Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:01):
Welcome to Help
Yourself Food and Philosophy
with Brian and Nick.
I'm Nick and I'm Brian.
Casting Dwayne Johnson in thisday and age is a bold decision,
but casting the Rock, that's abolder decision.
Speaker 2 (00:22):
What you eating,
Brian.
I didn't see it coming.
I was like I was trying tofigure it out.
It's a boulder.
How.
I didn't see it coming.
I was like I was trying tofigure it out, it's a boulder.
Speaker 1 (00:27):
How did you not see
it coming?
Speaker 2 (00:30):
I like, literally,
was like where's he?
I'm like trying to figure itout before you said it, and then
you said it and I was.
It was out of left field for me, so that was good, it was good
I like it all right.
So I am in snack mode right now.
Um, I so, for all those peopleout there that have trader joe's
(00:53):
near them, if you like nuts andyou like things like different
flavored nuts and things likethat, trader joe's is like the
best because, first of all,they're, I think, like way less
expensive than other Placesconvenience stores and
supermarkets alike.
And so, anyway, I was, I wasmunching on right now this Thai
(01:19):
lime and chili almonds andthey're really, really good,
although I forgot how spicy theywere.
So I took my first bite and Iwas like coughing because it was
like hit my throat the wrongway, and I think it's because,
if I had to guess, I would saythere's cayenne in here, but
let's see, um, no, there's not,there's not, no, there's.
(01:49):
Chili powder is one of thespicy things.
I think that's the only spicything.
They also have like Thai limeleaves, like actual little
leaves, like dried up leaves, inthere with it to give it a
little more of a lime flavor.
Speaker 1 (02:04):
But really good.
Speaker 2 (02:04):
Thai lime is actually
spicy that could be, um, but
I've been trying to.
I've been trying to eat more,like hand, like have when I want
a snack, like have a handful ofnuts or something like that, um
, just because they're good foryou.
Speaker 1 (02:23):
And I just have to be
careful not to like go Glycemic
index.
Speaker 2 (02:26):
Yeah, and also not
and and like Slower burn,
especially if I'm like workingthroughout the day and I just
need to grab some.
I know I need to eat something,but I don't really have time to
like sit down and have a mealor anything, so I just grab.
You know, grab a handful.
You're going to be nuts.
Yeah, exactly, grab a handful,I'm going to do nuts yeah
exactly.
Yeah, grab a handful, eat themand then I just sort of go back
(02:47):
to working.
But then what you don't realizeis it's like sort of changing
your blood sugar and doing allthis stuff.
So it's like it makes you feellike you had something to eat.
Like you know, your body knowsthat you had something to eat,
but it wasn't a full meal.
But it's like sort of tied youover and I think because of the
high fat content in the nuts ithelps to.
You know, keep them going, umyeah, it's a good sustained
(03:11):
energy throughout the day yes,and then I also have some um,
I'm not snacking on right nowbecause the misophonia people
would be going crazy uh, somegarlic, uh, garlic and onion
pistachios and uh, they'rereally, really good, but you
have to take the shells off ofthem, of course, and they're,
(03:34):
like I said, very flavorful andbut again, they're a little bit
of work, like pistachios are alittle bit work, but I I feel
like sometimes that helps me noteat as many of them, because
it's like I'm not going to sitthere and peel hundreds of them.
I'm going to peel a few andthen be like, okay, I'm tired of
peeling these now, so I'm goingto put the bag away and go back
to work or whatever.
(03:55):
So, um, so those are good aswell.
Um, and then, with regard tothis Brian's Beverage Corner,
I've got my water, which ischilled a little bit, and then I
was drinking on a littleprotein shake.
It's a Shamrock Farms proteinshake.
(04:17):
I think I've talked about itbefore on our podcast, but it's
a pre-made refrigerated in thesupermarket and they have a
strawberry flavor and it tastesexactly like strawberry quick.
So it's uh, it's like a, it'slike a little treat, like I go
back to childhood.
All of a sudden, I'm, you knowtime travel is real and uh,
there's the nostalgia in mybrain goes back to childhood and
(04:40):
drinking strawberry quick, so,and drinking strawberry quick,
so.
Yeah, that's basically what I'mdoing.
What about you?
What are?
Speaker 1 (04:53):
you eating and
drinking?
I am eating chicken.
It has this Monterey chickenspice mix added to it.
It's cooked in just a good oldchicken breast and also cooked
with nutritional yeast and somehot honey.
Yes.
(05:14):
It's probably more honey thanit is hot, which is fine.
Just a little bit of heat goesa long way.
So it's very tasty, very juicy,to go with it.
As a side we've got potatoeswith butter, just classic
potatoes, nice, except half ofthem are black.
Speaker 2 (05:37):
I bet I can guess
what kind of butter it is.
Speaker 1 (05:40):
It's purple potatoes.
Oh okay, let's see.
Speaker 2 (05:43):
I bet it's Kerrygold.
Speaker 1 (05:46):
Wow.
Speaker 2 (05:49):
Are you a soothsayer?
Have you been in my house?
No, I just know Dory.
Dory and her obsession withKerrygold butter.
Speaker 1 (05:57):
Yeah, yeah, yeah,
she's, she likes.
Speaker 2 (06:03):
It is good.
It is good, it is good yeah,it's a.
Speaker 1 (06:09):
I'm sure it has a lot
to do with, you know, animals
being humanely treating, treatedand no antibiotics and hormones
, and also she's trying to uhsupport the motherland because
she's, you know, she's irish andirish all that such and so
forth.
Speaker 2 (06:24):
So she's just, you
know, supporting that.
Speaker 1 (06:29):
Yep, and oh, I also
have some leftover tiramisu.
Oh nice.
Our grocery store bakery willmake tiramisu in.
I say like a four personserving size, like you give four
reasonable oh yeah uh-huh, yeah.
(06:52):
So lots of times when dorysends me to the store which
seems to be more and more I willcome back with one of these
tiramisu's.
I think I'm inadvertentlyrewarding her for sending me to
the store ah, is that everythingshe?
Can eat she can eat tiramisu.
Speaker 2 (07:09):
There's no, there's
no uh allergens in there,
anything that she can't havesome sacrifices are worth making
, brian.
Speaker 1 (07:17):
She strives valiantly
yeah I mean I'm with you on
that, I'm with you on that.
Speaker 2 (07:23):
Like sometimes you
eat stuff and you're like I know
how I'm gonna feel, to feeltomorrow eating this, but I'm
going to eat it anyway, right.
Speaker 1 (07:29):
So or drink it anyway
.
Speaker 2 (07:32):
Right, exactly.
Speaker 1 (07:34):
And, speaking of
beverage, all I have at this
time is water.
Speaker 2 (07:38):
Oh, in the cow bottle
.
Actually behind you you have afull pitcher too.
Is that water also?
Or is that straight vodkabottle?
Actually, behind you, you havea full pitcher too.
Is that water also, or is thatstraight vodka?
Speaker 1 (07:47):
It's a pitcher of
water.
It's worth a thousand words, soif you would like one, you
would have to.
That's pretty cool.
You see the bubbles, don't you?
Bubbles.
I'll try to pour quietly, youmight hear just this dump of
(08:09):
water.
Yeah.
It's because that's what I'mdoing.
I'm refilling my cup.
Speaker 2 (08:16):
If the listeners stop
listening.
That's exactly the reason why.
It's not because we're notentertaining, it's not because
we don't have something valuableto say.
It's because you poured thewater too loud.
That's exactly why misophoniait's the word of the day right,
exactly, uh, do you want to getinto our topic for today?
Speaker 1 (08:38):
sure we want to do
round two of the man in the
arena it's the, I guess he.
He gave it as a speech, I don't.
I don't know the.
Speaker 2 (08:49):
Yeah, I think it was
part of a I think it was part of
a larger speech.
I'm gonna I'm gonna look it upright now while we're talking
but, pretty sure it was um, Ithink it was part of a larger
speech.
Uh, and that's just the quotethat everyone goes to.
Let's see speech.
Yeah, let's see what it is.
Speaker 1 (09:10):
It definitely covers
much of the point.
Arnold Bryan, you think Ishould read it again or we just
direct everyone to the previousepisode.
Yeah, you could read it again,just so that it's so, that that
way it's continuity and everyoneknows that what we're working
with well, it is not the criticwho counts, not the man who
(09:36):
points out how the strong manstumbles or where the doer of
deeds could have done thembetter.
The credit belongs to the manwho is actually in the arena,
whose face is marred by dust andsweat and blood, who strives
valiantly, who errs, who comesshort again and again, because
(09:59):
there is no effort without errorand shortcoming, effort without
error and shortcoming, but whodoes actually strive to do the
deeds, who knows greatenthusiasms, the great devotions
, who spends himself in a worthycause, who, at the best, knows,
(10:29):
in the end, the triumph of highachievement and who, at the
worst, if he fails, at leastfails while daring greatly, so
that his place shall never bewith those cold and timid souls
who never know victory nordefeat and I misspoke this who
neither know victory nor defeat.
Speaker 2 (10:44):
Yeah, it sounds good
every time I hear it.
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (10:49):
It is part of a much
larger speech.
I've challenged myself Okay,I've challenged myself and a
colleague to make reading thispart of our morning routine.
Speaker 2 (11:03):
It gets harsher too.
I was just reading some of thethings man like after that.
It's like he gets you know atthe end of the last episode I
was uh what go ahead no, goahead no, the last episode I was
talking about how at the endit's sort of a call to action,
almost like calling people outlike you're like a sad and timid
person, or you know, basicallysaying like if you're not the
(11:25):
doer, you're a cold and timidsoul, you know, like that kind
of.
And then it goes on.
The next line is shame on theman of the cultivated taste who
permits refinement to developinto fastidiousness that unfits
him for doing the rough work ofa workday world.
So like, basically, you like,basically, you know that's wow,
(11:47):
that's pretty harsh.
Speaker 1 (11:49):
It's like shame on
you, shame on you, yeah, um,
anyway, um and that partcertainly doesn't feel like it's
stood the test of time, as wellas the rest of this yeah,
either in terms of terminologyor um, I don't know, attention
(12:09):
spans yeah, and I think so.
Speaker 2 (12:12):
Like, one of the
things we wanted to focus on
today was, as I said, it's notnecessarily throwing the rest of
the quote out, but it is sortof going back to the top and
that first line talking aboutit's not the critic who counts.
And again we are going to talkprobably a little bit about
(12:32):
being the doer and beingsomething that's a person of
action and how you sort of whatactions you can take, you know
what constitutes action, allkinds of things like that, and
then I think then just wrap itup, things like that, and then I
think then just wrap it up.
But, um, but I one of theinteresting things I guess to
start out with is talking about.
You know, it's funny because ifyou say critic, you know to
(12:55):
someone, many people in thiscontext might say, well, that's
a third party, that's a somebodyoutside yourself, which it can
be, but you can have obviouslyextra critic, yeah right and you
can have external people whocriticize, um, or, you know,
give you feedback, but also weall I won't say we all have, but
(13:19):
most of us have an inner voicethat can be critical as well,
and so I feel like I want totalk about both of those
contexts in today's episode.
Just how do you deal withsomebody outside of yourself
that's giving you feedback andor criticism and or potentially
(13:39):
positive feedback, or, uh, notpositive feedback, but positive,
um, constructive criticism,right, sure?
Uh, also, how do you deal withinner voice, even constructive,
constructive encouragement right, yeah, and go on, yeah.
(14:01):
So I think I know for me that,uh, that inner voice tends to be
constantly yapping, and I thinkthat's something that probably
a lot of people deal with isjust what the what are the ideas
going on in your head that canlead to overthinking and, you
(14:27):
know, paralysis, by analysis andnot being a doer, you know that
voice is like, yeah, don't,don't go do, just hold on, let's
wait, let's try to figuresomething out and we'll, we'll
do something eventually, but notright now, you know.
And um so um, I did.
I did find one article thattalked about the difference
between or at least it gave somekind of difference, or like
(14:53):
compared between, an innercritic and an inner coach, and
how.
That you know, because, in myopinion, anything that is out
there, you can either use it toyour advantage or you can allow
it to be detrimental, and Ithink that that you can use that
inner voice to your advantage.
But the question is how do youget to that place without
(15:21):
becoming an egomaniac, withoutwithout becoming somebody who's
like so full of themselves andso positive that they're just
like I can do no wrong, you know?
Um, yeah.
So, um, so yeah, one of thethings that said in that article
, though, is talking about theinner critic, and it's it talks
(15:44):
about that, that it where itcame, you know.
So, about the inner critic, andit talks about that.
That where the inner criticcomes from is all of the things
that have happened in your life.
So the inner critic comes fromthe baggage to some extent
Painful that she talks about inthis article painful early life
(16:04):
experiences, hurtful attitude,attitudes, um, dwells on a
reason why a person is not goodenough and then, as as people
age, uh, they unconsciouslyadopt and integrate these
thought patterns towardthemselves.
So it's X, it's internalizingsomething that was external.
So that's why I think it's veryimportant to talk about both
(16:24):
the external and the internal,because what this person's
saying is that if you haveenough people telling you on the
external that eventually youmight internalize that, and then
now your inner voice is sayingthe same thing.
I find it really, really crazy,by the way, some of the
politicians that we have thatdon't seem to be affected at all
by millions of people saying Idon't understand, you know, they
(16:49):
they're basically like millionsof people are saying like
you're terrible, or let's sayhalf we'll say half the people
are saying you're terrible,right and and they're just like
huh, no, I don't know whatyou're talking about, like would
, I mean, would they be?
Speaker 1 (17:05):
if they weren't
immune to it?
Would they be able to do theirjob?
Speaker 2 (17:08):
I don't think so.
That would be very difficult.
So there you go yeah, yeah, if.
Speaker 1 (17:15):
If there's that much
negative feedback like that
would crush the average mortal.
But when you're a ragingnarcissist you can.
Feedback rolls off you like awater on a duck's back.
To use it Right right, yeah Idon't get it, man, you're not
all part of the politicians arenarcissists, but I think it
(17:37):
there's definitely a lot ofoverlap in that venn diagram,
you know yeah this.
The job is kind of made forthem, or yeah, it's, it's
evolved into attracting thosetypes yeah, well, and here's
that's a different topic for adifferent day.
Speaker 2 (17:54):
Yeah, well, here's
another thing that some bullet
points that this person pointsout with regard to the inner
critic, which I think could helpa listener understand whether
or not they have an inner criticor not.
Um, it says these are sevenclues that the inner critic is
talking.
So one is it says things youwould never say to another
person.
Um, it invades your thinkingrather than reflecting your
(18:17):
honest thoughts.
The same thoughts reoccur as ifyou hear a broken record,
another, another dated statement, broken record, a broken cd?
We'll say that's even a dated.
Speaker 1 (18:34):
The same, the same
thoughts over and over, like a
one song playlist.
Speaker 2 (18:38):
Like same thoughts
over and over, as if, as if
you're streaming, music has tobuffer over and over.
Speaker 1 (18:46):
Or a YouTube short,
you don't flip Right, I think.
So far, the only one that Ithink is helpful for me anyway,
and identifying you know thatbehavior would be that
repetitive, repetitive thoughtyeah like it's.
Speaker 2 (19:02):
It's on some kind of
loop well, and there's the next
one to me is mind is like it'svery, it's very analytical.
Speaker 1 (19:10):
it's very analytical,
it's very conscious kind of
thinking and finding a legitpattern in that thought pattern.
Yeah.
But it's one I wouldn'trecognize when I'm in the midst
of having a conversation with myinner critic.
Does that?
Make sense Like.
I couldn't use those tips orthose observations to help me
(19:32):
interrupt myself when I'm inkind of an inner critic episode.
Yeah.
Except that repeat, that's onethat I could identify, I think
pretty easily.
Yeah.
And that's all so far.
I just thought I'd throw thatout there.
That's the most actionable onefor me so far.
Speaker 2 (19:52):
So the next one is
you know that the thought is
untrue, but it doesn't leave,which I think a lot of times.
that's the difficulty is that Ithink on a.
If you really back out and yousay I'm going to think about
this in a purely or in as muchof an independent way as I can
factually, you know that that'snot true.
You know that the independentways I can factually you know
(20:13):
that that's not true.
You know that the the thingyou're thinking is not true, but
that thought continues to enteryour brain, right?
Speaker 1 (20:23):
So it almost like it
bullies you.
It repeats it so that you can'tignore it anymore.
You have to believe it's true,cause it's repeated 20 times.
Speaker 2 (20:34):
And then just a
couple more.
After it criticizes or playsout worst case scenario, it
follows up with phrases like getsome perspective or don't be
insecure.
It may argue about what's inyour best interest, what is
realistic and practical, whatprotects you from harm and what
will ensure the best outcome.
It tricks you.
And then the last one is theinner critic takes inspiration
(20:54):
from outer critics, listen forechoes of a parent, a sibling, a
boss, the agent of societalinstitutions or significant
cultural forces such as religion, company or country.
So I think yeah, I think we'renone of us are mean to that, but
, um, I was going to interjectthis, though, and before we move
(21:16):
on from to that, like I wasgoing to interject that, I was
reading a thing recently thatwas they did a study in 2021,
and they were.
They determined that betweenfive and 10% of people may not
be have any inner voice or anyinner internal monologue, and
(21:41):
it's called the.
That quality is called a fanaphantasia.
A-p-h-a-n-t-a-s-i-a.
Speaker 1 (21:51):
Oh may also
experience in front of it.
Speaker 2 (21:54):
Yeah, aphantasia and
anna durelia durelia, um, that's
that.
Those are the terms that arenow being used to describe the
absence of an auditory, auditoryimagery or an inner voice,
which I envy those people.
They just.
But at the same time, though, Ican't imagine how that is,
(22:16):
because mine is constantly like,sort of like maybe I'm not
always conscious of it, but Iknow that it's always because
every once in a while, I'll justbe in the middle of the day
going why do I feel so bad, like, oh, this thing is repeating in
my head today for some reason.
Why is doing this, you know,and um for them.
Speaker 1 (22:36):
So anyway, it was
probably like emotion, right.
Like yeah, the way they, theytheir, why their brain wired was
such that the language circuitisn't proximate enough or didn't
make enough connections.
Right, language circuit right.
I think I just repeated myself.
The language didn't connectwith the emotional circuits,
(22:56):
right?
Speaker 2 (22:57):
right right but I
don't know why it is, but it's
crazy to me because I I can'timagine a life without that.
You know, I guess it's the samething as trying to imagine.
If somebody says, oh, like, tryto imagine if you were blind or
if you were deaf or if you were.
It's like you can't reallyimagine that because you're not,
but you can, like you couldblindfold yourself and like,
okay, this is sort of what itfeels like to be blind, but you
(23:20):
sort of it's sort of not.
You know what I mean, and sothat I don't know how, how easy
it is, or I guess.
I guess some people have saidyou could you know you try to
meditate, to quiet that, thatinner voice, right, Um, so
theoretically you can like tryto do that's.
To me that's the equivalent of,like blind, putting a blindfold
on Go ahead.
Sorry, nick's raising his handbecause I won't shut up.
Speaker 1 (23:47):
John Acuff has a
great book about all this called
soundtracks.
Speaker 2 (23:52):
Oh yeah, I remember
that book.
Speaker 1 (23:56):
And he talks about.
Whenever you have a thought,you can interrogate it,
especially if you notice it,whether it's positive or
negative or you're not even sure.
Just something about it jumpsout.
Or maybe even take as anexercise to spend the day just
every thought you have.
Sort of question it with thesethree questions Is it true, is
(24:18):
it helpful and is it kind?
wow and lots of times I forgethis percentages and such, and he
was probably like speaking offthe cuff, pardon the pun.
Like maybe only half of thenegative thoughts are not true,
right, like a good chunk of themare not true.
They're just like, like thatarticle just said yeah, um, it's
(24:40):
like I'm so stupid.
It's like, well, no, you're notso stupid.
Right, that's right.
But but maybe, instead ofsaying that, maybe the negative
thoughts is like I've never donethis well and it's okay.
Well, that may be true,technically, that's true.
Like maybe you've just never,whatever it is you're trying to
achieve, I've never done thiswell.
And I was like, okay, well, thatmay be true, technically,
that's true.
Maybe you've just never,whatever it is you're trying to
(25:01):
achieve, you've never been ableto do it.
Well, okay, fine, is thathelpful?
Like, is saying it that way toyourself helpful and sure you
know?
Yeah, you could rationalize toyourself yeah, it's helpful.
I'm kicking myself in my butt,I need to give myself tough love
and whatever else.
Okay, I won't argue with youthere.
(25:22):
You're probably wrong, but I'mnot going to argue with you
there.
Is it kind?
Yeah.
Well, no, no, it's not kindRight, Right.
Well, um it just, you can, youcan still.
And then what you do to reframeis you find something you can
say to yourself that does meetall three of those criteria?
Yeah.
(25:42):
Right.
So it's like I haven't donethis well yet, or I've gotten.
I've gotten even closer atdoing this thing.
Well, I've gotten closer thanI've ever come before.
Right, that is true, it'shelpful and it's kind yeah um.
It's a.
It's a great book he's.
(26:03):
He references um, towards theend, zig, ziglar and he has like
this sheet exercise that youcan get.
That's pretty cool that anychallenges are.
I won't spoil it because partof it is sheet exercise that you
can get.
That's pretty cool that hechallenges on.
I won't spoil it because partof it is yeah, you have to sort
of read the whole book so thatwhen he makes the pitch it has
credibility and all comestogether and makes sense.
(26:25):
But hearing the punchline tothe joke right away, just it
doesn't make sense and it's offputting.
You know.
Yeah.
But yeah, highly recommendedsoundtracks.
You and I are both a fan ofJohnny Cuff.
Speaker 2 (26:37):
Yeah, yeah, we should
see if we can get him on the
podcast.
Speaker 1 (26:42):
Yeah, he was supposed
to try to do that and my inner
critic held me back.
Speaker 2 (26:48):
Yeah, exactly Like.
Why do we deserve that?
No, that's not kind, it's nothelpful.
Speaker 1 (26:53):
You can't ask.
Speaker 2 (27:02):
You might.
We deserve that.
No, it's not, that's not kind,it's not helpful.
You might say no or you mightsay yes and regret it.
Yeah, exactly, that's that.
Honestly, you hit on somethingthere, that's that's.
I think a lot of times that's alot more of a fear than somebody
saying no is like.
They said no, like okay, well,I guess that's not happening and
you just move on.
But they say yes.
Now you're like oh, now Iactually have to like Be the
person in the arena, like I'vegot to do, you know, be worthy
of his visit, right, exactly,not like insult or, you know,
(27:24):
have like be unprepared orwhatever else.
Yeah, um, so that this articledoes go on, and actually very
similarly to, or similar to whatyou were just talking about
with john acuff's book, which is, you know, this is making the
comparison between that innercritic and the inner coach, and
it talks about just this part ofthe article says the inner
(27:47):
coach supports your efforts,motivates you to keep trying
even when you're not 100successful, encourages you to
practice for success and helpsyou figure out what you're doing
.
That stands in the way, whichto me sounds like a little bit
like it's not exactly, but it'sa little bit like exactly what
you just said, which is, youknow sort of dismantling what?
Speaker 1 (28:10):
it's not exactly, but
it's a little bit exactly.
Speaker 2 (28:12):
It's a little bit
exactly.
It's slightly exactly.
Speaker 1 (28:15):
Sorry, I'm being
critical.
Speaker 2 (28:16):
No, it's slightly
exact.
It's similar to meaning what.
Speaker 1 (28:23):
John.
Speaker 2 (28:23):
Acuff is proposing.
There is you change, you takesomething, you reframe it from
an inner critic to an innercoach, and those three things
are the.
You know the check marks of howcan I reframe this?
Well, make it.
What do you say?
Helpful, make it, uh, is it?
(28:44):
Is it true?
True?
make it true make it helpful andthen make it kind right.
So, um, yeah, I mean reallygood stuff.
Um, yeah, I think, uh, I thinkalso just like.
So what I've found in shuttingthe inner voice up is a little
(29:09):
bit like what he talks about inthe quote, which is, whenever my
inner voice is really reallyloud, or inner critic, I should
say.
So it's a very critical, like,and I'm feeling down in the
dumps.
I realized that it's because Ihaven't been doing something
that I need to do or that Ishould be doing, like there's an
actionable step that I'mputting off for some reason
(29:32):
because, for whatever reasonmaybe, I'm scared again, like
talking about the getting theyes, or getting the thing you
know, getting the positive.
It's like I'm not doing itbecause I'm scared of the
positive result that I'm goingto get from doing that.
Right, um, I mean, there's alot to unpack, but you know.
But basically, you know, havingthat change from I'm dreaming
(29:58):
about and I'm thinking aboutwhat I should be doing, or I'm
overthinking what I should bedoing, that's preventing me from
actually being the person inthe arena, you change to the
person in the arena and I findthat my inner voice gets quieter
.
The arena and I find that myinner voice gets quieter and I
(30:19):
find that I feel better afterI'm done with the thing,
whatever that incremental stepis that I completed, or whatever
action I took on the item thatI'm trying to get done.
Um, the piece that comes alongwith that, especially one that
you've been stressing about orfretting about for quite some
time and your inner voice issort of constantly on a loop
about it, like, hey, remember,brian, you got to do this.
(30:39):
You got to.
Hey, remember this, you stillhaven't done this yet.
You still got to get that stepdone.
Hey, you got to get that stepdone.
Remember that step, you got toget that done.
And the time that I do that,that step is not as hard as I
(31:01):
thought it was going to be.
It's not as involved as Ithought it was going to be.
It's not what I built it up tobe.
Like I don't know what I'mdoing here.
Oh, it's like click, click,click.
Oh, hey, you know what.
I figured it out.
All right, I finished it.
Wow, that's awesome, you know,and that sense of relief for
that is because, literally thatto me, for me I don't know if it
(31:24):
does for you or other peopleout there, but like for me, that
inner voice about that justgoes away.
Speaker 1 (31:44):
It just goes like it.
Just goes like it, just likeit's almost like evaporating,
you know, just like it's gonebecause I, I did the thing that
I needed to do, right?
Um, yeah, I think that is verytrue.
I remember way back in one ofour earlier episodes we were
talking about I believe it wasgoal setting and things that for
me, when I'm more sober minded,one of my best strategy for
dealing with stress is to dosomething that addresses the
(32:07):
stress.
Yes, whatever problem iscausing me stress, do something,
even if it, you know, reducesthe problem by one percent or
makes the problem less likely orless frequent by one percent
something.
Just do something that willactually address the problem
causing the stress, as opposedto, you know, medicating with
(32:31):
alcohol or coffee or sweets orfood or whatever.
Yeah, um, netflix, um, then thatthat actually reduces the
stress, you know, it reduces theanxiety.
It's like, okay, this problemis at least partially solvable.
I've got some momentum, maybe Icould do some more tomorrow, or
do some more now, or yeah, Ithink there's other quotes that
(32:54):
came to mind as I'm, as I waslistening to you is, um, the
first one was and I don't knowwho it was truly said by.
It looks like there's a lot ofattributions out there is do the
thing and you shall have thepower yeah so it's like your
inner critic has nothing tostand on.
It's like you can't do that youstand on.
(33:14):
It's like you can't do that.
You can't do that.
But then if you go and try itanyway and do it like that's one
less piece of frankly bullshitthat your inner voice, can you
know, try to throw in your faceRight, unfortunately it's very
creative and we'll come up withmore, but at least you quelled
that piece of false evidence.
And then the other is I'mpretty sure this was Nelson
(33:36):
Mandela.
It always seems impossibleuntil it's done.
Yeah.
You know there was.
What was it.
Was it the seven minute mile?
Yes.
I forget the exact number ofminutes, but you know there's
always some threshold, say insports and athleticism, where,
um that those records keepgetting broken Right or and
athleticism where um that those?
Records keep getting broken,Right or right Um.
(33:57):
There's all kinds of scientificthresholds that we thought we
couldn't cross, and we end updoing so.
Speaker 2 (34:04):
Right.
Speaker 1 (34:05):
Um so, and the other
thing like I found in my own
life is my inner critic isreally good at taking so like
there's this, this idea thatit's always impossible until
it's done right it's like thishas never been done before, so
it's intimidating.
But somehow it also manages towiggle around the opposite in
(34:28):
its favor, where it's like okay,this has already been done
before, there's's no point indoing it.
Like no inner critic, you don'tget to have it both ways.
Yeah, yeah, it's never beendone before, so it's impossible.
Fine, whatever.
But you can't also say it'sbeen done before, so it's not
possible for you to do like you,or you can't do it because it's
(34:50):
already been done.
It's like right.
Speaker 2 (34:55):
Yeah, I think, I mean
, I think you're right, I think
that and that's why I think,going back to the quote, that's
why I, like you know like thequote a lot, because it
basically, in a nutshell, isgiving all of a you know, giving
all the things you need rightthere, there.
And I think it's hard, I thinkit's sometimes hard to get out
(35:19):
of the loop.
But, and and again, when you'rean overthinker, you're going to
overthink, you're overthinkingand then you know you're going
to say like, even if you tellyourself like I should go do
something like actionable, um,you know you, you basically are
like, okay, but what if I dothat?
And then this happens, and thatyou know it's that the
(35:41):
overthinking continues.
So that's why it's I don't wantto say like you need to go do
things with reckless abandon,but you sort of have to do.
You sort of have to like, inessence, throw caution to the
wind and be like, okay, good.
Actually, a good example isgetting back to what we talked
about in.
(36:01):
Well, I don't know if we talked.
Did we do?
I know we did how to winfriends and influence people,
but did we talk about how tostop worrying and start living?
I can't remember.
Did we do episodes about thaton here?
I can't remember.
Wow, that shows how much I know.
I know we did how to win friendsand influence people.
Yes, but I'll tell you this.
(36:24):
One of the things that they saythat they talk about in how to
stop worrying and start livingis that this exact thing is
actionable items Living indaytight compartments.
So don't worry about what youdid yesterday.
Or, excuse me, don't, yeah,don't, don't, what do they call
it?
Don't review or regret what youdid yesterday.
Or excuse me, don't, yeah,don't, don't, uh, what do they
call it?
Don't review or be regret whatyou did yesterday.
Don't worry about what you'regoing to do tomorrow.
(36:44):
Do what you're going to dotoday, like do the action items
today and clear all that otherstuff out.
Cause part of that is I thinkpart of it is the day after day
like knowing I should have donethat yesterday, I should now,
now, then it's the next day andyou're like I should have done
that yesterday and today andthen it's like, oh, I should
have done that yesterday, theprevious yesterday, and then
(37:07):
that you know so it's just abuilding effect so it's true.
Speaker 1 (37:18):
There will always be
new tasks to do, so do what you
have now to get it out of theway and have a clean plate to
work with whatever comes yourway.
Speaker 2 (37:28):
Well, and I think you
were going to talk a little bit
about this too.
But you know, I know I talkedabout us starting back at the
top again, but we sort of did.
But we're just trying toconnect parts of this quote to
other things external to thequote.
But you know, the strivingvaliantly part, the person who
strives valiantly, who errs, whocomes up short again, you know,
(37:50):
striving valiantly to me islike go boldly, you know, go
boldly forward, like so you knowyou've got to do it.
And again that enthusiasm too,with grace and great enthusiasm.
And then a couple of linesbefore that who strives
valiantly?
Both of those things to me areindicating like just do it.
And, you know, go go full forceinto it, like even though your
(38:13):
brain is telling you you'regoing to fail, even though your
brain's telling you you're goingto fail, even though your
brain's telling you you're goingto, you know, go down in a
blaze of glory, go ahead and doit with enthusiasm, and do it
boldly, and you know you canmove forward yeah, it's um.
Speaker 1 (38:34):
You know you quoted
yourself in the previous episode
.
I'll quote myself here.
Your first is your worst.
Yeah.
You know, and yeah, you canspend hours and days trying to
think about all theeventualities of your first
attempt and practice andrehearse, but no matter what,
(38:55):
you'll make mistakes.
It won't be perfect.
Your first attempt will notever be perfect.
Right.
And that's okay.
That's part of the process.
So learn by doing.
Though, because you spend thosefive hours or five days, you
(39:19):
learn more in five minutes ofdoing trying trial and error
than you do by five hours ofanalysis.
We yeah, we live in our bodies.
Speaker 2 (39:26):
Yeah, and if you want
proof of that, you can go
listen to our first episode ofthis podcast and honestly I
would hope that somebody wouldsay we would improve.
But I'll say this it doesn'treally matter what you guys say
out there, I know that melistening to myself on that
first episode, I wasn't as good,I wasn't as comfortable behind
(39:48):
the microphone.
There's a lot of improvementsthat I've made over the time
we've been doing this right andso hopefully somebody would say
it was improved.
But I feel like I've improved.
I feel like you've improved,you know um.
I feel, like we've gotten betterat producing a podcast, but you
know um, that's just me tootingmy own horn.
(40:09):
You know what I mean?
Speaker 1 (40:12):
sure, and and we
definitely had a lot of
self-critic, inner criticanalysis, paralysis going on.
Before you know, we recorded abunch of mock episodes and
they'll never see a lot of day.
Yeah, those are even worse thanour first episode yeah, I've
(40:33):
got them.
Speaker 2 (40:33):
I've got them,
somewhere there are, I've got
the autophiles that it's a.
It's a real.
That'd be a real trip downmemory lane.
Is this Blackmail material?
Yeah, exactly yeah.
I'm like oh, you'reinterviewing for a new job, let
me just go ahead and submit thisto who you're interviewing.
But that was.
I don't know why that took sucha dark turn.
Speaker 1 (40:55):
All of a sudden they
turned into like mean, mean
Brian for a second there, justlike I'm going to turn why it's
like all of a sudden they turnedinto like mean mean brian for a
second there, just like I'mgonna ruin nick's life, that's
it.
Well, I wonder, like, what aresome ways that we can dare
greatly or go with enthusiasm,like it, it's great to tell
someone, just do that yeah well,be more confident, like what
(41:17):
does that mean?
How do you?
Well, how does one go about?
Speaker 2 (41:21):
well, I think, also
on that same note, is you
touched on something I think itwas before we were recording,
but, um, when?
When do you get to the pointwhere because everything does
require some thought processbehind it, like, everything does
require some kind processbehind it, like everything does
require some kind of like.
Let me think about where I wantto go Like and just using the
(41:43):
simple example of what we know,which is, like starting this
podcast, like we had ideas andwe started beginning to do some
of those things and started todo some of the actions, but at
some point we just had to say wehave to like record the first
episode, we have to get itpublic, we have to do everything
we need to do to like get itthere where it needs to be.
And so the the.
My question is you know,potentially, how do you figure
(42:07):
that part out?
Like, how do you figure outwhen you are overthinking, like
when it is too much thought onthe front end versus no, I still
need to like actually come upwith some things?
Um, and I think that might bedifferent for each person.
You know, I think some peopleare really, really good with.
I'm going to think about thisfor a little while and I'm going
(42:28):
to do what I can do right now.
But then I'm going to have tolike, do this rinse, rinse and
repeat kind of thing, where it'slike I think about it a little,
I do some action items, then Ithink about a little bit more
and I do some action items, butat the same time, all those
action items are those thingsthat I'm doing.
I'm also wanting to improve uponthose and say, oh, you know
what, but I also want to do thisnext time.
And then you sort of adding iton and stacking it on top of
(42:50):
each other.
So, um, I think that's a hardpart for me is when you get in
that overthinking thing whereyou're like, oh, okay, but I
should probably do somethingabout this now, or is now the
right time, or is it not theright time?
And maybe that's just, maybethat's the, that's the inner
critic is like, no, you're notready, you're not ready yet,
(43:10):
it's you know that kind of thing.
Speaker 1 (43:13):
So yeah, well, I
think yeah, there's.
There's an article here that Ipulled up because part of what I
was reading into the TeddyRoosevelt man in the arena quote
yeah.
Daring greatly and strivingvaliantly was not giving up on
your goals and dreams.
That's something that's almostidentifying marker for our
(43:36):
personality type.
I don't know about anybody elsealmost, uh, identifying marker
for our personality type.
I don't know about anybody else, uh, it's just where.
Because we go along to getalong whenever we want something
.
As soon as there's any tensionor conflict in schedules or
family or friendships, stuffabout what you want versus what
they want, or, like yourpeacemakers are quick to drop
(44:01):
theirs to keep the peace, todrop whatever conflict they're
causing, whatever they wantthat's causing conflict, they'll
just drop it.
Um, and so that often happenswith goals and dreams, even if
you come across something that'slike, oh, I don't, I want to
start this, but I don't knowwhat to do about taxes.
Right, so I'll just drop it orI'll put it off.
(44:25):
It'll put it off and then,after three consecutive put offs
, it's not in the head anymore,it's gone, you forgot, you
wanted it, but anyway.
So I did this.
Look up for that.
And one of their first tips,one of 18 tips.
There is no perfect time.
Coming back to what you justsaid, yeah.
(44:47):
And, you know, if we learn bydoing like.
One of the things that'sintimidating me is making a call
like okay, yeah, I could do, dolike, I think, I think I think
the verb you use, coming back toyour larger question of how do
you know you're at the time isright or you're putting your um,
you know whether you're being acritic or whether you're being,
whether you're striving,valuing, Right, I think it's the
(45:09):
verbs you're using or embodyinghave a lot to do with it.
Yeah.
Um, I often get on people in myteam when, when we're faced with
a problem, they talk aboutlooking at it, it's like, yeah,
I'll take a look at it.
Yeah.
Or I'll analyze it, I'llinvestigate, I'll research.
Yeah.
And it's like no, I don't wantyou to do that, I want you to
(45:30):
fix it.
Yeah, Fix the problem, solvethe problem Right.
Do the thing, them Right.
You know, do the thing, don'tthink about it, don't review it.
Speaker 2 (45:42):
Yeah, you know, don't
ask around like fix it.
The fact that you've identifiedthe problem means you've
already looked at it, You'vealready analyzed it.
Speaker 1 (45:47):
Like you already know
that there's an issue, so you
know there may be more things todiscover, but but the goal
isn't to understand the problemright.
The goal is to solve it.
Understanding it is a means tothat end.
Yeah.
You know, similarly, like Icaught myself, you know I want
to.
I've got this business idea andI'll listen to a podcast, or
(46:08):
listen to a podcast aboutstarting a business, or I'll
watch YouTube videos about it orlisten to audio books about
finding or chasing your dream orwhatever, but that's not
actually doing anything Right,very passive that's.
The other thing is, you know,yeah, you're just, you're
passively consuming content orjust thinking about it.
(46:30):
Yeah, I would even say goingaround and looking for
opportunities or taking picturesof stuff, whatnot.
But pursuing the dream would besomething like making the call,
perhaps writing a rough scriptto help reduce some of the
intimidation of that first call.
(46:51):
Um just so you know how to startand how to finish or whatnot,
but ultimately, like, are youdoing the thing you know.
Speaker 2 (47:02):
um, so yeah yeah, and
I think I think, uh, I have
felt much in terms of feelings.
You know just where you'retrying to like evaluate your
emotional, emotional wellbeing,everything like that.
When I do something like that,that again have you been
(47:28):
thinking about or you've beensort of overthinking, or you've
been like, oh, I know, you sortof know like.
It sounds to me like youalready know.
The next step in this is youneed to make some phone calls.
Right, you have alreadyidentified that.
Speaker 1 (47:40):
And I, yeah, when I
have to talk about it, yes.
But when I wake up in themorning I think what am I
supposed to do?
Oh, I can't think of it.
Oh well, I'll just stop, I'lljust do something else instead.
But anyway, go on.
Sorry, yeah, no, I mean, Ithink Know the next step.
Speaker 2 (47:53):
Yeah, know the next
step and and basically go.
You know, that thing is likethe gateway to the next step.
So, you know, you, youbeginning to make phone calls is
sort of the okay, first of all,you're going to get some
feedback from that.
You're going to get some yeah,that's a good idea, that's a
(48:16):
terrible idea, that's workable,that's not workable.
Oh, here's some other thingsthat you might not have thought
about.
So you're going to get thatfeedback.
And then, uh, you know, quitehonestly, you're going to have
to deal with that, you know, andyou're going to have to say,
okay, what's that?
You're going to have to adjustyour next step based on that,
right, so, you know, very, veryinteresting, you get that
(48:39):
feedback which you can act upon.
Yes.
Right Um the other thing that Iwas going to say is um, and you
can, I know you just pulled outa book to or not to, but, um,
you pulled out a book and butone of the things I was going to
(49:04):
talk about is one of myfavorite I don't say favorite
books, but the six pillars ofself-esteem, and how that
connects here is that you knowthat's more of an overreaching
thing of of.
You know having that, you knowhaving that inner voice and
having an inner critic.
You know having that innervoice and having an inner critic
, you know Um, so one of thethings that says it here is um,
(49:26):
you know the the.
The book talks about thepractice of self-esteem, and one
of the things that this personpoints out is notice that they
don't say it's, you know it's apractice, it's something that
you have to do, you have toactually physically do it, and
so his proposition in the bookis giving you these six
(49:48):
different pillars, which are thesix practices that you need to
do in order to have higherself-esteem or in order to
repair higher self-esteem or inorder to, like, repair your
self-esteem, and I think thatthat inner critic is really an
indication of a lowerself-esteem.
Like is your?
Your inner voice is telling youlike, yeah, you know you're not
(50:10):
good enough, you're not strongenough, you're not fast enough,
you're not, you know, smartenough, whatever that might be.
You don't have what it takes to, you know, to see it through.
You know what I mean, um, andso you know it talks about a lot
of stuff, but one of the thatI'll say this the first, the
(50:31):
first um practice is living moreconsciously.
Living more consciously andit's talking about basically, um
, you know, bringing a consciouslike you're instead of your
inner voice subconsciously going, you're living more consciously
, so, um, it sort of talks aboutusing that as the first pillar
(50:54):
of trying to move forward.
So I think somebody, I think, Ithink, I think doers, tend to
probably silence that innervoice a lot more and have like
higher self-esteem, and that'swhat I think, you know, teddy
Roosevelt was trying to tryingto point out.
Speaker 1 (51:13):
So what were you
going to talk?
Speaker 2 (51:19):
I saw you get a book,
but did you find what you're
looking for or no?
Speaker 1 (51:23):
I did there was a
journal my ex-wife gave me.
That doesn't necessarily ruinits credibility, but I do feel
like I was going to say thatyeah but she, she challenged me
to answer a few questions everyday, like in journaling it, and
(51:45):
the one that was amazinglypowerful for me.
The others put aside, therewere self-interested questions
for but the one, the first onethat she challenged me to ask
myself was uh, did I avoidthings today, or what did I
avoid?
today yeah, um, I think that'sanother strong signal that, yeah
(52:10):
, falling prey to your criticself and not your doer self
that's very interesting that'sactually a pretty powerful
question what did I avoid today?
That's huge.
And that's the other way to sayprocrastinate, and generally
speaking, we only everprocrastinate like I don't know,
(52:30):
80 plus percent of the time.
We procrastinate either becauseit feels too hard, either too
ambiguous or uncertain orwhatever, or it's too easy,
right, it's mundane right it'stedious, it's annoying.
So you know, just knowing whichit is and why can help you live
(52:52):
more consciously, like you werejust saying yeah is, you can
challenge yourself.
Okay, even though thisintimidates me, I'm going to do
this.
I'll make.
I'll make this first step ofthis intimidating process.
Yeah.
But, yeah, I think this, thisis turning out to be quite
(53:14):
motivating for me, so I'm I'mgrateful for the conversation.
Speaker 2 (53:27):
It'll be good.
Yeah, it's's, I think it's.
I think that, uh, you know,this is part of the thinking
process, like I think what, whatwe do, like when we just have
the conversation and we recordit and we put it out.
There is um, is that's justsort of going through the stuff.
It's it's like the psychologymajor in college.
It's like they's like thepsychology major in college.
It's like they they became apsychology major mainly because
they want to figure themselvesout, not necessarily figure
other people out.
(53:47):
You know what I mean.
So which is you know a littlebit of a thing with it.
So, um, so yeah, this podcastis a little bit like that as
well.
So, uh, hopefully the audiencegets something out of it also.
But beyond that, um, I thinkthat's it.
I think that's all I wanted totalk about.
(54:07):
Did you have anything?
Did you have anything else?
Speaker 1 (54:14):
challenge myself and
others to be a bit more bold
interaction.
You know, be a pull out.
What is this?
Uh, henry Bergson.
Yeah, like a person of action.
Act like a person of thought.
Yes, I changed the gender forthese times, but um, think like
(54:34):
a person of action, act like aperson of thought.
I'm just yeah.
Well, I'm just yeah.
Speaker 2 (54:41):
I'll say this I'll
end with this on that note is
the second pillar of self-esteem, is the practice of
self-acceptance, and this personsays that that can be easily
summed up as you being, yourefusing to be in an adversarial
relationship with yourself.
So the inner, inner voice isthat like you're fighting with
(55:04):
it, right?
So you know, um, so, so youknow, you know what I'm talking
about.
I do anyway.
All right, that's all I'll takeit.
And yeah, we will.
You will hear us next time.
All right, see ya thanks, brian.