July 4, 2025 • 36 mins
In this heartfelt episode, Melissa shares the profound journey of losing her twin brother, Grant and the unexpected way his loss transformed her life. Grant was always the bubbly one, the encourager, the life of the party. Melissa dubbed herself the "mean one", always getting them in trouble. But when Grant passed, something shifted: his joy became her legacy.
Melissa opens up about their unbreakable twin bond, the devastation of sudden loss, and how she’s learned to live each day like it’s her last with joy, laughter, and an open heart to serve others.
Through grief, faith, and a deep desire to honor her brother, Melissa shows us how pain can shape us but it doesn’t have to define us. This isn’t just a story about grief. It’s a story about transformation, purpose, and what it means to carry the light of someone you love.
Takeaways from Melissa:
- The bond between twins is unique, powerful, and never truly broken.
- Grief is a personal, messy, lifelong journey but it can also lead to growth.
- Faith can be a steady anchor when everything else feels lost.
- When we lose someone, we often become the thing they were for us.
- Helping others is not just kindness, it’s healing.
- Listening deeply is one of the greatest gifts we can give.
- Choosing joy doesn’t erase pain but they can coexist.
- Legacy isn’t about being remembered it’s about how we love while we’re here.
- Every story matters. Sharing it can help others feel seen, heard, and less alone.
Chapters
00:00 The Bond of Twins
13:32 Navigating Grief and Loss
22:30 Finding Strength in Faith
25:32 Navigating Grief and Loss
30:16 Transforming Pain into Purpose
34:47 The Shift in Perspective
39:17 The Power of Helping Others
43:29 Tapping into Inner Strength
48:01 Finding Happiness and Peace
Contact Melissa:
📧 Email: thicklinm@yahoo.com
🔗 LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/melissa-thicklin-26858752?utm_source=share&utm_campaign=share_via&utm_content=profile&utm_medium=
Non profit organization: It's a Military Life. 🇺🇸
https://www.linkedin.com/company/it-s-a-military-life/
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Background Music: "In Time" by Folk_acoustic from Pixabay
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_01 (00:00):
Welcome to Hidden Chapters.
I'm Genevieve.
Before we get into Melissa'sstory, today's episode lands on
July 4th, which was her twinbrother Grant's favorite
holiday.
It feels like the perfect timeto honor their incredible bond.
(00:20):
So I first met Melissa when wewere both volunteering with a
wonderful nonprofit thatsupports military families
called It's a Military Life.
We connected through that sharedmission of giving back.
And even after we both steppedinto full-time roles elsewhere,
we kept in touch via LinkedIn.
When I started my podcast, I washonored that Melissa was willing
(00:42):
to share her story.
I did not realize how much shehad been carrying.
Today, she's opening up about adeeply personal chapter, the
loss of her twin brother andwhat it's been like to grieve
someone who was truly a part ofher.
So let's begin right at theheart of their bond.
So hi, Melissa.
Hello, hello.
(01:02):
I had not known in all this timethat we were volunteering
together that you had a twin.
Yeah.
I am interested to hear.
So tell me about you two askids.
What were your personalitieslike?
SPEAKER_00 (01:19):
Oh, my God.
Believe it or not, he was thebubbly one.
Yeah.
And I was...
The bad one.
SPEAKER_01 (01:26):
I can consider you a little bubbly yourself,
SPEAKER_00 (01:28):
though.
He was the bubbly one.
The bad one just kept us introuble all the time.
And I just refused to whateverwe get whenever we got in
trouble.
And I was like, no, I'm notgoing down for this by myself.
We going down together.
I used to pull that trick.
We came in the world together.
(01:49):
We going down together.
So he was like, why do youalways do this?
And I'm always in trouble withyou.
I was like, I just wanted totest that.
I want to see how it works orsomething like that.
And he was like, we always getdisciplined because you're doing
something else.
SPEAKER_01 (02:04):
Melissa leading the charge, getting in trouble.
SPEAKER_00 (02:07):
Yeah, you just be like, oh, that wasn't me.
He was the one that just, Idon't know, he just had that
personality where people weredrawn to him, that type of
personality.
I was the bad, I was the meanone, so to speak.
I just watched people.
I observed people.
I didn't really smile too much,but he was that one that always
(02:29):
was smiling.
Everybody want to be around himor whatever.
So I was like, I was jealous ofthat.
It's
SPEAKER_01 (02:36):
hard to believe because you're very bubbly too.
So did you two have thatunspoken connection that a lot
of people talk about with twins?
Did you have that
SPEAKER_00 (02:46):
secret language?
Yes, we had our own languagewhen we was coming up when we
was kids.
The other sibling had no clue ofwhat we were saying.
I guess when I'm thinking backon it, it was like jibber
jabber, but we understood eachother.
And we had that other connectionwhere I can feel when something
(03:08):
was wrong with him.
He can feel when something waswrong with me.
And the older we got, the morethat actually grew.
He had my labor pains.
When he got drunk, I had hishangover.
It just really had that.
Different things grew as thatconnection grew as the older we
got.
So I was like, I can just tellwhen something's wrong
(03:30):
because...
If I'm at home sleeping, I wakeup with a busting headache.
I call people out like, hey, howwas your weekend?
Oh, it was great.
I know.
I know.
I have this throbbing headache.
Oh, I forgot.
I forgot you get my headache.
I say, that's why you do it,because you don't get sick.
(03:51):
So he never was affected?
It was just you?
It was just me.
He never got affected by it.
It was always just me.
And I was like, oh, my goodness.
And he, when I had my firstchild, he had my labor pains.
I didn't have them.
He had them.
That's so strange andinteresting at the same time.
He was like, oh, my, my mom, Iwas on my way to the emergency.
(04:13):
He was like, oh, my back iskilling me.
And she was looking like, whatyou say?
He was like, my back is, oh, whyam I stuttering?
She was like, all right, what doyou feel?
I said, I feel fine.
He was like, so you got herlabor pains.
UNKNOWN (04:29):
Wow.
SPEAKER_00 (04:29):
And he was like, but the more intense it got by the
time I got ready to deliver,I've got that pain.
It kind of cut off from him andI got the end of it.
SPEAKER_01 (04:40):
How many siblings did you all have together?
We have,
SPEAKER_00 (04:44):
my mom had five and we were the baby.
Oh, you were the babies.
Yeah, we were the, he, he, oh,I'm your elder.
That three minutes he had thathe was older than me.
I'm your elder.
So he had that.
He was born first.
I was like, oh my goodness.
I don't care.
I was the baby.
I'm the baby, baby.
SPEAKER_01 (05:05):
That's so neat though.
So did you ever feel like yourbond shaped how you see
relationships or life ingeneral?
Oh, most definitely.
Definitely.
One thing
SPEAKER_00 (05:14):
he was is he was an encourager.
I don't care what you were goingthrough or how you was feeling.
He was an encourager.
If I got off work and I'm justin a bad space or I'm driving
home from work or whatever, hewould call me.
He was like, I know you'refeeling bad.
I can tell you're feeling bad.
(05:34):
So he would talk to me on my wayhome to just try to encourage
me.
He was like, I just need for youto buy time.
You get home, I just need foryou to just let this go by time
you pick the kids up so you canjust focus on the kids.
And that's what I learned to dowhen I had a stressful day at
work.
By the time I just kind ofdecompressed before I got to the
school because my kids at thetime was in three different
(05:56):
schools.
And so by the time I picked upthe first child, I got it out my
system.
And I'd be like, hey, how wasyour day?
Tell me how your day was untilwe get to the next school.
You got to cut yours off.
And then I got to start with thenext child.
That's what I would do everyday.
Decompress.
By the time I pick up that firstchild, you tell me how your day
(06:17):
was until we get to the nextschool.
You got to stop.
When this one get in the car,they got to tell me how they do
it.
And that's the way it was.
We got home.
30 minutes.
They knew.
Just give me 30 minutes tomyself before we get started
with dinner and homework.
And by the time I come out, theyalready sitting at the table.
We ready to rock and roll.
SPEAKER_01 (06:36):
Yeah.
Well, you had a routine.
SPEAKER_00 (06:38):
That's what you had to do to survive.
But he kind of helped me withthat because I was struggling.
I think people don't realizewhen you're a mom, you're a
wife, you got the household, yougot a job, and then you got a
husband that's in the military,you struggle with a lot trying
to put stuff together.
So he helped me kind of putstuff together where I had that
(07:00):
routine where I was good.
UNKNOWN (07:02):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (07:02):
So
SPEAKER_00 (07:03):
he was there.
He was an encourager.
SPEAKER_01 (07:05):
So I know you agreed to come on today to talk about
that loss.
And losing someone close isalways hard.
But losing a twin, that's aunique kind of grief.
That it is.
So can you walk me through whatthat time was like for you?
I
SPEAKER_00 (07:22):
can really literally say that had to be the darkest
moment in my life.
And I think because for one, itwas sudden.
And so I had just spoke to himthe day before.
And I guess me and him, we doour usual.
We argued every day aboutsomething.
(07:42):
It didn't care.
We didn't care what it was.
We just argued just to turnaround and laugh.
And I guess I had like a lotgoing on at work that day
because I could normally sensewhen something wrong with him.
But that day I was working hard.
I was doing a lot.
And my mom called me.
She said, did you talk to yourbrother?
I said, no, I haven't talked tohim.
She said, I've been trying tocall him.
(08:03):
He was raising his daughter atthe time herself.
She said, Naima was not at thedaycare and he hadn't been to
work.
So at that time, when she saidthat, I just thought what I was
doing.
And it's like it just came overme.
I just I didn't say anything.
Tears started flowing.
I grabbed my purse and my joband I just left.
(08:24):
By the time I made it outside,my heart sunk.
I knew he was gone.
I didn't feel that connectionanymore.
I didn't feel anything.
So by the time I was, I was theonly somebody that had a key to
his apartment.
I'm on my way there.
My oldest sister's on her waythere.
And by the time I got there, Ithink my sister must have called
the maintenance or whatever.
He had passed somewhere inbetween the night.
(08:48):
He had put his daughter to sleepand he do what he normally do
when he wash and close thephoto.
He'll just lay on the floor andlike, look in a book or on his
tablet while he's doing it.
And that's where he was.
He had, just like he just wentto sleep.
And his daughter had, from whatI can understand, because she
was there with him while he wasgone.
(09:10):
She just got up and she playedin the house all day by herself.
She saw him, but she justfigured he was asleep.
SPEAKER_01 (09:18):
Right.
SPEAKER_00 (09:19):
And I said, I guess you think the maintenance guy
went in because he wouldn't letme go in.
He said, no, he got her out.
And he said, I'm not going tolet you go in.
And but when my mom got thereand went in, they just said she
had played, toys would strollall through the house.
She could open the refrigeratorand he had like grapes at the
bottom where she can just getsome grapes where she had to
(09:41):
went in the refrigerator.
She had to fed herself, but shejust played just thinking he was
asleep.
And I couldn't.
I don't know.
It's like I couldn't catch mybreath.
It's like I just couldn'tbreathe because it was like it
was sucking the life out of me,so to speak.
And I just couldn't, as theysay, I just could not get myself
(10:02):
together no matter what I did.
It was my kid, the first lossthat they had close to them
because he was my best friend.
So they saw their uncle everyday because we were together
every day.
And After that, I just kind oflike my whole world just
shattered.
(10:22):
And you don't know.
This might sound kind of crazy,but when you lose something that
close to you, you lose thatbond, you literally feel like
you cannot go on.
You really, because it willalways been you.
You and him together.
(10:42):
And you feel like now I gotto...
I got to live my life alone, soto speak, because I wasn't born
alone, but I got to live therest of my life alone.
Because in my mind, we was goingto grow old together, sitting on
the porch and rocking chairs anddo what we usually do.
We argue with each other.
But at the age of 41, I lost allof that.
(11:04):
He died when we was 41.
What did they say the cause was?
They just said he died ofnatural causes.
He died in his sleep.
So he wasn't It wasn't a heartattack.
It wasn't anything.
He just died in his sleep.
And I knew because I keptsaying, I had just literally
left the doctor with himprobably about two weeks ago.
And they was just telling him hewas in great shape because he
(11:26):
was a big guy.
He just told him that, he said,everything, your pressure and
everything good.
He was like, you been walking?
He said, yeah, I go walkingevery day.
He said, I can tell.
And so from the doctor'sperspective, he was fine.
But I don't feel like I losteverything.
(11:49):
And when I did that, I went intoa depression.
Right.
I was going to ask you, how didyou grieve?
Yeah, I went into a depressionfor about three months.
I literally would go to workevery day, come back home, just
get in the bed, don't doanything.
And my ex-husband now, I mustadmit, he helped in one sense
(12:11):
when it came to that depression.
I think I might've been the lastpart.
And he was like, he came in andhe was like, I don't know how
you feeling.
I can't imagine how you feeling.
Yeah.
But I do know one thing, yourkids, they are missing you.
They are, they see you sad.
They're sad.
You just got to kind of pullyourself out of it because they
(12:32):
are missing you.
And I think thinking about them,that's what really made me just
really come out of.
And the fact that, He wouldn'teven want me to be like that.
And I looked and I said tomyself, people say, well, how
did you come out of it?
It was that.
I said, but sometimes we realizeit ain't how do we come out of
it.
Me personally, I didn't want tocome out of it.
(12:54):
Because that means I got to dealwith the fact he's no longer
here.
I didn't want to come out.
I knew I needed to come out.
I just didn't want to come outof it.
But when he said that to me, itkind of clicked by my kids.
So...
When he said that, I knew I hadto be there for them.
I had to be a little strongerfor them because I was not
(13:14):
strong at all.
I wasn't trying to be strongbecause I was broken.
And the kids, they was like,they didn't want to mention his
name.
I got to the point where I toldthem, I said, it doesn't bother
me for you to mention his namebecause it helped me to talk
about him.
I said, okay.
(13:35):
And people always say, oh, youhave to remember the good times
and not the bad time.
I tell people I never had a badtime.
We always had good times.
We never had a bad timetogether.
So all my memories are goodtimes.
So I said just that.
It wasn't that I didn't want tocome.
I just didn't want to come outbecause that means I got to deal
(13:56):
with reality.
He's literally not here for me.
He's not here for me to callagain.
I mean, when you're used tosomebody doing something every
day, it's hard to come out ofit.
It's very hard to come out ofit.
SPEAKER_01 (14:09):
Well, there's a special bond to being a twin,
obviously being a sibling, butbeing a twin.
Like you said, you wereconnected in a very special way.
And you said you had to come outfor the kids.
What ages were the kids thatwould be able to process that as
well?
SPEAKER_00 (14:26):
The oldest, she was in college.
And so the other two was in highschool.
It was after you kind of,because it's literally
uncontrollable crying.
Everything remind you of thisperson.
Whether it's a song you guysused to sing together.
Everything about just inside ofmy house remind me of him.
(14:51):
So after, you know, you try toget yourself together.
And I told the kids, I said,it's okay to talk.
Because they were Ulysses.
We called him Grant.
I said, it's okay to talk aboutUncle Grant.
SPEAKER_01 (15:01):
I
SPEAKER_00 (15:02):
said it actually helped me because by me thinking
about all the stuff we did, Ismiled, I laughed.
And so it just really helped mejust talking about him to kind
of get me through this wholething.
Right.
And, you know, I know we allknow, we should know, a lot is
depending on God.
(15:22):
Right.
You got to have that strength.
You got to have that faith inGod because even like I said, I
knew I had to come out.
I just didn't want to come out.
And I knew my kids needed me.
But the only thing that actuallygave me strength to do that, to
come out, was God.
Because I was like, I don'tcare.
(15:44):
I don't care.
I don't want to do anything.
I go to work.
I didn't have any joy about meat all.
Nothing.
I was just walking in limbo.
I didn't have anything about me.
SPEAKER_01 (15:55):
I love that you mentioned God, because I know
that's hard.
to trust God and you want toquestion why.
SPEAKER_00 (16:02):
Yeah, you ask the question why, why I had to be
the one to lose my twin.
Why, why, you just want to knowwhy, why it's me.
Why it had to be me.
Why we can't grow old together.
And then you see, you justwatching TV and just like
everywhere you look, it was liketwins.
Everywhere.
I'm looking at TV, I'm lookingat twins that them grew old
(16:22):
together.
And I'm like, now why they cangrow old together?
You know, it just, You see, it'slike you were seeing everything
that you wanted for your lifethat, you know, you couldn't
have for your life anymore.
SPEAKER_01 (16:34):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (16:34):
So
SPEAKER_01 (16:34):
you felt a little angry or confused.
SPEAKER_00 (16:37):
Oh, yeah.
You were like, oh, my goodness.
Why me?
Why I got to go through this?
Right.
SPEAKER_01 (16:43):
Was there a moment when you felt like God showed up
in a way that surprised you?
SPEAKER_00 (16:47):
Oh, most definitely.
It happened at the mostinconvenient times or moments.
just out of nowhere.
And I knew it was, in a sense,him and God.
And I was just doing something,and I was in the kitchen, and I
(17:08):
was just feeling, I was justsad.
And believe it or not, I stillcan feel him to this day, even
though he's no longer here.
And when you're feeling bad, andI just, it's a weird thing, but
I was sitting at the kitchentable, I was just kind of sad.
And I felt...
Like somebody just brushed theirhand right across my shoulder.
SPEAKER_01 (17:29):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (17:30):
And it kind of like when that happened, it's like it
took that sadness I had away.
And all I said was, thank you,God.
I know that you grinned.
That's all I said.
So he still come to me indifferent ways.
And it'd be the weirdest thing.
I'm the type of person, I neveroversleep.
I never, I'm always early forsomething or whatever.
(17:51):
One morning, I don't know why Iwas oversleeping.
And I'm going to tell you now, Iknew I didn't feel like I was
trying to get up to go to work.
And he grabbed me by my leg andhe pulled my leg.
And when I jumped up, I mean,pulled hard enough to snatch me
down in the bed a little bit.
(18:12):
I jumped up and I looked at theclock.
I said, oh, my God.
I said, and all I said was,dude, you didn't have to snatch
me that hard.
And...
I just said, dude, you didn'thave to snatch me that hard.
I was like, but thank youthough, because I'm running
late.
SPEAKER_01 (18:30):
God's having Grant look from above going, wake her
up.
SPEAKER_00 (18:35):
You didn't have to snatch me that hard, but thank
you.
I'm running late.
Well, I can feel him indifferent places or if I'm doing
something, I can just like, ifI'm in my car riding by myself,
just singing or whatever, I canfeel his presence in the other
seat.
It's weird, but I can.
I
SPEAKER_01 (18:53):
know grief looks differently for a lot of
different people.
But how long did it take you toreally be okay with him being
gone?
SPEAKER_00 (19:03):
Weird story, believe it or not.
One of my good friends is also atwin.
She had a twin brother.
A year and a half after hisdeath, she lost her twin
brother.
Wow.
And...
I had to use my experience tohelp her get through that loss.
So I said, this is hard.
(19:26):
This is going to bring up awhole lot of stuff for me, but
you need it.
And I said, and I think in theprocess it's going to help me
because I'm trying to help youget through yours.
And I was like, never would havethought I lose my twin brother
and a year and a half later sheloses hers.
And her twin brother was at workand he got sick.
(19:48):
He went into a coma.
He was on the ventilator.
He was going to be a vegetable.
She was willing to quit her job.
I'm going to take care of himand I'm going to take care of
him.
And I had to talk to her and Iwas like, you don't want to hear
this.
You're going to be mad, but I'mgoing to have to tell you
anyway.
I wouldn't be a good friend if Idon't tell you.
I said, that is not a life forhim to live.
(20:08):
That is not how he want to live.
And that's not how he would wantyou to have to give up
everything to take care of him.
I said, he would never, Behimself again.
I said, right now, the machineis breathing for him.
I said, it's not fair to you.
It's not fair to him.
It's not fair to the family.
(20:30):
I said, I need you to get to apoint where you're able to let
him go.
I said, the one thing you havethat I didn't have, you're able
to tell him goodbye.
I didn't have that.
You're able to tell your brothergoodbye.
I said, I didn't get that.
I said, the only thing I had wasa phone call we had the day
before, the night before, andthat's it.
(20:51):
You able to say what you want tosay to him right now, but to in
a sense, have him go throughthat, live a life like that.
I said, it's not fair.
She was mad with me because shedidn't want to hear because she
didn't want to let go of him.
And I understood that.
And I said, I don't care aboutyou being mad.
I'm going to have to tell youwhat it is.
(21:12):
I said, your mom trying to tellyou, you don't want to hear
anything.
I'm telling you from a personwho done lost their twin, this
is not fair.
This is not fair to him.
It's not fair to you.
So eventually it took a coupleof days, but the end, I said, if
you pull that plug and he'sstill breathing, then that's God
telling you, let him live.
(21:34):
But if he don't, Then you wasjust having him on a machine,
racking up a hospital bill, andit's not fair.
They pulled the plug.
An hour later, he passed.
That's what I said.
And then she came back.
I want to say after the funeral,she said, I really hate you, but
(21:56):
you was right.
She said, I didn't want to hearit.
I didn't want to hear it fromanybody.
And she said, you always beenthat person.
You come in, you're going to saywhat you have to say.
And she said, you always said, Idon't care if you mad with me.
I don't care if you just staypissed off at me.
I don't care.
But I'm going to tell you what Ithink is right.
You don't have to take myadvice.
(22:17):
You don't have to do anything.
But I'm going to tell youanyway.
And she was like, you wereright.
That wasn't fair.
I said, I'm just trying.
I said, you got something Ididn't get.
Yeah.
So use that.
That's your closure right there.
You're able to get some closurefor yourself.
Yeah.
So I said, me talking about thisactually helping me get through
(22:37):
my part.
I didn't get a chance to sayanything.
I didn't get a chance to saygoodbye.
UNKNOWN (22:41):
Right.
SPEAKER_00 (22:42):
She was like, well, I didn't realize it like that.
I'm not trying to make you feelbad.
I'm just telling you, you gotsomething I didn't get to do.
So take advantage of it.
SPEAKER_01 (22:51):
That's it.
So turning your pain intopurpose.
How do you think his passingchanged who you are today?
SPEAKER_00 (23:01):
It makes you live life in the present.
Whatever that day brings, youlive it to the fullest.
Of course, we prepare for thefuture, but there's nothing
guaranteed we will make itthere.
So every day, I live every daylike it's absolutely my last
because that's how he lived hislife.
(23:21):
If he didn't have Any money atall, you would not know it
because he lived his life as hewas the richest man on earth.
That's how he lived his life.
And I took that.
I was like, that's what I'mgoing to do.
That's how I'm going to live mylife as if I'm the richest
person on the earth.
And it changed everything aboutme.
(23:42):
I became more happier.
Everything, I didn't letanything bother me.
My kids think I'm crazy thesedays.
They'll say something, I'll belike, oh, I don't care.
Oh, I don't know.
They was like, you're not goingto say anything.
I don't, I mean, what you wantme to say?
And it's just like, I got to thepoint where I just didn't let
anything bother me that I tellthem all the time.
(24:03):
I said, can you control whateverit is?
No.
Why are we worrying about it?
You can't control what otherpeople do.
Can't control what they say.
You go and control what you sayand do.
That's it.
I said, everything else, Godwill work it out.
And you were never like thatbefore.
UNKNOWN (24:19):
No.
SPEAKER_00 (24:20):
I had got to the point where I was happy because,
believe it or not, I have themost strangest stories.
SPEAKER_01 (24:32):
I'm interested, girl.
SPEAKER_00 (24:32):
I'm interested.
But like I told you, when I wasyoung, I was like the little
mean one or whatever.
But I was telling people, Isaid, the first five years of my
marriage, I was just, I wasmean.
I didn't smile.
I didn't do anything.
And one day, it just kind of, Itdrives you to make you just, you
just get tired of just being amean person.
(24:54):
But people tell me, oh, you gota bad attitude.
I did.
They was absolutely telling thetruth.
One day I looked in the mirror.
I asked God, show me what youdon't like about me so I can
change who I am.
Don't do that.
God's going to give you.
Yeah.
Be careful what you ask for.
Don't do it unless you're ready.
SPEAKER_01 (25:15):
I've made that mistake before.
SPEAKER_00 (25:17):
Don't do it unless you're ready.
And when he showed me prettymuch how I treated people, it's
kind of like I was lookingthrough somebody else's eyes.
I was just nasty for no reason.
My mouth was lethal.
I'm telling you, it wassomething else.
And I said, I didn't like theperson that's off.
(25:39):
So I worked hard.
I changed a lot about me.
I used to be so hard on them,just so hard on them all the
time.
Till one day, it was likerunning my oldest daughter.
She said she was scared to tellme that she dropped my laptop
and cracked the stream.
Because normally I just fly intoa little rage, fussing or
whatever.
And so she said, I dropped yourlaptop and cracked the stream.
(26:04):
I said, oh, it's okay.
I'll just, I get another one.
They was like, you okay?
I was like, oh, it's fine.
I'll just buy another one.
And they was like shockedbecause they was waiting on me
to just, yeah.
But I didn't.
I said, It's okay.
I can just get another one.
She was like, are you okay?
I was like, yeah, why?
You're not fussing or anything.
(26:24):
I was like, I mean, I just gotto the point.
That's materialistic.
If that's break, I can just getanother one.
I said, something happened toyou guys.
I can't get another one.
I said, anything materialistic,I got to the point.
I don't care if it break.
If I got the money, I just getanother one.
If not, we'll just do without.
And they was like, You sure youokay?
(26:45):
So that switch really came afteryour mother's passing?
It switched after I did.
I mean, I started looking atstuff differently.
I didn't care about certainthings.
And they was like, are you sure?
I cared about spending all mytime with them, trying to make
them.
I said, oh, I just want you guysto be productive citizens.
That's it.
(27:05):
And I spent most of my timepretty much trying to make sure
they are who I want them to be,as in you treat people how you
want to be treated.
Because I knew what it was likebecause I didn't treat people
how I wanted to be treated.
I treated people bad.
And I told myself, you want totreat people how you want to be
treated.
I mean, I had got to the pointwhere I just talked all the
time.
And I told myself, I just lookat things like this.
(27:26):
If my kids out in the world andsomething happened, I want God
to have somebody there to helpyou guys because I'm not going
to be able to do it.
So he's going to place somebodythere that's going to help you.
So everything I do now isbecause I want, in case
something happens, there issomebody, a place to help you
(27:47):
guys in case you need some helpbecause I'm not going to be
there where you are.
I said, now everything I do ispretty much you treat people how
you want to be treated.
I'm always smiling.
I'm always cordial to a personor whatever.
This one guy told me, he said,do you smile like that all the
time?
I said, you don't?
He was like, no.
(28:07):
He was like, why are yousmiling?
I said, I did.
at one point, but now I say Iwake up every morning with a
smile on my face.
I said, I'm just happy.
I said, I'm just a happy person.
I said, I realized thathappiness had to come from
within.
You can't get it from nobody,nowhere.
God got to work on you and thathave to come from within.
When it do, You just wake upfull of joy.
(28:29):
He was like, I'm just a ball ofsunshine.
You're really are.
SPEAKER_01 (28:34):
Well, that's funny you mentioned that because I was
looking at this question.
I was like, what part of yourbrother do you carry with you
now?
And I was thinking about it andyou were talking about in the
beginning what your brother waslike, this bubbly guy.
So I think he inserted a lot ofhim in you.
SPEAKER_00 (28:46):
Most definitely because I have an older brother.
He's two years older now.
It's like I got some of hischaracteristics and he got the
other part of it.
And I said, why you look likehim?
And he looked at me, he waslike, why you don't?
But it's like he picked upsomething and I know I pulled a
(29:07):
lot.
It's like his energy, like itjust separated and went in
different parts of us.
So I was like, I don't know.
You just want to be happy andyou want to help people however
you can.
No matter what it is or who itis, if you got the ability to
help somebody, whether it's akind word, whatever it is, you
(29:29):
should do that.
SPEAKER_01 (29:32):
Well, I was going to say, well, we met through
volunteering.
So what led you to that kind ofwork?
And I just see now it's justit's what's been infused in you.
SPEAKER_00 (29:39):
Oh, yeah, because I volunteer and I used to do it
all the time.
My kids, that's what I kind ofinstilled in them is service,
helping other people, lessfortunate people.
You just want to help people.
I said, we have something somepeople don't have.
But what we all have is how youuse it is time.
Yeah.
(29:59):
We all have time.
Some people just want to layaround and watch TV.
You don't need but two hours andyou go help somebody.
That's it.
I say, whether it's the nursinghome, I just love to go to the
nurse home because the oldpeople, you know, they're kind
of funny.
They say whatever they want tosay.
And the kids that got interestedin going to the nurse home, are
we going back to that nursehome?
(30:22):
So it's just, I say, it's alwaysjust small gestures that make an
impression on people.
I said, when the kids got older,I didn't buy Christmas gifts.
I just go and buy the littletags off the trees for the
nursing home because they justwanted socks, scarves, gloves.
Of course, I put a whole baskettogether for them because it
(30:42):
didn't cost them much and theydidn't want much.
Most of them didn't have family.
And the real thing is my twinbrother worked at a nursing
home.
He loved being around olderpeople.
And they loved him.
So I was like, it was like, youhad nursing home because of Dr.
Grant.
I said, look, I was doing thisbefore Dr.
(31:03):
Grant decided to go to thenursing home.
Y'all are not going to take thatfrom me.
SPEAKER_01 (31:10):
Well, do you think helping others became part of
your own journey, too, in your
SPEAKER_00 (31:13):
healing?
It really has.
It really has.
Because we all have differentthings we struggle with.
No matter what it is, at somepoint we're struggling with
something.
And helping other people, youmight be helping them in one
way, but they might havesomething you need to help you
with that struggle you're goingthrough.
(31:34):
It might be as a word they mightbe able to give you.
It's something that they have tohelp you with that struggle
you're going through.
SPEAKER_01 (31:41):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (31:41):
So, yeah, I mean, I love being out in the community,
helping.
I don't know.
I just like being around people.
UNKNOWN (31:49):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (31:50):
What's something you believe now that you didn't
before this chapter of yourlife?
SPEAKER_00 (31:55):
It's simple, but it's true.
We think about it and notnecessarily have it, but it's
happiness.
We talk about it, but when youreally truly have it, it's a
different feeling.
It's a totally differentfeeling.
(32:16):
And going through...
Everything I went through withhim, I learned that no matter
what, you need your happiness.
You need your peace.
You got to have it.
It'll pull you through all kindsof situations if you got it.
That happiness, that innerhappiness, that inner peace,
it'll pull you through a lot.
(32:36):
You're like, why I worry aboutthis?
This is not who I am.
Why I'm allowing someone to pullsomething from me that I already
have in me?
Why am I lying on this?
And then you just have toremember who you are.
You're a child of God.
(32:57):
You have to say, who am I?
I'm a child of God.
You have to say that stuff outloud
SPEAKER_01 (33:02):
sometimes.
I think what I love the most,Melissa, is just through the
pain, how you have turned itinto such positivity.
And you can just walk throughday to day.
Oh, yeah, you have to.
If
SPEAKER_00 (33:19):
you stay stuck there, you're missing out on
life.
You're missing out on life.
If you have a family, you'remissing out on that.
I missed out for three months,and I was like, I can't let it
go any further.
And he wouldn't have wanted thateither.
No, he most definitely wouldn'thave wanted that.
(33:41):
I knew I needed to come out.
I just didn't want to come out.
Right, right.
It's just like, I know what Ineed to do.
That means I got to come out andface everything.
Face this life without him.
But by me talking about it,doing different things, I always
do stuff in his memory.
Or I'm always thinking about himor whatever.
(34:02):
It just helped me.
He helped me move through life.
It's just that he's in anotherplane.
That's it.
He's doing it for the spiritualworld.
Helping me move through life.
That's it.
SPEAKER_01 (34:14):
Well, I do hope that Hearing your story will just
give that little bit ofencouragement that somebody
needs to hear.
They're not the only one thathas ever been through that.
No, no, no.
SPEAKER_00 (34:24):
It's all about how you channel that grief.
That's it.
SPEAKER_01 (34:28):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (34:29):
It's all about how you channel it.
You can make it work for you.
You can make it benefit you.
Or you can make it keep youstuck in the past.
SPEAKER_01 (34:36):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (34:36):
You just have to channel it, right?
That's it.
SPEAKER_01 (34:39):
And God has other plans, right?
Oh, yeah.
We don't understand it, but youjust, God's saying, I've got
that for you.
If you just let this go and thentake.
SPEAKER_00 (34:48):
He will most definitely.
That's why I think you're makingplans to know because they
always get changed.
I can do initial, but we'regoing to have to wing everything
else.
SPEAKER_01 (35:00):
Well, I appreciate this.
It's so good to talk to you.
And I love everything.
I'm pulling everything from youall that.
Yeah, this was great.
I put a lot of things in theshow notes for anybody.
If they want to contact you,what would be the best way if
somebody had a connection withyour story that maybe wanted to
reach out to you?
SPEAKER_00 (35:20):
It'd probably email because I normally check my
email
SPEAKER_01 (35:23):
constantly.
Okay.
Well, I'll go ahead and linkthat in the show notes and then
I'll put even your LinkedIn.
SPEAKER_00 (35:28):
Okay.
That'd be great.
SPEAKER_01 (35:30):
Yeah.
All right, Melissa.
Well, thank you for this.
SPEAKER_00 (35:33):
I'm so happy.
I mean, I really didn't think Ihave a story, but I mean.
You do.
Everybody does.
SPEAKER_01 (35:39):
And girls, yours was fantastic.
I want to thank Melissa so muchfor opening her heart and
sharing her hardest yet powerfulchapter of her story.
Her journey from grief toembracing joy and living with
faith, feeling Grant's presencein all she does, it's truly
(36:04):
inspiring.
If you haven't already, pleasesubscribe to Hidden Chapters so
you don't miss stories likeMelissa's.
And if you found this episodemeaningful, leave a review.
It really helps other listenersfind the show.
To connect with Melissa, checkthe show notes on how to contact
her.
Until next chapter, keeplistening for what connects us
the most.
Welcome to Hidden Chapters.
I'm Genevieve.
Before we get into Melissa'sstory, today's episode lands on
July 4th, which was her twinbrother Grant's favorite
holiday.
It feels like the perfect timeto honor their incredible bond.
(00:20):
So I first met Melissa when wewere both volunteering with a
wonderful nonprofit thatsupports military families
called It's a Military Life.
We connected through that sharedmission of giving back.
And even after we both steppedinto full-time roles elsewhere,
we kept in touch via LinkedIn.
When I started my podcast, I washonored that Melissa was willing
(00:42):
to share her story.
I did not realize how much shehad been carrying.
Today, she's opening up about adeeply personal chapter, the
loss of her twin brother andwhat it's been like to grieve
someone who was truly a part ofher.
So let's begin right at theheart of their bond.
So hi, Melissa.
Hello, hello.
(01:02):
I had not known in all this timethat we were volunteering
together that you had a twin.
Yeah.
I am interested to hear.
So tell me about you two askids.
What were your personalitieslike?
SPEAKER_00 (01:19):
Oh, my God.
Believe it or not, he was thebubbly one.
Yeah.
And I was...
The bad one.
SPEAKER_01 (01:26):
I can consider you a little bubbly yourself,
SPEAKER_00 (01:28):
though.
He was the bubbly one.
The bad one just kept us introuble all the time.
And I just refused to whateverwe get whenever we got in
trouble.
And I was like, no, I'm notgoing down for this by myself.
We going down together.
I used to pull that trick.
We came in the world together.
(01:49):
We going down together.
So he was like, why do youalways do this?
And I'm always in trouble withyou.
I was like, I just wanted totest that.
I want to see how it works orsomething like that.
And he was like, we always getdisciplined because you're doing
something else.
SPEAKER_01 (02:04):
Melissa leading the charge, getting in trouble.
SPEAKER_00 (02:07):
Yeah, you just be like, oh, that wasn't me.
He was the one that just, Idon't know, he just had that
personality where people weredrawn to him, that type of
personality.
I was the bad, I was the meanone, so to speak.
I just watched people.
I observed people.
I didn't really smile too much,but he was that one that always
(02:29):
was smiling.
Everybody want to be around himor whatever.
So I was like, I was jealous ofthat.
It's
SPEAKER_01 (02:36):
hard to believe because you're very bubbly too.
So did you two have thatunspoken connection that a lot
of people talk about with twins?
Did you have that
SPEAKER_00 (02:46):
secret language?
Yes, we had our own languagewhen we was coming up when we
was kids.
The other sibling had no clue ofwhat we were saying.
I guess when I'm thinking backon it, it was like jibber
jabber, but we understood eachother.
And we had that other connectionwhere I can feel when something
(03:08):
was wrong with him.
He can feel when something waswrong with me.
And the older we got, the morethat actually grew.
He had my labor pains.
When he got drunk, I had hishangover.
It just really had that.
Different things grew as thatconnection grew as the older we
got.
So I was like, I can just tellwhen something's wrong
(03:30):
because...
If I'm at home sleeping, I wakeup with a busting headache.
I call people out like, hey, howwas your weekend?
Oh, it was great.
I know.
I know.
I have this throbbing headache.
Oh, I forgot.
I forgot you get my headache.
I say, that's why you do it,because you don't get sick.
(03:51):
So he never was affected?
It was just you?
It was just me.
He never got affected by it.
It was always just me.
And I was like, oh, my goodness.
And he, when I had my firstchild, he had my labor pains.
I didn't have them.
He had them.
That's so strange andinteresting at the same time.
He was like, oh, my, my mom, Iwas on my way to the emergency.
(04:13):
He was like, oh, my back iskilling me.
And she was looking like, whatyou say?
He was like, my back is, oh, whyam I stuttering?
She was like, all right, what doyou feel?
I said, I feel fine.
He was like, so you got herlabor pains.
UNKNOWN (04:29):
Wow.
SPEAKER_00 (04:29):
And he was like, but the more intense it got by the
time I got ready to deliver,I've got that pain.
It kind of cut off from him andI got the end of it.
SPEAKER_01 (04:40):
How many siblings did you all have together?
We have,
SPEAKER_00 (04:44):
my mom had five and we were the baby.
Oh, you were the babies.
Yeah, we were the, he, he, oh,I'm your elder.
That three minutes he had thathe was older than me.
I'm your elder.
So he had that.
He was born first.
I was like, oh my goodness.
I don't care.
I was the baby.
I'm the baby, baby.
SPEAKER_01 (05:05):
That's so neat though.
So did you ever feel like yourbond shaped how you see
relationships or life ingeneral?
Oh, most definitely.
Definitely.
One thing
SPEAKER_00 (05:14):
he was is he was an encourager.
I don't care what you were goingthrough or how you was feeling.
He was an encourager.
If I got off work and I'm justin a bad space or I'm driving
home from work or whatever, hewould call me.
He was like, I know you'refeeling bad.
I can tell you're feeling bad.
(05:34):
So he would talk to me on my wayhome to just try to encourage
me.
He was like, I just need for youto buy time.
You get home, I just need foryou to just let this go by time
you pick the kids up so you canjust focus on the kids.
And that's what I learned to dowhen I had a stressful day at
work.
By the time I just kind ofdecompressed before I got to the
school because my kids at thetime was in three different
(05:56):
schools.
And so by the time I picked upthe first child, I got it out my
system.
And I'd be like, hey, how wasyour day?
Tell me how your day was untilwe get to the next school.
You got to cut yours off.
And then I got to start with thenext child.
That's what I would do everyday.
Decompress.
By the time I pick up that firstchild, you tell me how your day
(06:17):
was until we get to the nextschool.
You got to stop.
When this one get in the car,they got to tell me how they do
it.
And that's the way it was.
We got home.
30 minutes.
They knew.
Just give me 30 minutes tomyself before we get started
with dinner and homework.
And by the time I come out, theyalready sitting at the table.
We ready to rock and roll.
SPEAKER_01 (06:36):
Yeah.
Well, you had a routine.
SPEAKER_00 (06:38):
That's what you had to do to survive.
But he kind of helped me withthat because I was struggling.
I think people don't realizewhen you're a mom, you're a
wife, you got the household, yougot a job, and then you got a
husband that's in the military,you struggle with a lot trying
to put stuff together.
So he helped me kind of putstuff together where I had that
(07:00):
routine where I was good.
UNKNOWN (07:02):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (07:02):
So
SPEAKER_00 (07:03):
he was there.
He was an encourager.
SPEAKER_01 (07:05):
So I know you agreed to come on today to talk about
that loss.
And losing someone close isalways hard.
But losing a twin, that's aunique kind of grief.
That it is.
So can you walk me through whatthat time was like for you?
I
SPEAKER_00 (07:22):
can really literally say that had to be the darkest
moment in my life.
And I think because for one, itwas sudden.
And so I had just spoke to himthe day before.
And I guess me and him, we doour usual.
We argued every day aboutsomething.
(07:42):
It didn't care.
We didn't care what it was.
We just argued just to turnaround and laugh.
And I guess I had like a lotgoing on at work that day
because I could normally sensewhen something wrong with him.
But that day I was working hard.
I was doing a lot.
And my mom called me.
She said, did you talk to yourbrother?
I said, no, I haven't talked tohim.
She said, I've been trying tocall him.
(08:03):
He was raising his daughter atthe time herself.
She said, Naima was not at thedaycare and he hadn't been to
work.
So at that time, when she saidthat, I just thought what I was
doing.
And it's like it just came overme.
I just I didn't say anything.
Tears started flowing.
I grabbed my purse and my joband I just left.
(08:24):
By the time I made it outside,my heart sunk.
I knew he was gone.
I didn't feel that connectionanymore.
I didn't feel anything.
So by the time I was, I was theonly somebody that had a key to
his apartment.
I'm on my way there.
My oldest sister's on her waythere.
And by the time I got there, Ithink my sister must have called
the maintenance or whatever.
He had passed somewhere inbetween the night.
(08:48):
He had put his daughter to sleepand he do what he normally do
when he wash and close thephoto.
He'll just lay on the floor andlike, look in a book or on his
tablet while he's doing it.
And that's where he was.
He had, just like he just wentto sleep.
And his daughter had, from whatI can understand, because she
was there with him while he wasgone.
(09:10):
She just got up and she playedin the house all day by herself.
She saw him, but she justfigured he was asleep.
SPEAKER_01 (09:18):
Right.
SPEAKER_00 (09:19):
And I said, I guess you think the maintenance guy
went in because he wouldn't letme go in.
He said, no, he got her out.
And he said, I'm not going tolet you go in.
And but when my mom got thereand went in, they just said she
had played, toys would strollall through the house.
She could open the refrigeratorand he had like grapes at the
bottom where she can just getsome grapes where she had to
(09:41):
went in the refrigerator.
She had to fed herself, but shejust played just thinking he was
asleep.
And I couldn't.
I don't know.
It's like I couldn't catch mybreath.
It's like I just couldn'tbreathe because it was like it
was sucking the life out of me,so to speak.
And I just couldn't, as theysay, I just could not get myself
(10:02):
together no matter what I did.
It was my kid, the first lossthat they had close to them
because he was my best friend.
So they saw their uncle everyday because we were together
every day.
And After that, I just kind oflike my whole world just
shattered.
(10:22):
And you don't know.
This might sound kind of crazy,but when you lose something that
close to you, you lose thatbond, you literally feel like
you cannot go on.
You really, because it willalways been you.
You and him together.
(10:42):
And you feel like now I gotto...
I got to live my life alone, soto speak, because I wasn't born
alone, but I got to live therest of my life alone.
Because in my mind, we was goingto grow old together, sitting on
the porch and rocking chairs anddo what we usually do.
We argue with each other.
But at the age of 41, I lost allof that.
(11:04):
He died when we was 41.
What did they say the cause was?
They just said he died ofnatural causes.
He died in his sleep.
So he wasn't It wasn't a heartattack.
It wasn't anything.
He just died in his sleep.
And I knew because I keptsaying, I had just literally
left the doctor with himprobably about two weeks ago.
And they was just telling him hewas in great shape because he
(11:26):
was a big guy.
He just told him that, he said,everything, your pressure and
everything good.
He was like, you been walking?
He said, yeah, I go walkingevery day.
He said, I can tell.
And so from the doctor'sperspective, he was fine.
But I don't feel like I losteverything.
(11:49):
And when I did that, I went intoa depression.
Right.
I was going to ask you, how didyou grieve?
Yeah, I went into a depressionfor about three months.
I literally would go to workevery day, come back home, just
get in the bed, don't doanything.
And my ex-husband now, I mustadmit, he helped in one sense
(12:11):
when it came to that depression.
I think I might've been the lastpart.
And he was like, he came in andhe was like, I don't know how
you feeling.
I can't imagine how you feeling.
Yeah.
But I do know one thing, yourkids, they are missing you.
They are, they see you sad.
They're sad.
You just got to kind of pullyourself out of it because they
(12:32):
are missing you.
And I think thinking about them,that's what really made me just
really come out of.
And the fact that, He wouldn'teven want me to be like that.
And I looked and I said tomyself, people say, well, how
did you come out of it?
It was that.
I said, but sometimes we realizeit ain't how do we come out of
it.
Me personally, I didn't want tocome out of it.
(12:54):
Because that means I got to dealwith the fact he's no longer
here.
I didn't want to come out.
I knew I needed to come out.
I just didn't want to come outof it.
But when he said that to me, itkind of clicked by my kids.
So...
When he said that, I knew I hadto be there for them.
I had to be a little strongerfor them because I was not
(13:14):
strong at all.
I wasn't trying to be strongbecause I was broken.
And the kids, they was like,they didn't want to mention his
name.
I got to the point where I toldthem, I said, it doesn't bother
me for you to mention his namebecause it helped me to talk
about him.
I said, okay.
(13:35):
And people always say, oh, youhave to remember the good times
and not the bad time.
I tell people I never had a badtime.
We always had good times.
We never had a bad timetogether.
So all my memories are goodtimes.
So I said just that.
It wasn't that I didn't want tocome.
I just didn't want to come outbecause that means I got to deal
(13:56):
with reality.
He's literally not here for me.
He's not here for me to callagain.
I mean, when you're used tosomebody doing something every
day, it's hard to come out ofit.
It's very hard to come out ofit.
SPEAKER_01 (14:09):
Well, there's a special bond to being a twin,
obviously being a sibling, butbeing a twin.
Like you said, you wereconnected in a very special way.
And you said you had to come outfor the kids.
What ages were the kids thatwould be able to process that as
well?
SPEAKER_00 (14:26):
The oldest, she was in college.
And so the other two was in highschool.
It was after you kind of,because it's literally
uncontrollable crying.
Everything remind you of thisperson.
Whether it's a song you guysused to sing together.
Everything about just inside ofmy house remind me of him.
(14:51):
So after, you know, you try toget yourself together.
And I told the kids, I said,it's okay to talk.
Because they were Ulysses.
We called him Grant.
I said, it's okay to talk aboutUncle Grant.
SPEAKER_01 (15:01):
I
SPEAKER_00 (15:02):
said it actually helped me because by me thinking
about all the stuff we did, Ismiled, I laughed.
And so it just really helped mejust talking about him to kind
of get me through this wholething.
Right.
And, you know, I know we allknow, we should know, a lot is
depending on God.
(15:22):
Right.
You got to have that strength.
You got to have that faith inGod because even like I said, I
knew I had to come out.
I just didn't want to come out.
And I knew my kids needed me.
But the only thing that actuallygave me strength to do that, to
come out, was God.
Because I was like, I don'tcare.
(15:44):
I don't care.
I don't want to do anything.
I go to work.
I didn't have any joy about meat all.
Nothing.
I was just walking in limbo.
I didn't have anything about me.
SPEAKER_01 (15:55):
I love that you mentioned God, because I know
that's hard.
to trust God and you want toquestion why.
SPEAKER_00 (16:02):
Yeah, you ask the question why, why I had to be
the one to lose my twin.
Why, why, you just want to knowwhy, why it's me.
Why it had to be me.
Why we can't grow old together.
And then you see, you justwatching TV and just like
everywhere you look, it was liketwins.
Everywhere.
I'm looking at TV, I'm lookingat twins that them grew old
(16:22):
together.
And I'm like, now why they cangrow old together?
You know, it just, You see, it'slike you were seeing everything
that you wanted for your lifethat, you know, you couldn't
have for your life anymore.
SPEAKER_01 (16:34):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (16:34):
So
SPEAKER_01 (16:34):
you felt a little angry or confused.
SPEAKER_00 (16:37):
Oh, yeah.
You were like, oh, my goodness.
Why me?
Why I got to go through this?
Right.
SPEAKER_01 (16:43):
Was there a moment when you felt like God showed up
in a way that surprised you?
SPEAKER_00 (16:47):
Oh, most definitely.
It happened at the mostinconvenient times or moments.
just out of nowhere.
And I knew it was, in a sense,him and God.
And I was just doing something,and I was in the kitchen, and I
(17:08):
was just feeling, I was justsad.
And believe it or not, I stillcan feel him to this day, even
though he's no longer here.
And when you're feeling bad, andI just, it's a weird thing, but
I was sitting at the kitchentable, I was just kind of sad.
And I felt...
Like somebody just brushed theirhand right across my shoulder.
SPEAKER_01 (17:29):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (17:30):
And it kind of like when that happened, it's like it
took that sadness I had away.
And all I said was, thank you,God.
I know that you grinned.
That's all I said.
So he still come to me indifferent ways.
And it'd be the weirdest thing.
I'm the type of person, I neveroversleep.
I never, I'm always early forsomething or whatever.
(17:51):
One morning, I don't know why Iwas oversleeping.
And I'm going to tell you now, Iknew I didn't feel like I was
trying to get up to go to work.
And he grabbed me by my leg andhe pulled my leg.
And when I jumped up, I mean,pulled hard enough to snatch me
down in the bed a little bit.
(18:12):
I jumped up and I looked at theclock.
I said, oh, my God.
I said, and all I said was,dude, you didn't have to snatch
me that hard.
And...
I just said, dude, you didn'thave to snatch me that hard.
I was like, but thank youthough, because I'm running
late.
SPEAKER_01 (18:30):
God's having Grant look from above going, wake her
up.
SPEAKER_00 (18:35):
You didn't have to snatch me that hard, but thank
you.
I'm running late.
Well, I can feel him indifferent places or if I'm doing
something, I can just like, ifI'm in my car riding by myself,
just singing or whatever, I canfeel his presence in the other
seat.
It's weird, but I can.
I
SPEAKER_01 (18:53):
know grief looks differently for a lot of
different people.
But how long did it take you toreally be okay with him being
gone?
SPEAKER_00 (19:03):
Weird story, believe it or not.
One of my good friends is also atwin.
She had a twin brother.
A year and a half after hisdeath, she lost her twin
brother.
Wow.
And...
I had to use my experience tohelp her get through that loss.
So I said, this is hard.
(19:26):
This is going to bring up awhole lot of stuff for me, but
you need it.
And I said, and I think in theprocess it's going to help me
because I'm trying to help youget through yours.
And I was like, never would havethought I lose my twin brother
and a year and a half later sheloses hers.
And her twin brother was at workand he got sick.
(19:48):
He went into a coma.
He was on the ventilator.
He was going to be a vegetable.
She was willing to quit her job.
I'm going to take care of himand I'm going to take care of
him.
And I had to talk to her and Iwas like, you don't want to hear
this.
You're going to be mad, but I'mgoing to have to tell you
anyway.
I wouldn't be a good friend if Idon't tell you.
I said, that is not a life forhim to live.
(20:08):
That is not how he want to live.
And that's not how he would wantyou to have to give up
everything to take care of him.
I said, he would never, Behimself again.
I said, right now, the machineis breathing for him.
I said, it's not fair to you.
It's not fair to him.
It's not fair to the family.
(20:30):
I said, I need you to get to apoint where you're able to let
him go.
I said, the one thing you havethat I didn't have, you're able
to tell him goodbye.
I didn't have that.
You're able to tell your brothergoodbye.
I said, I didn't get that.
I said, the only thing I had wasa phone call we had the day
before, the night before, andthat's it.
(20:51):
You able to say what you want tosay to him right now, but to in
a sense, have him go throughthat, live a life like that.
I said, it's not fair.
She was mad with me because shedidn't want to hear because she
didn't want to let go of him.
And I understood that.
And I said, I don't care aboutyou being mad.
I'm going to have to tell youwhat it is.
(21:12):
I said, your mom trying to tellyou, you don't want to hear
anything.
I'm telling you from a personwho done lost their twin, this
is not fair.
This is not fair to him.
It's not fair to you.
So eventually it took a coupleof days, but the end, I said, if
you pull that plug and he'sstill breathing, then that's God
telling you, let him live.
(21:34):
But if he don't, Then you wasjust having him on a machine,
racking up a hospital bill, andit's not fair.
They pulled the plug.
An hour later, he passed.
That's what I said.
And then she came back.
I want to say after the funeral,she said, I really hate you, but
(21:56):
you was right.
She said, I didn't want to hearit.
I didn't want to hear it fromanybody.
And she said, you always beenthat person.
You come in, you're going to saywhat you have to say.
And she said, you always said, Idon't care if you mad with me.
I don't care if you just staypissed off at me.
I don't care.
But I'm going to tell you what Ithink is right.
You don't have to take myadvice.
(22:17):
You don't have to do anything.
But I'm going to tell youanyway.
And she was like, you wereright.
That wasn't fair.
I said, I'm just trying.
I said, you got something Ididn't get.
Yeah.
So use that.
That's your closure right there.
You're able to get some closurefor yourself.
Yeah.
So I said, me talking about thisactually helping me get through
(22:37):
my part.
I didn't get a chance to sayanything.
I didn't get a chance to saygoodbye.
UNKNOWN (22:41):
Right.
SPEAKER_00 (22:42):
She was like, well, I didn't realize it like that.
I'm not trying to make you feelbad.
I'm just telling you, you gotsomething I didn't get to do.
So take advantage of it.
SPEAKER_01 (22:51):
That's it.
So turning your pain intopurpose.
How do you think his passingchanged who you are today?
SPEAKER_00 (23:01):
It makes you live life in the present.
Whatever that day brings, youlive it to the fullest.
Of course, we prepare for thefuture, but there's nothing
guaranteed we will make itthere.
So every day, I live every daylike it's absolutely my last
because that's how he lived hislife.
(23:21):
If he didn't have Any money atall, you would not know it
because he lived his life as hewas the richest man on earth.
That's how he lived his life.
And I took that.
I was like, that's what I'mgoing to do.
That's how I'm going to live mylife as if I'm the richest
person on the earth.
And it changed everything aboutme.
(23:42):
I became more happier.
Everything, I didn't letanything bother me.
My kids think I'm crazy thesedays.
They'll say something, I'll belike, oh, I don't care.
Oh, I don't know.
They was like, you're not goingto say anything.
I don't, I mean, what you wantme to say?
And it's just like, I got to thepoint where I just didn't let
anything bother me that I tellthem all the time.
(24:03):
I said, can you control whateverit is?
No.
Why are we worrying about it?
You can't control what otherpeople do.
Can't control what they say.
You go and control what you sayand do.
That's it.
I said, everything else, Godwill work it out.
And you were never like thatbefore.
UNKNOWN (24:19):
No.
SPEAKER_00 (24:20):
I had got to the point where I was happy because,
believe it or not, I have themost strangest stories.
SPEAKER_01 (24:32):
I'm interested, girl.
SPEAKER_00 (24:32):
I'm interested.
But like I told you, when I wasyoung, I was like the little
mean one or whatever.
But I was telling people, Isaid, the first five years of my
marriage, I was just, I wasmean.
I didn't smile.
I didn't do anything.
And one day, it just kind of, Itdrives you to make you just, you
just get tired of just being amean person.
(24:54):
But people tell me, oh, you gota bad attitude.
I did.
They was absolutely telling thetruth.
One day I looked in the mirror.
I asked God, show me what youdon't like about me so I can
change who I am.
Don't do that.
God's going to give you.
Yeah.
Be careful what you ask for.
Don't do it unless you're ready.
SPEAKER_01 (25:15):
I've made that mistake before.
SPEAKER_00 (25:17):
Don't do it unless you're ready.
And when he showed me prettymuch how I treated people, it's
kind of like I was lookingthrough somebody else's eyes.
I was just nasty for no reason.
My mouth was lethal.
I'm telling you, it wassomething else.
And I said, I didn't like theperson that's off.
(25:39):
So I worked hard.
I changed a lot about me.
I used to be so hard on them,just so hard on them all the
time.
Till one day, it was likerunning my oldest daughter.
She said she was scared to tellme that she dropped my laptop
and cracked the stream.
Because normally I just fly intoa little rage, fussing or
whatever.
And so she said, I dropped yourlaptop and cracked the stream.
(26:04):
I said, oh, it's okay.
I'll just, I get another one.
They was like, you okay?
I was like, oh, it's fine.
I'll just buy another one.
And they was like shockedbecause they was waiting on me
to just, yeah.
But I didn't.
I said, It's okay.
I can just get another one.
She was like, are you okay?
I was like, yeah, why?
You're not fussing or anything.
(26:24):
I was like, I mean, I just gotto the point.
That's materialistic.
If that's break, I can just getanother one.
I said, something happened toyou guys.
I can't get another one.
I said, anything materialistic,I got to the point.
I don't care if it break.
If I got the money, I just getanother one.
If not, we'll just do without.
And they was like, You sure youokay?
(26:45):
So that switch really came afteryour mother's passing?
It switched after I did.
I mean, I started looking atstuff differently.
I didn't care about certainthings.
And they was like, are you sure?
I cared about spending all mytime with them, trying to make
them.
I said, oh, I just want you guysto be productive citizens.
That's it.
(27:05):
And I spent most of my timepretty much trying to make sure
they are who I want them to be,as in you treat people how you
want to be treated.
Because I knew what it was likebecause I didn't treat people
how I wanted to be treated.
I treated people bad.
And I told myself, you want totreat people how you want to be
treated.
I mean, I had got to the pointwhere I just talked all the
time.
And I told myself, I just lookat things like this.
(27:26):
If my kids out in the world andsomething happened, I want God
to have somebody there to helpyou guys because I'm not going
to be able to do it.
So he's going to place somebodythere that's going to help you.
So everything I do now isbecause I want, in case
something happens, there issomebody, a place to help you
(27:47):
guys in case you need some helpbecause I'm not going to be
there where you are.
I said, now everything I do ispretty much you treat people how
you want to be treated.
I'm always smiling.
I'm always cordial to a personor whatever.
This one guy told me, he said,do you smile like that all the
time?
I said, you don't?
He was like, no.
(28:07):
He was like, why are yousmiling?
I said, I did.
at one point, but now I say Iwake up every morning with a
smile on my face.
I said, I'm just happy.
I said, I'm just a happy person.
I said, I realized thathappiness had to come from
within.
You can't get it from nobody,nowhere.
God got to work on you and thathave to come from within.
When it do, You just wake upfull of joy.
(28:29):
He was like, I'm just a ball ofsunshine.
You're really are.
SPEAKER_01 (28:34):
Well, that's funny you mentioned that because I was
looking at this question.
I was like, what part of yourbrother do you carry with you
now?
And I was thinking about it andyou were talking about in the
beginning what your brother waslike, this bubbly guy.
So I think he inserted a lot ofhim in you.
SPEAKER_00 (28:46):
Most definitely because I have an older brother.
He's two years older now.
It's like I got some of hischaracteristics and he got the
other part of it.
And I said, why you look likehim?
And he looked at me, he waslike, why you don't?
But it's like he picked upsomething and I know I pulled a
(29:07):
lot.
It's like his energy, like itjust separated and went in
different parts of us.
So I was like, I don't know.
You just want to be happy andyou want to help people however
you can.
No matter what it is or who itis, if you got the ability to
help somebody, whether it's akind word, whatever it is, you
(29:29):
should do that.
SPEAKER_01 (29:32):
Well, I was going to say, well, we met through
volunteering.
So what led you to that kind ofwork?
And I just see now it's justit's what's been infused in you.
SPEAKER_00 (29:39):
Oh, yeah, because I volunteer and I used to do it
all the time.
My kids, that's what I kind ofinstilled in them is service,
helping other people, lessfortunate people.
You just want to help people.
I said, we have something somepeople don't have.
But what we all have is how youuse it is time.
Yeah.
(29:59):
We all have time.
Some people just want to layaround and watch TV.
You don't need but two hours andyou go help somebody.
That's it.
I say, whether it's the nursinghome, I just love to go to the
nurse home because the oldpeople, you know, they're kind
of funny.
They say whatever they want tosay.
And the kids that got interestedin going to the nurse home, are
we going back to that nursehome?
(30:22):
So it's just, I say, it's alwaysjust small gestures that make an
impression on people.
I said, when the kids got older,I didn't buy Christmas gifts.
I just go and buy the littletags off the trees for the
nursing home because they justwanted socks, scarves, gloves.
Of course, I put a whole baskettogether for them because it
(30:42):
didn't cost them much and theydidn't want much.
Most of them didn't have family.
And the real thing is my twinbrother worked at a nursing
home.
He loved being around olderpeople.
And they loved him.
So I was like, it was like, youhad nursing home because of Dr.
Grant.
I said, look, I was doing thisbefore Dr.
(31:03):
Grant decided to go to thenursing home.
Y'all are not going to take thatfrom me.
SPEAKER_01 (31:10):
Well, do you think helping others became part of
your own journey, too, in your
SPEAKER_00 (31:13):
healing?
It really has.
It really has.
Because we all have differentthings we struggle with.
No matter what it is, at somepoint we're struggling with
something.
And helping other people, youmight be helping them in one
way, but they might havesomething you need to help you
with that struggle you're goingthrough.
(31:34):
It might be as a word they mightbe able to give you.
It's something that they have tohelp you with that struggle
you're going through.
SPEAKER_01 (31:41):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (31:41):
So, yeah, I mean, I love being out in the community,
helping.
I don't know.
I just like being around people.
UNKNOWN (31:49):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (31:50):
What's something you believe now that you didn't
before this chapter of yourlife?
SPEAKER_00 (31:55):
It's simple, but it's true.
We think about it and notnecessarily have it, but it's
happiness.
We talk about it, but when youreally truly have it, it's a
different feeling.
It's a totally differentfeeling.
(32:16):
And going through...
Everything I went through withhim, I learned that no matter
what, you need your happiness.
You need your peace.
You got to have it.
It'll pull you through all kindsof situations if you got it.
That happiness, that innerhappiness, that inner peace,
it'll pull you through a lot.
(32:36):
You're like, why I worry aboutthis?
This is not who I am.
Why I'm allowing someone to pullsomething from me that I already
have in me?
Why am I lying on this?
And then you just have toremember who you are.
You're a child of God.
(32:57):
You have to say, who am I?
I'm a child of God.
You have to say that stuff outloud
SPEAKER_01 (33:02):
sometimes.
I think what I love the most,Melissa, is just through the
pain, how you have turned itinto such positivity.
And you can just walk throughday to day.
Oh, yeah, you have to.
If
SPEAKER_00 (33:19):
you stay stuck there, you're missing out on
life.
You're missing out on life.
If you have a family, you'remissing out on that.
I missed out for three months,and I was like, I can't let it
go any further.
And he wouldn't have wanted thateither.
No, he most definitely wouldn'thave wanted that.
(33:41):
I knew I needed to come out.
I just didn't want to come out.
Right, right.
It's just like, I know what Ineed to do.
That means I got to come out andface everything.
Face this life without him.
But by me talking about it,doing different things, I always
do stuff in his memory.
Or I'm always thinking about himor whatever.
(34:02):
It just helped me.
He helped me move through life.
It's just that he's in anotherplane.
That's it.
He's doing it for the spiritualworld.
Helping me move through life.
That's it.
SPEAKER_01 (34:14):
Well, I do hope that Hearing your story will just
give that little bit ofencouragement that somebody
needs to hear.
They're not the only one thathas ever been through that.
No, no, no.
SPEAKER_00 (34:24):
It's all about how you channel that grief.
That's it.
SPEAKER_01 (34:28):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (34:29):
It's all about how you channel it.
You can make it work for you.
You can make it benefit you.
Or you can make it keep youstuck in the past.
SPEAKER_01 (34:36):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (34:36):
You just have to channel it, right?
That's it.
SPEAKER_01 (34:39):
And God has other plans, right?
Oh, yeah.
We don't understand it, but youjust, God's saying, I've got
that for you.
If you just let this go and thentake.
SPEAKER_00 (34:48):
He will most definitely.
That's why I think you're makingplans to know because they
always get changed.
I can do initial, but we'regoing to have to wing everything
else.
SPEAKER_01 (35:00):
Well, I appreciate this.
It's so good to talk to you.
And I love everything.
I'm pulling everything from youall that.
Yeah, this was great.
I put a lot of things in theshow notes for anybody.
If they want to contact you,what would be the best way if
somebody had a connection withyour story that maybe wanted to
reach out to you?
SPEAKER_00 (35:20):
It'd probably email because I normally check my
SPEAKER_01 (35:23):
constantly.
Okay.
Well, I'll go ahead and linkthat in the show notes and then
I'll put even your LinkedIn.
SPEAKER_00 (35:28):
Okay.
That'd be great.
SPEAKER_01 (35:30):
Yeah.
All right, Melissa.
Well, thank you for this.
SPEAKER_00 (35:33):
I'm so happy.
I mean, I really didn't think Ihave a story, but I mean.
You do.
Everybody does.
SPEAKER_01 (35:39):
And girls, yours was fantastic.
I want to thank Melissa so muchfor opening her heart and
sharing her hardest yet powerfulchapter of her story.
Her journey from grief toembracing joy and living with
faith, feeling Grant's presencein all she does, it's truly
(36:04):
inspiring.
If you haven't already, pleasesubscribe to Hidden Chapters so
you don't miss stories likeMelissa's.
And if you found this episodemeaningful, leave a review.
It really helps other listenersfind the show.
To connect with Melissa, checkthe show notes on how to contact
her.
Until next chapter, keeplistening for what connects us
the most.
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