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February 28, 2025 13 mins

This episode delves into the journey of watching my son Lucas grow up and the emotional complexities that accompany it. As he approaches his 14th birthday, I reflect on our experiences, navigating life as a father of a child on the autism spectrum. Every milestone reminds us that time is fleeting, and the transformation from child to young adult can be jarring yet beautiful.

Join me as I recount our recent supermarket adventure where Lucas demonstrated newfound independence, showcasing the progress he has made along his path to adulthood.

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Transcript

Episode Transcript

Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
James Guttman (00:14):
hi pod, I am dad.
He's not just hi dad, he's myJa mes Guttman, - folks, James
Guttman.
Hi Pod, I'm Dad .
Welcome back to another editionof the podcast.
Thank you for closing out yourfebruary with me.
Thank you for finding me on anystreaming service, anywhere
they put podcasts.

(00:35):
That's where you find thispodcast HiPodImDad.
com - we we have all thearchives.
Yada, yada, yada.
I appreciate it.
I love getting a chance to comeon here talk to you.
Talk to you a little bit aboutthe blogs that I write about my
son, tell you about my son Lucas.
He's nonverbal, he's 13.
He's just about, just about tobe 14 years old, which is

(00:58):
mind-blowingly insane.
So I'm excited about it.
Just still can't kind of putthat in my head a little bit.
You know, and I wrote.
It's funny because this week Iwrote two blogs.
I write blogs every week, youguys know - Monday, Wednesday
- HiBlogImDad.
com.
I write about autismappreciation.
I write about some of the bestpoints of my son's personality

(01:21):
that come along because ofautism, not to spite it.
And although I didn't writeabout this subject specifically,
a lot of what I write is aboutthis subject, which is
forgetting just how much my sonhas grown up, whether it's his
age, his physical age, 13, 14years old.
He doesn't look in my head likehe's 13,.

(01:41):
But just like I have aneurotypical daughter, she's 16
I don't see a 16 year old in myhead.
I see this, this four-year-oldthat I used to, you know, play
games with and do all these funthings with, and now she's grown
up and it's.
It doesn't register in your, inyour head.
But when you have aneurotypical kid who's going to
be 17 years old and you treatthem like they're five, they

(02:04):
look at you and they go, hey,cut it out.
You go sorry, I didn't mean todo that, but when you have a boy
like mine, I could treat Lucaslike a baby and he will.
Let me treat him like a baby.
Lucas hugs me and Lucas sits onmy lap and that's kind of some
wonderful stuff to that.
So I love getting to still babymy boy, even as he gets bigger.
But one of the problems withthat is that you have to

(02:27):
remember when it comes time todo grown-up stuff.
He's able to do that and Iforget sometimes and I wrote
about that on Monday the smallvictories that prepare me,
excuse me, the small victoriesthat prepare my son for a life
without me.
That was the name of the blog.
It, I don't know hits you kindof viscerally.
You know you don't like towrite about something like, well

(02:51):
, I'm not here anymore, why am Iwriting about that?
But what happens with Lucas?
My instinct and it has been foryears since he was little is
that if I have to do something,I do it around my time with
Lucas.
I do it around Lucas's needsand his wants.
So if I have to go to thesupermarket, I go while he's at
school.
If I have to go to the store, Ido it when he's got his iPad
for the first time after beingaway for a while.

(03:12):
When he's distracted, when he'sable to do something else
mentally, I'm always preparedfor things to go spectacularly
poor right Every single time.
And why do I do this?
I do this because the veryfirst time I remember doing
something with him, solo me, himand my daughter when God this

(03:34):
was we're going back must'vebeen four or five years old.
Lucas was a runner, right.
He liked to run.
Everywhere we went he had torun.
He doesn't run much now, but heran everywhere.
I used to bring him him and Iwould go out in his wagon and I
would bring him to the um kindof the field, the schoolyard
near my house, and I would justlet him.
I go run, take off his shoes,let him run barefoot.

(03:55):
He loved it.
It was the greatest thing,loved it, loved to run.
So we went.
My daughter was in the GirlScouts.
I think I've told this storybefore.
This is the story that I thinkwe all have, a story like this,
something that happened thataffected you so much moving
forward, and this is one ofthose stories.
My daughter was in Girl Scoutsand she had to do a Christmas

(04:16):
tree ball hanging right At townhall.
So we went there.
I brought her and I brought myson.
At the time she was you time,if he was four, she was six,
seven, and we go there.
And I thought, all right, lucaswill sit with me, even with his
iPad, he'll have fun, he'll beokay.

(04:37):
But when Lucas was little, theiPad didn't have the same
magnetic pull that it has today.
I mean, trust me, it had a pull.
But when the rhythm hit hisfeet, man, it was okay.
There was no stopping him, hewas happy feet and Lucas wanted
to run.
Now we're in Town Hall.
It is packed with Girl Scoutsand moms from Long Island.

(04:59):
Just all kids are going up,they're putting the ornaments
and they're not going up alltogether Like you would think.
Now you hear an ornamenthanging at Town Hall.
All the kids just run up andput their ball in the tree, no
One at a time.
They're held up, a little stepstool and it's just a whole
thing.
Lucas just wanted to run, sowhen my daughter wasn't doing it

(05:21):
, I kind of let him run.
I was like I didn't know whatwas happening.
Still keep in mind now.
Um, I say four, it might havebeen a little bit less than four
, but this was early on in ourautism journey, as we say, and
it was that stage where I kindof you let him do what he wants
to do, because I don't know whathe's doing.
And that was always a thing Iremember when Lucas was really

(05:42):
little and he would clap a lotor he would try to do something
that wasn't appropriate try tohold his hand, stop, stop
clapping your hand, stopbouncing that, stop touching
that thing.
But for the most part sometimeshe would do stuff that was like
so over the top.
So you just sit there and youstare like I don't know what's
happening right now, like hewould bang into the uh, he was
sitting in a high chair.
He would bang into the highchair right the the tray in the
high chair.

(06:02):
He's kind of watching like whatare you?
You're right, you're right.
This is one of those momentswhen he would run.
I would just be like where arewe going?
Is he have something to do?
He're sort of running all overthe thing and I'm chasing him
through the hall right and thehall is not packed, but there's
people in the hallway.
I'm trying to avoid people andI'm doing, I gotta tell you, for
a dad by himself watching mydaughter too.

(06:24):
My daughter was little andinside the other girl scout moms
are helping her up the, thestep ladder and everything I'm
doing pretty good, I think.
And and Lucas is running and ashe's running I grab him right
to stop him and I kind of jostleback a little bit.
When I say jostle back, like Imoved back a step and there was
another mom from my town who Idon't know today, doesn't know

(06:47):
me, doesn't know that.
I know her, I think I know youlady, and I stepped within her
space right, like I didn't bumpinto her but like close, you
know what I mean Like you gowhoa.
I turned around and I was likeoh sorry, and this woman goes
Jesus.
And I was like I'm going toremember you lady and I did

(07:09):
remember her.
But I also remembered thatmoment because from that moment
on it affected a lot of how Isaw us going out and how I saw
the probability of something badhappening, something I had to
deal with.
So consciously, subconsciously,I planned a lot of stuff around

(07:30):
him.
But now today, as I said before, lucas isn't four anymore.
Lucas doesn't run.
All the things that Lucas hasdone through the years have kind
of I don't know if theydissipated.
He still does a lot of thethings that I've written about.
Stealing food was a big thing.
That was like a major issuethat I spent a long time
one-on-one with him, teachinghim you don't steal food, you

(07:50):
don't do that.
That now he never steals foodwhen he's with me, but he did
for a long time.
So mentally you go through thattoo.
So today, to go to asupermarket I still have that
voice in my head.
That's like he's gonna freakout.
He's not gonna want to go tothe supermarket.
He's gonna sit on the floorright.
That was always a problem.
He would just sit down, didn'twant to move anymore.
He's done.
You gotta pick him up off thefloor in the supermarket, people

(08:12):
stepping out over him I've hadthat.
I've been in stores with himwhere people have to step over
him when he was little.
So I'm worried about that.
I'm worried about him grabbingfood, tearing it open, wanting
to eat it, not understandingthat he can't eat all the food
in the supermarket.
Does he get it?
Does he understand this?
These are all questions that afew years ago, were valid.
What about crying for no reason,going down certain aisles in

(08:35):
the supermarket?
That was always a big one.
I never got that.
We'd go to the supermarket andwe would start getting stuff and
he's being great and he's like.
You know, here's the five, sixyears old.
I'm like my kid is fantastic,this is insane.
He's being so good.
And then I go down, like thecoffee aisle right or some aisle
, some random aisle, and hewould lose it.
He wouldn't go down the aisle,he'd cry.
It was like I'm throwing himinto hell and I'm like, oh my

(08:58):
God, all right, stop.
So I'd have to go home from thesupermarket, having not gotten
like 50% of the stuff on thelist.
All that's in my head Today.
He's 13.
He's not that kid anymore,right, he's, he's a little man

(09:19):
dude.
So me, him, lauren, mygirlfriend, her son, christian,
who is also like Lucas, sameclasses, minimally verbal, but
Christian has so much experiencegoing out into the world, he
goes out and he does a lot ofstuff in the community

(09:42):
experience going out into theworld, he goes out and he does a
lot of stuff in the community.
And I know that if I bring myson out there, not only is Lucas
now more mature, able to dothese things even though he
doesn't do them as often still,because I'm kind of used to
getting stuff done but also hegets to watch Christian, he gets
to see how he acts out there.
And because of that we went tothe supermarket and Lucas was
great.
I mean don't want to say great,don't want to gas it up too

(10:05):
much Lucas was good.
We had moments.
Sometimes he didn't want towalk, right, he does that.
Sometimes he gets tired ofwalking or he wants to go
somewhere else, and what he doesis he just he plants right into
the ground, just plants hisfeet hand in hand, looks you in
the eye like, are you going tomove me?
I always move him.
He doesn't like that.
I'll just hold his hand andkeep walking and he kind of like

(10:27):
stumbles along like holy cow.
Only had to do that once he gotto pick out a snack.
I let him do that every time wego to the store, we go to
Target, we go to.
This was Stu Leonard's.
I go pick out what do you want?
He always picks out cookies.
It's really cute.
We go home he eats the cookies.
Did that?
I was so proud of him I had toremind myself.

(10:47):
I'm like, hey, he's not a babyanymore, he's not five, he's not
six, he's growing up.
Both your kids are growing up.
You're growing up.
Years pass by.
I've said this before on hereand it holds true for everything
in the world, especially whenit comes to kids, whether
they're on the spectrum, off thespectrum especially, we always

(11:08):
talk about watching kids grow up.
And before you have kids andsomebody says you know, oh, the
kids, they grow up so fast.
You think that they're talkingabout like 20, 30, 40 years ago.
Oh, they're saying that 30years go by on a heart.
No, your kids growing up isreally like six, seven years to
go from like little to like,practically.
You know, at a high school ageit's not that long.

(11:33):
Now, when it comes to a boy likemine, who's perpetually sweet
and who has the same likes andthe same things, that he still
TV shows, that he watches music,that he loves, the stuff
remains the same for him.
That sometimes for me, as hisdad is, I forget.
This is a little man and he wasa little man.
Man, he was the king of StuLeonard's this week.

(11:56):
So I was proud of him.
I was proud of Christian too.
Man that was.
I kept saying if there wassomebody else, if he was there
with another kid who maybewasn't enjoying it, or a kid who
wasn't well-behaving, he wasseeing that and observing that
he might not have done it.
We're all like that.
You know.
If you're around somebody who'ssetting a bad example, you
follow that bad example.
This was a good example and hewatched his friends and I don't
know I was proud of.
I was proud of everybody.

(12:17):
So we all did a really good job.
So, in the words of Mike Brady,wherever you go, there you are.
So that does it for me.
Guys, do me a favor, come backnext Friday right here.
Hi Pod, I'm Dad.
Brand new podcast.
Join me on HiBlogImDadcom.
Every Monday, every Wednesday,new blogs going out there, tons
of news on the way.
Do me a favor, stick around onsocial media, hi, James Guttman

(12:39):
H I James Guttman.
I'm on Instagram.
I'm on Facebook.
Hi Blog, I'm Dad is also onFacebook.
You could follow along and getall the updates we have.
We got some big updates comingvery soon, very soon, I promise
you on that.
Until next time, James Guttmansaying be well, bye, pod, I'm
done, I'll see you next time.
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