The #1 Cause of Failure Quitting Porn + How OnlyFans Is Destroying Men

Ep. #760 | Porn is shit, OnlyFans is the worst, and here's why many men can't quit.

⚡️ Get the blueprint here — ⁠https://www.holisticalpha.com/blueprint⁠

⚡️ Work with me — ⁠https://www.holisticalpha.com/coaching

Episode Transcript

(00:02):
On this episode, how only fans is destroying men and the number
one reason that guys fail when they're trying to get off of
porn. This is the holistic alpha male
optimization podcast where we help you unleash your true power
as a man. Hey guys, welcome back to the

(00:25):
show. I'm Steven Mathis.
Thanks for being here. Thanks for being part of the
tribe. Let's talk about porn.
Let's talk about only fans. I was online for a little bit
earlier today and I saw an ad for a business opportunity,
really exciting business opportunity for you to create AI

(00:47):
only fans models and sell AI porn.
And I really can't think of too many things that are more
destructive in terms of an Internet business than that.
There are, of course, some things, but that's right up
there because truly Only Fans specifically, not just porn, but

(01:11):
there's something different about that and the couple of,
you know, similar competitors. But of course, Only Fans is the
biggest that truly are destroying a lot of men's lives
and in a lot of ways, really destroying a lot of men, at
least putting them in, putting them in a position where a major
comeback is required in a lot ofways.

(01:34):
And the fact that not only are men being caught up in this
world of porn, which I was there, I was there for years,
not only fans, because I'm old enough that it was before Only
Fans. And I've been off of porn since
before Only Fans was a thing. But I had my days with porn, you
know, and most guys do. And the fact that now, not only

(02:00):
could a guy be in essence destroying his relationship, his
family, himself in a lot of wayssitting and looking at the
screen, but it might not even bea real woman on the other end,
the pixels which are fake to begin with, right?
This digital representation might not even be a digital

(02:21):
representation of a real woman. So you might be jerking off and
giving up your most powerful life force and disconnecting
from yourself, from your soul, from real sexuality in very
powerful ways, all to get off toan AI, right?

(02:43):
There's AI girlfriends now. It's getting worse and worse and
worse, and it is going to get a lot worse for a lot of guys.
But it's not going to get worse for you because you're here.
Most guys aren't. Most guys aren't working on it.
A lot are, though. I'm so glad that you're part of
that tribe who is actually working on this stuff, working
to to be better, to thrive in this way.

(03:06):
Let's talk about the biggest thing that causes guys to fail
when they're getting off of porn, bar none.
There's lots of factors. There are often very specific
little hinges that open big doors for guys in their own

(03:27):
unique circumstance. But there's one big failure
point by far. I've seen it more often than
anything else. And really it's been pretty much
100% of the time any guy that I've spoken with or worked with
or heard from who has tried and failed or tried and temporarily

(03:50):
succeeded and then gone back to porn and not been able to in a
long term sustainable way changethat part of their life.
The biggest thing that has been missing from their process, from
the way they attack it. I've seen so many guys, I've
heard from so many guys who have, you know, put their heart
and soul in a lot of ways into working on this, really poured

(04:13):
themselves into it and been deeply affected by the habit in
a negative way, been deeply affected bite in a positive way
when they can get away from it, and been deeply desiring of
making a change. And sometimes it's not a lack of
discipline. Sometimes it is right that needs

(04:33):
to be built. Sometimes it's not a lack of
discipline. It's not a lack of desire,
heart, commitment, any of those things.
What it is is it's a lack of a plan of what to do.
It's a lack of a plan of how to actually go about this part of
our life in a positive way. That's what's missing, right?

(04:53):
How do we get somewhere if we don't even know?
If we don't have any kind of directions, if we're not
following a trail, if we're not following some kind of, you
know, at least we have a map anda compass or we have an idea of
where we're going. If the only thing that we're
trying to do is just avoid a certain thing, then what we're

(05:15):
really doing is we're going nowhere.
And that's what happens, right? It's like there's this very, in
a short term way, appealing kindof thing.
And it's like, go somewhere else.
Where should I go? I don't know, go somewhere else.
Well, OK, I'll try, you know, and you move away from that.

(05:36):
But then that thing is there andit's really appealing.
And there's, you don't really know where else to go.
And maybe you get little inklings of where else to go,
but there's really no clear path, no clear destination.
So then you go back to it, right?
So if you or someone you know, by the way, I know a lot of you

(05:56):
guys have sons, grandsons, friends, other family members
who either have or are struggling with this, or maybe
they're not even to that age yet.
And you're just thinking about, man, when my sons get to that
age, I'm not going to address this.
Well, I can tell you one of the most important things, whether

(06:17):
it's you wanting to really make a long term change in this for
good or it's anybody else that you care about.
You got to have a plan of actionof what you're going to do and
how you're going to engage with this part of your life in a
positive way. And the beautiful thing, here's
the best part. Here's the best part.

(06:38):
By far the best part is that it's more fun, it's more
pleasure, It's more exciting once you get into that path and
it automatically keeps you away from the negative path to large
degree. It starts to make that response

(07:00):
to stay away from the negative path much more automatic.
Because what you'll find and what thousands of guys that I've
worked with or heard from have found is when we start to really
benefit from that amazing positive path, the negative path
that seems short term appealing,that triggers some of that stuff

(07:23):
in the brain. You know, that path has it has
appeal. There's there's a reason why
guys get very drawn to it, hooked on it, spend fortunes on
only fans, go broke. By the way, let's come back to
that for a second. Here's what's different about
only fans and this like AI girlfriend stuff and all that,

(07:45):
is that, you know, porn in the earlier versions, let's say
decades ago, it's like a magazine, a Playboy, right?
Then there's Internet and there's like when I was a kid, I
remember clicking on a link thatwas just like
imgunderscoreanumber.jpg and I clicked on the link and I'm just

(08:06):
hoping it's going to be good, you know?
And it loads. It's like it loads really,
really slowly and it's either good or not good, you know, kind
of turned around the moment or did from that to broadband to
video to now only fans here. Here's the difference is that it
triggers more of those interacting with someone things

(08:29):
in the brain, right? So if a guy's an only fans and
he's making a special request orhe's messaging a girl, which by
the way, it's probably a bot or it's like a dude, you know, in
in Nigeria or something that you're chatting with.
You're not chatting with the girl that you're seeing.
If you really think you're chatting with some, you know,
only fans model that has any number of followers or whatever,

(08:52):
you're not very likely. But that chatting, that
interaction, it triggers more ofthose things that get triggered
when we're in a relationship with a real human being.
And so thus it becomes more addictive, right?
Because it's triggering more of those things that we want, that

(09:14):
we should want, that we have deep God-given universe given
desires for, for connection, forsex, for intimacy, for touch,
for all of those things. We have these desires for a
reason. And the only fan stuff, it
triggers more of those because it triggers the relationship
stuff, you know, and that's, that's absolutely part of it.
So it's more dangerous. It's more dangerous, period.

(09:38):
Develop, find, look back throughepisodes of this podcast, work
with me in coaching, stay connected with me and listen to
future episodes of the show, however you can to figure out a
positive path with your sexuality and dive into that.
That is what will keep you away from porn for good.
Finding something that's much more awesome.

(10:01):
When something becomes much moreawesome, you lose the desire for
the old thing. You know, it's like if you have
100 bucks and I give you an envelope with 1000 bucks, and
then I offered to give you the 100 bucks back and and take the
1000 again, you're going to be like, Nah, I'm good.
I'll keep the thousand. I'm I'm good.
Thanks though, right? That's what happens when you,

(10:23):
when you figure out and you embody an enlivened, enlivening
positive path. That's what happens.
It's like you look at the old path.
It's like, no, I don't, I'm out.You know it.
It loses its appeal. You may know that because I know
some of you guys do. You may not know that, but you

(10:43):
can imagine it and you can stay curious about it.
And I promise you that whatever else you're going to do to get
rid of the porn thing, make surethat part of it is deciding and
understanding and getting clarity within yourself of what
that positive path looks like for you and engaging with it

(11:04):
with consistency, with intention, with heart, with
commitment, right? Stay committed to those positive
practices, not just when they feel good, right?
Working out, for example, physical exercise, it works best
when we do it as a habit, when we commit to it, sometimes we're

(11:25):
going to feel good. We're going to be excited to get
that workout, that hike, that walk.
Sometimes not so much, but it really only works when we really
commit to it. Same thing with the positive
path of sexuality. It only really works when you
really commit to it. I can't just be a when you're
particularly aroused by it kind of thing.
As always, thanks for being herewith me.
Thanks for continuing to stack positive bricks in your

(11:47):
sexuality. I truly believe to the depths of
my being that it is one of the very biggest issues that society
faces today. It is at the root of a lot of
other toxicity, a lot of the ways that things play out in
family dynamics and society, notall, but a lot can be traced

(12:07):
back to sexuality. And I know that you felt
different layers of this good, bad in the middle, all kinds of
unique versions for you and yourown journey and have a feeling
that you have a feeling as well that this really is a very
important issue for us as men, as a society.
So thus it is very important work.

(12:28):
Good on you for doing it. Keep doing it, keep stacking
bricks. Talk to you soon.