May 9, 2024 • 35 mins
Have you ever stood at the crossroads of hardship and triumph, wondering how to navigate the complexities of a life marred by adversity? Join us as Raymar, a resilient soul from Chicago, recounts his explosive life story in our segment "In My Shoes." Through the raw truths of loss, neglect, and the fierce battle for redemption, Raymar's vivid narrative offers a stark reflection of the challenges and resilience faced by those in the throes of inner-city strife.
Peeling back the layers of vulnerability, we confront the stigmas of therapy in communities of color and the hidden wounds of childhood trauma. In a world where pain often begets pain, I take a stand for self-care and personal accountability, advocating for the power of self-talk and reflection to break the cycle. This heart-to-heart is an invitation to embrace strength in the struggle, to see the courage in reaching out for help, and to acknowledge that the road to healing is both a personal responsibility and a profound act of bravery.
Relationships, with all their messiness and moral conundrums, often push us to our ethical limits. In a candid exploration of love, betrayal, and the intricate dance of human connections, we shed light on scenarios that beg the question: What would you do? From the spouse of an affair knocking at your door to the complexities of new love with old ties, we dissect these provocative dilemmas, urging you to reflect and engage. Share your perspectives with us, as we journey through the rough, yet revealing landscape of relationships and the decisions that shape them.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 2 (00:00):
Yeah what up?
Ain't nobody got?
Speaker 1 (00:01):
time for that.
Hodgekids.
Hodgewise, yo you good yo.
Speaker 3 (00:05):
You are such a liar, liar.
Speaker 1 (00:07):
It's live let's go and that's on Pivotal.
Speaker 3 (00:13):
HoodChatter.
Speaker 1 (00:18):
What's going on, family, and welcome to
HoodChatter.
I'm your host, doc J, and Iwant to welcome you back to
another episode.
Thank you so much for joininginto this experience.
Last week's episode was ourpremiere and, although I was
nervous, I am very happy withthe outcome on last week's show.
I truly am.
(00:38):
I received a lot of really goodfeedback and I'm excited to see
how this unfolds as we goforward.
So, to my surprise, I had acouple of hundred views of my
reels and the show combined overthe various platforms.
So I received more DMs than Iexpected, with people sharing
their stories and their thoughtsand their comments.
(01:00):
So I am going to continue to gothrough those stories and
review those stories and see howthat works for our future shows
.
So I'm going to continue topost the questions every week
and it's my hope that as wecontinue to grow, we'll receive
more feedback and interaction.
Ok, so with that, we're backthis week with another segment
(01:21):
of In my Shoes.
This week I will introduce toyou a 52-year-old man named
Raymar from downtown Chicago.
Okay, raymar's story isexplosive and necessary in this
day and age.
Okay, and particularly in ourcommunity.
Although we might not have thesame specific stories.
(01:41):
The general takeaway issomething that we all have and
we've all experienced at somepoint or another, so I just want
you to sit back and enjoy.
This is Raymar's testimonial.
Speaker 3 (01:57):
Listen, g-shit, you know, I'm not even a doubt.
Well, it's emotion, shit, butyou act, so I'm going to do it.
But this shit crazy.
All right, you want me to tellyou everything?
Fuck it.
My mom died when I was like 12.
Me, my brother, my two sisters,was put in foster care with
this mean-ass white lady who hadlike six black kids she was
(02:19):
using to get money right.
So, except for school lunch, Iate TV dinners for like a year.
I never want to see a fuckingTV dinner ever again in your
world.
It was our fuckingresponsibility to get up for
school in the morning, and if wewas late or missed school she'd
lock us in a room with no foodfor the whole day.
You know what I'm saying.
It was fucking torture, yo, forreal.
(02:40):
I stayed with that bitch forabout a year when my pops came
and got us after I turned 13.
And we told the force to carepeople about that lady.
When my pops came and did ustoo, and they ended up taking
them over kids, because thatbitch was nuts.
But shit wasn't no betterthough, my piece of shit ass.
Pops moved the three of us intoa two bedroom apartment in the
(03:01):
hood and this nigga thought hewas a general sergeant and ain't
never been in nobody's army.
This nigga beat us foreverything he had us cleaning
all the time and if he didn'tlike it we got beat.
If we didn't finish our full,we got beat.
Tv too loud Beat.
In the bathroom too long Beat.
The nigga was crazy, real tall.
(03:22):
We were scared of this niggaand I ran away from home at 17
Because between my grades and,you know, acting out, there was
no way I was graduating fromhigh school.
So what was the point?
And I was done dealing with mypop shit.
So I was out.
I stayed with some family and acouple of friends Until, one by
one, they put me out fordifferent shit and I admit I was
(03:44):
doing dumb shit, but I didn'tknow no better.
Ain't nobody ever teaching meabout how to be?
They just told me to shut upand do what I was told and beat
my ass.
So I got arrested for the firsttime when I was 18 for petty
larceny, taking clothes and shitfrom stores.
But that was my hustle stealshit from the store and sell it
in a hood.
That's how I got my money.
(04:06):
I met this girl when I was 20.
I loved that bitch and sheplayed me.
Thinking back, I should haveshot that bitch for what she did
.
I was 20 and she was 19, andshe lived in the hood Not far
from where I was staying, withsome people and we started
chilling and fucking and I movedinto her mom's sectioning
apartment.
Her mom's was live wire though,so she ain't hear nothing about
me staying here.
(04:27):
We fucked around for almost twoyears, right.
Then she met these burrheadbitches she started hanging out
with when she started going toschool and she started acting
wild, different.
First I'm like whatever, butthen this bitch started bugging
out like she always got attitudewith me Everything's a fucking
argument about some dumb shit.
Then she stopped giving me thepussy.
So I knew something was up.
(04:49):
I went to dss one day.
I come back to the crib, openthe door and there's these three
niggas sitting in the livingroom.
I walked in and niggas rolledup on me like yo, sir, you don't
want you, no more.
What I'm like yo, who the fucky'?
And what the fuck is shetalking about?
I looked around all my cerealready in bags, won't start me
(05:09):
short, I'm black.
These ladies jumped me.
This bitch was right there andlet these ladies jump me in the
crib.
Now, if this bitch would havesaid, yo, it's over, or whatever
, I would have just bounced.
But you got me jumped andpacked my shit up, but it's
whatever.
I got my revenge, though.
So fuck him, fuck her and hermoms, because that bitch was a
shit neater.
(05:29):
So I moved in with one of mymans right after that, but this
nigga had like the party crib.
So I started drinking crazy.
I'm smoking gallons of shit allthe time.
Then you know a little V, alittle coke, and by the time I
was 25, I was smoking crack LikeI didn't think of fuck real
talk, and I'm not gonna lie.
(05:50):
When shit get too crazy, Imight take a hit every now and
then.
But whatever, I ain't gonna lie, though I lost it, but you
can't blame me.
Motherfucker's been doing medirty from the beginning.
So I was 25 when I got out forthe second time and, fam, I
ain't gonna lie, that did hotshit.
We had a new brother sometimesmy nigga.
I stole a car, tried to sell itto this white boy at this club
(06:14):
this is how I know I was brother, because I should have known he
was police.
They locked my black ass rightthe fuck up for carjacking, the
sale of the stolen vehiclecaught car theft and fraud.
So I didn't be able to clearthat shit.
Listen to it now.
That shit do sound crazy,though I ain't gonna lie.
All right.
So what else?
I got out, went to the shelter,met this chick on the bus.
(06:37):
We started kicking it.
She was cool, the person wasfire.
So I gave PO the address andmoved in.
When I was broke, we still gavePO the address and moved in,
but I was probably still gettinghigh on the side.
But she ain't know.
I mean, I don't think she knewin the beginning anyway.
But one night I went out, gotsmacked, ran up in the store
with the hammer trying to getsome bread.
I wasn't going to hurt nobody,but I was trying to get some
(06:59):
paper.
I don't even remember how muchI got, but I made it happen.
Two days later, my dumb asswalking down the same block.
I held his store up to see myfucking picture all over the
place on the water side.
I said, fuck, you already knowKnocked again.
I'm probably gotten locked foreight years, but that was my
(07:21):
last bit.
After that I said, fuck that,I'm not going back to the
penitentiary again this time.
When I got out I went to theshelter, got a job at the local
church that I kept for 15 years.
There was stock in the cleanerfor Sister Johnson.
I love Sister Johnson.
She was very nice, she hookedme up with food and clothes, but
(07:43):
fuck that job.
Her husband tried to play me asin and I threatened him so he
fired me, motherfucker.
So I started cleaning thisapartment building but those
motherfuckers ain't never gonnapay me right.
So I cursed them the fuck out.
I ain't gonna let nobody try toplay me.
Fuck that.
I just thought this figure.
The other nine percent is someslick shit and trying to blame
God.
I'm sick of motherfuckers.
(08:04):
Yo People ain't shit.
They can't be trusted.
I'm team me, fuck that.
Ain't nobody helping this shitfor me.
So what makes me think thatshit going to change now?
I tried to help this dude outnot too long ago and let this
motherfucker move from my crib,and this nigga didn't want to
give me no bread to stay there.
I ended up having to fuck himup too, like come on, yo, doc.
(08:24):
I'm 52 and at this stage of mylife I'm tired of being angry.
I'm tired of being unhappy.
I'm just fucking tired.
Like what the fuck?
When is shit ever going to getbetter for me?
Like yo for real.
Speaker 1 (08:43):
One.
Okay, raymar, first of all.
First of all, I want to thankyou for sharing your truth and
being vulnerable and man enoughto know and say I'm not happy
and I need help.
Okay, because although that'shard, there's nothing wrong with
(09:03):
asking for help.
Okay, and then making yourselfopen to receiving that help.
Asking for help is not a signof weakness.
Everybody needs help sometimes.
Real talk.
Everybody needs help sometimes.
So, thank you, because it's myhope that other men can tap into
the benefits of self-care, andI don't mean a beauty regimen,
(09:25):
but I'm talking about gettingcloser to yourself and stepping
out of trauma and into triumph.
So now, I know that there is astigma with therapy in the black
and brown community, but wouldyou consider counseling or
coaching of some sort, not beingput on medication or anything,
(09:45):
but just to have somebody totalk to that's objective and
doesn't know you and doesn'thave any reason to try to play
you whatsoever?
Something so simple as havingan outlet to process whatever it
is that you're feeling can makeall the difference.
And if you're interested,message me please and I'll be
(10:07):
more than happy to refer you tocounseling or coaching in your
area.
Okay, and let me tell yousomething In the words of Mike
Tyson, you have two choices inlife run scared or stay and
fight.
Now, I believe run scared isrelinquishing your power to
something or someone, andstaying and fighting means
(10:29):
choosing yourself.
At all costs okay.
As long as you have life, youhave time to make your dreams
come true.
I truly believe that.
Now I will say this Everybodywants to be loved and a child
deserves that.
Okay, but unfortunately noteverybody has the cosby show
upbringing and it's unfortunate.
(10:51):
I understand everybody's familydynamic is different and I can
say I can definitely agree insaying that your childhood was
rough, shitty by most standards,right, and it's definitely not
the idea of what we have growingup.
So I apologize for that.
Okay, growing up, the peoplethat were responsible for you
(11:12):
did not meet your basic needs.
Okay, and you didn't deservethat.
Let me say that and although myapology might not be what you
need, I think someone needs toapologize to you so that you
know there are people that careand understand and that,
essentially, some of thesethings that you've been through
have been fucked up, to say theleast.
(11:34):
We understand that.
However, at this stage of yourlife, you're tired of being
tired and angry and you wantyour change to come.
If you were 25 and telling thisstory, I would agree with you,
right?
However, at 52, that narrativesounds a little different out
(11:59):
loud.
Now let me tell you what thatsounds like out loud.
My father was messed up so Iwent to foster care.
But when my father got me outof foster care, he was messed up
so I dropped out of school.
And because I dropped out ofschool and my father was messed
up, I ran away.
(12:20):
And because I ran away, I gotarrested.
And because I got arrested, thegirl got me jumped when I got
out.
And then I started getting high.
Because the girl got me jumpedand because I was getting high,
I got arrested.
And because I was getting high,I got arrested.
And now I'm angry, I'm firedfrom different jobs and I'm
(12:40):
having fights with random peopleat the age of 52.
Right, I can't stress enough thebenefits of self-care and
checking in with yourself.
Right, you might not have beenhere, but if you were here,
remember last week I mentionedthe benefits of checking in with
yourself and taking stock tosee what you need for yourself
(13:05):
and from yourself.
Ok, because hurt people hurtpeople and it's so much easier
to cause pain than to deal withwhat you're going with inside,
and we often push our pain onother people and we bottle
things up until they fester andboil over.
Bottle things up until theyfester and boil over, and that
(13:26):
causes us to make poor decisionsor to react in a manner that's
not necessarily becoming of whoyou are.
Okay, not dealing withunresolved issues can cause
anxiety and depression and moodswings and violence and even
suicide.
So let me say this right here,since I put that in there If
anybody out there isexperiencing any kind of mental
health issues or bouts withfeeling like suicide, you can
(13:49):
dial 988.
It is a national crisis hotlineavailable 24 hours a day, seven
days a week, and there will besomebody there that can assist
you and talk to you at any giventime.
(14:09):
Ok, with that, I want to go intothe next segment of the show,
and today's topic of the show isnobody owes you anything, and I
want to bring that up because Ithink sometimes we get so
wrapped up in ourselves.
We think that everybody aroundus is supposed to conform to
what it is that we need or whatit is that we're going through.
(14:31):
When we're going through Right,when we're at work.
We expect our job to beemotionally intelligent or care
about our feelings.
Right, when I started working,nobody gave a damn about our
feelings.
Right, when I started working,nobody gave a damn about your
feelings.
You can believe that, okay, andif you don't work, you don't
(14:56):
get paid.
If you don't go to school andyou don't participate, you don't
turn in your assignments, thenyou don't pass.
Right, and sometimes I think weget so wrapped up in self and
being so self-absorbed andself-centered that sometimes we
really believe that the outsideworld owes us something and that
if we don't get it, then wehave an attitude and we take
(15:18):
that out in some way, shape orform.
Right, it's the same thing withyour family.
Your family is charged to loveyou, not to like you.
Okay, and that doesn't alwayshappen, and let me say this too.
So to us, not everything is thefault of the white man.
Sometimes we got to takeresponsibility for our own shit,
(15:42):
put in the work, pull ourselfup by our bootstraps and make it
happen.
It's 2024.
We can't blame everybody elsefor anything that's necessarily
going on with us.
Right, because in everysituation there's a part that we
have to play and we have to putin work, right.
Things don't necessarily getbetter on their own.
(16:05):
It takes work, and things don'tget better with you sitting in
place and complaining or at home, getting turned up and numbing
the pain.
It takes work and it's notgoing to be easy.
It's not going to be easy.
It's not going to be easy.
It's going to be hard work,because if it was easy,
everybody would be whole andsane and at peace.
(16:35):
Okay, so if you want things tostart to turn around for you and
I'm not just talking to Raymond, I'm talking to all of us now
If you want things to turnaround for you, you have to
start to take active steps tomake that happen.
Okay, if you want better, youhave to believe better, because
you deserve better.
Right, you're worth it and nomatter what has happened to you
or what you've been through,everybody wants to be and
(16:58):
deserves love and happiness.
So start speaking better toyourself and stop replaying
yesterday.
And you have to surroundyourself around different people
.
Okay, you can't expectdifferent results from the same
circle.
Most importantly, and the onethat probably you don't want to
(17:20):
hear the most, but you have toand now I'm talking to Raymar in
this situation don't want tohear the most.
But you have to and now I'mtalking to Raymar.
In this situation, I just wantto run back.
You have to stop getting high.
Real talk Like you got.
To.
Stop getting high Because andyou don't need for me to say
that but this pattern thatgetting high is doing, you see
where that has left you, right?
(17:41):
So let me also say this to youand to all of us Nobody owes you
anything.
It's good to have people inyour corner and it's good to
have support, but if we don'tbelieve in ourselves and support
ourselves and encourageourselves, wanting better is
never going to manifest itself,right?
(18:03):
Raymar?
I want to thank you againbecause your testimony was fire
okay and I wanted to share thisstory in hopes of helping
someone see more clearly andbegin to reshape the narrative
for their life and setthemselves up to be better and
make better decisions.
That's why I said in thebeginning you might not
(18:28):
necessarily be able to resonatewith the incarceration piece,
but you know, everybody wants tobe better, but we don't
necessarily put in the work toget where we need to be right,
and if we keep reliving ouryesterdays, then we miss today
and we don't plan for tomorrow.
So live today because we playwith it, but tomorrow really
(18:49):
isn't promised right.
We'll be right back.
Speaker 2 (18:54):
We'll come on to talk to you.
Need someone to listen, Lookingfor clarity and strategy?
Reach out to the TurnaroundProject.
Our life coaches are here tohelp you on your journey to
getting better, doing better andbeing better.
(19:16):
Turnaround Project Helpingindividuals learn to help
themselves.
Yeah, we on to the next one.
Speaker 1 (19:26):
All right, we are to the next one, right?
So I submitted this articlesome time ago to a few sources
and for publication, but forsome reason, whatever, that did
not come to fruition.
So this is something that needsto be heard.
Let me tell you that this issomething that needs to be heard
, and I use this in many of mycoaching sessions for clients
(19:49):
and it's proven extremelybeneficial, and the feedback
that I've received from myclients is nothing but positive
when applying this to youreveryday life.
So I want you to clear yourmind right now and listen
carefully, because I'm comingdirectly up your street with
this one.
(20:09):
Okay, this is a piece that Ititled the Power of Shut the
Fuck Up, right?
So this is a tool geared tohelp be the best you every day,
regardless of what you're goingthrough or what's going on
around you.
Okay, here we go.
(20:31):
When someone is pissing you off,what do you think?
Shut the fuck up?
Sometimes you might even say itout loud.
Okay, when someone's beingobnoxious at the doctor's office
or the movies, or that drunkfriend or relative that gets way
too excited, you think shut thefuck up Again, sometimes you
(20:55):
might say it out loud.
Okay, believe it or not, ourbrains do some of the same
things to ourselves, andoftentimes our thoughts can be
obnoxious and annoying and toxicand the ultimate source of
what's pissing us off.
So the question becomes howoften do we tell ourselves to
(21:15):
shut the fuck up?
When is a good time to exercisetough love on yourself?
Our negative thoughts orinability to stop our brain from
rambling can cause sleeplessnights, stress, anxiety and foul
(21:35):
moods.
What if our problem is ourself?
How many believe that words andthoughts have power?
And if that's the case, whatare some of the things that
you're saying to yourself?
I'm talking about the thingsyou say concerning you.
On any given day, we'rebombarded by our addiction to
technology and social media,work, television, family, you
(21:57):
know, etc.
And all of these people andplaces and things pour into us,
but they take from ussimultaneously.
And society tells women to beperfect with long hair and an
hourglass figure, while men aresupposed to be millionaires and
six feet tall and well-endowedright.
So here we are at the end ofthe day in our moment of
(22:19):
reflection, and instead ofspeaking positivity, we attack
ourselves.
I'm fat, I'm lonely, I can't.
What if, if only?
And this becomes cyclical, dayin, day out, worldly stress,
family, work obligations andself-abuse.
No wonder so many of us sufferfrom depressions and feeling of
(22:43):
inadequacy and self-doubt.
Right, it's very rare.
Most of us are good toourselves.
We often blame others for oursituations and circumstances,
when sometimes we are our ownworst enemy and the most toxic
person in our life.
We are on a never-ending grind,with little to no family time,
(23:05):
no rest and relaxation and loadsof self-deprecation.
We see people in differentareas of life talking to
themselves and most times wethink they got mental health
issues.
However, if more of us hadfrequent conversations with
ourselves, we might be moreequipped to handle the things
that life throws at us.
I don't mean ask yourselfwhat's for dinner aloud okay,
(23:29):
don't do that but ask yourselfthe tough questions that force
you to be brutally honest.
Is this necessary?
Is this helping me?
Am I to blame?
And then process the responsesand the feelings that follow.
Okay.
Anything or anyone in life thatis not lifting you up, pouring
(23:49):
into you, encouraging andsupporting you, should
experience tough love by the wayof shut the fuck up, okay.
If you won't let someone elsewaste your time, then don't
waste your own time.
Your comments don't always haveto be positive but truthful, and
(24:12):
the goal is to identify whathappiness looks like for you.
Then embrace it and live in it.
Speak positivity and encourageyourself, your day, your space,
yourself, your day, your spaceand your life.
Declare that life is mine,peace is mine, success is mine,
and watch your brain begin toactivate the endorphins that
(24:34):
will bring about positivefeelings, positive interactions
and that internal peace thatlife tries to rob from you daily
.
The thought process will nothappen overnight.
Okay, we're all conditioned tobe critical and judgmental and
self-deprecating, so this willtake time.
Okay, I'm not naive to that,and it's going to take time and
(24:56):
dedication, but guess what?
You're worth it.
The more positivity you speakinward, the more your outward
voice will project positivityback to you and display itself
in other areas of your life.
Now, I'm not naive, okay, and Iknow that we have a petty and
reactive side that sometimesjumps out knowingly and
(25:19):
unknowingly, so in hopes ofpreventing chaos.
Here's a little last minuteadvice it might not be a good
idea to tell your boss to shutthe fuck up, but when someone is
hating on your joy, your love,your peace, your happiness, your
time, look at them and say, ornot say, shut the fuck up, I'm
(25:46):
worth it, okay.
So what is the narrative thatyou're telling yourself?
What are you beating yourselfup about?
Negative thoughts and commentsencourage negative emotions and
can manifest itself intophysical ailments.
We are sometimes our own worstenemy and we have to learn to
(26:14):
start speaking sweetly toourselves.
There is no need to keepkicking yourself and reliving
the past.
We must learn from our mistakesand then keep living.
Time that we spendinternalizing negative
narratives is time that we'renot spending living.
And what a horrible thing it isto miss out on life because you
(26:36):
can't get out of your own way,right?
There's a popular gospel songthat I love, and the words are
in small look in the mirror andencourage yourself, pat yourself
on the back and tell yourselfyou can make it.
And these words are so true.
Okay, there's always somethinggoing on and we need a little
(26:58):
extra something, something toget us through.
So I'm going to say this callon whatever or whoever it is
that you believe in, and pray onthat thing and meditate and
then listen for clarity, but inthe meantime, encourage yourself
, because words have power andwe can find the words to support
(27:20):
and encourage others, butoftentimes we have a hard time
internalizing those same wordsto uplift ourselves.
The co-founder of theHuffington Post, arianna
Huffington, says accurately andI love this so much failure is
part of success, not opposite.
And I know that when I wasconsidering going for my
(27:42):
doctorate, I was so wracked withemotions of the possibility of
failure and the fear of successbecause that's something too.
But it took me three yearsbefore I even applied and I had
to get to a point where I waslike Jamel, shut the fuck up,
like really, what are you doing?
And when I started to encouragemyself and lean on my faith, of
(28:06):
course, I started to be able toenvision better for myself and
the idea of failure became lesscrippling and it allowed me to
move on really.
So I hope this helps somebodyin some way, because because I
want you to understand thatnobody owes us anything and we
(28:28):
have the power to make thechange that we need and that we
seek in our lives.
So I will say if you believe insomething, pray on that thing,
but encourage yourself and thendo the work because you're worth
it and you can do it.
Yeah, we ought to do the workbecause you're worth it and you
(28:48):
can do it.
Yeah, we all do the next one.
So this is our last segment fortoday, everybody, and we're back
to our table talk.
So here's one of my crazyquestions, just for the fun of
it.
So I want you to throw this upin the air.
Last week, I said don't havethis conversation with your
spouse.
A lot of you did that anyway,so I'm going to leave it up to
(29:10):
you and let the chips fall wherethey may Like to hear it.
Here we go.
This is this week's question.
The spouse of the person you'recheating with shows up at your
door crying.
What do you do?
I'm going to say that again.
The spouse of the person you'recheating with shows up at your
(29:33):
door crying.
What do you do?
Do you comfort them?
Okay, now, bear in mind, youcan't lie.
I know that's the firstreaction.
You can't lie.
They already know whoever it isthat you're sleeping with, okay
, so you can't deny it.
That's not an option here.
Let's go for that, becausenormally these are confrontation
(29:55):
situations that often endreally bad.
Okay, like did you ask your man?
Okay, how am I supposed to helpyou and what are you expecting?
Like, come on in and I'll makeyou some tea.
Like this is my take on it.
Like, really, um, like, if youdon't get out of my face with
that nonsense, um, that's reallywhat I thought.
(30:18):
So put it in the comments,throw it around in your social
circles.
I'm gonna give it to you onemore time.
The spouse of the person you'recheating with shows up at your
door crying what do you do?
Okay, so let me give you acouple more before I go right.
(30:38):
Would you date someone with kids?
Why or why not?
Now, me personally, I say itdepends on how many kids you got
, and it depends on the kids.
You know, I don't see anythingwrong with dating someone with
kids, but I think too, beforeyou get completely invested in
(30:59):
that, you got to meet them kids,because baby, if they baby, I
don't know if that's what youreally want to do, because that
might be a little more than youwant to handle.
And you've got to check out thebaby mother too, because don't
nobody want to get into arelationship, you know, and have
some baby mother issues, andyou know how that happens.
(31:19):
You get roped in in thebeginning because everything is
the honeymoon phase, and thenyou wake up and you're dealing
with somebody that got a coupleof kids.
You know dudes, you know how itis the baby daddy and you got
all the baby daddy drama andsometimes that's really
unnecessary, so I'm going tothrow that out there.
Would you date someone withkids?
(31:40):
Would you get involved in arelationship with someone with
kids?
Right, relationship withsomeone with kids, right?
My next question is how wouldyou react if you found out that
your best friend was dating yourex?
I'm talking about your righthand.
(32:01):
How would you feel if yourright hand said listen me and
such and such got together andnow we're an item Bro, like I
don't know, your crew, mineain't having it, not having it
(32:25):
at all, like that's just that's,that's crazy.
Now let me say this I'm nottalking about your jump off or
your sneaky link, and even thatcould be a problem because it
depends on the duration and this, that and the third.
So even that could be a problem.
So let me not say that.
If it's in your circle, as asfar as I'm concerned, once they
(32:47):
smash, leave it alone.
Like it's just completely offlimits, like that's, that's just
too messy, it's entirely toomessy.
I'm gonna leave you with onemore.
This is how we do it.
How do you end a casualrelationship.
Do you ghost them?
Do you just come out and belike, yeah, what's done, like
it's a wrap's a wrap, I'm notputting up with this anymore,
(33:08):
whatever it is, I don't want tobe bothered or do you just kind
of slowly taper off and fade outone not answered phone call at
a time, or one too many I'm busyor I got to work late, or
something like that?
How do you fade off from asituation that you're in
something like that?
How do you fade off from asituation that you're in?
(33:28):
I know me, and in the past Iwas number C of the last couple
of responses I just gave you.
I was kind of the taper off,just kind of fall back, leave it
alone, because I didn't reallywant to deal with the in-between
in the conversation.
You know, I just kind of fellback from it altogether and
that's how I worked mysituations and it worked for me.
(33:50):
So let me ask you that put thatout there.
How do you taper off fromsituations?
Okay, that's it for me today,family, I had such a good time
and I hope you receive some gemstoday that can really help you
on your journey to becoming thebest you possible.
(34:11):
Really, that's all I want andI'll see you next Thursday.
Remember to tell a friend, totell a friend and follow me on
social media at the hood chatter.
That's the hood chatter.
You can search hood chatter allyour streaming platforms and
I'll come up.
Just look for this nice littlered logo right here.
(34:32):
Watch and listen, subscribe.
Thank you for being here andI'm going to leave you with this
.
Don't be upset with the resultsyou don't get from the work you
don't put in.
Susan Hyatt.
See you next week, guys.
Yeah what up?
Ain't nobody got?
Speaker 1 (00:01):
time for that.
Hodgekids.
Hodgewise, yo you good yo.
Speaker 3 (00:05):
You are such a liar, liar.
Speaker 1 (00:07):
It's live let's go and that's on Pivotal.
Speaker 3 (00:13):
HoodChatter.
Speaker 1 (00:18):
What's going on, family, and welcome to
HoodChatter.
I'm your host, doc J, and Iwant to welcome you back to
another episode.
Thank you so much for joininginto this experience.
Last week's episode was ourpremiere and, although I was
nervous, I am very happy withthe outcome on last week's show.
I truly am.
(00:38):
I received a lot of really goodfeedback and I'm excited to see
how this unfolds as we goforward.
So, to my surprise, I had acouple of hundred views of my
reels and the show combined overthe various platforms.
So I received more DMs than Iexpected, with people sharing
their stories and their thoughtsand their comments.
(01:00):
So I am going to continue to gothrough those stories and
review those stories and see howthat works for our future shows
.
So I'm going to continue topost the questions every week
and it's my hope that as wecontinue to grow, we'll receive
more feedback and interaction.
Ok, so with that, we're backthis week with another segment
(01:21):
of In my Shoes.
This week I will introduce toyou a 52-year-old man named
Raymar from downtown Chicago.
Okay, raymar's story isexplosive and necessary in this
day and age.
Okay, and particularly in ourcommunity.
Although we might not have thesame specific stories.
(01:41):
The general takeaway issomething that we all have and
we've all experienced at somepoint or another, so I just want
you to sit back and enjoy.
This is Raymar's testimonial.
Speaker 3 (01:57):
Listen, g-shit, you know, I'm not even a doubt.
Well, it's emotion, shit, butyou act, so I'm going to do it.
But this shit crazy.
All right, you want me to tellyou everything?
Fuck it.
My mom died when I was like 12.
Me, my brother, my two sisters,was put in foster care with
this mean-ass white lady who hadlike six black kids she was
(02:19):
using to get money right.
So, except for school lunch, Iate TV dinners for like a year.
I never want to see a fuckingTV dinner ever again in your
world.
It was our fuckingresponsibility to get up for
school in the morning, and if wewas late or missed school she'd
lock us in a room with no foodfor the whole day.
You know what I'm saying.
It was fucking torture, yo, forreal.
(02:40):
I stayed with that bitch forabout a year when my pops came
and got us after I turned 13.
And we told the force to carepeople about that lady.
When my pops came and did ustoo, and they ended up taking
them over kids, because thatbitch was nuts.
But shit wasn't no betterthough, my piece of shit ass.
Pops moved the three of us intoa two bedroom apartment in the
(03:01):
hood and this nigga thought hewas a general sergeant and ain't
never been in nobody's army.
This nigga beat us foreverything he had us cleaning
all the time and if he didn'tlike it we got beat.
If we didn't finish our full,we got beat.
Tv too loud Beat.
In the bathroom too long Beat.
The nigga was crazy, real tall.
(03:22):
We were scared of this niggaand I ran away from home at 17
Because between my grades and,you know, acting out, there was
no way I was graduating fromhigh school.
So what was the point?
And I was done dealing with mypop shit.
So I was out.
I stayed with some family and acouple of friends Until, one by
one, they put me out fordifferent shit and I admit I was
(03:44):
doing dumb shit, but I didn'tknow no better.
Ain't nobody ever teaching meabout how to be?
They just told me to shut upand do what I was told and beat
my ass.
So I got arrested for the firsttime when I was 18 for petty
larceny, taking clothes and shitfrom stores.
But that was my hustle stealshit from the store and sell it
in a hood.
That's how I got my money.
(04:06):
I met this girl when I was 20.
I loved that bitch and sheplayed me.
Thinking back, I should haveshot that bitch for what she did
.
I was 20 and she was 19, andshe lived in the hood Not far
from where I was staying, withsome people and we started
chilling and fucking and I movedinto her mom's sectioning
apartment.
Her mom's was live wire though,so she ain't hear nothing about
me staying here.
(04:27):
We fucked around for almost twoyears, right.
Then she met these burrheadbitches she started hanging out
with when she started going toschool and she started acting
wild, different.
First I'm like whatever, butthen this bitch started bugging
out like she always got attitudewith me Everything's a fucking
argument about some dumb shit.
Then she stopped giving me thepussy.
So I knew something was up.
(04:49):
I went to dss one day.
I come back to the crib, openthe door and there's these three
niggas sitting in the livingroom.
I walked in and niggas rolledup on me like yo, sir, you don't
want you, no more.
What I'm like yo, who the fucky'?
And what the fuck is shetalking about?
I looked around all my cerealready in bags, won't start me
(05:09):
short, I'm black.
These ladies jumped me.
This bitch was right there andlet these ladies jump me in the
crib.
Now, if this bitch would havesaid, yo, it's over, or whatever
, I would have just bounced.
But you got me jumped andpacked my shit up, but it's
whatever.
I got my revenge, though.
So fuck him, fuck her and hermoms, because that bitch was a
shit neater.
(05:29):
So I moved in with one of mymans right after that, but this
nigga had like the party crib.
So I started drinking crazy.
I'm smoking gallons of shit allthe time.
Then you know a little V, alittle coke, and by the time I
was 25, I was smoking crack LikeI didn't think of fuck real
talk, and I'm not gonna lie.
(05:50):
When shit get too crazy, Imight take a hit every now and
then.
But whatever, I ain't gonna lie, though I lost it, but you
can't blame me.
Motherfucker's been doing medirty from the beginning.
So I was 25 when I got out forthe second time and, fam, I
ain't gonna lie, that did hotshit.
We had a new brother sometimesmy nigga.
I stole a car, tried to sell itto this white boy at this club
(06:14):
this is how I know I was brother, because I should have known he
was police.
They locked my black ass rightthe fuck up for carjacking, the
sale of the stolen vehiclecaught car theft and fraud.
So I didn't be able to clearthat shit.
Listen to it now.
That shit do sound crazy,though I ain't gonna lie.
All right.
So what else?
I got out, went to the shelter,met this chick on the bus.
(06:37):
We started kicking it.
She was cool, the person wasfire.
So I gave PO the address andmoved in.
When I was broke, we still gavePO the address and moved in,
but I was probably still gettinghigh on the side.
But she ain't know.
I mean, I don't think she knewin the beginning anyway.
But one night I went out, gotsmacked, ran up in the store
with the hammer trying to getsome bread.
I wasn't going to hurt nobody,but I was trying to get some
(06:59):
paper.
I don't even remember how muchI got, but I made it happen.
Two days later, my dumb asswalking down the same block.
I held his store up to see myfucking picture all over the
place on the water side.
I said, fuck, you already knowKnocked again.
I'm probably gotten locked foreight years, but that was my
(07:21):
last bit.
After that I said, fuck that,I'm not going back to the
penitentiary again this time.
When I got out I went to theshelter, got a job at the local
church that I kept for 15 years.
There was stock in the cleanerfor Sister Johnson.
I love Sister Johnson.
She was very nice, she hookedme up with food and clothes, but
(07:43):
fuck that job.
Her husband tried to play me asin and I threatened him so he
fired me, motherfucker.
So I started cleaning thisapartment building but those
motherfuckers ain't never gonnapay me right.
So I cursed them the fuck out.
I ain't gonna let nobody try toplay me.
Fuck that.
I just thought this figure.
The other nine percent is someslick shit and trying to blame
God.
I'm sick of motherfuckers.
(08:04):
Yo People ain't shit.
They can't be trusted.
I'm team me, fuck that.
Ain't nobody helping this shitfor me.
So what makes me think thatshit going to change now?
I tried to help this dude outnot too long ago and let this
motherfucker move from my crib,and this nigga didn't want to
give me no bread to stay there.
I ended up having to fuck himup too, like come on, yo, doc.
(08:24):
I'm 52 and at this stage of mylife I'm tired of being angry.
I'm tired of being unhappy.
I'm just fucking tired.
Like what the fuck?
When is shit ever going to getbetter for me?
Like yo for real.
Speaker 1 (08:43):
One.
Okay, raymar, first of all.
First of all, I want to thankyou for sharing your truth and
being vulnerable and man enoughto know and say I'm not happy
and I need help.
Okay, because although that'shard, there's nothing wrong with
(09:03):
asking for help.
Okay, and then making yourselfopen to receiving that help.
Asking for help is not a signof weakness.
Everybody needs help sometimes.
Real talk.
Everybody needs help sometimes.
So, thank you, because it's myhope that other men can tap into
the benefits of self-care, andI don't mean a beauty regimen,
(09:25):
but I'm talking about gettingcloser to yourself and stepping
out of trauma and into triumph.
So now, I know that there is astigma with therapy in the black
and brown community, but wouldyou consider counseling or
coaching of some sort, not beingput on medication or anything,
(09:45):
but just to have somebody totalk to that's objective and
doesn't know you and doesn'thave any reason to try to play
you whatsoever?
Something so simple as havingan outlet to process whatever it
is that you're feeling can makeall the difference.
And if you're interested,message me please and I'll be
(10:07):
more than happy to refer you tocounseling or coaching in your
area.
Okay, and let me tell yousomething In the words of Mike
Tyson, you have two choices inlife run scared or stay and
fight.
Now, I believe run scared isrelinquishing your power to
something or someone, andstaying and fighting means
(10:29):
choosing yourself.
At all costs okay.
As long as you have life, youhave time to make your dreams
come true.
I truly believe that.
Now I will say this Everybodywants to be loved and a child
deserves that.
Okay, but unfortunately noteverybody has the cosby show
upbringing and it's unfortunate.
(10:51):
I understand everybody's familydynamic is different and I can
say I can definitely agree insaying that your childhood was
rough, shitty by most standards,right, and it's definitely not
the idea of what we have growingup.
So I apologize for that.
Okay, growing up, the peoplethat were responsible for you
(11:12):
did not meet your basic needs.
Okay, and you didn't deservethat.
Let me say that and although myapology might not be what you
need, I think someone needs toapologize to you so that you
know there are people that careand understand and that,
essentially, some of thesethings that you've been through
have been fucked up, to say theleast.
(11:34):
We understand that.
However, at this stage of yourlife, you're tired of being
tired and angry and you wantyour change to come.
If you were 25 and telling thisstory, I would agree with you,
right?
However, at 52, that narrativesounds a little different out
(11:59):
loud.
Now let me tell you what thatsounds like out loud.
My father was messed up so Iwent to foster care.
But when my father got me outof foster care, he was messed up
so I dropped out of school.
And because I dropped out ofschool and my father was messed
up, I ran away.
(12:20):
And because I ran away, I gotarrested.
And because I got arrested, thegirl got me jumped when I got
out.
And then I started getting high.
Because the girl got me jumpedand because I was getting high,
I got arrested.
And because I was getting high,I got arrested.
And now I'm angry, I'm firedfrom different jobs and I'm
(12:40):
having fights with random peopleat the age of 52.
Right, I can't stress enough thebenefits of self-care and
checking in with yourself.
Right, you might not have beenhere, but if you were here,
remember last week I mentionedthe benefits of checking in with
yourself and taking stock tosee what you need for yourself
(13:05):
and from yourself.
Ok, because hurt people hurtpeople and it's so much easier
to cause pain than to deal withwhat you're going with inside,
and we often push our pain onother people and we bottle
things up until they fester andboil over.
Bottle things up until theyfester and boil over, and that
(13:26):
causes us to make poor decisionsor to react in a manner that's
not necessarily becoming of whoyou are.
Okay, not dealing withunresolved issues can cause
anxiety and depression and moodswings and violence and even
suicide.
So let me say this right here,since I put that in there If
anybody out there isexperiencing any kind of mental
health issues or bouts withfeeling like suicide, you can
(13:49):
dial 988.
It is a national crisis hotlineavailable 24 hours a day, seven
days a week, and there will besomebody there that can assist
you and talk to you at any giventime.
(14:09):
Ok, with that, I want to go intothe next segment of the show,
and today's topic of the show isnobody owes you anything, and I
want to bring that up because Ithink sometimes we get so
wrapped up in ourselves.
We think that everybody aroundus is supposed to conform to
what it is that we need or whatit is that we're going through.
(14:31):
When we're going through Right,when we're at work.
We expect our job to beemotionally intelligent or care
about our feelings.
Right, when I started working,nobody gave a damn about our
feelings.
Right, when I started working,nobody gave a damn about your
feelings.
You can believe that, okay, andif you don't work, you don't
(14:56):
get paid.
If you don't go to school andyou don't participate, you don't
turn in your assignments, thenyou don't pass.
Right, and sometimes I think weget so wrapped up in self and
being so self-absorbed andself-centered that sometimes we
really believe that the outsideworld owes us something and that
if we don't get it, then wehave an attitude and we take
(15:18):
that out in some way, shape orform.
Right, it's the same thing withyour family.
Your family is charged to loveyou, not to like you.
Okay, and that doesn't alwayshappen, and let me say this too.
So to us, not everything is thefault of the white man.
Sometimes we got to takeresponsibility for our own shit,
(15:42):
put in the work, pull ourselfup by our bootstraps and make it
happen.
It's 2024.
We can't blame everybody elsefor anything that's necessarily
going on with us.
Right, because in everysituation there's a part that we
have to play and we have to putin work, right.
Things don't necessarily getbetter on their own.
(16:05):
It takes work, and things don'tget better with you sitting in
place and complaining or at home, getting turned up and numbing
the pain.
It takes work and it's notgoing to be easy.
It's not going to be easy.
It's not going to be easy.
It's going to be hard work,because if it was easy,
everybody would be whole andsane and at peace.
(16:35):
Okay, so if you want things tostart to turn around for you and
I'm not just talking to Raymond, I'm talking to all of us now
If you want things to turnaround for you, you have to
start to take active steps tomake that happen.
Okay, if you want better, youhave to believe better, because
you deserve better.
Right, you're worth it and nomatter what has happened to you
or what you've been through,everybody wants to be and
(16:58):
deserves love and happiness.
So start speaking better toyourself and stop replaying
yesterday.
And you have to surroundyourself around different people
.
Okay, you can't expectdifferent results from the same
circle.
Most importantly, and the onethat probably you don't want to
(17:20):
hear the most, but you have toand now I'm talking to Raymar in
this situation don't want tohear the most.
But you have to and now I'mtalking to Raymar.
In this situation, I just wantto run back.
You have to stop getting high.
Real talk Like you got.
To.
Stop getting high Because andyou don't need for me to say
that but this pattern thatgetting high is doing, you see
where that has left you, right?
(17:41):
So let me also say this to youand to all of us Nobody owes you
anything.
It's good to have people inyour corner and it's good to
have support, but if we don'tbelieve in ourselves and support
ourselves and encourageourselves, wanting better is
never going to manifest itself,right?
(18:03):
Raymar?
I want to thank you againbecause your testimony was fire
okay and I wanted to share thisstory in hopes of helping
someone see more clearly andbegin to reshape the narrative
for their life and setthemselves up to be better and
make better decisions.
That's why I said in thebeginning you might not
(18:28):
necessarily be able to resonatewith the incarceration piece,
but you know, everybody wants tobe better, but we don't
necessarily put in the work toget where we need to be right,
and if we keep reliving ouryesterdays, then we miss today
and we don't plan for tomorrow.
So live today because we playwith it, but tomorrow really
(18:49):
isn't promised right.
We'll be right back.
Speaker 2 (18:54):
We'll come on to talk to you.
Need someone to listen, Lookingfor clarity and strategy?
Reach out to the TurnaroundProject.
Our life coaches are here tohelp you on your journey to
getting better, doing better andbeing better.
(19:16):
Turnaround Project Helpingindividuals learn to help
themselves.
Yeah, we on to the next one.
Speaker 1 (19:26):
All right, we are to the next one, right?
So I submitted this articlesome time ago to a few sources
and for publication, but forsome reason, whatever, that did
not come to fruition.
So this is something that needsto be heard.
Let me tell you that this issomething that needs to be heard
, and I use this in many of mycoaching sessions for clients
(19:49):
and it's proven extremelybeneficial, and the feedback
that I've received from myclients is nothing but positive
when applying this to youreveryday life.
So I want you to clear yourmind right now and listen
carefully, because I'm comingdirectly up your street with
this one.
(20:09):
Okay, this is a piece that Ititled the Power of Shut the
Fuck Up, right?
So this is a tool geared tohelp be the best you every day,
regardless of what you're goingthrough or what's going on
around you.
Okay, here we go.
(20:31):
When someone is pissing you off,what do you think?
Shut the fuck up?
Sometimes you might even say itout loud.
Okay, when someone's beingobnoxious at the doctor's office
or the movies, or that drunkfriend or relative that gets way
too excited, you think shut thefuck up Again, sometimes you
(20:55):
might say it out loud.
Okay, believe it or not, ourbrains do some of the same
things to ourselves, andoftentimes our thoughts can be
obnoxious and annoying and toxicand the ultimate source of
what's pissing us off.
So the question becomes howoften do we tell ourselves to
(21:15):
shut the fuck up?
When is a good time to exercisetough love on yourself?
Our negative thoughts orinability to stop our brain from
rambling can cause sleeplessnights, stress, anxiety and foul
(21:35):
moods.
What if our problem is ourself?
How many believe that words andthoughts have power?
And if that's the case, whatare some of the things that
you're saying to yourself?
I'm talking about the thingsyou say concerning you.
On any given day, we'rebombarded by our addiction to
technology and social media,work, television, family, you
(21:57):
know, etc.
And all of these people andplaces and things pour into us,
but they take from ussimultaneously.
And society tells women to beperfect with long hair and an
hourglass figure, while men aresupposed to be millionaires and
six feet tall and well-endowedright.
So here we are at the end ofthe day in our moment of
(22:19):
reflection, and instead ofspeaking positivity, we attack
ourselves.
I'm fat, I'm lonely, I can't.
What if, if only?
And this becomes cyclical, dayin, day out, worldly stress,
family, work obligations andself-abuse.
No wonder so many of us sufferfrom depressions and feeling of
(22:43):
inadequacy and self-doubt.
Right, it's very rare.
Most of us are good toourselves.
We often blame others for oursituations and circumstances,
when sometimes we are our ownworst enemy and the most toxic
person in our life.
We are on a never-ending grind,with little to no family time,
(23:05):
no rest and relaxation and loadsof self-deprecation.
We see people in differentareas of life talking to
themselves and most times wethink they got mental health
issues.
However, if more of us hadfrequent conversations with
ourselves, we might be moreequipped to handle the things
that life throws at us.
I don't mean ask yourselfwhat's for dinner aloud okay,
(23:29):
don't do that but ask yourselfthe tough questions that force
you to be brutally honest.
Is this necessary?
Is this helping me?
Am I to blame?
And then process the responsesand the feelings that follow.
Okay.
Anything or anyone in life thatis not lifting you up, pouring
(23:49):
into you, encouraging andsupporting you, should
experience tough love by the wayof shut the fuck up, okay.
If you won't let someone elsewaste your time, then don't
waste your own time.
Your comments don't always haveto be positive but truthful, and
(24:12):
the goal is to identify whathappiness looks like for you.
Then embrace it and live in it.
Speak positivity and encourageyourself, your day, your space,
yourself, your day, your spaceand your life.
Declare that life is mine,peace is mine, success is mine,
and watch your brain begin toactivate the endorphins that
(24:34):
will bring about positivefeelings, positive interactions
and that internal peace thatlife tries to rob from you daily
.
The thought process will nothappen overnight.
Okay, we're all conditioned tobe critical and judgmental and
self-deprecating, so this willtake time.
Okay, I'm not naive to that,and it's going to take time and
(24:56):
dedication, but guess what?
You're worth it.
The more positivity you speakinward, the more your outward
voice will project positivityback to you and display itself
in other areas of your life.
Now, I'm not naive, okay, and Iknow that we have a petty and
reactive side that sometimesjumps out knowingly and
(25:19):
unknowingly, so in hopes ofpreventing chaos.
Here's a little last minuteadvice it might not be a good
idea to tell your boss to shutthe fuck up, but when someone is
hating on your joy, your love,your peace, your happiness, your
time, look at them and say, ornot say, shut the fuck up, I'm
(25:46):
worth it, okay.
So what is the narrative thatyou're telling yourself?
What are you beating yourselfup about?
Negative thoughts and commentsencourage negative emotions and
can manifest itself intophysical ailments.
We are sometimes our own worstenemy and we have to learn to
(26:14):
start speaking sweetly toourselves.
There is no need to keepkicking yourself and reliving
the past.
We must learn from our mistakesand then keep living.
Time that we spendinternalizing negative
narratives is time that we'renot spending living.
And what a horrible thing it isto miss out on life because you
(26:36):
can't get out of your own way,right?
There's a popular gospel songthat I love, and the words are
in small look in the mirror andencourage yourself, pat yourself
on the back and tell yourselfyou can make it.
And these words are so true.
Okay, there's always somethinggoing on and we need a little
(26:58):
extra something, something toget us through.
So I'm going to say this callon whatever or whoever it is
that you believe in, and pray onthat thing and meditate and
then listen for clarity, but inthe meantime, encourage yourself
, because words have power andwe can find the words to support
(27:20):
and encourage others, butoftentimes we have a hard time
internalizing those same wordsto uplift ourselves.
The co-founder of theHuffington Post, arianna
Huffington, says accurately andI love this so much failure is
part of success, not opposite.
And I know that when I wasconsidering going for my
(27:42):
doctorate, I was so wracked withemotions of the possibility of
failure and the fear of successbecause that's something too.
But it took me three yearsbefore I even applied and I had
to get to a point where I waslike Jamel, shut the fuck up,
like really, what are you doing?
And when I started to encouragemyself and lean on my faith, of
(28:06):
course, I started to be able toenvision better for myself and
the idea of failure became lesscrippling and it allowed me to
move on really.
So I hope this helps somebodyin some way, because because I
want you to understand thatnobody owes us anything and we
(28:28):
have the power to make thechange that we need and that we
seek in our lives.
So I will say if you believe insomething, pray on that thing,
but encourage yourself and thendo the work because you're worth
it and you can do it.
Yeah, we ought to do the workbecause you're worth it and you
(28:48):
can do it.
Yeah, we all do the next one.
So this is our last segment fortoday, everybody, and we're back
to our table talk.
So here's one of my crazyquestions, just for the fun of
it.
So I want you to throw this upin the air.
Last week, I said don't havethis conversation with your
spouse.
A lot of you did that anyway,so I'm going to leave it up to
(29:10):
you and let the chips fall wherethey may Like to hear it.
Here we go.
This is this week's question.
The spouse of the person you'recheating with shows up at your
door crying.
What do you do?
I'm going to say that again.
The spouse of the person you'recheating with shows up at your
(29:33):
door crying.
What do you do?
Do you comfort them?
Okay, now, bear in mind, youcan't lie.
I know that's the firstreaction.
You can't lie.
They already know whoever it isthat you're sleeping with, okay
, so you can't deny it.
That's not an option here.
Let's go for that, becausenormally these are confrontation
(29:55):
situations that often endreally bad.
Okay, like did you ask your man?
Okay, how am I supposed to helpyou and what are you expecting?
Like, come on in and I'll makeyou some tea.
Like this is my take on it.
Like, really, um, like, if youdon't get out of my face with
that nonsense, um, that's reallywhat I thought.
(30:18):
So put it in the comments,throw it around in your social
circles.
I'm gonna give it to you onemore time.
The spouse of the person you'recheating with shows up at your
door crying what do you do?
Okay, so let me give you acouple more before I go right.
(30:38):
Would you date someone with kids?
Why or why not?
Now, me personally, I say itdepends on how many kids you got
, and it depends on the kids.
You know, I don't see anythingwrong with dating someone with
kids, but I think too, beforeyou get completely invested in
(30:59):
that, you got to meet them kids,because baby, if they baby, I
don't know if that's what youreally want to do, because that
might be a little more than youwant to handle.
And you've got to check out thebaby mother too, because don't
nobody want to get into arelationship, you know, and have
some baby mother issues, andyou know how that happens.
(31:19):
You get roped in in thebeginning because everything is
the honeymoon phase, and thenyou wake up and you're dealing
with somebody that got a coupleof kids.
You know dudes, you know how itis the baby daddy and you got
all the baby daddy drama andsometimes that's really
unnecessary, so I'm going tothrow that out there.
Would you date someone withkids?
(31:40):
Would you get involved in arelationship with someone with
kids?
Right, relationship withsomeone with kids, right?
My next question is how wouldyou react if you found out that
your best friend was dating yourex?
I'm talking about your righthand.
(32:01):
How would you feel if yourright hand said listen me and
such and such got together andnow we're an item Bro, like I
don't know, your crew, mineain't having it, not having it
(32:25):
at all, like that's just that's,that's crazy.
Now let me say this I'm nottalking about your jump off or
your sneaky link, and even thatcould be a problem because it
depends on the duration and this, that and the third.
So even that could be a problem.
So let me not say that.
If it's in your circle, as asfar as I'm concerned, once they
(32:47):
smash, leave it alone.
Like it's just completely offlimits, like that's, that's just
too messy, it's entirely toomessy.
I'm gonna leave you with onemore.
This is how we do it.
How do you end a casualrelationship.
Do you ghost them?
Do you just come out and belike, yeah, what's done, like
it's a wrap's a wrap, I'm notputting up with this anymore,
(33:08):
whatever it is, I don't want tobe bothered or do you just kind
of slowly taper off and fade outone not answered phone call at
a time, or one too many I'm busyor I got to work late, or
something like that?
How do you fade off from asituation that you're in
something like that?
How do you fade off from asituation that you're in?
(33:28):
I know me, and in the past Iwas number C of the last couple
of responses I just gave you.
I was kind of the taper off,just kind of fall back, leave it
alone, because I didn't reallywant to deal with the in-between
in the conversation.
You know, I just kind of fellback from it altogether and
that's how I worked mysituations and it worked for me.
(33:50):
So let me ask you that put thatout there.
How do you taper off fromsituations?
Okay, that's it for me today,family, I had such a good time
and I hope you receive some gemstoday that can really help you
on your journey to becoming thebest you possible.
(34:11):
Really, that's all I want andI'll see you next Thursday.
Remember to tell a friend, totell a friend and follow me on
social media at the hood chatter.
That's the hood chatter.
You can search hood chatter allyour streaming platforms and
I'll come up.
Just look for this nice littlered logo right here.
(34:32):
Watch and listen, subscribe.
Thank you for being here andI'm going to leave you with this
.
Don't be upset with the resultsyou don't get from the work you
don't put in.
Susan Hyatt.
See you next week, guys.
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