March 28, 2024 • 34 mins
We are back! Welcome to season three of Hollywood Confessional. The season opener sets the stage with a gripping narrative from a support staffer, who unveils the emotional rollercoaster of managing a monster boss.
Connect with us:
Check out some of our favorite shows:
- Screenwriters' Rant Room
- Screaming into the Hollywood Abyss
- It Happened in Hollywood
- The Secret History of Hollywood
Hollywood Confessional is a Ninth Way Media production, produced by Meagan Daine and J.R. Zamora-Thal.
Sound Effects and Music provided by Zapsplat and Pixabay.
Keywords: filmmaking podcast, film podcast, screenwriting podcast, entertainment podcast, Hollywood, filmmaking, writerslife, actorslife, setlife
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
In nomine Cinema e TV Espiritu Streaming.
Amen.
Hello Hollywood, faithful, weare back.
This is your favorite podcastpriest JR Zamorathal.
Speaker 2 (00:22):
And your other favorite, Megan Dane.
We are back, as a matter offact, and so grateful you're
joining us for season three ofthe Hollywood Confessional.
Speaker 1 (00:31):
Season three.
I didn't even think we'd finishseason one.
Speaker 2 (00:36):
Yeah, thanks for your faith bud.
Speaker 1 (00:39):
Well, you know, things are looking up in all
aspects of our lives.
We're coming to you live from awriter's room of an Amazon show
we still can't talk about.
Speaker 2 (00:47):
It's so crazy how long things take in Hollywood,
like we've been on this show forwhat?
Almost two years, has it beentwo years?
Speaker 1 (00:55):
It's been two years.
That is unprecedented jobsecurity in my life.
Speaker 2 (00:58):
It's amazing, yes, and it's incredible, of course,
to be able to continue to beemployed after the strike,
before the strike.
It's a miracle and we're so, sograteful, but it's also like it
just makes you realize thatthis is a long fucking game.
Speaker 1 (01:15):
It's an incredibly long game, and that's kind of
part of why I love our podcast.
You know, while we're playingthe long game with the show,
we're also putting something outweekly or biweekly that I love,
quite frankly.
Speaker 2 (01:27):
Yeah, it feels pretty good to be able to keep this
thing going and like thinkingback to many a long year ago.
I mean a few long years, threeyears since we started talking
about this podcast.
Speaker 1 (01:39):
I feel like I lived three years in the last year
alone.
Speaker 2 (01:41):
I know, right, and yeah, like talking about, hey,
like the stories that rememberwe were sitting at happy hour
yeah With and and just having ablast and talking about all the
stories that we could never sayout loud.
And then all of a sudden we'relike we really need a forum for
this, like people need to beable to tell these stories in
(02:02):
like a public way, but withoutlike trashing their careers
forever.
Speaker 1 (02:07):
Yeah, I remember that night like it was yesterday.
The pierogies were fantastic.
Speaker 2 (02:11):
Oh my God, yes, they were.
Speaker 1 (02:13):
That's like my favorite bar in LA.
Speaker 2 (02:16):
So yeah, and here we are, three years later and
starting our season three, andstill at it sharing these
people's stories so that we canmake Hollywood a happier place.
Speaker 1 (02:28):
So in that vein, for our season three opener, we're
getting back to our roots.
This one's a story about ahorrific boss from a support
staffer who was initiallyconflicted about coming forward.
Speaker 2 (02:39):
Yeah, but once they decided to tell their story,
they went all the way in, as youmight be able to tell from the
title Bitch, it Was you.
You ready for this one?
Jr?
Speaker 1 (02:48):
Season three let's get into it.
Speaker 3 (03:02):
Forgive me, Father, for I brought notes on this
bitch.
Speaker 1 (03:08):
Oh juicy, Please feel free to unburden your soul.
Speaker 3 (03:12):
It all started a few years ago.
I was 26 years old, I'd workedin reality at agencies in
development and then I ended upworking for who was TV
development guy?
Speaker 1 (03:23):
Oh, I know.
Speaker 3 (03:26):
I could do a few episodes of this show, but yeah,
I was working with him.
We had an overall.
Then we moved to a differentstudio and the studio decided
that I would assist a differentpod.
So I was assisting two pods atthe same time.
I literally had two phone lines, two emails, two weekend reads
and one of the shows was inproduction and I was losing my
(03:46):
fucking mind.
Speaker 1 (03:47):
That's insane.
Working for two pods at once isway too much work for one
person.
Speaker 3 (03:52):
During the holidays I had to organize a whole
Christmas dinner.
We were going to a famousHollywood restaurant and, at the
last minute, decides to invitethe head of the studio's
television department andbecause of the seating at the
restaurant, he was just like youjust have to figure it out.
We went from five people atdinner to seven people and I was
like the answer is I can't cometo dinner if this is the place
(04:13):
you want to go to.
So I didn't go to the Christmasdinner at the company I had
helped launch and I was justlike that's it, I'm done.
Look, you had to pay your duesin Hollywood, but there's a
difference between paying yourdues and eating shit.
Speaker 2 (04:27):
Well said, and you decided you'd had enough shit.
Speaker 3 (04:31):
Yes, I knew I wanted to be a writer.
So at the top of that year Iquit my development job.
I went on vacation for a weekand I was like this is my last
time in the city as an assistant.
When I come back I will be awriter and I will only have
writing jobs from here on out.
And then I came back and therewere no jobs.
I was unemployed for about ninemonths.
(04:53):
Then I was like maybe I'll justget a job doing something else.
I had an interview to be alawyer's assistant.
I was so panicked about theinterview I like, laid out in
the middle of a sidewalk One ofmy neighbors thought I was
having a heart attack.
I distinctly remember shoutingat him no, this is just
existential angst.
And he was like okay, afterthat interview it really felt
(05:16):
like no, I want to be a writer.
And then an assistant I knowreached out to me.
She said she was working forthe showrunner and asked if I
wanted to interview.
I went in and interviewed withshe asked me to send her notes
on her pilot.
So I typed up notes and I sentthem in and I didn't get the job
and at that point I had beensending out my resume quite a
(05:38):
bit.
I had written so many coverletters and my parents came into
town.
I took them to the Watts Towersand it's that thing where, like
you say I'm going to go to LAand be a writer, and then your
parents come to town and youdon't have a job.
Speaker 2 (05:53):
Yeah, been, there.
Speaker 3 (05:55):
So I was with my parents at the towers and I was
so upset and so angry so Iactually left them at the towers
and went back to my car to havea freakout.
And I was in my car.
I was like beating on my hornand screaming I need a job, I
need a job, I need a job, I needa job.
And then my phone rang.
Holy shit, it was the producer.
(06:17):
The person that they hired hadgotten staffed within a week and
they wanted to hire me to takeover.
And I was like, oh my God,thank you, thank you, thank you,
thank you.
So I had the job.
I was so excited.
It was Friday evening.
I knew I wouldn't be able tohang out with my parents, but
they would be fine because mycareer was the most important
thing.
We're a very career drivenfamily and I remember that
(06:41):
Sunday I was at a coffee shopgetting coffee for me and my mom
and I look at my phone and it'sjust emails, emails, emails,
emails.
Must have forwarded me like 50fucking emails in one go At this
point.
I had been an assistant almostcontinuously for five years.
I knew what was normal, whatwas appropriate and what was
(07:03):
bullshit, and it was just likewhat the fuck have I gotten
myself into?
The first two weeks on that jobit was just constant, 24-7
texting emails Constant,constant, constant, constant.
I would never know where I wasgoing.
I didn't know if I was going toher house, if I was going to be
running errands, if I was goingto the studio.
(07:23):
There was one time when I wason the 10 going to her house and
she texted me to meet her atthis cafe on the east side.
So I go to this cafe and I'm atthe table with her and she
asked me to do something.
And then she was like you'retyping too loudly.
You had to go sit at this othertable, no way.
So I went and sat at this othertable and after about 30
(07:46):
minutes she just left, didn'ttell me where she was going or
what else she was doing.
Speaker 2 (07:51):
Oh my god, this woman is special.
Speaker 3 (07:54):
There was a day when we were just working out of the
studio office, it was 3 pm and Ihadn't eaten lunch.
I got up and she was like whereare you going?
And I said I was going to getmyself some food and she was
like, oh, will you get me acookie?
So I'm like sure, then I'mdriving to a cafe that is
literally like five minutes fromthe lot, and the entire time I
(08:15):
was driving there she must havesent me 10 texts like where are
you, are you there yet?
Question mark, question mark,question mark.
And then, when I got there, shewanted me to take a picture of
every single fucking food.
Speaker 2 (08:26):
Why do I have to do this.
Speaker 3 (08:28):
There was another time when she asked me to return
some of her wedding china.
I was at the store.
She was like can you picksomething out for me?
So again, it's the fuckingpictures.
I'm taking pictures ofeverything in the store.
I took a picture of some plates.
She was like in the backgroundyou see that vase, can you take
a picture of that?
It wasn't even for sale and itwas always shit like that.
(08:49):
She just always wanted to savesomething, keep decks, have
everything compiled, save photos.
Even for the pilot, like thecostume designers would have
decks and it would be availablefor like a week or something.
The idea was that you wouldlook at it for a week and then
you would make your decisionsand it would disappear.
But then she was like no,download and print everything,
and then we're just going tokeep it all.
Speaker 1 (09:11):
It sounds kind of shady.
Speaker 3 (09:12):
It was fucked up.
These decks are designed for alimited amount of time, Not for
you to pick the costume designeryou want, your friend or
whatever the fuck and then useeveryone else's ideas.
Speaker 2 (09:29):
Your impression was that it wasn't just about
cataloging things.
Speaker 3 (09:31):
It was that she intended to use their ideas on
her show and then hire somebodyelse.
Oh yeah, why are you askingpeople who you are interviewing
to be your assistant to sendthoughts on your pilot?
I understand doing coverage ofa script to prove you can write,
but why are assistants writingnotes on your pilot?
Look, creative people are crazy.
I say this as a writer yougotta have something to make
your art about.
But with her things were alwayscomplicated in a way that felt
(09:53):
malicious, Like you do not havetime to be zooming into pictures
to look at faces in thebackground.
You must just be getting off ontorturing me.
I was going through some oldemails to do this podcast and
there would be emails where Iwas sending her to-do lists,
questions, things I neededanswers on to get from A to B to
C, and there will be noresponse.
No response, no response, noresponse.
(10:15):
After a few weeks of 24-7 textand emails and stuff like this,
my boyfriend we had been doinglong distance and he had just
landed in LA that day and hadthe production draft of her
pilot due on a Thursday, but shewasn't done with it until
Saturday at 3 PM and I wassupposed to proof it.
And look, I will say this.
There's a reason.
I've never been a scriptcoordinator, but I had to proof
(10:39):
it.
And I was riding in the carwith my boyfriend trying to
figure out where he was going tolive, and I read through the
pilot and sent it and said itwas ready to go.
And then the producer'sassistant called me and she was
like there's typos in this.
This isn't ready at all.
How could you even say thatthis and this and this is wrong?
And I was just like I'mliterally drinking from a fire
(11:00):
hose and drowning.
Speaker 1 (11:01):
I'm going to ask a question that I think I might
already know the answer to Wereyou getting paid on the weekend?
Speaker 3 (11:07):
No, but if I'm just being real about my personality,
my parents went to Ivy Leagueschools.
My mom was in the first classof women consistently in medical
school, and she was a woman ofcolor.
I'm the fifth generation in myfamily to be college educated.
Whatever you have to do to getit done, you fucking do it.
And then there was thecompetition.
I was once on a show wherethere were 150 resumes for a
(11:30):
writer's PA position.
I look at Gen Z and the quietquitting.
And there was a millennialburnout article in BuzzFeed a
couple of years ago.
But you just do it.
You suck it up.
You're lucky to be here.
There are other people lined upto do this and if you don't do
it, somebody else will.
The other thing is, I wanted tobe there.
I was working for a femaleshowrunner on an ostensibly
(11:52):
feminist show.
I wanted to be involved and Iwanted to help.
I wanted to work for a womanwho I thought shared my same
socio-political values.
Yeah, I get that.
Yeah.
So the night the script was due,my boyfriend and I were
supposed to get dinner and wepulled into this restaurant,
into the parking lot, and I wasso frazzled after the
script-proofing thing I said tomy boyfriend you go eat, I just
(12:15):
need to sit in the car.
So he went in to get food and Ijust got out of the car and
started walking, walkingendlessly.
I had this feeling like I wasabove my body.
I was in this I think it was acul-de-sac and I was just
walking and I had the thought ifI get to the end of this
cul-de-sac, I'm going to forgetwho I am and just keep walking
(12:38):
forever.
Oh my God, I didn't know this atthe time, but I now know.
I went into a fugue state andluckily I happened upon this guy
who was walking his dog.
I asked to pet his dog and thenI started sobbing.
I asked him to walk me back tothe parking lot.
He walked me back and I wentinto the restaurant and my
(13:00):
boyfriend wasn't there, luckily.
I had heard something that saidin the age of cell phones, you
should have your loved one'sphone numbers memorized.
So I had my boyfriend's numbermemorized and I called him on
the restaurant phone and he wasso angry.
He was scared.
He was like you left everythingin the car.
The door was open.
(13:21):
You left your ID, your walletwas in there.
I had no idea where you were.
You were just gone.
That was when I was like okay,this is crazy, I have to set
some boundaries.
If she texts me after 8 pm orbefore 8 am on the weekend, I
just wouldn't answer.
I was like I am not going to gocrazy for this job, that's not
(13:44):
going to happen.
The thing that kept me goingwas that she told me I was going
to get to go to set.
She was going to fly me toB***h for the pilot.
Then after a while she slippedin oh, you can stay with my
sister.
Then all of a sudden it becameoh, actually they're using the
(14:05):
house for a set, so you can'tstay there, so I'm just going to
go with an assistant over there.
And it was like, okay, fine.
So I was laid off.
I think she was gone for abouta month, maybe three weeks, and
then I was rehired for the edit.
Speaker 2 (14:20):
So did you take the job because of financial reasons
or because you still wanted tobe part of the show?
Speaker 3 (14:27):
I wanted to be a part of the show and look, I don't
quit things.
I was taught very early on bymy parents you have to be the
best.
If you are the best, theycannot argue with you.
And it's not just about you,it's about your entire race,
it's about all of us.
You have to be the best, and ifyou don't show up, you won't
(14:48):
get it done.
So if I'm not in that spot,somebody else will take it
tomorrow, and my only chance toget to do the next thing is to
just stay here and grind it out.
So do it, fucking, do it.
Post-pilot.
Some of the bullshit I had todeal with.
Find her a new personal trainer.
Oh, my God, the plant-baseddiet.
She wanted a plant-based foodsystem and then she was like
(15:10):
this has too many beans in it.
It's like bitch, what do youthink plant-based is?
What else?
I had to write all her weddingthank you notes, oh, my God.
Yeah, like I said, some days Igo to the studio, some days to
her house.
Like I said, some days I go tothe studio, some days to her
house.
There was one day she didn'tcontact me.
I didn't know where I was going.
So I went to a cafe between herhouse and the production office
(15:31):
to write these thank you notes.
And she called me and she waslike, oh, you're at a cafe and
it was like I'm writing yourthank you notes and you're mad
that I'm at a cafe.
That's what the attitude is forAnother good one gotta make
sure I get everything.
She was at the studio.
I was at a grocery store nearher house.
This was not long after tamirrice and michael brown and
(15:53):
trayvon there have been so manyblack men the police have
murdered and I was in theparking lot and all of a sudden
there were helicopters circlingand I see 10 cops with huge guns
pointed at one black man lyingon the ground, legs spread.
I just froze and the cop waslike get out of the way.
What the fuck are you doing?
So I get in my car and I droveto the studio.
(16:14):
She had to sign something, so Ibring her what she needs to
sign.
And I'm shaking and the notaryis like, are you okay?
And I just start sobbing.
The woman gives me a tissue andjust looks at me.
The exec or notary was like,here, have some tissues, get
some water.
And was just like, hmm, yeah,and patted my arm and then
refused to sign.
(16:34):
The thing that was a part of me.
That was like did she startthis fight with the notary?
Because I was emotional aboutwatching a black man almost die.
Did I steal the spotlight?
So she had to make a biggerissue.
Then there was one time myfriend was coming into town so I
told I'm not available thisentire weekend.
I'm going to the desert and Iwill have no reception.
(16:55):
And she was like, oh, are youdoing ecstasy in the desert?
And I was like, um, no, we'redoing shrooms.
I was staying in LA, I wasgoing to a concert, I don't know
why.
I said I was doing shrooms.
But a week or two later sheasked me to go get her shrooms.
Oh, no, I was like, oh God,I've never bought drugs in my
life, but she had the connection.
So I go out to this apartmentcomplex on the West side, I'm
(17:18):
picking up the shrooms.
And I was like, well, I'm here,so can I buy some weed?
And the guy was like oh, I'mnot a drug dealer, I'm doing
this for this is just a favor.
By the way, how is the pilotgoing?
Are they staffing?
And I was like is this drugdealer trying to network with me
?
What the fuck is happening.
This is the most Hollywoodstory ever.
(17:41):
So I got her the shrooms, Almostsaw a person getting shot.
So now we're doing post and shetold me that she had an affair
with someone on the pilot andshe asked me to download all her
emails about the affair and putit on a zip drive.
So I was like, all right, butI'm going to read them If you're
dumb enough to give me accessto your emails.
At one point she came into myoffice and she was like, wow,
(18:04):
this is taking a long time.
And I was like, wow, this istaking a long time.
And I was like, yeah, you knowthe Internet Gmail.
So I read all of them.
There was nothing juicy.
But then I was like, while I'mhere, I'm going to search for my
name in her emails Just to see.
I think the E for Beaver,Ernest Millennial, was like
(18:25):
maybe she said something niceabout me, since I'm killing
myself.
And then I found an email frommy second week when I was going
into the feud state, where shesaid can we blame the pilot
being late on my assistant?
Speaker 2 (18:31):
Oh my God, that's horrible.
Speaker 3 (18:34):
So I was like, okay, what's the move here?
I'd read that in the militaryyou'd fail up.
So I decided I'm just going toask her to be the writer's
assistant.
What else am I going to do atthis point?
So decided I'm just going toask her to be the writer's
assistant.
What else am I going to do atthis point?
So I asked her and she said yes.
I was shocked that it worked,but I was so elated, so relieved
(18:58):
.
It was like all right, I justhad to survive until the room.
Before the room started, therewas a night when she asked me to
pitch episode ideas and thenight it happened I was leaving
her house and she had friendsover and I remember these women
coming in and looking at me likeI was dirt.
I remember thinking you'relooking down on me and I'm
feeding her my creativity,giving her my perspective as a
woman of color Fucking hell.
During the holidays I was stillworking for her when the town
(19:21):
was shut down and there was aday when I went to her house and
she said to her husband can wefind something for her to do
today?
I was like there's 50 things Icould be doing for you at any
given moment and you're askingyour husband to find something
for me to do.
It felt so insulting, sodemeaning, like I was driving
around getting her kidsChristmas gifts.
I understand that personalshift is just part of the game,
(19:42):
but I just felt used.
I did get some petty revenge,like one day she asked me to
pick her up from an earlymorning class.
She wanted me to pick her upall the way over on the east
side to drive her from the classto her car, which was four
blocks away.
Are you?
fucking kidding me so I turnedthe ac on high and I directed
all the vents toward her in thepassenger seat.
(20:02):
So when she got in the car, shesat in it for a minute or two
and then she slammed the ventshut and never asked for me to
give her a ride anywhere again.
Awesome, but those moments werefew and far between.
Mostly it was just her tellingme to do work, produce
creativity, pull pictures,produce things that would come
to no end.
It would always come to no end.
After winter break, she startedstaffing the room.
(20:24):
I was like I'm going to be thewriter's assistant.
This is great, the end is insight.
Then I was cc'd on an emailwhere I see that she's offering
the position to other people.
Oh no.
That was when I was like I'mdone.
I sent her an email and I saidI cannot continue with you in
the room.
Tomorrow will be my last day.
Her an email and I said Icannot continue with you in the
(20:45):
room.
Tomorrow will be my last day.
So I gave 24 hours noticebecause it was so clear at that
point that she did not respectme.
There's a difference betweenpaying your dues and eating shit
, and I was just eating shit.
The next day I came over to herhouse to pick up some things and
the first thing she said to mewas did you think you were going
to be the writer's assistant?
And it was like you said yes.
(21:06):
You said yes, and that's thething.
She could have said no, I don'tthink you're ready for that.
I wouldn't have been happy, butI might've still stayed.
But it was just like why lie?
I'm running your staffing grids, I'm coordinating your meetings
.
I'm going to find out you'reoffering the job to other people
.
Why lie?
And for her to be like did youthink you were going to be the
(21:28):
writer's assistant?
It's like you know what you did, you know why I'm quitting and
you don't care.
So, yeah, I finished one lastthing, which was to plan her
Mexico trip, and I was done.
And then I actually calledsomeone and I was like I'm
quitting, do you want this job?
And and the person was likedidn't you hate that job?
And in that moment I realized Iwas so focused on getting out I
(21:52):
didn't think about whether it'dbe worth it to put someone I
know into that position.
A couple of months later,someone emailed me and said hey,
I'm assistant.
I have a couple of questionsfor you and I was like no, I do
not work for this person anymore.
But then she wrote me back andwas like no girl, I need to talk
to you.
Oh shit.
And it's so crazy because overthe years I've been at parties
(22:14):
on the picket line and peoplecome, will come up to me and be
like, oh my god, I was herassistant too.
This woman has had so manyfucking assistants there were
enough of us that we had aconclave.
We had a bitch session abouther for like three fucking hours
.
A few years after I quit, sheemailed me.
The email said something likeI'm doing amends, I'm reaching
(22:35):
out to people.
It sounded like you had a lotof responsibilities and didn't
understand the expectations andit was like no bitch.
You said I could be thewriter's assistant and you
fucked me over.
That's it.
That's why I quit.
Sometimes I wonder if she was asociopath, because I just don't
have any other explanation forher behavior.
I mean, look, in sixth grade Icheated on a lot of tests and
(22:59):
then I got to a point where Iwas like this is wrong.
If I want something usingillegal means, then that would
tarnish the wins for me, but forpeople like a win is a win.
If I download all thedesigner's decks, then I will
get the best outfits.
If I tell my assistant thatshe's going to come to set,
she's going to work that muchharder.
A win is a win.
Speaker 1 (23:18):
If she was sitting in the room right now and you
could say anything you wanted tosay to her, what would say?
Speaker 3 (23:24):
fuck you.
Yeah, I am a married woman nowwho has been to therapy, so
there's a part of me that wouldbe like just don't lie to people
.
Don't offer to fly me to set.
Don't say I can be the writer'sassistant.
Just don't lie.
That's what I would like to say.
But also I wouldn't want to sayanything, because she's a
gaslighter.
She knows why I quit.
(23:45):
Then she's gonna send me anemail two years later and be
like you didn't know whatexpectations were.
There's nothing to say to her.
Is she going to change?
Is she interested in doingbetter?
You don't go through that manyassistants.
You don't torture that manypeople without getting off on it
.
And one more thing you can'tfuck over that many people on a
new show.
And one more thing you can'tfuck over that many people on a
new show.
This is me being my horriblestrategic self.
(24:07):
Like can be a monster, but he'smade billions of dollars.
But to her I'd be like youdon't even have enough power yet
, oh damn.
Speaker 1 (24:20):
This podcast is anonymous for both the victim
and the perpetrator, but whatwould you tell everybody about
if you could?
Speaker 3 (24:27):
Don't work with her.
I've been in generals wherepeople have said to me oh my god
, that show is so good, but ifyou work with her, at best your
ideas will get stolen, at worstyou'll be running in circles
giving her creative energy.
That will go into a void.
She's a black hole and there'sno amount of creativity or
pictures of plates or looking atreceipts or sending her options
(24:48):
that will fill that hole,because at a certain point she's
just feeding off of your energy.
If vampirism is how she has tocreate her art, there's no
reason to be a part of that.
Speaker 2 (24:59):
It's just not worth it Absolutely All the things
you're just killing yourself todo because you're trying to be
the best and because you don'tquit things, and all those
things that you said aboutyourself.
It's just going to get suckedinto that black hole and
disappear forever.
Speaker 3 (25:13):
Exactly.
And you know what's crazy?
I've been nervous about doingthis podcast, but she did this.
All of this happened Like bitch.
It was you.
You did all this.
I feel lighter.
Speaker 1 (25:29):
That's what we're here for.
Speaker 2 (25:30):
Thank you so much for sharing this story with us.
Please go create in peace.
Oh my God, there are so manyelements of this story that I
identify with or that terrify mein some way.
I mean the thing I can't getover.
(25:53):
There are so many things, butone of the things that I really
cannot get over is how thepressures of the industry gaslit
this confessor into feelinglike everything was their fault,
to the point that they werequestioning whether they could
even tell these stories becauselike no, no, that's on me, like
(26:15):
I fucked up, I failed somehow,or I can't talk about these
things because I uh am, I amgoing to lose in some way, and
I'm just like that's so fuckedup.
And you come to the point whereit's like, bitch, it was you.
Like to be able to make thatchange in your own mind, where
(26:35):
you realize you are not theproblem.
The like toxic Hollywood is theproblem, the toxic boss is the
problem.
Bitch, it was you.
You did all these things.
I think is an incrediblypowerful thing and shout out to
this confessor for getting thereand being brave enough to talk
about it.
Speaker 1 (26:56):
Yeah, that's incredible, Especially thinking
about where this confessor camefrom with those episodes of
burnout.
I mean, burnout is just so realand I feel like we're not
talking about it enough.
The amount of things assistantshave to do these days I mean
they were working on two pods atone time that's insane amounts
of work.
Speaker 2 (27:15):
Can you talk about what a pod is and what the work
is like?
Speaker 1 (27:20):
Yeah, I mean with a pod.
It's constant scheduling, it'sconstant note taking and it's
really fast turnarounds too.
Sometimes, if something isramping from development to go
into an actual writer's room orinto actual production, the
turnaround times become supertight and there's a ton of work
and I mean it's that for two, todo that for two that's like 80
(27:43):
hours a week minimum.
Yeah, and that's if you'relucky, that's if it's just at a
regular pace.
Speaker 2 (27:47):
Yeah, and then you're put in that position and,
because of the extremecompetitiveness of this industry
, it's like you can't fuck it up.
Speaker 1 (27:54):
Oh God, that is something I related so much when
the confessor talked about ithow it always feels like there's
another person ready to takeyour job if you give it away.
It always feels like there'sanother person ready to take
your job if you give it away,yep, and that's such a powerful
thing that keeps assistants intheir place, which is really
frustrating.
Speaker 2 (28:13):
Yep, that's right that, like feeds into the
gaslighting and um, also, likeyou say, the burnout.
I mean what was reallyfascinating to me and
heartbreaking about the um, theburnout that this this person
was experiencing was, uh, whenthey went into a fugue state.
Oh God that's fucking insane.
Speaker 1 (28:33):
It's scary.
Speaker 2 (28:34):
I mean, it's like there was so much pressure and
just the constant barrage oflike.
It feels like every email andevery text was just more
pressure, more pressure, morepressure.
You got to do this, do this, dothis, be more perfect, be like
better, be faster, be moreaggressive, be more, more, more,
(28:56):
more, more, until the pointwhere this person literally lost
all sense of who they are.
Speaker 1 (29:02):
Yeah, To have that feeling of just like if I walk
past this cul-de-sac, I will notrejoin my body.
I mean, that's, that's damnnear life and death.
Speaker 2 (29:12):
Yeah, yeah, I mean this industry.
There are so many things thatwe love about it and, like you
and I, um, are really, reallyblessed to have a job, not just
any job.
I mean, we have a job on a showthat we love, with people that
we love, and it's a verypositive environment.
(29:33):
But this is so rare and, like,the realities that so many
people are dealing with are justextreme and just impossible
situations, and so I think, likeI want to like share this.
(29:53):
I'm so happy that we can sharethis confessor's story, to just
be like hey, we're all in thistogether and we know that these
things happen, and if this ishappening to you or anything
similar to this is affecting youin this way, like a you're not
alone and B you can get out ofthere.
(30:14):
You can find good, happy peopleto work with and people who will
value you for who you are.
Speaker 1 (30:22):
Yeah, it's.
This all reminds me ofsomething One of my friends told
me back when I was an engineer,but it helps me stay grounded
when things get a little toocrazy.
Speaker 2 (30:31):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (30:32):
He told me we're not doctors, we're not nurses,
nobody's going to die.
And it's like, yeah, the worstthing that's going to happen is
a script doesn't go out on time.
Like yeah, who cares in thegrand scheme of things?
Like the show's going to getdone.
Speaker 2 (30:46):
We're going to be okay.
So what you're saying is likeyou're behind on a script to get
done.
Speaker 1 (30:50):
We're going to be okay.
So what you're saying is likeyou're behind on a script.
Speaker 2 (30:57):
That's not what I'm saying.
Yeah, I mean, I love it andthat's that's what it's all
about.
You know, that's just a changein perspective.
Um, that's going to lead us toour mission of, like, making
Hollywood a happier place.
Um and uh, on that note, guys,our listeners, um, we are uh
also wanting to make sure thatwe share with you that in season
three, we're kind of branchingout on our ways to accomplish
(31:17):
that mission.
Um, it's going to be a big yearcoming up.
We've got IOTC negotiationscoming up, the animators guild
obviously there's an election.
So, like, we're here with you,we're going to be talking about
these things and also tellingstories, sharing confessions,
but also doing some liveinterviews from people who are
(31:39):
actively working to makeHollywood better in various ways
the founders of Pay UpHollywood.
We have an excellent interviewwith Mo Ryan, who's a journalist
for the Hollywood Reporter, whoalso wrote the book Burn it
Down, exposing a lot of abusesin the industry.
And we've got some new formatsfor episodes coming up.
(32:01):
Jr, do you want to talk aboutthose, since it was kind of like
your passion project?
Speaker 1 (32:06):
Yeah, we've got two oral histories coming up this
season and, quite frankly, Ilove to hear a story told by a
hundred different perspectives,because no story lives in a
vacuum.
We all experience an event fromour own point of view and I
just think it's lovely when allof that comes together to tell
one single story.
This season we have two reallypowerful oral histories.
(32:27):
We have two really powerfuloral histories.
We've got Dream On an oralhistory of one artist's search
for a job in Hollywood, and alsoPortrait of an Abuser, which is
going to be a story told fromthe perspective of people in
many different departments, allof who experienced different
facets of his abusive behavior.
Speaker 2 (32:43):
Yeah, that one is going to be intense.
I am scared of it and alsoreally looking forward to being
able to share that particularseries with the world.
It's probably going to be amulti-part series and then, on a
lighter note, we are starting alist Hollywood loves lists.
There's the short list, theblack list there's are you on
(33:04):
the list?
Happy Hollywood list, which isgoing to be an open list of
people who have been recommendedby you, our listeners, as
outstanding people to work within the entertainment industry.
So these can be people from anydepartment.
They could be like even lawyers, or you know anybody that you
can think of who you just wantto shout out and let the world
(33:26):
know this is a good person.
This is one of these people whoare making Hollywood a happier
place.
Speaker 1 (33:31):
If you know someone who should be on the happy
Hollywood list, let us know.
Or if you're considering a joband you want to know if they're
good people to work for, checkthe list and spread the word.
The more people we can add tothe list, the more we can help
make Hollywood a happier place.
Speaker 2 (33:44):
So, yeah, hit us up on social media at Fuss Up
Hollywood, share the podcast,connect with us, make sure
you're subscribed and join usagain in two weeks for a story
that's going to inspire us allabout a PA who discovered that
they were making less thaneverybody else on set and
(34:05):
decided to do something about it.
Speaker 1 (34:06):
See you then, faithful, excited to do
something about it.
See you, then, faithful.
The Hollywood Confessional isproduced by Megan Dane and JR
Zamorathal.
Our cast for this episode,taylor Brooks.
Special effects provided byZapSplat and Pixabay.
Hollywood Confessional is aNinth Way Media production.
(34:28):
Follow us on socials, atFessUpHollywood.
In nomine Cinema e TV Espiritu Streaming.
Amen.
Hello Hollywood, faithful, weare back.
This is your favorite podcastpriest JR Zamorathal.
Speaker 2 (00:22):
And your other favorite, Megan Dane.
We are back, as a matter offact, and so grateful you're
joining us for season three ofthe Hollywood Confessional.
Speaker 1 (00:31):
Season three.
I didn't even think we'd finishseason one.
Speaker 2 (00:36):
Yeah, thanks for your faith bud.
Speaker 1 (00:39):
Well, you know, things are looking up in all
aspects of our lives.
We're coming to you live from awriter's room of an Amazon show
we still can't talk about.
Speaker 2 (00:47):
It's so crazy how long things take in Hollywood,
like we've been on this show forwhat?
Almost two years, has it beentwo years?
Speaker 1 (00:55):
It's been two years.
That is unprecedented jobsecurity in my life.
Speaker 2 (00:58):
It's amazing, yes, and it's incredible, of course,
to be able to continue to beemployed after the strike,
before the strike.
It's a miracle and we're so, sograteful, but it's also like it
just makes you realize thatthis is a long fucking game.
Speaker 1 (01:15):
It's an incredibly long game, and that's kind of
part of why I love our podcast.
You know, while we're playingthe long game with the show,
we're also putting something outweekly or biweekly that I love,
quite frankly.
Speaker 2 (01:27):
Yeah, it feels pretty good to be able to keep this
thing going and like thinkingback to many a long year ago.
I mean a few long years, threeyears since we started talking
about this podcast.
Speaker 1 (01:39):
I feel like I lived three years in the last year
alone.
Speaker 2 (01:41):
I know, right, and yeah, like talking about, hey,
like the stories that rememberwe were sitting at happy hour
yeah With and and just having ablast and talking about all the
stories that we could never sayout loud.
And then all of a sudden we'relike we really need a forum for
this, like people need to beable to tell these stories in
(02:02):
like a public way, but withoutlike trashing their careers
forever.
Speaker 1 (02:07):
Yeah, I remember that night like it was yesterday.
The pierogies were fantastic.
Speaker 2 (02:11):
Oh my God, yes, they were.
Speaker 1 (02:13):
That's like my favorite bar in LA.
Speaker 2 (02:16):
So yeah, and here we are, three years later and
starting our season three, andstill at it sharing these
people's stories so that we canmake Hollywood a happier place.
Speaker 1 (02:28):
So in that vein, for our season three opener, we're
getting back to our roots.
This one's a story about ahorrific boss from a support
staffer who was initiallyconflicted about coming forward.
Speaker 2 (02:39):
Yeah, but once they decided to tell their story,
they went all the way in, as youmight be able to tell from the
title Bitch, it Was you.
You ready for this one?
Jr?
Speaker 1 (02:48):
Season three let's get into it.
Speaker 3 (03:02):
Forgive me, Father, for I brought notes on this
bitch.
Speaker 1 (03:08):
Oh juicy, Please feel free to unburden your soul.
Speaker 3 (03:12):
It all started a few years ago.
I was 26 years old, I'd workedin reality at agencies in
development and then I ended upworking for who was TV
development guy?
Speaker 1 (03:23):
Oh, I know.
Speaker 3 (03:26):
I could do a few episodes of this show, but yeah,
I was working with him.
We had an overall.
Then we moved to a differentstudio and the studio decided
that I would assist a differentpod.
So I was assisting two pods atthe same time.
I literally had two phone lines, two emails, two weekend reads
and one of the shows was inproduction and I was losing my
(03:46):
fucking mind.
Speaker 1 (03:47):
That's insane.
Working for two pods at once isway too much work for one
person.
Speaker 3 (03:52):
During the holidays I had to organize a whole
Christmas dinner.
We were going to a famousHollywood restaurant and, at the
last minute, decides to invitethe head of the studio's
television department andbecause of the seating at the
restaurant, he was just like youjust have to figure it out.
We went from five people atdinner to seven people and I was
like the answer is I can't cometo dinner if this is the place
(04:13):
you want to go to.
So I didn't go to the Christmasdinner at the company I had
helped launch and I was justlike that's it, I'm done.
Look, you had to pay your duesin Hollywood, but there's a
difference between paying yourdues and eating shit.
Speaker 2 (04:27):
Well said, and you decided you'd had enough shit.
Speaker 3 (04:31):
Yes, I knew I wanted to be a writer.
So at the top of that year Iquit my development job.
I went on vacation for a weekand I was like this is my last
time in the city as an assistant.
When I come back I will be awriter and I will only have
writing jobs from here on out.
And then I came back and therewere no jobs.
I was unemployed for about ninemonths.
(04:53):
Then I was like maybe I'll justget a job doing something else.
I had an interview to be alawyer's assistant.
I was so panicked about theinterview I like, laid out in
the middle of a sidewalk One ofmy neighbors thought I was
having a heart attack.
I distinctly remember shoutingat him no, this is just
existential angst.
And he was like okay, afterthat interview it really felt
(05:16):
like no, I want to be a writer.
And then an assistant I knowreached out to me.
She said she was working forthe showrunner and asked if I
wanted to interview.
I went in and interviewed withshe asked me to send her notes
on her pilot.
So I typed up notes and I sentthem in and I didn't get the job
and at that point I had beensending out my resume quite a
(05:38):
bit.
I had written so many coverletters and my parents came into
town.
I took them to the Watts Towersand it's that thing where, like
you say I'm going to go to LAand be a writer, and then your
parents come to town and youdon't have a job.
Speaker 2 (05:53):
Yeah, been, there.
Speaker 3 (05:55):
So I was with my parents at the towers and I was
so upset and so angry so Iactually left them at the towers
and went back to my car to havea freakout.
And I was in my car.
I was like beating on my hornand screaming I need a job, I
need a job, I need a job, I needa job.
And then my phone rang.
Holy shit, it was the producer.
(06:17):
The person that they hired hadgotten staffed within a week and
they wanted to hire me to takeover.
And I was like, oh my God,thank you, thank you, thank you,
thank you.
So I had the job.
I was so excited.
It was Friday evening.
I knew I wouldn't be able tohang out with my parents, but
they would be fine because mycareer was the most important
thing.
We're a very career drivenfamily and I remember that
(06:41):
Sunday I was at a coffee shopgetting coffee for me and my mom
and I look at my phone and it'sjust emails, emails, emails,
emails.
Must have forwarded me like 50fucking emails in one go At this
point.
I had been an assistant almostcontinuously for five years.
I knew what was normal, whatwas appropriate and what was
(07:03):
bullshit, and it was just likewhat the fuck have I gotten
myself into?
The first two weeks on that jobit was just constant, 24-7
texting emails Constant,constant, constant, constant.
I would never know where I wasgoing.
I didn't know if I was going toher house, if I was going to be
running errands, if I was goingto the studio.
(07:23):
There was one time when I wason the 10 going to her house and
she texted me to meet her atthis cafe on the east side.
So I go to this cafe and I'm atthe table with her and she
asked me to do something.
And then she was like you'retyping too loudly.
You had to go sit at this othertable, no way.
So I went and sat at this othertable and after about 30
(07:46):
minutes she just left, didn'ttell me where she was going or
what else she was doing.
Speaker 2 (07:51):
Oh my god, this woman is special.
Speaker 3 (07:54):
There was a day when we were just working out of the
studio office, it was 3 pm and Ihadn't eaten lunch.
I got up and she was like whereare you going?
And I said I was going to getmyself some food and she was
like, oh, will you get me acookie?
So I'm like sure, then I'mdriving to a cafe that is
literally like five minutes fromthe lot, and the entire time I
(08:15):
was driving there she must havesent me 10 texts like where are
you, are you there yet?
Question mark, question mark,question mark.
And then, when I got there, shewanted me to take a picture of
every single fucking food.
Speaker 2 (08:26):
Why do I have to do this.
Speaker 3 (08:28):
There was another time when she asked me to return
some of her wedding china.
I was at the store.
She was like can you picksomething out for me?
So again, it's the fuckingpictures.
I'm taking pictures ofeverything in the store.
I took a picture of some plates.
She was like in the backgroundyou see that vase, can you take
a picture of that?
It wasn't even for sale and itwas always shit like that.
(08:49):
She just always wanted to savesomething, keep decks, have
everything compiled, save photos.
Even for the pilot, like thecostume designers would have
decks and it would be availablefor like a week or something.
The idea was that you wouldlook at it for a week and then
you would make your decisionsand it would disappear.
But then she was like no,download and print everything,
and then we're just going tokeep it all.
Speaker 1 (09:11):
It sounds kind of shady.
Speaker 3 (09:12):
It was fucked up.
These decks are designed for alimited amount of time, Not for
you to pick the costume designeryou want, your friend or
whatever the fuck and then useeveryone else's ideas.
Speaker 2 (09:29):
Your impression was that it wasn't just about
cataloging things.
Speaker 3 (09:31):
It was that she intended to use their ideas on
her show and then hire somebodyelse.
Oh yeah, why are you askingpeople who you are interviewing
to be your assistant to sendthoughts on your pilot?
I understand doing coverage ofa script to prove you can write,
but why are assistants writingnotes on your pilot?
Look, creative people are crazy.
I say this as a writer yougotta have something to make
your art about.
But with her things were alwayscomplicated in a way that felt
(09:53):
malicious, Like you do not havetime to be zooming into pictures
to look at faces in thebackground.
You must just be getting off ontorturing me.
I was going through some oldemails to do this podcast and
there would be emails where Iwas sending her to-do lists,
questions, things I neededanswers on to get from A to B to
C, and there will be noresponse.
No response, no response, noresponse.
(10:15):
After a few weeks of 24-7 textand emails and stuff like this,
my boyfriend we had been doinglong distance and he had just
landed in LA that day and hadthe production draft of her
pilot due on a Thursday, but shewasn't done with it until
Saturday at 3 PM and I wassupposed to proof it.
And look, I will say this.
There's a reason.
I've never been a scriptcoordinator, but I had to proof
(10:39):
it.
And I was riding in the carwith my boyfriend trying to
figure out where he was going tolive, and I read through the
pilot and sent it and said itwas ready to go.
And then the producer'sassistant called me and she was
like there's typos in this.
This isn't ready at all.
How could you even say thatthis and this and this is wrong?
And I was just like I'mliterally drinking from a fire
(11:00):
hose and drowning.
Speaker 1 (11:01):
I'm going to ask a question that I think I might
already know the answer to Wereyou getting paid on the weekend?
Speaker 3 (11:07):
No, but if I'm just being real about my personality,
my parents went to Ivy Leagueschools.
My mom was in the first classof women consistently in medical
school, and she was a woman ofcolor.
I'm the fifth generation in myfamily to be college educated.
Whatever you have to do to getit done, you fucking do it.
And then there was thecompetition.
I was once on a show wherethere were 150 resumes for a
(11:30):
writer's PA position.
I look at Gen Z and the quietquitting.
And there was a millennialburnout article in BuzzFeed a
couple of years ago.
But you just do it.
You suck it up.
You're lucky to be here.
There are other people lined upto do this and if you don't do
it, somebody else will.
The other thing is, I wanted tobe there.
I was working for a femaleshowrunner on an ostensibly
(11:52):
feminist show.
I wanted to be involved and Iwanted to help.
I wanted to work for a womanwho I thought shared my same
socio-political values.
Yeah, I get that.
Yeah.
So the night the script was due,my boyfriend and I were
supposed to get dinner and wepulled into this restaurant,
into the parking lot, and I wasso frazzled after the
script-proofing thing I said tomy boyfriend you go eat, I just
(12:15):
need to sit in the car.
So he went in to get food and Ijust got out of the car and
started walking, walkingendlessly.
I had this feeling like I wasabove my body.
I was in this I think it was acul-de-sac and I was just
walking and I had the thought ifI get to the end of this
cul-de-sac, I'm going to forgetwho I am and just keep walking
(12:38):
forever.
Oh my God, I didn't know this atthe time, but I now know.
I went into a fugue state andluckily I happened upon this guy
who was walking his dog.
I asked to pet his dog and thenI started sobbing.
I asked him to walk me back tothe parking lot.
He walked me back and I wentinto the restaurant and my
(13:00):
boyfriend wasn't there, luckily.
I had heard something that saidin the age of cell phones, you
should have your loved one'sphone numbers memorized.
So I had my boyfriend's numbermemorized and I called him on
the restaurant phone and he wasso angry.
He was scared.
He was like you left everythingin the car.
The door was open.
(13:21):
You left your ID, your walletwas in there.
I had no idea where you were.
You were just gone.
That was when I was like okay,this is crazy, I have to set
some boundaries.
If she texts me after 8 pm orbefore 8 am on the weekend, I
just wouldn't answer.
I was like I am not going to gocrazy for this job, that's not
(13:44):
going to happen.
The thing that kept me goingwas that she told me I was going
to get to go to set.
She was going to fly me toB***h for the pilot.
Then after a while she slippedin oh, you can stay with my
sister.
Then all of a sudden it becameoh, actually they're using the
(14:05):
house for a set, so you can'tstay there, so I'm just going to
go with an assistant over there.
And it was like, okay, fine.
So I was laid off.
I think she was gone for abouta month, maybe three weeks, and
then I was rehired for the edit.
Speaker 2 (14:20):
So did you take the job because of financial reasons
or because you still wanted tobe part of the show?
Speaker 3 (14:27):
I wanted to be a part of the show and look, I don't
quit things.
I was taught very early on bymy parents you have to be the
best.
If you are the best, theycannot argue with you.
And it's not just about you,it's about your entire race,
it's about all of us.
You have to be the best, and ifyou don't show up, you won't
(14:48):
get it done.
So if I'm not in that spot,somebody else will take it
tomorrow, and my only chance toget to do the next thing is to
just stay here and grind it out.
So do it, fucking, do it.
Post-pilot.
Some of the bullshit I had todeal with.
Find her a new personal trainer.
Oh, my God, the plant-baseddiet.
She wanted a plant-based foodsystem and then she was like
(15:10):
this has too many beans in it.
It's like bitch, what do youthink plant-based is?
What else?
I had to write all her weddingthank you notes, oh, my God.
Yeah, like I said, some days Igo to the studio, some days to
her house.
Like I said, some days I go tothe studio, some days to her
house.
There was one day she didn'tcontact me.
I didn't know where I was going.
So I went to a cafe between herhouse and the production office
(15:31):
to write these thank you notes.
And she called me and she waslike, oh, you're at a cafe and
it was like I'm writing yourthank you notes and you're mad
that I'm at a cafe.
That's what the attitude is forAnother good one gotta make
sure I get everything.
She was at the studio.
I was at a grocery store nearher house.
This was not long after tamirrice and michael brown and
(15:53):
trayvon there have been so manyblack men the police have
murdered and I was in theparking lot and all of a sudden
there were helicopters circlingand I see 10 cops with huge guns
pointed at one black man lyingon the ground, legs spread.
I just froze and the cop waslike get out of the way.
What the fuck are you doing?
So I get in my car and I droveto the studio.
(16:14):
She had to sign something, so Ibring her what she needs to
sign.
And I'm shaking and the notaryis like, are you okay?
And I just start sobbing.
The woman gives me a tissue andjust looks at me.
The exec or notary was like,here, have some tissues, get
some water.
And was just like, hmm, yeah,and patted my arm and then
refused to sign.
(16:34):
The thing that was a part of me.
That was like did she startthis fight with the notary?
Because I was emotional aboutwatching a black man almost die.
Did I steal the spotlight?
So she had to make a biggerissue.
Then there was one time myfriend was coming into town so I
told I'm not available thisentire weekend.
I'm going to the desert and Iwill have no reception.
(16:55):
And she was like, oh, are youdoing ecstasy in the desert?
And I was like, um, no, we'redoing shrooms.
I was staying in LA, I wasgoing to a concert, I don't know
why.
I said I was doing shrooms.
But a week or two later sheasked me to go get her shrooms.
Oh, no, I was like, oh God,I've never bought drugs in my
life, but she had the connection.
So I go out to this apartmentcomplex on the West side, I'm
(17:18):
picking up the shrooms.
And I was like, well, I'm here,so can I buy some weed?
And the guy was like oh, I'mnot a drug dealer, I'm doing
this for this is just a favor.
By the way, how is the pilotgoing?
Are they staffing?
And I was like is this drugdealer trying to network with me
?
What the fuck is happening.
This is the most Hollywoodstory ever.
(17:41):
So I got her the shrooms, Almostsaw a person getting shot.
So now we're doing post and shetold me that she had an affair
with someone on the pilot andshe asked me to download all her
emails about the affair and putit on a zip drive.
So I was like, all right, butI'm going to read them If you're
dumb enough to give me accessto your emails.
At one point she came into myoffice and she was like, wow,
(18:04):
this is taking a long time.
And I was like, wow, this istaking a long time.
And I was like, yeah, you knowthe Internet Gmail.
So I read all of them.
There was nothing juicy.
But then I was like, while I'mhere, I'm going to search for my
name in her emails Just to see.
I think the E for Beaver,Ernest Millennial, was like
(18:25):
maybe she said something niceabout me, since I'm killing
myself.
And then I found an email frommy second week when I was going
into the feud state, where shesaid can we blame the pilot
being late on my assistant?
Speaker 2 (18:31):
Oh my God, that's horrible.
Speaker 3 (18:34):
So I was like, okay, what's the move here?
I'd read that in the militaryyou'd fail up.
So I decided I'm just going toask her to be the writer's
assistant.
What else am I going to do atthis point?
So decided I'm just going toask her to be the writer's
assistant.
What else am I going to do atthis point?
So I asked her and she said yes.
I was shocked that it worked,but I was so elated, so relieved
(18:58):
.
It was like all right, I justhad to survive until the room.
Before the room started, therewas a night when she asked me to
pitch episode ideas and thenight it happened I was leaving
her house and she had friendsover and I remember these women
coming in and looking at me likeI was dirt.
I remember thinking you'relooking down on me and I'm
feeding her my creativity,giving her my perspective as a
woman of color Fucking hell.
During the holidays I was stillworking for her when the town
(19:21):
was shut down and there was aday when I went to her house and
she said to her husband can wefind something for her to do
today?
I was like there's 50 things Icould be doing for you at any
given moment and you're askingyour husband to find something
for me to do.
It felt so insulting, sodemeaning, like I was driving
around getting her kidsChristmas gifts.
I understand that personalshift is just part of the game,
(19:42):
but I just felt used.
I did get some petty revenge,like one day she asked me to
pick her up from an earlymorning class.
She wanted me to pick her upall the way over on the east
side to drive her from the classto her car, which was four
blocks away.
Are you?
fucking kidding me so I turnedthe ac on high and I directed
all the vents toward her in thepassenger seat.
(20:02):
So when she got in the car, shesat in it for a minute or two
and then she slammed the ventshut and never asked for me to
give her a ride anywhere again.
Awesome, but those moments werefew and far between.
Mostly it was just her tellingme to do work, produce
creativity, pull pictures,produce things that would come
to no end.
It would always come to no end.
After winter break, she startedstaffing the room.
(20:24):
I was like I'm going to be thewriter's assistant.
This is great, the end is insight.
Then I was cc'd on an emailwhere I see that she's offering
the position to other people.
Oh no.
That was when I was like I'mdone.
I sent her an email and I saidI cannot continue with you in
the room.
Tomorrow will be my last day.
Her an email and I said Icannot continue with you in the
(20:45):
room.
Tomorrow will be my last day.
So I gave 24 hours noticebecause it was so clear at that
point that she did not respectme.
There's a difference betweenpaying your dues and eating shit
, and I was just eating shit.
The next day I came over to herhouse to pick up some things and
the first thing she said to mewas did you think you were going
to be the writer's assistant?
And it was like you said yes.
(21:06):
You said yes, and that's thething.
She could have said no, I don'tthink you're ready for that.
I wouldn't have been happy, butI might've still stayed.
But it was just like why lie?
I'm running your staffing grids, I'm coordinating your meetings
.
I'm going to find out you'reoffering the job to other people
.
Why lie?
And for her to be like did youthink you were going to be the
(21:28):
writer's assistant?
It's like you know what you did, you know why I'm quitting and
you don't care.
So, yeah, I finished one lastthing, which was to plan her
Mexico trip, and I was done.
And then I actually calledsomeone and I was like I'm
quitting, do you want this job?
And and the person was likedidn't you hate that job?
And in that moment I realized Iwas so focused on getting out I
(21:52):
didn't think about whether it'dbe worth it to put someone I
know into that position.
A couple of months later,someone emailed me and said hey,
I'm assistant.
I have a couple of questionsfor you and I was like no, I do
not work for this person anymore.
But then she wrote me back andwas like no girl, I need to talk
to you.
Oh shit.
And it's so crazy because overthe years I've been at parties
(22:14):
on the picket line and peoplecome, will come up to me and be
like, oh my god, I was herassistant too.
This woman has had so manyfucking assistants there were
enough of us that we had aconclave.
We had a bitch session abouther for like three fucking hours
.
A few years after I quit, sheemailed me.
The email said something likeI'm doing amends, I'm reaching
(22:35):
out to people.
It sounded like you had a lotof responsibilities and didn't
understand the expectations andit was like no bitch.
You said I could be thewriter's assistant and you
fucked me over.
That's it.
That's why I quit.
Sometimes I wonder if she was asociopath, because I just don't
have any other explanation forher behavior.
I mean, look, in sixth grade Icheated on a lot of tests and
(22:59):
then I got to a point where Iwas like this is wrong.
If I want something usingillegal means, then that would
tarnish the wins for me, but forpeople like a win is a win.
If I download all thedesigner's decks, then I will
get the best outfits.
If I tell my assistant thatshe's going to come to set,
she's going to work that muchharder.
A win is a win.
Speaker 1 (23:18):
If she was sitting in the room right now and you
could say anything you wanted tosay to her, what would say?
Speaker 3 (23:24):
fuck you.
Yeah, I am a married woman nowwho has been to therapy, so
there's a part of me that wouldbe like just don't lie to people
.
Don't offer to fly me to set.
Don't say I can be the writer'sassistant.
Just don't lie.
That's what I would like to say.
But also I wouldn't want to sayanything, because she's a
gaslighter.
She knows why I quit.
(23:45):
Then she's gonna send me anemail two years later and be
like you didn't know whatexpectations were.
There's nothing to say to her.
Is she going to change?
Is she interested in doingbetter?
You don't go through that manyassistants.
You don't torture that manypeople without getting off on it
.
And one more thing you can'tfuck over that many people on a
new show.
And one more thing you can'tfuck over that many people on a
new show.
This is me being my horriblestrategic self.
(24:07):
Like can be a monster, but he'smade billions of dollars.
But to her I'd be like youdon't even have enough power yet
, oh damn.
Speaker 1 (24:20):
This podcast is anonymous for both the victim
and the perpetrator, but whatwould you tell everybody about
if you could?
Speaker 3 (24:27):
Don't work with her.
I've been in generals wherepeople have said to me oh my god
, that show is so good, but ifyou work with her, at best your
ideas will get stolen, at worstyou'll be running in circles
giving her creative energy.
That will go into a void.
She's a black hole and there'sno amount of creativity or
pictures of plates or looking atreceipts or sending her options
(24:48):
that will fill that hole,because at a certain point she's
just feeding off of your energy.
If vampirism is how she has tocreate her art, there's no
reason to be a part of that.
Speaker 2 (24:59):
It's just not worth it Absolutely All the things
you're just killing yourself todo because you're trying to be
the best and because you don'tquit things, and all those
things that you said aboutyourself.
It's just going to get suckedinto that black hole and
disappear forever.
Speaker 3 (25:13):
Exactly.
And you know what's crazy?
I've been nervous about doingthis podcast, but she did this.
All of this happened Like bitch.
It was you.
You did all this.
I feel lighter.
Speaker 1 (25:29):
That's what we're here for.
Speaker 2 (25:30):
Thank you so much for sharing this story with us.
Please go create in peace.
Oh my God, there are so manyelements of this story that I
identify with or that terrify mein some way.
I mean the thing I can't getover.
(25:53):
There are so many things, butone of the things that I really
cannot get over is how thepressures of the industry gaslit
this confessor into feelinglike everything was their fault,
to the point that they werequestioning whether they could
even tell these stories becauselike no, no, that's on me, like
(26:15):
I fucked up, I failed somehow,or I can't talk about these
things because I uh am, I amgoing to lose in some way, and
I'm just like that's so fuckedup.
And you come to the point whereit's like, bitch, it was you.
Like to be able to make thatchange in your own mind, where
(26:35):
you realize you are not theproblem.
The like toxic Hollywood is theproblem, the toxic boss is the
problem.
Bitch, it was you.
You did all these things.
I think is an incrediblypowerful thing and shout out to
this confessor for getting thereand being brave enough to talk
about it.
Speaker 1 (26:56):
Yeah, that's incredible, Especially thinking
about where this confessor camefrom with those episodes of
burnout.
I mean, burnout is just so realand I feel like we're not
talking about it enough.
The amount of things assistantshave to do these days I mean
they were working on two pods atone time that's insane amounts
of work.
Speaker 2 (27:15):
Can you talk about what a pod is and what the work
is like?
Speaker 1 (27:20):
Yeah, I mean with a pod.
It's constant scheduling, it'sconstant note taking and it's
really fast turnarounds too.
Sometimes, if something isramping from development to go
into an actual writer's room orinto actual production, the
turnaround times become supertight and there's a ton of work
and I mean it's that for two, todo that for two that's like 80
(27:43):
hours a week minimum.
Yeah, and that's if you'relucky, that's if it's just at a
regular pace.
Speaker 2 (27:47):
Yeah, and then you're put in that position and,
because of the extremecompetitiveness of this industry
, it's like you can't fuck it up.
Speaker 1 (27:54):
Oh God, that is something I related so much when
the confessor talked about ithow it always feels like there's
another person ready to takeyour job if you give it away.
It always feels like there'sanother person ready to take
your job if you give it away,yep, and that's such a powerful
thing that keeps assistants intheir place, which is really
frustrating.
Speaker 2 (28:13):
Yep, that's right that, like feeds into the
gaslighting and um, also, likeyou say, the burnout.
I mean what was reallyfascinating to me and
heartbreaking about the um, theburnout that this this person
was experiencing was, uh, whenthey went into a fugue state.
Oh God that's fucking insane.
Speaker 1 (28:33):
It's scary.
Speaker 2 (28:34):
I mean, it's like there was so much pressure and
just the constant barrage oflike.
It feels like every email andevery text was just more
pressure, more pressure, morepressure.
You got to do this, do this, dothis, be more perfect, be like
better, be faster, be moreaggressive, be more, more, more,
(28:56):
more, more, until the pointwhere this person literally lost
all sense of who they are.
Speaker 1 (29:02):
Yeah, To have that feeling of just like if I walk
past this cul-de-sac, I will notrejoin my body.
I mean, that's, that's damnnear life and death.
Speaker 2 (29:12):
Yeah, yeah, I mean this industry.
There are so many things thatwe love about it and, like you
and I, um, are really, reallyblessed to have a job, not just
any job.
I mean, we have a job on a showthat we love, with people that
we love, and it's a verypositive environment.
(29:33):
But this is so rare and, like,the realities that so many
people are dealing with are justextreme and just impossible
situations, and so I think, likeI want to like share this.
(29:53):
I'm so happy that we can sharethis confessor's story, to just
be like hey, we're all in thistogether and we know that these
things happen, and if this ishappening to you or anything
similar to this is affecting youin this way, like a you're not
alone and B you can get out ofthere.
(30:14):
You can find good, happy peopleto work with and people who will
value you for who you are.
Speaker 1 (30:22):
Yeah, it's.
This all reminds me ofsomething One of my friends told
me back when I was an engineer,but it helps me stay grounded
when things get a little toocrazy.
Speaker 2 (30:31):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (30:32):
He told me we're not doctors, we're not nurses,
nobody's going to die.
And it's like, yeah, the worstthing that's going to happen is
a script doesn't go out on time.
Like yeah, who cares in thegrand scheme of things?
Like the show's going to getdone.
Speaker 2 (30:46):
We're going to be okay.
So what you're saying is likeyou're behind on a script to get
done.
Speaker 1 (30:50):
We're going to be okay.
So what you're saying is likeyou're behind on a script.
Speaker 2 (30:57):
That's not what I'm saying.
Yeah, I mean, I love it andthat's that's what it's all
about.
You know, that's just a changein perspective.
Um, that's going to lead us toour mission of, like, making
Hollywood a happier place.
Um and uh, on that note, guys,our listeners, um, we are uh
also wanting to make sure thatwe share with you that in season
three, we're kind of branchingout on our ways to accomplish
(31:17):
that mission.
Um, it's going to be a big yearcoming up.
We've got IOTC negotiationscoming up, the animators guild
obviously there's an election.
So, like, we're here with you,we're going to be talking about
these things and also tellingstories, sharing confessions,
but also doing some liveinterviews from people who are
(31:39):
actively working to makeHollywood better in various ways
the founders of Pay UpHollywood.
We have an excellent interviewwith Mo Ryan, who's a journalist
for the Hollywood Reporter, whoalso wrote the book Burn it
Down, exposing a lot of abusesin the industry.
And we've got some new formatsfor episodes coming up.
(32:01):
Jr, do you want to talk aboutthose, since it was kind of like
your passion project?
Speaker 1 (32:06):
Yeah, we've got two oral histories coming up this
season and, quite frankly, Ilove to hear a story told by a
hundred different perspectives,because no story lives in a
vacuum.
We all experience an event fromour own point of view and I
just think it's lovely when allof that comes together to tell
one single story.
This season we have two reallypowerful oral histories.
(32:27):
We have two really powerfuloral histories.
We've got Dream On an oralhistory of one artist's search
for a job in Hollywood, and alsoPortrait of an Abuser, which is
going to be a story told fromthe perspective of people in
many different departments, allof who experienced different
facets of his abusive behavior.
Speaker 2 (32:43):
Yeah, that one is going to be intense.
I am scared of it and alsoreally looking forward to being
able to share that particularseries with the world.
It's probably going to be amulti-part series and then, on a
lighter note, we are starting alist Hollywood loves lists.
There's the short list, theblack list there's are you on
(33:04):
the list?
Happy Hollywood list, which isgoing to be an open list of
people who have been recommendedby you, our listeners, as
outstanding people to work within the entertainment industry.
So these can be people from anydepartment.
They could be like even lawyers, or you know anybody that you
can think of who you just wantto shout out and let the world
(33:26):
know this is a good person.
This is one of these people whoare making Hollywood a happier
place.
Speaker 1 (33:31):
If you know someone who should be on the happy
Hollywood list, let us know.
Or if you're considering a joband you want to know if they're
good people to work for, checkthe list and spread the word.
The more people we can add tothe list, the more we can help
make Hollywood a happier place.
Speaker 2 (33:44):
So, yeah, hit us up on social media at Fuss Up
Hollywood, share the podcast,connect with us, make sure
you're subscribed and join usagain in two weeks for a story
that's going to inspire us allabout a PA who discovered that
they were making less thaneverybody else on set and
(34:05):
decided to do something about it.
Speaker 1 (34:06):
See you then, faithful, excited to do
something about it.
See you, then, faithful.
The Hollywood Confessional isproduced by Megan Dane and JR
Zamorathal.
Our cast for this episode,taylor Brooks.
Special effects provided byZapSplat and Pixabay.
Hollywood Confessional is aNinth Way Media production.
(34:28):
Follow us on socials, atFessUpHollywood.
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