Healing Mirrors: The Queen Within

What happens when we stop performing "healed" and start embracing the mirror of true healing? In this vulnerable, unscripted conversation with Kim Rodgers Cora, author of "Affirming the Queen Within," we explore how many of us wear masks to survive but miss discovering our authentic selves in the process.

Kim's journey from a headstrong young woman to a cancer survivor, military wife, and nonprofit founder reveals profound truths about identity and purpose. "The real you was never destroyed—she was disconnected," becomes our rallying cry as we discuss how trauma fragments us, but healing reintroduces us to who God created us to be originally.

The conversation takes an unexpected emotional turn when discussing grief, with Kim sharing her 20-year journey after losing her mother. Her unique perspective that her mother is "on vacation" rather than gone demonstrates how differently we process loss. This raw vulnerability creates space for listeners to validate their own grief experiences.

Most powerfully, Kim challenges us to choose calling over comfort: "A queen's heart knows her calling is greater than her comfort." We explore how stepping beyond familiar territory—like Kim's 50th birthday skydive—often leads to our greatest healing and purpose fulfillment. When you align with your calling, everything shifts—relationships, opportunities, and your sense of self.

Ready to remove the masks and embrace the mirror of healing? Subscribe now and join our community of women breaking free from shame to live authentically. Visit herauthenticvoice.com for the free story validation assessment to discover where you're stuck and what God has invited you to heal next.

📣 WANT TO BE A GUEST?
If you’ve got a powerful testimony or breakthrough story and you’re ready to share it, apply here:
https://forms.gle/RiGScQUDUiRGuxwr7

📱 Let’s stay connected:
Instagram:
@iamtaratucker
@herauthenticvoiceofficial

Facebook:

https://www.facebook.com/CoachTaraTucker

Join my community: https://www.facebook.com/groups/herauthenticvoice

🙌 Until next time, remember to live, love, and BE authentic. 💛

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:26):
Thank you, all right, all right, hey, y'all.
Welcome to Her Authentic Story.
No, that's not the name.
Welcome to Her Authentic Voice.
That's my old podcast name.
Listen, y'allall gonna give mesome grace today.
Give me some grace because allof my power just blinked out

(00:51):
like literally one minute beforewe were supposed to go live and
I was just like like what?
So allow me about 40 secondswhile I play my intro video to
get my whole stuff together, allright, so y'all come on in.
Come on in, let me know thatyou're here and yeah, amen.

(01:14):
Have you ever felt like yourstory didn't matter, that your
voice wasn't enough?
Here's the truth.
Your story is not just yours.
It's a testimony, a light, ablueprint for someone else's
breakthrough.
Welcome to the Her AuthenticVoice podcast, where we break
free from shame, step into boldfaith and use our voices to

(01:37):
inspire others.
I'm your host, coach Tara, andevery episode is an invitation
to own your story, embrace yourpurpose and speak with
confidence.
Are you ready?
Let's go higher together.
Let's live, love and beauthentic.
Hey, okay, it's your favoriteshift your story, coach, coach,

(02:06):
coach, tara.
And so let me get this rightthis time.
Welcome to another episode ofher authentic voice.
Y'all, I'm just grateful.
Can we just give a big step tothe lord that we are here,
despite any, anything that comesup to try to stop us, because

(02:26):
that happens.
So I was like hallelujah and Istarted singing my song.
You're Worthy Yahweh, justsinging.
So, no worries, it's going tobe what it's going to be, amen,
all right.
So I'm glad you guys are here.
I'm happy to see you.
Go in the comments, let us knowyou're here, say hello and all
that good stuff.

(02:46):
As I pull up my teaching points, grab your pens and your
notebooks and all of that goodstuff.
Okay, today we're going to bediscussing the queen within
Healing as a mirror.
Healing as a mirror and not amask, amen, okay.

(03:12):
So let me get that pulled upand thank you guys for your
patience too.
If you're on youtube orfacebook, put something in the
comments, something in thecomments.
So everything is still holdingon, um, where I am, and

(03:37):
everything just blinks out and Itext kim like hold on, hold on.
So if I have technical issuesfreezing things like that, you
know that it's because there's astorm over here and my service
is kind of wonky.
Okay, so let me pull up again.
Let me hear.
My guest is here, she'sbackstage and I'm not going to

(04:01):
rush, I'm not going to perform,because that's not what it's
about this is.
I'm a real person dealing withreal tech issues, ok.
So let's just be real clear.
Ok, I mean be real clear withthat.
Let me pull this up here, ok.
So today I want to teach aboutthe queen within, in honor of my

(04:26):
guest today, and I wore thesebeautiful colors in honor of her
.
If you are familiar with her,then you understand why I did
that.
She's so artistic and justbeautiful and colorful and fly,
so I wore this in honor of herand the title is also in honor
of her the Queen Within, whenHealing Becomes a Mirror, not a

(04:47):
Mask.
And I'm your host, coach Tara,if you're new to me, some of you
are new to me.
I know you're tuning in for Kimand thank you for being here.
I appreciate that.
I hope you come back nextWednesday at 8 o'clock live EST.
Okay, so the first point that Iwant to go over with you is

(05:10):
healing exposes what the maskwas hiding.
Healing exposes what the maskwas hiding and healing itself.
It doesn't mean you have it alltogether.
We say that word a lot.
We talk about healing and it'snot a buzzword, it's a real

(05:31):
thing.
So it's not.
We say words are misused oroverused.
This is not one of those words,because we are constantly in a
state of healing from something,so don't get it twisted because
someone may say buzzword.
I say no, you know, it's a realthing.
Healing doesn't mean you haveit all together, but what it

(05:53):
does mean is that you're nolonger lying about what broke
you.
Amen.
It don't mean you have it alltogether, but it means that
you're not lying about whatbroke you, you're facing it.
You know, often we build masksto survive, but that mirror

(06:15):
reflects, and that's what I want.
We're going to talk about thesethings tonight with Kim's story
.
The mirror reflects.
The masks are built for us tosurvive and often we try to
impress people with the variousmasks.
Like I said earlier, this is nota show.

(06:37):
I mean I'm on here doing apodcast, but it's not for show,
it's for transformation.
It's for transformation, it'sfor information, it's for
encouragement.
So when I say this is real time, this is real life when
technical things happen, I meanyou got to roll with the punches
.
If I had a mask on, I wouldhave a different response to

(07:00):
that you know and I want you tobe free even in this space, to
that you know and I want you tobe free even in this space.
So remember, healing doesn'tmean you have it all together.
The scripture says in firstCorinthians 13, 12, for now we
see through a glass, darkly, butthen face to face.
Now I know in part, but then Ishall know even as also I am

(07:22):
known Amen.
Let me tell you something aboutus.
So when we're raised in unsafeand emotionally unavailable
environments, we often adoptthese coping mechanisms and like

(07:43):
the achiever, the strong one,the peacemaker, you know we have
these coping mechanisms, butthey're not our identity.
And when we're healing, we'reintegrating the ways we've
learned to cope in our true self.
We're allowing the duality ofstrength and softness to coexist

(08:04):
, because that is the thing.
You don't just have to bestrong, you know, you can be
soft too.
We got this soft girl era thinggoing on, but you could be both
.
So I asked you have you beenperforming healed?
Performing healed to avoidbeing seen and still hurting,
like you don't want people toknow you're still hurting, you
don't want people to know you'restill in this thing, or

(08:26):
whatever?
Are you performing it'srhetorical.
Rhetorical, you don't have toanswer.
I mean you can in the commentsif you want to.
Let's go to the next point.
The next point is the real youwas never destroyed, she was
disconnected.
The real you was neverdestroyed, she was disconnected.

(08:49):
And if you notice, each weekI'm kind of building on all of
these concepts.
They, they speak to each other.
You know, we talk about the realyou and how different trauma
have us discombobulated andfragmented.
You know, but the real you wasnever destroyed.
You've worn whatever masks thathelp you survive.

(09:11):
So these helped you to survivewhen you were silent, when you
were strong, when you shrink andstay small and don't use your
voice, you know, when you'reafraid of what it may look like,
how you may sound.
It's not all together.
Whatever the case may be, youdo what you need to do to help
you survive, but it's still notwho you are.

(09:32):
They're just reactions tosomething, some stimuli, but the
true you is not lost, you'restill there.
You know she's layered beneaththe years of emotional armor or
whatever you have to put on toprotect yourself.
And when we heal we uncover ourtrue selves.

(09:55):
Does that make sense?
So when we go through thatprocess, layers start coming off
and we uncover who we reallyare.
And it's a process.
That's why it's not a buzzword,it's a process.
So god isn't rebuilding thebroken versions.
He's literally reintroducingwho he created us to be in the

(10:19):
first place.
I'm gonna say that again Godisn't rebuilding the broken
versions of us.
He is just revealing who hecreated us to be in the first
place.
So fuck it.
So he saw us.
You know, before all theheartbreak and all the other

(10:41):
things that we've gone through,he knows who he created us to be
.
Before I formed thee in the,the belly, I knew thee, and
before thou comest forth out ofthe womb, I sanctified thee and
I ordained thee a prophet untothe nation, says Jeremiah 1, 5.
Okay, well, here's anotherquestion for you.
What part of your story andwhat parts of you did you bury?

(11:05):
To be accepted, to be approvedor to be protected?
I want you to think about thatand you can even put it in the
chat.
What parts of you did you bury?
To be accepted, to be approvedor to be protected?
To be approved or to beprotected?

(11:29):
And there's no shame in it.
And I didn't met because that'sreal.
Okay, amen, I'm gonna go to thelast point.
Oh, it cut off.
I hope you can see it.
It says you can't rain whileyou're still role playing.
You can't rain while you'restill role playing and I'll just
break it down because you'vebeen showing up in roles Mom

(11:49):
leader, wife, encourager,podcast host, author, whatever
Community activist but those areroles, but they're not who you
are, they're not your identity,they're assignments.
You know I need to breathe.

(12:10):
I need to breathe, but I wantyou guys to know that it's not
about pretending.
It's about acknowledgingwhatever you're going through,
being real with yourself and themask that you wear, but

(12:31):
understanding that healing is aprocess.
Be open to it and allow God tointroduce or reintroduce you to
who you are.
It's really that simple,because you're not going to walk
in confidence, you're not goingto walk in boldness, you're not
going to reign.
You're just not if you have onall these different, if you just

(12:55):
keep putting mass after mass.
You know you just gotta look inthe mirror and let it reveal who
you really are and not only dothat, but accept it, acknowledge
it, accept it, make whateverchanges you need to make and
keep it moving.
You know it's about honesty.
It's about honesty.
Lasting change requiresinternal alignment, so it's not

(13:20):
going to be something thatyou're doing outside of you.
It's an internal thing.
Okay, so the mirror reflectswhat's true and you want to
start living in congruence withit, not in conflict, so with who
you really are.
Okay, does that make sense?
I hope so.

(13:41):
So what about this?
Make this declaration I nolonger hide behind what I had to
be or who I had to be.
I no longer hide behind who Ihad to be.
I show up as God created me tobe.
How's that?
I no longer hide behind what Ihad to be or who I had to be.

(14:05):
I show up as who God created meto be.
Okay, y'all there.
Let me look at these comments.
Let me look in the comments.
Hey, kem comments.

(14:30):
Hey, kimmery, welcome D'Ebony,I'm glad you're here too.
And yes, kimmery, it does notmean you have it all together.
We want to take off every maskthat we picked up to survive,
because we pick them up tosurvive, right?
We want to remove those masksthat we picked up to survive,
because we pick them up tosurvive, right.
We want to remove those masksthat we picked up to survive.
we want to face the mirror withfaith and not fear.

(14:51):
We are not performers.
Okay, I'm not my performance.
I'm not a performer.
I'm not my past.
I'm a daughter of the most highgod.
You are the daughter of themost high god.
You are the daughter of themost high God.
So I just want to do thosethree points and then I'm going
to bring up my guests and we'regoing to have a conversation,

(15:12):
because these are not interviews, they're conversations.
We're just going to talk andwhatever you can glean from it,
glean, write some nuggets downand all that good stuff.
So just a quick recap.
Point three I'm going backwards,backwards.
You can't rain while you'restill role-playing the real.
You was never destroyed, shewas just disconnected.

(15:33):
And the first one well, I don'teven remember anyone come up.
You got to wait for it to comeup.
Yeah, when it comes up, I'llshow you.
Oh, healing exposes what themask was hiding.
I hope that was interesting foryou, see you.

(15:55):
Okay, let me get this down.
And I'm a green girl, all right, okay, hey, y'all, hey.
So listen, I told y'all listen.
If you new here, this is whatit is.

(16:17):
I just want you to just be realclear.
What it is is not all, it'sjust me.
It's me talking to some women,some fly women about their
stories and I try to kick alittle knowledge here and there
you know because I'm a life andbook coach but there's not a lot

(16:40):
of fluff and and all the stuffwe're not pretentious over here.
So if you rock with that, comeback.
Come back.
I like the real.
You was never restored, justdisconnected.
Yeah, exactly because we getfragmented by all the different
traumas that we experience inlife.

(17:01):
You know, different piecesbreak off, break off.
So, amen, my god is good.
All right, so I'm gonna bringup this fly sister Kim Rogers
Cora.
She's the author of affirmingthe Queen within.
This is a amazing book andwe're gonna get to the book, but
first we're gonna talk abouther story.

(17:22):
Okay, so you guys welcome her,right?
No fluff, just the real stuff.
That should be my tagline forher authentic voice.
No fluff, just the real stuff.
That's all you getting overhere.
No fluff, just the real stuff,amen.
Okay, let me get rid of thisand get my girl up here.

(17:47):
All right, hey y'all, I gottaget the sound effect.
Yeah, thank you for being here.
Thank you for holding on to mytechnical difficulties.
Girl, listen, I don't know whatyou were thinking when
everything went out.
What were you?

Speaker 2 (18:06):
like?
I'm like I don't know.
Do I stay in this space?
Do I come off and come back on?
I don't know what you wasthinking when everything went
out.
What were you like?
I'm like I don't know.
Do I stay in this space?
Do I come off and come back on?
I don't know, but I know I'mnot going nowhere.
Amen.

Speaker 1 (18:14):
Amen, because I was like, wait, we have one minute
left and everything went black.
I was like, oh, hallelujah,hallelujah, thank you Lord, and
I started singing forever y'allway.
So because we have to be ableto roll with the punches, I mean

(18:35):
, things happen.
I'm not about to fall out.
I listen, I'm a stage threebreast cancer survivor.
I didn't survive shock and allkind of stuff with life.
I'm not about to fall out aboutthe tech.
And if it wouldn't have came on, guess what this sister would
have did got on this phone andwe would have worked it out I
mean, that's how you have mykids flexible tell what you tell
me.

Speaker 2 (18:51):
I used to tell my kids all the time ain't nobody
dead and ain't nobody dying.
We are doing well I like that.

Speaker 1 (18:59):
I like that we worry too much.
But you know what you don'twhen I was working with you
because, okay, so I worked withkim with her book and she's a
real chill lady and what youwant the people to know before

(19:21):
we get into this conversation,you want to tell them about,
about you real quick.

Speaker 2 (19:26):
So to sum me up in a couple of words is you can't
break me.
There's nothing.
I've been through so much thatyou cannot break me.
My faith is what it is andthere is nothing that can take
me off of that center anymore.
When I was younger, you couldsay something to me and destroy

(19:50):
my whole day, and now if you gettwo seconds of my time with
something negative, that's mybad, but I won't let it destroy
my whole day.

Speaker 1 (20:03):
I love that so much.

Speaker 2 (20:05):
That's where I'm at at this point in my life and you
won't get that.

Speaker 1 (20:09):
That's what we're going to go to.
I love that so much.
That's where I'm at at thispoint in my life and you've
always been here.
That's what.
That's what we're going to goto.
I want to go there because Imet you.
It's probably over a year nowthat I've known you, but I've
known you this way.
I don't know you the other way.
I know you chill, positive,encourage your creative.
I don't know you chill,positive, encourage your
creative.
I don't know.
You told me about her, but Iwant to know more of the woman

(20:32):
before you got here.
This woman, hold on y'all.
She sent me this.
I want to know about her.

Speaker 2 (20:44):
That woman right there is stressed to the max.
That woman right there isstressed to the max.
That woman right there wascarrying the weight of the world
.
It felt like that woman rightthere struggled to find her

(21:08):
center for many years, not onlybecause I lost my mother, but
before that, emotionally I couldbe high and then drop real low
because of what somebody said orwhat I thought a situation
should have been.
And now I know how to regulatemy emotions, how to literally

(21:32):
take my emotions out of itreally and look at it in a
different light of what am Isupposed to learn from this
situation.
That was my hardest thing waswhat was I supposed to learn
from this situation and how do Iapply it to make the next
situation better?

Speaker 1 (21:50):
and go ahead.

Speaker 2 (21:53):
I got a question, you go ahead and in losing my
mother I think that was thehardest, but that's when I
really came into what is thissupposed to be?
I'm not supposed to feel likethis forever.
I'm not, because that's neverwhat she would have wanted for
me.
So I have to figure out how I'mgonna get out of this and make

(22:14):
this my everyday better.
I had kids to raise that I knewI couldn't raise with the way
that I was, and in a marriage totry to maintain with him being
gone, and learning how to nottake it out on my kids, not take

(22:36):
it out on everybody around me,because that's your first
instinct, really.
When you suffer that kind ofloss, your first instinct is to
light up and release as much ofthat as you can, and you're
usually closest to the people.
The people closest to you iswhat you're usually good, but
learning how to just regulatethat emotion, feel it, yeah.

(22:59):
But don't allow it to seep outin a negative way.

Speaker 1 (23:03):
So, that's something you learn later.
How long has it been since yourmom passed?
I've only been gone 20 years,20 years, okay.
So prior to that, before we getto the loss of your mom, tell
me about young Kim.

Speaker 2 (23:22):
Young Kim has always been determined to do what she
want to do and willing to paythe price.
And willing to pay the price.
And willing to pay the price,okay, but doing it in a manner
that was sometimes disrespectfulto others and not taking in

(23:42):
consideration what that pricewas going to be.
You say you want to pay theprice, you're willing to pay the
price, but once that happens,are you willing to deal with the
fallout, literally with thefallout of all those that you've
stepped on or hurt in theprocess?

Speaker 1 (24:01):
oh wow, okay, you was out here just hurting people,
you know, you, you was cutthroat.

Speaker 2 (24:07):
You was cutthroat too .
I'm not going to say I wascutthroat, but I'm going to say
if I wanted it, I'm going to goget it, and if you were in the
way, my bad after.

Speaker 1 (24:15):
Really?
Yeah, I know that, kim, okay,okay.
Why were you like that?
Why do you think you were likethat?

Speaker 2 (24:26):
Why do you think you were like that?
I'm going to say it had a lotto do with my growing up, in
that I felt like everybody elsein my family succeeded in school
through education, and I waslike, well, since I don't feel
like I could do that, I did itthe other route.
I learned things, I could do,things with my hands that others

(24:50):
couldn't do, and then, when itcame down to being nice about
certain things or or speaking topeople in a manner that was
considerate maybe I will, maybeI won't um, wait, a lot of it
was insecurity I was going tosay before you move on, because

(25:10):
that's you're saying somethingthat I think a lot of people can
relate to.

Speaker 1 (25:15):
A lot of people in your family are, you know, were
educated, educated throughcollege and things like that,
and you're looking like, okay,that's not my thing, I'm, I
haven't gone that way.
You can look at yourself asless than saying I haven't gone
that way.
You can look at yourself asless than you know, or the odd
person out and even if it's notcollege, it can be something
else that a lot of people arelike everybody does this, but

(25:35):
not me.
Everybody has a husband, butnot me.
Everybody child is doing this,but not mine, you know.
But I see the, I see thedifference in you just
acknowledging that this is howGod made me.
That's not your path, you know.
We can look at that, but that'snot everyone's path, and that's

(25:57):
okay, because you're so creativeand you didn't get that from a
school.
You know all the things youlearned.
So I just wanted to stop there,there, because a lot of people
may compare themselves to theirfamily members.
They may have situations likethat where they compare like
another family, you know, andit's like this is happening

(26:18):
there.
This is happening for mine, soI didn't want to rush through
that, because I know that I knowsome people who are on here
that don't do that.
That insecure.
Were you angry?

Speaker 2 (26:35):
I was.
I was, and it was easy becauseI didn't know.
I thought college was supposedto be my thing.
I thought because everybodyelse was doing it, that's what I
was supposed to be my thing.
I thought because everybodyelse was doing it, that's what I
was supposed to do, knowing.
But my mother saw somethingdifferent.
She knew I was doing her hairin high school.

(26:57):
That's how I one of my creativeways.
And I was like, well, she waslike, if you could do this, why
won't you go to beauty school?
And I decided to go after Iflunked out of college.
So you did go to college.
I did.
I did for like a year and ahalf, but wasn't doing nothing
while I was there.
I had a good time while I wasthere, but did I go to class?

(27:19):
That's another question, youknow, oh look.

Speaker 1 (27:25):
Look Kim, look what she said, look what Kimberly?
Said Do you see that?
Yes, we see it as a deficit,when God meant it for
distinction.

Speaker 2 (27:34):
That should be on a t-shirt.
Ooh, somebody grab it.
That should be on a t-shirt.
That's good, because thinkingthat you're supposed to do what
everybody else does got me towhere I am now, because after I
realized that's not what I'mgoing to do, then I could do

(27:57):
what I was supposed to do, but Ihad to go and find out first.
This ain't what I want to do.
When I went to school, I wasn'tdoing anything.
I was having a good time, butit was like going to class.
And then when my mother said,do you want to go to beauty
school?
Yes, I do.
Supposed to be a 15-monthprogram.
Did it in 12.

Speaker 1 (28:19):
Okay.

Speaker 2 (28:20):
So when you know, once you accept that you're
different from everybody else,it's okay, yeah, it is a
wonderful thing.
Then some of the things that Iused to think and used to do
made a whole lot of sense to me.
And now my mother was like,okay, I'm going to let you run

(28:42):
with this.
I love that, but that was.
She always supported me inbeing a creative.
She never tried to push me inthe direction of being like my
sister or being like my brothers.
We were all different and sheallowed that space for me to be
the creative person that I amand then to be married to

(29:05):
somebody who who thinks I amcrazy, or more than one occasion
, but will be right there withme the whole way so do you
consider yourself a visionary?

Speaker 1 (29:19):
so you say, the people start to me, people who
don't get it, because you seesomething larger, and they may.
You may not explain all thedetails because you're like,
just do it, I see it.
This is what people can look atyou, like you're a little.
Did you experience that, or doyou consider yourself like a
visionary?

Speaker 2 (29:37):
I don't know if I consider myself a visionary, but
I do see things and I do knowhow I want them to come out.
The vision that I have in myhead don't necessarily manifest
itself exactly, but I can getreal close and then I can
explain it to somebody else sothey can see where we're trying

(29:58):
to go.

Speaker 1 (29:59):
Yeah, so you do.

Speaker 2 (30:01):
okay, you did hair right, you used a hairstyle.

Speaker 1 (30:03):
Tell me all the different things, that all the
careers you had Bullshot.
Well, not all of them.
Look, I don't know how many youget you talked about hair, so
it made me think okay, well,what else does she do, and how
long?

Speaker 2 (30:19):
did you do hairstylist?
I did hair my baby almost 15years.
Okay, I did hair and then Iwent from doing hair to being a
paralegal almost not quite.
Oh, I worked almost paralegalokay, yes, and then I worked in

(30:40):
a real estate office as a umsecretary doing pushing
paperwork, was a real estateagent, worked in operations for
jc pennies off and on for jcpennies.
I started off in their hairsalon and then I went into
operations.
So I've been with jc penniesalmost 25 years now.

(31:01):
Oh, you're there now.
I still one, two days a week.

Speaker 1 (31:06):
Yeah, let me tell you something.
I I didn't know where you were.
I thought it was just thefoundation, the non-profit
foundation, and you doing showsand things like that.
I didn't know.
You had actually also anotherjob.
That's really cool.
You were you trying to findyourself?
I thought a different.

Speaker 2 (31:24):
I guess so.
I guess so.
But JCPenney's was one thingthat because we were military,
wherever I went I could find ajob.
That's why I became part ofwhat my hairstylist thing was.
Wherever I can go, I can work.
Wherever he gets transferred tois not an issue so how long
have you been married?

Speaker 1 (31:45):
27 years now so you married.
He was in the military.
And you married into themilitary, were you in the
military also?

Speaker 2 (31:54):
No Married into the military.

Speaker 1 (31:56):
Okay, what's that life like being a military wife?

Speaker 2 (32:03):
Let's see, it was different.
It was good when he would comeback.
It was a total transformationbecause he's a totally different
person out to sea and as he'sprepping to go, he becomes a
totally different person.
And I do too, because you startto prepare, prepare for that

(32:23):
separation okay you start todistance yourself, you start to.
You know he's a little, and whenI say he's calm, he's calm I
mean calm to the point of itcould be like scary, like okay,
what is he thinking?
And already he's in shit modeand you know he's going out.
So he's been out.

(32:44):
I would say now we've been inthe same household for the last
what.
We've been down here 15 years.
And then when he was out, whenwe were full-time military and I
say that because he was onshore duty here but when we were
back home he was in and outevery 16 to 18 months.
So the majority of our, ourmarriage, he was in and out and

(33:08):
this is the longest we've beenin one space under the same roof
without him going anywhere, andwe didn't kill each other, we
made it.

Speaker 1 (33:18):
But wow, when you say the longest, so how long is
that the longest you guys havebeen?

Speaker 2 (33:23):
under.

Speaker 1 (33:23):
It's been 15 years now.
Where he hasn't been going offto Out to Seattle.
That was really interestingit's been 15 years now we've
been where he hasn't been goingoff the out to see at all.
That was really interesting.
So look, we just having aconversation.
I didn't have anything prepared, just talking.
How did you keep your marriagefresh and how did you stay
together with that?

Speaker 2 (33:43):
not build up resentment, or I'm not gonna say
, at certain times there wassome resentment because I was
always with the kids and he wasnot now.
When he went overseas in um tojapan, he was gone for a year
and a half and that's when myson, my oldest son, was
transitioning to teenage hoodreal early and it was like I

(34:09):
would tell him he's doing thesethings, he's saying these things
, and he didn't believe me.
He's like not my son, not theone that I raised.
So when we moved down here hegot to see One day I was in my
bedroom and they were in thekitchen and I had said something
to Keon.
No, it was the reverse.
I was in the kitchen with Keonand David was in the bedroom and

(34:31):
I had said something to himabout doing something and he got
smart and David heard him andthen all of a sudden you saw
something, go swoosh.
And the next thing I know mychild is up in the air and I
took.
I told my baby boy come on, wegotta go, just like that.
That.
I'm gonna let you do what it isyou do, because I tried to tell

(34:52):
you and you didn't believe me.
You had to see it for yourself.
So it's like certain things whenit came to responsibilities, I
knew that I was gonna have tohold on to and do what I had to
do, because when they're out tosee, you can't call them and
tell them what such and such isacting up, because they're like
you can't even reach them first.

(35:12):
Well, you used to, could notreach them back.
Then it was letters and thatcommunication, but just learning
that he was doing what he hadto do.
I did what I had to do and whenhe came home I had to step back
.
I had to learn to step backbecause I was always running

(35:33):
things and then when we movedhere, I was like you know what?
I don't want none of it.
I don't want to do nothing.
I don't want to be responsiblefor nothing.
I don't want to do nothing rightnow.

Speaker 1 (35:43):
I don't want to be no head and you be all the head.

Speaker 2 (35:47):
You do all you can have it all now.
I just wanted a few years whereI don't have to be responsible
for every a feel like becauseeven though he was out to sea.
He was doing his thingfinancially.
He just wasn't here physicallyand as emotionally as I needed
him to be or would have likedhim to be.
So when he moved down here Iwas like you can have it all oh,

(36:08):
you move out like where wereyou when?
You were a junior, okay, andnow we're in south carolina okay
, okay, man.

Speaker 1 (36:15):
So that's what.
Would you tell someone who maydate a guy in the military or
consider marrying someone?
What kind of woman does sheneed to be?

Speaker 2 (36:26):
to handle that Strong in faith, believe in the
military ethos, because you'regoing to have to, because if you
don't believe that he's outthere doing what he has to do
and when he's telling you hecan't call you, trust and
believe he can't call you.
You have to be able to trustthe man that you married.

(36:49):
Point blank period.
And he has to be able to trustyou with everything because you
have access to financially.
You have access to everythingwhen they're out to sea.
And you have to be aresponsible type of person and a
certain type of woman, becausepeople are coming at you because
they know he ain't here now.

(37:10):
What you do with that is on you.
But y'all have to have arelationship of I trust you to
handle everything and when Icome home I trust you to give
that back to me.
And that's why I think a lot ofmilitary wives, military

(37:33):
marriages, don't last.
You have to realize.
Sometimes she is head of thehousehold when you're gone and
then we have to realize when hecomes back home he steps right
back into his role when he comesback home, he steps right back
into his role.

Speaker 1 (37:50):
That's interesting, that's so interesting because
you do have to.
It's like something has toswitch in your mind yeah, I've
never.
Yeah, go ahead.

Speaker 2 (38:00):
This is interesting and you have to allow for that,
because your kids and eventhough they do this with just
parents that are in thehousehold, same yeah, but my
kids will literally walk past myhusband and be like ma, can we
wait, a minute, did he?
He?
He's here, you saw him first.
Why are you still walking pasthim as if he's not here?

(38:22):
That's who you go to first andhe say yes.
I say yes, they got used to it.

Speaker 1 (38:29):
They got used to it, but and yeah, you gotta start
you just have to.
It's just like having.
I don't know if you ever had astepchild, but sometimes when a
stepchild goes to their otherparent.
When they come back, they'redifferent.
So then they have to getreacclimated to your space and
how you do things, and that canbe the same the absent parent.

(38:53):
When you come back, it's likeright away, it's like you're
still not here, and then, oh,you're here, you know what I
mean, but you help them along.
So I love that.
That is really interesting Alot of trust and being strong in
who you are and believing, likeyou said, believing that
they're doing what they saythey're doing?

Speaker 2 (39:14):
Because I say that?
Because my husband, when mymother passed, it was a week,
two weeks, and he was gone outto sea for six months and my
whole thing was why do you haveto go?
My mother passed.
Why do you have to go?
He's like Kim, she is not mymother, they would not allow me

(39:38):
to stay and I'm like really youcan stay if you wanted to.
That was my whole thing.
You could stay if you wanted to, knowing he didn done put every
effort to be here, but I hadn't.
I had it in my head you couldbe here if you wanted to, yeah.
So I had to work through that.
That's one of the things wereally had to work through,

(39:59):
because I was you were resentfulof that you left me in a time
where I'm really hurting and Ineed you.

Speaker 1 (40:06):
My best friend's gone , my mother's gone and you're
leaving too.

Speaker 2 (40:12):
Yes, but what if?

Speaker 1 (40:14):
he hadn't left.
What would that mean for hiscareer and you guys' lifestyle?

Speaker 2 (40:19):
Oh, he was gone because they were gonna come get
him.
Oh, they would come get him,they would come get him oh wow,
they would come get him.
He might be sitting inleavensworth or somewhere, but
because he would be absentwithout leave, you just can't
decide.
You're not going to work.
It don't work like that.
So the military I'm not familiarexcept I mean a little bit, as

(40:42):
he will remind me.
Often I cannot just not go towork, I cannot not show up.
Somebody is going to come getme.
One way or the other, I amgoing where I am supposed to be.

Speaker 1 (40:56):
I'm just thinking about so many things we can
learn about covenant, you know,and commitment from your
marriage.
I'm just like y'all are just afly on the wall listening to us
talk, because I'm like, wow, oh,someone said he would be

(41:18):
considered AWOL.
So he would have stayed Absentwithout leave, absent without
leave.
So I my best friend Pepsi,lives in Texas.
When I was, we went to highschool together and she ended up
going to the Navy and I went toWayne State.
No, I didn't stay there.
I left there to go be with herbecause she got pregnant.

(41:39):
And she didn't stay there.
I left there to go be with herbecause she got pregnant and she
didn't have anyone and she theygo on the ship, you know, on
the sea.
Six months that it's, and thenthey're on land.
Six months ago and I left home,I left college, took a 60 hour
greyhound ride to go be with herso I can be there with her when
her baby was born and help hertake care of her baby now.
I met a lot of people duringthat time that were in the Navy

(42:03):
and they all called each otherlast name.
They could probably call eachother by their last name, yeah,
but they were a tight knit group, you know, and the camaraderie
and the family, and out therethey were in Everett Washington.
There were not a lot of brownand black people at all I mean,
if you saw one, you wave it andthe only people that were there

(42:24):
were mostly military people,military families, but the
camaraderie was really cool anda lot of them were not with
their spouses, women who were inthe military, husbands at home,
and vice versa, and I thoughtthat was like wow, you have to
have, like you said, a lot oftrust to be able to sustain that
.

(42:44):
Yep, you did it, so your mom, soyou were really close with your
mom.

Speaker 2 (42:52):
I was, I was.
I love that woman as if she'sto me.
She's still here.
The conversations that I havewith her is as if she's to me.
She's still here.
The conversations that I havewith her is as if she's still
here.

Speaker 1 (43:06):
That's comforting to you.

Speaker 2 (43:08):
It is?

Speaker 1 (43:09):
Yeah, it is, I can see it all over your face.

Speaker 2 (43:13):
You know, if I really fully acknowledged, it will be
hard.
It will be a lot harder everyday.
I've always said she's onvacation to me.
I have to look at it really,really for 20 years.

Speaker 1 (43:33):
I have to so have you ever like broken down, kim?
Have you ever like broken down,kim?
Have you ever just like?
You haven't allowed yourself?

Speaker 2 (43:46):
Not in years.

Speaker 1 (43:47):
I haven't, wow, I haven't.
So you're in denial.
A form of denial, probably.

Speaker 2 (43:59):
Probably it, just it's easier.

Speaker 1 (44:10):
What is it you say it's easier.
What is it that you don't wantto feel?

Speaker 2 (44:18):
The lack of her presence.
Okay, I think, if I fullyacknowledged, I feel like I
wouldn't feel her anymore Wow.
Which is rationally thinking.

(44:40):
I know because there is a gravesite.
I saw her.
I know.
But for me, on a daily basisit's easier.

Speaker 1 (44:58):
Yeah, and that's all right.
That's all right.
If that's all right, that's allright.
If that's what you need, I cansee it.
You know, I'm looking at you,I'm looking at your shoulders
and I want you to breathe easy.
As my cousin monica would saybreathe easy.
We both lost our moms.
I miss my mother every day.

(45:19):
I can hear her and, and at onepoint I was scared like I can't
remember her voice.
Well, she sounded like I wastrying to find the voice.
Um, uh, voicemail.
She left and I'm like I neverwant to forget her voice.
I don't want to forget how yousound and how she said my name
and and.
But I remember and I rememberthings would say about.

(45:43):
I said, oh, let me clean thisstove because my mom would be
like different things.
I can hear her, you know, and Iwant to make her proud.
That's why I write.
My mom was a writer.
My mom has all these poems andshe was really into like love
stories and the black experienceshe loved before I can even

(46:04):
appreciate it.
You know how you wrap your hair.
I grew up with a mother whokept her hair wrapped on.
She would wrap her hair andtalk about the plight of a black
man and a black woman and innercity and different things, the
government.
I didn't appreciate it when Iwas younger.
I'm like appreciate it when Iwas younger.
I'm like what I wanted to be ina Harlequin romance and she's
trying to teach me aboutJuneteenth?

(46:25):
She tried to teach me that wayback when I was like I don't
want to hear that, ma, I justdidn't get it.
But it's amazing when I lookthrough her stuff and I'm
reading her works and I'm likewow, wow, you know stuff.
And I'm reading her works andI'm like, wow, you know.
So I get it and I and I'm I'mhappy I have something to just

(46:46):
keep.
I'll just pull everything outand just start looking through
it.
Every so often I just do that.
You ever do that like you.

Speaker 2 (46:52):
Yeah, just pull everything out and just have
that moment I have the lastclothes that she wore to the
hospital and I keep it in adrawer and whenever I need to
really really feel her presence,I go and I smell it and it
still smells like her.

(47:12):
Does it 20 years later?
20 years later, it still smellslike her.
20 years later it still smellslike her.
And the craziest part is mysister sounds like her.
She laughs like her, mybrothers have her smile.

(47:33):
So whenever I really really ina way when I'm bad, I call my
sister and I just want to hearher say hello because she sounds
so much like my mother.
And when you were sayingrecordings, I remember the day
In this one we had those oldcell phones and I had a
recording of her and I couldn'tfigure out how to get that

(47:55):
recording off that phone.
And when that phone died, youtalking about somebody
devastated oh, my goodness, Ididn't think I was going to I
get it.
I really did that one hurtBecause it was just.
It's almost like it's the lastconversation you had, the last

(48:19):
time I heard her voice, the lasttime I heard her voice, the
last time you heard her voice.
Do you ever replay?

Speaker 1 (48:25):
Oh, go ahead.

Speaker 2 (48:25):
Now you have.
I got recordings of mygrandmothers now on my phone and
both of them are now deceased.
Now I'm trying to figure outwhere I can put these so I can
have them.

Speaker 1 (48:36):
Oh wow, save them, upload them to the cloud and
then you can put them on like aflash drive and then you can
save them that's the next.
I don't have that.
That is so awesome.
I do have some video.
I have video and I replay mymom the last time I saw her.
I replay that moment regularlybecause it was like she was

(48:57):
telling me she was so proud ofme and I'm like I'm gonna see
you Monday.
You know what I mean.
I'm coming to get you next week, like.
But I was like I left thereskipping.
My mama said she proud of me,grown woman, but happy to hear
that you know.
But I replied because she hadsuch a deep conversation with me
.
She looked at me and she wasjust like I love you.

(49:18):
My mama was not an I love youperson.
You know, back in the day theyjust wasn't.
She wasn't lovey like that.
I'm going to say back in theday, they wasn't because, I
don't know, your family couldhave been different, but in my
family we're not like I'm likethat.
A lot of people are like that.
So she wasn't like that.
But that day, kim, oh, that day, she had her hands like this on

(49:39):
my shoulder.
She's looking at me in the eyesand she's just like telling me
all these things and I'm like,wow, mom, you know, okay, thank
you, I love you too.
You know, not knowing that's thelast time I'm gonna see her.
I didn't know that was the lasttime I would see her.
I'm listening to her and I'mleaving like, oh, I'm proud of
me and leaving there and that'sliterally the last time I saw my
mom and the conversation shehad with me.

Speaker 2 (50:01):
I found out she had a conversation with my sister and
one with my niece and she hadthese different conversations,
like saying things that shenormally didn't say, as if she
knew you know, I know for me,the last conversation I had with
her I feel so bad about,because it was the night before

(50:22):
she passed and I was supposed togo to Chicago the following day
and I brought, took my daughterup there and we stayed for
maybe about 10-15 minutes and Iwas like, ma, I gotta go, I
gotta go and pack, and I gotsome things I need to do before
we leave tomorrow.
And she kept looking at me.
I got some things I need to dobefore we leave tomorrow and she
kept looking at me and she waslike, well, I need you to stay a

(50:43):
little bit longer.
I was like, well, mom, when Icome back I'll be back on Friday
, I'll be back on Friday.
And I knew there wasconversations she wanted to have
, but something in me knew Ididn't want to have those
conversations.
I didn't want to have theconversations of her leaving me,

(51:04):
because she had thoseconversations with my sister,
and my sister and her werealways able.
They would talk in the weehours of the morning about what
my mother wanted.
So when my mom passed, mysister knew everything and at
that point I checked out.
Then too, I had alreadyliterally you could say I had
already checked out because Ifelt, in a way, that I knew

(51:27):
something wasn't going to bewhat I wanted it to be, and
emotionally my thing was to run,to literally run, and my mama
knew when it was somethingoverwhelming for me you have
waitedyeah, I gotta go.

(51:48):
I can't stay in, I don't wantto stay in this moment.
I don't want to stay in thismoment.
So when she passed thatthursday I still went I called
my grandmother.
I got talked to my grandmother.
I said I gotta go, I to go, I'mgoing to go with David to
Chicago, like we plan to get thecar, drive the car back.
My grandmother was like dowhatever you need to do.

(52:09):
My mother's funeral plans I hadabsolutely nothing to do with,
absolutely did not.
I did not go to the viewing.
I was like I will not see her.
Like that, I refuse.
And my siblings are like youneed to go.
My mama understood who I was.

(52:29):
She understood what I couldtake and this ain't it.
Literally, at the funeral I hadno intentions of walking past
her casket.
None, that's not how it workedout.
And I saw her and I was likethis is real.

(52:50):
This is more real than I had,because if I avoided the wake,
it wasn't real, it wasn'thappening.
I hear you.
But then when I saw her, I waslike can't deny it and I shut
all the way down.
There was no emotion.

(53:12):
There was no.
I wanted to.
I cried a little bit, but itwas not what I thought it would
be, because I saved it for theyear later when I went to her
grave site the first Mother'sDay.
I did that one time and I havenot been back since.

(53:33):
Wow, I broke down so bad atthat grave site.
My husband and my kids werewith me.
I was, I was terrible at thatgrave site and that is, and I
can't go back.
I've been back one time in 20years the first year, and that

(53:55):
was it.
So that's why I say pretty muchshe's on vacation from it and
that's how you cope, that's howI get through, yeah that's how
you post.

Speaker 1 (54:07):
I saw um miss judy.
She said denial is a form ofsurvival.
So this is how you survive thisbecause, we go through and in
grief we get to a place ofacceptance and that's not a
place you really come to, ormaybe you've dibbled and dabbled
and put your toe in acceptance.
You didn't put your toe inacceptance, it came back out

(54:30):
like I accept that I cannot callher.

Speaker 2 (54:35):
I accept that I cannot call her, I accept that I
physically cannot see her, butthat I cannot call her.
I accept that I physicallycannot see her.
Okay, but true acceptance of it, I think for me, would take
away what I feel when I feel herphysical presence.
I need to, you need to feelthat physical presence because I

(54:58):
used to think when mygrandmother was here, I could go
to the house and I could feelher presence.
I could go to the house and bein the presence of my mother as
well.
And then when my grandmotherpassed, I was like okay, now
what.

Speaker 1 (55:12):
Yeah, now what it's uh, listen, it's a heavy pill to
swallow because my mom andgrandmother passed also, you
know it's.
I wasn't there because it wasso sudden.
I didn't get a chance to kindof be with her in her last days,

(55:35):
and she wasn't sick, her heartjust stopped, you know.
And often when I see people whohave their mom, even if their
mom's sick, I tell them it'ssuch an honor that you, you have
this time to be able to saygoodbye, to be able to you know
that's how I see it because ofmy experience like it's an honor
to be able to, you're able to,take care of your mom until she

(55:57):
goes home and be with the lord.
Like you, you know what I mean.
That's just how I.
I wish I had more time to dothat.
You know what my, what my daddy,I did, my stepdad he, me and
him had cancer at the same time.
So I was able to, me and mysister, we took care of him and
that was time that we didn'thave with our mom, and he said

(56:19):
he would have even fought had mymother been alive, because she
died the year prior and then weboth were battling cancer and
then he passed away.
So me and my sister and brother.
We're like we're orphans, we'relike wait a minute, you know
what I mean.
We were feeling like okay, whichchanged the dynamic, even of
the siblings.

(56:40):
You know, everything kind ofeverything shifts, everything
shifts it, yeah.
And then I found my biologicalfather a few years ago and I was
feeling, I was happy about that, but then I was feeling still
like dang, but our parents aregone and now I have another
parent and they don't have itlike I've had all these type of

(57:01):
feelings.
I started carrying stuff Iwasn't even meant to carry, you
know, but I thought about them,you know, because that's a
sensitive thing, that thought ofbeing a motherless child.

Speaker 2 (57:15):
Yeah, I was like I had to shift that, though,
because I'm not a motherlesschild.
I am Jacqueline Rogers'daughter.
I have a mother.
Come on, you have a mother.
You know what?
I have a mother.
I have a mother.
Regardless of what she's nothere now, I am still her

(57:35):
daughter.

Speaker 1 (57:36):
I love that so much.

Speaker 2 (57:37):
I love that I am still the child she raised.

Speaker 1 (57:42):
I love that so much.
I am still the child she raised.
I love that I have a mother,and and, and think about
everything that she's given youthe legacy she's left you.
Yes, I look at this.
It says founder of thejacqueline rogers foundation.
Incorporated.
That's in honor of your mom.
Tell me about that.

Speaker 2 (58:00):
That came to be.
It was as simple as I had acoworker who had breast cancer
for the second time and when Imoved down here I used to go
back and forth and do the walksback in Virginia the Susan G
Coleman walks because that wasone of the ways we decided as a

(58:20):
family to honor my mother, meand my sister.
We would do the walks.
And then I was like, well,since I'm here and I can't keep
going back and forth, although Iwas um, I wanted to do
something to honor her here.
So I just decided when myco-worker got diagnosed for the
second time that I would do afashion show.
The first year we gave themoney to Susan G Coleman and
then Della was diagnosed withcancer.
So we raised that money andgave it to her and ever since

(58:44):
that moment we raised money togive to somebody locally.
Now the foundation came aboutbecause I had two girlfriends
that were helping me with thefashion show and Monique said
well, why don't you start afoundation?
What do I know about starting afoundation?
I don't know nothing about that.
Took that came home and toldthe man back there that I wanted

(59:09):
to start a foundation and I waslike I don't even know where to
start, and he said don't worryabout it, I got you.
So he got me a lawyer.

Speaker 1 (59:19):
I love that.

Speaker 2 (59:19):
I got you the lawyer did all the paperwork and within
2016, we had that secondfashion show 2017, the
foundation was founded.
In August of 2017, we got our501c3 status.
So ever since then, we havebeen up and running.
So ever since then, we havebeen up and running.

(59:40):
This is our 10th year and it'sbeen amazing that I do this in
honor of my mother, but I dothis so that women in her
position don't feel what shefelt when it comes to you have a
diagnosis, but yet yourtelephone is still ringing, yet

(01:00:01):
the bills are still coming in.
Your kids are still going to askfor things Because they're
children and they're supposed to, and you should not feel guilty
, because you are fighting foryour life and your kids are
still asking.

Speaker 1 (01:00:18):
It's hitting me, it's hitting home for me told you
god, I'm very emotional illnessmy mother had.

Speaker 2 (01:00:25):
She dealt with um kidney failure when I was 16
years old and I wanted myclassroom, but I knew I could
not come home and say, mom, Iwant to get this class ready
Cause you know it's not there todo.

(01:00:46):
My daddy ended up getting itfor me, but it's not.
There's something.
I went home and said, mom,cause it was a rite of passage,
right.
But I also knew that's how you,when you have people, young
people that are dealing withfamily members that have long
term illness, they are not youraverage child, they are not your

(01:01:07):
average teenager.
They can't be.
They know what it is to live ina household where everything
evolves around somebody beingill and what they can and cannot
do girl, kim.

Speaker 1 (01:01:23):
So you are.
Really, I didn't even know whatwe would talk about.
I just said, lord, have yourway.
My daughter, my oldest daughter,was a senior the year I was
battling stage three breastcancer, the year I was battling

(01:01:44):
stage three breast cancer.
So, prom, you got all thesethings and I was so sick, you
know, but I was in thatpredicament like this stuff
still has to happen.
People were giving, and even mysister Erica, my sister in
christ, gifted her her promdress.
She makes these things likeshe's awesome, like different
things.
People were just blessing usbut I felt like, oh my goodness,

(01:02:08):
normally because you know, Iused to work in a salon normally
money wouldn't have been noissue, but the lord had told me
to close my salon.
I didn't even know what wasgoing on, but my entire life
shifted.
But that year my daughter hadso much going on but my, the
sickness that I battled was theI'm the nucleus.

(01:02:29):
Now everything is revolvingaround mama got chemo, mama got.
So I feel this and, yeah,you're right, they know what
that's like and and they're notregular.

Speaker 2 (01:02:45):
You know that's a real thing, that's a hard thing
to battle, and so they'redealing with your mortality.
Immortality is what they'redealing with and nobody speaks
to that.
Because I know when I was inhigh school and my mother was
going through that, because Iknow when I was in high school

(01:03:23):
and my mother was going throughthat, nobody ever said to me
talk to me about what I felt,what she was going through,
seeing her struggle with thecramping, seeing her crawling on
the floor trying to get to findout when she had a transplant,
how close she really was todeath was like and nobody said
anything.
It was never a conversation had.
And then I turned around anddid the same thing to my
daughter, though when my mom wassick, I did not tell them how
sick she was.
I did not even tell my kids.

Speaker 1 (01:03:49):
Is that I'm protecting them, Like because I
never, I always want to know thereasoning of that.
When people do that because mymom didn't tell me she was
having these heart issues, Ifind out when she passes away.
So I was of that.
When people do that because mymom didn't tell me she was
having these heart issues, Ifind out when she passes away.
So I was pissed off.

Speaker 2 (01:04:04):
I don't know that it was protecting her more or less
of that's just what we did.
Yeah, this is not.
I felt like almost it's not achild issue, even though I knew
how I felt because she was thesame age as I was when my mother
was first diagnosed with kidneyfailure, when my grandma, when

(01:04:26):
her grandmother passed the samething came around to you.
Yes, and you responded in thesame, in the same way, and
that's what I'm saying.
It's like I don't know whetherit was just instinctive, that's
what we're gonna do, we're notgonna talk about it, or was it
my nature just not to talk?
But the whole, as a wholefamily?

(01:04:48):
It was not talked about when Iwas 16 years old how sick my
mother really was.
I didn't know she was in thehospital, but I didn't know she
was near death.
The kidney transplant saved herlife, but I just thought it
made it better.
I didn't know she was neardeath.
I didn't know that and I didthe turnaround and did the same

(01:05:13):
thing with my daughter, and Ihave apologized to my child for
that.
However, my child said to meyou know what, mom?
I don't know how I made itthrough.
I didn't even think about itanymore.

Speaker 1 (01:05:26):
Very interesting she's handling things as you
handle things Right.
Listen to what she's saying.
I mean, just clock what she'ssaying.
I didn't even think about it.
I mean that's the same thingyou've been saying.
I ain't thinking about it.
It's the denial the same thing.
It's just something that'sperpetuating, like throughout
your generation Same old thing.
This is a cycle, wow.

Speaker 2 (01:05:48):
That's deep Conversations got to be had.

Speaker 1 (01:05:51):
Yep Conversations got to be had.
You think I wanted to telllisten, when I found out for
real, for real, I had to have adouble mastectomy.
It was going to be that january.
This is 2016.
It's going to be january 2017.
We're sitting around, it'schristmas time and I'm watching
them open gifts, wondering ifI'm gonna be here, if I'm like
that's what my thought.
I'm looking at them, smilingbecause I hadn't told them yet.

(01:06:12):
Looking at them, but in my head, like, am I gonna be?
Am I gonna see them grow up?
Am I gonna live?
I'm like you don't have allthese thoughts because they're
that's natural, you know.
But I was a week away fromsurgery when I set them down to
tell them.
You know, my youngest was likeare you gonna die?
I said no, I'm not gonna diebecause the lord had already

(01:06:35):
told me this is not into death.
But you're not gonna have the,the testimony that you go when
the tumor is gone.
That's not your testimony.
I wanted that testimony.
I wanted the testimony wherethey go to the hospital,
everybody pray and lay hands andit's gone.
That was not my story.
But my story was stage threedouble mastectomy, chemo,

(01:06:56):
radiation, pain, bone pain,joint muscles, crawling on the
floor sickness, oh, it tore meup to the point that I still
deal with stuff today.
That was my testimony.
But I'm here, I'm here.
So she said, there, you'regonna die.
I was like, no, I couldconfidently tell her because I
did trust the lord and stilltrust the lord, no, I would die,

(01:07:18):
this is not unto death.
So she was good.
So she was like okay.
My youngest one was like okay,that's all I want to know,
you're not going to die, you'regoing to be good.
My oldest became quiet andwithdrawn.
She didn't really talk about itand that's the one who was
going through the senior.
You know, she was a senior, butit's just different how they

(01:07:41):
handled the differences andshe'll talk now.
You know, I was feeling thisyears later and this is how I
was feeling.
But I told them, I told themand I keep that line of
communication open because mymother was she kept the line of
communication open with me.
So that's another trait.
You know, like we're talkingabout cycles and generational,
we were more open, so we'restill open.

Speaker 2 (01:08:03):
You guys are part of that, though, of her not
speaking, though, is adding towhat you're already going
through.
A lot of times, we, as when wewere younger children, we would
not speak about what you didn'twant to talk about.
I don't want to add to whatyou're already going through, so
I'm going to stay over here andkeep this little bit to myself

(01:08:25):
and try to make it a little biteasier, and that, as a child,
that's what I did a lot as beingthe oldest girl.
We're not going to do what wehave to do.
My mama said this house betterbe clean by the time she get
home, and that's what we don'thave to do If I have to clean up
everything, I don't have aproblem with it, but it's going

(01:08:46):
to be done by the time JackieRogers get home, because I'm not
going to take this beating fory'all Not on this one Now, me,
and my sister is Not on this one.
Now I'll take a beating for JoyRogers.
You better believe it.
I used to go toe-to-toe forthat girl and still to this day,
that's my Miss Jenkins.
If ain't nobody else on thisearth you can talk to me about,

(01:09:10):
you can talk about.
You might even be able to talkto me about my kids, but my
sister Not open for discussion.
Alright, now, not that one.

Speaker 1 (01:09:23):
All right, you want his sister?
Listen, you want here.
I want to shift gears a littlebit.
I didn't even know we would godown that lane, but I think it
was necessary, it had to benecessary.
Because it wouldn't havehappened right.
I want to show this Because Ireally want to know how did you
get here?
This is a totally different.
Listen here.

(01:09:44):
This is a totally differentface total.

Speaker 2 (01:09:48):
You can see it in the eyes, it's in the eyes oh, my
sister's on here my daughter'sup here.

Speaker 1 (01:09:58):
Your daughter's here.
What's your daughter's name?
Let me see.
She got to put a comment so Ican see her.
Oh, they got my address, that'smy sister that I love.
Y'all put a comment, so we canknow y'all here, your sister
that you love, where's she at?

Speaker 2 (01:10:14):
My sister's sister is not up here.
I don't see her.
I see my girlfriend from.

Speaker 1 (01:10:19):
Iceland together.
Listen, I didn't know it wouldgo this way.
We just got to talking and itjust pulled up all this.
We just have conversations,it's just whatever it is, but
this here it looks like what washappening in this picture.

Speaker 2 (01:10:38):
I had already made up in my mind when I made this
jump.
There were certainconversations I needed to have
coming down.
There were certain people thatI needed to talk to my mother,
my grandmother my great Wait aminute, may.

Speaker 1 (01:10:55):
What jump you got to tell people what this is.

Speaker 2 (01:10:57):
This is when I jumped out of an airplane.
I did a tandem jump on my 50thbirthday.
I have been wanting to do thisjump since my 40th birthday, but
my husband said no and my kidssay are you crazy?
So it took me 10 years to getto this point.
And when I say in between that10 years, a lot of stuff

(01:11:22):
happened, a lot of things I justdecided I was not wanting to
deal with anymore, that I didnot have to deal with anymore,
that emotionally, I needed aphysical release that I only
felt I could get in the sky,that I only felt I could get in
the sky Because I felt like theywere up there so I can have

(01:11:46):
these conversations with them onmy way down.
And when I say I released theguilt I felt of not being the
daughter that my mother neededwhen she was going through.
I released the guilt of notbeing able to attend my

(01:12:07):
grandmother's funeral.
I watched the funeral onFacebook because we were in
COVID Wow.
Because we were in COVID Wow.
And an aunt, my aunt Vi, waseverything to our family.
When I say there were nurturersin our family, and then there

(01:12:32):
was a nurturer in our family,she was the one that everybody
could go to.
She was the one that taught mydaughter how to and my mother
how to spell their name my, thattaught my daughter and my
mother how to spell their name.
My daughter carries my mother'sname, okay, but she taught her
how to spell her name both ofthem.
And sometimes you don't realizewhat you have until it's gone

(01:12:57):
and until you are of an age torealize what it is.
I knew in my aunt I had a greatprotector, a great support, but
at the same time she passedwhen I was in Iceland and it was
just like you deal with it butyou keep on moving, yeah.

(01:13:17):
Yeah but when I decided it was aconversation I was going to
have in the sky with myrelatives, and you did that when
you went up there I did that.
Because going up in this plane Iscared my tandem jumper.
His nerves were shook.
He's like I've never hadanybody that goes up and just so

(01:13:41):
, calm, no conversation.
Because I'm thinking what I'mgoing to say in my heart, what
kind of words are going to comeout when I get jump out this
plane.
And I explained to him.
I said I didn't come up herejust to jump, I came up here to
have a conversation.
And in the pictures there are awhole slew of pictures you can

(01:14:04):
see in my face there wassomething going on.
It wasn't just simply the joyof jumping, it was a joy of I
get to say what I didn't get tosay and they will literally be
right here with me to hear.
And coming down, I let out asqueal because it wasn't really

(01:14:24):
a squeal that I still felt likehit heaven and I did exactly
what I needed to do and I feltso relieved as if my mother is
saying to me girl, you know, Iknow you.
Why were you even worried aboutthat?
Why were you even worried aboutthat?
Why were you even worried thatyou weren't what you thought you

(01:14:46):
were going to be?
I know exactly who you are yeah,that gives me chills that was
why I jumped, you're justfearless.

Speaker 1 (01:15:01):
well, fearless does not was why I jumped.
You're just fearless.
I'm not going to say it.
Well, no, this is fearless doesnot mean you're not afraid,
fearless means you do it afraid.
You still do it, even if you'reafraid.
So that's why I say fearless.
They're calling you a daredevil.
I've been there too.

Speaker 2 (01:15:19):
I'll take that because I step out on the edge
every now and again.
I like a little hype.
Take that Because.

Speaker 1 (01:15:25):
I, you know I'll step out on the edge.
Every now and again I like alittle hype, I ain't scared of
it.
You know what Look this makesme think of.
So I got your book here andagain.
Let me put up her website, youguys, because her book, I want
you to grab it.
Affirming the Queen WithinmeAffirming the queen within, that

(01:15:45):
means affirming the queenwithin.
So there's a part in here whereyou talk about comfort and you
talk about pieces of you.
Comfort versus calling, andwhat really stood out to me was
the illusion of comfort.
So she me was the illusion ofcomfort.
So she writes about theillusion of comfort.

(01:16:06):
It says comfort is a place offamiliarity, security and
routine.
It's where things feel safe,where risks are minimal and
where life can often seem easy.
That sounds appealing.
Appealing, doesn't it?
The idea of avoiding risk,escaping the fear, failure and

(01:16:30):
maintaining stability istempting, but there's a hidden
cost to staying in your comfortzone.
It's stagnation, it's the slowerosion of potential, the quiet
surrender of dreams and themissed opportunities that come

(01:16:51):
from never stepping into theunknown.
If I had let my thoughts staythoughts and not act on them, I
would not be where I am today.
You wouldn't even have thisbook because it wouldn't exist.
Woo, most definitely.
I like that so much.

(01:17:11):
The illusion.

Speaker 2 (01:17:14):
If you think about the comfort zone, it is
comfortable, it is cozy, it iswarm, and outside cozy, it is
warm, and outside of that it canbe harsh, it can be cold, it
can be nodes all around you.
But every idea anybody has everhad, from these earrings I'm

(01:17:46):
wearing to the underwear eachone of us has on our butts, or
not, or not somebody came upsomebody came up with that idea,
yeah.
So whether you, if you, thinkeverything is found in your
comfort zone, it's not.
It's not.
The desire to be on the otherside is not comfortable, but I

(01:18:11):
also know, I know what it feltlike to be in my comfort zone
all the time yeah you start tofigure, you start to think.
Well, I'm not capable of doinganything more than what I'm
doing right now and even whenyou start to think you know
everything.
That is a comfort too, becausenow I do not have to exert

(01:18:31):
myself to do anything other thanwhat I know.
Yeah, and that could.
That's the problem.
That's what happened to ourlittle 18 year olds, our little
19 year old selves.
We knew everything.
Nobody could tell us nothingbecause we are in our comfort
zone of what we know, theunknown we have no control over.

(01:18:52):
But we feel like we havecontrol of our comfort zone.
So when we're talking to ourkids because I know when I'm
talking to mine I have to remindmyself I used to be you.

Speaker 1 (01:19:04):
Of where they are right, their level of
understanding.

Speaker 2 (01:19:07):
Their level of understanding.
And also but I used to be you,but I need to react in a way
that I didn't necessarily get.
I need to react in a way thatreminds myself that I used to be
you.

Speaker 1 (01:19:21):
Come on, kim.
Yes, when I see my daughterdoing things like the bad parts
of me, I'm like let me help youwith this, because I went
through this.
This is let me just help you soyou don't have to do that,
because I see and see it, I'vebeen there, done that, say it
that, act it that way.
I want to keep going, though,because you guys this is the

(01:19:43):
section that says pieces of mecomfort versus calling.
Hold your book up, kim.
I want to read the Power ofyour Calling.
Now contrast that with the ideaof a calling.
A calling is that deep internalpull towards something greater,
a sense of purpose that drivesyou toward specific goals or

(01:20:03):
dreams.
But here's the truth A callingwill often demand more from you
than you think you're capable of.
That's good, it's uncomfortable, it's challenging and it
requires you to stretch beyondwhat's familiar.
Think of any great leader orinfluencer.

(01:20:25):
Their stories are filled withmoments where they had to leave
their comfort zone behind andstep into their calling.
Discomfort is necessary forgrowth.
Growth never happens in acomfort zone.
It happens in those momentswhen you face challenges, when
you take risks and, yes, evenwhen you fail.

(01:20:45):
It is through these experiencesthat you develop resilience,
gain new perspectives anddiscover strengths you never
knew you had.
This is where faith comes intotrusting the process of
believing that you can overcomeobstacles, and understanding
that discomfort is not somethingto be avoided.

(01:21:05):
Embracing fear and harnessingit properly can be a powerful
motivator rather rather than adeterrent.
I'm not going to read all of it, but y'all, this is good stuff,
this is really good stuff.
She goes on to say create yourown affirmation.
She gives you affirmations.
You have these queenconversations.
I love that.

(01:21:25):
And then sharing a queen'sheart.
You have your page up 19.
Yeah, read sharing a queen'sheart, because I want, I want us
to hear that in your voice andyour tone and your conviction.

Speaker 2 (01:21:44):
A queen's heart knows that her calling is greater
than her comfort.
She understands that steppingout of the familiar may be
daunting, but it's the only pathto fulfill her dreams.
I challenge you today with thechoice between comfort and
calling.
Choosing your calling every.
Choosing your calling everytime.

(01:22:06):
Your future self will thank youfor it amen, this is good.

Speaker 1 (01:22:14):
It just sums up my life.
Girl comfort versus calling Ican stay, but I but I chose
calling every time, every time,okay.

Speaker 2 (01:22:25):
Laura go, I can say, with running the foundation,
because there were things I didnot know, things I did not know,
places I had to go, people Ihad to talk to.
I had to become comfortablespeaking with people that I felt
at a certain time in my lifewere beyond me, that there were

(01:22:47):
those conversations.
I had to go into rooms that Ifelt that I did not necessarily
fit in to find that space whereyou belong.
Here too, why wouldn't you?
You can hold theseconversations, you can take
these classes.

(01:23:07):
You're capable of this.
And I'm telling you, soon as youstart to say yes to what your
calling is, the world starts torotate and those that you're
supposed to have in your circlecome to you.
You can't stay in that littlecomfort zone.
Once they start to come,there's time to step it up.
But the world does rotate.

(01:23:29):
Whatever you say you need, godprovides.
He does not give you the dreamwithout the provisions of making
that dream come true.
You're going to have to do somework, which is true.
You're going to have to takesome no's, which is true.
But then I think about the no'sthat I get.
They're not on this journeywith me.
They're not supposed to be apart.
They played their part.

(01:23:50):
They said no, so I would bemoving in the right direction.
Had they said yes, and theyweren't really supposed to be a
part of that journey, I wouldhave been detoured.
So take the no notes for whatthey are.
They're not supposed to be apart of that journey and you
keep it moving because thosethat are will show up.

Speaker 1 (01:24:09):
Yeah, I love that, because what I hear you saying
is alignment.
When you are aligned, when youanswer your call, you become
aligned with who God called youto be and where you're going.
Things shift.
People shift you to be andwhere you're going, things shift
people shift opportunities.
Um, other doors are closed,other ones are open.
You know this does happen andit doesn't stop.
When you say don't even getcomfortable there, because you

(01:24:32):
have to keep moving, keepelevating, because he's moving,
he's not okay.
Well, you're there, you've madeit.
No, keep going.
Oh, I love this.
I so enjoy talking to you.
I so, so enjoy it, but I got tostart wrapping it up.
Wrapping it up, how can peoplestay in contact with you outside
of the website?

(01:24:52):
Tell us your social.

Speaker 2 (01:24:55):
I am on Facebook as Kim Rogers Cora.
I am on Instagram under thatname as well, or the Jacqueline
Rogers Foundation Facebook,jacqueline Rogers Foundation as
well, and there's also anAffirming the Queen page as well
.

Speaker 1 (01:25:12):
All right, hey man, you guys, thank you.
I've been doing it so much youdid.
Thank you for having me.
Oh yeah, of course I knew wewould just have a dope
conversation.
I didn't know what we weregoing to talk about, but I'm
like we're just going to let itflow.
But thank you all for coming on.
Thank you for joining us foranother episode.

(01:25:32):
I'm going to ask Kim to pray usout, and so you guys come on
and pray with us.
So this will be just a big oldfamily here.
That's what we're doing.
So this be just a big oldfamily here.
That's what we're doing.
You not shy, you ain't shy, youain't scared, you got this, oh,
okay.

Speaker 2 (01:25:49):
Oh, father God, thank you for this conversation,
thank you for those that joinedus.
Hopefully there was somethingsaid that would touch somebody's
heart to ease somebody's pain,to make it a little more easier
for them to deal with a loss,pain, to make it a little more
easier for them to deal with theloss.
Lord, father God, I thank youfor touching me in this way,
making it easier for the wordsthat I say, that I feel within

(01:26:12):
my own heart, to heal me as well.
Lord, I thank you for Tara,because there is no way that
this could have been donewithout her, and I thank you for
those that joined us tonight.
Father God, I thank you.
I thank you, amen.

Speaker 1 (01:26:30):
Yes, we bless your name.
Thank you, lord, thank you.
You start feeling like I don'tknow.
You were just talking aboutcomfort.
That's a comfort zone you gottacome up out of there, wasn't
she just talking about?

Speaker 2 (01:26:42):
comfort.

Speaker 1 (01:26:43):
That's the comfort zone you got to come up out of
there.
Wasn't she just talking aboutcomfort?
You got to come up out of thecomfort zone girl.
I'm going to challenge you.
You know that.

Speaker 2 (01:26:51):
And I accept the challenge.
Thank you, yeah Amen, that'swhat we need to say from now on.
You know what?
I accept the challenge.

Speaker 1 (01:26:57):
I accept the challenge.
Somebody put that down.
We're putting that on the shirttoo.
I accept the challenge.
I accept the challenge.
We got this Alright, you guys.
Thank you so much.
You'll be blessed.
I'll be back here nextWednesday 8 pm live, Hopefully
with no tech issues, but if so,the show will go on.

(01:27:19):
But you guys remember to livelove and be authentic.
That's my motto, that's what Ilive by.
I love you guys and we're out.

Speaker 2 (01:27:31):
Good night y'all.

Speaker 1 (01:27:32):
Good night.
That's it for today's episode.
If this spoke to you, make sureyou follow, subscribe and leave
a comment or a review.
That's it for today's episode.
If this spoke to you, make sureyou follow, subscribe and leave
a comment or a review.
That's how we get this messageto more women battling shame,
silence and the weight of oldstories.
And if you're serious aboutshifting your story, go take my

(01:27:55):
free story validation assessmentat herauthenticvoicecom.
It'll show you exactly whereyou're stuck and what God has
invited you to heal next.
All right?
Is that all right?
Okay, I'm proud of you, I'mrooting for you and until next
time, remember to live love andbe authentic.
This is your favorite Ship,your Story coach, coach Tara,

(01:28:16):
and I'm out.