July 4, 2025 • 21 mins
Watch This Episode on YouTube - https://youtu.be/ad4q7DE2SlE
James Guttman shares a deeply personal look at the evolution of his parenting journey with Lucas, his 14-year-old son with severe autism. From the emotional tug-of-war over age-appropriate toys to unexpected moments of connection in thrift stores and living rooms, James explores how he learned to stop correcting his son’s play and instead joined him in it.
This episode dives into the beauty of authenticity, the pressure of societal expectations, and the unspoken bond between a father and son. James opens up about dignity, boundaries, and why he now lets Lucas lead the way, because loving a child sometimes means letting go of what the world tells you is “right.”
It’s not just a parenting story. It’s a story about unconditional love, acceptance, and finding peace in unexpected places.
It's Here! Get the book – “Hi World, I’m Dad: How Fathers Can Journey to Autism Awareness, Acceptance, and Appreciation” on audio, digital, or print.
Follow Us On Facebook and YouTube. Follow James Guttman on Instagram.
Also, be sure to read the blog that started it all - Hi Blog! I'm Dad.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
James Guttman (00:14):
Hi Pod, I am Dad.
He's not just Hi Dad, he's mydad, james Gutman.
Folks, it's james gutman.
High pod, I'm dad.
It is friday.
Come here, bud.
(00:34):
It is friday is the 4th of july, it is 2025.
Thank you so much for checkingus out.
Uh, whether you found me onspotify audible iheart radio.
Uh, lucas and I are all overthose.
Uh, that's where the podcast isavailable.
It's also on HiPodI'mDadcom.
All the archives are there aswell, and perhaps you're seeing
me.
If you are, how are you?
You are, then, on YouTube.
That's what that means.
(00:55):
You're on YouTube at ourchannel, hiblogi'mdad.
He threw me off with thatsometimes when he comes in.
I love this kid.
So, yeah, if you see me, that'swhere it is Do me a favor like
subscribe, hit the bell, do allthat stuff you're supposed to do
on YouTube.
We're fairly new there.
This is our third week puttingvideos up of the podcast and
various other videos too,speaking events and things that
(01:15):
I've done in the past, and I gotto tell you it's really
important.
I think, kind of doing some ofthese video updates, letting you
guys get a chance to see my son, see who he is.
I think it's a big part of ourstory and I never really thought
about it.
I had a friend suggest doingthese videos a few weeks ago.
I haven't regretted it.
In fact, I think it's been agame changer a lot, because I
(01:39):
want people to see who we are,who my son is, understand who he
is and kind of get the ideathat you don't have to have
things easy necessarily in orderto see the positivity in it.
You know, my son has severeautism.
He's nonverbal, he's 14.
But the work that I have to dofor him and the things that it
requires in order to keep himhealthy and happy are worth it,
(02:02):
because he is just like a ray ofsunshine in my life, just like
his sister is.
His sister is neurotypical,she's 17.
And the bond that I have withboth of them is unique, but at
the same time it's everything tome.
It's everything to me.
So this has been a greatopportunity to kind of show
people who he is and explain whohe is and show our family to
(02:23):
everybody.
So thank you for allowing me todo that as well.
And finally, highblogomdadcom.
That has our blogs Monday,wednesday.
High World on Dad, availableeverywhere audiobook, digital,
written.
There's a lot of stuff tomention, so thank you.
Thank you for checking it out.
Thank you for your feedback.
If you do have High World on Dad, do me a favor, leave your
(02:46):
feedback.
If you do have High World onDad, do me a favor, leave a
review.
You can go on Amazon.
You can go.
I know they do reviewseverywhere.
It's weird.
Spotify has you put stars onthere for the audio book.
Different audio book sitesallow you to write it as well.
So, yeah, it means a lot and ithelps.
It helps people discover whatwe're doing.
It helps get a chance to shareour story and that's what I've
been trying to do and, as a lotof you know, a big part of what
(03:08):
I do is about honesty.
You know, I don't want tomisrepresent anything.
I don't want to pretend thingsare a certain way.
I never want to pretend likethis has always been easy for me
.
I don't want to pretend likethere's no struggles involved
with having a child like mine.
There are there's struggleswith having a child like mine.
There are there's struggleswith having any child.
I have two kids my daughter's,neurotypical, and there are
(03:30):
struggles with raising aneurotypical 17-year-old girl.
There's definite struggles withraising a neurotypical
17-year-old girl, but I thinkany parent listening to this
knows that that it's not easy,and I think sometimes we lose
sight of that.
And just because we talk aboutthings in a positive way, just
because we see the beauty inlife, doesn't mean there isn't a
(03:52):
reality to it, and I've alwaystried to present that reality.
And the reality is that it tookme a while to get to where I am
.
It took me a while to to whereI am.
It took me a while toappreciate that my son's autism
makes him special, makes himunique, makes him a beautiful
person.
Lucas is unlike anybody and I'vesaid this over and over again.
(04:14):
I've given you all the reasonsfor it, but it's really until
you really see it like inpractice, having him come over
and really not get like look,see this, come here, look, come
here.
This is a video that he hasseen 8,000 times.
Yes, sir, yes, sir.
Three bags full right.
Come here, bud.
And he's so happy over thisvideo and it's one of those
(04:36):
things that fills me withhappiness.
I love you, buddy, and come on,come on, if you're watching
this on YouTube.
He just hugged my head and gaveme a kiss Get out of here, he's
14.
That's a beautiful thing andthat's a big part of how autism
affects him.
Now, if he was 14 and he wasneurotypical, would he still be
grabbing me and kissing me and,you know, showing me love and
affection.
You know, perhaps maybe it alldepends on kind of who he is,
(05:02):
but it's not lost on me thatperhaps being nonverbal, perhaps
having to express himself indifferent ways, perhaps not
getting caught up in all of ournonsense in the world where
we're out there and we'retalking smack about each other
or we're trying to get over onpeople, lucas doesn't manipulate
at all.
Lucas doesn't want tomanipulate.
Lucas doesn't try to make youfeel bad about yourself to get
(05:24):
what he wants.
Lucas doesn't want tomanipulate.
Lucas doesn't try to make youfeel bad about yourself to get
what he wants.
Lucas doesn't try to you know,finagle anything If anything.
He's kind of out in the openabout it.
Like if Lucas wants a snack andyou tell him no snack and he
really wants that snack, he'sjust going to grab the snack.
But he doesn't like set upintricate plans and he doesn't
think like that.
And it's funny because when Italk about autism appreciation,
(05:48):
a lot of people they hear thatand they go oh, that's great,
but I don't think you fullyappreciate what it's like until
you're in a situation whereyou're around people who are
acting that way or people whoare treating you a certain way,
and then you have this kid withhis unconditional love waiting
for you and I'm just like.
There are some days, man, whereLucas just keeps me going.
You know where he's, the, he'sthe guy, he's the person that
(06:09):
just makes me feel important,special and needed and wanted.
That took a while and there wasa long while, and I've written
all these different things,especially if you go back
through the blog, if you go intothis book.
By the way, I could talk aboutthis book more.
Hi, world, I'm Dad and I bringit up because I could tell you
guys to go through this blog andgo back you know, at this point
(06:30):
, eight years and read about ourjourney and you'll see how
things have changed when he waslittle and the things I wrote
about.
But the thing with this book isthat I cover everything in the
book.
Through it you're going to readabout today.
You're going to read about someof the early days and some of
the stories that you knowaffected me as a parent, and
there are and were big stories,man.
There's things that I don'teven talk about anymore, that if
(06:52):
you go back on the blog becausethey're from years ago, but I
know people deal with it.
For example, today I knowthere's people listening to this
that have you know, youngchildren maybe just diagnosed
and there are struggles thatthey face that I faced at one
time that I don't really faceanymore.
One of them and I thought aboutit today was age-appropriate
gifts and toys and the thingsthat he does.
My and my son doesn't reallyplay with toys the way you would
(07:18):
expect, right?
So it's not like you can't givehim a car and he doesn't do
vroom, vroom and he might spinthe wheel, he might watch its
reflection, he might listen fora sound that it makes.
There's different ways that heplays with different things and
it's always kind of been likethat and I tell that you know I
say famous story and how famousit is, but in terms of this blog
(07:39):
it's pretty famous of the firstday that I entered his world by
trying to play with him, not asI told him we should play with
his toy, but playing with it theway he was, by pulling the toy,
bringing it out from underneaththe red chair in my living room
.
I think back on that man, thatwas an amazing day.
He had been always playing withthis toy in a way that I had
(08:00):
tried to correct.
No, lucas, that's not how youplay with it.
You don't stare in the mirror.
And rather than doing that, Isat with him and I did it the
way he was doing it and he gaveme a hug, much like you saw
before, and since that day Ifelt like a better connection to
him.
But that was a lot of his toysare like that.
(08:20):
You know he's not necessarily,you know, playing Play-Doh or
stacking things up.
It's not.
It's not in the way that'sconsidered appropriate.
And because of that, a lot ofthe toys that he's enjoyed
through the years are notnecessarily the toys that you
would expect a 14 year old towant to enjoy and like, for
example, leapfrog toys.
He loves those remote controllittle.
You know leapfrog toys.
He loves those remote controllittle leapfrog devices.
We have them in the car.
(08:41):
When he was little it would bealmost like baby toys and it was
so hard for me as a dad becauseI went through this struggle of
do I encourage this?
Do I buy him infant toys forChristmas.
Do I buy him these?
I mean infant toys, I'm talkinglittle cars that went with
little eyes open up For babies,a lot of the things that you buy
(09:04):
.
Them all involve kind of thatflashy, surprising like, oh, the
wheels move and then the eyesopen and close, those kind of
toys.
And he liked it, but he hadoutgrown it physically,
chronologically, grown itphysically, you know,
chronologically.
So I struggled and there weretimes, definitely when he was
(09:25):
younger, where you would go outand try to buy him things that
seemed more appropriate, like heliked the Wiggles.
So I bought him Wiggles actionfigures, didn't care, it was
like nothing.
Bought him a Wiggles toy guitar, didn't care, didn't want the
Wiggles toy guitar.
But when it comes to like SenseCNC, like the one you know, the
farmer says I don't think thefarmer's on there yet the cow
says moo.
He loved those and I boughtthose for him, long past the
(09:50):
date that most parents would bebuying their kids CNCs.
And it was a struggle Iremember was working.
This was years and years ago.
He was little, he was like fouryears old, five years old, and I
was at a thrift store and theyhad like a baby toy.
It was like one of those littleinfant toys that had a bell on
it and stuff.
(10:10):
So I'm walking around thisthrift store and I'm the only
one in this thrift store and tothis day I shouldn't have gone
into the thrift store.
It was not a chain of thriftstores, it was kind of like a
mom and pop churchy thrift store.
And I went over and I picked upthis toy and I'm walking around
looking for other stuff to getfor him and I guess this woman
figured she was going to do ahard sell, which I hate.
(10:31):
I hate aggressive salespeople.
That's why I never go togadgets and gizmos and I don't
like being chased around.
I don't like being sold things,especially if I'm already
buying something anyway.
And I'm walking around with thistoy and I'm looking around and
I hear this woman in thebackground.
She goes how old's the baby?
And I'm like, oh my God, I justkeep walking and now she's
picking up baby toys andfollowing me behind how old's
(10:54):
the baby?
I'm like, oh my god.
And she wouldn't stop and I'mtrying to like ignore her.
Do the, do the?
Oh, I didn't hear your thing,um, and I remember just being
like so frustrated and, to behonest with you.
I don't remember if I told her,you know, that he had autism
and he wasn't a baby.
I forgot what I said, but Iremember feeling in that moment
so frustrated, like, just leaveme alone.
(11:16):
Like and it's one of thosethings now to think back on it
she didn't know.
I mean, granted, look, don'tleave me alone while I'm
shopping.
So it wasn't nefarious, shewasn't doing it to like, be mean
or to upset me, but it upset me.
It was something that I wasstruggling with at the time.
There's nothing worse, whenyou're worried about your child
having a probable disability,then turn around and buy them a
(11:42):
toy for Christmas that literallyhas an infant on the box.
And I remember I wrote aboutthis when the blog first came
out and I said that I wanted topunch the baby on the box.
And I said I say you don't readtoo many autism parenting blogs
that involve wanting to punchan infant in the face.
But here we are.
What are you going to do aboutit?
But that was a struggle andthat's something that we had to
(12:04):
get past.
Now, what do I do today?
Well, today, he gets whateverhe wants.
Lucas wants a toy.
He gets a toy.
Lucas likes something, he getsit.
I let him pick it out.
We'll go to the store.
I go.
What do you want?
Sometimes he picks it,sometimes he doesn't.
I know what he likes and a lotof his presents at this point
are dupes.
They're duplicates.
That's always been kind of thebest way to go about it.
You know, I try to find atholidays and birthdays something
(12:29):
new that he might like.
I don't go to the autismfriendly toys anymore.
I've thrown out more or givenaway I should say more, than you
know you would imagine weightedblankets and this little
stretchy suit that he wore.
He looked like a starfish.
It was cute.
All these things that kids withautism love.
My kid doesn't necessarily loveit.
He doesn't love squishies.
He doesn't love fidget spinners.
He doesn't like any of thatstuff.
(12:49):
He likes what he likes.
He likes electronics.
He likes his iPad.
He likes things like that.
So when the holidays comearound, he'll get a new device
or he'll get a new leapfrog toyor something like that,
something that makes noise,something that he might enjoy,
and a lot of the times too.
I don't even know if he likes itat first, because he doesn't
really react when he first getsit, unless it's something he
(13:11):
knows really well a new iPad orsomething like that he doesn't
really jump for joy over it.
It takes him a little while tounderstand it.
I'll give it to him.
He'll kind of ignore it andyou're like, oh, he doesn't like
it.
And then, like two days later,I hear him playing with it in
his room and then we have a bigparty about it.
But other people don't get iteither.
Man, I've had family andfriends.
They buy him presents and theywant to see him open it and I'm
(13:33):
like you're going to bedisappointed, I don't know.
They'll sit there and they'llstare at him like, and he'll
open it, we'll force him to openit.
It's like hand over hand, hetries to run away.
I'm like, no, open, open, open.
And then he just looks at themand he goes.
I say thank you and I'll taphim and leave.
Um, and some people don't getit and for the most part, people
are cool about it and I've hadpeople be really cool about it.
Oh, I get it, I hope he likesit.
(13:54):
But then you have people thatjust don't get it and I wrote
about that this week onhighblogomdadcom the struggle of
family and friends who mightjust not understand your kid and
it's 4th of July, so you mightbe at a barbecue right now.
You might be at a barbecueright now.
You might be around family, youmight be trying to explain
things to people who don'treally seem to get it, so
(14:14):
hopefully you can show themmaybe that blog or this podcast
and hopefully they'll understanda little bit better.
And I find that for the mostpart, people do Once you give
them the opportunity to ask thequestions they want to ask, once
you give them the opportunityto know your kid better, because
some people are afraid to askanything.
I've had people come to me andthey're like I don't want to
offend you, but can I ask?
(14:36):
And then they will ask theleast offensive question ever.
And I think how many people areholding back questions about
Lucas that I'm willing to answer?
Look, I want to tell you aboutmy kid.
Most times I want to talk abouthim, I want to tell you stories
, I want to explain who he is.
It's not a taboo subject, youknow I I have answers.
(14:59):
In fact, the only time I everfelt like Lucas was a taboo
subject was when he was tiny andhe was being diagnosed and I
didn't know the answers.
Does he like school?
Does he like his friend?
I don't know if he likes school.
I don't know if he likes hisfriend.
Does he know it's his birthday?
I hated that one.
Does he know it's his birthday?
I'm like does he know it's hisbirthday?
I hated that one.
Does he know it's his birthday?
I'm like does he know it's hisbirthday?
I don't know.
Maybe, and as a young parent,there's nothing that makes you
feel worse than not being ableto answer questions like that.
(15:20):
And that was tough early on,but now my kid is 14.
I love my kid.
I know him so well.
I want to answer questionsabout him.
So for anybody out there who'sgot a question, I always tell
them come to me If it comes froma place of kindness and genuine
curiosity.
If you want to get to know myson, I will.
It's an open book man.
I'm literally open book.
(15:42):
That was cute.
It's literally an open book.
I want to share him.
I want to tell you who he is.
I want to explain who he is,and getting a chance to do that
means a lot.
I just needed to allow people toask me those questions.
I needed to make sure that theyunderstood that it was safe for
them to ask me those questionsand ask me whatever they had.
And I'll tell you this I'venever really had any offensive
(16:04):
questions from anybody.
But even at that point, ifsomebody would ask a question,
that might be offensive ifthey're saying it in a way where
they want to learn about him,if they're saying it in a way
where they want to learn abouthim and they're saying it out of
a genuine place of I don't wantto say curiosity, but a place
where they want to get to knowmy boy.
You can ask anything.
You can ask anything when itcomes to the blog and publicly
(16:27):
on the podcast and things likethat.
People ask me questions.
There's certain things I don'ttalk about publicly.
You may have, uh, in the blog Idon't talk about.
You know some of the morepersonal things.
He's a 14 year old boy, so youknow people ask me about like um
, you know his bathing and andusing the bad things.
I don't.
I don't talk about that eitherway.
Um, not saying yes or no, notsaying he does use it.
The bathroom doesn't use um.
I just wouldn't want.
I have a feeling even if he wasneurotypical and had words, he
(16:48):
wouldn't want.
I have a feeling, even if hewas neurotypical and had words,
he wouldn't want me kind oftalking about his life like that
.
And I also think it's the kindof thing where saying anything
either way and I don't want todo it, even if he's doing
something like that, even ifhe's caught up, I should say,
with his milestones.
In that regard, I don't want tobetray his confidence and
(17:10):
betray his trust, I should say,even if that trust is unspoken.
You know, lucas doesn'tunderstand what I do, lucas
doesn't understand this podcast.
Lucas doesn't understand theblog.
I was asked when I went to thatJubilee video last year.
I had gone to LA to film avideo for Jubilee where we
talked about autism.
It was a panel, it waswonderful, it was one of the
(17:33):
best experiences that I had, buton it I talked about whether or
not Lucas understood what I didand I said Lucas doesn't know
what autism is.
Lucas doesn't understandadvocacy.
Lucas doesn't understanddisabilities and neurotypical he
doesn't.
So it's up to me to think tomyself if I was him, what would
(17:58):
I be comfortable with, whatwould I want?
And if I have any question, ifthere's anything that makes me
feel a little like I just don'tdo it.
I don't I don't want to, youknow, give too much away about
him and he's a.
He's a good kid, he's awonderful kid and I think
there's plenty of things that Ican talk about in terms of his
development, the things that hedoes.
(18:19):
That explains his story enoughthat it's important, and I think
any any parent out there whodoes have a child like mine
that's nonverbal maybe can'texpress how they feel about
things like that.
I think it's a it's a bigresponsibility to remember that
it's on us to make sure we keephis privacy private in the
places where it should be.
So, yeah, I've been doing thatfor a while.
It's been an experience, folks.
(18:40):
It's been absolutelyunbelievable.
But, like, as I was saying, ifsomeone were to come to me with
questions personal, one-on-one,like in you know, family,
friends if they had a question,I answer it.
It as my kid.
I want you to know about them.
So, hopefully, if that's whatyou're doing today or this week
or whenever this summer, you'resurrounded by people and they
want to know questions.
I want to know things aboutyour kid.
(19:01):
Let them know that it's okay.
Let them know that they can askand share.
Just share and do me a favor.
Look, pick up High World.
I'm Dad and one of the thingsthat I love the most about
writing this book and this isn'tjust a sales pitch this is a
big deal.
For me, this isn't a book.
This isn't just simply like astory that I put out there.
For me, this is it's gonna be amovement, a major thing.
(19:26):
This is something that it's apositive approach to a subject
that I feel sometimes gets mireddown too much in kind of fear,
tactics and misunderstandings.
This book is for anybody outthere who has a new child
diagnosed with autism and isstruggling with it.
This is for parents like me whohave a child around Lucas's age
(19:47):
, been doing this for years.
This is for a grandparent thatmaybe doesn't get it, an aunt,
an uncle, a friend, a colleague,somebody who wants to know
about the parental perspective.
If you're a teacher I've hadspecial ed teachers I've spoken
to who've brought up thingsabout reading this book there's
a lot of people that couldbenefit from this book, but out
of all of them, I think the onewho hopefully will benefit the
(20:07):
most is my son, and the worldwill know him, and the world
will know the beautiful soulthat he is, because unbelievable
dude, this kid's amazing andthat's the whole point and
that's what we do here and thatdoes it for me.
Guys, thank you so much forchecking us out here today.
On highpodomdadcomhighblogomdadcom Monday,
wednesday new blogs every week.
(20:27):
High World, I'm Dad, availableon Amazon and everywhere.
Good reads I don't even knowGood reads is.
It's there, it's everywhere youcould find it.
To follow me on social media Hi, james Gutman.
That's H I, james Gutman, notyou know.
Come on, get with it.
Why would I do that?
Why would that be my name?
H I, james Gutman.
That's on Instagram.
It's on James Gutman saying bewell, bye pod, I'm out.
I'll see you next time.
Hi Pod, I am Dad.
He's not just Hi Dad, he's mydad, james Gutman.
Folks, it's james gutman.
High pod, I'm dad.
It is friday.
Come here, bud.
(00:34):
It is friday is the 4th of july, it is 2025.
Thank you so much for checkingus out.
Uh, whether you found me onspotify audible iheart radio.
Uh, lucas and I are all overthose.
Uh, that's where the podcast isavailable.
It's also on HiPodI'mDadcom.
All the archives are there aswell, and perhaps you're seeing
me.
If you are, how are you?
You are, then, on YouTube.
That's what that means.
(00:55):
You're on YouTube at ourchannel, hiblogi'mdad.
He threw me off with thatsometimes when he comes in.
I love this kid.
So, yeah, if you see me, that'swhere it is Do me a favor like
subscribe, hit the bell, do allthat stuff you're supposed to do
on YouTube.
We're fairly new there.
This is our third week puttingvideos up of the podcast and
various other videos too,speaking events and things that
(01:15):
I've done in the past, and I gotto tell you it's really
important.
I think, kind of doing some ofthese video updates, letting you
guys get a chance to see my son, see who he is.
I think it's a big part of ourstory and I never really thought
about it.
I had a friend suggest doingthese videos a few weeks ago.
I haven't regretted it.
In fact, I think it's been agame changer a lot, because I
(01:39):
want people to see who we are,who my son is, understand who he
is and kind of get the ideathat you don't have to have
things easy necessarily in orderto see the positivity in it.
You know, my son has severeautism.
He's nonverbal, he's 14.
But the work that I have to dofor him and the things that it
requires in order to keep himhealthy and happy are worth it,
(02:02):
because he is just like a ray ofsunshine in my life, just like
his sister is.
His sister is neurotypical,she's 17.
And the bond that I have withboth of them is unique, but at
the same time it's everything tome.
It's everything to me.
So this has been a greatopportunity to kind of show
people who he is and explain whohe is and show our family to
(02:23):
everybody.
So thank you for allowing me todo that as well.
And finally, highblogomdadcom.
That has our blogs Monday,wednesday.
High World on Dad, availableeverywhere audiobook, digital,
written.
There's a lot of stuff tomention, so thank you.
Thank you for checking it out.
Thank you for your feedback.
If you do have High World on Dad, do me a favor, leave your
(02:46):
feedback.
If you do have High World onDad, do me a favor, leave a
review.
You can go on Amazon.
You can go.
I know they do reviewseverywhere.
It's weird.
Spotify has you put stars onthere for the audio book.
Different audio book sitesallow you to write it as well.
So, yeah, it means a lot and ithelps.
It helps people discover whatwe're doing.
It helps get a chance to shareour story and that's what I've
been trying to do and, as a lotof you know, a big part of what
(03:08):
I do is about honesty.
You know, I don't want tomisrepresent anything.
I don't want to pretend thingsare a certain way.
I never want to pretend likethis has always been easy for me
.
I don't want to pretend likethere's no struggles involved
with having a child like mine.
There are there's struggleswith having a child like mine.
There are there's struggleswith having any child.
I have two kids my daughter's,neurotypical, and there are
(03:30):
struggles with raising aneurotypical 17-year-old girl.
There's definite struggles withraising a neurotypical
17-year-old girl, but I thinkany parent listening to this
knows that that it's not easy,and I think sometimes we lose
sight of that.
And just because we talk aboutthings in a positive way, just
because we see the beauty inlife, doesn't mean there isn't a
(03:52):
reality to it, and I've alwaystried to present that reality.
And the reality is that it tookme a while to get to where I am
.
It took me a while to to whereI am.
It took me a while toappreciate that my son's autism
makes him special, makes himunique, makes him a beautiful
person.
Lucas is unlike anybody and I'vesaid this over and over again.
(04:14):
I've given you all the reasonsfor it, but it's really until
you really see it like inpractice, having him come over
and really not get like look,see this, come here, look, come
here.
This is a video that he hasseen 8,000 times.
Yes, sir, yes, sir.
Three bags full right.
Come here, bud.
And he's so happy over thisvideo and it's one of those
(04:36):
things that fills me withhappiness.
I love you, buddy, and come on,come on, if you're watching
this on YouTube.
He just hugged my head and gaveme a kiss Get out of here, he's
14.
That's a beautiful thing andthat's a big part of how autism
affects him.
Now, if he was 14 and he wasneurotypical, would he still be
grabbing me and kissing me and,you know, showing me love and
affection.
You know, perhaps maybe it alldepends on kind of who he is,
(05:02):
but it's not lost on me thatperhaps being nonverbal, perhaps
having to express himself indifferent ways, perhaps not
getting caught up in all of ournonsense in the world where
we're out there and we'retalking smack about each other
or we're trying to get over onpeople, lucas doesn't manipulate
at all.
Lucas doesn't want tomanipulate.
Lucas doesn't try to make youfeel bad about yourself to get
(05:24):
what he wants.
Lucas doesn't want tomanipulate.
Lucas doesn't try to make youfeel bad about yourself to get
what he wants.
Lucas doesn't try to you know,finagle anything If anything.
He's kind of out in the openabout it.
Like if Lucas wants a snack andyou tell him no snack and he
really wants that snack, he'sjust going to grab the snack.
But he doesn't like set upintricate plans and he doesn't
think like that.
And it's funny because when Italk about autism appreciation,
(05:48):
a lot of people they hear thatand they go oh, that's great,
but I don't think you fullyappreciate what it's like until
you're in a situation whereyou're around people who are
acting that way or people whoare treating you a certain way,
and then you have this kid withhis unconditional love waiting
for you and I'm just like.
There are some days, man, whereLucas just keeps me going.
You know where he's, the, he'sthe guy, he's the person that
(06:09):
just makes me feel important,special and needed and wanted.
That took a while and there wasa long while, and I've written
all these different things,especially if you go back
through the blog, if you go intothis book.
By the way, I could talk aboutthis book more.
Hi, world, I'm Dad and I bringit up because I could tell you
guys to go through this blog andgo back you know, at this point
(06:30):
, eight years and read about ourjourney and you'll see how
things have changed when he waslittle and the things I wrote
about.
But the thing with this book isthat I cover everything in the
book.
Through it you're going to readabout today.
You're going to read about someof the early days and some of
the stories that you knowaffected me as a parent, and
there are and were big stories,man.
There's things that I don'teven talk about anymore, that if
(06:52):
you go back on the blog becausethey're from years ago, but I
know people deal with it.
For example, today I knowthere's people listening to this
that have you know, youngchildren maybe just diagnosed
and there are struggles thatthey face that I faced at one
time that I don't really faceanymore.
One of them and I thought aboutit today was age-appropriate
gifts and toys and the thingsthat he does.
My and my son doesn't reallyplay with toys the way you would
(07:18):
expect, right?
So it's not like you can't givehim a car and he doesn't do
vroom, vroom and he might spinthe wheel, he might watch its
reflection, he might listen fora sound that it makes.
There's different ways that heplays with different things and
it's always kind of been likethat and I tell that you know I
say famous story and how famousit is, but in terms of this blog
(07:39):
it's pretty famous of the firstday that I entered his world by
trying to play with him, not asI told him we should play with
his toy, but playing with it theway he was, by pulling the toy,
bringing it out from underneaththe red chair in my living room
.
I think back on that man, thatwas an amazing day.
He had been always playing withthis toy in a way that I had
(08:00):
tried to correct.
No, lucas, that's not how youplay with it.
You don't stare in the mirror.
And rather than doing that, Isat with him and I did it the
way he was doing it and he gaveme a hug, much like you saw
before, and since that day Ifelt like a better connection to
him.
But that was a lot of his toysare like that.
(08:20):
You know he's not necessarily,you know, playing Play-Doh or
stacking things up.
It's not.
It's not in the way that'sconsidered appropriate.
And because of that, a lot ofthe toys that he's enjoyed
through the years are notnecessarily the toys that you
would expect a 14 year old towant to enjoy and like, for
example, leapfrog toys.
He loves those remote controllittle.
You know leapfrog toys.
He loves those remote controllittle leapfrog devices.
We have them in the car.
(08:41):
When he was little it would bealmost like baby toys and it was
so hard for me as a dad becauseI went through this struggle of
do I encourage this?
Do I buy him infant toys forChristmas.
Do I buy him these?
I mean infant toys, I'm talkinglittle cars that went with
little eyes open up For babies,a lot of the things that you buy
(09:04):
.
Them all involve kind of thatflashy, surprising like, oh, the
wheels move and then the eyesopen and close, those kind of
toys.
And he liked it, but he hadoutgrown it physically,
chronologically, grown itphysically, you know,
chronologically.
So I struggled and there weretimes, definitely when he was
(09:25):
younger, where you would go outand try to buy him things that
seemed more appropriate, like heliked the Wiggles.
So I bought him Wiggles actionfigures, didn't care, it was
like nothing.
Bought him a Wiggles toy guitar, didn't care, didn't want the
Wiggles toy guitar.
But when it comes to like SenseCNC, like the one you know, the
farmer says I don't think thefarmer's on there yet the cow
says moo.
He loved those and I boughtthose for him, long past the
(09:50):
date that most parents would bebuying their kids CNCs.
And it was a struggle Iremember was working.
This was years and years ago.
He was little, he was like fouryears old, five years old, and I
was at a thrift store and theyhad like a baby toy.
It was like one of those littleinfant toys that had a bell on
it and stuff.
(10:10):
So I'm walking around thisthrift store and I'm the only
one in this thrift store and tothis day I shouldn't have gone
into the thrift store.
It was not a chain of thriftstores, it was kind of like a
mom and pop churchy thrift store.
And I went over and I picked upthis toy and I'm walking around
looking for other stuff to getfor him and I guess this woman
figured she was going to do ahard sell, which I hate.
(10:31):
I hate aggressive salespeople.
That's why I never go togadgets and gizmos and I don't
like being chased around.
I don't like being sold things,especially if I'm already
buying something anyway.
And I'm walking around with thistoy and I'm looking around and
I hear this woman in thebackground.
She goes how old's the baby?
And I'm like, oh my God, I justkeep walking and now she's
picking up baby toys andfollowing me behind how old's
(10:54):
the baby?
I'm like, oh my god.
And she wouldn't stop and I'mtrying to like ignore her.
Do the, do the?
Oh, I didn't hear your thing,um, and I remember just being
like so frustrated and, to behonest with you.
I don't remember if I told her,you know, that he had autism
and he wasn't a baby.
I forgot what I said, but Iremember feeling in that moment
so frustrated, like, just leaveme alone.
(11:16):
Like and it's one of thosethings now to think back on it
she didn't know.
I mean, granted, look, don'tleave me alone while I'm
shopping.
So it wasn't nefarious, shewasn't doing it to like, be mean
or to upset me, but it upset me.
It was something that I wasstruggling with at the time.
There's nothing worse, whenyou're worried about your child
having a probable disability,then turn around and buy them a
(11:42):
toy for Christmas that literallyhas an infant on the box.
And I remember I wrote aboutthis when the blog first came
out and I said that I wanted topunch the baby on the box.
And I said I say you don't readtoo many autism parenting blogs
that involve wanting to punchan infant in the face.
But here we are.
What are you going to do aboutit?
But that was a struggle andthat's something that we had to
(12:04):
get past.
Now, what do I do today?
Well, today, he gets whateverhe wants.
Lucas wants a toy.
He gets a toy.
Lucas likes something, he getsit.
I let him pick it out.
We'll go to the store.
I go.
What do you want?
Sometimes he picks it,sometimes he doesn't.
I know what he likes and a lotof his presents at this point
are dupes.
They're duplicates.
That's always been kind of thebest way to go about it.
You know, I try to find atholidays and birthdays something
(12:29):
new that he might like.
I don't go to the autismfriendly toys anymore.
I've thrown out more or givenaway I should say more, than you
know you would imagine weightedblankets and this little
stretchy suit that he wore.
He looked like a starfish.
It was cute.
All these things that kids withautism love.
My kid doesn't necessarily loveit.
He doesn't love squishies.
He doesn't love fidget spinners.
He doesn't like any of thatstuff.
(12:49):
He likes what he likes.
He likes electronics.
He likes his iPad.
He likes things like that.
So when the holidays comearound, he'll get a new device
or he'll get a new leapfrog toyor something like that,
something that makes noise,something that he might enjoy,
and a lot of the times too.
I don't even know if he likes itat first, because he doesn't
really react when he first getsit, unless it's something he
(13:11):
knows really well a new iPad orsomething like that he doesn't
really jump for joy over it.
It takes him a little while tounderstand it.
I'll give it to him.
He'll kind of ignore it andyou're like, oh, he doesn't like
it.
And then, like two days later,I hear him playing with it in
his room and then we have a bigparty about it.
But other people don't get iteither.
Man, I've had family andfriends.
They buy him presents and theywant to see him open it and I'm
(13:33):
like you're going to bedisappointed, I don't know.
They'll sit there and they'llstare at him like, and he'll
open it, we'll force him to openit.
It's like hand over hand, hetries to run away.
I'm like, no, open, open, open.
And then he just looks at themand he goes.
I say thank you and I'll taphim and leave.
Um, and some people don't getit and for the most part, people
are cool about it and I've hadpeople be really cool about it.
Oh, I get it, I hope he likesit.
(13:54):
But then you have people thatjust don't get it and I wrote
about that this week onhighblogomdadcom the struggle of
family and friends who mightjust not understand your kid and
it's 4th of July, so you mightbe at a barbecue right now.
You might be at a barbecueright now.
You might be around family, youmight be trying to explain
things to people who don'treally seem to get it, so
(14:14):
hopefully you can show themmaybe that blog or this podcast
and hopefully they'll understanda little bit better.
And I find that for the mostpart, people do Once you give
them the opportunity to ask thequestions they want to ask, once
you give them the opportunityto know your kid better, because
some people are afraid to askanything.
I've had people come to me andthey're like I don't want to
offend you, but can I ask?
(14:36):
And then they will ask theleast offensive question ever.
And I think how many people areholding back questions about
Lucas that I'm willing to answer?
Look, I want to tell you aboutmy kid.
Most times I want to talk abouthim, I want to tell you stories
, I want to explain who he is.
It's not a taboo subject, youknow I I have answers.
(14:59):
In fact, the only time I everfelt like Lucas was a taboo
subject was when he was tiny andhe was being diagnosed and I
didn't know the answers.
Does he like school?
Does he like his friend?
I don't know if he likes school.
I don't know if he likes hisfriend.
Does he know it's his birthday?
I hated that one.
Does he know it's his birthday?
I'm like does he know it's hisbirthday?
I hated that one.
Does he know it's his birthday?
I'm like does he know it's hisbirthday?
I don't know.
Maybe, and as a young parent,there's nothing that makes you
feel worse than not being ableto answer questions like that.
(15:20):
And that was tough early on,but now my kid is 14.
I love my kid.
I know him so well.
I want to answer questionsabout him.
So for anybody out there who'sgot a question, I always tell
them come to me If it comes froma place of kindness and genuine
curiosity.
If you want to get to know myson, I will.
It's an open book man.
I'm literally open book.
(15:42):
That was cute.
It's literally an open book.
I want to share him.
I want to tell you who he is.
I want to explain who he is,and getting a chance to do that
means a lot.
I just needed to allow people toask me those questions.
I needed to make sure that theyunderstood that it was safe for
them to ask me those questionsand ask me whatever they had.
And I'll tell you this I'venever really had any offensive
(16:04):
questions from anybody.
But even at that point, ifsomebody would ask a question,
that might be offensive ifthey're saying it in a way where
they want to learn about him,if they're saying it in a way
where they want to learn abouthim and they're saying it out of
a genuine place of I don't wantto say curiosity, but a place
where they want to get to knowmy boy.
You can ask anything.
You can ask anything when itcomes to the blog and publicly
(16:27):
on the podcast and things likethat.
People ask me questions.
There's certain things I don'ttalk about publicly.
You may have, uh, in the blog Idon't talk about.
You know some of the morepersonal things.
He's a 14 year old boy, so youknow people ask me about like um
, you know his bathing and andusing the bad things.
I don't.
I don't talk about that eitherway.
Um, not saying yes or no, notsaying he does use it.
The bathroom doesn't use um.
I just wouldn't want.
I have a feeling even if he wasneurotypical and had words, he
(16:48):
wouldn't want.
I have a feeling, even if hewas neurotypical and had words,
he wouldn't want me kind oftalking about his life like that
.
And I also think it's the kindof thing where saying anything
either way and I don't want todo it, even if he's doing
something like that, even ifhe's caught up, I should say,
with his milestones.
In that regard, I don't want tobetray his confidence and
(17:10):
betray his trust, I should say,even if that trust is unspoken.
You know, lucas doesn'tunderstand what I do, lucas
doesn't understand this podcast.
Lucas doesn't understand theblog.
I was asked when I went to thatJubilee video last year.
I had gone to LA to film avideo for Jubilee where we
talked about autism.
It was a panel, it waswonderful, it was one of the
(17:33):
best experiences that I had, buton it I talked about whether or
not Lucas understood what I didand I said Lucas doesn't know
what autism is.
Lucas doesn't understandadvocacy.
Lucas doesn't understanddisabilities and neurotypical he
doesn't.
So it's up to me to think tomyself if I was him, what would
(17:58):
I be comfortable with, whatwould I want?
And if I have any question, ifthere's anything that makes me
feel a little like I just don'tdo it.
I don't I don't want to, youknow, give too much away about
him and he's a.
He's a good kid, he's awonderful kid and I think
there's plenty of things that Ican talk about in terms of his
development, the things that hedoes.
(18:19):
That explains his story enoughthat it's important, and I think
any any parent out there whodoes have a child like mine
that's nonverbal maybe can'texpress how they feel about
things like that.
I think it's a it's a bigresponsibility to remember that
it's on us to make sure we keephis privacy private in the
places where it should be.
So, yeah, I've been doing thatfor a while.
It's been an experience, folks.
(18:40):
It's been absolutelyunbelievable.
But, like, as I was saying, ifsomeone were to come to me with
questions personal, one-on-one,like in you know, family,
friends if they had a question,I answer it.
It as my kid.
I want you to know about them.
So, hopefully, if that's whatyou're doing today or this week
or whenever this summer, you'resurrounded by people and they
want to know questions.
I want to know things aboutyour kid.
(19:01):
Let them know that it's okay.
Let them know that they can askand share.
Just share and do me a favor.
Look, pick up High World.
I'm Dad and one of the thingsthat I love the most about
writing this book and this isn'tjust a sales pitch this is a
big deal.
For me, this isn't a book.
This isn't just simply like astory that I put out there.
For me, this is it's gonna be amovement, a major thing.
(19:26):
This is something that it's apositive approach to a subject
that I feel sometimes gets mireddown too much in kind of fear,
tactics and misunderstandings.
This book is for anybody outthere who has a new child
diagnosed with autism and isstruggling with it.
This is for parents like me whohave a child around Lucas's age
(19:47):
, been doing this for years.
This is for a grandparent thatmaybe doesn't get it, an aunt,
an uncle, a friend, a colleague,somebody who wants to know
about the parental perspective.
If you're a teacher I've hadspecial ed teachers I've spoken
to who've brought up thingsabout reading this book there's
a lot of people that couldbenefit from this book, but out
of all of them, I think the onewho hopefully will benefit the
(20:07):
most is my son, and the worldwill know him, and the world
will know the beautiful soulthat he is, because unbelievable
dude, this kid's amazing andthat's the whole point and
that's what we do here and thatdoes it for me.
Guys, thank you so much forchecking us out here today.
On highpodomdadcomhighblogomdadcom Monday,
wednesday new blogs every week.
(20:27):
High World, I'm Dad, availableon Amazon and everywhere.
Good reads I don't even knowGood reads is.
It's there, it's everywhere youcould find it.
To follow me on social media Hi, james Gutman.
That's H I, james Gutman, notyou know.
Come on, get with it.
Why would I do that?
Why would that be my name?
H I, james Gutman.
That's on Instagram.
It's on James Gutman saying bewell, bye pod, I'm out.
I'll see you next time.
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