March 21, 2025 • 16 mins
James Gutman shares his journey raising his nonverbal son with autism, Lucas, who is about to turn 14, reflecting on how initial fears have transformed into deep appreciation for their perfectly imperfect life together. He describes the breakthrough moment when he joined Lucas in play rather than trying to correct him, leading to a connection that showed him his son understood more than he realized.
• Discussion of James' new book "Hi World, I'm Dad: How Fathers Can Journey to Autism Awareness, Acceptance and Appreciation" coming June 19th and the big news still to come.
• Reflections on Lucas turning 14 and how reality has defied early fears about the future
• The joy of having a loving, affectionate teenage son who still wants to spend time with his dad
• The pivotal "toy phone" moment that changed their relationship
• Learning that children don't need to be "fixed" to have a wonderful life
• Understanding that love isn't about getting something in return
• Recent blog posts about sitting with Lucas during meltdowns and learning to hear him without words
Pre-order "Hi World, I'm Dad" now on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, or Jessica Kingsley Publishing's website, and follow James on social media @HiJamesGutman and at HiPodImDad.com and HiBlogImDad.com for new content every Monday and Wednesday.
Preorder James Guttman’s new book – “Hi World, I’m Dad: How Fathers Can Journey to Autism Awareness, Acceptance, and Appreciation”
Follow Us On Facebook and Follow James Guttman on Instagram.
Also, be sure to read the blog that started it all - Hi Blog! I'm Dad.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
James Guttman (00:14):
Hi Pod, I am Dad.
He's not just Hi Dad, he's mydad.
James Gutman, just hi dad, he'smy dad.
James gutman.
Folks, james gutman, hi pod,I'm dad.
Welcome back to another editionof the podcast.
I appreciate you checking usout anywhere you found me.
Hi pod, I'm dadcom.
(00:35):
All the archives, any streamingservice like subscribe, yada,
yada, yada.
Thank you so much for yoursupport.
Thank you for supportingHiBlogImDad.
com.
Every Monday, every Wednesday,brand new blogs and, of course,
Hi World Om Dad.
My new book in stores June 19th,available for pre-order now on
Amazon, available on BarnesNoble, available on Jessica
(00:56):
Kingsley Publishing's website,available pretty much wherever
you pre-order books.
And I gotta tell you and I'vesaid from the beginning, there
is a big announcement to go withthis announcement and I'm
waiting for when I can tell youguys about it.
But I'm very excited about alot of the things that are
happening with this book and alot of the things that are
planned by JKP and by everybodyinvolved.
(01:17):
This has really been a greatexperience getting to write
about my life and writing aboutmy son, who is on the cusp of
turning 14 years old, which isnuts, and I say that because I
think a lot of parents who arein my position, who have
nonverbal children or havechildren with autism or special
(01:38):
needs and require all thisdifferent care and different
help when they're little.
You're told that these thingsare going happen.
Your son is gonna need this,and your son might never do that
, and you can't imagine what thefuture is gonna be like.
I remember, when he was likefour, being scared of six and
being six and being afraid ofeight, and now he's gonna be 14
years old, which is crazy.
(01:59):
I can't even imagine it.
So, yeah, and to this day right, there's things about my son's
life that have remaineddifficult, things that I used to
tell myself when he was littlehad to be fixed quote unquote in
order to have a good life.
And they didn't.
And we have a great life, andthat's the message, that's the
message behind the book, that'sthe message behind the blog,
(02:20):
that's the message behind thepodcast here today.
I want everybody to understandthat things don't have to turn
out quote unquote the waythey're supposed to, or the
perfect way for them to reallybe perfect.
This boy that I have in myhouse right now is perfect for
my life.
I love having Lucas in my life.
Lucas is going to be 14, but hedoes not.
I don't want to say he doesn'tact like a 14 year old, because
(02:42):
he does.
There's things about himsometimes where he gets to be 14
.
He likes to be in his room.
He'll go in there, he'll closethe door.
He'll literally walk me throughthe door and close the door on
me if he wants to be by himselfor if he wants to like lay down
or just watch TV.
It's cute and it's adorable.
It's very 14, like right, but,and in many ways because of
autism.
But, and in many ways becauseof autism, which is the autism
(03:03):
appreciation.
Lucas is the sweetest14-year-old boy you'll ever meet
.
He hugs and he kisses me, heloves me, he loves being around
me, he needs me, he wants mearound.
Coming home today, right, Ipicked him up after school and
(03:24):
we came back to the house and Ihad bought Reese's Pieces little
candy Reese's Pieces so that wecan come home and we could sit
and we could eat these Reese'sPieces together.
And doing that with my14-year-old nonverbal son is the
equivalent of like playing aboard game, I guess, or
something else it's.
We look forward to it.
We sit next to each other.
He plays on his iPad.
I look over, I laugh, I elbowhim, you know, on the side, or
hey, he laughs.
(03:44):
I look forward to that.
I get that in my life.
He's at an age where some 14year old boys would still hang
out with their parents orwhatever.
Some don't.
My son does.
So I count myself lucky andthat's a big part of what the
book is about, A big part ofwhat this podcast and the blog
have always been about, whatthis podcast and the blog have
(04:08):
always been about telling peoplewho we are and what our life is
.
And it's hard sometimes toreally parse it, because I look
back right on the early days ofmy son and think back on the
fear that I had and the concernthat I had.
And now it kind of seemsridiculous because I know who he
is, he's fantastic.
But I can't in clear consciencego back and pretend that those
(04:28):
fears didn't exist just becausethey make me feel bad now, you
know, or somehow make it seemlike my life is not, as I don't
want to say, wonderful, but likeas positive as I put out there,
because that's always been thething that I thought, even from
the beginning.
Some people think, oh, he'skidding himself.
(04:48):
He would much rather have a14-year-old who plays baseball
and watches wrestling and doesall the things that a dad should
want his son to do.
And don't get me wrong If myson loved baseball, I would want
him to play baseball.
My son, you know, wanted towatch.
You know a certain show or acertain thing.
(05:09):
I would totally be down withthat.
But he doesn't, so we don't,and I've had 14 years to get
used to who this kid is.
So I don't grieve the boy thathe should be or the boy that he
could be, or the boy that heshould be, or the boy that he
could be or the boy that hewould be if circumstances were
different, because I neverthought about that boy.
(05:29):
I knew from the very early agethat more likely than not, the
kid who's in my house was goingto be the kid who's in my house
now.
I knew it and I prepared for itand in the end I didn't have to
do too much about it because heended up being great.
I got to know him as a person.
It did take that moment of kindof I don't want to say letting
(05:54):
go, because that implies thatthere's something to hold on to
but that moment of understanding, right, I've written about it,
I've talked about it.
I think it's talked about inthe book too.
I'm pretty sure it's talkedabout in the book too.
I'm pretty sure it's talkingabout in the book.
That first day that I sat onthat couch and I watched him
(06:15):
playing with that little phonetoy and if you haven't heard the
story, it's really quick, it'sreally easy.
This was years and years ago.
He was little and he would playwith all his toys
inappropriately and it drove menuts.
I used to get upset Come here,come here.
No, that's not.
Look, we pick up the telephone.
We go hello, who's?
This?
Is this for Lucas?
I'm trying to pick up the phone.
He's pulling it out of my hand.
(06:35):
He doesn't want me to do it, hehangs it up.
What he was doing with his phoneit was a toy phone on wheels,
which is a weird.
I don't know who makes thesethings, but you know what I'm
talking about.
You've seen the toy.
It's a classic toy.
They sell it in a littlecardboard box looking thing at
Target like as a retro thing.
And as you pull this littlephone, you know it makes like a
(06:59):
squeaking noise.
I don't think on purpose, Ithink the wheels just squeak and
the eyes open and close, openand close, open and close, and
there's a little string, right.
That's what this is.
If you've seen it, you know it.
And what he was doing wastaking the phone, putting it
under this red chair that we hadin the living room, and he
would hold onto the string andhe would slowly pull it out from
under the chair and, as he did,he would look in the mirror to
(07:23):
watch it come out.
He's watching the glare of it,or the reflection of it, I
should say, and I knew, I knewthat Lucas had liked glares and
reflections.
This was an issue that we weredealing with because you know
when, when your kid is little,and you're noticing delays,
that's one thing.
But then you start to noticethings that are not necessarily
delays, but unique, I guess, islack of a better term I would
(07:46):
call it unique.
Now I don't know what I wouldcall it then.
I was freaked out then.
But you know, these are redflags in your head Like, oh my
God, what is he doing?
What is he doing?
It's one thing not to speak,but it's another thing to like
be obsessed with the glare inthe window and I would bug out.
I'd be like, oh my God, what'sgoing to happen?
This is the first day I didn'tdo that.
Right, it was after my heartsurgery.
(08:06):
I've talked about that.
I had a quintuple bypass when Iwas 35.
It was a surprise yeah, no,alan Funds, no, you know, but it
was unexpected, I guess youcould say and it changed my
outlook on everything.
My life has changed so muchsince December 13th, 2012.
And this was one of the momentswhere my life changed.
(08:27):
And I'm sitting there and I'mwatching him play with the phone
.
I was like you know what?
What would he do?
And this goes in my head whatwould he do if I walked over and
I did this with him?
Would he let me?
Would he know?
Would he get it?
So I walked over and I sat nextto him.
I go, hey, and I tell you thatI was, I'm tapping like myself
and I said, even to this day, Iwant to ask him something.
(08:49):
Hey, hey, give me, I do.
I came over and I was like, canI?
Hey, let me take the string.
And I pulled it out slowly fromunderneath the red chair and I
watched it in the mirror and hewatched me watch it in the
mirror and then gave me a hugand it was like the hug almost
(09:11):
said like oh, you get it.
Like he was like so happy tohave somebody get it.
You know, and that was reallythe first moment that I can tell
you that I felt like I reallybonded with my son.
Prior to that I didn't think hereally knew who I was, and
that's terrifying, man.
Let's be honest here.
This whole book is honest,right?
So this podcast is honest, theblog is honest.
(09:32):
Let's just.
Let's just be honest with eachother.
I used to be incredibly worriedthat he didn't know who I was,
like really genuinely worried.
He didn't know who I was.
We had a speech therapist onetime the worst speech therapist
we ever had, remark that hedidn't even look up when people
walked into the room and I wasthe one who walked into the room
.
She was like he didn't evenlook up at you.
I'm like I know, lady, I know,but worried me.
(09:53):
So when school asked to send inpictures of us for him to
identify and get to know whothey are, I didn't want to know
anything about it.
I sent in the pictures.
I didn't ask about it becausemy worry was that he wasn't
going to know who I was, and Idon't mean not know who I was.
He knew who I was.
I lived in his house, I got himfood or whatever, but not know
(10:14):
my title and really not care perse, because I still didn't even
know if he cared who the peoplewere, as long as they brought
him what he wanted.
And as a parent, that rips yourheart out.
You know, you worry about it,you think about it, and this was
the first moment where I feltlike, oh, he gets it, he knows
who I am, he understands that Icare about him and I'm here for
(10:35):
him and I'm on his side.
Now I want to make a pointbecause this is important.
I know that all differentparents listen to this podcast,
and there are some people whohave children who do feel the
same way, like Lucas does.
And there are some people whohave kids that they're fearful
of might not.
There's people who have kidsthat don't understand who the
people are around them.
And I'll tell you this, asdifficult as it would have been,
(10:56):
I knew then, if he neverunderstands me, if he never
knows who I am, if he never getsit, I'm going to still do
everything for him because heneeds somebody to be there for
him.
I brought him into this world,I gave him this life and, at the
end of the day, I love him.
And I knew that even if hedidn't understand, even if he
(11:16):
didn't know me, that didn't meanthat he didn't love me and that
he loved other people but notme.
He might not have understoodwhat that meant.
He might not have understoodhow to show it.
There was nothing personalagainst me.
All I knew was that if, in anyway, shape or form, even if he
was never able to relate it tome, if this kid was able to
understand in his head who wasthere for him and who wasn't
(11:40):
there for him, I wanted to beone of those people that he knew
was there for him.
Right, I might never know.
If he knew that, he might nevershow it to me, he might never
tell me.
But even if he didn't, the onething Lucas has taught me from
day one you don't say hello tosomeone you love just to get a
hello back.
You don't do things for someoneyou love just to get a thank
you.
You do it because you love them.
(12:01):
And the reason why Lucas taughtme that I'm saying from the
very beginning was because hewas a baby when he first popped
out.
And with all babies we do that.
You love your baby.
Your baby doesn't even likelook at you.
You're like, oh, this kiddoesn't.
This baby is like freshly baked, doesn't even know what's going
on, and you show them love.
And Lucas got older and whatwas different about my son than,
(12:28):
I guess, other children in thatposition was as he got older
and he got to that age wherekids start to kind of show it
back and start to feel better.
He still didn't do it andthat's when I learned about
myself.
Oh, I just love my kid.
I don't love my kids becausethey're there for me, they do
stuff for me.
I'll always love my kids.
My daughter is the same way.
I have a neurotypical daughterand she's a teenager and we have
(12:49):
ups and we have downs and we goall over the place and I love
my daughter with all my heart.
I don't care what happens,because I just do.
She doesn't have to necessarilyshow it.
I'd like her to show it.
She should show it Every oncein a while.
I go, hey, what are you doing?
But they're my kids, that'swhat you do.
It's a parent's job.
I've always seen it that way.
So, yeah, love my son.
I love sharing him with youguys.
(13:10):
I love writing about him in theblog, which I did this week, if
you took a look, I wrote twoblogs Monday, wednesday.
I told you Every single week,hi blog, I'm dad.
On Monday, I wrote aboutsitting with Lucas during
meltdown so that he could standon his own, and that's been a
big thing for me from thebeginning.
I don't fight with him over ameltdown, I don't lecture hey,
get up.
What are you doing?
It's a big boy thing to do.
(13:31):
I mean, maybe your kid.
It works on him.
It doesn't work on him.
What works on lucas is I sitdown on the floor, supermarket,
miniature, golf, bowling alleys.
You sit down.
What's the matter, buddy?
You're all right.
Rub his back, come on, man,let's get up.
And I said in the in the blogand I hope you guys read it, you
guys understand this, because Iknow a lot of parents get
apprehensive about it no one hasever said, said anything to me
(13:53):
Like why are you sitting on thefloor?
No one has ever once correctedme for sitting on the floor when
my son was upset.
People walk around you.
They don't really interact withyou.
You know, months and a whileyou get like somebody, but like
for the most part in a good way,but for the most part they
leave you alone.
They know you're doingsomething, you're handling your
son, you're handling your kid,you're fixing it.
Now, if I was ignoring, that'snot what we do.
(14:13):
Watch out for that lady.
And he's banging into people.
People don't like that.
But if they see that you'reworking on it and you're trying
your best to keep him frominterfering with others, they're
cool with it and they, you know, they understand, so it's nice.
So I wrote about that and kindof my.
And the second one was my sonhas never spoken, but I've
(14:34):
learned to hear him loud andclear.
And this is you know a lot ofwhat I've talked about here
today.
That language isn't necessarilyjust verbal.
There's so many ways to showsomebody you care and you're
there for them.
He's shown it to me, I've shownit to him and it's been a great
14 years.
So I'm really happy for him.
14 years, so I'm really happyfor him.
(14:58):
Wow, absolutely insane.
My kids are old because youknow I'm old.
So there you go.
Right, what are you gonna do?
Thank you once again forchecking out I said it before,
I'll say it again moreannouncements about this book
coming out.
I'm really excited.
I want to thank you guys whojumped on.
I've heard from so many of youhave pre-ordered already.
Um, this book is really.
This is just a crown.
That was don't want to say thecrown jewel.
I don't get overdramatic withthis, but it really is Like for
(15:19):
those who don't know, you know,for years I used to have my
books just in like kind of acupboard somewhere, and then,
you know, I was divorced acouple of years ago.
I have my own place now, so mybedroom.
I have the books on the wall.
I've written three other booksfor different publishers on the
wall and little shadow boxes.
This is the fourth one and thisone is truly just the
(15:40):
centerpiece.
This is everything I everwanted to do.
I'm so grateful for getting todo it and I want to thank you
guys for all your help and allyour support through the years
that have gotten us to where weare.
And I'm telling you there isone other big announcement about
this book on the way, so I'mexcited to share that with you
and I'll let you know when ithappens, but do me a favor,
check it out.
(16:00):
Hi World, I'm Dad.
How Fathers Can Journey toAutism Awareness, acceptance and
appreciation.
That's available for pre-ordereverywhere.
Check out this podcast everysingle Friday Hi pod, I'm dadcom
.
Hi blog, I'm dadcom.
Hi blog, I'm dadcom.
Monday, wednesday new blogs andfollow me on social media Hi
James Gutman.
Hi, hi, James Gutman, untilnext time.
(16:21):
This is Hi James Gutman sayingbe well, bye, pod, I'm dad,
we'll see you next time.
Hi Pod, I am Dad.
He's not just Hi Dad, he's mydad.
James Gutman, just hi dad, he'smy dad.
James gutman.
Folks, james gutman, hi pod,I'm dad.
Welcome back to another editionof the podcast.
I appreciate you checking usout anywhere you found me.
Hi pod, I'm dadcom.
(00:35):
All the archives, any streamingservice like subscribe, yada,
yada, yada.
Thank you so much for yoursupport.
Thank you for supportingHiBlogImDad.
com.
Every Monday, every Wednesday,brand new blogs and, of course,
Hi World Om Dad.
My new book in stores June 19th,available for pre-order now on
Amazon, available on BarnesNoble, available on Jessica
(00:56):
Kingsley Publishing's website,available pretty much wherever
you pre-order books.
And I gotta tell you and I'vesaid from the beginning, there
is a big announcement to go withthis announcement and I'm
waiting for when I can tell youguys about it.
But I'm very excited about alot of the things that are
happening with this book and alot of the things that are
planned by JKP and by everybodyinvolved.
(01:17):
This has really been a greatexperience getting to write
about my life and writing aboutmy son, who is on the cusp of
turning 14 years old, which isnuts, and I say that because I
think a lot of parents who arein my position, who have
nonverbal children or havechildren with autism or special
(01:38):
needs and require all thisdifferent care and different
help when they're little.
You're told that these thingsare going happen.
Your son is gonna need this,and your son might never do that
, and you can't imagine what thefuture is gonna be like.
I remember, when he was likefour, being scared of six and
being six and being afraid ofeight, and now he's gonna be 14
years old, which is crazy.
(01:59):
I can't even imagine it.
So, yeah, and to this day right, there's things about my son's
life that have remaineddifficult, things that I used to
tell myself when he was littlehad to be fixed quote unquote in
order to have a good life.
And they didn't.
And we have a great life, andthat's the message, that's the
message behind the book, that'sthe message behind the blog,
(02:20):
that's the message behind thepodcast here today.
I want everybody to understandthat things don't have to turn
out quote unquote the waythey're supposed to, or the
perfect way for them to reallybe perfect.
This boy that I have in myhouse right now is perfect for
my life.
I love having Lucas in my life.
Lucas is going to be 14, but hedoes not.
I don't want to say he doesn'tact like a 14 year old, because
(02:42):
he does.
There's things about himsometimes where he gets to be 14
.
He likes to be in his room.
He'll go in there, he'll closethe door.
He'll literally walk me throughthe door and close the door on
me if he wants to be by himselfor if he wants to like lay down
or just watch TV.
It's cute and it's adorable.
It's very 14, like right, but,and in many ways because of
autism.
But, and in many ways becauseof autism, which is the autism
(03:03):
appreciation.
Lucas is the sweetest14-year-old boy you'll ever meet
.
He hugs and he kisses me, heloves me, he loves being around
me, he needs me, he wants mearound.
Coming home today, right, Ipicked him up after school and
(03:24):
we came back to the house and Ihad bought Reese's Pieces little
candy Reese's Pieces so that wecan come home and we could sit
and we could eat these Reese'sPieces together.
And doing that with my14-year-old nonverbal son is the
equivalent of like playing aboard game, I guess, or
something else it's.
We look forward to it.
We sit next to each other.
He plays on his iPad.
I look over, I laugh, I elbowhim, you know, on the side, or
hey, he laughs.
(03:44):
I look forward to that.
I get that in my life.
He's at an age where some 14year old boys would still hang
out with their parents orwhatever.
Some don't.
My son does.
So I count myself lucky andthat's a big part of what the
book is about, A big part ofwhat this podcast and the blog
have always been about, whatthis podcast and the blog have
(04:08):
always been about telling peoplewho we are and what our life is
.
And it's hard sometimes toreally parse it, because I look
back right on the early days ofmy son and think back on the
fear that I had and the concernthat I had.
And now it kind of seemsridiculous because I know who he
is, he's fantastic.
But I can't in clear consciencego back and pretend that those
(04:28):
fears didn't exist just becausethey make me feel bad now, you
know, or somehow make it seemlike my life is not, as I don't
want to say, wonderful, but likeas positive as I put out there,
because that's always been thething that I thought, even from
the beginning.
Some people think, oh, he'skidding himself.
(04:48):
He would much rather have a14-year-old who plays baseball
and watches wrestling and doesall the things that a dad should
want his son to do.
And don't get me wrong If myson loved baseball, I would want
him to play baseball.
My son, you know, wanted towatch.
You know a certain show or acertain thing.
(05:09):
I would totally be down withthat.
But he doesn't, so we don't,and I've had 14 years to get
used to who this kid is.
So I don't grieve the boy thathe should be or the boy that he
could be, or the boy that heshould be, or the boy that he
could be or the boy that hewould be if circumstances were
different, because I neverthought about that boy.
(05:29):
I knew from the very early agethat more likely than not, the
kid who's in my house was goingto be the kid who's in my house
now.
I knew it and I prepared for itand in the end I didn't have to
do too much about it because heended up being great.
I got to know him as a person.
It did take that moment of kindof I don't want to say letting
(05:54):
go, because that implies thatthere's something to hold on to
but that moment of understanding, right, I've written about it,
I've talked about it.
I think it's talked about inthe book too.
I'm pretty sure it's talkedabout in the book too.
I'm pretty sure it's talkingabout in the book.
That first day that I sat onthat couch and I watched him
(06:15):
playing with that little phonetoy and if you haven't heard the
story, it's really quick, it'sreally easy.
This was years and years ago.
He was little and he would playwith all his toys
inappropriately and it drove menuts.
I used to get upset Come here,come here.
No, that's not.
Look, we pick up the telephone.
We go hello, who's?
This?
Is this for Lucas?
I'm trying to pick up the phone.
He's pulling it out of my hand.
(06:35):
He doesn't want me to do it, hehangs it up.
What he was doing with his phoneit was a toy phone on wheels,
which is a weird.
I don't know who makes thesethings, but you know what I'm
talking about.
You've seen the toy.
It's a classic toy.
They sell it in a littlecardboard box looking thing at
Target like as a retro thing.
And as you pull this littlephone, you know it makes like a
(06:59):
squeaking noise.
I don't think on purpose, Ithink the wheels just squeak and
the eyes open and close, openand close, open and close, and
there's a little string, right.
That's what this is.
If you've seen it, you know it.
And what he was doing wastaking the phone, putting it
under this red chair that we hadin the living room, and he
would hold onto the string andhe would slowly pull it out from
under the chair and, as he did,he would look in the mirror to
(07:23):
watch it come out.
He's watching the glare of it,or the reflection of it, I
should say, and I knew, I knewthat Lucas had liked glares and
reflections.
This was an issue that we weredealing with because you know
when, when your kid is little,and you're noticing delays,
that's one thing.
But then you start to noticethings that are not necessarily
delays, but unique, I guess, islack of a better term I would
(07:46):
call it unique.
Now I don't know what I wouldcall it then.
I was freaked out then.
But you know, these are redflags in your head Like, oh my
God, what is he doing?
What is he doing?
It's one thing not to speak,but it's another thing to like
be obsessed with the glare inthe window and I would bug out.
I'd be like, oh my God, what'sgoing to happen?
This is the first day I didn'tdo that.
Right, it was after my heartsurgery.
(08:06):
I've talked about that.
I had a quintuple bypass when Iwas 35.
It was a surprise yeah, no,alan Funds, no, you know, but it
was unexpected, I guess youcould say and it changed my
outlook on everything.
My life has changed so muchsince December 13th, 2012.
And this was one of the momentswhere my life changed.
(08:27):
And I'm sitting there and I'mwatching him play with the phone
.
I was like you know what?
What would he do?
And this goes in my head whatwould he do if I walked over and
I did this with him?
Would he let me?
Would he know?
Would he get it?
So I walked over and I sat nextto him.
I go, hey, and I tell you thatI was, I'm tapping like myself
and I said, even to this day, Iwant to ask him something.
(08:49):
Hey, hey, give me, I do.
I came over and I was like, canI?
Hey, let me take the string.
And I pulled it out slowly fromunderneath the red chair and I
watched it in the mirror and hewatched me watch it in the
mirror and then gave me a hugand it was like the hug almost
(09:11):
said like oh, you get it.
Like he was like so happy tohave somebody get it.
You know, and that was reallythe first moment that I can tell
you that I felt like I reallybonded with my son.
Prior to that I didn't think hereally knew who I was, and
that's terrifying, man.
Let's be honest here.
This whole book is honest,right?
So this podcast is honest, theblog is honest.
(09:32):
Let's just.
Let's just be honest with eachother.
I used to be incredibly worriedthat he didn't know who I was,
like really genuinely worried.
He didn't know who I was.
We had a speech therapist onetime the worst speech therapist
we ever had, remark that hedidn't even look up when people
walked into the room and I wasthe one who walked into the room
.
She was like he didn't evenlook up at you.
I'm like I know, lady, I know,but worried me.
(09:53):
So when school asked to send inpictures of us for him to
identify and get to know whothey are, I didn't want to know
anything about it.
I sent in the pictures.
I didn't ask about it becausemy worry was that he wasn't
going to know who I was, and Idon't mean not know who I was.
He knew who I was.
I lived in his house, I got himfood or whatever, but not know
(10:14):
my title and really not care perse, because I still didn't even
know if he cared who the peoplewere, as long as they brought
him what he wanted.
And as a parent, that rips yourheart out.
You know, you worry about it,you think about it, and this was
the first moment where I feltlike, oh, he gets it, he knows
who I am, he understands that Icare about him and I'm here for
(10:35):
him and I'm on his side.
Now I want to make a pointbecause this is important.
I know that all differentparents listen to this podcast,
and there are some people whohave children who do feel the
same way, like Lucas does.
And there are some people whohave kids that they're fearful
of might not.
There's people who have kidsthat don't understand who the
people are around them.
And I'll tell you this, asdifficult as it would have been,
(10:56):
I knew then, if he neverunderstands me, if he never
knows who I am, if he never getsit, I'm going to still do
everything for him because heneeds somebody to be there for
him.
I brought him into this world,I gave him this life and, at the
end of the day, I love him.
And I knew that even if hedidn't understand, even if he
(11:16):
didn't know me, that didn't meanthat he didn't love me and that
he loved other people but notme.
He might not have understoodwhat that meant.
He might not have understoodhow to show it.
There was nothing personalagainst me.
All I knew was that if, in anyway, shape or form, even if he
was never able to relate it tome, if this kid was able to
understand in his head who wasthere for him and who wasn't
(11:40):
there for him, I wanted to beone of those people that he knew
was there for him.
Right, I might never know.
If he knew that, he might nevershow it to me, he might never
tell me.
But even if he didn't, the onething Lucas has taught me from
day one you don't say hello tosomeone you love just to get a
hello back.
You don't do things for someoneyou love just to get a thank
you.
You do it because you love them.
(12:01):
And the reason why Lucas taughtme that I'm saying from the
very beginning was because hewas a baby when he first popped
out.
And with all babies we do that.
You love your baby.
Your baby doesn't even likelook at you.
You're like, oh, this kiddoesn't.
This baby is like freshly baked, doesn't even know what's going
on, and you show them love.
And Lucas got older and whatwas different about my son than,
(12:28):
I guess, other children in thatposition was as he got older
and he got to that age wherekids start to kind of show it
back and start to feel better.
He still didn't do it andthat's when I learned about
myself.
Oh, I just love my kid.
I don't love my kids becausethey're there for me, they do
stuff for me.
I'll always love my kids.
My daughter is the same way.
I have a neurotypical daughterand she's a teenager and we have
(12:49):
ups and we have downs and we goall over the place and I love
my daughter with all my heart.
I don't care what happens,because I just do.
She doesn't have to necessarilyshow it.
I'd like her to show it.
She should show it Every oncein a while.
I go, hey, what are you doing?
But they're my kids, that'swhat you do.
It's a parent's job.
I've always seen it that way.
So, yeah, love my son.
I love sharing him with youguys.
(13:10):
I love writing about him in theblog, which I did this week, if
you took a look, I wrote twoblogs Monday, wednesday.
I told you Every single week,hi blog, I'm dad.
On Monday, I wrote aboutsitting with Lucas during
meltdown so that he could standon his own, and that's been a
big thing for me from thebeginning.
I don't fight with him over ameltdown, I don't lecture hey,
get up.
What are you doing?
It's a big boy thing to do.
(13:31):
I mean, maybe your kid.
It works on him.
It doesn't work on him.
What works on lucas is I sitdown on the floor, supermarket,
miniature, golf, bowling alleys.
You sit down.
What's the matter, buddy?
You're all right.
Rub his back, come on, man,let's get up.
And I said in the in the blogand I hope you guys read it, you
guys understand this, because Iknow a lot of parents get
apprehensive about it no one hasever said, said anything to me
(13:53):
Like why are you sitting on thefloor?
No one has ever once correctedme for sitting on the floor when
my son was upset.
People walk around you.
They don't really interact withyou.
You know, months and a whileyou get like somebody, but like
for the most part in a good way,but for the most part they
leave you alone.
They know you're doingsomething, you're handling your
son, you're handling your kid,you're fixing it.
Now, if I was ignoring, that'snot what we do.
(14:13):
Watch out for that lady.
And he's banging into people.
People don't like that.
But if they see that you'reworking on it and you're trying
your best to keep him frominterfering with others, they're
cool with it and they, you know, they understand, so it's nice.
So I wrote about that and kindof my.
And the second one was my sonhas never spoken, but I've
(14:34):
learned to hear him loud andclear.
And this is you know a lot ofwhat I've talked about here
today.
That language isn't necessarilyjust verbal.
There's so many ways to showsomebody you care and you're
there for them.
He's shown it to me, I've shownit to him and it's been a great
14 years.
So I'm really happy for him.
14 years, so I'm really happyfor him.
(14:58):
Wow, absolutely insane.
My kids are old because youknow I'm old.
So there you go.
Right, what are you gonna do?
Thank you once again forchecking out I said it before,
I'll say it again moreannouncements about this book
coming out.
I'm really excited.
I want to thank you guys whojumped on.
I've heard from so many of youhave pre-ordered already.
Um, this book is really.
This is just a crown.
That was don't want to say thecrown jewel.
I don't get overdramatic withthis, but it really is Like for
(15:19):
those who don't know, you know,for years I used to have my
books just in like kind of acupboard somewhere, and then,
you know, I was divorced acouple of years ago.
I have my own place now, so mybedroom.
I have the books on the wall.
I've written three other booksfor different publishers on the
wall and little shadow boxes.
This is the fourth one and thisone is truly just the
(15:40):
centerpiece.
This is everything I everwanted to do.
I'm so grateful for getting todo it and I want to thank you
guys for all your help and allyour support through the years
that have gotten us to where weare.
And I'm telling you there isone other big announcement about
this book on the way, so I'mexcited to share that with you
and I'll let you know when ithappens, but do me a favor,
check it out.
(16:00):
Hi World, I'm Dad.
How Fathers Can Journey toAutism Awareness, acceptance and
appreciation.
That's available for pre-ordereverywhere.
Check out this podcast everysingle Friday Hi pod, I'm dadcom
.
Hi blog, I'm dadcom.
Hi blog, I'm dadcom.
Monday, wednesday new blogs andfollow me on social media Hi
James Gutman.
Hi, hi, James Gutman, untilnext time.
(16:21):
This is Hi James Gutman sayingbe well, bye, pod, I'm dad,
we'll see you next time.
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