February 13, 2025 • 18 mins
Have you ever considered the power dynamics behind the word 'slut'? Join us, Goddess Brittney King and Lisset King, as we challenge conventional wisdom and unravel the layers of societal norms that shape our understanding of sexual intimacy and identity. By sharing personal experiences, we confront the derogatory use of labels against women, while celebrating the capacity to love freely. This thought-provoking journey addresses the double standards that haunt our culture and invites you to redefine what these terms mean for you, emboldening you to live authentically and unapologetically.<br><br>This episode is a call to arms for open conversations about relationships and intimacy. We explore the importance of honesty and communication in navigating romantic partnerships, from redefining stigmatized terms to embracing the multifaceted nature of intimacy. Discover the liberating concept of relationship anarchy and the sacred nature of owning desires without guilt. By the end, we promise you'll leave with a refreshed perspective on pleasure and a toolkit to empower your journey towards personal fulfillment. Join us, engage in the dialogue, and help spread the message of living your truth without judgment.
Honest Feedback was created by Brittney King and Lisset King.
Note: Honest Feedback Podcast aims to provide insights and provoke thoughtful reflection. The opinions expressed in this episode are for informational purposes only and should not replace professional advice.
Please send us your questions by leaving a voicemail at 971-895-4111, DM us on instagram @honestfeedbackpodcast or email us at thekings@honestfeedbackpodcast.com
Keep up with the podcast by following us @HonestFeedbackPodcast on YouTube
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Goddess Brittney King (00:00):
What do you need to feel safe enough to
be sexually intimate with me?
Welcome to Honest Feedback, thepodcast where deep truth meets
bold transformation.
I'm Goddess Brittany King, apleasure priestess and a
transformational retreatfacilitator who helps women
connect to their deepest truths,reclaim their pleasure and
(00:21):
awaken their inner power.
Lisset King (00:23):
And I'm Lissette King, an emotional ninja and
transformational coach who helpsleaders release baggage, heal
unresolved trauma and step intotheir most aligned, purposeful
lives.
Goddess Brittney King (00:33):
We've created this podcast for
spirit-led individuals just likeyou, Seekers of truth personal
growth and meaningful connection.
Lisset King (00:41):
Whether you're navigating life's big questions,
craving more joy andfulfillment, or simply looking
for honest, relatableconversations, you're in the
right place.
Goddess Brittney King (00:50):
Through personal stories, actionable
advice and transformativeinsights.
Our ultimate goal is to empoweryou to create a life that's
overflowing with pleasure,purpose and authenticity.
We know you're capable ofincredible things, things.
Lisset King (01:05):
So let's make it happen together.
Welcome back to Honest Feedback.
We have missed you.
Well, it's only been two weeksbut still we miss you all the
same.
Today, we've got a juicy topicfor you.
What are we talking about today?
Goddess Brittney King (01:22):
What are we talking about today?
Am I a slut?
Are you?
Am I a slut?
Am I Maybe?
Who knows?
Who knows?
Well, Google defines slut ashaving many sexual partners and
they labeled it as offensive,but they felt like they tried to
(01:42):
put it as an usual Many sexualpartners In this moment.
According to this definition, Iwould not qualify.
I do not qualify.
Lisset King (01:53):
How about you, Based on this definition, in
this current moment in time,while we are recording this
episode?
I am not a slut.
Goddess Brittney King (02:02):
Darn it, darn it.
You've got to remember thesethings.
Must remember, must remember.
Oh no, but slut is such aparticular term and it can be
really derogatory to women.
I remember I was working atBuzzFeed and I casually referred
to someone as a slut Like youknow how, regina George, like
(02:23):
she's a fugly slut and like youknow what I was just using it in
a casual, like I didn't meanmalice with it, but I did
definitely was like she's a slut.
Um, and this other woman reallychallenged me to think about
that word and she was like well,what do you mean by that and
why are you choosing to refer tothis woman that way?
And she was like I feel like aslut is one who gives her love
(02:45):
freely, so why are we demonizingthat?
And like other people who weresitting at this table were like
girl, like don't give her a hardtime, like just blah, blah,
blah.
But her and I connected and Iwas like I see you, girl, you're
giving me an opportunity to bebigger, be better.
I will take this and I willreflect on why I've been using
this in this like casualderogatory.
Lisset King (03:07):
And it's such a loaded word because no one ever
thinks like it's such a doublestandard.
It's mainly toward women.
Goddess Brittney King (03:15):
Yes.
Lisset King (03:15):
You know, because when men have multiple partners,
he's a player, he's.
I don't know do the kids stilluse that word?
Goddess Brittney King (03:22):
I don't know.
Lisset King (03:22):
He gets a lot of credit.
Yeah, like he's got game or'tknow.
Do the kids still use that word?
I don't know?
He gets a lot of credit.
Yeah, like you know, like he'sgot game or something.
I am dating myself with myterminology.
Goddess Brittney King (03:30):
Well, you know something I just realized?
They do it like the way thatyou know there's like the NBA,
and then there's like the WNBA.
Yeah, they do it.
Lisset King (03:37):
It's like she, it's like slut or male slut slut,
like the de facto yeah is woman,yeah, so like yeah, yeah, and
so it's just.
It's this opportunity to takeback this word anyway, and
today's episode is sponsored byour very own goddess, britney
(03:59):
king yes, what you got for us,babe.
Goddess Brittney King (04:01):
I am so, so humbled and honored to invite
women into a 12 monthexperience with me, called the
Priestess Path.
If you have been waiting inyour life to make those bold
moves, to move in that newdirection, you feel like you're
(04:22):
at the precipice of somethinggreat and you're just feeling
like you need support in takingthose steps and taking that
action and letting go of thebaggage so that you can be your
biggest, boldest and brightestself.
This is for you.
It is a deep dive into yourself, into your heart, figuring out
(04:43):
what are the things that havebeen holding you back and living
in an embodied state ofecstatic joy.
If you are interested in thisexperience, it is such a vibe.
I love serving women in thiskind of deep container.
The change is magnificent, it'sprofound, we really get to
expand.
It's the change is magnificent,it's profound, we really get to
(05:04):
expand and you seriously.
Lisset King (05:06):
Can I just like enter?
There are women that she's beenworking with that have been in
containers for like six monthsnow and they are so
fundamentally changed.
They come in, they came inlooking for something and they
walk out now nowadays like juststanding in their power, and
(05:27):
that's what they've done in sixmonths.
I cannot wait for women thatjoin in for this year-long
experience yes, me as well.
Goddess Brittney King (05:37):
Plus, it includes a luxury retreat.
What in mexico did we?
Lisset King (05:42):
talk about this.
Are you just giving giving away?
Okay, yes, and it includes aluxury retreat.
Goddess Brittney King (05:47):
It does include a luxury retreat.
So, if this is something thatcalls to you, if you've been
feeling something in your heart,if you've been on the verge of
being like, I know that my lifeis destined for more.
I know that I am destined forgreatness, and I just need
support.
I'm here for you.
Check out the link below andapply, and we can have a
(06:09):
conversation.
Lisset King (06:11):
What do you think Should we answer that question?
Yes, okay.
Goddess Brittney King (06:15):
Am I a slut?
I've been patiently waiting forthe woman I've been dating to
be ready to progress physically.
She was burned pretty badly bythe men she was with before me.
I've been what I think is verypatient.
Our chemistry is great.
I dream and fantasize about herand us.
It's been about five months wehave been dating in earnest and
(06:37):
I am more than ready.
Help am.
I a slut?
Well, this writer, she's sheheart.
So we're gonna use thosepronouns as we've already
started talking about.
Slut is just such a word that'stied into our culture as being
(06:58):
derogatory about women and likewhat if it isn't?
Lisset King (07:03):
you know, one of the things that I love is the
book the ethical slut when Ifirst got into polyamory, that
was my first assignment from mypoly friend.
They're like read Ethical Slutand I read it by Dossie Eason
and Janet Hardy and I loved theway they redefined the term slut
as anyone who celebrates theirsexuality and engages in
(07:26):
consensual pleasurableexperiences without guilt or
societal constraints.
By that definition I qualify Iam a slut, I too am a slut based
on those qualifications and forone thing, you even asking that
question I can feel the energyof it You're making yourself
wrong for your desires.
And my invitation is what ifyou didn't have the guilt?
(07:50):
What if you didn't put theconstraints of yourself?
It's just, you have desires foryour partner.
And that's you're allowed tohave desires for your partner.
When there was a lesser versionof me, she existed for a while.
Goddess Brittney King (08:05):
As we all do.
Yeah, I had this policy.
Lisset King (08:07):
I'm like if we ain't fucking, we ain't dating.
And I was very firm on that,you know I would end up in these
relationships and as I got intothe realm of polyamory, my
relationships did start gettingmore nuanced.
I did have a relationship thatwas mostly platonic, like we
would make out and cuddle and dothings and and we never dove
(08:30):
into the deeper intimacy or mixthe fluids.
And yet I deeply love thispartner.
And what I allowed myself to doin that time was she was one of
many partners.
We had this beautiful emotionalintimacy that we were able to
(08:50):
share.
And then I had other partnersthat I was having, you know,
that kind of sex with.
So, there's a really beautifulopportunity for you to redefine
this relationship and ask likehey, you know I have, I love our
connection, I love ourchemistry, I am patiently here
(09:11):
for you and is this somethingthat you'd be willing to move
into?
Or should I?
Can we redefine it as maybe wehave this relationship and it's
more on the asexual side and,you know, really question
yourself Are you good with that?
Are you good having afriendship with this person that
(09:31):
doesn't involve sex?
We want to be fully transparentand find a place where you're
being honest and open and stillsay is like, I've been patient,
I'm into the connection, you'rereally honoring this person's
(09:55):
autonomy, you're building thisgreat foundation of trust and
respect and consent.
Goddess Brittney King (10:02):
And so, like, all of these things are
like, yum, yum, yum, yes, yes,yes.
And there's an opportunity tohave an honest conversation
about like.
There's an opportunity to havean honest conversation about
like, what do we want thisrelationship to be?
How do you determine what is aromantic partnership for you?
And I want you to absolutelyhold the space of like, your
(10:22):
feelings, your desire, what youare feeling is absolutely normal
and it's not wrong.
It's not wrong to have sexualdesire, sexual urge,
particularly for someone you'reattracted to and in a romantic,
whatever situation, flirtation,relationship with.
So, from the place of notmaking yourself wrong, not
(10:43):
making your desires wrong,opening the space to have a
deeper and honest conversationabout sex and sexuality and what
you each need and desire fromwhat you would consider a
romantic relationship and thisgot me thinking something that
is a really powerful questionthat you can introduce in this
(11:04):
conversation is what do you needto feel safe enough to be
sexually intimate with me?
And ask your person thisquestion and maybe they have
considered this or maybe theyhaven't.
(11:26):
I know as someone who waspreviously navigating trauma and
PTSD responses and all sorts ofthings.
There have been moments whereit's like, oh, there's freeze or
like I'm not sure.
Like it was a yes, it's a nonow.
And I mean even and I'm notsaying this is your situation,
but Lissette was the first womanI was dating and I felt very
nervous about opening up thespace of being that kind of
sexual.
I was like, well, I've neverdone this before and, like, for
(11:48):
those who are new to the WLW,sometimes it can, people who do
not know what that means, thatmeans women loving women.
I was going to say for mystraighties, my straight friends
, but there can be a lot of newones.
So it's a great place toreflect for both you and for her
, of like, what do I need tofeel safe enough to be sexually
(12:11):
intimate?
And this does not have to be aquestion that's just for, hey,
I'm new to dating women.
I think it's a question weshould all be asking ourselves
before we're exchanging fluids Ahundred percent you know.
Lisset King (12:23):
That reminds me of.
There have been times, even inthe context of our relationship,
where we were moving, healing,and something happened and it
was like, oh, I need a littlespace to move through this.
And we created space whichsometimes felt like months, as
we were navigating like, oh mygosh, I'm processing this new
(12:46):
thing that I had never dealtwith before, I've never gave it
this name before, and now I needto.
I need a little space sexuallyto move through this.
And we were able to hold spacefor each other because we knew
that the sexual attraction wasthere, we knew that we would
come back to it and we werestill being loving and patient
for each other while wenavigated that space.
(13:06):
So it sounds to me like you'vedone such a beautiful job of
that.
My invitation to you is toreevaluate your relationship
with the word slut.
Like being a slut in theprogressive sense.
It's about embracing andcelebrating your desires.
And so, instead of making itwrong that you have these
desires, have them while stillcreating emotional safety and
(13:28):
consent for the woman that youlove.
And as long as you're beingpatient in that space, when the
time does come and you do get tothe other side of it, it will
be so beautiful and yummy andjuicy.
It will be worth the wait 100%if that is the direction where
this relationship is going, butit's going to take a really deep
(13:49):
conversation of you sharingwhere you are and I would say,
share every bit of it, shareyour desires, your fantasies,
how you're so ready toexperience this with this person
and you're being patient withthem.
Goddess Brittney King (14:03):
Yeah, I love it.
I love it.
There's so much yumminess andthis is an opportunity like, be
honest, be honest.
Sometimes, in our quest to holdspace for others, we're like,
well, I'm going to open thespace for them to be honest, but
(14:26):
I'm not going to really behonest about what I feel or what
I would desire.
And so how can you, with likeno push, no agenda, no, this has
to mean something share what itis that you would desire or
what might be okay for you.
So I'm wondering, based on yourquestion, it has led me to
believe there's not sexualintimacy.
Are there other kinds ofintimacy that are being formed,
that are feeling nourishing foryou?
(14:47):
Can we celebrate those thingsand then incorporate them into
some kind of physical acts ofaffection, like, is kissing okay
, is holding hands okay, okay.
Is naked cuddling okay?
Like starting to even just getcurious and asking there's
something, um, in relationshipanarchy, called the, the
(15:08):
smorgasbord, and it just kind ofhas all these different kinds
of activities.
And so it's like what if webring about like all different
kinds of touch?
What if there's non-sex,non-penetrative sexual touch?
Would that be okay?
You know, sometimes peoplethink of sex as like all or
nothing, like if there's not a pand a v, then they don't count,
(15:28):
and like I mean I'm gay, so Ijust don't subscribe to that
narrative.
Lisset King (15:32):
There's just so much more.
Goddess Brittney King (15:34):
There's so much more, and then's so much
more.
And then it's like can weexplore what pleasure might be
like together?
Are we open to mutualmasturbation next to each other,
being in the space of beingintimate and vulnerable in this
way, without necessarilytouching each other in this
particular way?
Like there could just be somuch to play with.
There could be so much to playwith, especially when we're
(15:56):
leaning into consent andpleasure.
Lisset King (16:01):
I mean, I want to go back to your original
question, which is am I a slut?
And the choice is yours.
You know, like I like?
Am I a slut based on thisprogressive definition?
I am a slut, and there was atime I was a whole fauxshow and
I've got absolutely no shame init.
Goddess Brittney King (16:20):
Yes.
Lisset King (16:20):
Every single partner.
Everything that has comethrough my past has allowed me
to come in my present.
It's fantastic.
Goddess Brittney King (16:30):
Yes, it has.
Lisset King (16:32):
Yes, it has you called the right people because
we're never going to shame you.
You are who you are and youdeserve all the yumminess and
being in partnership.
It is both of you.
It's a conversation.
It's an honest conversation andyou're allowed to define it,
redefine it.
Brittany and I, like I said,we've gone through spaces where
(16:55):
we needed healing and we were inour previous wounds.
We've both been through assaultof some sort and man, PTSD is a
real thing.
Goddess Brittney King (17:05):
Yeah.
Lisset King (17:05):
We've had to move through that and create space to
allow the goodness back in, butwe do always come back.
Goddess Brittney King (17:11):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm someone who's
very partial to yeah, like therebranding of slut.
Like, can we introduce thesacred slut?
Like what, if it's sacred toown your desires and own your
pleasure and say, fuck guilt,fuck shame, fuck judgment, leave
all of that outside and reallyembrace all of your desires and
(17:33):
all that you want, whilerespecting other people and
their desires Absolutely.
Lisset King (17:38):
Yeah.
Goddess Brittney King (17:39):
So this is so, juicy.
Thank you so much for writingin to the podcast.
It's been an honor to serve youand let us know how it goes.
You know the options areinfinite.
It all starts with having anhonest conversation, so start
there.
Lisset King (17:57):
Yeah, and if you have a question, why don't you
go ahead and give us a call at971-895-4111.
Hit the like button, share,follow all the things, because
all of that helps us get out toyour community.
And, until we meet again, behonest with each other.
Bye.
What do you need to feel safe enough to
be sexually intimate with me?
Welcome to Honest Feedback, thepodcast where deep truth meets
bold transformation.
I'm Goddess Brittany King, apleasure priestess and a
transformational retreatfacilitator who helps women
connect to their deepest truths,reclaim their pleasure and
(00:21):
awaken their inner power.
Lisset King (00:23):
And I'm Lissette King, an emotional ninja and
transformational coach who helpsleaders release baggage, heal
unresolved trauma and step intotheir most aligned, purposeful
lives.
Goddess Brittney King (00:33):
We've created this podcast for
spirit-led individuals just likeyou, Seekers of truth personal
growth and meaningful connection.
Lisset King (00:41):
Whether you're navigating life's big questions,
craving more joy andfulfillment, or simply looking
for honest, relatableconversations, you're in the
right place.
Goddess Brittney King (00:50):
Through personal stories, actionable
advice and transformativeinsights.
Our ultimate goal is to empoweryou to create a life that's
overflowing with pleasure,purpose and authenticity.
We know you're capable ofincredible things, things.
Lisset King (01:05):
So let's make it happen together.
Welcome back to Honest Feedback.
We have missed you.
Well, it's only been two weeksbut still we miss you all the
same.
Today, we've got a juicy topicfor you.
What are we talking about today?
Goddess Brittney King (01:22):
What are we talking about today?
Am I a slut?
Are you?
Am I a slut?
Am I Maybe?
Who knows?
Who knows?
Well, Google defines slut ashaving many sexual partners and
they labeled it as offensive,but they felt like they tried to
(01:42):
put it as an usual Many sexualpartners In this moment.
According to this definition, Iwould not qualify.
I do not qualify.
Lisset King (01:53):
How about you, Based on this definition, in
this current moment in time,while we are recording this
episode?
I am not a slut.
Goddess Brittney King (02:02):
Darn it, darn it.
You've got to remember thesethings.
Must remember, must remember.
Oh no, but slut is such aparticular term and it can be
really derogatory to women.
I remember I was working atBuzzFeed and I casually referred
to someone as a slut Like youknow how, regina George, like
(02:23):
she's a fugly slut and like youknow what I was just using it in
a casual, like I didn't meanmalice with it, but I did
definitely was like she's a slut.
Um, and this other woman reallychallenged me to think about
that word and she was like well,what do you mean by that and
why are you choosing to refer tothis woman that way?
And she was like I feel like aslut is one who gives her love
(02:45):
freely, so why are we demonizingthat?
And like other people who weresitting at this table were like
girl, like don't give her a hardtime, like just blah, blah,
blah.
But her and I connected and Iwas like I see you, girl, you're
giving me an opportunity to bebigger, be better.
I will take this and I willreflect on why I've been using
this in this like casualderogatory.
Lisset King (03:07):
And it's such a loaded word because no one ever
thinks like it's such a doublestandard.
It's mainly toward women.
Goddess Brittney King (03:15):
Yes.
Lisset King (03:15):
You know, because when men have multiple partners,
he's a player, he's.
I don't know do the kids stilluse that word?
Goddess Brittney King (03:22):
I don't know.
Lisset King (03:22):
He gets a lot of credit.
Yeah, like he's got game or'tknow.
Do the kids still use that word?
I don't know?
He gets a lot of credit.
Yeah, like you know, like he'sgot game or something.
I am dating myself with myterminology.
Goddess Brittney King (03:30):
Well, you know something I just realized?
They do it like the way thatyou know there's like the NBA,
and then there's like the WNBA.
Yeah, they do it.
Lisset King (03:37):
It's like she, it's like slut or male slut slut,
like the de facto yeah is woman,yeah, so like yeah, yeah, and
so it's just.
It's this opportunity to takeback this word anyway, and
today's episode is sponsored byour very own goddess, britney
(03:59):
king yes, what you got for us,babe.
Goddess Brittney King (04:01):
I am so, so humbled and honored to invite
women into a 12 monthexperience with me, called the
Priestess Path.
If you have been waiting inyour life to make those bold
moves, to move in that newdirection, you feel like you're
(04:22):
at the precipice of somethinggreat and you're just feeling
like you need support in takingthose steps and taking that
action and letting go of thebaggage so that you can be your
biggest, boldest and brightestself.
This is for you.
It is a deep dive into yourself, into your heart, figuring out
(04:43):
what are the things that havebeen holding you back and living
in an embodied state ofecstatic joy.
If you are interested in thisexperience, it is such a vibe.
I love serving women in thiskind of deep container.
The change is magnificent, it'sprofound, we really get to
expand.
It's the change is magnificent,it's profound, we really get to
(05:04):
expand and you seriously.
Lisset King (05:06):
Can I just like enter?
There are women that she's beenworking with that have been in
containers for like six monthsnow and they are so
fundamentally changed.
They come in, they came inlooking for something and they
walk out now nowadays like juststanding in their power, and
(05:27):
that's what they've done in sixmonths.
I cannot wait for women thatjoin in for this year-long
experience yes, me as well.
Goddess Brittney King (05:37):
Plus, it includes a luxury retreat.
What in mexico did we?
Lisset King (05:42):
talk about this.
Are you just giving giving away?
Okay, yes, and it includes aluxury retreat.
Goddess Brittney King (05:47):
It does include a luxury retreat.
So, if this is something thatcalls to you, if you've been
feeling something in your heart,if you've been on the verge of
being like, I know that my lifeis destined for more.
I know that I am destined forgreatness, and I just need
support.
I'm here for you.
Check out the link below andapply, and we can have a
(06:09):
conversation.
Lisset King (06:11):
What do you think Should we answer that question?
Yes, okay.
Goddess Brittney King (06:15):
Am I a slut?
I've been patiently waiting forthe woman I've been dating to
be ready to progress physically.
She was burned pretty badly bythe men she was with before me.
I've been what I think is verypatient.
Our chemistry is great.
I dream and fantasize about herand us.
It's been about five months wehave been dating in earnest and
(06:37):
I am more than ready.
Help am.
I a slut?
Well, this writer, she's sheheart.
So we're gonna use thosepronouns as we've already
started talking about.
Slut is just such a word that'stied into our culture as being
(06:58):
derogatory about women and likewhat if it isn't?
Lisset King (07:03):
you know, one of the things that I love is the
book the ethical slut when Ifirst got into polyamory, that
was my first assignment from mypoly friend.
They're like read Ethical Slutand I read it by Dossie Eason
and Janet Hardy and I loved theway they redefined the term slut
as anyone who celebrates theirsexuality and engages in
(07:26):
consensual pleasurableexperiences without guilt or
societal constraints.
By that definition I qualify Iam a slut, I too am a slut based
on those qualifications and forone thing, you even asking that
question I can feel the energyof it You're making yourself
wrong for your desires.
And my invitation is what ifyou didn't have the guilt?
(07:50):
What if you didn't put theconstraints of yourself?
It's just, you have desires foryour partner.
And that's you're allowed tohave desires for your partner.
When there was a lesser versionof me, she existed for a while.
Goddess Brittney King (08:05):
As we all do.
Yeah, I had this policy.
Lisset King (08:07):
I'm like if we ain't fucking, we ain't dating.
And I was very firm on that,you know I would end up in these
relationships and as I got intothe realm of polyamory, my
relationships did start gettingmore nuanced.
I did have a relationship thatwas mostly platonic, like we
would make out and cuddle and dothings and and we never dove
(08:30):
into the deeper intimacy or mixthe fluids.
And yet I deeply love thispartner.
And what I allowed myself to doin that time was she was one of
many partners.
We had this beautiful emotionalintimacy that we were able to
(08:50):
share.
And then I had other partnersthat I was having, you know,
that kind of sex with.
So, there's a really beautifulopportunity for you to redefine
this relationship and ask likehey, you know I have, I love our
connection, I love ourchemistry, I am patiently here
(09:11):
for you and is this somethingthat you'd be willing to move
into?
Or should I?
Can we redefine it as maybe wehave this relationship and it's
more on the asexual side and,you know, really question
yourself Are you good with that?
Are you good having afriendship with this person that
(09:31):
doesn't involve sex?
We want to be fully transparentand find a place where you're
being honest and open and stillsay is like, I've been patient,
I'm into the connection, you'rereally honoring this person's
(09:55):
autonomy, you're building thisgreat foundation of trust and
respect and consent.
Goddess Brittney King (10:02):
And so, like, all of these things are
like, yum, yum, yum, yes, yes,yes.
And there's an opportunity tohave an honest conversation
about like.
There's an opportunity to havean honest conversation about
like, what do we want thisrelationship to be?
How do you determine what is aromantic partnership for you?
And I want you to absolutelyhold the space of like, your
(10:22):
feelings, your desire, what youare feeling is absolutely normal
and it's not wrong.
It's not wrong to have sexualdesire, sexual urge,
particularly for someone you'reattracted to and in a romantic,
whatever situation, flirtation,relationship with.
So, from the place of notmaking yourself wrong, not
(10:43):
making your desires wrong,opening the space to have a
deeper and honest conversationabout sex and sexuality and what
you each need and desire fromwhat you would consider a
romantic relationship and thisgot me thinking something that
is a really powerful questionthat you can introduce in this
(11:04):
conversation is what do you needto feel safe enough to be
sexually intimate with me?
And ask your person thisquestion and maybe they have
considered this or maybe theyhaven't.
(11:26):
I know as someone who waspreviously navigating trauma and
PTSD responses and all sorts ofthings.
There have been moments whereit's like, oh, there's freeze or
like I'm not sure.
Like it was a yes, it's a nonow.
And I mean even and I'm notsaying this is your situation,
but Lissette was the first womanI was dating and I felt very
nervous about opening up thespace of being that kind of
sexual.
I was like, well, I've neverdone this before and, like, for
(11:48):
those who are new to the WLW,sometimes it can, people who do
not know what that means, thatmeans women loving women.
I was going to say for mystraighties, my straight friends
, but there can be a lot of newones.
So it's a great place toreflect for both you and for her
, of like, what do I need tofeel safe enough to be sexually
(12:11):
intimate?
And this does not have to be aquestion that's just for, hey,
I'm new to dating women.
I think it's a question weshould all be asking ourselves
before we're exchanging fluids Ahundred percent you know.
Lisset King (12:23):
That reminds me of.
There have been times, even inthe context of our relationship,
where we were moving, healing,and something happened and it
was like, oh, I need a littlespace to move through this.
And we created space whichsometimes felt like months, as
we were navigating like, oh mygosh, I'm processing this new
(12:46):
thing that I had never dealtwith before, I've never gave it
this name before, and now I needto.
I need a little space sexuallyto move through this.
And we were able to hold spacefor each other because we knew
that the sexual attraction wasthere, we knew that we would
come back to it and we werestill being loving and patient
for each other while wenavigated that space.
(13:06):
So it sounds to me like you'vedone such a beautiful job of
that.
My invitation to you is toreevaluate your relationship
with the word slut.
Like being a slut in theprogressive sense.
It's about embracing andcelebrating your desires.
And so, instead of making itwrong that you have these
desires, have them while stillcreating emotional safety and
(13:28):
consent for the woman that youlove.
And as long as you're beingpatient in that space, when the
time does come and you do get tothe other side of it, it will
be so beautiful and yummy andjuicy.
It will be worth the wait 100%if that is the direction where
this relationship is going, butit's going to take a really deep
(13:49):
conversation of you sharingwhere you are and I would say,
share every bit of it, shareyour desires, your fantasies,
how you're so ready toexperience this with this person
and you're being patient withthem.
Goddess Brittney King (14:03):
Yeah, I love it.
I love it.
There's so much yumminess andthis is an opportunity like, be
honest, be honest.
Sometimes, in our quest to holdspace for others, we're like,
well, I'm going to open thespace for them to be honest, but
(14:26):
I'm not going to really behonest about what I feel or what
I would desire.
And so how can you, with likeno push, no agenda, no, this has
to mean something share what itis that you would desire or
what might be okay for you.
So I'm wondering, based on yourquestion, it has led me to
believe there's not sexualintimacy.
Are there other kinds ofintimacy that are being formed,
that are feeling nourishing foryou?
(14:47):
Can we celebrate those thingsand then incorporate them into
some kind of physical acts ofaffection, like, is kissing okay
, is holding hands okay, okay.
Is naked cuddling okay?
Like starting to even just getcurious and asking there's
something, um, in relationshipanarchy, called the, the
(15:08):
smorgasbord, and it just kind ofhas all these different kinds
of activities.
And so it's like what if webring about like all different
kinds of touch?
What if there's non-sex,non-penetrative sexual touch?
Would that be okay?
You know, sometimes peoplethink of sex as like all or
nothing, like if there's not a pand a v, then they don't count,
(15:28):
and like I mean I'm gay, so Ijust don't subscribe to that
narrative.
Lisset King (15:32):
There's just so much more.
Goddess Brittney King (15:34):
There's so much more, and then's so much
more.
And then it's like can weexplore what pleasure might be
like together?
Are we open to mutualmasturbation next to each other,
being in the space of beingintimate and vulnerable in this
way, without necessarilytouching each other in this
particular way?
Like there could just be somuch to play with.
There could be so much to playwith, especially when we're
(15:56):
leaning into consent andpleasure.
Lisset King (16:01):
I mean, I want to go back to your original
question, which is am I a slut?
And the choice is yours.
You know, like I like?
Am I a slut based on thisprogressive definition?
I am a slut, and there was atime I was a whole fauxshow and
I've got absolutely no shame init.
Goddess Brittney King (16:20):
Yes.
Lisset King (16:20):
Every single partner.
Everything that has comethrough my past has allowed me
to come in my present.
It's fantastic.
Goddess Brittney King (16:30):
Yes, it has.
Lisset King (16:32):
Yes, it has you called the right people because
we're never going to shame you.
You are who you are and youdeserve all the yumminess and
being in partnership.
It is both of you.
It's a conversation.
It's an honest conversation andyou're allowed to define it,
redefine it.
Brittany and I, like I said,we've gone through spaces where
(16:55):
we needed healing and we were inour previous wounds.
We've both been through assaultof some sort and man, PTSD is a
real thing.
Goddess Brittney King (17:05):
Yeah.
Lisset King (17:05):
We've had to move through that and create space to
allow the goodness back in, butwe do always come back.
Goddess Brittney King (17:11):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm someone who's
very partial to yeah, like therebranding of slut.
Like, can we introduce thesacred slut?
Like what, if it's sacred toown your desires and own your
pleasure and say, fuck guilt,fuck shame, fuck judgment, leave
all of that outside and reallyembrace all of your desires and
(17:33):
all that you want, whilerespecting other people and
their desires Absolutely.
Lisset King (17:38):
Yeah.
Goddess Brittney King (17:39):
So this is so, juicy.
Thank you so much for writingin to the podcast.
It's been an honor to serve youand let us know how it goes.
You know the options areinfinite.
It all starts with having anhonest conversation, so start
there.
Lisset King (17:57):
Yeah, and if you have a question, why don't you
go ahead and give us a call at971-895-4111.
Hit the like button, share,follow all the things, because
all of that helps us get out toyour community.
And, until we meet again, behonest with each other.
Bye.
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