starteddrinking at a young age I would
act out and then I would feelincredible guilt and shame over
it.
And then I would go back to myfamily make my life about them
and taking care of them andbeing the good daughter.
So totally unconsciously, justrunning around, trying to
survive, like had no plan for mylife.
(15:52):
so I found this church that itwas like, okay, it's still like
against my parents' religion.
And it was a Holy ghost church.
So it was like very curiousabout it.
And you're working with the Holyspirit and people would have
miracles in tongues and it wasvery ecstatic and I was having
all these ecstatic experienceswith this church.
So in my brain, I was like, Ohwow.
(16:13):
I feel so good here.
And they knew me and they leftme like, this must be the thing.
So I just immersed myself at ayoung age into this church and I
was like, Nope, new life plan.
I'm going to be a pastor's wife.
I'm going to go to Bible school,all that stuff.
And I'm just trying, at thispoint, I was still young at this
(16:34):
point.
I'm like 19.
So, and I'm in Bible school.
How did he find the height?
I just met?
I just met someone who was like,come to church with me.
And I was like, like, I feel soweird about this.
So uncomfortable.
But what got me was like, theywere singing and they were happy
and they were joyful and it wasa community.
(16:56):
And I was like, Oh yeah, thisis, this is where I belong.
And then I started studying theBible, really studying the Bible
contextually, like from ahistorical standpoint also, how
it developed, how it got spreadthroughout the world.
And I was like, Whoa, Whathappened to all the women?
Like there's no women in theBible that are like me and as a
(17:17):
youth pastor where I would getup and give these sermons.
And I was a missionary, I wastraveling all over the world,
like preaching and sharing aboutlove and Pierce and joy, but I
still didn't have that.
All the way within myself.
Cause I was still shut down.
I still had to be monetarist andconservative and it's like, well
we don't talk about this.
Or, Oh, we don't go here and wedon't do this.
(17:38):
And it's just like, well, itstill wasn't there for me.
And what I started to do also islook at.
different bodies of texts forspiritual beliefs and part of
Bible schools.
You learn how to convert otherreligions by studying their
culture and their body of workand their religion.
And when I was reading aboutdifferent religions that have
(17:58):
feminine goddesses, I was like,what are you talking about?
Like, I've never even.
Thought of the concept of Godbeing like me at all.
It's always this older man who'smad at me and I have to follow
the rules or I'm going to go tohell.
Like that's, that's what Ibelieved.
And it just.
Blew something open in me thatit could be different, that it
could be like me as I am.
(18:20):
And instead of having to fightmy nature, and I thought that
for a long time, I kind oftucked it away and continue.
And I got married to someonethat my parents loved and was
like super conservative andbuilding my cute little lines
and.
It just all exploded one yearand I was still studying goddess
worship and I was still settinglike different religions.
(18:42):
But it was very quiet.
It wasn't out in the open.
I still hadn't healed mysexuality.
So in order to even have sexwith my husband, I would be
really drunk or I would alwayslike feel super rigid.
And the moments that I did feelpleasure, I would notice that I
would feel really guilty after.
And as an adult, I was like,wait, no, I'm supposed to be
six.
(19:02):
I got married.
That was supposed to be thebridge of like, now you get to
enjoy sex.
And I was like, wait, no, I didthe thing.
I got married.
There's a paper that says likewhite, like I'm allowed to
orgasm now.
Right.
And it just wasn't connectingfor me.
So I had this really.
Eye opening year and it was justeverything kind of, the rug got
(19:26):
pulled out.
And I just had all these cleardecisions to make of like, are
you going to really take care ofyourself and love yourself?
Or are you going to get backinto box?
And I was in a bar class, thoselike pure bar where it's like
ballet and Pilates class.
And I.
For some reason that year, I waslike super into fitness and like
really cleaning up my diet andlike no alcohol, like no sugar.
(19:50):
I was just really feeling mybody for the first time and
honoring that, which I'd neverdone in my life.
always like transcend the body.
Like the body is sinful.
The body is causes pain.
The body is what we're trying toescape from.
I was in his paragraph class andwe were tucking our pelvis.
help explore squeezes.
And I just had these ripples oforgasm, like violently through
(20:10):
my body.
And I had never felt pleasurelike that before.
And I had no idea what it was.
I was so amazed and surprisedand just blown open by how good
my own body can feel.
And I realized, wow, I reallyhave no idea.
How to treat myself.
I have no idea who I am.
I've been like trying to getpieces from other people of who
(20:32):
I am, but this kind of beautyand power was just in me.
And I didn't know that.
And so I kind of followed thecookie crumbs and I remember the
moment my best friend went to gostudy with a Dow, his teacher.
And I was like, Oh no, there'ssomething about this.
Tom's your teacher.
And I just fully submitted likehead in.
First.
And I was just like, there'ssomething here that I'm missing.
(20:53):
she was a Neo tantra teacher.
So she studied in India forabout 10 years.
But when she came back toAmerica to teach.
her groomer is like code, takethis to the Western woman.
So she came and brought somepractices here, but it was
geared towards intimacy andsexuality.
And when it's really focused onthat is called me on tantra.
Because if you go study tantrain India, it's not going to be
about sex and relationships.
(21:15):
It's going to be about mantraand yantra and Contra.
It's a complete, slightlydifferent approach.
So I started studying with herand we started to really get
into the layers of why I'mafraid of my own power, why I am
afraid of myself, why I've beenliving such a small controlled
life.
And it had to do so much with, Ijust have never been allowed to
(21:37):
be a powerful woman or a sexualwoman, or just relax and not be
on the edge of my seat of who Ishould be for other people.
And.
That was revolutionary for me.
And I worked a lot with Hindugoddesses who helped me heal a
lot of my heart and a lot of mysexual wounds, because it was
like, wow, I'm looking at thesescriptures that are devoted and
(22:00):
people pray to these goddessesand.
You feel that devotion, you feelthat love and that power behind
it, but they get angry.
They fuck, they love, theyfight.
And I was like, Whoa, anyconcept that I had of a woman
was like the Virgin Harry andwhere she's super pious and
she's a vessel for God to comethrough, but she's not actually
(22:21):
divine, you know?
And it was just working with.
The idea is that, wow, I alsohave that in me.
I also have that divinity and meand in my body, it really
started to shed those layersquickly of who I thought life
was about.
And I no longer was just tryingto survive and maybe get like
morsels of love from peoplealong the way.
(22:42):
I was like, Whoa, I'm reallystarting to create my own life.
And I'm really starting toembody who I am.
And for me, it's so important towalk into a room full of women
and to just be able to relax andbe myself.
And even though there arepowerful rituals and practices,
there's such an opening of like,Just sharing who you are with
(23:06):
somebody that already startsthat shift of like, wow, if your
nervous system is calm andrelaxed, my nervous system is
calm and relaxed.
If you are pissed off and angryand fiery, but you're not
destroying with it.
You just are like, even justbeing around somebody in a pure
emotion, it's just so liberatingand Creating environments for
(23:26):
women to not only explore theirown energy when they feel like
with your pleasure but alsogetting to move through things
like emotions and traumas andthe history of the stories of
who they think they are.
And.
Feeling unguarded, like creatingspace for that is so important
to me and wherever I go, I'mconstantly like trying to create
(23:49):
that environment for women.
And I get a lot of men who werelike, what about men?
We need that too.
And I'm just like, I'm sorry.
I just, I feel like, in mypractice and in my life, like,
Whenever a woman bodys her powerand loves herself completely and
knows where she begins and whereshe ends, like that affect the
whole community.
(24:09):
we're going to share that we'regoing to spread that we don't
have to just keep it all toourselves because we don't.
And that's the feminine way,whether it's a male or a woman,
we, we share, we uplifteverybody whenever we are.
Healing and whenever we are ableto give from a full place.
Sritha (24:27):
Totally agree with that whole idea of working with
women, helping them get intotheir power.
That was all my businesses thatI've started in the last year.
Seven years is about how do weget women to fall in love with
themselves.
I loved that whole story becauseof your disempowerment and your
lack of enjoying a pleasure ofguilt-free you followed these
(24:49):
cookie crumbs, he kept followingit, and then found your aha
moment found something thatreally uplifted you tooth key to
that space of complete pleasure.
Orgasm A I know this is aquestion.
Every girlfriend's.
And I remember sitting down,it's like, okay, I don't know if
I actually had an orgasm yet.
What is a full body orgasm?
AMY (25:09):
Women have six different types of orgasms and a lot of
learning to tap into yourpleasure.
It's being able to turn yourbrain off.
Your brain is actually yourlargest sex organ.
And whenever we have manypreconceived notions of what we
think it should be, how we thinkit should feel or look, we're
actually blocking our pleasure.
(25:32):
That's a huge of living and thenorgasmic state or having access
to pleasure is.
And it being in a meditativestate where you can have one
thought, be completely present,whether that's with yourself
during masturbation or with apartner when you're getting
ready for socks or engagingtogether, presence is such a key
(25:53):
part and pleasure.
And that's where breath work.
Meditation mantra really helpedto calm your body, calm your
mind down and calm your nervoussystem down.
So you can actually feel.
Whenever we get into that, like,I want an orgasm, I want an
orgasm.
It becomes like almost acompetition for ourselves that
in turn blocks it because we'renot present with what's really
(26:15):
there and orgasm.
Isn't really the goal becausesex is incredibly healing.
I mean, we're primal beings atthe end of the day.
it's part of our socialstructure, sexist, something
where we create a space thatrequires another person to.
Give us attention and touch andbe with us in that moment.
And you're sharing somethingjust between the two of you.
(26:38):
And that is a very rareoccurrence outside of church or
meditation or yoga.
Like it's being with anotherperson completely.
Present if possible.
And whenever we experiencepleasure, there's a lot of
studies done about how women areactually orgasming, but not
feeling it because their brainisn't saying, Oh, this is
pleasure.
And how you rewire your brainfor pleasure is calm down your
(27:03):
nervous system and explore yourown Bonnie.
I love a unique practice.
I think that's one of the keytools and really connecting with
your body, giving yourselfpermission to touch your pussy
or your body, or exploreyourself and really start to
feel how sensitive your internaltissues are.
A lot of women are stillclenched and have lack of blood
(27:26):
flow and energetically.
You're also cutting off yourenergy to that space, your
sacred, that also your feminineenergy, where we create life
from.
And even if you don't want tohave a child or can't have a
child, you still have thatenergy of creation within you.
So orgasm really is just amovement and opening to pleasure
and a full body.
(27:46):
Orgasm is just You've.
Opens to not just having a spikeof pleasure and your clitoris or
in your G-spot, but it's reallywaves and ripples where you feel
it in every cell of your body.
And it's like at the tip of yourtea, your hair, your fingernails
are orgasming and you just feelpleasure.
And it's not in a way, that wesee in movies where it's not
(28:09):
this spike.
Like a lot of orgasms are kindof like a lightning strike it's
um, it's just a sharp peak oforgasm and pleasure, and then
it's over.
And then maybe you feel kind oftired after when you eat some
food or you just roll over andfall asleep.
Um, the other side of that,whenever you have used opening
healing orgasms, essentiallybecause you.
(28:30):
With practice.
And with time you can move yourown energy.
A lot of my clients say it'slike, Oh, this is like sex.
Reiki is, you know what Reiki iswhere it's like energy movement
on a chocolate system.
I'm like, it is that's yourenergy and you can move it.
You can enhance, you can open indifferent ways.
So for instance, if I have beenfeeling anxiety or really shut
(28:51):
down or lack of confidence, Imight really focus on my core
and I'll do a core workout.
Really see if I'm feeling weak.
See if my thoughts even come upof maybe I can get to that root
of my thought process of like,why my core.
Of my being, which is your,solar plexus.
So it's your power, it's yoursolar energy.
(29:12):
It's your ability to go out intothe world and get things done
and to actually be effective.
And so if I want to work onthat, I can even.
Have an orgasmic practice andjust focus on that part of my
body open, really listen to it,open it and through like massage
or maybe one or just breath workand visualization, like start to
see what's really going onbecause our body has so much
(29:35):
wisdom in it.
And if we're living just fromthe neck up and just from our
brain and our perceptions ofwhat things are, and everything
needs to be in a neat littlebox, that's actually not the
part of our brain that we feelpleasure in.
It's the other, it's the grayarea that we need to be in to
order to experience instead ofto categorize.
Sritha (29:55):
So how does one embody that feminine, this power you've
tapped into cause where you'renot feeling power is exactly
where you are.
The most powerful is what Ibelieve.
So if someone's experiencing sayrepression in specific space and
they're using differentmodalities, maybe meditation,
how did you start using this?
(30:17):
Tapped channels for yourself.
AMY (30:19):
My most crucial part, is my discipline.
So showing up for myself everyday.
So there are different ways totap into that energy.
And I invite people to explorewith that whenever you feel
pleasure, what are you doing inthat moment?
Are you dancing?
Are you singing?
Are you cooking?
What is that?
I love to look at Saks becauseit is so taboo, but it also
(30:40):
gives you every piece ofinformation that you need.
So if you're numb, if you areaddicted, if you are doubtful or
not confident, or whatever'sgoing on in your mind, how
you're showing up for yourselfthrough masturbation and orgasm
or with your partner, is goingto give you all the information
that you need for the rest ofyour life.
If you're paying attention.
(31:01):
So.
For instance, if I feel reallyshut down to my body and I,
every time I go to Oregon and Iwant to cry, like I can use that
as a meditation, I can slowdown, really be with myself.
Calm, my nervous system damageis key so that we're not in
fight or flight, and we're notcreating stories around what
this means so that we don't haveto be uncomfortable, which is a
(31:23):
lot of patterns that we have islike, I just don't want to be
uncomfortable.
So I'm going to externally tryto control this, but finding a
practice where not only can yoube comfortable being
uncomfortable and that's how youstart to shed, what's not real
and what's not you.
And what's right.
Closing around your power is I'mreally uncomfortable right now,
(31:43):
but I'm not going to make itworse.
I'm not going to create anenvironment where I'm going to
numb out.
I'm going to feel this.
I'm going to see what's reallythere and have compassion for
myself, but also to then feelpleasure.
Too, even when you'reuncomfortable or sad or angry or
frustrated, you have somethingthat I'm like, Oh, I'm going to
do this.
And I know I'm going to feelgood.
(32:03):
You're going to get those goodendorphins.
You're going to get serotoninand oxytocin.
And you're going to calm downyour central nervous system,
which is cute too.
Any type of power is.
Connecting with your body andyour body, not only just being a
vessel for your consciousness,but a key piece in your
experience in life and having itbe sacred.
(32:26):
And I think in religion, there'ssome context of your body as a
temple.
And even though we read it inBible school, like I didn't
believe my body was in temple.
I felt dirty.
I felt wrong.
I felt unsafe.
And having to really reclaimthat through pleasure, through
learning, to calm myself down,through having the discipline to
(32:48):
sit in my discomfort.
And my path was with a teacherwho would hold my ass
accountable and every mentor andteacher that I've had, that's
been so effective.
Has.
Not in afraid of pissing me offhas not been afraid of making me
uncomfortable.
They loved me enough to likebring out that sort of truth,
which is it can be superpainful, but also what thank
(33:08):
you.
Thank you for that.
I get caught up in my bullshitand I needed help and community.
So all of a sudden, other partof that is sisterhood.
Like when we're healing, wedon't have to do it alone.
And it's easier to connect withour self-love.
If we have mirrors with peoplewho can also look at us with
love.
So sometimes when we wake up andwe feel like shit, and we're
(33:31):
just like, God, what am I doing?
This my life I'm exhausted.
I'm broken.
I'm this I'm alone.
Whatever.
But having a community, havingsisterhood, having someone who
can look at you and even playthat game of like, wait, I would
never say these things to you.
Why am I saying it to myself?
So I think community is reallyimportant.
Having a practice that includesyour body and also exploring
(33:54):
your pleasure is so important.
And traditionally in tantra,it's theirs.
The rituals that are done by apriest precess.
There's the principles that youcan do that you can do at home.
But, these aren't always themost effective, especially from
a Western perspective.
It doesn't always feel like yourhome.
It may feel like so foreign toyou or so far out of your
(34:17):
comfort zone.
And that's when I think brasswork is such a powerful tool
because you don't need anythingoutside of you, it's you and
your breath, and you can learnhow good you feel.
You can learn your fear.
You can learn how to calmyourself down and really be
present with your breath.
And I think that might be one ofthe key tools of bridging the
East and West is likeunderstanding the power of our
(34:38):
breath.
Sritha (34:39):
you believe that it is finding a good teacher that
helped you to get to that nextstate?
Right?
How does one person beginningthat journey, N one, and learn
more about pleasure themselves,how to embody this power
themselves?
How should they find the rightteacher?
AMY (34:55):
Get a chest yourself and just kind of learn to get quiet
and follow the cookie crumbs.
And I don't necessarily believethat everyone has to have a
guru.
Like there are very few truegrooves out in the world today,
but having someone who embodieswhat you're looking for and who
can hold you accountable can belife-changing.
there are so many ways to getthere.
You can read books and you canpractice, but I think.
(35:18):
Either way you choose, whetherit's through a teacher or self
studies.
it's really about listening toyourself.
It's really about.
Finding something that your bodyis actually responding to and
having that chemical reactionwithin yourself, having that
physical that really lands itfor you because our brain is so
tricky.
I get so many clients, like Igot to a sales.
(35:38):
I called today.
And she was just like, I knowexactly where my trauma's from
and why I do this.
I just want to break thatpattern.
And that was like, I thinkthat's your brain creating
another beautiful story.
We really don't know until youfeel in your body.
What's going on.
Like your body is such a key tonot only, what's honest, because
it's not creating a story.
Your body doesn't really speakin language.
(36:01):
It's not creating the story ofthis is why this happened.
And this is why this is showingup in your life or whatever your
body is like.
It's a feeling and it'sundeniable.
When you feel what's going on inyour body.
So, I don't necessarily believeyou have to have a teacher, but
if you're looking for a teacher,look for someone who is living
in a way that you admire, lookfor someone who you feel drawn
(36:23):
to.
And it can be as simple as that,like even certain like new age
concepts, I'm like, yeah, that'sgood.
Like, I get a little skepticalsometimes, and I get frustrated
sometimes, but things like ifyou've ever worked with crystals
and sometimes it's the simplest,which one do you think is great.
Hmm, which one feels good toyou?
Which one did you look at firstand keep thinking about
(36:43):
something as simple as that,like just walking through with
yourself and it's all about you.
You're not.
Practicing to get to knowsomebody else other than
yourself, you practice.
And you do all this healing workso that when you move it's you,
whenever you create it's you, ifthat makes sense,
Sritha (37:01):
that's such a valuable advice.
Going back to yourself and goingfrom there.
But most of the time when we'reseeking we're in that lowest
point, and it gets difficult totrust yourself.
And that's when we stop seekingthese modalities and path to our
bigger purpose.
But that actually also wanted totap back into the beginning of a
(37:21):
conversation You went throughabuse as a child, and then you
found tantra to liberateyourself, for someone who's
listening right now.
And I know myself, I've been,I've been a victim of sexual
abuse and agenda violence.
Almost every person has ahistory of some kind of sexual
trauma.
(37:41):
Is there some kind of framework,a set up help for our listener.
That could begin their safecontainer to explore that and
not feel shame
AMY (37:51):
Well, creating a container is, it's what my life's work is.
And I think it's a balance ofeducation that science-based,
that is grounded in reality.
And I work with a lot oftherapists.
A lot of therapists will sendtheir clients to me cause
they're like we can only get sofar and licensing.
They can only do so much.
And then they're just like, getthem into their body, move their
(38:14):
body, feel where their ideasare.
getting into a practice withyour body.
Modern therapy has a lot ofrestrictions behind, also it's
really about having that alonetime and intimacy with yourself.
Self massage breath, workmeditation, being able to be
alone with yourself, even thoughit might be the scariest part is
like, Oh my God, what am I goingto find?
(38:34):
what if I don't even like her Isthere like a drag leading in my
subconscious?
it could be terrifying.
every woman is different andtheir needs, and our
experiences.
But I think that having.
A community that you can behonest with and love yourself
with and even saying, Hey, Ineed help right now.
Or I need something like beingable to express our needs is so
(38:57):
important.
And then having a team likehaving someone who will hold you
accountable for.
Keeping your body strong,somebody that will hold you
accountable for your practice,therapy.
I love their beer.
I think it's fantastic.
I think that you don't have todo it alone and someone who can
hold that space, whether it'scognitive behavioral therapy,
(39:18):
whether it is.
Goal-based therapies now whereit's, you don't really go to the
past.
You just focus on the future.
there's so many differentmodalities to therapy, and I
think that it's one piecebecause it's your body, it's
your mind and it's your energy.
So all of the years to get in toa rhythm together and understand
they're all connected.
(39:39):
There's many differentapproaches to it.
But I think that you, myapproach definitely is the body
is getting into where you'reholding onto trauma, where
you're holding onto pain, ormaybe you're numb, and your
body's going to give you thatinformation.
And when you start to healsomething as significant as
trauma, that's stored in yourtissues, that's in your body and
(40:00):
it affects you in ways that youdon't always realize until
you're on the other side of it.
And even then they're strap.
No, there's still things thatI'm like.
Whoa.
I can't believe I believe this,or I'll be in a situation and
I'll have just like a gutreaction.
And I'm like, Whoa, what did Ido that?
And.
Through tantra and meditationand all these spiritual
practices.
It's not a magic wand, but itgives you space between your
(40:24):
trigger and your actions.
So you're not constantlyspinning out of control, burning
out, creating situations foryourself based on your wound.
You have a little space, you cango, Whoa, I really want to do
this.
But I'm going to stop and pauseand ask myself why.
I want to shut down.
I want to run away.
I want to numb out whatever ourpattern is to not feel we have a
(40:44):
little space, then it's notgoing to be.
I went to this workshop and Iorgasm.
Then now I'm healed.
That's not how it works.
Did daily.
Choice to show up for ourselves.
And some days you feel amazingand powerful and orgasmic and
other days you're like, this ishard.
I hate this.
Why did I do this?
And either way, you returned toa practice that works for you.
(41:07):
And then you're able to get somespace and some peace between
that.
Sritha (41:11):
Beautiful.
Well, I am really, reallyenriched by this conversation.
I feel like there's.
So much more than what we'vediscussed.
And there are so many ways wecould move into the
conversation, but to end ourconversation, I'd love to ask
you, what is your path to toNirvana
AMY (41:33):
So for me, my, my Nirvana, my heaven on earth and that
somebody that I get to touchit's really from the purest
place of who I am.
And sometimes I touch it duringsex.
Sometimes it's throughmeditation.
Sometimes it's just smelling aflower.
I'll get these moments of.
(41:54):
Complete and pure, no thought,no, what's my name.
Like no concept, but just thesemoments where it's me here.
And I don't have to rejectmyself or catered other people
or dance around who I am.
I just get to be.
And for me, that's Nirvana.
Sritha (42:12):
Well, I wish you loads of Nirvana that was really
enlightening and eye openingrather.
Thank you
And with that, we come to anend.
Please follow us on Instagram athello Nirvana world.
Like share, subscribe and leavea review wherever you get your
podcasts.
(42:33):
Thank you for your valuablepresence.
Goodwill goodbye and vishing youhello nirvana
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