May 30, 2024 • 26 mins
📢 What happens when we confront the hard truths we often shy away from? On this episode of Hood Chatter, we dissect the unsettling reality of honesty in our lives. Do we genuinely crave transparency, or do we just want to hear what aligns with our expectations? We share stories from unfulfilling jobs and stagnant relationships to explore how embracing uncomfortable truths can lead to genuine growth and self-awareness. It’s time to stop looking for validation and start having real conversations that matter.
💠Are you avoiding tough questions in your relationships and friendships? Let’s talk about why facing these questions head-on is crucial for emotional clarity and personal accountability. From the murky waters of being a side chick or side dude to navigating toxic friendships, we’re getting honest about the dynamics that keep us stuck. Ever talked to yourself in the mirror? It might sound odd, but it’s a powerful tool for self-reflection and growth. We’ll also touch on social etiquette, like tipping in restaurants, and why knowing your worth and setting boundaries is essential.
😳 What would you do if your sex tape leaked online? We wrap up with a humorous, yet thought-provoking discussion on this hypothetical scandal. Reflecting on what exes might say if interviewed, we blend introspection with a bit of lighthearted banter. And remember, keep smiling and hold your ground no matter what life throws at you. Join this candid and community-driven dialogue that encourages you to share your own stories and questions for future episodes. Let's get real together!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 2 (00:00):
Yeah what up?
Ain't nobody got time for that?
Speaker 1 (00:02):
Hatch kids, hatch wife.
Yo you good yo.
You are such a liar, I'm a liar.
Speaker 2 (00:08):
Let's go, let's go.
Speaker 1 (00:10):
And that's on Pivotal .
Speaker 2 (00:13):
Hood Chatter.
Speaker 1 (00:18):
What is going on, family?
You already know.
It's your host, doc J, andwelcome to another episode of
Hood Chatter.
Okay, hood Chatter is where wetalk about things that you think
about, but you don't say outloud, so let's jump right in.
Somebody hit me up the otherday, right, and they asked me
(00:38):
how I go about choosing myweekly topics and, believe it or
not, not random at all.
So during my group coachingsessions, I take the topics that
are widely discussed in thesession and if they're brought
up a lot, then that really letsme know if people are interested
in them there, then the subjectprobably should be discussed.
So some of the topics aredeveloped as a result of
(01:01):
situations going on in currentevents or, as you heard
previously in other episodes,testimonials from individuals
that I believe will really helpthe culture.
So there are a few ways that Igo about choosing my topics and
I'm open to suggestion.
Take that.
So if you have a suggestionthat you would like me to touch
on or a testimonial um that youwould like me to touch on, or a
(01:23):
testimonial that you would liketo share, message me at the Hood
Chatter on Facebook, instagramor TikTok, or you can go to my
website and send me a message,and that's wwwthehoodchattercom.
Okay, all right, let's get intoit.
(01:44):
This week's topic is do youreally want to know?
Do you really want to know?
Do you really want to know?
So we always say that we wantpeople to be honest.
Right?
Don't bullshit me, don't wastemy time.
Right, whether it's in arelationship, your friendships
or work, you expect everyone tooperate in a space of truth and
(02:05):
honesty.
Or, as it said in the hood,keep it 100 and keep it real.
But when it really comes downto it, is that something that we
really want?
Do we want the answers to thequestions in our head or some of
the things that keep us up atnight pacing the floors?
All of those questions do wereally want answers to?
(02:27):
Because, if we admit it, wehang on the situations that we
should have let go long time ago, or we stay in dead-end jobs
because we become comfortablebeing comfortable, and we stay
in relationships that weprobably should have left and
should have only lasted for aseason.
But if we're honest, we reallyonly want to know people's
(02:51):
thoughts and opinions of us ifthey're positive and if they're
in direct line with what wethink they should be right, but
the lines become blurred andrelationships become destroyed
when honesty does not pan outthe way that you anticipate.
All right, let me say thatagain.
The lines become blurred andrelationships become destroyed
(03:14):
when honesty does not pan outthe way that you anticipate.
And that's in your relationship, right.
Anticipate and that's in yourrelationship, right.
These questions always arise,especially when you're in a
place of turmoil in yourrelationship.
Do you still want to be with me?
Do you love me?
(03:35):
Do you like me?
You know.
Do you want children?
Do you like my family?
You know?
Questions about whether or notyour bedroom is satisfactory,
and to even check in to see.
Listen, are we both on the samepage?
And these are really all thingsthat we have thought about at
some point or another.
(03:56):
Right, and there are somepeople that are direct, clear
cut and they don't have time forthe bullshit, so asking the
hard questions and receivinghonest answers is easier for
them.
So I'm not talking to y'all,but the vast majority of people
think of these questions as asource of conflict or
confrontation, and most peopleattempt to avoid confrontation
(04:20):
if possible, because how manytimes have we invested too much
into a relationship because wewant the answers to questions
that we're too afraid to ask.
Right, and this usually happensbecause, one, you're scared
that the answers to difficultquestions will end up in a
(04:41):
breakup.
Two, it could end up in being along, dragged out argument that
you're just not wanting to have.
And then the third is youalready know the answers to the
questions, but many times wefind ourselves in these do you
want to know situations?
And we really already do knowthe answers to the questions
that we're seeking, but we don'twant to admit it or we refuse
(05:02):
to make decisions until we hearit out loud or receive some kind
of concrete validation, which,if you admit, is really scary.
So in which case we findourselves giving up too much of
ourselves or dumbing down toaccommodate another person or to
salvage a relationship.
So let me say this Speak toyourself when you're faced with
(05:25):
these challenges and askyourself do I really want to
know?
And then kind of check yourselfAm I being honest?
Can I deal with theconsequences that come with the
answers to whatever thosequestions are?
And I also believe that whenyou're speaking to yourself in
these moments, sometimes it'sbeneficial for you to speak to
(05:48):
yourself in the mirror Right,because looking in the mirror
while you're communicating withyourself has a weird way of
making you more accountable.
It gives you a greaterreassurance sometimes of what
the next step is going to be,while you're standing there in
processing and in yourprocessing mode.
(06:10):
And this method can be used inany situation really.
So sometimes, like I said, whenyou find yourself in difficult
situations, speak to yourself inthe mirror.
It helps you get a little bitof clarity, because we hold on
to so much negativity andoftentimes because we want to
know, but we really don't wantto know right Now.
(06:33):
Let me say this to my habitualside chicks, side dudes, sneaky
links, long-term friends withbenefits.
Ask yourself how do I keepending up in these situations?
Or why can't we move from wherewe are to the next level?
Why won't he wife me, or is sheever going to leave her husband
(06:54):
?
Are we ever going to getserious or get married?
Because there really might be areason that he won't wife you
or she's comfortable beingfriends with benefits.
There might be a clear-cutreason why your relationship
won't go past superficial.
So do you really want to know?
Could you handle the answer atthat?
(07:15):
Because there is always ananswer right Sidebar.
I said this before People treatyou how you treat yourself.
Real talk now.
That's relationships.
Think about the intimatequestions that govern our,
govern our romanticrelationships, because you can't
(07:37):
get back wasted time.
Okay, do you really want toknow?
Do you really want to know?
Now, let's think about ourhonest friendships.
Stop right now and think aboutthat friend.
And you know that friend I'mtalking about the one that makes
(07:58):
you question your relationshipwith them all the time, but you,
for some reason, just can'tseem to let go of that toxic
person.
You know who I'm talking about,like you already know.
Now, this is also adouble-edged sword, right?
Because you want to know whatyour friends and associates
think about you.
Oh shit, do you really want toknow what they think about you
(08:18):
and do they really want to knowwhat you think about them?
But bear in mind, these thingsmight not necessarily be
negative, but oftentimes thingsthat you might not want to hear,
because it presents you toyourself and it oftentimes
happens in a way that's unknownto you and can sometimes be
hurtful to hear.
(08:39):
Like, let's be real, right,because everyone has been down
this road and I never want to bethat person.
But you know those friends, theones you can't go out to eat
with ever.
Like, let me tell you somethingIf we're out eating and you act
(08:59):
any kind of ratchet and I domean any kind of ratchet I'm
done.
I'm done.
Any kind of ratchet, I'm done,I'm done.
If you start scrutinizing thebill or counting pennies, I'm
done, my Lord.
If you don't give a tip, I'mdone.
And let me put a pin in itthere.
(09:19):
We spend money on dumb shit.
So explain to me how you couldgo out to eat, allow someone to
serve you, expect good andtimely, friendly service, but
then don't want to give a tip.
If that's the case, don't goout to eat, because that is
absolutely a disgrace.
People in the restaurantindustry make their living off
(09:41):
the tips.
The nerve of you, like I can'ttell you how much that pisses me
off.
The nerve of you.
Like I can't tell you how muchthat pisses me off, like really,
for instance, let me give youfor instance, real quick.
I know everybody saw that videoonline about that girl at the
restaurant and then the billcame and she asked the waitress
what is gratuity?
Because I didn't order that.
My god, my god, I thought I wasgoing to die.
(10:07):
Like, seriously, die like haveyou never been out before?
Now old girl is sitting therehair done, nails done,
everything did, but you neverheard of gratuity like this is a
prime example of people youdon't want to go out with or at
least I wouldn't.
But if you didn't hear it, youknow I got the audio, so listen
(10:30):
for yourself and then we'llpause so you can process the
stupidity.
Speaker 2 (10:34):
All right.
Who the fuck is Gratity and whyis it $44?
Who is Gratity and why is it$44?
It's the tip, the tip.
Y'all done put that shit on her.
Speaker 1 (10:48):
That's crazy, right, crazy, right.
Like come on, and I didn't eventouch on the fact that she said
the word gratuity, wrong.
Well, shit, I guess I just did.
But if you have a chance, goonline and watch the video.
If you would have seen thewaitress's face like I would
have almost double died.
Like double died.
(11:09):
I'm not even playing.
Also, if you are the person whoasked for separate checks,
don't come out with me likeabsolutely eliminated.
Now let me also say this,because there's a flip side to
that, right.
You know, when you go out andeveryone orders reasonable shit,
(11:29):
and then there's that oneperson that orders everything,
or 10 drinks, and then wantseverybody to split the bill
equally, like come on, have somecool, don't try to get over
just because you know you'rearound people that can help pay
the bill.
Like stop, stop, stop.
But you know what?
Common sense is not alwayscommon and if you don't have it,
(11:51):
you can't bag, borrow or stealit.
Let me say that again Commonsense is not always common and
if you don't have it, you can'tbag, borrow or steal it.
Now, who wants to really bethat person?
When you think about going toeat, you know right off the bat.
There's just some people thatyou do not invite under any
(12:13):
circumstances, like real talk.
That's why some of us don't goplaces that we're invited until
we find out who's coming.
You know what I'm saying,because if you say the wrong
name, count me out.
I'm not coming, like I'm notleaving my house knowing that
I'm going to be pissed off atthe end of the night.
I'm just not doing it.
Then there's the drunk friendyou know, the one that you might
(12:36):
have to babysit, or the friendthat when shit is good it's real
good, but when shit is bad it'sreal bad.
You know that friend I'mtalking about and you gotta
think carefully about whether ornot you want to go out with
them, especially if they are thedrunk friend that can
potentially be the fighter, dead, it Like, who really has time
(12:57):
for that.
I'm grown and people work hard.
They got all kinds of shitgoing on all week, every day
with their family, theirfinances of shit going on all
week, every day with theirfamily, their finances, their
personal situations, like whenyou find time to relax and enjoy
yourself in a social setting,the last thing you want is for
it to be ruined, especially bysomebody you know or that you
(13:18):
came with.
That's like ridiculous.
So who wants to be labeled asthat person?
Right, come on, let's keep itgoing.
Then are you the friend thatalways wants something?
My God, I mean the person whereevery time your name pops up on
the caller ID, the person'slike okay, when they see it,
(13:39):
they got to make a quickdecision on whether or not they
even want to answer the phone.
Like, come on, are you thatfriend that's always gossiping
and everything is negative.
And what was me like?
Do you know the person I'mtalking about?
When you say it's sunny outside, then their first response is
something stupid like well, Iwish sometime the sun would
shine on me.
You know, are you telling agood, positive story and somehow
(14:02):
it turns around to their darkand doom situation?
Um, who wants that?
Or then, is the person thatnever grows up like.
How many people don't know thatperson?
That is still just as simplenow as they were 10 years ago or
even in high school.
If you have friendships thatlasted that long, people that
(14:24):
have no change, have made nochange, no growth, no, nothing.
And let me say this it is aconscious decision and hard work
to decide that, in a world thatis constantly changing, that
you have really dug your feet inthe sand and said this is it
for me, like, certified it foryou.
(14:48):
Now back to the friend thatalways wants something.
Now, it's one thing to helpsomebody in need, but it's a
whole different thing for you tobecome somebody's second income
or their immediate in case ofemergency.
You know what I'm saying.
There's a big difference and Ican't tell you.
(15:09):
I like I really can't tell youhow many people have called me
over the years, shit, over themonths, and asked me for crazy
stuff Like I don't have any foodin my house, or I need to feed
my kids, or I'm behind on myrent, or you know, I'm trying to
make something move and I'llget right back to you.
Like I told somebody who askedme for money no one time,
(15:33):
because I was just sick of thisshit, right, and their response
was if you don't want to give itto me, just say that, but don't
tell me you don't have it.
Speaker 2 (15:41):
Like what did you just say?
Speaker 1 (15:48):
Exactly Like.
That's where we absolutely drawthe line, and I noticed that I
had become a second income andno, did it like?
No love loss but no more moneyexchanged either.
Then there are those people whoyou constantly pour into, you,
constantly give advice to, you,always show up to all of their
(16:11):
functions to support them andmake yourself readily available
in their time of need.
But when you need somebody totalk to or a shoulder to lean on
, shit, if you fall into hardtimes and need a borrow, you
look up and realize there areonly a few people, if anybody, I
can rely on.
Like really and I knoweverybody wants to do the right
(16:35):
thing and the most of us willhelp people if we can.
But admit it, being a caregiverand a caretaker and somebody
who's a saving grace, it allfeels good and it sounds good
and it feels noble.
But when you're in your time ofneed it feels terrible and you
sometimes recount some of thetimes you should have probably
(16:57):
said no or walked away and youget pissed off at what you might
now consider as weakness.
But let me say this being agood, decent human being is
never a weakness.
Okay, being a good, decenthuman being is never a weakness
and I would just never want tobe that friend, right?
(17:18):
And the crazy shit is most ofthe people that I'm referring to
have no idea that they're thatperson.
Well, you know what?
Maybe they do and they justdon't care.
But I would.
I would never want the firstthing that somebody thinks about
me to be negative, right,perfect example.
Like I love, love, love LaurynHill and Anita Baker.
(17:39):
I've seen both of them, butthere are so many memes about
them that are now literally thedefinition for the culture of
what being late looks like andbeing a no show.
Like who wants that to be thefirst thing that somebody thinks
about you?
That's crazy.
And for the most of us, wethink of ourselves in a positive
(18:00):
light, right, we shine a lighton ourselves and we tend to
highlight our greatestattributes and push the things
that we don't want to deal withto the side.
And it's not until you'reconfronted with the answers to
some of the touchy questionswithin some of your
relationships are you able tosee some of your shortcomings.
(18:20):
Now let me say this Watch outwho you listen to or who you
take advice from, because someadvice from people is pot and
kettle, and you know what I'mtalking about.
They give you advice but theydon't apply the same advice to
(18:43):
their life.
You might not want moneymanagement advice from someone
who's broke, or relationshipadvice from someone who's not
sound or at least has not had orhave a healthy relationship.
So be careful who you allow topour into you and what you allow
yourself to digest, becausesome shit is just toxic and
people's bad advice can put youin a worse situation.
(19:05):
So do you want to know thethoughts of your partner the
things that they think, but theydon't want to know the thoughts
of your partner the things thatthey think but they don't want
to say?
Do you want your friend'sopinion of you?
Like, could you really imaginethat if we allowed the people in
(19:26):
our lives to rate us from oneto ten, I know like crazy.
Then it's your job.
You know that co-worker thatgets paid for doing absolutely
nothing but acts like they'rethe hardest working person in
show business, like theco-worker that complains about
everybody and everything, whenin actuality they do the least
amount of work and they find themost of the stuff that they do.
(19:50):
You know the coworker that assoon as you hear their voice or
you find out.
You have to communicate withthem.
You think to yourself you knowwhat, if you want something done
, you might as well just do ityourself.
Like that is horrible for yourcoworkers to think of you like
that, and it also means thatthere's always a chance that
(20:14):
you're close to being fired.
Normally, you know, that's inregular corporate jobs and I
can't lie.
I have worked at some jobswhere it seems like the less
people do, the more they getrewarded, which is an absolute
slap in the face to the otheremployees.
But that's a whole nother story, right, a whole nother show.
Now, it's one thing when you getyour review or your evaluation,
like from your boss or hr orwhatever.
(20:35):
But what if you ask yourco-workers what they thought
about you as a colleague?
Like, are you that person thatis always the topic of
conversation?
Do you not pull as much weightas you thought?
Or do people at work now evenwant to work with you?
Do you really want to know?
Do you really want to know?
(20:57):
Now, I know some people willsay oh, I don't give up what
people say about me, and youknow what they eat, don't make
me shit, or do they pay my bills, kind of thing and that's great
, right In the right context.
But most of us do care whatpeople think about us,
especially when it comes to ourromantic relationships or
friendships and our workrelationships.
(21:19):
So I ask you do you really wantto know If you're in a real
relationship or have real,authentic friendships?
These people are going to offeryou this information and show
you to yourself whenever,because that's the way a true
friendship or a relationshipshould be.
(21:39):
Now check this out.
One of my girlfriends said to meone day Doc, you think you
slick, I'm like what she said.
You have a way of saying someshady shit to somebody and then
they think it's a compliment andit's not until days later that
(21:59):
they realize.
Oh shit, he was trying to playme.
I was floored and of course Iwas like girl, you crazy, right.
But then when I started to lookback at some of the things that
I said to people over the years, I could kind of understand how
that could be construed ormisconstrued as shady the years.
I could kind of understand howthat could be construed or
misconstrued as shady, right,okay.
(22:20):
But since then I try to make aconscious effort to check myself
and ask myself before I saysomething like is this necessary
?
And like what is to be gainedfrom this?
Because I never realized that.
But people you have in yourlife are looking at you from the
outside in and they'resometimes able to see things
about you that you don'tnecessarily see for yourself.
So I had to start checkingmyself and let me pass that
(22:43):
advice on Check yourself inevery relationship and ask
yourself am I adding to thisrelationship or, you know, can I
be better and am I beingselfish?
You know, really check yourself, because it'll make it easier
for you to be able to ask thosehard questions and you'll be
more equipped to deal with theresponses, because you have a
(23:04):
more realistic idea of how youoperate in those scenarios.
And then you're confident thatyou're giving the best that you
have Right.
So All right, family, let's getinto these weeks questions.
And then you're confident thatyou're giving the best that you
have right.
So all right, family, let's getinto these weeks questions,
right?
We all do the next one.
We on to the next one.
This is how we're going to doit for the close.
(23:25):
You and your significant otherfinish having sex.
While you're washing up in thebathroom, you hear them
masturbating.
What do you do?
I'll rewind that you and yoursignificant other just finished
having sex.
You go to the bathroom to washup and then you hear them
(23:46):
masturbating.
What do you do Now?
Me personally, that means thatyou haven't done your job, and
if that's the case, you need toget yourself together, batter up
and get back out there and getback in the ring, because
something went terribly wrongand you need to figure that out.
I don't know what you thinkabout that, but I would
(24:08):
definitely say there's acertified problem.
I would definitely say there'sa certified problem.
Okay, so let's get to the nextone.
Your sex tape was just leakedonline.
Come on, stop.
You know, I got to give you thegood ones.
Your sex tape was just leakedonline.
What's the first thing you'redoing after you find out your
(24:29):
sex tape was just leaked online?
What's the first thing you'redoing after you find out your
sex tape was just leaked online?
What's the first thing you'redoing After you find out?
Bitch, I am ducking under thetable and hoping that the ground
opens up and just straightsucks me up in it and I just
absolutely disappear.
Like I know, some people sayGood press is press, bad press
(24:53):
press no, no, no.
Press, press, press, stop, stop, stop the presses.
If a sex tape came out, I wasstraight hot under the table,
like that's just absolutelycrazy for me.
So toy that around, chew thataround and see how that works
for you.
So toy that around, chew thataround and see how that works
(25:14):
for you.
Ok, last question before wetake it out If I interviewed
your exes, what would they sayabout you?
Now, really think about that one.
I'm going to bring that backagain.
If I interviewed your exes,what would they say about you?
I'm not even going to give youthat response because I don't
(25:36):
want to think that hard.
All right, family, that's itfor me this week.
You know, I had a ball with youguys and we're going to do this
again next week.
All right, I love you andremember, keep a smile on your
face.
You deserve it.
Don't let nobody knock you offyour pedestal.
See you next week.
Speaker 2 (26:24):
We'll come on a talk to.
You need someone to listen,looking for clarity and strategy
.
Reach out to the TurnaroundProject.
Our life coaches are here tohelp you on your journey to
getting better, doing better andbeing better.
Tardem Run Project helpingindividuals learn to help
themselves.
Yeah what up?
Ain't nobody got time for that?
Speaker 1 (00:02):
Hatch kids, hatch wife.
Yo you good yo.
You are such a liar, I'm a liar.
Speaker 2 (00:08):
Let's go, let's go.
Speaker 1 (00:10):
And that's on Pivotal .
Speaker 2 (00:13):
Hood Chatter.
Speaker 1 (00:18):
What is going on, family?
You already know.
It's your host, doc J, andwelcome to another episode of
Hood Chatter.
Okay, hood Chatter is where wetalk about things that you think
about, but you don't say outloud, so let's jump right in.
Somebody hit me up the otherday, right, and they asked me
(00:38):
how I go about choosing myweekly topics and, believe it or
not, not random at all.
So during my group coachingsessions, I take the topics that
are widely discussed in thesession and if they're brought
up a lot, then that really letsme know if people are interested
in them there, then the subjectprobably should be discussed.
So some of the topics aredeveloped as a result of
(01:01):
situations going on in currentevents or, as you heard
previously in other episodes,testimonials from individuals
that I believe will really helpthe culture.
So there are a few ways that Igo about choosing my topics and
I'm open to suggestion.
Take that.
So if you have a suggestionthat you would like me to touch
on or a testimonial um that youwould like me to touch on, or a
(01:23):
testimonial that you would liketo share, message me at the Hood
Chatter on Facebook, instagramor TikTok, or you can go to my
website and send me a message,and that's wwwthehoodchattercom.
Okay, all right, let's get intoit.
(01:44):
This week's topic is do youreally want to know?
Do you really want to know?
Do you really want to know?
So we always say that we wantpeople to be honest.
Right?
Don't bullshit me, don't wastemy time.
Right, whether it's in arelationship, your friendships
or work, you expect everyone tooperate in a space of truth and
(02:05):
honesty.
Or, as it said in the hood,keep it 100 and keep it real.
But when it really comes downto it, is that something that we
really want?
Do we want the answers to thequestions in our head or some of
the things that keep us up atnight pacing the floors?
All of those questions do wereally want answers to?
(02:27):
Because, if we admit it, wehang on the situations that we
should have let go long time ago, or we stay in dead-end jobs
because we become comfortablebeing comfortable, and we stay
in relationships that weprobably should have left and
should have only lasted for aseason.
But if we're honest, we reallyonly want to know people's
(02:51):
thoughts and opinions of us ifthey're positive and if they're
in direct line with what wethink they should be right, but
the lines become blurred andrelationships become destroyed
when honesty does not pan outthe way that you anticipate.
All right, let me say thatagain.
The lines become blurred andrelationships become destroyed
(03:14):
when honesty does not pan outthe way that you anticipate.
And that's in your relationship, right.
Anticipate and that's in yourrelationship, right.
These questions always arise,especially when you're in a
place of turmoil in yourrelationship.
Do you still want to be with me?
Do you love me?
(03:35):
Do you like me?
You know.
Do you want children?
Do you like my family?
You know?
Questions about whether or notyour bedroom is satisfactory,
and to even check in to see.
Listen, are we both on the samepage?
And these are really all thingsthat we have thought about at
some point or another.
(03:56):
Right, and there are somepeople that are direct, clear
cut and they don't have time forthe bullshit, so asking the
hard questions and receivinghonest answers is easier for
them.
So I'm not talking to y'all,but the vast majority of people
think of these questions as asource of conflict or
confrontation, and most peopleattempt to avoid confrontation
(04:20):
if possible, because how manytimes have we invested too much
into a relationship because wewant the answers to questions
that we're too afraid to ask.
Right, and this usually happensbecause, one, you're scared
that the answers to difficultquestions will end up in a
(04:41):
breakup.
Two, it could end up in being along, dragged out argument that
you're just not wanting to have.
And then the third is youalready know the answers to the
questions, but many times wefind ourselves in these do you
want to know situations?
And we really already do knowthe answers to the questions
that we're seeking, but we don'twant to admit it or we refuse
(05:02):
to make decisions until we hearit out loud or receive some kind
of concrete validation, which,if you admit, is really scary.
So in which case we findourselves giving up too much of
ourselves or dumbing down toaccommodate another person or to
salvage a relationship.
So let me say this Speak toyourself when you're faced with
(05:25):
these challenges and askyourself do I really want to
know?
And then kind of check yourselfAm I being honest?
Can I deal with theconsequences that come with the
answers to whatever thosequestions are?
And I also believe that whenyou're speaking to yourself in
these moments, sometimes it'sbeneficial for you to speak to
(05:48):
yourself in the mirror Right,because looking in the mirror
while you're communicating withyourself has a weird way of
making you more accountable.
It gives you a greaterreassurance sometimes of what
the next step is going to be,while you're standing there in
processing and in yourprocessing mode.
(06:10):
And this method can be used inany situation really.
So sometimes, like I said, whenyou find yourself in difficult
situations, speak to yourself inthe mirror.
It helps you get a little bitof clarity, because we hold on
to so much negativity andoftentimes because we want to
know, but we really don't wantto know right Now.
(06:33):
Let me say this to my habitualside chicks, side dudes, sneaky
links, long-term friends withbenefits.
Ask yourself how do I keepending up in these situations?
Or why can't we move from wherewe are to the next level?
Why won't he wife me, or is sheever going to leave her husband
(06:54):
?
Are we ever going to getserious or get married?
Because there really might be areason that he won't wife you
or she's comfortable beingfriends with benefits.
There might be a clear-cutreason why your relationship
won't go past superficial.
So do you really want to know?
Could you handle the answer atthat?
(07:15):
Because there is always ananswer right Sidebar.
I said this before People treatyou how you treat yourself.
Real talk now.
That's relationships.
Think about the intimatequestions that govern our,
govern our romanticrelationships, because you can't
(07:37):
get back wasted time.
Okay, do you really want toknow?
Do you really want to know?
Now, let's think about ourhonest friendships.
Stop right now and think aboutthat friend.
And you know that friend I'mtalking about the one that makes
(07:58):
you question your relationshipwith them all the time, but you,
for some reason, just can'tseem to let go of that toxic
person.
You know who I'm talking about,like you already know.
Now, this is also adouble-edged sword, right?
Because you want to know whatyour friends and associates
think about you.
Oh shit, do you really want toknow what they think about you
(08:18):
and do they really want to knowwhat you think about them?
But bear in mind, these thingsmight not necessarily be
negative, but oftentimes thingsthat you might not want to hear,
because it presents you toyourself and it oftentimes
happens in a way that's unknownto you and can sometimes be
hurtful to hear.
(08:39):
Like, let's be real, right,because everyone has been down
this road and I never want to bethat person.
But you know those friends, theones you can't go out to eat
with ever.
Like, let me tell you somethingIf we're out eating and you act
(08:59):
any kind of ratchet and I domean any kind of ratchet I'm
done.
I'm done.
Any kind of ratchet, I'm done,I'm done.
If you start scrutinizing thebill or counting pennies, I'm
done, my Lord.
If you don't give a tip, I'mdone.
And let me put a pin in itthere.
(09:19):
We spend money on dumb shit.
So explain to me how you couldgo out to eat, allow someone to
serve you, expect good andtimely, friendly service, but
then don't want to give a tip.
If that's the case, don't goout to eat, because that is
absolutely a disgrace.
People in the restaurantindustry make their living off
(09:41):
the tips.
The nerve of you, like I can'ttell you how much that pisses me
off.
The nerve of you.
Like I can't tell you how muchthat pisses me off, like really,
for instance, let me give youfor instance, real quick.
I know everybody saw that videoonline about that girl at the
restaurant and then the billcame and she asked the waitress
what is gratuity?
Because I didn't order that.
My god, my god, I thought I wasgoing to die.
(10:07):
Like, seriously, die like haveyou never been out before?
Now old girl is sitting therehair done, nails done,
everything did, but you neverheard of gratuity like this is a
prime example of people youdon't want to go out with or at
least I wouldn't.
But if you didn't hear it, youknow I got the audio, so listen
(10:30):
for yourself and then we'llpause so you can process the
stupidity.
Speaker 2 (10:34):
All right.
Who the fuck is Gratity and whyis it $44?
Who is Gratity and why is it$44?
It's the tip, the tip.
Y'all done put that shit on her.
Speaker 1 (10:48):
That's crazy, right, crazy, right.
Like come on, and I didn't eventouch on the fact that she said
the word gratuity, wrong.
Well, shit, I guess I just did.
But if you have a chance, goonline and watch the video.
If you would have seen thewaitress's face like I would
have almost double died.
Like double died.
(11:09):
I'm not even playing.
Also, if you are the person whoasked for separate checks,
don't come out with me likeabsolutely eliminated.
Now let me also say this,because there's a flip side to
that, right.
You know, when you go out andeveryone orders reasonable shit,
(11:29):
and then there's that oneperson that orders everything,
or 10 drinks, and then wantseverybody to split the bill
equally, like come on, have somecool, don't try to get over
just because you know you'rearound people that can help pay
the bill.
Like stop, stop, stop.
But you know what?
Common sense is not alwayscommon and if you don't have it,
(11:51):
you can't bag, borrow or stealit.
Let me say that again Commonsense is not always common and
if you don't have it, you can'tbag, borrow or steal it.
Now, who wants to really bethat person?
When you think about going toeat, you know right off the bat.
There's just some people thatyou do not invite under any
(12:13):
circumstances, like real talk.
That's why some of us don't goplaces that we're invited until
we find out who's coming.
You know what I'm saying,because if you say the wrong
name, count me out.
I'm not coming, like I'm notleaving my house knowing that
I'm going to be pissed off atthe end of the night.
I'm just not doing it.
Then there's the drunk friendyou know, the one that you might
(12:36):
have to babysit, or the friendthat when shit is good it's real
good, but when shit is bad it'sreal bad.
You know that friend I'mtalking about and you gotta
think carefully about whether ornot you want to go out with
them, especially if they are thedrunk friend that can
potentially be the fighter, dead, it Like, who really has time
(12:57):
for that.
I'm grown and people work hard.
They got all kinds of shitgoing on all week, every day
with their family, theirfinances of shit going on all
week, every day with theirfamily, their finances, their
personal situations, like whenyou find time to relax and enjoy
yourself in a social setting,the last thing you want is for
it to be ruined, especially bysomebody you know or that you
(13:18):
came with.
That's like ridiculous.
So who wants to be labeled asthat person?
Right, come on, let's keep itgoing.
Then are you the friend thatalways wants something?
My God, I mean the person whereevery time your name pops up on
the caller ID, the person'slike okay, when they see it,
(13:39):
they got to make a quickdecision on whether or not they
even want to answer the phone.
Like, come on, are you thatfriend that's always gossiping
and everything is negative.
And what was me like?
Do you know the person I'mtalking about?
When you say it's sunny outside, then their first response is
something stupid like well, Iwish sometime the sun would
shine on me.
You know, are you telling agood, positive story and somehow
(14:02):
it turns around to their darkand doom situation?
Um, who wants that?
Or then, is the person thatnever grows up like.
How many people don't know thatperson?
That is still just as simplenow as they were 10 years ago or
even in high school.
If you have friendships thatlasted that long, people that
(14:24):
have no change, have made nochange, no growth, no, nothing.
And let me say this it is aconscious decision and hard work
to decide that, in a world thatis constantly changing, that
you have really dug your feet inthe sand and said this is it
for me, like, certified it foryou.
(14:48):
Now back to the friend thatalways wants something.
Now, it's one thing to helpsomebody in need, but it's a
whole different thing for you tobecome somebody's second income
or their immediate in case ofemergency.
You know what I'm saying.
There's a big difference and Ican't tell you.
(15:09):
I like I really can't tell youhow many people have called me
over the years, shit, over themonths, and asked me for crazy
stuff Like I don't have any foodin my house, or I need to feed
my kids, or I'm behind on myrent, or you know, I'm trying to
make something move and I'llget right back to you.
Like I told somebody who askedme for money no one time,
(15:33):
because I was just sick of thisshit, right, and their response
was if you don't want to give itto me, just say that, but don't
tell me you don't have it.
Speaker 2 (15:41):
Like what did you just say?
Speaker 1 (15:48):
Exactly Like.
That's where we absolutely drawthe line, and I noticed that I
had become a second income andno, did it like?
No love loss but no more moneyexchanged either.
Then there are those people whoyou constantly pour into, you,
constantly give advice to, you,always show up to all of their
(16:11):
functions to support them andmake yourself readily available
in their time of need.
But when you need somebody totalk to or a shoulder to lean on
, shit, if you fall into hardtimes and need a borrow, you
look up and realize there areonly a few people, if anybody, I
can rely on.
Like really and I knoweverybody wants to do the right
(16:35):
thing and the most of us willhelp people if we can.
But admit it, being a caregiverand a caretaker and somebody
who's a saving grace, it allfeels good and it sounds good
and it feels noble.
But when you're in your time ofneed it feels terrible and you
sometimes recount some of thetimes you should have probably
(16:57):
said no or walked away and youget pissed off at what you might
now consider as weakness.
But let me say this being agood, decent human being is
never a weakness.
Okay, being a good, decenthuman being is never a weakness
and I would just never want tobe that friend, right?
(17:18):
And the crazy shit is most ofthe people that I'm referring to
have no idea that they're thatperson.
Well, you know what?
Maybe they do and they justdon't care.
But I would.
I would never want the firstthing that somebody thinks about
me to be negative, right,perfect example.
Like I love, love, love LaurynHill and Anita Baker.
(17:39):
I've seen both of them, butthere are so many memes about
them that are now literally thedefinition for the culture of
what being late looks like andbeing a no show.
Like who wants that to be thefirst thing that somebody thinks
about you?
That's crazy.
And for the most of us, wethink of ourselves in a positive
(18:00):
light, right, we shine a lighton ourselves and we tend to
highlight our greatestattributes and push the things
that we don't want to deal withto the side.
And it's not until you'reconfronted with the answers to
some of the touchy questionswithin some of your
relationships are you able tosee some of your shortcomings.
(18:20):
Now let me say this Watch outwho you listen to or who you
take advice from, because someadvice from people is pot and
kettle, and you know what I'mtalking about.
They give you advice but theydon't apply the same advice to
(18:43):
their life.
You might not want moneymanagement advice from someone
who's broke, or relationshipadvice from someone who's not
sound or at least has not had orhave a healthy relationship.
So be careful who you allow topour into you and what you allow
yourself to digest, becausesome shit is just toxic and
people's bad advice can put youin a worse situation.
(19:05):
So do you want to know thethoughts of your partner the
things that they think, but theydon't want to know the thoughts
of your partner the things thatthey think but they don't want
to say?
Do you want your friend'sopinion of you?
Like, could you really imaginethat if we allowed the people in
(19:26):
our lives to rate us from oneto ten, I know like crazy.
Then it's your job.
You know that co-worker thatgets paid for doing absolutely
nothing but acts like they'rethe hardest working person in
show business, like theco-worker that complains about
everybody and everything, whenin actuality they do the least
amount of work and they find themost of the stuff that they do.
(19:50):
You know the coworker that assoon as you hear their voice or
you find out.
You have to communicate withthem.
You think to yourself you knowwhat, if you want something done
, you might as well just do ityourself.
Like that is horrible for yourcoworkers to think of you like
that, and it also means thatthere's always a chance that
(20:14):
you're close to being fired.
Normally, you know, that's inregular corporate jobs and I
can't lie.
I have worked at some jobswhere it seems like the less
people do, the more they getrewarded, which is an absolute
slap in the face to the otheremployees.
But that's a whole nother story, right, a whole nother show.
Now, it's one thing when you getyour review or your evaluation,
like from your boss or hr orwhatever.
(20:35):
But what if you ask yourco-workers what they thought
about you as a colleague?
Like, are you that person thatis always the topic of
conversation?
Do you not pull as much weightas you thought?
Or do people at work now evenwant to work with you?
Do you really want to know?
Do you really want to know?
(20:57):
Now, I know some people willsay oh, I don't give up what
people say about me, and youknow what they eat, don't make
me shit, or do they pay my bills, kind of thing and that's great
, right In the right context.
But most of us do care whatpeople think about us,
especially when it comes to ourromantic relationships or
friendships and our workrelationships.
(21:19):
So I ask you do you really wantto know If you're in a real
relationship or have real,authentic friendships?
These people are going to offeryou this information and show
you to yourself whenever,because that's the way a true
friendship or a relationshipshould be.
(21:39):
Now check this out.
One of my girlfriends said to meone day Doc, you think you
slick, I'm like what she said.
You have a way of saying someshady shit to somebody and then
they think it's a compliment andit's not until days later that
(21:59):
they realize.
Oh shit, he was trying to playme.
I was floored and of course Iwas like girl, you crazy, right.
But then when I started to lookback at some of the things that
I said to people over the years, I could kind of understand how
that could be construed ormisconstrued as shady the years.
I could kind of understand howthat could be construed or
misconstrued as shady, right,okay.
(22:20):
But since then I try to make aconscious effort to check myself
and ask myself before I saysomething like is this necessary
?
And like what is to be gainedfrom this?
Because I never realized that.
But people you have in yourlife are looking at you from the
outside in and they'resometimes able to see things
about you that you don'tnecessarily see for yourself.
So I had to start checkingmyself and let me pass that
(22:43):
advice on Check yourself inevery relationship and ask
yourself am I adding to thisrelationship or, you know, can I
be better and am I beingselfish?
You know, really check yourself, because it'll make it easier
for you to be able to ask thosehard questions and you'll be
more equipped to deal with theresponses, because you have a
(23:04):
more realistic idea of how youoperate in those scenarios.
And then you're confident thatyou're giving the best that you
have Right.
So All right, family, let's getinto these weeks questions.
And then you're confident thatyou're giving the best that you
have right.
So all right, family, let's getinto these weeks questions,
right?
We all do the next one.
We on to the next one.
This is how we're going to doit for the close.
(23:25):
You and your significant otherfinish having sex.
While you're washing up in thebathroom, you hear them
masturbating.
What do you do?
I'll rewind that you and yoursignificant other just finished
having sex.
You go to the bathroom to washup and then you hear them
(23:46):
masturbating.
What do you do Now?
Me personally, that means thatyou haven't done your job, and
if that's the case, you need toget yourself together, batter up
and get back out there and getback in the ring, because
something went terribly wrongand you need to figure that out.
I don't know what you thinkabout that, but I would
(24:08):
definitely say there's acertified problem.
I would definitely say there'sa certified problem.
Okay, so let's get to the nextone.
Your sex tape was just leakedonline.
Come on, stop.
You know, I got to give you thegood ones.
Your sex tape was just leakedonline.
What's the first thing you'redoing after you find out your
(24:29):
sex tape was just leaked online?
What's the first thing you'redoing after you find out your
sex tape was just leaked online?
What's the first thing you'redoing After you find out?
Bitch, I am ducking under thetable and hoping that the ground
opens up and just straightsucks me up in it and I just
absolutely disappear.
Like I know, some people sayGood press is press, bad press
(24:53):
press no, no, no.
Press, press, press, stop, stop, stop the presses.
If a sex tape came out, I wasstraight hot under the table,
like that's just absolutelycrazy for me.
So toy that around, chew thataround and see how that works
for you.
So toy that around, chew thataround and see how that works
(25:14):
for you.
Ok, last question before wetake it out If I interviewed
your exes, what would they sayabout you?
Now, really think about that one.
I'm going to bring that backagain.
If I interviewed your exes,what would they say about you?
I'm not even going to give youthat response because I don't
(25:36):
want to think that hard.
All right, family, that's itfor me this week.
You know, I had a ball with youguys and we're going to do this
again next week.
All right, I love you andremember, keep a smile on your
face.
You deserve it.
Don't let nobody knock you offyour pedestal.
See you next week.
Speaker 2 (26:24):
We'll come on a talk to.
You need someone to listen,looking for clarity and strategy
.
Reach out to the TurnaroundProject.
Our life coaches are here tohelp you on your journey to
getting better, doing better andbeing better.
Tardem Run Project helpingindividuals learn to help
themselves.
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