June 27, 2025 • 59 mins
What happens when the life you built starts to slowly unravel not with a crash, but with quiet, unseen shifts?
In this episode, Liz Davis opens up about her journey as a military spouse navigating the emotional weight of constant change, the slow realization that her marriage was coming apart, and the courageous choice to put herself first and start fresh.
Liz shares the hidden realities of military family life, the sacrifices, silent struggles, and honest conversations with her kids about what was really happening at home. Beyond the challenges, she invites us into her story of rediscovering self-worth, creating a peaceful home, and launching a new career in financial planning.
This isn’t just a story about divorce, it’s about growth, clarity, and hope. Whether or not you’re connected to military life, Liz’s honesty about reinvention, parenting, and reclaiming identity will resonate with anyone facing a season of deep change.
A Personal Note from Genevieve:
This episode feels a little different, more of a real conversation about struggles Liz and I have both walked through. Having traveled a similar path in my own military marriage, I found myself adding more to this conversation not just as a host, but as someone who truly understands the quiet struggles and hidden chapters many military spouses face. Liz’s story reminded me why it’s so important to speak these truths out loud and choose ourselves, even when it’s hard.
✨ Key Takeaways from Liz’s Story:
- Military life demands a lot emotionally and mentally from spouses
- Identity can easily get lost in the role of “supportive spouse”
- Divorce is rarely sudden; it’s often a gradual awakening
- Rediscovering independence is challenging but deeply empowering
- Financial literacy can be life-changing after major transitions
- Reinvention is possible — even in midlife
- A peaceful home begins with personal growth
- Connection and community matter — you’re not alone
If Liz’s story speaks to you, I’d love to hear your thoughts. And if you know someone who could use encouragement today, please share this episode.
💻 Connect with Liz:
📧 Email: elizabetherindavis@hotmail.com
🔗 LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/liz-davis-finance
Leave me a note-I'd love to hear from you!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_00 (00:00):
Hey there.
Before we get started, I wantedto give you a quick heads up.
There are a few moments in thisepisode where you'll hear some
background noise that couldn'treally be helped.
I decided not to re-recordbecause this story is too
important to miss.
And honestly, life isn't alwaysperfectly polished and neither
are the chapters we talk abouthere.
(00:21):
This conversation is honest,it's personal, and it touches on
parts of military spouse lifethat don't often get said out
loud, but they matter.
Thanks for listening with me.
Let's dive in.
So I wanted to briefly pause andsay that this conversation hits
(00:41):
very close to home.
Liz's story mirrors so much ofmy own.
I grew up a military child andbecame a military spouse for so
many years.
We retired just three years ago.
And what Liz is about to shareis something I've lived parts of
too.
Truthfully, it's more commonthan people think and
unfortunately rarely talkedabout.
(01:03):
Military life asks a lot.
You give up so much of yourtime, your stability, and
sometimes parts of your ownidentity.
And you do it out of love.
But eventually, all thatsacrifice builds up.
And for a lot of couples,especially after retirement,
when things settle and getquiet, you realize some things
in the relationship shifted.
(01:25):
Liz's marriage didn't end rightat retirement.
And while my own story looksdifferent, I relate deeply to
that slow realization, thatquiet shift that began long
before the uniform came off.
So I want to acknowledge Liz andsay how much I respect her for
being willing to talk aboutthis.
I want to talk gently throughthis conversation because I see
(01:47):
her.
I see me.
I see so many of us in this.
And I think it's time we talkedabout it.
So Liz, thank you for spendingtime with me this afternoon.
Thank you.
That was a beautifulintroduction.
Yeah.
Well, let's go ahead and startwith this.
So you spent nearly two decadessupporting your husband's
military career, raising threekids, managing the home, and
(02:11):
moving 12 times.
When you think back on thatseason of your life, what roles
or parts of yourself did youfeel most proud of?
Well, I
SPEAKER_01 (02:20):
think both.
I think that I would say the waymost military spouses would
reply as a military spouse andmom.
I think when you get into this,when you become a military
spouse, that starts with pride.
You do it for love.
You love your partner.
You love the service.
(02:40):
You love the life that you'rebuilding together.
Yeah.
When I look back at it, it justseems like a whole different
world than what I have now.
And my world now is fantastic.
But when you look back, youdefinitely feel your role as a
military spouse and youdefinitely feel your role as a
(03:01):
mother because you take oneverything.
You know, you are the constant,the consistent.
And it's not a point ofcontention.
It's not, you know...
this happened and I'm sofrustrated that I had to take on
all responsibility.
You, I welcome, I absolutelyloved it.
I welcomed it, you know?
SPEAKER_00 (03:23):
Yeah.
Yeah, I have no regrets either.
I've really loved the militarylife.
Being military and growing upmilitary, I used to always laugh
and say, I'm never going tomarry military.
God had other plans on that one.
Yeah, then you like marry whatyou know, right?
Right.
Yes, yes.
So military life, we both know,demands a lot of spouses,
(03:45):
emotionally, physically, andmentally.
So how did that life shape youridentity?
And who did you become in thatseason that maybe you didn't
expect?
SPEAKER_01 (03:55):
Well, I feel like, I mean, when my ex proposed to me,
I mean, I was a girl from, whowas born and raised in
Wisconsin.
I went to college.
I graduated from college andthen I met him.
And the idea of becoming amilitary spouse where it's kind
(04:15):
of like a life of adventure,right?
It was kind of outside of mynorm to say, let's do it.
But I did it.
And, um, You know, I think thatit makes you strong.
It makes you resilient.
I feel like these are all thingsthat, once again, any military
spouse can say.
There's so many.
It's like a double edged sword.
(04:36):
All these things that make youso amazing can also be like the
downfall of a relationship.
But I think when you take onthose household
responsibilities, know not justbecause you have to be because
you really wanted to createnormalcy and stability you want
it's just it's just a wantingit's a desire to do what's best
(04:59):
for your family do what's bestfor your spouse it's out of love
everything's out of love but ittruly makes you so strong i
think if you look back to whoyou are at age say 28 and then
compare yourself to like 42still as a military spouse you
can see the difference and youcan see the growth.
I mean, I think when people meetme, they would absolutely say,
(05:23):
you're an extrovert, you'reoutgoing, you're friendly,
you're an extrovert.
And I'm like, no, I absolutelyam not an extrovert.
This is, this is the militarythat has trained me, you know,
because you have to, I mean, forlack of a better phrase, fake it
till you make it like you, youhave to, you have to throw
yourself into it.
(05:43):
I, I would always say to myhusband, I would say, gosh,
every time we move, you havelike a new family, a new
community, a new, new friendsright there at your fingertips.
And I have to figure it all out.
I have to like, meet the wivesand see if they're wackadoos or
(06:03):
see if they're nice and ask forrecommendations for the dentist
or doctors or it's starting overevery time.
And so I think in the process ofbecoming a cheerleader for
myself and my kids, like youjust become that way naturally.
You know, I feel like thatcarries over into everything
(06:25):
that I do now is that if anybodyhas a struggle, if anybody's
having a hard time, I feel likeI'm always somebody's advocate
or cheerleader because it's kindof like, you just don't know
what you're capable of.
I think that's the biggest thingthat being a military spouse
will give you is that you willrealize how amazing you are.
You're capable
SPEAKER_00 (06:45):
of a lot.
Right.
When you look back and you thinkof all the things that you've
been through, we kind ofminimalize it too.
And I think it's funny because Idon't think back on some of
those things and go, yeah, well,I just did it.
But you talk to somebody whomaybe hasn't had that
experience.
And they go, but you did that.
And you're like, yeah.
You know, so we just kind of weminimalize and we just go.
It was just survival.
It was what we did.
(07:05):
It was just what we needed to
SPEAKER_01 (07:07):
do.
I think that's a lot of it.
I think when stuff is so big andso almost traumatic, you're you
just go into like a let's getthrough it, you know, because
I've talked to civilians wheretheir husbands have to go out of
town for four days and they'revery upset by it.
Like I'm I have to be with thebaby and this is so hard.
And I asked my mom to come inand.
(07:29):
You know, they'll look at me andbe like, oh gosh, you went
through a 15 month longdeployment.
How did you do it?
You're like, well, there was nooption,
SPEAKER_00 (07:36):
you know?
Yeah.
I had this pastor's wife and hehad to go for some training for
about a week or two weeks.
And here I came in, hairylooking, I was sweating.
I had Izzy in a carrier and Ihad Charlize, you know, she was
three.
And I came walking in and one ofthe church ladies, I loved her
dearly, she always would come inand she would take Izzy from me
(07:56):
and she's like, give me thatbaby.
And I would gladly throw Izzy ather.
And I'd sit down just because itwas that piece of quiet.
So I was just sitting there andI remember one time her looking
at me and she goes, I'm nevercomplaining to you you know
Chris has been gone for ninemonths and he left 10 days after
so I had a two-year-old and a10-day-old and my parents were
(08:20):
in North Carolina Chris's familywas in Washington State and I
remember dropping him off earlylike 5 30 in the morning it was
still dark because it was inSeptember I cried a little bit
at the steering wheel and thenwent Life's got to move on.
Isn't that crazy?
Those
SPEAKER_01 (08:37):
are
SPEAKER_00 (08:37):
crazy
SPEAKER_01 (08:38):
circumstances.
SPEAKER_00 (08:39):
Yeah.
And we just, we did it.
So I totally get that.
So looking back, were there everquiet moments where you felt
yourself shifting?
So even before the divorce,moments where you quoted saying,
I'm more than this, but I don'tknow what that means yet.
SPEAKER_01 (08:56):
Oh, for sure.
I think it even starts with, Ithink that question of, is this
what my life is?
You know, I think that'sprobably a starting point of
like, wait a minute, you know,you're doing all the things.
And as life progresses and asyour kids get older and your
husband advances in his career,you suddenly think, wait a
(09:19):
minute, I have just spent somuch time doing for others.
But is this what I wanted?
Because, of course, you want totake care of and love and
nurture your family.
But what about you?
So I think it starts with, isthis what I wanted my life to
look like?
(09:40):
What is missing?
What could I do about it?
And yeah, I think that's wherethat little nagging comes in.
But I also think that's verycommon.
I feel like every single stepalong the way in my husband's
military career I would havethese conversations with other
(10:02):
women.
You know, when we went to likeILE in Leavenworth, Kansas,
we're all around the same age atthat point.
And it was kind of the samething, you know, kind of what
can we do for ourselves outsideof this?
And I think a lot of thetrajectory was women who either
have very transferable jobs,like teachers or nurses, or they
(10:24):
would get very, very involved inthe military, whether that was
like through spouses club orjust running organizations.
ILE courses.
And I always thought to myself,but those can't be the only two
options that there are.
SPEAKER_00 (10:37):
It's like you either throw yourself into spouses
clubs or you try to be thatextrovert.
SPEAKER_01 (10:44):
Yeah.
And I think what's hard is thatyour spouse thinks, well, it
shouldn't be that hard to be amilitary spouse because they'll
be like, oh, well, you havecommunity and you have spouses
groups and you have all theseextra things that you can do.
To them, they feel like thatthey're providing you a
community as well.
And it's not quite the same.
SPEAKER_00 (11:08):
Yeah.
And that's hard to, I think, forthem to understand.
You went into already a builtcommunity.
And if I didn't go out and takethe moment to go, who can I
meet?
Who can I contact and getinvolved?
And for the kids, too, we wouldbe stuck at the house.
It would be something we wouldbe alone half the time.
SPEAKER_01 (11:28):
That happens a lot.
I think it's hard for people toput themselves out there.
And you know, when there's,there's like a chart that shows
a scale of all the traumaticthings that can happen in
people's lives and like divorcesway up there, the death of a
spouse or loved one is way upthere, but even moving is
traumatic, right?
Like that's a big life change.
(11:50):
And I think when you movesomewhere, the fact that your
soldier has that instantcommunity and family and
network, And if you're just notfeeling it, if you're just, you
know, you're trying to get yourbearings and you don't have that
compassion at home thatsomeone's saying to you, I know
this is rough.
I know we're doing this again,but I'm going to be by your side
(12:12):
and we're going to, we're goingto get through this.
You just feel like you'refloundering and that you're not
performing well enough.
You should be able to getyourself out of this funk or out
the door or meet the otherspouses or whatever it is.
Like you should be able to findsatisfaction somewhere else
because As a military spouse, weare very busy people, you know,
and, you know.
(12:34):
Oh, that's the assumption.
Yeah.
But, you know, busy doesn'talways mean satisfied, right?
Right.
It just fills the void.
Yeah,
SPEAKER_00 (12:45):
absolutely.
So you shared that therealization your marriage was
ending wasn't loud.
It was a slow, painful knowing.
So what was that process likefor you emotionally, especially
as someone who's held ittogether for so long?
SPEAKER_01 (13:01):
I think that more than anything, it's just an
overlying frustration.
That's the biggest thing, like asadness, a frustration.
We're so capable of so much.
We, in general, tend totroubleshoot.
We tend to want to solve theproblem.
We know that if we could justtalk about it, outline it, that
(13:28):
we can work it out because thinkof all the things that we've had
to let go out before.
The amount of deployments I'vebeen through with young kids, we
had to just gang up and figureout how to meet with other wives
and make little groups andfigure out how to get through
it.
Those are long, lonely days andtimes and you couldn't get
through it if you didn't if youdidn't make a plan if you didn't
(13:52):
tell yourself that you're goingto make it through it so when
you feel that your marriage isfalling apart when the
communication isn't there whenthings aren't being shared when
you're leading two separatelives the fact that you can't
troubleshoot it the fact thatall of your tools that you have
like the way you normally theway you normally try to problem
(14:13):
solve like nothing Nothing wouldwork.
And then, and then there's ahard part because then you have
to become a little bit morevulnerable and then say like
what you're scared of and why,why are we not getting along?
And why don't you like me?
And why does everybody else inmy life really seem to enjoy me,
but you can't stand me?
What, what is going on?
(14:34):
But you say those words andyou're saying it in a way that
you're trying to haveconversation.
And so there's not, I'm notcrying.
There's not a lot of emotion.
And I think that's a harddisconnect because you would
think that somebody would bevery upset or like begging and
pleading.
And I just don't know if it's methat's not built that way or if
(14:57):
it's just like the strength of amilitary spouse to not to know
that tumbling down that road andgetting very upset about
something isn't going to fix it.
Like you have to just call itout and be like, this is what I
noticed.
And this is really hard and thisis hurting my feelings.
And why can't we fix
SPEAKER_00 (15:15):
this?
I think, too, when we had tohave the hard conversations, I
had to hold it in a lot becauseit wasn't the right timing for
them.
Because I thought if we broughtthem up, they were just they
were at the times he was gettingready to go on a flight or
deploy or whatever.
work or whatever it was.
So you thought it would be likea distraction?
(15:36):
Yeah.
So sometimes I would have tohold it in.
And then unfortunately, you knowhow that goes.
You hold this one thing and thisis going to build to this.
And eventually when it finallybuilds and it explodes.
Yeah.
Then I'm coming at him with allthe things that I had been
holding on to.
And he feels fully attacked,which rightfully so.
(15:56):
But I really did.
I was like, well, and then thisand then this.
And he's like, well, hold on.
Why are you mad at me for this?
Because we just didn't have timeto talk about it.
But it was frustrating.
I think from my point of viewwas to just kind of watch him
just take it in.
But I didn't realize up untilvery recently that it was just
his way of processing.
But for him taking it in,Sometimes he would walk away or
(16:18):
sometimes he would be like, I'mdone.
I'm not having thisconversation.
And I would take that asrejection or I would take that
as you don't care.
So we would never resolve anyissues that we had before
because of just themiscommunication and
misunderstanding of how we wereprocessing what was taken in.
100 percent.
I feel like that is how my
SPEAKER_01 (16:39):
ex responded as well.
He would listen.
And I would be talking and Iwould pause and say, what do you
have to say?
Like, do you want to sayanything to me?
Like, how do you feel?
And he would say, I'm justlistening.
I'm just listening.
Keep going.
Keep going.
And yeah, same thing.
He would cut it off.
Like I'm done.
I'm done listening.
(17:00):
I'm like, well, what do you haveto say?
And sometimes he would say, um,you know, the anxiety that I
have is like in my own head orwhatever he was, you know, if I
was like, are you not happy?
Like what's going on?
He would say, well, that,something I have to work out.
It has nothing to do with you.
Like, don't worry.
You know, it's hard to know whatit is.
(17:20):
Like, did I marry somebody who'sjust not a great communicator?
Maybe.
Did I marry somebody who thoughtthat if you had tough
conversations, that was somehowa critique of him?
You know, I do think thatsoldiers are probably fairly ego
driven.
I think that's probably a fairstatement.
That's And that's how themilitary works with them.
(17:41):
Like they get report cards andthey get rankings and they get
hail and farewells.
It's a lot of ego driven stuff.
So I think that's really hard.
It's hard.
It's like you're just beggingsomebody to love you.
You know, that's what it comesdown to.
And that's a hard thing to do.
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (17:57):
Well, like I had said to you before, you'd
mentioned that quote that Ireally related so much with.
You said, you're the only personin my life who thinks this
negatively of me.
What did it feel like to bedrawn for so long and find
yourself in a space where youfelt your worth was being
questioned?
Oh, it was
SPEAKER_01 (18:18):
crushing.
That's, that's really hard.
Cause I think that infuses someself doubt.
You know, if you see yourself acertain way and you know for
sure the people around you seeyou that way.
I had amazing friends.
I have amazing friends.
(18:38):
I have great family.
I have great extended family.
But when the person that you aremarried to and that you love the
most or want to love the most,like you live your life with,
doesn't, that seems to not feelthe same way about you, you
start to wonder, like, am I theproblem?
(18:59):
Like, is it me?
What am I doing wrong?
Like, what should I be doing?
And it definitely makes yourethink almost everything.
It's very hard.
It's almost like an identitycrisis because you're like, it
goes back to thetroubleshooting.
That's the final step oftroubleshooting is know coming
fully around again because ithink in the beginning you
should always start with likewhat am i doing right like how
(19:22):
could i better this what am idoing to contribute to it and
when you start down the wholepath at the very end it comes
back to you like well maybe itis me I don't think that it ever
was.
I mean, he might arguedifferently, but, you know, it's
hard.
But it takes two.
SPEAKER_00 (19:39):
Oh, for sure.
It takes two.
And I felt that so much when youhad written that.
And I just thought, no, marriageis perfect.
But when you start feeling likeit's you and it's your fault or,
you know, that you're not worthit, it really sends you down
this hole, you know, and youstart questioning yourself.
your value.
(19:59):
Does anybody even need me?
And you start questioning thesethings like, well, if I weren't
even here, does it matter?
So I really hate that, thatthat's a common thing.
I think it's really hard.
And I
SPEAKER_01 (20:09):
think I said to my ex the last year or so that we
were married, I said to him, ifwe were dating, I would have
broken up with you a long timeago.
I don't deserve it.
any of this, but you havechildren and you have a family
and you want to try to figure itout and you can't just abandon
that responsibility.
(20:30):
But when somebody sees you assomething that you are not, and
you do question your worth oryour purpose or any of that,
it's, yeah, your, your sad,deep, dark thoughts are, what if
I just walk away from it all?
I don't need to be here.
(20:51):
But I would, yeah, the last yearor so of our marriage, I would
say to him, you weren't married.
I would have broken up with youso long ago.
I just don't deserve thistreatment and I don't deserve
like you not communicating withme is torture.
You know, this is a marriage, a20 year long marriage.
Like you should be able to talkto me.
SPEAKER_00 (21:12):
Right.
So how did you keep showing upfor your kids during this time?
And Was there a moment in yourthoughts where you said, I have
to choose myself, not justsurvive for everyone else?
SPEAKER_01 (21:26):
Well, I can say, I'll give you a little bit of
like a timeline is we moved.
My ex retired from the militaryin 2021 in August.
And so we moved to Indiana.
We bought a house and I movedout here with the kids in June.
(21:48):
So I handled like that finalmove, the final PCS.
And I just knew that I was goingto make the best of it no matter
what.
I was going to make the best ofit for the kids.
We were in a great city, greatschool district, a new place, no
longer in the military.
Like we're going to stay put,right?
(22:10):
So I just did it.
My ex, gosh, I mean, it washard.
He retired.
I think that there's, that's awhole nother conversation to
have like that.
They have an identity crisis,identity shift from
transitioning from military tocivilian.
That's really difficult.
And I was trying to help himthrough that and be a
(22:30):
cheerleader and encouraging himto reach out to his friends and
former bosses who have beenthere before him, you know, get
guidance.
So there was a lot of that.
But in early 2023 is when hesaid that he thinks that he
wanted a divorce.
And so I would say that's thepoint where I knew it was over
(22:53):
because I had been daydreamingabout what life would be like
not being married to him.
Like you can feel that fallapart.
But for him to actually say itwas very hard.
And I think to take care of thekids, I just had to put one foot
in front of the other.
make sure that they were stillgetting their stuff done, get
them to school.
But I also did get them intotherapy.
(23:14):
You know, I knew that they wouldneed that.
I had really hard days.
I think anytime anybody goesthrough divorce, whether it's
amicable or not, I wouldn't sayours was contested or
contentious.
It was just like stone cold.
That's what I would call it.
He said that he wanted it and itwas done.
(23:37):
there was no talking about it,right?
And even when you brace for theworst and you anticipate it and
you feel it coming, it juststill crushes you and you have
to survive because of yourchildren.
So full disclosure, I had acouple of panic attacks that my
kids were witness to, but I dothink that being open with your
children and apologizing for thehard times explaining the hard
(24:02):
times like not going into toomuch detail but you can't
shelter them from everythingright so absolutely um yeah i
think i think it just goes backto we can all do hard things and
military spouses are amazing atgetting through hard things so
let's you know let's chalk it upto going through deployments,
(24:25):
going through trainings, havingfriends' husbands die, all these
things.
Let's just add on your husbandwalking out on you.
You just get through it and youhave to do your best.
It's all you can do.
I don't know if I'm doing itright.
I feel like I have three reallygreat, wonderful, healthy,
well-adjusted kids, so I justtry to do my best.
(24:46):
That's what I say to them too.
I'm always just trying to do mybest.
When it comes down to it, that'sall I'm trying to do.
SPEAKER_00 (24:52):
Right.
I mean, you're there.
You're just doing what you cando.
I mean, shoot, they didn't comewith a manual,
SPEAKER_01 (24:56):
unfortunately.
SPEAKER_00 (24:57):
Exactly.
Right.
Exactly.
We're
SPEAKER_01 (24:59):
doing the best that we can.
Yeah.
But like when I knew like mydivorce was imminent, it was
like, well, then I knew.
So before he even decided toleave, I actually was starting
to write letters.
books here and there.
I wrote how to save and investfor beginners, how to be an
adult, little things, littleprojects.
(25:19):
I've always been crafty.
I've sewed, I've painted, I'veloved writing.
I've always done stuff.
I've always tried to keep busy.
And so when it was time whereI'm like, oh my gosh, 20 years
out of the workforce.
Oh my gosh, it's time for me tojump in.
Yeah, I just dove in with what Iknew I always loved.
(25:40):
I knew it was a gamble, but Ijust needed something to focus
on.
I mean, I had to get licensed.
That was four very long, likeproctored tests, you know, and I
did it in 12 weeks.
That's how dedicated I was.
I mean, I would be sittingoutside with my girls in the
backyard in the summer, juststudying, studying, studying,
take a little 30 minute breakwith them, go right back to it.
(26:02):
I mean, it was pretty crazy.
But when I look back at that,I'm like, That was amazing.
That was the best thing I couldhave done for myself and for
them because they recognized it.
They saw it.
They're like, oh my gosh.
Yeah.
I know.
So I think when your kids areproud of you, especially when
they're still kids, I think it'sdifferent having like an adult
child proud of you because theykind of get it.
(26:23):
But when they're still kids andthey tell you like they're proud
of you or they see that you'redoing a great job, you're like,
oh my gosh.
UNKNOWN (26:34):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (26:34):
Yeah, that's what I was going to ask you, too, is
getting started on the careerportion, because after Chris
retired, I was like, I want to Iwant to work.
And it was 13 and a half years Ihad not worked.
My prior work experience was ateacher.
I taught high school English andI stepped out of the classroom
and then became a mama.
(26:54):
have no regrets.
Of course, I loved that time.
But, you know, during that timethat I was staying at home, I
stayed busy.
I volunteered.
I worked in the community, butit was all volunteer stuff.
So when Chris had come to thatretirement at the end, I started
looking at my resume, trying tograsp all the things that I had
done and build all this stuffand collect it to market myself.
(27:18):
It was hard for me.
I went through kind of my ownidentity and self-worth was
like, well, A lot of this stuffis volunteer.
Is anybody going to evenacknowledge that?
And so I really had to kind ofpush myself out there and go, I
have value.
I have value.
Isn't that the
SPEAKER_01 (27:34):
hardest part to like look back at your entire career
as a military spouse and belike, no, but this is all
valuable.
This is all worthwhile.
Like you have to convincesomebody that what you have done
is actually kind of amazing.
And yeah, that's a hard sell.
So what did Chris say to youwhen you were the one saying,
(27:57):
it's my turn?
Was he like, absolutely, heckyeah?
Or was he like, we'll see?
Like, what was he saying to you?
I
SPEAKER_00 (28:04):
can honestly say that Chris was really, for it.
I know a lot of people wherehusbands were looking straight
into something similar to whatthey were already doing in the
military.
Whereas Chris kind of took itwhere he goes, no, I'm done with
flight.
I want to do somethingcompletely new.
So I know we had a conversationright before, right after he
dropped his packet.
And I said, if you are okay, Isaid, if we're financially good,
(28:29):
I would like to try going backto work.
You figure out what it is youwant to do.
And he was all for it.
And so when we moved to Alabama,he had built up all of that
terminal leave.
So we actually swapped roles andhe got comfortable taking the
girls to school, doing all thegrocery shopping, which he
loves.
He loves going clubbing everyFriday.
(28:50):
He goes to Costco and BJ's.
That's his clubbing.
He would go out and he would doall the things and he was okay
with that.
He was transitioning in his ownway and he was also getting
counseling at the the VeteransCenter.
So he was working on him.
But I think what I ended updoing was in all of this
transition, I kind of thoughtoriginally a job's going to
(29:11):
fulfill whatever it is I wasmissing.
And unfortunately, it wasn't.
And I was still unhappy andthere were still things that we
needed to work through.
To go back to the originalquestion, he was happy that I
wanted to go back to work and itgave me something to do.
But in the relationship, we werejust continuing to go on
different paths and we weren'tworking on the relationship.
(29:32):
And so a lot of things came tohead when there was a lot of
issues that we still hadn'tworked through.
Yeah.
It's almost like you guysswapped.
We did.
Yeah.
And and then he got to work oncertain things because he was
going through counseling that Iactually didn't.
And so when I was having theseconversations with other spouses
whose husbands were retired andI said, I'm still transitioning.
(29:53):
That was where Chris and I had adisconnect because he would go,
well, what else is there totransition?
We've transitioned.
And I said, no, this is acompletely different feeling.
I can't tell you what it feelslike.
I said, but I've lost something.
I hadn't talked with anybodyabout it.
And I realized I had grownresentful because he still had a
successful career.
For me, I would have to provemyself and go, well, this was my
(30:14):
gap.
And I'm completely going fromsomething I hadn't touched in
several years.
And I didn't want to go backinto teaching.
So we swapped roles, but wedidn't really work on The other
stuff.
SPEAKER_01 (30:24):
Well, yeah.
And I think that just militarylife in general fosters that
because I feel like there weretimes where we started to have
those conversations, maybe,maybe more along the lines of
like, you know.
What about me?
Or can I try to go back toschool?
Like when I first met my ex, Iwas about to go to law school.
(30:47):
So it was kind of like playingwith that.
Like, when could I go back toschool?
Do I want to do somethingdifferent?
What about me?
And I think there was alwaysthis overwhelming sense of like,
well, just wait, just wait, youknow, because we're still in
this.
Like, well, we're going to PCSin six months.
Our next duty station is goingto be 18 months.
(31:07):
We moved so much, you know.
So when it came down to the endof our marriage, when we were
still married, my ex went fullbore to get a new job
immediately.
Like he was obsessed.
And I was like, we arefinancially okay.
(31:27):
You can take six months and justrelax and enjoy family and
really figure out what you wantto do.
Anybody would be lucky to haveyou.
You were an amazing soldier.
You're a pilot.
You have so much experience as aleader.
Like I always says hype person,right?
Civilian life.
Oh my God.
They would, they would love tohave you.
Right.
And it's like, he couldn't, hecouldn't see his value to the
(31:51):
civilian world.
He could only see his value as asoldier.
And so he just went, he justjumped into it.
And I would just say to him, youshould take a break.
Like be with your kids, be withyour family.
And he just looked at me andhe's like, well, how about I sit
around on my ass and you go towork?
(32:11):
And I just remember like mystomach, my heart, everything
sank.
And I thought of all thehorrible things that you could
say to me because I have beenwilling to do everything
everything for you for 20 years,that if he would have said
something like, what do you wantto do?
Like, what are your dreams?
(32:33):
Did you want to go back to work?
I would have been like, oh mygosh.
And then we could have aconversation about it, but to be
spoken to that way was justcrushing.
And that's when I was like, thisman does not like me.
SPEAKER_00 (32:47):
Yeah.
And unfortunately, too, right?
It devalues everything that youhave done up to this point.
You have been his hype person.
You have been his rock and keptthe house and all that stuff.
So I can understand where thatcuts deep.
Those are deep words that that'shard.
And that goes back to if youloved me, why would you say
that?
That's hard.
SPEAKER_01 (33:08):
You kind of feel like, and I've said this to him
after the divorce and everythingI even said to him, I just have
this disconnect in my head of,You wanted a life and a family
with me.
We had an amazing life.
We got to live cool places.
We got to do cool things.
The problem was that we just hada huge disconnect that never got
(33:30):
resolved, right?
And then he felt justified inany sort of actions or behaviors
that he took.
But it still is like, I feelthat he blames me for
everything.
And I feel like that's a hardthing to...
Yeah, that's a hard thing toaccept.
But like we did this alltogether.
And like you said in the verybeginning, when you kick this
(33:52):
off, you do this all out oflove.
You do this 100% out of love.
So at the end of the day, wheneverything falls apart, you
know, that can happen.
Divorces happen, relationshipsend, like it is what it is.
But to still have like adisdain, it's a hard thing.
SPEAKER_00 (34:13):
Yeah.
UNKNOWN (34:13):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (34:14):
Well, I want to go back because I don't want to
forget this because I know youstarted talking about the
financial planning.
But I wanted to ask you, it wasthe first time in over 20 years
that you got to focus on yourown career.
So now you're a financialplanner.
What drew you to that pathspecifically?
SPEAKER_01 (34:32):
Well, I've always been into like investing, stock
market and stuff.
I learned about that at a youngage.
And when I was first married, Iwas a tax preparer.
So always kind of been in thefinancial world.
I was a marketing analyst for anactuarial firm, which is kind of
like retirement benefits, thatsort of thing.
(34:52):
So it's always been in my blood.
My dad worked in finance.
My mom was an accountant.
Like we're all nerds.
We're all nerds over here.
Much needed because that'ssomething I can't do.
So much needed.
So I've always loved it.
I've always handled ourfinances, like me and my ex's
personal finances.
And I've always like helped outother military spouses along the
(35:15):
way.
I remember about the time my exwas a major is when people
started talking a little bitmore about, you know, they start
talking about first command andyour TSP and during deployments
they want to you to know, oh,you're getting some tax free
money because you're deployed.
I was the one who would rememberall this stuff.
And then the other spouses wouldlike ask questions.
(35:37):
And I realized quickly that themajority of spouses that I spoke
to, whether or not they wereworking, defaulted everything.
their spouse like they weren'ttracking anything they did not
know like how much they weresaving they didn't know the
percentage going to tsp theyweren't quite sure of the
balance of the retirementaccounts they didn't have like a
roth ira open for themselvesthere were a lot of things and
(36:00):
so um i was always kind of youknow very willing to talk about
it if somebody had questionsabout it.
Like that's just basically whereit all came from is that I'm
just a numbers nerd and reallyliked it.
When I was married, like I saidbefore, I did like little small
business hustles.
I sewed, I sold stuff onPoshmark.
I wrote books.
(36:21):
I mean, I've always have that inme.
And so I feel like it's anatural thing to go into
financial planning.
I'm a fully licensed financialplanner and advisor.
So it means that I can doanything as far as insurance or
annuities or investments.
But my heart really, really isin that planning space where you
(36:43):
look at somebody's whole pictureand their whole situation and
just say, here's what Irecommend for you.
And it has nothing to do withme.
Nothing to do with me.
It's like if they need help withdebt management, I can help you.
I specialize in militaryfinancial plan.
That's a whole different worldthat not a lot of financial
planners know about, you know.
(37:04):
it just is it's solving a puzzleit's being helpful it's
listening to what people wantwhat they're concerned about
what their goals are it's givingthem a bunch of different
recommendations you could dothis this is an option here are
things you're educating you areeducating somebody and i feel
(37:27):
like that feels like a verynatural and kind and like just
organic way to deal to toservice people you know i think
when people talk about financesthey get very over they can get
very overwhelmed they can alsothink that anybody in the
financial world is kind of likeuh i mean they could like snake
(37:51):
in the grass right like theyknow a lot of stuff i don't know
a lot of stuff they could takeadvantage of me right so I want
to be like the open book, theeducator, the helper.
So I will help anybody.
I do.
I obviously have male and femaleclients.
But anytime there's a woman whowants to know, wants clarity,
(38:14):
just wants to be like empowered,I am 100% behind that.
I think people don't realizethat you can meet with a
financial planner when life isreally hard and that it can be a
really good idea.
You know, so if you're thinkingabout divorce, if you're in the
middle of a divorce, if you'recontemplating a big life change,
(38:36):
if you have a child with specialneeds, like there are so many
reasons for it and it's not ascary world.
It's not.
We are here to be of service,you know, and if you ever get a
bad feeling about a financialprofessional in your life, do
not work with them.
Like you are allowed to shoparound.
You are allowed.
But yeah, all that to say isthat what I do is absolutely
(38:59):
like comes from the heart and Ijust want to educate everybody.
Because I think that peopledon't know what they don't know.
And I think when especiallywomen get education and
knowledge about finances, we areunstoppable.
We handle so many things.
Think of all the things thatyou've handled over the last 20
years of your life and howyou're like, oh my gosh, I
(39:20):
pulled that off.
Could you imagine if you had thefinancial knowledge of what you
don't know right now?
If all of a sudden it was inputright into your brain, you'd
probably feel prettyunstoppable.
And so that's like what I want
SPEAKER_00 (39:34):
for everybody.
That's needed.
So stepping into this nextchapter of your life, what is it
that has surprised you in a goodway?
I
SPEAKER_01 (39:46):
think what has surprised me the most is that I
am really, really good on myown.
I think when you are a part of acouple for so long, and that has
been your identity as a militaryspouse, that's a scary thought
(40:06):
to be on your own.
I remember when my ex firstleft, my first questions to
myself were, who's going to wantme?
Single mom of three kids.
At the time, it was like 10, 13,and 16, right?
Yeah.
(40:26):
what am I to somebody else?
And what a horrible question.
That is a horrible question.
But when your whole identity hasbeen the, I don't even know what
you would call us, like thekickstand to somebody else, like
you are holding somebody else upfor 20 something years to not
(40:47):
have that.
Like, well, what am I and who'sgoing to want me and who can I
prove my worth to?
I think that's a big thing of itis that my entire marriage was,
was proving my worth to myhusband and not that he demanded
it and not that he was like, youhave to prove your worth.
You just always like wanted to,like you want to show that
you're capable and that you'restrong and that you can handle
(41:07):
things and don't worry, I gotthis.
So that carried over afterwards.
I had to prove myself so muchtime has passed.
I'm like, Oh my gosh, totallythe opposite.
Like I am If anybody wants to bein my life, they have to prove
themselves to me.
We are very good over here.
I do not need to be raisingsomebody else up and like being
(41:32):
the anchor to somebody else'scareer.
Like I can have it all.
So I think that's that.
And it's a surprise.
I mean, I guess it shouldn't bethat much of a surprise.
It's like you really knowyourself.
But I think that's the biggestthing is when you walk away from
that, you're like, wow, I knowmyself.
better than I have in a longtime.
(41:52):
And I really like myself.
So that's always good, too.
Absolutely.
SPEAKER_00 (41:58):
You're your own company sometimes.
For sure.
Well, that's also an interestingthing that you said, too,
because I wanted to ask.
So what do your kids see in youthat maybe they hadn't seen
before then?
SPEAKER_01 (42:09):
Honestly, I think that they see what they've
always seen, which is like justa lot of driving, getting stuff
done.
But now I They see a lot morepeace.
I think they see so much morepeace.
I think they see someone wholaughs a little bit more, jokes
around with them.
(42:29):
I'm like a little bit morecasual with them.
I think before when you arejust, you know, when you are
operating at a stress level, youare more clipped, you're more
impatient, you're more, youknow, go to your rooms, quiet,
everybody away.
Where now...
we just have a very peacefulhouse.
(42:50):
And I think that everybody likerecognizes that and it's much
appreciated.
I feel like before, if we had aday without me getting
frustrated or somebody gettingfrustrated or some sort of
something, right?
Like kids either yelling at eachother or me just getting annoyed
with them or my ex throwing awrench into something, having a
(43:13):
good day with a rarity is, Andnow it's completely the opposite
where everything is smoothsailing.
And every once in a while, we'llall have like a really crappy
day.
And the next day, it's like allof us are very, very, it's easy
for all of us to say, oof, I'msorry.
That was a lousy day.
(43:33):
And like you said before, Ididn't grow up saying I'm sorry.
So the fact that like myhousehold can actually say like
I'm sorry is
SPEAKER_00 (43:42):
huge.
I love how all of myconversations are overlapping,
but I was just having thisconversation with another friend
about how our body, we don'trealize how much stress that
it's kept.
And she recommended, she was thesecond person actually to
recommend that book to me, TheBody Keeps the Score.
Yeah, so I didn't know aboutthat book.
(44:03):
But I also just found just inthe recent couple of weeks too
is that I've gotten reallycomfortable being in that fight
or flight mode and somethingthat now that I'm going through
counseling, I have a wonderfulcounselor I'm so grateful for,
but she's allowed me to kind oflook at things and understand
where that anger is coming from,because it is coming not just
from him, but from family andall these other things.
(44:25):
And once I can do that formyself, it'd be so much more
peace because I didn't realizethe job that I was in,
everything else that I thoughtwas going to make me happy.
I was still just in this tensemode.
And I just remember bawling,literally bawling my eyes out in
the counselor's office.
And I was like, I'm angry.
And she's like, be angry.
(44:46):
And my body is doing this.
And she goes, what is your bodyphysically doing?
And it was the first time Ireally took a assessment of my
body.
I'm like, okay.
I'm tense.
I've got headaches every day.
My body aches.
You know, I'm not exercising.
I'm not eating well.
So all of these things Irealized, a lot of that stress,
I've been carrying for many,many years.
I think that's probably the
SPEAKER_01 (45:07):
biggest thing that affects women, like in their,
yeah, I mean, mid-30s and on up.
I think from 2017 to 2023, I hadbeen to the doctor so
frequently, so frequently.
why can't I lose weight eventhough I'm exercising all the
time?
Why do I have headaches 22 outof 30 days of the month?
(45:31):
This is not normal.
Why are my fingers tingling?
Why does my leg go numbsometimes?
Why do I feel like I have crampsall the time when I shouldn't be
having cramps all the time?
Like a host of things that werewrong.
It was insane.
I'm like, is this just gettingcloser to 40?
Is this what my mom was talkingabout this whole time?
Once you get to 40, like youfall apart.
(45:54):
And then like six months aftermy ex left, I remember going to
the doctor.
And this time I went because Idid need like some sort of
anti-anxiety type stuff.
I needed some sort of help.
However, every other thing thatI complained about, because I
was also having the fibsprevention.
preventricular contractionswhere my heart was having
(46:15):
irregular heartbeats and I hadelevated heart rate that I
couldn't control and I had to beon beta blockers.
And within six months of himleaving, every single thing went
away.
And my doctor was like, I'mvery, very sorry that that's
what it took.
She said, I'm very happy thatyou're feeling better.
I'm sorry that's what it took.
And she looked at me and shegoes, cortisol can kill you.
(46:36):
She's like, that stress hormonecan absolutely kill you.
And I said, I had no idea.
I thought that I was just liketaking care of stuff and
handling stuff and gettingthrough stuff.
And my therapist looked at meand was like, Liz, being able to
handle everything, being like anover, you know, over functioner
(46:57):
is not a good thing.
No.
She's like, that's like a traumaresponse.
Like you can't live that way.
And it blew my mind.
This is how I've been operatingfor like two decades.
SPEAKER_00 (47:09):
Right, right.
And you got comfortable.
And I love this too, that we'rehaving this conversation because
I was just having this with thecounselor.
And I remember telling her, Isaid, I think for me
specifically, when Chris and Iare good, we're good.
But when we're bad, We fight sohard and then we walk away from
each other.
And then it's like round two,round three.
She's like, when that cortisolis running high, neither one of
you are thinking straight.
(47:29):
She goes, you need to actuallygive yourself a timeout.
Walk away.
Don't stew, but walk away.
Oh, that's so hard to do.
That's so hard.
Still working on it.
Believe me, it's not going to beperfected anytime soon.
But you know, that's what I do.
I stew.
I walk away and I stew.
She goes, you got to lower thatcortisol.
So
SPEAKER_01 (47:45):
much easier said than done because my doctor
would say that for years.
I've got to lower your cortisol.
Like how?
She's like, you need to relax.
Like go get some massages, likemake sure you're exercising.
It's like I'm doing all thisstuff, you know.
I'm
SPEAKER_00 (47:58):
loving this, by the way.
This is so awesome.
It's so good.
Are you?
No, it feels good.
SPEAKER_01 (48:03):
Yeah, because I feel like so much of what I'm saying,
like you said that you've spokento other people.
exactly the same for me like Irecall in conversations that
I've had I think I told you thisthat when my ex first left me I
reached out to a friend who Iknew her husband was having a
hard time transitioning and Isaid hey how long did it take
for him to feel like himselfagain how long until everything
(48:27):
was okay and there was a pauseand she was like Liz he left me
and I was like re-devastated ontop of my own devastation.
And then I heard stories fromher about other people and I'm
like, and you hate to bedramatic and be like, it's an
epidemic, but honestly, it'skind of an epidemic.
Whether or not all thesemarriages fail, there is
(48:48):
something about that timeframe,right?
Usually like around transitionor at least around X amount of
years of married and having afamily within the military,
because that's a hard life.
But, um, It happens.
And like, what are people doingto help it?
I don't know that there is a lotof help.
SPEAKER_00 (49:08):
It's still one of those conversations not a lot of
people are willing to have.
There's so much more that wehaven't talked about.
So I love this.
I don't know that you and I, twopowers that be, will be able to
make a bigger change.
There's not enough conversation.
Yeah.
We can
SPEAKER_01 (49:23):
keep on having the conversation for sure.
I feel like every time you havethe conversation, people are
like, yes.
Me too, us too.
I think a lot of it also islike, I was asking myself, do I
even like him?
Do I even like this life?
I think a lot of people who justgo through the motions aren't
even thinking of those things,honestly.
(49:45):
So
SPEAKER_00 (49:46):
exactly.
Well, I want to go ahead andbefore we head into our wrap up,
I wanted to ask, so what'ssomething you wish people asked
about you more often?
Oh, yes.
SPEAKER_01 (49:57):
You told me this question.
I was like, that is a crazyquestion.
Isn't it great?
I had to go back and figure outhow would I answer that myself?
I know.
I mean, there's so many likefunny different ways you could
answer it.
Kind of like, I wish somebodywould be like, hey, what would
you like for dinner?
And can I treat you to massage?
And I would be like, absolutely.
And steak.
I don't know.
But I think one of the things,and this is just like, it's a
(50:18):
tiny thing, but you know howwhen people know that you're
going through a rough timethey'll be like how are you I
wish that people would just saythat more often on every day
like how amazing is it to havegreat days and have somebody be
like hey how are you doing andyou're like I'm fantastic I am
(50:39):
great I think just checking inwith people on the regular is
one of those things that I wishpeople asked me more about is
just how I'm doing and not justin the times where they know
that I'm having a hard time orthey know that, you know,
something has passed, whateverit is.
But I think that would probablybe a big one.
(51:00):
I
SPEAKER_00 (51:00):
love that because, yeah, it's it's not a question
you just throw out like, oh, howare you?
Good.
How are you?
It's a real question.
It's a how are you?
How are you?
SPEAKER_01 (51:11):
How are you doing?
Like, how are you doing?
How is it going right now?
And You know, when things arehard and people ask you that,
you almost feel guilty becauseyou don't want to like burden.
You don't want to be like, oh,things are so hard, you know.
So I think people kind of likeshrug that off unless they're
like a very close friend.
You can be like, it's terrible.
Everything sucks, you know.
(51:31):
But if somebody really asks youlike, hey, how are you doing?
And you know that you're great.
Isn't that the best feeling tobe able to just voice that?
Everything's wonderful.
UNKNOWN (51:42):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (51:43):
Very happy.
Very great.
So how are you?
I am wonderful.
Very good.
SPEAKER_00 (51:56):
Well, I'll remember that because it's true.
I would love the same thing.
I really want somebody to belike, so really, how are you?
SPEAKER_01 (52:03):
Yeah.
And especially if like you havea friend that, you know, like
has had a hard time and you seethat she's looking like happy or
normal, whatever it is.
And you're just like, how areyou doing?
And if she says to you, like,I'm really great.
Like, doesn't that make you feelgood, too?
SPEAKER_00 (52:17):
Yeah, absolutely.
And I love that you're doingwell.
I love that.
Even after all the hard thingsthat we've talked about.
Yeah.
chapter of your life right nowis good.
Holy smokes.
It beats like
SPEAKER_01 (52:27):
being sat on the bathroom floor, like wanting to
die because that definitely is astage of divorce.
I mean, I feel like I have to berealistic about that.
If anybody goes through divorce,that's a stage no matter what.
It's scary as hell, but you willget through it.
I promise.
But that's a stage laying onyour bathroom floor, crying,
wishing you would just disappearinto a hole or have a truck hit
(52:51):
you or something.
But yeah, On the other side, youwill be glad that you did not
fall into a hole and die.
SPEAKER_00 (52:58):
Right.
For the military spouses thatare listening that felt like
they've been the glue, butthey've lost themselves in the
bit of this process.
What would you want to tellthem?
I think the biggest thing isthat whatever
SPEAKER_01 (53:12):
it is that you want, you can do it.
There's no age limit on it.
Like reinvention is possible atany age.
after any chapter.
You don't have to have it allfigured out to do it.
You just have to take that firststep.
I think that's the hardest partis just going for it.
And another thing is that you'renot alone.
(53:34):
I feel like if this, you know,just us speaking, you know,
shows to anybody, there's goingto be a lot of people who are
like, oh my gosh, me too.
Oh my gosh, I get it.
You know, So nobody's ever alonein this.
So even if you're overwhelmed orlost or afraid or whatever it
is, you can be empowered.
There's people that you canreach out to.
(53:55):
There's a whole community.
I know that somebody postedrecently on LinkedIn asking for
military spouses just to reachout and say who you are.
If you're a military spouse,comment on this because they
wanted to have like a community.
And I put on their formermilitary spouse, but we're
always family, right?
Those shared experiences thatshared that camaraderie.
(54:17):
And I feel like any militaryspouse can absolutely find
somebody who will empower herand love her and help her on her
journey to whatever it is thatshe wants to do.
But I think that not knowing whoyou are questioning your
identity, your purpose in theworld is a very hard and scary
place to be.
(54:37):
And I would say, don't be toofreaked out by it.
I know it's terrifying, butdon't let it, don't let that
define you.
Because on the days where, youknow, the sun shines in the
morning and you feel like thatspark of hope, jump on it then.
That's when you jump on it.
You know, I'm always the onethat is like, you can do this.
(54:57):
And if you feel like you can't,I'll, I'll, hang with you.
I'll be by your side until youfigure it out, you know, and
then fly away, little birdie.
But that's all I want.
That's all I
SPEAKER_00 (55:07):
want.
I am getting inspiration fromall of the strong men and women
I'm hearing stories from.
And we all need those people tojust be like, I'm here with you.
You can do this and really getwhat you need in those times.
The podcast has been amazinglistening to all of your
(55:28):
strengths and what you've beenthrough and really getting that
validation that in anything thatwe've ever done, we're not
alone.
We've all been throughsomething, if not the same, but
something similar.
And you're going to be the sameway.
You're going to be on
SPEAKER_01 (55:45):
the other side of whatever it is and be able to
tell like your story, likewhatever happened, whatever
happens, it's okay.
You know, as long as you feellike you are being true to
yourself and that you are beinga kind person with integrity, I
just don't know how anybody cango wrong.
(56:06):
You know, right.
SPEAKER_00 (56:08):
Well, the one last thing is for anyone that wants
to connect with you, whetherit's for what you're doing now
as a financial planner or forjust some encouragement, where
would be the best place for themto find you?
Oh, I think the best place tofind me is on LinkedIn.
SPEAKER_01 (56:21):
You can find me and it's Liz-Davis-Finance.
That's pretty easy.
So it's like linkedin.combackslash IN from Indiana
backslash Liz hyphen Davishyphen finance.
But if anybody wants to justshoot me an email, my personal
(56:43):
email is my full name and that'sElizabeth.
Erin Davis at Hotmail.com.
And I love it when I hear frompeople.
I will have random people sendme messages or just reach out.
And like I said, it makes a bigworld smaller.
And I'm always here to, youknow, listen to somebody or help
somebody
SPEAKER_00 (57:04):
or support somebody.
So.
Yeah, well, I will definitelyput those in the show notes,
too, so everybody can can seethose.
But I love your heart, Liz.
Thank you for this.
This has been
SPEAKER_01 (57:14):
therapeutic for me too.
Wonderful.
I love it.
Thank you so much for letting meshare a little bit about myself
and my story.
And I loved speaking with you.
And I'm always in your corner.
SPEAKER_00 (57:26):
Thank you for this.
I'm still sitting with so muchof what Liz shared.
From the quiet unraveling of amarriage to the bold decision to
begin again.
Her story isn't just one ofloss.
It's about choosing yourself,even when it's messy and hard.
(57:47):
What struck me most is that Liznever let anger become the
ending.
She chose growth.
And now she's living with morepurpose and clarity, not just in
her career, but in how she seesherself.
There's deep power in naming thehard things.
And so for many militaryspouses, especially, adapting to
(58:07):
the challenges has become secondnature.
But behind the scenes, thesehidden chapters don't always get
talked about.
That's why stories like Liz'smatter.
Not to tear anything down, butto share what's real with
gentleness and strength.
If this conversation resonatedwith you, I'd love to hear your
thoughts.
And if you know someone whoneeds to hear it too, share it
(58:30):
with them.
You can also check the shownotes for ways to connect with
Liz, whether you're looking forfinancial guidance or just a bit
of encouragement to take yournext right step.
My heart with Hidden Chapters isto help more people feel seen in
their own stories.
If that matters to you too,follow the show, share it with a
friend, and help me keep makingspace for the stories we don't
(58:53):
usually talk about.
Thank you for being here.
Until next chapter, keeplistening for what connects us
the most.
Hey there.
Before we get started, I wantedto give you a quick heads up.
There are a few moments in thisepisode where you'll hear some
background noise that couldn'treally be helped.
I decided not to re-recordbecause this story is too
important to miss.
And honestly, life isn't alwaysperfectly polished and neither
are the chapters we talk abouthere.
(00:21):
This conversation is honest,it's personal, and it touches on
parts of military spouse lifethat don't often get said out
loud, but they matter.
Thanks for listening with me.
Let's dive in.
So I wanted to briefly pause andsay that this conversation hits
(00:41):
very close to home.
Liz's story mirrors so much ofmy own.
I grew up a military child andbecame a military spouse for so
many years.
We retired just three years ago.
And what Liz is about to shareis something I've lived parts of
too.
Truthfully, it's more commonthan people think and
unfortunately rarely talkedabout.
(01:03):
Military life asks a lot.
You give up so much of yourtime, your stability, and
sometimes parts of your ownidentity.
And you do it out of love.
But eventually, all thatsacrifice builds up.
And for a lot of couples,especially after retirement,
when things settle and getquiet, you realize some things
in the relationship shifted.
(01:25):
Liz's marriage didn't end rightat retirement.
And while my own story looksdifferent, I relate deeply to
that slow realization, thatquiet shift that began long
before the uniform came off.
So I want to acknowledge Liz andsay how much I respect her for
being willing to talk aboutthis.
I want to talk gently throughthis conversation because I see
(01:47):
her.
I see me.
I see so many of us in this.
And I think it's time we talkedabout it.
So Liz, thank you for spendingtime with me this afternoon.
Thank you.
That was a beautifulintroduction.
Yeah.
Well, let's go ahead and startwith this.
So you spent nearly two decadessupporting your husband's
military career, raising threekids, managing the home, and
(02:11):
moving 12 times.
When you think back on thatseason of your life, what roles
or parts of yourself did youfeel most proud of?
Well, I
SPEAKER_01 (02:20):
think both.
I think that I would say the waymost military spouses would
reply as a military spouse andmom.
I think when you get into this,when you become a military
spouse, that starts with pride.
You do it for love.
You love your partner.
You love the service.
(02:40):
You love the life that you'rebuilding together.
Yeah.
When I look back at it, it justseems like a whole different
world than what I have now.
And my world now is fantastic.
But when you look back, youdefinitely feel your role as a
military spouse and youdefinitely feel your role as a
(03:01):
mother because you take oneverything.
You know, you are the constant,the consistent.
And it's not a point ofcontention.
It's not, you know...
this happened and I'm sofrustrated that I had to take on
all responsibility.
You, I welcome, I absolutelyloved it.
I welcomed it, you know?
SPEAKER_00 (03:23):
Yeah.
Yeah, I have no regrets either.
I've really loved the militarylife.
Being military and growing upmilitary, I used to always laugh
and say, I'm never going tomarry military.
God had other plans on that one.
Yeah, then you like marry whatyou know, right?
Right.
Yes, yes.
So military life, we both know,demands a lot of spouses,
(03:45):
emotionally, physically, andmentally.
So how did that life shape youridentity?
And who did you become in thatseason that maybe you didn't
expect?
SPEAKER_01 (03:55):
Well, I feel like, I mean, when my ex proposed to me,
I mean, I was a girl from, whowas born and raised in
Wisconsin.
I went to college.
I graduated from college andthen I met him.
And the idea of becoming amilitary spouse where it's kind
(04:15):
of like a life of adventure,right?
It was kind of outside of mynorm to say, let's do it.
But I did it.
And, um, You know, I think thatit makes you strong.
It makes you resilient.
I feel like these are all thingsthat, once again, any military
spouse can say.
There's so many.
It's like a double edged sword.
(04:36):
All these things that make youso amazing can also be like the
downfall of a relationship.
But I think when you take onthose household
responsibilities, know not justbecause you have to be because
you really wanted to createnormalcy and stability you want
it's just it's just a wantingit's a desire to do what's best
(04:59):
for your family do what's bestfor your spouse it's out of love
everything's out of love but ittruly makes you so strong i
think if you look back to whoyou are at age say 28 and then
compare yourself to like 42still as a military spouse you
can see the difference and youcan see the growth.
I mean, I think when people meetme, they would absolutely say,
(05:23):
you're an extrovert, you'reoutgoing, you're friendly,
you're an extrovert.
And I'm like, no, I absolutelyam not an extrovert.
This is, this is the militarythat has trained me, you know,
because you have to, I mean, forlack of a better phrase, fake it
till you make it like you, youhave to, you have to throw
yourself into it.
(05:43):
I, I would always say to myhusband, I would say, gosh,
every time we move, you havelike a new family, a new
community, a new, new friendsright there at your fingertips.
And I have to figure it all out.
I have to like, meet the wivesand see if they're wackadoos or
(06:03):
see if they're nice and ask forrecommendations for the dentist
or doctors or it's starting overevery time.
And so I think in the process ofbecoming a cheerleader for
myself and my kids, like youjust become that way naturally.
You know, I feel like thatcarries over into everything
(06:25):
that I do now is that if anybodyhas a struggle, if anybody's
having a hard time, I feel likeI'm always somebody's advocate
or cheerleader because it's kindof like, you just don't know
what you're capable of.
I think that's the biggest thingthat being a military spouse
will give you is that you willrealize how amazing you are.
You're capable
SPEAKER_00 (06:45):
of a lot.
Right.
When you look back and you thinkof all the things that you've
been through, we kind ofminimalize it too.
And I think it's funny because Idon't think back on some of
those things and go, yeah, well,I just did it.
But you talk to somebody whomaybe hasn't had that
experience.
And they go, but you did that.
And you're like, yeah.
You know, so we just kind of weminimalize and we just go.
It was just survival.
It was what we did.
(07:05):
It was just what we needed to
SPEAKER_01 (07:07):
do.
I think that's a lot of it.
I think when stuff is so big andso almost traumatic, you're you
just go into like a let's getthrough it, you know, because
I've talked to civilians wheretheir husbands have to go out of
town for four days and they'revery upset by it.
Like I'm I have to be with thebaby and this is so hard.
And I asked my mom to come inand.
(07:29):
You know, they'll look at me andbe like, oh gosh, you went
through a 15 month longdeployment.
How did you do it?
You're like, well, there was nooption,
SPEAKER_00 (07:36):
you know?
Yeah.
I had this pastor's wife and hehad to go for some training for
about a week or two weeks.
And here I came in, hairylooking, I was sweating.
I had Izzy in a carrier and Ihad Charlize, you know, she was
three.
And I came walking in and one ofthe church ladies, I loved her
dearly, she always would come inand she would take Izzy from me
(07:56):
and she's like, give me thatbaby.
And I would gladly throw Izzy ather.
And I'd sit down just because itwas that piece of quiet.
So I was just sitting there andI remember one time her looking
at me and she goes, I'm nevercomplaining to you you know
Chris has been gone for ninemonths and he left 10 days after
so I had a two-year-old and a10-day-old and my parents were
(08:20):
in North Carolina Chris's familywas in Washington State and I
remember dropping him off earlylike 5 30 in the morning it was
still dark because it was inSeptember I cried a little bit
at the steering wheel and thenwent Life's got to move on.
Isn't that crazy?
Those
SPEAKER_01 (08:37):
are
SPEAKER_00 (08:37):
crazy
SPEAKER_01 (08:38):
circumstances.
SPEAKER_00 (08:39):
Yeah.
And we just, we did it.
So I totally get that.
So looking back, were there everquiet moments where you felt
yourself shifting?
So even before the divorce,moments where you quoted saying,
I'm more than this, but I don'tknow what that means yet.
SPEAKER_01 (08:56):
Oh, for sure.
I think it even starts with, Ithink that question of, is this
what my life is?
You know, I think that'sprobably a starting point of
like, wait a minute, you know,you're doing all the things.
And as life progresses and asyour kids get older and your
husband advances in his career,you suddenly think, wait a
(09:19):
minute, I have just spent somuch time doing for others.
But is this what I wanted?
Because, of course, you want totake care of and love and
nurture your family.
But what about you?
So I think it starts with, isthis what I wanted my life to
look like?
(09:40):
What is missing?
What could I do about it?
And yeah, I think that's wherethat little nagging comes in.
But I also think that's verycommon.
I feel like every single stepalong the way in my husband's
military career I would havethese conversations with other
(10:02):
women.
You know, when we went to likeILE in Leavenworth, Kansas,
we're all around the same age atthat point.
And it was kind of the samething, you know, kind of what
can we do for ourselves outsideof this?
And I think a lot of thetrajectory was women who either
have very transferable jobs,like teachers or nurses, or they
(10:24):
would get very, very involved inthe military, whether that was
like through spouses club orjust running organizations.
ILE courses.
And I always thought to myself,but those can't be the only two
options that there are.
SPEAKER_00 (10:37):
It's like you either throw yourself into spouses
clubs or you try to be thatextrovert.
SPEAKER_01 (10:44):
Yeah.
And I think what's hard is thatyour spouse thinks, well, it
shouldn't be that hard to be amilitary spouse because they'll
be like, oh, well, you havecommunity and you have spouses
groups and you have all theseextra things that you can do.
To them, they feel like thatthey're providing you a
community as well.
And it's not quite the same.
SPEAKER_00 (11:08):
Yeah.
And that's hard to, I think, forthem to understand.
You went into already a builtcommunity.
And if I didn't go out and takethe moment to go, who can I
meet?
Who can I contact and getinvolved?
And for the kids, too, we wouldbe stuck at the house.
It would be something we wouldbe alone half the time.
SPEAKER_01 (11:28):
That happens a lot.
I think it's hard for people toput themselves out there.
And you know, when there's,there's like a chart that shows
a scale of all the traumaticthings that can happen in
people's lives and like divorcesway up there, the death of a
spouse or loved one is way upthere, but even moving is
traumatic, right?
Like that's a big life change.
(11:50):
And I think when you movesomewhere, the fact that your
soldier has that instantcommunity and family and
network, And if you're just notfeeling it, if you're just, you
know, you're trying to get yourbearings and you don't have that
compassion at home thatsomeone's saying to you, I know
this is rough.
I know we're doing this again,but I'm going to be by your side
(12:12):
and we're going to, we're goingto get through this.
You just feel like you'refloundering and that you're not
performing well enough.
You should be able to getyourself out of this funk or out
the door or meet the otherspouses or whatever it is.
Like you should be able to findsatisfaction somewhere else
because As a military spouse, weare very busy people, you know,
and, you know.
(12:34):
Oh, that's the assumption.
Yeah.
But, you know, busy doesn'talways mean satisfied, right?
Right.
It just fills the void.
Yeah,
SPEAKER_00 (12:45):
absolutely.
So you shared that therealization your marriage was
ending wasn't loud.
It was a slow, painful knowing.
So what was that process likefor you emotionally, especially
as someone who's held ittogether for so long?
SPEAKER_01 (13:01):
I think that more than anything, it's just an
overlying frustration.
That's the biggest thing, like asadness, a frustration.
We're so capable of so much.
We, in general, tend totroubleshoot.
We tend to want to solve theproblem.
We know that if we could justtalk about it, outline it, that
(13:28):
we can work it out because thinkof all the things that we've had
to let go out before.
The amount of deployments I'vebeen through with young kids, we
had to just gang up and figureout how to meet with other wives
and make little groups andfigure out how to get through
it.
Those are long, lonely days andtimes and you couldn't get
through it if you didn't if youdidn't make a plan if you didn't
(13:52):
tell yourself that you're goingto make it through it so when
you feel that your marriage isfalling apart when the
communication isn't there whenthings aren't being shared when
you're leading two separatelives the fact that you can't
troubleshoot it the fact thatall of your tools that you have
like the way you normally theway you normally try to problem
(14:13):
solve like nothing Nothing wouldwork.
And then, and then there's ahard part because then you have
to become a little bit morevulnerable and then say like
what you're scared of and why,why are we not getting along?
And why don't you like me?
And why does everybody else inmy life really seem to enjoy me,
but you can't stand me?
What, what is going on?
(14:34):
But you say those words andyou're saying it in a way that
you're trying to haveconversation.
And so there's not, I'm notcrying.
There's not a lot of emotion.
And I think that's a harddisconnect because you would
think that somebody would bevery upset or like begging and
pleading.
And I just don't know if it's methat's not built that way or if
(14:57):
it's just like the strength of amilitary spouse to not to know
that tumbling down that road andgetting very upset about
something isn't going to fix it.
Like you have to just call itout and be like, this is what I
noticed.
And this is really hard and thisis hurting my feelings.
And why can't we fix
SPEAKER_00 (15:15):
this?
I think, too, when we had tohave the hard conversations, I
had to hold it in a lot becauseit wasn't the right timing for
them.
Because I thought if we broughtthem up, they were just they
were at the times he was gettingready to go on a flight or
deploy or whatever.
work or whatever it was.
So you thought it would be likea distraction?
(15:36):
Yeah.
So sometimes I would have tohold it in.
And then unfortunately, you knowhow that goes.
You hold this one thing and thisis going to build to this.
And eventually when it finallybuilds and it explodes.
Yeah.
Then I'm coming at him with allthe things that I had been
holding on to.
And he feels fully attacked,which rightfully so.
(15:56):
But I really did.
I was like, well, and then thisand then this.
And he's like, well, hold on.
Why are you mad at me for this?
Because we just didn't have timeto talk about it.
But it was frustrating.
I think from my point of viewwas to just kind of watch him
just take it in.
But I didn't realize up untilvery recently that it was just
his way of processing.
But for him taking it in,Sometimes he would walk away or
(16:18):
sometimes he would be like, I'mdone.
I'm not having thisconversation.
And I would take that asrejection or I would take that
as you don't care.
So we would never resolve anyissues that we had before
because of just themiscommunication and
misunderstanding of how we wereprocessing what was taken in.
100 percent.
I feel like that is how my
SPEAKER_01 (16:39):
ex responded as well.
He would listen.
And I would be talking and Iwould pause and say, what do you
have to say?
Like, do you want to sayanything to me?
Like, how do you feel?
And he would say, I'm justlistening.
I'm just listening.
Keep going.
Keep going.
And yeah, same thing.
He would cut it off.
Like I'm done.
I'm done listening.
(17:00):
I'm like, well, what do you haveto say?
And sometimes he would say, um,you know, the anxiety that I
have is like in my own head orwhatever he was, you know, if I
was like, are you not happy?
Like what's going on?
He would say, well, that,something I have to work out.
It has nothing to do with you.
Like, don't worry.
You know, it's hard to know whatit is.
(17:20):
Like, did I marry somebody who'sjust not a great communicator?
Maybe.
Did I marry somebody who thoughtthat if you had tough
conversations, that was somehowa critique of him?
You know, I do think thatsoldiers are probably fairly ego
driven.
I think that's probably a fairstatement.
That's And that's how themilitary works with them.
(17:41):
Like they get report cards andthey get rankings and they get
hail and farewells.
It's a lot of ego driven stuff.
So I think that's really hard.
It's hard.
It's like you're just beggingsomebody to love you.
You know, that's what it comesdown to.
And that's a hard thing to do.
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (17:57):
Well, like I had said to you before, you'd
mentioned that quote that Ireally related so much with.
You said, you're the only personin my life who thinks this
negatively of me.
What did it feel like to bedrawn for so long and find
yourself in a space where youfelt your worth was being
questioned?
Oh, it was
SPEAKER_01 (18:18):
crushing.
That's, that's really hard.
Cause I think that infuses someself doubt.
You know, if you see yourself acertain way and you know for
sure the people around you seeyou that way.
I had amazing friends.
I have amazing friends.
(18:38):
I have great family.
I have great extended family.
But when the person that you aremarried to and that you love the
most or want to love the most,like you live your life with,
doesn't, that seems to not feelthe same way about you, you
start to wonder, like, am I theproblem?
(18:59):
Like, is it me?
What am I doing wrong?
Like, what should I be doing?
And it definitely makes yourethink almost everything.
It's very hard.
It's almost like an identitycrisis because you're like, it
goes back to thetroubleshooting.
That's the final step oftroubleshooting is know coming
fully around again because ithink in the beginning you
should always start with likewhat am i doing right like how
(19:22):
could i better this what am idoing to contribute to it and
when you start down the wholepath at the very end it comes
back to you like well maybe itis me I don't think that it ever
was.
I mean, he might arguedifferently, but, you know, it's
hard.
But it takes two.
SPEAKER_00 (19:39):
Oh, for sure.
It takes two.
And I felt that so much when youhad written that.
And I just thought, no, marriageis perfect.
But when you start feeling likeit's you and it's your fault or,
you know, that you're not worthit, it really sends you down
this hole, you know, and youstart questioning yourself.
your value.
(19:59):
Does anybody even need me?
And you start questioning thesethings like, well, if I weren't
even here, does it matter?
So I really hate that, thatthat's a common thing.
I think it's really hard.
And I
SPEAKER_01 (20:09):
think I said to my ex the last year or so that we
were married, I said to him, ifwe were dating, I would have
broken up with you a long timeago.
I don't deserve it.
any of this, but you havechildren and you have a family
and you want to try to figure itout and you can't just abandon
that responsibility.
(20:30):
But when somebody sees you assomething that you are not, and
you do question your worth oryour purpose or any of that,
it's, yeah, your, your sad,deep, dark thoughts are, what if
I just walk away from it all?
I don't need to be here.
(20:51):
But I would, yeah, the last yearor so of our marriage, I would
say to him, you weren't married.
I would have broken up with youso long ago.
I just don't deserve thistreatment and I don't deserve
like you not communicating withme is torture.
You know, this is a marriage, a20 year long marriage.
Like you should be able to talkto me.
SPEAKER_00 (21:12):
Right.
So how did you keep showing upfor your kids during this time?
And Was there a moment in yourthoughts where you said, I have
to choose myself, not justsurvive for everyone else?
SPEAKER_01 (21:26):
Well, I can say, I'll give you a little bit of
like a timeline is we moved.
My ex retired from the militaryin 2021 in August.
And so we moved to Indiana.
We bought a house and I movedout here with the kids in June.
(21:48):
So I handled like that finalmove, the final PCS.
And I just knew that I was goingto make the best of it no matter
what.
I was going to make the best ofit for the kids.
We were in a great city, greatschool district, a new place, no
longer in the military.
Like we're going to stay put,right?
(22:10):
So I just did it.
My ex, gosh, I mean, it washard.
He retired.
I think that there's, that's awhole nother conversation to
have like that.
They have an identity crisis,identity shift from
transitioning from military tocivilian.
That's really difficult.
And I was trying to help himthrough that and be a
(22:30):
cheerleader and encouraging himto reach out to his friends and
former bosses who have beenthere before him, you know, get
guidance.
So there was a lot of that.
But in early 2023 is when hesaid that he thinks that he
wanted a divorce.
And so I would say that's thepoint where I knew it was over
(22:53):
because I had been daydreamingabout what life would be like
not being married to him.
Like you can feel that fallapart.
But for him to actually say itwas very hard.
And I think to take care of thekids, I just had to put one foot
in front of the other.
make sure that they were stillgetting their stuff done, get
them to school.
But I also did get them intotherapy.
(23:14):
You know, I knew that they wouldneed that.
I had really hard days.
I think anytime anybody goesthrough divorce, whether it's
amicable or not, I wouldn't sayours was contested or
contentious.
It was just like stone cold.
That's what I would call it.
He said that he wanted it and itwas done.
(23:37):
there was no talking about it,right?
And even when you brace for theworst and you anticipate it and
you feel it coming, it juststill crushes you and you have
to survive because of yourchildren.
So full disclosure, I had acouple of panic attacks that my
kids were witness to, but I dothink that being open with your
children and apologizing for thehard times explaining the hard
(24:02):
times like not going into toomuch detail but you can't
shelter them from everythingright so absolutely um yeah i
think i think it just goes backto we can all do hard things and
military spouses are amazing atgetting through hard things so
let's you know let's chalk it upto going through deployments,
(24:25):
going through trainings, havingfriends' husbands die, all these
things.
Let's just add on your husbandwalking out on you.
You just get through it and youhave to do your best.
It's all you can do.
I don't know if I'm doing itright.
I feel like I have three reallygreat, wonderful, healthy,
well-adjusted kids, so I justtry to do my best.
(24:46):
That's what I say to them too.
I'm always just trying to do mybest.
When it comes down to it, that'sall I'm trying to do.
SPEAKER_00 (24:52):
Right.
I mean, you're there.
You're just doing what you cando.
I mean, shoot, they didn't comewith a manual,
SPEAKER_01 (24:56):
unfortunately.
SPEAKER_00 (24:57):
Exactly.
Right.
Exactly.
We're
SPEAKER_01 (24:59):
doing the best that we can.
Yeah.
But like when I knew like mydivorce was imminent, it was
like, well, then I knew.
So before he even decided toleave, I actually was starting
to write letters.
books here and there.
I wrote how to save and investfor beginners, how to be an
adult, little things, littleprojects.
(25:19):
I've always been crafty.
I've sewed, I've painted, I'veloved writing.
I've always done stuff.
I've always tried to keep busy.
And so when it was time whereI'm like, oh my gosh, 20 years
out of the workforce.
Oh my gosh, it's time for me tojump in.
Yeah, I just dove in with what Iknew I always loved.
(25:40):
I knew it was a gamble, but Ijust needed something to focus
on.
I mean, I had to get licensed.
That was four very long, likeproctored tests, you know, and I
did it in 12 weeks.
That's how dedicated I was.
I mean, I would be sittingoutside with my girls in the
backyard in the summer, juststudying, studying, studying,
take a little 30 minute breakwith them, go right back to it.
(26:02):
I mean, it was pretty crazy.
But when I look back at that,I'm like, That was amazing.
That was the best thing I couldhave done for myself and for
them because they recognized it.
They saw it.
They're like, oh my gosh.
Yeah.
I know.
So I think when your kids areproud of you, especially when
they're still kids, I think it'sdifferent having like an adult
child proud of you because theykind of get it.
(26:23):
But when they're still kids andthey tell you like they're proud
of you or they see that you'redoing a great job, you're like,
oh my gosh.
UNKNOWN (26:34):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (26:34):
Yeah, that's what I was going to ask you, too, is
getting started on the careerportion, because after Chris
retired, I was like, I want to Iwant to work.
And it was 13 and a half years Ihad not worked.
My prior work experience was ateacher.
I taught high school English andI stepped out of the classroom
and then became a mama.
(26:54):
have no regrets.
Of course, I loved that time.
But, you know, during that timethat I was staying at home, I
stayed busy.
I volunteered.
I worked in the community, butit was all volunteer stuff.
So when Chris had come to thatretirement at the end, I started
looking at my resume, trying tograsp all the things that I had
done and build all this stuffand collect it to market myself.
(27:18):
It was hard for me.
I went through kind of my ownidentity and self-worth was
like, well, A lot of this stuffis volunteer.
Is anybody going to evenacknowledge that?
And so I really had to kind ofpush myself out there and go, I
have value.
I have value.
Isn't that the
SPEAKER_01 (27:34):
hardest part to like look back at your entire career
as a military spouse and belike, no, but this is all
valuable.
This is all worthwhile.
Like you have to convincesomebody that what you have done
is actually kind of amazing.
And yeah, that's a hard sell.
So what did Chris say to youwhen you were the one saying,
(27:57):
it's my turn?
Was he like, absolutely, heckyeah?
Or was he like, we'll see?
Like, what was he saying to you?
I
SPEAKER_00 (28:04):
can honestly say that Chris was really, for it.
I know a lot of people wherehusbands were looking straight
into something similar to whatthey were already doing in the
military.
Whereas Chris kind of took itwhere he goes, no, I'm done with
flight.
I want to do somethingcompletely new.
So I know we had a conversationright before, right after he
dropped his packet.
And I said, if you are okay, Isaid, if we're financially good,
(28:29):
I would like to try going backto work.
You figure out what it is youwant to do.
And he was all for it.
And so when we moved to Alabama,he had built up all of that
terminal leave.
So we actually swapped roles andhe got comfortable taking the
girls to school, doing all thegrocery shopping, which he
loves.
He loves going clubbing everyFriday.
(28:50):
He goes to Costco and BJ's.
That's his clubbing.
He would go out and he would doall the things and he was okay
with that.
He was transitioning in his ownway and he was also getting
counseling at the the VeteransCenter.
So he was working on him.
But I think what I ended updoing was in all of this
transition, I kind of thoughtoriginally a job's going to
(29:11):
fulfill whatever it is I wasmissing.
And unfortunately, it wasn't.
And I was still unhappy andthere were still things that we
needed to work through.
To go back to the originalquestion, he was happy that I
wanted to go back to work and itgave me something to do.
But in the relationship, we werejust continuing to go on
different paths and we weren'tworking on the relationship.
(29:32):
And so a lot of things came tohead when there was a lot of
issues that we still hadn'tworked through.
Yeah.
It's almost like you guysswapped.
We did.
Yeah.
And and then he got to work oncertain things because he was
going through counseling that Iactually didn't.
And so when I was having theseconversations with other spouses
whose husbands were retired andI said, I'm still transitioning.
(29:53):
That was where Chris and I had adisconnect because he would go,
well, what else is there totransition?
We've transitioned.
And I said, no, this is acompletely different feeling.
I can't tell you what it feelslike.
I said, but I've lost something.
I hadn't talked with anybodyabout it.
And I realized I had grownresentful because he still had a
successful career.
For me, I would have to provemyself and go, well, this was my
(30:14):
gap.
And I'm completely going fromsomething I hadn't touched in
several years.
And I didn't want to go backinto teaching.
So we swapped roles, but wedidn't really work on The other
stuff.
SPEAKER_01 (30:24):
Well, yeah.
And I think that just militarylife in general fosters that
because I feel like there weretimes where we started to have
those conversations, maybe,maybe more along the lines of
like, you know.
What about me?
Or can I try to go back toschool?
Like when I first met my ex, Iwas about to go to law school.
(30:47):
So it was kind of like playingwith that.
Like, when could I go back toschool?
Do I want to do somethingdifferent?
What about me?
And I think there was alwaysthis overwhelming sense of like,
well, just wait, just wait, youknow, because we're still in
this.
Like, well, we're going to PCSin six months.
Our next duty station is goingto be 18 months.
(31:07):
We moved so much, you know.
So when it came down to the endof our marriage, when we were
still married, my ex went fullbore to get a new job
immediately.
Like he was obsessed.
And I was like, we arefinancially okay.
(31:27):
You can take six months and justrelax and enjoy family and
really figure out what you wantto do.
Anybody would be lucky to haveyou.
You were an amazing soldier.
You're a pilot.
You have so much experience as aleader.
Like I always says hype person,right?
Civilian life.
Oh my God.
They would, they would love tohave you.
Right.
And it's like, he couldn't, hecouldn't see his value to the
(31:51):
civilian world.
He could only see his value as asoldier.
And so he just went, he justjumped into it.
And I would just say to him, youshould take a break.
Like be with your kids, be withyour family.
And he just looked at me andhe's like, well, how about I sit
around on my ass and you go towork?
(32:11):
And I just remember like mystomach, my heart, everything
sank.
And I thought of all thehorrible things that you could
say to me because I have beenwilling to do everything
everything for you for 20 years,that if he would have said
something like, what do you wantto do?
Like, what are your dreams?
(32:33):
Did you want to go back to work?
I would have been like, oh mygosh.
And then we could have aconversation about it, but to be
spoken to that way was justcrushing.
And that's when I was like, thisman does not like me.
SPEAKER_00 (32:47):
Yeah.
And unfortunately, too, right?
It devalues everything that youhave done up to this point.
You have been his hype person.
You have been his rock and keptthe house and all that stuff.
So I can understand where thatcuts deep.
Those are deep words that that'shard.
And that goes back to if youloved me, why would you say
that?
That's hard.
SPEAKER_01 (33:08):
You kind of feel like, and I've said this to him
after the divorce and everythingI even said to him, I just have
this disconnect in my head of,You wanted a life and a family
with me.
We had an amazing life.
We got to live cool places.
We got to do cool things.
The problem was that we just hada huge disconnect that never got
(33:30):
resolved, right?
And then he felt justified inany sort of actions or behaviors
that he took.
But it still is like, I feelthat he blames me for
everything.
And I feel like that's a hardthing to...
Yeah, that's a hard thing toaccept.
But like we did this alltogether.
And like you said in the verybeginning, when you kick this
(33:52):
off, you do this all out oflove.
You do this 100% out of love.
So at the end of the day, wheneverything falls apart, you
know, that can happen.
Divorces happen, relationshipsend, like it is what it is.
But to still have like adisdain, it's a hard thing.
SPEAKER_00 (34:13):
Yeah.
UNKNOWN (34:13):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (34:14):
Well, I want to go back because I don't want to
forget this because I know youstarted talking about the
financial planning.
But I wanted to ask you, it wasthe first time in over 20 years
that you got to focus on yourown career.
So now you're a financialplanner.
What drew you to that pathspecifically?
SPEAKER_01 (34:32):
Well, I've always been into like investing, stock
market and stuff.
I learned about that at a youngage.
And when I was first married, Iwas a tax preparer.
So always kind of been in thefinancial world.
I was a marketing analyst for anactuarial firm, which is kind of
like retirement benefits, thatsort of thing.
(34:52):
So it's always been in my blood.
My dad worked in finance.
My mom was an accountant.
Like we're all nerds.
We're all nerds over here.
Much needed because that'ssomething I can't do.
So much needed.
So I've always loved it.
I've always handled ourfinances, like me and my ex's
personal finances.
And I've always like helped outother military spouses along the
(35:15):
way.
I remember about the time my exwas a major is when people
started talking a little bitmore about, you know, they start
talking about first command andyour TSP and during deployments
they want to you to know, oh,you're getting some tax free
money because you're deployed.
I was the one who would rememberall this stuff.
And then the other spouses wouldlike ask questions.
(35:37):
And I realized quickly that themajority of spouses that I spoke
to, whether or not they wereworking, defaulted everything.
their spouse like they weren'ttracking anything they did not
know like how much they weresaving they didn't know the
percentage going to tsp theyweren't quite sure of the
balance of the retirementaccounts they didn't have like a
roth ira open for themselvesthere were a lot of things and
(36:00):
so um i was always kind of youknow very willing to talk about
it if somebody had questionsabout it.
Like that's just basically whereit all came from is that I'm
just a numbers nerd and reallyliked it.
When I was married, like I saidbefore, I did like little small
business hustles.
I sewed, I sold stuff onPoshmark.
I wrote books.
(36:21):
I mean, I've always have that inme.
And so I feel like it's anatural thing to go into
financial planning.
I'm a fully licensed financialplanner and advisor.
So it means that I can doanything as far as insurance or
annuities or investments.
But my heart really, really isin that planning space where you
(36:43):
look at somebody's whole pictureand their whole situation and
just say, here's what Irecommend for you.
And it has nothing to do withme.
Nothing to do with me.
It's like if they need help withdebt management, I can help you.
I specialize in militaryfinancial plan.
That's a whole different worldthat not a lot of financial
planners know about, you know.
(37:04):
it just is it's solving a puzzleit's being helpful it's
listening to what people wantwhat they're concerned about
what their goals are it's givingthem a bunch of different
recommendations you could dothis this is an option here are
things you're educating you areeducating somebody and i feel
(37:27):
like that feels like a verynatural and kind and like just
organic way to deal to toservice people you know i think
when people talk about financesthey get very over they can get
very overwhelmed they can alsothink that anybody in the
financial world is kind of likeuh i mean they could like snake
(37:51):
in the grass right like theyknow a lot of stuff i don't know
a lot of stuff they could takeadvantage of me right so I want
to be like the open book, theeducator, the helper.
So I will help anybody.
I do.
I obviously have male and femaleclients.
But anytime there's a woman whowants to know, wants clarity,
(38:14):
just wants to be like empowered,I am 100% behind that.
I think people don't realizethat you can meet with a
financial planner when life isreally hard and that it can be a
really good idea.
You know, so if you're thinkingabout divorce, if you're in the
middle of a divorce, if you'recontemplating a big life change,
(38:36):
if you have a child with specialneeds, like there are so many
reasons for it and it's not ascary world.
It's not.
We are here to be of service,you know, and if you ever get a
bad feeling about a financialprofessional in your life, do
not work with them.
Like you are allowed to shoparound.
You are allowed.
But yeah, all that to say isthat what I do is absolutely
(38:59):
like comes from the heart and Ijust want to educate everybody.
Because I think that peopledon't know what they don't know.
And I think when especiallywomen get education and
knowledge about finances, we areunstoppable.
We handle so many things.
Think of all the things thatyou've handled over the last 20
years of your life and howyou're like, oh my gosh, I
(39:20):
pulled that off.
Could you imagine if you had thefinancial knowledge of what you
don't know right now?
If all of a sudden it was inputright into your brain, you'd
probably feel prettyunstoppable.
And so that's like what I want
SPEAKER_00 (39:34):
for everybody.
That's needed.
So stepping into this nextchapter of your life, what is it
that has surprised you in a goodway?
I
SPEAKER_01 (39:46):
think what has surprised me the most is that I
am really, really good on myown.
I think when you are a part of acouple for so long, and that has
been your identity as a militaryspouse, that's a scary thought
(40:06):
to be on your own.
I remember when my ex firstleft, my first questions to
myself were, who's going to wantme?
Single mom of three kids.
At the time, it was like 10, 13,and 16, right?
Yeah.
(40:26):
what am I to somebody else?
And what a horrible question.
That is a horrible question.
But when your whole identity hasbeen the, I don't even know what
you would call us, like thekickstand to somebody else, like
you are holding somebody else upfor 20 something years to not
(40:47):
have that.
Like, well, what am I and who'sgoing to want me and who can I
prove my worth to?
I think that's a big thing of itis that my entire marriage was,
was proving my worth to myhusband and not that he demanded
it and not that he was like, youhave to prove your worth.
You just always like wanted to,like you want to show that
you're capable and that you'restrong and that you can handle
(41:07):
things and don't worry, I gotthis.
So that carried over afterwards.
I had to prove myself so muchtime has passed.
I'm like, Oh my gosh, totallythe opposite.
Like I am If anybody wants to bein my life, they have to prove
themselves to me.
We are very good over here.
I do not need to be raisingsomebody else up and like being
(41:32):
the anchor to somebody else'scareer.
Like I can have it all.
So I think that's that.
And it's a surprise.
I mean, I guess it shouldn't bethat much of a surprise.
It's like you really knowyourself.
But I think that's the biggestthing is when you walk away from
that, you're like, wow, I knowmyself.
better than I have in a longtime.
(41:52):
And I really like myself.
So that's always good, too.
Absolutely.
SPEAKER_00 (41:58):
You're your own company sometimes.
For sure.
Well, that's also an interestingthing that you said, too,
because I wanted to ask.
So what do your kids see in youthat maybe they hadn't seen
before then?
SPEAKER_01 (42:09):
Honestly, I think that they see what they've
always seen, which is like justa lot of driving, getting stuff
done.
But now I They see a lot morepeace.
I think they see so much morepeace.
I think they see someone wholaughs a little bit more, jokes
around with them.
(42:29):
I'm like a little bit morecasual with them.
I think before when you arejust, you know, when you are
operating at a stress level, youare more clipped, you're more
impatient, you're more, youknow, go to your rooms, quiet,
everybody away.
Where now...
we just have a very peacefulhouse.
(42:50):
And I think that everybody likerecognizes that and it's much
appreciated.
I feel like before, if we had aday without me getting
frustrated or somebody gettingfrustrated or some sort of
something, right?
Like kids either yelling at eachother or me just getting annoyed
with them or my ex throwing awrench into something, having a
(43:13):
good day with a rarity is, Andnow it's completely the opposite
where everything is smoothsailing.
And every once in a while, we'llall have like a really crappy
day.
And the next day, it's like allof us are very, very, it's easy
for all of us to say, oof, I'msorry.
That was a lousy day.
(43:33):
And like you said before, Ididn't grow up saying I'm sorry.
So the fact that like myhousehold can actually say like
I'm sorry is
SPEAKER_00 (43:42):
huge.
I love how all of myconversations are overlapping,
but I was just having thisconversation with another friend
about how our body, we don'trealize how much stress that
it's kept.
And she recommended, she was thesecond person actually to
recommend that book to me, TheBody Keeps the Score.
Yeah, so I didn't know aboutthat book.
(44:03):
But I also just found just inthe recent couple of weeks too
is that I've gotten reallycomfortable being in that fight
or flight mode and somethingthat now that I'm going through
counseling, I have a wonderfulcounselor I'm so grateful for,
but she's allowed me to kind oflook at things and understand
where that anger is coming from,because it is coming not just
from him, but from family andall these other things.
(44:25):
And once I can do that formyself, it'd be so much more
peace because I didn't realizethe job that I was in,
everything else that I thoughtwas going to make me happy.
I was still just in this tensemode.
And I just remember bawling,literally bawling my eyes out in
the counselor's office.
And I was like, I'm angry.
And she's like, be angry.
(44:46):
And my body is doing this.
And she goes, what is your bodyphysically doing?
And it was the first time Ireally took a assessment of my
body.
I'm like, okay.
I'm tense.
I've got headaches every day.
My body aches.
You know, I'm not exercising.
I'm not eating well.
So all of these things Irealized, a lot of that stress,
I've been carrying for many,many years.
I think that's probably the
SPEAKER_01 (45:07):
biggest thing that affects women, like in their,
yeah, I mean, mid-30s and on up.
I think from 2017 to 2023, I hadbeen to the doctor so
frequently, so frequently.
why can't I lose weight eventhough I'm exercising all the
time?
Why do I have headaches 22 outof 30 days of the month?
(45:31):
This is not normal.
Why are my fingers tingling?
Why does my leg go numbsometimes?
Why do I feel like I have crampsall the time when I shouldn't be
having cramps all the time?
Like a host of things that werewrong.
It was insane.
I'm like, is this just gettingcloser to 40?
Is this what my mom was talkingabout this whole time?
Once you get to 40, like youfall apart.
(45:54):
And then like six months aftermy ex left, I remember going to
the doctor.
And this time I went because Idid need like some sort of
anti-anxiety type stuff.
I needed some sort of help.
However, every other thing thatI complained about, because I
was also having the fibsprevention.
preventricular contractionswhere my heart was having
(46:15):
irregular heartbeats and I hadelevated heart rate that I
couldn't control and I had to beon beta blockers.
And within six months of himleaving, every single thing went
away.
And my doctor was like, I'mvery, very sorry that that's
what it took.
She said, I'm very happy thatyou're feeling better.
I'm sorry that's what it took.
And she looked at me and shegoes, cortisol can kill you.
(46:36):
She's like, that stress hormonecan absolutely kill you.
And I said, I had no idea.
I thought that I was just liketaking care of stuff and
handling stuff and gettingthrough stuff.
And my therapist looked at meand was like, Liz, being able to
handle everything, being like anover, you know, over functioner
(46:57):
is not a good thing.
No.
She's like, that's like a traumaresponse.
Like you can't live that way.
And it blew my mind.
This is how I've been operatingfor like two decades.
SPEAKER_00 (47:09):
Right, right.
And you got comfortable.
And I love this too, that we'rehaving this conversation because
I was just having this with thecounselor.
And I remember telling her, Isaid, I think for me
specifically, when Chris and Iare good, we're good.
But when we're bad, We fight sohard and then we walk away from
each other.
And then it's like round two,round three.
She's like, when that cortisolis running high, neither one of
you are thinking straight.
(47:29):
She goes, you need to actuallygive yourself a timeout.
Walk away.
Don't stew, but walk away.
Oh, that's so hard to do.
That's so hard.
Still working on it.
Believe me, it's not going to beperfected anytime soon.
But you know, that's what I do.
I stew.
I walk away and I stew.
She goes, you got to lower thatcortisol.
So
SPEAKER_01 (47:45):
much easier said than done because my doctor
would say that for years.
I've got to lower your cortisol.
Like how?
She's like, you need to relax.
Like go get some massages, likemake sure you're exercising.
It's like I'm doing all thisstuff, you know.
I'm
SPEAKER_00 (47:58):
loving this, by the way.
This is so awesome.
It's so good.
Are you?
No, it feels good.
SPEAKER_01 (48:03):
Yeah, because I feel like so much of what I'm saying,
like you said that you've spokento other people.
exactly the same for me like Irecall in conversations that
I've had I think I told you thisthat when my ex first left me I
reached out to a friend who Iknew her husband was having a
hard time transitioning and Isaid hey how long did it take
for him to feel like himselfagain how long until everything
(48:27):
was okay and there was a pauseand she was like Liz he left me
and I was like re-devastated ontop of my own devastation.
And then I heard stories fromher about other people and I'm
like, and you hate to bedramatic and be like, it's an
epidemic, but honestly, it'skind of an epidemic.
Whether or not all thesemarriages fail, there is
(48:48):
something about that timeframe,right?
Usually like around transitionor at least around X amount of
years of married and having afamily within the military,
because that's a hard life.
But, um, It happens.
And like, what are people doingto help it?
I don't know that there is a lotof help.
SPEAKER_00 (49:08):
It's still one of those conversations not a lot of
people are willing to have.
There's so much more that wehaven't talked about.
So I love this.
I don't know that you and I, twopowers that be, will be able to
make a bigger change.
There's not enough conversation.
Yeah.
We can
SPEAKER_01 (49:23):
keep on having the conversation for sure.
I feel like every time you havethe conversation, people are
like, yes.
Me too, us too.
I think a lot of it also islike, I was asking myself, do I
even like him?
Do I even like this life?
I think a lot of people who justgo through the motions aren't
even thinking of those things,honestly.
(49:45):
So
SPEAKER_00 (49:46):
exactly.
Well, I want to go ahead andbefore we head into our wrap up,
I wanted to ask, so what'ssomething you wish people asked
about you more often?
Oh, yes.
SPEAKER_01 (49:57):
You told me this question.
I was like, that is a crazyquestion.
Isn't it great?
I had to go back and figure outhow would I answer that myself?
I know.
I mean, there's so many likefunny different ways you could
answer it.
Kind of like, I wish somebodywould be like, hey, what would
you like for dinner?
And can I treat you to massage?
And I would be like, absolutely.
And steak.
I don't know.
But I think one of the things,and this is just like, it's a
(50:18):
tiny thing, but you know howwhen people know that you're
going through a rough timethey'll be like how are you I
wish that people would just saythat more often on every day
like how amazing is it to havegreat days and have somebody be
like hey how are you doing andyou're like I'm fantastic I am
(50:39):
great I think just checking inwith people on the regular is
one of those things that I wishpeople asked me more about is
just how I'm doing and not justin the times where they know
that I'm having a hard time orthey know that, you know,
something has passed, whateverit is.
But I think that would probablybe a big one.
(51:00):
I
SPEAKER_00 (51:00):
love that because, yeah, it's it's not a question
you just throw out like, oh, howare you?
Good.
How are you?
It's a real question.
It's a how are you?
How are you?
SPEAKER_01 (51:11):
How are you doing?
Like, how are you doing?
How is it going right now?
And You know, when things arehard and people ask you that,
you almost feel guilty becauseyou don't want to like burden.
You don't want to be like, oh,things are so hard, you know.
So I think people kind of likeshrug that off unless they're
like a very close friend.
You can be like, it's terrible.
Everything sucks, you know.
(51:31):
But if somebody really asks youlike, hey, how are you doing?
And you know that you're great.
Isn't that the best feeling tobe able to just voice that?
Everything's wonderful.
UNKNOWN (51:42):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (51:43):
Very happy.
Very great.
So how are you?
I am wonderful.
Very good.
SPEAKER_00 (51:56):
Well, I'll remember that because it's true.
I would love the same thing.
I really want somebody to belike, so really, how are you?
SPEAKER_01 (52:03):
Yeah.
And especially if like you havea friend that, you know, like
has had a hard time and you seethat she's looking like happy or
normal, whatever it is.
And you're just like, how areyou doing?
And if she says to you, like,I'm really great.
Like, doesn't that make you feelgood, too?
SPEAKER_00 (52:17):
Yeah, absolutely.
And I love that you're doingwell.
I love that.
Even after all the hard thingsthat we've talked about.
Yeah.
chapter of your life right nowis good.
Holy smokes.
It beats like
SPEAKER_01 (52:27):
being sat on the bathroom floor, like wanting to
die because that definitely is astage of divorce.
I mean, I feel like I have to berealistic about that.
If anybody goes through divorce,that's a stage no matter what.
It's scary as hell, but you willget through it.
I promise.
But that's a stage laying onyour bathroom floor, crying,
wishing you would just disappearinto a hole or have a truck hit
(52:51):
you or something.
But yeah, On the other side, youwill be glad that you did not
fall into a hole and die.
SPEAKER_00 (52:58):
Right.
For the military spouses thatare listening that felt like
they've been the glue, butthey've lost themselves in the
bit of this process.
What would you want to tellthem?
I think the biggest thing isthat whatever
SPEAKER_01 (53:12):
it is that you want, you can do it.
There's no age limit on it.
Like reinvention is possible atany age.
after any chapter.
You don't have to have it allfigured out to do it.
You just have to take that firststep.
I think that's the hardest partis just going for it.
And another thing is that you'renot alone.
(53:34):
I feel like if this, you know,just us speaking, you know,
shows to anybody, there's goingto be a lot of people who are
like, oh my gosh, me too.
Oh my gosh, I get it.
You know, So nobody's ever alonein this.
So even if you're overwhelmed orlost or afraid or whatever it
is, you can be empowered.
There's people that you canreach out to.
(53:55):
There's a whole community.
I know that somebody postedrecently on LinkedIn asking for
military spouses just to reachout and say who you are.
If you're a military spouse,comment on this because they
wanted to have like a community.
And I put on their formermilitary spouse, but we're
always family, right?
Those shared experiences thatshared that camaraderie.
(54:17):
And I feel like any militaryspouse can absolutely find
somebody who will empower herand love her and help her on her
journey to whatever it is thatshe wants to do.
But I think that not knowing whoyou are questioning your
identity, your purpose in theworld is a very hard and scary
place to be.
(54:37):
And I would say, don't be toofreaked out by it.
I know it's terrifying, butdon't let it, don't let that
define you.
Because on the days where, youknow, the sun shines in the
morning and you feel like thatspark of hope, jump on it then.
That's when you jump on it.
You know, I'm always the onethat is like, you can do this.
(54:57):
And if you feel like you can't,I'll, I'll, hang with you.
I'll be by your side until youfigure it out, you know, and
then fly away, little birdie.
But that's all I want.
That's all I
SPEAKER_00 (55:07):
want.
I am getting inspiration fromall of the strong men and women
I'm hearing stories from.
And we all need those people tojust be like, I'm here with you.
You can do this and really getwhat you need in those times.
The podcast has been amazinglistening to all of your
(55:28):
strengths and what you've beenthrough and really getting that
validation that in anything thatwe've ever done, we're not
alone.
We've all been throughsomething, if not the same, but
something similar.
And you're going to be the sameway.
You're going to be on
SPEAKER_01 (55:45):
the other side of whatever it is and be able to
tell like your story, likewhatever happened, whatever
happens, it's okay.
You know, as long as you feellike you are being true to
yourself and that you are beinga kind person with integrity, I
just don't know how anybody cango wrong.
(56:06):
You know, right.
SPEAKER_00 (56:08):
Well, the one last thing is for anyone that wants
to connect with you, whetherit's for what you're doing now
as a financial planner or forjust some encouragement, where
would be the best place for themto find you?
Oh, I think the best place tofind me is on LinkedIn.
SPEAKER_01 (56:21):
You can find me and it's Liz-Davis-Finance.
That's pretty easy.
So it's like linkedin.combackslash IN from Indiana
backslash Liz hyphen Davishyphen finance.
But if anybody wants to justshoot me an email, my personal
(56:43):
email is my full name and that'sElizabeth.
Erin Davis at Hotmail.com.
And I love it when I hear frompeople.
I will have random people sendme messages or just reach out.
And like I said, it makes a bigworld smaller.
And I'm always here to, youknow, listen to somebody or help
somebody
SPEAKER_00 (57:04):
or support somebody.
So.
Yeah, well, I will definitelyput those in the show notes,
too, so everybody can can seethose.
But I love your heart, Liz.
Thank you for this.
This has been
SPEAKER_01 (57:14):
therapeutic for me too.
Wonderful.
I love it.
Thank you so much for letting meshare a little bit about myself
and my story.
And I loved speaking with you.
And I'm always in your corner.
SPEAKER_00 (57:26):
Thank you for this.
I'm still sitting with so muchof what Liz shared.
From the quiet unraveling of amarriage to the bold decision to
begin again.
Her story isn't just one ofloss.
It's about choosing yourself,even when it's messy and hard.
(57:47):
What struck me most is that Liznever let anger become the
ending.
She chose growth.
And now she's living with morepurpose and clarity, not just in
her career, but in how she seesherself.
There's deep power in naming thehard things.
And so for many militaryspouses, especially, adapting to
(58:07):
the challenges has become secondnature.
But behind the scenes, thesehidden chapters don't always get
talked about.
That's why stories like Liz'smatter.
Not to tear anything down, butto share what's real with
gentleness and strength.
If this conversation resonatedwith you, I'd love to hear your
thoughts.
And if you know someone whoneeds to hear it too, share it
(58:30):
with them.
You can also check the shownotes for ways to connect with
Liz, whether you're looking forfinancial guidance or just a bit
of encouragement to take yournext right step.
My heart with Hidden Chapters isto help more people feel seen in
their own stories.
If that matters to you too,follow the show, share it with a
friend, and help me keep makingspace for the stories we don't
(58:53):
usually talk about.
Thank you for being here.
Until next chapter, keeplistening for what connects us
the most.
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