January 17, 2025 • 11 mins
This episode explores the evolving bond between a father and his nonverbal son, Lucas, who is on the autism spectrum. James Gutman shares heartfelt reflections on acceptance, appreciation, and the value of challenging societal pity towards children with autism.
• Importance of autism appreciation
• Personal journey of parenting Lucas
• Misrepresentation of autism in media
• Lucas's unique traits and experiences
• Navigating challenges and personal growth
• Rejection of pity and embracing joy
• Call for community engagement and understanding
Preorder James Guttman’s new book – “Hi World, I’m Dad: How Fathers Can Journey to Autism Awareness, Acceptance, and Appreciation”
Follow Us On Facebook and Follow James Guttman on Instagram.
Also, be sure to read the blog that started it all - Hi Blog! I'm Dad.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
I want apple juice.
Lucas wants apple juice.
I know I heard him say that.
Can I have apple juice?
Yeah, you can have apple juice.
Can I have soda?
Yes, you can have soda.
Can I press that button?
No, you can't press that button.
Why?
Because that's going to playthe theme song.
I'm not ready to start the pot.
(00:30):
Hi Pod, I am Dad.
He's not just Hi Dad, he's mydad, james Gutman.
Folks, it's James Gutman, it'sHi Pod, I'm Dad.
Welcome back to another editionof the podcast.
It is january 17th, it is 2025.
What, huh?
(00:52):
Welcome back.
I appreciate you guys finding meon any streaming service,
wherever they stream podcasts,you'll find this podcast like
subscribe, tell your friends,tell your enemies, tell anybody.
I appreciate that as well.
Highpodomdadcom all thearchives.
You know I've been doing thissince 2019 a highpodomdad.
But I've actually been doingaudios and things like this
(01:14):
since 2004 when I've been doingit for pro wrestling.
I started writing in 2002 aboutwrestling and I I did these
podcasts, I did these audioupdates and it becomes almost
like like cathartic.
You know, like you get to comeout here and just talk, talk to
an invisible person has nochoice but to listen to what you
say.
I've been doing this for solong and it's always been such a
(01:35):
good feeling.
It's such a natural feeling tocome out here and get to talk
about things.
But nothing has ever been assatisfying as a as a as a person
for me is doing this, doingthese podcasts here on HiPod.
I'm dad, getting a chance totalk about, you know, my family,
and getting a chance to talkabout my son, lucas, who is
nonverbal.
He has autism.
He's not like a lot of thepeople that you see on TV who
(01:58):
are represented, who have autismor are nonverbal.
He's a completely unique person.
You know, and I've talked aboutthis before.
It's not just when I say he'sunlike people who have autism
that you see on TV.
I'm not just talking about highfunctioning, I'm not talking
about the good doctor and thingslike that, even nonverbal
characters.
There was a show calledSpeechless that was about a kid
who was nonverbal, who used adevice and he was in a
(02:21):
wheelchair and that characterwas not like my son.
That character was in many ways.
His receptive language wasfantastic, he understood things,
he knew what a lot of stuff wasand he was able to kind of
converse.
His biggest hold off was thathe couldn't use verbal language.
My son is not like that.
My son has life skills that hecan't do.
He's physically able to, he canmove his body in certain ways,
(02:42):
and we just have to get him tounderstand things.
His receptive language isn't asgreat.
So Lucas is different thananyone else I've met, and what
this blog and this podcast hasgiven me the opportunity to do
is to share that with people andexplain things to people.
But now here I am right.
I've been doing HiBlogI'mDadcomMonday, wednesday, plug plug
(03:03):
since February of 2017.
So I've been doing this foreight years now.
At this point, my son is 13.
He was five and I've watched myjourney with him and the places
we've gone and the things thatwe've done together through the
years just kind of like learningand understanding and coming to
grips with an autism diagnosisthat you're still kind of
wrapping your head around.
(03:24):
And if you go back, man, youknow this blog began in 2017.
I was almost like five, sixyears old, so you got to
remember this is early on.
So sometimes now I tell thesestories about autism acceptance.
I tell these stories about youknow, really accepting and
understanding and appreciatingwho my son is.
I mean, the big thing is autismappreciation and learning who
(03:44):
he is and what he can do.
And I talk a lot about the timeperiod that that happened and
it was around five or six yearsold, which is when I really
began the blog.
The blog has given me thatopportunity to be able to share
him with people and to not onlytell stories about him but to
appreciate him as I'm writingabout him, which is where the
autism appreciation kind ofcomes in.
There have been days where Iwill write about my son and I
(04:06):
will be done at the computer andI'll get up and all I wanna do
is hug that kid.
I'm like you are a great kid,you know, and we all like we're
all parents.
I know a lot of peoplelistening to this special needs
parents.
People have children similar toLucas, right Like we love our
kids.
But when you really sit andthink about it, what your kid
does, the place you know theyhave in your life, the things
(04:30):
that they do for you, how theymake you feel things like that,
when you really give it thought,those make you appreciate your
kids and for years I've learnedto appreciate my son and that's
one of the things that beingable to look back now, years
later, at the blog, I can noticeNot only do I notice that, but
I've talked before about howhe's changed often right Like in
(04:51):
life.
Going back to the blog, you know, in past shows I've talked
about going back to the blog andseeing that things that he did
yesterday he doesn't do anymore.
Like Lucas doesn't run away.
When he was little he would runaway and I have blogs about
being afraid of him running away.
I had one called a running fearand it was about, you know, all
he wanted to do was run.
I would bring him toschoolyards and just take his
(05:12):
shoes off or go and theschoolyards and just take his
shoes off or go and he wouldjust run.
And it was so cute, he was sointo it and he loved it.
He'd laugh and run away.
He couldn't believe I wasletting him go.
I was just like, just go, Itrust you, hoping there's no
hole in the fence.
Right, that was the name of mymemoir hoping there's no hole in
the fence.
And we loved it and we didn't.
It doesn't do that anymore, butthat's something I wrote about
(05:33):
in the blog.
But also by going through theold blogs, not only do I see
that.
But I also see my own behaviorand my own take on things and
themes.
That continued on when I wrotethe blog back then and one of
them was pity.
I was so big on not wanting tobe pitied and I still I don't
want to be pity now.
Obviously I've never been.
I'm the kind of guy that'snever.
(05:54):
I don't like that.
I don't know.
I know it comes off a littlelike you know, macho Goomba, hey
, hey, no, don't pity me, it'snot like that.
I know that.
I mean, naturally nobody wantspeople to to look at them and be
like, oh, I'm so sorry, but forme the thing that got me,
especially with Lucas, was firstof all number one like who are
you?
Don't pity me for my kid.
(06:15):
My kid's great, I like my kid.
So there's that.
But then, on top of thatinitial idea, this is my kid,
don't pity me for my kid.
I love my kid.
I got to know my kid and I'mgonna be honest with you, man,
like I feel like a fraudsometimes when people give me
that special needs parents pity.
And what am I talking about?
I'm talking about things of youknow somebody offering, hey, do
(06:37):
you want to?
You know, do you want to cometo I don't know some meeting or
whatever.
Oh, I know it's hard.
You have Lucas, I understand.
Oh, yeah, it's hard.
You know that kind of that easyout of not having to go to
events and things I don't wantto go to.
That's helpful, right?
So we do have that kind of pity.
I don't mind that pity, but I'mtalking overall Just the fact
(06:59):
that I have Lucas as my son.
If I tell somebody a story abouthim, about trying to get him to
say hi which is what we've beendoing now like Lucas say hi, hi
, hi, working on it with him.
To me that's just something I'mdoing in my life.
It's a part of what we do, it'sa part of my day, it's
something that I love doing.
I love working with him, I loveteaching him things.
But there's some people theyhear that story and they're like
, oh, because all they do isthink about the fact that he
(07:21):
can't talk.
So if I'm trying to teach himto talk, it's not about the
progress he's made, doesn't sayanything, and that I hate, man.
I hate that.
So I didn't want to do that,right.
But not only did I not want todo it, because I don't like the
feeling that I get, but also Ifeel like a fraud, because, look
(07:43):
, don't get me wrong Lucas hassome difficult things that I
have to deal with, just like Ihave a neurotypical 16-year-old
daughter and she's got things Ihave to deal with.
Trust me on that.
There's definitely every oncein a while like you know, you
don't have a 16 year olddaughter unless you've
threatened to punish them overthe dumbest stuff, said things
(08:03):
like if I come back down hereand that jar of jelly is not
back in the fridge, we're goingto have problems, you're going
to be punished.
It's just a jar of jelly.
Trust me, you go through it.
When it comes to my son, thereare challenges and we deal with
them and we handle them, butoverall he is fantastic, just
like my daughter, right, likefor all the challenges I deal
(08:23):
with with her, she's my daughter.
I love her Good personalitytraits.
There's things about her thatis just you know.
I need her in my life.
She's a part of who I am.
He is the same exact thing.
So there's things about Lucasthat are just amazing.
But people don't naturally pityyou for having neurotypical kids
.
They don't come over and, oh,it's sad you have a baby boy.
(08:44):
No, no one does that.
They do it when they hear youhave a special needs child,
they'll come over, oh sorry.
And for me it drove me crazy,because my son is fantastic.
There are things about him,because of autism, that make him
amazing.
He's loving, he's kind.
He's not I mean, I've gonethrough this a million times he
(09:05):
doesn't do things behindanyone's back.
Lucas is Lucas, 100% knows who.
He is Amazing.
So I feel like a fraud lettingpeople pity me for this kid who
is, to me, the most unique boyI've ever met in my life.
He's given me the opportunityto have this relationship with
him and to learn from him andshow him things and see the
world through his eyes and allthese beautiful things I try to
(09:27):
write about.
So for me, the only thing Icould do is write about it and
tell people and be able toexplain it me.
The only thing I could do iswrite about it and tell people
and be able to explain it.
It's not an easy thing toexplain to somebody in person.
They don't get it.
You have a limited amount oftime writing, doing this podcast
.
It allows me to just tell youand you could shut it off, but
(09:48):
ultimately you have to finish it.
You know what I mean.
You can't cut me off and itjust stops right there.
It just goes.
It's there, it's out there.
This is who my boy is.
This is why I'm lucky to havehim in my life, and this is
everything I do.
It means the world to me.
So, yeah, my goal I love andappreciate my son with autism
and my goal is to get the restof the world to do that too.
(10:09):
So that's what autismappreciation is and that's all
we want.
Don't pity us, just appreciatethis kid.
And if you don't know why, I'lltell you Like, subscribe, like
that.
It ties back in the end, rightback to the like and subscribe.
So I appreciate it.
Guys, thank you for liking,subscribing, listening, sharing,
telling people about it.
Go on to HiBlogI'mDadcomfollowing me on social media.
(10:32):
Hi, james Gutman.
H-i, james Gutman, thank you.
That does it for me.
I'll be back Monday with a newblog, wednesday with a new blog,
hopefully, nextiday with a newpodcast.
Okay, next friday with a newpodcast.
Until then, james gutman, bewell, bye, bye, I'm done.
I'll see you next time.
I want apple juice.
Lucas wants apple juice.
I know I heard him say that.
Can I have apple juice?
Yeah, you can have apple juice.
Can I have soda?
Yes, you can have soda.
Can I press that button?
No, you can't press that button.
Why?
Because that's going to playthe theme song.
I'm not ready to start the pot.
(00:30):
Hi Pod, I am Dad.
He's not just Hi Dad, he's mydad, james Gutman.
Folks, it's James Gutman, it'sHi Pod, I'm Dad.
Welcome back to another editionof the podcast.
It is january 17th, it is 2025.
What, huh?
(00:52):
Welcome back.
I appreciate you guys finding meon any streaming service,
wherever they stream podcasts,you'll find this podcast like
subscribe, tell your friends,tell your enemies, tell anybody.
I appreciate that as well.
Highpodomdadcom all thearchives.
You know I've been doing thissince 2019 a highpodomdad.
But I've actually been doingaudios and things like this
(01:14):
since 2004 when I've been doingit for pro wrestling.
I started writing in 2002 aboutwrestling and I I did these
podcasts, I did these audioupdates and it becomes almost
like like cathartic.
You know, like you get to comeout here and just talk, talk to
an invisible person has nochoice but to listen to what you
say.
I've been doing this for solong and it's always been such a
(01:35):
good feeling.
It's such a natural feeling tocome out here and get to talk
about things.
But nothing has ever been assatisfying as a as a as a person
for me is doing this, doingthese podcasts here on HiPod.
I'm dad, getting a chance totalk about, you know, my family,
and getting a chance to talkabout my son, lucas, who is
nonverbal.
He has autism.
He's not like a lot of thepeople that you see on TV who
(01:58):
are represented, who have autismor are nonverbal.
He's a completely unique person.
You know, and I've talked aboutthis before.
It's not just when I say he'sunlike people who have autism
that you see on TV.
I'm not just talking about highfunctioning, I'm not talking
about the good doctor and thingslike that, even nonverbal
characters.
There was a show calledSpeechless that was about a kid
who was nonverbal, who used adevice and he was in a
(02:21):
wheelchair and that characterwas not like my son.
That character was in many ways.
His receptive language wasfantastic, he understood things,
he knew what a lot of stuff wasand he was able to kind of
converse.
His biggest hold off was thathe couldn't use verbal language.
My son is not like that.
My son has life skills that hecan't do.
He's physically able to, he canmove his body in certain ways,
(02:42):
and we just have to get him tounderstand things.
His receptive language isn't asgreat.
So Lucas is different thananyone else I've met, and what
this blog and this podcast hasgiven me the opportunity to do
is to share that with people andexplain things to people.
But now here I am right.
I've been doing HiBlogI'mDadcomMonday, wednesday, plug plug
(03:03):
since February of 2017.
So I've been doing this foreight years now.
At this point, my son is 13.
He was five and I've watched myjourney with him and the places
we've gone and the things thatwe've done together through the
years just kind of like learningand understanding and coming to
grips with an autism diagnosisthat you're still kind of
wrapping your head around.
(03:24):
And if you go back, man, youknow this blog began in 2017.
I was almost like five, sixyears old, so you got to
remember this is early on.
So sometimes now I tell thesestories about autism acceptance.
I tell these stories about youknow, really accepting and
understanding and appreciatingwho my son is.
I mean, the big thing is autismappreciation and learning who
(03:44):
he is and what he can do.
And I talk a lot about the timeperiod that that happened and
it was around five or six yearsold, which is when I really
began the blog.
The blog has given me thatopportunity to be able to share
him with people and to not onlytell stories about him but to
appreciate him as I'm writingabout him, which is where the
autism appreciation kind ofcomes in.
There have been days where Iwill write about my son and I
(04:06):
will be done at the computer andI'll get up and all I wanna do
is hug that kid.
I'm like you are a great kid,you know, and we all like we're
all parents.
I know a lot of peoplelistening to this special needs
parents.
People have children similar toLucas, right Like we love our
kids.
But when you really sit andthink about it, what your kid
does, the place you know theyhave in your life, the things
(04:30):
that they do for you, how theymake you feel things like that,
when you really give it thought,those make you appreciate your
kids and for years I've learnedto appreciate my son and that's
one of the things that beingable to look back now, years
later, at the blog, I can noticeNot only do I notice that, but
I've talked before about howhe's changed often right Like in
(04:51):
life.
Going back to the blog, you know, in past shows I've talked
about going back to the blog andseeing that things that he did
yesterday he doesn't do anymore.
Like Lucas doesn't run away.
When he was little he would runaway and I have blogs about
being afraid of him running away.
I had one called a running fearand it was about, you know, all
he wanted to do was run.
I would bring him toschoolyards and just take his
(05:12):
shoes off or go and theschoolyards and just take his
shoes off or go and he wouldjust run.
And it was so cute, he was sointo it and he loved it.
He'd laugh and run away.
He couldn't believe I wasletting him go.
I was just like, just go, Itrust you, hoping there's no
hole in the fence.
Right, that was the name of mymemoir hoping there's no hole in
the fence.
And we loved it and we didn't.
It doesn't do that anymore, butthat's something I wrote about
(05:33):
in the blog.
But also by going through theold blogs, not only do I see
that.
But I also see my own behaviorand my own take on things and
themes.
That continued on when I wrotethe blog back then and one of
them was pity.
I was so big on not wanting tobe pitied and I still I don't
want to be pity now.
Obviously I've never been.
I'm the kind of guy that'snever.
(05:54):
I don't like that.
I don't know.
I know it comes off a littlelike you know, macho Goomba, hey
, hey, no, don't pity me, it'snot like that.
I know that.
I mean, naturally nobody wantspeople to to look at them and be
like, oh, I'm so sorry, but forme the thing that got me,
especially with Lucas, was firstof all number one like who are
you?
Don't pity me for my kid.
(06:15):
My kid's great, I like my kid.
So there's that.
But then, on top of thatinitial idea, this is my kid,
don't pity me for my kid.
I love my kid.
I got to know my kid and I'mgonna be honest with you, man,
like I feel like a fraudsometimes when people give me
that special needs parents pity.
And what am I talking about?
I'm talking about things of youknow somebody offering, hey, do
(06:37):
you want to?
You know, do you want to cometo I don't know some meeting or
whatever.
Oh, I know it's hard.
You have Lucas, I understand.
Oh, yeah, it's hard.
You know that kind of that easyout of not having to go to
events and things I don't wantto go to.
That's helpful, right?
So we do have that kind of pity.
I don't mind that pity, but I'mtalking overall Just the fact
(06:59):
that I have Lucas as my son.
If I tell somebody a story abouthim, about trying to get him to
say hi which is what we've beendoing now like Lucas say hi, hi
, hi, working on it with him.
To me that's just something I'mdoing in my life.
It's a part of what we do, it'sa part of my day, it's
something that I love doing.
I love working with him, I loveteaching him things.
But there's some people theyhear that story and they're like
, oh, because all they do isthink about the fact that he
(07:21):
can't talk.
So if I'm trying to teach himto talk, it's not about the
progress he's made, doesn't sayanything, and that I hate, man.
I hate that.
So I didn't want to do that,right.
But not only did I not want todo it, because I don't like the
feeling that I get, but also Ifeel like a fraud, because, look
(07:43):
, don't get me wrong Lucas hassome difficult things that I
have to deal with, just like Ihave a neurotypical 16-year-old
daughter and she's got things Ihave to deal with.
Trust me on that.
There's definitely every oncein a while like you know, you
don't have a 16 year olddaughter unless you've
threatened to punish them overthe dumbest stuff, said things
(08:03):
like if I come back down hereand that jar of jelly is not
back in the fridge, we're goingto have problems, you're going
to be punished.
It's just a jar of jelly.
Trust me, you go through it.
When it comes to my son, thereare challenges and we deal with
them and we handle them, butoverall he is fantastic, just
like my daughter, right, likefor all the challenges I deal
(08:23):
with with her, she's my daughter.
I love her Good personalitytraits.
There's things about her thatis just you know.
I need her in my life.
She's a part of who I am.
He is the same exact thing.
So there's things about Lucasthat are just amazing.
But people don't naturally pityyou for having neurotypical kids
.
They don't come over and, oh,it's sad you have a baby boy.
(08:44):
No, no one does that.
They do it when they hear youhave a special needs child,
they'll come over, oh sorry.
And for me it drove me crazy,because my son is fantastic.
There are things about him,because of autism, that make him
amazing.
He's loving, he's kind.
He's not I mean, I've gonethrough this a million times he
(09:05):
doesn't do things behindanyone's back.
Lucas is Lucas, 100% knows who.
He is Amazing.
So I feel like a fraud lettingpeople pity me for this kid who
is, to me, the most unique boyI've ever met in my life.
He's given me the opportunityto have this relationship with
him and to learn from him andshow him things and see the
world through his eyes and allthese beautiful things I try to
(09:27):
write about.
So for me, the only thing Icould do is write about it and
tell people and be able toexplain it me.
The only thing I could do iswrite about it and tell people
and be able to explain it.
It's not an easy thing toexplain to somebody in person.
They don't get it.
You have a limited amount oftime writing, doing this podcast
.
It allows me to just tell youand you could shut it off, but
(09:48):
ultimately you have to finish it.
You know what I mean.
You can't cut me off and itjust stops right there.
It just goes.
It's there, it's out there.
This is who my boy is.
This is why I'm lucky to havehim in my life, and this is
everything I do.
It means the world to me.
So, yeah, my goal I love andappreciate my son with autism
and my goal is to get the restof the world to do that too.
(10:09):
So that's what autismappreciation is and that's all
we want.
Don't pity us, just appreciatethis kid.
And if you don't know why, I'lltell you Like, subscribe, like
that.
It ties back in the end, rightback to the like and subscribe.
So I appreciate it.
Guys, thank you for liking,subscribing, listening, sharing,
telling people about it.
Go on to HiBlogI'mDadcomfollowing me on social media.
(10:32):
Hi, james Gutman.
H-i, james Gutman, thank you.
That does it for me.
I'll be back Monday with a newblog, wednesday with a new blog,
hopefully, nextiday with a newpodcast.
Okay, next friday with a newpodcast.
Until then, james gutman, bewell, bye, bye, I'm done.
I'll see you next time.
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