November 18, 2023 • 18 mins
Today I tell my personal story of a two-decade long battle with addiction and how God recovered me.
If you've struggled with substance abuse, leaving you devastated from its devastating impacts, you're not alone. I've been there. In this episode, I share my story of addiction to opiates and alcohol, how I got there and how I got out. Getting sober brought me closer to the Father than I ever could have imagined. I went from knowing about Him to truly knowing Him. It's such a gift!
I pray my story is a beacon of hope for all those wrestling with addiction and a reminder that recovery is always within reach. There is a life out there waiting for you. Your life.
Even in the darkest hours, there's always a flicker of hope waiting to ignite a path to recovery. Let God recover you like He did me. Your life will be changed forever.
Thanks so much for listening in today!
New episodes drop every Wednesday. Subscribe wherever you listen to yours so you don't miss a thing!
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Visit our website at Holy Recovery at https://holyrecovery.com
Join the conversation on Facebook at Holy Recovery.
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See you next time!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Susanne (00:15):
Hi friends, my name is Susanne and I am the host for
the Recovery Christian and todayI just wanted to share some of
my story with you.
I am a child of God, a lover ofJesus, a devourer of the Bible
and a woman in long-termrecovery.
Today I have seven years inrecovery, sometimes hard, always
(00:38):
beautiful and always free.
Getting sober changed my life.
God has dreamed huge dreams forme since I surrendered my life
to him.
I would never have come up withthe wonderful things he has
brought me Absolutely never.
I just wouldn't have dreamedthat big.
So I wanted to tell you alittle bit about my journey.
A lot of it will probably feelfamiliar.
(01:00):
I think we all tend to walksimilar paths on to that pit of
despair.
I grew up in a home that had alot of problems.
My mother was mentally andphysically ill my entire life.
My dad basically checked outand traveled on the road for his
job.
I was the oldest of three girls, and so it fell to me to keep
the world going as best as Icould.
(01:22):
Most of my childhood is a blankscreen, and I'm really thankful
for that.
I thank God for erasing a lotof the memories and drama and
trauma from my mind.
It complicates things a littlebit sometimes because I just
can't remember, but I'm stillgrateful.
The things I do remember arebad enough.
(01:44):
I just don't need to rememberevery single detail.
I believe my mom had undiagnosedschizophrenia.
She had an alternatepersonality that absolutely
hated us kids and was prettyabusive to us.
She also had multiple cirrhosisand she just spent years coming
and going from our home.
One day she'd be there and oneday she wouldn't.
(02:04):
Most of the time we didn't knowwhere she was going or when she
was coming home.
So it was unsettling, unsafe,unstable, just not a way to live
.
We lived way out in the countrywith very few neighbors, and I
tell people about my childhoodnow and they usually say
something like well, why didn'tany of your family come to take
(02:25):
care of you?
And honestly I'm not reallysure why.
I also hear a lot why didn'tDSS come get you?
I think back in the 70s thingswere just different.
People tended to mind their ownbusiness more.
Today, if you left three kidshome with no supervision, no car
, no help, I think they would besnatched up and put somewhere.
(02:46):
But back then they just didn't,or at least they didn't for us.
So my life kind of started outlike a mess.
We were sexually abused,abandoned, ignored and there's a
big correlation betweenaddiction and childhood trauma.
I'm not knowledgeable enough tospeak on it, but I know it's
there and in my case itdefinitely fits.
(03:06):
But I went to college.
My dad moved away and didn'ttell me where.
My middle sister fell intoaddiction very early in life.
She quit high school and movedacross the country and my
grandparents, blessed theirhearts, came and got my baby
sister and raised her and shewas so lucky.
My grandma was a wonderfulperson and I'm just thankful
(03:28):
that my little sister got to beraised by her.
Over the next several years mymiddle sister struggled big time
with drugs and alcohol.
I did what I could to help, butyou know how it is if you've
been through the struggle.
She needed to be ready to letgo and she never seemed to be at
that point.
I had cousins die fromoverdoses and suicide.
I had an uncle who justdisappeared.
(03:50):
Addiction was everywhere in myfamily, but not me.
I was perfectly fine until Iwasn't.
I was prescribed opiates formigraines in my early 30s.
Up until that point I was avery social drinker.
We didn't have alcohol in ourhouse.
Very often my husband didn'treally drink, I just didn't care
that much about it.
But those opiates slowlychanged everything.
(04:13):
I had a doctor early on tell methat there's an addiction
switch in our brains and once itturns on it never turns off
again.
And some people go their wholelives with the addiction switch
and it never turns on.
But unfortunately thatprescription turned my addiction
gene on and it never turned off.
And addiction is a sneakybugger.
You think you're fine and youthink you're handling things and
(04:36):
surely this big thing is not aproblem until suddenly it is and
you're in way over your head.
I went from taking my medicinefor the occasional migraine to
taking it when I didn't have amigraine, to taking it every day
.
I would run out and be sickfrom withdrawals for days and
then I would go right back to doit Sound familiar.
(04:58):
Looking back now I just feel sosad for the me back then.
That me just didn't know whatto do, how to do it or even if
she wanted to get well andhonestly I don't think I did for
a long time.
But during those years I didget married, I had two beautiful
children and thankfully I didmanage to stop using during my
pregnancies and I made a prettynice life.
(05:20):
There were times when I wasn'tthat bad and my world was really
good.
Then I found a way to get mything fairly easily and it
spiraled down and down.
Today it's pretty difficult toget any kind of opiate, at least
the way I was comfortable with.
But back then it wasn't so hard.
So I struggled with pain pillsfor over a decade until I
(05:41):
finally broke free.
I just didn't want to be sickand worn out anymore.
At that time I was warned notto drink alcohol, but I was
positive I would never have aproblem with wine.
I actually remember saying Ihate being hungover, I will
never have a problem withalcohol, and those are some
famous last words.
I did have a problem and ithappened pretty fast.
(06:03):
Apparently I didn't learn fromthe first decade of my problem.
And that's the hard thing aboutaddiction.
When the disease takes over andbegins to change our brains, it
doesn't matter how smart,successful, happy or aware you
are.
It will get you if you don'tstop, and it sure got me If
you're in recovery or in activeaddiction.
(06:25):
You know the story One glass ofwine at night became two,
became a bottle became twobottles, became a drink at 3 am
to stop the withdrawals, whichbecame drinks during the day to
keep going and just became atotal mess.
It's such a horrible way to live.
I did hide it pretty well.
(06:45):
My husband knew I drank morethan I should and everyone else,
I think, just thought I likedwine.
No one really knew how bad itwas or how utterly under its
control I was.
I went to church every Sunday,I volunteered, I raised my
family and the whole time I wasblocking out and freaking out.
So there went another 10 yearsuntil the father brought me to
(07:09):
my knees and I finallysurrendered.
My body had honestly juststarted breaking down.
My liver was swollen, my heartwas not right.
I was so scared I was going todie, but I didn't know how to
stop.
It's just such an overwhelmingplace to live.
It's so scary and it's so bleak.
One night, while my husband wason an extended overseas business
(07:32):
trip, I called a Christianfriend of mine in the middle of
a blackout.
I have no idea why I picked heror why I decided to call her
that night.
I honestly don't remember it.
I just remember sitting on mybed with her reading the Bible,
apparently, had already told hereverything, and she stayed with
me through the whole night andinto the morning.
(07:54):
We were sitting on my frontporch later that morning when I
saw another friend coming up mydriveway and I was like, oh no,
why is she here?
This sweet friend had been inchurch when God told her I
needed help and to come to meright then.
So she left in the middle ofthe service and drove out to my
house.
Now, that's obedience, and atthat point I just gave up,
(08:16):
pretending everything was fine.
God had intervened and Idecided then and there just to
let him take over.
Those two friends made somecalls and people started showing
up.
It was not easy, but I knew Ineeded that.
Then they called my husband andsaid he needed to get on a
plane and come home and blesshis heart.
He did, and he has been sosupportive.
(08:39):
He was then and he still is now.
They called my doctor, who wasalso in our church and a
personal friend of mine, and hehelped me get through the next
few days of withdrawal.
People knew now that I had aproblem and as hard as that was
at the time, I was just gladthat I was done.
(08:59):
September 11, 2016 changed mylife, my entire life.
God gave it back to me andrecovered me out of that hole of
despair.
Those first few weeks were noteasy.
Giving up the thing thatconsumes and dominates your life
is hard.
There's a grieving process.
(09:20):
As weird as that sounds, Imissed it and suddenly there's
just so many hours in a day tofill.
Like, where did all this timecome from and what do I do with
it?
It's a process to figure outhow life looks.
At the beginning, those firstfew days, I'm not sure I went
five minutes without thinkingabout the thing.
I was convinced I'd never behappy without it.
(09:42):
I couldn't live without it.
I didn't know how to do it.
I missed it, even though it hadbeen awful to me for so long,
but I kept going.
My doctor told me that God hadgiven me a second chance and I
better not blow it, and I'm sothankful to say that I did not
blow it.
So here's what I know now.
If you keep making the nextright choice, things change
(10:04):
pretty quickly All of a sudden.
I wasn't thinking about thething that often, then hardly at
all.
I remember a few weeks into myrecovery, I was taking a bath
after dinner and realized that Ihadn't thought about alcohol
that whole day, I was honestlyshocked.
It just happens.
You just have to keep movingforward.
And now I almost never thinkabout it.
(10:26):
Most days I forget completelyI'm in recovery.
It just never comes to mind.
I tell people I'm in recoveryif it's appropriate and probably
sometimes when it's not, I'mnot shy about it.
In the beginning I didn't wantanyone to know.
I was ashamed, I wasembarrassed.
I didn't want my kids to know.
I didn't want my friends toknow.
(10:46):
What would they think of me?
That's just such a sad way tothink, because everyone that
I've told was proud of me andhappy that I was better and
honestly knew more than Ithought they did.
They didn't really know how badit was, but I think a lot of
people knew something was goingon.
Being in recovery is just nolonger who I am.
(11:08):
It's just like saying I haveblue eyes or I have two kids.
It's just a tiny part of whatmakes me Suzanne.
I've always loved God.
Even during the darkest yearsof my life I loved Him.
I just didn't know Him.
But now, free of the chains Iwas bound in for so long, I
really do know Him.
(11:28):
That has made such a differencein every way.
I started reading the Bibleintentionally for the first time
in my life.
I remember seeing people atchurch back then singing and
praising.
They had such love on theirfaces and I just thought what do
they know that I don't.
I loved God but I was notfilled with the Holy Spirit back
(11:50):
then and now I am.
I'm just so grateful for that.
I don't call myself an addict oran alcoholic.
I refuse to name myself thething that the devil tried to
kill me with.
I'm just not going to do it.
I'm recovered and I'm inrecovery and that's it.
I personally do not do AA orcelebrate recovery or any other
(12:12):
formal program.
I never have.
I strongly believe that thereare many roads to long-term
recovery and you need to do whatworks best for you.
We all have different paths andthat's okay.
It's not our place to tellanyone else how to recover.
It's our place to support andpray and offer encouragement and
(12:33):
I've had people tell me if youdon't work the program, you're
working your relapse, and I justdon't believe that.
I know programs work great forpeople and I encourage everyone
to reach out and find what worksfor you, but for me, I just
haven't needed it.
I have friends whoinstantaneously healed from
addiction.
I was not.
I prayed for it a lot, justsaid Lord, please take this away
(12:57):
, please heal me.
I know you can, but he had adifferent plan for me.
He was always there with me,though, waiting for me to give
in Whatever I desperately criedout and I did.
He showed up One night when Iwas laying in bed and I was just
hot and cold and sick andsweaty and miserable and just so
(13:19):
ill, and I just remember Icouldn't even pray.
I just started saying Jesus,jesus, jesus, and I heard his
voice so clearly say go back tosleep, you'll be better in the
morning.
And I did, and I was, and I'vejust never forgot that moment.
It was really, really powerfulfor me.
I'm glad I have the experienceand knowledge and memories to
(13:42):
reach out and help someone else.
If I had been healedinstantaneously, especially at
the beginning, I think Iprobably would have just gone
about my life and never reallythought about it again.
I mean, I would have thoughtthat I was healed, but I don't
think I would have ever talkedabout it like I do now.
I've been on fire.
I've been consumed by the firefor a very long time and I'm not
(14:04):
anymore, so if you're on fireyou better believe I'm coming
with a bucket of water to helpput you out.
The years that I spent inactive addiction and the years
that I've had now in recoveryhave given me a unique place to
be able to help others, and Ihope I am.
My life now is just so full andwonderful.
(14:26):
God has given me the desires ofmy heart in so many ways, and
desires that I didn't even knowI wanted or really couldn't even
vocalize or verbalize toanybody.
Our father just longs todelight us and he loves to
delight in us, and I hope thatyou will let him delight you.
But you have to be clearheadedand sober for that to happen.
(14:47):
I started a Facebook groupcalled the Recovery Christian.
Come join if you need supportor can offer support.
When I first got sober I lookedaround for Christians in
recovery and I'm like where aremy people?
And honestly I couldn't findvery many people.
There just weren't a lot ofChristians speaking out about
recovery and I think being abeliever that struggles with
(15:10):
addiction is really tough.
It's like a double-edged sword.
One of my friends early on inrecovery gave me a book that
said Addiction is a Sin.
That was basically the gist ofit.
I'm like this is just nothelpful.
Addiction is a disease.
One of us wake up in themorning and say I'm going to go
be addicted to drugs or alcoholor food or sex or gambling or
(15:33):
whatever it is.
We do not.
Nobody wants to be like that.
As Christians, people will tellus you just need to pray more,
you just need to be a betterChristian, you need to let that
sin go.
They just don't get it.
I had a really hard timefinding anybody who was
faith-based, that was talkingabout recovery and addiction in
(15:54):
any kind of meaningful way.
So here I am.
If you need help, I hope thatyou will check out the resources
pages on my website, therecoveredchristiancom.
Or, better yet, reach out tosomeone that you trust a pastor,
a friend, your spouse.
If you don't know who to reachout to, just ask the father to
(16:16):
show you or to bring someone toyou.
He will.
I'm always asking him forthings and he never seems to
mind.
We just need to reach out.
I know it's hard, but there arepeople out there who want to
help and who understand.
The first time I went to aconference called she Recovers
and it was 500 women who wererecovering from all kinds of
things.
It was just such an eye-openerto be surrounded by women who
(16:42):
knew what I had gone through andknew how I felt, and I didn't
have to explain it and they gotit and they didn't judge me for
it.
And one lady was sitting thereand she said I have to share
something with you and she toldus a secret and we're all like,
oh okay.
And she just looked and shegoes that's it Like, we get it.
We get it.
(17:02):
I just say, please, please,please, do not suffer another
day.
You don't need to.
There is life, your life, outthere just waiting for you.
Well, thank you for listening tomy story.
I'm glad that you're here andI'm glad that I am here.
I have wanted to talk aboutrecovery for a long time, but
God always said not now.
(17:23):
And now suddenly he said no.
So here we are and my prayer isfor all of us to be free to
find freedom in Christ.
It is there, it is waiting foryou.
God sees you, he has not lostsight of you, he never lost
sight of me and he loves you, meand all of us, more than we
(17:44):
could possibly know.
Until next time, be well.
Thank you so much for listening.
I hope your bite-sized devotiontoday was very satisfying.
If you enjoyed this episode,I'd be honored if you'd leave a
review or a rating.
We are new, so every little bithelps me bring the word to the
(18:07):
world.
I'd love to get to know youbetter at our Facebook group,
the Recovered Christian.
I'll put a link to it in theshow notes.
So thanks again for being hereand I will see you next time.
Music playing.
Hi friends, my name is Susanne and I am the host for
the Recovery Christian and todayI just wanted to share some of
my story with you.
I am a child of God, a lover ofJesus, a devourer of the Bible
and a woman in long-termrecovery.
Today I have seven years inrecovery, sometimes hard, always
(00:38):
beautiful and always free.
Getting sober changed my life.
God has dreamed huge dreams forme since I surrendered my life
to him.
I would never have come up withthe wonderful things he has
brought me Absolutely never.
I just wouldn't have dreamedthat big.
So I wanted to tell you alittle bit about my journey.
A lot of it will probably feelfamiliar.
(01:00):
I think we all tend to walksimilar paths on to that pit of
despair.
I grew up in a home that had alot of problems.
My mother was mentally andphysically ill my entire life.
My dad basically checked outand traveled on the road for his
job.
I was the oldest of three girls, and so it fell to me to keep
the world going as best as Icould.
(01:22):
Most of my childhood is a blankscreen, and I'm really thankful
for that.
I thank God for erasing a lotof the memories and drama and
trauma from my mind.
It complicates things a littlebit sometimes because I just
can't remember, but I'm stillgrateful.
The things I do remember arebad enough.
(01:44):
I just don't need to rememberevery single detail.
I believe my mom had undiagnosedschizophrenia.
She had an alternatepersonality that absolutely
hated us kids and was prettyabusive to us.
She also had multiple cirrhosisand she just spent years coming
and going from our home.
One day she'd be there and oneday she wouldn't.
(02:04):
Most of the time we didn't knowwhere she was going or when she
was coming home.
So it was unsettling, unsafe,unstable, just not a way to live
.
We lived way out in the countrywith very few neighbors, and I
tell people about my childhoodnow and they usually say
something like well, why didn'tany of your family come to take
(02:25):
care of you?
And honestly I'm not reallysure why.
I also hear a lot why didn'tDSS come get you?
I think back in the 70s thingswere just different.
People tended to mind their ownbusiness more.
Today, if you left three kidshome with no supervision, no car
, no help, I think they would besnatched up and put somewhere.
(02:46):
But back then they just didn't,or at least they didn't for us.
So my life kind of started outlike a mess.
We were sexually abused,abandoned, ignored and there's a
big correlation betweenaddiction and childhood trauma.
I'm not knowledgeable enough tospeak on it, but I know it's
there and in my case itdefinitely fits.
(03:06):
But I went to college.
My dad moved away and didn'ttell me where.
My middle sister fell intoaddiction very early in life.
She quit high school and movedacross the country and my
grandparents, blessed theirhearts, came and got my baby
sister and raised her and shewas so lucky.
My grandma was a wonderfulperson and I'm just thankful
(03:28):
that my little sister got to beraised by her.
Over the next several years mymiddle sister struggled big time
with drugs and alcohol.
I did what I could to help, butyou know how it is if you've
been through the struggle.
She needed to be ready to letgo and she never seemed to be at
that point.
I had cousins die fromoverdoses and suicide.
I had an uncle who justdisappeared.
(03:50):
Addiction was everywhere in myfamily, but not me.
I was perfectly fine until Iwasn't.
I was prescribed opiates formigraines in my early 30s.
Up until that point I was avery social drinker.
We didn't have alcohol in ourhouse.
Very often my husband didn'treally drink, I just didn't care
that much about it.
But those opiates slowlychanged everything.
(04:13):
I had a doctor early on tell methat there's an addiction
switch in our brains and once itturns on it never turns off
again.
And some people go their wholelives with the addiction switch
and it never turns on.
But unfortunately thatprescription turned my addiction
gene on and it never turned off.
And addiction is a sneakybugger.
You think you're fine and youthink you're handling things and
(04:36):
surely this big thing is not aproblem until suddenly it is and
you're in way over your head.
I went from taking my medicinefor the occasional migraine to
taking it when I didn't have amigraine, to taking it every day
.
I would run out and be sickfrom withdrawals for days and
then I would go right back to doit Sound familiar.
(04:58):
Looking back now I just feel sosad for the me back then.
That me just didn't know whatto do, how to do it or even if
she wanted to get well andhonestly I don't think I did for
a long time.
But during those years I didget married, I had two beautiful
children and thankfully I didmanage to stop using during my
pregnancies and I made a prettynice life.
(05:20):
There were times when I wasn'tthat bad and my world was really
good.
Then I found a way to get mything fairly easily and it
spiraled down and down.
Today it's pretty difficult toget any kind of opiate, at least
the way I was comfortable with.
But back then it wasn't so hard.
So I struggled with pain pillsfor over a decade until I
(05:41):
finally broke free.
I just didn't want to be sickand worn out anymore.
At that time I was warned notto drink alcohol, but I was
positive I would never have aproblem with wine.
I actually remember saying Ihate being hungover, I will
never have a problem withalcohol, and those are some
famous last words.
I did have a problem and ithappened pretty fast.
(06:03):
Apparently I didn't learn fromthe first decade of my problem.
And that's the hard thing aboutaddiction.
When the disease takes over andbegins to change our brains, it
doesn't matter how smart,successful, happy or aware you
are.
It will get you if you don'tstop, and it sure got me If
you're in recovery or in activeaddiction.
(06:25):
You know the story One glass ofwine at night became two,
became a bottle became twobottles, became a drink at 3 am
to stop the withdrawals, whichbecame drinks during the day to
keep going and just became atotal mess.
It's such a horrible way to live.
I did hide it pretty well.
(06:45):
My husband knew I drank morethan I should and everyone else,
I think, just thought I likedwine.
No one really knew how bad itwas or how utterly under its
control I was.
I went to church every Sunday,I volunteered, I raised my
family and the whole time I wasblocking out and freaking out.
So there went another 10 yearsuntil the father brought me to
(07:09):
my knees and I finallysurrendered.
My body had honestly juststarted breaking down.
My liver was swollen, my heartwas not right.
I was so scared I was going todie, but I didn't know how to
stop.
It's just such an overwhelmingplace to live.
It's so scary and it's so bleak.
One night, while my husband wason an extended overseas business
(07:32):
trip, I called a Christianfriend of mine in the middle of
a blackout.
I have no idea why I picked heror why I decided to call her
that night.
I honestly don't remember it.
I just remember sitting on mybed with her reading the Bible,
apparently, had already told hereverything, and she stayed with
me through the whole night andinto the morning.
(07:54):
We were sitting on my frontporch later that morning when I
saw another friend coming up mydriveway and I was like, oh no,
why is she here?
This sweet friend had been inchurch when God told her I
needed help and to come to meright then.
So she left in the middle ofthe service and drove out to my
house.
Now, that's obedience, and atthat point I just gave up,
(08:16):
pretending everything was fine.
God had intervened and Idecided then and there just to
let him take over.
Those two friends made somecalls and people started showing
up.
It was not easy, but I knew Ineeded that.
Then they called my husband andsaid he needed to get on a
plane and come home and blesshis heart.
He did, and he has been sosupportive.
(08:39):
He was then and he still is now.
They called my doctor, who wasalso in our church and a
personal friend of mine, and hehelped me get through the next
few days of withdrawal.
People knew now that I had aproblem and as hard as that was
at the time, I was just gladthat I was done.
(08:59):
September 11, 2016 changed mylife, my entire life.
God gave it back to me andrecovered me out of that hole of
despair.
Those first few weeks were noteasy.
Giving up the thing thatconsumes and dominates your life
is hard.
There's a grieving process.
(09:20):
As weird as that sounds, Imissed it and suddenly there's
just so many hours in a day tofill.
Like, where did all this timecome from and what do I do with
it?
It's a process to figure outhow life looks.
At the beginning, those firstfew days, I'm not sure I went
five minutes without thinkingabout the thing.
I was convinced I'd never behappy without it.
(09:42):
I couldn't live without it.
I didn't know how to do it.
I missed it, even though it hadbeen awful to me for so long,
but I kept going.
My doctor told me that God hadgiven me a second chance and I
better not blow it, and I'm sothankful to say that I did not
blow it.
So here's what I know now.
If you keep making the nextright choice, things change
(10:04):
pretty quickly All of a sudden.
I wasn't thinking about thething that often, then hardly at
all.
I remember a few weeks into myrecovery, I was taking a bath
after dinner and realized that Ihadn't thought about alcohol
that whole day, I was honestlyshocked.
It just happens.
You just have to keep movingforward.
And now I almost never thinkabout it.
(10:26):
Most days I forget completelyI'm in recovery.
It just never comes to mind.
I tell people I'm in recoveryif it's appropriate and probably
sometimes when it's not, I'mnot shy about it.
In the beginning I didn't wantanyone to know.
I was ashamed, I wasembarrassed.
I didn't want my kids to know.
I didn't want my friends toknow.
(10:46):
What would they think of me?
That's just such a sad way tothink, because everyone that
I've told was proud of me andhappy that I was better and
honestly knew more than Ithought they did.
They didn't really know how badit was, but I think a lot of
people knew something was goingon.
Being in recovery is just nolonger who I am.
(11:08):
It's just like saying I haveblue eyes or I have two kids.
It's just a tiny part of whatmakes me Suzanne.
I've always loved God.
Even during the darkest yearsof my life I loved Him.
I just didn't know Him.
But now, free of the chains Iwas bound in for so long, I
really do know Him.
(11:28):
That has made such a differencein every way.
I started reading the Bibleintentionally for the first time
in my life.
I remember seeing people atchurch back then singing and
praising.
They had such love on theirfaces and I just thought what do
they know that I don't.
I loved God but I was notfilled with the Holy Spirit back
(11:50):
then and now I am.
I'm just so grateful for that.
I don't call myself an addict oran alcoholic.
I refuse to name myself thething that the devil tried to
kill me with.
I'm just not going to do it.
I'm recovered and I'm inrecovery and that's it.
I personally do not do AA orcelebrate recovery or any other
(12:12):
formal program.
I never have.
I strongly believe that thereare many roads to long-term
recovery and you need to do whatworks best for you.
We all have different paths andthat's okay.
It's not our place to tellanyone else how to recover.
It's our place to support andpray and offer encouragement and
(12:33):
I've had people tell me if youdon't work the program, you're
working your relapse, and I justdon't believe that.
I know programs work great forpeople and I encourage everyone
to reach out and find what worksfor you, but for me, I just
haven't needed it.
I have friends whoinstantaneously healed from
addiction.
I was not.
I prayed for it a lot, justsaid Lord, please take this away
(12:57):
, please heal me.
I know you can, but he had adifferent plan for me.
He was always there with me,though, waiting for me to give
in Whatever I desperately criedout and I did.
He showed up One night when Iwas laying in bed and I was just
hot and cold and sick andsweaty and miserable and just so
(13:19):
ill, and I just remember Icouldn't even pray.
I just started saying Jesus,jesus, jesus, and I heard his
voice so clearly say go back tosleep, you'll be better in the
morning.
And I did, and I was, and I'vejust never forgot that moment.
It was really, really powerfulfor me.
I'm glad I have the experienceand knowledge and memories to
(13:42):
reach out and help someone else.
If I had been healedinstantaneously, especially at
the beginning, I think Iprobably would have just gone
about my life and never reallythought about it again.
I mean, I would have thoughtthat I was healed, but I don't
think I would have ever talkedabout it like I do now.
I've been on fire.
I've been consumed by the firefor a very long time and I'm not
(14:04):
anymore, so if you're on fireyou better believe I'm coming
with a bucket of water to helpput you out.
The years that I spent inactive addiction and the years
that I've had now in recoveryhave given me a unique place to
be able to help others, and Ihope I am.
My life now is just so full andwonderful.
(14:26):
God has given me the desires ofmy heart in so many ways, and
desires that I didn't even knowI wanted or really couldn't even
vocalize or verbalize toanybody.
Our father just longs todelight us and he loves to
delight in us, and I hope thatyou will let him delight you.
But you have to be clearheadedand sober for that to happen.
(14:47):
I started a Facebook groupcalled the Recovery Christian.
Come join if you need supportor can offer support.
When I first got sober I lookedaround for Christians in
recovery and I'm like where aremy people?
And honestly I couldn't findvery many people.
There just weren't a lot ofChristians speaking out about
recovery and I think being abeliever that struggles with
(15:10):
addiction is really tough.
It's like a double-edged sword.
One of my friends early on inrecovery gave me a book that
said Addiction is a Sin.
That was basically the gist ofit.
I'm like this is just nothelpful.
Addiction is a disease.
One of us wake up in themorning and say I'm going to go
be addicted to drugs or alcoholor food or sex or gambling or
(15:33):
whatever it is.
We do not.
Nobody wants to be like that.
As Christians, people will tellus you just need to pray more,
you just need to be a betterChristian, you need to let that
sin go.
They just don't get it.
I had a really hard timefinding anybody who was
faith-based, that was talkingabout recovery and addiction in
(15:54):
any kind of meaningful way.
So here I am.
If you need help, I hope thatyou will check out the resources
pages on my website, therecoveredchristiancom.
Or, better yet, reach out tosomeone that you trust a pastor,
a friend, your spouse.
If you don't know who to reachout to, just ask the father to
(16:16):
show you or to bring someone toyou.
He will.
I'm always asking him forthings and he never seems to
mind.
We just need to reach out.
I know it's hard, but there arepeople out there who want to
help and who understand.
The first time I went to aconference called she Recovers
and it was 500 women who wererecovering from all kinds of
things.
It was just such an eye-openerto be surrounded by women who
(16:42):
knew what I had gone through andknew how I felt, and I didn't
have to explain it and they gotit and they didn't judge me for
it.
And one lady was sitting thereand she said I have to share
something with you and she toldus a secret and we're all like,
oh okay.
And she just looked and shegoes that's it Like, we get it.
We get it.
(17:02):
I just say, please, please,please, do not suffer another
day.
You don't need to.
There is life, your life, outthere just waiting for you.
Well, thank you for listening tomy story.
I'm glad that you're here andI'm glad that I am here.
I have wanted to talk aboutrecovery for a long time, but
God always said not now.
(17:23):
And now suddenly he said no.
So here we are and my prayer isfor all of us to be free to
find freedom in Christ.
It is there, it is waiting foryou.
God sees you, he has not lostsight of you, he never lost
sight of me and he loves you, meand all of us, more than we
(17:44):
could possibly know.
Until next time, be well.
Thank you so much for listening.
I hope your bite-sized devotiontoday was very satisfying.
If you enjoyed this episode,I'd be honored if you'd leave a
review or a rating.
We are new, so every little bithelps me bring the word to the
(18:07):
world.
I'd love to get to know youbetter at our Facebook group,
the Recovered Christian.
I'll put a link to it in theshow notes.
So thanks again for being hereand I will see you next time.
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