September 9, 2025 • 24 mins
The soft launch is not a glow up. It is not a grand reveal or a curated comeback. It is the quiet, barely noticeable shift when you start existing again after heartbreak. Not healed. Not thriving. Just visible enough to remind yourself you are still here.
It looks like archiving the wedding photos. Changing your phone background to something that does not make you cry. Posting a meme that reads like a subtweet only you understand. It is wearing the jacket he hated. It is ordering coffee without sunglasses on. Proof of life in small, almost imperceptible doses.
The soft launch is not about convincing the world you are fine. It is not about performing strength or selling resilience as an aesthetic. It is about slipping back into yourself piece by piece, even when you still feel like a ghost.
Sometimes it is messy, sometimes it is petty, sometimes it is completely unplanned. But each time you let yourself be seen, by friends, by strangers, by yourself, you loosen his grip on your story. Healing remains uneven and unglamorous, but the soft launch whispers the truth: you are still here, and that is enough.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Kelly (00:09):
the number cannot be reached now, please hang up and
try again later.
Welcome back to the His LossHotline.
I don't know if we should callyou, like His Loss Hotline
(00:30):
hotties, whatever the fuck.
Well, I'll come up withsomething and you'll hear it
eventually.
But we're here because we don'tchase closure.
We change our profile pic, wepost a thirst trap and we call
it emotional growth or we couldactually emotionally grow and go
to therapy.
But I digress.
I'm not an expert, I'm just agirl.
(00:52):
But I'm Kelly, obviously, yourhotline operator, a former wife
of a man who thought emotionalavailability meant occasionally
liking my Instagram story.
And today we're talking aboutthe dreaded soft launch.
And before we get into it,quick disclaimer if you're still
(01:15):
in the stage where, like, evenbrushing your teeth feels like
an Olympic sport, you're notbehind.
That's still healing.
We talked about this back inepisode two.
Like healing doesn't need to beaesthetic.
You don't need to.
What did I say?
Get bangs, because you don'towe anyone, proof that you're
(01:35):
okay.
We hope that you're okay, butyou don't owe anyone anything.
But this episode is about themoment you finally start to like
peek out again in a way, notbecause you're like fully healed
or not, because you're thriving.
Hey, girl, you could be both.
I don't even know I wasn't.
(01:57):
I'm definitely thriving morenow.
My life is still a shit show,but that's like kind of my brand
.
It's like chaotic, but likeit's fun, it's fine,
everything's fine.
Um, but we're doing thisbecause you know you're tired of
hiding um and we're not talkingabout, you know, the soft
(02:18):
launch of like man in the pat,like a man in the passenger seat
or the cryptic elbow in amirror selfie.
I and we are so done with softlaunching men.
I'm so tired of seeing it.
No offense, don't really care.
(02:43):
Plus, it's a man.
So I digress.
But this is about like thequiet, slightly unhinged
probably definitely not approvedby your therapist, definitely
not approved by my therapistRollout of your post breakup
version of you.
It's not about being healed,it's about being seen again,
just enough to remind yourselfthat you exist.
(03:03):
Just enough to remind yourselfthat you exist.
So let's get into it, okay.
So what even is a fucking softlaunch?
A soft launch is basically whenyou start acting like a person
again, like quietly.
I know that sounds so dramatic,but like breakups really are
one of those things in lifewhere it can be so devastating
(03:27):
and really affect everything,like you are doing and your body
is feeling you shut down.
But there's like no note notes,app statement, no, like
dramatic new era post which I'vedone, girl, don't even worry
Just like small, almostunnoticeable shifts that say,
(03:50):
yeah, I may be spiraling, but atleast I put my lip gloss on and
in my book that is a win.
Things like examples like thatif you were married, it's
archiving the wedding photos.
For me it was deleting them.
If you're not there yet, that'sokay.
It's posting a picture in thatjacket.
(04:13):
He said he hated.
This is an example of not when Iwas married, but when I was
dating this guy and he said thatI this was really unhinged and
I don't know if I should havedone this, but it's fine.
Um, he said I would look badwith short hair.
So then, a couple days laterand I think we were still kind
(04:33):
of dating at this time a coupledays later I cut all my hair off
like into a bob, like one ofthose fuck-ass bobs, and yeah, I
think it was kind of baller.
But you know, some people saythat's unhinged, whatever.
But um, it's also sharing ameme.
(04:55):
That's, you know, technicallyabout healing, but it's also
100% a subtweet.
I used to subtweet my exes tooin high school.
Let's just say, like in highschool I was unwell.
Probably, I don't know.
Maybe don't subtweet um becausewe hate twitter, we hate x or
whatever the fuck it's called.
Um because fuck Elon Musk.
(05:17):
Um, but sorry about thattangent, just really needed to
get that in there.
Um, but you're not healed oryou're not over it, but you're
starting to like show signs oflife.
That's the soft launch.
And just to be clear, you don'thave to be here yet.
A soft launch isn't mandatory.
(05:38):
You don't even have to do it.
You can hard launch whateverthe fuck you want.
It's your life, it's yourhealing journey.
Whatever the fuck you want,it's your life, it's your
healing journey.
If your biggest accomplishmenttoday was eating a granola bar
and not crying while doing it,like episode two is your
reminder that that counts too,like the small wins counts as a
(05:59):
soft launch and you don't haveto prove that to anybody else.
But like there are some signs,you're kind of in your soft
launch era, as if we're callingit.
I love a good era.
Shout out, taylor Swift.
I know there's some Swiftieslistening.
You get it, you get it, butsome of you are already in your
(06:22):
soft launch era and you don'teven realize it.
If you've done any of thesethings, congratulations, you're
in it.
Change your phone background tosomething that doesn't make you
cry.
Mine was, and still is, a verypeaceful, kind of like water,
because I felt like my life waschaos.
(06:43):
So I wanted to look at a screenthat didn't make me feel
chaotic.
Um, stop checking who watchedyour story most days.
Um, I still do this, but notfor like my ex.
My ex is blocked, so he'llnever, ever see anything, thank
god, god.
(07:03):
But I still look at, like myfriends or who's viewing it.
We all do it.
Don't even deny that you don't.
We all do it, but like you'renot checking to see if he is
checking it, that's okay.
Hell yeah, bought somethingstupidly overpriced just to feel
something.
I do this, even not in abreakup.
(07:24):
It's actually really bad.
Sometimes you just need alittle serotonin.
Okay, coming from a anxiety anddepression girlie, shout out
Sertraline, sponsor me.
If you don't know that.
That's an ssri um for anxiety.
(07:46):
Um, or another sign is uh, toldyour friends I don't care
anymore.
But also checked his venmolikes like 30 minutes later,
which, when it comes to venmo.
That's ultimate stalking.
Not stalking, but like reallygetting into it, girl.
(08:08):
Or posted a healing quote thatbarely cleared main.
It's okay, we've all been there, babes, but notice, I didn't
say anything about lookingamazing or having your life
together.
This isn't about slaying, eventhough you are queen you are, I
(08:29):
know you are, I don't even knowyou, I might know you, but
slaying the girlies are slaying.
It's literally about existingagain, even if it's still sad or
messy or both or chaotic.
Who fucking cares?
And also, like, not everycomeback or whatever has to be
(08:53):
this full rebrand.
You don't need, like I said, adramatic haircut.
I did get extensions when I gota divorce, but like, that was
for me, that was for me to feelbetter.
You also don't need a brand newpersonality or a man with face
tattoos to prove that you'vequote unquote moved on.
(09:14):
Sometimes your soft launch isjust, unfortunately and
fortunately just eating again,texting your friends back,
putting on actual clothes to goto like I don't fucking know
like a CVS, and honestly,sometimes it's posting a hot
photo when you cried 20 minutesbefore.
(09:34):
If it's for yourself, like ifit makes you feel better, do it.
Why can't we be honest onsocial media?
We can post that you're afucking wreck.
Go ahead, girl, a hundredpercent.
I think you like.
If that makes you feel betterand that's how you are healing,
do it, do it.
(09:56):
It's okay to not be okay, butit's also okay to post a hot
selfie and say bitch, this is me.
And yeah, people may judge yourex, may judge who cares?
I'm so tired of people pleasingand I hope others are too.
Um, I feel like in the realm oflike TikTok.
(10:17):
I was talking about this lastnight at dinner.
The realm of TikTok has reallybrought in, like the
authenticity.
Sometimes there's too much ofit.
Yeah, sometimes I'm like y'allneed a little bit of like hiding
, a little bit of shame.
Bring back public shame.
But honestly, be real, behonest.
(10:42):
But you're also allowed to be alittle fake too, like that's
okay.
I know that's like acontradiction, but why not?
That's what a soft launch is.
It's kind of a little fake.
It can be a little petty alittle.
I'm doing okay when you'reabsolutely not, but you're
(11:03):
trying and just so we're clear,don't confuse this with with
performing your healing.
You don't know, you don't oweanyone an aesthetic version of
your recovery.
A soft launch launch fully isfor you, it's not for them, or
the haters, or whatever the fuckyou're going to call them.
(11:24):
That's totally fine.
But I feel like there's somerules, maybe a little bit in the
soft launch era and like thingsthat no one tells you about in
this era.
You don't have to feel ready tostart, you just have to be
tired of letting him or themlive rent free in your silence.
(11:47):
So I'm going to come up withsome like unofficial rules right
now and please follow them.
Maybe I have followed them,we'll see.
But don't post for him.
Holy'll see.
But um, don't post for him.
Holy fucking shit, please don'tpost for him.
Post for the version of you whostayed too long and thought this
breakup would destroy her ahundred percent.
(12:09):
Um.
Rule number two you don't oweanyone an explanation.
People will figure it out whenyou stop crying on your main
account, and yeah, that's okay.
And if people are like what'shappening, what's happening, and
you don't want to tell them andthey're not your closest
friends, you don't have to, youdon't owe anyone.
(12:32):
Rule number three let it beboring, let it be weird.
You're not a brand, you're aperson figuring it out Truly and
maybe like rule number fourtake the damn photo, even if you
don't post it yet, even if youstill feel like a ghost in your
(12:54):
own skin, take it.
Take it if you want to take it,because if it makes you feel
better in some way, do it.
Healing there's no roadmap forhealing, and especially in like
outward healing.
(13:14):
But like I also want to clearlike a few things up, like myths
, almost Myth number one youhave to look amazing to be in
your soft launch era.
Nope, wrong.
Sometimes your I'm back post.
Is you wearing sweatpants,holding a Diet Coke?
(13:36):
Or right now it's myobsessionist diet, dr Pepper, I
don't know.
Apparently, I just found outthey have prune juice in it.
Maybe Not good for my IBSgirlies, aka me.
So sorry, my mom texted me that, so I don't know if that's
accurate information.
I haven't looked it up, don'tknow, I don't know.
(13:59):
I don't know where she got thatinformation either, so I
digress.
But uh, shout out, mama subu,you, you know, you, the
listeners know, um, the point isto the that photo is that
you're back you.
You're visible.
You're visible again, not thatyou're auditioning for the
(14:20):
Bachelor.
Which girl?
If you want to go ahead, whynot Remember what we said in
episode two Healing isn'tsupposed to look aesthetic.
Same rule here.
Myth number two you don't haveto make it obvious.
Actually, the best softlaunches are the ones where no
(14:40):
one's a hundred percent sure ifit's a new me moment or it's
just.
Finally, you washed your hair.
Um, when I posted my divorceparty, I didn't necessarily call
it a divorce party To myfriends I did, but I just posted
a bunch of hot selfies andgroup photos with them at the
(15:01):
party and I think I put the songoh god, where she goes, she's
back.
Oh god, what is that songcalled?
Is it called she's back?
I'm gonna go look literally onmy Instagram right now we're
doing this live sexy red, she'sback's Back.
Yeah, by Sexy Red.
I did put my caption was theend of an error and then I put,
(15:23):
if you know, you know, a lot ofpeople didn't get it.
Okay, that's kind of a harderlaunch, but it was also my own
soft launch, so whatever.
And then myth number three andI think this is at least obvious
to me, but could not be it hasto be online.
(15:43):
Soft launches can be IRL, inreal life, if no one knows what
that means Showing up to a partysitting in a coffee shop
without sunglasses on and you'rehungover Girl I've always I've
also been there or just existingoutside of your apartment.
Sometimes your quote unquotecontent is just breathing fresh
(16:07):
air or like how the girlies liketo say, touching grass Okay,
and that is totally fine.
And if you're like listening tothis and you're like I don't
even know how I would even softlaunch or I'm heartbroken and I
want to do these things, cool, Ihave some like I don't know if
(16:30):
you call it a strategy thatmight actually work for you.
And if you're not like readyfor that big comeback but you're
just starting to feel likeyourself again, I have like some
moves, okay, that are for you,not the feed.
I don't give a fuck about thefeed.
I do a little bit, but, likebecause that's like my day job
(16:51):
and also, um, how people findthis podcast.
So I don't give a fuck, but Ido give a fuck about the feed,
okay, um, but like some thingsthat helped me make a playlist
of songs you loved before therelationship and play it while
you're cleaning or you'recooking or you're, however, or
(17:14):
if you're laying down in yourbed.
However you, you're living, doit Wear something you bought
just for yourself, not somethinghe liked on you.
Maybe don't do what I did andcut your hair off when one of
your ex-boyfriends tells you youwouldn't look good with short
hair.
But I did it for me, I did itin spite.
(17:35):
Maybe don't do it in spite, Idon't know about that one, but
okay.
And then, like third, rearrangeone corner of your space so it
feels new, and yours.
With my divorce, I actually justmoved out of my apartment.
We had to break the lease.
I had to essentially force himto pay his side of the lease
(18:00):
breaking fee.
He actually really quick sidenote he suggested to me that we
could wait out the lease.
For wait out the lease whichwas had like five more months on
it, something crazy like that,maybe six more months on it, and
he was like we could just likelive together.
And I was like you think itwould be good for a divorced
(18:24):
couple to live together?
And he was like, yeah, I justdon't want to spend the money
because, remember, he had nomoney so he had to beg his mommy
to pay that lease break.
But I digress, but like justmake something feel new and
something that he hasn't or theyhaven't like not stained.
(18:49):
But you know what I mean.
Like, if they've hung out inyour room or your apartment, get
new pillows, get, just.
Feel like something is freshand new and something that you
feel is for you.
Take a solo walk with a podcastthat makes you laugh.
Please, ladies, do this safelyin a safe neighborhood.
(19:09):
That's my only caveat to this.
I think, uh, hot girl walks thebest, okay, but uh, just, yeah,
make sure you're safe.
And also, if you want thepodcast to be, you know this
podcast, I wouldn't be like apost, but, um, this is just
(19:30):
advice in general so you couldlisten to whatever the hell you
want.
Go listen to some songs youlove.
Who cares?
Do what you want.
Um, I think this is like thefifth one, I don't fucking know.
Go to a different coffee shopthan your regular one so you
don't accidentally run into himif you guys went to the same one
.
Okay, it's the small things.
It's the small things.
(19:51):
It's the small things aboutmaking changes, and not because,
like, he's affecting thosechanges, it's because you, you
want to do them.
You are showing up for yourself, and if you're not ready to
post or show up or like publicly, that's fine.
No one else ever has to seethese or like, hear these things
(20:17):
that you're doing it's just foryou and your healing, and like,
for me, the truth is my softlaunch didn't look like a
glow-up.
I'm currently in my glow-up era, um, not brag or anything, but
truly I felt so much betterafter my divorce after I got
(20:38):
through kind of the healingaspect of everything.
I'm still healing.
There's lifelong healing withthat, but you know the like
initial pain and agony.
Like my soft launch didn't looklike a glow up, like all cute
and amazing.
(20:58):
It wasn't aesthetic Um, itlooked like calling my mom from
the closet again.
Um, it looked like posting aselfie and deleting it two hours
later.
It looked like, uh, showing upto a birthday dinner even though
I felt like I couldn't breatheand I didn't fucking want to go,
but I knew it would be good forme.
(21:18):
But each time I kind of letmyself be seen, even if it was a
little, and I started to feelreal again, like I existed
outside of the breakup, outsideof this version of me, his
version of me, and for me thosewere steps and that was enough.
(21:42):
So you don't have to likenecessarily, you know, slay or
have this crazy glow up.
Most girlies do after a breakup.
That's that's like honestlyscientific fact at this point
but I'm no scientist so I can'tlike say that.
But like you don't have to behealed, you just have to show up
(22:03):
and like that's the whole point.
Healing is still like messy andnon-linear and it's crazy.
But a soft launch kind of isproof of life and sometimes that
is enough to keep going.
But uh, that's it for thisweek's episode of his loss
(22:27):
hotline.
And if you're not in the softlaunch area yet, don't stress,
stay in your ugly stage.
Okay, not like your ugly stage,but like you know what I mean,
like ugly healing.
Not, you're never ugly girly,but stay in that as long as you
need.
This episode will still be herewhen you're ready.
(22:49):
That's okay.
But next week we're getting alittle bit more into the chaos
of everything.
Um, divorce confessions I'veread some of them.
They're fucking crazy.
I'm so sorry to the girlies whohave gone through this.
Um, but we're gonna get into itthe catharsis, the mess, the
(23:10):
unhinged realities of what it'sactually like to end a marriage
and uh live to tell all yourfriends, maybe even your group
chat, maybe it's the samefriends who cares.
But uh, in the meantime, textthis episode to your best friend
if you want or like, leave afive-star review, or follow us
(23:33):
on TikTok and Instagram at GirlHang Up.
We also do have a Facebook.
If that's your jam, it'susually just TikTok and
Instagram, but we also have aPinterest.
So, yeah, follow us everywherefor maybe hot takes or soft
launch, level petty or whateverelse we feel like posting, but
(23:58):
just know that we're always herefor you and I really really,
really, really, really reallyneed you guys all to remember.
It's his loss.
It's his loss.
I'm sorry, but the person youcalled has a voicemail box that
has not been set up yet.
(24:18):
Goodbye.
the number cannot be reached now, please hang up and
try again later.
Welcome back to the His LossHotline.
I don't know if we should callyou, like His Loss Hotline
(00:30):
hotties, whatever the fuck.
Well, I'll come up withsomething and you'll hear it
eventually.
But we're here because we don'tchase closure.
We change our profile pic, wepost a thirst trap and we call
it emotional growth or we couldactually emotionally grow and go
to therapy.
But I digress.
I'm not an expert, I'm just agirl.
(00:52):
But I'm Kelly, obviously, yourhotline operator, a former wife
of a man who thought emotionalavailability meant occasionally
liking my Instagram story.
And today we're talking aboutthe dreaded soft launch.
And before we get into it,quick disclaimer if you're still
(01:15):
in the stage where, like, evenbrushing your teeth feels like
an Olympic sport, you're notbehind.
That's still healing.
We talked about this back inepisode two.
Like healing doesn't need to beaesthetic.
You don't need to.
What did I say?
Get bangs, because you don'towe anyone, proof that you're
(01:35):
okay.
We hope that you're okay, butyou don't owe anyone anything.
But this episode is about themoment you finally start to like
peek out again in a way, notbecause you're like fully healed
or not, because you're thriving.
Hey, girl, you could be both.
I don't even know I wasn't.
(01:57):
I'm definitely thriving morenow.
My life is still a shit show,but that's like kind of my brand
.
It's like chaotic, but likeit's fun, it's fine,
everything's fine.
Um, but we're doing thisbecause you know you're tired of
hiding um and we're not talkingabout, you know, the soft
(02:18):
launch of like man in the pat,like a man in the passenger seat
or the cryptic elbow in amirror selfie.
I and we are so done with softlaunching men.
I'm so tired of seeing it.
No offense, don't really care.
(02:43):
Plus, it's a man.
So I digress.
But this is about like thequiet, slightly unhinged
probably definitely not approvedby your therapist, definitely
not approved by my therapistRollout of your post breakup
version of you.
It's not about being healed,it's about being seen again,
just enough to remind yourselfthat you exist.
(03:03):
Just enough to remind yourselfthat you exist.
So let's get into it, okay.
So what even is a fucking softlaunch?
A soft launch is basically whenyou start acting like a person
again, like quietly.
I know that sounds so dramatic,but like breakups really are
one of those things in lifewhere it can be so devastating
(03:27):
and really affect everything,like you are doing and your body
is feeling you shut down.
But there's like no note notes,app statement, no, like
dramatic new era post which I'vedone, girl, don't even worry
Just like small, almostunnoticeable shifts that say,
(03:50):
yeah, I may be spiraling, but atleast I put my lip gloss on and
in my book that is a win.
Things like examples like thatif you were married, it's
archiving the wedding photos.
For me it was deleting them.
If you're not there yet, that'sokay.
It's posting a picture in thatjacket.
(04:13):
He said he hated.
This is an example of not when Iwas married, but when I was
dating this guy and he said thatI this was really unhinged and
I don't know if I should havedone this, but it's fine.
Um, he said I would look badwith short hair.
So then, a couple days laterand I think we were still kind
(04:33):
of dating at this time a coupledays later I cut all my hair off
like into a bob, like one ofthose fuck-ass bobs, and yeah, I
think it was kind of baller.
But you know, some people saythat's unhinged, whatever.
But um, it's also sharing ameme.
(04:55):
That's, you know, technicallyabout healing, but it's also
100% a subtweet.
I used to subtweet my exes tooin high school.
Let's just say, like in highschool I was unwell.
Probably, I don't know.
Maybe don't subtweet um becausewe hate twitter, we hate x or
whatever the fuck it's called.
Um because fuck Elon Musk.
(05:17):
Um, but sorry about thattangent, just really needed to
get that in there.
Um, but you're not healed oryou're not over it, but you're
starting to like show signs oflife.
That's the soft launch.
And just to be clear, you don'thave to be here yet.
A soft launch isn't mandatory.
(05:38):
You don't even have to do it.
You can hard launch whateverthe fuck you want.
It's your life, it's yourhealing journey.
Whatever the fuck you want,it's your life, it's your
healing journey.
If your biggest accomplishmenttoday was eating a granola bar
and not crying while doing it,like episode two is your
reminder that that counts too,like the small wins counts as a
(05:59):
soft launch and you don't haveto prove that to anybody else.
But like there are some signs,you're kind of in your soft
launch era, as if we're callingit.
I love a good era.
Shout out, taylor Swift.
I know there's some Swiftieslistening.
You get it, you get it, butsome of you are already in your
(06:22):
soft launch era and you don'teven realize it.
If you've done any of thesethings, congratulations, you're
in it.
Change your phone background tosomething that doesn't make you
cry.
Mine was, and still is, a verypeaceful, kind of like water,
because I felt like my life waschaos.
(06:43):
So I wanted to look at a screenthat didn't make me feel
chaotic.
Um, stop checking who watchedyour story most days.
Um, I still do this, but notfor like my ex.
My ex is blocked, so he'llnever, ever see anything, thank
god, god.
(07:03):
But I still look at, like myfriends or who's viewing it.
We all do it.
Don't even deny that you don't.
We all do it, but like you'renot checking to see if he is
checking it, that's okay.
Hell yeah, bought somethingstupidly overpriced just to feel
something.
I do this, even not in abreakup.
(07:24):
It's actually really bad.
Sometimes you just need alittle serotonin.
Okay, coming from a anxiety anddepression girlie, shout out
Sertraline, sponsor me.
If you don't know that.
That's an ssri um for anxiety.
(07:46):
Um, or another sign is uh, toldyour friends I don't care
anymore.
But also checked his venmolikes like 30 minutes later,
which, when it comes to venmo.
That's ultimate stalking.
Not stalking, but like reallygetting into it, girl.
(08:08):
Or posted a healing quote thatbarely cleared main.
It's okay, we've all been there, babes, but notice, I didn't
say anything about lookingamazing or having your life
together.
This isn't about slaying, eventhough you are queen you are, I
(08:29):
know you are, I don't even knowyou, I might know you, but
slaying the girlies are slaying.
It's literally about existingagain, even if it's still sad or
messy or both or chaotic.
Who fucking cares?
And also, like, not everycomeback or whatever has to be
(08:53):
this full rebrand.
You don't need, like I said, adramatic haircut.
I did get extensions when I gota divorce, but like, that was
for me, that was for me to feelbetter.
You also don't need a brand newpersonality or a man with face
tattoos to prove that you'vequote unquote moved on.
(09:14):
Sometimes your soft launch isjust, unfortunately and
fortunately just eating again,texting your friends back,
putting on actual clothes to goto like I don't fucking know
like a CVS, and honestly,sometimes it's posting a hot
photo when you cried 20 minutesbefore.
(09:34):
If it's for yourself, like ifit makes you feel better, do it.
Why can't we be honest onsocial media?
We can post that you're afucking wreck.
Go ahead, girl, a hundredpercent.
I think you like.
If that makes you feel betterand that's how you are healing,
do it, do it.
(09:56):
It's okay to not be okay, butit's also okay to post a hot
selfie and say bitch, this is me.
And yeah, people may judge yourex, may judge who cares?
I'm so tired of people pleasingand I hope others are too.
Um, I feel like in the realm oflike TikTok.
(10:17):
I was talking about this lastnight at dinner.
The realm of TikTok has reallybrought in, like the
authenticity.
Sometimes there's too much ofit.
Yeah, sometimes I'm like y'allneed a little bit of like hiding
, a little bit of shame.
Bring back public shame.
But honestly, be real, behonest.
(10:42):
But you're also allowed to be alittle fake too, like that's
okay.
I know that's like acontradiction, but why not?
That's what a soft launch is.
It's kind of a little fake.
It can be a little petty alittle.
I'm doing okay when you'reabsolutely not, but you're
(11:03):
trying and just so we're clear,don't confuse this with with
performing your healing.
You don't know, you don't oweanyone an aesthetic version of
your recovery.
A soft launch launch fully isfor you, it's not for them, or
the haters, or whatever the fuckyou're going to call them.
(11:24):
That's totally fine.
But I feel like there's somerules, maybe a little bit in the
soft launch era and like thingsthat no one tells you about in
this era.
You don't have to feel ready tostart, you just have to be
tired of letting him or themlive rent free in your silence.
(11:47):
So I'm going to come up withsome like unofficial rules right
now and please follow them.
Maybe I have followed them,we'll see.
But don't post for him.
Holy'll see.
But um, don't post for him.
Holy fucking shit, please don'tpost for him.
Post for the version of you whostayed too long and thought this
breakup would destroy her ahundred percent.
(12:09):
Um.
Rule number two you don't oweanyone an explanation.
People will figure it out whenyou stop crying on your main
account, and yeah, that's okay.
And if people are like what'shappening, what's happening, and
you don't want to tell them andthey're not your closest
friends, you don't have to, youdon't owe anyone.
(12:32):
Rule number three let it beboring, let it be weird.
You're not a brand, you're aperson figuring it out Truly and
maybe like rule number fourtake the damn photo, even if you
don't post it yet, even if youstill feel like a ghost in your
(12:54):
own skin, take it.
Take it if you want to take it,because if it makes you feel
better in some way, do it.
Healing there's no roadmap forhealing, and especially in like
outward healing.
(13:14):
But like I also want to clearlike a few things up, like myths
, almost Myth number one youhave to look amazing to be in
your soft launch era.
Nope, wrong.
Sometimes your I'm back post.
Is you wearing sweatpants,holding a Diet Coke?
(13:36):
Or right now it's myobsessionist diet, dr Pepper, I
don't know.
Apparently, I just found outthey have prune juice in it.
Maybe Not good for my IBSgirlies, aka me.
So sorry, my mom texted me that, so I don't know if that's
accurate information.
I haven't looked it up, don'tknow, I don't know.
(13:59):
I don't know where she got thatinformation either, so I
digress.
But uh, shout out, mama subu,you, you know, you, the
listeners know, um, the point isto the that photo is that
you're back you.
You're visible.
You're visible again, not thatyou're auditioning for the
(14:20):
Bachelor.
Which girl?
If you want to go ahead, whynot Remember what we said in
episode two Healing isn'tsupposed to look aesthetic.
Same rule here.
Myth number two you don't haveto make it obvious.
Actually, the best softlaunches are the ones where no
(14:40):
one's a hundred percent sure ifit's a new me moment or it's
just.
Finally, you washed your hair.
Um, when I posted my divorceparty, I didn't necessarily call
it a divorce party To myfriends I did, but I just posted
a bunch of hot selfies andgroup photos with them at the
(15:01):
party and I think I put the songoh god, where she goes, she's
back.
Oh god, what is that songcalled?
Is it called she's back?
I'm gonna go look literally onmy Instagram right now we're
doing this live sexy red, she'sback's Back.
Yeah, by Sexy Red.
I did put my caption was theend of an error and then I put,
(15:23):
if you know, you know, a lot ofpeople didn't get it.
Okay, that's kind of a harderlaunch, but it was also my own
soft launch, so whatever.
And then myth number three andI think this is at least obvious
to me, but could not be it hasto be online.
(15:43):
Soft launches can be IRL, inreal life, if no one knows what
that means Showing up to a partysitting in a coffee shop
without sunglasses on and you'rehungover Girl I've always I've
also been there or just existingoutside of your apartment.
Sometimes your quote unquotecontent is just breathing fresh
(16:07):
air or like how the girlies liketo say, touching grass Okay,
and that is totally fine.
And if you're like listening tothis and you're like I don't
even know how I would even softlaunch or I'm heartbroken and I
want to do these things, cool, Ihave some like I don't know if
(16:30):
you call it a strategy thatmight actually work for you.
And if you're not like readyfor that big comeback but you're
just starting to feel likeyourself again, I have like some
moves, okay, that are for you,not the feed.
I don't give a fuck about thefeed.
I do a little bit, but, likebecause that's like my day job
(16:51):
and also, um, how people findthis podcast.
So I don't give a fuck, but Ido give a fuck about the feed,
okay, um, but like some thingsthat helped me make a playlist
of songs you loved before therelationship and play it while
you're cleaning or you'recooking or you're, however, or
(17:14):
if you're laying down in yourbed.
However you, you're living, doit Wear something you bought
just for yourself, not somethinghe liked on you.
Maybe don't do what I did andcut your hair off when one of
your ex-boyfriends tells you youwouldn't look good with short
hair.
But I did it for me, I did itin spite.
(17:35):
Maybe don't do it in spite, Idon't know about that one, but
okay.
And then, like third, rearrangeone corner of your space so it
feels new, and yours.
With my divorce, I actually justmoved out of my apartment.
We had to break the lease.
I had to essentially force himto pay his side of the lease
(18:00):
breaking fee.
He actually really quick sidenote he suggested to me that we
could wait out the lease.
For wait out the lease whichwas had like five more months on
it, something crazy like that,maybe six more months on it, and
he was like we could just likelive together.
And I was like you think itwould be good for a divorced
(18:24):
couple to live together?
And he was like, yeah, I justdon't want to spend the money
because, remember, he had nomoney so he had to beg his mommy
to pay that lease break.
But I digress, but like justmake something feel new and
something that he hasn't or theyhaven't like not stained.
(18:49):
But you know what I mean.
Like, if they've hung out inyour room or your apartment, get
new pillows, get, just.
Feel like something is freshand new and something that you
feel is for you.
Take a solo walk with a podcastthat makes you laugh.
Please, ladies, do this safelyin a safe neighborhood.
(19:09):
That's my only caveat to this.
I think, uh, hot girl walks thebest, okay, but uh, just, yeah,
make sure you're safe.
And also, if you want thepodcast to be, you know this
podcast, I wouldn't be like apost, but, um, this is just
(19:30):
advice in general so you couldlisten to whatever the hell you
want.
Go listen to some songs youlove.
Who cares?
Do what you want.
Um, I think this is like thefifth one, I don't fucking know.
Go to a different coffee shopthan your regular one so you
don't accidentally run into himif you guys went to the same one
.
Okay, it's the small things.
It's the small things.
(19:51):
It's the small things aboutmaking changes, and not because,
like, he's affecting thosechanges, it's because you, you
want to do them.
You are showing up for yourself, and if you're not ready to
post or show up or like publicly, that's fine.
No one else ever has to seethese or like, hear these things
(20:17):
that you're doing it's just foryou and your healing, and like,
for me, the truth is my softlaunch didn't look like a
glow-up.
I'm currently in my glow-up era, um, not brag or anything, but
truly I felt so much betterafter my divorce after I got
(20:38):
through kind of the healingaspect of everything.
I'm still healing.
There's lifelong healing withthat, but you know the like
initial pain and agony.
Like my soft launch didn't looklike a glow up, like all cute
and amazing.
(20:58):
It wasn't aesthetic Um, itlooked like calling my mom from
the closet again.
Um, it looked like posting aselfie and deleting it two hours
later.
It looked like, uh, showing upto a birthday dinner even though
I felt like I couldn't breatheand I didn't fucking want to go,
but I knew it would be good forme.
(21:18):
But each time I kind of letmyself be seen, even if it was a
little, and I started to feelreal again, like I existed
outside of the breakup, outsideof this version of me, his
version of me, and for me thosewere steps and that was enough.
(21:42):
So you don't have to likenecessarily, you know, slay or
have this crazy glow up.
Most girlies do after a breakup.
That's that's like honestlyscientific fact at this point
but I'm no scientist so I can'tlike say that.
But like you don't have to behealed, you just have to show up
(22:03):
and like that's the whole point.
Healing is still like messy andnon-linear and it's crazy.
But a soft launch kind of isproof of life and sometimes that
is enough to keep going.
But uh, that's it for thisweek's episode of his loss
(22:27):
hotline.
And if you're not in the softlaunch area yet, don't stress,
stay in your ugly stage.
Okay, not like your ugly stage,but like you know what I mean,
like ugly healing.
Not, you're never ugly girly,but stay in that as long as you
need.
This episode will still be herewhen you're ready.
(22:49):
That's okay.
But next week we're getting alittle bit more into the chaos
of everything.
Um, divorce confessions I'veread some of them.
They're fucking crazy.
I'm so sorry to the girlies whohave gone through this.
Um, but we're gonna get into itthe catharsis, the mess, the
(23:10):
unhinged realities of what it'sactually like to end a marriage
and uh live to tell all yourfriends, maybe even your group
chat, maybe it's the samefriends who cares.
But uh, in the meantime, textthis episode to your best friend
if you want or like, leave afive-star review, or follow us
(23:33):
on TikTok and Instagram at GirlHang Up.
We also do have a Facebook.
If that's your jam, it'susually just TikTok and
Instagram, but we also have aPinterest.
So, yeah, follow us everywherefor maybe hot takes or soft
launch, level petty or whateverelse we feel like posting, but
(23:58):
just know that we're always herefor you and I really really,
really, really, really reallyneed you guys all to remember.
It's his loss.
It's his loss.
I'm sorry, but the person youcalled has a voicemail box that
has not been set up yet.
(24:18):
Goodbye.
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