Don't Stare At The Rearview Mirror (MINISODE)

Sometimes it's okay to reflect on the past, but you will not last long if you keep staring at that rearview mirror while driving forward!

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome back to another mini-sode.
What did you guys think of thisepisode with Gloria Hines, the
midwife?
I will be honest and vulnerablefor a minute.
While she was talking about thestory of the child with
anencephaly, I started feeling alittle queasy.
I'm not going to lie.
Only by God's grace was I ableto finish that interview,

(00:24):
because I did feel it.
There you go Now.
You get a little glimpse intojust how queasy I can get over
random things.
Again, nothing was shown, butwe talked about it and I'm a
very visual person.
So, yeah, there's that.
Oh, you guys are finding out Iam something weird.

(00:52):
Anyways, this episode was veryencouraging for me and a little
bittersweet, I suppose, becauseI had mentioned in my first two
births I was not mentallypresent there.
I had a lot of baggage and justwasn't there.
During my other three births Iwas a little more present, but

(01:15):
still very scared to haveC-sections, even though I
already knew what was going tohappen because I had had them
before.
By the time I got to my fifthchild I wasn't so scared.
There were still moments whereI either came close to passing
out or maybe I did.
Each birth has been verydifferent for me, but that's

(01:37):
always been the constant is Ieither passed out or came really
close to it.
That's a thing with me.
I'm not kidding.
Ask anyone close to me, they'llknow.
But I really feel like I missedout on a perfect opportunity to
see the depth of how importantbirth is.

(02:00):
Not because I had a C-section Idon't regret my C-sections.
I know some people do.
And when I tell them I had aC-section or have don't regret
my C-sections, I know somepeople do.
And when I tell them I had aC-section or have had five, they
just kind of look at me like oh, poor thing.
Or they're just surprised.
And when they find out that Iasked for them, sometimes I get
judgmental looks.
But I don't care because I didnot want to go through the other

(02:23):
experience of doing it whatpeople call the natural way.
I knew me and I would not beable to handle it.
I mean, come on, I told you Iwas almost passed out while
hearing Gloria talking aboutthat birth situation, so I don't
think I would have made itthrough my birth.
I probably wouldn't have beenpresent for it.

(02:43):
Anyways, I feel like I missedout on an opportunity to have a
midwife walk me througheverything and help me in ways
that maybe I didn't think wouldbe part of the birth experience
For my first two children.
I think that would have beenvery helpful to have a midwife
who is asking me what is it likeat home, how do you feel?

(03:04):
How do you feel spiritually.
These things would have beenhelpful for me and in the long
run it probably could havehelped me mentally and I could
have been in a better placewhere maybe I did remember
things that happened during mybirth or with my children in
their younger years.
Maybe it could have helped mydaughter and I not even have to

(03:27):
go through situations that wewent through because they found
out what kind of a person herfather was.
Regardless, it is what it is.
Life happened the way ithappened and God has done
miraculous things through it.
So I'm not looking back on like, oh, I wish I could have.
I'm just mulling over andthinking and I know you've done
it before with things in yourlife too where you sit there and

(03:50):
you think you know what thiscould have gone better or I kind
of wish I could have donesomething with this.
I think it's okay to do that,but we can't stay there, we
can't live there.
We can't be depressed.
We have to just realize okay,yes, we wish things could have
been different, but they aren't.
Look at how God has used whatdid happen and move forward.

(04:11):
I don't think there's anythingwrong with looking back, but if
you stay looking back, thenthat's a problem, Because when
you look at driving, you don'tstare at the rearview mirror the
whole time.
You're not going to getanywhere.
You're probably going to gethurt or worse.
You're supposed to be staringat the big window in front of
you.
Occasionally you can look backfor safety reasons or other

(04:33):
reasons, and that's kind of agreat metaphor for life as well.
We should not be looking in therearview mirror the whole time.
We need to be looking forward,but occasionally you can look
back and you can see if there'sany dangers, if there's anything
going on that you need to beaware of.
And that's kind of where I waswhile I was hearing her talk and
the importance of what amidwife does for every part of

(04:56):
the birthing experience, and Ijust missed out on that.
That's basically what I felt isthat I just missed out on it.
No, I'm not going to have anymore kids so that I can have a
midwife and have a home birth.
I have five kids.
I'm good.
I'm good.
I don't want any more.
I'm too old for that.

(05:17):
But it gave me a newperspective.
When my kids get older, I canbe there for them in ways that I
was not there for myself.
Starting to cry here when mydaughters are having their

(05:40):
children, I can be present forthem in the way that I wish I
was present at their own birthsand just listening to I mean, I
don't know how long I'll becoherent, you know when my kids

(06:05):
have their own children, but Ido want to be there for them in
whatever capacity I can, until Ino longer can.
But this was just a very, veryencouraging episode for me.
Yes, I may have lost out onthat experience, but it gave me
hope that one day I can give itto my kids.

(06:25):
I can point them in the rightdirections.
I'm learning so much as they'regoing through this time in
their lives, when their livesare about to change for the
better because they're about tohave their own kids.

(06:49):
I can be there for them andshare my experiences, share
their experiences, and I canlook back on that and realize
that I may not have been therein my own birth the way I would
have liked, but God's beinggracious to me and he's allowing
me a chance to do that with mychildren.

(07:11):
Granted, none of my childrenare old enough to have kids.
They're all not married.
Some of them aren't even surethey want to have kids.
But regardless of what happensin the future, I want to be
present in this experience,should it happen.
If you have had a home birth oryou're a doula or you're a

(07:33):
midwife and you're listening tothis, email me and tell me what
your experience was like.
I would love to hear it.
I would love to hear your mostamazing birth stories of how you
had home births.
That's something I've neverdone and I didn't.
I kind of grew up thinking thatthat was a thing you're not
supposed to do.
That's just how I wasprogrammed, from how the

(07:56):
hospitals talk about it and howpeople talked about it back in
the day, so it's not something Iever thought.
Personally, I just you canprobably relate.
That's just a thing that wastaught is that you have a baby
at a hospital.
That's the safest place to doit, and anyone who's been paying
attention since 2020 realizesthat they were lying to you.

(08:16):
But I am very curious.
I've had a few friends who havedone home births and I find it
so fascinating and it almostjust makes sense to do it at
home.
Like Gloria was saying, youfeel more at peace, you feel
more comfortable.
That is your space, that'swhere you're used to being.
Why wouldn't you want to haveyour child there?
I mean, unless there's absolutecomplications, I don't see why

(08:40):
you would have to go to ahospital.
But that's a tangent we're notgoing to go into.
If you have a home birth story,please share it with me.
If you have a midwife or doulastory, share that with me too.
Thank you for tuning in todayto my ramblings.
I hope you got somethingamazing out of it.
Have a great day.
Bye.