March 7, 2025 • 9 mins
"Lucas is straightforward. There's no manipulation with him. He doesn't lie... If Lucas loves you, Lucas loves you."
James Gutman reflects on the unexpected joys and profound lessons of raising his nonverbal son Lucas, who has autism. He challenges common misconceptions about special needs parenting and explains his concept of "autism appreciation" – recognizing his son's unique qualities as strengths rather than deficits.
• Distinguishing between wanting certain capabilities for Lucas versus needing him to achieve specific milestones
• Finding beauty in Lucas's authenticity – his inability to manipulate, lie, or be arrogant
• Appreciating the purity of Lucas's emotional expressions, especially his unfiltered joy
• Challenging the imaginary scenarios people create when thinking about special needs parenting
• Writing about Lucas through his blog to share these perspectives with others
• Balancing acknowledgment of real challenges with celebration of unexpected blessings
Visit HiBlogI'mDad.com on Monday for a big announcement! Follow James on Instagram at HiJamesGutman.
Preorder James Guttman’s new book – “Hi World, I’m Dad: How Fathers Can Journey to Autism Awareness, Acceptance, and Appreciation”
Follow Us On Facebook and Follow James Guttman on Instagram.
Also, be sure to read the blog that started it all - Hi Blog! I'm Dad.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
James Guttman (00:14):
Hi Pod, I am Dad.
He's not just Hi Dad, he's mydad, james Gutman.
Folks, it's james gutman, it'shigh pot, I'm dad.
Welcome back to another editionof the podcast.
It is friday, we are we're atthe beginning of march and it is
(00:34):
so crazy that I almost saidwe're closing out february,
because I have no idea what dayit is, which I know it's friday,
but when it comes to dates weget a little messed up.
We're marching in like a lion,getting out like a lamb.
All that good stuff.
Thank you for choosing HiPod onDad to spend your Friday, at
least the next few minutes.
I want to thank you guys somuch for checking it out Whether
you found me anywhere.
(00:55):
We're on all the streamingservices obligatory.
Get that out of the way.
Hipodondadcom, all the archivesgoing back years and years and
years been doing this for a verylong time.
You guys have really been ahuge part of that, so thank you.
This has been a very busy week,so might not be the longest show
in the world, got a lot comingup and I will tell you this.
I'll tell you now, I'll tellyou at the end, I'll tell you
(01:17):
all throughout.
Do me a favor, come back tohighblogomdadcom on monday big
announcement, big news goingforward.
So Monday, monday is the date.
It is the.
It is the date that, yeah, justbe here on Monday, I'll tell
you all about it.
But yeah, in general though, Iwrite blogs every Monday, every
(01:37):
Wednesday, hi blog, I'm dadcomand, on that level, monday is
always a big day for me.
I love getting to write about myson you might hear in the
background Lucas, as you guysknow, nonverbal.
He's on the autism spectrum.
He's also one of the mostunique people I've ever known
(02:01):
and one of the most positiveways.
Lucas is his own person and alot of the things that I write
about when I write about Lucasis about autism and how it
affects him.
And years ago, like beforedoing this podcast, before doing
the blog, before having him, Iwould think if somebody told me
that, I would have a verydifferent view of what their
story was.
If somebody said, oh, my son isnonverbal, he has autism, he's
very unique, my brain would goin all different directions.
(02:24):
I would think you know they'retrying to be optimistic.
You know, special Before I hada quote-unquote special needs
kid.
I looked at the term special theway I think a lot of people did
Like, oh, this is kind oftrying to put a smile on.
Push on through, what are yougoing to do?
And I got to tell you one ofthe true blessings that I've had
(02:48):
in life is getting to writeabout him and share my
experience with Lucas with theworld.
And that's on top of anotherblessing, which is getting to
experience Lucas myself.
I never would have guessed thatthis is what having a boy like
him would mean to my life.
(03:08):
There's difficulties, yeah,there's difficulties, with
raising any kids.
Any parenting is going to havedifficulties.
So that's right there.
And on top of it, too, my sonhas life skills that we work on.
We just had a meeting with hisschool today talking about some
of the goals that you have, anda lot of the things that I'm
still working on with him arethings that other parents have
long finished.
You know all different things,whether it's, you know, brushing
(03:30):
his hair, brushing his teeth,tying his shoes, things like
that all still on the agenda.
That's there, right, so you gotit.
If that's what you think thehard part is, you know, oh, it's
poor dad, all right, cool, cool, poor dad doing it.
But here's the thing.
First of all, when peopleoutside of my home envision
raising a child like my son,they picture just a completely
(03:52):
fabricated kid in their mind.
Right, like what would I do ifI had a kid like that?
And they imagine a kid.
That's what I used to do.
I know this before I had Lucas.
I would think that what would Ido in that situation?
I didn't know Lucas, I justknew this.
You knew this caricature, thisidea of what it would mean to
have a special needs kid.
So I experienced in my brainall the heartache and all the
(04:16):
difficulties it's.
But because I'm making up thescenario, I don't have that bond
with that imaginary person.
So you don't really envisionthat.
You don't understand it.
I love my son.
I'll do anything for himbecause he's like the one person
you'll meet who doesn't askanything of you.
You know, like he asked maybefor a cookie or like pirate
booty or something to eat, buthe's not like I don't know,
(04:39):
lucas doesn't.
Lucas is straightforward.
There's no manipulation withhim.
He doesn't lie, he doesn't talk.
Smack Lucas.
If Lucas loves you, lucas lovesyou.
If Lucas says yes to something,if he wants something, he wants
it.
He doesn't do it because he'strying to make you feel better.
I just did that for you.
It's not he's.
That's not him man.
He doesn't have that.
He that, he's not arrogant,he's got no ego.
(05:00):
All these beautiful things areall a part of who he is, and I'm
so grateful for the opportunityto write about that and share
that and tell people about that,and that's what I did this past
week, too.
I talked about the parentingfears that vanished as my
nonverbal son grew up, and a bigpart of that is everything I'm
talking about here is the autismappreciation which has always
(05:21):
been the idea that my son is agreat person in many ways
because of autism, not despiteit, which I think, is this
misconception that so manypeople have about how that works
.
I mean, don't get me wrong,like I have to always put on a
little add-on here that in noway would I not want my son to
(05:44):
be able to speak.
Right, if Lucas woke uptomorrow and was like good
morning Papa, it would be, we'dhave a party, that'd be it.
I'd just be like woo and I'd beso excited.
Why?
Because it would make his lifeeasier.
It would make life easier forme, obviously, obviously being
able to understand it, but himtoo, being able to go through
life and that worry that's on myshoulder of one day I'm going
(06:07):
to be dead man.
He doesn't talk.
Are people going to know?
You know all that's gone.
So that, of course, as a parent, why wouldn't I want that but
need it?
When he was little, I thought Ineeded it.
When he gets two, three, andpeople are like I might not talk
(06:30):
, you're like are you kidding me?
It was major.
But now I want it.
Now I want him to do everything.
I want him to fly an airplane.
I want him to run for publicoffice.
I want him to do everything.
I don't need him to do anything.
He doesn't need to become adoctor.
He doesn't need to, you know,win an Academy Award.
He just needs to be him.
And he's really, honestly,through the personality that he
(06:52):
has and through the way he seesthe world, one of the sweetest,
most genuine people I've everknown.
Now, is this everybody withautism?
I don't know.
I haven't met everybody withautism.
I will tell you this, though Alot of the people I've met who
have autism are very similar inthat respect, you know, and I've
met some kids.
He goes to a school and I'vegone to.
I went to a barbecue once andI'm sitting there at the school
and this kid kicked me in theleg.
(07:14):
This little boy, right, he wastiny, my son was a couple years
younger and everyone was like,oh my God, I'm so sorry, I'm so
sorry, everyone's like all theteachers and the aides and I
just kind of like looked at himand he looks up at me.
He's a big smile on his face.
I'm like you kick me and helaughed and I laughed.
Not great, you don't want tokick people.
It's not a good thing to do.
But there's a purity to it, theidea that he wanted to do it.
(07:35):
So he did for me.
He didn't do it in order tointimidate me.
Hey, you better, you betterthrow that fight there, rocco.
None of that stuff.
It was just just sitting around.
The kid was just like kick hisleg, he just did it.
Maybe it's me, Maybe I'm weird,maybe I find these things to be
(08:08):
no-transcript ground and go tosleep.
You see, he's bored.
He's going to sit on the floor.
I want to do that.
He gets excited about a showthat he wants to watch.
He'll jump up and down clappingand screaming with excitement.
I don't do that for anything.
It's like a Toyota commercial.
He is so excited about allthese things and I'm so inspired
(08:30):
by it, and that's the wholeidea of this blog and the
writing that I do and the thingsthat I do autism appreciation,
what it means, just across theboard.
So that's been a greatexperience.
Thank you, guys, for taking thetime to always read what I
write.
Thank you for taking the timeto check out this podcast.
I'm back on HiBlogI'mDad everyMonday, every Wednesday, right?
But again, I told you at thebeginning I'm going to do it at
(08:51):
the end.
Monday go to the blog.
Hiblogi'mdad Instagram.
You can follow me.
Hijamesgutman, hijamesgutmanbig things on the horizon, but
yeah, monday, monday, monday, goon highblogomdadcom.
Check it out.
I promise you will not bedisappointed.
A lot of big stuff on the way.
Join me here.
Hi Pod I'm Dad.
(09:11):
Next Friday brand new podcast.
Until then, james Gutman sayingbe well, bye, pod, I'm Dad.
Thank you.
Hi Pod, I am Dad.
He's not just Hi Dad, he's mydad, james Gutman.
Folks, it's james gutman, it'shigh pot, I'm dad.
Welcome back to another editionof the podcast.
It is friday, we are we're atthe beginning of march and it is
(00:34):
so crazy that I almost saidwe're closing out february,
because I have no idea what dayit is, which I know it's friday,
but when it comes to dates weget a little messed up.
We're marching in like a lion,getting out like a lamb.
All that good stuff.
Thank you for choosing HiPod onDad to spend your Friday, at
least the next few minutes.
I want to thank you guys somuch for checking it out Whether
you found me anywhere.
(00:55):
We're on all the streamingservices obligatory.
Get that out of the way.
Hipodondadcom, all the archivesgoing back years and years and
years been doing this for a verylong time.
You guys have really been ahuge part of that, so thank you.
This has been a very busy week,so might not be the longest show
in the world, got a lot comingup and I will tell you this.
I'll tell you now, I'll tellyou at the end, I'll tell you
(01:17):
all throughout.
Do me a favor, come back tohighblogomdadcom on monday big
announcement, big news goingforward.
So Monday, monday is the date.
It is the.
It is the date that, yeah, justbe here on Monday, I'll tell
you all about it.
But yeah, in general though, Iwrite blogs every Monday, every
(01:37):
Wednesday, hi blog, I'm dadcomand, on that level, monday is
always a big day for me.
I love getting to write about myson you might hear in the
background Lucas, as you guysknow, nonverbal.
He's on the autism spectrum.
He's also one of the mostunique people I've ever known
(02:01):
and one of the most positiveways.
Lucas is his own person and alot of the things that I write
about when I write about Lucasis about autism and how it
affects him.
And years ago, like beforedoing this podcast, before doing
the blog, before having him, Iwould think if somebody told me
that, I would have a verydifferent view of what their
story was.
If somebody said, oh, my son isnonverbal, he has autism, he's
very unique, my brain would goin all different directions.
(02:24):
I would think you know they'retrying to be optimistic.
You know, special Before I hada quote-unquote special needs
kid.
I looked at the term special theway I think a lot of people did
Like, oh, this is kind oftrying to put a smile on.
Push on through, what are yougoing to do?
And I got to tell you one ofthe true blessings that I've had
(02:48):
in life is getting to writeabout him and share my
experience with Lucas with theworld.
And that's on top of anotherblessing, which is getting to
experience Lucas myself.
I never would have guessed thatthis is what having a boy like
him would mean to my life.
(03:08):
There's difficulties, yeah,there's difficulties, with
raising any kids.
Any parenting is going to havedifficulties.
So that's right there.
And on top of it, too, my sonhas life skills that we work on.
We just had a meeting with hisschool today talking about some
of the goals that you have, anda lot of the things that I'm
still working on with him arethings that other parents have
long finished.
You know all different things,whether it's, you know, brushing
(03:30):
his hair, brushing his teeth,tying his shoes, things like
that all still on the agenda.
That's there, right, so you gotit.
If that's what you think thehard part is, you know, oh, it's
poor dad, all right, cool, cool, poor dad doing it.
But here's the thing.
First of all, when peopleoutside of my home envision
raising a child like my son,they picture just a completely
(03:52):
fabricated kid in their mind.
Right, like what would I do ifI had a kid like that?
And they imagine a kid.
That's what I used to do.
I know this before I had Lucas.
I would think that what would Ido in that situation?
I didn't know Lucas, I justknew this.
You knew this caricature, thisidea of what it would mean to
have a special needs kid.
So I experienced in my brainall the heartache and all the
(04:16):
difficulties it's.
But because I'm making up thescenario, I don't have that bond
with that imaginary person.
So you don't really envisionthat.
You don't understand it.
I love my son.
I'll do anything for himbecause he's like the one person
you'll meet who doesn't askanything of you.
You know, like he asked maybefor a cookie or like pirate
booty or something to eat, buthe's not like I don't know,
(04:39):
lucas doesn't.
Lucas is straightforward.
There's no manipulation withhim.
He doesn't lie, he doesn't talk.
Smack Lucas.
If Lucas loves you, lucas lovesyou.
If Lucas says yes to something,if he wants something, he wants
it.
He doesn't do it because he'strying to make you feel better.
I just did that for you.
It's not he's.
That's not him man.
He doesn't have that.
He that, he's not arrogant,he's got no ego.
(05:00):
All these beautiful things areall a part of who he is, and I'm
so grateful for the opportunityto write about that and share
that and tell people about that,and that's what I did this past
week, too.
I talked about the parentingfears that vanished as my
nonverbal son grew up, and a bigpart of that is everything I'm
talking about here is the autismappreciation which has always
(05:21):
been the idea that my son is agreat person in many ways
because of autism, not despiteit, which I think, is this
misconception that so manypeople have about how that works
.
I mean, don't get me wrong,like I have to always put on a
little add-on here that in noway would I not want my son to
(05:44):
be able to speak.
Right, if Lucas woke uptomorrow and was like good
morning Papa, it would be, we'dhave a party, that'd be it.
I'd just be like woo and I'd beso excited.
Why?
Because it would make his lifeeasier.
It would make life easier forme, obviously, obviously being
able to understand it, but himtoo, being able to go through
life and that worry that's on myshoulder of one day I'm going
(06:07):
to be dead man.
He doesn't talk.
Are people going to know?
You know all that's gone.
So that, of course, as a parent, why wouldn't I want that but
need it?
When he was little, I thought Ineeded it.
When he gets two, three, andpeople are like I might not talk
(06:30):
, you're like are you kidding me?
It was major.
But now I want it.
Now I want him to do everything.
I want him to fly an airplane.
I want him to run for publicoffice.
I want him to do everything.
I don't need him to do anything.
He doesn't need to become adoctor.
He doesn't need to, you know,win an Academy Award.
He just needs to be him.
And he's really, honestly,through the personality that he
(06:52):
has and through the way he seesthe world, one of the sweetest,
most genuine people I've everknown.
Now, is this everybody withautism?
I don't know.
I haven't met everybody withautism.
I will tell you this, though Alot of the people I've met who
have autism are very similar inthat respect, you know, and I've
met some kids.
He goes to a school and I'vegone to.
I went to a barbecue once andI'm sitting there at the school
and this kid kicked me in theleg.
(07:14):
This little boy, right, he wastiny, my son was a couple years
younger and everyone was like,oh my God, I'm so sorry, I'm so
sorry, everyone's like all theteachers and the aides and I
just kind of like looked at himand he looks up at me.
He's a big smile on his face.
I'm like you kick me and helaughed and I laughed.
Not great, you don't want tokick people.
It's not a good thing to do.
But there's a purity to it, theidea that he wanted to do it.
(07:35):
So he did for me.
He didn't do it in order tointimidate me.
Hey, you better, you betterthrow that fight there, rocco.
None of that stuff.
It was just just sitting around.
The kid was just like kick hisleg, he just did it.
Maybe it's me, Maybe I'm weird,maybe I find these things to be
(08:08):
no-transcript ground and go tosleep.
You see, he's bored.
He's going to sit on the floor.
I want to do that.
He gets excited about a showthat he wants to watch.
He'll jump up and down clappingand screaming with excitement.
I don't do that for anything.
It's like a Toyota commercial.
He is so excited about allthese things and I'm so inspired
(08:30):
by it, and that's the wholeidea of this blog and the
writing that I do and the thingsthat I do autism appreciation,
what it means, just across theboard.
So that's been a greatexperience.
Thank you, guys, for taking thetime to always read what I
write.
Thank you for taking the timeto check out this podcast.
I'm back on HiBlogI'mDad everyMonday, every Wednesday, right?
But again, I told you at thebeginning I'm going to do it at
(08:51):
the end.
Monday go to the blog.
Hiblogi'mdad Instagram.
You can follow me.
Hijamesgutman, hijamesgutmanbig things on the horizon, but
yeah, monday, monday, monday, goon highblogomdadcom.
Check it out.
I promise you will not bedisappointed.
A lot of big stuff on the way.
Join me here.
Hi Pod I'm Dad.
(09:11):
Next Friday brand new podcast.
Until then, james Gutman sayingbe well, bye, pod, I'm Dad.
Thank you.
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