December 3, 2024 • 19 mins
What happens when a compassionate heart meets an unwavering drive to make a difference? Tonia Tewell, the remarkable founder of Holding Out Help, shares her incredible journey of transformation from a stay-at-home mom to a leader of a nonprofit organization dedicated to helping individuals transition out of polygamous communities. Tonia's story begins with a selfless act—opening her home to a family in need—and spirals into a movement of empowerment and support. Through her personal battle with cancer and a deep desire to serve others, she reveals the unique challenges faced by those leaving polygamous societies and underscores the importance of providing them with the guidance they need to start anew.
In our conversation, Tonia delves into the cultural nuances of polygamous communities, offering a window into their complex realities. She emphasizes the importance of bravery and courage in pursuing one's mission, while also confronting the hurdles of financial constraints and secondary trauma faced by her team. Discover the significance of transparency in supporting trustworthy organizations, with tips on using resources like GuideStar and Charity Navigator. If you're inspired to help or just curious, learn how you can connect with Tonia's impactful work at Holding Out Help. Her story is bound to touch your heart and ignite your passion for making a meaningful difference.
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Visit www.hollycurby.com for more information and to sign up for the monthly Holly's Happenings e-newsletter. Holly's Highlights podcast and the opinions and ideas shared within it are for entertainment purposes only. The advice should be confirmed with a qualified professional.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Hi, friend, welcome to Holly's Highlights, a podcast
designed to encourage, inspireand equip you to intentionally
live your life full of purpose.
I'm your host, holly Kirby,motivational speaker, leadership
cultivator, marketingstrategist and personal
cheerleader.
Let's check out today'shighlights.
When we think of the holidaysfor many of us, we get so
(00:24):
excited, but for some,thanksgiving, christmas, even
New Year's, reminds people ofhardships such as financial
strains, broken relationships,even loss of loved ones.
Might I suggest gifting a copyof the book Facelift Embracing
Hope Through your Heartaches tofriends, family, neighbors, your
book club, networking groups oreven as teacher gifts.
(00:45):
Facelift is available throughlocal bookstores and even online
retailers such as Target,walmart, barnes, noble and
Amazon.
You'll not only be encouragingthose you give a copy of
Facelift to, but also making apositive impact in the lives of
those affected by cancer, as aportion of the proceeds of
Facelift go directly to HuntsmanCancer Foundation in the fight
against cancer.
(01:05):
Need to order 30 or more booksfor an upcoming event or book
club?
Connect with me directly athello at hollykirbycom for bulk
discount information through thepublisher Coiler Books.
This Christmas, give a gift ofhope by giving a copy of
Facelift to everyone on yourChristmas list.
Today I have the pleasure ofbeing joined by Tanya Toole,
(01:27):
founder of Holding Out Help.
I met Tanya years ago through acommunity outreach opportunity
and I was floored by her passion, her kindness and, of course,
her heart.
She is one of those rare womenwho draws you in through her
sweet smile and graciouswelcoming, one who truly makes
each and every one sheencounters feel seen and like
they belong.
I think Tanya can help each ofus today learn and grow, and how
(01:50):
to harness our passions andfuel them into a purposeful,
intentional outcome in servingothers and making a positive
impact in our community.
Welcome, Tanya.
Thank you for investing yourtime with us today.
Speaker 2 (02:03):
Yes, thank you for having me, holly.
You're so kind with all yoursweet words, because I think the
same about you.
Oh, I just adore you.
Speaker 1 (02:09):
Thank you so much.
Well, we're going to dive rightin.
There's so much to cover.
As I intentionally didn't sharemuch about holding out help as
a prelude to our time together,I'd rather have our listeners
learn or hear directly from youon what it is and how it got
started.
Speaker 2 (02:26):
Yeah, that's a great question, Holly.
You know 18, I would say.
Years ago roughly, we got anemail from a pastor that just
said hey, there is a family ofsix in need and we know you have
a basement you're not using.
Would you be willing to takethem in?
And they're from polygamy, bythe way.
So my husband and I we prayedabout it, we talked about it
(02:46):
with our three young girls andwe're like this is something
that we can do.
We look at our assets as God'sassets, not ours.
And so we took in this familyof six, and it was not long
after that.
We were just kind of shocked atwhat was happening in the state
of Utah.
It's kind of spread throughoutthe United States but just what
was happening in the name of God, that was just so concerning,
(03:09):
and I think my husband and Ihave always lived under the
premise of our job is really tolove and to serve all people.
And so when we got them in youknow religious freedom, we
didn't judge at all, andstarting to hear some of the
oppression that was happeningwas really, I guess,
discouraging.
And so we had them in our homefor only a couple months.
That was our shortest stint.
(03:30):
And then the word kind of gotout throughout our community and
we kind of became theUnderground Railroad in Utah,
and so our house was full forthree years straight.
At one point, I think, we hadtwo families, which was 16
people, 12 children in our homeand really at that point we just
felt like something more neededto be done, and so we started
holding out help in 2008 andjust started reaching out to
(03:52):
neighbors, churches, businesses,really anybody that would hear
our plight, and so we've beenaround for quite a long time now
16 years, wow.
Speaker 1 (04:01):
I had never heard that story before.
That is fascinating to me howyou got started Now.
I grew up living down thestreet from a polygamous family
and I've worked alongside a fewpolygamous teenagers, but many
listening might not be familiarwith a polygamous culture.
Will you help us with someinsights in getting to know and
understand those you serve?
Speaker 2 (04:18):
Yeah, you know that's another great question.
I think the first thing thatyour listeners need to hear is
there's probably about 15,000independents, which means
they're not under any specificleader, and they go to the same
you know they well the sameschools your children go to.
They work at the samebusinesses You'd see them out in
, you know everyday culture.
(04:40):
And then you have about 45,000that live in more insular,
isolated communities, and thosecommunities they believe that
there is one leader, also knownas the prophet.
They believe their prophethears directly from God and so
what their prophet says you mustdo in order to get to heaven,
and so there's a lot of, I meanyou really have to follow.
(05:03):
So it's set up almost like asocialistic environment where
all decisions are made on yourbehalf in the community and then
, when they get dumped in ourcompetitive environment, they're
frozen in fear on how to makethe most basic decisions.
I will say that a majority ofthe people in these communities
are.
They're kind, they'reGod-fearing, they're hardworking
, they're wonderful human beings.
(05:24):
But you have the, the I don'tknow what you want to call it,
but like the hierarchy therewhere, sadly, in the three main
groups, you have people leadingthat maybe aren't in it for the
right reasons and take advantageof their people, and so that's
where it gets really hard,watching these innocent
bystanders.
You know who are being takenadvantage so, and it can look
(05:46):
like child labor, it can looklike sexual exploitation, it can
simply be, you know, neglect,where they're just not giving
their people enough to live offof, and so it's a little bit
more.
I don't want to call it rough,but it's essentially where your
social environment, yourreligious environment, your
educational environment is alldone within your specific
(06:08):
polygamous group, so they don'tengage with outsiders like you
and I would.
Speaker 1 (06:13):
Right right Now.
I was speechless when I heardthat Holding Out Help has served
nearly 3,000 people.
Are there any stories that youfeel we should hear to help us
understand what these peopleface and how important the need
is holding out help is?
Meeting?
Speaker 2 (06:27):
Yeah, you know and I don't quote me on this in 2023.
I want to say we served like260 people.
Last year was 325.
So far this year and the yearisn't over we have served 468
people.
So the need is growing.
People are starting to floodout of their communities.
And what was your question?
(06:49):
Again I forgot.
I'm so sorry.
Speaker 1 (06:50):
Yeah, no, you're good .
Just any stories that we shouldhear, any stories that we
should hear, that would help usunderstand a little bit more
about what you're meeting, whatthe needs of the people are.
Speaker 2 (07:01):
Yeah, a lot of people can look this up, but we did a
press conference We've done tworecently where, if we take these
, let's say, a woman comes outwith children and we go to court
and we do it legally right andthe wife gets the main custody
of her children and they gothrough a legal divorce.
Some of them are spirituallymarried, so there's no need for
(07:22):
a divorce.
There's a recent revelationthat came out in the FLDS it was
technically about three yearsago that said, in five and a
half years you can become atranslated being and that means
you become pure like JesusChrist.
(07:43):
But the kicker is you must diefirst and then you'll be risen
like Jesus Christ in two and ahalf, three days.
And so this was a revelationthat was supposed to be acted
out in about five and a halfyears, and we're probably three,
three and a half years into it,and so we're really concerned
that there may be a mass suicide.
So, as their followers havebeen hearing about this
(08:03):
revelation, when they get windof it, a lot of them have taken
their kids and ran, and thenwhen they run, sometimes when
the husband has visitation, theyconveniently go missing or run
away, and so it's a littledaunting right now.
I will say, when they land onour doorstep they usually land
with the clothes on their backs.
They don't usually have, youknow, assets, money, vehicles,
(08:27):
and so it's a lot to get them ontheir feet.
There's nothing we don't offer.
So it's important to know thatwe offer the basic necessities
of food, clothing, shelter andsafety.
Then really, once they can comeup and breathe, then we start
focusing on their future.
So that would look likeeducation, job skills.
We have a full servicecounseling division with four
(08:49):
counselors and a neurofeedbackclinician.
We have tutors on site, casemanagement on site, really
anything that you can imagine.
So I mean, because ofconfidentiality I can't share
specifics, but because thosehave all been public, those can
all be shared.
And actually I'm in town rightnow.
I've driven a couple of hoursaway from home because we have
court tomorrow on one of thesemothers that has had her child
(09:11):
missing for two, three years nowand they have no idea where the
child is, and so we hope thejudge puts the pressure to
either put him in jail if he'snot going to bring the child
forward or puts enough pressurethat he actually brings her
child forward.
Speaker 1 (09:23):
So Wow, well, it sounds.
Yeah, it sounds like it, and itsounds like there's a lot of
care and resources and supportthat you do offer.
I saw on your website yourmission for holding out help,
striving to provide those from apolygamous culture the care,
the support and the resources tobecome independent and
self-sufficient.
It sounds like that's exactlywhat that group is doing.
(09:44):
Is that mainly composed ofvolunteers that people can take
part in?
Is it a staff that you have?
Speaker 2 (09:52):
Yeah, so we have a paid staff of 10.
A lot of them are part-timers.
We live on a very shoestringbudget.
We serve one client for theentire year for only about
$2,500.
Again, the entire year.
And then it's a lot ofvolunteers, and so we have three
properties and we needmaintenance.
Often we need yard work.
(10:12):
People come in to do our groups, like.
We have a big Christmassponsorship program coming up on
December 14th and it's run byall volunteers.
We put trees up in churchesthat have ornaments on it and
each client gets to ask for oneneed and one want, and this year
we had 550 gifts that we aretrying to fill, and so, and that
(10:34):
whole event is run byvolunteers.
And so, yeah, volunteers arethe key to our success.
Speaker 1 (10:40):
It sounds like this year is actually your largest
year yet as far as those thatyou're meeting needs of.
Is that accurate?
That's pretty accurate.
Yep, wow.
Now, tanya, speak to the onelistening who has a distinct
passion about something burningwithin their soul, like you did
and have, for holding out help.
Where do they even begin infulfilling what some may see as
(11:01):
their purpose, whether it be tostart an organization, such as
you did, or to volunteer withgroups or even help meet needs
in other ways?
Speaker 2 (11:09):
Yeah, I would say truly follow your passion.
I never set out to start anonprofit.
I was a stay-at-home mom for 10years.
I was in banking and financeprior to that and I really loved
my life.
And I got cancer and I wasdiagnosed with stage four and I
remember laying on what Ithought was going to be my
(11:30):
deathbed and thinking reallyhaven't done much in this world
to serve others and I was givenso much as a child by strangers
who leaned into my life.
And so I remember God allowingme to get off that deathbed and
I remember thinking I said alittle Hail Mary, prayer God, if
you get me off of here, I'mgoing to serve you boldly in
whatever capacity you see fitfor my life.
(11:51):
And the very next thing thatlands in my lap is a family from
polygamy.
I'm from Nebraska.
I'm like wait, this reallyhappens here in the state of
Utah.
And so I just followed.
I had.
I was so filled up by the verylittle of just putting a riff
over someone's head and watchingthem thrive because of just a
(12:11):
little tiny act.
It wasn't me, it was them doingall the hard work.
I just opened up my home andbecame so passionate about this
cause and just knew I needed todo something more.
And so I reached out to anattorney who helped me.
He sat down and described how anonprofit is structured and
what did I need to get in place,and the rest was a lot of
prayer and a lot of asking forvolunteers to help, and the rest
kind of took on a lot of prayerand a lot of asking for
(12:32):
volunteers to help, and the restis kind of took on a life of
its own.
So just be brave, that's all Ihave to say.
Be brave, courageous, and justdo it.
Speaker 1 (12:44):
That is a lot of bravery and courageous acts for
sure, my friend.
Now what are some challengesyou have faced, whether setting
up that organization, leading itor other insights that might
help provide a more clearpicture of what truly is
involved in such an endeavor?
Speaker 2 (12:56):
Yeah, that's a great question.
I think finances is always oneright Like.
You're always struggling to getmoney to be able to survive for
the next year, sometimes thenext month.
But I think another keycomponent that people don't
realize, especially when you'redealing with the gravity of such
devastation, is that secondarytrauma is real, and so sometimes
(13:17):
it's hard to keep your casemanagers long-term.
They're passionate, they'reexcited at the beginning.
Within a couple of yearsthey're completely burned out
because the secondary traumathat's happening, their
sleepless nights and theiranxiety that's rising up, and so
I would say those are probablythe two biggest challenges we
face.
And then not having enough of ateam to provide the care for
(13:39):
everyone.
We're pretty short staffed mostof the time, but how do you
turn away somebody who hasreached out to you and needs
some hope?
You don't say I'm going to putyou on a wait list and call you
next month.
You say no, we will do what wecan, and we lean in and do the
very best with the resourcesthat we have.
Speaker 1 (13:56):
I love that.
I love that the impact that youmake through answering that
call for sure.
Now we all have a heightenedawareness these days of where we
give and you mentionedfinancial support is a huge one,
right and we also look at howwe support various opportunities
in our community andorganizations.
So how can donors andvolunteers be assured of where
(14:17):
the money and time is going whenthey support holding out help
or even what to look for inother organizations they have a
passion for?
Speaker 2 (14:24):
I think that is such a great question in that, do
your due diligence.
Every nonprofit is supposed tobe on some kind of a public
forum that people can check outtheir financials.
We happen to be on somethingcalled GuideStar, also known as
Candid.
There's also Charity Navigatorthat you can go on and our
financials are public.
(14:45):
And if you want to know more,like we're open book.
So if someone calls me and says, hey, can I look at your, you
know your last quarter offinancials, we'll send them a
full report.
But our 990 is what it's called.
That breaks down all yourfinancials, your givers, how you
spend your money is all verytransparent and should be out
(15:06):
there.
If you cannot find it, do notgive to that agency.
And then another thing I wouldsay is that you really want to
look at how much of the dollargoes directly towards the
programs for the clients, sodirectly serving the clients,
and it should be about 80%.
Some are 75.
That's fine.
Usually around 80% of thedollar goes to the client.
(15:30):
Those would be the main things Iwould say.
And then come in and meet theteam.
Come in and meet them andinterview them, just like we
interview people when we hirethem.
Don't be scared of asking thetough questions.
Speaker 1 (15:40):
Yeah, I like that.
I like that so many people areafraid to or not feeling like it
would be receptive and I thinkthat's a great point to be able
to go in and just show up, seethe office, meet some people.
Speaker 2 (15:52):
Yeah, and I would say if they're not receptive, run,
turn the other direction andfind a nonprofit that's going to
be open and transparent withyou.
Speaker 1 (16:00):
For sure.
Now, if our listeners do wantto give, if they want to get
involved or even reach out toyou with any questions or just
learn from your expertise, howmay they connect with you?
Speaker 2 (16:09):
You know they can find us on our website at
holdingouthelporg.
They can also call our mainline, which is 801-548-3492.
They can also call our mainline, which is 801-548-3492.
They can just Google us.
We have our social media.
We're on Facebook and Instagramas well.
A lot of times we will post ourneeds there publicly.
So any of those are great.
Speaker 1 (16:29):
Great, I'll make sure to list that in the show notes
too, for you listeners, to makethat a little bit more
convenient for you.
Now, tanya, here on Holly'sHighlights, we have a signature
question.
If you could go back andencourage, inspire or equip
yourself as a child, what wouldyou tell your young self?
Speaker 2 (16:47):
Well, that is a good question, because I had a really
, really, really rough childhoodand I remember thinking some
days like I don't think I wantto live anymore, I don't think I
want to be here, I don't thinkI can go through it anymore, and
I will say trust that God isgoing to take those things that
have happened to you and turnthem into good, like that is
where I learned whatunconditional love was.
That is where I learnedcompassion by strangers who
leaned into my life at 12 yearsold.
(17:09):
Right, all those things you cantake into your adulthood and
you can then turn around andchange lives.
So that would be what I wouldsay is just encourage myself to
hang in there, even if I have towhite knuckle it, because it's
gonna get better.
Speaker 1 (17:21):
So Perseverance and grit for sure for sure, yes, yes
.
Now listeners, I have to sharesomething really cool about
today.
Not only is it Giving Tuesday2024, and to learn more about
what Giving Tuesday is and howit originated, check out Holly's
Highlights Podcast, season 1,episode 8.
But Holding Out Help has had agenerous donor step forward and
(17:41):
offer a dollar-for-dollar matchthroughout the month of December
2024, up to $50,000.
Holding Out Help's goal isactually to raise $150,000 total
.
Oh, my friends, if you'relistening right now, would you
please consider bringing hopeand healing to those in need
through donating to holding outhelp during this time?
Now you may think I can onlygive 100 or 50 or even 10 or 5,
(18:04):
but right now that is doubleddue to the timing of this dollar
for dollar match.
So won't you consider joiningTanya and her team in the fight
of making such a positive impactin the lives of those who have
courageously taken that step andthey just need encouragement in
their steps to follow?
Now to do this, as Tanya shared, simply visit holdingouthelporg
.
Tanya, you are amazing.
(18:26):
I have no doubt that one dayyou will stand before the Lord
and hear those priceless words.
Well done, my good and faithfulservant, cheering you on, my
friend, and inspired by youalong the way.
Thank you for sharing with ustoday.
Speaker 2 (18:37):
Thank you so much, holly.
Much love my friend.
Speaker 1 (18:40):
Thank you for joining me on this journey of life.
I hope that today's highlighthas been encouraging, inspiring
and equipping so you can go outand live your life full of
purpose.
I'd be honored if you'd take amoment to leave a review or,
better yet, subscribe.
We can also stay in touch byjoining my email list at
hollykirbycom.
(19:01):
That's H-O-L-L-Y, c-u-r-b-y dotcom.
Until next time, make it agreat day for a great day.
Hi, friend, welcome to Holly's Highlights, a podcast
designed to encourage, inspireand equip you to intentionally
live your life full of purpose.
I'm your host, holly Kirby,motivational speaker, leadership
cultivator, marketingstrategist and personal
cheerleader.
Let's check out today'shighlights.
When we think of the holidaysfor many of us, we get so
(00:24):
excited, but for some,thanksgiving, christmas, even
New Year's, reminds people ofhardships such as financial
strains, broken relationships,even loss of loved ones.
Might I suggest gifting a copyof the book Facelift Embracing
Hope Through your Heartaches tofriends, family, neighbors, your
book club, networking groups oreven as teacher gifts.
(00:45):
Facelift is available throughlocal bookstores and even online
retailers such as Target,walmart, barnes, noble and
Amazon.
You'll not only be encouragingthose you give a copy of
Facelift to, but also making apositive impact in the lives of
those affected by cancer, as aportion of the proceeds of
Facelift go directly to HuntsmanCancer Foundation in the fight
against cancer.
(01:05):
Need to order 30 or more booksfor an upcoming event or book
club?
Connect with me directly athello at hollykirbycom for bulk
discount information through thepublisher Coiler Books.
This Christmas, give a gift ofhope by giving a copy of
Facelift to everyone on yourChristmas list.
Today I have the pleasure ofbeing joined by Tanya Toole,
(01:27):
founder of Holding Out Help.
I met Tanya years ago through acommunity outreach opportunity
and I was floored by her passion, her kindness and, of course,
her heart.
She is one of those rare womenwho draws you in through her
sweet smile and graciouswelcoming, one who truly makes
each and every one sheencounters feel seen and like
they belong.
I think Tanya can help each ofus today learn and grow, and how
(01:50):
to harness our passions andfuel them into a purposeful,
intentional outcome in servingothers and making a positive
impact in our community.
Welcome, Tanya.
Thank you for investing yourtime with us today.
Speaker 2 (02:03):
Yes, thank you for having me, holly.
You're so kind with all yoursweet words, because I think the
same about you.
Oh, I just adore you.
Speaker 1 (02:09):
Thank you so much.
Well, we're going to dive rightin.
There's so much to cover.
As I intentionally didn't sharemuch about holding out help as
a prelude to our time together,I'd rather have our listeners
learn or hear directly from youon what it is and how it got
started.
Speaker 2 (02:26):
Yeah, that's a great question, Holly.
You know 18, I would say.
Years ago roughly, we got anemail from a pastor that just
said hey, there is a family ofsix in need and we know you have
a basement you're not using.
Would you be willing to takethem in?
And they're from polygamy, bythe way.
So my husband and I we prayedabout it, we talked about it
(02:46):
with our three young girls andwe're like this is something
that we can do.
We look at our assets as God'sassets, not ours.
And so we took in this familyof six, and it was not long
after that.
We were just kind of shocked atwhat was happening in the state
of Utah.
It's kind of spread throughoutthe United States but just what
was happening in the name of God, that was just so concerning,
(03:09):
and I think my husband and Ihave always lived under the
premise of our job is really tolove and to serve all people.
And so when we got them in youknow religious freedom, we
didn't judge at all, andstarting to hear some of the
oppression that was happeningwas really, I guess,
discouraging.
And so we had them in our homefor only a couple months.
That was our shortest stint.
(03:30):
And then the word kind of gotout throughout our community and
we kind of became theUnderground Railroad in Utah,
and so our house was full forthree years straight.
At one point, I think, we hadtwo families, which was 16
people, 12 children in our homeand really at that point we just
felt like something more neededto be done, and so we started
holding out help in 2008 andjust started reaching out to
(03:52):
neighbors, churches, businesses,really anybody that would hear
our plight, and so we've beenaround for quite a long time now
16 years, wow.
Speaker 1 (04:01):
I had never heard that story before.
That is fascinating to me howyou got started Now.
I grew up living down thestreet from a polygamous family
and I've worked alongside a fewpolygamous teenagers, but many
listening might not be familiarwith a polygamous culture.
Will you help us with someinsights in getting to know and
understand those you serve?
Speaker 2 (04:18):
Yeah, you know that's another great question.
I think the first thing thatyour listeners need to hear is
there's probably about 15,000independents, which means
they're not under any specificleader, and they go to the same
you know they well the sameschools your children go to.
They work at the samebusinesses You'd see them out in
, you know everyday culture.
(04:40):
And then you have about 45,000that live in more insular,
isolated communities, and thosecommunities they believe that
there is one leader, also knownas the prophet.
They believe their prophethears directly from God and so
what their prophet says you mustdo in order to get to heaven,
and so there's a lot of, I meanyou really have to follow.
(05:03):
So it's set up almost like asocialistic environment where
all decisions are made on yourbehalf in the community and then
, when they get dumped in ourcompetitive environment, they're
frozen in fear on how to makethe most basic decisions.
I will say that a majority ofthe people in these communities
are.
They're kind, they'reGod-fearing, they're hardworking
, they're wonderful human beings.
(05:24):
But you have the, the I don'tknow what you want to call it,
but like the hierarchy therewhere, sadly, in the three main
groups, you have people leadingthat maybe aren't in it for the
right reasons and take advantageof their people, and so that's
where it gets really hard,watching these innocent
bystanders.
You know who are being takenadvantage so, and it can look
(05:46):
like child labor, it can looklike sexual exploitation, it can
simply be, you know, neglect,where they're just not giving
their people enough to live offof, and so it's a little bit
more.
I don't want to call it rough,but it's essentially where your
social environment, yourreligious environment, your
educational environment is alldone within your specific
(06:08):
polygamous group, so they don'tengage with outsiders like you
and I would.
Speaker 1 (06:13):
Right right Now.
I was speechless when I heardthat Holding Out Help has served
nearly 3,000 people.
Are there any stories that youfeel we should hear to help us
understand what these peopleface and how important the need
is holding out help is?
Meeting?
Speaker 2 (06:27):
Yeah, you know and I don't quote me on this in 2023.
I want to say we served like260 people.
Last year was 325.
So far this year and the yearisn't over we have served 468
people.
So the need is growing.
People are starting to floodout of their communities.
And what was your question?
(06:49):
Again I forgot.
I'm so sorry.
Speaker 1 (06:50):
Yeah, no, you're good .
Just any stories that we shouldhear, any stories that we
should hear, that would help usunderstand a little bit more
about what you're meeting, whatthe needs of the people are.
Speaker 2 (07:01):
Yeah, a lot of people can look this up, but we did a
press conference We've done tworecently where, if we take these
, let's say, a woman comes outwith children and we go to court
and we do it legally right andthe wife gets the main custody
of her children and they gothrough a legal divorce.
Some of them are spirituallymarried, so there's no need for
(07:22):
a divorce.
There's a recent revelationthat came out in the FLDS it was
technically about three yearsago that said, in five and a
half years you can become atranslated being and that means
you become pure like JesusChrist.
(07:43):
But the kicker is you must diefirst and then you'll be risen
like Jesus Christ in two and ahalf, three days.
And so this was a revelationthat was supposed to be acted
out in about five and a halfyears, and we're probably three,
three and a half years into it,and so we're really concerned
that there may be a mass suicide.
So, as their followers havebeen hearing about this
(08:03):
revelation, when they get windof it, a lot of them have taken
their kids and ran, and thenwhen they run, sometimes when
the husband has visitation, theyconveniently go missing or run
away, and so it's a littledaunting right now.
I will say, when they land onour doorstep they usually land
with the clothes on their backs.
They don't usually have, youknow, assets, money, vehicles,
(08:27):
and so it's a lot to get them ontheir feet.
There's nothing we don't offer.
So it's important to know thatwe offer the basic necessities
of food, clothing, shelter andsafety.
Then really, once they can comeup and breathe, then we start
focusing on their future.
So that would look likeeducation, job skills.
We have a full servicecounseling division with four
(08:49):
counselors and a neurofeedbackclinician.
We have tutors on site, casemanagement on site, really
anything that you can imagine.
So I mean, because ofconfidentiality I can't share
specifics, but because thosehave all been public, those can
all be shared.
And actually I'm in town rightnow.
I've driven a couple of hoursaway from home because we have
court tomorrow on one of thesemothers that has had her child
(09:11):
missing for two, three years nowand they have no idea where the
child is, and so we hope thejudge puts the pressure to
either put him in jail if he'snot going to bring the child
forward or puts enough pressurethat he actually brings her
child forward.
Speaker 1 (09:23):
So Wow, well, it sounds.
Yeah, it sounds like it, and itsounds like there's a lot of
care and resources and supportthat you do offer.
I saw on your website yourmission for holding out help,
striving to provide those from apolygamous culture the care,
the support and the resources tobecome independent and
self-sufficient.
It sounds like that's exactlywhat that group is doing.
(09:44):
Is that mainly composed ofvolunteers that people can take
part in?
Is it a staff that you have?
Speaker 2 (09:52):
Yeah, so we have a paid staff of 10.
A lot of them are part-timers.
We live on a very shoestringbudget.
We serve one client for theentire year for only about
$2,500.
Again, the entire year.
And then it's a lot ofvolunteers, and so we have three
properties and we needmaintenance.
Often we need yard work.
(10:12):
People come in to do our groups, like.
We have a big Christmassponsorship program coming up on
December 14th and it's run byall volunteers.
We put trees up in churchesthat have ornaments on it and
each client gets to ask for oneneed and one want, and this year
we had 550 gifts that we aretrying to fill, and so, and that
(10:34):
whole event is run byvolunteers.
And so, yeah, volunteers arethe key to our success.
Speaker 1 (10:40):
It sounds like this year is actually your largest
year yet as far as those thatyou're meeting needs of.
Is that accurate?
That's pretty accurate.
Yep, wow.
Now, tanya, speak to the onelistening who has a distinct
passion about something burningwithin their soul, like you did
and have, for holding out help.
Where do they even begin infulfilling what some may see as
(11:01):
their purpose, whether it be tostart an organization, such as
you did, or to volunteer withgroups or even help meet needs
in other ways?
Speaker 2 (11:09):
Yeah, I would say truly follow your passion.
I never set out to start anonprofit.
I was a stay-at-home mom for 10years.
I was in banking and financeprior to that and I really loved
my life.
And I got cancer and I wasdiagnosed with stage four and I
remember laying on what Ithought was going to be my
(11:30):
deathbed and thinking reallyhaven't done much in this world
to serve others and I was givenso much as a child by strangers
who leaned into my life.
And so I remember God allowingme to get off that deathbed and
I remember thinking I said alittle Hail Mary, prayer God, if
you get me off of here, I'mgoing to serve you boldly in
whatever capacity you see fitfor my life.
(11:51):
And the very next thing thatlands in my lap is a family from
polygamy.
I'm from Nebraska.
I'm like wait, this reallyhappens here in the state of
Utah.
And so I just followed.
I had.
I was so filled up by the verylittle of just putting a riff
over someone's head and watchingthem thrive because of just a
(12:11):
little tiny act.
It wasn't me, it was them doingall the hard work.
I just opened up my home andbecame so passionate about this
cause and just knew I needed todo something more.
And so I reached out to anattorney who helped me.
He sat down and described how anonprofit is structured and
what did I need to get in place,and the rest was a lot of
prayer and a lot of asking forvolunteers to help, and the rest
kind of took on a lot of prayerand a lot of asking for
(12:32):
volunteers to help, and the restis kind of took on a life of
its own.
So just be brave, that's all Ihave to say.
Be brave, courageous, and justdo it.
Speaker 1 (12:44):
That is a lot of bravery and courageous acts for
sure, my friend.
Now what are some challengesyou have faced, whether setting
up that organization, leading itor other insights that might
help provide a more clearpicture of what truly is
involved in such an endeavor?
Speaker 2 (12:56):
Yeah, that's a great question.
I think finances is always oneright Like.
You're always struggling to getmoney to be able to survive for
the next year, sometimes thenext month.
But I think another keycomponent that people don't
realize, especially when you'redealing with the gravity of such
devastation, is that secondarytrauma is real, and so sometimes
(13:17):
it's hard to keep your casemanagers long-term.
They're passionate, they'reexcited at the beginning.
Within a couple of yearsthey're completely burned out
because the secondary traumathat's happening, their
sleepless nights and theiranxiety that's rising up, and so
I would say those are probablythe two biggest challenges we
face.
And then not having enough of ateam to provide the care for
(13:39):
everyone.
We're pretty short staffed mostof the time, but how do you
turn away somebody who hasreached out to you and needs
some hope?
You don't say I'm going to putyou on a wait list and call you
next month.
You say no, we will do what wecan, and we lean in and do the
very best with the resourcesthat we have.
Speaker 1 (13:56):
I love that.
I love that the impact that youmake through answering that
call for sure.
Now we all have a heightenedawareness these days of where we
give and you mentionedfinancial support is a huge one,
right and we also look at howwe support various opportunities
in our community andorganizations.
So how can donors andvolunteers be assured of where
(14:17):
the money and time is going whenthey support holding out help
or even what to look for inother organizations they have a
passion for?
Speaker 2 (14:24):
I think that is such a great question in that, do
your due diligence.
Every nonprofit is supposed tobe on some kind of a public
forum that people can check outtheir financials.
We happen to be on somethingcalled GuideStar, also known as
Candid.
There's also Charity Navigatorthat you can go on and our
financials are public.
(14:45):
And if you want to know more,like we're open book.
So if someone calls me and says, hey, can I look at your, you
know your last quarter offinancials, we'll send them a
full report.
But our 990 is what it's called.
That breaks down all yourfinancials, your givers, how you
spend your money is all verytransparent and should be out
(15:06):
there.
If you cannot find it, do notgive to that agency.
And then another thing I wouldsay is that you really want to
look at how much of the dollargoes directly towards the
programs for the clients, sodirectly serving the clients,
and it should be about 80%.
Some are 75.
That's fine.
Usually around 80% of thedollar goes to the client.
(15:30):
Those would be the main things Iwould say.
And then come in and meet theteam.
Come in and meet them andinterview them, just like we
interview people when we hirethem.
Don't be scared of asking thetough questions.
Speaker 1 (15:40):
Yeah, I like that.
I like that so many people areafraid to or not feeling like it
would be receptive and I thinkthat's a great point to be able
to go in and just show up, seethe office, meet some people.
Speaker 2 (15:52):
Yeah, and I would say if they're not receptive, run,
turn the other direction andfind a nonprofit that's going to
be open and transparent withyou.
Speaker 1 (16:00):
For sure.
Now, if our listeners do wantto give, if they want to get
involved or even reach out toyou with any questions or just
learn from your expertise, howmay they connect with you?
Speaker 2 (16:09):
You know they can find us on our website at
holdingouthelporg.
They can also call our mainline, which is 801-548-3492.
They can also call our mainline, which is 801-548-3492.
They can just Google us.
We have our social media.
We're on Facebook and Instagramas well.
A lot of times we will post ourneeds there publicly.
So any of those are great.
Speaker 1 (16:29):
Great, I'll make sure to list that in the show notes
too, for you listeners, to makethat a little bit more
convenient for you.
Now, tanya, here on Holly'sHighlights, we have a signature
question.
If you could go back andencourage, inspire or equip
yourself as a child, what wouldyou tell your young self?
Speaker 2 (16:47):
Well, that is a good question, because I had a really
, really, really rough childhoodand I remember thinking some
days like I don't think I wantto live anymore, I don't think I
want to be here, I don't thinkI can go through it anymore, and
I will say trust that God isgoing to take those things that
have happened to you and turnthem into good, like that is
where I learned whatunconditional love was.
That is where I learnedcompassion by strangers who
leaned into my life at 12 yearsold.
(17:09):
Right, all those things you cantake into your adulthood and
you can then turn around andchange lives.
So that would be what I wouldsay is just encourage myself to
hang in there, even if I have towhite knuckle it, because it's
gonna get better.
Speaker 1 (17:21):
So Perseverance and grit for sure for sure, yes, yes
.
Now listeners, I have to sharesomething really cool about
today.
Not only is it Giving Tuesday2024, and to learn more about
what Giving Tuesday is and howit originated, check out Holly's
Highlights Podcast, season 1,episode 8.
But Holding Out Help has had agenerous donor step forward and
(17:41):
offer a dollar-for-dollar matchthroughout the month of December
2024, up to $50,000.
Holding Out Help's goal isactually to raise $150,000 total
.
Oh, my friends, if you'relistening right now, would you
please consider bringing hopeand healing to those in need
through donating to holding outhelp during this time?
Now you may think I can onlygive 100 or 50 or even 10 or 5,
(18:04):
but right now that is doubleddue to the timing of this dollar
for dollar match.
So won't you consider joiningTanya and her team in the fight
of making such a positive impactin the lives of those who have
courageously taken that step andthey just need encouragement in
their steps to follow?
Now to do this, as Tanya shared, simply visit holdingouthelporg
.
Tanya, you are amazing.
(18:26):
I have no doubt that one dayyou will stand before the Lord
and hear those priceless words.
Well done, my good and faithfulservant, cheering you on, my
friend, and inspired by youalong the way.
Thank you for sharing with ustoday.
Speaker 2 (18:37):
Thank you so much, holly.
Much love my friend.
Speaker 1 (18:40):
Thank you for joining me on this journey of life.
I hope that today's highlighthas been encouraging, inspiring
and equipping so you can go outand live your life full of
purpose.
I'd be honored if you'd take amoment to leave a review or,
better yet, subscribe.
We can also stay in touch byjoining my email list at
hollykirbycom.
(19:01):
That's H-O-L-L-Y, c-u-r-b-y dotcom.
Until next time, make it agreat day for a great day.
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