June 6, 2025 • 33 mins
What happens when life throws punches harder than the wrestling ring ever could?
In this episode, I’m catching up with Jay Smith—who was actually one of my students when I was a first-year teacher back in 2002. Fast forward 20+ years, and Jay's an Army veteran, professional wrestler, dad, and someone who’s walked through some really hard stuff.
We talk about everything—what it’s like to fight for a marriage that doesn’t make it, how divorce shifts everything, co-parenting well with this ex, and how wrestling became more than just a sport—it became a release.
Jay opens up about the anger he used to carry, the walls he built, and what it’s taken to break them down. It's about finding ways to rise and find joy even though life's toughest punches.
And now, after years of serving in the military, Jay's learned the power of resilience and growth.
What you'll learn from CJ:
- Sports has always been my thing.
- I suppress a lot of feelings, but I try to find the good.
- Wrestling became my outlet for anger.
- I wanted to work on my marriage despite challenges.
- Unconditional love is a profound realization.
- I learned to act off logic instead of emotion.
- Always hunt for the good stuff in every situation.
- Resentment can build walls in relationships.
- Co-parenting requires communication and understanding.
- Finding joy is essential for personal fulfillment.
Jay's Words That Stay With Us:
- “It was my darkest time in my life.”
- “Always hunt the good stuff.”
- “Be patient with yourself.”
Chapters
00:00 Reconnecting After Years
03:20 Life Journey and Military Experience
06:31 Marriage Beginnings and Challenges
09:15 The Hardships of Divorce
12:37 Emotional Terrain Post-Divorce
15:23 Transformation and Resilience
18:36 Co-Parenting and Family Dynamics
21:28 Lessons Learned and Moving Forward
24:24 Final Thoughts and Reflections
29:10 Connecting Through Wrestling: A Shared Passion
41:26 Jay's Inspiring Journey Through Adversity
41:55 The Power of Community and Faith
42:25 Embracing Change and Personal Growth
Resources & Links:
Connect with Jay Smith on IG: @jay5mashthemat
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Background Music: "In Time" by Fol
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_00 (00:00):
Today's episode is a really special one.
I'm sitting down with someonewho knew me way back when, when
I was Miss McLaurin, his 11thgrade high school English
teacher.
And now, 23 years later, we'rereconnecting in a whole new way.
Let's dive into CJ's story.
(00:22):
All right, so CJ.
Hey, what's going on?
It is so great to reconnectafter all these years.
What's your favorite memory from11th grade at Cape Fear High
School?
SPEAKER_03 (00:35):
Oh, man.
Honestly, I can say I have a lotof favorite memories.
My biggest memory, one of myfavorite memories was coming to
your 11th grade class and justbeing like out there and
being...
willing to do whatever it wasneeded to do in class.
(00:56):
I'm the class clown, too, so.
SPEAKER_00 (00:57):
Yeah, I remember.
Well, I do appreciate thatbecause I swear I did not know
what I was doing that firstyear.
I really
SPEAKER_03 (01:04):
didn't.
It seemed like you did, so noworries.
You got me through it, for sure.
That was the first time,actually, the first time in high
school that I ever came out withan A.
SPEAKER_01 (01:16):
Yeah, because you did the work.
SPEAKER_00 (01:18):
Yeah.
So, yeah.
So you and I go way back to twodifferent times in both of our
lives.
What's it feel like to reconnectthis way?
SPEAKER_03 (01:30):
Man, it's surreal.
It is definitely surreal.
We weren't friends on Facebook.
I wonder what she's doing.
I wonder where she's at.
And then all of a sudden youpopped up and I was like, oh,
that's my 11th grade teacher.
And I was married at the time.
And my wife was like, so?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Nevermind.
Nevermind.
(01:51):
She is very important.
So yeah.
Well,
SPEAKER_00 (01:55):
I think it's a, it was a really surreal moment for
me too.
When I found out that you wantedto be a guest because I was
telling my husband, I was 22.
I didn't, I wasn't married yet.
I didn't have any kids.
Fast forward.
Here I am now I'm in a differentseason of my life.
And my first daughter is thesame age of kids that I used to
teach.
And I'm starting all over againin some brand new, a new
(02:18):
podcaster.
So it excites me to just see theseasons and how we've grown in
each of them and how we can justcome back together.
And
SPEAKER_03 (02:27):
I'm definitely honored to be one of your
guests.
It's
SPEAKER_00 (02:31):
so surreal to me.
I appreciate that.
Well, you were willing to comeon and share a little bit about
your life experiences, somethings that have happened.
So how would you describe rightnow the season of life you're
in?
Who are you?
I
SPEAKER_03 (02:49):
am truly blessed to be where I am today.
I am not perfect by any means,but I don't have the perfect
life.
There are things in my life thatI wish were better, but I am in
truly a great place in my liferight now.
I am a professional wrestler.
I just retired from playingfootball like three years ago.
(03:11):
I have two beautiful children.
I have two bonus children frommy marriage.
They're still my children.
I play sports.
I'm active.
I'm in the community out here.
I live in Germany.
So yeah, like I moved, I was inthe military and at least for 19
(03:31):
years.
SPEAKER_00 (03:33):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (03:34):
A lifer.
A lifer, yeah, basically.
SPEAKER_00 (03:37):
Wow.
So since North Carolina, youjoined the army, but where has
life taken you?
So where have you been?
SPEAKER_03 (03:44):
Okay.
So living wise, I lived in NorthCarolina the majority of the
time.
So on my deployments, I went toKuwait.
I went to Iraq.
I've been to Qatar.
Those are the biggest threeplaces that I've been as far as
my military career is concerned.
(04:05):
And Living here in Germany, asfar as living is concerned,
places that I've visited, I'vevisited Jamaica.
I've been to Costa Rica.
Of course, all up and down theEast Coast, Florida, Georgia.
My father lives in Georgia,Virginia.
I've been to New York on somework trips.
(04:26):
So yeah, I've been toSwitzerland.
I wrestled in Switzerland.
I went to France last year.
I've been to
SPEAKER_00 (04:33):
France.
Love it.
SPEAKER_03 (04:34):
I'm two hours from Switzerland.
I'm like three to five hours toItaly, depending on where you
want to go.
SPEAKER_00 (04:44):
You
SPEAKER_03 (04:44):
know, it's
SPEAKER_00 (04:45):
so great.
Filling up that passport.
SPEAKER_03 (04:47):
That's it.
That's it.
I might need a new one soon.
SPEAKER_00 (04:50):
There you go.
Okay, so take me back to thestart of your marriage.
So you've been a lot of places.
You've gotten to do a lot ofthings.
What were your hopes then?
And when did things startgetting tough?
SPEAKER_03 (05:05):
The beginning of my marriage, I didn't even want to
talk to my wife like that.
We met on almost accident.
We had a wonderful friendship.
We connected off of Christianrap.
I was walking through theparking lot on my way to work
(05:27):
and she drove up because we weregoing to a class on a Saturday.
And she was like, is this wherethe class is?
And I was like, yeah, she's verybeautiful, by the way.
And I am in the office withnothing but men.
So in my mindset, my mindset iseverybody's going to hit on her.
So I'm not going to hit on herbecause that's not That's not
(05:47):
who I am.
So I left her alone.
Then we went to lunch and thenshe asked me to ride with her.
And then we connected off ofChristian music, Christian,
Christian rap music.
And I was like, Oh, this iscool.
And then from there on, westarted talking and dating and
we dated for about nine monthsbefore I asked her to marry me.
(06:09):
Yeah.
And then once, once, and then wegot married and, We got married
in 13 months, no, 14 months.
I asked her to marry me in July,and then we got married in
November.
SPEAKER_00 (06:27):
Yeah, whirlwind romance.
SPEAKER_03 (06:29):
Yeah, man.
And what's so crazy about it is,throughout the first...
We've had disagreements.
I'll say disagreements, butnever an argument.
It was never an argument upuntil we had our first child.
And I will tell you, I've alwayssaid...
If I wasn't married by the ageof 30 and I didn't have a kid by
(06:50):
the age of 30, then I wasn'tgetting married or nor was I
having kids.
I had my first child.
I got married at 30 and I had myfirst child at 30.
So it was pretty cool.
It was a pretty cool experience.
I still to this day love myex-wife to this day.
She is still my heart, you know.
(07:10):
But my goals were...
To be honest, it was literallyto own a house, have a car, have
at least two cars paid off, havechildren, which she had two
previous to me, and then we hadour two.
And so we were a full family.
(07:31):
And whenever my son was born, Iwas like, okay, this is my
dream.
This was what I wanted.
This is everything that I'veever wanted.
I have two girls, two boys.
I have a house that we justbought.
We were just purchasing, youknow, and everything was good.
(07:52):
Everything was great.
And my son was, I felt like whenhe came home, whenever I came
home from my deployment, he wasgoing to be walking.
And I was just like, oh my gosh,this is going to be great.
SPEAKER_01 (08:06):
You
SPEAKER_03 (08:06):
know what I mean?
I was so excited about that.
But then like there was, we justhad issues.
It was like, I heard her saythat I didn't listen to her.
I didn't feel her.
I didn't acknowledge what shewas going through at the time,
which she was at home with fourchildren by herself and had my
(08:27):
own issues overseas.
And I still, I should have putmy stuff on the back burner for
her because she was really goingthrough some mental stuff, you
know?
Yeah.
And, um, because she was goingthrough that mental stuff.
And I heard her, but I didn'tacknowledge that what she was
(08:48):
going through.
And I didn't understand what shewas going through.
And then it was like, that wasthe breaking point for her.
SPEAKER_00 (08:57):
The snap.
Now, what
SPEAKER_03 (08:58):
ages were the kids?
When I met the oldest twochildren, they were eight and
six.
They are currently 19 and 17.
And my children are eight andsix, getting ready to be nine
(09:19):
and seven.
So my two girls are 10 yearsapart and my two boys are 10
years apart.
UNKNOWN (09:26):
Wow.
SPEAKER_03 (09:27):
So it's pretty
SPEAKER_00 (09:29):
cool.
Yeah.
So what was the hardest momentwhen you realized the marriage
was not going to sustain anddivorce was inevitable?
UNKNOWN (09:38):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (09:41):
moving out, moving out of the house.
I came home from my deploymentand I wanted to work on things.
I really wanted to work onthings.
It was to a point where like shedid some things that were not,
(10:03):
you know, but that's neitherhere nor there.
But I still wanted to work onthe things, regardless of who
was in the wrong and what waswrong about it.
It didn't matter to me because Itook my vows very, very
seriously.
So till death do us part wastill death do us part, you know?
(10:25):
So I really wanted to work on itbecause I had everything I
wanted.
And the thing is, what's theinteresting thing about me, what
I did not realize was I didn'tunderstand what unconditional
love was.
for another person outside of myfamily really, really meant
until the things that happenedbetween me and her happened.
(10:50):
Like I didn't realize what itmeant and how it felt.
And I really feel like I was inlove with her, but I truly fell
in love with her in that moment.
You know what I'm saying?
Because I knew we had to work onthis.
I knew we had to go throughsomething to get to a point.
You know what I mean?
SPEAKER_01 (11:06):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (11:08):
And so that's why I tried harder.
I tried harder to make it work.
I wanted to make it work.
So when I came home, I was inthe house maybe two weeks, two
and a half weeks.
And she was like, one of us hasto leave.
(11:28):
And it was devastating to me.
Like, I didn't know, I was lost.
I didn't know what to do.
I was like, the only thing Icould think of was, If you
leave, you're taking the kids.
I know you're going to take thekids no matter what.
I don't, it doesn't even matterwhere you go.
You're going to take the kids.
SPEAKER_01 (11:48):
And
SPEAKER_03 (11:48):
I said, that's not fair.
So I left.
I said, it wasn't fair for youguys to leave.
And then me being this big houseby myself, you know, it just, it
was, it wasn't feasible for thefamily.
So I left.
I had to leave.
I found an apartment, which wassuper expensive.
(12:08):
Yeah.
It was crazy.
But it was like, when weseparated, she was like, this
isn't the end.
But I don't know how long it'sgoing to take.
SPEAKER_00 (12:19):
It was just a separation.
What you both thought was just aseparation.
SPEAKER_03 (12:25):
Yeah.
And then the thing was, for me,it was like, okay, it's going to
be like a three-month thing.
I was like, let me get athree-month lease and then
ask...
at the end of the three months.
And my thought process was, Iwill separate for three months
and see if that works.
If not, I'll extend longer.
Well, what I didn't know aboutthree-month leases in that
(12:50):
particular apartment complex,you have to give 60 days notice.
So I was only in the apartmentfor a month before they were
already asking me if I was goingto renew my lease.
And so I asked her, I said, Howlong do you think this is going
to take?
Do I need to extend longer thanwhat I'm going to be in here?
(13:13):
Or do I just, I come back home?
Yeah.
And she says, I don't know.
Why do you keep asking me?
And I tried to explain that.
And then I think that's whatpushed her more.
And then that's when theseparation papers came.
And once I saw the separationpapers and the separation
agreement, I already knew thatshe wanted a divorce.
(13:34):
And she kept saying she didn't,but I knew she wanted a divorce.
I felt it from her.
So, and that was hard.
SPEAKER_00 (13:44):
So, you know, divorce is a topic that I think
a lot of people go through, butnot very many people understand
that quiet internal portion ofthat people have to process.
So what was that emotionalterrain for you?
SPEAKER_01 (13:59):
It was hurtful.
SPEAKER_03 (14:05):
It was lonely.
It was dark.
It was really dark.
That was probably my darkesttime in my life, in my entire
life.
I knew I had children, but...
It didn't, in that moment, mychildren didn't matter to me.
(14:27):
And they mattered, but theydidn't matter.
Like I knew they were there andI was going to take care of them
as long as I was here, but Ididn't care if I was here or
not.
Yeah.
You know, and it was really adark time for me.
And I had a friend at the timeand he, They were really good at
(14:49):
talking me down from my ledge.
And my kids were aggravating meat the time, just being kids,
not nothing they did on purpose.
They were very, very young.
And I was popping them, spankingthem for almost every little
thing that they did.
And then my friend helped merealize that I shouldn't be
(15:13):
doing that.
And I've never...
rarely pop my kids to this daybecause of that.
SPEAKER_00 (15:19):
Well, I'm sure it was the stress of everything
else.
The anger was getting taken outin the wrong places.
Yeah, I understand that.
So you said that you had yourfriend, but you had also
mentioned your family to mebefore.
SPEAKER_03 (15:31):
Yeah, my family.
My dad.
My dad has been probably thebiggest support that I've had.
And I say that because...
It was almost like he wentthrough this same exact story
with my mom.
(15:52):
And then it was like he just, hewas there every moment.
Like I had a, I didn't realizeit until my friend was
explaining it to me that I had aresentment towards women at that
time.
I really did.
And I was just like, like my momwould say something, it would
aggravate me.
My friends would say somethingand it would aggravate me.
(16:12):
But my dad would speak to me ormy brothers would speak to me
and it would just be like, okay,you know?
And it felt like I started inthat timeframe.
It was like, every time I...
would trust a woman witheverything that I had or my love
and my trust, it would alwaysget betrayed or it would always
turn around and fall back on me.
(16:33):
So I had this resentment towardswomen to a point where I didn't
trust anymore.
I wasn't, I didn't trust womenat all anymore.
And, you know, I ain't gonna saytill this day, but I still have
a little setback from, fromthat.
You know what I mean?
It's not like I don't trustwomen.
Cause I do, I do trust women.
I, Everybody's different.
(16:54):
I understand that.
But when I see red flags andthings that happen, I'm like,
okay, I've seen this before.
SPEAKER_00 (16:59):
Yeah.
It's just a wall you've builtup.
I think we all, humans, we'veall done that.
SPEAKER_03 (17:05):
For sure.
SPEAKER_00 (17:06):
So in this process, did it take very long to go
through the process?
And were you still deployingaround this time?
SPEAKER_03 (17:13):
No.
When I came home, I wasbasically done with deployments
and stuff.
I was still working for themilitary, but It wasn't
anything.
I wasn't even trying to deployat that time.
I knew I couldn't deploy againbecause it wouldn't have been
good.
SPEAKER_00 (17:29):
Right.
It wouldn't have been good forme.
Then you wouldn't have mentalfocus on there.
Yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (17:35):
Yeah.
But like I said, it was tough inthat timeframe.
It took a while.
Honestly, I was working.
I was getting better.
I was getting to a point whereit was like, I need this to
(17:56):
either work or not work.
One of the two.
And it needs to be, I need tocompletely hate her or
completely just, because it washard for me to really get over
her.
SPEAKER_01 (18:08):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (18:09):
Because she's my best friend.
She was everything to me.
You know what I mean?
SPEAKER_01 (18:13):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (18:13):
And then it literally took a while.
It wasn't up until maybe a yearago that to where that, yeah, I
mean, I was always cordial, butit maybe wasn't a year ago until
we actually clicked to a pointwhere we could co-parent
(18:33):
correctly together.
SPEAKER_00 (18:35):
How long has it been since the divorce?
SPEAKER_03 (18:40):
So 2021, March 15, 2021.
So
SPEAKER_00 (18:43):
after COVID.
SPEAKER_03 (18:45):
Right after COVID.
I literally, I moved.
So I asked her, hey, we don'thave to be together, but I want
you to move to Germany.
You have an opportunity just aswell as I do over here.
And it would be cool if youcould move over here.
So that way we don't have toco-parent from a long distance.
(19:10):
And she said, I'll think aboutit.
And then she said, yeah, I'llapply.
And then I applied.
And then she didn't apply.
I got the job.
And then it was like, it was ano brainer for me to leave
because if I would have not, ifI would have stayed, I wouldn't
be where I am today.
I literally would be struggling.
Even with a good job, I wouldstruggle because of the child
(19:34):
support and everything.
Child support, rent, this, that,on top of this, on top of that,
still having to take care andsupport them, buy them clothes,
all this stuff.
SPEAKER_00 (19:45):
So what parts of...
Yourself really through thisprocess has surprised you.
What are some of the things thatyou've learned and maybe things
you had to unlearn in all ofthis?
SPEAKER_03 (19:54):
Resiliency.
I went through a class in themilitary.
It was a master resiliencytrainer.
I don't remember the guy's name,but when he came over, he said,
always hunt the good stuff, nomatter what happens.
always hunt for the good stuff.
(20:16):
And that stuck with me for avery long time.
So in every situation that I gothrough, no matter what it is,
I'm looking for the positive.
I'm not looking at the negative.
I'm just looking for thepositive.
I'm like, okay, this happened.
Cool.
(20:37):
Okay.
What good can this come out?
What good can come out of this?
And then that's how I've beenliving.
And it was another thing.
I tend to act off now because ofeverything that's happened.
I act off of logic instead ofemotion.
(20:58):
I try to take my emotions out ofmy decision-making because a lot
of the times when you makedecisions off of emotion, it may
not be what you need or may notbe what you want.
It's just a feeling.
Yeah.
You know, and then you bringlogic into it and then you're
like, okay, I can do this.
So I take my feeling out of itand then I make a decision.
(21:20):
So that way it's sound and then.
SPEAKER_00 (21:23):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (21:24):
I can move forward.
SPEAKER_00 (21:26):
And that's really good.
I got to commend you on that.
That's a hard thing for me todo, especially is to the hard
things to find the good.
Because sometimes, like you weresaying, you can get resentful
and bitterness can creep in andall of those things.
And unfortunately, I hate toadmit it, I've been there.
And so bitterness has outweighedthe good.
And now I'm trying to find waysto find the good and let go of
(21:50):
the bitterness, let go of theunforgiveness.
And that's hard.
SPEAKER_03 (21:54):
Unforgiveness is a big thing.
And the thing for me, how I'velearned is that I can't do
anything about what you did.
Yeah.
So why am I, you can't doanything about what you did
other than change your behavior.
SPEAKER_00 (22:16):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (22:17):
And if you're telling me you're going to
change your behavior, justchange your behavior and let's
move forward.
And then I'll see you changeyour behavior.
You'll see that you changed yourbehavior.
We can't do anything about thepast because it's already
happened.
The Lion King taught me that.
SPEAKER_00 (22:34):
What does it matter?
It is of the
SPEAKER_03 (22:35):
past.
Exactly.
SPEAKER_00 (22:38):
My mom loves Rafiki.
SPEAKER_03 (22:40):
Yeah.
The Lion King taught me that.
By the way, that's my favoritemovie of all
SPEAKER_00 (22:46):
time.
I love that.
So from that 11th grader that Itaught
SPEAKER_03 (22:52):
to
SPEAKER_00 (22:52):
now.
How has all of this shaped whoyou are?
SPEAKER_03 (22:57):
Oh, man.
Just like I was saying, it'sjust my lifestyle now.
I live happier by hunting thegood stuff.
I live happier by not dwellingon the past.
I live to love and to helppeople out.
I've learned to, if you helppeople out and expect nothing in
(23:20):
return, it'll always come backto you some way, shape, or form.
SPEAKER_00 (23:24):
What do you want people to know about this kind
of personal transformation thatdoesn't always get said out
loud?
SPEAKER_03 (23:32):
Be patient with yourself.
Be patient in your feeling andyour decision-making.
The Bible tells us to standstill and know that he's God,
but the battle isn't yours, it'shis.
So If you take it literally, ifyou be patient in the things
(23:54):
that you're doing, the outcome,he'll fight your battles for
you.
He'll fight that darkness foryou.
You don't have to do that.
You just need to continue toshine your light regardless of
what happens.
SPEAKER_00 (24:10):
So good.
So good.
SPEAKER_03 (24:12):
Don't dwell on it.
It doesn't help you dwelling onanything that's happened in the
past because People do change.
SPEAKER_00 (24:22):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (24:23):
Because you got to give them the opportunity.
You asked me a question and yousaid, what is the one thing that
got you to the point where youcan function and basically do
what you do?
And it's basically having theoutlet
SPEAKER_01 (24:37):
that
SPEAKER_03 (24:39):
I have in professional wrestling.
Sports used to be my thing.
Yeah, how did you get into that?
Sports has always been my thing,as you know.
I was a football player, abasketball player.
I was always out of classbecause of sports, you know?
Yeah.
And it's usually in your classwhere they were like, hey,
(25:00):
everybody who's going on thisfootball game, going to the away
game, all right, here we go.
Sorry, I got to go, type deal,
SPEAKER_01 (25:06):
right?
I remember,
SPEAKER_03 (25:08):
yeah.
And it's so crazy because...
I never knew what my outletswere to contain the anger.
When I do get angry, because Ido, don't get me wrong, I do get
angry.
I just try to find the goodstuff.
I suppress, because of ourgeneration or whatever, we
suppress a lot, like you weresaying earlier.
We suppress a lot.
(25:30):
So for me, my anger and mythought process and everything
that I have that's negative, Iturn into something positive
always hunting the good stuffand put it towards wrestling,
professional wrestling,basketball, weightlifting.
You know, these are things thatI did.
(25:51):
I do now to, when I do getangry, I can just use that as my
outlet.
I feel like also in my marriage,it was one of those things where
I had an outlet.
She didn't have an outlet.
And because she didn't have anoutlet, it was always like, I
was always doing what I wantedto do with my outlet, and she
(26:13):
didn't do anything.
We had one together, which wasbowling, but then it was me
doing this, doing this, doingthis, doing this, and it was
always like I was doing morestuff than she was, and she was
always home.
I would always invite her toeverything I did, but she just
wanted to be home sometimes.
(26:34):
So that
SPEAKER_00 (26:35):
was a thing.
It's interesting.
It's interesting you say that,too, because when I was working
at my past job, I would teachmilitary spouses.
And something that we used toalways say to them is find
something that fills your cup.
And what was interesting was Iwas saying this to them going,
what brings you joy?
Find those things that bring youjoy that fills your cup so that
(26:59):
you're not pouring from an emptycup.
But then I'm asking myself thatquestion going, what fills my
cup?
What is going to make me happyso that I'm fulfilled and I can
pour out to others because I'mtaken care of.
That's something I'm stillworking on.
Absolutely.
(27:27):
We've got nothing for us.
And that's where the resentmentand the bitterness starts to pop
in because our needs haven'tbeen met.
Now I'm finally having to comeback to myself going, hold on.
What's going to fill my cup?
SPEAKER_03 (27:40):
A lot of the times as husbands, we want to fill
your cup.
We're trying to fulfill yourcup.
But we don't know what it isthat you want to fulfill your
cup with.
SPEAKER_00 (27:50):
And unfortunately, you may not be able to fill that
cup.
I think that has to be us.
Exactly.
Exactly.
So it can't be on you all.
SPEAKER_03 (27:58):
Yeah, exactly.
And so, yeah.
I agree on that.
Okay, so you asked me, how did Iget into professional wrestling?
SPEAKER_00 (28:08):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (28:09):
So this is a really cool story.
I'm giving you the honestanswer.
So my friend, my best friend, mymale best friend, his name is
Greg G Money Johnson.
He's a radio personality and hewas a radio personality.
He used to work for Foxy 99.
So when we went to, he used toget a lot of the promotions and
(28:35):
stuff for when WWE used to come.
So we would always go to thewrestling shows.
So one day he got invited to anindependent wrestling show as
the ring announcer.
This is before we both, like,I've always loved wrestling.
You can ask my family members,you can ask my brothers, my
sisters, my cousins, all thatstuff.
(28:57):
From when we were little, I wasalways wrestling because that's
what I liked.
I loved wrestling.
You know?
So it's funny because when hegot invited to this independent
wrestling show, we were sittingthere and there was this Two
guys.
There was one guy.
He was probably, how tall areyou?
Like five, five, one.
(29:18):
He's probably five, two, five,three, but he was like 200 and
like maybe 50 pounds.
So this guy comes out.
We see all types of guys withmuscles and everything.
You see all shapes and sizes.
And then when he came out, I waslike, wow, this is crazy.
And then he came out in pinktrunks, the underwear-like type,
(29:42):
pink underwear-type trunks.
And his tag team partner, he wastaller, but probably about the
same weight, but not the samesize, looking size or whatever,
right?
But this guy was like50-some-odd years old.
50 some odd years old.
And he comes out and he ishaving the time of his life.
(30:05):
And he gets in the ring.
He does all the moves and he'senjoying himself.
And I was just like, man, thisis amazing.
And as soon as I saw him, myhomeboy looked back at me and
said, if they can do this, wecan do this.
And literally the week, well,the week that I said that, man,
(30:27):
I got orders to deploy.
Of
SPEAKER_00 (30:30):
course you did.
SPEAKER_03 (30:31):
I got orders to deploy.
And so my best friend joined.
And then when I came back fromthat deployment with all the
stuff that happened, when he, Icame back from that and I
joined.
And wrestling has been my outletsince then, ever since then.
And it's so crazy.
It is so great.
It
SPEAKER_00 (30:51):
is giving you stress relief.
It's giving you something to doand you're exercising.
Absolutely.
It kind of filled everything.
Wow.
It
SPEAKER_03 (31:00):
filled my cup.
It fulfilled my cup.
SPEAKER_00 (31:05):
Yeah.
Well, no wonder you can look atthe positive.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Wow.
It's been
SPEAKER_03 (31:09):
amazing ever since.
SPEAKER_00 (31:12):
So you've been doing that and has that allowed you to
travel?
Yeah.
So you're now in Germany.
Yeah.
So you've been doing it inGermany.
SPEAKER_03 (31:19):
I've been wrestling in Germany.
This is what allowed me to getto Switzerland and different
parts of Germany.
I've wrestled in Berlin,Leipzig, Munich, Zurich.
I've wrestled in Dresden.
SPEAKER_01 (31:32):
Wow.
SPEAKER_03 (31:33):
Yeah.
I'm working on Italy, France,and Spain right now.
SPEAKER_00 (31:42):
And so you and your best friend are both being able
to do it.
SPEAKER_03 (31:44):
Yeah, he's actually come over here a couple of
times.
Well, once.
He's came over here once, andhe's wrestled me on the
promotions that I work for, someof the promotions that I work
for, so it was pretty cool.
Yeah, he's actually in theStates wrestling now.
I think he might have a showcoming up this weekend or
something like that.
SPEAKER_00 (32:03):
I'll put that in the show notes.
SPEAKER_03 (32:04):
I got everything on...
Facebook, you can follow me onFacebook.
I have a wrestling page.
This name is literally J5,J-A-Y, and the number five.
On Instagram, J-A-Y, five, thenumber, and then
M-A-S-H-T-H-E-M-A-T, J5 Mash theMat.
(32:28):
YouTube, I have a YouTubechannel.
It is, if you go on YouTube andlook up J5 Wrestler, you'll find
my matches and everything.
SPEAKER_00 (32:39):
All right.
Well, this was awesome.
Thank you for this.
SPEAKER_03 (32:42):
Yeah, absolutely.
SPEAKER_00 (32:45):
Jay's story just leaves me in awe.
Divorce was tough, but he foundstrength in his friends, his
father, and his faith in God.
He's co-parenting beautifullywith his ex-wife, channeling his
energy in professionalwrestling, and shining bright no
matter what.
His advice hit deep.
(33:06):
Be patient with yourself, withyour feelings, and your
decisions.
Stand still, know God's got thebattle, and keep shining your
light.
That's a reminder for all of us,hard times don't dim your glow,
they shape it.
If Jay's journey moved you, dropme a line.
I'd love to hear from you orconnect through the links in the
(33:27):
show notes.
Please follow Jay's wrestlingjourney.
His Instagram is linked in theshow notes as well.
And follow the show whereveryou're listening so you never
miss an episode.
Please leave a review.
It helps more than you know.
And share this episode withfriends who might need to hear
it.
Until the next chapter, keeplistening for what connects us
(33:47):
the most.
Today's episode is a really special one.
I'm sitting down with someonewho knew me way back when, when
I was Miss McLaurin, his 11thgrade high school English
teacher.
And now, 23 years later, we'rereconnecting in a whole new way.
Let's dive into CJ's story.
(00:22):
All right, so CJ.
Hey, what's going on?
It is so great to reconnectafter all these years.
What's your favorite memory from11th grade at Cape Fear High
School?
SPEAKER_03 (00:35):
Oh, man.
Honestly, I can say I have a lotof favorite memories.
My biggest memory, one of myfavorite memories was coming to
your 11th grade class and justbeing like out there and
being...
willing to do whatever it wasneeded to do in class.
(00:56):
I'm the class clown, too, so.
SPEAKER_00 (00:57):
Yeah, I remember.
Well, I do appreciate thatbecause I swear I did not know
what I was doing that firstyear.
I really
SPEAKER_03 (01:04):
didn't.
It seemed like you did, so noworries.
You got me through it, for sure.
That was the first time,actually, the first time in high
school that I ever came out withan A.
SPEAKER_01 (01:16):
Yeah, because you did the work.
SPEAKER_00 (01:18):
Yeah.
So, yeah.
So you and I go way back to twodifferent times in both of our
lives.
What's it feel like to reconnectthis way?
SPEAKER_03 (01:30):
Man, it's surreal.
It is definitely surreal.
We weren't friends on Facebook.
I wonder what she's doing.
I wonder where she's at.
And then all of a sudden youpopped up and I was like, oh,
that's my 11th grade teacher.
And I was married at the time.
And my wife was like, so?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Nevermind.
Nevermind.
(01:51):
She is very important.
So yeah.
Well,
SPEAKER_00 (01:55):
I think it's a, it was a really surreal moment for
me too.
When I found out that you wantedto be a guest because I was
telling my husband, I was 22.
I didn't, I wasn't married yet.
I didn't have any kids.
Fast forward.
Here I am now I'm in a differentseason of my life.
And my first daughter is thesame age of kids that I used to
teach.
And I'm starting all over againin some brand new, a new
(02:18):
podcaster.
So it excites me to just see theseasons and how we've grown in
each of them and how we can justcome back together.
And
SPEAKER_03 (02:27):
I'm definitely honored to be one of your
guests.
It's
SPEAKER_00 (02:31):
so surreal to me.
I appreciate that.
Well, you were willing to comeon and share a little bit about
your life experiences, somethings that have happened.
So how would you describe rightnow the season of life you're
in?
Who are you?
I
SPEAKER_03 (02:49):
am truly blessed to be where I am today.
I am not perfect by any means,but I don't have the perfect
life.
There are things in my life thatI wish were better, but I am in
truly a great place in my liferight now.
I am a professional wrestler.
I just retired from playingfootball like three years ago.
(03:11):
I have two beautiful children.
I have two bonus children frommy marriage.
They're still my children.
I play sports.
I'm active.
I'm in the community out here.
I live in Germany.
So yeah, like I moved, I was inthe military and at least for 19
(03:31):
years.
SPEAKER_00 (03:33):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (03:34):
A lifer.
A lifer, yeah, basically.
SPEAKER_00 (03:37):
Wow.
So since North Carolina, youjoined the army, but where has
life taken you?
So where have you been?
SPEAKER_03 (03:44):
Okay.
So living wise, I lived in NorthCarolina the majority of the
time.
So on my deployments, I went toKuwait.
I went to Iraq.
I've been to Qatar.
Those are the biggest threeplaces that I've been as far as
my military career is concerned.
(04:05):
And Living here in Germany, asfar as living is concerned,
places that I've visited, I'vevisited Jamaica.
I've been to Costa Rica.
Of course, all up and down theEast Coast, Florida, Georgia.
My father lives in Georgia,Virginia.
I've been to New York on somework trips.
(04:26):
So yeah, I've been toSwitzerland.
I wrestled in Switzerland.
I went to France last year.
I've been to
SPEAKER_00 (04:33):
France.
Love it.
SPEAKER_03 (04:34):
I'm two hours from Switzerland.
I'm like three to five hours toItaly, depending on where you
want to go.
SPEAKER_00 (04:44):
You
SPEAKER_03 (04:44):
know, it's
SPEAKER_00 (04:45):
so great.
Filling up that passport.
SPEAKER_03 (04:47):
That's it.
That's it.
I might need a new one soon.
SPEAKER_00 (04:50):
There you go.
Okay, so take me back to thestart of your marriage.
So you've been a lot of places.
You've gotten to do a lot ofthings.
What were your hopes then?
And when did things startgetting tough?
SPEAKER_03 (05:05):
The beginning of my marriage, I didn't even want to
talk to my wife like that.
We met on almost accident.
We had a wonderful friendship.
We connected off of Christianrap.
I was walking through theparking lot on my way to work
(05:27):
and she drove up because we weregoing to a class on a Saturday.
And she was like, is this wherethe class is?
And I was like, yeah, she's verybeautiful, by the way.
And I am in the office withnothing but men.
So in my mindset, my mindset iseverybody's going to hit on her.
So I'm not going to hit on herbecause that's not That's not
(05:47):
who I am.
So I left her alone.
Then we went to lunch and thenshe asked me to ride with her.
And then we connected off ofChristian music, Christian,
Christian rap music.
And I was like, Oh, this iscool.
And then from there on, westarted talking and dating and
we dated for about nine monthsbefore I asked her to marry me.
(06:09):
Yeah.
And then once, once, and then wegot married and, We got married
in 13 months, no, 14 months.
I asked her to marry me in July,and then we got married in
November.
SPEAKER_00 (06:27):
Yeah, whirlwind romance.
SPEAKER_03 (06:29):
Yeah, man.
And what's so crazy about it is,throughout the first...
We've had disagreements.
I'll say disagreements, butnever an argument.
It was never an argument upuntil we had our first child.
And I will tell you, I've alwayssaid...
If I wasn't married by the ageof 30 and I didn't have a kid by
(06:50):
the age of 30, then I wasn'tgetting married or nor was I
having kids.
I had my first child.
I got married at 30 and I had myfirst child at 30.
So it was pretty cool.
It was a pretty cool experience.
I still to this day love myex-wife to this day.
She is still my heart, you know.
(07:10):
But my goals were...
To be honest, it was literallyto own a house, have a car, have
at least two cars paid off, havechildren, which she had two
previous to me, and then we hadour two.
And so we were a full family.
(07:31):
And whenever my son was born, Iwas like, okay, this is my
dream.
This was what I wanted.
This is everything that I'veever wanted.
I have two girls, two boys.
I have a house that we justbought.
We were just purchasing, youknow, and everything was good.
(07:52):
Everything was great.
And my son was, I felt like whenhe came home, whenever I came
home from my deployment, he wasgoing to be walking.
And I was just like, oh my gosh,this is going to be great.
SPEAKER_01 (08:06):
You
SPEAKER_03 (08:06):
know what I mean?
I was so excited about that.
But then like there was, we justhad issues.
It was like, I heard her saythat I didn't listen to her.
I didn't feel her.
I didn't acknowledge what shewas going through at the time,
which she was at home with fourchildren by herself and had my
(08:27):
own issues overseas.
And I still, I should have putmy stuff on the back burner for
her because she was really goingthrough some mental stuff, you
know?
Yeah.
And, um, because she was goingthrough that mental stuff.
And I heard her, but I didn'tacknowledge that what she was
(08:48):
going through.
And I didn't understand what shewas going through.
And then it was like, that wasthe breaking point for her.
SPEAKER_00 (08:57):
The snap.
Now, what
SPEAKER_03 (08:58):
ages were the kids?
When I met the oldest twochildren, they were eight and
six.
They are currently 19 and 17.
And my children are eight andsix, getting ready to be nine
(09:19):
and seven.
So my two girls are 10 yearsapart and my two boys are 10
years apart.
UNKNOWN (09:26):
Wow.
SPEAKER_03 (09:27):
So it's pretty
SPEAKER_00 (09:29):
cool.
Yeah.
So what was the hardest momentwhen you realized the marriage
was not going to sustain anddivorce was inevitable?
UNKNOWN (09:38):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (09:41):
moving out, moving out of the house.
I came home from my deploymentand I wanted to work on things.
I really wanted to work onthings.
It was to a point where like shedid some things that were not,
(10:03):
you know, but that's neitherhere nor there.
But I still wanted to work onthe things, regardless of who
was in the wrong and what waswrong about it.
It didn't matter to me because Itook my vows very, very
seriously.
So till death do us part wastill death do us part, you know?
(10:25):
So I really wanted to work on itbecause I had everything I
wanted.
And the thing is, what's theinteresting thing about me, what
I did not realize was I didn'tunderstand what unconditional
love was.
for another person outside of myfamily really, really meant
until the things that happenedbetween me and her happened.
(10:50):
Like I didn't realize what itmeant and how it felt.
And I really feel like I was inlove with her, but I truly fell
in love with her in that moment.
You know what I'm saying?
Because I knew we had to work onthis.
I knew we had to go throughsomething to get to a point.
You know what I mean?
SPEAKER_01 (11:06):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (11:08):
And so that's why I tried harder.
I tried harder to make it work.
I wanted to make it work.
So when I came home, I was inthe house maybe two weeks, two
and a half weeks.
And she was like, one of us hasto leave.
(11:28):
And it was devastating to me.
Like, I didn't know, I was lost.
I didn't know what to do.
I was like, the only thing Icould think of was, If you
leave, you're taking the kids.
I know you're going to take thekids no matter what.
I don't, it doesn't even matterwhere you go.
You're going to take the kids.
SPEAKER_01 (11:48):
And
SPEAKER_03 (11:48):
I said, that's not fair.
So I left.
I said, it wasn't fair for youguys to leave.
And then me being this big houseby myself, you know, it just, it
was, it wasn't feasible for thefamily.
So I left.
I had to leave.
I found an apartment, which wassuper expensive.
(12:08):
Yeah.
It was crazy.
But it was like, when weseparated, she was like, this
isn't the end.
But I don't know how long it'sgoing to take.
SPEAKER_00 (12:19):
It was just a separation.
What you both thought was just aseparation.
SPEAKER_03 (12:25):
Yeah.
And then the thing was, for me,it was like, okay, it's going to
be like a three-month thing.
I was like, let me get athree-month lease and then
ask...
at the end of the three months.
And my thought process was, Iwill separate for three months
and see if that works.
If not, I'll extend longer.
Well, what I didn't know aboutthree-month leases in that
(12:50):
particular apartment complex,you have to give 60 days notice.
So I was only in the apartmentfor a month before they were
already asking me if I was goingto renew my lease.
And so I asked her, I said, Howlong do you think this is going
to take?
Do I need to extend longer thanwhat I'm going to be in here?
(13:13):
Or do I just, I come back home?
Yeah.
And she says, I don't know.
Why do you keep asking me?
And I tried to explain that.
And then I think that's whatpushed her more.
And then that's when theseparation papers came.
And once I saw the separationpapers and the separation
agreement, I already knew thatshe wanted a divorce.
(13:34):
And she kept saying she didn't,but I knew she wanted a divorce.
I felt it from her.
So, and that was hard.
SPEAKER_00 (13:44):
So, you know, divorce is a topic that I think
a lot of people go through, butnot very many people understand
that quiet internal portion ofthat people have to process.
So what was that emotionalterrain for you?
SPEAKER_01 (13:59):
It was hurtful.
SPEAKER_03 (14:05):
It was lonely.
It was dark.
It was really dark.
That was probably my darkesttime in my life, in my entire
life.
I knew I had children, but...
It didn't, in that moment, mychildren didn't matter to me.
(14:27):
And they mattered, but theydidn't matter.
Like I knew they were there andI was going to take care of them
as long as I was here, but Ididn't care if I was here or
not.
Yeah.
You know, and it was really adark time for me.
And I had a friend at the timeand he, They were really good at
(14:49):
talking me down from my ledge.
And my kids were aggravating meat the time, just being kids,
not nothing they did on purpose.
They were very, very young.
And I was popping them, spankingthem for almost every little
thing that they did.
And then my friend helped merealize that I shouldn't be
(15:13):
doing that.
And I've never...
rarely pop my kids to this daybecause of that.
SPEAKER_00 (15:19):
Well, I'm sure it was the stress of everything
else.
The anger was getting taken outin the wrong places.
Yeah, I understand that.
So you said that you had yourfriend, but you had also
mentioned your family to mebefore.
SPEAKER_03 (15:31):
Yeah, my family.
My dad.
My dad has been probably thebiggest support that I've had.
And I say that because...
It was almost like he wentthrough this same exact story
with my mom.
(15:52):
And then it was like he just, hewas there every moment.
Like I had a, I didn't realizeit until my friend was
explaining it to me that I had aresentment towards women at that
time.
I really did.
And I was just like, like my momwould say something, it would
aggravate me.
My friends would say somethingand it would aggravate me.
(16:12):
But my dad would speak to me ormy brothers would speak to me
and it would just be like, okay,you know?
And it felt like I started inthat timeframe.
It was like, every time I...
would trust a woman witheverything that I had or my love
and my trust, it would alwaysget betrayed or it would always
turn around and fall back on me.
(16:33):
So I had this resentment towardswomen to a point where I didn't
trust anymore.
I wasn't, I didn't trust womenat all anymore.
And, you know, I ain't gonna saytill this day, but I still have
a little setback from, fromthat.
You know what I mean?
It's not like I don't trustwomen.
Cause I do, I do trust women.
I, Everybody's different.
(16:54):
I understand that.
But when I see red flags andthings that happen, I'm like,
okay, I've seen this before.
SPEAKER_00 (16:59):
Yeah.
It's just a wall you've builtup.
I think we all, humans, we'veall done that.
SPEAKER_03 (17:05):
For sure.
SPEAKER_00 (17:06):
So in this process, did it take very long to go
through the process?
And were you still deployingaround this time?
SPEAKER_03 (17:13):
No.
When I came home, I wasbasically done with deployments
and stuff.
I was still working for themilitary, but It wasn't
anything.
I wasn't even trying to deployat that time.
I knew I couldn't deploy againbecause it wouldn't have been
good.
SPEAKER_00 (17:29):
Right.
It wouldn't have been good forme.
Then you wouldn't have mentalfocus on there.
Yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (17:35):
Yeah.
But like I said, it was tough inthat timeframe.
It took a while.
Honestly, I was working.
I was getting better.
I was getting to a point whereit was like, I need this to
(17:56):
either work or not work.
One of the two.
And it needs to be, I need tocompletely hate her or
completely just, because it washard for me to really get over
her.
SPEAKER_01 (18:08):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (18:09):
Because she's my best friend.
She was everything to me.
You know what I mean?
SPEAKER_01 (18:13):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (18:13):
And then it literally took a while.
It wasn't up until maybe a yearago that to where that, yeah, I
mean, I was always cordial, butit maybe wasn't a year ago until
we actually clicked to a pointwhere we could co-parent
(18:33):
correctly together.
SPEAKER_00 (18:35):
How long has it been since the divorce?
SPEAKER_03 (18:40):
So 2021, March 15, 2021.
So
SPEAKER_00 (18:43):
after COVID.
SPEAKER_03 (18:45):
Right after COVID.
I literally, I moved.
So I asked her, hey, we don'thave to be together, but I want
you to move to Germany.
You have an opportunity just aswell as I do over here.
And it would be cool if youcould move over here.
So that way we don't have toco-parent from a long distance.
(19:10):
And she said, I'll think aboutit.
And then she said, yeah, I'llapply.
And then I applied.
And then she didn't apply.
I got the job.
And then it was like, it was ano brainer for me to leave
because if I would have not, ifI would have stayed, I wouldn't
be where I am today.
I literally would be struggling.
Even with a good job, I wouldstruggle because of the child
(19:34):
support and everything.
Child support, rent, this, that,on top of this, on top of that,
still having to take care andsupport them, buy them clothes,
all this stuff.
SPEAKER_00 (19:45):
So what parts of...
Yourself really through thisprocess has surprised you.
What are some of the things thatyou've learned and maybe things
you had to unlearn in all ofthis?
SPEAKER_03 (19:54):
Resiliency.
I went through a class in themilitary.
It was a master resiliencytrainer.
I don't remember the guy's name,but when he came over, he said,
always hunt the good stuff, nomatter what happens.
always hunt for the good stuff.
(20:16):
And that stuck with me for avery long time.
So in every situation that I gothrough, no matter what it is,
I'm looking for the positive.
I'm not looking at the negative.
I'm just looking for thepositive.
I'm like, okay, this happened.
Cool.
(20:37):
Okay.
What good can this come out?
What good can come out of this?
And then that's how I've beenliving.
And it was another thing.
I tend to act off now because ofeverything that's happened.
I act off of logic instead ofemotion.
(20:58):
I try to take my emotions out ofmy decision-making because a lot
of the times when you makedecisions off of emotion, it may
not be what you need or may notbe what you want.
It's just a feeling.
Yeah.
You know, and then you bringlogic into it and then you're
like, okay, I can do this.
So I take my feeling out of itand then I make a decision.
(21:20):
So that way it's sound and then.
SPEAKER_00 (21:23):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (21:24):
I can move forward.
SPEAKER_00 (21:26):
And that's really good.
I got to commend you on that.
That's a hard thing for me todo, especially is to the hard
things to find the good.
Because sometimes, like you weresaying, you can get resentful
and bitterness can creep in andall of those things.
And unfortunately, I hate toadmit it, I've been there.
And so bitterness has outweighedthe good.
And now I'm trying to find waysto find the good and let go of
(21:50):
the bitterness, let go of theunforgiveness.
And that's hard.
SPEAKER_03 (21:54):
Unforgiveness is a big thing.
And the thing for me, how I'velearned is that I can't do
anything about what you did.
Yeah.
So why am I, you can't doanything about what you did
other than change your behavior.
SPEAKER_00 (22:16):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (22:17):
And if you're telling me you're going to
change your behavior, justchange your behavior and let's
move forward.
And then I'll see you changeyour behavior.
You'll see that you changed yourbehavior.
We can't do anything about thepast because it's already
happened.
The Lion King taught me that.
SPEAKER_00 (22:34):
What does it matter?
It is of the
SPEAKER_03 (22:35):
past.
Exactly.
SPEAKER_00 (22:38):
My mom loves Rafiki.
SPEAKER_03 (22:40):
Yeah.
The Lion King taught me that.
By the way, that's my favoritemovie of all
SPEAKER_00 (22:46):
time.
I love that.
So from that 11th grader that Itaught
SPEAKER_03 (22:52):
to
SPEAKER_00 (22:52):
now.
How has all of this shaped whoyou are?
SPEAKER_03 (22:57):
Oh, man.
Just like I was saying, it'sjust my lifestyle now.
I live happier by hunting thegood stuff.
I live happier by not dwellingon the past.
I live to love and to helppeople out.
I've learned to, if you helppeople out and expect nothing in
(23:20):
return, it'll always come backto you some way, shape, or form.
SPEAKER_00 (23:24):
What do you want people to know about this kind
of personal transformation thatdoesn't always get said out
loud?
SPEAKER_03 (23:32):
Be patient with yourself.
Be patient in your feeling andyour decision-making.
The Bible tells us to standstill and know that he's God,
but the battle isn't yours, it'shis.
So If you take it literally, ifyou be patient in the things
(23:54):
that you're doing, the outcome,he'll fight your battles for
you.
He'll fight that darkness foryou.
You don't have to do that.
You just need to continue toshine your light regardless of
what happens.
SPEAKER_00 (24:10):
So good.
So good.
SPEAKER_03 (24:12):
Don't dwell on it.
It doesn't help you dwelling onanything that's happened in the
past because People do change.
SPEAKER_00 (24:22):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (24:23):
Because you got to give them the opportunity.
You asked me a question and yousaid, what is the one thing that
got you to the point where youcan function and basically do
what you do?
And it's basically having theoutlet
SPEAKER_01 (24:37):
that
SPEAKER_03 (24:39):
I have in professional wrestling.
Sports used to be my thing.
Yeah, how did you get into that?
Sports has always been my thing,as you know.
I was a football player, abasketball player.
I was always out of classbecause of sports, you know?
Yeah.
And it's usually in your classwhere they were like, hey,
(25:00):
everybody who's going on thisfootball game, going to the away
game, all right, here we go.
Sorry, I got to go, type deal,
SPEAKER_01 (25:06):
right?
I remember,
SPEAKER_03 (25:08):
yeah.
And it's so crazy because...
I never knew what my outletswere to contain the anger.
When I do get angry, because Ido, don't get me wrong, I do get
angry.
I just try to find the goodstuff.
I suppress, because of ourgeneration or whatever, we
suppress a lot, like you weresaying earlier.
We suppress a lot.
(25:30):
So for me, my anger and mythought process and everything
that I have that's negative, Iturn into something positive
always hunting the good stuffand put it towards wrestling,
professional wrestling,basketball, weightlifting.
You know, these are things thatI did.
(25:51):
I do now to, when I do getangry, I can just use that as my
outlet.
I feel like also in my marriage,it was one of those things where
I had an outlet.
She didn't have an outlet.
And because she didn't have anoutlet, it was always like, I
was always doing what I wantedto do with my outlet, and she
(26:13):
didn't do anything.
We had one together, which wasbowling, but then it was me
doing this, doing this, doingthis, doing this, and it was
always like I was doing morestuff than she was, and she was
always home.
I would always invite her toeverything I did, but she just
wanted to be home sometimes.
(26:34):
So that
SPEAKER_00 (26:35):
was a thing.
It's interesting.
It's interesting you say that,too, because when I was working
at my past job, I would teachmilitary spouses.
And something that we used toalways say to them is find
something that fills your cup.
And what was interesting was Iwas saying this to them going,
what brings you joy?
Find those things that bring youjoy that fills your cup so that
(26:59):
you're not pouring from an emptycup.
But then I'm asking myself thatquestion going, what fills my
cup?
What is going to make me happyso that I'm fulfilled and I can
pour out to others because I'mtaken care of.
That's something I'm stillworking on.
Absolutely.
(27:27):
We've got nothing for us.
And that's where the resentmentand the bitterness starts to pop
in because our needs haven'tbeen met.
Now I'm finally having to comeback to myself going, hold on.
What's going to fill my cup?
SPEAKER_03 (27:40):
A lot of the times as husbands, we want to fill
your cup.
We're trying to fulfill yourcup.
But we don't know what it isthat you want to fulfill your
cup with.
SPEAKER_00 (27:50):
And unfortunately, you may not be able to fill that
cup.
I think that has to be us.
Exactly.
Exactly.
So it can't be on you all.
SPEAKER_03 (27:58):
Yeah, exactly.
And so, yeah.
I agree on that.
Okay, so you asked me, how did Iget into professional wrestling?
SPEAKER_00 (28:08):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (28:09):
So this is a really cool story.
I'm giving you the honestanswer.
So my friend, my best friend, mymale best friend, his name is
Greg G Money Johnson.
He's a radio personality and hewas a radio personality.
He used to work for Foxy 99.
So when we went to, he used toget a lot of the promotions and
(28:35):
stuff for when WWE used to come.
So we would always go to thewrestling shows.
So one day he got invited to anindependent wrestling show as
the ring announcer.
This is before we both, like,I've always loved wrestling.
You can ask my family members,you can ask my brothers, my
sisters, my cousins, all thatstuff.
(28:57):
From when we were little, I wasalways wrestling because that's
what I liked.
I loved wrestling.
You know?
So it's funny because when hegot invited to this independent
wrestling show, we were sittingthere and there was this Two
guys.
There was one guy.
He was probably, how tall areyou?
Like five, five, one.
(29:18):
He's probably five, two, five,three, but he was like 200 and
like maybe 50 pounds.
So this guy comes out.
We see all types of guys withmuscles and everything.
You see all shapes and sizes.
And then when he came out, I waslike, wow, this is crazy.
And then he came out in pinktrunks, the underwear-like type,
(29:42):
pink underwear-type trunks.
And his tag team partner, he wastaller, but probably about the
same weight, but not the samesize, looking size or whatever,
right?
But this guy was like50-some-odd years old.
50 some odd years old.
And he comes out and he ishaving the time of his life.
(30:05):
And he gets in the ring.
He does all the moves and he'senjoying himself.
And I was just like, man, thisis amazing.
And as soon as I saw him, myhomeboy looked back at me and
said, if they can do this, wecan do this.
And literally the week, well,the week that I said that, man,
(30:27):
I got orders to deploy.
Of
SPEAKER_00 (30:30):
course you did.
SPEAKER_03 (30:31):
I got orders to deploy.
And so my best friend joined.
And then when I came back fromthat deployment with all the
stuff that happened, when he, Icame back from that and I
joined.
And wrestling has been my outletsince then, ever since then.
And it's so crazy.
It is so great.
It
SPEAKER_00 (30:51):
is giving you stress relief.
It's giving you something to doand you're exercising.
Absolutely.
It kind of filled everything.
Wow.
It
SPEAKER_03 (31:00):
filled my cup.
It fulfilled my cup.
SPEAKER_00 (31:05):
Yeah.
Well, no wonder you can look atthe positive.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Wow.
It's been
SPEAKER_03 (31:09):
amazing ever since.
SPEAKER_00 (31:12):
So you've been doing that and has that allowed you to
travel?
Yeah.
So you're now in Germany.
Yeah.
So you've been doing it inGermany.
SPEAKER_03 (31:19):
I've been wrestling in Germany.
This is what allowed me to getto Switzerland and different
parts of Germany.
I've wrestled in Berlin,Leipzig, Munich, Zurich.
I've wrestled in Dresden.
SPEAKER_01 (31:32):
Wow.
SPEAKER_03 (31:33):
Yeah.
I'm working on Italy, France,and Spain right now.
SPEAKER_00 (31:42):
And so you and your best friend are both being able
to do it.
SPEAKER_03 (31:44):
Yeah, he's actually come over here a couple of
times.
Well, once.
He's came over here once, andhe's wrestled me on the
promotions that I work for, someof the promotions that I work
for, so it was pretty cool.
Yeah, he's actually in theStates wrestling now.
I think he might have a showcoming up this weekend or
something like that.
SPEAKER_00 (32:03):
I'll put that in the show notes.
SPEAKER_03 (32:04):
I got everything on...
Facebook, you can follow me onFacebook.
I have a wrestling page.
This name is literally J5,J-A-Y, and the number five.
On Instagram, J-A-Y, five, thenumber, and then
M-A-S-H-T-H-E-M-A-T, J5 Mash theMat.
(32:28):
YouTube, I have a YouTubechannel.
It is, if you go on YouTube andlook up J5 Wrestler, you'll find
my matches and everything.
SPEAKER_00 (32:39):
All right.
Well, this was awesome.
Thank you for this.
SPEAKER_03 (32:42):
Yeah, absolutely.
SPEAKER_00 (32:45):
Jay's story just leaves me in awe.
Divorce was tough, but he foundstrength in his friends, his
father, and his faith in God.
He's co-parenting beautifullywith his ex-wife, channeling his
energy in professionalwrestling, and shining bright no
matter what.
His advice hit deep.
(33:06):
Be patient with yourself, withyour feelings, and your
decisions.
Stand still, know God's got thebattle, and keep shining your
light.
That's a reminder for all of us,hard times don't dim your glow,
they shape it.
If Jay's journey moved you, dropme a line.
I'd love to hear from you orconnect through the links in the
(33:27):
show notes.
Please follow Jay's wrestlingjourney.
His Instagram is linked in theshow notes as well.
And follow the show whereveryou're listening so you never
miss an episode.
Please leave a review.
It helps more than you know.
And share this episode withfriends who might need to hear
it.
Until the next chapter, keeplistening for what connects us
(33:47):
the most.
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