May 17, 2024 • 25 mins
Ever found yourself questioning the bedrock upon which love and respect in relationships stand? That's precisely where our conversation leads in this week’s episode, as we strip back the veneer to explore the truth about commitment amidst the frenetic pace of our digital world. We discuss the critical elements that hold relationships together—honesty, trust, and communication—and how, despite the tests life throws our way, choosing fidelity remains within our power. Our dialogue doesn't shy away from the uncomfortable, as we consider whether monogamy still holds its ground or if infidelity has crept in as a distressing new standard.
This episode, we dive headfirst into the heart-wrenching aftermath of betrayal, guided by a potent audio clip that lays bare the strength and resilience demanded of those wronged by infidelity. I share insights into the nuances of male and female reactions to cheating, noting the starkly different societal expectations. We also contemplate the tough choices couples face in the wake of unfaithfulness, addressing the complexities of staying together for the kids or financial reasons. It's a candid discussion that underscores the need for open communication from the start and the alignment on life goals necessary for a respectful, loving partnership.
Wrapping up, we tackle the often unspoken complexities of relationships, such as navigating a partner's past same-sex encounters. It's a challenge to our own preconceptions and the double standards we may unknowingly hold. Above all, we champion the cause of honesty and growth within relationships and the extraordinary impact of life's smaller, yet pivotal moments. For those navigating these intricate challenges and in search of support, resources like the Turnaround Project stand ready to offer life coaching and guidance on the journey to betterment.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Yeah, what up?
Ain't nobody got time for that?
Speaker 2 (00:02):
HodgeKids, hodgewife.
Yo, you, good y'all, you aresuch a liar, a liar.
A liar, let's go, and that's onPivotal.
Speaker 1 (00:13):
HoodChatter.
Speaker 2 (00:18):
What's going on, everybody?
I am back again.
I'm your host, doc J, andwelcome to another episode of
Hood Chatter.
Okay, we are audio therapy,geared for the everyday person,
looking for an outlet forfriendly advice, truth, laughs
and sarcasm.
Okay, we are back with a brandnew episode, and this week it's
(00:44):
just us.
No testimonial, just us.
But I do have some audio that Iwant to play for you later.
That coincides with today'stopic, and today's topic is our
relationships, love and respect.
Our relationships, love andrespect, right.
So we're just going to getright into it, because love and
(01:05):
respect should be at theforefront of every relationship,
and that's whether you're in aheterosexual relationship or a
homosexual relationship or apartnership.
What all of us want is love andrespect.
Okay, so the Oxford Dictionarydefines the word relationship as
(01:26):
this the way in which twopeople are connected, right.
Oddly enough, the New Yorkstate government, on the website
, has a definition for healthyrelationships, right, and they
say a healthy relationship isone that involves honesty, trust
, respect and open communicationbetween partners, and they take
(01:49):
effort and compromise for bothpeople.
There is no imbalance of power.
Partners respect each other'sindependence, can make their own
decisions without fear ofretribution or retaliation and
shared decisions.
However, check this out.
The definition for a badrelationship is found on the
(02:11):
Planned Parenthood websiteExactly.
But listen to this.
Planned Parenthood defines abad relationship as lying,
cheating, jealousy anddisrespect are signs of an
unhealthy relationship.
Okay, so it's trying to controla partner.
That includes keeping track ofwhere they are, who they hang
(02:35):
out with, checking their phoneor email without permission.
Okay, who knew that?
Planned Parenthood would hitthe nail on the head Lying,
cheating and disrespect that'scrazy.
Trying to control your partner,keeping track of where they are
and who they hang out with howmany people in relationships or
(02:58):
how many people have you beenwith that?
The relationship went southbecause somebody is always
trying to keep track of whereyou are and what you're doing
and where you're going and wetalked about in the other show
on the first show come onplaying with somebody's phone
and getting in their emailwithout their permission.
Absolute, no, no, okay.
So I want to get into a questionright now.
(03:20):
Today, we're going to breakthis into three parts and this
is going to be commitment andmonogamy, cheating, and then the
benefits of working on yourrelationship.
So my question is is commitmentstill alive today?
Okay, is commitment still alivetoday?
(03:41):
Or is cheating and infidelitythe new norm?
Right, because in today's fastpaced, trending social media,
instant gratification societythat we live in, like really
does a committed relationshipstill exist?
Or is monogamy a thing of thepast?
And I'm talking about like truefaithful, like committed to
(04:04):
your relationship and to yourfamily.
Ok, now, I'm not talking aboutinnocent bar club flirting,
dancing.
Ok, because we all knoweverybody wants to feel desired
and know that, even if they'renot available, you know they
still got it, you know you stillwant to know you possess the
power to attract the oppositesex.
(04:26):
So I'm not referring to that atall, but I'm talking about when
you consent to being in arelationship with somebody.
Is the idea of monogamy stilltaken seriously these days?
And it's my experienceprofessionally and personally
that oftentimes people enterinto relationships fully
(04:47):
intended to be faithful, right,however, we know as
relationships develop,situations and circumstances
come up, challenge, getdisciplined.
They do, and we all know wehave the ability to be
disciplined.
But our ability to staycommitted and disciplined is
(05:09):
definitely a personal choice.
But with that I will say thatthere are instances in a
relationship that can push theother person away.
Right Lack of communication,lack of intimacy, lack of
personal growth, frustration,lack of intimacy, um, lack of
personal growth, some peoplegive up on themselves and other
(05:30):
people give up on theirrelationship and and really just
become emotionally unavailable.
Um, sometimes tragedy arise orfinancial hardships, and that
really then allows you to seethe true colors of your partner.
So, um, I do believe thatthere's some different factors
that play into the strength of arelationship.
But the question here is reallyto the mindset and not the
outset factors, because we allknow shit happens Really.
(05:54):
You know life be life and thereare a lot of things that are
completely outside of ourcontrol.
But when we begin a journeywith another person, is your
mindset geared towards beingfaithful, going into the
relationship?
Like, people have their ownconstruct of what cheating looks
(06:14):
like, but I can say most peopleare not OK with the idea of
being cheated on.
Now, I can say this isoftentimes something that a
woman has to go through and dealwith from a man right.
When a man cheats, a woman isexpected to eat that right and
deal with the apology.
And if your man is really aboutthat life, then it might come
(06:37):
with a gift.
But when a dude gets cheated onor better off, okay.
Men cannot fathom the idea ofanother man hitting their girl
from the back, right, and Idon't care how many apologies a
woman would give.
That's not going to suffice,because a woman is instantly
(06:57):
deemed a hoe or a whore or athot.
But the same rules do not applyto men, who oftentimes are
habitual cheaters.
But I do believe that we knowourselves and we know what we're
going through when we're goingthrough, and most of the time we
(07:17):
know what we need, what's notworking for us and cheating many
times comes from built up angerRight, and then it's used as a
tool for revenge or trying tolevel the playing field or a way
to feel better about somethingthat went wrong.
Right, and we have to start toadopt a different policy and
(07:41):
maybe that'll encourage morecommitment right.
We have to start being honestHonesty before anger Right,
really being honest before anger, because a lot of other person
have to say we often stay quietin times and instead of
(08:27):
communicating what's going onwith us in that moment, we let
it build up.
So let me say this Whetheryou're in a relationship or seek
in a relationship, let's startto evaluate our motivation right
and our mindset and reallycheck ourself, because you might
find that you're entering intorelationships for the wrong
(08:49):
reason, or you might be in arelationship and you just
genuinely wasted somebody's timeright, which is ridiculous, and
don't let nobody waste yourtime.
Like real talk, don't.
Don't let nobody waste yourtime Now.
I came across this clip rightOn Instagram, which absolutely
went viral, so I would imaginethat most of us have heard it,
(09:10):
but I do want to play it for younow, because real talk, it is
so real and it directly relatesto today's topic of our
relationships and love andrespect, and it so falls in line
with the essence of commitmentand monogamy and cheating, um,
so let's get into it and then wecan break it down.
Speaker 3 (09:32):
I mean great because I love you.
I never wanted to not be withyou.
I never wanted to be be withoutyou.
I want to do life with you.
But in the process of all thishappening, you a liar.
You got to a bitch and I had tohear from this bitch which our
relationship was about.
No, we not fucking, no more.
I want to see other people.
You act like you're the onlyfucker in this relationship that
(09:52):
other people want to.
No, we, we, no, let's, let's bereal, let's.
So what we gonna do is we gonnastay together.
We gonna have a beautiful lifetogether for the rest of our
lives.
We gonna continue getting moneytogether.
We gonna continue raising thislittle girl together.
We gonna have a fabulous home.
We're gonna love and take careof each other.
But I'm gonna other people andI hope you do too, oh jesus
(10:12):
christ.
And we will never, ever talkabout Don't bring me no babies,
don't bring me no diseases, butwe're going to do what we want
to do outside this house becauseto this point it has worked.
Speaker 2 (10:22):
Now, baby Girlfriend went in, like girlfriend went in
, like this is old schoolgrandma, abuela, shit right here
, like, really, because oldschool women were not naive and
they had their priorities,priorities, like, together in a
different way.
Okay, but they knew when thatman was cheating.
(10:42):
And most women know when theirman is cheating.
Okay, most women know whentheir man is cheating.
And fellas, unfortunately,women are so elegant with their
shit.
They could be cheating on youfor years and you never know it.
But these women right here,they were not thrown in the
(11:07):
towel because of that, withgrandma and girlfriend in this
clip.
They was like you cheating andnow we're supposed to start
selling property and splittingup kids.
Uh-uh, like I worked too hardfor all of that, right, but I
understand most women would nothave this mindset, right, but if
(11:29):
this works for you, it worksfor you.
Now for the fellas, right now,and I want you to be real, real
talk.
So now for the fellas, rightnow, and I want you to be real,
real talk.
Your girl catches you with yourjump ball and what you just
heard, that's what she hits youwith.
How are you going to deal withthat?
(11:51):
Because, truthfully, if you getcaught cheating, you expect for
some shit to pop off like,right off the bat, some arguing,
maybe some fighting, definitelybreaking up, or at least some
talks of breaking up, right, butold girl came at this situation
like a gangster.
So, fellas, how would youhandle your lady laying down the
law and checking you like thatBecause she really put him in
(12:14):
his place and is teaching him alesson, and checking you like
that because she really put himin his place and is teaching him
a lesson right now?
Granted, he messed up royallyright.
One for cheating, and this isthis, this, this is for the
dudes right now.
One for cheating, but two forletting your side chick feel
comfortable enough to violate.
I don't know what's going onthese days.
I'm going to leave that foranother show.
(12:37):
But dude was not ready for thatsmoke.
Let me say that he was notready for that smoke.
He probably didn't even knowthat she was capable of starting
that kind of fire.
Okay, and there was nothingthat he could do to put it out.
Okay, and okay.
I know some of y'all areprobably thinking if you're in a
committed relationship, why notjust leave before cheating?
(12:59):
Right, and you're right.
You're absolutely right.
Right, but I will say thisleaving is hard to do, okay, and
depending on the duration ofthe relationship, whether or not
the kids involved, or yourliving arrangements or
subscriptions because y'all knowwe bug out over our
subscriptions, right, especiallybecause netflix is limiting our
(13:21):
users now, bastards, um, butyou know it might be health
concerns or, you know, fear ofbeing alone.
Um, I cheat and shouldn't bethe first option.
But this is why we talk aboutstuff like this together.
Right, because when we get intoa relationship or when we're
(13:46):
dating, we have to start askingthe answer to, but you're too
afraid to ask because of, youknow, fear or rejection or fear
of commitment, fear of judgmentor whatever you've gone through
in the past.
But we have to start reallybeing real when we get into
(14:08):
relationships or while we're inthe dating phase, and start
really asking those questionslike have you ever been in love
or do you love me?
Um, will you cheat on me andare you wasting my time or is
this for real?
You know, if you're dating, doyou believe in god?
(14:29):
If you believe, do you wantchildren?
Because those things areimportant, you know what I'm
saying Like, do you believe indisciplining your children?
Or questions like what are yourgoals for the next five years?
Because you don't want to besitting around with someone
who's doing the same shit in2024 that they was doing in 2019
(14:51):
, right, let's alleviate a lotof potentially wasted time and
maybe we'll know more about whowe're dealing with before things
get too deep.
Because we find ourselvessometimes in relationships that
we wanted to be good or we werehoping for the best, but we
(15:12):
might have necessarily knew thatwe shouldn't have been in that
situation to begin with, right,well, we might have necessarily
knew that we shouldn't have beenin that situation to begin with
.
Right Now, I believe this goeshand in hand with commitment and
monogamy and the possibility ofcheating.
Right, when you're in arelationship, how often should
you be having sex?
And I want you to be real.
(15:33):
Like, how often should you havesex in order to keep your
relationship healthy and makesure that both people's needs
are being met?
Right, because bad bedroomsmess up good relationships.
Hear me when I say that Badbedrooms mess up good
(15:54):
relationships.
Now, it does make a differenceif you live together or not.
Right, because everyrelationship is different, so
sometimes you might have tofactor in work schedules, school
schedules, children sleep, youknow whatever, but you have to
work to keep your relationshipfresh, and that includes your
(16:15):
bedroom.
Right now.
It's my belief that in ahealthy relationship, y'all
should be getting it in at leastthree times a week, right, I
think that's safe.
At least three times a week.
Now, maybe on some weeks thatmight fluctuate, but for the
most three times a week shouldbe sufficient, right, and it
(16:36):
doesn't necessarily always haveto be intercourse, but you
should be doing something wherethe both of you are being
satisfied regularly and you taketime to bring the two of you
closer together as a unit.
Right, because you've got towork at that thing.
You can't just coast.
Got to work at that thing, youcan't just coast.
And let me say this If you'renot getting what you want in the
(16:57):
bedroom, speak up beforecommitment turns to creeping.
I'm going to say that again Ifyou're not getting what you want
in your bedroom, speak upbefore commitment turns to
creeping.
Okay, now shit should be 50 50in a relationship and this
professor and his wife say thisand I love it.
(17:19):
The aim of the 50, 50 is toemphasize that in every issue
that arises in a relationship,both people have the
responsibility and the beststrategy for addressing it.
Now, this might not work foreverybody, but let me say this I
do believe that living withsomebody before marriage is a
(17:41):
smart idea.
Right, because being togetheris one thing, but living
together is something totallydifferent.
Right, because that's the timewhen you really see whether or
not you want to stay together,or even if you like that person
once the honeymoon phase and theinfatuation dies.
Right, that's when you reallyfind out, like, what are your
(18:04):
goals and how that personoperates.
Like you need to see thingslike that, how a person operates
in an argument, or you know,one of the biggest things in
relationships that makerelationships go south is
challenges with finances.
So you know, you need to seewhat the money looks like and do
you have healthy financialhabits?
(18:24):
Are you okay with womenempowerment?
Or you know, as a woman, areyou okay with being the
breadwinner?
Or, as a man, are you okay withthat woman being the
breadwinner?
If that's the case, becausewhen Netflix is off and you
finish chilling like, do youeven have anything in common?
And I think living together issomething that's very helpful
(18:46):
before people get in long-termrelationships, right?
So let me say this If anybody'sgoing through the things that I
was talking about in referenceto being in a committed
relationship or, you know,dealing with cheating or how to
prevent cheating or hopefullyprevent cheating to keep your
relationship fresh and staycommitted to each other.
(19:10):
If you're going through this,you're definitely not alone,
right?
But this shit is all stuff thatwe need to be talking about,
right, we want advice on what towear or what to eat or where to
travel or where to hang out.
So why don't we seek counselwith the real challenges of our
life, right?
Maybe not from your singlebroke girlfriend or the boy,
(19:32):
your boy, who sleeps with madwomen, right, but advice from
somebody who will tell you thetruth, because relationships are
hard.
Right, relationships are hard.
You're not always happy.
Every day is not sunshine, okay, there are going to be days
when you want to say fuck it andwalk out.
(19:54):
Like real talk.
There are times when you willfeel underappreciated and there
are times when you willunderappreciate.
Let me say that again there aretimes when you will feel
underappreciated and there aretimes when you will
underappreciate,underappreciated, and there are
(20:16):
times when you willunderappreciate and nobody talks
about these things, right, likeyou see the Cosby show and
Grown-ish and you know showsthat offer family dynamics with
a comedic twist, right.
But one of the things that Iloved about the old school show
Good Times is that they alwayshighlighted the struggle and the
challenges and overcoming, butit also displayed the hard work
(20:38):
and the triumph and joy and painand love that comes with
working through life'schallenges and how those things
can strengthen your relationship.
All right, so we beat that inthe head, so we on to the next
one.
Speaker 1 (20:54):
We'll come on to talk , to need someone to listen,
looking for clarity and strategy.
Reach out to the turnaroundproject.
Our life coaches are here tohelp you on your journey to
getting better, doing better andbeing better.
Speaker 2 (21:21):
Tardem Run Project helping individuals learn to
help themselves.
Let me get y'all a couple ofgood questions before we exit
stage left, right?
So hold on, because you knowI'm coming with some shit right.
First, what is your opinion onthreesomes in a relationship?
(21:42):
I'm going to let that pause.
If you are sitting next to yourman or your girl right now,
don't turn and look at them inthe face.
Right now.
That's dirty.
That is so dirty.
But what is your opinion onthreesomes in a relationship?
That's first.
(22:03):
Second, do you tell yourpartner when they no longer look
the way that they did wheny'all got together?
You still looking at the personnext to you if you sitting next
to them.
Don't do that.
And I know, ladies, I knowexactly what you're thinking.
First and foremost, if thismother ever tells me that I'm
(22:27):
fat or something like that, it'sgoing to be a certified problem
.
Maybe the shoe should also goon the other foot, because, you
know, after a while dudes bethinking they sexy with that
belly and them tight jeans.
And this is the last questionI'm gonna leave you with, right?
Would you break up with yourspouse if you found out they had
(22:50):
sex with the same sex in thepast?
If you found out they had sexwith the same sex in the past.
Digest it, breathe, take it inProcess.
How would you feel if you foundout that your spouse had sex
(23:15):
with the same sex in the past?
And I'm not talking about beenin relationships or was dealing
with somebody for years.
I'm talking about a one-nightstand.
Now, keep in mind this is adouble standard here, because
women tend to get over on thiswith having that experience with
their girlfriend in college oryou know that one little drunk
night I kissed a girl and Iliked it right.
(23:36):
But that dynamic does notnecessarily apply to dudes.
So I want you to take that inand be definitely honest with it
.
Would you break up with yourspouse and is that a deal
breaker, if you found out thatthey had sex with the same sex
in the past?
So throw these around.
(23:58):
You know I'm going to postthese online.
All right, family, that's itfor me today.
Speaker 1 (24:05):
I'll catch you next week and remember, it's the
little things that matter, seeyou soon when we come on the
(24:44):
talk to need someone to listen,looking for clarity and strategy
.
Reach out to the TurnaroundProject.
Our life coaches are here tohelp you on your journey to
getting better, doing better andbeing better.
Tardem Run Project helpingindividuals learn to help
themselves.
Yeah, what up?
Ain't nobody got time for that?
Speaker 2 (00:02):
HodgeKids, hodgewife.
Yo, you, good y'all, you aresuch a liar, a liar.
A liar, let's go, and that's onPivotal.
Speaker 1 (00:13):
HoodChatter.
Speaker 2 (00:18):
What's going on, everybody?
I am back again.
I'm your host, doc J, andwelcome to another episode of
Hood Chatter.
Okay, we are audio therapy,geared for the everyday person,
looking for an outlet forfriendly advice, truth, laughs
and sarcasm.
Okay, we are back with a brandnew episode, and this week it's
(00:44):
just us.
No testimonial, just us.
But I do have some audio that Iwant to play for you later.
That coincides with today'stopic, and today's topic is our
relationships, love and respect.
Our relationships, love andrespect, right.
So we're just going to getright into it, because love and
(01:05):
respect should be at theforefront of every relationship,
and that's whether you're in aheterosexual relationship or a
homosexual relationship or apartnership.
What all of us want is love andrespect.
Okay, so the Oxford Dictionarydefines the word relationship as
(01:26):
this the way in which twopeople are connected, right.
Oddly enough, the New Yorkstate government, on the website
, has a definition for healthyrelationships, right, and they
say a healthy relationship isone that involves honesty, trust
, respect and open communicationbetween partners, and they take
(01:49):
effort and compromise for bothpeople.
There is no imbalance of power.
Partners respect each other'sindependence, can make their own
decisions without fear ofretribution or retaliation and
shared decisions.
However, check this out.
The definition for a badrelationship is found on the
(02:11):
Planned Parenthood websiteExactly.
But listen to this.
Planned Parenthood defines abad relationship as lying,
cheating, jealousy anddisrespect are signs of an
unhealthy relationship.
Okay, so it's trying to controla partner.
That includes keeping track ofwhere they are, who they hang
(02:35):
out with, checking their phoneor email without permission.
Okay, who knew that?
Planned Parenthood would hitthe nail on the head Lying,
cheating and disrespect that'scrazy.
Trying to control your partner,keeping track of where they are
and who they hang out with howmany people in relationships or
(02:58):
how many people have you beenwith that?
The relationship went southbecause somebody is always
trying to keep track of whereyou are and what you're doing
and where you're going and wetalked about in the other show
on the first show come onplaying with somebody's phone
and getting in their emailwithout their permission.
Absolute, no, no, okay.
So I want to get into a questionright now.
(03:20):
Today, we're going to breakthis into three parts and this
is going to be commitment andmonogamy, cheating, and then the
benefits of working on yourrelationship.
So my question is is commitmentstill alive today?
Okay, is commitment still alivetoday?
(03:41):
Or is cheating and infidelitythe new norm?
Right, because in today's fastpaced, trending social media,
instant gratification societythat we live in, like really
does a committed relationshipstill exist?
Or is monogamy a thing of thepast?
And I'm talking about like truefaithful, like committed to
(04:04):
your relationship and to yourfamily.
Ok, now, I'm not talking aboutinnocent bar club flirting,
dancing.
Ok, because we all knoweverybody wants to feel desired
and know that, even if they'renot available, you know they
still got it, you know you stillwant to know you possess the
power to attract the oppositesex.
(04:26):
So I'm not referring to that atall, but I'm talking about when
you consent to being in arelationship with somebody.
Is the idea of monogamy stilltaken seriously these days?
And it's my experienceprofessionally and personally
that oftentimes people enterinto relationships fully
(04:47):
intended to be faithful, right,however, we know as
relationships develop,situations and circumstances
come up, challenge, getdisciplined.
They do, and we all know wehave the ability to be
disciplined.
But our ability to staycommitted and disciplined is
(05:09):
definitely a personal choice.
But with that I will say thatthere are instances in a
relationship that can push theother person away.
Right Lack of communication,lack of intimacy, lack of
personal growth, frustration,lack of intimacy, um, lack of
personal growth, some peoplegive up on themselves and other
(05:30):
people give up on theirrelationship and and really just
become emotionally unavailable.
Um, sometimes tragedy arise orfinancial hardships, and that
really then allows you to seethe true colors of your partner.
So, um, I do believe thatthere's some different factors
that play into the strength of arelationship.
But the question here is reallyto the mindset and not the
outset factors, because we allknow shit happens Really.
(05:54):
You know life be life and thereare a lot of things that are
completely outside of ourcontrol.
But when we begin a journeywith another person, is your
mindset geared towards beingfaithful, going into the
relationship?
Like, people have their ownconstruct of what cheating looks
(06:14):
like, but I can say most peopleare not OK with the idea of
being cheated on.
Now, I can say this isoftentimes something that a
woman has to go through and dealwith from a man right.
When a man cheats, a woman isexpected to eat that right and
deal with the apology.
And if your man is really aboutthat life, then it might come
(06:37):
with a gift.
But when a dude gets cheated onor better off, okay.
Men cannot fathom the idea ofanother man hitting their girl
from the back, right, and Idon't care how many apologies a
woman would give.
That's not going to suffice,because a woman is instantly
(06:57):
deemed a hoe or a whore or athot.
But the same rules do not applyto men, who oftentimes are
habitual cheaters.
But I do believe that we knowourselves and we know what we're
going through when we're goingthrough, and most of the time we
(07:17):
know what we need, what's notworking for us and cheating many
times comes from built up angerRight, and then it's used as a
tool for revenge or trying tolevel the playing field or a way
to feel better about somethingthat went wrong.
Right, and we have to start toadopt a different policy and
(07:41):
maybe that'll encourage morecommitment right.
We have to start being honestHonesty before anger Right,
really being honest before anger, because a lot of other person
have to say we often stay quietin times and instead of
(08:27):
communicating what's going onwith us in that moment, we let
it build up.
So let me say this Whetheryou're in a relationship or seek
in a relationship, let's startto evaluate our motivation right
and our mindset and reallycheck ourself, because you might
find that you're entering intorelationships for the wrong
(08:49):
reason, or you might be in arelationship and you just
genuinely wasted somebody's timeright, which is ridiculous, and
don't let nobody waste yourtime.
Like real talk, don't.
Don't let nobody waste yourtime Now.
I came across this clip rightOn Instagram, which absolutely
went viral, so I would imaginethat most of us have heard it,
(09:10):
but I do want to play it for younow, because real talk, it is
so real and it directly relatesto today's topic of our
relationships and love andrespect, and it so falls in line
with the essence of commitmentand monogamy and cheating, um,
so let's get into it and then wecan break it down.
Speaker 3 (09:32):
I mean great because I love you.
I never wanted to not be withyou.
I never wanted to be be withoutyou.
I want to do life with you.
But in the process of all thishappening, you a liar.
You got to a bitch and I had tohear from this bitch which our
relationship was about.
No, we not fucking, no more.
I want to see other people.
You act like you're the onlyfucker in this relationship that
(09:52):
other people want to.
No, we, we, no, let's, let's bereal, let's.
So what we gonna do is we gonnastay together.
We gonna have a beautiful lifetogether for the rest of our
lives.
We gonna continue getting moneytogether.
We gonna continue raising thislittle girl together.
We gonna have a fabulous home.
We're gonna love and take careof each other.
But I'm gonna other people andI hope you do too, oh jesus
(10:12):
christ.
And we will never, ever talkabout Don't bring me no babies,
don't bring me no diseases, butwe're going to do what we want
to do outside this house becauseto this point it has worked.
Speaker 2 (10:22):
Now, baby Girlfriend went in, like girlfriend went in
, like this is old schoolgrandma, abuela, shit right here
, like, really, because oldschool women were not naive and
they had their priorities,priorities, like, together in a
different way.
Okay, but they knew when thatman was cheating.
(10:42):
And most women know when theirman is cheating.
Okay, most women know whentheir man is cheating.
And fellas, unfortunately,women are so elegant with their
shit.
They could be cheating on youfor years and you never know it.
But these women right here,they were not thrown in the
(11:07):
towel because of that, withgrandma and girlfriend in this
clip.
They was like you cheating andnow we're supposed to start
selling property and splittingup kids.
Uh-uh, like I worked too hardfor all of that, right, but I
understand most women would nothave this mindset, right, but if
(11:29):
this works for you, it worksfor you.
Now for the fellas, right now,and I want you to be real, real
talk.
So now for the fellas, rightnow, and I want you to be real,
real talk.
Your girl catches you with yourjump ball and what you just
heard, that's what she hits youwith.
How are you going to deal withthat?
(11:51):
Because, truthfully, if you getcaught cheating, you expect for
some shit to pop off like,right off the bat, some arguing,
maybe some fighting, definitelybreaking up, or at least some
talks of breaking up, right, butold girl came at this situation
like a gangster.
So, fellas, how would youhandle your lady laying down the
law and checking you like thatBecause she really put him in
(12:14):
his place and is teaching him alesson, and checking you like
that because she really put himin his place and is teaching him
a lesson right now?
Granted, he messed up royallyright.
One for cheating, and this isthis, this, this is for the
dudes right now.
One for cheating, but two forletting your side chick feel
comfortable enough to violate.
I don't know what's going onthese days.
I'm going to leave that foranother show.
(12:37):
But dude was not ready for thatsmoke.
Let me say that he was notready for that smoke.
He probably didn't even knowthat she was capable of starting
that kind of fire.
Okay, and there was nothingthat he could do to put it out.
Okay, and okay.
I know some of y'all areprobably thinking if you're in a
committed relationship, why notjust leave before cheating?
(12:59):
Right, and you're right.
You're absolutely right.
Right, but I will say thisleaving is hard to do, okay, and
depending on the duration ofthe relationship, whether or not
the kids involved, or yourliving arrangements or
subscriptions because y'all knowwe bug out over our
subscriptions, right, especiallybecause netflix is limiting our
(13:21):
users now, bastards, um, butyou know it might be health
concerns or, you know, fear ofbeing alone.
Um, I cheat and shouldn't bethe first option.
But this is why we talk aboutstuff like this together.
Right, because when we get intoa relationship or when we're
(13:46):
dating, we have to start askingthe answer to, but you're too
afraid to ask because of, youknow, fear or rejection or fear
of commitment, fear of judgmentor whatever you've gone through
in the past.
But we have to start reallybeing real when we get into
(14:08):
relationships or while we're inthe dating phase, and start
really asking those questionslike have you ever been in love
or do you love me?
Um, will you cheat on me andare you wasting my time or is
this for real?
You know, if you're dating, doyou believe in god?
(14:29):
If you believe, do you wantchildren?
Because those things areimportant, you know what I'm
saying Like, do you believe indisciplining your children?
Or questions like what are yourgoals for the next five years?
Because you don't want to besitting around with someone
who's doing the same shit in2024 that they was doing in 2019
(14:51):
, right, let's alleviate a lotof potentially wasted time and
maybe we'll know more about whowe're dealing with before things
get too deep.
Because we find ourselvessometimes in relationships that
we wanted to be good or we werehoping for the best, but we
(15:12):
might have necessarily knew thatwe shouldn't have been in that
situation to begin with, right,well, we might have necessarily
knew that we shouldn't have beenin that situation to begin with
.
Right Now, I believe this goeshand in hand with commitment and
monogamy and the possibility ofcheating.
Right, when you're in arelationship, how often should
you be having sex?
And I want you to be real.
(15:33):
Like, how often should you havesex in order to keep your
relationship healthy and makesure that both people's needs
are being met?
Right, because bad bedroomsmess up good relationships.
Hear me when I say that Badbedrooms mess up good
(15:54):
relationships.
Now, it does make a differenceif you live together or not.
Right, because everyrelationship is different, so
sometimes you might have tofactor in work schedules, school
schedules, children sleep, youknow whatever, but you have to
work to keep your relationshipfresh, and that includes your
(16:15):
bedroom.
Right now.
It's my belief that in ahealthy relationship, y'all
should be getting it in at leastthree times a week, right, I
think that's safe.
At least three times a week.
Now, maybe on some weeks thatmight fluctuate, but for the
most three times a week shouldbe sufficient, right, and it
(16:36):
doesn't necessarily always haveto be intercourse, but you
should be doing something wherethe both of you are being
satisfied regularly and you taketime to bring the two of you
closer together as a unit.
Right, because you've got towork at that thing.
You can't just coast.
Got to work at that thing, youcan't just coast.
And let me say this If you'renot getting what you want in the
(16:57):
bedroom, speak up beforecommitment turns to creeping.
I'm going to say that again Ifyou're not getting what you want
in your bedroom, speak upbefore commitment turns to
creeping.
Okay, now shit should be 50 50in a relationship and this
professor and his wife say thisand I love it.
(17:19):
The aim of the 50, 50 is toemphasize that in every issue
that arises in a relationship,both people have the
responsibility and the beststrategy for addressing it.
Now, this might not work foreverybody, but let me say this I
do believe that living withsomebody before marriage is a
(17:41):
smart idea.
Right, because being togetheris one thing, but living
together is something totallydifferent.
Right, because that's the timewhen you really see whether or
not you want to stay together,or even if you like that person
once the honeymoon phase and theinfatuation dies.
Right, that's when you reallyfind out, like, what are your
(18:04):
goals and how that personoperates.
Like you need to see thingslike that, how a person operates
in an argument, or you know,one of the biggest things in
relationships that makerelationships go south is
challenges with finances.
So you know, you need to seewhat the money looks like and do
you have healthy financialhabits?
(18:24):
Are you okay with womenempowerment?
Or you know, as a woman, areyou okay with being the
breadwinner?
Or, as a man, are you okay withthat woman being the
breadwinner?
If that's the case, becausewhen Netflix is off and you
finish chilling like, do youeven have anything in common?
And I think living together issomething that's very helpful
(18:46):
before people get in long-termrelationships, right?
So let me say this If anybody'sgoing through the things that I
was talking about in referenceto being in a committed
relationship or, you know,dealing with cheating or how to
prevent cheating or hopefullyprevent cheating to keep your
relationship fresh and staycommitted to each other.
(19:10):
If you're going through this,you're definitely not alone,
right?
But this shit is all stuff thatwe need to be talking about,
right, we want advice on what towear or what to eat or where to
travel or where to hang out.
So why don't we seek counselwith the real challenges of our
life, right?
Maybe not from your singlebroke girlfriend or the boy,
(19:32):
your boy, who sleeps with madwomen, right, but advice from
somebody who will tell you thetruth, because relationships are
hard.
Right, relationships are hard.
You're not always happy.
Every day is not sunshine, okay, there are going to be days
when you want to say fuck it andwalk out.
(19:54):
Like real talk.
There are times when you willfeel underappreciated and there
are times when you willunderappreciate.
Let me say that again there aretimes when you will feel
underappreciated and there aretimes when you will
underappreciate,underappreciated, and there are
(20:16):
times when you willunderappreciate and nobody talks
about these things, right, likeyou see the Cosby show and
Grown-ish and you know showsthat offer family dynamics with
a comedic twist, right.
But one of the things that Iloved about the old school show
Good Times is that they alwayshighlighted the struggle and the
challenges and overcoming, butit also displayed the hard work
(20:38):
and the triumph and joy and painand love that comes with
working through life'schallenges and how those things
can strengthen your relationship.
All right, so we beat that inthe head, so we on to the next
one.
Speaker 1 (20:54):
We'll come on to talk , to need someone to listen,
looking for clarity and strategy.
Reach out to the turnaroundproject.
Our life coaches are here tohelp you on your journey to
getting better, doing better andbeing better.
Speaker 2 (21:21):
Tardem Run Project helping individuals learn to
help themselves.
Let me get y'all a couple ofgood questions before we exit
stage left, right?
So hold on, because you knowI'm coming with some shit right.
First, what is your opinion onthreesomes in a relationship?
(21:42):
I'm going to let that pause.
If you are sitting next to yourman or your girl right now,
don't turn and look at them inthe face.
Right now.
That's dirty.
That is so dirty.
But what is your opinion onthreesomes in a relationship?
That's first.
(22:03):
Second, do you tell yourpartner when they no longer look
the way that they did wheny'all got together?
You still looking at the personnext to you if you sitting next
to them.
Don't do that.
And I know, ladies, I knowexactly what you're thinking.
First and foremost, if thismother ever tells me that I'm
(22:27):
fat or something like that, it'sgoing to be a certified problem
.
Maybe the shoe should also goon the other foot, because, you
know, after a while dudes bethinking they sexy with that
belly and them tight jeans.
And this is the last questionI'm gonna leave you with, right?
Would you break up with yourspouse if you found out they had
(22:50):
sex with the same sex in thepast?
If you found out they had sexwith the same sex in the past.
Digest it, breathe, take it inProcess.
How would you feel if you foundout that your spouse had sex
(23:15):
with the same sex in the past?
And I'm not talking about beenin relationships or was dealing
with somebody for years.
I'm talking about a one-nightstand.
Now, keep in mind this is adouble standard here, because
women tend to get over on thiswith having that experience with
their girlfriend in college oryou know that one little drunk
night I kissed a girl and Iliked it right.
(23:36):
But that dynamic does notnecessarily apply to dudes.
So I want you to take that inand be definitely honest with it
.
Would you break up with yourspouse and is that a deal
breaker, if you found out thatthey had sex with the same sex
in the past?
So throw these around.
(23:58):
You know I'm going to postthese online.
All right, family, that's itfor me today.
Speaker 1 (24:05):
I'll catch you next week and remember, it's the
little things that matter, seeyou soon when we come on the
(24:44):
talk to need someone to listen,looking for clarity and strategy
.
Reach out to the TurnaroundProject.
Our life coaches are here tohelp you on your journey to
getting better, doing better andbeing better.
Tardem Run Project helpingindividuals learn to help
themselves.
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