The Drive That Almost Killed Us

Golf may be a gentleman's game, but there's nothing dignified about four grown men trudging through mosquito-infested woods searching for a golf ball that isn't there. This lighthearted fictional tale takes you along as Lyndon and his three friends transform a routine Saturday round into an expedition worthy of National Geographic—all because of one wayward drive.

The story ultimately reveals something profound about human connection. Those moments when everything goes hilariously wrong often become our most treasured memories—the stories we tell and retell for decades. As Lyndon reflects, these shared experiences create bonds that last a lifetime. Whether you're an avid golfer or someone who can't tell a putter from a driver, you'll recognize the universal joy of finding humor in life's unexpected detours and the special connections formed when friends face minor calamities together. So grab your metaphorical golf cart and join us for a round of laughter and reflection on how the most ridiculous moments often make the most meaningful memories.

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Descript: Audio Production At Its Finest
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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Here for the memories thought-provoking audio memoir
shorts filled with stories,humor, anecdotes and commentary
on social, cultural, businessand religious issues.
Whatever Lyndon remembers andthinks will entertain, challenge
and inform is a possiblesubject.

(00:20):
The collection of memoriesabout one's life allows for the
development and refinement of asense of self, including who one
is, how one has changed andwhat one might be like in the
future.

Speaker 2 (00:36):
Greetings and salutations.
This is Linden Wolf and youhave reached my audio memoir
here for the Memory.
So glad you joined, really lovehaving visitors now.
You know I tell a lot ofstories and I often say that
many of the some of them aretrue.
This one is not.
It is purely fictional, buthopefully it's fictional and fun

(01:00):
.
I would call this the drivethat almost killed us.
It's a golf story.
It was a sunny Saturday morningand the four stooges of the
fairway Lyndon that would be meNate, alan and Shane were
halfway through their usual18-hole ritual at Pinewood Hills

(01:20):
Golf Course, a place knownequally for its pristine greens
and its unnaturally aggressivesquirrels.
On hole nine, nate, known forhis powerful yet directionally
challenged drives, stepped upwith the swagger of a man who
hadn't sliced the last threeholes into oblivion.
I got a good feeling about thisone, he said, teeing it up

(01:41):
confidently.
Lyndon muttered that's what yousaid before you hit that
maintenance shed with a mightyswing and a noise that resembled
a cannon misfiring.
Nate launched the ball, notdown the fairway, not into the
rough, but majestically,heroically, into the dense woods

(02:02):
to the right the right, ofcourse A place no one dared
venture except wild deer andteenagers looking for lost fates
.
Four, nate, yelled more out ofhabit than effectiveness, as the
ball disappeared with a rustleand a squirrel's distant scream,
shane looked over the tree lineCongratulations, nate, and man,

(02:27):
that one's in Narnia.
Alan, the most responsible ofthe group, sighed and grabbed
his wedge.
All right, let's go find it.
Maybe it's playable.
Lyndon simping from asuspiciously colored Gatorade
bottle added playable like myAunt Judy's accordion solo at
Thanksgiving?
Gosh, I hope not.

(02:50):
And off they went.
They went to descend into thewoods.
As they crossed the tree line,civilization quickly gave way to
chaos.
The path was barely visible andthe further they went the more
it felt like they were beinghunted by mosquitoes with tiny
little vendettas.
Shane slapped his neck I thinksomething just bit me and asked

(03:13):
for my driver's license.
Alan whispered, crouched, likean overly serious tour guide.
Fall could be anywhere.
I think I just stepped in apile of regrets, linden said,
pulling his shoe out of asquishy mess or possibly a
raccoon's dinner.
Suddenly, nate shouted there itis and pointed to a white glint

(03:36):
under a fallen log.
Alan leaned closer.
That's a mushroom, are you sure?
Nate asked, poking it with a T.
It's either a mushroom or theworld's saddest title of slid
and whipped.
The group continued theirodyssey, encountering two more
mushrooms, a possibly haunteddeer stand and a squirrel who
seemed way too invested in theirpresence.

(03:59):
At one point, shaneaccidentally stepped into a
small puddle and let out ashriek.
Something touched my ankle.
Either that was a vine or I'vejust been propositioned by the
forest.
Oh, and finally the discovery.
After 20 minutes of botanicalmisadventures, alan finally

(04:19):
spotted something round andwhite.
There.
He yelled, got it.
They gathered around and stared.
It was indeed a golf ball, butnot Nate's.
It had the initials BJ and afrowny face drawn on it in
permanent marker.
Hey, shane said, isn't thatfrom the 90-year-old guy we let

(04:40):
play through last week?
Great Lyndon said, arms crossed,not only have we not found
nate's ball, we've discoveredancient relics from previous
lost souls.
Just then nate's phone buzzed atext from the clubhouse.
Your ball bounced off a treeand landed on the cart path and
then rolled back back into thefairway.

(05:01):
Silence, then, I'm sorry, whatAlan said.
Dangerously calm.
So we've been in the forest ofdespair looking for a ball
that's been in the fairway theentire time.
Shane asked.
Lennon burst out laughing,nearly dropping his club.

(05:21):
Well boys, at least we bondedover near-death by bug bites.
They trudged back tocivilization muddier, itchier
and deeply disillusioned, butforever bound by the tale of the
drive that almost killed us.
And as they approached the cart, nate looked at the fairway,
shrugged and said I told you Ihad a good feeling and the three

(05:45):
other men tackled him into abush.
This is Lyndon Wolfe and you'vebeen listening to my audio
memoir here for the Memories.
I hope you enjoyed this talltale.
I hope you have stories likethat of friends, acquaintances,
even family, where you've bondedover something that was

(06:09):
ridiculous and fun, maybe even agame you weren't good at.
It created such fond memories,things that you look back on
with joy and delight.
If you don't have thoseexperiences, I pray you obtain
them and I hope that you seekthem out, because life is made

(06:31):
of memories.
God bless acmeacoffeecom.

Speaker 1 (06:35):
Slash here for the memories Much appreciated.