September 1, 2025 • 45 mins
Grief doesn’t end with goodbye. For many, it’s followed by a quiet, exhausting weight no one talks about — the paperwork, the phone calls, the endless “to-do’s” that come when your heart has already been broken.
When Adria Ferrier lost her mother after a five-year battle with cancer, she not only faced the deep ache of missing her, but also the overwhelming burden of navigating the practical aftermath. From transferring accounts to hours on hold with companies that had no clear process, she found herself spending precious time and energy on logistics when all she wanted was space to grieve.
That tender, painful season became the seed for something extraordinary. Adria left her career in finance to create Elayne — a company reimagining how families walk through the days and months after loss. Named for its meaning, “a ray of light through the clouds,” (and the very way she sees her mother now) Elayne helps families handle the countless details of death with compassion, clarity, and care.
Her work is rooted in love — for her mother, for the families she serves, and for the belief that no one should carry both heartbreak and bureaucracy alone.
In this conversation on Hope Comes to Visit, Adria shares her story with honesty and gentleness. She reminds us that while death and grief touch everyone, there is also space for light, for dignity, and, with the right help - the possibility of making one of life’s hardest transitions just a little softer.
You can learn more about Elayne here.
And you can connect with Adria here on LinkedIn.
Thank you for listening to Hope Comes to Visit. If this episode resonated with you, please follow, rate, and share the show — it helps others find their way to these conversations.
New episodes drop every Monday and Friday, so you can begin and end your week with a little light and a lot of hope.
For more stories, reflections, and ways to connect, visit www.DanielleElliottSmith.com or follow along on Instagram @daniellesmithtv and @HopeComestoVisit
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
You're doing that while trying to process grief,
and it stays with you for monthswhen everyone else is like,
okay, it's time to move on.
A week after the death.
Speaker 2 (00:20):
When we speak the truth of what we live through,
we offer others a way through.
I'm Danielle Elliott Smith, andthis is Hope Comes to Visit.
As always, I'm really excitedyou're here.
Today's guest is someone I amreally excited to introduce you
to.
Adria Ferrier is the founder andCEO of Elaine, a company
reimagining how familiesnavigate the aftermath after
(00:42):
loss.
Inspired by her own experiencecaring for her mom through a
five-year battle with cancer,adria left a career in finance
to build a simpler, morecompassionate path for families.
She launched Elaine in 2024,joined Y Combinator's Summer
Accelerator and has been growingthe company ever since.
(01:03):
What drives her is a deepconviction that this company
simply has to exist.
Death and grief impact everyone, yet most people look away.
Her mission is to light thepath forward so that families
can face the hardest moments oflife with clarity, dignity and
care.
Let's take a quick moment tothank the people that support
(01:25):
and sponsor the podcast.
When life takes an unexpectedturn, you deserve someone who
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St Louis attorney Chris Dulleyoffers experienced one-on-one
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Call 314-384-4000 or314-DUI-HELP, or you can visit
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(01:46):
Lawfirmcom for a freeconsultation.
Adria, thank you so very muchfor being here and for joining
me on the podcast.
Speaker 1 (01:57):
Thank you, Danielle.
Speaker 2 (01:59):
I'm excited to have you and to have this
conversation.
I realize that it's a difficulttopic that brings you here, but
you have made somethingextraordinary out of your
experience.
Speaker 1 (02:15):
Thank you.
I really appreciate that and Ifeel like we have so much to do,
but even pausing to take stockof what we've done so far is
really nice.
Speaker 2 (02:27):
Let's start by talking about your mom.
I mean, I think that she's thegenesis of this right, so let's
give her the place of honor inthe conversation.
Let's talk about her.
Tell me about your mom.
Speaker 1 (02:45):
She was wonderful.
Um, I think you know I've I'velistened to some of your
podcasts and um you talk aboutgrief and that there's no
timeline.
She, she passed away um threeand a half, almost four years
ago, and I'm just starting totalk about her.
So I guess my point is if thereare some tears, please forgive
(03:07):
me.
Speaker 2 (03:08):
But, um, if you have tears now or in 15 minutes or in
15 years, that's, that's okay.
I mean, I, if you've listenedto the podcast and you know that
I firmly believe that we grievein direct correlation to how we
love, right?
So it's, it's okay to honor herthat way, right?
(03:28):
I think, even knowing smallbits and pieces about the work
you're doing, I can only imaginehow proud she is.
Speaker 1 (03:37):
Thank you.
Well, she, she grew up inHungary, so Eastern European.
She's from a small village nearthe Ukrainian border and she
always wanted to be a doctor andI think everything she did was
really about paying it forwardand helping people.
(03:57):
And she told me the story thatshe found a dead rat in the
basement once she was three andshe decided to dissect it and
try and save it.
Um it.
I don't think she realized thatdissecting it wouldn't save it
but, um, she thought she couldput it back together and um and
(04:18):
yeah and, and she was like eversince then I've wanted to be a
doctor.
Um, in Hungary it was a littlebit hard for her to be a doctor.
You got to have certain likeconnections and the government
and all of that.
So she came out to the US andbecame a nephrologist.
Speaker 2 (04:35):
So wow, yeah, at what age did she come to the US, she
?
Speaker 1 (04:39):
was 29.
So she didn't speak any Englishand she came and she like
insisted that she could go toher residency.
So she just showed up on dayone.
Speaker 2 (04:54):
She was like I'm here , I'm here, I'd like to be a
doctor, so I I am on this path.
Don't even think about stoppingme.
Speaker 1 (05:02):
Yes, exactly, and, and they were in shock, but they
said, okay, we'll, we'll letyou stay for a couple of days.
And she was, um, yeah, she, shebecame one of the top of her
class and, um, the rest ishistory.
So she, she really taught meearly on that it doesn't matter
how crazy the dream is or um,what you have to do in the
(05:25):
moment that you can.
If you have a goal, you canjust like, really try and get
there and and it's possible.
Speaker 2 (05:32):
So she mixed her brain and her compassion to
succeed something she has veryclearly passed on to you.
She's given a diagnosis and itsounds like you did a lot to
take care of her through thatprocess.
Speaker 1 (05:52):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (05:54):
That is not easy.
Speaker 1 (05:56):
Yeah, yeah, it was, um, it was a really and and that
too, I'm still, I think I'mstill processing the weight of
it.
But in my, in my early 20s, shewas diagnosed with lung cancer,
which which we didn't, and Ithink most people don't even
(06:17):
consider that when they're, ifthey're not feeling well, they
think, oh, it must be somethingelse.
Like I've never smoked, howcould it be lung cancer, right,
um, but it's, it's really commonactually, um, it's the number
one cancer killer of women.
And I didn't know any of thatwhen she was diagnosed.
I just, in my mind, I was like,oh, she's, she's going to be
(06:39):
fine, she's always, she alwaysmakes it through.
And then, um, yeah, it was, itwas a hard five and a half year
battle.
Speaker 2 (06:47):
So I'm actually going to go to something you just
said.
So lung cancer is the numberone cancer of lung killer of
women.
Ok, so that's not something I'dheard before.
Speaker 1 (06:57):
No, it's.
It's the number one cancerkiller of women, more than
breast, ovarian and uterinecombined.
Each year.
Speaker 2 (07:04):
Is it really?
Is there an origin for that?
Because I know that we doalways associate lung cancer and
smoking right, and since Iwouldn't automatically assume
that all women or most womensmoke, therefore I wouldn't
correlate that.
Is there a correlation?
Is there a correlation?
(07:26):
Is there a reason?
Is there?
Speaker 1 (07:28):
You're asking the million dollar question.
I mean, I think there's anumber of reasons why it's so
deadly, and one is this stigmathat if you get lung cancer, it
means you caused it to yourselfbecause you were smoking, which
has been really detrimental tofinding new therapies in this
(07:52):
type of cancer.
And so that's the first one.
And then second, they don't knowwhy, but cancer in younger so
like under 60, younger so likeunder 60, um non-smoking women
is on the rise and um, they,yeah, they think it could be
(08:15):
hormonal, environmental, butit's.
It's really, um, if you look atthe charts, they're pretty
alarming.
So so, yeah, any any chance Iget to just kind of tell people
about it, um, yeah, Love to talkabout it.
Speaker 2 (08:24):
No, I mean if there's , if there are questions that I
don't ask you, that you want toshare about that particular
piece of it, please do I mean.
I know I think I'd love to be aplatform for that.
So how old was your mom?
She was 52.
Speaker 1 (08:38):
So I am 52.
Speaker 2 (08:42):
So she was 52 when she was diagnosed.
Okay, yeah, all right, so thisis.
And so she fought for five anda half years.
Speaker 1 (08:51):
You said yes, yes so she was 52, um I think, and I'll
just illustrate where the ofthe journey here.
Um, since she was a doctor, sheate really healthy and ran
every day.
So she noticed, um, that she wasgetting shortness of breath
(09:13):
while she was on her daily runsand she thought it was stress
like women often think that itmust be stress.
And then we're kind of toldlike you're just just being
crazy, and um, so she like selfordered and a chest x-ray and
and diagnosed it.
Because she went to a couple ofdoctors and they were all like
(09:34):
you're just, you're juststressed out, you need to maybe
sleep more, um, so, yeah, I, um,and and then I I remember the
day she was diagnosed formallybecause kind of plays like a
movie in my head, I'll bet, yeah, the doctor.
The doctor said you know, youhave this type, it's called EGFR
(09:57):
, you have, you know, typicallypeople survive eight months from
now.
You know, typically peoplesurvive eight months um from now
.
But, um, you know, we're goingto do our best to help you and
it's it's stage four andterminal.
Speaker 2 (10:10):
And so I, I still remember the scripts, um and uh,
and yeah, so she survived fiveand a half years, which is
amazing, Extraordinary.
Yeah, so I have I.
I am insatiably curious at alltimes, especially people's
(10:30):
stories, and so there were acouple of thoughts that that
came to mind as as you weretalking, and one of them was
what have you learned from herabout advocating for yourself?
Because I I know that we knowwhen something's wrong.
(10:50):
Right, so she knew, but aswomen, we are frequently told
it's stress, you're fine, it'sjust a little pain.
I spoke to a previous guestabout saying that she was in
pain and being told that'snormal and given a Tylenol at
something that clearly wasn'tnormal, and and so she knew that
(11:12):
something was wrong.
What have you learned from herabout advocating for yourself?
Speaker 1 (11:18):
That's such a wonderful question.
I've never, I've never thoughtabout that.
I've never, I've never thoughtabout that.
Um, and it's funny because I Ijournal and as I was like
reflecting on um the company'strajectory and and learnings um,
my takeaway this past week wastrust your gut and I think I
(11:43):
think sometimes you you do getdisconnected from that and the
time after my mom passed awaywas really stressful too.
But I think there's thisbeautiful like art, where, like,
just trusting your gut and notaccepting what people are
telling you yeah, I'll have toexamine that more, but but I
(12:07):
think I think she reallydemonstrated that her whole life
.
Speaker 2 (12:12):
Yes, I would.
I have learned over the yearsthat trusting my gut is truly
one of the most powerful thingsI could do, whether it is in
advocating for myself anddoctors or in conversations with
people.
The more I trust my gut, themore I know whether a
(12:32):
conversation is going well ornot going well, whether someone
is being honest with me ordishonest with me.
And I will even even if I knowsomeone is being dishonest with
me and I try to push it and Igive them an opportunity to
clear the air, sometimes I'lllet it go, but I will still
(12:52):
allow myself permission to sayyou know like it's going to come
back around somehow, but I'llstill allow myself to trust that
inner knowing, still allowmyself to trust that inner
knowing.
I do believe that the more youtrust that inner knowing, the
stronger it gets, Because you'retelling yourself to take,
you're giving yourself thatpermission.
(13:13):
Yeah so what was it about yourmom's journey that that did
allow her to stay with you foras long as she did?
I mean being given such a shortperiod of time and such a
terminal diagnosis.
I mean for it to play like amovie.
Clearly she wasn't given verymuch time, and then you did get
her for quite a bit longer.
Speaker 1 (13:35):
Yeah, I think, exactly as you said, just
advocating going to the bestcenter that we had in our area.
So, dana Farber, it's anamazing um cancer center and um
being really involved with herown journey, like she didn't sit
(13:56):
back and just let the doctorstell her what to do.
She she started a?
Um a patient advocacy group.
She started a?
Um a patient advocacy group.
I helped her a lot with it.
Um, and and yeah, and pulltogether like thousands of um
lung cancer patients who aredealing with the same thing and
they would exchange notes and um, they had a newsletter or they
(14:19):
still exist and they've grownsignificantly, um, so I think it
was being really hands-on.
and then also, she, she wantedto stay with us.
Like, she always told me, um,and no tears, but um, she always
told me that she, she knew Iwould be okay.
Um, my little sister, I think,struggled.
(14:42):
She was younger so she didstruggle with, you know,
understanding what was happening.
And then, um, I don't think itreally hit her that that my mom
was actually going to die untilshe did pass away.
And so you know, there's allthese dynamics and um, and I
(15:02):
know she, she did stay as longas she could for us.
Speaker 2 (15:07):
Adria, I feel as though part of this process for
you has part of the, the weightand the grief that that you're
carrying not that you werecaring, but that you are caring
is the desire to be stronger forother people, for your mom,
(15:29):
then for your sister.
What do you do for you, to takecare of you, to allow yourself
to feel?
Speaker 1 (15:46):
You're asking all these questions.
I um, I, um, don't get askedvery often.
I, I, I think, hmm, I thinkthat's something I'm starting to
work on and I'm starting tofigure out and, um, kind of
going to a point that I thinkyou, that you had in one of your
(16:08):
past episodes, was that grief,it doesn't really have an end
date and it kind of flows, um,and I've been kind of running so
fast and so hard to to stayahead of it and maybe maybe not
fully embrace it quite yet.
And so you know, this is um,this is one of one of the first
(16:30):
conversations I've had, this indepth about that time, um, but
but yeah, I, I think it'sstarting to be more open with.
It is step one, um, and it'snot that I've necessarily hidden
it, it's always been part of mystory.
But of course sometimes youshare and people are like, oh,
(16:52):
my God, I feel so sorry for you,and then they try and go on
with their day, and so you knowyou don't want to disturb other
people, but but yeah, I'mfiguring it out, speak it out.
Speaker 2 (17:08):
I think that.
So I think grief waits for us,right?
I think it sits there and it'sready to be released, when we're
ready to release it, but itit'll wait for you, and one of
the biggest keys is having theright people to talk to, because
(17:33):
if you feel as though you don'thave safe people or you feel as
though sharing with people whocan't receive it, then we keep
it in.
I'm an empath, so there werepeople I couldn't share around,
because if I broke down, I wastoo worried about their reaction
(17:56):
and they were uncomfortablewith my level of grief.
So I had to be careful aboutthat piece of it, right?
Because their discomfort mademe more uncomfortable and then I
turned more inward and thatalmost took me back in my
progress.
Speaker 1 (18:15):
Yes, and I mean even more overt stuff happened to me.
You know, after my mom passedaway, I was, I was really busy
and even before she passed away,I was taking care of her.
And then, after she passed away, I was taking care of my sister
and unwinding my mom's life ina way, and, um, I actually lost
(18:36):
friends that said that I wasn'taround enough and I'm not fun
anymore.
And, um, you know, I I itreally really hurt because
because I thought that they wereclose friends, and um, you know
, I look at life, like there'schapters in life and maybe I'm
(18:57):
not fun now, or maybe I wasn'tfun then, but I will be fun
again.
Um, so, so, yeah, it was just,it was really hurtful.
Speaker 2 (19:08):
I will be fun again.
So so, yeah, it was just, itwas really hurtful.
So that's not a you problem.
I will tell you what my grieftherapist told me and I don't
know if you've heard me say thisat a different episode, but she
said that when you go throughgrief, your life is being
rearranged and everyone in yourlife gets broken up into three
categories Okay, people whodisappear.
People who show up readily, likeall of a sudden they are there.
(19:33):
And people who try.
And the people who try are theones who try to say something,
and sometimes they do it rightand sometimes they do it wrong,
but they kind of flow in and out.
The challenge with those thatABC category of people, is that
the people who you were positive, were going to be your core
(19:53):
people, many of them fall intothe disappear category, and that
is especially challengingbecause many of them are
disappearing because it was toohard for them to know what to
say or to know what to do, orbecause you weren't fun, or
(20:14):
because your sadness wasuncomfortable, or they didn't
like it.
I experienced the same thing,or they didn't like it.
I experienced the same thing,and I will tell you that my life
is better for not having thatcategory of people in my life,
and a number of the people whoshowed up were such a beautiful
(20:37):
surprise.
Speaker 1 (20:39):
I was just going to say it.
It was really, um, it wasreally surprising who did call
and and become.
We've become so much closer, umand I.
It didn't even occur to me thatthey would be there, um and so
so, yeah, I, I I'm just um,there's there's like light sides
(21:01):
and, and you know, dark sidesof this, but I've I had exactly
(21:23):
the same experience.
Speaker 2 (21:25):
Yeah, I.
There was something very, veryhard about what you were going
through that could be changed,and you thought how can I make
this better?
So will you please explain,elaine and the work that you're
doing, and then I will continueto ask you questions so that
(21:48):
everyone can understand.
Speaker 1 (21:50):
Well, so Elaine is a.
It's like a platform, digitalplatform that helps you settle
and unwind someone's life.
And so, um, you know, when mymom passed away I thought it was
, you know it was there wasacute grief and then, and then
you kind of want to go on withyour life because it had already
(22:13):
been five and a half years, um,but there was so much, so much
admin to do, right, like I hadto figure out the bank accounts
and passwords and call randompeople, um to tell them what
happened and ask, like what,what do I do now?
(22:34):
And um, and I was and I wasthinking the whole time that
there needs to be, there needsto be something that guides you
through this, like someone orsomething, and just nothing
existed.
And I know I mean it goes backto the fact that most people
want to look away and areuncomfortable, and so it just
(22:55):
blew my mind that that no onehad started a company like this
or anything in the space.
Speaker 2 (23:02):
Where does this fall in terms of power of attorney?
Or because it's interesting tome that you, that you have
started this and you actuallyhad time with your mom, in
essence, to prepare some rightin in a couple of of situations,
(23:23):
like with the, the loss thatthat I experienced.
I mean, he and I were notmarried, so there wasn't
anything, it was more that hiskids had to take that on, but
there was no power of attorney.
There was no, it was a lot ofmissing pieces.
And then I have another friendwho passed away and something
similar.
He has a business right, so hisdaughter is taking over the
(23:46):
business and but there's thereare no passwords for the bank
accounts.
There was where is the businesslicense?
Where is the you know?
And there's so many unknownsright.
And so I, after going throughthat with Marty, I thought I
need to get all of my, all of myeverything in order so that,
(24:06):
good heavens, my kids aren'tleft with this, and I will tell
you that I started but have notcompleted that process for them.
Speaker 1 (24:18):
So yeah, I mean, I, um, I think you realize how bad
it is when you go through it.
So when I'm I'm talking topeople, if they kind of stare at
me with a, with a blank stare,I'm like don't, don't worry,
we'll be here, you know, if youever need us.
But but, yeah, I, you know it'sfunny because actually lawyers
(24:38):
use us too, cause they're, yeah,there's the, there's the legal,
like you know, formal legalprocess of submitting documents
to the court and going throughprobate.
But there's so much in betweenthat people don't have help with
Right that, like, lawyerswouldn't do or a wealth manager
(25:01):
wouldn't do, like, for example,knowing, knowing how to transfer
car titles, like the, the deeds, and, um, what do you do with
the Facebook page?
And did you know that yourparent had a life insurance that
you know you might not haveknown about right away?
(25:23):
Like, there's been times wherewe've found insurances for
people and help them throughsubmitting to get it that I
don't know if they would havefound, and so, yeah, it's just
everything in between of theformal legal process and, yeah,
(25:43):
settling everything?
Speaker 2 (25:44):
What is your educational background?
So where did your idea for thiscome from it and your the
wherewithal to do it?
So you first say, gosh, there'sgotta be a process.
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (26:02):
I I don't have.
I don't have a background inthis Um, and I actually I
consider myself almost achameleon.
During my career I I started infinance, um, and then I covered
different industries and endedup in in rare disease investing,
(26:22):
which.
I don't have a background inmedicine, um, but I just I think
you, you challenge yourself tokeep learning Um and the same
way.
Yeah, and, and then, uh, went toget my MBA and and, yeah, I
just saw this problem and I waslike I, you know, how do you?
You, I love this quote like howdo you eat an elephant?
(26:44):
One, one bite at a time, right,and so it's.
You know, we're still figuringso much out and automating so
much.
But I think now, I think I knowour users, they, they
appreciate any help.
You know, I've, I've had grownmen on zooms crying and I've had
(27:06):
them, you know, a couple monthslater, be like we don't, like I
wouldn't have known what to dobecause my wife passed away and
she did everything.
And so, you know, it's just, um, yeah, they're, they're so
grateful for any help and I'm, Ihave really high standards, so
I keep trying to make it better.
And then that goes back toiCombinator.
(27:27):
It's a accelerator for techcompanies and yeah, I was like
if I'm going to do this, we'regoing to do it right and have
the best tech to make it thebest experience.
And yeah, it's a one percentacceptance rate.
And they let me in because theywere like we, we hear 20,000
(27:50):
ideas pitches a year and we'venever heard this pitch, so why
don't you try it and so.
So yeah, it's kind of likepulling in different ideas,
trying to put one foot in frontof the other, but usually I
don't know like I'm just makingit up.
Speaker 2 (28:10):
See, I don't think you're making it up, I think
you're being guided.
Speaker 1 (28:16):
That is another thing I had not ever considered
before.
Speaker 2 (28:19):
I appreciate it.
Yeah, I feel as though this isvery much heartwork for you,
right?
I feel as though this is whatyou were talking about, how you
haven't quite dealt with yourgrief yet.
(28:39):
I think that you are in bitsand pieces, and I and I
recognize that you feel asthough you haven't had your full
, full breakdown maybe, uh, butI think that in bits and pieces,
you are channeling some of yourmom's heart and you are, you're
(29:00):
doing the work that is allowingyou to alleviate some of the
pain that other people areexperiencing.
Would you say that any of thisfeels even slightly healing for
(29:22):
you?
Speaker 1 (29:24):
Yes, yes, I would.
And I again, I've only kind ofrecently started opening this
book, their chapter, you know,of healing and looking backwards
, and it is something I alwaystell my team is like we, we will
(29:49):
not cause any more stress.
Like we're here, I want peopleto come to us and feel comfort
and I do not want anyone toexperience what I experienced.
And so you know, as as I seepeople going through this and
having a better experience, itis really, it's so rewarding
(30:11):
more than anything I've donebefore and that's what keeps me
going every day Adria.
Speaker 2 (30:17):
what piece are you trying to take away of the
experience that you had?
What piece are you trying totake away of the experience that
you had?
What piece are you trying toalleviate?
Speaker 1 (30:25):
for people it's so I always say that we're not.
We're not a mental healthcompany, but we allow you to
focus on your mental healthinstead of stressing over all of
the to do's.
Like, you don't have to callthe insurance company, we can do
it for you.
Or you don't have to, you know,call the utility company,
(30:49):
because I'll tell you.
I'm telling you a little story,and this is I hear these
stories all the time.
I was trying to transfer, aboutfour months after my mom passed
away, the utility account gasand electric over to my name,
and, um, the guy on the phonedid not care what was going on
(31:12):
and it was like you know, ourpolicy is that, um, your mom
would have had to write us aletter to allow you to, um, you
know, take over the accounts.
Um, she no longer lives in thehouse and so we're just going to
shut the whole thing down, likewe're not going to give you gas
and electric.
And um, it was just that wasone of my breakdowns on the
(31:35):
phone with with this guy, and Iwas just like I don't understand
, um, how you can be so cold andheartless, and it's just
callous yeah, and it's justre-traumatizing Like you have
interactions like that all thetime and do they not normally
have a policy for that?
Speaker 2 (31:54):
I mean, how does everyone not have a policy?
Because, honest to God, thishappens every day.
This is not an anomaly.
No right Like this is it is.
Unfortunately, we lose people.
Speaker 1 (32:11):
So they don't.
They don't a lot of, so a lotof the processes and like SOPs
that we've gathered.
We have had to call thecompanies and work through it
and kind of insist that theytell us what they would want
someone to do and then we kindof build it into our product.
But, um, but yeah, I mean, alot of banks don't even have it
(32:35):
on their website.
Companies don't work.
You know, you have onlineaccounts.
They don't say what to do.
Two months ago I went toFacebook just to check it and
the link to memorialize a pagewas was down and I mean, if you
think of how many people are onFacebook, it's just, it's crazy
(32:59):
that they wouldn't even maintainit.
It's crazy, um, that theywouldn't even maintain it.
So, so, yeah, I, I again.
It's just like this whole umculture of of looking away when
you're going through a reallyhard time and and the thing with
this is that you know youexperienced the death.
That's traumatic, but thisprocess lasts 18 months on
(33:23):
average and it takes 400 hourson average and it's not like, so
you're, you're doing that whiletrying to process grief and it
stays with you for months wheneveryone else is like okay, it's
time to move on.
A week after the death.
Speaker 2 (33:44):
I know it is.
I learned so much during thatprocess.
We have continued as a societyto shorten the amount of time
(34:13):
that we gift people to mourn, togrieve, to move on.
It used to be, historically,women wore black for upwards of
a year or two, when, whensomeone passed away, and now we
give someone three days off ofwork, we give someone three days
off of work, and there weretimes I mean, I read so many
books and there were times thatI wanted to be wearing a sign.
I just wanted to wear something.
(34:34):
I wanted there to be a universalsign of some kind that just
told people outwardly and I wishthere was, I wish there was
something we could all wear, uh,an emblem, a pin, a something
that just so people could giveus a wide berth, that they could
(34:54):
pat us on the shoulder, thatthey could rub our head, that
they could you know, they couldput a blanket on our shoulder,
something that just that peoplewho had the capacity to have
compassion could do so and thepeople who needed to walk on the
other side of the street could.
Because the people who need towalk on the other side of the
street, I needed them to stayfar away from me?
(35:15):
Yeah, because I, I.
It was extraordinary to me thatthere are that many people who
have no capacity for kindness,and what you are doing is you've
raised your hand and said letme take a piece of your burden
and try to pave a path for youthat hasn't been paved, and you
(35:42):
are.
Additionally, you're not justchanging the conversation,
you're changing the industry,and that's powerful.
I don't know if you recognizehow valuable what you're doing
is, because there is acompassionate side to it, but
you're also forcing industries,you're forcing organizations to
(36:05):
create processes that weren'tthere before.
Yes, and that's that's whyCombinator said you deserve to
be in the same category asAirbnb and because, no, I don't
(36:26):
know why no one has thought ofthis, but no one has thought of
this.
Speaker 1 (36:31):
Yeah, well, I think I think it was.
It was so dramatic that thelast thing you want to do is
turn around and go back into it.
So I feel like that's somethingI have to explore about um, why
I did Uh, but I, I, um, I justfelt like I, I just couldn't not
, I think, is what it came downto.
Speaker 2 (36:52):
You're being guided?
Yeah, I it's, but see, I thinkthat, like so, that that's
interesting, because you saidyeah, but see, I think that,
like so.
That's interesting because yousaid why would I like most
people?
But I think that some of themost brilliant and life changing
Things that happen are the onesborn from us being cracked wide
(37:24):
open.
Right, it's.
There are only a fraction ofpeople who are truly cracked
wide open from something andcompletely transform Things that
are hard, change us, but only apercentage of people do
something extraordinary with it,and those are the people that
(37:48):
you read about.
Those are where.
Those are where quotes arecreated and companies are born,
and and that's what you'redoing- Thank you, thank you,
thank you.
Speaker 1 (38:00):
That's beautiful.
I um, yeah, no, I was veryaware of this actually when I
was going through, you know,taking care of my mom, um cause
I I took time off work to carefor her through hospice, and
then, um cause she did it athome and then, you know, she
passed away, and then there wasall this estate, admin, or even
(38:25):
just life, um to unwind.
While taking care of my sisterand and I um I had seen from my
involvement in the cancercommunity that a lot of people
struggle um after it's done, andI just really did like.
I knew I had more to give andso I did not want to, I didn't
(38:48):
want to settle.
Speaker 2 (38:49):
So well, you have done the opposite of that.
You've given yourself a purposeto.
How is your sister doing?
Speaker 1 (38:57):
She is doing better.
Um, you know, I think she wasdealing with her mental health.
Um, sobriety was also, you know, something that she struggled
with.
Um I.
It's a tough relationship, youknow.
I think when, when someone goesthrough that um, but she's, you
(39:20):
know, know, it's one one day,one week at a time and she's
better.
She's better now.
How are you doing?
I'm OK.
I wake up every day excited,and so I'm.
I'm really glad that, that I'mbuilding this and I have a
(39:43):
husband now and he's wonderful.
Congratulations, thank you.
And um and I have amazingfriends.
I think that that is thebeautiful thing that came out of
a lot of this.
I lost a lot of friends, but,um, the ones that came out of
the woodwork that I did notexpect um have it have, just
(40:06):
like, made my world so muchricher because oftentimes
they've also had experiences.
Speaker 2 (40:13):
Um, so, yeah, so it has created a bit of a community
for you too.
It really has.
Yeah, what can we do to supportyou and where can people find
you?
Speaker 1 (40:24):
Well, you can find us at Elainecom E-L-A-Y-N-Ecom.
And yeah, we're here, so youcan email us anytime.
It's careteam at Elainecom.
You can email us anytime.
It's care team at elainecom.
Um, and we just released a newfeature where, if you just stick
(40:44):
your obituary link into our,our platform, we'll make you a
roadmap and we'll start likehelping you through the process
so yeah, that's amazing.
Speaker 2 (40:54):
I I asked you this before and I want to ask you
again because my my firstthought when I saw Elainecom was
that it might be your mom'sname.
Yes, and it's not, but there issignificance to the name Elaine
, so will you share that?
Speaker 1 (41:10):
Yes, well, my mom's name was Ildiko.
It's Hungarian, and I did thinkof naming the company after her
, but it's a little bit hard topronounce.
So I was like what's what'ssomething?
That means something beautiful,and, and Elaine means a ray of
light through the clouds, andand that's that's what I wanted
(41:32):
the ethos of the company to bethat when it's storming and you
know you don't see the sun atall, we'll be there.
Speaker 2 (41:42):
That's amazing.
Do you get signs from your mom?
Speaker 1 (41:46):
I think so.
I think so.
I carry her jewelry with me allthe time and I do think that
she nudges me in the rightdirection and maybe has been
guiding me, so I will definitelyjournal about this after I am.
Speaker 2 (42:06):
I'm pretty sure she's guiding you and I, uh, I have
no doubt she is incredibly proudof you.
I mean, I just I'm incrediblyproud of you.
(42:40):
I mean I just it's.
It's interesting because, justin that that sense feel, when we
were talking about your mom Idon't know if you had any idea
how old I was, but I knew youwere going to tell me before you
did that she was 52 when shewas diagnosed.
The second we started to talkabout lung cancer being the
number one for women I all of asudden thought she's going to
tell me she was 52 when she wasdiagnosed.
And so those just little, thoselittle moments are just little
guides for me.
So I think you're doingsomething really extraordinary
(43:05):
and I'm so grateful that youspent time here with me and
sharing your story, and thankyou.
I think that you're doing yourgrief journey exactly as you're
supposed to You're.
You're taking the nudges whenyou get them and what I have
(43:26):
found is that it comes as it'ssupposed to right it really is.
You're listening to yourself.
So you cry when you need to andyou power through when you feel
like you can, and it soundslike you've been doing just that
.
Just make sure you continue totake time for you.
Speaker 1 (43:46):
Thank you, thank you, and this was, this was such a
wonderful conversation.
I I have so much to think aboutnow to go and I'm still
learning and processing, andthat's also something I did want
people to know, because it'sbeen almost four years now and I
(44:06):
still cry.
Speaker 2 (44:09):
And that's okay.
It's okay.
It's okay.
Every time you cry, you'reremembering her, you're thinking
about her, you're honoring herand you really are doing such
beautiful justice for her andhelping so many people.
So thank you for the workyou're doing.
Thank you, thank you, thank youand thank you for being here and
(44:31):
friends, thank you so much forjoining us for another episode
of Hope Comes to Visit.
It is always such a joy to behere with you and to share this
level of hope and light, and wehope that this hope that was
visiting you today is some thathits you in the very right place
in your heart and thatadriastoryandalanecom is a place
(44:52):
that you'll be able to visit,and I hope that you'll be able
to share the podcast.
And until we see you and visitwith you again next time, please
take very good care of you.
Thank you again for being here.
Naturally, it's important tothank the people who support and
sponsor the podcast.
This episode is supported byChris Dulley, a trusted criminal
(45:14):
defense attorney and friend ofmine here in St Louis, who
believes in second chances andsolid representation.
Whether you're facing a DWI,felony or traffic issue, chris
handles your case personallywith clarity, compassion and
over 15 years of experience.
When things feel uncertain, ithelps to have someone steady in
your corner.
Call 314-384-4000 or314-DUI-HELP or you can visit
(45:39):
dullylawfirmcom to schedule yourfree consultation.
You're doing that while trying to process grief,
and it stays with you for monthswhen everyone else is like,
okay, it's time to move on.
A week after the death.
Speaker 2 (00:20):
When we speak the truth of what we live through,
we offer others a way through.
I'm Danielle Elliott Smith, andthis is Hope Comes to Visit.
As always, I'm really excitedyou're here.
Today's guest is someone I amreally excited to introduce you
to.
Adria Ferrier is the founder andCEO of Elaine, a company
reimagining how familiesnavigate the aftermath after
(00:42):
loss.
Inspired by her own experiencecaring for her mom through a
five-year battle with cancer,adria left a career in finance
to build a simpler, morecompassionate path for families.
She launched Elaine in 2024,joined Y Combinator's Summer
Accelerator and has been growingthe company ever since.
(01:03):
What drives her is a deepconviction that this company
simply has to exist.
Death and grief impact everyone, yet most people look away.
Her mission is to light thepath forward so that families
can face the hardest moments oflife with clarity, dignity and
care.
Let's take a quick moment tothank the people that support
(01:25):
and sponsor the podcast.
When life takes an unexpectedturn, you deserve someone who
will stand beside you.
St Louis attorney Chris Dulleyoffers experienced one-on-one
legal defense.
Call 314-384-4000 or314-DUI-HELP, or you can visit
DulleyLawFirm that's d-u-l-l-e.
(01:46):
Lawfirmcom for a freeconsultation.
Adria, thank you so very muchfor being here and for joining
me on the podcast.
Speaker 1 (01:57):
Thank you, Danielle.
Speaker 2 (01:59):
I'm excited to have you and to have this
conversation.
I realize that it's a difficulttopic that brings you here, but
you have made somethingextraordinary out of your
experience.
Speaker 1 (02:15):
Thank you.
I really appreciate that and Ifeel like we have so much to do,
but even pausing to take stockof what we've done so far is
really nice.
Speaker 2 (02:27):
Let's start by talking about your mom.
I mean, I think that she's thegenesis of this right, so let's
give her the place of honor inthe conversation.
Let's talk about her.
Tell me about your mom.
Speaker 1 (02:45):
She was wonderful.
Um, I think you know I've I'velistened to some of your
podcasts and um you talk aboutgrief and that there's no
timeline.
She, she passed away um threeand a half, almost four years
ago, and I'm just starting totalk about her.
So I guess my point is if thereare some tears, please forgive
(03:07):
me.
Speaker 2 (03:08):
But, um, if you have tears now or in 15 minutes or in
15 years, that's, that's okay.
I mean, I, if you've listenedto the podcast and you know that
I firmly believe that we grievein direct correlation to how we
love, right?
So it's, it's okay to honor herthat way, right?
(03:28):
I think, even knowing smallbits and pieces about the work
you're doing, I can only imaginehow proud she is.
Speaker 1 (03:37):
Thank you.
Well, she, she grew up inHungary, so Eastern European.
She's from a small village nearthe Ukrainian border and she
always wanted to be a doctor andI think everything she did was
really about paying it forwardand helping people.
(03:57):
And she told me the story thatshe found a dead rat in the
basement once she was three andshe decided to dissect it and
try and save it.
Um it.
I don't think she realized thatdissecting it wouldn't save it
but, um, she thought she couldput it back together and um and
(04:18):
yeah and, and she was like eversince then I've wanted to be a
doctor.
Um, in Hungary it was a littlebit hard for her to be a doctor.
You got to have certain likeconnections and the government
and all of that.
So she came out to the US andbecame a nephrologist.
Speaker 2 (04:35):
So wow, yeah, at what age did she come to the US, she
?
Speaker 1 (04:39):
was 29.
So she didn't speak any Englishand she came and she like
insisted that she could go toher residency.
So she just showed up on dayone.
Speaker 2 (04:54):
She was like I'm here , I'm here, I'd like to be a
doctor, so I I am on this path.
Don't even think about stoppingme.
Speaker 1 (05:02):
Yes, exactly, and, and they were in shock, but they
said, okay, we'll, we'll letyou stay for a couple of days.
And she was, um, yeah, she, shebecame one of the top of her
class and, um, the rest ishistory.
So she, she really taught meearly on that it doesn't matter
how crazy the dream is or um,what you have to do in the
(05:25):
moment that you can.
If you have a goal, you canjust like, really try and get
there and and it's possible.
Speaker 2 (05:32):
So she mixed her brain and her compassion to
succeed something she has veryclearly passed on to you.
She's given a diagnosis and itsounds like you did a lot to
take care of her through thatprocess.
Speaker 1 (05:52):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (05:54):
That is not easy.
Speaker 1 (05:56):
Yeah, yeah, it was, um, it was a really and and that
too, I'm still, I think I'mstill processing the weight of
it.
But in my, in my early 20s, shewas diagnosed with lung cancer,
which which we didn't, and Ithink most people don't even
(06:17):
consider that when they're, ifthey're not feeling well, they
think, oh, it must be somethingelse.
Like I've never smoked, howcould it be lung cancer, right,
um, but it's, it's really commonactually, um, it's the number
one cancer killer of women.
And I didn't know any of thatwhen she was diagnosed.
I just, in my mind, I was like,oh, she's, she's going to be
(06:39):
fine, she's always, she alwaysmakes it through.
And then, um, yeah, it was, itwas a hard five and a half year
battle.
Speaker 2 (06:47):
So I'm actually going to go to something you just
said.
So lung cancer is the numberone cancer of lung killer of
women.
Ok, so that's not something I'dheard before.
Speaker 1 (06:57):
No, it's.
It's the number one cancerkiller of women, more than
breast, ovarian and uterinecombined.
Each year.
Speaker 2 (07:04):
Is it really?
Is there an origin for that?
Because I know that we doalways associate lung cancer and
smoking right, and since Iwouldn't automatically assume
that all women or most womensmoke, therefore I wouldn't
correlate that.
Is there a correlation?
Is there a correlation?
(07:26):
Is there a reason?
Is there?
Speaker 1 (07:28):
You're asking the million dollar question.
I mean, I think there's anumber of reasons why it's so
deadly, and one is this stigmathat if you get lung cancer, it
means you caused it to yourselfbecause you were smoking, which
has been really detrimental tofinding new therapies in this
(07:52):
type of cancer.
And so that's the first one.
And then second, they don't knowwhy, but cancer in younger so
like under 60, younger so likeunder 60, um non-smoking women
is on the rise and um, they,yeah, they think it could be
(08:15):
hormonal, environmental, butit's.
It's really, um, if you look atthe charts, they're pretty
alarming.
So so, yeah, any any chance Iget to just kind of tell people
about it, um, yeah, Love to talkabout it.
Speaker 2 (08:24):
No, I mean if there's , if there are questions that I
don't ask you, that you want toshare about that particular
piece of it, please do I mean.
I know I think I'd love to be aplatform for that.
So how old was your mom?
She was 52.
Speaker 1 (08:38):
So I am 52.
Speaker 2 (08:42):
So she was 52 when she was diagnosed.
Okay, yeah, all right, so thisis.
And so she fought for five anda half years.
Speaker 1 (08:51):
You said yes, yes so she was 52, um I think, and I'll
just illustrate where the ofthe journey here.
Um, since she was a doctor, sheate really healthy and ran
every day.
So she noticed, um, that she wasgetting shortness of breath
(09:13):
while she was on her daily runsand she thought it was stress
like women often think that itmust be stress.
And then we're kind of toldlike you're just just being
crazy, and um, so she like selfordered and a chest x-ray and
and diagnosed it.
Because she went to a couple ofdoctors and they were all like
(09:34):
you're just, you're juststressed out, you need to maybe
sleep more, um, so, yeah, I, um,and and then I I remember the
day she was diagnosed formallybecause kind of plays like a
movie in my head, I'll bet, yeah, the doctor.
The doctor said you know, youhave this type, it's called EGFR
(09:57):
, you have, you know, typicallypeople survive eight months from
now.
You know, typically peoplesurvive eight months um from now
.
But, um, you know, we're goingto do our best to help you and
it's it's stage four andterminal.
Speaker 2 (10:10):
And so I, I still remember the scripts, um and uh,
and yeah, so she survived fiveand a half years, which is
amazing, Extraordinary.
Yeah, so I have I.
I am insatiably curious at alltimes, especially people's
(10:30):
stories, and so there were acouple of thoughts that that
came to mind as as you weretalking, and one of them was
what have you learned from herabout advocating for yourself?
Because I I know that we knowwhen something's wrong.
(10:50):
Right, so she knew, but aswomen, we are frequently told
it's stress, you're fine, it'sjust a little pain.
I spoke to a previous guestabout saying that she was in
pain and being told that'snormal and given a Tylenol at
something that clearly wasn'tnormal, and and so she knew that
(11:12):
something was wrong.
What have you learned from herabout advocating for yourself?
Speaker 1 (11:18):
That's such a wonderful question.
I've never, I've never thoughtabout that.
I've never, I've never thoughtabout that.
Um, and it's funny because I Ijournal and as I was like
reflecting on um the company'strajectory and and learnings um,
my takeaway this past week wastrust your gut and I think I
(11:43):
think sometimes you you do getdisconnected from that and the
time after my mom passed awaywas really stressful too.
But I think there's thisbeautiful like art, where, like,
just trusting your gut and notaccepting what people are
telling you yeah, I'll have toexamine that more, but but I
(12:07):
think I think she reallydemonstrated that her whole life
.
Speaker 2 (12:12):
Yes, I would.
I have learned over the yearsthat trusting my gut is truly
one of the most powerful thingsI could do, whether it is in
advocating for myself anddoctors or in conversations with
people.
The more I trust my gut, themore I know whether a
(12:32):
conversation is going well ornot going well, whether someone
is being honest with me ordishonest with me.
And I will even even if I knowsomeone is being dishonest with
me and I try to push it and Igive them an opportunity to
clear the air, sometimes I'lllet it go, but I will still
(12:52):
allow myself permission to sayyou know like it's going to come
back around somehow, but I'llstill allow myself to trust that
inner knowing, still allowmyself to trust that inner
knowing.
I do believe that the more youtrust that inner knowing, the
stronger it gets, Because you'retelling yourself to take,
you're giving yourself thatpermission.
(13:13):
Yeah so what was it about yourmom's journey that that did
allow her to stay with you foras long as she did?
I mean being given such a shortperiod of time and such a
terminal diagnosis.
I mean for it to play like amovie.
Clearly she wasn't given verymuch time, and then you did get
her for quite a bit longer.
Speaker 1 (13:35):
Yeah, I think, exactly as you said, just
advocating going to the bestcenter that we had in our area.
So, dana Farber, it's anamazing um cancer center and um
being really involved with herown journey, like she didn't sit
(13:56):
back and just let the doctorstell her what to do.
She she started a?
Um a patient advocacy group.
She started a?
Um a patient advocacy group.
I helped her a lot with it.
Um, and and yeah, and pulltogether like thousands of um
lung cancer patients who aredealing with the same thing and
they would exchange notes and um, they had a newsletter or they
(14:19):
still exist and they've grownsignificantly, um, so I think it
was being really hands-on.
and then also, she, she wantedto stay with us.
Like, she always told me, um,and no tears, but um, she always
told me that she, she knew Iwould be okay.
Um, my little sister, I think,struggled.
(14:42):
She was younger so she didstruggle with, you know,
understanding what was happening.
And then, um, I don't think itreally hit her that that my mom
was actually going to die untilshe did pass away.
And so you know, there's allthese dynamics and um, and I
(15:02):
know she, she did stay as longas she could for us.
Speaker 2 (15:07):
Adria, I feel as though part of this process for
you has part of the, the weightand the grief that that you're
carrying not that you werecaring, but that you are caring
is the desire to be stronger forother people, for your mom,
(15:29):
then for your sister.
What do you do for you, to takecare of you, to allow yourself
to feel?
Speaker 1 (15:46):
You're asking all these questions.
I um, I, um, don't get askedvery often.
I, I, I think, hmm, I thinkthat's something I'm starting to
work on and I'm starting tofigure out and, um, kind of
going to a point that I thinkyou, that you had in one of your
(16:08):
past episodes, was that grief,it doesn't really have an end
date and it kind of flows, um,and I've been kind of running so
fast and so hard to to stayahead of it and maybe maybe not
fully embrace it quite yet.
And so you know, this is um,this is one of one of the first
(16:30):
conversations I've had, this indepth about that time, um, but
but yeah, I, I think it'sstarting to be more open with.
It is step one, um, and it'snot that I've necessarily hidden
it, it's always been part of mystory.
But of course sometimes youshare and people are like, oh,
(16:52):
my God, I feel so sorry for you,and then they try and go on
with their day, and so you knowyou don't want to disturb other
people, but but yeah, I'mfiguring it out, speak it out.
Speaker 2 (17:08):
I think that.
So I think grief waits for us,right?
I think it sits there and it'sready to be released, when we're
ready to release it, but itit'll wait for you, and one of
the biggest keys is having theright people to talk to, because
(17:33):
if you feel as though you don'thave safe people or you feel as
though sharing with people whocan't receive it, then we keep
it in.
I'm an empath, so there werepeople I couldn't share around,
because if I broke down, I wastoo worried about their reaction
(17:56):
and they were uncomfortablewith my level of grief.
So I had to be careful aboutthat piece of it, right?
Because their discomfort mademe more uncomfortable and then I
turned more inward and thatalmost took me back in my
progress.
Speaker 1 (18:15):
Yes, and I mean even more overt stuff happened to me.
You know, after my mom passedaway, I was, I was really busy
and even before she passed away,I was taking care of her.
And then, after she passed away, I was taking care of my sister
and unwinding my mom's life ina way, and, um, I actually lost
(18:36):
friends that said that I wasn'taround enough and I'm not fun
anymore.
And, um, you know, I I itreally really hurt because
because I thought that they wereclose friends, and um, you know
, I look at life, like there'schapters in life and maybe I'm
(18:57):
not fun now, or maybe I wasn'tfun then, but I will be fun
again.
Um, so, so, yeah, it was just,it was really hurtful.
Speaker 2 (19:08):
I will be fun again.
So so, yeah, it was just, itwas really hurtful.
So that's not a you problem.
I will tell you what my grieftherapist told me and I don't
know if you've heard me say thisat a different episode, but she
said that when you go throughgrief, your life is being
rearranged and everyone in yourlife gets broken up into three
categories Okay, people whodisappear.
People who show up readily, likeall of a sudden they are there.
(19:33):
And people who try.
And the people who try are theones who try to say something,
and sometimes they do it rightand sometimes they do it wrong,
but they kind of flow in and out.
The challenge with those thatABC category of people, is that
the people who you were positive, were going to be your core
(19:53):
people, many of them fall intothe disappear category, and that
is especially challengingbecause many of them are
disappearing because it was toohard for them to know what to
say or to know what to do, orbecause you weren't fun, or
(20:14):
because your sadness wasuncomfortable, or they didn't
like it.
I experienced the same thing,or they didn't like it.
I experienced the same thing,and I will tell you that my life
is better for not having thatcategory of people in my life,
and a number of the people whoshowed up were such a beautiful
(20:37):
surprise.
Speaker 1 (20:39):
I was just going to say it.
It was really, um, it wasreally surprising who did call
and and become.
We've become so much closer, umand I.
It didn't even occur to me thatthey would be there, um and so
so, yeah, I, I I'm just um,there's there's like light sides
(21:01):
and, and you know, dark sidesof this, but I've I had exactly
(21:23):
the same experience.
Speaker 2 (21:25):
Yeah, I.
There was something very, veryhard about what you were going
through that could be changed,and you thought how can I make
this better?
So will you please explain,elaine and the work that you're
doing, and then I will continueto ask you questions so that
(21:48):
everyone can understand.
Speaker 1 (21:50):
Well, so Elaine is a.
It's like a platform, digitalplatform that helps you settle
and unwind someone's life.
And so, um, you know, when mymom passed away I thought it was
, you know it was there wasacute grief and then, and then
you kind of want to go on withyour life because it had already
(22:13):
been five and a half years, um,but there was so much, so much
admin to do, right, like I hadto figure out the bank accounts
and passwords and call randompeople, um to tell them what
happened and ask, like what,what do I do now?
(22:34):
And um, and I was and I wasthinking the whole time that
there needs to be, there needsto be something that guides you
through this, like someone orsomething, and just nothing
existed.
And I know I mean it goes backto the fact that most people
want to look away and areuncomfortable, and so it just
(22:55):
blew my mind that that no onehad started a company like this
or anything in the space.
Speaker 2 (23:02):
Where does this fall in terms of power of attorney?
Or because it's interesting tome that you, that you have
started this and you actuallyhad time with your mom, in
essence, to prepare some rightin in a couple of of situations,
(23:23):
like with the, the loss thatthat I experienced.
I mean, he and I were notmarried, so there wasn't
anything, it was more that hiskids had to take that on, but
there was no power of attorney.
There was no, it was a lot ofmissing pieces.
And then I have another friendwho passed away and something
similar.
He has a business right, so hisdaughter is taking over the
(23:46):
business and but there's thereare no passwords for the bank
accounts.
There was where is the businesslicense?
Where is the you know?
And there's so many unknownsright.
And so I, after going throughthat with Marty, I thought I
need to get all of my, all of myeverything in order so that,
(24:06):
good heavens, my kids aren'tleft with this, and I will tell
you that I started but have notcompleted that process for them.
Speaker 1 (24:18):
So yeah, I mean, I, um, I think you realize how bad
it is when you go through it.
So when I'm I'm talking topeople, if they kind of stare at
me with a, with a blank stare,I'm like don't, don't worry,
we'll be here, you know, if youever need us.
But but, yeah, I, you know it'sfunny because actually lawyers
(24:38):
use us too, cause they're, yeah,there's the, there's the legal,
like you know, formal legalprocess of submitting documents
to the court and going throughprobate.
But there's so much in betweenthat people don't have help with
Right that, like, lawyerswouldn't do or a wealth manager
(25:01):
wouldn't do, like, for example,knowing, knowing how to transfer
car titles, like the, the deeds, and, um, what do you do with
the Facebook page?
And did you know that yourparent had a life insurance that
you know you might not haveknown about right away?
(25:23):
Like, there's been times wherewe've found insurances for
people and help them throughsubmitting to get it that I
don't know if they would havefound, and so, yeah, it's just
everything in between of theformal legal process and, yeah,
(25:43):
settling everything?
Speaker 2 (25:44):
What is your educational background?
So where did your idea for thiscome from it and your the
wherewithal to do it?
So you first say, gosh, there'sgotta be a process.
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (26:02):
I I don't have.
I don't have a background inthis Um, and I actually I
consider myself almost achameleon.
During my career I I started infinance, um, and then I covered
different industries and endedup in in rare disease investing,
(26:22):
which.
I don't have a background inmedicine, um, but I just I think
you, you challenge yourself tokeep learning Um and the same
way.
Yeah, and, and then, uh, went toget my MBA and and, yeah, I
just saw this problem and I waslike I, you know, how do you?
You, I love this quote like howdo you eat an elephant?
(26:44):
One, one bite at a time, right,and so it's.
You know, we're still figuringso much out and automating so
much.
But I think now, I think I knowour users, they, they
appreciate any help.
You know, I've, I've had grownmen on zooms crying and I've had
(27:06):
them, you know, a couple monthslater, be like we don't, like I
wouldn't have known what to dobecause my wife passed away and
she did everything.
And so, you know, it's just, um, yeah, they're, they're so
grateful for any help and I'm, Ihave really high standards, so
I keep trying to make it better.
And then that goes back toiCombinator.
(27:27):
It's a accelerator for techcompanies and yeah, I was like
if I'm going to do this, we'regoing to do it right and have
the best tech to make it thebest experience.
And yeah, it's a one percentacceptance rate.
And they let me in because theywere like we, we hear 20,000
(27:50):
ideas pitches a year and we'venever heard this pitch, so why
don't you try it and so.
So yeah, it's kind of likepulling in different ideas,
trying to put one foot in frontof the other, but usually I
don't know like I'm just makingit up.
Speaker 2 (28:10):
See, I don't think you're making it up, I think
you're being guided.
Speaker 1 (28:16):
That is another thing I had not ever considered
before.
Speaker 2 (28:19):
I appreciate it.
Yeah, I feel as though this isvery much heartwork for you,
right?
I feel as though this is whatyou were talking about, how you
haven't quite dealt with yourgrief yet.
(28:39):
I think that you are in bitsand pieces, and I and I
recognize that you feel asthough you haven't had your full
, full breakdown maybe, uh, butI think that in bits and pieces,
you are channeling some of yourmom's heart and you are, you're
(29:00):
doing the work that is allowingyou to alleviate some of the
pain that other people areexperiencing.
Would you say that any of thisfeels even slightly healing for
(29:22):
you?
Speaker 1 (29:24):
Yes, yes, I would.
And I again, I've only kind ofrecently started opening this
book, their chapter, you know,of healing and looking backwards
, and it is something I alwaystell my team is like we, we will
(29:49):
not cause any more stress.
Like we're here, I want peopleto come to us and feel comfort
and I do not want anyone toexperience what I experienced.
And so you know, as as I seepeople going through this and
having a better experience, itis really, it's so rewarding
(30:11):
more than anything I've donebefore and that's what keeps me
going every day Adria.
Speaker 2 (30:17):
what piece are you trying to take away of the
experience that you had?
What piece are you trying totake away of the experience that
you had?
What piece are you trying toalleviate?
Speaker 1 (30:25):
for people it's so I always say that we're not.
We're not a mental healthcompany, but we allow you to
focus on your mental healthinstead of stressing over all of
the to do's.
Like, you don't have to callthe insurance company, we can do
it for you.
Or you don't have to, you know,call the utility company,
(30:49):
because I'll tell you.
I'm telling you a little story,and this is I hear these
stories all the time.
I was trying to transfer, aboutfour months after my mom passed
away, the utility account gasand electric over to my name,
and, um, the guy on the phonedid not care what was going on
(31:12):
and it was like you know, ourpolicy is that, um, your mom
would have had to write us aletter to allow you to, um, you
know, take over the accounts.
Um, she no longer lives in thehouse and so we're just going to
shut the whole thing down, likewe're not going to give you gas
and electric.
And um, it was just that wasone of my breakdowns on the
(31:35):
phone with with this guy, and Iwas just like I don't understand
, um, how you can be so cold andheartless, and it's just
callous yeah, and it's justre-traumatizing Like you have
interactions like that all thetime and do they not normally
have a policy for that?
Speaker 2 (31:54):
I mean, how does everyone not have a policy?
Because, honest to God, thishappens every day.
This is not an anomaly.
No right Like this is it is.
Unfortunately, we lose people.
Speaker 1 (32:11):
So they don't.
They don't a lot of, so a lotof the processes and like SOPs
that we've gathered.
We have had to call thecompanies and work through it
and kind of insist that theytell us what they would want
someone to do and then we kindof build it into our product.
But, um, but yeah, I mean, alot of banks don't even have it
(32:35):
on their website.
Companies don't work.
You know, you have onlineaccounts.
They don't say what to do.
Two months ago I went toFacebook just to check it and
the link to memorialize a pagewas was down and I mean, if you
think of how many people are onFacebook, it's just, it's crazy
(32:59):
that they wouldn't even maintainit.
It's crazy, um, that theywouldn't even maintain it.
So, so, yeah, I, I again.
It's just like this whole umculture of of looking away when
you're going through a reallyhard time and and the thing with
this is that you know youexperienced the death.
That's traumatic, but thisprocess lasts 18 months on
(33:23):
average and it takes 400 hourson average and it's not like, so
you're, you're doing that whiletrying to process grief and it
stays with you for months wheneveryone else is like okay, it's
time to move on.
A week after the death.
Speaker 2 (33:44):
I know it is.
I learned so much during thatprocess.
We have continued as a societyto shorten the amount of time
(34:13):
that we gift people to mourn, togrieve, to move on.
It used to be, historically,women wore black for upwards of
a year or two, when, whensomeone passed away, and now we
give someone three days off ofwork, we give someone three days
off of work, and there weretimes I mean, I read so many
books and there were times thatI wanted to be wearing a sign.
I just wanted to wear something.
(34:34):
I wanted there to be a universalsign of some kind that just
told people outwardly and I wishthere was, I wish there was
something we could all wear, uh,an emblem, a pin, a something
that just so people could giveus a wide berth, that they could
(34:54):
pat us on the shoulder, thatthey could rub our head, that
they could you know, they couldput a blanket on our shoulder,
something that just that peoplewho had the capacity to have
compassion could do so and thepeople who needed to walk on the
other side of the street could.
Because the people who need towalk on the other side of the
street, I needed them to stayfar away from me?
(35:15):
Yeah, because I, I.
It was extraordinary to me thatthere are that many people who
have no capacity for kindness,and what you are doing is you've
raised your hand and said letme take a piece of your burden
and try to pave a path for youthat hasn't been paved, and you
(35:42):
are.
Additionally, you're not justchanging the conversation,
you're changing the industry,and that's powerful.
I don't know if you recognizehow valuable what you're doing
is, because there is acompassionate side to it, but
you're also forcing industries,you're forcing organizations to
(36:05):
create processes that weren'tthere before.
Yes, and that's that's whyCombinator said you deserve to
be in the same category asAirbnb and because, no, I don't
(36:26):
know why no one has thought ofthis, but no one has thought of
this.
Speaker 1 (36:31):
Yeah, well, I think I think it was.
It was so dramatic that thelast thing you want to do is
turn around and go back into it.
So I feel like that's somethingI have to explore about um, why
I did Uh, but I, I, um, I justfelt like I, I just couldn't not
, I think, is what it came downto.
Speaker 2 (36:52):
You're being guided?
Yeah, I it's, but see, I thinkthat, like so, that that's
interesting, because you saidyeah, but see, I think that,
like so.
That's interesting because yousaid why would I like most
people?
But I think that some of themost brilliant and life changing
Things that happen are the onesborn from us being cracked wide
(37:24):
open.
Right, it's.
There are only a fraction ofpeople who are truly cracked
wide open from something andcompletely transform Things that
are hard, change us, but only apercentage of people do
something extraordinary with it,and those are the people that
(37:48):
you read about.
Those are where.
Those are where quotes arecreated and companies are born,
and and that's what you'redoing- Thank you, thank you,
thank you.
Speaker 1 (38:00):
That's beautiful.
I um, yeah, no, I was veryaware of this actually when I
was going through, you know,taking care of my mom, um cause
I I took time off work to carefor her through hospice, and
then, um cause she did it athome and then, you know, she
passed away, and then there wasall this estate, admin, or even
(38:25):
just life, um to unwind.
While taking care of my sisterand and I um I had seen from my
involvement in the cancercommunity that a lot of people
struggle um after it's done, andI just really did like.
I knew I had more to give andso I did not want to, I didn't
(38:48):
want to settle.
Speaker 2 (38:49):
So well, you have done the opposite of that.
You've given yourself a purposeto.
How is your sister doing?
Speaker 1 (38:57):
She is doing better.
Um, you know, I think she wasdealing with her mental health.
Um, sobriety was also, you know, something that she struggled
with.
Um I.
It's a tough relationship, youknow.
I think when, when someone goesthrough that um, but she's, you
(39:20):
know, know, it's one one day,one week at a time and she's
better.
She's better now.
How are you doing?
I'm OK.
I wake up every day excited,and so I'm.
I'm really glad that, that I'mbuilding this and I have a
(39:43):
husband now and he's wonderful.
Congratulations, thank you.
And um and I have amazingfriends.
I think that that is thebeautiful thing that came out of
a lot of this.
I lost a lot of friends, but,um, the ones that came out of
the woodwork that I did notexpect um have it have, just
(40:06):
like, made my world so muchricher because oftentimes
they've also had experiences.
Speaker 2 (40:13):
Um, so, yeah, so it has created a bit of a community
for you too.
It really has.
Yeah, what can we do to supportyou and where can people find
you?
Speaker 1 (40:24):
Well, you can find us at Elainecom E-L-A-Y-N-Ecom.
And yeah, we're here, so youcan email us anytime.
It's careteam at Elainecom.
You can email us anytime.
It's care team at elainecom.
Um, and we just released a newfeature where, if you just stick
(40:44):
your obituary link into our,our platform, we'll make you a
roadmap and we'll start likehelping you through the process
so yeah, that's amazing.
Speaker 2 (40:54):
I I asked you this before and I want to ask you
again because my my firstthought when I saw Elainecom was
that it might be your mom'sname.
Yes, and it's not, but there issignificance to the name Elaine
, so will you share that?
Speaker 1 (41:10):
Yes, well, my mom's name was Ildiko.
It's Hungarian, and I did thinkof naming the company after her
, but it's a little bit hard topronounce.
So I was like what's what'ssomething?
That means something beautiful,and, and Elaine means a ray of
light through the clouds, andand that's that's what I wanted
(41:32):
the ethos of the company to bethat when it's storming and you
know you don't see the sun atall, we'll be there.
Speaker 2 (41:42):
That's amazing.
Do you get signs from your mom?
Speaker 1 (41:46):
I think so.
I think so.
I carry her jewelry with me allthe time and I do think that
she nudges me in the rightdirection and maybe has been
guiding me, so I will definitelyjournal about this after I am.
Speaker 2 (42:06):
I'm pretty sure she's guiding you and I, uh, I have
no doubt she is incredibly proudof you.
I mean, I just I'm incrediblyproud of you.
(42:40):
I mean I just it's.
It's interesting because, justin that that sense feel, when we
were talking about your mom Idon't know if you had any idea
how old I was, but I knew youwere going to tell me before you
did that she was 52 when shewas diagnosed.
The second we started to talkabout lung cancer being the
number one for women I all of asudden thought she's going to
tell me she was 52 when she wasdiagnosed.
And so those just little, thoselittle moments are just little
guides for me.
So I think you're doingsomething really extraordinary
(43:05):
and I'm so grateful that youspent time here with me and
sharing your story, and thankyou.
I think that you're doing yourgrief journey exactly as you're
supposed to You're.
You're taking the nudges whenyou get them and what I have
(43:26):
found is that it comes as it'ssupposed to right it really is.
You're listening to yourself.
So you cry when you need to andyou power through when you feel
like you can, and it soundslike you've been doing just that
.
Just make sure you continue totake time for you.
Speaker 1 (43:46):
Thank you, thank you, and this was, this was such a
wonderful conversation.
I I have so much to think aboutnow to go and I'm still
learning and processing, andthat's also something I did want
people to know, because it'sbeen almost four years now and I
(44:06):
still cry.
Speaker 2 (44:09):
And that's okay.
It's okay.
It's okay.
Every time you cry, you'reremembering her, you're thinking
about her, you're honoring herand you really are doing such
beautiful justice for her andhelping so many people.
So thank you for the workyou're doing.
Thank you, thank you, thank youand thank you for being here and
(44:31):
friends, thank you so much forjoining us for another episode
of Hope Comes to Visit.
It is always such a joy to behere with you and to share this
level of hope and light, and wehope that this hope that was
visiting you today is some thathits you in the very right place
in your heart and thatadriastoryandalanecom is a place
(44:52):
that you'll be able to visit,and I hope that you'll be able
to share the podcast.
And until we see you and visitwith you again next time, please
take very good care of you.
Thank you again for being here.
Naturally, it's important tothank the people who support and
sponsor the podcast.
This episode is supported byChris Dulley, a trusted criminal
(45:14):
defense attorney and friend ofmine here in St Louis, who
believes in second chances andsolid representation.
Whether you're facing a DWI,felony or traffic issue, chris
handles your case personallywith clarity, compassion and
over 15 years of experience.
When things feel uncertain, ithelps to have someone steady in
your corner.
Call 314-384-4000 or314-DUI-HELP or you can visit
(45:39):
dullylawfirmcom to schedule yourfree consultation.
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