Finding Freedom Through Full Surrender

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:01):
Have you ever felt like your story didn't matter,
that your voice wasn't enough?
Here's the truth.
Your story is not just yours.
It's a testimony, a light, ablueprint for someone else's
breakthrough.
Welcome to the Her AuthenticVoice podcast, where we break
free from shame, step into boldfaith and use our voices to

(00:24):
inspire others.
I'm your host, coach Tara, andevery episode is an invitation
to own your story, embrace yourpurpose and speak with
confidence.
Are you ready?
Let's go higher together.
Let's live love and beauthentic, authentic Voice, and

(01:13):
I thank God for it.
I was not ready to come on, Iwas not ready to do my podcast
again, but he has said it.
And then he said it again.
And he said it again and I said, okay, amen, amen and yeah,
sometimes you just got to go forit.
You got to go for it.

(01:33):
And one thing I did differentlywas I did not take it the
previous episodes and continueon as I did previously with the
name change.
I just kept the episodes goingepisode 60, 61.
No, I started over.
This is episode one, so welcome.
You're going to grow with me.

(01:53):
You're going to grow with me.
You see the good, the bad, theugly, whatever the mess up,
because I will not despise smallbeginnings and I'm just going
to be obedient Now.
Did I have to do it?
No, because God may tell us todo something, but it doesn't

(02:15):
mean we have to do it.
Do you do everything?
God says no, and he doesn'tmake us, but I understand the
call on my life.
Sometimes I don't want to do it, sometimes I don't even want to
do the things that he asked meto do, but I do understand the
necessity of my voice and, withthat being said, the necessity

(02:40):
of your voice, and how importantit is for me to speak and to
share, because there's so manywomen that are like me who've
had similar paths like me.
You know whether you grew up inchurch or not.
I did not grow up in church.
I actually grew up as aJehovah's Witness and then I

(03:02):
lived all types of ways.
You know I really did.
I've had a sordid past.
When God called me, I was stillbisexual.
I lived that way like 15 years.
I got high every day, in fact.
I used to do a lot of things.
I used to have girls work forme.

(03:23):
I used to be one of the girlssitting in hotel rooms, thinking
that I was so high classbecause I wasn't walking the
street.
I've lived a life.
I've seen things that many ofyou may have never seen,
especially if you're just.

(03:43):
I'm not going to say justbecause it's not a bad thing to
be kept by the Lord, it's not abad thing to grow up in church,
so I'm not going to say that,but you may not know what it's
like to live and see and be insome of the spaces that I've

(04:07):
been, you know.
So, women that I talk to,they've dealt with some shame
and some guilt.
And the thing is, even ifyou've never sold your body,
you've never smoked weed everyday, you've never been a madam,

(04:28):
you know you've never belongedto another religion cult
religion, I mean even if you'venever, you know you've still
experienced guilt, you've stillexperienced shame, you've still
had moments when you did notfeel Like you were worthy.

(04:48):
You did not feel like you wereenough, because I felt All those
things.
And when the Lord saved me, hecame While I was still deep in
my mess, because I didn't thinkNothing was wrong with me, I was
fine, I wasn't even looking forhim, but he called me.
So I know, this is what I knowIf he can save me, he can save

(05:16):
you and he can save him and hecan save her.
So I don't get caught up inthat.
I am not a super.
So I don't get caught up inthat.
I am not a super.
Look what they did and, oh mygoodness.
And they're going to hell.
And that's not me, Because whatI was doing, I am so grateful,

(05:38):
you hear me.
I am so grateful that God lovesme.
I'm so grateful that he calledme.
I'm so grateful that he forgaveme.
So what I don't do I don'tthrow anybody under as if they
can't be redeemed Don't do that.
I don't hold grudges overanyone.
Don't do that, too scared to dothat, because I fear the Lord

(06:03):
and I know that he is a lovingGod.
And he said what lovingkindness have I drawn thee?
And he didn't condemn me.
I was condemning myself.
I have so much guilt and eventhough he forgave me and saved
me, it took a while for me toforgive me.
So I know if you've doneanything that you're ashamed of,

(06:26):
if you've been involved inanything, I know it can be
difficult to forgive yourself.
It really can.
I am not listen, I'm not astranger to it.
But see, this is where we maydiffer.
This is where we may differ.
I experience embarrassment, Iexperience shame, I experience

(06:47):
guilt.
I just don't stay there.
I just don't stay there Becauseokay, I laugh because I say
this and it's my memoir.
I wrote a memoir calledEverybody Kneeling Ain't Praying
Because they're not.
So when I was out there in thatworld, especially when I was an

(07:08):
escort, I saw a lot and people,even prominent people, prominent
people, pastors and lawenforcement and politicians.
They do things that you wouldreally be shocked.
Everybody kneeling ain'tpraying.
Baby, I don't care how muchmoney you have, I don't care

(07:32):
what your last name is, I don'tcare People be peopling.
So I'm not impressed and God'snot impressed.
Character, not character.
Integrity that's impressive.
It's impressive have integrity.

(07:55):
But, yeah, people do somethings out here and I've seen a
lot.
Yeah, so everybody kneeling andpraying and, with that being the
case, I don't think anybody'sbetter than me and I don't think
I'm better than anybody.
I just think we're people, youknow, and we're all out here,

(08:18):
like my bishop say, having thishuman experience together.
So that's what it is.
So you may not have done whatI've done, you may not have done
what somebody else has done,but you've done something.
You understand.
That's what it means.
Everybody kneel and they prayYou've done something.
So why would I Sit in guilt,sit in shame, sit in

(08:48):
embarrassment?
Just sit there, make my homethere.
But what and why should you See?
That's where we may bedifferent.

(09:09):
I feel the emotions Because itsucks when you go through those
things, when you're feeling thatpain.
I feel it Because feelings arenatural.
I don't vilify feelings and youshouldn't either Allow yourself
to feel.
They're natural.
You just have to be mindful notto be in a stuck place because

(09:30):
it's hard to get out.
You know I've been.
I've been listen, I've been ina stuck place.
I'm telling you what I'veexperienced.
I've been to the point ofdespair where I wanted to jump
off the bridge.
You hear me?
I've been in a stuck place.
So when I share, I'm not talkingabout things I've read.

(09:50):
I've lived and I've experiencedso much, even before I entered
this world.
In my mother's womb, I've beenrejected from the beginning, and
the one person who loved me,who loved me unconditionally,

(10:11):
more than anyone has ever lovedme, is the Lord Jesus, when I
didn't even feel unlovable, whenI did things that I deem made
me unlovable.
He loved me.
So don't look at yourself as ifyou're unworthy, because you're
not.
You are worthy and you areenough, and I don't care who

(10:34):
says you're not.
I don't care, and you shouldn'teither.
Tap into what your creator saysabout you.
Let his voice be louder,because guess what people gonna
do?
Yeah, talk.
They're not gonna stop talking,even with me doing this.

(10:57):
People don't talk about me too.
People talked about me all mylife.
You think that's going to stop?
No, ma'am, you cannot getcaught up in that.
You can't get caught up in that.
You just have to be mindful.
Stand strong in your voice.

(11:20):
Stand strong in your voice, inwho you are.
Your story matters.
Hold on.
I know I'm on live, but see, I'mnot cutting this out.

(11:43):
I'm texting my guest Becauseshe's on her way.
You guys are going to Grow withme.
If you decide to stick around,I would love for you to come on
the show.
I interview women and younggirls, teens, but all things
faith, all things female.

(12:04):
That's what we do around here.
All things faith, all thingsfemale.
So if you're Down with that,stick around.
If you're not, so yeah, I'mgoing to Play something for you
guys, and after that, I Will letyou, I will let you, I will

(12:26):
introduce you to my guest.
Is that alright?
Alright, and of course, it'sthe wrong clip.
Lord help, where is the music?
Let me try this one.
Okay, this might be the rightone.

(12:51):
Listen, I have a tip for you.
So my plan is to showcase tips.
My plan is to showcase tips foryou based on my voice framework
, because, if I didn't tell you,I am a book writing coach, a
storytelling strategist, and Ido help women write and develop

(13:12):
their stories and properlyposition themselves in the
marketplace.
So my voice framework will helpyou.
Each episode, I'm going to dropa tip for you.
So I'm going to drop a tip inthe next few minutes and then,
after that, I'm going tointroduce my guests and then
we're going to drop a tip foryou.
So I'm going to drop a tip inthe next few minutes and then,
after that, I'm going tointroduce my guests and then
we're going to have aconversation.
So stick around.
Soon as it pops up, soon as itstops processing, and there you

(13:43):
go.

Speaker 2 (13:44):
Today's voice tip from Coach Tara's's voice
framework is all about valuingyour story.
I want you to take a moment,maybe right after this episode,
and write down three key momentsthat have shaped who you are
today.
These don't have to be dramaticor public moments.
Maybe it was the day youdecided to walk away from
something that no longer servedyou, or the moment you

(14:05):
surrendered your life to Jesus.
Or maybe it was a quietpersonal breakthrough during a
hard season, when you realizedyou were stronger than you
thought.
For me, one of those key momentswas when I finally forgave
myself for not having it alltogether.
I used to carry shame like abadge, thinking it made me more
holy or humble, but God remindedme that freedom is found in his

(14:28):
grace, not my perfection.
That shift became a turningpoint in how I saw myself and
how I began to tell my story.
So today, think about yourthree moments, write them down
and know this those moments arenot just memories, they're
ministry, ministry.
They're the building blocks ofyour message, and someone out

(14:49):
there is waiting for the wisdomthat only your story carries all
right now.

Speaker 1 (14:57):
There you go.
I'm gonna say it just said joy,just said hello, hello, hello,
hello.
How you doing I am well, howabout yourself, girl?
Listen, I was just talking tothem like this is episode one
and you're gonna get all of it.
You're gonna get whatever I gotgoing on, because this is all

(15:20):
obedience, this is asurrendering to what god said
and it's going to organicallybecome whatever it's going to
become, and I'm going toauthentically allow it to do
that amen amen, amen, becausebetter than perfect wow, I like

(15:41):
that done is better than perfect.

Speaker 3 (15:44):
I think we do expect it to be perfect.

Speaker 1 (15:48):
It's so crazy because look what I'm about to do,
trying to figure out which one,because I didn't like how close
I was to the screen.
Okay, now I can see your whole,your whole hookup okay, good to
see.
I knew you was about to be fab.
So you guys.
Joy is a amazing makeup artistand I just couldn't wait to see

(16:13):
all the stuff you had going ontoday.
Joy, how was your day?

Speaker 3 (16:19):
um, you know, it really wasn't bad, um, I can't,
I really can't complain, I can'tcomplain, it was, it was a good
day good, good it was.

Speaker 1 (16:29):
I told you.
I know, I know I shocked youbecause I said joy, I want you
to come on and be my first guest.
Joy was like huh, wait, what?

Speaker 3 (16:37):
it was a lot going on .
It was a lot going on.
I was like wait a minute, itwas just a wave.
Uh, wait, hold up, what is whatis going on?
I was like wait a minute, itwas just a wave.
Hold on what is going on.

Speaker 1 (16:48):
You know what prompted this and I'm sitting on
my leg because I'm just aflower child what prompted this
is when you did my makeupSaturday for sister talk and we
were having a conversation and Iwas like wow, because you've
come such a long way with theLord and I know that you were in
such a trying time where youhad to surrender it all,

(17:10):
especially when it came to yourbusiness, and I wanted you to
come on and talk about thatjourney, because there are
people right now.
You got Department of Educationclosed and you got a lot of
stuff happening in the world andthey are fearful and it's like
you've learned to hold on to thelord.
You've learned even when youdon't know what's happening next

(17:31):
yeah he's giving you faith Imean not faith a grace, you know
.
So I want you to talk aboutthat.
Start with um, the place I usedto come to.

Speaker 3 (17:42):
Okay, do it work.
Yeah, so during the pandemic,the Lord blessed me with an
opportunity to have my own suite, my own space to be able to do
makeup, my freelance work as amakeup artist, and I was super

(18:03):
excited.
It was a wonderful, very warmspace.
Um, in particular, it was ablessing for my children, Um, so
if I needed to bring them towork, especially my son, um, I
could you know, with no problem,um, I'd be able to work there
for hours and he would be okay.
It would be a comfortable space.
Fast forward about four years.

(18:26):
This past November, I lost thatspace because I could not keep
up with the payments and mybusiness started to decline in
regards to bookings and thingslike that, and I was devastated.

(18:51):
I was so sad.
I was just sad.
There was just a heavy sadness.
I initially thought that mybusiness was over, but I felt
like.
I felt like something was beingdone to me.

(19:12):
Do you know what I mean?
Like I felt like.
I felt like I, like I was beingpunished or I was either a being
punished or shifted, but Ididn't see it as a shift.
I didn't see it as a shift.
I felt like it was some sort ofretaliation For what?
Some sort of retaliation foryou know, and I'll admit too,

(19:35):
and I'll admit to this, that youknow, I had in that season of
my life, I was prayerless.

Speaker 1 (19:43):
Oh wait, joy Y'all.
I knew it, I knew it, joy, weare not about to gloss over that
.
In that season of your life youwere prayerless.
Can we just talk about that?

Speaker 3 (20:03):
The more prayerless I was, the more attacks I
received Because I wasn'tdwelling in the secret place,
because that's what he tells usto do, he that dwells in the
secret place.
I wasn't dwelling in the secretplace via my prayers, and the
the the more that I wasprayerless, the more I received
attacks.
And I, in my mind, to be honest, I felt that because of my

(20:23):
prayerlessness, I was beingchastised in a sense.
But looking now, that wasthat's, that's not the case,
that that that just isn't thecase.
Um, I would receive eitherrevelation or warnings, Like
there were, there were timeswhere I had dreams and prophetic
dreams that this day was goingto come.

(20:46):
I just didn't want to be inprayer about how to feel about
it.

Speaker 1 (20:57):
You didn't want to be in prayer about how to feel
about it.
So were you in denial.
Was it a sense of denial?

Speaker 3 (21:05):
It was a sense of denial.
It was a sense of I don't wantto shift that way.
So maybe even rebelliousness.
You know, I don't want to gothat way.
I'm comfortable with this.
How are you giving me this andthen allowing it to be taken
away from me?
In my mind, right in my, in myway of thinking, in my way of

(21:30):
thinking I want to stress that,in my way of thinking how can
you bless me with somethingbecause he did give it to me,
and then tell me no, I want, Iwant you to go this way.
Um, and every person now I lostmy suite in november, um, every
person that's ever booked withme, followed me back where I

(21:52):
started from, which is in myapartment.
Everyone, everyone, everyone,you know, was like what's the
address?
You know, no one had a problemwith coming to my space of where
I lived and go ahead.

Speaker 1 (22:10):
You said nobody had a problem.

Speaker 3 (22:12):
I said, but you I was the only one that had a problem
.
Yeah, I was the only one thathad a problem, because in my
mind, business should look likethis and this is how you know,
this is how it should go, um,but when you are part of kingdom

(22:32):
, that's you have to.
You have to be submitted to thepathway of Christ.
Um, because your way ofthinking will get in the way of
that, you'll.
You'll have more battles thanwhat you really need, girl, you

(22:53):
know you'll take on more battlesthan you need.
Um not shifting in thedirection that got and trusting
him.
You know, um letting go andsurrendering that control.
Like.
I think that I should do itthis way, cause in my mind I'm
like I should stay at my suiteand I should have these hours,
these times, this many bookings,when I say nothing worked

(23:16):
nothing.
Nothing would work, nothing.
I you know it was awful, it wasthe worst warfare I had ever
been through wow, wow.

Speaker 1 (23:30):
Do you feel like his grace, like he removed his grace
from it, that he had moved fromthat space.
He's not there yeah, I'm overhere, I'm over here.

Speaker 3 (23:40):
Joy, come, come this way and I'm gonna be really
transparent.
I was frustrated with god.
I was frustrated with god.
I was frustrated with godbecause I was asking him for
something in my mind that wasvery minimal.
I was just asking for the bareminimum.

(24:04):
God, I don't want to be, Idon't want to be famous.
I don't want to be wealthy.
I don't, I don't want.
I just want to be able to takecare of my kids, go to church
and serve at church.
That's all I want to do.

Speaker 1 (24:25):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (24:26):
I didn't say I want to be able to take my kids on
vacation.
I didn't say I want to go onvacation.
I wasn't praying about ahusband, a relationship.
I wasn't praying about Lord.
I just want to be able to workenough to take care of me and
the kids and pay my bills, paymy bills on time, and I would be
upset.

(24:46):
I would say, god, why don't youhear me, why don't you give
that to me?
Why I don't understand, I don'tunderstand why you won't give
that to me.
Um, I had a dream many dreams,of course and I was telling you
about yeah, I deal with a lot ofmonitoring spirits.
I deal with that a lot.

(25:06):
I'm not fearful of them, but Ido deal with them.
And I had a dream that I was ina room with a beautiful camera
and the camera was the mostbeautiful vision I had ever seen
in the dream and my pastor.
I love my past.

Speaker 1 (25:27):
Let me tell you something about that white man
now let me tell you somethingabout the white.

Speaker 3 (25:32):
Okay, come on that pastor, that man is saved, that
man is doing what God has calledhim to do.
And he prayed for me.
And when he prayed for me hesaid I want you to listen to the
Holy Spirit.
There's a new path that God isgoing to take.

(25:52):
It's a new pathway and I knewthat was the heart of God,
because that was my dream.
He didn't know.
I dreamt that and I knew whathe was saying.
That and I knew what he wassaying the heart of God.
And then, when you called me uma couple days ago and then you

(26:12):
left me that voice note in my dm, all of that came back to my um
, my, my memory, um once Ididn't even know that joy when I
said that yeah, yeah, yeah, Iknow, like.
And then when you said that Iwas sitting right here in my

(26:34):
chair and I said you know, god,you're faithful.
I went months without real withwith a real prayer life because
I was so distracted and Iidolized my issues over

(26:57):
communing with you.

Speaker 1 (27:01):
Girl, you probably need to run that back.
Say that whole.

Speaker 3 (27:05):
I was so distracted and I idolized my issues over
communing with God.
My issues, all of my issueswere more important than
communing and cultivating myrelationship with Christ.
In my mind, that was moreimportant, and I made an idol

(27:29):
out of my situation, so much sothat I couldn't even pray my god
, and you would think that youcould pray, because you're
getting so heavy with all theissues I couldn't when I say,
when I say you could feel like,um, you know, during, during

(27:52):
another night time that's andsee, that's why now, when I wake
up in the middle of the night,I'm prayerful you know, yeah,
now, yeah, but I could feel likea muscle being put on my mouth
in the middle of the night.
You know the enemy would attackme.
The enemy was really duringthose months of I'm shifting you

(28:18):
and my business going down.
I mean it was a slow decline.
I would sit in my suite and cry.
I would just cry because Iwould be like but Lord, you gave
me the you you gave what do youwant me to do?
Like I would be, like I don'tknow what you want me to do.
And I was not.

(28:48):
I was having more heart ofgratitude.
Gratitude was very helpful, butjust thanking God for being
faithful.
And there was a lift, sort of a.

(29:09):
I do, I do oh, I can't explainit, but sort of a lift and and
taking you refocus when youstart with gratitude.

Speaker 1 (29:18):
You're not looking at your issues now, you're looking
at him and what he's done foryou.
Now you're not looking at yourissues Now, you're looking at
him and what he's done for you.
Now you're not looking at yourlack, but you're looking at your
surplus.
Oh, wait a minute, I have this.
Oh, my children are well, we dohave a roof over our head.
We aren't going hungry.
We can still get to here.
You start looking at what isworking and not what isn't.

(29:39):
And, yeah, that happiness doeslift yeah, that happiness does
live.

Speaker 3 (29:49):
I do understand.
Yeah, um, and and after mypastor prayed for me.
That's why you man listen,y'all can say what I want having
a good pastor.
I'm talking about a pastor thatknows that he's called to the
office of a pastor.
Yeah, not because he needs amic, not because his ego needs a
mic or his pride needs a mic,but he is called to the office
of a pastor after that prayer.

(30:10):
My life has never been the samewow, I love that after he prayed
for me, after he prayed for meand and it's not because he gave
me a word, but he gave me theheart of christ he gave me what
was on christ's heart, what wason his heart for me.
Listen to the holy spirit, I'mshifting you in a new direction.

(30:31):
And even though I personally,joy, did not like it, it gave me
grace enough to trust him tosay, okay, all right, well, I'm
going in a new direction.
So when I lost the suite, I wassad, but my life didn't fall
apart.
I didn't feel like my life wasfalling apart.

(30:52):
I felt like, okay, okay, allright.
I pretty much lost.
I donated all of my furniture,like most of the furniture that
I donated.
I donated it.
Yep, I don't, I don't want it.
Everybody, I, I, everybody.

(31:14):
I was like I, I posted it in mystories.
Nobody, I couldn't even getmoney.

Speaker 1 (31:18):
No, okay, it was so late in her suite it was like an
apartment.

Speaker 3 (31:28):
It was like an apartment, it was.

Speaker 1 (31:29):
Yeah, I lost everything bless whoever has it,
bless you yeah, they, they.

Speaker 3 (31:34):
You know it was cool.
It's here, remember you werelooking at it, yeah I got.

Speaker 1 (31:42):
I got oh yeah, that was that mirror.

Speaker 3 (31:44):
I was okay, yeah she like getting that mirror yeah,
no, no, no, I was taking thatmirror, yeah you can't have my
mirror um, no, okay, my mirror,um, and I had just, I have just
enough to do makeup, to do youknow whatever, and um, it's a
little more it's.
It's a little.
It's comfortable, butuncomfortable.

(32:05):
People don't seem people,everyone seems to be okay you
know, everyone sees, I've bookedtwo weddings since I've been
here.
You know um, so I think if Icould go back, what I would do
differently is be more prayerfulthat's good don't abandon,

(32:25):
don't abandon prayer, you know,don't abandon talking to Christ.
And then, you know, now myprayers have shifted, you know,
lord.
Um, well, it's not about myproblems.
I know I have problems, and Godknows that I have problems, but
I pray the prayer that Davidprayed and he said you know,

(32:46):
lord, created me a clean heartand renew a right spirit within
me.
Those are my prayers, lord.
I ask that you give me yourwisdom.
You said that, um, the fear ofthe Lord is the beginning of
wisdom.
You said that, and that's whatI want.
That's what I want.
I can do nothing without you.
I need your help, I need yourwisdom, I need your eyes, I need

(33:08):
your ears, I need, I need youin every sense of the way you
know.
And so my prayers aren't Lord.
So my life's about to get cutoff.
Can you help me?
Like that's not a prayer.
He know I'm about to be in thedark.
If that's a prayer, right, likehe knows that situation, right,

(33:28):
he doesn't need that.
He wants to know like what.
I want to talk to you aboutwhat it is.
I want you to do what it is.
I want you to say, yeah, youknow, I have work for you to do
yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 (33:41):
or even to pray for other people, because you can be
down and out and still lift upother people, like Job did.
He prayed for his friends andhe was going through, they was
talking about him and everything.

Speaker 3 (33:52):
Yeah, I love that, and after that prayer, my prayer
became more about kingdom.
You know why did you say yousaved me?
For a reason, yeah, I have workto do, you know.
Um, so I'm just grateful to Godthat he, he, gave me a passage

(34:16):
to kind of just point me in theright direction, even if it's
just a prayer, you know, and Ifeel lighter when I pray.
Now I feel less fearful,fearful less.
I have more faith.
I had a faith and then I had afaithless prayer life.
You know, I had a oh, that'sgood.

Speaker 1 (34:35):
Come on, joy.
Tell me what's a faithlessprayer life?

Speaker 3 (34:40):
I already know what you mean.
Why are you, why are youpraying to me about what you
need?
Yeah, you're my child.
I know you need that.
Praying like I don't believeyou know like you can do it.
Why are you praying that?

Speaker 1 (34:59):
I said I thank you, lord, because it's already done
thank you, lord.

Speaker 3 (35:03):
Thank you God.
I thank you.
I just thank you, lord, becauseit's already done.
Thank you, lord.
Thank you, lord.
Thank you god.
I thank you.
I just thank you for today amen.

Speaker 1 (35:09):
Can we just thank you for today because it's real out
here.

Speaker 3 (35:14):
So, lord, I thank you for today.
You kept you, kept me and mychildren today.
Amen, that part and everyone Ilove.
You kept them today and I thankyou, you, and I find that I
have even.
Does it make my problems goaway?
No, but I find that I can carrythem a little bit better
because I gave them to him.

(35:34):
Come on, you know, come on,that's what it looks like that's
what it looks like.

Speaker 1 (35:42):
How do you do it that ?

Speaker 3 (35:43):
How do you?

Speaker 1 (35:44):
just give it to him.
How do you like?
How do?

Speaker 3 (35:47):
you do it, that you just give it to him.
How do you, how do you let itgo that that, and so you know, I
just, you know god is, you knowhe's, he's just faithful, he's
faithful, and um, so that's,that's what I've been doing.
You know, my life is slow.
I'm starting to see that it'sit's shifting and I'm yes yes,

(36:10):
I'm okay with it.
You know, um, for me,photography is just a hobby,
it's just something I do when Ifeel like it.
Maybe you know like oh, yeah,you know sure, why not?
You know what I mean.
I'm like okay, I never wouldhave thought of it as something
that I could do.
Guess what he said, though, butguess what my pastor said, tell

(36:31):
me tell me he said.
He said, you know, I'm shiftingyou, right, I want you to listen
to the holy spirit I'm shifting.
This shit will take you intoyour overflow.
That's what he said.
No overflow, that's what hesaid.
And I was like, okay, all right, but I wasn't.
I'm not concerned with theoverflow, I'm concerned with how

(36:53):
to steward, you know, makingsure that I do the right things,
considering him andacknowledging him so that he can
direct my path.
You know, um, and then I can,you know, because it's not
enough to just get in theoverflow.
You have to steward it, youhave to be prayerful, you have
to be wise.
You have those are thefoundational tools that you need

(37:15):
in order to operate in thekingdom, because the goal is for
his name to be exalted, for hispower to be exhausted, to be
exalted.
That's the goal.
The goal is to draw the peopleto him and say this is our god.
Yeah, this is who he is, thisis who we serve, you know, ma'am

(37:39):
, and that's what we're doing byyou sharing your voice and
overflow just to and overflowJust to.

Speaker 1 (37:47):
There are many Types of overflow, so overflow of
peace, not just funds.
Overflow of clarity, you know.
Overflow of good friends andgood health.
And there's more to God Thanjust him giving us money and
resources, because I have anoverflow of joy, you do You're

(38:11):
like clock that.

Speaker 3 (38:14):
No, you do, I do.

Speaker 1 (38:17):
I have an overflow.
The joy of the Lord is mystrength.
So if I'm not joyful, I'm beingattacked and I need some help
because I mean, if I can't getout of it, it it's like because
normally I am, but it's not me.
The joy of the Lord is mystrength, you know.
So that's an overflow that Ihad and for a long time I did

(38:37):
not have an overflow of money.
I have a different situationnow because I've learned to
steward.
A lot was taken from me and Ihad to learn how to navigate
that place.
First kicking and screaminglike you were, then resting and

(38:57):
understanding you're trying todo something in me, you're
trying to teach me something,okay, okay.
And then, not to be an ultimateconsumer, I realized I was
constantly spending, spending.
Spending for what you everthink of joy, like what I don't
need.
That I think God teaches usslow down, you don't need that.

(39:25):
You don't need to do that.
You don't need to do.
What do you need?
How can?
You don't need to?
What do you need?
How can you help someone elsewith what you have?
Like it's not just about us,it's about paying it forward.
You know.
So that going through and paulsaid it was good that I was
afflicted.
You started to understand.
Oh, I get it.
If I wouldn't have went throughthat, I wouldn't have this
wisdom.
Thank you, lord.

Speaker 3 (39:46):
Thank you, lord, and then you, lord, I don't need 30
shades of red lipstick.

Speaker 1 (39:51):
Girl probably four Right.

Speaker 3 (39:57):
The dark one.
I don't need that.
I don't need that.
You know, I don't need that.
I don't need 30 shades or 10 or5 shades of red lipstick.
I don't, I don't need that.
I don't care how much makeup Ido, I don't care how much.
You know, I don't need that.
You know what I'm saying.
And had I, had he placed me inoverflow, then I would have

(40:19):
ruined it yes, let me tell yousomething funny.

Speaker 1 (40:24):
I told the people already before you got on like
what I used to do, because Iused to.
I used to make a lot of money,but it was illegal.
It was illegal.
No, I make good legal money now, so I love that.
Because before, when I made alot of money, before it was in
that world, that undergroundworld, but my mindset was so

(40:46):
poverty.

Speaker 3 (40:46):
Like girl, I was balling out at rainbow before,
before she became uh, rainbow,rainbow with me I'm saying I
didn't have to.

Speaker 1 (41:00):
I could have went in the louis store, I could have
went and got what?
Seriously, I had thousands ofdollars every day, but my
mindset, I didn't't know.
That's what I'm saying.
God has to teach us.
We have to learn here.
We got to learn here.
I had to grow up in so manyways.
I had to know that I was worthybecause I didn't even think I
was worth.
Okay, I got this, but I can'tgo in there.

(41:22):
I didn't even have a good senseof self-worth, have a good
sense of self-worth.
So it's so many things hetaught me to love myself that I
was enough that now, if I well,I, if I want to, but I don't
need.
But then I didn't necessarilyneed, but I could have.
I shouldn't have been livinghow I was living, the way I was

(41:43):
living, then I didn't have to,but I didn't know I could do
something different.
here I mentioned I wasn't thereso all those steps he took me
through brought me to a place ofself-worth and self-love and,
depending on him and seeing theworld through the correct lenses
.
I didn't have none of that.

Speaker 3 (42:02):
Right right.

Speaker 1 (42:03):
You went through all of that and I know you have a
different view of yourself.
I know you have a differentview of people and how you
handle money and yeah.

Speaker 3 (42:13):
so tell me about that , like how you evolved as a
person, as a woman so one of oneof my weaknesses, especially um
before I got saved uh, I grewup in church so I, you know, I
was churched, very much churched, very pentecostal churched um,

(42:33):
that wasn't my, that's not mystory.

Speaker 1 (42:35):
I was.

Speaker 3 (42:36):
I was very pentecostal, churched and the
friends that I had in the world.
Now that I am saved, I don'thave not a single one.
I have, no, and my weaknesseswere friendships and
relationships.
Those are my weaknesses becauseI was a horrible people pleaser

(42:58):
like, okay, god, awful peoplepleaser, because I I did not
understand my own self, my ownvalue, my own, my worth and
being accepted, idolizing myneed for acceptance because
because let's talk about it,because our need, when we do,
when we do things like that,it's, it's idolatry.

(43:20):
That's why it doesn't work,because it's idolatry, it is
against, it is against god, it's, it is against.
You know, I was a peoplepleaser because your need to be
accepted is greater than yourneed to be in relationship with
christ.
You're right, it is, it is.
And so I had an idolatry issuewith people pleasing amen, come

(43:43):
on, um, and so those friends Idon't have anymore.
I don't have any more of evenrelationships.
I don't attract the same typeof man.
I'm gonna be super honest.
I don't attract no man.
I get it.
I don't attract no man.
Ain't nobody, ain't nobodybarking up my tree, ain't nobody
trying to holler at me, and I'mpretty sure it's for a very

(44:04):
divine reason.
I'm absolutely sure those aremy weaknesses and so learning to
understand my value in Christ,my identity in Christ, my own
pathway in Christ, I had tolearn to be content with Christ

(44:27):
alone, learn to be content withchrist alone, and so he allowed
the space for me to have onegood, close friend that is also
in christ, and then, after that,I started attracting friends
like my closest friends, peoplethat I talk to, people that I'm
connected to, are saved, theyare in the kingdom, that.
That that is.
That is it, everything.

(44:49):
Everybody else is just outsideyeah of that, for whatever
reason, right, um, I have nofriends that I can say that a
friend that are saved.
You know my lifestyle, myrelationships are so much
different.
Because I needed deliverance inthat, because, cause I had so
many wounds I had I hadabandonment wounds, I had like

(45:12):
trauma wounds, like I had somany issues yeah, I didn't even.
I didn't even.
I was so bombarded.
I know, when you and I firstmet, I was about I don't know 50
pounds smaller.
I was about I don't know 50pounds smaller and for that
first year I you know I could Ilost my appetite for an entire

(45:36):
year.
I didn't even eat.
I went from a size 18 to a size6 in a year's time and then,
once God saved me and startedhealing me, I'm currently now
back to my you look good, girl,you look good.
My voluptuous 18.
And what it looks like is meunderstanding that my

(46:02):
relationship with Christ ispriority.
I'm not going to lie to you,that's an issue for me.
With Christ is priority, I'mnot going to lie to you, that's
an issue for me.
Um, that's an issue for me inregards to, uh, being consistent
, um, and my prayer life andunderstanding the weight of the
importance of being inrelationship with Christ.

(46:24):
It's teaching me that.
It's teaching me how selfish Iam.
Yeah, um, um, shoot, how lazy Iam.
Yeah, it's showing me, me.
It's showing me that, um, youknow I need, need I, just I need

(46:47):
him yeah every day of everyhour and um, I really that's
where I am like right now.
I went from idolizingrelationships and connections
and being a people pleaser tonow saying, lord, I need you, I

(47:14):
I don't, yeah, I even I prayabout raising, raising my
children, raising a child on thespectrum, you know, um, raising
a child with an autoimmunedisease.
I don't, look, I don't know howto love these kids.
I don't know how't look, Idon't know how to love these
kids.
I don't know how to love, Idon't know how to love these
funny looking kids.
Listen, I love my children, butI just I don't.

(47:35):
I mean, I don't know, you know,I don't know.
I pray for them I pray for them,I pray how to love them.
I pray that god gives me thewisdom to guide them to, to you
know, disciple them, um, so thatI can be an example, so that
their yes is like my yes it'spermanent, I'm not going nowhere
.
It's not perfect, but it's notgoing nowhere.

(47:56):
My yes is yes, yes to your will, yes to your way, um, and yes,
I'm going to make mistakes andyes, I'm going to fall, but I,
I'm yes, I'm not going nowhere,because where are we gonna go?

Speaker 1 (48:10):
girl.
We just saw that sarah day,look where are we going, like
where are we going nowhere?

Speaker 3 (48:15):
it's nowhere to go.
I'm not going outside where thedogs are, and I'm not, and I'm
not going to hell my yes, is notperfect, but it's permanent.

Speaker 1 (48:27):
I like that so much.

Speaker 3 (48:29):
Yes my yes is not perfect, but my yes is permanent
.
I'm I'm loyal to, to him um andI thank god.
I thank god that he saved me, Ithink, and I know him, I
remember I just used to justknow him as a keeper.

Speaker 1 (48:42):
I'm like, yes, you know god is a keeper and he is,
but I know him as a healer, andnot just, not just, you know, in
my body, but God cares so muchabout our heart and our spirit
girl talk about it he cares, hecares, he cares you better tell

(49:03):
these daughters out here hecares about our heart like he
wants to heal us he does and Ican say both notice, listen,
don't joy and tell them clock ityes um, I had an opportunity, I
have opportunity, I'm in thatopportunity.

Speaker 3 (49:23):
I'm gonna have a client, a client of mine, shout
out, shout out to my client, aclient of mine.
She came this, shout out to myclient, a client of mine.
She came this is, this is likein December Okay, get our makeup
done.
And I was in a really low placein regards to my finances and,
um, she was.
She happened to ask me you know, how are you?
And I was like I'm great.
And I was like I'm great.

(49:47):
She said how are you?
And I said so, I felt led totell her what was really going
on.
And she said, oh, my goodness.
She said, well, you know, mypartner and I, we own this
company where we, you know, havemonitors for children and their
parents for parenting time with, with the County, with the city

(50:09):
.
Um, you know, we'll love tohave you part-time.
I said yeah, sure, yeah, yeah,sure, sure, right, and so I went
um and the first day, the firstday, was I was like wait a
minute.
Um, there's a gentleman, um, he,wait a minute.
There's a gentleman, he, theyhave two children, him and the

(50:31):
ex, they have two children, andhe's psycho, he's crazy.
He attempted, pretty muchattempted, to murder him and the
her and his own children, right, and he still allowed parenting
time, sick, and he was given ahard time.
The children couldn't stand himand the mother is deathly

(50:54):
afraid of him and he had askedan inappropriate question.
That wasn't allowed.
And the monitor, she wasshowing me how things go and she
was saying hey, mr So-and-so,mr Ski Bubbles, listen, you
can't ask that question.

(51:15):
And he pulled his chair backsuper slowly and he said I'll do
what I want, when I want andhow I want.
Now this man attempted to blowup.
He blew up the baby mama car,house caught on fire, then went
to the baby mama house and blewup that car, that house and the

(51:37):
neighbor's house caught on fireand he got third degree burns
and all burnt up.
And he's saying he do what hewant when he want.
I believe him, I believe themtoo, and so when he left, the
children were very uncomfortable.
The children can't stand him andI was able it was my job to,
you know, take the children down.

(51:57):
And I felt so much compassionfor the children because they
know that their father is asicko Right and the mother does
too.
And, um, you know, I shook herhand and, uh, I wanted to.
I wanted so bad to say can Ipray for you?
But you know people.

(52:18):
But I shook her hand and in myheart I was saying, lord, cover
her.
I said be safe, be careful.
And she said I will.
And she looked like she wantedto hug me and all that.
And I went upstairs and I satand I was in deep thought while
they were doing their thing andI said what's crazy is, there

(52:39):
was a time in my life where notonly where I was the children,
my brother and I, because I grewup in the foster care system, I
was the children and I was themother.
And three, four years ago, Iwould have been triggered, I
would have been upset, I wouldhave been crying, but I felt

(53:02):
compassion and I got in my carand I knew then that God had
healed me because I had notriggering emotion but
compassion.
And that's when I knew God tobe a healer.
Yes, I knew God to be a healer.

(53:24):
I was the wife that was runningfrom her narcissistic husband
who tried to kill her twice.
He tried to kill me twice andtried to kill me twice.
And I was the child that grew upwith a narcissistic father and
needed supervised visits and mymother was halfway crazy, needed

(53:51):
supervised visits and my motherwas halfway crazy and and I
knew then that god had healed mefrom every man, from every
wound, my god, that the enemyplaced upon me every single
trauma.
I, I had nothing but compassion, nothing but compassion.
So god wants to not just hedoesn't just want us to help
others, and that's great yeahbut he wants to heal us.

(54:14):
Yeah, he wants to heal us.
I want to heal you, you know,even if it was from decisions
that I made.
You know, I knew, when I camein contact with my ex-husband, I
knew I was young and stupid, Iwas broken, but he, I knew I was
stupid.
I was stupid, you know.
I knew I wasn't supposed to,but I didn't have the strength

(54:36):
to say no, my need.

Speaker 1 (54:39):
Here we go again.

Speaker 3 (54:41):
My need to be loved and accepted at any cost was
greater than my need to be safeand valued.
Ooh.

Speaker 1 (54:53):
Jesus, ooh, I can't even move yet.

Speaker 3 (55:02):
My need.
Come on Joy.
Come on joy to be loved andaccepted at any cost, at any
cost was greater than my need tobe safe and sound and in my
right mind you know, like that's.
That's where I was.

Speaker 1 (55:20):
I was there before and tons of women watching you
right now was there, probably isthere now.
They're probably in it, so yougotta speak to that.
Help them get out of that joynumber one.

Speaker 3 (55:34):
You have to recognize that at some point it's no
longer them, it's you, it's you.
He just won't treat me rightand he just want this and he
just want that.
Well, I mean what you want todo.
You let him.
Your need to love yourself mustbe greater than his need to love

(55:55):
you.
It has to be my god, it has tobe, and your identity needs to
be in christ and christ alone.
So you gotta be okay witheither being single and in
christ, or with some fool orwith the enemy.
You got to choose one.
Jesus, you have to be contentin Christ.

(56:16):
It cannot be over what God hasfor you, his obedience, what
he's called you to do.
You have to be content withthat.
Yes, he wants us to be happyand in love, and for some of us,
some of us, you have to acceptcontent with that.
Yes, he wants us to be happyand in love, and he and for some
of us, some of us, you have toaccept.
You may be single, you you may.
You may be single, but youbetter be okay with it, because

(56:36):
if you don't, the enemy is goingto run you ragged with it.
You know, yeah, and I, I findmyself, oh, I find myself in
crazy relationships.
I know my last relationship, mylast relationship, my last

(56:58):
serious relationship, my lastserious relationship was really.
It was really terrible.
Let's just say, you know, likeI said he was, he was, you know,
addicted to drugs horribly.
He's tried to commit suicide infront of me.
Oh joy, yeah, yeah and get this, get this.
I loved him.

Speaker 1 (57:20):
Did you love who you met, or like what did you love?
Was he always that guy or didhe show you that later?
Did you see red flags in thebeginning, like what were you
loving?

Speaker 3 (57:39):
He never mistreated me.
Okay, he never mistreated me.
He wasn't abusive, he didn'tcheat on me.
You know he didn't talk to mecrazy.

Speaker 1 (57:49):
Okay, it sounds like checks.
It sounds like green flags, sowhen did the red flags start,
girl?

Speaker 3 (58:00):
I'm going to tell you this Okay, he caught my eye
first, okay, and, and he caughtmy eye first, okay, and this is
before I was saved, this isbefore I got saved, and
something in me said leave himalone oh really leave him alone.

(58:23):
I was like I mean, what's?
I mean, what's the worst thatcould happen?
I was like girl why you knowand I indirectly pursued him
Right and then he ended upfalling for me.
He became obsessed with me in away and to this day we've been

(58:47):
not together for four years hefinds a way to try to contact me
.
I have to keep him blocked andthings like that.
He finds creating pages and allthat kind of stuff, not
creating pages.
Yeah, poor guy, nice guy.

(59:07):
Was it the drugs?
Like what?
Yeah, nice, but he the thedrugs.
I became consumed with hisproblems were you trying to fix
him?
no no, okay, okay no, I had tomake a decision that he's not

(59:31):
gonna change like.
This is, this is his life, thisis what it is.
So what was I gonna do?
You know he would.
He would relapse, he would tryto commit suicide, he would
steal from me, he was still frompeople.
He, he was.
It was really bad.
He would be in the.
He would be in the nut house.
It was, it was.
It was really bad.
It was really bad.
He would be in the nut house.
It was really bad.
It was really really bad,really really bad.

Speaker 1 (59:53):
So many?
Because you'll have, on the onehand, someone saying, okay,
that's a sickness, you know youlove them through it, you help
them through it.
And someone else is like run,you know you got women, that's
like, I'm just gonna help themthrough it, I don't care if I'm
slipping and losing myself, I'mjust gonna stick it out.

Speaker 3 (01:00:14):
I was withering away.
Yeah, I was withering away.
The joy that I am now was notthe joy that I was then.
I was withering away, I waswithering away and, um, I made
the decision to I was witheringaway, I was withering away and I

(01:00:35):
made the decision to say Ican't do it anymore.
That's when God began to.
He was starting to draw me, hewas starting to draw me and I
started to deal with my ownissues.
There's a time where I'm goingto be super transparent and I

(01:00:56):
was going to make a mistake thatmy mother had made with me and
my brother.
I was going to give up mychildren.
Where are you?
I came maybe this close.

Speaker 1 (01:01:16):
Look at the generational patterns.
I thank god for stopping you.

Speaker 3 (01:01:17):
You know who you know who you know who prayed for me
april let's show her april.
We love you, april I love me, Ilove good people.
Yeah, I love a I love goodpeople.
Yeah, I love her.
She prayed for me.
She prayed for me.
She was like don't do this.
And I said, oh my God, I wasliterally going to drop my kids

(01:01:41):
off at CPS because that was doneto me.

Speaker 1 (01:01:46):
I know.
But let me tell you something,joy.
Whether you realize it or not,there was something inside of
you that didn't, and you wantedsomebody to stop you because you
would not have told her.
If you didn't want to stop me,please because you could have
just done it without saying aword for you to confess that
meaning help me because I don'tknow how to help me.
Stop me because I don't knowhow to help me.

(01:02:06):
Stop me because I don't knowhow to stop me.
Thank God for praying friends,not just praying friends, but
believers who are in Christ.

Speaker 3 (01:02:14):
And when you were saying that during your event.
I need friends that can listen.

Speaker 1 (01:02:21):
I mean that 100%.
They say, well, I got friendsthat do.
I don't care what kind offriends you got In my inner
circle.
You got to be in Christ and yougot to be somebody who can
intercede for me because I'mgoing to intercede for you.
Can he hear you?
Do he hear your prayers?
You come on.
That's what I need around me.
I have too too much happeningaround me, too many attacks
coming.

(01:02:41):
My call is too great.
I cannot just have anybody inmy inner circle.
I'm sorry, I love you, love youhow you doing, but that's we
can't.
You can't come this close.
So I love April, I'm sograteful you have her and she is
true blue.
And if y'all looking for anattorney who can do your
trademark cause she did that,cause I had her card, I will put

(01:03:02):
it up.
I will put it up.

Speaker 3 (01:03:04):
Yes, she's a wonderful friend, she's a
wonderful sister in christ andshe prayed me through that
moment and I was going to giveup.
I remember my mother gave me up, me and my brother up, dropped
us off and left us there and Iwas like I'm going to do this, I
I because I couldn't handle thepressures of being a single mom

(01:03:27):
.
You know, I mean I was single,single.
Another show the pressures ofbeing a single mom and why you
need, why you need crying, whyhe has to be like what am I
doing?
I can't, I can't do it alone, Ican't and I don't even try no
more.
I be like so, god, what do I do?

(01:03:48):
Yes, ma'am don't you?

Speaker 1 (01:03:51):
what do I do, holy Spirit?
What do I?
Oh, thank you, holy Spirit.
You looking for something?
You have a whole vision ofwhere it's at.
I'm all day just walking withthem, all day.

Speaker 3 (01:04:03):
That is my life, every day oh my God, do the same
thing you're doing too much.

Speaker 1 (01:04:09):
They say I just do too much no, this is my no.

Speaker 3 (01:04:12):
This is my no, no, no , no, no.
But god has been good and Iknow god is a keeper and a
healer.

Speaker 1 (01:04:19):
Yes, man you know so I love that.
I love what he's done in yourlife, I love who you're becoming
and that you're learning tolean on him and yield to him and
relinquish the outcome to him,because that's what I see you're
doing now.
That's what I see you're doingnow.

Speaker 3 (01:04:40):
Oh man, I'm so I'm happy that you see it and I'm
definitely trying.
I'm definitely trying and Ithank.

Speaker 1 (01:04:46):
God for his grace, and I thank God for his grace.

Speaker 3 (01:04:49):
Amen.
I thank God for his grace.
He's giving me some grace.

Speaker 1 (01:04:54):
Like, okay, all right .

Speaker 3 (01:04:55):
All right, all right, all right.

Speaker 1 (01:04:58):
You are a special, wonderful woman, Joy you are I
appreciate it, thank you.
Joy for you.
You haven't seen anything yet.
Like I told you what he says tome concerning you, there's a
part that I have to play in thatand that's why I reached out to
you the way I did and said whatI said.

(01:05:19):
We were divinely connected.
There's a reason I am grateful.
You are so great.

Speaker 3 (01:05:33):
See, you're going to mess, gonna mess around, be
photographer and emcee you know,don't do that, don't don't do
that.
You can't do both.

Speaker 1 (01:05:39):
No joy is a phenomenal photographer and
videographer.
She has an eye that you don't.
I can't even explain her eye,but when she's, she's in a
service worship service, yeah,any type of service where we are

(01:05:59):
giving glory to god, we'respeaking, and she captured
moments as if you can feel themthrough the photo.
That's the the eye that she has, and everyone doesn't have that
.
So if you need somebody tocapture some photos for your
worship service, this is who youcall.
If you're having an intimategathering, jam session, whatever

(01:06:21):
, this is who you call.
She is good, I'm not kidding.
What's your Instagram?

Speaker 3 (01:06:38):
call.
She is good, I'm not kidding.
What's your?
What's your instagram?
My instagram is j dot r e m u sm u a.
Did you, did you?
Uh, bring it up, is that right?

Speaker 1 (01:06:43):
I'm about to do it right now.
I'm about to do it right now.
That's a shame.
Listen, no girl, that's a shame.
I don't really remember you do.
And is that an Instagram?
Yes, that's it.
That's it.
Listen, you guys follow her.
You want your makeup done?
Follow her.
Well, she probably got itbecause, I don't know, everybody

(01:07:04):
can't come to her house, butshe probably can come to to you.
But follow her for your worshipservice, check her out.
She's so good at what she does.

Speaker 3 (01:07:17):
I promise you you will not be disappointed aww,
thank you, thank you, thank youso much.
Oh no, you're welcome.
Thank you so much.
And shout out to my church.
Shout out to my church.
Shout out to my church, shoutout to my church presence,
church man out in romulus, theyare amazing.
Shout out to them, um, theypushed me out there to do it.

(01:07:42):
They, they pushed me, they,they assist in cultivating my
gift.
They like, hey, you know, do,do this, do that, reminding me
to let the holy spirit lead meon when to move, where to go,
what direction to go in.
Shout out to my church fortheir prayers and their support.
They support me in the best waythat they can and that they
know how, um, they are a, aspirit-led ministry.

(01:08:06):
I God for that, and that'ssaying a lot because, you know,
I grew up in church, so I'veseen a lot and they are a
ministry where his presencetruly is Amen.
So I thank God for presence,you know, and their name is
Presence, yeah, presence.
Church Yep, yep.
Presence Church Yep, they areawesome, yeah, yeah, every

(01:08:27):
Presence Church Yep, they areawesome, yeah, again every time.

Speaker 1 (01:08:31):
Is that the slogan Presence Church, presence Church
.

Speaker 3 (01:08:35):
We love his presence and we love his people.
Oh man, I love that so much.
I love Presence Church.
They are awesome.
I love my church family yeah.
That's important especiallytoday, because you can hardly
find folks, that's, you know,not walking in pride and

(01:08:57):
foolishness, yeah, anddivination and idolatry and all
kind of craziness.

Speaker 1 (01:09:02):
That's a whole, not the episode, because it's
rampant and you know we can talkabout it, but we're not going
to talk about it tonight.
It is rampant, you know what?
But to God be the glory,because he will let you get so
far and he like come on backhere, I'll let you see.

(01:09:24):
He, let us see what's going on.
He did and I thank.

Speaker 3 (01:09:27):
God, he didn't have to.
I'll let you see he, let us seewhat's going on.
He did, he did, he did, and Ithink he didn't have to.
He didn't have to.
He could have let us just go on, but he didn't.
He saw fit to say hey, here'swhat you see.
And you, it's up to you to makethe decision, to repent and to
turn.
Come on, how come you let me?

(01:09:47):
I didn't let you do nothing.
I gave you a free will, I gaveyou the tools, I gave you the
vision.
Now it's up to you to make thedecision.
Yes, how come you let me?
We be blaming god for every?
It's so crazy.
Something is wrong with us.
Why does god?
Why do you love us?
Why do you love us?

Speaker 1 (01:10:03):
so much.

Speaker 3 (01:10:04):
Why?
Because we are crazy Girl.
Something is really wrong withus.

Speaker 1 (01:10:11):
That'll get you on your knees literally, laying
prostrate, actually, because youknow you're not worthy.
So it's just like Lord, thankyou.

Speaker 3 (01:10:23):
Yes, thank you for loving me, thank you for
forgiving me.

Speaker 1 (01:10:26):
Thank you for just saving me.
You didn't have to do any ofthat.
You don't have to forgive meevery day, because we fail every
day, every day, whether wethink it's something wrong.
Our thoughts are just aspowerful as our words, because
they will manifest into wordsand actions.
They will.
You will have some behaviorbehind them.
Thoughts.

(01:10:46):
Thoughts are very important.
They're powerful.
So we have the thoughts forgetting the calves down.
Every imagination, everyonethat's a lot every.
Okay, I gotta be like.
Let me tell you what I learned.

(01:11:06):
If I say anything about anybody, god has shown me, me I don't
care what it is God they did.
Oh, let me show you what youdid.
That's my how he deal with me,so I'm very careful.

Speaker 3 (01:11:23):
He shows me most through my kids, through my
children.
My daughter is extremelyintroverted and I'm extroverted,
yeah, and.
And so I become hurt because Iwant to be connected to her.
And it's not, it's not apersonal thing, it's just part
of her personality.
And I'm like dang, casey, youand she only talks to me when

(01:11:45):
she wants to.
She wants something to eat, shewants some money, she wants
some.
You know typical teenage, youknow I can't get all excited
about food and all that kind ofstuff.
I'm like dang, you know, casey,why you always do that.
You don't never talk to meabout you, just ask me for stuff
.
And the holy spirit said butyou do the same thing to christ,
you do the same thing to ourfather, my god, don't you do the

(01:12:06):
same thing to me?
Oh, all of a sudden you got somuch strength to pray when you
need or want something all of asudden, but you won't even crack
open your bible for 10-15minutes so I can talk to you.
Jesus my son who's on thespectrum.

(01:12:26):
He was in his room and I calledhim and I knew he heard me and
I was about to trip boy, did Itell you such and such?
And the holy spirit say you dothe same thing to me, you hear
me and you completely ignore me.
Stand there and wait for him tocome, because he did hear you.
Give him grace I just love you,lord I just love god, I just

(01:12:53):
love the holy, yeah, yeah, yougot the holy ghost.
Let the holy ghost tell youabout yourself.
You do the same thing to me.
You hear me calling you and youmove when you get ready.
So guess what?
Wait, wait for him, because Iknow, yeah, you know he hurt,
he's gonna come this way thankyou, lord, help us lord, help us

(01:13:13):
, help us, help us lord.
So yeah, that's it, yeah, everyday, every day.
I love, I love, I love.
He's showing me how to, how tolove him by doing what he says.

Speaker 1 (01:13:29):
That's good.
You got a lot of good Adlibshere.
I'm going to have to run thatback so I can remember Right now
Obedience Leads to a greaterLevel of love.
That's what I got from that.

Speaker 3 (01:13:47):
Yes, that's what.

Speaker 1 (01:13:48):
I got Not that.
Yes, yeah, that's what I got.
Yes.

Speaker 3 (01:13:50):
Yes, not just saying, oh, I love the Lord, but you
don't do what I say.
I don't do what I say.

Speaker 1 (01:13:57):
Well we're going to do whatever we do, though, you
do know we're going to get thefruit of whatever we do, yeah
for sure, for sure.
Better and different.
I loved it.
This was great.
This was great.
So any last words for thepeople about surrender surrender

(01:14:24):
.

Speaker 3 (01:14:25):
Don't fear surrender, embrace surrender.
Don't fear surrender.
Embrace surrender.
Don't fear it um, embrace it,um.
Surrendering is better thantaking control.
You know you can't handle itanyway.
You can't handle the control,but you can handle the surrender
that's good yeah you can takethe surrender, you can't handle

(01:14:48):
the control.
You can't do it on your own.
You know surrender with grace,surrender with peace, knowing
that your surrendering is in him.
You know, not your will but hiswill, but you know, amen his
will.
Yeah, let his will be done andthe safest place to be is in the

(01:15:11):
will of god it is.
It is the safest place to bethe safest place to be is in the
will of god.
What is the will of god?
His?

Speaker 1 (01:15:20):
the obedience to his word and to his way amen, and we
know that because we've beenout of his will and man man.
Fruit of that, I'm saying wecan only like, I agree with you
because I and I can only agreebecause I know what it's like to
be out of his will.
So, yeah, it's the first daywhen we're with him and yeah, I

(01:15:41):
can't imagine now I can'timagine now, I can't imagine.

Speaker 3 (01:15:45):
I don't even know how I made it.

Speaker 1 (01:15:50):
Grace, because we don't deserve it.
I mean, let's just be realclear, don't deserve it.

Speaker 3 (01:15:55):
No, no Grace.

Speaker 1 (01:16:00):
I know, I know.
Grace and mercy, grace andmercy.
Thank you, lord, for grace andmercy.
Wow, hallelujah.
Yes, god is good here.
Y'all surrender.

(01:16:20):
We surrender our jobs, wesurrender relationships, we
surrender ourselves, our plans,our will for his will.
That's what we do.
We surrender because he knowsand even our gifts.
Our gifts and talents, ourgifts and talents you can
operate.

Speaker 3 (01:16:36):
You can't.
Your gifts and talents can onlycarry you so far girl.

Speaker 1 (01:16:44):
I'll be like you know , I'll be laughing all day
anyway, you just wait what?
Oh, okay oh, I just love him.
Thank you, lord yes, god isgood, he's a and it's an

(01:17:06):
intimate place, girl, that wecan go to in him.
That is so sweet and so loving,like he's Like it's an intimate
you know that places and it'slike when we can't explain these
places, so you gotta experiencethem Right.

(01:17:30):
Like sometimes we can't explainhim, but we invite you to
experience Him.

Speaker 3 (01:17:40):
That's it.

Speaker 1 (01:17:40):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (01:17:42):
That's it being more concerned Not with the place but
with the experience.
Man that is so profound, manthat is so profound.
We should be more concernedWith how we experience him.

Speaker 1 (01:18:03):
Every moment of the day.
I understand now when inGenesis, it says that Adam, like
he, walked With God, like theywalked with God, and I'm like I
get that Because we walk withhim.
Well, let me speak for myself,because I don't know what
everybody's doing, but I walkwith him throughout the day.

(01:18:31):
I can.
I'm talking to him from themoment I wake to when I'm
sleeping in the middle of thenight.
You know you wake up.
Even if you wake up, go to thebathroom.
You thank you, lord, thank youfor you.
You, just you always grateful,and it's always a.
I is.
I cannot even explain.
God has done so much for me.

(01:18:56):
Joy, I can't.
Nothing matters above him.

Speaker 3 (01:19:09):
I love people.
I love people, love my family.
Not above him, though.

Speaker 1 (01:19:16):
Not above him.
I started this off talkingabout when he told me to close
my salon, and I love my salonLike how you loved your salon
that was the end.
There was nothing else.
There was no plan B.
I was the one in hair.
There was nothing else.
There was no plan b.
I was the one in hair school.
Like there's no plan b, anotherjob.
What are you talking about you?
Better double down on this one.
That was me.

(01:19:37):
No, seriously, there were people, yeah I'm like oh no, you
better put everything in andjust get clients.
No, no other job.
I saw nothing else.
So to say close your salon withno extra information.
I was like, oh, that was scary,lord, and I kept asking what do
I?
What's got to happen?

(01:19:58):
Silence, but see, seriously.
But by this time I had beenwalking with him.
See, this was 2017, early 2017.
I had just got my own salon.
I hadn't even had it that longfor you to say close it.
It was my own.
I had been working at differentsuites, now I got my own.
Are you saying close it?

(01:20:19):
No, this is where I'm trying togo, this is I'm trying to be
here.
Yeah, yeah, let me make money,be a yeah, yeah To say I know

(01:20:44):
that you know me, you created me, you saved me.
I didn't call you, I wasn't evenlooking for you.
You called me, you told me whoI was, you told me who you were
and you forgave me.
You put me on this trajectory,not me.
So I know enough to trust you.
I didn't know everything.
I still don't know everything,but I knew enough to trust him.
So I let go of what I knew, Ilet go of my moneymaker, I let

(01:21:08):
go of my comfort.
You know this is my career.

Speaker 3 (01:21:13):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:21:13):
Go to the unknown Abraham.
Go to a place of which I'll showyou.
I didn't know, and it didn'tcome until later, later.
So that's surrender, everythingwe do.
And we don't stop there.
We're constantly surrendering,every day because it's going to
be something else.
He present and you have achoice Yay or nay, or I don't

(01:21:35):
know.
Lord, it ain't looking so good,but you still go, because he
knows the plans, he knows what'sbest.
That time was over.
You said something earlier.
You said you gave it to me.
You gave it to me.
I said that to him too.
You gave me this gift, you gaveme the salon.
You did this, but the time forit was over.
It needed, it did what itneeded to do.

(01:21:58):
You learned what you needed tolearn Joy from that place.
You got the lessons.
Now he like take them, lessons,lessons.
I got another assignment foryou.
We're on assignment here.
Let's never forget.
We must wear this world as aloose garment and the
assignments can shift, they canand I think I did not.

Speaker 3 (01:22:19):
I knew that, but I had not accepted that, because
knowing is knowing right like,okay, yeah, I know, but
acceptance is a whole differentmindset.
You know, acceptance allows youto be able to surrender better.
I like that.
You know, when you acceptsomething like, oh okay, all

(01:22:42):
right, and you may not evenstill like it, but acceptance
allows you to surrender better.

Speaker 1 (01:22:49):
Oh, I like that.
We're going to make somegraphics.
Acceptance allows you tosurrender better.
I like that so much.

Speaker 3 (01:22:59):
Yeah, yeah, acceptance allows you to
surrender better, and I hadn't,because I'm like well, what am I
gonna do?
Don't worry about that, just dowhat I said.
What you're gonna do is do whatI told you to do.

Speaker 1 (01:23:17):
Yeah, I'm gonna share maybe I'll share next week what
God taught me about delay andthe spirit.
Yeah, he taught me a lot.
He's taught me delay in thespirit.
Yeah, he taught me a lot.
He's taught me a lot since hecalled me in 2010 and then
filled me with his Holy Spirit2013.
But over the last two years,then in 2017, I had dreams every

(01:23:41):
single day.
I had encounters, spiritualencounters.

Speaker 3 (01:23:46):
Oh, wow.

Speaker 1 (01:23:47):
Some people cannot tell me.
I don't, I don't care what yousay there, I literally nobody
God, you, this, jesus, whateverthey say it, it doesn't matter
to me.
He's shown me who he was, Iknow who he is and I know who I
am.
So there's some things thatjust don't really.
It's like amen, I love you.
I love you.

(01:24:09):
I love you because sometimespeople don't know what they
don't know, and I understandthat and I have compassion for
that and sometimes people thinkthey know so much that they just
have to you know what I'msaying you know so much that you
got so much to say aboutsomebody else.
You only know what you know,peter and Paul.
I'm just saying you only knowwhat you know, peter and Paul.
I'm just saying you only knowwhat you know.

(01:24:29):
God is still speaking.
He's putting them on their pathand they have people to reach
For his kingdom, theirassignments, in their lane.
So we love on people, we loveon people and we pray for people
.
That's what we do on people, welove on people and we pray for

(01:24:50):
people.

Speaker 3 (01:24:50):
That's what we do.
Yes, because that's how we Well, that's what he does.
That's what he does.
I mean, if you read throughscripture, jesus Solved people's
problems First.
He did not preach the word ofhis father.

(01:25:18):
He solved people's problemsbecause he loved them.
He loved them, yeah, and heknew you can't hear me if I
don't show you that I love youoh, that's a whole nother.

Speaker 1 (01:25:27):
See, look at where we at.
I can't tell me I enjoy it,because I'm not thinking about
the hierarchy of needs and howpeople have a real need.
And you trying to preach, theycan't hear you.
They need some food.
They cold.
You talking about what?
Can you get me a sandwich?

Speaker 3 (01:25:40):
You know where your soul is gonna be Right.
Excuse me, I'm hungry.
Excuse me, I'm hungry, I don't.
I cannot hear any of that.
That's not how.
That's not how.
That's not it.
You know, um, I have clientswho are not saved, you know, and
our conversations are different, you know, and I'm careful

(01:26:05):
about not saying well, you know,the Holy Ghost said ma'am, I'm
here to get my makeup done.
One thing about the Holy Spirithe will give you wisdom.
Come on, wisdom, wisdom and howto move and how to talk to
people and draw people in love.
You know, yes, you know, andask them and be wise and be

(01:26:27):
respectful, and people will hearyou, because then it'll always
sit with them that you arebearing fruit of love.
That is what he has called usto do Be kind, be kind, be
mindful, loving kindness.

Speaker 1 (01:26:46):
What did he say, Joy?

Speaker 3 (01:26:48):
With love and kindness he draws.
That is how he gets us, withlove and kindness.
How did he draw you?
With love and kindness?

Speaker 1 (01:26:57):
Joy.
That's what I said to you guys.
I was loving women, loving men,high everyday, selling my body.
People wouldn't A Christianwould have probably been like
she's.
She's not being.
There's no hope for her.
She's going to hell who saidthat.
Who would?

(01:27:17):
I'm just saying how you, justhow people?
Yeah, he called me himself.
He called me himself and evenwith the call I had, I had an
opportunity to say no, I didn't.
I still didn't have to run tohim, but one thing, I know, god
knows his people.
I was always his people.
I just didn't know it.

(01:27:38):
Yet he revealed himself to me.
He revealed who I was.
I was always his person.
Abraham was always his person.
He revealed himself to abrahamhe revealed himself to paul even
though they were in stuff.
He was allowing them to build atestimony.
They got one and they got.
Let me tell you something.
It might, oh goodness, I uh,some of y'all may be like what

(01:28:01):
are you talking about?
One day I was praying.
I said, lord, let Lord Abrahamget that level of Faith because
you talking about.
Okay, he didn't left his placeand he didn't went here, okay,
and now he's giving up his baby,the baby he didn't pray for.
Based On what?
Because you said so.
How do he know to trust you?

(01:28:21):
Because I'm walking with you.
I know it has to be built.
We have to have experiencesWith God.
He said book a jasher.
I never heard that, nowhere Ihad to go look it up and it
showed me the history of Abrahamand how he built his faith.
You hear me?

(01:28:45):
of my God, because I asked how.
It didn't make sense to me.
It don't make sense howsomebody just doing this and
giving a child up for what theydon't know you, why would he do
that?
You don't just do that, you gotto build relationships.
So why is he doing that, lord?
Because one thing my pastortaught us is to ask questions.
Ask questions of the scripture,ask questions.

(01:29:12):
I'm reading this like thisdoesn't.
Why is he doing this?
Why did he do that, lord?
Why did he do it?
Because I don't understand what.
Where did his faith come from?
And he said book of jasha andwhat that's it.
That's all he said.
I went looking it up and I readlike, omg, it shows how he built
his faith.
So there are other books outthere that may not be canon, but
there are books out there tohelp us understand the canon and
, along with the Holy Spirit,now, don't lean on your own
understanding.
It helped me understand becauseI didn't get it.

(01:29:35):
I said nobody doing that, lord,because you got to have.
We're not even doing it.
You're not leaving a placeunless you show me something.
Who are you?
What have you done?
Like if he didn't do that to mein my bedroom.
I had a whole experience withhim supernatural, where I didn't
even believe in supernatural.
He's giving me tongues,speaking other languages, what I
didn't even think that existed.

(01:29:56):
Him changing my mindset, whereI'm like, didn't even know I
could, I'm living, let live, doyou?
You know you only live once.
I don't think like that anymore.
You know what I'm saying.
God is real.
Jesus is real.
He is so real.
But people build faith.

(01:30:16):
He takes us from faith to faith.
So Abraham didn't just come outlike here's my child, he didn't
just know to do that.
You have to build up faith.
So in your walk you build up upfaith.
That's why you don't stop,because things are hard.
Keep going and build your faith.
He's gonna turn it.
Don't give up before he turn it.

Speaker 3 (01:30:37):
Keep going amen, and that's why the enemy is always
after our faith.
Come on right.
He's always after our faith.
That's why because, while he'strying to build our faith, the
enemy is trying to yeah, breakit down, dismantle it yes with

(01:31:01):
lies and, yeah, deception anddistraction and all sorts of
things.
That's why Because withoutfaith it is impossible to please
him.

Speaker 1 (01:31:12):
It is.

Speaker 3 (01:31:14):
It is.

Speaker 1 (01:31:15):
You said something earlier because out of the
abundance the heart, out of theabundance of the mouth, the
heart speaks Right, or one ofthe other buttons that I heard
the mouth speaks.
Ok, let me correct myself.
So we have to guard our heart.
So all of them cares of theworld.
You you were talking about.
You have so much on you thatyou couldn't even pray.
Your heart wasn't guarded.
Everything was the issues ofthe world, everything was on

(01:31:36):
your heart and it kept you justso far away from him.
And that's what the enemy wants.
He wanted so boggled down thatwe're so far away from right now
.
We think god don't care.

Speaker 3 (01:31:47):
yeah, he hasn't left like god, you don't see me, you
got these kids.
Just girl, just foolishness.

Speaker 1 (01:31:56):
But if it's impossible to please him without
faith.
Oh, I'm going into my next week, she's okay we don't stop y'all
, we don't stop.
I'm gonna ask joy to close usout in prayer.
I want you guys to remember tolive love and be authentic,
because after prayer I'm justclosing it out because I don't
want to touch that space.
That is holy ground.

(01:32:22):
I want to mess with it, ok, sojust remember to live love and
be authentic.
Tune in next week for episodetwo.
Thank you for tuning in with us, rocking with us.
Week for episode two.
Thank you for tuning in with us, rocking with us.
And I hope you, if you haven'tlearn to surrender and then
surrender again and thensurrender again.
It's our life.
We give him a life of yes,continually yes.

Speaker 3 (01:32:41):
That's our life.
Amen.

Speaker 1 (01:32:44):
No sense in fussing, and this is our life, that's it
Amen.

Speaker 3 (01:32:49):
Amen no sense in fussing, and this is our life.
That's it, Amen, Amen.
Well, I really want to thankyou for just giving me a space
and opportunity to kind of sharea little bit about what God is
doing and what he's done, and,um, I don't often get a chance
to do a whole lot, but I'mreally thankful for um, our

(01:33:13):
friendship, um and oursisterhood and and Christ being
the foundation you know, of thatand I'm just so grateful and I
thank God for you, tara.
I thank God for you, girl, um,and I'm and I'm looking forward
to what God is going to do inthe future.

Speaker 1 (01:33:34):
Amen, I'm glad he got some good, strong prayer words
and women of God around me.
I tell you that I'm not.
I tell people I got a goodcircle I do not have.
I have solid people around meso community is so important.

Speaker 3 (01:33:50):
Community is so important in your.
I got a good circle.
I do not have.
I have solid people around me,so community is so important.
Community is so important inyour walk it is it's like like
the top five Amen, Amen.

Speaker 1 (01:33:59):
It is community.

Speaker 3 (01:34:00):
Um, yeah, he did, he did.
I'm realizing that and I said,okay, God, you smart, you smart,
you smart guys, you smart, yousmart you know, I found you on
Instagram, the same Instagram.

Speaker 1 (01:34:11):
I'm telling you guys to go follow her.
That's how I met her to do mymakeup for a branding photo
shoot.

Speaker 3 (01:34:16):
You sure did.
And do you know?
I was like dang.
I don't remember how me andTara met and that's how I was
like really like stuck Like man.
I was like really like stucklike man.
How did me and Tara?

Speaker 1 (01:34:29):
I had my blonde locks and my hair was shaved on the
side and you did my, you did my.
Look, I gotta do my hair.
Look, I'm getting distracted.
Oh, my goodness, and I don'tknow.
We just been cool ever since.
We had great conversations andjust always.

(01:34:51):
Yeah, you haven't, you've beenthe same, you know, we just been
been us in Christ in Christ andwe're not the same people.

Speaker 3 (01:35:03):
Not one person around me.

Speaker 1 (01:35:05):
The same people did.
You see my group, but we're notthe same people.
Not one person around me.
The same people did you see,we're not.

Speaker 3 (01:35:10):
I mean we're the same , but we're not the same people
we were then than we are now ohgirl girl, we've changed in a
good way, yes, we've brought,we've grown in Christ since then
.
Oh man, tara, you forremembering, because I'm doing
this too.

Speaker 1 (01:35:27):
I had my red.
Oh man, tara, it's down to youfor remembering, because I
forgot.
I'm doing this too.
I should have.

Speaker 3 (01:35:34):
I had my reds, but I forgot.
And we are not those two.
We are not the same people wewere when we met.

Speaker 1 (01:35:48):
We both was kind of in some broken stuff we both had
.
All we was talking about wasnarcissism.

Speaker 3 (01:35:54):
That's all we were talking about.

Speaker 1 (01:35:56):
We talked a lot about that because it was like what,
what?
What?
We're not going to do this.
No, no, no, no, no, y'all Y'allbetter hope this make the cut.
I don't cut it.
No, we're not going to do this.
No, no, no, no, no.
Y'all better hope this make thecut.
I don't cut it, no, you're notgonna do this.

Speaker 3 (01:36:12):
We really.
It was like, I think once, onceyou saw that I, I knew where
you were coming from.
It is, let me tell you, it issomething about someone
connecting with what you'regoing through, because somehow

(01:36:33):
you realize I'm not crazy, whatI'm feeling is real.
Somebody else understands it,that's all people and it's such
an essential part of healing thevalidation of I'm not crazy.

Speaker 1 (01:36:49):
Yeah, because a lot of people would say you are, a
lot of people would tell youthat that's not enough for you
to choose yourself.
You know that's not enough forall the things when you know
your experience is valid andreal.
So to talk to someone whounderstood was a breath of fresh

(01:37:10):
air Literally, it really was.
It was like being super coldand getting a heated blanket.
You know what I mean.
Like, what, like you get it.
I'm not losing my mind.
I've been gaslit so long.
I don't even know what day itis, what's happening, what, what

(01:37:32):
?
It was real.
I'm serious, man, you, somebodytelling you no, no, whatever
you're saying is wrong.
Like, whatever you saw is wrong, whatever you're saying is
wrong.
You're like um, it is theweirdest dynamic, but I thank

(01:37:54):
god for healing and deliverance.
Oh, hallelujah.
I thank him because I am not inthat place at all, me either.

Speaker 3 (01:38:02):
I'm not the same joy.
I'm not the same joy I was whenyou and I first met.
I know what I said, and andyou're not the same, tara no,
ma'am in such a short amount oftime I did that.

Speaker 1 (01:38:21):
God, talk about a quick work.

Speaker 3 (01:38:23):
Come on, jesus, he did that he really did, man, god
is somebody.
You can't make me down, becauseI know what too much about him.
I don't even know that song orsaying, but I'm telling you but
I know very kind of possible,like, yes, I know you can't make

(01:38:45):
me down.

Speaker 1 (01:38:45):
I'm still learning, but I know what I know.
I've been in my church since2013,.
But then I went to anotherchurch.

Speaker 3 (01:38:59):
Um, for like, oh wow, so like, so, like you're really
like new, new, new.

Speaker 1 (01:39:05):
Yeah, 2010 is when God called me.
I was oh yeah, that's right,that's right, that's right,
right I was inactive, like I wasasking y'all I'm like y'all
have church people that don't goto church sometimes to be
inactive.
That's how I was.
It was my belief, but I wasinactive.
I wasn't going to nobody'schurch because I thought all the
demons was in there.
I wasn't listening to nobodygospel music, I was not.

(01:39:26):
I'll talk about jehovah'switness on another episode.
But yeah, he got me together,god got me together wow, wow I
love him, I love him, I love him.
I know that song.
That's uh hold on, hold, onhold on erica, erica I love them
, I love them right.

(01:39:46):
Erica Mary, mary, what's hername?
Erica?

Speaker 3 (01:39:51):
Erica Campbell.

Speaker 1 (01:39:53):
Don't you sing that?
I love them.
I love them.
Yeah, okay, okay, sing.
I know something about thatsong.
I just gotta know Jesus, Idon't gotta know everything else
.
Amen, amen.
What you said was important,because my saying that I tell
people is your story is theblueprint for someone else's
breakthrough.
When I'm coaching, I tell themthat your story is a blueprint.

(01:40:14):
Some people may not know how tofind their way out.
They're in something they don'tknow how to get out, but you've
already been there and got out,so you have a blueprint that
someone can follow.
Your story matters.
So I I never want people to beso stuck in shame and guilt that
they don't tell it thattestimony will get somebody out
of where they are yeah thatplace is where the enemy keeps

(01:40:35):
us, but god doesn't want usthere.
Our soul attacks our soul, ourmind, our will, emotions, and
we're so far from god, we're sofar from dealing with people or
even activating our gifts andmoving in our gifts, because
we're stuck.
Yeah, we're worthy.
I don't know.
I don't know if I'm going toget it right.
I don't know what people aregoing to say, and then you don't

(01:40:56):
do nothing.

Speaker 3 (01:40:57):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:40:58):
You don't do nothing, but stay in your head thinking
about it or learning, keeplearning and learning and
learning and doing nothing.

Speaker 3 (01:41:04):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:41:05):
I just want to encourage you to get out that
place.
I just want people to just getout that place.
Yes, they're on this betterthan perfect.
So please move, please do, moveand do.
This is not the time to sit Forkingdom women.
I'm talking to kingdom women.
It's not the time to sit.
God has put something in yourheart.
He's placed something in yourhands.

Speaker 3 (01:41:26):
Do something, and your hands do something and and
and with that yeah go ahead Iwant to say god gave me a dream,
okay, last week.
This is really important.
This is really important.
You know, god is doing a lot ofexposing and and and all that.
He gave me that dream too, twoyears ago that there was going
to be a overload of powerfulexposure in the body of christ,

(01:41:48):
and it's going to expose notonly leaders and pastors and all
those people and false prophets, but it's going to expose the
heart of, of god's people andthe idolatry that god is tired
of, pretty much putting thesepastors and all these people on
pedestals that they're not meantto stand on.
God had given me a dream thatrevival, as he's cleaning up,

(01:42:12):
revival is coming.
Revival to the body of Christis coming.
You want to get yourself eitherin a good, bible-based church, a
Bible-based community, a good,bible-based church, a
Bible-based community, becauseGod is going to, as he is
cleaning up, god is going torevive his people.

(01:42:40):
Yes, thank you, and and and theanointing and all of our gifts
are getting ready to be revivedand there is a new move and a
new wave of of his power that'sgoing to be manifested.
It has to be, because that ishis word, it.
We are in the in time.
So it has, it has to come topass.
And so I'm just saying we needto position ourselves when we
are sensitive to the holy spiritand that season, that season is

(01:43:03):
coming very quickly amen, Ilove that yeah, we both have
Bible believing churches.

Speaker 1 (01:43:11):
Mine is in Warren Lamb Christian Church, Pastor
Dorian has, and then yours is inRomulus.
What's the name.
Yeah, presence, presence.
And who's your?

Speaker 3 (01:43:25):
pastor James Kirby.

Speaker 1 (01:43:28):
Yeah, you guys, if you're looking For a Bible
believing church, we we bothattend Bible believing churches
when the whole.
Rest and ruling and abiding, soAmen, amen.
This was Great joy.
Yeah, yeah, it's a good time,good time in the Lord.
So I really want you to justpray us out and then I'm gonna

(01:43:49):
end, end the recording.
I'm going to end it, okayawesome.
I'm not even going to sayanything else, because once we
get in that space, I just wantto end it with his sweet
presence.

Speaker 3 (01:44:00):
Amen.
All glory to your name, jesus.
Father, we thank you.
We thank you for this time inyour presence, we thank you for
this time to come together inlove and we thank you for this
time to uplift your name and toshine a light on who you are,
who you've been and who youcontinue to be.
Father, I ask that you blessevery ear, open up every

(01:44:23):
understanding, increaseeveryone's capacity to receive
you, increase our faith and Iknow that's a prayer that we
pray and say increase our faith.
But, lord, we need to increaseour faith.
Father, in the name of Jesus,lord, I ask that you bind every
doubting spirit, encourage everyheart, lift up every
discouraged heart.
Father Lord, we thank you forkeeping us, we thank you for

(01:44:46):
molding us, we thank you formaking us.
Lord, we ask that you continueto create in us a clean heart
and renew a right spirit withinus.
Father Lord, we ask that we notbe conformed to this world, as
your word says.
Be, ye, not conformed to thisworld, but be renewed by the
transforming of our mind.
Change our way of thinking,increase our way of thinking.

(01:45:08):
Lord, cover our mind, changeour way of thinking, increase
our way of thinking.
Lord, cover our families, coverour friends.
Lord, we ask that you drawthose who do not know.
You Draw them into your love,as you have drawn us.
Father, lord, make sense of ourlives through your way and
through your will.
Father, in the name of Jesus,lord, I ask that you bless my
friend, bless my sister inChrist.
God Lord, uplift, ask that youbless my friend, bless my sister

(01:45:28):
in Christ.
God Lord, uplift her, encourageher, allow her to not grow
weary in right doing.
Father, in the name of Jesus,lord, we thank you, we praise
you, and we give you the honorand the glory in Jesus' name.
Amen and amen.
Amen and amen.

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