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April 11, 2025 13 mins

James Gutman explores the journey of raising his nonverbal son Lucas, challenging societal expectations about fatherhood and special needs parenting. Through this experience, he's discovered that the future he once feared has become the life he now cherishes, finding unexpected beauty in raising a child who reflects his purest values.

• Raising a nonverbal child means gradual adaptation rather than sudden change
• Society often sets low expectations for fathers, especially special needs dads
• Growing alongside Lucas has taught James to worry less about everything in life
• The fears we have about future challenges often dissolve when we actually face them
• Character and kindness matter more than developmental milestones or achievements
• Lucas reflects James's values through his kindness, pure heart, and genuine nature

Pre-order James's upcoming book "Hi World I'm Dad: How Fathers Can Journey from Autism Awareness to Acceptance, to Appreciation" to join us on this journey.


Preorder James Guttman’s new book – “Hi World, I’m Dad: How Fathers Can Journey to Autism Awareness, Acceptance, and Appreciation”

Follow Us On Facebook and Follow James Guttman on Instagram.

Also, be sure to read the blog that started it all - Hi Blog! I'm Dad.

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Transcript

Episode Transcript

Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
James Guttman (00:14):
Hi Pod, I am Dad.
He's not just Hi Dad, he's mydad, james Gutman.
Folks, it's James Gutman, it'shigh pot, I'm dad.
Welcome back to another editionof the podcast.
It is friday, it is april the11th, it is 2025, the stock
market and the weather bothmaking me sick.

(00:37):
But at this point I appreciateyou guys joining me here on the
show, coming back every week,whether we're on spot, spotify,
audible, hipodondadcom, whereveryou found it.
I appreciate it, like,subscribe, bookmark, blah, blah,
blah, blah, all that stuff.
Thank you, yeah, it's been agood week.
I mean, I've been a little underthe weather.
I hope I sound all right.
Very awful.

(00:58):
You know the heat's on theair's on the heat's on the
heat's on the air's on.
You guys know what that's about.
But overall, in terms of life,in terms of family, in terms of
things like that, it has beengreat.
Man, we've been all smiles overhere and I really enjoyed this
week getting a chance to writeabout Lucas and getting to write
about some of the subjectsabout raising a boy like him

(01:20):
that I enjoy the most and thetwo that I wrote about this week
.
On Monday for highblogomdadcom Iwrote my nonverbal son is the
purest reflection of my valuesand essentially what that was
was about how most people assume, when they see that I have a
nonverbal 14-year-old son, thatwe're different and there are
differences, and they thinkabout the things I can't do with
him.
You know, and that's somethingthat is important to recognize

(01:44):
for parents, I remember whenLucas was first diagnosed, it's
something that people said toyou you have to grieve.
They would tell me which Idon't know.
Man, it makes me cringe alittle bit.
I don't know if that's the bestword to use, but they say you
have to grieve the life that youthought you were going to have
with your child.
And I'll be honest, man, Idon't.

(02:05):
I never really thought about itthat much, and it could be the
fact that I hate saying I'm aboy.
I don't know if it's a boything, but I didn't play with a
lot of dolls as a kid.
I didn't diaper them, I didn'tread to them, I didn't really
envision fatherhood.
That said, I love being a dad.
That's a subject that in mybook, the upcoming book High
World I'm Dad.
This is a cheap plug but it'sdefinitely relevant.

(02:26):
High World I'm Dad how FathersCan Journey from Autism
Awareness to Acceptance, toAppreciation One of the things I
wrote about in that book isthat I didn't have dolls, I
didn't play those games.
That doesn't mean that I don'tlove being a parent.
I think one of the confusingaspects is that people think
sometimes that you know it'sonly the moms who really, you
know, care, and it's not Likethere's dads like me out there.

(02:48):
I mean, you probably know themin your life and I wish more of
the world knew about that.
You know, this is a part of mylife.
My son is someone that I made,someone that I brought to this
world, someone that I took onthe responsibility to raise him
and show him how the world is,took on the responsibility to
raise him and show him how theworld is.
So when he comes out and it's alittle more difficult maybe to

(03:09):
teach those things, I don't tapout, I don't run away, I don't
stop doing it.
This is my son.
If you have a child, you takeon that responsibility, no
matter what it takes, to givethis kid the best life I can, to
show him the things that I canshow him.
I'm going to and I think moredads need to be not only

(03:33):
recognized for it but held tothat standard.
I used to get upset when I firststarted writing the blog.
I would write sometimes abouthow people would always commend
me as a dad for raising Lucasand I would get somewhat I don't
like to say offended.
I don't really get offended bya lot of stuff, but I would
think it would be a stupidstatement.
Is that better than offended?
I don't know if that is.
I really don't.

(03:53):
I'm not like how dare you?
But there's a part of me that'slike get out of here with that
nonsense, and that's kind of howI feel People will be like well
, it's really good.
I had one nurse one time tellme how great it was because some
dads can't handle having a kidlike mine.
I'm like so they can't handleit, I go.
So they leave their family.
What are you saying to me?

(04:14):
Like, are you congratulating mefor not leaving my son?
I don't do that.
I'm not going to leave my kid.
I don't think anyone should.
And that's important.
And I think sometimes if we putthe bar too low, if we simply
applaud fathers for showing upbecause so many of them don't
like, what are we doing?
And I deal with that a lot inthe book, by the way.
If you want an insight intowhat's in there.

(04:34):
You're talking about a bookthat covers pretty much like
eight years, of just more thaneight years, because it covers
his entire life, 14 years ofraising him.
The blog is eight years.
That's why I got confused.
Don't send me any emails onthat.
It covers his whole life andthis journey of watching him
grow and watching him become whohe is, and I write a lot about

(04:55):
the place of a father in thatequation, how it's not.
I mean, it's respected, it'srespected on paper.
People like to hear about dadsthat are involved Until you are
a dad that's involved, untilyou're the dad going to the
school meetings by yourself.
And people are like, oh, I oncehad to call a school nurse I've
talked about it in the blog, Italk about it in the book and I

(05:17):
called up and I said, hi, I'mcalling about my son.
And she was, oh, okay, isLucas's mom going to be calling
in?
I said no, she's not.
Oh, oh, okay.
Well, we like dads here too.
So I was like good, I'm glad,because that's who's calling you
today.

(05:37):
His dad is calling him like,why do I have to go through that
?
You know I'm here.
Isn't this supposed to be thewhole thing.
We're applauding Yay dad's here, so it's weird and that's
always kind of been off-puttingfor me as a father.
My is just to raise my son is todo everything I possibly can to
give him the life that hedeserves.
That's what the blog's about,that's what the book's about,
that's what the podcast is about.

(05:58):
That's what my life is about.
It's about doing everything Ican for Lucas and it's about
recognizing the fact that I wasworried about things that ended
up never coming to fruition.
I wrote about it on Wednesdayand a lot of the book Wednesday

(06:18):
and a lot of the book deals withthat fact.
The thing that people don'tthink about when it comes to
special needs parenting is thatI didn't snap my fingers one day
and have a 14-year-oldnonverbal son.
No, I had an infant and then Ihad a two-year-old nonverbal son
and then I had a four-year-oldnonverbal son and I had a
six-year-old.
And then I had a two-year-oldnonverbal son and then I had a
four-year-old nonverbal son andI had a six-year-old.
So I've watched every step ofthe way him grow and him get
bigger and him become the personhe is.

(06:39):
So that now today that he'slike pretty much almost my
height and you know it probablyoutweighs me.
That didn't happen overnight.
It was a slow and steady buildto the point where you almost
don't notice it until someoneshows you an old picture.
You go oh my God, look at that.
I didn't see that coming andthat's the thing that I love
about the blog and that's thething that I tried to work into,

(07:01):
you know, my upcoming book.
It's been the kind of journeythat when you take it with him,
when I walk step by step everystep of the way with Lucas, it's
almost unnoticeable.
That's why today he'll sit on mylap and I don't think anything
of it until I see a picture ofit and it looks ridiculous.

(07:22):
I look like I'm flattened.
I look like in a Looney Tunescartoon.
You know, when they getsteamrolled and you got to peel
Daffy Duck off the ground, I'mDaffy Duck underneath my son and
I don't even notice it.
I'm hugging him or laughing.
People go.
How are you doing that?
I go, I don't know.
He just sits in my lap.
I didn't realize.
I couldn't pick him up untillike a year ago when one day, I

(07:46):
think, I tried to pick him up,I'm like, oh, he's too big for
this.
I still think I could, Idefinitely could, but I don't
like to do it.
But I will.
I'll hold him anyway if hejumps in my lap.
It's my baby, and one of thethings that I love about the
blog is that you guys have seenthat with me.
When I started writing this, hewas six and now he's 14.
So everything I've writtenabout all the things that I

(08:06):
worried about, all the thingsthat I thought, how are we going
to live another day if thisdoesn't happen?
Right?
So, like when he was like seven, I would tell myself he has to
be able to speak.
If he doesn't speak when he's10, it's going to be the worst
thing in the world.
How am I going to live throughthat?
And now 10 came, 11, 12, and wesurvive.

(08:26):
You move on.
And I learned that about life.
I wrote about that on Wednesdaybecause that's something that
having Lucas not only taught meabout being a dad, but taught me
about anything.
I don't really worry anymoreabout anything, because even the
things that are like, oh, Ican't survive if that happens,
yeah, you do.

(08:46):
You just do.
You might not be happy, itmight not be great, might go
through some suffering orwhatever, but you move on and
you make the best out of it.
In some cases, like with Lucas,it's actually great years old

(09:11):
that he wouldn't be speaking atall At 14, I would be like, oh
my God, you would have to likeI'm in a rubber room.
I wouldn't know what to do.
But that's because the kid thatI was picturing at 14 was some
random kid who didn't speak.
It wasn't Lucas.
Lucas was a baby.
I didn't know what a14-year-old Lucas looked like.
Now I do and I love him.
He's great.
It's amazing.
I wrote about again Wednesdaythe thing.
Read it on Wednesday.
I keep going.
Read it on.
The future I dreaded is thelife I love.

(09:33):
That's what I wrote about onWednesday.
Right, and I talk about how alot of people see the
differences first.
We don't watch wrestlingtogether.
He doesn't play, you know,baseball or tiddlywinks or
whatever the hell kids aresupposed to do.
He doesn't do those things withme.
But Lucas is the kindest,sweetest, most caring person.
He doesn't lie, doesn't deceive.

(09:54):
He's got a pure heart, all thatstuff, all the things that I
want to be.
He is to the outside world.
So that's why Lucas really, youknow, he genuinely reflects who
I am Like I wrote on Monday.
My nonverbal son is a purestreflection of my values.
He shows the world my values.
He's a good person and I'mproud that I put him out there,

(10:16):
just like my daughter.
I told my daughter once I said,listen, I don't care.
Yeah, I literally told her thislike two weeks ago.
I said I don't care how wellyou do in school, I don't care,
because she does.
She does amazing in school,like to the point where I'm just
like who taught you how to dothis?
Because I was not like that.
She gets amazing grades.
I said I don't care if you getthe best grades, I don't care if

(10:37):
you get, like, perfect scores,get into the best colleges, I
don't care if you get master'sdegrees and PhDs and the best
jobs in the world.
I said if you grow up to not bea kind and caring person, I said
I won't be proud of you.
That's the only thing you needto do to make me proud of you.
Everything else is great.
I'll be proud of you for thattoo, but that that's the most
important thing and hopefully,thankfully both of my kids.

(11:01):
They're not adults yet, so youcan't say it, but they are kind
and loving people, both of mychildren, and I'm so proud of
them for that.
And just because my son doesn'tspeak doesn't mean he can't be
that.
Just because my son has specialneeds doesn't mean that we're
only different from one another.
I have so many similarities toLucas in some ways, more than a

(11:21):
lot of people man.
We have the same humor, we havethe same kind of.
I can walk by a room that he'sin and kind of look at him and
kind of get what he's thinkingjust by that.
Look, you know, and that'ssomething that, as a parent, you
learn and you build and thatcomes over time.
So, yeah, that's kind of thewhole point.
So hopefully, look, do me afavor, go to the blog, read the

(11:44):
blog post this week, then gopre-order High World, I'm Dad.
How fathers again, how fatherscan journey from autism,
awareness to acceptance, toappreciation and honestly take
our journey with us, becausethere is a true beauty to
raising a boy like mine.
There's humor and there's life.
It's pretty much parenting inits purest form and I appreciate

(12:10):
the fact that you've all.
Let me share that with you andtell you about it.
And I promise, if you've lovedthis blog and you've loved the
podcast.
You're going to love this bookbecause it is the embodiment of
everything.
It is the idea of taking ajourney, step-by-step, and
growing with my son, and I'm soproud.

(12:31):
I'm proud of him, I'm proud ofthe book I put together and I'm
proud of just everything he'sdone to I don't know surpass
expectations, but not theexpectations I thought he was
supposed to surpass.
It's not a checklist.
Milestones don't matter.
Who he is as a person matters,and he's amazing.

(12:53):
So please join me in that.
Join me here every Friday aswell, join me Monday, wednesday
I blog on dad and that does itfor me until next week.
Folks, this is James Gutmansaying be well, bye pod, I'm out

(13:45):
.
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