Help for Loving Relationships
Welcome to the place where we courageously discuss the messy and amazing parts of loving relationships. We'll get into complex problems and be inspired by love stories. As a professional counselor for over 25 years, Shane observes what helps and what hurts individuals, marriages, and families. You'll hear from authors and experts as well as everyday heroes who have something to share about strengthening relationships in your community. Get inspired to do hard things as well as find better ways to live, love and parent!
Episodes
n this episode, Anatomy of Sexual Intimacy, I sit down with sex therapist Dr. Lisa Elieson to explore how sexuality is far more than a physical act — it’s an expression of self and a creative language of love within marriage. Dr. Elieson shares how she integrates art into therapy to help couples better understand their sexual identity, emotional connection, and the deeper meaning behind intimacy. Together, we discuss how...
In this episode, we review Cultivating Love: Wisdom for Life by Ken McGill, a practical and compassionate guide to growing wisdom and love throughout life. Drawing from psychology, theology, and neurobiology, McGill explores how wisdom can become compromised by trauma and maladaptive coping, and how it can be recalibrated through self-awareness, reparenting, and intentional growth. The book offers concrete tools for h...
Welcome to 2026! We’re exploring this year’s theme—Love—what helps it grow and what causes it to fade. Drawing from relationship research, psychology, and spiritual wisdom, we highlight key qualities that strengthen love toward self and others—such as emotional availability, compassion, healthy boundaries, gratitude, accountability, and repair. We also discuss common habits that diminish love, including criticism, avo...
In this solo episode, Shane recaps the standout moments from the year on the Help for Loving Relationships Show. From exploring the foundations of a happy life to learning about empathy, anxiety, and trauma recovery, he highlights insights from guests like Stevie Hall, Jeremy Edge, and the inspiring story of Heidi and Alex’s journey from pain to renewed connection. Shane also shares updates on trauma-healing resources...
In this episode, Matt and Joanna Raabsmith share how their Intimacy Pyramid helps couples heal from sexual betrayal by starting with honesty and emotional safety before moving toward deeper vulnerability and intimacy. They discuss the importance of slowing down, doing individual work to stay regulated, and learning how betrayers can respond to their partner’s trauma with humility instead of defensiveness. Matt and Joa...
Do you ever wonder why the same arguments keep surfacing in your relationship—or why it’s so hard to feel truly heard and understood? In this episode, we explore the Hold Me Tight® Couples Workshop, a powerful, science-backed experience based on Dr. Sue Johnson’s Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT).
You’ll hear how couples learn to slow down conflict, express deeper needs, and rebuild trust through forgiveness and compas...
In this inspiring episode, we explore the fascinating intersection of brain health and personal transformation. Our guest Lisa Marie Shaughnessy shares her journey from a successful career in radio to a life redefined by self-discovery, neuroscience, and long-distance pilgrimage. From the Amen Clinic’s cutting-edge use of brain scans in mental health to her powerful experience walking the Camino de Santiago, Lisa unco...
In this episode, we review highlights of 2025 and look forward to final 3 months of 2025 when we return Oct- Dec. We are looking for theme ideas for 2026.
Maybe it will be "Resiliency". Other thoughts....? Enjoy your Summer!
Tune in to hear the inspiring story of a couple who overcame the crippling challenges of depression and behavior that threatened their marriage. Heidi and Alex are courageous and vulnerable to share their story. It details how they met, the periods of heartache, the turning points of growth, the lessons learned, and the joy and connection they now enjoy. We hope this episode inspires you to take the necessary steps...
What holds women back in relationships? Therapist Anita Sandoval and Shane cover topics including
- The reflex to people please, and how this can be harmful long-term
- Guilt and cultural expectations that trap women in self-sacrificing roles
- The signs of betrayal trauma and how it hijacks the nervous system
- What “duty sex” reveals about emotional disconnection. More fulfilling sex happens when both choose to be sexual a...
Shane reviews the literature on trauma as well as shares observations from his 30 years as counselor and from his personal work of healing to share some markers that would indicate that you may be struggling with unresolved Trauma
1) He reviews trauma's trauma's impact on physical health and especially the nervous system
2) He details how truams is related to mood disorders such as depression and anxiety as we...
We know addiction gets in the way of happiness and relationships, but why is recovery so difficult for high-achieving men? Professional coach Roland Cochrun shares his insights and the realization that making real connections (and discovering your purpose in life) are essential.
He is the founder of The Successful Addict recovery group, The Sex Addiction podcast, and author of The High Achiever's Guide to Sex-Add...
What do you do when you didn't receive comfort consistently while growing up? You look for other ways to receive it. That can lead to unhealthy habits that damage relationships even when they give good feelings. Therapist Anita Sandoval & Shane discuss the Still Face Experiment demonstrated on YouTube, trauma treatments, and how re-parenting yourself helps you show up better in romantic relationships.
What is an intensive therapy retreat like? What benefits does it have over doing a therapy workbook or individual counseling? Shane gives his personal experience of the retreat coming up this fall near Lake Texoma that is designed to help people dig deep into themselves, discover the attachment wounds and negative core beliefs that are holding them back, and re-establish their inner serenity.
One of the scariest scenes in Finding Nemo was when Dory & Merlin swam through the blue trench—being afraid and vulnerable out in the open ocean. Men's coach Bob Smith shares his experiences personally and professionally in how doing that—feeling and accepting negative emotions including vulnerability—opens up individual happiness and leads the way to more connection in relationships.
"When we actually do...
There are 4 key components to creating balance in relationships, that equilibrium between autonomy and closeness that feels good to both partners, according to psychotherapist David Schnarch:
- A flexible, solid self
- A quiet mind & calm heart (emotional regulation)
- Grounded response (avoid reactivity, seek first to understand the other)
- Meaningful endurance (tolerating discomfort for growth)
What defines problematic screen use? What are the real harms? Whether it’s gaming, social media, or online porn, digital addictions can eat up time, tank productivity, increase anxiety, and hurt what really helps—relationships with loved ones.
Counselor Jeremy Edge specializes in teens with gaming addictions and tells us what feeds some of these addictions and how to redirect those we love. His website, Escapingthe.co...
How does empathy change the dynamic of big, negative emotions? What is it about emotional intelligence that allows us to bring our best selves to relationships? What is cognitive dissonance and why is it easier to change our thinking about our behaviors than to actually change them? Tune in to this and more from therapist Stevie Hall, who leads us on this deep dive into empathy.
Stevie has a PhD in psychology...
2025 is the year to better understand happiness! In this episode Shane shares what research indicates increases happiness as well as what blocks it. You might be surprised! "Happiness does not have to be a grand adventure—it can just come from simple things." Here's 9:
- Strong relationships (no surprise here!)
- Sense of purpose in life
- Gratitude
- Acts of kindness
- Physical health
- Positive thinking
- Joy or flow...
Your world was torn apart by the person you loved the most in the world. Maybe you're still in the relationship, maybe not. Maybe you're trying to decide. What you know is that you don't feel yourself, and you're not getting past it. Therapist Kaylee Dunn talks with Shane about how betrayed partners learn from their anger and channel it to power their transformation. Back to safety and reconnection...
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