May 22, 2024 • 28 mins
Have you ever felt lost in the labyrinth of modern parenting? Tune in for a heartfelt and enlightening journey as we navigate the ups and downs of raising kids in the digital age. We'll sift through the barrage of information and advice thrown at today's parents, tackling topics from the evolved 'stranger danger' to the fine line between discipline and abuse. Celebrate the triumphs of May's graduates with us and empathize with the complexities faced by single parents during the upcoming summer months.
Parenting encompasses joys, challenges, and a plethora of choices that can shape our children's futures. This episode brings to light the emotional rollercoaster involved in nurturing young minds, the significance of selecting a co-parenting partner, and the paradox of boredom amidst a plethora of digital distractions. We delve into the impact of social media on mental health, the intricacies of explaining diverse family structures to kids, and the financial strains of setting up college funds and instilling money management skills. Our discussion pays homage to the changing face of education and the necessity of preparing our offspring for the real world.
Ending on a note of introspection and self-improvement, we grapple with moral dilemmas such as encountering a fortune at an ATM and dealing with the aftermath of infidelity. We also discuss the struggle of managing conflicts with a child's antagonistic teacher. Through sharing my personal growth and life's lessons, I hope to offer solace and guidance. We round off by celebrating our community's support and invite listeners to join us on social media and participate in the Turnaround Project, fostering resilience and empowerment.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Yeah, what up.
Speaker 2 (00:01):
Ain't nobody got time for that.
Speaker 1 (00:02):
HodgeKids HodgeWife.
Yo you good yo.
You are such a liar.
You're a liar, it's live.
Speaker 2 (00:08):
Let's go, it's live.
Speaker 1 (00:09):
And that's on Pivotal HoodChatter.
What's going on, family?
I'm your host, doc J, andwelcome to another episode of
Good Chatter, come on.
I want to thank you guys forsharing in this experience with
(00:31):
me.
You know how we do.
So far this is going good, guys.
The weather is finally breaking, so I'm hoping everybody is
starting to enjoy this niceweather and these couple of nice
days and, as we prepare forMemorial Day, I just want to say
happy Memorial Day to everybodyin advance.
Be safe, drink safe, thinksmart and just enjoy yourself,
(00:57):
okay.
So today's episode is all aboutnew age kids and the challenges
of raising children in today'ssociety, so let's just jump
right in.
I was online the other day andI read this blog that a parent
wrote a guy and he talked abouthow, when he grew up, he was
(01:18):
able to go to the playground orto the mall or whatever by
himself or with his friendswe're talking pre-cell phone era
, so he was able to make collectcalls and if he needed his
mother to come and pick him up,if he missed the bus you know
him and his friends then hecould do that.
Or if he fell off the junglegym at the school and he needed
(01:40):
his mom to come and pick him up.
You know that whole thing, thewhole parent thing.
But then he also describes atime that he grew up where, when
he got home from school, hisparents were still at work and
he was at home most of the timewhen they got off.
So right now he describes hisbiggest challenge today as
(02:03):
trying to keep his daughter safe, and I know that really sounds
like every parent's challengesince the beginning of time.
But it's really so differentnow because parents have all the
information they could possiblywant and need.
But a lot of the times thatinformation contradicts each
other and changes with the wind.
Right.
Something simple as strangerdanger is no longer the creepy
(02:26):
guy in the van.
You know, it's the teacher inthe classroom or the coach on
the swim team, it's the mom downthe street or that invisible
man on the internet.
So something like strangerdanger isn't that simple anymore
.
There are potent drugs that candestroy your mind the first
time you use them, or sometimeseven vaccines that a doctor
(02:48):
recommends, meat that you buy atthe store or clothes that you
purchased online.
So he described how he was sofearful about leaving his child
alone for even a moment and thepossibility of them being taken
away or something happening tothem.
And maybe the old sayingignorance is bliss is true.
(03:10):
But he says that his motherwasn't bombarded by the amount
of information that we haveright now.
She raised her kids with hergut and her instinct and on the
things that her parents broughther up on.
Now I don't know about you, butthis is exactly how I grew up
Like.
I was independent at the age ofsix.
(03:31):
I washed clothes, I had my ownhouse key.
I was left at home while myparents were working right.
But I also received strictinstructions that I knew needed
to be followed.
You don't open the door.
You don't touch the stove.
You don't tell nobody yourbusiness.
You come right in this houseafter you get off that school
(03:52):
bus.
You be in the house beforethose streetlights come on.
Don't be in the streets actinglike you no fool.
Act like you got some hometraining.
Don't let nobody tell me youout in the street acting crazy.
Okay, y'all know I'm talkingright, you was not about to
embarrass our parents.
It was straight.
Watch him out, stay out ofgrown folks conversation.
(04:14):
Don't interrupt me when I'mtalking.
Okay, I know I'm on point, butwhen we were kids, we knew we
had to follow instructions,because the alternative of not
following instructions was whatgetting your ass whooped which,
might I add, is somethingtotally different than being
abused.
Let me say that discipline andabuse are two different things.
(04:37):
However, the lines becomeblurred with the person shelling
out the discipline, but for thevast majority of people,
disciplining their children is aform of tough love that helps
them along the way.
Okay, a lot of people havethings to say about the
different ways in which parentsdiscipline their children.
You know Karen's right.
(04:57):
However, the same people thatmake those comments are not
going to help you raise yourkids, and they're not going to
help you with the challenges ofraising your kids.
So let me say this to theparents govern yourself
accordingly, what works for youand your household.
That's what it is.
Don't try to keep up with theJoneses and, you know, dictate
(05:18):
what you got going on in yourhouse by what everybody else has
going on in theirs, right?
So it's the month of May, it isprom season and graduation
season, so I want to shout outanybody that's graduating right
now, and I also want to shoutout the parents of any kids that
(05:38):
are graduating right now,because I know the struggle that
it is for you to get your kidsto graduation and across that
stage.
So kudos to all of you.
And as we approach the end ofthe school year and prepare for
the summer, I want to ask youwhat do you do with your
children for the summer,especially during that
(05:58):
transition period between schoolending and the beginning of
camp?
Like, what do you really dowith your kids?
Now, I know the edgier child isa big factor, right, and some
need a babysitter and others arejust old enough to be
self-sufficient.
But I'm talking about peoplethat don't have family members
(06:19):
or can't afford a sitter orcan't get financial support for
daycare.
What do they do?
Like, what do y'all really do?
Now?
I don't have kids of my ownright, but I am a mega godparent
and I've been looking afterchildren since I was a child.
So I wanted to touch on thistopic to shed light on some of
(06:39):
the things that today's parentsface, and for me, I'm always
perplexed at how often kids areout of school when parents have
to work.
So what does a parent do withtheir children on breaks and
summers?
And if you don't have access tochildcare or if you work full
time.
How do you handle that?
(07:00):
And a lot of today's kids Iknow have traded in face-to-face
interaction and outdooractivities for online gaming and
messing with their phones andthings of that sort, so they are
a lot less inclined to hang outwith their friends.
But they also have a biggervocabulary than we had at our
age to express themselves andthe way that they feel.
(07:22):
But especially single parentslike I would imagine that's a
hell of a challenge right there.
Something as simple as justfinding child care.
Now, I know most parents willtell you that being a parent is
enjoyable and rewarding, butothers will testify that
parenting is tiring andstressful, and I believe that
(07:47):
other parents appreciate thathonesty, because something so
simple as child care is achallenge if you don't have
support.
Now, I also think that dependswidely on the age of your
children, but I can say that anyparent who is honest can say
that at times, parenting can betiring and stressful, and it's a
(08:10):
responsibility that far toomany people underestimate.
Right, let me say this too Knowwho you're having kids with,
because no one signs up to be asingle parent and you don't lay
down with your partner with thehope of being a baby mama or a
baby daddy, so know who it isyou're having kids with.
(08:32):
Ok, I just needed to stick thatin there real quick and with
that I will say I've never seenso many children either that are
bored in my life, that arebored in my life Like.
I talk to some of my nieces andnephews and godchildren and the
common thread is always I'mbored and I've never seen
anything like it.
(08:53):
Like most often today'schildren are glued to their
phones or their games and theydon't enjoy going outside or
social interactions.
But then they claim to be boredLike, really Like.
Have you ever tried taking acell phone away from a child or
restricting their internet time?
You would think you absolutelyshot your child.
(09:15):
Like it's a complete emotionalmeltdown.
But shit, I can say that I'veseen that from some adults too.
But really, believe it or not?
There's actually therapy forsocial media addiction and that
therapy is basically when peopleuse social media to avoid
uncomfortable or negativeemotions or they rely on it for
(09:39):
feelings of validation andself-worth.
Now let this be made clear.
Let this be made completelyclear Parenting is the hardest
job in the world and for mostfirst time parents it is a lot
harder than you anticipate inand in the dating phase.
(10:08):
Talk about children anddiscipline when you're in the
dating phase, because theanswers to those questions are
important and they can beimmediate deal breakers.
They can also save a lot oftime and a lot of anger for 18
years after you've had a child.
Now, the goal for any parentnormally for their kids is to
have a better life than they had.
But the vast majority of us, orof parents today, are urban
(10:31):
parents raising suburbanchildren.
These kids have more than weever did, like starting from the
gender reveal.
Like really, I mean shit.
Gender reveals end up beingjust as big as a baby shower or
bigger, and come with gifts andparties and whatnot.
So these kids are laced and Ithink sometimes today's parents
(10:55):
put a little too much pressureon themselves to be perfect
parents or to have perfectchildren perfect children.
But let me say this parentinghas been challenging for
everyone since the dawn of time,but everyone figures it out as
they go.
So to expecting parents orthose considering becoming a
(11:17):
parent you'll be fine.
Don't let the discussion we'vehad so far discourage you.
You'll be absolutely fine.
Now it is worth mentioning thattoday's parents have to deal
with things that previousgenerations could have never
imagined right, and in the samesense, I don't think today's
parents would have been equippedto deal with the challenges
(11:40):
that our foreparents did right.
I heard a parent say on socialmedia which is funny, but true,
you know.
Maybe not so funny for somepeople, but true, but she said
that she learned about the birdsand the bees when she was
growing up.
But she said now she has toteach her children about the
birds and the bees, the bees andthe bees, the birds and the
(12:02):
birds, the birds that want to bebirds, the birds that want to
be bees.
And when I really processedthat, I was like shit, like that
is a bit much.
And I thought about it likethat language is a lot, even for
the bees.
So I thought for parents tohave to explain something like
(12:24):
that to a child oftentimesthat's things that they might
not even necessarily understandor agree with that's got to be
challenging beyond measure.
So parents today have anenormous amount of challenges to
face when raising thisgeneration.
(12:44):
And to add to that, there's agrowing youth mental health
crisis, especially followingCOVID, and parents with young
children say that they'reworried about their children
experiencing anxiety anddepression.
This is a lot of what I've beenhearing in some of my groups
with parents lately, and I did alittle bit of research and it's
(13:07):
been noted that some of the topmental health concerns for
children are being bullied,drugs and alcohol, teen
pregnancy and the possibility ofgetting in trouble by the
police.
So to add to that, the cost ofthings these days and inflation,
it's becoming harder and harderfor a parent to create college
(13:28):
funds for their children or evenhave a little for savings in
case of emergency.
It's crazy, and in this day andage, some parents are even
shying away from traditionalsuggestions or expectations of
college education for theirchildren, especially in lieu of
social media influencers andtrends, many parents today are
(13:52):
more concerned with theirchildren's financial
independence and careersatisfaction.
Let me put a pen in there rightthere, because I want to say and
I truly believe this, so hearme when I say this invest in
teaching your children thebenefits of saving and money
management, Because growing upwe didn't get those lessons and
(14:14):
oftentimes our parents were justtrying to make it, you know,
keep their head above water.
But we need to be teaching ourchildren at a young age the
value of a dollar, becausetrigonometry and calculus that's
beneficial if you're going intothe sciences, but for the vast
majority of us, money managementwould be a better suited class
(14:35):
to prepare for real life, and itwould have been a better suited
class for us growing up as well, because, regardless of what
industry your child ends up in,money is power and, as one of my
friends, up in money is power.
And, as one of my friends wouldsay, cash is king.
And a lot of parents I'mhearing from say that finances
are oftentimes some of theirbiggest challenges.
(14:55):
Many people, especially in NewYork, do not qualify for state
assistance and many singleparents do not receive child
support, and daycare oftentimesbecomes an expense that
virtually eats up their salaryaltogether.
One of my girlfriends told methat if she's late to pick up
her son from daycare, the chargeis a dollar a minute.
(15:17):
A minute, I'm like are youkidding me?
Most parents.
After the research I did, Ifound most parents pay between
$24,000 and $32,000 a year fordaycare, and these might be some
of the lower-end services.
These might not be high-enddaycares I'm talking about here.
(15:38):
Right Like shit.
Just in a short amount of timewe've touched on challenges of
sexuality, mental health,financial stability.
Like that's crazy.
Parenting is hard.
Parenting is hard.
(16:01):
However, most parents will tellyou that the rewards outweigh
the challenges.
However, the details can bescary for a new parent and an
expecting parent or peopleconsidering becoming parents,
and it's crazy too, let me saythis once your children grow out
of the pricey daycare phase,grocery shopping becomes the
(16:24):
next big bill.
And these boys nowadays are six, six and two hundred pounds,
and these young girls arethicker than a snicker by the
age of 12.
But that's a whole differentshow.
That's a that's a wholedifferent show.
Right now, we have to be mindfulof the changes in today's time.
Right, because our childrentoday are bombarded by an
(16:46):
overwhelming amount ofinformation, much of which is
fake news or false narratives orfilters that lead to children
believing that much of what theysee online and on social media
is factual, from, you know,random challenges to fancy cars,
designer clothes, exoticvacations, gaming and now with
(17:08):
AI.
And this is all before theirschoolwork and activities and
family or whatever else.
So we have to be mindful aswell about the things that we're
letting pour into our children,because today's society blurs
the lines between what is realand what is a facade, and
(17:30):
although I'm not a parent myself, I can adopt this for my
interactions with my nieces andnephews and godchildren.
So let me say we have to takesome responsibility in the
things that our childrenexperience.
Right, because we put a cellphone in their hands to keep
them quiet from the age of one.
So by the time they're two orthree they can work the phones
(17:52):
or the tablets just as good, ifnot better, than we can.
They listen to the same musicthat we do.
They watch the same housewivesthat we do.
They eat the same McDonald'sthat we eat.
So we can't be 100 percentsurprised that these children
are so overwhelmed and anxiousand sometimes overweight.
(18:13):
Like we got to start to channelsome of the lessons from Big
Mama, like remember Big Mama,okay.
Like, for example, we got tostart to teach our children how
to cook and notice, I did notsay teach little girls how to
cook.
A man should know how to takecare of himself.
Just the same, teaching a childhow to cook can change the way
(18:37):
that they look at food and, ifnothing else, can limit the
amount of fast food that theytake in.
And it's small things like that, you know, like the benefits of
ironing your clothes or makingyour bed or cleaning your house
you know what I'm saying.
Then we teach them what we'vepicked up along the way, like
the benefits of financialfreedom and the pros and cons of
social media and how toexercise common sense in that
(19:01):
area.
And I think sometimes we forgetto tap back into the things that
helped us get to where we are.
And I'm going to churchy withyou for a minute, because
Proverbs 22 and six says thatyou train a child in the way in
which they should go, and whenthey get old they will not
depart.
And I truly believe that,because how often did our
(19:22):
parents tell us some stuff thatseemed completely irrelevant, or
made comments that we knew didnot apply to us in any way or
would not affect us at all, andthen to find out when we got
older that our parents knew alot more than we gave them
credit for.
And although we made a lot ofmistakes, the vast majority of
us still managed to come back tothat foundation and the core of
(19:45):
what our parents taught us.
So, to parents involved,parents, active parents,
guardians, expecting parents, Itake my hat off to you, I
absolutely take my hat off toyou, but I want to tell you this
Remember to be kind to yourselfand just do the best that you
(20:06):
can.
You know, leave with love andeverything else will fall into
place.
I truly believe that.
Okay, so let's get into sometable talk before we exit stage
left.
Okay, yeah, we on to the nextone, we on to the next one.
All right, like to hear it.
Here you go, and let me saythis first sorry, thank you to
all of the people that arepouring in with comments and
(20:29):
positive feedback.
I've heard that these questionsare going over very well and I'm
really so happy to hear that Ireally am.
I try to give us real lifesituations at the top of the
show and then something to makeus smile at the end, because we
go through so much shit on adaily basis.
We need counsel, we need someform of therapy or clarity or
(20:52):
just a stress-free outlet thathelps reveal your most authentic
self.
You know what I'm saying, butwe also need something that just
makes us laugh and to take ourthoughts off of some of life's
garbage, even if only for ashort period of time.
So let's do this Now.
This question is for the ladies,and maybe not necessarily funny
(21:15):
, but true and conversationworthy.
So here we go.
Ladies, do you think that yourman or husband has become the
extra child in the house?
It's not frozen.
Ladies, do you think that yourman or your husband has become
(21:37):
the extra child in the house?
And I ask this because I can'ttell you how many of my
girlfriends or my clients I have.
That'll be the first to tellyou.
I have three kids.
Two of them I had, but one ofthem are my husband or I.
Don't understand what's wrongwith this mother or why I got to
tell a grown man to pick upafter himself or repeat the same
(22:00):
shit over and over again.
And then he's mad at me.
When I tell him something, hetell me I'm treating him like a
child, like I can't tell you howmany times I hear that.
But oh shit, hold on, ladies.
If you sit next to your manright now, don't look at him,
because in this moment he hatesme for bringing this shit up.
(22:24):
Let me tell you that.
And if you say anything rightnow, he hates you too.
So don't, don't look at him,don't say nothing.
Okay, just talk about that Abunch of girlfriends that have
children and see how they feelabout the situation.
Okay, I just had to throw thatout there based on what we were
(22:45):
just talking about.
So here let's get into some goodquestions.
You go to the bank to withdrawyour last $100.
When you get to the machine,you realize that the person
before you left their card inthe machine, this session is
still active and they have$10,000 in their account.
What do you do Now?
(23:08):
Bear in mind, the person justwalked out, so you still have
time to catch them before it'stoo late.
Just walked out, so you stillhave time to catch them before
it's too late.
But you go into the bank totake out your last hundred
dollars and you find that theperson before you's card is
still in the atm, the session isstill active and they got ten
thousand dollars in the account.
What do you do now?
(23:30):
I know some of y'all done leftthe chatter and the neighborhood
behind and then just wentstraight hood Like.
I know that I can feel the auraand the energy right through
the PC and the audio.
I can feel it.
But at this stage in your life,be honest, what would you do?
Because I can say honestly, ifthis was 20 years ago or when I
(23:52):
was younger.
Oh, it's a wrap.
It's straight vacation andGucci it's a wrap.
But at this stage in my life Ireally believe in bad karma.
And you do dirt, you get dirt,right.
And even if somebody had thatamount of money in their account
, versus me having $100, youdon't know what they got to do
(24:14):
with that money or you don'tknow what it took for them to
get that money.
So I really think that that's atouchy situation and to each
his own.
But I can understand somepeople that's hungry that might
be really tempted, right?
Okay.
So here's the next question.
(24:35):
Your spouse comes home and tellsyou that they are, or they have
gotten somebody, pregnant.
What do you do?
So your spouse comes home andyour woman tells you that she's
pregnant, or your man comes homeand he tells you yo ma, I got
such and such pregnant.
(24:55):
What do you do?
Wait, to add to that, what ifyou know the person?
I know I'm trying it, I knowI'm really trying it, but how do
you handle that?
When your spouse comes home,and for a woman, this is really
touchy.
When your spouse comes home,and for a woman, this is really
touchy.
But you know this ends in courtTV or on Maury Povich with.
(25:18):
You are not the father likefive years in.
So, fellas, I'm sorry aboutthat, but I know a lot of ladies
have had to deal with this too.
What do you do when your mancomes home and tells you he's
got somebody else pregnant?
I know I'd be really on oneright.
So this is my last question,and of course you know I like to
(25:39):
save the best for last.
Your child comes home fromschool crying and says that the
teacher is picking on them.
You find out that your child'steacher is someone you have beef
with.
What do you do?
Yep, nope, this is anotherinstance.
(26:01):
It's not frozen.
I can feel the energy rightthrough the streaming airwaves.
Now, some of y'all done did thesame thing.
You don't like to chatter inthe neighborhood over there.
You don't wear your straighthood.
But I'm gonna ask you one moretime.
Your child comes home fromschool crying and says that the
teacher is picking on them.
You find out that the teacheris someone you have beef with.
(26:24):
How do you handle that at theschool, outside the school?
No, let me but throw thataround and have that
conversation with your man orwith your husband and see how
that goes together, because I'mtelling you it's going to be
quite entertaining.
I ran that with a couple ofpeople and these women was like
(26:47):
baby, I'm a rag that.
So see how that goes over foryou, right, you right, okay,
family, that's it for your boy.
Today it's been a pleasure, asalways, and I hope I have a
little surprise for you guys inthe next couple of weeks.
But we'll see how that storyunfolds.
(27:08):
But until then, hang in there,family, because you're not alone
.
We all gotta support each otherbecause we're all in this
together.
So tell a friend to tell afriend.
Go on social media and followme on facebook, instagram,
tiktok at the hood chatterthat's at the hood chatter and
(27:29):
subscribe on youtube to stay upto date with all of the new
episodes.
Or you can also go to mywebsite, wwwthehoodchattercom.
And remember, don't wait forthe storm to pass.
Speaker 2 (27:46):
Learn to dance, someone to talk to.
(28:12):
Need someone to listen, lookingfor clarity and strategy, reach
out to the Turnaround Project.
Our life coaches are here tohelp you on your journey to
getting better, doing better andbeing better.
(28:33):
Turnaround Project helpingindividuals and being better.
Tour de Ronde Project helpingindividuals learn to help
themselves.
Yeah, what up.
Speaker 2 (00:01):
Ain't nobody got time for that.
Speaker 1 (00:02):
HodgeKids HodgeWife.
Yo you good yo.
You are such a liar.
You're a liar, it's live.
Speaker 2 (00:08):
Let's go, it's live.
Speaker 1 (00:09):
And that's on Pivotal HoodChatter.
What's going on, family?
I'm your host, doc J, andwelcome to another episode of
Good Chatter, come on.
I want to thank you guys forsharing in this experience with
(00:31):
me.
You know how we do.
So far this is going good, guys.
The weather is finally breaking, so I'm hoping everybody is
starting to enjoy this niceweather and these couple of nice
days and, as we prepare forMemorial Day, I just want to say
happy Memorial Day to everybodyin advance.
Be safe, drink safe, thinksmart and just enjoy yourself,
(00:57):
okay.
So today's episode is all aboutnew age kids and the challenges
of raising children in today'ssociety, so let's just jump
right in.
I was online the other day andI read this blog that a parent
wrote a guy and he talked abouthow, when he grew up, he was
(01:18):
able to go to the playground orto the mall or whatever by
himself or with his friendswe're talking pre-cell phone era
, so he was able to make collectcalls and if he needed his
mother to come and pick him up,if he missed the bus you know
him and his friends then hecould do that.
Or if he fell off the junglegym at the school and he needed
(01:40):
his mom to come and pick him up.
You know that whole thing, thewhole parent thing.
But then he also describes atime that he grew up where, when
he got home from school, hisparents were still at work and
he was at home most of the timewhen they got off.
So right now he describes hisbiggest challenge today as
(02:03):
trying to keep his daughter safe, and I know that really sounds
like every parent's challengesince the beginning of time.
But it's really so differentnow because parents have all the
information they could possiblywant and need.
But a lot of the times thatinformation contradicts each
other and changes with the wind.
Right.
Something simple as strangerdanger is no longer the creepy
(02:26):
guy in the van.
You know, it's the teacher inthe classroom or the coach on
the swim team, it's the mom downthe street or that invisible
man on the internet.
So something like strangerdanger isn't that simple anymore
.
There are potent drugs that candestroy your mind the first
time you use them, or sometimeseven vaccines that a doctor
(02:48):
recommends, meat that you buy atthe store or clothes that you
purchased online.
So he described how he was sofearful about leaving his child
alone for even a moment and thepossibility of them being taken
away or something happening tothem.
And maybe the old sayingignorance is bliss is true.
(03:10):
But he says that his motherwasn't bombarded by the amount
of information that we haveright now.
She raised her kids with hergut and her instinct and on the
things that her parents broughther up on.
Now I don't know about you, butthis is exactly how I grew up
Like.
I was independent at the age ofsix.
(03:31):
I washed clothes, I had my ownhouse key.
I was left at home while myparents were working right.
But I also received strictinstructions that I knew needed
to be followed.
You don't open the door.
You don't touch the stove.
You don't tell nobody yourbusiness.
You come right in this houseafter you get off that school
(03:52):
bus.
You be in the house beforethose streetlights come on.
Don't be in the streets actinglike you no fool.
Act like you got some hometraining.
Don't let nobody tell me youout in the street acting crazy.
Okay, y'all know I'm talkingright, you was not about to
embarrass our parents.
It was straight.
Watch him out, stay out ofgrown folks conversation.
(04:14):
Don't interrupt me when I'mtalking.
Okay, I know I'm on point, butwhen we were kids, we knew we
had to follow instructions,because the alternative of not
following instructions was whatgetting your ass whooped which,
might I add, is somethingtotally different than being
abused.
Let me say that discipline andabuse are two different things.
(04:37):
However, the lines becomeblurred with the person shelling
out the discipline, but for thevast majority of people,
disciplining their children is aform of tough love that helps
them along the way.
Okay, a lot of people havethings to say about the
different ways in which parentsdiscipline their children.
You know Karen's right.
(04:57):
However, the same people thatmake those comments are not
going to help you raise yourkids, and they're not going to
help you with the challenges ofraising your kids.
So let me say this to theparents govern yourself
accordingly, what works for youand your household.
That's what it is.
Don't try to keep up with theJoneses and, you know, dictate
(05:18):
what you got going on in yourhouse by what everybody else has
going on in theirs, right?
So it's the month of May, it isprom season and graduation
season, so I want to shout outanybody that's graduating right
now, and I also want to shoutout the parents of any kids that
(05:38):
are graduating right now,because I know the struggle that
it is for you to get your kidsto graduation and across that
stage.
So kudos to all of you.
And as we approach the end ofthe school year and prepare for
the summer, I want to ask youwhat do you do with your
children for the summer,especially during that
(05:58):
transition period between schoolending and the beginning of
camp?
Like, what do you really dowith your kids?
Now, I know the edgier child isa big factor, right, and some
need a babysitter and others arejust old enough to be
self-sufficient.
But I'm talking about peoplethat don't have family members
(06:19):
or can't afford a sitter orcan't get financial support for
daycare.
What do they do?
Like, what do y'all really do?
Now?
I don't have kids of my ownright, but I am a mega godparent
and I've been looking afterchildren since I was a child.
So I wanted to touch on thistopic to shed light on some of
(06:39):
the things that today's parentsface, and for me, I'm always
perplexed at how often kids areout of school when parents have
to work.
So what does a parent do withtheir children on breaks and
summers?
And if you don't have access tochildcare or if you work full
time.
How do you handle that?
(07:00):
And a lot of today's kids Iknow have traded in face-to-face
interaction and outdooractivities for online gaming and
messing with their phones andthings of that sort, so they are
a lot less inclined to hang outwith their friends.
But they also have a biggervocabulary than we had at our
age to express themselves andthe way that they feel.
(07:22):
But especially single parentslike I would imagine that's a
hell of a challenge right there.
Something as simple as justfinding child care.
Now, I know most parents willtell you that being a parent is
enjoyable and rewarding, butothers will testify that
parenting is tiring andstressful, and I believe that
(07:47):
other parents appreciate thathonesty, because something so
simple as child care is achallenge if you don't have
support.
Now, I also think that dependswidely on the age of your
children, but I can say that anyparent who is honest can say
that at times, parenting can betiring and stressful, and it's a
(08:10):
responsibility that far toomany people underestimate.
Right, let me say this too Knowwho you're having kids with,
because no one signs up to be asingle parent and you don't lay
down with your partner with thehope of being a baby mama or a
baby daddy, so know who it isyou're having kids with.
(08:32):
Ok, I just needed to stick thatin there real quick and with
that I will say I've never seenso many children either that are
bored in my life, that arebored in my life Like.
I talk to some of my nieces andnephews and godchildren and the
common thread is always I'mbored and I've never seen
anything like it.
(08:53):
Like most often today'schildren are glued to their
phones or their games and theydon't enjoy going outside or
social interactions.
But then they claim to be boredLike, really Like.
Have you ever tried taking acell phone away from a child or
restricting their internet time?
You would think you absolutelyshot your child.
(09:15):
Like it's a complete emotionalmeltdown.
But shit, I can say that I'veseen that from some adults too.
But really, believe it or not?
There's actually therapy forsocial media addiction and that
therapy is basically when peopleuse social media to avoid
uncomfortable or negativeemotions or they rely on it for
(09:39):
feelings of validation andself-worth.
Now let this be made clear.
Let this be made completelyclear Parenting is the hardest
job in the world and for mostfirst time parents it is a lot
harder than you anticipate inand in the dating phase.
(10:08):
Talk about children anddiscipline when you're in the
dating phase, because theanswers to those questions are
important and they can beimmediate deal breakers.
They can also save a lot oftime and a lot of anger for 18
years after you've had a child.
Now, the goal for any parentnormally for their kids is to
have a better life than they had.
But the vast majority of us, orof parents today, are urban
(10:31):
parents raising suburbanchildren.
These kids have more than weever did, like starting from the
gender reveal.
Like really, I mean shit.
Gender reveals end up beingjust as big as a baby shower or
bigger, and come with gifts andparties and whatnot.
So these kids are laced and Ithink sometimes today's parents
(10:55):
put a little too much pressureon themselves to be perfect
parents or to have perfectchildren perfect children.
But let me say this parentinghas been challenging for
everyone since the dawn of time,but everyone figures it out as
they go.
So to expecting parents orthose considering becoming a
(11:17):
parent you'll be fine.
Don't let the discussion we'vehad so far discourage you.
You'll be absolutely fine.
Now it is worth mentioning thattoday's parents have to deal
with things that previousgenerations could have never
imagined right, and in the samesense, I don't think today's
parents would have been equippedto deal with the challenges
(11:40):
that our foreparents did right.
I heard a parent say on socialmedia which is funny, but true,
you know.
Maybe not so funny for somepeople, but true, but she said
that she learned about the birdsand the bees when she was
growing up.
But she said now she has toteach her children about the
birds and the bees, the bees andthe bees, the birds and the
(12:02):
birds, the birds that want to bebirds, the birds that want to
be bees.
And when I really processedthat, I was like shit, like that
is a bit much.
And I thought about it likethat language is a lot, even for
the bees.
So I thought for parents tohave to explain something like
(12:24):
that to a child oftentimesthat's things that they might
not even necessarily understandor agree with that's got to be
challenging beyond measure.
So parents today have anenormous amount of challenges to
face when raising thisgeneration.
(12:44):
And to add to that, there's agrowing youth mental health
crisis, especially followingCOVID, and parents with young
children say that they'reworried about their children
experiencing anxiety anddepression.
This is a lot of what I've beenhearing in some of my groups
with parents lately, and I did alittle bit of research and it's
(13:07):
been noted that some of the topmental health concerns for
children are being bullied,drugs and alcohol, teen
pregnancy and the possibility ofgetting in trouble by the
police.
So to add to that, the cost ofthings these days and inflation,
it's becoming harder and harderfor a parent to create college
(13:28):
funds for their children or evenhave a little for savings in
case of emergency.
It's crazy, and in this day andage, some parents are even
shying away from traditionalsuggestions or expectations of
college education for theirchildren, especially in lieu of
social media influencers andtrends, many parents today are
(13:52):
more concerned with theirchildren's financial
independence and careersatisfaction.
Let me put a pen in there rightthere, because I want to say and
I truly believe this, so hearme when I say this invest in
teaching your children thebenefits of saving and money
management, Because growing upwe didn't get those lessons and
(14:14):
oftentimes our parents were justtrying to make it, you know,
keep their head above water.
But we need to be teaching ourchildren at a young age the
value of a dollar, becausetrigonometry and calculus that's
beneficial if you're going intothe sciences, but for the vast
majority of us, money managementwould be a better suited class
(14:35):
to prepare for real life, and itwould have been a better suited
class for us growing up as well, because, regardless of what
industry your child ends up in,money is power and, as one of my
friends, up in money is power.
And, as one of my friends wouldsay, cash is king.
And a lot of parents I'mhearing from say that finances
are oftentimes some of theirbiggest challenges.
(14:55):
Many people, especially in NewYork, do not qualify for state
assistance and many singleparents do not receive child
support, and daycare oftentimesbecomes an expense that
virtually eats up their salaryaltogether.
One of my girlfriends told methat if she's late to pick up
her son from daycare, the chargeis a dollar a minute.
(15:17):
A minute, I'm like are youkidding me?
Most parents.
After the research I did, Ifound most parents pay between
$24,000 and $32,000 a year fordaycare, and these might be some
of the lower-end services.
These might not be high-enddaycares I'm talking about here.
(15:38):
Right Like shit.
Just in a short amount of timewe've touched on challenges of
sexuality, mental health,financial stability.
Like that's crazy.
Parenting is hard.
Parenting is hard.
(16:01):
However, most parents will tellyou that the rewards outweigh
the challenges.
However, the details can bescary for a new parent and an
expecting parent or peopleconsidering becoming parents,
and it's crazy too, let me saythis once your children grow out
of the pricey daycare phase,grocery shopping becomes the
(16:24):
next big bill.
And these boys nowadays are six, six and two hundred pounds,
and these young girls arethicker than a snicker by the
age of 12.
But that's a whole differentshow.
That's a that's a wholedifferent show.
Right now, we have to be mindfulof the changes in today's time.
Right, because our childrentoday are bombarded by an
(16:46):
overwhelming amount ofinformation, much of which is
fake news or false narratives orfilters that lead to children
believing that much of what theysee online and on social media
is factual, from, you know,random challenges to fancy cars,
designer clothes, exoticvacations, gaming and now with
(17:08):
AI.
And this is all before theirschoolwork and activities and
family or whatever else.
So we have to be mindful aswell about the things that we're
letting pour into our children,because today's society blurs
the lines between what is realand what is a facade, and
(17:30):
although I'm not a parent myself, I can adopt this for my
interactions with my nieces andnephews and godchildren.
So let me say we have to takesome responsibility in the
things that our childrenexperience.
Right, because we put a cellphone in their hands to keep
them quiet from the age of one.
So by the time they're two orthree they can work the phones
(17:52):
or the tablets just as good, ifnot better, than we can.
They listen to the same musicthat we do.
They watch the same housewivesthat we do.
They eat the same McDonald'sthat we eat.
So we can't be 100 percentsurprised that these children
are so overwhelmed and anxiousand sometimes overweight.
(18:13):
Like we got to start to channelsome of the lessons from Big
Mama, like remember Big Mama,okay.
Like, for example, we got tostart to teach our children how
to cook and notice, I did notsay teach little girls how to
cook.
A man should know how to takecare of himself.
Just the same, teaching a childhow to cook can change the way
(18:37):
that they look at food and, ifnothing else, can limit the
amount of fast food that theytake in.
And it's small things like that, you know, like the benefits of
ironing your clothes or makingyour bed or cleaning your house
you know what I'm saying.
Then we teach them what we'vepicked up along the way, like
the benefits of financialfreedom and the pros and cons of
social media and how toexercise common sense in that
(19:01):
area.
And I think sometimes we forgetto tap back into the things that
helped us get to where we are.
And I'm going to churchy withyou for a minute, because
Proverbs 22 and six says thatyou train a child in the way in
which they should go, and whenthey get old they will not
depart.
And I truly believe that,because how often did our
(19:22):
parents tell us some stuff thatseemed completely irrelevant, or
made comments that we knew didnot apply to us in any way or
would not affect us at all, andthen to find out when we got
older that our parents knew alot more than we gave them
credit for.
And although we made a lot ofmistakes, the vast majority of
us still managed to come back tothat foundation and the core of
(19:45):
what our parents taught us.
So, to parents involved,parents, active parents,
guardians, expecting parents, Itake my hat off to you, I
absolutely take my hat off toyou, but I want to tell you this
Remember to be kind to yourselfand just do the best that you
(20:06):
can.
You know, leave with love andeverything else will fall into
place.
I truly believe that.
Okay, so let's get into sometable talk before we exit stage
left.
Okay, yeah, we on to the nextone, we on to the next one.
All right, like to hear it.
Here you go, and let me saythis first sorry, thank you to
all of the people that arepouring in with comments and
(20:29):
positive feedback.
I've heard that these questionsare going over very well and I'm
really so happy to hear that Ireally am.
I try to give us real lifesituations at the top of the
show and then something to makeus smile at the end, because we
go through so much shit on adaily basis.
We need counsel, we need someform of therapy or clarity or
(20:52):
just a stress-free outlet thathelps reveal your most authentic
self.
You know what I'm saying, butwe also need something that just
makes us laugh and to take ourthoughts off of some of life's
garbage, even if only for ashort period of time.
So let's do this Now.
This question is for the ladies,and maybe not necessarily funny
(21:15):
, but true and conversationworthy.
So here we go.
Ladies, do you think that yourman or husband has become the
extra child in the house?
It's not frozen.
Ladies, do you think that yourman or your husband has become
(21:37):
the extra child in the house?
And I ask this because I can'ttell you how many of my
girlfriends or my clients I have.
That'll be the first to tellyou.
I have three kids.
Two of them I had, but one ofthem are my husband or I.
Don't understand what's wrongwith this mother or why I got to
tell a grown man to pick upafter himself or repeat the same
(22:00):
shit over and over again.
And then he's mad at me.
When I tell him something, hetell me I'm treating him like a
child, like I can't tell you howmany times I hear that.
But oh shit, hold on, ladies.
If you sit next to your manright now, don't look at him,
because in this moment he hatesme for bringing this shit up.
(22:24):
Let me tell you that.
And if you say anything rightnow, he hates you too.
So don't, don't look at him,don't say nothing.
Okay, just talk about that Abunch of girlfriends that have
children and see how they feelabout the situation.
Okay, I just had to throw thatout there based on what we were
(22:45):
just talking about.
So here let's get into some goodquestions.
You go to the bank to withdrawyour last $100.
When you get to the machine,you realize that the person
before you left their card inthe machine, this session is
still active and they have$10,000 in their account.
What do you do Now?
(23:08):
Bear in mind, the person justwalked out, so you still have
time to catch them before it'stoo late.
Just walked out, so you stillhave time to catch them before
it's too late.
But you go into the bank totake out your last hundred
dollars and you find that theperson before you's card is
still in the atm, the session isstill active and they got ten
thousand dollars in the account.
What do you do now?
(23:30):
I know some of y'all done leftthe chatter and the neighborhood
behind and then just wentstraight hood Like.
I know that I can feel the auraand the energy right through
the PC and the audio.
I can feel it.
But at this stage in your life,be honest, what would you do?
Because I can say honestly, ifthis was 20 years ago or when I
(23:52):
was younger.
Oh, it's a wrap.
It's straight vacation andGucci it's a wrap.
But at this stage in my life Ireally believe in bad karma.
And you do dirt, you get dirt,right.
And even if somebody had thatamount of money in their account
, versus me having $100, youdon't know what they got to do
(24:14):
with that money or you don'tknow what it took for them to
get that money.
So I really think that that's atouchy situation and to each
his own.
But I can understand somepeople that's hungry that might
be really tempted, right?
Okay.
So here's the next question.
(24:35):
Your spouse comes home and tellsyou that they are, or they have
gotten somebody, pregnant.
What do you do?
So your spouse comes home andyour woman tells you that she's
pregnant, or your man comes homeand he tells you yo ma, I got
such and such pregnant.
(24:55):
What do you do?
Wait, to add to that, what ifyou know the person?
I know I'm trying it, I knowI'm really trying it, but how do
you handle that?
When your spouse comes home,and for a woman, this is really
touchy.
When your spouse comes home,and for a woman, this is really
touchy.
But you know this ends in courtTV or on Maury Povich with.
(25:18):
You are not the father likefive years in.
So, fellas, I'm sorry aboutthat, but I know a lot of ladies
have had to deal with this too.
What do you do when your mancomes home and tells you he's
got somebody else pregnant?
I know I'd be really on oneright.
So this is my last question,and of course you know I like to
(25:39):
save the best for last.
Your child comes home fromschool crying and says that the
teacher is picking on them.
You find out that your child'steacher is someone you have beef
with.
What do you do?
Yep, nope, this is anotherinstance.
(26:01):
It's not frozen.
I can feel the energy rightthrough the streaming airwaves.
Now, some of y'all done did thesame thing.
You don't like to chatter inthe neighborhood over there.
You don't wear your straighthood.
But I'm gonna ask you one moretime.
Your child comes home fromschool crying and says that the
teacher is picking on them.
You find out that the teacheris someone you have beef with.
(26:24):
How do you handle that at theschool, outside the school?
No, let me but throw thataround and have that
conversation with your man orwith your husband and see how
that goes together, because I'mtelling you it's going to be
quite entertaining.
I ran that with a couple ofpeople and these women was like
(26:47):
baby, I'm a rag that.
So see how that goes over foryou, right, you right, okay,
family, that's it for your boy.
Today it's been a pleasure, asalways, and I hope I have a
little surprise for you guys inthe next couple of weeks.
But we'll see how that storyunfolds.
(27:08):
But until then, hang in there,family, because you're not alone
.
We all gotta support each otherbecause we're all in this
together.
So tell a friend to tell afriend.
Go on social media and followme on facebook, instagram,
tiktok at the hood chatterthat's at the hood chatter and
(27:29):
subscribe on youtube to stay upto date with all of the new
episodes.
Or you can also go to mywebsite, wwwthehoodchattercom.
And remember, don't wait forthe storm to pass.
Speaker 2 (27:46):
Learn to dance, someone to talk to.
(28:12):
Need someone to listen, lookingfor clarity and strategy, reach
out to the Turnaround Project.
Our life coaches are here tohelp you on your journey to
getting better, doing better andbeing better.
(28:33):
Turnaround Project helpingindividuals and being better.
Tour de Ronde Project helpingindividuals learn to help
themselves.
Popular Podcasts
Crime Junkie
Does hearing about a true crime case always leave you scouring the internet for the truth behind the story? Dive into your next mystery with Crime Junkie. Every Monday, join your host Ashley Flowers as she unravels all the details of infamous and underreported true crime cases with her best friend Brit Prawat. From cold cases to missing persons and heroes in our community who seek justice, Crime Junkie is your destination for theories and stories you won’t hear anywhere else. Whether you're a seasoned true crime enthusiast or new to the genre, you'll find yourself on the edge of your seat awaiting a new episode every Monday. If you can never get enough true crime... Congratulations, you’ve found your people. Follow to join a community of Crime Junkies! Crime Junkie is presented by audiochuck Media Company.
24/7 News: The Latest
The latest news in 4 minutes updated every hour, every day.
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.