May 28, 2024 • 18 mins
Imagine feeling completely out of your depth when feeling like you have to live up to speakers such as Lysa TerKeurst and Beth Moore. That's exactly what happened to me, and it led to a pivotal moment of confronting my own imposter syndrome. Join me in this heartfelt episode of as we unpack the complexities of imposter syndrome through personal stories and expert insights.
We'll explore Dr. Valerie Young's concept of the five types of imposter syndrome - from the perfectionist to the soloist - and learn to identify where we might see ourselves in these categories. But more importantly, we'll discuss practical strategies for embracing your self-worth, celebrating your achievements, and leaning on the support of a trusted inner circle as we let go and let God. Let's turn those feelings of inadequacy into stepping stones for a fulfilling life.
Related episodes on Holly's Highlights:
Season 1 :
4 tips to having a grateful heart E7
Season 2:
Purpose in our path - E13
Overcoming inferiority - E17
How to have an attitude of gratitude - E26
Season 3
10 tips to having unshakeable confidence - E9
5 must reads for personal growth and development - E11
How to be thankful this Thanksgiving - E24
Season 4
How to self love - E3
10 things learned on the job - E24
Season 5
Emotional Intelligence - E1
How to intentionally live your life full of purpose - E6
Professional growth: lessons from teh field to the office - E7
Would you consider leaving a review for my book, Face-Lift: Embracing Hope Through Your Heartaches on
Visit www.hollycurby.com for more information and to sign up for the monthly Holly's Happenings e-newsletter. Holly's Highlights podcast and the opinions and ideas sha
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Hi, friend, welcome to Holly's Highlights, a podcast
designed to encourage, inspireand equip you to intentionally
live your life full of purpose.
I'm your host, holly Kirby,motivational speaker, leadership
cultivator, marketingstrategist and personal
cheerleader.
Let's check out today'shighlights, wondering how you
(00:22):
can be the reason someone smilestoday, or what simple act you
could do to make a great impactin another's life.
Well, here's how.
I am in need of 100 bookreviews on Amazon for my book
Facelift Embracing Hope Throughyour Heartaches 100 reviews.
Would you mind taking a momentto go to Amazon type in Facelift
(00:42):
embracing hope through yourheartaches, or even go to the
link in the show notes and leavea positive review.
I so appreciate your time andbeing that one to make a
positive difference in my lifetoday.
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
The other night my son and Itook a drive to a little
festival in a little city nottoo far from us and as we were
(01:04):
driving I was asking him justquestions you know about this or
that, just kind of chat alongthe way and enjoying the drive,
when suddenly he started makingthose deep sigh sounds you can
relate with maybe a teenager inyour life or another loved one
that makes that sound.
Well, I looked over at him andhe had this look in his eye of
complete annoyance.
(01:25):
So I asked him what was goingon, to only then hear him reply
would you please stop talking?
Oh, would you please stoptalking.
That has been the story of mylife as a child and all of my
parent teacher conferences andon all of my report cards.
She's a great girl.
She just needs to not talk asmuch.
(01:46):
Even my sister growing up sheloved to have sleepovers with me
, as she said.
I helped her get to sleep bytalking her to sleep and still,
to this day my whole family evenjokes that I don't know how to
make a long story short.
So I guess it shouldn't be asurprise that I host a podcast
or that I'm often asked to speakat various functions and events
.
Although we tend to do whatcomes natural to us for me
(02:08):
speaking for you perhaps adifferent area it doesn't mean
that we don't struggle with theinsecurities, the doubts and
even those imposter syndromeblues.
Not too long ago, I was askedto speak at a women's conference
and they had flown me out tospeak and then drive to the
conference center, and it wasquite a lengthy drive and along
the way they were sharing withme how excited that they were to
(02:28):
have me there.
But, interestingly enough, theycontinued to share with me that
I wasn't their first choice.
That's okay, that didn't botherme.
I pray, asking God direction asto what speaking opportunities
I accept or not, and I hadprayed this one through.
I had felt God lead me to sayyes to this one, so I knew I was
where I was supposed to be.
However, I was a little curiouswho their number one choice
(02:50):
would have been, so I made thestupid decision to ask.
Now, to my surprise, theyresponded Lisa Turkhurst.
What I am on no level of LisaTurkhurst.
I mean, she's one I love tolisten to and I love to learn
from.
They continue to tell me thatshe was already booked and I
just wasn't sure I heard thename right.
(03:12):
So I asked well, who have youhad before that?
Oh, my friends, it got worse.
Beth Moore, okay, y'all.
This is where I should probablylet you in on three ladies.
I really enjoy learning fromPriscilla Shriver, lisa Tergerst
and Beth Moore.
They obviously had the wrongperson.
I am not in, nor even trying tobe in, those ladies' leagues.
(03:36):
Those ladies are all amazingBible scholars and I am just one
single mama who loves the Lordand simply trying to be open to
the whole where he leads.
I'll go thing.
So talk about imposter syndrome100%.
Now I got to the hotel and Ireached out to my dad and my
sister and was like they havethe wrong person.
I'm following Beth Moore andthey wanted Lisa Turkhurst and I
(04:00):
was a little freaked out.
But their reply back to me wasso simple, so sweet and so
God-focused of God knows who hechose.
He'll use you.
How many of you can relate?
You feel that talent you'vebeen given is suddenly not
enough as a CEO, a leader inyour organization, on the sports
(04:23):
team you play for or the bandyou're a part of, in your
volunteer role, or even as aparent or grandparent.
See, that's the thing is,imposter syndrome is not
discriminatory.
It can happen to people of allages, genders, cultures,
professions, demographics, asWebMD puts it.
You feel you're not as talentedor worthy as others believe and
(04:45):
you're scared that one daypeople will realize that.
Now, according to Dr ValerieYoung, there are five types of
imposter syndrome.
The perfectionist these are thecontrol freaks who need
everything perfect and struggleto delegate as they figure if
it's going to be done.
Right, they have to do it.
Then there's the superwoman orsuperman, and these are the go
(05:06):
go go people who struggle tohave downtime, or often
workaholics, and they feel theyneed to prove they've earned
their title or role by workingharder to prove their value.
There's the natural genius.
These are the ones who feelthey should master everything
the first time or they've failedInstead of reminding themselves
everyone has to learn somehow.
(05:26):
They feel shame for notcatching on right away, knowing
the right answer or achievingthat A in class the first time.
There's the soloist.
These ones work all alone andthey don't feel they can ask
anyone for help, in fear itwould show that they aren't
capable of the task at hand.
And, of course, the expert.
These are your know-it-alls,because if they don't know
(05:49):
something, they beat themselvesup for it as if they feel like
they should have known it.
However, it's not necessarilygetting it right the first time,
naturally, as the geniusexpects of themselves.
No, the expert is constantlyseeking to learn more so that
they can be an expert ineverything, achieve everything,
certifications, degrees which ofthose do you identify with the
(06:11):
most?
An article by Cassioretty in theHarvard Business Review states
that one third of young peoplesuffer from imposter syndrome
and 70% of everyone else islikely to experience it at some
point in their life.
Now I thought it was kind ofironic when the Oscar-winning
actress Jodie Foster shared inan interview once that she was
so afraid that someone wouldcome to her house, knocking on
(06:34):
the door and tell her that theaward was meant to go to someone
like Meryl Streep.
Yet in a different interview ofher own, meryl Streep actually
had her own imposter syndrome,moment sharing that she often
questions why anyone would wannacome see her in a movie.
Even Michelle Obama admitted inher book tour, as she quoted I
still have a little impostersyndrome.
It doesn't go away, thatfeeling that you shouldn't take
(06:55):
me that seriously.
What do I know?
I share that with you becausewe all have doubts in our
abilities, about our power andwhat that power is.
I mean, come on, you guys, ifsomeone like these two actresses
, as well as the former firstlady, have doubts about their
worth or abilities, who are weto be exempt from the syndrome
too?
So how do we overcome or atleast deal with this imposter
(07:17):
syndrome, which is sure topresent itself at some time?
Well, first thing, our mindset.
Don't ignore it or try to hideit.
Call it what it is.
Just as that women's event, Iacknowledged I was feeling not
enough.
Be honest about how you'refeeling.
Once we've acknowledged thefeeling, though, we need to then
(07:37):
refocus our thoughts of notbeing enough to the positives
within the situation.
Perhaps you've been asked byyour boss to handle a certain
task and you feel you aren'tenough.
Well, acknowledge the feeling,but then put on the positive of
perhaps saying that your bosstrusts you enough to give you
the said task.
To begin with, 2 Corinthians10.5 tells us to take captive
(07:57):
our every thought and make itobedient to Christ.
As my dad has always told me,don't ask how to get out of this
.
Ask what can you get out ofthis?
Be open to learning, to growingand to being used in a new way,
even, or especially, when wedon't feel we're enough.
After all, as Martha Washingtonbelieved, the greater part of
(08:20):
our happiness or misery dependson our disposition and not on
our circumstances.
Henry Ford seemed to agree withthis sentiment, as he expressed
whether you think you can oryou can't, you're right.
Oh, the power of the mind, myfriend Number two, have an inner
circle.
These are your go-tos, to notonly be vulnerable with in those
(08:43):
moments of questioning yourvalue, but they'll be there to
provide encouragement, wisecounsel, even accountability.
Now I'm not talking about thescene from the office where
Dwight receives an award and hasto give a speech and his boss,
michael, who is actually enviousof this recognition, poorly
advises Dwight about how he cando this, in hopes of Dwight
actually making a fool ofhimself.
(09:04):
Now I'm talking about if youhave bit off more than you can
chew.
They're going to be honest intelling you those who, if you
need prayer and a littleencouragement as you tackle the
task that scares you or makesyou a little nervous, they'll be
in your corner cheering you onbecause they truly want what's
best for you.
Now you need to make sure thewise person shows up and not the
(09:27):
foolish.
This is that group who willhuddle around you and be your
wise counsel to keep yougrounded and make discerning
decisions.
In my book Facelift EmbracingHope Through your Heartaches, we
talk in chapter three abouthaving a hurt.
I'd encourage you to check thatout.
Whomever it is, circle yourselfaround with an inner circle who
(09:49):
will help hold you accountable,build you up, provide that wise
counsel and be of anencouragement to you.
Number three let go and let God.
Feeling like we have it alltogether all the time can be
exhausting.
It's okay to let go and trustin God for your worth, your
(10:10):
value, your being enough.
Are you having people over fordinner and you suddenly feel
that imposter syndrome as youlook around and see a messy
house?
And you suddenly feel thatimposter syndrome as you look
around and see a messy house.
You are enough, messy house andall.
Are you so fearful of making amistake at work that you
struggle with imposter syndromeand being perfect and are almost
embarrassed to delegate or asksomeone for help?
(10:32):
Our imperfections and ourmistakes could actually be used
to help mentor other people,even teach a few lessons in
grace, mercy and forgiveness,and delegating that task or
asking for help could actuallybe an opportunity for you to
learn something new or evenencourage someone else in some
way in their own abilities.
Once we give ourselves freedomto not have to reach perfection
(10:55):
all the time, knowing that thereis learning and growing to be
had in the process of all of ittoo, a lot of our weight will
subside.
Now this doesn't mean welowered the bar or failed in any
way.
It's simply a way of doing thebest we can with what we've been
given, the time we had, theenergy allotted for it, the
circumstances presented, andthen letting go and letting God.
(11:20):
Psalm 139, 13 through 14 speakstruth to us that you created my
inmost being.
You knit me together in mymother's womb.
I praise you because I amfearfully and wonderfully made.
Your works are wonderful.
I know that full well.
God didn't make a mistake increating you exactly as he did.
God didn't make a mistake increating you exactly as he did.
Then, 2 Corinthians 5.17reminds us.
(11:42):
Philippians 4.13 assures us Ican do all things through Christ
, who gives me strength.
You can do hard things, myfriend.
(12:03):
Where he calls you, he willequip you.
Still not convinced, pray James5.16 tells us it's powerful and
effective.
My sister and I have a saying.
It is what it is.
Yes, I'm sure you've heard thatone before, but it's a way for
us to remind each other toaccept things as they are
sometimes, to take all of thosehidden expectations, the fears
(12:26):
of failures and inadequacies notbeing enough and self-doubt, to
not worry so much about whatothers are thinking or saying
about us Because, truth be told,my friends, they aren't
thinking as much about us as wethink that they are.
So to take it all as it is, totrust that if God brought us to
it, he'll bring us through it.
To do our best but then to letgo and let go on.
(12:49):
And number four celebrate thewins.
So often we can downplay ourachievements to ensure we stay
humble or to avoid the attentionbeing on us, or simply because
we've moved on to the next task.
As you can tell, I love movies,so another example I'll use is
that of Emma Watson.
She seems to relate with herexample of when she receives
(13:10):
recognition for her acting.
She shared in an interview once.
I feel incredibly uncomfortable.
I tend to turn in on myself.
I feel like an imposter.
Any moment someone's going tofind out that I'm a total fraud
and I don't deserve any of whatI've achieved.
An article on topmentalgamecomon self-talk by the numbers
shares the alarming facts of theaverage person having 80,000
(13:34):
thoughts per day and up to 80%of those being negative.
Oh, but they get worse, up to95% of them being repetitive.
80,000 thoughts per day, 80% ofthose being negative and up to
95% of them being repetitive,with a tendency to gravitate
(13:55):
toward negatives.
We need all the positivesstored in us and around us as
possible.
So next time you finish thatproject at work, take a moment
to celebrate that youaccomplished it on time.
Maybe print out that email fromyour boss telling you how
impressed he or she was.
Did you just have a really goodone-on-one with one of your
team members?
Take a moment to reflect onyour contribution to the success
(14:17):
of that meeting.
If someone tells you what agreat job you did on this or
that or that they are gratefulto have you on the team, don't
dismiss it.
Thank them for the complimentand let that run over you for a
moment, just to soak in that win, to motivate you going forward,
inspire you the next time youcome upon that imposter syndrome
(14:37):
feeling, or even encourage youthat you are enough.
I have a basket full of cardsI've received throughout the
years and I keep them to justever so often pull out one and
read it.
It just encourages me in oneway.
The other day I received anemail from a reader of a paper I
write for, where they wereexpressing their appreciation
(14:58):
and application of an article ofmine.
Now I screenshotted that emailand I keep it in a file on my
computer to encourage me when myimposter syndrome hits.
I've done the same for somepositive reviews I've seen
posted about my book and evenabout this very podcast.
Whether an attaboy, treatingyourself to a mani-pedi, or
going out with friends orcolleagues to lunch, maybe even
(15:20):
just simply keeping mementos,like I do, of those wins.
Celebrate the wins Now.
As for me, with that women'sconference, it went great.
As I flew home, I just couldn'thelp but feel so fulfilled with
gratitude to the Lord forallowing me to take part in such
an opportunity, theconversations, the worship, the
(15:40):
heart's unbidden need before theLord.
There was no doubt in my mindthat God had me there for a
reason, and don't get me wrong,as Ephesians 2, 8 through 9
declares, for it is by graceyou've been saved, through faith
, and this is not from yourself.
It is the gift of God, not byworks, so that no one can boast.
I don't boast in anything oranyone but Him, but I was
(16:03):
reminded through this experienceof 1 John 4, 4,.
Greater is he who is in me thanhe who is in the world.
Imposter syndrome yeah, I canrelate.
I've been there before and I'llbe there again.
But when it comes, might weboth be minded of our mindset,
reach out to our inner circle,let go and let God and then
(16:26):
celebrate those wins Still feellike you need a little help in
this area, why I recommend thebook Now Discover your Strengths
by Marcus Buckingham, whereyou'll develop your unique
talents and strengths and how tobest use them and even to grow
them.
And of course, we have manyrelated episodes here on Holly's
Highlights podcast.
In season two, you'll find fourtips to having a grateful heart
(16:48):
episode seven.
Purpose in our path episode 13,.
Overcoming inferiority episode17,.
And how to have an attitude ofgratitude episode 26.
In season three, there's 10tips to having unshakable
confidence episode nine.
Five must reads for personalgrowth and development Episode
11,.
And how to Be Thankful thisThanksgiving Episode 24.
(17:09):
In Season 4, there's how toSelf-Love in Episode 3,.
10 Things Learned on the Job,in Episode 24.
And then Season 5 has a fewalso Emotional Intelligence,
which is Episode 1, how toIntentionally Live your Life
Full of Purpose, in Episode 6,.
And Professional Growth Lessonsfrom the Field to the Office
episode seven.
(17:30):
I'll close with a pep talk fromLady Gaga on Goodreads, where
she says tonight, I want you toforget all your insecurities
Tonight, I want you to rejectanyone or anything that has made
you feel like you don't belongor don't fit in, or has made you
feel like you're not goodenough or pretty enough or thin
enough, or like you can't singwell enough or dance well enough
(17:50):
or write a song well enough, orlike you'll never win a Grammy,
or like you'll never sell outMadison Square Garden.
You just remember that you area superstar and you were born
this way.
So, my friend, impostersyndrome, don't let it have its
hold on you.
If you're called to it, goconfidently, walk your way
(18:11):
through it.
I believe in you, my friend.
Thank you for joining me on thisjourney of life.
I hope that today's highlighthas been encouraging, inspiring
and equipping so you can go outand live your life full of
purpose.
I'd be honored if you'd take amoment to leave a review or,
better yet, subscribe.
(18:32):
We can also stay in touch byjoining my email list at
hollykirbycom.
That's H-O-L-L-Y-C-U-R-B-Ycom.
Until next time, make it agreat day for a great day.
Hi, friend, welcome to Holly's Highlights, a podcast
designed to encourage, inspireand equip you to intentionally
live your life full of purpose.
I'm your host, holly Kirby,motivational speaker, leadership
cultivator, marketingstrategist and personal
cheerleader.
Let's check out today'shighlights, wondering how you
(00:22):
can be the reason someone smilestoday, or what simple act you
could do to make a great impactin another's life.
Well, here's how.
I am in need of 100 bookreviews on Amazon for my book
Facelift Embracing Hope Throughyour Heartaches 100 reviews.
Would you mind taking a momentto go to Amazon type in Facelift
(00:42):
embracing hope through yourheartaches, or even go to the
link in the show notes and leavea positive review.
I so appreciate your time andbeing that one to make a
positive difference in my lifetoday.
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
The other night my son and Itook a drive to a little
festival in a little city nottoo far from us and as we were
(01:04):
driving I was asking him justquestions you know about this or
that, just kind of chat alongthe way and enjoying the drive,
when suddenly he started makingthose deep sigh sounds you can
relate with maybe a teenager inyour life or another loved one
that makes that sound.
Well, I looked over at him andhe had this look in his eye of
complete annoyance.
(01:25):
So I asked him what was goingon, to only then hear him reply
would you please stop talking?
Oh, would you please stoptalking.
That has been the story of mylife as a child and all of my
parent teacher conferences andon all of my report cards.
She's a great girl.
She just needs to not talk asmuch.
(01:46):
Even my sister growing up sheloved to have sleepovers with me
, as she said.
I helped her get to sleep bytalking her to sleep and still,
to this day my whole family evenjokes that I don't know how to
make a long story short.
So I guess it shouldn't be asurprise that I host a podcast
or that I'm often asked to speakat various functions and events
.
Although we tend to do whatcomes natural to us for me
(02:08):
speaking for you perhaps adifferent area it doesn't mean
that we don't struggle with theinsecurities, the doubts and
even those imposter syndromeblues.
Not too long ago, I was askedto speak at a women's conference
and they had flown me out tospeak and then drive to the
conference center, and it wasquite a lengthy drive and along
the way they were sharing withme how excited that they were to
(02:28):
have me there.
But, interestingly enough, theycontinued to share with me that
I wasn't their first choice.
That's okay, that didn't botherme.
I pray, asking God direction asto what speaking opportunities
I accept or not, and I hadprayed this one through.
I had felt God lead me to sayyes to this one, so I knew I was
where I was supposed to be.
However, I was a little curiouswho their number one choice
(02:50):
would have been, so I made thestupid decision to ask.
Now, to my surprise, theyresponded Lisa Turkhurst.
What I am on no level of LisaTurkhurst.
I mean, she's one I love tolisten to and I love to learn
from.
They continue to tell me thatshe was already booked and I
just wasn't sure I heard thename right.
(03:12):
So I asked well, who have youhad before that?
Oh, my friends, it got worse.
Beth Moore, okay, y'all.
This is where I should probablylet you in on three ladies.
I really enjoy learning fromPriscilla Shriver, lisa Tergerst
and Beth Moore.
They obviously had the wrongperson.
I am not in, nor even trying tobe in, those ladies' leagues.
(03:36):
Those ladies are all amazingBible scholars and I am just one
single mama who loves the Lordand simply trying to be open to
the whole where he leads.
I'll go thing.
So talk about imposter syndrome100%.
Now I got to the hotel and Ireached out to my dad and my
sister and was like they havethe wrong person.
I'm following Beth Moore andthey wanted Lisa Turkhurst and I
(04:00):
was a little freaked out.
But their reply back to me wasso simple, so sweet and so
God-focused of God knows who hechose.
He'll use you.
How many of you can relate?
You feel that talent you'vebeen given is suddenly not
enough as a CEO, a leader inyour organization, on the sports
(04:23):
team you play for or the bandyou're a part of, in your
volunteer role, or even as aparent or grandparent.
See, that's the thing is,imposter syndrome is not
discriminatory.
It can happen to people of allages, genders, cultures,
professions, demographics, asWebMD puts it.
You feel you're not as talentedor worthy as others believe and
(04:45):
you're scared that one daypeople will realize that.
Now, according to Dr ValerieYoung, there are five types of
imposter syndrome.
The perfectionist these are thecontrol freaks who need
everything perfect and struggleto delegate as they figure if
it's going to be done.
Right, they have to do it.
Then there's the superwoman orsuperman, and these are the go
(05:06):
go go people who struggle tohave downtime, or often
workaholics, and they feel theyneed to prove they've earned
their title or role by workingharder to prove their value.
There's the natural genius.
These are the ones who feelthey should master everything
the first time or they've failedInstead of reminding themselves
everyone has to learn somehow.
(05:26):
They feel shame for notcatching on right away, knowing
the right answer or achievingthat A in class the first time.
There's the soloist.
These ones work all alone andthey don't feel they can ask
anyone for help, in fear itwould show that they aren't
capable of the task at hand.
And, of course, the expert.
These are your know-it-alls,because if they don't know
(05:49):
something, they beat themselvesup for it as if they feel like
they should have known it.
However, it's not necessarilygetting it right the first time,
naturally, as the geniusexpects of themselves.
No, the expert is constantlyseeking to learn more so that
they can be an expert ineverything, achieve everything,
certifications, degrees which ofthose do you identify with the
(06:11):
most?
An article by Cassioretty in theHarvard Business Review states
that one third of young peoplesuffer from imposter syndrome
and 70% of everyone else islikely to experience it at some
point in their life.
Now I thought it was kind ofironic when the Oscar-winning
actress Jodie Foster shared inan interview once that she was
so afraid that someone wouldcome to her house, knocking on
(06:34):
the door and tell her that theaward was meant to go to someone
like Meryl Streep.
Yet in a different interview ofher own, meryl Streep actually
had her own imposter syndrome,moment sharing that she often
questions why anyone would wannacome see her in a movie.
Even Michelle Obama admitted inher book tour, as she quoted I
still have a little impostersyndrome.
It doesn't go away, thatfeeling that you shouldn't take
(06:55):
me that seriously.
What do I know?
I share that with you becausewe all have doubts in our
abilities, about our power andwhat that power is.
I mean, come on, you guys, ifsomeone like these two actresses
, as well as the former firstlady, have doubts about their
worth or abilities, who are weto be exempt from the syndrome
too?
So how do we overcome or atleast deal with this imposter
(07:17):
syndrome, which is sure topresent itself at some time?
Well, first thing, our mindset.
Don't ignore it or try to hideit.
Call it what it is.
Just as that women's event, Iacknowledged I was feeling not
enough.
Be honest about how you'refeeling.
Once we've acknowledged thefeeling, though, we need to then
(07:37):
refocus our thoughts of notbeing enough to the positives
within the situation.
Perhaps you've been asked byyour boss to handle a certain
task and you feel you aren'tenough.
Well, acknowledge the feeling,but then put on the positive of
perhaps saying that your bosstrusts you enough to give you
the said task.
To begin with, 2 Corinthians10.5 tells us to take captive
(07:57):
our every thought and make itobedient to Christ.
As my dad has always told me,don't ask how to get out of this
.
Ask what can you get out ofthis?
Be open to learning, to growingand to being used in a new way,
even, or especially, when wedon't feel we're enough.
After all, as Martha Washingtonbelieved, the greater part of
(08:20):
our happiness or misery dependson our disposition and not on
our circumstances.
Henry Ford seemed to agree withthis sentiment, as he expressed
whether you think you can oryou can't, you're right.
Oh, the power of the mind, myfriend Number two, have an inner
circle.
These are your go-tos, to notonly be vulnerable with in those
(08:43):
moments of questioning yourvalue, but they'll be there to
provide encouragement, wisecounsel, even accountability.
Now I'm not talking about thescene from the office where
Dwight receives an award and hasto give a speech and his boss,
michael, who is actually enviousof this recognition, poorly
advises Dwight about how he cando this, in hopes of Dwight
actually making a fool ofhimself.
(09:04):
Now I'm talking about if youhave bit off more than you can
chew.
They're going to be honest intelling you those who, if you
need prayer and a littleencouragement as you tackle the
task that scares you or makesyou a little nervous, they'll be
in your corner cheering you onbecause they truly want what's
best for you.
Now you need to make sure thewise person shows up and not the
(09:27):
foolish.
This is that group who willhuddle around you and be your
wise counsel to keep yougrounded and make discerning
decisions.
In my book Facelift EmbracingHope Through your Heartaches, we
talk in chapter three abouthaving a hurt.
I'd encourage you to check thatout.
Whomever it is, circle yourselfaround with an inner circle who
(09:49):
will help hold you accountable,build you up, provide that wise
counsel and be of anencouragement to you.
Number three let go and let God.
Feeling like we have it alltogether all the time can be
exhausting.
It's okay to let go and trustin God for your worth, your
(10:10):
value, your being enough.
Are you having people over fordinner and you suddenly feel
that imposter syndrome as youlook around and see a messy
house?
And you suddenly feel thatimposter syndrome as you look
around and see a messy house.
You are enough, messy house andall.
Are you so fearful of making amistake at work that you
struggle with imposter syndromeand being perfect and are almost
embarrassed to delegate or asksomeone for help?
(10:32):
Our imperfections and ourmistakes could actually be used
to help mentor other people,even teach a few lessons in
grace, mercy and forgiveness,and delegating that task or
asking for help could actuallybe an opportunity for you to
learn something new or evenencourage someone else in some
way in their own abilities.
Once we give ourselves freedomto not have to reach perfection
(10:55):
all the time, knowing that thereis learning and growing to be
had in the process of all of ittoo, a lot of our weight will
subside.
Now this doesn't mean welowered the bar or failed in any
way.
It's simply a way of doing thebest we can with what we've been
given, the time we had, theenergy allotted for it, the
circumstances presented, andthen letting go and letting God.
(11:20):
Psalm 139, 13 through 14 speakstruth to us that you created my
inmost being.
You knit me together in mymother's womb.
I praise you because I amfearfully and wonderfully made.
Your works are wonderful.
I know that full well.
God didn't make a mistake increating you exactly as he did.
God didn't make a mistake increating you exactly as he did.
Then, 2 Corinthians 5.17reminds us.
(11:42):
Philippians 4.13 assures us Ican do all things through Christ
, who gives me strength.
You can do hard things, myfriend.
(12:03):
Where he calls you, he willequip you.
Still not convinced, pray James5.16 tells us it's powerful and
effective.
My sister and I have a saying.
It is what it is.
Yes, I'm sure you've heard thatone before, but it's a way for
us to remind each other toaccept things as they are
sometimes, to take all of thosehidden expectations, the fears
(12:26):
of failures and inadequacies notbeing enough and self-doubt, to
not worry so much about whatothers are thinking or saying
about us Because, truth be told,my friends, they aren't
thinking as much about us as wethink that they are.
So to take it all as it is, totrust that if God brought us to
it, he'll bring us through it.
To do our best but then to letgo and let go on.
(12:49):
And number four celebrate thewins.
So often we can downplay ourachievements to ensure we stay
humble or to avoid the attentionbeing on us, or simply because
we've moved on to the next task.
As you can tell, I love movies,so another example I'll use is
that of Emma Watson.
She seems to relate with herexample of when she receives
(13:10):
recognition for her acting.
She shared in an interview once.
I feel incredibly uncomfortable.
I tend to turn in on myself.
I feel like an imposter.
Any moment someone's going tofind out that I'm a total fraud
and I don't deserve any of whatI've achieved.
An article on topmentalgamecomon self-talk by the numbers
shares the alarming facts of theaverage person having 80,000
(13:34):
thoughts per day and up to 80%of those being negative.
Oh, but they get worse, up to95% of them being repetitive.
80,000 thoughts per day, 80% ofthose being negative and up to
95% of them being repetitive,with a tendency to gravitate
(13:55):
toward negatives.
We need all the positivesstored in us and around us as
possible.
So next time you finish thatproject at work, take a moment
to celebrate that youaccomplished it on time.
Maybe print out that email fromyour boss telling you how
impressed he or she was.
Did you just have a really goodone-on-one with one of your
team members?
Take a moment to reflect onyour contribution to the success
(14:17):
of that meeting.
If someone tells you what agreat job you did on this or
that or that they are gratefulto have you on the team, don't
dismiss it.
Thank them for the complimentand let that run over you for a
moment, just to soak in that win, to motivate you going forward,
inspire you the next time youcome upon that imposter syndrome
(14:37):
feeling, or even encourage youthat you are enough.
I have a basket full of cardsI've received throughout the
years and I keep them to justever so often pull out one and
read it.
It just encourages me in oneway.
The other day I received anemail from a reader of a paper I
write for, where they wereexpressing their appreciation
(14:58):
and application of an article ofmine.
Now I screenshotted that emailand I keep it in a file on my
computer to encourage me when myimposter syndrome hits.
I've done the same for somepositive reviews I've seen
posted about my book and evenabout this very podcast.
Whether an attaboy, treatingyourself to a mani-pedi, or
going out with friends orcolleagues to lunch, maybe even
(15:20):
just simply keeping mementos,like I do, of those wins.
Celebrate the wins Now.
As for me, with that women'sconference, it went great.
As I flew home, I just couldn'thelp but feel so fulfilled with
gratitude to the Lord forallowing me to take part in such
an opportunity, theconversations, the worship, the
(15:40):
heart's unbidden need before theLord.
There was no doubt in my mindthat God had me there for a
reason, and don't get me wrong,as Ephesians 2, 8 through 9
declares, for it is by graceyou've been saved, through faith
, and this is not from yourself.
It is the gift of God, not byworks, so that no one can boast.
I don't boast in anything oranyone but Him, but I was
(16:03):
reminded through this experienceof 1 John 4, 4,.
Greater is he who is in me thanhe who is in the world.
Imposter syndrome yeah, I canrelate.
I've been there before and I'llbe there again.
But when it comes, might weboth be minded of our mindset,
reach out to our inner circle,let go and let God and then
(16:26):
celebrate those wins Still feellike you need a little help in
this area, why I recommend thebook Now Discover your Strengths
by Marcus Buckingham, whereyou'll develop your unique
talents and strengths and how tobest use them and even to grow
them.
And of course, we have manyrelated episodes here on Holly's
Highlights podcast.
In season two, you'll find fourtips to having a grateful heart
(16:48):
episode seven.
Purpose in our path episode 13,.
Overcoming inferiority episode17,.
And how to have an attitude ofgratitude episode 26.
In season three, there's 10tips to having unshakable
confidence episode nine.
Five must reads for personalgrowth and development Episode
11,.
And how to Be Thankful thisThanksgiving Episode 24.
(17:09):
In Season 4, there's how toSelf-Love in Episode 3,.
10 Things Learned on the Job,in Episode 24.
And then Season 5 has a fewalso Emotional Intelligence,
which is Episode 1, how toIntentionally Live your Life
Full of Purpose, in Episode 6,.
And Professional Growth Lessonsfrom the Field to the Office
episode seven.
(17:30):
I'll close with a pep talk fromLady Gaga on Goodreads, where
she says tonight, I want you toforget all your insecurities
Tonight, I want you to rejectanyone or anything that has made
you feel like you don't belongor don't fit in, or has made you
feel like you're not goodenough or pretty enough or thin
enough, or like you can't singwell enough or dance well enough
(17:50):
or write a song well enough, orlike you'll never win a Grammy,
or like you'll never sell outMadison Square Garden.
You just remember that you area superstar and you were born
this way.
So, my friend, impostersyndrome, don't let it have its
hold on you.
If you're called to it, goconfidently, walk your way
(18:11):
through it.
I believe in you, my friend.
Thank you for joining me on thisjourney of life.
I hope that today's highlighthas been encouraging, inspiring
and equipping so you can go outand live your life full of
purpose.
I'd be honored if you'd take amoment to leave a review or,
better yet, subscribe.
(18:32):
We can also stay in touch byjoining my email list at
hollykirbycom.
That's H-O-L-L-Y-C-U-R-B-Ycom.
Until next time, make it agreat day for a great day.
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