Help for Loving Relationships
Welcome to the place where we courageously discuss the messy and amazing parts of loving relationships. We'll get into complex problems and be inspired by love stories. As a professional counselor for over 25 years, Shane observes what helps and what hurts individuals, marriages, and families. You'll hear from authors and experts as well as everyday heroes who have something to share about strengthening relationships in your community. Get inspired to do hard things as well as find better ways to live, love and parent!
Episodes
What holds women back in relationships? Therapist Anita Sandoval and Shane cover topics including
- The reflex to people please, and how this can be harmful long-term
- Guilt and cultural expectations that trap women in self-sacrificing roles
- The signs of betrayal trauma and how it hijacks the nervous system
- What “duty sex” reveals about emotional disconnection. More fulfilling sex happens when both choose to be sexual a...
Shane reviews the literature on trauma as well as shares observations from his 30 years as counselor and from his personal work of healing to share some markers that would indicate that you may be struggling with unresolved Trauma
1) He reviews trauma's trauma's impact on physical health and especially the nervous system
2) He details how truams is related to mood disorders such as depression and anxiety as we...
We know addiction gets in the way of happiness and relationships, but why is recovery so difficult for high-achieving men? Professional coach Roland Cochrun shares his insights and the realization that making real connections (and discovering your purpose in life) are essential.
He is the founder of The Successful Addict recovery group, The Sex Addiction podcast, and author of The High Achiever's Guide to Sex-Add...
What do you do when you didn't receive comfort consistently while growing up? You look for other ways to receive it. That can lead to unhealthy habits that damage relationships even when they give good feelings. Therapist Anita Sandoval & Shane discuss the Still Face Experiment demonstrated on YouTube, trauma treatments, and how re-parenting yourself helps you show up better in romantic relationships.
What is an intensive therapy retreat like? What benefits does it have over doing a therapy workbook or individual counseling? Shane gives his personal experience of the retreat coming up this fall near Lake Texoma that is designed to help people dig deep into themselves, discover the attachment wounds and negative core beliefs that are holding them back, and re-establish their inner serenity.
One of the scariest scenes in Finding Nemo was when Dory & Merlin swam through the blue trench—being afraid and vulnerable out in the open ocean. Men's coach Bob Smith shares his experiences personally and professionally in how doing that—feeling and accepting negative emotions including vulnerability—opens up individual happiness and leads the way to more connection in relationships.
"When we actually do...
There are 4 key components to creating balance in relationships, that equilibrium between autonomy and closeness that feels good to both partners, according to psychotherapist David Schnarch:
- A flexible, solid self
- A quiet mind & calm heart (emotional regulation)
- Grounded response (avoid reactivity, seek first to understand the other)
- Meaningful endurance (tolerating discomfort for growth)
What defines problematic screen use? What are the real harms? Whether it’s gaming, social media, or online porn, digital addictions can eat up time, tank productivity, increase anxiety, and hurt what really helps—relationships with loved ones.
Counselor Jeremy Edge specializes in teens with gaming addictions and tells us what feeds some of these addictions and how to redirect those we love. His website, Escapingthe.co...
How does empathy change the dynamic of big, negative emotions? What is it about emotional intelligence that allows us to bring our best selves to relationships? What is cognitive dissonance and why is it easier to change our thinking about our behaviors than to actually change them? Tune in to this and more from therapist Stevie Hall, who leads us on this deep dive into empathy.
Stevie has a PhD in psychology...
2025 is the year to better understand happiness! In this episode Shane shares what research indicates increases happiness as well as what blocks it. You might be surprised! "Happiness does not have to be a grand adventure—it can just come from simple things."
Your world was torn apart by the person you loved the most in the world. Maybe you're still in the relationship, maybe not. Maybe you're trying to decide. What you know is that you don't feel yourself, and you're not getting past it. Therapist Kaylee Dunn talks with Shane about how betrayed partners learn from their anger and channel it to power their transformation. Back to safety and reconnection...
They foster connection, create a sense of belonging, and reinforce shared values. Shane shares some of his own family traditions as well as from asking others what traditions were meaningful to them.
He reminds the listeners to stay tuned to 2025 where the theme will be happiness. What are the ingredients for a happy life. He is open to guests submitting their nominee for someone they know is happy and ...
Feeling burned out at home? Not getting the love and support you need? Does your marriage need some work? Coach Shiloh Minor talks with Shane about
- boundaries
- self-care
- being more generous with yourself
- noticing the energy you give out, and
- finding the right time to ask for what you need
They make a HUGE difference in what you bring to your relationship and getting the love you need!
Connect with Shiloh&a...
After the anger, grief, mourning, and loss, is there really hope for a relationship after a betrayal? Kate Conwell gives us a resounding "Yes!" Listen as she & Shane delve into the 3 stages of healing:
- Safety & stabilization
- Anger, grief. . . all the feelings
- Post-traumatic growth
Getting support with a group really accelerates healing, both for men and women. You can find Kate's groups for...
A decade-long journey to heal from PTSD, depression, and addiction took travel writer Brad Wetzler to the Holy Land, India, and the Himalayas. While immersed in nature, spirituality, and relationships with people (and dogs), Brad discovered himself. Self-compassion was a big healer: "When I softened the way I spoke to myself, I began to emerge, and began to feel more connected with my world."
Brad&a...
The podcast will be on break from at least July - Sept.
Related to that, I am excited to announce a new online course coming soon:
Heroic Healing: A Couples' Guide to Healing from Betrayal/Infidelity
This is my first time developing an online course. I am uncertain how much time it will require. I may take a longer break than just summer months if I need the time for course development. I will ...
Have you ever gotten annoyed at someone else, only to later realize it mirrored something in yourself that irritates you? Or noticed a pattern in some relationships that went south? "You take yourself wherever you go," says life coach Deb Blum, who focuses on helping women in the second half of their lives to cultivate a relationship with themselves that they can love.
She offers a yearlong course ...
Lori Beard focuses on 7 steps of personal development. Today we dive deeper into negative perceptions and how to reframe these so they do not sabotage your life:
- Lori shares how her perception of not feeling good enough as a child to keep her parents together in marriage impacted her self-esteem and views on love.
- She explores how she experienced difficulties in forming and maintaining romantic relationships due ...
As an executive coach, Jelena Simpson leans heavily on the DISC personality assessment to help leaders understand their strengths and areas for improvement in working with their teams. And connecting with them is crucial, she says, because it keeps employees who value security and low conflict from "quiet quitting." She also points out that leadership is not simply a position—all people in an organization ca...
A dedicated mindset transformation coach specializing in trauma and abuse recovery, Shirley Buck draws from her own remarkable journey to help others.
As an energy healer, she understands the intricate connection between mind, body, and spirit. Her personal healing has deepened her understanding of the transformative power of energy work and its ability to facilitate profound emotional and physical healing. Through her...
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