November 24, 2021 • 30 mins
Ever thought of doing something grand only to talk yourself out of it? Maybe you shared it with someone and their response talked you out of it. It's time to change all of that!
In this episode, I sat down with Tara Sage, a life coach, #1 bestselling author, digital nomad, made-up word lover, “brule” breaker, and blanket hog. We discuss how she has helped thousands of people worldwide to go beyond striving, wishing and "someday-ing," to experience the true freedom life has to offer.
We hope you come away inspired to rethink conventions, break some "brules," and apply the powerful life hacks and strategies she offers to create your own no-vacation-needed life.
Get access to Tara Sage's new book "The Brules of Life" along with her companion workbook to guide you along this journey of breaking "Brules." Details are available at the end of our podcast conversation.
Subscribe to HerCanvas today to get your answers to the questions that matter most to you, and ultimately, find the inspiration to live your best life.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:09):
[inaudible]
Speaker 2 (00:10):
Hey everyone.
Welcome to her canvas, a podcastwhere we discuss the topics that
matter most to women and help usfind the inspiration to live our
best lives.
I'm your host coraggio today.
I am joined by Tara Sage.
Tara is a life coach and numberone, bestselling author, a
digital nomad made up word loverrule-breaker and blanket hog.
(00:35):
She has served thousandsworldwide to go beyond striving,
wishing and Sunday evening toexperience the true freedom life
has to offer the bruise of lifeis the culmination and next
expression of her mission tohelp those who feel like a
burden of cage, create a life.
They love so much that theynever need a vacation to that
(00:57):
end.
She has taken all she's learnedfrom my 17 year coaching career
and extensive education, both inand out of the classroom to
write the brules of life, apersonal and provocative, how to
guide to rethink conconventions, break some rules
and apply powerful life hacksand strategies to create your
(01:19):
own no vacation needed life.
Welcome to the show, Tara,
Speaker 3 (01:24):
Thank you.
I'm sad to be here to do that.
Speaker 2 (01:28):
And I'm so excited to have you on today.
You know, I thought we couldstart by you telling us what is
a rule.
Speaker 3 (01:36):
Yeah, let's do it.
So I'm so excited to be here andreally, you know, share the
number one Brule to break, tolive your dream.
So a Brule is slang.
Um, it means rule and my book,the brules of life, 15 rules to
(01:56):
break for a no vacation neededlife, really spotlights, how to
effectively apply simple,powerful life hacks and
strategies to rethinkconventions and live your dreams
and create the kind of life thatyou can't wait to get up and out
of bed for in the morning.
(02:18):
So a Brule is essentially a rulethat when broken makes your life
better in every way.
Speaker 2 (02:28):
Oh, I love that.
And I love that you coined thatterm Brule.
Okay.
So from your 17 year experience,coaching people to live their
dreams, what would you say is anumber one rule to break?
Speaker 3 (02:44):
Okay.
Well, when someone is striving,uh, for a more joyful life and
has visions of what it wouldmean to live their dream life,
what I've found too often isthat they never actually pursue
those dreams because they resignthemselves to believing that
(03:08):
their dreams are too big or tooout of reach for them.
So the Brule and commonly heldstatus quo convention at, at
play here is to be realistic,right?
Be realistic.
That's just one of the 15 rules.
And in my book, so to let'sdebunk this Brule here today,
(03:32):
right?
I, I always do my best to startby really helping people
understand first that it's bydesign, that dreams challenge
your understanding of what'srealistic, right?
Bringing dreams to life bydesign requires going beyond
(03:54):
what feels comfortable or normalor expected or easy or average
or realistic.
And ironically, when peoplewater their dreams down to
something that feels more quote,unquote realistic, what they're
actually doing is watering downtheir dream propelling fuel,
(04:19):
because, and if you'relistening, I think this is a
writer downer, um, because onlythe real dreams have power.
So I want to give a quickexample of this.
Um, say for example, you dreamof traveling around the world,
but then there's this voiceinside you or someone in your
(04:41):
life perhaps that says, well,that's unrealistic.
So realizing you've never beento Ohio, maybe instead you
settle on the idea of taking atrip to Ohio now to data.
I'm sure you can feel it likehow the energy and the momentum
(05:02):
of that dream to travel aroundthe world is just like lost.
It's like totally loses itsmojo.
Yeah.
So it's like letting all the airout of the tires and the truth
is from that place, from thatenergy, you're more than likely
not even going to Ohio.
(05:22):
Right.
You're just stuck at the gasstation feeling deflated.
Yeah.
So energetically the fuel behindthe real dream, the big dream,
the dream that has you currentlybelieving, it might be
unrealistic and made.
Therefore you feel inclined tolike shrink it down that one,
(05:43):
right.
Hold on to that.
It's super important to honorthe fullness of your dream, the
fullness of your desire or whatyou're wanting and protect the
energy behind it, becauseotherwise the truth and the
power and the fuel of that dreamgets lost.
So does that make sense?
Speaker 2 (06:04):
Absolutely.
Actually, as you were talking, Iremembered I was listening to,
you know, who Sara Blakely is.
And yesterday there was a newstory that came out that she
gave, um, her employees, liketwo first-class tickets to
travel to wherever they want togo to.
And then also a$10,000 checkbecause obviously if you travel
(06:27):
somewhere, you need some, youknow, to stay in a nice place
and all of that stuff.
Yeah.
And, um, she was saying thatwhen she came up with the idea
of a Spanx, she didn't tellanybody for a full year, not her
parents, not friends, no one.
And the reason she did that isbecause a lot of times when you
(06:47):
don't protect your idea, likewhen you share your idea, you
know, people have all kinds ofopinions and many of the times
they're telling you, well, youknow, I don't know if that's
possible, right?
Or, oh my gosh, how are you evengoing to start doing that?
Or like, who's going to wearthat, or where are you going to
get the money to do that?
And it's really deflating,right?
(07:08):
And then you start having selfdoubt and then you start
thinking, well, maybe this istoo big of a, of an idea or of a
dream.
It really does suck the air outof you and the energy I like
that you use the word energy.
Like it takes the energy awayfrom it.
And I liked that.
You said you have to protectthat energy at all costs.
(07:29):
So it really resonates.
Speaker 3 (07:32):
Yes.
Yes.
It's a judgment call when youshare your dream for sure.
Um, I, I don't recommend keepingit a secret, um, necessarily
either because that's how youmake your dream real in the
world is through sharing it.
But I absolutely understand, um,protecting it from those that,
(07:55):
you know, will be naysayersbecause, um, you know, that's,
that can be a lot of energy costto you while you're trying to
get something going.
And, um, why not?
Why not just skip that part?
Speaker 2 (08:10):
Absolutely.
Yeah.
Now what do you encourage peopleto do about those dreams in
their hearts that feelunrealistic or impossible?
Speaker 3 (08:22):
Okay.
So if your dreams are feelingunrealistic or impossible to you
right now, you are certainly notalone.
As we know, right.
It's entirely normal.
And honestly it is part of theprocess in navigating that
feeling.
That is part of it.
So I strongly encourage everyonelistening to consider that
(08:45):
ultimately dream realization isa process of self actualization.
Dream realization is a processself-actualization, you know,
what it's really about is whoyou get to become in the process
(09:05):
of creating the outcomes youwant.
At least for me, you know, atleast with my philosophy and my
coaching approach, it's aboutbecoming more fully alive and
more fully yourself.
And, you know, this is what I'veseen activates potentials, um,
(09:25):
to then be able to learn andexperience what you're really
capable of and in my work withclients and what ultimately was
my motivation behind writing therules of life is that I love
helping people surprisethemselves.
I absolutely love that.
I love witnessing what May 1stseem impossible or unrealistic,
(09:51):
become a living dream.
A great place to start, um, isto think back on times in your
past, when you have achieved,what at first you thought you
couldn't.
So I encourage you to bring tomind, you know, with a loving
reminder that what's possiblefor you now isn't necessarily
(10:15):
limited to what feels possibleto you now, right?
So that can be a great reminderlooking in the past.
So that's a powerful way tostart setting yourself up in
your mind and, um, in your heartfor something beyond the reaches
of, of current understanding,
Speaker 2 (10:35):
Right?
I like that the idea of lookingin the past and looking at your
wins or some of the ways thatyou have succeeded in something
that maybe you didn't think youcould.
And I also like what you saidabout it's who you get to
become.
I like that.
Yes.
Sometimes you don't look at itthat way.
(10:56):
Right?
You look at it as, oh my gosh,this dream I have.
And it just seems sounattainable.
Right.
And, and you forget that it is aprocess that it's not going to
happen in one moment, that it'sstep by step.
Speaker 3 (11:12):
Yes.
And you can express gratitude toyour dream right now or what it
is calling you to.
Right.
And who you, who it's callingyou to be next.
Um, so that could be right herein the present with you.
And it's so amazing, you know,when, when something you
previously believe to be unrealbecomes real, it forever changes
(11:37):
your definition of an, uh, ofrealistic.
Right.
Um, and, and that's so coolbecause it challenges what
you've previously thought to betrue.
Speaker 2 (11:46):
Yes, absolutely.
Now let's switch gears for amoment here.
What happens when someone honortheir deepest dreams and
desires?
Mm,
Speaker 3 (11:57):
Good question.
So often people get so caught upin the risks and costs of going
for it that they forget toconsider the cost of not going
for it.
Right.
Regret, never knowing what couldhave been never finding out what
(12:17):
you're really capable of are allvery high costs.
And these are costs thatdirectly affect happiness and
wellbeing, which makes it hardto really measure the domino
effect that that createsthroughout all areas of your
life.
Honestly.
(12:38):
And the truth is most peopleregret the things they don't do
and the chances they didn'ttake, not the things that they
did.
So, yeah.
Go ahead.
Speaker 2 (12:49):
Sorry to interrupt you.
Do you think that has somethingto do with, you know, as you're
growing up, you're told to becareful to be cautious, you
know, sometimes to be sure thatyou have all your ducks in a
row, do you think that may havesomething to do with it, that we
stop ourselves from doingsomething because we think the
risks are too great of doing itas opposed to thinking, well,
(13:14):
what happens if I don't do it?
What's the cost of me not doingit.
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (13:19):
100%, 100%.
There's so much status quo,conditioning around that idea.
And depending on who you aresurrounded by that messaging can
really have an impact in anegative way.
So, yeah, absolutely.
Speaker 2 (13:35):
Do you find that it's the same with both men and women
or boys and girls?
Or do you find that it's smallwith women or more with,
Speaker 3 (13:46):
Uh, honestly I find that it's not that different
across genders.
Yeah.
I work with men and women.
Um, there's maybe unique anddifferent challenges about how
to navigate that, but ultimatelythere's hurdles that are mental
for, um, both to really startrethinking some of the beliefs
(14:09):
that are embedded, um, beforethey can feel free to, to embark
on what they want.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (14:17):
It's amazing how conditioning can have such a big
impact in your life for evenunconsciously, right.
When you actually think aboutit, but, um, it can stop you
from achieving quite a bit thatyou want to achieve
Speaker 3 (14:34):
100%.
Yeah.
And w what often happens ispeople put it off, right?
They're just like, well, maybesomeday, or, you know, maybe
when I retire or maybe when I'mout of debt or the kids are
grown or so-and-so thinks it's agood and gets on board, you
know?
(14:54):
Um, and with that approach, it'sjust like, not really hard to
see how too often people deferit to someday.
And the too often, somedaydoesn't come,
Speaker 2 (15:09):
You know,
Speaker 3 (15:10):
And something I say to clients is some days not a
day of the week.
Right.
Speaker 2 (15:17):
That's true.
That is very true.
What do you recommend forsomeone who's feeling really
stuck, um, in believing thatthey can't have the life they
want?
Speaker 3 (15:31):
Well, first it's so important to really take to
heart the fact that it'scompletely normal to feel
intimidated by your imagineddream life, but by really
normalizing the way that you'refeeling now, it can help create
perspective that your feelings,aren't a reason to retreat, but
(15:55):
rather just a normal part ofstretching into new territory.
That's so key, right?
Deciding to pursue a dream thatcurrently feels big or bold or
out of reach is frigging brave.
Speaker 2 (16:10):
That's true.
You
Speaker 3 (16:12):
Know, and at times it can feel like you're like trying
to cross in a bit.
Um, so I'll offer this to, um,no matter who you are or what
your dream is.
Um, I really found that there's,there's one universal obstacle
that must be faced.
(16:33):
And that is that you must cometo see the dreams in your heart,
those seedlings of potential,those glimpses of possibility,
those hints of what you'recapable of.
You must come to see them inyour mind's eye and your, in
your heart as possible asrealistic.
Speaker 2 (16:53):
That is so key because if you don't see them as
realistic, then they don'texist.
They don't exist anywhere.
So I liked that.
I liked, I liked that you framedit that way.
I also liked that what you saidabout feelings, your feelings,
about something I'm not a reasonto retreat.
Speaker 3 (17:13):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (17:15):
Yup.
I feel like we could use that asa quote.
Speaker 3 (17:20):
It's true.
It's true.
Just because you feel, itdoesn't mean it's true.
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (17:24):
Yeah.
And that you are brave to kindof move ahead and that you need
a lot of, it requires a lot ofcourage to jump into the
unknown.
Um, oh, I'm loving this terrornow, what would you say?
Why is it so critical?
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (17:41):
Yeah.
So it's, it's so critical to seeit as possible and realistic.
Um, for two reasons, one,because as you said, you know,
you won't see it, right.
Limits are in large partself-constructed And number two,
(18:02):
because if you really dig yourheels in and insist that
something is unrealistic and outof reach for you, then sadly it
more than likely will be andwill remain.
So, you know, it's amazing to mewhen people are like trying so
hard to convince me that theycan't and I'm like, okay, well,
(18:23):
um, I don't think that, and youwon't convince me.
So what would that, how wouldthat benefit you to convince me
of that?
Um, so it really starts with,with the individual, it starts
with you, it starts with me it'seach of us is responsible for
that part.
So if your dreams and goalscurrently feel unrealistic, if
you've told yourself I can't,then it's time to decide to
(18:47):
broaden your perspective.
That's really the key, um,critical piece there.
Speaker 2 (18:55):
Yep.
I find perspective is everythingtotally.
It really is.
Um, you know, I saw this, um,and maybe this is just slightly
off topic.
Someone had tweeted somethingand then someone had taken it
and made it into like a, like aquote, this was targeted towards
stay-at-home arms.
(19:16):
And it said something like men,um, don't support their wives it
, and it said, women supportmen's careers by offering free
childcare, housecleaning,housework, and managing all
other family managementactivities.
(19:37):
And I thought to myself, talkabout shifting your perspective,
right.
Because the way that we thinkabout those things in society
is, oh, you're staying at homeas a mom and you have been
supported when really it's theother way around, you know,
having two girls, two daughters,I do want them to be, uh, to
(20:03):
always have a differentperspective on things.
Like if someone presentssomething to you, you know,
explore, is there a differentperspective?
Is this the only perspectivethat there is?
You know,
Speaker 3 (20:16):
Absolutely question it, question every question
Speaker 2 (20:19):
It, yes.
Speaker 3 (20:20):
Yeah.
You know, frankly, I have apartner, um, he loves to do
grocery shopping and things ofme in so many ways.
So these gender roles don'tnecessarily, um, uh, at least in
my world, they're not, they'renot assumed so.
Speaker 2 (20:40):
Right.
I think that's how we achieve abalance.
We start talking about things inthe perspective that we should,
um, as opposed to it being oneway or the other.
Speaker 3 (20:51):
Right, right.
It's so valuable to just kind offlip the script.
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (20:56):
Yeah.
And, and, you know, with that, Ithink this is a really great
segue to our next question,which is how does someone begin
to broaden their perspectiveabout what's really
Speaker 3 (21:07):
All right.
Okay.
Good one.
So I'm going to L in threesteps.
Okay.
Cause I think these three are sokey.
Um, I keep using the word key,but that's the word?
That's the word?
Yep.
Okay.
So step one here, I want to sayis start being willing.
(21:31):
So if you are genuinely eager toopen the door to this new kind
of freedom with this key andunlock some of the new and
exciting possibilities for yourlife, then be willing to
rethink, to redefine and toexpand your understanding of
(21:52):
this idea of what's realistic.
So I liken this to like theelastic band on all of our
favorite sweat pants what'spossible is expandable.
That's true.
Okay.
So be willing to challengecurrent ideas about what's
(22:13):
realistic and then watch yourreality expand.
So that's step one, step two isto ask new questions, innovation
and expanding possibilities areborn of outside the box
thinking.
So rather than ask, can I write,like, for example, using the
(22:38):
example from earlier, can Itravel around the world or maybe
it's can I start my dreambusiness or whatever it is for
you write questions that startwith, can I, are what's known as
closed questions and in thiscontext asking a yes or no
question sets up the fear basedbrain to want to quickly
(23:01):
convince you that the answer'sno, if your brain can't
immediately see a clear path toyes.
Then it's default is no, andthat's too often the end of it.
So instead of all that, I wantto encourage you to ask, how can
I, how can I, questions are openquestions, meaning you can't
(23:26):
answer them with a simple yes orno.
And the thing is, as youreferenced earlier, you find
what you look for, or you don'tfind what you don't look for.
So how can I assume that it ispossible?
And then it has you looking forsolutions and inspiration to
(23:47):
answer the question of how so?
How can I
Speaker 2 (23:52):
Love that?
Speaker 3 (23:53):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (23:56):
That's really powerful.
Speaker 3 (24:00):
It is.
It's huge.
Yeah.
So a good third step is to do anhonest inventory of your current
definition of unrealistic.
Like where are you with thisword?
(24:20):
So start today by noticing whatyou may have dismissed as
unrealistic or impossible, and agood exercise to do.
This is to simply grab a pieceof paper and folded down the
middle, the long way so that youhave two columns and make a list
(24:41):
down the left side of all thethings you desire, things,
including experiences, ofcourse, that you desire, but
currently believe to beunrealistic, bringing them to
your awareness because awarenessis all its own a very powerful
step.
And what it's, what you do whenyou do this exercise is you're
(25:04):
disrupting the mental patternsso that you can create new ones.
So make your list and see themand bring them outside of you.
They're looking back at you andyou're like, I see you, you're
on notice.
And then, you know, get ready tosurprise yourself.
(25:24):
And which kind of comes back tothat first piece about be
willing, because if you canthink outside the box, you can
create outside the box.
And it's so important tounderstand that realistic is not
a stagnant concept, right?
It's an opinion, it's anopinion.
(25:45):
Um, so the key is tointentionally allow realistic
more space in your mind, in yourheart and your life.
So that's, that's the next stepI recommend.
And then once you've createdthat list, keep it on hand and,
and really get ready and bewilling to move what you wrote
in that unrealistic column tothe totally possible and
(26:08):
realistic column.
And the good news is even 1%possible means it ceases to be
impossible.
Right?
Speaker 2 (26:17):
I like that.
I really love this idea ofjotting gown.
All of the things that youbelieve are unrealistic and then
starting to be open, or like yousaid, willing, um, because I
think it's so powerful to writethings down and then to then,
(26:40):
cause when you see something, itbecomes a you're like, oh, I
think I've been thinking that,but now I write it down and
it's, I've made it real.
Makes such a big difference.
Speaker 3 (26:54):
Yes, yes.
It's a way to own it.
Speaker 2 (26:57):
It really is.
Oh my gosh, this was wonderful.
I got so many nuggets of greatand helpful information.
Thank you so much for joining ustoday, Tara,
Speaker 3 (27:09):
My pleasure
Speaker 2 (27:11):
And sharing your brews of life.
I'm thinking I'm going to stealthat word from you.
Okay.
Speaker 3 (27:18):
I don't know.
Now I'm just borrowing it to,
Speaker 2 (27:25):
So when it says to me and I'm like, ah, that's a rule,
so thank you.
I really appreciate your time.
Um, now if I listen as one tolearn more or get a copy of your
book, brews of life and therules of life companion
workbook, how can they do that?
Speaker 3 (27:44):
Yeah, thanks for asking.
So I'm happy to share that thebrules of life is available now
on amazon.com.
Um, the rules of life companionworkbook is also available on
Amazon.
And you know, if I can just tella quick story about the
workbook.
(28:05):
Um, it was, it was reallyinspired by beta readers.
Um, it had not occurred to me tocreate a companion workbook.
I shared the boroughs of lifebook with my beta readers and
every single one of them cameback and said, I want a workbook
to go with this.
So, um, so I created one and um,I just really highly recommend
(28:30):
buying them together because youreally are a powerful pair.
So, you know, the workbook hasthe life hacks and strategies to
really support you in making ityour own, not just, you know,
reading about it and moving onwith your day in life, but
really implementing.
And that's what makes thedifference in your life.
(28:51):
One Brule at a time you canapply the material and yeah.
So thanks again for having me toDita.
This has been a real pleasure.
It's such fun.
Speaker 2 (29:01):
Yeah.
It was a lot of fun.
I learned so much, you know, I'mgoing to put all of this
information where to find thebook, where to find the workbook
, um, in our Facebook group, uh,gap news women, so that people
have some way to reference.
Um, and I can't wait to read it.
I can't wait.
Yeah.
So once again, thanks forjoining us, Tara.
(29:23):
It was great having you,
Speaker 4 (29:25):
Your dreams are not too big or too out of reach,
rethink your understanding ofwhat's realistic.
Ask how you can achieve yourdream.
It's time to break out your listof all the things you shout
because you think they areunrealistic and challenge
yourself to move them to therealistic side.
Getting out of your comfort zoneto venture into the unknown is
(29:47):
an act of bravery and courageused a discomfort that you feel
and the energy that comes fromit to propel you towards your
dream.
It's time to break some rules.
That's all for our show today.
Be sure to subscribe to ourpodcast on apple podcasts,
Spotify, Google podcasts, andPandora.
(30:08):
One to continue thisconversation connect with our
Facebook community at gap moosewomen.
As I mentioned earlier in ourconversation, I will be posting
Tara's book, the bruise of lifealong with a companion workbook
to the group, right after theshow, you can also find both on
amazon.com and till next time,stay safe and find the
(30:31):
inspiration to live your bestlife.
Speaker 1 (30:45):
[inaudible].
[inaudible]
Speaker 2 (00:10):
Hey everyone.
Welcome to her canvas, a podcastwhere we discuss the topics that
matter most to women and help usfind the inspiration to live our
best lives.
I'm your host coraggio today.
I am joined by Tara Sage.
Tara is a life coach and numberone, bestselling author, a
digital nomad made up word loverrule-breaker and blanket hog.
(00:35):
She has served thousandsworldwide to go beyond striving,
wishing and Sunday evening toexperience the true freedom life
has to offer the bruise of lifeis the culmination and next
expression of her mission tohelp those who feel like a
burden of cage, create a life.
They love so much that theynever need a vacation to that
(00:57):
end.
She has taken all she's learnedfrom my 17 year coaching career
and extensive education, both inand out of the classroom to
write the brules of life, apersonal and provocative, how to
guide to rethink conconventions, break some rules
and apply powerful life hacksand strategies to create your
(01:19):
own no vacation needed life.
Welcome to the show, Tara,
Speaker 3 (01:24):
Thank you.
I'm sad to be here to do that.
Speaker 2 (01:28):
And I'm so excited to have you on today.
You know, I thought we couldstart by you telling us what is
a rule.
Speaker 3 (01:36):
Yeah, let's do it.
So I'm so excited to be here andreally, you know, share the
number one Brule to break, tolive your dream.
So a Brule is slang.
Um, it means rule and my book,the brules of life, 15 rules to
(01:56):
break for a no vacation neededlife, really spotlights, how to
effectively apply simple,powerful life hacks and
strategies to rethinkconventions and live your dreams
and create the kind of life thatyou can't wait to get up and out
of bed for in the morning.
(02:18):
So a Brule is essentially a rulethat when broken makes your life
better in every way.
Speaker 2 (02:28):
Oh, I love that.
And I love that you coined thatterm Brule.
Okay.
So from your 17 year experience,coaching people to live their
dreams, what would you say is anumber one rule to break?
Speaker 3 (02:44):
Okay.
Well, when someone is striving,uh, for a more joyful life and
has visions of what it wouldmean to live their dream life,
what I've found too often isthat they never actually pursue
those dreams because they resignthemselves to believing that
(03:08):
their dreams are too big or tooout of reach for them.
So the Brule and commonly heldstatus quo convention at, at
play here is to be realistic,right?
Be realistic.
That's just one of the 15 rules.
And in my book, so to let'sdebunk this Brule here today,
(03:32):
right?
I, I always do my best to startby really helping people
understand first that it's bydesign, that dreams challenge
your understanding of what'srealistic, right?
Bringing dreams to life bydesign requires going beyond
(03:54):
what feels comfortable or normalor expected or easy or average
or realistic.
And ironically, when peoplewater their dreams down to
something that feels more quote,unquote realistic, what they're
actually doing is watering downtheir dream propelling fuel,
(04:19):
because, and if you'relistening, I think this is a
writer downer, um, because onlythe real dreams have power.
So I want to give a quickexample of this.
Um, say for example, you dreamof traveling around the world,
but then there's this voiceinside you or someone in your
(04:41):
life perhaps that says, well,that's unrealistic.
So realizing you've never beento Ohio, maybe instead you
settle on the idea of taking atrip to Ohio now to data.
I'm sure you can feel it likehow the energy and the momentum
(05:02):
of that dream to travel aroundthe world is just like lost.
It's like totally loses itsmojo.
Yeah.
So it's like letting all the airout of the tires and the truth
is from that place, from thatenergy, you're more than likely
not even going to Ohio.
(05:22):
Right.
You're just stuck at the gasstation feeling deflated.
Yeah.
So energetically the fuel behindthe real dream, the big dream,
the dream that has you currentlybelieving, it might be
unrealistic and made.
Therefore you feel inclined tolike shrink it down that one,
(05:43):
right.
Hold on to that.
It's super important to honorthe fullness of your dream, the
fullness of your desire or whatyou're wanting and protect the
energy behind it, becauseotherwise the truth and the
power and the fuel of that dreamgets lost.
So does that make sense?
Speaker 2 (06:04):
Absolutely.
Actually, as you were talking, Iremembered I was listening to,
you know, who Sara Blakely is.
And yesterday there was a newstory that came out that she
gave, um, her employees, liketwo first-class tickets to
travel to wherever they want togo to.
And then also a$10,000 checkbecause obviously if you travel
(06:27):
somewhere, you need some, youknow, to stay in a nice place
and all of that stuff.
Yeah.
And, um, she was saying thatwhen she came up with the idea
of a Spanx, she didn't tellanybody for a full year, not her
parents, not friends, no one.
And the reason she did that isbecause a lot of times when you
(06:47):
don't protect your idea, likewhen you share your idea, you
know, people have all kinds ofopinions and many of the times
they're telling you, well, youknow, I don't know if that's
possible, right?
Or, oh my gosh, how are you evengoing to start doing that?
Or like, who's going to wearthat, or where are you going to
get the money to do that?
And it's really deflating,right?
(07:08):
And then you start having selfdoubt and then you start
thinking, well, maybe this istoo big of a, of an idea or of a
dream.
It really does suck the air outof you and the energy I like
that you use the word energy.
Like it takes the energy awayfrom it.
And I liked that.
You said you have to protectthat energy at all costs.
(07:29):
So it really resonates.
Speaker 3 (07:32):
Yes.
Yes.
It's a judgment call when youshare your dream for sure.
Um, I, I don't recommend keepingit a secret, um, necessarily
either because that's how youmake your dream real in the
world is through sharing it.
But I absolutely understand, um,protecting it from those that,
(07:55):
you know, will be naysayersbecause, um, you know, that's,
that can be a lot of energy costto you while you're trying to
get something going.
And, um, why not?
Why not just skip that part?
Speaker 2 (08:10):
Absolutely.
Yeah.
Now what do you encourage peopleto do about those dreams in
their hearts that feelunrealistic or impossible?
Speaker 3 (08:22):
Okay.
So if your dreams are feelingunrealistic or impossible to you
right now, you are certainly notalone.
As we know, right.
It's entirely normal.
And honestly it is part of theprocess in navigating that
feeling.
That is part of it.
So I strongly encourage everyonelistening to consider that
(08:45):
ultimately dream realization isa process of self actualization.
Dream realization is a processself-actualization, you know,
what it's really about is whoyou get to become in the process
(09:05):
of creating the outcomes youwant.
At least for me, you know, atleast with my philosophy and my
coaching approach, it's aboutbecoming more fully alive and
more fully yourself.
And, you know, this is what I'veseen activates potentials, um,
(09:25):
to then be able to learn andexperience what you're really
capable of and in my work withclients and what ultimately was
my motivation behind writing therules of life is that I love
helping people surprisethemselves.
I absolutely love that.
I love witnessing what May 1stseem impossible or unrealistic,
(09:51):
become a living dream.
A great place to start, um, isto think back on times in your
past, when you have achieved,what at first you thought you
couldn't.
So I encourage you to bring tomind, you know, with a loving
reminder that what's possiblefor you now isn't necessarily
(10:15):
limited to what feels possibleto you now, right?
So that can be a great reminderlooking in the past.
So that's a powerful way tostart setting yourself up in
your mind and, um, in your heartfor something beyond the reaches
of, of current understanding,
Speaker 2 (10:35):
Right?
I like that the idea of lookingin the past and looking at your
wins or some of the ways thatyou have succeeded in something
that maybe you didn't think youcould.
And I also like what you saidabout it's who you get to
become.
I like that.
Yes.
Sometimes you don't look at itthat way.
(10:56):
Right?
You look at it as, oh my gosh,this dream I have.
And it just seems sounattainable.
Right.
And, and you forget that it is aprocess that it's not going to
happen in one moment, that it'sstep by step.
Speaker 3 (11:12):
Yes.
And you can express gratitude toyour dream right now or what it
is calling you to.
Right.
And who you, who it's callingyou to be next.
Um, so that could be right herein the present with you.
And it's so amazing, you know,when, when something you
previously believe to be unrealbecomes real, it forever changes
(11:37):
your definition of an, uh, ofrealistic.
Right.
Um, and, and that's so coolbecause it challenges what
you've previously thought to betrue.
Speaker 2 (11:46):
Yes, absolutely.
Now let's switch gears for amoment here.
What happens when someone honortheir deepest dreams and
desires?
Mm,
Speaker 3 (11:57):
Good question.
So often people get so caught upin the risks and costs of going
for it that they forget toconsider the cost of not going
for it.
Right.
Regret, never knowing what couldhave been never finding out what
(12:17):
you're really capable of are allvery high costs.
And these are costs thatdirectly affect happiness and
wellbeing, which makes it hardto really measure the domino
effect that that createsthroughout all areas of your
life.
Honestly.
(12:38):
And the truth is most peopleregret the things they don't do
and the chances they didn'ttake, not the things that they
did.
So, yeah.
Go ahead.
Speaker 2 (12:49):
Sorry to interrupt you.
Do you think that has somethingto do with, you know, as you're
growing up, you're told to becareful to be cautious, you
know, sometimes to be sure thatyou have all your ducks in a
row, do you think that may havesomething to do with it, that we
stop ourselves from doingsomething because we think the
risks are too great of doing itas opposed to thinking, well,
(13:14):
what happens if I don't do it?
What's the cost of me not doingit.
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (13:19):
100%, 100%.
There's so much status quo,conditioning around that idea.
And depending on who you aresurrounded by that messaging can
really have an impact in anegative way.
So, yeah, absolutely.
Speaker 2 (13:35):
Do you find that it's the same with both men and women
or boys and girls?
Or do you find that it's smallwith women or more with,
Speaker 3 (13:46):
Uh, honestly I find that it's not that different
across genders.
Yeah.
I work with men and women.
Um, there's maybe unique anddifferent challenges about how
to navigate that, but ultimatelythere's hurdles that are mental
for, um, both to really startrethinking some of the beliefs
(14:09):
that are embedded, um, beforethey can feel free to, to embark
on what they want.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (14:17):
It's amazing how conditioning can have such a big
impact in your life for evenunconsciously, right.
When you actually think aboutit, but, um, it can stop you
from achieving quite a bit thatyou want to achieve
Speaker 3 (14:34):
100%.
Yeah.
And w what often happens ispeople put it off, right?
They're just like, well, maybesomeday, or, you know, maybe
when I retire or maybe when I'mout of debt or the kids are
grown or so-and-so thinks it's agood and gets on board, you
know?
(14:54):
Um, and with that approach, it'sjust like, not really hard to
see how too often people deferit to someday.
And the too often, somedaydoesn't come,
Speaker 2 (15:09):
You know,
Speaker 3 (15:10):
And something I say to clients is some days not a
day of the week.
Right.
Speaker 2 (15:17):
That's true.
That is very true.
What do you recommend forsomeone who's feeling really
stuck, um, in believing thatthey can't have the life they
want?
Speaker 3 (15:31):
Well, first it's so important to really take to
heart the fact that it'scompletely normal to feel
intimidated by your imagineddream life, but by really
normalizing the way that you'refeeling now, it can help create
perspective that your feelings,aren't a reason to retreat, but
(15:55):
rather just a normal part ofstretching into new territory.
That's so key, right?
Deciding to pursue a dream thatcurrently feels big or bold or
out of reach is frigging brave.
Speaker 2 (16:10):
That's true.
You
Speaker 3 (16:12):
Know, and at times it can feel like you're like trying
to cross in a bit.
Um, so I'll offer this to, um,no matter who you are or what
your dream is.
Um, I really found that there's,there's one universal obstacle
that must be faced.
(16:33):
And that is that you must cometo see the dreams in your heart,
those seedlings of potential,those glimpses of possibility,
those hints of what you'recapable of.
You must come to see them inyour mind's eye and your, in
your heart as possible asrealistic.
Speaker 2 (16:53):
That is so key because if you don't see them as
realistic, then they don'texist.
They don't exist anywhere.
So I liked that.
I liked, I liked that you framedit that way.
I also liked that what you saidabout feelings, your feelings,
about something I'm not a reasonto retreat.
Speaker 3 (17:13):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (17:15):
Yup.
I feel like we could use that asa quote.
Speaker 3 (17:20):
It's true.
It's true.
Just because you feel, itdoesn't mean it's true.
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (17:24):
Yeah.
And that you are brave to kindof move ahead and that you need
a lot of, it requires a lot ofcourage to jump into the
unknown.
Um, oh, I'm loving this terrornow, what would you say?
Why is it so critical?
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (17:41):
Yeah.
So it's, it's so critical to seeit as possible and realistic.
Um, for two reasons, one,because as you said, you know,
you won't see it, right.
Limits are in large partself-constructed And number two,
(18:02):
because if you really dig yourheels in and insist that
something is unrealistic and outof reach for you, then sadly it
more than likely will be andwill remain.
So, you know, it's amazing to mewhen people are like trying so
hard to convince me that theycan't and I'm like, okay, well,
(18:23):
um, I don't think that, and youwon't convince me.
So what would that, how wouldthat benefit you to convince me
of that?
Um, so it really starts with,with the individual, it starts
with you, it starts with me it'seach of us is responsible for
that part.
So if your dreams and goalscurrently feel unrealistic, if
you've told yourself I can't,then it's time to decide to
(18:47):
broaden your perspective.
That's really the key, um,critical piece there.
Speaker 2 (18:55):
Yep.
I find perspective is everythingtotally.
It really is.
Um, you know, I saw this, um,and maybe this is just slightly
off topic.
Someone had tweeted somethingand then someone had taken it
and made it into like a, like aquote, this was targeted towards
stay-at-home arms.
(19:16):
And it said something like men,um, don't support their wives it
, and it said, women supportmen's careers by offering free
childcare, housecleaning,housework, and managing all
other family managementactivities.
(19:37):
And I thought to myself, talkabout shifting your perspective,
right.
Because the way that we thinkabout those things in society
is, oh, you're staying at homeas a mom and you have been
supported when really it's theother way around, you know,
having two girls, two daughters,I do want them to be, uh, to
(20:03):
always have a differentperspective on things.
Like if someone presentssomething to you, you know,
explore, is there a differentperspective?
Is this the only perspectivethat there is?
You know,
Speaker 3 (20:16):
Absolutely question it, question every question
Speaker 2 (20:19):
It, yes.
Speaker 3 (20:20):
Yeah.
You know, frankly, I have apartner, um, he loves to do
grocery shopping and things ofme in so many ways.
So these gender roles don'tnecessarily, um, uh, at least in
my world, they're not, they'renot assumed so.
Speaker 2 (20:40):
Right.
I think that's how we achieve abalance.
We start talking about things inthe perspective that we should,
um, as opposed to it being oneway or the other.
Speaker 3 (20:51):
Right, right.
It's so valuable to just kind offlip the script.
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (20:56):
Yeah.
And, and, you know, with that, Ithink this is a really great
segue to our next question,which is how does someone begin
to broaden their perspectiveabout what's really
Speaker 3 (21:07):
All right.
Okay.
Good one.
So I'm going to L in threesteps.
Okay.
Cause I think these three are sokey.
Um, I keep using the word key,but that's the word?
That's the word?
Yep.
Okay.
So step one here, I want to sayis start being willing.
(21:31):
So if you are genuinely eager toopen the door to this new kind
of freedom with this key andunlock some of the new and
exciting possibilities for yourlife, then be willing to
rethink, to redefine and toexpand your understanding of
(21:52):
this idea of what's realistic.
So I liken this to like theelastic band on all of our
favorite sweat pants what'spossible is expandable.
That's true.
Okay.
So be willing to challengecurrent ideas about what's
(22:13):
realistic and then watch yourreality expand.
So that's step one, step two isto ask new questions, innovation
and expanding possibilities areborn of outside the box
thinking.
So rather than ask, can I write,like, for example, using the
(22:38):
example from earlier, can Itravel around the world or maybe
it's can I start my dreambusiness or whatever it is for
you write questions that startwith, can I, are what's known as
closed questions and in thiscontext asking a yes or no
question sets up the fear basedbrain to want to quickly
(23:01):
convince you that the answer'sno, if your brain can't
immediately see a clear path toyes.
Then it's default is no, andthat's too often the end of it.
So instead of all that, I wantto encourage you to ask, how can
I, how can I, questions are openquestions, meaning you can't
(23:26):
answer them with a simple yes orno.
And the thing is, as youreferenced earlier, you find
what you look for, or you don'tfind what you don't look for.
So how can I assume that it ispossible?
And then it has you looking forsolutions and inspiration to
(23:47):
answer the question of how so?
How can I
Speaker 2 (23:52):
Love that?
Speaker 3 (23:53):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (23:56):
That's really powerful.
Speaker 3 (24:00):
It is.
It's huge.
Yeah.
So a good third step is to do anhonest inventory of your current
definition of unrealistic.
Like where are you with thisword?
(24:20):
So start today by noticing whatyou may have dismissed as
unrealistic or impossible, and agood exercise to do.
This is to simply grab a pieceof paper and folded down the
middle, the long way so that youhave two columns and make a list
(24:41):
down the left side of all thethings you desire, things,
including experiences, ofcourse, that you desire, but
currently believe to beunrealistic, bringing them to
your awareness because awarenessis all its own a very powerful
step.
And what it's, what you do whenyou do this exercise is you're
(25:04):
disrupting the mental patternsso that you can create new ones.
So make your list and see themand bring them outside of you.
They're looking back at you andyou're like, I see you, you're
on notice.
And then, you know, get ready tosurprise yourself.
(25:24):
And which kind of comes back tothat first piece about be
willing, because if you canthink outside the box, you can
create outside the box.
And it's so important tounderstand that realistic is not
a stagnant concept, right?
It's an opinion, it's anopinion.
(25:45):
Um, so the key is tointentionally allow realistic
more space in your mind, in yourheart and your life.
So that's, that's the next stepI recommend.
And then once you've createdthat list, keep it on hand and,
and really get ready and bewilling to move what you wrote
in that unrealistic column tothe totally possible and
(26:08):
realistic column.
And the good news is even 1%possible means it ceases to be
impossible.
Right?
Speaker 2 (26:17):
I like that.
I really love this idea ofjotting gown.
All of the things that youbelieve are unrealistic and then
starting to be open, or like yousaid, willing, um, because I
think it's so powerful to writethings down and then to then,
(26:40):
cause when you see something, itbecomes a you're like, oh, I
think I've been thinking that,but now I write it down and
it's, I've made it real.
Makes such a big difference.
Speaker 3 (26:54):
Yes, yes.
It's a way to own it.
Speaker 2 (26:57):
It really is.
Oh my gosh, this was wonderful.
I got so many nuggets of greatand helpful information.
Thank you so much for joining ustoday, Tara,
Speaker 3 (27:09):
My pleasure
Speaker 2 (27:11):
And sharing your brews of life.
I'm thinking I'm going to stealthat word from you.
Okay.
Speaker 3 (27:18):
I don't know.
Now I'm just borrowing it to,
Speaker 2 (27:25):
So when it says to me and I'm like, ah, that's a rule,
so thank you.
I really appreciate your time.
Um, now if I listen as one tolearn more or get a copy of your
book, brews of life and therules of life companion
workbook, how can they do that?
Speaker 3 (27:44):
Yeah, thanks for asking.
So I'm happy to share that thebrules of life is available now
on amazon.com.
Um, the rules of life companionworkbook is also available on
Amazon.
And you know, if I can just tella quick story about the
workbook.
(28:05):
Um, it was, it was reallyinspired by beta readers.
Um, it had not occurred to me tocreate a companion workbook.
I shared the boroughs of lifebook with my beta readers and
every single one of them cameback and said, I want a workbook
to go with this.
So, um, so I created one and um,I just really highly recommend
(28:30):
buying them together because youreally are a powerful pair.
So, you know, the workbook hasthe life hacks and strategies to
really support you in making ityour own, not just, you know,
reading about it and moving onwith your day in life, but
really implementing.
And that's what makes thedifference in your life.
(28:51):
One Brule at a time you canapply the material and yeah.
So thanks again for having me toDita.
This has been a real pleasure.
It's such fun.
Speaker 2 (29:01):
Yeah.
It was a lot of fun.
I learned so much, you know, I'mgoing to put all of this
information where to find thebook, where to find the workbook
, um, in our Facebook group, uh,gap news women, so that people
have some way to reference.
Um, and I can't wait to read it.
I can't wait.
Yeah.
So once again, thanks forjoining us, Tara.
(29:23):
It was great having you,
Speaker 4 (29:25):
Your dreams are not too big or too out of reach,
rethink your understanding ofwhat's realistic.
Ask how you can achieve yourdream.
It's time to break out your listof all the things you shout
because you think they areunrealistic and challenge
yourself to move them to therealistic side.
Getting out of your comfort zoneto venture into the unknown is
(29:47):
an act of bravery and courageused a discomfort that you feel
and the energy that comes fromit to propel you towards your
dream.
It's time to break some rules.
That's all for our show today.
Be sure to subscribe to ourpodcast on apple podcasts,
Spotify, Google podcasts, andPandora.
(30:08):
One to continue thisconversation connect with our
Facebook community at gap moosewomen.
As I mentioned earlier in ourconversation, I will be posting
Tara's book, the bruise of lifealong with a companion workbook
to the group, right after theshow, you can also find both on
amazon.com and till next time,stay safe and find the
(30:31):
inspiration to live your bestlife.
Speaker 1 (30:45):
[inaudible].
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