January 3, 2025 • 23 mins
This first episode of 2025 episode beautifully captures the evolution of autism awareness, acceptance, and appreciation as a father reflects on raising his nonverbal son in a changing world. It highlights personal anecdotes alongside broader societal themes, weaving together love, hope, and the importance of continuous learning.
• The year 2025 brings reflections on societal perceptions of autism
• Sharing personal experiences of parenting a nonverbal autistic child
• Importance of transition from autism awareness to acceptance and appreciation
• Autism advocacy organizations play a crucial role in changing public perception
• Encouraging effective communication methods and celebrating small milestones
• The significance of teaching children everything to embrace knowledge
• Embracing the journey: love and resilience in parenting an autistic child
• Optimism for a more accepting world and brighter future for children on the spectrum
Preorder James Guttman’s new book – “Hi World, I’m Dad: How Fathers Can Journey to Autism Awareness, Acceptance, and Appreciation”
Follow Us On Facebook and Follow James Guttman on Instagram.
Also, be sure to read the blog that started it all - Hi Blog! I'm Dad.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:14):
hi pod, I am dad.
He's not just hi dad, he's mydad, james gutman.
Folks, james gutman, it's 2025and welcome to hi pod, I'm dad.
Thank you so much for joiningme once again on a friday, the
(00:35):
first friday of the new year,the futuristic year.
It is 2025, which, if you wereborn around the time I was born,
which was a while ago, you knowthat this is like the distant
future.
This is when I was a kid, right, and they would write stories
about the future.
It was about the year 2000,.
You know, in the year 2000, andsomething would happen.
(00:56):
If they said 2025, that waslike the ridiculously distant
future.
That was like we had androidpuppies and I don't know.
Everything's crazy.
And I know we're in 2025.
Now we think to ourselves likewell, it's not really the future
, it isn't whatever.
I'm shocked and I got to tellyou I was thinking about it this
morning.
I'm on social media, I'm goingthrough it, I'm reading things
(01:18):
that people are posting and Isaw a post that really stuck
with me because I realized howmuch the world has changed and
we're not even thinking about it.
It was a picture of the MonaLisa that suddenly came to life
and she looked around and sheran off into a field and it
looked completely real becauseit was AI generated.
And I thought to myself how arewe we're just cool with this
(01:40):
now Like this is just somethingthat just happens.
There would have been a timethat any video that we saw or
something crazy happened.
We would think to ourselvesthat it was 100% real.
There's no way to fake.
I mean it look, it all looks100% real and that's where we
live.
So we are in the future.
So thank you so much for beinghere with me in the future and I
will tell you this about 2025.
(02:00):
And one of the things that I'vetalked about having written my
blog.
And one of the things that I'vetalked about having written my
blog, done the podcast andthings like that how grateful I
really am with how the world hasadvanced.
And I'll tell you why.
(02:22):
When my son was born in 2011, Iwas concerned greatly about
finding out that he was on theautism spectrum.
I grew up in the 1980s, the1990s, a time where I don't know
people were I don't want to saymean or cruel, because I think
we often talk about the old daysand we vilify it in a way and
in some ways it is vilified.
I mean, you compare when wewere kids then to now.
I mean, when I was a kid, kidscould bully you and you go to
(02:43):
the teacher and the teacher goesyou know, hey, don't be a
tattletale, learn to defendyourself.
That was what we used to tellkids when they were little.
You know, you would have a kidthree years older than you,
three, you know, three feettaller than you, picking on you
and they would tell you to learnhow to throw a punch.
I was like I know how we dealtwith it.
Nowadays it's, you know, youdrop a napkin.
(03:05):
We call the police, that kindof stuff.
So I know that there'sdefinitely extremes.
We go one extreme, we go to theother.
But when it comes to how wetreat each other and when it
comes to especially, how we dealwith, I don't want to say, the
most vulnerable among us, but inmy mind my son is vulnerable.
My son is nonverbal.
He is a sweet boy.
(03:26):
Now look, I've talked on thisblog before about autism and how
it affects different people andhow it affects my son.
My son is a sweet, kind boy whoreally honestly doesn't have
any mean-spirited nature to him.
Don't get me wrong.
My son is gigantic.
He's about slightly shorterthan me, weighs more than me and
(03:50):
knows when he wants to get hisway and I've seen him do it If
he wants something or he doesn'twant to go somewhere.
If I'm trying to take himsomewhere and he doesn't want to
go there, he will plant himselfright there, he'll dig his feet
in and he will not move and Iwill have to move him.
And I've done this before too,where you know, to get him up
the stairs I poke him in thesides and I don't do it.
There's no violence.
It's not like I slap him upsidethe head.
(04:11):
I'm behind him, I'm kind oflike poking him in the lower
back and he's giggling a littlebit, but he's also annoyed by it
and he's moving to like move upthe stairs, bring him with me,
get him in the car, bring himhere, bring him there.
But he's getting bigger.
I was actually just talking tomy girlfriend, lauren, about
this last week.
She has, you know, her sonChristian.
(04:32):
I love that kid.
He's minimally verbal.
Same kind of situation, bothbig kids.
And I was telling her that youknow I had to get him to go
somewhere and he was doing thething that he does, where he
digs his feet down and he won'tmove, and instead of doing the
(04:53):
poking trick, instead ofgrabbing his hand and trying to
pull him over, I just stoppedand I was like, go now.
And I spoke to him sternly anduh, in a way that he knew I was
serious, and he went and he didit.
Now don't get me wrong, it tookslightly longer than it would
have if I wouldn't have, justyou know, taken him by the hand
and kind of like you know speed,walked him upstairs.
But he's getting older and he'sgetting to that point where I
need him to see that.
You know, you're not going tobe maneuvered everywhere
(05:14):
Sometimes.
You just have to know what'sright is right.
Do what dad says and we do it,that kind of stuff.
So that's just an aside.
But what I'm saying is my sonis sweet, he's kind, he doesn't
fight, he doesn't battle anybody, and I send him out into this
world every day.
Right now he's off at schooland I'm not there.
I send him places where I'm notthere.
(05:36):
When Lucas was two, that used toterrify me.
When Lucas was little, even upuntil a few years ago, I hated
having him out of my sight,because nobody knew how to deal
with Lucas, according to me.
In my head, I'm like nobody canget what this kid needs.
Keep in mind as well.
I barely knew, especially then,what this kid needs, you know.
So if somebody was to take him,I wouldn't.
(05:57):
How would they take care of him?
What would he need?
What would he do?
I worried about.
I worried about hiscommunication, things like that.
Now his communication hasgotten better.
Lucas can tell you what hewants.
Does he do it all the time?
I don't know.
I don't know how he interactswith different people when I
don't have him here.
I don't know what goes on.
I hear stories, whether it'sfrom school or from my daughter,
where he's off.
I've joined custody.
(06:19):
He's with his mom part of theweek.
I don't know what goes on there.
We just deal with himdifferently.
So he's a different person whenhe's outside of my view, and
that's okay and I've learned tokind of let go a little bit.
Some people never understandthat.
I once went out.
I'll never forget this one man.
I'm literally out with a mom, agroup of people, but one of the
(06:40):
moms, she had a child similarto Lucas and I'm watching him
and I'm worried about him.
And he's getting into like.
He's running off at the parknear like the trees and stuff,
and I'm worried he's gonna hurthimself and he's running, you
know, between swings as kids areswinging, and I'm running after
him trying to get him and shejust turns to me and she's like
she's like you're like ahelicopter, dad.
(07:00):
Huh, I don't know what you meanby that.
You hover around him.
I'm like, yeah, because he'sgoing to die if I don't hover
around him.
I have to do that.
So it was needed, obviously atthat point.
But as he's gotten older, I'velearned to teach him how to do
things.
I've learned to trust him more,have a child similar to Lucas,
(07:25):
maybe a little bit younger, andyou're wondering if you're ever
going to be in a position whereyou can do that, where you can
just let them go.
You will, and I'll tell you whyyou will, because I was
convinced I wasn't and now I doright.
So maybe I'll send Lucas outinto the world and not worry so
much about it.
But one of the things aboutsending him out into the world
without that worry and withoutthat concern is that I know that
the world is more accepting ofpeople like Lucas.
(07:50):
It's part of the reason that Iwrite this blog, part of what I
do with High Blog on Dad, andthe podcast as well, is because
my goal is for people to see thebeauty in a person like him and
I got to tell you people haveyou know I write these posts
twice a week.
If you go to highblogonddadcomwith the exception of Christmas
week where things are kind ofoff Monday, wednesday, new blogs
(08:12):
, podcasts every Friday herehighpodomdadcom, wherever
streaming services are offeredall that good stuff.
So I write these things so thatpeople can understand my boy
and the beauty that comes withhaving a boy like him and the
way he sees the world and theunique view that he offers and
just the kind person that he is.
So I write that.
(08:32):
But in even the absence of that, the world has understood
autism a lot better since Lucaswas born.
I don't talk about it too often,but Autism Speaks.
I know it is a lightning rodfor some people, but years ago I
wrote posts for Autism Speaks'website and people didn't like
(08:52):
it.
I had some people didn't likeit.
A lot of people did.
Don't get me wrong.
The majority of people werehappy with it, not that they
didn't like the post, but theydidn't like the fact that I
wrote for Autism Speaks, becauseAutism Speaks has this
reputation and you know, I knowthey've in the past.
When they first came out, theysaid some things and people
didn't understand things.
They used to look at autism.
I don't know if theynecessarily did that, I don't
(09:13):
want to say it like this, butpeople by and large in the olden
days used to think that autismwas something to be avoided,
something to be fixed, and Idon't want my son fixed.
I don't want want to fix hisautism.
It's crazy, right?
I want my son to be able tonavigate the world better.
I want my son to have the toolsthat he needs to navigate the
(09:35):
world.
Now, if that doesn't includeverbal speech, if that doesn't
include things like that, I wanthim to have a device.
I want him to have gestures.
I want people to understand him, but, above everything else, I
want him to just be a part ofsociety.
I don't want my son to besomething that people pity.
I don't want him to be someonethat people don't include.
I don't want him to just beseen as just taking up space.
I want people to understand whohe is and Autism Speaks and
(10:00):
different places like that thathave talked about autism
awareness and kind of brought upthe public perception of what
autism is and let people knowthat it exists has been so
important for that.
You know, one of the big thingsand I've talked about it and we
kind of pulled back on it alittle bit, but I always like to
talk about it is the idea ofwhat autism awareness, autism
(10:20):
acceptance and autismappreciation are.
And for me, a big part of whatI do is autism appreciation.
Right, I read about it in theblog.
My upcoming book is aboutautism appreciation, about
discovering that.
But all three of those thingsare very important.
Autism awareness is the firststep and I get when people say
it's not enough and people willlecture you.
It's not about awareness, it'sabout acceptance.
(10:41):
It's like well, no, I get thatyou think acceptance is more
important and you're right it is.
But awareness is important too,because they can't accept what
they don't even know is there.
Acceptance is just havingpeople you know accept.
This is who he is.
I don't want you just to acceptmy son, I want you to
appreciate why his personalityis so special and so unique and
(11:02):
it really is man, like I got totell you, this kid is just
having him in my life and justknowing that.
You know, when it comes to Lucas, we're kind of on a different
page than the rest of the world.
Right, everything the worldcould be falling down around you
, but if you have a boy like myson in your life, playing his
(11:23):
iPads and sitting next to youand watching his shows and
giving you hugs, for no reasonit changes everything.
He and I don't deal withnonsense.
He's not upset about things ontelevision, he doesn't get
scared of shows and you knowthere's different things that we
don't have to navigate.
When it comes to Lucas,conversations I'll never have to
have with him.
I'll never have to talk to himabout like death or loss in a
(11:44):
way.
I mean, obviously you mentionedI don't ignore him.
I keep him abreast of everysingle thing in our lives, like
if something's happening, wetalk about it, we'll drive.
Hey, buddy, tomorrow'sChristmas Santa's coming.
You know Santa, right Red suit,he's going to bring you a
present and we just talk and Ijust talk at him and some of it
gets through, some of it mightnot.
It doesn't matter.
But don't have to deal withthat with him.
(12:05):
He doesn't get bullied, and ifhe does, he's not going to tell
me about it because he kind ofdoesn't even notice that it's
happening.
It's been nice, it's been abeautiful thing to be able to
experience the world with a kidlike him.
But autism awareness itself isthe thing that has stopped
people from looking.
(12:26):
Does that make any sense?
Right, like autism acceptancewould allow him to work places
and have people kind of give himleeway if he needed extra care
for certain things he has to do.
But awareness is the thing thatdoesn't have people kind of
like staring from across theroom anymore.
If Lucas yells out, providedhe's not like overdoing it, and
(12:46):
that's a big thing to you, man,if my son gets excited and we're
standing in line atAdventureland and everyone's
screaming and he screams, well,he gets to scream, man.
Everyone's yelling, he yells,we yell.
If we're at like a crazyconcert and everyone's freaking
out, he's allowed to freak outand clap and yell.
If we're in a quiet place, youknow he gets a call out or two.
Before I take him outside I gohey, buddy, gotta be quiet,
(13:07):
gotta relax, and he does.
That's important.
So what I'm saying is there'snever really a situation where
he's causing a huge disturbance.
So if Lucas makes one or twonoises, people don't really look
over anymore, whereas that wasmy biggest fear when he was tiny
.
How am I going to go out withthis kid?
People are going to look at himand then I'm going to kill
(13:28):
those people and I don't want tokill people.
I have a baby.
I can't leave these babies athome because I killed people for
glaring at my babies.
So nobody does that and Icredit a lot of that to the
whole autism awareness movement.
So if people are looking forpositives, there it is.
It allows the world to know whohe is and it's made me kind of
(13:50):
happy with that.
So I've been glad.
I've been glad that the worldhas accepted my son.
They're aware of who he is andhopefully I'm helping them to
appreciate the person that he is.
And for all that it's been awonderful thing.
And that kind of goes back realquick to the blog post that I
wrote last week.
I wrote it on Monday, didn't doone on Wednesday.
(14:11):
Wednesday was New Year's and ifyou listened to the podcast
last week, I told you I wasgoing to write about opening
presents.
I might still do that at somepoint.
But I still work on it and westill do, and that's an
important thing for a parentlike me.
You can embrace and you canlove and you can be so happy
(14:42):
with who your child is.
But that doesn't mean that youdon't always try to make them
improve, make them reach thatnext level, encourage them to do
whatever they can in life.
I want my son people.
You want your son to talk.
Yeah, I want my son to talk inlife.
I want my son people.
You want your son to talk.
Yeah, I want my son to talk.
I want him to fly a plane.
I want him to be the presidentof the United States.
I want my son and my daughterto do every single thing.
And I'll give you a quickexample.
My daughter just recently tookher SATs because I'm an old man
(15:07):
now, you know.
So I have this daughter whotakes SATs and she got an
incredible grade, incrediblescore on the SATs.
I'm not going to say the score,but it was.
It was like shockingly, likehigh.
I was like she's my daughterhas been, and I don't talk about
her all that much in here.
I know she doesn't like to betalked about on social media,
(15:28):
but sometimes it's important.
My daughter blows me away withhow she handles academics, with
how she handles herresponsibilities.
There's nobody like her, andI've told her that too.
I've been blown away Days whereshe buckles down and does her
homework at a time where I'mjust like you're doing it.
Now she gets her work done, allher stuff.
So she came to me with her SATgrade, told me what it was, and
(15:48):
she's also really big on alwayssaying stuff like that's not
good, right, it's bad, it's Igot a bad grade.
So I always try to give her, asI told her, the positives, like
no, I'm like that's reallyreally good, I'm like, if you
want to, you know, work on itmore, you can, you know whatever
.
And it's funny.
And as I'm saying it, I'mthinking to myself like this kid
got this like killer grade andmy instinct as her dad is just
(16:09):
to be like that is perfect, youdid perfect, leave it alone.
But I don't want to do thatbecause I want her to reach
whatever potential she wants toreach.
I want her to be happy with thethings that happen in her life,
but if she feels that she wantsto do more, she feels that she
wants to go forward, as long asit's not causing her any
problems, any stress levelsfreaking her out.
I will always encourage her tobe better than she is now if she
(16:34):
wants to, if she's not contentwith something.
Like you know, I wanted to bebetter at this.
You're never perfect atanything.
We all continue and move on.
Same thing with her brother.
You know, if Lucas cancommunicate with the world,
that's great, but if I can gethim to say a word or two as well
, that's even better.
Once he says a word or two, ifI can get him to say five or six
him to say a word or two aswell, that's even better.
Once he says a word or two, ifI can get him to say five or six
(16:54):
, that's better.
10, 12.
We keep going and we keepmoving forward.
It's what I do in my own life,it's what I try to do with my
kids, it's what I encourage.
It makes them better people andmakes me happy and yeah, so I'm
happy.
So that's what I do.
I still work on him with hislanguage.
I've talked about trying toteach him how to say hi.
I go.
Lucas say ah, like that.
Now you guys can hear what itis when I talk about what he
(17:15):
does in terms of his verballanguage.
That's where we're at right.
We've been at this level foryears and I only say that
because I feel like I've droppedit a few times and there's
definitely been times where Ididn't feel like he was ready to
do it.
I go, lucas, say hi, and he goeslike that right, and it's the
cutest thing, I'll go.
(17:37):
You say I tap his lips.
I go, you say hi, hi, and it'slike this cool, like hi, like a
very slick Rico Suave way ofdoing it.
And what my son does, and Idon't know why he does it he
grabs his collar and he pullshis head back like a crooner.
And I compare it to and even ifyou never saw the play or you
(17:57):
don't know the music A StreetcarNamed Desire, the famous scene
where you know he grabs hisCostello, you know like his
Brando just yelling.
That's what Lucas looks like.
He looks like this uh, thislove torn um, you know man from
the fifties grabbing his wifebeater.
(18:18):
He grabs his collar, puts hishead back and he goes like that.
But he doesn't say the I at theend, he goes ah.
But what I do is, if he makesany sound at all.
When I ask him to try, I cheerand I freak out.
I'm like, yeah, lucas, good job, good job.
And we keep doing it.
And how long are we going to dothis?
Forever?
I'll do this as long as we needto do it.
(18:39):
It doesn't matter.
And the thing that got me andthe whole point of the blog and
the whole point of me tellingyou this now is because I
remember when I told schoolabout it, I called the school.
We were doing one of hismeetings and I was like you know
, I'm trying to teach him how tosay hi.
And when he does it, you knowhe puts his head back.
I'm explaining to them how itgoes, trying to figure out like,
what is the holdup of thisthing, what's causing it to be
(19:02):
like this?
And everyone got kind of quietand they're like well, you know,
his device is probably going tobe his main form of
communication.
You know his, his device isprobably going to be his main
form of communication.
You know he's, he's, you knowthat's how he communicates with
us.
And I'm like, why are theytelling me this?
And then I realized like, oh,they think I'm one of those dads
who's like convinced that I'mgoing to teach him how to say hi
(19:24):
, and then he's going to becomelike you know this master orator
, going out there and likedelivering speeches and those
kinds of things.
And I'm not man.
I get the difference betweenhopefulness and delusion.
I'm not teaching him words toreplace the way he communicates.
I'm teaching him words becauseI want him to know everything.
(19:44):
I wanna teach him everything Ican and that's our big thing,
man.
That's the thing for 2025, forresolution, but that'd be
something I would give as adviceto anybody out there that
listens to this.
Never stop trying to teach yourkids everything.
Language, well, everything.
Well, my kid doesn't really.
He doesn't walk straight, so Iteach him everything.
Teach your kid everything.
(20:05):
Teach him trigonometry.
Teach him whatever you know.
Teach them.
You would be amazed at thethings I've told my daughter and
I'll tell you a quick storybefore we close out, because
they'll give you an idea of howstrongly I take this.
I'll never forget we weredriving one time.
She was little.
God must have been like youknow, nine years old, maybe 10
years old.
She's in the backseat and we'retalking about clowns, right,
(20:34):
and she goes.
I don't really like clowns.
I think they're kind of creepy.
I'm just driving.
I was like you know what that'sa thing.
Right, I'm not even lookingback, I'm just driving, looking
forward as I'm driving, and I'mlike my creepy clowns are a
thing.
I'm like there was a clown.
His name was John Wayne Gacy.
Right, he's like a murderer andthis guy would go to parties
(20:57):
dressed as a clown and entertainthe kids and then it turns out
we go home and like kill peopleand bury them, you know, under
his house.
I'm like it was pretty crazyand like really kind of creepy,
scary clown, you know.
And there's like silence and I'mlike are you all right?
Should I not have said that?
And she goes uh, yeah, whywould you tell me that I'm gonna
have nightmares now?
Why would you say that I waslike I don't know.
I want to teach you everything,everything.
I think I'm going to havenightmares now.
Why would you say that I waslike I don't know, I want to
teach you everything, everything, I think I want you to know.
(21:18):
And that's the kind of stuffwe've done.
So I've done that with her, Ido that with him.
I encourage you to do that withyour kids.
They can never know too much,so the more my son knows, the
better he is and and the morehe'll be able to contribute to
society and hopefully one daythe entire world can appreciate
his autism.
And it wouldn't require me towrite anything about it.
(21:38):
They just know him, they seehim and they get it themselves.
He's a great kid.
Both my kids are wonderful.
I'm very happy.
This is gonna be a good year.
It's gonna be the best yearever.
I appreciate you guys joining meevery Friday here on the
podcast.
I appreciate you coming to theblog Monday, wednesday,
highblogondadcom.
I appreciate you following meon social media.
Hi, james Gutman.
H-i.
(21:58):
James Gutman.
I'm on Blue Sky, I'm onInstagram, I'm on Facebook, I'm
on Twitter, tiktok.
Even I have like 30 peoplefollowing TikTok.
It's not really a huge thing,but still follow me on TikTok
please.
If you're on TikTok, pleasefollow me on TikTok, because I'm
not really I don't know what todo on TikTok.
As I said before, I'm an oldman, my daughter takes the SATs,
(22:19):
so it is what it is.
That does it for me, guys,until next time, james Gottman
saying be well, bye, pot, I'mdone, thank you, I'll see you
(23:04):
next time.
hi pod, I am dad.
He's not just hi dad, he's mydad, james gutman.
Folks, james gutman, it's 2025and welcome to hi pod, I'm dad.
Thank you so much for joiningme once again on a friday, the
(00:35):
first friday of the new year,the futuristic year.
It is 2025, which, if you wereborn around the time I was born,
which was a while ago, you knowthat this is like the distant
future.
This is when I was a kid, right, and they would write stories
about the future.
It was about the year 2000,.
You know, in the year 2000, andsomething would happen.
(00:56):
If they said 2025, that waslike the ridiculously distant
future.
That was like we had androidpuppies and I don't know.
Everything's crazy.
And I know we're in 2025.
Now we think to ourselves likewell, it's not really the future
, it isn't whatever.
I'm shocked and I got to tellyou I was thinking about it this
morning.
I'm on social media, I'm goingthrough it, I'm reading things
(01:18):
that people are posting and Isaw a post that really stuck
with me because I realized howmuch the world has changed and
we're not even thinking about it.
It was a picture of the MonaLisa that suddenly came to life
and she looked around and sheran off into a field and it
looked completely real becauseit was AI generated.
And I thought to myself how arewe we're just cool with this
(01:40):
now Like this is just somethingthat just happens.
There would have been a timethat any video that we saw or
something crazy happened.
We would think to ourselvesthat it was 100% real.
There's no way to fake.
I mean it look, it all looks100% real and that's where we
live.
So we are in the future.
So thank you so much for beinghere with me in the future and I
will tell you this about 2025.
(02:00):
And one of the things that I'vetalked about having written my
blog.
And one of the things that I'vetalked about having written my
blog, done the podcast andthings like that how grateful I
really am with how the world hasadvanced.
And I'll tell you why.
(02:22):
When my son was born in 2011, Iwas concerned greatly about
finding out that he was on theautism spectrum.
I grew up in the 1980s, the1990s, a time where I don't know
people were I don't want to saymean or cruel, because I think
we often talk about the old daysand we vilify it in a way and
in some ways it is vilified.
I mean, you compare when wewere kids then to now.
I mean, when I was a kid, kidscould bully you and you go to
(02:43):
the teacher and the teacher goesyou know, hey, don't be a
tattletale, learn to defendyourself.
That was what we used to tellkids when they were little.
You know, you would have a kidthree years older than you,
three, you know, three feettaller than you, picking on you
and they would tell you to learnhow to throw a punch.
I was like I know how we dealtwith it.
Nowadays it's, you know, youdrop a napkin.
(03:05):
We call the police, that kindof stuff.
So I know that there'sdefinitely extremes.
We go one extreme, we go to theother.
But when it comes to how wetreat each other and when it
comes to especially, how we dealwith, I don't want to say, the
most vulnerable among us, but inmy mind my son is vulnerable.
My son is nonverbal.
He is a sweet boy.
(03:26):
Now look, I've talked on thisblog before about autism and how
it affects different people andhow it affects my son.
My son is a sweet, kind boy whoreally honestly doesn't have
any mean-spirited nature to him.
Don't get me wrong.
My son is gigantic.
He's about slightly shorterthan me, weighs more than me and
(03:50):
knows when he wants to get hisway and I've seen him do it If
he wants something or he doesn'twant to go somewhere.
If I'm trying to take himsomewhere and he doesn't want to
go there, he will plant himselfright there, he'll dig his feet
in and he will not move and Iwill have to move him.
And I've done this before too,where you know, to get him up
the stairs I poke him in thesides and I don't do it.
There's no violence.
It's not like I slap him upsidethe head.
(04:11):
I'm behind him, I'm kind oflike poking him in the lower
back and he's giggling a littlebit, but he's also annoyed by it
and he's moving to like move upthe stairs, bring him with me,
get him in the car, bring himhere, bring him there.
But he's getting bigger.
I was actually just talking tomy girlfriend, lauren, about
this last week.
She has, you know, her sonChristian.
(04:32):
I love that kid.
He's minimally verbal.
Same kind of situation, bothbig kids.
And I was telling her that youknow I had to get him to go
somewhere and he was doing thething that he does, where he
digs his feet down and he won'tmove, and instead of doing the
(04:53):
poking trick, instead ofgrabbing his hand and trying to
pull him over, I just stoppedand I was like, go now.
And I spoke to him sternly anduh, in a way that he knew I was
serious, and he went and he didit.
Now don't get me wrong, it tookslightly longer than it would
have if I wouldn't have, justyou know, taken him by the hand
and kind of like you know speed,walked him upstairs.
But he's getting older and he'sgetting to that point where I
need him to see that.
You know, you're not going tobe maneuvered everywhere
(05:14):
Sometimes.
You just have to know what'sright is right.
Do what dad says and we do it,that kind of stuff.
So that's just an aside.
But what I'm saying is my sonis sweet, he's kind, he doesn't
fight, he doesn't battle anybody, and I send him out into this
world every day.
Right now he's off at schooland I'm not there.
I send him places where I'm notthere.
(05:36):
When Lucas was two, that used toterrify me.
When Lucas was little, even upuntil a few years ago, I hated
having him out of my sight,because nobody knew how to deal
with Lucas, according to me.
In my head, I'm like nobody canget what this kid needs.
Keep in mind as well.
I barely knew, especially then,what this kid needs, you know.
So if somebody was to take him,I wouldn't.
(05:57):
How would they take care of him?
What would he need?
What would he do?
I worried about.
I worried about hiscommunication, things like that.
Now his communication hasgotten better.
Lucas can tell you what hewants.
Does he do it all the time?
I don't know.
I don't know how he interactswith different people when I
don't have him here.
I don't know what goes on.
I hear stories, whether it'sfrom school or from my daughter,
where he's off.
I've joined custody.
(06:19):
He's with his mom part of theweek.
I don't know what goes on there.
We just deal with himdifferently.
So he's a different person whenhe's outside of my view, and
that's okay and I've learned tokind of let go a little bit.
Some people never understandthat.
I once went out.
I'll never forget this one man.
I'm literally out with a mom, agroup of people, but one of the
(06:40):
moms, she had a child similarto Lucas and I'm watching him
and I'm worried about him.
And he's getting into like.
He's running off at the parknear like the trees and stuff,
and I'm worried he's gonna hurthimself and he's running, you
know, between swings as kids areswinging, and I'm running after
him trying to get him and shejust turns to me and she's like
she's like you're like ahelicopter, dad.
(07:00):
Huh, I don't know what you meanby that.
You hover around him.
I'm like, yeah, because he'sgoing to die if I don't hover
around him.
I have to do that.
So it was needed, obviously atthat point.
But as he's gotten older, I'velearned to teach him how to do
things.
I've learned to trust him more,have a child similar to Lucas,
(07:25):
maybe a little bit younger, andyou're wondering if you're ever
going to be in a position whereyou can do that, where you can
just let them go.
You will, and I'll tell you whyyou will, because I was
convinced I wasn't and now I doright.
So maybe I'll send Lucas outinto the world and not worry so
much about it.
But one of the things aboutsending him out into the world
without that worry and withoutthat concern is that I know that
the world is more accepting ofpeople like Lucas.
(07:50):
It's part of the reason that Iwrite this blog, part of what I
do with High Blog on Dad, andthe podcast as well, is because
my goal is for people to see thebeauty in a person like him and
I got to tell you people haveyou know I write these posts
twice a week.
If you go to highblogonddadcomwith the exception of Christmas
week where things are kind ofoff Monday, wednesday, new blogs
(08:12):
, podcasts every Friday herehighpodomdadcom, wherever
streaming services are offeredall that good stuff.
So I write these things so thatpeople can understand my boy
and the beauty that comes withhaving a boy like him and the
way he sees the world and theunique view that he offers and
just the kind person that he is.
So I write that.
(08:32):
But in even the absence of that, the world has understood
autism a lot better since Lucaswas born.
I don't talk about it too often,but Autism Speaks.
I know it is a lightning rodfor some people, but years ago I
wrote posts for Autism Speaks'website and people didn't like
(08:52):
it.
I had some people didn't likeit.
A lot of people did.
Don't get me wrong.
The majority of people werehappy with it, not that they
didn't like the post, but theydidn't like the fact that I
wrote for Autism Speaks, becauseAutism Speaks has this
reputation and you know, I knowthey've in the past.
When they first came out, theysaid some things and people
didn't understand things.
They used to look at autism.
I don't know if theynecessarily did that, I don't
(09:13):
want to say it like this, butpeople by and large in the olden
days used to think that autismwas something to be avoided,
something to be fixed, and Idon't want my son fixed.
I don't want want to fix hisautism.
It's crazy, right?
I want my son to be able tonavigate the world better.
I want my son to have the toolsthat he needs to navigate the
(09:35):
world.
Now, if that doesn't includeverbal speech, if that doesn't
include things like that, I wanthim to have a device.
I want him to have gestures.
I want people to understand him, but, above everything else, I
want him to just be a part ofsociety.
I don't want my son to besomething that people pity.
I don't want him to be someonethat people don't include.
I don't want him to just beseen as just taking up space.
I want people to understand whohe is and Autism Speaks and
(10:00):
different places like that thathave talked about autism
awareness and kind of brought upthe public perception of what
autism is and let people knowthat it exists has been so
important for that.
You know, one of the big thingsand I've talked about it and we
kind of pulled back on it alittle bit, but I always like to
talk about it is the idea ofwhat autism awareness, autism
(10:20):
acceptance and autismappreciation are.
And for me, a big part of whatI do is autism appreciation.
Right, I read about it in theblog.
My upcoming book is aboutautism appreciation, about
discovering that.
But all three of those thingsare very important.
Autism awareness is the firststep and I get when people say
it's not enough and people willlecture you.
It's not about awareness, it'sabout acceptance.
(10:41):
It's like well, no, I get thatyou think acceptance is more
important and you're right it is.
But awareness is important too,because they can't accept what
they don't even know is there.
Acceptance is just havingpeople you know accept.
This is who he is.
I don't want you just to acceptmy son, I want you to
appreciate why his personalityis so special and so unique and
(11:02):
it really is man, like I got totell you, this kid is just
having him in my life and justknowing that.
You know, when it comes to Lucas, we're kind of on a different
page than the rest of the world.
Right, everything the worldcould be falling down around you
, but if you have a boy like myson in your life, playing his
(11:23):
iPads and sitting next to youand watching his shows and
giving you hugs, for no reasonit changes everything.
He and I don't deal withnonsense.
He's not upset about things ontelevision, he doesn't get
scared of shows and you knowthere's different things that we
don't have to navigate.
When it comes to Lucas,conversations I'll never have to
have with him.
I'll never have to talk to himabout like death or loss in a
(11:44):
way.
I mean, obviously you mentionedI don't ignore him.
I keep him abreast of everysingle thing in our lives, like
if something's happening, wetalk about it, we'll drive.
Hey, buddy, tomorrow'sChristmas Santa's coming.
You know Santa, right Red suit,he's going to bring you a
present and we just talk and Ijust talk at him and some of it
gets through, some of it mightnot.
It doesn't matter.
But don't have to deal withthat with him.
(12:05):
He doesn't get bullied, and ifhe does, he's not going to tell
me about it because he kind ofdoesn't even notice that it's
happening.
It's been nice, it's been abeautiful thing to be able to
experience the world with a kidlike him.
But autism awareness itself isthe thing that has stopped
people from looking.
(12:26):
Does that make any sense?
Right, like autism acceptancewould allow him to work places
and have people kind of give himleeway if he needed extra care
for certain things he has to do.
But awareness is the thing thatdoesn't have people kind of
like staring from across theroom anymore.
If Lucas yells out, providedhe's not like overdoing it, and
(12:46):
that's a big thing to you, man,if my son gets excited and we're
standing in line atAdventureland and everyone's
screaming and he screams, well,he gets to scream, man.
Everyone's yelling, he yells,we yell.
If we're at like a crazyconcert and everyone's freaking
out, he's allowed to freak outand clap and yell.
If we're in a quiet place, youknow he gets a call out or two.
Before I take him outside I gohey, buddy, gotta be quiet,
(13:07):
gotta relax, and he does.
That's important.
So what I'm saying is there'snever really a situation where
he's causing a huge disturbance.
So if Lucas makes one or twonoises, people don't really look
over anymore, whereas that wasmy biggest fear when he was tiny
.
How am I going to go out withthis kid?
People are going to look at himand then I'm going to kill
(13:28):
those people and I don't want tokill people.
I have a baby.
I can't leave these babies athome because I killed people for
glaring at my babies.
So nobody does that and Icredit a lot of that to the
whole autism awareness movement.
So if people are looking forpositives, there it is.
It allows the world to know whohe is and it's made me kind of
(13:50):
happy with that.
So I've been glad.
I've been glad that the worldhas accepted my son.
They're aware of who he is andhopefully I'm helping them to
appreciate the person that he is.
And for all that it's been awonderful thing.
And that kind of goes back realquick to the blog post that I
wrote last week.
I wrote it on Monday, didn't doone on Wednesday.
(14:11):
Wednesday was New Year's and ifyou listened to the podcast
last week, I told you I wasgoing to write about opening
presents.
I might still do that at somepoint.
But I still work on it and westill do, and that's an
important thing for a parentlike me.
You can embrace and you canlove and you can be so happy
(14:42):
with who your child is.
But that doesn't mean that youdon't always try to make them
improve, make them reach thatnext level, encourage them to do
whatever they can in life.
I want my son people.
You want your son to talk.
Yeah, I want my son to talk inlife.
I want my son people.
You want your son to talk.
Yeah, I want my son to talk.
I want him to fly a plane.
I want him to be the presidentof the United States.
I want my son and my daughterto do every single thing.
And I'll give you a quickexample.
My daughter just recently tookher SATs because I'm an old man
(15:07):
now, you know.
So I have this daughter whotakes SATs and she got an
incredible grade, incrediblescore on the SATs.
I'm not going to say the score,but it was.
It was like shockingly, likehigh.
I was like she's my daughterhas been, and I don't talk about
her all that much in here.
I know she doesn't like to betalked about on social media,
(15:28):
but sometimes it's important.
My daughter blows me away withhow she handles academics, with
how she handles herresponsibilities.
There's nobody like her, andI've told her that too.
I've been blown away Days whereshe buckles down and does her
homework at a time where I'mjust like you're doing it.
Now she gets her work done, allher stuff.
So she came to me with her SATgrade, told me what it was, and
(15:48):
she's also really big on alwayssaying stuff like that's not
good, right, it's bad, it's Igot a bad grade.
So I always try to give her, asI told her, the positives, like
no, I'm like that's reallyreally good, I'm like, if you
want to, you know, work on itmore, you can, you know whatever
.
And it's funny.
And as I'm saying it, I'mthinking to myself like this kid
got this like killer grade andmy instinct as her dad is just
(16:09):
to be like that is perfect, youdid perfect, leave it alone.
But I don't want to do thatbecause I want her to reach
whatever potential she wants toreach.
I want her to be happy with thethings that happen in her life,
but if she feels that she wantsto do more, she feels that she
wants to go forward, as long asit's not causing her any
problems, any stress levelsfreaking her out.
I will always encourage her tobe better than she is now if she
(16:34):
wants to, if she's not contentwith something.
Like you know, I wanted to bebetter at this.
You're never perfect atanything.
We all continue and move on.
Same thing with her brother.
You know, if Lucas cancommunicate with the world,
that's great, but if I can gethim to say a word or two as well
, that's even better.
Once he says a word or two, ifI can get him to say five or six
him to say a word or two aswell, that's even better.
Once he says a word or two, ifI can get him to say five or six
(16:54):
, that's better.
10, 12.
We keep going and we keepmoving forward.
It's what I do in my own life,it's what I try to do with my
kids, it's what I encourage.
It makes them better people andmakes me happy and yeah, so I'm
happy.
So that's what I do.
I still work on him with hislanguage.
I've talked about trying toteach him how to say hi.
I go.
Lucas say ah, like that.
Now you guys can hear what itis when I talk about what he
(17:15):
does in terms of his verballanguage.
That's where we're at right.
We've been at this level foryears and I only say that
because I feel like I've droppedit a few times and there's
definitely been times where Ididn't feel like he was ready to
do it.
I go, lucas, say hi, and he goeslike that right, and it's the
cutest thing, I'll go.
(17:37):
You say I tap his lips.
I go, you say hi, hi, and it'slike this cool, like hi, like a
very slick Rico Suave way ofdoing it.
And what my son does, and Idon't know why he does it he
grabs his collar and he pullshis head back like a crooner.
And I compare it to and even ifyou never saw the play or you
(17:57):
don't know the music A StreetcarNamed Desire, the famous scene
where you know he grabs hisCostello, you know like his
Brando just yelling.
That's what Lucas looks like.
He looks like this uh, thislove torn um, you know man from
the fifties grabbing his wifebeater.
(18:18):
He grabs his collar, puts hishead back and he goes like that.
But he doesn't say the I at theend, he goes ah.
But what I do is, if he makesany sound at all.
When I ask him to try, I cheerand I freak out.
I'm like, yeah, lucas, good job, good job.
And we keep doing it.
And how long are we going to dothis?
Forever?
I'll do this as long as we needto do it.
(18:39):
It doesn't matter.
And the thing that got me andthe whole point of the blog and
the whole point of me tellingyou this now is because I
remember when I told schoolabout it, I called the school.
We were doing one of hismeetings and I was like you know
, I'm trying to teach him how tosay hi.
And when he does it, you knowhe puts his head back.
I'm explaining to them how itgoes, trying to figure out like,
what is the holdup of thisthing, what's causing it to be
(19:02):
like this?
And everyone got kind of quietand they're like well, you know,
his device is probably going tobe his main form of
communication.
You know his, his device isprobably going to be his main
form of communication.
You know he's, he's, you knowthat's how he communicates with
us.
And I'm like, why are theytelling me this?
And then I realized like, oh,they think I'm one of those dads
who's like convinced that I'mgoing to teach him how to say hi
(19:24):
, and then he's going to becomelike you know this master orator
, going out there and likedelivering speeches and those
kinds of things.
And I'm not man.
I get the difference betweenhopefulness and delusion.
I'm not teaching him words toreplace the way he communicates.
I'm teaching him words becauseI want him to know everything.
(19:44):
I wanna teach him everything Ican and that's our big thing,
man.
That's the thing for 2025, forresolution, but that'd be
something I would give as adviceto anybody out there that
listens to this.
Never stop trying to teach yourkids everything.
Language, well, everything.
Well, my kid doesn't really.
He doesn't walk straight, so Iteach him everything.
Teach your kid everything.
(20:05):
Teach him trigonometry.
Teach him whatever you know.
Teach them.
You would be amazed at thethings I've told my daughter and
I'll tell you a quick storybefore we close out, because
they'll give you an idea of howstrongly I take this.
I'll never forget we weredriving one time.
She was little.
God must have been like youknow, nine years old, maybe 10
years old.
She's in the backseat and we'retalking about clowns, right,
(20:34):
and she goes.
I don't really like clowns.
I think they're kind of creepy.
I'm just driving.
I was like you know what that'sa thing.
Right, I'm not even lookingback, I'm just driving, looking
forward as I'm driving, and I'mlike my creepy clowns are a
thing.
I'm like there was a clown.
His name was John Wayne Gacy.
Right, he's like a murderer andthis guy would go to parties
(20:57):
dressed as a clown and entertainthe kids and then it turns out
we go home and like kill peopleand bury them, you know, under
his house.
I'm like it was pretty crazyand like really kind of creepy,
scary clown, you know.
And there's like silence and I'mlike are you all right?
Should I not have said that?
And she goes uh, yeah, whywould you tell me that I'm gonna
have nightmares now?
Why would you say that I waslike I don't know.
I want to teach you everything,everything.
I think I'm going to havenightmares now.
Why would you say that I waslike I don't know, I want to
teach you everything, everything, I think I want you to know.
(21:18):
And that's the kind of stuffwe've done.
So I've done that with her, Ido that with him.
I encourage you to do that withyour kids.
They can never know too much,so the more my son knows, the
better he is and and the morehe'll be able to contribute to
society and hopefully one daythe entire world can appreciate
his autism.
And it wouldn't require me towrite anything about it.
(21:38):
They just know him, they seehim and they get it themselves.
He's a great kid.
Both my kids are wonderful.
I'm very happy.
This is gonna be a good year.
It's gonna be the best yearever.
I appreciate you guys joining meevery Friday here on the
podcast.
I appreciate you coming to theblog Monday, wednesday,
highblogondadcom.
I appreciate you following meon social media.
Hi, james Gutman.
H-i.
(21:58):
James Gutman.
I'm on Blue Sky, I'm onInstagram, I'm on Facebook, I'm
on Twitter, tiktok.
Even I have like 30 peoplefollowing TikTok.
It's not really a huge thing,but still follow me on TikTok
please.
If you're on TikTok, pleasefollow me on TikTok, because I'm
not really I don't know what todo on TikTok.
As I said before, I'm an oldman, my daughter takes the SATs,
(22:19):
so it is what it is.
That does it for me, guys,until next time, james Gottman
saying be well, bye, pot, I'mdone, thank you, I'll see you
(23:04):
next time.
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