May 9, 2024 • 25 mins
To be or not to be... naked?
That is the question faced by our confessor this week: an up-and-coming actor who had to make a difficult decision about his career.
Join us in this week's episode of the Hollywood Confessional as we hear from this fearless creative who was up for anything... until "anything" became a bit too much.
We discuss:
- the trouble with setting boundaries in the entertainment industry,
- how to make the right decisions for your career,
- how to weigh the consequences when it seems like you're damned if you do, damned if you don't.
Special shout out to our voice actor Cody Vaughn for chatting with us after the episode, and to all our Hollywood Faithful who are currently facing tough choices.
Let us know about them in the comments or send us a DM @fessuphollywood! We'd love to hear your thoughts on the show and how you feel about the hard decisions you've made in Hollywood.
Connect with us:
Check out some of our favorite shows:
- Screenwriters' Rant Room
- Screaming into the Hollywood Abyss
- It Happened in Hollywood
- The Secret History of Hollywood
Hollywood Confessional is a Ninth Way Media production, produced by Meagan Daine and J.R. Zamora-Thal.
Sound Effects and Music provided by Zapsplat and Pixabay.
Keywords: filmmaking podcast, film podcast, screenwriting podcast, entertainment podcast, Hollywood, filmmaking, writerslife, actorslife, setlife
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
In nomine Cinema e TV Espiritu Streaming.
Amen.
Hello Hollywood.
Faithful Welcome back toanother episode of Hollywood
Confessional.
I'm your podcast priest, jrZamorathal.
Speaker 2 (00:23):
And I'm Megan Dane.
Welcome back, so happy you guysare joining us this week.
Man, it's been an interestingtime for us these past couple of
weeks.
It's kind of like you know it'sthe end of band camp, man.
Speaker 1 (00:35):
Yeah, I wanted yearbooks.
I wanted to write hags ineverybody's yearbook.
Speaker 2 (00:41):
Yeah, that's right.
Speaker 1 (00:47):
Like the project that JR and.
Speaker 2 (00:47):
I've been working on for quite some time, quite some
time.
Yeah, it's uh, the writer'sroom is kind of coming to an end
and, um, I don't know how tofeel about this the day the room
actually wrapped, I toldsomebody that I felt like I had
just finished midterms.
Speaker 1 (01:00):
I was so exhausted and like I wanted to just go
back to my old habits, get a bigold chipotle, curl up on the
couch and watch three hours oftelevision.
Speaker 2 (01:08):
Oh, that sounds amazing.
Speaker 1 (01:09):
That's how I got through engineering school, but
you know our work isn't quitedone yet, so it wasn't finals,
but it was over, that big,massive push towards the end,
towards our midterms, I guess.
Speaker 2 (01:21):
That's right.
And you come away from it andyou feel exhausted and kind of
like what Wait, who am I, wheream I?
And then, what year is it?
Yeah, and then figure out, likeokay, starting starting again.
Speaker 1 (01:39):
What am I doing here in?
Speaker 2 (01:40):
this town, right.
One of the really interestingthings to me about like trying
to make a career inentertainment is that, I mean,
it is a creative industry, butyou're still performing tasks
and you're doing like dig backinto your memory to be like okay
, why am I doing this?
(02:08):
What is it that you know?
What do I want to write now?
What do I want to create now?
What is the story that I wantto tell now that I have like
free time?
Speaker 1 (02:16):
Yeah, that's kind of the fun of it, and for me, every
time a room ends, I realizedthat I've learned one really big
lesson that I can bring to mywriting, and so every new
project that I take on after aroom is colored with everything
that I learned in the room,which I just think is so
fascinating If I can go back andread scripts.
I wrote before, you know, tworooms ago, and then I read a
(02:37):
script that I'm working on nowand I'm like, oh, look at all
these things.
I know how to do now.
Speaker 2 (02:41):
That's awesome.
Can you talk about what thething is that you learned this
time?
Speaker 1 (02:46):
This time around probably being succinct.
I think that I've got atendency because I love short
stories, that's really likesomething that I'm passionate
about writing wise, outside ofthe industry, and that's all
prose, that's the most beautifulthing you can put down on the
page.
But when you're screenwriting,that's obviously not what we're
trying to do, and so my tendencyis always to write a little too
(03:09):
much prose, and so this seasonI really learned, I think, how
to cut down on that, how to sayonly what's necessary to get
across my ideas, and that way Ican have a lot more room to let
the dialogue, you know, do itsthing.
Speaker 2 (03:22):
Yeah, I love that and yeah, similarly, I'd like to.
I just love to have theopportunity to be immersed in
the creative process and otherpeople's processes, because then
you pick up on things like youknow, you start to go oh, I
could express this idea in acompletely different way than I
(03:44):
ever thought of doing it beforeand, of course, steal heavily
from everyone.
Speaker 1 (03:50):
That's the best part the stealing yeah.
Speaker 2 (03:54):
So, yeah, this is a.
It's an exciting time for usand a scary time, but here we
are and we're still doing theconfessional booth, and this
week we have a very interestingstory Speaking of sort of
finding who you are as an artist.
This is about an actor who hadto decide whether to say yes or
(04:15):
no to something and Just to giveyou a little bit of a teaser,
the title is On being Naked ALot.
Speaker 1 (04:23):
Should we get into the confessional booth?
I think we should.
Let's do it.
Speaker 3 (04:36):
Forgive me, Father, for I'm an actor who got tired
of being naked.
Speaker 1 (04:42):
You got tired of it.
I love tired of it.
I love being naked.
Speaker 2 (04:45):
I mean, it's all about context, right like,
please share your context well,I'd been in LA for about seven
to eight years.
Speaker 3 (04:53):
I've been doing a lot of really small indie stuff,
booking a commercial every nowand again, but I hadn't really
been able to break through on ahuge movie or network show yet.
I booked an indie show that wasvery sex positive.
It was small and I liked whatthe show was saying.
It was like pushing theboundary with sex scenes, but
that was the whole point beingvery sex positive.
But when it rains it pours andI got all these bookings back to
(05:18):
back.
I booked a commercial where I'min the bathroom getting out of
the shower and I'm topless.
Speaker 1 (05:23):
I saw that one.
Speaker 3 (05:25):
You did.
It was just all theseindividual jobs, but after I
shot some of them I realizedit's just gonna be me naked in
all these things.
Speaker 2 (05:35):
That is the weirdest niche.
I mean, it's not like you're aporn actor, Like this just
happened to you.
Speaker 3 (05:41):
Yeah.
And then I booked my firstnetwork show the show we're
talking about and again I'mcoming out of the shower at the
top of the scene.
So, knowing that basically allof my work from that year was
just me, without a top on andwith less in some instances, I
was like oh God, this is justgetting to be a bit much.
But it was fine.
(06:02):
It wasn't really a sexual thingand the show was huge for me.
I was very excited, my firstnetwork role.
And then I get a call from theintimacy coordinator and she
says, hey, the director is doinga shot list and he envisions
you coming out of the shower andus doing a butt shot.
Is that the technical?
Speaker 1 (06:22):
term for it.
Speaker 3 (06:23):
Yes, I'm pretty sure it is.
So basically, as he's panning,you're going to walk in after
the shower as you're towelingoff and we'll see your butt.
How do you feel about that?
And having this commercial thathad just come out, having this
other show that's about to comeout?
I was like, just come out,having this other show that's
(06:45):
about to come out.
I was like, oh well, let metalk with my agents.
I felt a little hesitant aboutit and I didn't know how it
would work.
I was like am I gonna get paidmore?
And she was like no, that'sillegal, damn.
Speaker 2 (06:56):
I was like, oh yeah, that makes sense, I guess it
mean, if you're going to look atit that way, so I was like,
okay, let me get back to you.
Speaker 3 (07:08):
So I called my manager tell him what's going on
, and he was like I understandwhere you're coming from.
Do whatever you're comfortablewith.
They will not fire you.
Because I was worried aboutthat, you know, being my first
network job, I didn't want tolose it.
I felt pressure, not from theintimacy coordinator.
She was very like you can makewhatever decision, it's fine,
it's up to you.
But I just want you to knowthat this is what the director
(07:31):
wants.
Speaker 2 (07:32):
Yeah, it's like, honey, you don't have to buy me
anything for Valentine's Day.
I mean, that's what I think.
Speaker 3 (07:38):
Exactly.
So I said, well, well, if it'simportant to the show, then sure
.
If it's important that we seethese two characters intimate
together, if it's not gratuitous, and if the other actor, who
was a series regular, does itwith some skin, then sure I'm
totally down.
Basically, I just didn't wantto be like one of the cheap
(07:59):
girls on the side, but just themale version.
That doesn't excite me.
I just didn't feel comfortabledoing that or being that.
So if this is going to be likethis actual, real sex scene,
fine, but if not, then no, Idon't want to do that.
So I tell the intimacycoordinator that, I tell my
manager that Everyone's like yep, yep, got it.
(08:21):
Great, no worries, it's all upto you.
Fine.
The intimacy coordinator waslike okay, I'll get back to you.
Then she did call back and shesaid we're just going to scrap
it.
He's redoing the shot list,it's fine.
Speaker 2 (08:35):
No, big deal.
Speaker 3 (08:36):
So I'm like okay, cool.
Speaker 2 (08:38):
Okay, you don't want anything for Valentine's Day?
Cool.
Speaker 3 (08:52):
Yeah.
So the day of the shoot, I geton set and the intimacy
coordinator, weirdly, is one ofthe first people who greets me
and she's like very excited, oh,this is gonna be great.
How are you feeling?
Very in her feelings, makingsure she's all in my feelings.
I'm like, yeah, this is great.
I'm excited.
Blah, blah, blah, they bring memy wardrobe, which is basically
a towel, because again, I'mcoming out of the shower and
she's double checking Is thisall right?
Do you think you'll need ashirt?
(09:13):
I'm like, no, I'm coming out ofthe shower, I don't need a
shirt.
This is crazy.
And she's like, okay, great.
So I wait a couple hours beforethey call me to set.
Then I'm coming out of thetrailer and she greets me and
the second ad greets me andthey're taking me and my co-star
in a shuttle van to set.
And then I noticed this hugedude following the four of us
(09:35):
and I turn back like oh, is hecoming with us?
And like, yeah, that's yourbodyguard.
What, yeah?
I was like, oh, laughing it off.
She was like, no, that's so youfeel safe on set.
Oh my God, yeah, right, that'syour bodyguard.
(09:59):
I turned to my co-star like, doyou get a bodyguard and he was
like no, I've never seen thisguy.
I turned to my co-star like, doyou get a bodyguard?
And he was like no, I've neverseen this guy.
I don't know who this guy is.
Speaker 2 (10:07):
This is so strange, it's incredible.
Speaker 3 (10:10):
So we get to set and he's like right behind me the
entire time and no one's sayinganything.
You would think that if thiswas abnormal, that people I
don't know would be looking atme a certain way, but no one
talked to me Like he wascreating this barrier Not that
he was pushing people away, buthe was intimidating people.
And so I'm like new on set andwhen you're just a day player
(10:33):
coming onto a show that's beenon for a long time, everyone's a
family and I did feel verywelcomed by everyone.
I was very impressed and feltwell taken care of, but maybe a
little too taken care of,because I was basically flanked
by a 6'3" 250-pound dude andthis tiny petite intimacy
coordinator the entire time wedo some rehearsals.
(10:56):
It's a closed set because we'reboth in our underwear, but the
security guard is on set.
It's not closed for him.
He's there like just off camera, like watching me in the other
room.
Speaker 2 (11:07):
Ew.
Speaker 3 (11:09):
Yeah, it was really weird, and so was the intimacy
coordinator, and after everyrehearsal break she would come
in and check with me like, howare you feeling, are you okay?
Is that okay?
And this wasn't a sex scene.
We're having a little argument,basically.
So there's no physical contact.
And the thing is, if my co-starhad also been getting that
(11:29):
treatment, then okay, but it wasall on me and for me, for the
new guy coming in onto set.
You just kind of want to blendin.
Well, I do, anyway, you know, Ijust want to get in in.
Well, I do, anyway, you know, Ijust want to get in, do my job,
not be thought of as a diva,just do my job and go.
(11:51):
But this was making it harderfor me to do my job, because
every take she comes in and Ikept telling her thank you, nope
, it's all good, I'm comfortable.
I will let you know if I feeluncomfortable.
Basically, post me too.
This isn't a negative thing,but the pendulum has really
swung the other way.
I refused to show my bare assand that caused everyone to be
like, oh no, he's uncomfortable.
Let's make sure thateverything's safe and we cover
(12:13):
our asses.
Speaker 1 (12:15):
Did you feel like they genuinely cared how you
felt, or was this purely toavoid a lawsuit?
Speaker 3 (12:20):
Well, I did feel very taken care of by the people on
set.
Everyone was very nice.
But I think there was anelement of if I went back and
complained they could be like.
Well, we gave him a bodyguard.
The intimacy coordinator askedhim between every single take if
he felt comfortable.
Speaker 2 (12:37):
This is suddenly reminding me of a waitressing
job I had once, where I reporteda guy for harassment and then
suddenly I started getting allthe best shifts.
Speaker 3 (12:45):
Exactly, and it's funny because there was one take
that was really good and myco-star ends up slapping me on
my ass as I'm exiting the room.
Oh no, and I mean it was great,but she basically burst down
that door.
Where's?
Speaker 1 (13:01):
the bodyguard.
Speaker 3 (13:02):
She was like are you sure that was okay?
I can tell him not to use thattake.
And I was like no, that was thebest take.
Please stop.
And you know some people mightwant that.
For certain people that mightmake them feel more comfortable
and open up and be relaxed.
But for my first network show,of course I was thinking they're
going to think he's a diva,we're never going to hire him
(13:25):
again.
So that was constantly in myhead the whole time and in the
end that's basically whathappened.
Speaker 2 (13:31):
Oh no.
Speaker 3 (13:37):
I can't get into specifics without giving away
the show, but basically therewas a part in the script where
so in every take, I and no onetold me otherwise that I wasn't
supposed to be doing that.
But after we wrapped somebodyasked me if I had done a certain
thing in the final take, thegood take and they said that
moment was planting the seedbecause your character in the
(13:59):
show and that's what's going tohappen later in the season.
And I was like no, no one toldme that.
I felt stupid.
I would have played thatdifferently.
I wish someone had told me andas I was leaving again I won't
say exactly who, but someone whoknows what's going on I was
like hope to work with you againsoon.
(14:21):
And he was like oh yeah, you'redefinitely coming back.
So I was like oh great, this isa recurring role Awesome, you
know, as an actor who's beentrying so long and so hard to
get even just the smallest parton a show and this was the big
show for this network, it wastheir anchor show and then to
(14:42):
have a chance to expand that andbecome recurring, I was very
hopeful.
I allowed myself to ride thatoptimistic train for a minute,
to believe that it would besomething more, aside from the
weirdness.
Everyone was super lovely, so Ifelt like I was on a high,
walking off of the set, like,yes, this is what I want to do,
this is what I'm meant to do.
This is great.
(15:04):
More doors are going to openfor me.
I told my manager, and then wedidn't hear anything for what
felt like a very long time, andthen eventually, we heard back
from someone in casting saying,um, no, that's not gonna happen
oh shit do you think the reasonit didn't happen is the nudity
(15:24):
issue?
I mean, who knows, was it mesaying no?
Was it me not being good on set?
Like?
Was I not good in the scene?
Was it just circumstance?
Were they like we don't haveenough time to finish the
storyline of this guy who reallydoesn't matter?
Maybe my co-star didn't likeworking with me.
I mean who knows?
(15:44):
Luckily, I'm pretty good atcompartmentalizing.
If you're any type of creativein this industry, if you let all
these negative things affectyou, then you just stop.
So true, because why would youdo that to yourself?
Why would you put yourselfthrough that?
So I think, like for peoplethat have kept going in this
industry, you kind of find waysof just like processing it
(16:07):
quickly or not processing it,maybe putting it somewhere
tucked away somewhere in orderto just keep trying.
But it also made me secondguess what roles I take now.
I've recently become a dad andso now I'm like, oh man, all of
these sex scenes are now outthere forever.
My son doesn't want to see that.
Not that he's going to anytimesoon, but still, it's just like
(16:30):
it's always out there now.
So in the end I feel confidentthat I made the right decision,
but I was also kicking myselflike, oh, maybe if I'd just done
it I'm already doing it on thisother show Maybe things would
be different.
Speaker 2 (16:45):
Yeah, it's the maybes that kill you.
Speaker 1 (16:48):
But kudos to you for finding a way to
compartmentalize and keep going.
I mean, that's what it takessometimes.
Speaker 2 (16:53):
Absolutely.
Thank you so much for sharingyour story with us and go create
in peace with clothes on.
Speaker 1 (17:08):
All right, we're going to try something new on
the podcast.
Oh yeah, Megan has pitched anincredible idea and I think we
should run with it.
Speaker 2 (17:14):
Let's do it so, as you guys know, here on the
Hollywood Confessional, what wedo is we interview people who
are working in the entertainmentindustry and then we take a
transcript from that interview,turn it into a script and we
have a voice actor perform it,with all identifying details
removed so that the originalconfessor can be anonymous.
And as we're sitting hererecording this anonymous story
(17:37):
today, I'm looking at the faceof our actor, the amazing Cody
Vaughn.
Everybody, take down that name,he's the greatest and and I'm
like, oh he, he's here insomething in this story, like
he's connecting with somethinghere.
I almost felt like I wastalking to you personally, Cody.
So, like, tell us a little bitabout yourself and like, and
(17:59):
what this story like, what thehell were you thinking when you
read this story?
Speaker 3 (18:04):
What was I thinking?
Well, thank you for the kindwords.
By the way, you know I actuallyjust read this today.
You know it was immediatelyresonating with me on a number
of levels.
Speaker 2 (18:26):
I feel like as an actor.
Speaker 3 (18:26):
There are things, including like sexual situations
or in certain roles, that Imyself personally didn't feel
super comfortable with, and incertain cases there've been
auditions that I've passed overand even, in some cases, roles
that I've more or less turneddown, that I knew it wasn't the
right fit for me.
So I can really appreciate whatthis guy was going through as
far as feeling that pressure ofhaving the producer or director
(18:48):
or anybody coming up to you andsaying like, oh, we want to try
this, or putting a little extrapressure.
Speaker 2 (18:53):
Do you feel comfortable talking about like a
specific instance, when eithersomething happened on set or in
an audition, like you said?
Speaker 3 (19:00):
Yeah, no, I'd say that an audition that comes to
mind.
Speaker 2 (19:03):
I won't like get into the specific project or
anything, oh yeah, no, no, no,just kidding, be as vague as
possible.
Project or anything, oh yeah.
Speaker 3 (19:10):
No, but it was, it was.
It was just.
It was something that was likeit was very clearly you're here
for the shock value of it.
It was like a a kind of ahorror thing.
But it was like you're a guylike having sex with a woman and
then like butt shot and it'sjust like the killer is like
coming up and just killing you,like.
(19:32):
So it's like one of those whereyou're like you're, you're,
you're the victim, which I getit like it's you know well, it's
got to be frustrating.
Speaker 1 (19:38):
I mean, it sounds like you were basically a prop
at that point.
Speaker 3 (19:41):
Yeah, nudity had very little to do with right, like
like I'm not totally againstnudity or anything.
Uh, like I think what I lookfor is like is there a place for
it in the story?
Like does it make sense or isit just like a shock value, like
just trying to oh, let's juststick an ass in there, you know
like or whatever it is yeah, andI get it, it's hollywood, like
(20:03):
there's definitely the you knowit, sex sells type of thing.
But sure, like I, also for me,like I want it to have some
meaning in the, in the story, um, and actually be presented in a
real way.
Speaker 2 (20:19):
Also, uh, this idea of saying no to something and
then there's a price that youhave to pay, right?
I've been thinking about that alot lately because, like this
confessor, I also very recentlyhad to say no to something.
That on one hand it wassomething that I very, very much
(20:40):
want, but on the other, it waslike I don't think this is quite
the right situation, and I mean, I don't even know, it's an
impossible decision because younever know what's going to be on
the other side of that door.
Right, you just have a sense ofit and you think, should I,
should I walk through this door?
And sometimes you are forced tomake a choice in this industry,
(21:05):
right?
Speaker 1 (21:05):
Right, and oftentimes you can only learn from the
times you've been burned Like.
This is something that you onlylearn by doing, walking through
these doors, making thesechoices, and every time it's a
little bit different.
You just have to trust that.
I have gotten burned on manytimes before.
Speaker 2 (21:20):
That's the worst.
Yeah, it's really hard and Icame to like a fork in the road
and it was like I either have togo this way or I have to go the
other way, and my instinct fromall the times that I have been
(21:44):
burned tells me I should go thisdirection but that means I have
to say no to this other thingthat maybe.
what if that was the rightdirection?
What if I totally fucked thisdirection?
But that means I have to say noto this other thing that maybe
what if that was the rightdirection?
What if I totally fucked thisup?
What?
If my instincts are wrong.
I mean, the industry isconstantly changing.
You never know what's going tohappen.
Sometimes you're like, oh, thiswill never come through, and
then it does come through.
Speaker 1 (22:04):
And part of having a career in Hollywood is putting
as many irons in the fire aspossible.
We're not supposed to takeirons out of the fire.
That's the worst decision, butsometimes you have to.
Speaker 2 (22:17):
Yeah, dude, yeah, you just told me I made the worst
decision, because that's exactlywhat I was doing.
I had to take an iron out ofthe fire, and I still don't know
how I feel about it.
It's like I think it was theright decision.
I tell myself it was the rightdecision, but, like this
confessor, I'm still conflictedover it.
Speaker 1 (22:35):
I had a similar situation but I was lucky at
this time in my career that Ididn't have a whole lot of irons
in the fire.
That sort of helped me make mydecision.
But I got put up for a show onetime that the subject matter
wasn't it was something that Ithought I might be ethically
against, which sounds like a bigdeal, and it was a big deal to
(22:55):
me but I knew the showrunner andI knew the team that he was
building and I knew that he wasgoing to treat the subject
matter with the appropriatenuance and grace and I had a lot
of faith in him, which allowedme to make the decision to go on
the show.
And I think from thatexperience I really learned how
to channel my own point of viewand my own ethics and the way
(23:20):
that I see the world intospecific characters to be able
to make a really strong commenton something that I believed in,
which was a really, reallyvaluable lesson that came from a
really hard decision about.
You know, how am I going tobuild my career?
Speaker 2 (23:35):
That's a really good way to look at it, either way.
I mean, you know, regardless ofhow a certain situation might
turn out, if you can think of itin those terms of like coming
to some kind of moral decision,or like a decision where you're
like who am I?
That's what it gets down toLike.
If I have to choose betweenbeing this version of myself and
(23:57):
that version of myself, whichone do I choose, and why, and
how that helps you to be abetter human and also make
better choices for yourself,professionally and creatively in
the future, then that's a win,I guess make better choices for
yourself professionally andcreatively in the future, then
that's a win, I guess.
Speaker 1 (24:15):
Yeah, that's a funny thing about this business about
how, like even our lives asartists come into the business
decisions.
I don't think a lot of peoplewho are, you know, building a
house have to worry about whothey are building this house,
but this is the path that we'vechosen, and there's something
about that that I really love.
Speaker 2 (24:30):
Amen to that and thank you all guys for joining
us in this journey and tell usabout hard decisions that you've
had to make.
We're available online at FessUp Hollywood.
We're on our website,fessuphollywoodcom.
And let us know some choicesthat you've had to make, how you
feel about them good or bad andwe'd love to hear from you.
Speaker 1 (24:53):
Coming up next time on Hollywood Confessional, a
story about a teacher who istaking advantage of her students
.
Speaker 2 (25:00):
That's right.
And speaking of moral decisions, the student has to decide
whether or not they're going toallow themselves to be taken
advantage of and what that mightdo for their career.
Speaker 1 (25:12):
Join us in two weeks and until then, go create in
peace.
The Hollywood Confessional isproduced by Megan Dane and Jair
Zamora-Thal.
Joelle Garfinkel is ourco-producer and AJ Thal is our
post-production coordinator andeditor.
Our cast today Cody Vaughn.
(25:32):
Special effects provided byZaps Flat and Pixabay.
Hollywood Confessional is aNinth Way Media production.
Follow us on socials atFessUpHollywood.
In nomine Cinema e TV Espiritu Streaming.
Amen.
Hello Hollywood.
Faithful Welcome back toanother episode of Hollywood
Confessional.
I'm your podcast priest, jrZamorathal.
Speaker 2 (00:23):
And I'm Megan Dane.
Welcome back, so happy you guysare joining us this week.
Man, it's been an interestingtime for us these past couple of
weeks.
It's kind of like you know it'sthe end of band camp, man.
Speaker 1 (00:35):
Yeah, I wanted yearbooks.
I wanted to write hags ineverybody's yearbook.
Speaker 2 (00:41):
Yeah, that's right.
Speaker 1 (00:47):
Like the project that JR and.
Speaker 2 (00:47):
I've been working on for quite some time, quite some
time.
Yeah, it's uh, the writer'sroom is kind of coming to an end
and, um, I don't know how tofeel about this the day the room
actually wrapped, I toldsomebody that I felt like I had
just finished midterms.
Speaker 1 (01:00):
I was so exhausted and like I wanted to just go
back to my old habits, get a bigold chipotle, curl up on the
couch and watch three hours oftelevision.
Speaker 2 (01:08):
Oh, that sounds amazing.
Speaker 1 (01:09):
That's how I got through engineering school, but
you know our work isn't quitedone yet, so it wasn't finals,
but it was over, that big,massive push towards the end,
towards our midterms, I guess.
Speaker 2 (01:21):
That's right.
And you come away from it andyou feel exhausted and kind of
like what Wait, who am I, wheream I?
And then, what year is it?
Yeah, and then figure out, likeokay, starting starting again.
Speaker 1 (01:39):
What am I doing here in?
Speaker 2 (01:40):
this town, right.
One of the really interestingthings to me about like trying
to make a career inentertainment is that, I mean,
it is a creative industry, butyou're still performing tasks
and you're doing like dig backinto your memory to be like okay
, why am I doing this?
(02:08):
What is it that you know?
What do I want to write now?
What do I want to create now?
What is the story that I wantto tell now that I have like
free time?
Speaker 1 (02:16):
Yeah, that's kind of the fun of it, and for me, every
time a room ends, I realizedthat I've learned one really big
lesson that I can bring to mywriting, and so every new
project that I take on after aroom is colored with everything
that I learned in the room,which I just think is so
fascinating If I can go back andread scripts.
I wrote before, you know, tworooms ago, and then I read a
(02:37):
script that I'm working on nowand I'm like, oh, look at all
these things.
I know how to do now.
Speaker 2 (02:41):
That's awesome.
Can you talk about what thething is that you learned this
time?
Speaker 1 (02:46):
This time around probably being succinct.
I think that I've got atendency because I love short
stories, that's really likesomething that I'm passionate
about writing wise, outside ofthe industry, and that's all
prose, that's the most beautifulthing you can put down on the
page.
But when you're screenwriting,that's obviously not what we're
trying to do, and so my tendencyis always to write a little too
(03:09):
much prose, and so this seasonI really learned, I think, how
to cut down on that, how to sayonly what's necessary to get
across my ideas, and that way Ican have a lot more room to let
the dialogue, you know, do itsthing.
Speaker 2 (03:22):
Yeah, I love that and yeah, similarly, I'd like to.
I just love to have theopportunity to be immersed in
the creative process and otherpeople's processes, because then
you pick up on things like youknow, you start to go oh, I
could express this idea in acompletely different way than I
(03:44):
ever thought of doing it beforeand, of course, steal heavily
from everyone.
Speaker 1 (03:50):
That's the best part the stealing yeah.
Speaker 2 (03:54):
So, yeah, this is a.
It's an exciting time for usand a scary time, but here we
are and we're still doing theconfessional booth, and this
week we have a very interestingstory Speaking of sort of
finding who you are as an artist.
This is about an actor who hadto decide whether to say yes or
(04:15):
no to something and Just to giveyou a little bit of a teaser,
the title is On being Naked ALot.
Speaker 1 (04:23):
Should we get into the confessional booth?
I think we should.
Let's do it.
Speaker 3 (04:36):
Forgive me, Father, for I'm an actor who got tired
of being naked.
Speaker 1 (04:42):
You got tired of it.
I love tired of it.
I love being naked.
Speaker 2 (04:45):
I mean, it's all about context, right like,
please share your context well,I'd been in LA for about seven
to eight years.
Speaker 3 (04:53):
I've been doing a lot of really small indie stuff,
booking a commercial every nowand again, but I hadn't really
been able to break through on ahuge movie or network show yet.
I booked an indie show that wasvery sex positive.
It was small and I liked whatthe show was saying.
It was like pushing theboundary with sex scenes, but
that was the whole point beingvery sex positive.
But when it rains it pours andI got all these bookings back to
(05:18):
back.
I booked a commercial where I'min the bathroom getting out of
the shower and I'm topless.
Speaker 1 (05:23):
I saw that one.
Speaker 3 (05:25):
You did.
It was just all theseindividual jobs, but after I
shot some of them I realizedit's just gonna be me naked in
all these things.
Speaker 2 (05:35):
That is the weirdest niche.
I mean, it's not like you're aporn actor, Like this just
happened to you.
Speaker 3 (05:41):
Yeah.
And then I booked my firstnetwork show the show we're
talking about and again I'mcoming out of the shower at the
top of the scene.
So, knowing that basically allof my work from that year was
just me, without a top on andwith less in some instances, I
was like oh God, this is justgetting to be a bit much.
But it was fine.
(06:02):
It wasn't really a sexual thingand the show was huge for me.
I was very excited, my firstnetwork role.
And then I get a call from theintimacy coordinator and she
says, hey, the director is doinga shot list and he envisions
you coming out of the shower andus doing a butt shot.
Is that the technical?
Speaker 1 (06:22):
term for it.
Speaker 3 (06:23):
Yes, I'm pretty sure it is.
So basically, as he's panning,you're going to walk in after
the shower as you're towelingoff and we'll see your butt.
How do you feel about that?
And having this commercial thathad just come out, having this
other show that's about to comeout?
I was like, just come out,having this other show that's
(06:45):
about to come out.
I was like, oh well, let metalk with my agents.
I felt a little hesitant aboutit and I didn't know how it
would work.
I was like am I gonna get paidmore?
And she was like no, that'sillegal, damn.
Speaker 2 (06:56):
I was like, oh yeah, that makes sense, I guess it
mean, if you're going to look atit that way, so I was like,
okay, let me get back to you.
Speaker 3 (07:08):
So I called my manager tell him what's going on
, and he was like I understandwhere you're coming from.
Do whatever you're comfortablewith.
They will not fire you.
Because I was worried aboutthat, you know, being my first
network job, I didn't want tolose it.
I felt pressure, not from theintimacy coordinator.
She was very like you can makewhatever decision, it's fine,
it's up to you.
But I just want you to knowthat this is what the director
(07:31):
wants.
Speaker 2 (07:32):
Yeah, it's like, honey, you don't have to buy me
anything for Valentine's Day.
I mean, that's what I think.
Speaker 3 (07:38):
Exactly.
So I said, well, well, if it'simportant to the show, then sure
.
If it's important that we seethese two characters intimate
together, if it's not gratuitous, and if the other actor, who
was a series regular, does itwith some skin, then sure I'm
totally down.
Basically, I just didn't wantto be like one of the cheap
(07:59):
girls on the side, but just themale version.
That doesn't excite me.
I just didn't feel comfortabledoing that or being that.
So if this is going to be likethis actual, real sex scene,
fine, but if not, then no, Idon't want to do that.
So I tell the intimacycoordinator that, I tell my
manager that Everyone's like yep, yep, got it.
(08:21):
Great, no worries, it's all upto you.
Fine.
The intimacy coordinator waslike okay, I'll get back to you.
Then she did call back and shesaid we're just going to scrap
it.
He's redoing the shot list,it's fine.
Speaker 2 (08:35):
No, big deal.
Speaker 3 (08:36):
So I'm like okay, cool.
Speaker 2 (08:38):
Okay, you don't want anything for Valentine's Day?
Cool.
Speaker 3 (08:52):
Yeah.
So the day of the shoot, I geton set and the intimacy
coordinator, weirdly, is one ofthe first people who greets me
and she's like very excited, oh,this is gonna be great.
How are you feeling?
Very in her feelings, makingsure she's all in my feelings.
I'm like, yeah, this is great.
I'm excited.
Blah, blah, blah, they bring memy wardrobe, which is basically
a towel, because again, I'mcoming out of the shower and
she's double checking Is thisall right?
Do you think you'll need ashirt?
(09:13):
I'm like, no, I'm coming out ofthe shower, I don't need a
shirt.
This is crazy.
And she's like, okay, great.
So I wait a couple hours beforethey call me to set.
Then I'm coming out of thetrailer and she greets me and
the second ad greets me andthey're taking me and my co-star
in a shuttle van to set.
And then I noticed this hugedude following the four of us
(09:35):
and I turn back like oh, is hecoming with us?
And like, yeah, that's yourbodyguard.
What, yeah?
I was like, oh, laughing it off.
She was like, no, that's so youfeel safe on set.
Oh my God, yeah, right, that'syour bodyguard.
(09:59):
I turned to my co-star like, doyou get a bodyguard and he was
like no, I've never seen thisguy.
I turned to my co-star like, doyou get a bodyguard?
And he was like no, I've neverseen this guy.
I don't know who this guy is.
Speaker 2 (10:07):
This is so strange, it's incredible.
Speaker 3 (10:10):
So we get to set and he's like right behind me the
entire time and no one's sayinganything.
You would think that if thiswas abnormal, that people I
don't know would be looking atme a certain way, but no one
talked to me Like he wascreating this barrier Not that
he was pushing people away, buthe was intimidating people.
And so I'm like new on set andwhen you're just a day player
(10:33):
coming onto a show that's beenon for a long time, everyone's a
family and I did feel verywelcomed by everyone.
I was very impressed and feltwell taken care of, but maybe a
little too taken care of,because I was basically flanked
by a 6'3" 250-pound dude andthis tiny petite intimacy
coordinator the entire time wedo some rehearsals.
(10:56):
It's a closed set because we'reboth in our underwear, but the
security guard is on set.
It's not closed for him.
He's there like just off camera, like watching me in the other
room.
Speaker 2 (11:07):
Ew.
Speaker 3 (11:09):
Yeah, it was really weird, and so was the intimacy
coordinator, and after everyrehearsal break she would come
in and check with me like, howare you feeling, are you okay?
Is that okay?
And this wasn't a sex scene.
We're having a little argument,basically.
So there's no physical contact.
And the thing is, if my co-starhad also been getting that
(11:29):
treatment, then okay, but it wasall on me and for me, for the
new guy coming in onto set.
You just kind of want to blendin.
Well, I do, anyway, you know, Ijust want to get in in.
Well, I do, anyway, you know, Ijust want to get in, do my job,
not be thought of as a diva,just do my job and go.
(11:51):
But this was making it harderfor me to do my job, because
every take she comes in and Ikept telling her thank you, nope
, it's all good, I'm comfortable.
I will let you know if I feeluncomfortable.
Basically, post me too.
This isn't a negative thing,but the pendulum has really
swung the other way.
I refused to show my bare assand that caused everyone to be
like, oh no, he's uncomfortable.
Let's make sure thateverything's safe and we cover
(12:13):
our asses.
Speaker 1 (12:15):
Did you feel like they genuinely cared how you
felt, or was this purely toavoid a lawsuit?
Speaker 3 (12:20):
Well, I did feel very taken care of by the people on
set.
Everyone was very nice.
But I think there was anelement of if I went back and
complained they could be like.
Well, we gave him a bodyguard.
The intimacy coordinator askedhim between every single take if
he felt comfortable.
Speaker 2 (12:37):
This is suddenly reminding me of a waitressing
job I had once, where I reporteda guy for harassment and then
suddenly I started getting allthe best shifts.
Speaker 3 (12:45):
Exactly, and it's funny because there was one take
that was really good and myco-star ends up slapping me on
my ass as I'm exiting the room.
Oh no, and I mean it was great,but she basically burst down
that door.
Where's?
Speaker 1 (13:01):
the bodyguard.
Speaker 3 (13:02):
She was like are you sure that was okay?
I can tell him not to use thattake.
And I was like no, that was thebest take.
Please stop.
And you know some people mightwant that.
For certain people that mightmake them feel more comfortable
and open up and be relaxed.
But for my first network show,of course I was thinking they're
going to think he's a diva,we're never going to hire him
(13:25):
again.
So that was constantly in myhead the whole time and in the
end that's basically whathappened.
Speaker 2 (13:31):
Oh no.
Speaker 3 (13:37):
I can't get into specifics without giving away
the show, but basically therewas a part in the script where
so in every take, I and no onetold me otherwise that I wasn't
supposed to be doing that.
But after we wrapped somebodyasked me if I had done a certain
thing in the final take, thegood take and they said that
moment was planting the seedbecause your character in the
(13:59):
show and that's what's going tohappen later in the season.
And I was like no, no one toldme that.
I felt stupid.
I would have played thatdifferently.
I wish someone had told me andas I was leaving again I won't
say exactly who, but someone whoknows what's going on I was
like hope to work with you againsoon.
(14:21):
And he was like oh yeah, you'redefinitely coming back.
So I was like oh great, this isa recurring role Awesome, you
know, as an actor who's beentrying so long and so hard to
get even just the smallest parton a show and this was the big
show for this network, it wastheir anchor show and then to
(14:42):
have a chance to expand that andbecome recurring, I was very
hopeful.
I allowed myself to ride thatoptimistic train for a minute,
to believe that it would besomething more, aside from the
weirdness.
Everyone was super lovely, so Ifelt like I was on a high,
walking off of the set, like,yes, this is what I want to do,
this is what I'm meant to do.
This is great.
(15:04):
More doors are going to openfor me.
I told my manager, and then wedidn't hear anything for what
felt like a very long time, andthen eventually, we heard back
from someone in casting saying,um, no, that's not gonna happen
oh shit do you think the reasonit didn't happen is the nudity
(15:24):
issue?
I mean, who knows, was it mesaying no?
Was it me not being good on set?
Like?
Was I not good in the scene?
Was it just circumstance?
Were they like we don't haveenough time to finish the
storyline of this guy who reallydoesn't matter?
Maybe my co-star didn't likeworking with me.
I mean who knows?
(15:44):
Luckily, I'm pretty good atcompartmentalizing.
If you're any type of creativein this industry, if you let all
these negative things affectyou, then you just stop.
So true, because why would youdo that to yourself?
Why would you put yourselfthrough that?
So I think, like for peoplethat have kept going in this
industry, you kind of find waysof just like processing it
(16:07):
quickly or not processing it,maybe putting it somewhere
tucked away somewhere in orderto just keep trying.
But it also made me secondguess what roles I take now.
I've recently become a dad andso now I'm like, oh man, all of
these sex scenes are now outthere forever.
My son doesn't want to see that.
Not that he's going to anytimesoon, but still, it's just like
(16:30):
it's always out there now.
So in the end I feel confidentthat I made the right decision,
but I was also kicking myselflike, oh, maybe if I'd just done
it I'm already doing it on thisother show Maybe things would
be different.
Speaker 2 (16:45):
Yeah, it's the maybes that kill you.
Speaker 1 (16:48):
But kudos to you for finding a way to
compartmentalize and keep going.
I mean, that's what it takessometimes.
Speaker 2 (16:53):
Absolutely.
Thank you so much for sharingyour story with us and go create
in peace with clothes on.
Speaker 1 (17:08):
All right, we're going to try something new on
the podcast.
Oh yeah, Megan has pitched anincredible idea and I think we
should run with it.
Speaker 2 (17:14):
Let's do it so, as you guys know, here on the
Hollywood Confessional, what wedo is we interview people who
are working in the entertainmentindustry and then we take a
transcript from that interview,turn it into a script and we
have a voice actor perform it,with all identifying details
removed so that the originalconfessor can be anonymous.
And as we're sitting hererecording this anonymous story
(17:37):
today, I'm looking at the faceof our actor, the amazing Cody
Vaughn.
Everybody, take down that name,he's the greatest and and I'm
like, oh he, he's here insomething in this story, like
he's connecting with somethinghere.
I almost felt like I wastalking to you personally, Cody.
So, like, tell us a little bitabout yourself and like, and
(17:59):
what this story like, what thehell were you thinking when you
read this story?
Speaker 3 (18:04):
What was I thinking?
Well, thank you for the kindwords.
By the way, you know I actuallyjust read this today.
You know it was immediatelyresonating with me on a number
of levels.
Speaker 2 (18:26):
I feel like as an actor.
Speaker 3 (18:26):
There are things, including like sexual situations
or in certain roles, that Imyself personally didn't feel
super comfortable with, and incertain cases there've been
auditions that I've passed overand even, in some cases, roles
that I've more or less turneddown, that I knew it wasn't the
right fit for me.
So I can really appreciate whatthis guy was going through as
far as feeling that pressure ofhaving the producer or director
(18:48):
or anybody coming up to you andsaying like, oh, we want to try
this, or putting a little extrapressure.
Speaker 2 (18:53):
Do you feel comfortable talking about like a
specific instance, when eithersomething happened on set or in
an audition, like you said?
Speaker 3 (19:00):
Yeah, no, I'd say that an audition that comes to
mind.
Speaker 2 (19:03):
I won't like get into the specific project or
anything, oh yeah, no, no, no,just kidding, be as vague as
possible.
Project or anything, oh yeah.
Speaker 3 (19:10):
No, but it was, it was.
It was just.
It was something that was likeit was very clearly you're here
for the shock value of it.
It was like a a kind of ahorror thing.
But it was like you're a guylike having sex with a woman and
then like butt shot and it'sjust like the killer is like
coming up and just killing you,like.
(19:32):
So it's like one of those whereyou're like you're, you're,
you're the victim, which I getit like it's you know well, it's
got to be frustrating.
Speaker 1 (19:38):
I mean, it sounds like you were basically a prop
at that point.
Speaker 3 (19:41):
Yeah, nudity had very little to do with right, like
like I'm not totally againstnudity or anything.
Uh, like I think what I lookfor is like is there a place for
it in the story?
Like does it make sense or isit just like a shock value, like
just trying to oh, let's juststick an ass in there, you know
like or whatever it is yeah, andI get it, it's hollywood, like
(20:03):
there's definitely the you knowit, sex sells type of thing.
But sure, like I, also for me,like I want it to have some
meaning in the, in the story, um, and actually be presented in a
real way.
Speaker 2 (20:19):
Also, uh, this idea of saying no to something and
then there's a price that youhave to pay, right?
I've been thinking about that alot lately because, like this
confessor, I also very recentlyhad to say no to something.
That on one hand it wassomething that I very, very much
(20:40):
want, but on the other, it waslike I don't think this is quite
the right situation, and I mean, I don't even know, it's an
impossible decision because younever know what's going to be on
the other side of that door.
Right, you just have a sense ofit and you think, should I,
should I walk through this door?
And sometimes you are forced tomake a choice in this industry,
(21:05):
right?
Speaker 1 (21:05):
Right, and oftentimes you can only learn from the
times you've been burned Like.
This is something that you onlylearn by doing, walking through
these doors, making thesechoices, and every time it's a
little bit different.
You just have to trust that.
I have gotten burned on manytimes before.
Speaker 2 (21:20):
That's the worst.
Yeah, it's really hard and Icame to like a fork in the road
and it was like I either have togo this way or I have to go the
other way, and my instinct fromall the times that I have been
(21:44):
burned tells me I should go thisdirection but that means I have
to say no to this other thingthat maybe.
what if that was the rightdirection?
What if I totally fucked thisdirection?
But that means I have to say noto this other thing that maybe
what if that was the rightdirection?
What if I totally fucked thisup?
What?
If my instincts are wrong.
I mean, the industry isconstantly changing.
You never know what's going tohappen.
Sometimes you're like, oh, thiswill never come through, and
then it does come through.
Speaker 1 (22:04):
And part of having a career in Hollywood is putting
as many irons in the fire aspossible.
We're not supposed to takeirons out of the fire.
That's the worst decision, butsometimes you have to.
Speaker 2 (22:17):
Yeah, dude, yeah, you just told me I made the worst
decision, because that's exactlywhat I was doing.
I had to take an iron out ofthe fire, and I still don't know
how I feel about it.
It's like I think it was theright decision.
I tell myself it was the rightdecision, but, like this
confessor, I'm still conflictedover it.
Speaker 1 (22:35):
I had a similar situation but I was lucky at
this time in my career that Ididn't have a whole lot of irons
in the fire.
That sort of helped me make mydecision.
But I got put up for a show onetime that the subject matter
wasn't it was something that Ithought I might be ethically
against, which sounds like a bigdeal, and it was a big deal to
(22:55):
me but I knew the showrunner andI knew the team that he was
building and I knew that he wasgoing to treat the subject
matter with the appropriatenuance and grace and I had a lot
of faith in him, which allowedme to make the decision to go on
the show.
And I think from thatexperience I really learned how
to channel my own point of viewand my own ethics and the way
(23:20):
that I see the world intospecific characters to be able
to make a really strong commenton something that I believed in,
which was a really, reallyvaluable lesson that came from a
really hard decision about.
You know, how am I going tobuild my career?
Speaker 2 (23:35):
That's a really good way to look at it, either way.
I mean, you know, regardless ofhow a certain situation might
turn out, if you can think of itin those terms of like coming
to some kind of moral decision,or like a decision where you're
like who am I?
That's what it gets down toLike.
If I have to choose betweenbeing this version of myself and
(23:57):
that version of myself, whichone do I choose, and why, and
how that helps you to be abetter human and also make
better choices for yourself,professionally and creatively in
the future, then that's a win,I guess make better choices for
yourself professionally andcreatively in the future, then
that's a win, I guess.
Speaker 1 (24:15):
Yeah, that's a funny thing about this business about
how, like even our lives asartists come into the business
decisions.
I don't think a lot of peoplewho are, you know, building a
house have to worry about whothey are building this house,
but this is the path that we'vechosen, and there's something
about that that I really love.
Speaker 2 (24:30):
Amen to that and thank you all guys for joining
us in this journey and tell usabout hard decisions that you've
had to make.
We're available online at FessUp Hollywood.
We're on our website,fessuphollywoodcom.
And let us know some choicesthat you've had to make, how you
feel about them good or bad andwe'd love to hear from you.
Speaker 1 (24:53):
Coming up next time on Hollywood Confessional, a
story about a teacher who istaking advantage of her students
.
Speaker 2 (25:00):
That's right.
And speaking of moral decisions, the student has to decide
whether or not they're going toallow themselves to be taken
advantage of and what that mightdo for their career.
Speaker 1 (25:12):
Join us in two weeks and until then, go create in
peace.
The Hollywood Confessional isproduced by Megan Dane and Jair
Zamora-Thal.
Joelle Garfinkel is ourco-producer and AJ Thal is our
post-production coordinator andeditor.
Our cast today Cody Vaughn.
(25:32):
Special effects provided byZaps Flat and Pixabay.
Hollywood Confessional is aNinth Way Media production.
Follow us on socials atFessUpHollywood.
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Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
The Clay Travis and Buck Sexton Show
The Clay Travis and Buck Sexton Show. Clay Travis and Buck Sexton tackle the biggest stories in news, politics and current events with intelligence and humor. From the border crisis, to the madness of cancel culture and far-left missteps, Clay and Buck guide listeners through the latest headlines and hot topics with fun and entertaining conversations and opinions.