I Was Jeff Goldblum the Entire Time (Jurassic Park): High n' Dry Episode #75

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Ryan Baron North (00:13):
Hey everybody, welcome to High Enjoy Podcast,
the only podcast keeping alivethe fandom of the League of
Extraordinary Gentlemen.
I'm your host, Ryan Baird North.

James Crosslin (00:24):
Legitimately Enjoyable stupid movie.

Answer with me , as always, james Crosland.
James, what's going on Thoughts?

Thoughts on League of Extraordinary
Gentlemen.
It's great.
I really loved all theunderwater stuff with Nemo.
You know I'm into diving.
Now I actually went divingtoday.

Yeah, it was actually meaning to ask you.
I'm not sure if our viewers areaware how you spend your random
Sundays.

Oh yeah, I spent my time out in the cold ass
water.
It was like 58 degrees in thewater, cold as shit and I went
around I found a scallop patch.
Yeah, so I'll be grabbing somescallops next time I'm out.
I didn't take anything todaybecause it rained recently in
San Diego and it just floods thewater with like motor oil and

(01:17):
dog shit and stuff, so I don'twant to eat a scallop that's
been eating that.

Makes sense, makes sense, all right.
Well, that's super interesting.
I wish I had something likethat to do in this Texas hotel
room.
I've been trapped in for amonth.

You could probably hunt something in there
.
Probably not as tasty a scallop.

I just leave little breadcrumbs and I've been
convincing this mouse to comeout of the wall.

You got your speargun ready.
One of those little electricshockers they use on the
velociraptors Got you littleslumbitch.

So we're high in dry podcast.
Thank you for joining us.
Today we're going to be talkingabout if you haven't cast, or
if you haven't seen it, or youjust have no idea what the fuck
we're doing.
We're going to be talking aboutJurassic Park.

We're a philosophy thing.
Why did you not?

have seen this movie.
We're going to be talking somephilosophy of the pop culture.
We're going to break it downinto three parts for you.
We're going to start with oursober thoughts and then we're
going to move into ourenlightened thoughts and then
we're going to follow it up withsome what ifs.
So we're going to insert drugsand alcohol into Jurassic Park.
So before we jump into it,James, what are you smoking this

(02:33):
week?

So this week I'm smoking.
I've got a return of the OsterDam OG from Originals California
.
I don't think this is a verygood flower.
I'm going to be honest with you.
I'm not impressed by whatthey've got.
If you want to change my mind,reach out OriginalsCA at

(02:57):
originals underscore CA onInstagram.
If you want to give them someshit for their weak ass products
, I'm going to be smoking thatI'll tag them.
Yeah, tag them.
I'm going to be smoking thiswith a bunch of keef in it
because I need it, becauseotherwise it won't get me high.

Jesus.
Well, all right.
Well, I'll be joining you withMakersmark number 46.
Ooh nice, the French Oaked,I'll see here it's 47%.
It's supposed to have notes ofvanilla, caramel and spice,

(03:38):
while offering a longer finishwithout the bitterness of my dad
, was supposed to.

I've met your dad and he's pretty bitter
already.

Well, this is, according to the bottle, that's
from Bill Samuels Jr.

Oh, okay.

Son of the founder.

Sorry, Sorry, Mr Baron North.

Well, our first one, first toast, first
hit, first shot, here this one'sgoing out to the film today
Jurassic Park, cheers, cheers.

Wow, that's some good ass, keef.

Oh, there's no way of doing this one with a
straight face.
Maybe it's just because it wasmy first go, oh, but holy shit,
yeah, it's not meant to be ashot.
For those of you who arewondering the four Oaks, not the
four Oaks, the number 46, it'snot supposed to be a shot.
You get hit by that caskstrength right there.

(04:46):
There's a lot of strangeflavors that come at you with
their pants down on that one.

Feel free to swirl it around a little bit.
Enjoy it.
You don't have to slide it down.
Your goal immediately.
You take your time, man, it'sfine.

I think I might, on the second one, see if
I can maybe enjoy the flavor alittle bit.

Yeah.

Well, let's load up the second one.
That was a heavy pour.
So originally today, when Istarted the day, what was I
doing?
I was doing something.
I was talking to somebody andhe was talking about fasting for
36 hours once a week.
You know how I am when I hearany weird thing that you can try

(05:30):
and do to your body.

I'll give that a shot.
What the fuck?
Yeah, you want to do it, whichis crazy.

Yeah, and so this morning.
I had completely.
I hadn't eaten.
I didn't eat today until Ithink closer to two when I
realized, well, dude, I'm goingto have a fuckload of drinking.
I got to do here soon, itdoesn't matter at that point.
So I broke that fast a littleprematurely.
Good.

I'm glad.
I'd hate to see you die oncamera and I'm like I don't know
he's in some hotel in Texas.
911, help him.

Oh yeah, I couldn't even imagine this
barrel fucking thing hitting mystomach with nothing in it.
So luckily today I have hadketo bread, peanut butter and
some ribeye.

So we're responsible consumers on this
podcast.

That's right.

Fast before we drink, before we do it.

So our second shot, or second toast to this
one comes, goes out toHermosillo, sonora.

Oh, it would be Hermosillo and Sonora, mexico.

Yeah, it's Mexico, so I was looking at it
and my thing at.
Color codes are viewers basedon country, but United States
and Mexico are blue, so I'mthinking this is some place in
the United States I have yet tohear of.
But yeah, no.
So Hermosillo, yeah, hermosillo, is it?
Two L's, yeah.

Hermosillo.

Yeah, hermosillo, yeah, here's to you
guys.

To the entire state of Sonora.
Thank you.

Yes, cheers to Sonora.
Little easier on that second go.
There it is there it is, so ittastes like sucking on a cigar
humidor.

Yeah, that makes sense.

Yeah, that's.

When Keith burns it tastes totally different
than the flour itself.
It's like bitter, but it's somuch more potent.
Okay, gotcha, Just a heads upfor those of you who want to try
a Keith or whatever.
It is pretty bitter when yousmoke it.
Be advised.

Yeah, got it.
I've had some really goodbourbons while I've been here.
I generally really do enjoy thestandard makers mark.
It's one of my favorite,especially for whiskey sourced
and things like that.
Yeah, I'm not really a fan ofthis $20 markup.

Really, it's just too aggressive.

Yeah, Punching Way too much.
Yeah, way too much.
It's like when you'rebarbecuing and smoking you want
that smoky flavor.
Yeah, Imagine if someone cookedyour steak on a pan and then
just dumped liquid smoke onto itand said it's the same thing.

Yeah, liquid smoke is really.
I feel that a lot of people goway overboard on liquid smoke.
You have to use it reallysparingly.
I put some in my carnitas andit's like half a teaspoon for an
entire huge six quart Dutchoven and shit.

(09:07):
Some people go way overboard.
Yeah, I hate that overly smokytaste.

This number 46 is the liquid smoke of barrel
aged bourbon.
You could quote me on that.
Makers mark, get themcarcinogens.
I'll tag them too.
Our third one.
This one goes out to, I guess,using your liquid smoke

(09:36):
responsibly.

Yeah, always.
Our episode is going to beabout that today.
Be responsible with the poweryou have.

That's right, there you go, cheers, cheers.

They were so worried about whether they could
put that smoke flavor in theydidn't stop to think if they
should.

They just before they knew what they had.
They got it just slapped intobottles on the fucking store.
Sell it, sell it, sell it.
And now here we are All right.
So if you've stayed with us sofar, you're a great sport and we
appreciate you, so let's jumpinto it.
We're talking Jurassic Park,the original one before it got

(10:22):
all Chris Prattie.

Totally turned crazy.
You know it's kind of like thealien franchise.
I feel like it's very much likethe alien franchise in that way
.

Yeah, no, and I was turned off forever against
the new iterations of JurassicPark when they horrifically
mutilated the assistant girl.

Yeah, the assistant who she dumped her
niece and nephew on, or whatever.

Yeah, this woman who did nothing but like
roll her eyes once as you werejust fucking mistreating her,
and there was a message thatthey were sending to young
millennials and people.

She was on her phone.
What the fuck is wrong with her?
She was on her phone.
Who's on their phone ever?

It was just such a sadistic scene and after
watching it I was like, well,I'm done, I am good.
You know, I thought Chris Prattwas funny when he was on the
Leslie Knope show, but then Ilearned that he was a fucking
raging dickbag.

So I'm good.
And now he's just in likemilitary thrill, like.

Yeah, seal Team 6 and biceps and yeah.

Seal Team goes to the future.
He was one of those.

So I'm good, I'm good.
And then fucking Anna Ferriswith him from the early days
when he was in that B movieabout porn and the second he saw
any level of success.
Just fucking kicked it like,just said fuck it, and he was
like married and a month lateror some shit, yeah, what a dick.

(12:12):
I might, I might.
Anna Ferris is great.
Anna Ferris is amazing.

If you want a really good high movie, there's
one with Anna Ferris calledSmiley Face.
We only found out about itrecently.
It does a really good thing.
No, it's not the horror one,it's called Smiley Face and she
has this loop where she getshigh, is confused and then

(12:42):
nervous and then paranoid, andit does this loop of throughout
the movie of her doing that overand over.
It's great Interesting.

Okay, yeah, no , I had never saw that one.
I remember her character ofherself in Keanu.

Yeah.

I thought that was really good, not five.

No, it's just scary movie.
One, two and three, not fourTwo old.
She's very funny.
Yeah, she was really good.

But anyway.
So Jurassic Park, what are yourinitial thoughts?
Oh, Re-watching the classic.

I mean, should I go first?
Maybe you should go first,because I think I feel like you
already know what I'm going tosay.

Well, let's see here.
So I had not seen it in a verylong time.
Yeah, so I did re-watch ityesterday and that was my first
moment coming into the movie.
For real, I'm like why is hemaking that noise?

(13:48):
It is so bizarre in the scene.
It is so weird Every time JeffGoldblum is on the camera.
It's so fucking bizarre.

His performance dictated the rest of his
personality, for the rest of hispublic persona.

It was so weird when he was posing with
his shirt open.
Yeah, like, why are you?
What a strange choice by thedirector, even Steven.

Spielberg knows what he's doing.
People love that.
It's an iconic scene.
Well, it was so, so weird, soweird.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
Steven Spielberg does a greatjob of like injecting levity and
iconic moments, like thingsthat are like a little surreal

(14:42):
but like, in a way, that's notnot.
It's not challenging.
Right, it's surreal but notchallenging.
It's not asking you to thinkabout it or do any work.
He's just really good atpicking out like people go whoa,
I wasn't expecting that.

Well, I was very confused and I you know, I
haven't seen behind the scenesof Jurassic Park and I would
love to see an interview whereSpielberg is going.
So, yeah, that's exactly what Iwas trying to do.
I was, I was trying to shakeyour expectations.
I was trying to essentially doa little blip in the, in the
film.

He wasn't trying to shake any expectations, but
he's great at surprise.
Like it was a surprising scene,you were like whoa, what is
going on, jeff?
Yeah?

why are you posing?

Your chest is all the way out.
It's because you know that's agood question.
Why is he posing?
He is a person who's veryconcerned about image all the
time yeah, no and yeah.

so I feel that might be an enlightened thought
.
But just other sober thoughtson the film.
I mean it was a huge, huge just.
It was a discussion on thestate of corporatism and
capitalism.
Yeah, and, of course, and theway we're the way we're headed

(16:01):
and there was definitely like alot of fear of science being
interwoven into, at leastwithout the proper precautions,
Right yeah.

And I think it was.
The blending of corporationsand science is bad.

Yeah, and so there was a lot they were
clearly trying to say, and youknow, while attempting to make a
blockbuster film, yeah, I do.
I do wish they had been alittle more focused on the
Michael Crichton right, if I'mremembering.

Yes, the novel.

The Jurassic Park.
The novel was a horror novel?
Yes, and so I was.

This might be a high thought, but this is a
horror movie.
We'll talk about it later.
I'm going to make an argument,but you had your sober thoughts,
I'm I sober thought.
So this is the greatest movieof all time.
Steven Spielberg yes, stevenSpielberg Excuse me, I bought
the rights to this movie beforeit was written.

(17:06):
I mean, I mean, he bought therights to the book before the
book was published.
He made a deal with MichaelCrichton before the book was
even published that he was goingto make this movie.
Yes, and so they did workjointly in this, in taking the
script and turning it into amovie and planning shots and
stuff.
So he had a big MichaelCrichton had a big hand in it.

(17:29):
A few other things.
This was the his movie thatcame out after he actually
filmed this movie.
Next, after Hook, which was oneof, like, his financial
failures yeah, quote, unquote.
It was like he considered it afailure.
It was like it was panned bycritics and stuff.
And the studio made him doJurassic Park before Schindler's

(17:50):
List because they were like no,no, no, you're going to do our
moneymaker before you do yourart film about the Holocaust and
he was pretty pissed about it,yeah, I mean.

I mean we're here to make money, I suppose.
So maybe Jurassic.

Park was a comment.
Yes, yeah, definitely.
Steven Spielberg is really goodat making comments like that.

No, and he's like Jeff Goldblum is me trying
to produce Schindler's List andthe Velociraptors?

are the Nazis.

Are the fucking Nazis and the T-Rex is
my goddamn agent and producerand the studio, and Jurassic
Park is the studio.

Yeah.
It's like Steve what the fuckare you talking about?
I think we're definitely inhigh thoughts now.

Well, that being the case, let's load up
our final go here.
My final say of Maker's Markwithout coconut, because if
folks at home think I am donedrinking, you do not know me at
all.

Eat more before you drink more.

No.

Cheers.

So here's to Steven Spielberg trying to sum
up the Nazis, holocaust andcapitalism attacking his movies
with Jurassic Park.

Cheers.

Oh, I forgot that was coming at me.
I thought that was going to bea normal taste of bourbon.

I haven't referenced my notes at all.
I had so many notes on thismovie.
I haven't said anything from mynotes.

Well, please jump to the high.

I just think this is the best movie ever.
Okay, so I referenced earlierthat I wanted to make an
argument that this movie is ahorror movie.
Yes, you know you mentionedthat the book that it's based
off of is horror and I've had Ihad to have this conversation
with like multiple peoplerecently.
It's really weird that wedecided to do this podcast and

(20:04):
talk about this movie.
I've had to have thisconversation.
I think that Jurassic Park is ahorror movie.
It has so many horror beats init that it's almost undeniable
that the second half of themovie is horror.
You know they have suspense.
They have.

(20:24):
He took a lot of shots that heused in, like jaws of, like
hidden, hidden things, and thefear and suspense, timed with
music, that that brings thathorror feeling, the horror
feeling that at any timesomething could happen to you
and hurt you.
It's got.
It's got fucking mutilatedlimbs.

Do this ripped pieces.

You see.
You see a lawyer get picked upin the mouth of a trans source
and his lifeless body shakingaround.
That's terrifying.
They're hunted, and I thinkthat a lot of people say, oh
well, this is like an actionmovie.
Right, it's not gory enough tobe a horror, but I don't think
that gore is what makes horrorright.

Well, I agree with you entirely.

And I think that I think it's kind of did
something like a From Dust toDawn, where the first half of
the movie is like a core, almostlike a corporate espionage
slash slash adventure movie.
You've got Nedry doing like acorporate espionage arc where
he's like meeting with an agentfrom another company and

(21:33):
stealing stuff, and you've got alittle action venture where
there's some scientists who arelike oh wow, look at all these
cool things, and then just, andthen just it turns as soon as
Nedry knocks on stuff Like thisis now a horror movie and it's
going to be a horror movie forthe rest of the movie.

Well, you just reminded me of another gold
bloomy and scene of like sort ofoddness, and that was Newman,
when he's doing the deal in thebeginning there, yes, he won't
stop giggling, dodson.
Dodson we got Dodson over here.

See, nobody cares.

Like it was just his like watching it again
for the first time and he's likedoing the over the top,
giggling when he received themoney and for a second.
I was like is he not a goodactor?
I don't remember him not beinga good actor, but then he
continues the dialogue and hewas fantastic.
Yes, he was actually reallygood and so he's great to this

(22:34):
movie.

Yeah, here, here , I have a note on that.
So Nedry expresses glee at theengineering of the canister at
the beginning and Sadler andGrant are gleeful about the dig
they made and about when theymeet the dinosaurs.
Ian gleefully explains his casttheory.
There's a lot of glee that'slike over the top in this movie.
Yeah, because what it's doingis it's setting a contrast for

(22:58):
the horror.
It's this way over the top glee.
And then when the horror comes,they are also way over the top
on the other end, where Sadler,like when she's running through
the tunnels away from thevelociraptor, like I compare
that scene and like the over thetop expressions of terror and
like the feeling of dread thatit gives to alien.

(23:22):
When you see Ripley, when shefirst looks at the xenomorph and
then shrinks like back upagainst the wall and there's
just this bright light on herand all she she's doing, a
twisted face of terror, and tome it's like a one for one on
that and it really tells me thatthis is a horror movie.

(23:43):
Yeah, I don't know.

Well, I, you know, I do remember being afraid
of it as a child.
When I was younger and I guess,before I dive into this point,
you bringing up that MichaelCrichton's idea was bought pre
publication and just thinking,if you know, steven Spielberg

(24:06):
knocked on my hotel room andsaid that hey, I hear you're
working on something.
It's going to be a movie, butit is going to be mine, you
understand.
And so me having to get in theheadspace of a shirtless Jeff
Goldblum in my work and going,oh I, that's a trip in and of

(24:31):
itself.
But I also think I would haveliked to have seen, because I
mean, obviously we were justtalking about how this series
eventually plays out and theyjust go full bore into dumb
action.
Yeah, I mean, we have ChrisPratt on a fucking motorcycle

(24:52):
riding with the Raptors.
It was, it was the dumbest shitI've seen, probably in my life,
and I wish, instead of going tothe extreme on that side, I
wish they had gone to theextreme on the horror side, and
what we saw instead was just asuper terrifying experience.

(25:15):
But that's the problem, itwouldn't have been as marketable
.
You can't make an action figureout of Chris Pratt's shit in
his drawers.

Yeah, Well, well , I would watch it.
That's when I'd watch it.
Like Chris Pratt shits himselfon this one.
I'd go see it.
That's why, but but I'd saythat the most I would say that
the most profitable and mostmainstream horror movies out

(25:46):
there are not gruesome and mostpeople wouldn't say they're like
incredibly scary.
You know it's.
You know what.
You know what the kitchen scenereminds me of.
It reminds me of the shining,the way you're kind of like in
when he chases them into thehedge maze and you're kind of
you've got the geography ofthese shots of like.

(26:08):
Where are they hiding?
Where is what turn are theymaking?
You know these shots of thevictim in the foreground, with
the enemy, the thing that'shunting it in the background,
kind of looking around.
That's the way you see Jack inthe background of those shots.
And I think that I think thatto me there's no argument that

(26:31):
this movie is horror.
In the second half it takes aturn.

Without a doubt, just by the definition of
horror, but what I'm nottalking about introducing the
gore to it.
What I would like to see andamateur writers who are getting
are trying to figure out yournext hashtag for Twitter to
collect an agent.
You can't steal this, but whatI would like to see is a
hereditary times, but withdinosaurs.

Well, hereditary is.
Would you say that hereditaryis of huge financial success.
I don't know how much money itmade.
I know that it's considered oneof the best horror movies in
recent years and I agree.

But the gore is few and far between on
hereditary and it's just theconstant creeping which I think
you could do.

It is real.
It is real.
There are headless corpseswalking around and bowing and
shit.
It's pretty gory.

But just not until that one moment and then
it's over.
It's just a quick second, evenwhen spoiler the little girl
catches her face on thetelephone pole when you've
already been watching this moviefor an hour.
At this point that's the firstlick of violence.
I mean Arguably.
I'd say a pack of velociraptorswould have been more violent

(27:43):
than some girl getting clippedby a telephone pole.

Well, but Jurassic Park also probably made
like five times in money.
Oh, easily.

We're not about to have hereditary the
ride.
You just have a trace and pooractor who's just trying to make

(28:13):
it sign their own head off.

Just trying to look the most horrified they've
ever looked at their lives, ohshit.

You take your kids.
It's gonna be a great time.

I caught a souvenir.

Yeah, you're not gonna have hereditary the
ride, but that like I mean, hadthey have given me the
directorial helm?

You would have made a real, a real gruesome
horror.
And you're right, hereditarydid have a very marketability in
that there wasn't just guts andand like onscreen violence
displayed, it was like theonscreen.
The violence onscreen that wasshown was like all harm, harmful
to the person themselves, likethe mom.

(29:01):
Tony Collette, right as ourname.

Oh, yeah, yeah , and she's a revelation.

Yes, and she.
All of her violence was selfviolence in that movie, like
slamming her head when she wasflying across the ceiling and
shit.

Which arguably less violent than being eaten
by a velociraptor?

Yeah, that's true.
You see a dude's head grabbedby a velociraptor in this one,
which is so, which is more,almost more violent than what's
in hereditary.

Well, and I would also argue, the Jurassic
Park I feel, after watching itagain, I feel has a history of
sadism in their violence,because it's never just a one
and done chomp.
Like Newman, he, his eyes arepoisoned and he gets like it's
kind of nasty and he's likestruggling in the dirt, which

(29:50):
I'd also like to ask.
What were they trying to say?
What did Newman do that was sowrong?
Versus, which is Jurassic Park,did because he's got grandkids.

I Think that I think that he stole from the
wrong people.
Don't, don't touch thecorporations money.

You know that that was the studio Injecting
their message back to Spielberg,who just wanted to do his art
piece.

I Think it was Michael Crichton, probably that
the product is probably in thebook, so the part is probably in
the book.
I don't know about Nedry's Arkin that one, but I'd say that
I'd say that there's a lot ofshitty people in this, in this
movie, who did, who did deserveto die, but not all of them.

(30:39):
One thing I never understoodabout this was at the at the
beginning, when, like thevelociraptor eats the worker,
like it said, it was locked inplace like it wasn't like
negligence on any of the workersparts.
Yeah, that lock, that lockfailed in some way For that
dinosaur to attack that guy.
I just wanted to say that thatthat wasn't those workers false,

(31:02):
they weren't negligent.
Yeah, so this lock manufacturerdidn't velociraptor test these
locks?

Well, and that that was the same problem you
and I had when we first watchedthe new Jurassic Park, the first
one with Chris Pratt, where theTemplate millennial gets just
fucking savaged.

Yeah it workers get punished a lot this.

Well, it was you who had said and what you
had said is actually stuck withme a long time on that scene,
when you and I were firstDiscussing it made however many
years ago, maybe a decade nowyou and you had said that you
were either trying to make astatement or you're bad at your
job.
And which one was it?

(31:48):
What is the statement here?
How me?
Because the statement's ugly.
And if you want to deny thestatement, that means you're bad
at your job.
So which way you want to go?
And that's a good point?
Yeah, no, you made a solidpoint all those years ago and
yeah, for sure.
So, yeah, I think.

I think.
I think this really tellsyou're totally right.
I think this tells you themindset at the time that no one
really questioned this, that the, that the villain who fucks it
all up or whatever is a, is alaborer who, if they wrote to,
if he, if Nedry, really wrotetwo million lines of code, like
I'm a programmer, two millionlines is like an absurd amount

(32:28):
of lines of program.
Like like Nedry either writinghe's either writing a lot of
really good stuff, which thefact that Jurassic Park is doing
anything at all and one dudedid the programming on it,
that's wild.

Yeah, that there wasn't a team.
Yeah, there, there wasn't ateam.

It was a Nedry.

Yeah, it was one guy just getting fucking
beaten down for this fucking so.
So this guy could get richer,and they're like, and they're
like they're like look at thedude's desk, it's a mess.

It's like, yeah, it's cuz.
He fucking sleeps there becausehe's right, because he's
working 24 seven to keep yourpark running and and fucking
Hammond is like.
I will not discuss yourfinancial problems again.

Yeah, and just oh, yeah, no, and.
And so I was.
I was a hundred percent on hisfucking side, yeah, and then his
death was super sadistic again.
Yeah, yeah, the same as thatpoor millennial girl who you're
dumping on like everything andthen she gets like eaten by
three things at once.

(33:34):
It was, yeah, it was soterrible it was so terrible.
Yeah, I was mad to this day.

I was totally right with that.
You're making a statement, yourbad job.

Yeah, or you're bad at your job.
Which one is it?
Because if you're making astatement, there's an entire
generation of people who havesome words for you, and if
you're not, well then why thefuck are you directing this?

Well, Michael Michael Crichton's like a bit of
a wacko, I mean.
I'm just like, yeah, he's a bitof a wacko.
I think he's a libertarian-ishtype wacko, so I think that he
both hates corporations andthieves or whatever you know.
Sometimes libertarians reallylike that.
Like you know, even thoughHammond's like a real piece of

(34:25):
shit, it's his private propertyand and the violation of his
private property in advance, ashe made, is also equally wrong.

Well, and it's wild because, like you know, it
would have really helpedJurassic Park in the beginning.
Right there, some outsiderequirements and interference,
making sure like watching you,you know people wouldn't have
died.

Hammond had.
He was.
He was hiring Grant and Sadlerto like sign off in his park
because of the numerous deathsthat have occurred.
That's like why he.
That's the impetus of the movieis like there's been a lot of
safety violations and complaintsand shit.
I gotta bring some people into.
Okay, this I.
In the book, hammond dies,hammond dies.

(35:15):
In the book he's actually tornapart by campies.
Copies, the, the little ones.
Yeah, the little guys yeah yeah,and it's like a rightly
deserved yeah yeah, it's like abit by bit Regrew some death for
him.

Yeah, no, but in the movie you know he's now,
he's fine, he's, he's gotgrandkids, he's an older guy, he
doesn't deserve that.
The millennial chick yeah, sheshould be Flayed, but any no,
it's a great point.

I think you're totally right that that was
corporatism in that it was.
It was we weren't ready to saykill CEOs to broader America,
robo, robo cop to famously didthat and Wasn't a super
financial success either.
It was people were like this isgruesome, you can't kill a CEO
like that, no matter how bad heis.

Yeah, yeah.
Well, I'm glad that we started.
We finally turned towards thelight.
So here's to that.
Oh.
So, that being said, it's timeto launch into our third portion
of this.
It's time for the what-ifs.
So, james, what if you were inJurassic Park?
What, what, what's different?
How's this movie change?

Well, the first thing I would do is question why
they use amphibian dance DNAinstead of bird DNA.
Like Raptor means bird, theyliterally say that.
He says that in the firstscenes of the movie, where he's
like he says it many times.
Raptor means bird of prey, andthey're like we put amphibian
DNA.
That's a huge Missing point.

(36:46):
That's like what the fuck.

Yeah, well, we talked about this in the thing
episode, where it's like carefulwhen you combine your science
with the fiction.

Yeah, seriously I would.
I would take a gun.
No, no one took a gun.
Even even if you're not themost comfortable with guns or
whatever.
I understand guns can bedangerous, but try to exhibit as

(37:18):
much Reasonableness as you can.
There's dinosaurs afoot.

Yeah, you should have a gun.
Oh yeah, not.
Any of the dinosaurs respondedto the one guy with a gun, as
though they were aware what agun could do.

Possibly, you know, I think they would be
because, remember, one of themhad to get shot At the beginning
they didn't they?
They probably do know aboutguns.

Yeah, they might, yeah, well, and then he
said they were very smart she's.

He was like when she looks at you the big one
looks at you you can tell she'sthinking.

Yeah, well then I wonder if things out if
you had the gun.
Would having that gun encourageyou to be more aggressive,
versus Fleeting the situationslike they did and survived?
Yeah, I think that's.

I think.
I don't know if there's anystudies having Been done about
that, about how, like, having agun makes you more aggressive,
but I kind of feel like when youhave a tool, it's that we've
done studies about how, aboutAbout the way certain tools or
the way someone's dressed or theway they're standing or

(38:30):
whatever, makes them Act moreaggressively and take riskier
chances and things.
So I would not be surprisedthat holding a gun and feeling
powerful would make you morelikely to treat things head on
and more aggressively.
It might for me, I don't know.

Yeah also.
I mean, you saw in your what ifright now you have a weapon?

We're hunting raptors.
Ow, hold on to your butts.

That was weird .
There was so few instances ofprofanity.

There's my first bloody if you uh Hold on to
your butts.

Oh yeah, my first bloody if there would be
strings of fucking Jesus fucking.

Christ, holy shit, it's face.
Got you by dinosaur, holy shit.

Yeah, so yeah, putting me into it would
definitely increase the ratingwe would.
We would already have one fewerUniversal Studios ride.

When the storm, when the storm started coming in
, I'd be like why are we allstanding around?
Shouldn't we like be gone?
Why did you bring me here whena fucking hurricane was
approaching those?
Don't just like form out ofnowhere.
They're forecasted for weeks.
Yeah, what the fuck.

And then Hammond was like.
I wanted to increase the levelof suspense.
You understand, I havegrandchildren coming.

I would look at like at Costa Rica and weather
before I went.
Well, I guess, I guess that'dbe really difficult in the 90s,
I guess.
Now I just Google it, but inthe 90s I wonder how you'd get
information on the weather inCosta Rica.
Call someone there, I'm gonnacall someone.

I distinctly remember growing up and we
tracked hurricanes for fun, likeit was definitely on the
weather channel.

Yeah, the weather channel is like the
2000s, though you know it'sweird to think about about the
year 1990.

The late 20th century yeah.

And that was like a pre-Internet Boom Society
, where information reallywasn't available at your
fingertips.
You had to like, go looking forit.
Yeah, it's pretty wild.

We grew up in a pretty crazy time, oh, so
maybe we could forgive that one,but I would call ahead.

Yeah, how are things looking, not great.

Yeah not that Maybe I should stay home, yeah,
all three weeks out, then I'llshow up.
Yeah, shit.

Yeah, I would say I wouldn't.
If I was there, I wouldn'tsniff the eggs like a pervert,
like Grant did.

Yeah, that was wild.

He's sniffing the eggs.
He's like, yeah, that is.

Well, what is the key element or key decision
that would define your time onJurassic Park, that you did
differently, that I diddifferently.

I would instruct the kids to crawl through the
fence at those holes that weredefinitely large enough for a
child.

Clearly visible yeah.

Clearly large enough for a child to crawl
through, and I think that thatprobably would have given us the
edge.
Peter wouldn't be limping andshit, or whatever.
His name, timmy wouldn't, belimping and shit and he'd take
down one of the raptors bystabbing in the eye with
kitchenware or something I don'tknow.

Yeah, that was such a heavy.
There was such a heavy handedmessage in there of hey man,
it's time to have kids.

Yeah, the, the, the un, un.
Well, what's the?
What's the word I'm looking for?
Oh shit, I had a word for this.
Well, he was.
He didn't want kids, but he wasprepared to be a father, like.
When the time arose, he waslike, he was totally prepared,

(42:42):
he stepped up and he was afather figure to those kids.
He protected them and made surethey were safe, except for the
electric fence.
Yeah, that was like oh well,it's like they were in the
writer's room going.

We need to insert these cookie cutter
scenes of tension.

Yeah.

And that that's all the fence was for
sure.

Yeah, I don't.
They could have just done likea more chain link style fence,
but they didn't want to obscurethe faces of their actors and
stuff.

Yeah, yeah.
Well, so if I was inserted intothis, well first, if I was
directing this thing, we'retrying hereditary and Jurassic
Park and dinosaurs.
That's.
That's what we're trying, yeah.

They've.
They've tried it nowadays, butthey didn't do the animatronic
portion which you need theanimatronic with the CGI overlay
.
They just skip that animatronicpart now.

They do.
No, and just the slow buildingtension, I mean, because of lots
of raptors, terrifying, andthat's all we need.
So if we just slowly creep himup, forget about it.
The movie's fucking made, yeah,but then if I was there, I

(44:04):
would stop leaving all of theplaces of safety that were
available to them for one, yeah.

And would you leave?
Would you leave the otherpeople in the park to die?

No, no, so we got to figure that part out.
So yeah, I mean I'm with youthere.
We're definitely bringing a gun, for sure.

Where are the guns?
Very first question All thegauntlets, all the fences are
shutting down.
Why would he shut the fencesdown?
Where are the guns?

Yeah, I need to be honest, right.

Tell me right now where the guns are.

Yeah, and you know I wouldn't be having this
whole.
You know well, like he getslike really weird about the
hunting part of it.
Like I get, you're a hunter,but like dude, come on, we get
your shit together, All right,Jesus Christ, yeah, no, so I
would have a gun on me and look,at the end of the day, asteroid

(45:06):
or not, there is a reason whywe are the dominant species on
this fucking planet and we mightlose a couple of us.
But I see Velociraptor, I killVelociraptor.
Moving on that whole.
Oh, they're coming from thesides, shit.
Well, I'm going to back up.

But I'd say that , you know, in the movie they
say that Velociraptors are, youknow, almost they're like the
most intelligent dinosaur andthey could, if they hadn't all
died, that they could have beenthe dominant form of life on the
planet.
So sure they're veryintelligent or whatever, but a
lot of intelligence, as we know,is part it's passed down, so

(45:48):
Velociraptors would have hadsome kind of oral tradition of
like teaching each other youknow what was important in life
and how to be better at things.
But these Velociraptors wereborn out of eggs to no parents,
right?

Yes, yeah, yeah, I don't exactly understand
Antibian DNA.
Yeah, not even the normalraptor DNA.

So I mean I don't see them hunt.
When Grant says that they huntand packs and like one will
attack you from the side, Idon't know where he's getting
that from.
How the fuck could you learnthat from a fucking fossil?
That's stupid to imply that andthen they have it pay off in
the end or whatever.
But that would those packhunting tactics and stuff.

(46:35):
How instinctual are those?
Yeah, those are taughtbehaviors.

Yeah, no.
So for me there, I mean so myfamous Jeff Globlum scene where
I like break the theme of thehorror.
You know that scene where theraptors face, like moves into
camera while you're hidingbehind the counter, you know,
and so it's like face to facewith the raptor.
Yeah, when the raptor would,you know, do his little thing

(47:00):
right and and he does his littlegrowl and like that's cute, you
wanted to say that into mymicrophone.
And then the raptor would, likebird style, look down at the
revolver that I'm aimed at hisfucking chin, and then that, and
I'd cover my ear real fast.

And then fucking brains out.

And yeah, so yeah, I would avoid it going.
Prattian, yeah, but I mean, hisship was ridiculous.
The Raptors with the fuckingmotorcycle.
That was so goddamn dumb.

It was very dumb .

That was the dumbest shit.

The problem is like did you see 65, I think, is
the name of the movie.
It's supposed to be like 65million years ago and it's
what's his face gets sent backand Adam, no, no, no.

Oh, adam Drive , I actually did want to see
that.
I wanted to see that.
No, don't see it, garbage.
I mean you can see it.

Go check it out.
It's horror.
You know it's a horror movie,but I think that I think that I
can see how your idea could gowrong because of that movie.

Okay.

Yeah, I think that you're right to go the
hereditary track with it, whereit's like, yeah, a lot of a long
, long first act, and thenthings, and then things start
ramping up right.

Yeah, and then the violence.

It's kind of what we had.
Just that's what we had here,that's what we had.
Jurassic Park is an hour, thefirst act is an hour and then,
and then shit turns.

Yeah, yeah, oh , oh, oh my, I have one more.
What, if all, right, so youinsert me into this, right I
would.
I would be the guy in the firstfucking scene, strongly,
strongly advising that my boystops threatening the chubby kid
Like dude.

(48:59):
This is really bad optics.
You're like doing, you'resaying some serial killer shit
at this kid.
I don't, I know he insulted thedinos.
I understand, I know you'reweird about this stuff, but
you're freaking everybody out.

I made a note, I said.
I said maybe we have a societyof move too far away from
scaring children for fun,because this was 1993, different
time back.

They scared children.

You can scare their shit out of children.
I would be like, maybe that wasbetter.

Maybe, maybe, well, I don't know, I would
enjoy.

I'm an adult who would love scaring a random
child, but society says no.

Well, what year was this?
What year was?

this, it was 1993.

1993.
, Okay, so that kid was a littleolder than us, which sounds
like an exer.

Yeah, it sounds like a time for that, when
scaring random children was okay.
It sounds like I remember thatfrom my youth, where scaring
children was okay.
I got scared by random peopleall the time.

Oh yeah, well, I mean honestly.
So if that kid's anything likeme being brought up at that time
where some adults can justessentially do whatever they
want and parents you can fear, Iwas working that shit out until
my late twenties, yeah, youknow I.

So I don't know we got to keep these youths busy
.
They're coming up with thesecrazy NFTs and shit.
Keep them busy with theirtrauma so they don't have time
to fuck around.
Yeah, keep them busy with theirtrauma.

Yeah, yeah no, I mean like shit.
I mean 2016 hit and I was justjust starting to actually solve
the problems that I canaccumulate it in my childhood.
So thanks.

I love, yeah, yeah, I love this movie.

Well, you got a final one.

Final one, if I don't know, I probably would
have.
It's like every one of thesemovies where I watch and we get
to what the one if portion islike oh, I'd die very quickly or
fuck someone.
I'd die and fuck and or die,and I don't know.
I guess that's just me, man, Iguess.

I mean Jeff Goldblum running anywhere.

It's true, I don't know.

It was got his chest out.

I think that in that scene I would have left the
, the, the dinosaur behavioractions, to the expert and I
would have stayed in the fuckingcar.

Yeah.

Instead of instead of breaking my own flare
and running around Ian Malcolmwas such a idiot in that scene.

Well, I stayed in the car.
Well, for my final.
What if I you had brought up agood point earlier about the
Jeff Goldblum chest scene.
Chest scene where he's someonewho cares.
You know, he's an intelligentguy, obviously.
I mean, he was the only one whowas picking up on the bullshit
right away, but he cared verymuch about people's perception

(52:12):
of him.
And that's when, when you saidthat I'm like I don't think I'm
drunk enough for that particularenlightened thought, but I'm
definitely Jeff Goldblum.

Yeah.

I'm, I'm, I'd be super concerned about my
appearance through this wholefucking thing.
Yeah, so yeah, there's theother.
What if it?
So the final one is he's likeno, he's laid out.
He's laid up with his shirt outand then it flash cuts to the

(52:47):
other side of the room where I'mjust like kind of doing the
same thing.

You've ripped your shirt, you got.
You're like I think this poseis better.
Yeah.

And so, yeah, him and I would just flex on
each other.
Yeah, I'm also very smart.
Yeah, I'm also very intelligent.
But yeah, check that out.

To have two of you.
They'd be so confused.

The viewers.
What is going on?
And I'm like this is 1993, bro,you don't know what a macro is
just yet.
You're just kind of going offof intuition.
Yeah, yeah, I know what acalorie is and how to actually
utilize that.
So, yeah, that'd be if you're astrange film and then it's

(53:40):
still a redditary horror yeah.
It'd be a strange film.
So well, there you have it,folks.
There's our what if?

Yeah, and I've got random.
Do we have a?
Do we have a name for thishorseshit section at the end
where we just throw out all thestuff that we didn't get a
chance to say Is there?
Is there a name for it?
Fod vomit?
Yeah, let's do it Okay.

Yeah, quick second for your thought vomit.
What do you got?

My thought vomit .
I want to eat that Chilean seabass.
It was one of my, it was one ofmy notes.
Nobody ate their food which isshort-sighted, because they will
need that energy soon.

Well, there was the ice cream scene.

That was.
That was much later, and I alsowrote I want that ice cream.
Can you explain chaos?
And I thought I thought it wasa fucking great quote.

Can you explain?

chaos.
And then I had the answer.
See, here I am now by myself,talking to myself that's, that's
chaos.

That was honestly.
I thought that was a good scene.
I I enjoyed it.

That was a really good one.

That was a good one.
Yeah, love it.
Let's see.

What else do I have?
I love how shitty the bathroomis, that all the interior walls
fall away immediately.

Instantly yeah .

I love.
I love relating that to thespared no expense how everything
turns out to be bullshit aboutthe spared no expense.
I was like who the fuck issomeone Riley, like, he's like
that the voice you're hearing isthis person's spared no expense
.
I don't know the fuck that is.

Yeah, I meant to.
Actually that was one of mythoughts.
I meant to Google him and Inever did.
If I ever do, I did.

Google him, he isn't.
He was an actor and I don'tknow how big he was, to whatever
generation Hammond is, but I'mbut I was like he wasn't doing
anything in 1993.
I don't think I would haveheard of him then either.
I've heard of.
I've heard of famous actorsfrom older eras.
I'm not an idiot.

Yeah, yeah.

But I've never heard of this guy, you know.

Yeah, no, that's Brad Pitt.
We spared no expense.
Yeah, my final.
What if?
Yeah, brad Pitt would have beenthe one Get ready to die
everybody.

Thanks, Brad.
So little girls stares ofhorror are.
She kills it whenever she hasto express horror.
She does a great job.
She did yeah.

No, she did Good point.
Good point, good point.

I love the pelicans at the end because, to
quote the movie role models,dinosaurs aren't extinct,
because birds are dinosaurs andthey're everywhere.
And that was the pelicans atthe end.
They're like flying next to thehelicopter.
I was like dinosaurs.
Continue on today.

Yep, no, solid .
Hey, I like it.
So there you have it, folks.
Thank you all so much for thealways no, no, no.

I got one more.
One thing that I meant to dowith high thoughts was an
unexpected there's an unexpectedarc between both the people and
the dinosaurs that childrenmake life harder.
The dinosaurs weren't expectedto have any children and they
ended up yeah, no one wasexpecting the dinosaurs,
including themselves, to havechildren, and Grant wasn't

(57:21):
expecting to have to deal withchildren, and they both happened
in this movie.
Unexpected children make lifeharder.

Well, that's almost counterintuitive to the
have children theme that they're.
Well that's interesting.

It's hidden in there.

Yeah, well, what are they trying to say?
What was the?
Again it comes down to likewhat are you trying to say?
Were you trying to saysomething, or are you bad at
your job?
I want to know what thechildren make life more
interesting.

Do you want to have kids or do you not?
He doesn't.
He doesn't end up having kids.

Oh, you're.
You mean in the, in thecommunity In Jurassic Park?

3.
Yeah, in Jurassic Park 3, he is, he comes back.
He doesn't have kids.
Well, I don't know, Sadler doeshave a kid with someone else
because he still wasn't able tocommit to having a child.
Sadler did have kids, butreally I forget someone I have
forgotten, oh, my Lord, thisfilm Wow, interesting,

(58:20):
interesting.
Interesting.
Yeah, he never.
He never made a move.

Wow, he's.
And she didn't get with JeffGoldblum.
What?

an idiot.
No, I wouldn't be able to stand10 minutes with Jeff Goldblum,
but I.
But you said you're like JeffGoldblum, so maybe I could,
maybe do it.

Yeah Well, maybe I'm just.
Maybe I'm just like I'mprojecting on a Jeff Goldblum
because I see him as me.
I'm like of course everyonewants to have kids with me.
That's all I'm doing.
Yeah, and thoughts, though,just while on Sam Neill and
before we finally let ourcaptive audience go.

(58:57):
Some potential good movies forhigh and dry in the future event
horizon.

Oh yeah.

Yeah, and the the Lovecraft one he did, do you
?

remember that was the horizon.

No, no, no.
He did a few and he also didlike in the mouth of madness.
He did a straight up snatchfrom an HP Lovecraft work and,
like no one, saw it?
Yeah, it's in the mouth ofmadness in 1994.
It was the next year.
No one saw it, but it is.
It is a trip.

So I'm telling you, Sam Neill has a thread of
horror Like, and it's just.
It strengthens my argument he'sa horror actor and he's good at
it.

Well, he did possession, he did event horizon
, he did in the mouth of madness, he did those, and they were
all super, trippy, super trippy.

He was the main vampire in Daybreakers.

Wow, yeah so.

James Crosslin (01:00:00):
Sam Neill is awesome.
I love Sam Neill as an actor.
Yeah, he was awesome in PeakyBlinders.
He was, he was.
He played such a great piece ofshit.
He was a piece of shit.
He was so good at it.
He was so good.

Ryan Baron North (01:00:17):
I don't know what the accent was.

I don't know if that accent is a real accent,
but man.

He was a piece of shit, I'm sure, like an
Irish thing.

I don't know.
I don't know what the fuck hewas doing.
It was, he was a choice.

I was in New, Zealand.
Yeah, it was a choice.
It was a choice.
Well, I mean he had I liked him.

Well, he had fucking.

Yeah, captive audience, like you all are.

So I all right, there you go.
Maybe in the future we'll domore.

Sam Neill, this has been high and dry
podcast.
Thank you so much for listening.
You didn't say the magic wordBye.
Bye.

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I Was Jeff Goldblum the Entire Time (Jurassic Park): High n' Dry Episode #75

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