April 16, 2025 • 37 mins
Heather Bradley joins me to share an extraordinary journey through the depths of grief and the heights of spiritual renewal. Heather's heartbreaking experience of losing a child shaped her faith in profound ways, leading her to a deeper connection with Jesus and inspiring her to write a book that offers solace and hope.
Heather Bradley's Website: https://www.truthfreedomministry.com/
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hello everyone, Welcome back to Honest Christian
Conversations.
I'm your host, Anna Murby, andthis is episode three of season
five.
I am so excited for today'sepisode.
Heather Bradley is a wonderfulwoman.
She has been through one of thedarkest seasons of life losing
a baby I can't imagine.
(00:21):
I have five children and Ican't imagine the pain that
comes with losing a young child,or a child in general, but
specifically a young one.
Her heart for God, her love,her steadfast strength is very
contagious, very encouraging.
You are going to love hearingher story.
(00:42):
This episode will change yourlife.
Let's get started.
Before the episode starts, makesure you follow the show so you
never miss another episode.
Hello, Heather, Thank you somuch for coming on the podcast.
I'm very excited to talk to you, but first, before we get into
(01:06):
all of the details of youramazing book, will you share
with us your testimony, which Iknow we'll weave into the book?
So you just go with the flow.
Speaker 2 (01:18):
Yeah Well, thank you, anna.
I feel so honored to be here.
I love anything, and anytime Ican talk about Jesus, it's one
of my most favorite things to do, which is probably why you have
a podcast.
So I feel honored to be here andI'm super excited to get to
know you Again.
Yes, I'm Heather Bradley and Iwrote my first book this last
(01:40):
year published it.
I know we're going to talkabout my testimony.
I can talk a little bit aboutmyself.
I do weave my testimony into mybook, of course, but I spent
most of my life as astay-at-home mom and
homeschooler and I would servethe local church that's pretty
much what I always did and theneventually went on staff at
church in pastoral counselingand that kind of a thing, and I
(02:03):
loved that.
And about a year or so ago theLord had asked me to kind of lay
that down and focus on writingmy book, and so that's kind of
how I found the time to do it,which is crazy because it was
one of those things that I getwhen you write a book.
It gets interesting becausethen everybody wants to know how
did you know you wanted towrite a book and how did you do
(02:24):
it?
Because a lot of people want towrite a book.
It gets interesting becausethen everybody wants to know how
did you know you wanted towrite a book and how did you do
it?
Because a lot of people want towrite a book, so they want to
know the process.
Speaker 1 (02:28):
I've written three different books.
Oh wow, so you know, yeah, andpeople ask you right, how did
you do it?
Speaker 2 (02:34):
and how did you know I'm?
Speaker 1 (02:36):
a stay-at-home mom with five kids.
I don't know how.
Speaker 2 (02:39):
I did it, you don't know right.
We are on the same wavelengththere.
But, I did.
I heard the Holy Spirit tell meto cease all activity, just
like that, which is kind ofcrazy.
And I was like I have to laydown being on staff at church
which I adored and loved becauseI love people.
We were talking about love,talking about Jesus, all the
time.
And I did.
And I found that with mypersonality, I had to
(03:00):
hyper-focus on one thing at atime, because before, when I was
feeling like the Lord was likeyou have this message, you're
going to write a book.
I had it in the background butI never could actually get to
that.
You know, oh yeah, I'm going toget to it, I'll get it, but it
was the one thing that I keptfalling off.
So, and I had that idea foryears upon years.
But then, when the Lord waslike it's go time, I finally sat
(03:23):
down and you know, to make along story short, I found this
selfpublishingcom that'sliterally who I use.
They were a blueprint thatsomebody prophesied over me that
God was going to give me.
And then I found this companyand they're Christians.
They were awesome.
They literally held my handfrom the idea to getting it
published and it was exactlywhat I needed, because I
honestly had no clue what I wasdoing.
(03:44):
I just was like, hey, here'sthe message I have.
I have no idea, so anyway, sothat's what.
That's what I've been doing.
Like I said, I homeschooled mykids.
My husband and I have beenmarried 30 years this year and
my oldest daughter is married.
I have my first grandbaby, andshe's one, and I have two boys.
They're about 20, 22.
And I am currently working withmy husband in a very new season
(04:07):
of my life.
I am working at an RV park as amanager which is way different,
which I could do a whole podcaston that, because it's a whole
God thing and the people thatown the company are absolutely
amazing.
They are Holy Spirit filledChristians and God brought us to
this place.
I get to minister here whileworking and just it's so crazy
how God twists and turns ourplace.
I get to minister here whileworking and just it's so crazy
how God twists and turns ourlife, I guess, is my point.
(04:29):
But this is where I'm at rightnow and I have this book.
I said I had three children,but I actually have four, and
that's what my book is about.
I have a child that we lost in1999.
So I use this story and I openmy book with this question you
know, have you ever had anunthinkable story?
(04:51):
You know, and here's the thingwe all do to some degree.
I truly believe that every oneof us uh, we go through
something that's our unthinkablehard story in our life, and so
I like to tell people my bookwould definitely appeal to a
parent who's lost a child,because that's what my
(05:11):
unthinkable story was.
But because the book is soreally Jesus-centered and
focused on Jesus, you could plugyour story in and get to where
I go in the book.
If that makes sense, it candefinitely speak to both.
And if that makes sense, yeah.
So you know, when he asked me mytestimony, it's not just a
(05:32):
one-time event that reallyhappened.
It's more like a little journey,I guess you could say, because
when I was a little girl Iremember several times and I
mean I remember going to churchand growing up in the church and
my grandmothers were verypivotal in all that.
But before I was ever even inkindergarten this is how young I
was I had a couple encounterswith God that's the only way I
(05:54):
can say it when I felt like aheavy weight came upon me,
almost like a paralyzed feeling,and it was later, I guess I
figured out that that probablywas the weight of His glory.
That's the only way I canexplain it.
It wasn't scary, it wasn't bad,it wasn't anything.
It was just me and God and Ihad this whole weight come upon
(06:18):
me and His presence was so thickthat in my spirit I knew that
it was God and nobody.
That was just me and God.
He just revealed himself to melike that.
So those were my earliestmemories and just knowing God is
real right, kind of from therejust growing up in the church,
not always discipled real well,if that makes sense.
Speaker 1 (06:39):
Yeah, no, I was in the same boat.
I completely get it.
Speaker 2 (06:44):
Yeah.
If you would have asked me likehey, do you believe in Jesus?
I'd have been like yes, and Idid yeah, but all through high
school my life had quitedifferent fruit, if that makes
sense.
Like I just wasn't discipledwell, didn't know a lot.
With that being said, he was inmy mind but he really wasn't
just my life, if that makessense, and I had my daughter my
(07:08):
senior year in high school.
Kind of had to grow up fast andget my life together at that
moment and met my husband, whoI'm married to right now.
We've been married 30 years andI think my daughter was about a
year and a half when I met himand we married when she was
three and he adopted her.
That was a big, radical changein my life.
He did not grow up in aChristian home at all, I did,
(07:30):
but we just got married andentered into it like that, not
with Jesus, right and so we weremarried and about I don't know.
I don't even can't even thinkright now how long I'd have to
do the math, and I'm not greatat math Neither am I.
It's probably real simple, butanyway, my daughter was about
six at the time.
So, anyway, that year I gotpregnant and I was going to have
(07:53):
my second, first baby at thatmoment because I was, you know,
already out of college and allthe things.
I had a baby.
He was born on my husband'sbirthday.
They have the exact samebirthday, wow.
Speaker 1 (08:03):
He was born on my husband's birthday.
Speaker 2 (08:04):
They have the exact same birthday.
Wow, His name was Brennan.
He uh basically, to make a longstory short he, he lived for
four, for four months.
Okay, that was his lifespanfour months old.
He passed away when he was fourmonths old, and so when I, when
I'm weaving in the testimonythere, what happened was we and
I talk about all this verydeeply, more extensively, like
(08:25):
the story I know, I'm weaving inthe testimony there what
happened?
Speaker 1 (08:27):
was we, and I talk about all this very deeply, more
extensively like the story.
Speaker 2 (08:29):
I know I'm just kind of giving a quick overview, of
course, but basically when hewas four months old he stopped
breathing and I had to call 911and we ended up in the hospital
and essentially I did not knowthat he was born with a heart
defect, because I guess what thedoctors say is a lot of times
babies that are born with heartdefects they don't thrive very
(08:51):
well from the get-go.
But he was big and growing andlooked, appeared to be thriving
right, but underneath there wassomething terribly going wrong.
So he had a heart attack iswhat happened at four months old
.
And so we ended up in thehospital and they did revive him
(09:11):
.
He spent about three days,maybe three or four days, at the
hospital and during that time Iremember they just were kind of
going round and round with.
We were in El Paso at the timeEl Paso, texas, and it's a big
city, but there's bigger citieslike Dallas and Houston in our
state that specialize betterwith children who have these
(09:35):
problems.
So we were spending a lot oftime just seeing how we could
stabilize him to get him to oneof these places, which never
happened, is what happened.
So the day that Brennan passed.
Basically we were in thehospital still trying to figure
out what was going on, and hecrashed again.
That's kind of what they callthat when you code blue.
(09:55):
He stopped breathing again andhad another heart attack.
And so I remember the all thenurses and all the doctors
they're running around and youhave to get out of the way, you
have to leave the room.
They don't want you in therebecause they need to work and I
remember just like being in thisreally surreal place and
walking out of the room and justI remember the most intense
(10:16):
fear I've just come over my body.
I just can't even explain it.
I was literally shaking fromthe top of my head to and I
found, right down the hallway, abathroom.
It was a single bathroom, notone that anybody else could go
in.
Yeah.
And so I went in there and Ishut the door and I remember
just looking in the mirror andjust being like you just feel
(10:38):
like you're in the twilight zone.
I can't even explain it, it'sjust this surreal feeling.
And at that moment I rememberthinking about God for the first
time in a really long time andI kind of was just like why am I
thinking about God right now?
How does this all come togetherhere?
And that's when I heard the HolySpirit say really loud and
clear to me he said, heather,this is about you coming back to
(11:00):
me.
And I didn't fully understandit in the moment, but later I
understood that you know,brennan was not going to make it
.
He passed, he died that dayshortly after that moment.
And it was about Jesus cominginto that pain and suffering and
(11:21):
grabbing a hold of me and heknew what was going to happen.
God did right and he knew thatI was going to go through
something really hard, but thatthis is what was going to get me
back where I needed to be, withhim.
And I believe that veryfervently.
And I remember after thathappened people are like God
(11:42):
doesn't allow bad things tohappen.
That doesn't make sense in thatand I'm like well, this is my
story and this is what happened.
Speaker 1 (11:47):
And.
Speaker 2 (11:48):
I don't believe that God causes the bad things to
happen.
I believe that because he'ssovereign and knows all things,
of course he could have reacheddown in that space right then
and there and healed Brennan.
I believe that with all myheart.
But he allowed it to play outlike he did because there was an
eternal picture that was muchmore important than a momentary
moment.
And I love, love, love thescripture.
(12:09):
That scripture that I'm goingto read it because I have it
written down and it's in 2Corinthians, 4, 17 through 18.
And it says For our light andmomentary troubles are achieving
for us an eternal glory thatfar outweighs them all.
So we fix our eyes not on whatis seen but on what is unseen,
since what is seen is temporarybut what is unseen is an eternal
(12:30):
.
And to me that's a scripturealmost that sums up my entire
experience with that, because hesays our light and momentary
troubles and when you look atall of how our lifespan is
compared to all eternity withJesus Christ, it's a moment
(12:51):
right, the scripture says it's amoment.
So, whatever suffering,affliction, anything that this
world can throw at us and itthrows some bad stuff.
Like I said, I don't believethat God's up there saying this
is going to happen to you, andhe's like that.
I believe that he works in thesituations that we find
ourselves in and for me, when Ilook at that scripture, what we
(13:13):
went through brought us to ourknees in Jesus, and that far
outweighs that momentary thingthat we went through.
That was hard and that wesuffered because now we get to
have eternity with Jesus,because God knew that that's
what would bring us to our kneesto Him, and that's how I see
that.
And so my husband.
He didn't grow up in aChristian home at all.
(13:33):
He came to Jesus.
My whole entire family line waschanged.
We might have had Christianpeople in our life, but then we
became Jesus people.
You know what I'm saying?
Yeah, yeah, that's how I metJesus.
That's really my testimony.
It was right then, and there Iwish I could say, oh yeah, Jesus
showed up in that hospital roomand, man, it was simple.
After that I just moved on inlife and nothing was hard.
(13:55):
But of course that's not how itworks.
Jesus showed up and that'swhere I if you see the cover of
my book, it's about hand.
We're reaching up, taking thehand.
So that's really what I talkabout in the book.
(14:16):
When we take these hard, hardthings that we go through in
life, the enemy wants to defineus by these things.
Satan wants to define us bythat, make us that identity,
make that who we are and justruin us.
Because he comes to still killand destroy, right.
But when we take these storiesthat we live that are so painful
and so hard and you know manypeople I've met that have gone
through hard things and if theydon't know Jesus, guess what?
They're still in those places,they can't move forward, they
(14:39):
just can't and I think that's atool of the enemy.
He wants to trap us there.
But really, what I talk about inmy book is you take your
unthinkable story, like I sharemine, and when we hand that to
Jesus, when we truly take thatstory and we give it to Him, he
doesn't leave us empty-handed.
He's just literally reachingdown with His hand and saying
trust me, give me your hand, letme walk you through this.
(15:02):
He does not leave us norforsake us.
He didn't say that thingswouldn't happen.
He promised that we would havetrials and tribulation, but he
doesn't leave us there.
And that's the beauty of Jesus.
It's an exchange happens.
Look what happened to Jesus onthe cross.
Right, he got up on that cross.
It looked really bad and forthree days the disciples and the
people who had put all thisfaith and thought they were like
(15:23):
what in the world?
The world has ended.
They had so much grief, theywere suffering, but then Jesus
rose right.
Grief, they were suffering, butthen Jesus rose, right, he rose
from the dead and everythingchanged.
That's kind of like what we gothrough, because we want to
identify with Jesus in theresurrection, we want to
identify with Him in the reallygreat things the mountaintop,
(15:44):
right, yeah, but we also have toidentify with Him in suffering,
and he talks about it in theWord.
And so when we do that, hesupernaturally enters into these
stories and he radicallychanges them.
We get purpose out of them, weget freedom, we get healing and
it becomes more about Jesus thanthe story.
(16:05):
We don't forget what happenedto us, but then what happens is
our perspective and paradigmchanges so much that it's like,
yes, I went through this, butJesus did all this.
And that's where we overcome,that's where we live in freedom
and purpose and healing, and wecan't stop talking about it
because it's so amazing and it'sa supernatural exchange.
(16:26):
Jesus does so much for us inthese places when we can truly
humbly surrender them at Hisfeet and truly say, I can't do
this If you don't show up, I'vegot nothing and then lay it
there and allow Him to walk usthrough it and however long that
takes, but trusting he's goingto do it right, and then we get
(16:49):
this beautiful exchange on theother side of faith and we learn
how to suffer.
Well, learn how to you knowwhat I think too.
When we can suffer, well we itmay be first about us.
We got to get through ourheartache but when we can truly
lay that down at Jesus' feet andhe supernaturally does
something with it, it really isabout others, because now we're
(17:13):
free to go minister to others,we're free to go help them get
free, right, and say, hey, thisis what happened to me, but this
is what Jesus did.
And let me show you, let me getyou there, let me introduce you
to the person who radically setme free.
It's really about others.
Everything Jesus did was aboutothers.
What can we learn from him andwhy he suffered?
(17:35):
Well, it's because he waswilling to be obedient to the
Father's will.
And it wasn't about Him, it wasabout us, it was about others.
And we can model that and livethat same concept here on earth.
But we can only do that by thepower of the Holy Spirit, right?
We can only do that with Him inus and allowing Him to shape
those stories, and not the worldor us, or the enemy, for sure
(17:59):
you know.
Speaker 1 (18:06):
Hey, friends, have you joined the Honest Christian
Conversations online group yet,friends?
Have you joined the HonestChristian Conversations online
group yet?
If you haven't, you're missingout on a perfect opportunity to
grow your relationship withJesus Christ.
This is a community for thosewho want to go deeper in their
(18:27):
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You can do Bible studiestogether, ask the questions you
have biblically and get theanswers that you might need or
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You can leave your prayerrequests.
You can leave your praisereports.
This is a community.
This is what church is supposedto be, and I am so glad that I
finally took that step to makethis group so that people's
(18:49):
lives can flourish in Jesus'name.
Also, if you haven't signed upfor the mailing list, you're
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I send out a weekly emailchocked full of so much awesome
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(19:11):
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If you haven't joined either ofthese, you can go to my website
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use the links for it in the shownotes.
Yeah, you just preached asermon.
(19:32):
I love it.
Speaker 2 (19:33):
I love it.
I'm very passionate about thistopic.
Speaker 1 (19:37):
Yeah, after what you've been through, I can't
even imagine losing a child,especially that young.
I can see why you would havesuch a deep love for God.
You either you either insomething like that.
You would either go towards himor we.
You would go away from him.
Speaker 2 (19:57):
There's no middle ground at that point it's.
Speaker 1 (20:00):
it's too deep of a wound to just say you know God's
good, but I don't know if I cantrust him.
You can't you can't have thoseboth.
You have to pick a side.
And, like you said, if youdon't have helping you, you're
not going to grow, you're notgoing to heal, you're just going
(20:20):
to stay stagnant.
And I went through a verypainful divorce during my second
marriage.
Because I didn't want it.
It blindsided me.
At the point, I mean hindsight,I'm totally fine that it
happened because, I love myhusband, who I'm with
now, but it wrecked me.
That's what brought me back toGod.
(20:42):
I grew up in the church.
I knew all the things I said.
I was a believer and sometimesyou could see it in my life.
But when I decided to go full180 and just do whatever I
wanted to do, you couldn't tellthat I was a Christian.
I had to tell you for you toknow.
(21:02):
And then one day I'm at achurch, god's trying to talk to
me, and all I said was I hearyou, but I'm going to keep doing
what I want to do.
And left.
And a week later my husband atthe time was like I'm out, we're
done.
I got an apartment.
Speaker 2 (21:18):
I'm gone.
Speaker 1 (21:19):
It wrecked me.
I was in a depression for agood week, and his mom was the
one who broke me out of it, eventhough she didn't really like
me much, but God uses who heuses.
And that completely changed me.
I got on my knees, repented,got up, was completely different
(21:42):
and haven't looked back since.
And yes, my life has not beeneasy.
I have gone through so manytrials, but I have stood firm,
knowing that God is always there.
He's always going to take careof me, because I was in the dark
pits where I had put myself.
I mean, it's not like you putyourself in that to lose your
(22:04):
son.
But we can.
But yeah, sometimes we putourselves in those dark pits,
but he still pulls us out.
How can you not want to followhim at that point when you've
done something wrong or thoughtsomething wrong?
I mean, I'm sure it wasn't justa quick.
I love you, god, even thoughthis hurts.
(22:25):
I'm pretty sure you probablywrote it in your book how
frustrating it was at first.
It was not like you just gotout of that bathroom and you
immediately were in love with.
Jesus.
It was a process.
It's a process for us becausewe have our human emotions.
But how can you not want tofollow him when he's willing to
pick you out of a place whereyou may have put yourself?
(22:47):
In my case, I put myself therewillingly.
I was a Christian.
I knew everything I was doingwas wrong, so I put myself in a
position to do those things andhe still didn't give up on me.
How can I not want to followhim at that point and him
healing you through everythingthat you went through?
How could you not want to spendthe rest?
of your life talking about itand preaching about that to
(23:09):
people, especially people whoare in your position, who you
know.
Maybe they didn't go throughthat, but they're going through
their own tough season and theyjust can't see a way out.
So I love your passion, thefact that you are able to talk
about this.
I'm pretty sure it's stillpainful, even to this day, to
have to talk about it, but Goddoesn't waste anything.
(23:33):
He doesn't waste any of ourpain.
He uses it for His glory and Ilove your story.
Your passion is amazing.
How did your husband handle thesituation at first?
Was it really hard for him?
Because I am, having not comefrom a Christian background?
(23:55):
I can't imagine that it was easyfor him to trust God, because
there's that whole.
Well, how could a loving Godfill in?
The blank so how did he handlethat and how did you come
alongside him during that, beingsomebody who's had that
spiritual foundation?
Speaker 2 (24:15):
Yeah, it's just kind of a weird situation though,
because when it happened I waslike Jesus just spoke to me in
the bathroom and I didn't sharethat also the night, that about
how, when I was a really littlegirl, the weight of God's glory
(24:42):
would come upon me and I justknew who it was.
That happened that night and Ihad only experienced that as a
little girl, and when thathappened we left the hospital
and went to our house.
I think, honestly, my husbandat first was just trying to be
really strong for me.
I mean, it's his, it's theirchild too.
But you know how, your husband,they just want to protect, they
want to help you.
(25:03):
And I know that he was in thatmode very much at first because
I remember it so clearly.
But when we got home from thehospital that night and we were
just sitting in our room andit's just like you don't even
know what to do with yourself,you're just existing, right.
You're just there and you'retrying to process how is this,
my world right?
Your whole entire paradigmshifts.
(25:23):
It's like the rug is pulled outfrom you and I know I
experienced post PTSD from thatbecause I watched him not
breathing.
I watched him.
He died in my arms.
I held him and we go throughthese things.
That are the emotions.
But that night, when I waslaying on my bed, we were
(25:43):
sitting there and I justremember we were just sitting in
our room and I had that weightof God's glory come upon me and
in my mind I saw I can't fullyexplain and understand because
it was dark but I saw Brennan'soutline, like his spirit.
I don't even know how to putthat in words, but I felt the
(26:03):
Lord's energy literally comeupon me and pass through me and
I was like, oh my gosh, that'sthat feeling again.
And I knew in that space and Iknew in that moment that God was
allowing me, that Jesus wasallowing me to see him and to
know I have him, it's okay andI've got you Now.
(26:23):
I heard those things, I knewthose things and then, like you
said, I'm trying to explainthese things to my husband.
So we weren't involved in anychurch back then at that time or
anything.
We had some friends that wentto church and all this stuff.
So they were trying to help andget us involved.
So they were like come and seeour pastor, let him meet with
you, and blah, blah, blah.
(26:44):
And this was shortly afterBrennan had passed.
And we did go and I rememberstanding in his office still to
this day, and I remember him.
I remember we talked about allthe things and I don't quite
remember what I said, but I musthave told him that I had grown
up knowing who Jesus was, butthat I had kind of been living
for myself, kind of like how wewere talking.
(27:06):
I remember he had me and myhusband and him stand in a
little circle together in hisoffice and I'm sure we were all
holding hands and basically heprayed with us for everything
that was going on.
But my husband accepted Jesusright then and there, in that
moment, and I rededicated mylife to him is kind of how I
think I remember that prayergoing.
This was within a week ofBrennan's passing and I still
(27:30):
remember and you can even ask myhusband this, I still remember
to this day.
We walked out of that space andleft, walked outside and went
into the street to go get in ourcar and we were like something
has changed and it you know,jesus, we were born again, right
, whatever you want to call it.
But something changed.
(27:51):
Now, of course we knew it andwe knew that that happened.
But you know, going back tojust how you said, oh, it just
didn't happen.
And then you woke up the nextday and everything was great.
No, I can tell you without ashadow of a doubt, just like you
said when you went through thatdivorce and how hard that was,
and you know God's mercy andcompassion, we know this in
(28:11):
grace.
We know all these things fromthe Bible, but they, in His
presence, are really in verytangible and hard things.
We feel them so much becausethat just shows his heart for us
.
Right, and you felt that youknew that.
But, like you said, we're stillhuman, we still have to go
through grief.
I mean, jesus wept, right, wego through grief.
He knows, he understands, and Idid.
(28:32):
I had a really hard, hard, hard.
Two years and I know it was twoyears because I can remember
the exact amount of time that itwas.
I would get up every day and Iwould just get out my Bible and
this was me.
I knew Bible stories fromgrowing up, but I didn't know
the Bible.
Here I am trying to start inGenesis and the Old Testament.
I have no idea what I'm doingand I'm just reading it and I'm
(28:52):
like God, you're desperate,you're so desperate in a moment
like that, and so I would justread my Bible and I would try to
pray and I would just exist.
That's the only thing I canexplain it.
It was like I just existed.
I had horrible vertigo, horriblemigraines.
I did not feel good.
For two years I had PTSD.
We lived in Austin at the timeTexas, a big city.
(29:15):
I could not drive my car acrossthe from like North Austin to
South Austin.
When I did, I wanted to have apanic attack.
I don't know how to explain it,but I don't know what the word
is.
I'm thinking I guess when youhave post-traumatic stress
syndrome, your nerves are shot.
If that's the saying I can,it's like you can't handle
anything else.
You're over the top with youremotions, and so the slightest
(29:40):
thing like the traffic wasintense made me feel undone.
I can't even explain it.
I just fell undone.
I can't.
It's too stressful, I can't dothis.
I can't go Right.
It was horrible.
I'm not going to lie.
It was a horrible two years.
One of the really sweetestthings, though, that I remember
during that time.
I don't know if I've everactually talked about my grandma
on the podcast, but I justthought of her right now because
(30:00):
there was a sweet thing,because God is always oh when
you just look back and think ofthe little things that Jesus
does his mercy.
So my grandmother lost herfirst baby, and he was stillborn
, and our babies are buriedright next to each other in the
same space Well, you know thesame cemetery.
I remember that after Brennandied, we would go to her house.
(30:25):
She would have us.
She lived about three and ahalf hours from us and she had
us go there.
We would go down about once ortwice a month because I at that
moment needed to go to thatcemetery.
Because when you lose someone atfirst you've got to be involved
in that.
It's just therapeutic somehow.
You know you have to go.
That's how I felt.
So she would make us lunch andwe'd drive down.
(30:46):
We'd spend the day with her andI loved my grandmother so much.
She was so pivotal in my life.
But she understood Do you knowwhat I'm saying?
Speaker 1 (30:53):
She understood what I was going through.
Speaker 2 (30:56):
And we didn't go there and she wouldn't be like
Heather, how are you?
Do you need to talk about that?
She never.
We didn't have to talk.
It was like we were in bothinvited, not invited, but we
were both put into a club thatwe never asked to be invited to.
Yeah, we both lost children andit was just an understanding.
She knew what I was goingthrough, so she just allowed me
(31:16):
to come whenever I needed to.
We'd come and she'd make usthis yummy, elaborate meal
because that was her thing, andwe would go visit the cemetery
and we would stay as long as weneeded to and she just let us be
.
It was so healing to be able todo that, but it was like we had
this thing we both belonged to,but we didn't have to say a
word, she just got me.
Do you know what I'm saying?
(31:37):
yeah and that was so therapeuticback then.
I just remember it just meant alot to me.
But going back to my husband, Ido believe he just kind of
followed I don't know what elseto say.
It was like I'm going this wayand I am now passionate about
going back to Jesus and, yes,I'm hurting and I'm all over the
mess, but this is not goinganywhere.
(31:59):
So get on board is probably howI thought.
I do feel like when you'regoing in so much grief like that
and you're trying to figure outlife on the other side of a
paradigm shift, you kind of geta little self-focused.
I can't really explain it.
I could only manage myself.
Speaker 1 (32:18):
Me and Jesus, that's all I had.
I get that.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, you know,it's like you kind of you get in
your own head space and you'reyou got to take care of yourself
is what you're thinking.
And, yeah, you know.
Yeah, you just you don't havemuch else to give past that.
You know what I'm saying?
Speaker 2 (32:33):
Yeah, but yeah, you know, people ask me all the time
like, oh you just, you werejust healed like that fast and
you lost someone.
And then the next day I'm like,no, it's a process.
Yeah, but Jesus was in it.
And that's what I'm trying tosay.
Yeah, I'm trying to say in ourworst possible place.
He enters in when we allow himto.
We don't all not all of usallow him to.
(32:53):
He wants to.
He enters in and he walks usthrough the other side and the
biggest thing that we get out ofthat is we get His presence and
we get His supernatural healingand we get purpose in our pain
and we get to serve others andminister to others and we get to
tell people about Jesus.
I believe that that's what hedoes in these places and he
(33:15):
gives us so much because he'ssuch a good Father, you know,
and he doesn't want us to livein there.
It hurts His heart that we haveto go through these things.
But it's so crazy when youreally think about the mercy of
God.
Suffering really is a place ofGod's mercy, because if we
didn't experience some of theafflictions and sufferings we go
through, how many times, if youreally think about it do.
People meet God in those placesQuite often.
(33:40):
It's not because everything'sgoing good and oh, I need Jesus.
No, it's because we wentthrough something bad and he
gets our attention in it andthat's His mercy, because now,
guess what, we get on adifferent trajectory and now we
get to spend eternity with Him.
He uses that to get us to Him.
Do you know what I mean?
He knows how to work in that.
You know it goes back to thatscripture.
(34:04):
You know what the enemy meansfor harm.
God can use for good, you know.
And he turns beauty from ashesLike.
There's so many scriptures thattalk about that.
And the enemy hates that.
He hates that he can't destroyus and something like that.
When we give our hearts back toGod because his work is
destroyed in that space when itdidn't go as he thought he was
going to do to us.
You know.
Speaker 1 (34:25):
Satan must be mad at you because you did not go
anywhere close to where heprobably thought you were going
to go with life.
Yeah, he doesn't know ourhearts.
Speaker 2 (34:35):
And that's when I read the book of Job and I was
learning, like through all that,I always ask why?
How did God know the story?
He was going to go all throughthis stuff and Job was radically
changed in that because he knewabout God and then he really
knew God.
There's a difference aboutknowing and really knowing, and
(34:58):
the Lord told me the never knewJob's heart.
Speaker 1 (35:04):
Yeah.
That's where he goes wrong.
He doesn't know us the way hethinks he does, and it didn't
show like the great thing aboutJob is.
Speaker 2 (35:10):
He suffered and he went all over the map with his
emotions, just like we do, butGod knew his heart and he knew
where he was going to be when hewalked through that you know.
I believe that God knew thatJob would come out like that
because the enemy wanted toapproach him and say huh, this
one I can take down.
He only serves you.
(35:30):
Why?
Because you bless him and Godwas like OK, we'll see.
You know, I'll tell you yeah, Iknow.
Speaker 1 (35:50):
It sounds kind of like crazy but crazy.
But that's what the Bible saysunthinkable tragedy and I am so
in awe of how you have come outof that and healed from that and
are able to help others who arealso going through something
like that.
Where can people get your book?
Speaker 2 (36:12):
Well, my book is easy to find because you can just
hop onto Amazon and have itdelivered straight to you.
Nice, I love Amazon.
Yeah, me too.
It's my fave, nice.
Speaker 1 (36:23):
Well, thank you so much for coming on and sharing
and preaching.
I mean honestly, it's necessary.
There are so many peoplehurting nowadays, so they are
definitely going to getencouraged by what you had to
say and hopefully that'll changethe trajectory of their life.
Speaker 2 (36:42):
yes, that's what we want.
Yes,
Hello everyone, Welcome back to Honest Christian
Conversations.
I'm your host, Anna Murby, andthis is episode three of season
five.
I am so excited for today'sepisode.
Heather Bradley is a wonderfulwoman.
She has been through one of thedarkest seasons of life losing
a baby I can't imagine.
(00:21):
I have five children and Ican't imagine the pain that
comes with losing a young child,or a child in general, but
specifically a young one.
Her heart for God, her love,her steadfast strength is very
contagious, very encouraging.
You are going to love hearingher story.
(00:42):
This episode will change yourlife.
Let's get started.
Before the episode starts, makesure you follow the show so you
never miss another episode.
Hello, Heather, Thank you somuch for coming on the podcast.
I'm very excited to talk to you, but first, before we get into
(01:06):
all of the details of youramazing book, will you share
with us your testimony, which Iknow we'll weave into the book?
So you just go with the flow.
Speaker 2 (01:18):
Yeah Well, thank you, anna.
I feel so honored to be here.
I love anything, and anytime Ican talk about Jesus, it's one
of my most favorite things to do, which is probably why you have
a podcast.
So I feel honored to be here andI'm super excited to get to
know you Again.
Yes, I'm Heather Bradley and Iwrote my first book this last
(01:40):
year published it.
I know we're going to talkabout my testimony.
I can talk a little bit aboutmyself.
I do weave my testimony into mybook, of course, but I spent
most of my life as astay-at-home mom and
homeschooler and I would servethe local church that's pretty
much what I always did and theneventually went on staff at
church in pastoral counselingand that kind of a thing, and I
(02:03):
loved that.
And about a year or so ago theLord had asked me to kind of lay
that down and focus on writingmy book, and so that's kind of
how I found the time to do it,which is crazy because it was
one of those things that I getwhen you write a book.
It gets interesting becausethen everybody wants to know how
did you know you wanted towrite a book and how did you do
(02:24):
it?
Because a lot of people want towrite a book.
It gets interesting becausethen everybody wants to know how
did you know you wanted towrite a book and how did you do
it?
Because a lot of people want towrite a book, so they want to
know the process.
Speaker 1 (02:28):
I've written three different books.
Oh wow, so you know, yeah, andpeople ask you right, how did
you do it?
Speaker 2 (02:34):
and how did you know I'm?
Speaker 1 (02:36):
a stay-at-home mom with five kids.
I don't know how.
Speaker 2 (02:39):
I did it, you don't know right.
We are on the same wavelengththere.
But, I did.
I heard the Holy Spirit tell meto cease all activity, just
like that, which is kind ofcrazy.
And I was like I have to laydown being on staff at church
which I adored and loved becauseI love people.
We were talking about love,talking about Jesus, all the
time.
And I did.
And I found that with mypersonality, I had to
(03:00):
hyper-focus on one thing at atime, because before, when I was
feeling like the Lord was likeyou have this message, you're
going to write a book.
I had it in the background butI never could actually get to
that.
You know, oh yeah, I'm going toget to it, I'll get it, but it
was the one thing that I keptfalling off.
So, and I had that idea foryears upon years.
But then, when the Lord waslike it's go time, I finally sat
(03:23):
down and you know, to make along story short, I found this
selfpublishingcom that'sliterally who I use.
They were a blueprint thatsomebody prophesied over me that
God was going to give me.
And then I found this companyand they're Christians.
They were awesome.
They literally held my handfrom the idea to getting it
published and it was exactlywhat I needed, because I
honestly had no clue what I wasdoing.
(03:44):
I just was like, hey, here'sthe message I have.
I have no idea, so anyway, sothat's what.
That's what I've been doing.
Like I said, I homeschooled mykids.
My husband and I have beenmarried 30 years this year and
my oldest daughter is married.
I have my first grandbaby, andshe's one, and I have two boys.
They're about 20, 22.
And I am currently working withmy husband in a very new season
(04:07):
of my life.
I am working at an RV park as amanager which is way different,
which I could do a whole podcaston that, because it's a whole
God thing and the people thatown the company are absolutely
amazing.
They are Holy Spirit filledChristians and God brought us to
this place.
I get to minister here whileworking and just it's so crazy
how God twists and turns ourplace.
I get to minister here whileworking and just it's so crazy
how God twists and turns ourlife, I guess, is my point.
(04:29):
But this is where I'm at rightnow and I have this book.
I said I had three children,but I actually have four, and
that's what my book is about.
I have a child that we lost in1999.
So I use this story and I openmy book with this question you
know, have you ever had anunthinkable story?
(04:51):
You know, and here's the thingwe all do to some degree.
I truly believe that every oneof us uh, we go through
something that's our unthinkablehard story in our life, and so
I like to tell people my bookwould definitely appeal to a
parent who's lost a child,because that's what my
(05:11):
unthinkable story was.
But because the book is soreally Jesus-centered and
focused on Jesus, you could plugyour story in and get to where
I go in the book.
If that makes sense, it candefinitely speak to both.
And if that makes sense, yeah.
So you know, when he asked me mytestimony, it's not just a
(05:32):
one-time event that reallyhappened.
It's more like a little journey,I guess you could say, because
when I was a little girl Iremember several times and I
mean I remember going to churchand growing up in the church and
my grandmothers were verypivotal in all that.
But before I was ever even inkindergarten this is how young I
was I had a couple encounterswith God that's the only way I
(05:54):
can say it when I felt like aheavy weight came upon me,
almost like a paralyzed feeling,and it was later, I guess I
figured out that that probablywas the weight of His glory.
That's the only way I canexplain it.
It wasn't scary, it wasn't bad,it wasn't anything.
It was just me and God and Ihad this whole weight come upon
(06:18):
me and His presence was so thickthat in my spirit I knew that
it was God and nobody.
That was just me and God.
He just revealed himself to melike that.
So those were my earliestmemories and just knowing God is
real right, kind of from therejust growing up in the church,
not always discipled real well,if that makes sense.
Speaker 1 (06:39):
Yeah, no, I was in the same boat.
I completely get it.
Speaker 2 (06:44):
Yeah.
If you would have asked me likehey, do you believe in Jesus?
I'd have been like yes, and Idid yeah, but all through high
school my life had quitedifferent fruit, if that makes
sense.
Like I just wasn't discipledwell, didn't know a lot.
With that being said, he was inmy mind but he really wasn't
just my life, if that makessense, and I had my daughter my
(07:08):
senior year in high school.
Kind of had to grow up fast andget my life together at that
moment and met my husband, whoI'm married to right now.
We've been married 30 years andI think my daughter was about a
year and a half when I met himand we married when she was
three and he adopted her.
That was a big, radical changein my life.
He did not grow up in aChristian home at all, I did,
(07:30):
but we just got married andentered into it like that, not
with Jesus, right and so we weremarried and about I don't know.
I don't even can't even thinkright now how long I'd have to
do the math, and I'm not greatat math Neither am I.
It's probably real simple, butanyway, my daughter was about
six at the time.
So, anyway, that year I gotpregnant and I was going to have
(07:53):
my second, first baby at thatmoment because I was, you know,
already out of college and allthe things.
I had a baby.
He was born on my husband'sbirthday.
They have the exact samebirthday, wow.
Speaker 1 (08:03):
He was born on my husband's birthday.
Speaker 2 (08:04):
They have the exact same birthday.
Wow, His name was Brennan.
He uh basically, to make a longstory short he, he lived for
four, for four months.
Okay, that was his lifespanfour months old.
He passed away when he was fourmonths old, and so when I, when
I'm weaving in the testimonythere, what happened was we and
I talk about all this verydeeply, more extensively, like
(08:25):
the story I know, I'm weaving inthe testimony there what
happened?
Speaker 1 (08:27):
was we, and I talk about all this very deeply, more
extensively like the story.
Speaker 2 (08:29):
I know I'm just kind of giving a quick overview, of
course, but basically when hewas four months old he stopped
breathing and I had to call 911and we ended up in the hospital
and essentially I did not knowthat he was born with a heart
defect, because I guess what thedoctors say is a lot of times
babies that are born with heartdefects they don't thrive very
(08:51):
well from the get-go.
But he was big and growing andlooked, appeared to be thriving
right, but underneath there wassomething terribly going wrong.
So he had a heart attack iswhat happened at four months old
.
And so we ended up in thehospital and they did revive him
(09:11):
.
He spent about three days,maybe three or four days, at the
hospital and during that time Iremember they just were kind of
going round and round with.
We were in El Paso at the timeEl Paso, texas, and it's a big
city, but there's bigger citieslike Dallas and Houston in our
state that specialize betterwith children who have these
(09:35):
problems.
So we were spending a lot oftime just seeing how we could
stabilize him to get him to oneof these places, which never
happened, is what happened.
So the day that Brennan passed.
Basically we were in thehospital still trying to figure
out what was going on, and hecrashed again.
That's kind of what they callthat when you code blue.
(09:55):
He stopped breathing again andhad another heart attack.
And so I remember the all thenurses and all the doctors
they're running around and youhave to get out of the way, you
have to leave the room.
They don't want you in therebecause they need to work and I
remember just like being in thisreally surreal place and
walking out of the room and justI remember the most intense
(10:16):
fear I've just come over my body.
I just can't even explain it.
I was literally shaking fromthe top of my head to and I
found, right down the hallway, abathroom.
It was a single bathroom, notone that anybody else could go
in.
Yeah.
And so I went in there and Ishut the door and I remember
just looking in the mirror andjust being like you just feel
(10:38):
like you're in the twilight zone.
I can't even explain it, it'sjust this surreal feeling.
And at that moment I rememberthinking about God for the first
time in a really long time andI kind of was just like why am I
thinking about God right now?
How does this all come togetherhere?
And that's when I heard the HolySpirit say really loud and
clear to me he said, heather,this is about you coming back to
(11:00):
me.
And I didn't fully understandit in the moment, but later I
understood that you know,brennan was not going to make it
.
He passed, he died that dayshortly after that moment.
And it was about Jesus cominginto that pain and suffering and
(11:21):
grabbing a hold of me and heknew what was going to happen.
God did right and he knew thatI was going to go through
something really hard, but thatthis is what was going to get me
back where I needed to be, withhim.
And I believe that veryfervently.
And I remember after thathappened people are like God
(11:42):
doesn't allow bad things tohappen.
That doesn't make sense in thatand I'm like well, this is my
story and this is what happened.
Speaker 1 (11:47):
And.
Speaker 2 (11:48):
I don't believe that God causes the bad things to
happen.
I believe that because he'ssovereign and knows all things,
of course he could have reacheddown in that space right then
and there and healed Brennan.
I believe that with all myheart.
But he allowed it to play outlike he did because there was an
eternal picture that was muchmore important than a momentary
moment.
And I love, love, love thescripture.
(12:09):
That scripture that I'm goingto read it because I have it
written down and it's in 2Corinthians, 4, 17 through 18.
And it says For our light andmomentary troubles are achieving
for us an eternal glory thatfar outweighs them all.
So we fix our eyes not on whatis seen but on what is unseen,
since what is seen is temporarybut what is unseen is an eternal
(12:30):
.
And to me that's a scripturealmost that sums up my entire
experience with that, because hesays our light and momentary
troubles and when you look atall of how our lifespan is
compared to all eternity withJesus Christ, it's a moment
(12:51):
right, the scripture says it's amoment.
So, whatever suffering,affliction, anything that this
world can throw at us and itthrows some bad stuff.
Like I said, I don't believethat God's up there saying this
is going to happen to you, andhe's like that.
I believe that he works in thesituations that we find
ourselves in and for me, when Ilook at that scripture, what we
(13:13):
went through brought us to ourknees in Jesus, and that far
outweighs that momentary thingthat we went through.
That was hard and that wesuffered because now we get to
have eternity with Jesus,because God knew that that's
what would bring us to our kneesto Him, and that's how I see
that.
And so my husband.
He didn't grow up in aChristian home at all.
(13:33):
He came to Jesus.
My whole entire family line waschanged.
We might have had Christianpeople in our life, but then we
became Jesus people.
You know what I'm saying?
Yeah, yeah, that's how I metJesus.
That's really my testimony.
It was right then, and there Iwish I could say, oh yeah, Jesus
showed up in that hospital roomand, man, it was simple.
After that I just moved on inlife and nothing was hard.
(13:55):
But of course that's not how itworks.
Jesus showed up and that'swhere I if you see the cover of
my book, it's about hand.
We're reaching up, taking thehand.
So that's really what I talkabout in the book.
(14:16):
When we take these hard, hardthings that we go through in
life, the enemy wants to defineus by these things.
Satan wants to define us bythat, make us that identity,
make that who we are and justruin us.
Because he comes to still killand destroy, right.
But when we take these storiesthat we live that are so painful
and so hard and you know manypeople I've met that have gone
through hard things and if theydon't know Jesus, guess what?
They're still in those places,they can't move forward, they
(14:39):
just can't and I think that's atool of the enemy.
He wants to trap us there.
But really, what I talk about inmy book is you take your
unthinkable story, like I sharemine, and when we hand that to
Jesus, when we truly take thatstory and we give it to Him, he
doesn't leave us empty-handed.
He's just literally reachingdown with His hand and saying
trust me, give me your hand, letme walk you through this.
(15:02):
He does not leave us norforsake us.
He didn't say that thingswouldn't happen.
He promised that we would havetrials and tribulation, but he
doesn't leave us there.
And that's the beauty of Jesus.
It's an exchange happens.
Look what happened to Jesus onthe cross.
Right, he got up on that cross.
It looked really bad and forthree days the disciples and the
people who had put all thisfaith and thought they were like
(15:23):
what in the world?
The world has ended.
They had so much grief, theywere suffering, but then Jesus
rose right.
Grief, they were suffering, butthen Jesus rose, right, he rose
from the dead and everythingchanged.
That's kind of like what we gothrough, because we want to
identify with Jesus in theresurrection, we want to
identify with Him in the reallygreat things the mountaintop,
(15:44):
right, yeah, but we also have toidentify with Him in suffering,
and he talks about it in theWord.
And so when we do that, hesupernaturally enters into these
stories and he radicallychanges them.
We get purpose out of them, weget freedom, we get healing and
it becomes more about Jesus thanthe story.
(16:05):
We don't forget what happenedto us, but then what happens is
our perspective and paradigmchanges so much that it's like,
yes, I went through this, butJesus did all this.
And that's where we overcome,that's where we live in freedom
and purpose and healing, and wecan't stop talking about it
because it's so amazing and it'sa supernatural exchange.
(16:26):
Jesus does so much for us inthese places when we can truly
humbly surrender them at Hisfeet and truly say, I can't do
this If you don't show up, I'vegot nothing and then lay it
there and allow Him to walk usthrough it and however long that
takes, but trusting he's goingto do it right, and then we get
(16:49):
this beautiful exchange on theother side of faith and we learn
how to suffer.
Well, learn how to you knowwhat I think too.
When we can suffer, well we itmay be first about us.
We got to get through ourheartache but when we can truly
lay that down at Jesus' feet andhe supernaturally does
something with it, it really isabout others, because now we're
(17:13):
free to go minister to others,we're free to go help them get
free, right, and say, hey, thisis what happened to me, but this
is what Jesus did.
And let me show you, let me getyou there, let me introduce you
to the person who radically setme free.
It's really about others.
Everything Jesus did was aboutothers.
What can we learn from him andwhy he suffered?
(17:35):
Well, it's because he waswilling to be obedient to the
Father's will.
And it wasn't about Him, it wasabout us, it was about others.
And we can model that and livethat same concept here on earth.
But we can only do that by thepower of the Holy Spirit, right?
We can only do that with Him inus and allowing Him to shape
those stories, and not the worldor us, or the enemy, for sure
(17:59):
you know.
Speaker 1 (18:06):
Hey, friends, have you joined the Honest Christian
Conversations online group yet,friends?
Have you joined the HonestChristian Conversations online
group yet?
If you haven't, you're missingout on a perfect opportunity to
grow your relationship withJesus Christ.
This is a community for thosewho want to go deeper in their
(18:27):
relationship.
You can do Bible studiestogether, ask the questions you
have biblically and get theanswers that you might need or
maybe you're somebody who hasanswers to somebody else's
questions.
You can leave your prayerrequests.
You can leave your praisereports.
This is a community.
This is what church is supposedto be, and I am so glad that I
finally took that step to makethis group so that people's
(18:49):
lives can flourish in Jesus'name.
Also, if you haven't signed upfor the mailing list, you're
missing out on an opportunitythere as well.
I send out a weekly emailchocked full of so much awesome
content that I don't have timeright now to share it all with
you.
But when you do sign up forthat mailing list, you get my
(19:11):
seven-day free devotional that Icreated just for those who sign
up for that mailing list.
You get my seven-day freedevotional that I created just
for those who sign up for themailing list.
If you haven't joined either ofthese, you can go to my website
honestchristianconversationscomand sign up there, or you can
use the links for it in the shownotes.
Yeah, you just preached asermon.
(19:32):
I love it.
Speaker 2 (19:33):
I love it.
I'm very passionate about thistopic.
Speaker 1 (19:37):
Yeah, after what you've been through, I can't
even imagine losing a child,especially that young.
I can see why you would havesuch a deep love for God.
You either you either insomething like that.
You would either go towards himor we.
You would go away from him.
Speaker 2 (19:57):
There's no middle ground at that point it's.
Speaker 1 (20:00):
it's too deep of a wound to just say you know God's
good, but I don't know if I cantrust him.
You can't you can't have thoseboth.
You have to pick a side.
And, like you said, if youdon't have helping you, you're
not going to grow, you're notgoing to heal, you're just going
(20:20):
to stay stagnant.
And I went through a verypainful divorce during my second
marriage.
Because I didn't want it.
It blindsided me.
At the point, I mean hindsight,I'm totally fine that it
happened because, I love myhusband, who I'm with
now, but it wrecked me.
That's what brought me back toGod.
(20:42):
I grew up in the church.
I knew all the things I said.
I was a believer and sometimesyou could see it in my life.
But when I decided to go full180 and just do whatever I
wanted to do, you couldn't tellthat I was a Christian.
I had to tell you for you toknow.
(21:02):
And then one day I'm at achurch, god's trying to talk to
me, and all I said was I hearyou, but I'm going to keep doing
what I want to do.
And left.
And a week later my husband atthe time was like I'm out, we're
done.
I got an apartment.
Speaker 2 (21:18):
I'm gone.
Speaker 1 (21:19):
It wrecked me.
I was in a depression for agood week, and his mom was the
one who broke me out of it, eventhough she didn't really like
me much, but God uses who heuses.
And that completely changed me.
I got on my knees, repented,got up, was completely different
(21:42):
and haven't looked back since.
And yes, my life has not beeneasy.
I have gone through so manytrials, but I have stood firm,
knowing that God is always there.
He's always going to take careof me, because I was in the dark
pits where I had put myself.
I mean, it's not like you putyourself in that to lose your
(22:04):
son.
But we can.
But yeah, sometimes we putourselves in those dark pits,
but he still pulls us out.
How can you not want to followhim at that point when you've
done something wrong or thoughtsomething wrong?
I mean, I'm sure it wasn't justa quick.
I love you, god, even thoughthis hurts.
(22:25):
I'm pretty sure you probablywrote it in your book how
frustrating it was at first.
It was not like you just gotout of that bathroom and you
immediately were in love with.
Jesus.
It was a process.
It's a process for us becausewe have our human emotions.
But how can you not want tofollow him when he's willing to
pick you out of a place whereyou may have put yourself?
(22:47):
In my case, I put myself therewillingly.
I was a Christian.
I knew everything I was doingwas wrong, so I put myself in a
position to do those things andhe still didn't give up on me.
How can I not want to followhim at that point and him
healing you through everythingthat you went through?
How could you not want to spendthe rest?
of your life talking about itand preaching about that to
(23:09):
people, especially people whoare in your position, who you
know.
Maybe they didn't go throughthat, but they're going through
their own tough season and theyjust can't see a way out.
So I love your passion, thefact that you are able to talk
about this.
I'm pretty sure it's stillpainful, even to this day, to
have to talk about it, but Goddoesn't waste anything.
(23:33):
He doesn't waste any of ourpain.
He uses it for His glory and Ilove your story.
Your passion is amazing.
How did your husband handle thesituation at first?
Was it really hard for him?
Because I am, having not comefrom a Christian background?
(23:55):
I can't imagine that it was easyfor him to trust God, because
there's that whole.
Well, how could a loving Godfill in?
The blank so how did he handlethat and how did you come
alongside him during that, beingsomebody who's had that
spiritual foundation?
Speaker 2 (24:15):
Yeah, it's just kind of a weird situation though,
because when it happened I waslike Jesus just spoke to me in
the bathroom and I didn't sharethat also the night, that about
how, when I was a really littlegirl, the weight of God's glory
(24:42):
would come upon me and I justknew who it was.
That happened that night and Ihad only experienced that as a
little girl, and when thathappened we left the hospital
and went to our house.
I think, honestly, my husbandat first was just trying to be
really strong for me.
I mean, it's his, it's theirchild too.
But you know how, your husband,they just want to protect, they
want to help you.
(25:03):
And I know that he was in thatmode very much at first because
I remember it so clearly.
But when we got home from thehospital that night and we were
just sitting in our room andit's just like you don't even
know what to do with yourself,you're just existing, right.
You're just there and you'retrying to process how is this,
my world right?
Your whole entire paradigmshifts.
(25:23):
It's like the rug is pulled outfrom you and I know I
experienced post PTSD from thatbecause I watched him not
breathing.
I watched him.
He died in my arms.
I held him and we go throughthese things.
That are the emotions.
But that night, when I waslaying on my bed, we were
(25:43):
sitting there and I justremember we were just sitting in
our room and I had that weightof God's glory come upon me and
in my mind I saw I can't fullyexplain and understand because
it was dark but I saw Brennan'soutline, like his spirit.
I don't even know how to putthat in words, but I felt the
(26:03):
Lord's energy literally comeupon me and pass through me and
I was like, oh my gosh, that'sthat feeling again.
And I knew in that space and Iknew in that moment that God was
allowing me, that Jesus wasallowing me to see him and to
know I have him, it's okay andI've got you Now.
(26:23):
I heard those things, I knewthose things and then, like you
said, I'm trying to explainthese things to my husband.
So we weren't involved in anychurch back then at that time or
anything.
We had some friends that wentto church and all this stuff.
So they were trying to help andget us involved.
So they were like come and seeour pastor, let him meet with
you, and blah, blah, blah.
(26:44):
And this was shortly afterBrennan had passed.
And we did go and I rememberstanding in his office still to
this day, and I remember him.
I remember we talked about allthe things and I don't quite
remember what I said, but I musthave told him that I had grown
up knowing who Jesus was, butthat I had kind of been living
for myself, kind of like how wewere talking.
(27:06):
I remember he had me and myhusband and him stand in a
little circle together in hisoffice and I'm sure we were all
holding hands and basically heprayed with us for everything
that was going on.
But my husband accepted Jesusright then and there, in that
moment, and I rededicated mylife to him is kind of how I
think I remember that prayergoing.
This was within a week ofBrennan's passing and I still
(27:30):
remember and you can even ask myhusband this, I still remember
to this day.
We walked out of that space andleft, walked outside and went
into the street to go get in ourcar and we were like something
has changed and it you know,jesus, we were born again, right
, whatever you want to call it.
But something changed.
(27:51):
Now, of course we knew it andwe knew that that happened.
But you know, going back tojust how you said, oh, it just
didn't happen.
And then you woke up the nextday and everything was great.
No, I can tell you without ashadow of a doubt, just like you
said when you went through thatdivorce and how hard that was,
and you know God's mercy andcompassion, we know this in
(28:11):
grace.
We know all these things fromthe Bible, but they, in His
presence, are really in verytangible and hard things.
We feel them so much becausethat just shows his heart for us
.
Right, and you felt that youknew that.
But, like you said, we're stillhuman, we still have to go
through grief.
I mean, jesus wept, right, wego through grief.
He knows, he understands, and Idid.
(28:32):
I had a really hard, hard, hard.
Two years and I know it was twoyears because I can remember
the exact amount of time that itwas.
I would get up every day and Iwould just get out my Bible and
this was me.
I knew Bible stories fromgrowing up, but I didn't know
the Bible.
Here I am trying to start inGenesis and the Old Testament.
I have no idea what I'm doingand I'm just reading it and I'm
(28:52):
like God, you're desperate,you're so desperate in a moment
like that, and so I would justread my Bible and I would try to
pray and I would just exist.
That's the only thing I canexplain it.
It was like I just existed.
I had horrible vertigo, horriblemigraines.
I did not feel good.
For two years I had PTSD.
We lived in Austin at the timeTexas, a big city.
(29:15):
I could not drive my car acrossthe from like North Austin to
South Austin.
When I did, I wanted to have apanic attack.
I don't know how to explain it,but I don't know what the word
is.
I'm thinking I guess when youhave post-traumatic stress
syndrome, your nerves are shot.
If that's the saying I can,it's like you can't handle
anything else.
You're over the top with youremotions, and so the slightest
(29:40):
thing like the traffic wasintense made me feel undone.
I can't even explain it.
I just fell undone.
I can't.
It's too stressful, I can't dothis.
I can't go Right.
It was horrible.
I'm not going to lie.
It was a horrible two years.
One of the really sweetestthings, though, that I remember
during that time.
I don't know if I've everactually talked about my grandma
on the podcast, but I justthought of her right now because
(30:00):
there was a sweet thing,because God is always oh when
you just look back and think ofthe little things that Jesus
does his mercy.
So my grandmother lost herfirst baby, and he was stillborn
, and our babies are buriedright next to each other in the
same space Well, you know thesame cemetery.
I remember that after Brennandied, we would go to her house.
(30:25):
She would have us.
She lived about three and ahalf hours from us and she had
us go there.
We would go down about once ortwice a month because I at that
moment needed to go to thatcemetery.
Because when you lose someone atfirst you've got to be involved
in that.
It's just therapeutic somehow.
You know you have to go.
That's how I felt.
So she would make us lunch andwe'd drive down.
(30:46):
We'd spend the day with her andI loved my grandmother so much.
She was so pivotal in my life.
But she understood Do you knowwhat I'm saying?
Speaker 1 (30:53):
She understood what I was going through.
Speaker 2 (30:56):
And we didn't go there and she wouldn't be like
Heather, how are you?
Do you need to talk about that?
She never.
We didn't have to talk.
It was like we were in bothinvited, not invited, but we
were both put into a club thatwe never asked to be invited to.
Yeah, we both lost children andit was just an understanding.
She knew what I was goingthrough, so she just allowed me
(31:16):
to come whenever I needed to.
We'd come and she'd make usthis yummy, elaborate meal
because that was her thing, andwe would go visit the cemetery
and we would stay as long as weneeded to and she just let us be
.
It was so healing to be able todo that, but it was like we had
this thing we both belonged to,but we didn't have to say a
word, she just got me.
Do you know what I'm saying?
(31:37):
yeah and that was so therapeuticback then.
I just remember it just meant alot to me.
But going back to my husband, Ido believe he just kind of
followed I don't know what elseto say.
It was like I'm going this wayand I am now passionate about
going back to Jesus and, yes,I'm hurting and I'm all over the
mess, but this is not goinganywhere.
(31:59):
So get on board is probably howI thought.
I do feel like when you'regoing in so much grief like that
and you're trying to figure outlife on the other side of a
paradigm shift, you kind of geta little self-focused.
I can't really explain it.
I could only manage myself.
Speaker 1 (32:18):
Me and Jesus, that's all I had.
I get that.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, you know,it's like you kind of you get in
your own head space and you'reyou got to take care of yourself
is what you're thinking.
And, yeah, you know.
Yeah, you just you don't havemuch else to give past that.
You know what I'm saying?
Speaker 2 (32:33):
Yeah, but yeah, you know, people ask me all the time
like, oh you just, you werejust healed like that fast and
you lost someone.
And then the next day I'm like,no, it's a process.
Yeah, but Jesus was in it.
And that's what I'm trying tosay.
Yeah, I'm trying to say in ourworst possible place.
He enters in when we allow himto.
We don't all not all of usallow him to.
(32:53):
He wants to.
He enters in and he walks usthrough the other side and the
biggest thing that we get out ofthat is we get His presence and
we get His supernatural healingand we get purpose in our pain
and we get to serve others andminister to others and we get to
tell people about Jesus.
I believe that that's what hedoes in these places and he
(33:15):
gives us so much because he'ssuch a good Father, you know,
and he doesn't want us to livein there.
It hurts His heart that we haveto go through these things.
But it's so crazy when youreally think about the mercy of
God.
Suffering really is a place ofGod's mercy, because if we
didn't experience some of theafflictions and sufferings we go
through, how many times, if youreally think about it do.
People meet God in those placesQuite often.
(33:40):
It's not because everything'sgoing good and oh, I need Jesus.
No, it's because we wentthrough something bad and he
gets our attention in it andthat's His mercy, because now,
guess what, we get on adifferent trajectory and now we
get to spend eternity with Him.
He uses that to get us to Him.
Do you know what I mean?
He knows how to work in that.
You know it goes back to thatscripture.
(34:04):
You know what the enemy meansfor harm.
God can use for good, you know.
And he turns beauty from ashesLike.
There's so many scriptures thattalk about that.
And the enemy hates that.
He hates that he can't destroyus and something like that.
When we give our hearts back toGod because his work is
destroyed in that space when itdidn't go as he thought he was
going to do to us.
You know.
Speaker 1 (34:25):
Satan must be mad at you because you did not go
anywhere close to where heprobably thought you were going
to go with life.
Yeah, he doesn't know ourhearts.
Speaker 2 (34:35):
And that's when I read the book of Job and I was
learning, like through all that,I always ask why?
How did God know the story?
He was going to go all throughthis stuff and Job was radically
changed in that because he knewabout God and then he really
knew God.
There's a difference aboutknowing and really knowing, and
(34:58):
the Lord told me the never knewJob's heart.
Speaker 1 (35:04):
Yeah.
That's where he goes wrong.
He doesn't know us the way hethinks he does, and it didn't
show like the great thing aboutJob is.
Speaker 2 (35:10):
He suffered and he went all over the map with his
emotions, just like we do, butGod knew his heart and he knew
where he was going to be when hewalked through that you know.
I believe that God knew thatJob would come out like that
because the enemy wanted toapproach him and say huh, this
one I can take down.
He only serves you.
(35:30):
Why?
Because you bless him and Godwas like OK, we'll see.
You know, I'll tell you yeah, Iknow.
Speaker 1 (35:50):
It sounds kind of like crazy but crazy.
But that's what the Bible saysunthinkable tragedy and I am so
in awe of how you have come outof that and healed from that and
are able to help others who arealso going through something
like that.
Where can people get your book?
Speaker 2 (36:12):
Well, my book is easy to find because you can just
hop onto Amazon and have itdelivered straight to you.
Nice, I love Amazon.
Yeah, me too.
It's my fave, nice.
Speaker 1 (36:23):
Well, thank you so much for coming on and sharing
and preaching.
I mean honestly, it's necessary.
There are so many peoplehurting nowadays, so they are
definitely going to getencouraged by what you had to
say and hopefully that'll changethe trajectory of their life.
Speaker 2 (36:42):
yes, that's what we want.
Yes,
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