September 26, 2025 • 40 mins
Content note: pregnancy loss and medical trauma.
Entrepreneur and dad Richie Treadway joins me to talk about becoming a parent later in life, the moment everything fell apart—and the choice to keep going.
We don’t relive every detail; we sit with what it took to advocate, to grieve, and to try again.
Richie names the kind of love that “changes the way your heart works,” and defines hope as the resilience to not quit against all odds.
If you’re somewhere between heartbreak and possibility, this one’s for you.
Connect with Richie here on his own website.
Thank you for listening to Hope Comes to Visit. If this conversation helps, follow the show, share it with someone who needs hope today, and leave a review - it helps others find their way to these conversations.
New episodes drop every Monday, so you can begin your week with a little light and a lot of hope.
For more stories, reflections, and ways to connect, visit www.DanielleElliottSmith.com or follow along on Instagram @daniellesmithtv and @HopeComestoVisit
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_02 (00:00):
All of her movements start to slow, and her smile
starts to go away.
SPEAKER_01 (00:10):
Oh, Richie.
And there's no heartbeat.
SPEAKER_04 (00:27):
I'm Danielle Elliott Smith, and this is Hope Comes to
Visit, where we celebrateconversations about hope,
healing, and light.
And of course, the power ofstory.
Today's guest is husband,father, and entrepreneur Richie
Treadway.
Let's take a quick moment tothank the people that support
(00:47):
and sponsor the podcast.
When life takes an unexpectedturn, you deserve someone who
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St.
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defense.
Call 314-384-4000 or 314-DUIhelp.
Or you can visitDulilawfirm.com.
That's D-U-L-L-E lawfirm.com fora free consultation.
(01:12):
Richie, thank you so much forbeing here with me today.
It is wonderful to sit down withyou.
Good morning.
How are you doing today?
SPEAKER_02 (01:20):
I'm doing all right.
Today is a nice, beautiful daywhere I live.
SPEAKER_04 (01:23):
And you mentioned that you are in the Harrisburg
area, yes?
SPEAKER_02 (01:27):
Yes.
SPEAKER_04 (01:28):
I was fascinated by the email you sent me talking
about the power of hope andstorytelling.
And by nature, you said you area writer, yes?
SPEAKER_02 (01:40):
Yes.
SPEAKER_04 (01:42):
And there is a specific experience you and your
family, you and your wife hadthat traumatic.
And yet while your wife wantsyou to write about it because
you are a writer and a lot of itshe doesn't remember, you have
found yourself in a bit of ablock.
SPEAKER_02 (02:04):
Yeah, even just thinking about it right now, I'm
already starting to swell up.
SPEAKER_04 (02:09):
Oh okay.
Well, we'll go slow and we'll beeasy.
And this is just a conversationbetween a couple of friends
because I am honored andgrateful that you're willing to
have this conversation with me,right?
Because I'm there is beauty andlight in this story.
(02:32):
And through the hard things, youand your wife have been able to
do something miraculous, right?
So why don't we start whereveryou are wanting to start with
with your story?
Tell me a little bit about youand your wife.
SPEAKER_02 (02:48):
Um we met much later in life.
So we have only been married forthree years.
I'm already almost 50.
SPEAKER_04 (02:57):
Okay, what's your wife's name?
SPEAKER_02 (02:59):
Uh her name is Rebecca.
SPEAKER_04 (03:00):
Okay.
So Richie, Rebecca.
How did you guys meet?
SPEAKER_02 (03:04):
Uh we worked in the same place.
SPEAKER_04 (03:07):
Okay.
And so she is your love.
SPEAKER_02 (03:11):
Yeah, it did turn out to be that way.
SPEAKER_04 (03:14):
Tell me about Rebecca.
SPEAKER_02 (03:16):
Uh, she's a very strong woman.
She's a government contractor.
She runs a large crew of people,and working as a contractor for
the government, you know, shetends to catch a lot of flack.
One for being a woman, two forbeing a contractor.
So she's been doing this foralmost 15 years now, and she's
(03:38):
really good at her job.
SPEAKER_04 (03:41):
So the two of you meet and and meeting and finding
your love a little later inlife, you decided that you
wanted to start a family.
SPEAKER_02 (03:49):
We both wanted to have children, but we never, it
just never worked out for us upuntil this point.
SPEAKER_04 (03:56):
Okay.
But you found each other.
And so when you decide to startin that process, um, you were
thinking that it might be alittle more challenging knowing
that you were starting a littlebit later.
Were you talking to doctorsabout it initially?
SPEAKER_02 (04:10):
Uh yes.
Um, she has PCOS, so we knewthat it was going to take some
work, especially being older.
So we she went on medications,we had to do the schedule.
We were going to doctors inHershey every other week.
SPEAKER_04 (04:32):
Okay.
And what happened?
SPEAKER_02 (04:35):
Um eventually we were, it took some work, but we
were able to conceive.
SPEAKER_04 (04:40):
Okay.
So realizing that you couldconceive, obviously that's a
beautiful thing, and you'rerelieved.
And how did the pregnancy go?
SPEAKER_02 (04:51):
Uh we were relieved and we were also terrified,
knowing that again, our agebeing a factor, the PCOS being a
factor, she ended up withgestational diabetes,
preoclampsia.
So the the the whole thing wasrough for her.
She didn't have morningsickness, she had all the time
sickness.
SPEAKER_04 (05:12):
Oh.
SPEAKER_02 (05:12):
She couldn't eat anything.
SPEAKER_04 (05:14):
It just Are you and Rebecca the same age?
SPEAKER_02 (05:17):
No, she is three years younger than I am.
SPEAKER_04 (05:20):
Okay.
So in her 40s as well.
SPEAKER_02 (05:23):
Yes.
So going through this at thistime, she was 41.
SPEAKER_04 (05:28):
Okay.
Were the doctors concerned fromthe beginning as well?
SPEAKER_02 (05:32):
They didn't seem to be.
To them, it just seemed likeanother everyday thing.
They know in this day and agepregnancies, women are getting
are able to conceive at a laterrate, later ages.
It didn't seem to them like itwas going to be a big deal.
SPEAKER_04 (05:48):
Okay.
SPEAKER_02 (05:49):
But we are the kind of people that look everything
up on the internet, soeverything we saw was
terrifying.
SPEAKER_04 (05:55):
Oh, you guys Google MD'd yourself into fear.
SPEAKER_02 (05:58):
Yes.
SPEAKER_04 (05:58):
Okay.
So you're worried she's sick,which certainly doesn't help the
situation.
And so what happens?
So how far into the pregnancy doyou guys go with her being sick?
SPEAKER_02 (06:13):
Uh she was sick every day, right up until about
a week before we were going forthe I think it was the 12-week
ultrasound, the one where we getto find out the gender of the
baby.
SPEAKER_04 (06:29):
Okay.
SPEAKER_02 (06:29):
And all of a sudden she just wasn't sick anymore.
SPEAKER_04 (06:33):
Okay.
So then what happens?
You go in for the ultrasound.
SPEAKER_02 (06:39):
Well, during that week, something just didn't seem
right.
She was sure that something waswrong.
SPEAKER_04 (06:44):
Really?
SPEAKER_02 (06:45):
Yeah, so going into the appointment, we were
terrified.
And this was all during COVID.
So all through all of ourappointments, I had to wait in
the car.
And she would just, I would beon the phone during all the
appointments with the doctorwhile I was in the car.
SPEAKER_04 (07:03):
You weren't allowed to go into the ultrasound
appointment with her, Richie?
SPEAKER_02 (07:06):
No, none of them.
This one was the very firstappointment they were allowing
guests in.
So she went in by herself.
She was getting ready for theappointment, and she mentioned
to the technician that I was outthere.
And there were and she told themthat I could come in.
So she called me right away andI ran in as fast as I could.
SPEAKER_04 (07:27):
Of course you did.
I'm so glad you were able to bethere with her.
Okay.
So you're getting ready to seeyour baby for the first time
because you haven't been allowedto be into the appointments.
Okay.
So well, tell me about thatappointment.
SPEAKER_02 (07:42):
Uh we were we had a Adula.
We decided that was the way togo.
And she was doing the first.
I don't know what the tool iscalled.
It's kind of like an ultrasound,I suppose, but it's a tool that
she was able to carry in herpocket.
SPEAKER_04 (08:00):
Okay.
I'm not I'm not familiar withthat.
SPEAKER_02 (08:04):
I don't think it showed a video.
She was just trying to find theheartbeat.
SPEAKER_04 (08:09):
Okay.
SPEAKER_02 (08:11):
And she would she wanted to practice with this
particular tool.
And even though we wereconcerned and we voiced our
concerns, Becca was very scared.
And she said, you know, I'mgonna I'm gonna find the
heartbeat, it's gonna be fine.
I'm gonna do it this way becauseI just I just want to play
(08:32):
around.
She used those words, I want toplay around.
SPEAKER_04 (08:39):
Okay.
So and this is the doula.
SPEAKER_02 (08:43):
Yes.
SPEAKER_04 (08:44):
Was this someone you trusted?
SPEAKER_02 (08:46):
This is actually the first time we had met her.
Going through this office, wehad to decide if we wanted to go
with a doctor or a nursetechnician or a doula to, you
know, proceed with the rest ofthe pregnancy.
And we had decided on a doula,and we were meeting her for the
very first time today.
SPEAKER_04 (09:06):
Okay.
Well, let me ask you this (09:08):
what made you guys decide doula
versus nurse practitioner versusdoctor for this part of the
process?
SPEAKER_02 (09:16):
I think Becca was more she liked the more
spiritual side of working withthe doula versus the technical
side of being with the doctor.
SPEAKER_04 (09:28):
Okay, that's fair.
And with as fearful as she was,I think that she probably was
hoping for as much positive andgood and natural energy as she
could, as she could garner inthis process.
Yes.
SPEAKER_02 (09:43):
So this woman was definitely very, very bright.
SPEAKER_04 (09:48):
Okay.
So she's bright and she isplaying around, she has told
you.
And what happens next?
SPEAKER_02 (09:57):
All of her movements start to slow, and her smile
starts to go away.
SPEAKER_01 (10:08):
Oh, Richie.
And there's no heartbeat.
SPEAKER_04 (10:19):
Knowing that she was using a tool that she was quote
unquote playing around with, wasthere any chance that she was
wrong?
SPEAKER_02 (10:32):
Yes, so then they went to she just said, you know,
I'll go get a doctor.
I'll be right back.
And she just fled the room.
unknown (10:42):
Okay.
SPEAKER_02 (10:43):
We didn't see her again for like an hour.
Uh a nurse came to get us, andthey led us through the office,
through some back hallways.
The whole time we're we'rebreaking down.
SPEAKER_04 (10:58):
Oh, Richie, I'm so sorry.
Oh, sorry.
No, do not apologize.
SPEAKER_02 (11:13):
So we get to another room where they do an internal
ultrasound to ensure the resultsare correct.
And she was right, there is noheartbeat.
SPEAKER_04 (11:28):
I'm so sorry.
SPEAKER_02 (11:32):
So they walk us back through all those hallways, past
all the staff.
I mean, the only good thing wasthat we didn't go through the
waiting room.
SPEAKER_03 (11:43):
Right.
SPEAKER_02 (11:45):
We get back to the room where we were, and there's
already another couple in thatroom.
So now they have to find a newroom for us.
They just stash us in a randomroom.
The Dula then comes back andsays, I'm so sorry, let me give
(12:05):
you hugs.
And even though we didn't knowthis woman and we did not want
hugs, she forced hugs.
SPEAKER_04 (12:18):
I'm so sorry.
SPEAKER_02 (12:20):
She said that somebody will contact us for the
next steps.
And then she left, and that wasit.
SPEAKER_04 (12:29):
And you guys were just left in a room to figure
out what to do next?
SPEAKER_02 (12:33):
Yeah, we we left.
We walked, we walked out, weleft the waiting room, there was
nothing else.
SPEAKER_04 (12:39):
No one told you what happens next, or no, somebody
was supposed to call us.
SPEAKER_02 (12:47):
And nobody ever called.
SPEAKER_04 (12:49):
No one ever called.
SPEAKER_02 (12:51):
We waited for weeks with Becca not knowing what was
going to happen.
SPEAKER_04 (12:59):
So you and Becca are left to just wonder, feeling a
multiplied sense of loss, butshe is currently still
physically pregnant.
SPEAKER_02 (13:18):
Yes.
SPEAKER_04 (13:19):
And neither of you know what the next step is.
SPEAKER_02 (13:24):
No.
SPEAKER_04 (13:26):
And you have no idea what her body is going to do or
is supposed to do, or if thereis any assistance for her.
unknown (13:39):
Not a clue.
SPEAKER_04 (13:41):
At any point, did you guys reach out to the
doctor's office and say,somebody give us some guidance?
Like we are floundering here.
No, we're and emotionally.
SPEAKER_02 (13:57):
We took him at their word.
We just expected somebody tocall.
I'm sorry, it sounds like he'scoming.
SPEAKER_04 (14:05):
No, that's okay.
He can come.
SPEAKER_02 (14:08):
What's the matter, buddy?
Hey, what's the matter?
SPEAKER_04 (14:12):
So here's the I'm sorry.
No, that is okay.
I suspect you probably neededthat hug as much as he did.
It's helpful.
Yeah, it's good.
That is good.
So you took the doctors at theirword that they would call and
(14:37):
they didn't call.
No.
What happened next?
SPEAKER_02 (14:44):
It was a rough time.
I think I took the whole thewhole four weeks off work.
They wanted me to go back, but II just I couldn't.
And I couldn't leave her.
SPEAKER_04 (14:58):
So she stayed pregnant for an additional four
weeks.
unknown (15:02):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_04 (15:04):
And her poor body and her poor heart and your poor
heart.
So emotionally both of you arestruggling.
SPEAKER_02 (15:18):
Yeah, because it wasn't just that we lost the
baby.
Wow.
Anybody that's gone throughthat, it is devastating.
SPEAKER_04 (15:27):
Of course.
SPEAKER_02 (15:28):
But at our age, we felt like we lost our whole
future.
SPEAKER_01 (15:35):
Like this was our only show.
SPEAKER_04 (15:42):
Thank goodness that was not the case for you as we
we just saw young Richie.
SPEAKER_02 (15:49):
I am so sorry.
SPEAKER_04 (15:50):
That is okay.
You saw young Richie come in toyou, so you have not lost the
future, which is a beautifulthing.
You have you have a family, andwe can talk about that more in a
minute, but I do want to knowhow things progressed with
(16:12):
Rebecca.
And with the doctors nevercalling her, I know that things
did not she did not miscarrypeacefully, um, if there is such
a thing.
I mean, I I I hate to say thatin a in a term as though
miscarriage is ever a peacefulprocess, but it was her body did
(16:33):
not um it was a devastatingexperience for her physically in
addition to mentally.
SPEAKER_02 (16:41):
Absolutely.
SPEAKER_04 (16:42):
What happened?
SPEAKER_02 (16:45):
Well, it just so happened to be the very first
day I had to go back to work.
And I'm getting ready to leavethe house, and she just jumps up
and runs to the bathroom.
And I wait as long as I can, andI'm outside the door, and I'm
asking her if she's okay, andshe tells me just to leave.
(17:10):
And I I wish I hadn't, but Idid.
I went to work.
SPEAKER_04 (17:16):
You well, you did what you were direct- like she
told you.
You assumed that she was okayand that she just wasn't feeling
well.
Um, but what was actuallyhappening?
SPEAKER_02 (17:26):
Uh, she was actually beginning to miscarrie.
I was only at work for half anhour and she called me.
She called me from the bathtub.
I could hear the water runningin the background.
And I just rushed home asquickly as I could.
(17:48):
By the time I got there, she waslightheaded.
She didn't exactly have all ofher mental faculties.
She had hemorrhaged, and she waslosing so much blood.
(18:14):
And on top of that, justeverything else that happens
with the miscarriage.
So she had pulled a trash can upnext to the tub, and she was
just scooping material out ofthe drain to allow water to run.
(18:40):
And I can't imagine somethinglike that.
I can't.
SPEAKER_04 (18:49):
The trauma of the compounded losses that she was
experiencing in losing the baby.
And then the two of you feelingthat this could be potentially a
(19:11):
loss of the future that that youhad planned, and feeling so
uncared for, so discarded by theprofessionals who were supposed
to guide you through thisprocess.
unknown (19:26):
I didn't know that.
SPEAKER_04 (19:28):
I assume you were able to get her to the hospital.
SPEAKER_02 (19:32):
I could barely get her out of the tub.
She'd already lost so much bloodthat she couldn't stand.
So I got her up out of the tuband she immediately fell to her
knees.
And I helped her down to thefloor and I called 911.
And I don't know if we don't wedon't buy a couple of things.
(19:56):
I don't know.
I guess laughably, she wasconcerned with paramedics seeing
her naked.
SPEAKER_04 (20:04):
You know, our modesty is this funny little
thing.
SPEAKER_02 (20:12):
And so I covered her up and I just sat on the floor
and held her hand and waited forthe paramedics to get there.
And they finally showed up.
You know, they were talking toher, asking her questions.
One of the EMTs put a bloodpressure cuff on her arm.
(20:35):
And this is when I became themost scared.
Is he looked at his partner andhe said he can't get a reading.
She had lost enough blood thatthey couldn't get a blood
pressure reading.
SPEAKER_03 (20:49):
Oh, Richie.
SPEAKER_04 (20:56):
So at that point, you're worried you're gonna lose
her too.
unknown (20:59):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_02 (21:03):
They got her on the backboard as quick as they
could, and they just left.
I just stood at the end of thedriveway watching them drive
away.
Got my car, followed him in thehospital.
Everything there, everybody wasscared.
A nurse would come into the roomabout every 10 or 20 minutes.
(21:27):
They would lift up the blanketand go, Oh my god, that's a lot
of blood.
And they would clean her up andanytime that they had to
transport her for any tests orx-rays or whatever they were
doing, a doctor would ride onthe end of her bed with one of
(21:52):
those uh the paddle machinesthat they used to start your
heart when it stops.
They would take that with herevery every time she left the
room.
SPEAKER_04 (22:04):
I assume they stopped the hemorrhaging, did
they not?
SPEAKER_02 (22:09):
It took a while for them to get a surgeon in.
They had to do a DNC.
And even with the DNC, he stillstruggled to stop the bleed.
She was back in that room forhours.
But eventually they were able tostop it.
SPEAKER_04 (22:38):
How did you handle going through all of this?
SPEAKER_02 (22:45):
Friends.
I spent a lot of time on thephone.
I have I have some friends who,you know, had to go through in
vitro in order to have a baby,and they lost a couple before
they were able to carry theturn.
unknown (23:10):
And then they like the shadows.
SPEAKER_02 (23:12):
I don't know.
SPEAKER_04 (23:14):
What was Becca's recovery like from this?
SPEAKER_02 (23:19):
Rough.
unknown (23:20):
I'm glad dinosaurs aren't.
SPEAKER_02 (23:22):
On top of physically, she couldn't do
much.
As a woman, she felt like afailure.
And I don't know how to talksomebody out of that.
unknown (23:38):
Or not a friend.
Yeah.
SPEAKER_02 (23:40):
To feel like you failed your whole gender.
I don't I don't know.
SPEAKER_04 (23:47):
But you know she's not a failure.
SPEAKER_02 (23:49):
Absolutely not.
SPEAKER_04 (23:51):
What is she?
SPEAKER_02 (23:53):
She's a very strong woman.
SPEAKER_04 (23:59):
After witnessing her go through all of that, how
would you describe her?
SPEAKER_02 (24:09):
Strong, resilient, and just a little bit broken.
SPEAKER_04 (24:19):
Did you guys ever communicate with the doctor's
office again?
SPEAKER_02 (24:25):
Eventually, um, after a lot of soul searching
and worry and concern, we didend up going back to the same
doctor who had helped usconceive in the first place.
SPEAKER_04 (24:44):
Okay.
SPEAKER_02 (24:45):
And when he found out what happened, he was livid.
I think a lot of people losttheir jobs.
But he was very supportive,especially of her.
Like when we went to see him,she was the only one in the
(25:07):
room.
He didn't care what I had to saybecause I didn't go through it.
So that was helpful for her.
SPEAKER_04 (25:16):
She felt heard.
Yeah.
That's important.
So was it that doctor that wasable to help you, the two of
you, conceive again?
SPEAKER_00 (25:30):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_04 (25:32):
Okay, so so tell me about the miracle that is young
Richie that we just heard fromand saw a few minutes ago.
SPEAKER_02 (25:43):
A lot of that, especially in the beginning, was
really rough because of our age.
I think we might have rushed it.
So I don't think she had a lotof time to recover from what
happened before we even startedagain.
And honestly, in the beginning,even after he was born, there
(26:08):
was a lot of guilt.
SPEAKER_00 (26:14):
We kept talking about how he wouldn't be alive
if our first baby didn't die.
SPEAKER_04 (26:39):
Happy the two of you had an opportunity to talk to
someone about that, to to gotogether and talk to someone, to
talk to each other about it, toto recognize the miracle in him,
and to understand how fully outof your hands all of this was.
SPEAKER_02 (27:27):
Sometimes it still comes up.
SPEAKER_04 (27:31):
I understand that.
And to know that we now wouldadvocate for ourselves
(27:54):
differently.
It taught you that if someoneisn't going to advocate for you
as as you would hope, then youwill advocate for yourself,
right?
Um, you now know that you'reallowed to advocate for your
wife, and you're allowed toadvocate for you, and you are
allowed to advocate for yourson.
So no matter what anyone tellsyou, moving forward, if you have
(28:17):
a question, you're going to getit answered.
SPEAKER_01 (28:20):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_04 (28:21):
And that knowledge and that commitment to you and
to your son and to your wifewill do well for you moving
forward because it means thatyou know.
Like when we know more, we domore.
And a lot of times we have to gothrough things in order to
(28:44):
understand how we have toadvocate for ourselves.
I hemorrhaged during childbirth,and I had to fight, fight, fight
to get doctors to pay attention.
Um, because even after I wasfixed and packed, I knew
(29:04):
something was wrong.
And I was hemorrhaging furtherinternally, and everyone just
kept saying, Oh, it's fine,you're packed.
You're it's just because you'repacked.
The pain you're feeling is justbecause you're packed.
And my husband at the time gottired of going back out into the
hospital and to the nurses andsaying, like, I swear, like, she
won't, she won't stopcomplaining.
Like, there's something wrong.
(29:25):
And they're like, no, no, no,it's just because she's packed.
And he finally went down to thechapel to pray, and I just
begged them to just look.
And when they looked, they werelike, Oh, uh, something's wrong,
because the internalhemorrhaging was pushing out,
and so I ended up in emergencysurgery.
But if I hadn't continued tosay, I swear, I swear, I I would
(29:48):
have died overnight.
But it's only, I mean, had itbeen up to other people around
me, I would have just continuedto take the morphine and just be
quiet.
So it was after that that myhusband at the time said, okay,
I will never again doubt when wehave to advocate for ourselves
(30:12):
because we're trained to believethat their professionals know
best.
So when they say, we'll callyou, we'll tell you what the
next steps are.
You believed them.
And that's okay.
No, but you know what?
(30:33):
You are healthy.
Becca is good and healthy now,and you have Richie.
SPEAKER_02 (30:41):
That boy's amazing.
SPEAKER_04 (30:43):
He looks amazing.
So how soon after that traumaticexperience did you guys find
yourself back in the doctor'soffice saying, you know what?
We don't want to waste any time.
We would like to try again.
SPEAKER_02 (31:03):
She wanted to try again as soon as the doctor said
that she was physically allowedto.
As soon as her body would do it,that we did.
SPEAKER_04 (31:14):
Okay.
And did it work immediately?
SPEAKER_02 (31:18):
It did.
SPEAKER_04 (31:20):
Based on the timing, it sounded like I was assuming
that it did because Richie'sthree, and you said this was,
you know, three, four years ago.
So I assumed that we were on apretty tight timeline.
SPEAKER_02 (31:31):
Yeah, right away.
SPEAKER_04 (31:33):
Was she sick during this pregnancy as well?
SPEAKER_02 (31:36):
Yeah.
Yeah.
The whole thing.
SPEAKER_04 (31:39):
So, in some ways, was she comforted by feeling
sick because it meant thatthings were moving along as they
should be?
SPEAKER_02 (31:48):
Kinda, yeah.
Because we expected the reasonit didn't bother her as much the
first time is because everythingwe read says, you know, around
12 weeks or so it can go away.
And it did.
SPEAKER_04 (32:01):
Well, I think the the challenging thing is every
single pregnancy can bedifferent, right?
And no matter how many books youread or how many things you find
online, it's you can find amillion experiences that mirror
yours and a million that don't.
So that's the challenge.
(32:25):
Uh you can scare yourself todeath.
Was he full term?
SPEAKER_02 (32:34):
Yes, actually, he was due on my birthday.
His due date was my birthday.
SPEAKER_04 (32:41):
Which is when?
SPEAKER_02 (32:42):
April 2nd.
SPEAKER_04 (32:44):
Okay.
SPEAKER_02 (32:45):
And he was actually born a week before.
SPEAKER_04 (32:47):
Okay.
SPEAKER_02 (32:48):
So, yeah, he went the whole way.
SPEAKER_04 (32:51):
Okay, so how do you guys feel being parents now?
SPEAKER_02 (32:56):
It's amazing.
It's terrifying.
Being well, I don't know,responsible for raising a good
person.
And unfortunately, he might besmarter than us, so it can be
(33:19):
tough.
SPEAKER_04 (33:22):
I think that's probably a a fear and a
realization all parents come toat some point.
But they're also our greatestteachers, right?
So it's there's a lot of beautyin there to learn from them.
Richie, how would you definehope?
SPEAKER_02 (33:49):
The resilience to not quit against all odds.
SPEAKER_04 (33:55):
That's beautiful.
What would you say to otherparents, other couples who are
wanting to start a family in inwhat are considered to be later
years?
So even say in your forties.
SPEAKER_02 (34:17):
I mean, it's terrifying, but it's worth it.
There's nothing like it.
All my friends, they all hadkids much earlier in life, and
everybody talks about the firsttime you hold your baby and how
you've never loved like that.
And it always seems likehyperbole, but it isn't.
(34:42):
It changes the way your heartworks.
You have literally never lovedlike that.
SPEAKER_04 (34:52):
What would you like to say to your wife that you
haven't been able to say aboutthis journey you guys have been
on together?
SPEAKER_02 (35:08):
I don't know.
I'd like to say I'm sorry I letthat happen, even though I know
I didn't let it happen.
But I am so very sorry.
SPEAKER_04 (35:23):
Okay, Richie, if we can, if I can somehow give you
the grace to remove the guilt orthe responsibility you feel.
And maybe you can focus on orlook at from a bird's eye view
(35:48):
that what you guys have now,then what would you say to her?
What have you learned about her?
What have you learned about thetwo of you through this journey?
SPEAKER_02 (36:03):
Well, it's it's cliche, but together we really
can do just about anything.
Even though she doesn't believeit, she is a wonderful mother.
She doesn't realize how well shesupports everyone around her.
SPEAKER_04 (36:34):
I love that.
What do you want young Richie toknow about how loved and wanted
and cherished he is?
Because there will be a time atthree right now, he won't be
able to comprehend any wordsthat you have to say, but
someday he'll be able to look atthis, listen to this.
(36:58):
What do you want him to knowabout how wanted he is?
SPEAKER_02 (37:06):
He was the entire reason why we're alive.
That's what we wanted.
We're here just to love him andraise him and hug him and hold
him.
The entire reason the universecreated us was to create him.
SPEAKER_04 (37:26):
What do you hope for him?
SPEAKER_02 (37:29):
Uh, everything.
I want him to be free of theguilt and pain that we had when
we were children.
I want him to see the worldthrough the eyes of love and not
(37:52):
fear.
SPEAKER_04 (37:55):
I'm so grateful to you for trusting me with your
story.
Thank you for reaching out.
Is there anything that you wantto share that I did not ask you,
Richie?
SPEAKER_02 (38:06):
I don't think so.
I don't.
I'm grateful for thisopportunity.
Uh I hope eventually now I canwrite this down so that my wife
can read it.
I hope she will.
SPEAKER_04 (38:22):
I'm sure she will.
She'll watch or she'll listen.
She can do either.
And uh I know that I mentionedearlier on that you are an
entrepreneur.
Where can people find you?
SPEAKER_02 (38:36):
Um, I know it seems kind of vain, but my website is
just my name.
It's RichieTredway.com.
That is because originally Ibought the domain to run for
school board.
And then when that didn't workout, I owned this domain, so I
just use the domain for mybusiness.
SPEAKER_04 (38:55):
You are talking to a girl who owns the domain to her
own name.
And that's where most of thepodcasts live.
Um, under Dioniel Elliott Smithand Hope comes to visit.
And I purchased the domains forboth of my kids' names when they
were very little, just so thatthey eventually had a place to
(39:16):
exist if they wanted to.
So I don't consider it vain atall.
I uh I think it's I think it'ssmart to have that.
So, and it's an easy way forpeople to find you.
Richie, I so appreciate youspending time with me.
And thank you for sharing yourstory, um, for sharing the the
hard parts and the light and thegrief and the pain and the
(39:39):
challenges, but also the thebeauty of your wife's strength
and the light that you have inyour sweet boy now.
SPEAKER_00 (39:52):
Thank you.
SPEAKER_04 (39:53):
Thank you.
And friends, thank you so muchfor joining Richie and I in this
light-filled conversation.
I so hope that you have seensome of the inspiration and some
of the heart, and you arewilling to share it with the
people that you love until weare here and chatting again.
Please take care of you andthank you for being here.
(40:18):
Naturally, it's important tothank the people who support and
sponsor the podcast.
This episode is supported byChris Dulley, a trusted criminal
defense attorney and friend ofmine here in St.
Louis, who believes in secondchances and solid
representation.
Whether you're facing a DWI,felony, or traffic issue, Chris
handles your case personallywith clarity, compassion, and
(40:39):
over 15 years of experience.
When things feel uncertain, ithelps to have someone steady in
your corner.
Call 314 384 4000 or 314 DUIHelp, or you can visit
doublylawfirm.com to scheduleyour free consultation.
All of her movements start to slow, and her smile
starts to go away.
SPEAKER_01 (00:10):
Oh, Richie.
And there's no heartbeat.
SPEAKER_04 (00:27):
I'm Danielle Elliott Smith, and this is Hope Comes to
Visit, where we celebrateconversations about hope,
healing, and light.
And of course, the power ofstory.
Today's guest is husband,father, and entrepreneur Richie
Treadway.
Let's take a quick moment tothank the people that support
(00:47):
and sponsor the podcast.
When life takes an unexpectedturn, you deserve someone who
will stand beside you.
St.
Louis attorney Chris Duly offersexperienced one-on-one legal
defense.
Call 314-384-4000 or 314-DUIhelp.
Or you can visitDulilawfirm.com.
That's D-U-L-L-E lawfirm.com fora free consultation.
(01:12):
Richie, thank you so much forbeing here with me today.
It is wonderful to sit down withyou.
Good morning.
How are you doing today?
SPEAKER_02 (01:20):
I'm doing all right.
Today is a nice, beautiful daywhere I live.
SPEAKER_04 (01:23):
And you mentioned that you are in the Harrisburg
area, yes?
SPEAKER_02 (01:27):
Yes.
SPEAKER_04 (01:28):
I was fascinated by the email you sent me talking
about the power of hope andstorytelling.
And by nature, you said you area writer, yes?
SPEAKER_02 (01:40):
Yes.
SPEAKER_04 (01:42):
And there is a specific experience you and your
family, you and your wife hadthat traumatic.
And yet while your wife wantsyou to write about it because
you are a writer and a lot of itshe doesn't remember, you have
found yourself in a bit of ablock.
SPEAKER_02 (02:04):
Yeah, even just thinking about it right now, I'm
already starting to swell up.
SPEAKER_04 (02:09):
Oh okay.
Well, we'll go slow and we'll beeasy.
And this is just a conversationbetween a couple of friends
because I am honored andgrateful that you're willing to
have this conversation with me,right?
Because I'm there is beauty andlight in this story.
(02:32):
And through the hard things, youand your wife have been able to
do something miraculous, right?
So why don't we start whereveryou are wanting to start with
with your story?
Tell me a little bit about youand your wife.
SPEAKER_02 (02:48):
Um we met much later in life.
So we have only been married forthree years.
I'm already almost 50.
SPEAKER_04 (02:57):
Okay, what's your wife's name?
SPEAKER_02 (02:59):
Uh her name is Rebecca.
SPEAKER_04 (03:00):
Okay.
So Richie, Rebecca.
How did you guys meet?
SPEAKER_02 (03:04):
Uh we worked in the same place.
SPEAKER_04 (03:07):
Okay.
And so she is your love.
SPEAKER_02 (03:11):
Yeah, it did turn out to be that way.
SPEAKER_04 (03:14):
Tell me about Rebecca.
SPEAKER_02 (03:16):
Uh, she's a very strong woman.
She's a government contractor.
She runs a large crew of people,and working as a contractor for
the government, you know, shetends to catch a lot of flack.
One for being a woman, two forbeing a contractor.
So she's been doing this foralmost 15 years now, and she's
(03:38):
really good at her job.
SPEAKER_04 (03:41):
So the two of you meet and and meeting and finding
your love a little later inlife, you decided that you
wanted to start a family.
SPEAKER_02 (03:49):
We both wanted to have children, but we never, it
just never worked out for us upuntil this point.
SPEAKER_04 (03:56):
Okay.
But you found each other.
And so when you decide to startin that process, um, you were
thinking that it might be alittle more challenging knowing
that you were starting a littlebit later.
Were you talking to doctorsabout it initially?
SPEAKER_02 (04:10):
Uh yes.
Um, she has PCOS, so we knewthat it was going to take some
work, especially being older.
So we she went on medications,we had to do the schedule.
We were going to doctors inHershey every other week.
SPEAKER_04 (04:32):
Okay.
And what happened?
SPEAKER_02 (04:35):
Um eventually we were, it took some work, but we
were able to conceive.
SPEAKER_04 (04:40):
Okay.
So realizing that you couldconceive, obviously that's a
beautiful thing, and you'rerelieved.
And how did the pregnancy go?
SPEAKER_02 (04:51):
Uh we were relieved and we were also terrified,
knowing that again, our agebeing a factor, the PCOS being a
factor, she ended up withgestational diabetes,
preoclampsia.
So the the the whole thing wasrough for her.
She didn't have morningsickness, she had all the time
sickness.
SPEAKER_04 (05:12):
Oh.
SPEAKER_02 (05:12):
She couldn't eat anything.
SPEAKER_04 (05:14):
It just Are you and Rebecca the same age?
SPEAKER_02 (05:17):
No, she is three years younger than I am.
SPEAKER_04 (05:20):
Okay.
So in her 40s as well.
SPEAKER_02 (05:23):
Yes.
So going through this at thistime, she was 41.
SPEAKER_04 (05:28):
Okay.
Were the doctors concerned fromthe beginning as well?
SPEAKER_02 (05:32):
They didn't seem to be.
To them, it just seemed likeanother everyday thing.
They know in this day and agepregnancies, women are getting
are able to conceive at a laterrate, later ages.
It didn't seem to them like itwas going to be a big deal.
SPEAKER_04 (05:48):
Okay.
SPEAKER_02 (05:49):
But we are the kind of people that look everything
up on the internet, soeverything we saw was
terrifying.
SPEAKER_04 (05:55):
Oh, you guys Google MD'd yourself into fear.
SPEAKER_02 (05:58):
Yes.
SPEAKER_04 (05:58):
Okay.
So you're worried she's sick,which certainly doesn't help the
situation.
And so what happens?
So how far into the pregnancy doyou guys go with her being sick?
SPEAKER_02 (06:13):
Uh she was sick every day, right up until about
a week before we were going forthe I think it was the 12-week
ultrasound, the one where we getto find out the gender of the
baby.
SPEAKER_04 (06:29):
Okay.
SPEAKER_02 (06:29):
And all of a sudden she just wasn't sick anymore.
SPEAKER_04 (06:33):
Okay.
So then what happens?
You go in for the ultrasound.
SPEAKER_02 (06:39):
Well, during that week, something just didn't seem
right.
She was sure that something waswrong.
SPEAKER_04 (06:44):
Really?
SPEAKER_02 (06:45):
Yeah, so going into the appointment, we were
terrified.
And this was all during COVID.
So all through all of ourappointments, I had to wait in
the car.
And she would just, I would beon the phone during all the
appointments with the doctorwhile I was in the car.
SPEAKER_04 (07:03):
You weren't allowed to go into the ultrasound
appointment with her, Richie?
SPEAKER_02 (07:06):
No, none of them.
This one was the very firstappointment they were allowing
guests in.
So she went in by herself.
She was getting ready for theappointment, and she mentioned
to the technician that I was outthere.
And there were and she told themthat I could come in.
So she called me right away andI ran in as fast as I could.
SPEAKER_04 (07:27):
Of course you did.
I'm so glad you were able to bethere with her.
Okay.
So you're getting ready to seeyour baby for the first time
because you haven't been allowedto be into the appointments.
Okay.
So well, tell me about thatappointment.
SPEAKER_02 (07:42):
Uh we were we had a Adula.
We decided that was the way togo.
And she was doing the first.
I don't know what the tool iscalled.
It's kind of like an ultrasound,I suppose, but it's a tool that
she was able to carry in herpocket.
SPEAKER_04 (08:00):
Okay.
I'm not I'm not familiar withthat.
SPEAKER_02 (08:04):
I don't think it showed a video.
She was just trying to find theheartbeat.
SPEAKER_04 (08:09):
Okay.
SPEAKER_02 (08:11):
And she would she wanted to practice with this
particular tool.
And even though we wereconcerned and we voiced our
concerns, Becca was very scared.
And she said, you know, I'mgonna I'm gonna find the
heartbeat, it's gonna be fine.
I'm gonna do it this way becauseI just I just want to play
(08:32):
around.
She used those words, I want toplay around.
SPEAKER_04 (08:39):
Okay.
So and this is the doula.
SPEAKER_02 (08:43):
Yes.
SPEAKER_04 (08:44):
Was this someone you trusted?
SPEAKER_02 (08:46):
This is actually the first time we had met her.
Going through this office, wehad to decide if we wanted to go
with a doctor or a nursetechnician or a doula to, you
know, proceed with the rest ofthe pregnancy.
And we had decided on a doula,and we were meeting her for the
very first time today.
SPEAKER_04 (09:06):
Okay.
Well, let me ask you this (09:08):
what made you guys decide doula
versus nurse practitioner versusdoctor for this part of the
process?
SPEAKER_02 (09:16):
I think Becca was more she liked the more
spiritual side of working withthe doula versus the technical
side of being with the doctor.
SPEAKER_04 (09:28):
Okay, that's fair.
And with as fearful as she was,I think that she probably was
hoping for as much positive andgood and natural energy as she
could, as she could garner inthis process.
Yes.
SPEAKER_02 (09:43):
So this woman was definitely very, very bright.
SPEAKER_04 (09:48):
Okay.
So she's bright and she isplaying around, she has told
you.
And what happens next?
SPEAKER_02 (09:57):
All of her movements start to slow, and her smile
starts to go away.
SPEAKER_01 (10:08):
Oh, Richie.
And there's no heartbeat.
SPEAKER_04 (10:19):
Knowing that she was using a tool that she was quote
unquote playing around with, wasthere any chance that she was
wrong?
SPEAKER_02 (10:32):
Yes, so then they went to she just said, you know,
I'll go get a doctor.
I'll be right back.
And she just fled the room.
unknown (10:42):
Okay.
SPEAKER_02 (10:43):
We didn't see her again for like an hour.
Uh a nurse came to get us, andthey led us through the office,
through some back hallways.
The whole time we're we'rebreaking down.
SPEAKER_04 (10:58):
Oh, Richie, I'm so sorry.
Oh, sorry.
No, do not apologize.
SPEAKER_02 (11:13):
So we get to another room where they do an internal
ultrasound to ensure the resultsare correct.
And she was right, there is noheartbeat.
SPEAKER_04 (11:28):
I'm so sorry.
SPEAKER_02 (11:32):
So they walk us back through all those hallways, past
all the staff.
I mean, the only good thing wasthat we didn't go through the
waiting room.
SPEAKER_03 (11:43):
Right.
SPEAKER_02 (11:45):
We get back to the room where we were, and there's
already another couple in thatroom.
So now they have to find a newroom for us.
They just stash us in a randomroom.
The Dula then comes back andsays, I'm so sorry, let me give
(12:05):
you hugs.
And even though we didn't knowthis woman and we did not want
hugs, she forced hugs.
SPEAKER_04 (12:18):
I'm so sorry.
SPEAKER_02 (12:20):
She said that somebody will contact us for the
next steps.
And then she left, and that wasit.
SPEAKER_04 (12:29):
And you guys were just left in a room to figure
out what to do next?
SPEAKER_02 (12:33):
Yeah, we we left.
We walked, we walked out, weleft the waiting room, there was
nothing else.
SPEAKER_04 (12:39):
No one told you what happens next, or no, somebody
was supposed to call us.
SPEAKER_02 (12:47):
And nobody ever called.
SPEAKER_04 (12:49):
No one ever called.
SPEAKER_02 (12:51):
We waited for weeks with Becca not knowing what was
going to happen.
SPEAKER_04 (12:59):
So you and Becca are left to just wonder, feeling a
multiplied sense of loss, butshe is currently still
physically pregnant.
SPEAKER_02 (13:18):
Yes.
SPEAKER_04 (13:19):
And neither of you know what the next step is.
SPEAKER_02 (13:24):
No.
SPEAKER_04 (13:26):
And you have no idea what her body is going to do or
is supposed to do, or if thereis any assistance for her.
unknown (13:39):
Not a clue.
SPEAKER_04 (13:41):
At any point, did you guys reach out to the
doctor's office and say,somebody give us some guidance?
Like we are floundering here.
No, we're and emotionally.
SPEAKER_02 (13:57):
We took him at their word.
We just expected somebody tocall.
I'm sorry, it sounds like he'scoming.
SPEAKER_04 (14:05):
No, that's okay.
He can come.
SPEAKER_02 (14:08):
What's the matter, buddy?
Hey, what's the matter?
SPEAKER_04 (14:12):
So here's the I'm sorry.
No, that is okay.
I suspect you probably neededthat hug as much as he did.
It's helpful.
Yeah, it's good.
That is good.
So you took the doctors at theirword that they would call and
(14:37):
they didn't call.
No.
What happened next?
SPEAKER_02 (14:44):
It was a rough time.
I think I took the whole thewhole four weeks off work.
They wanted me to go back, but II just I couldn't.
And I couldn't leave her.
SPEAKER_04 (14:58):
So she stayed pregnant for an additional four
weeks.
unknown (15:02):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_04 (15:04):
And her poor body and her poor heart and your poor
heart.
So emotionally both of you arestruggling.
SPEAKER_02 (15:18):
Yeah, because it wasn't just that we lost the
baby.
Wow.
Anybody that's gone throughthat, it is devastating.
SPEAKER_04 (15:27):
Of course.
SPEAKER_02 (15:28):
But at our age, we felt like we lost our whole
future.
SPEAKER_01 (15:35):
Like this was our only show.
SPEAKER_04 (15:42):
Thank goodness that was not the case for you as we
we just saw young Richie.
SPEAKER_02 (15:49):
I am so sorry.
SPEAKER_04 (15:50):
That is okay.
You saw young Richie come in toyou, so you have not lost the
future, which is a beautifulthing.
You have you have a family, andwe can talk about that more in a
minute, but I do want to knowhow things progressed with
(16:12):
Rebecca.
And with the doctors nevercalling her, I know that things
did not she did not miscarrypeacefully, um, if there is such
a thing.
I mean, I I I hate to say thatin a in a term as though
miscarriage is ever a peacefulprocess, but it was her body did
(16:33):
not um it was a devastatingexperience for her physically in
addition to mentally.
SPEAKER_02 (16:41):
Absolutely.
SPEAKER_04 (16:42):
What happened?
SPEAKER_02 (16:45):
Well, it just so happened to be the very first
day I had to go back to work.
And I'm getting ready to leavethe house, and she just jumps up
and runs to the bathroom.
And I wait as long as I can, andI'm outside the door, and I'm
asking her if she's okay, andshe tells me just to leave.
(17:10):
And I I wish I hadn't, but Idid.
I went to work.
SPEAKER_04 (17:16):
You well, you did what you were direct- like she
told you.
You assumed that she was okayand that she just wasn't feeling
well.
Um, but what was actuallyhappening?
SPEAKER_02 (17:26):
Uh, she was actually beginning to miscarrie.
I was only at work for half anhour and she called me.
She called me from the bathtub.
I could hear the water runningin the background.
And I just rushed home asquickly as I could.
(17:48):
By the time I got there, she waslightheaded.
She didn't exactly have all ofher mental faculties.
She had hemorrhaged, and she waslosing so much blood.
(18:14):
And on top of that, justeverything else that happens
with the miscarriage.
So she had pulled a trash can upnext to the tub, and she was
just scooping material out ofthe drain to allow water to run.
(18:40):
And I can't imagine somethinglike that.
I can't.
SPEAKER_04 (18:49):
The trauma of the compounded losses that she was
experiencing in losing the baby.
And then the two of you feelingthat this could be potentially a
(19:11):
loss of the future that that youhad planned, and feeling so
uncared for, so discarded by theprofessionals who were supposed
to guide you through thisprocess.
unknown (19:26):
I didn't know that.
SPEAKER_04 (19:28):
I assume you were able to get her to the hospital.
SPEAKER_02 (19:32):
I could barely get her out of the tub.
She'd already lost so much bloodthat she couldn't stand.
So I got her up out of the tuband she immediately fell to her
knees.
And I helped her down to thefloor and I called 911.
And I don't know if we don't wedon't buy a couple of things.
(19:56):
I don't know.
I guess laughably, she wasconcerned with paramedics seeing
her naked.
SPEAKER_04 (20:04):
You know, our modesty is this funny little
thing.
SPEAKER_02 (20:12):
And so I covered her up and I just sat on the floor
and held her hand and waited forthe paramedics to get there.
And they finally showed up.
You know, they were talking toher, asking her questions.
One of the EMTs put a bloodpressure cuff on her arm.
(20:35):
And this is when I became themost scared.
Is he looked at his partner andhe said he can't get a reading.
She had lost enough blood thatthey couldn't get a blood
pressure reading.
SPEAKER_03 (20:49):
Oh, Richie.
SPEAKER_04 (20:56):
So at that point, you're worried you're gonna lose
her too.
unknown (20:59):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_02 (21:03):
They got her on the backboard as quick as they
could, and they just left.
I just stood at the end of thedriveway watching them drive
away.
Got my car, followed him in thehospital.
Everything there, everybody wasscared.
A nurse would come into the roomabout every 10 or 20 minutes.
(21:27):
They would lift up the blanketand go, Oh my god, that's a lot
of blood.
And they would clean her up andanytime that they had to
transport her for any tests orx-rays or whatever they were
doing, a doctor would ride onthe end of her bed with one of
(21:52):
those uh the paddle machinesthat they used to start your
heart when it stops.
They would take that with herevery every time she left the
room.
SPEAKER_04 (22:04):
I assume they stopped the hemorrhaging, did
they not?
SPEAKER_02 (22:09):
It took a while for them to get a surgeon in.
They had to do a DNC.
And even with the DNC, he stillstruggled to stop the bleed.
She was back in that room forhours.
But eventually they were able tostop it.
SPEAKER_04 (22:38):
How did you handle going through all of this?
SPEAKER_02 (22:45):
Friends.
I spent a lot of time on thephone.
I have I have some friends who,you know, had to go through in
vitro in order to have a baby,and they lost a couple before
they were able to carry theturn.
unknown (23:10):
And then they like the shadows.
SPEAKER_02 (23:12):
I don't know.
SPEAKER_04 (23:14):
What was Becca's recovery like from this?
SPEAKER_02 (23:19):
Rough.
unknown (23:20):
I'm glad dinosaurs aren't.
SPEAKER_02 (23:22):
On top of physically, she couldn't do
much.
As a woman, she felt like afailure.
And I don't know how to talksomebody out of that.
unknown (23:38):
Or not a friend.
Yeah.
SPEAKER_02 (23:40):
To feel like you failed your whole gender.
I don't I don't know.
SPEAKER_04 (23:47):
But you know she's not a failure.
SPEAKER_02 (23:49):
Absolutely not.
SPEAKER_04 (23:51):
What is she?
SPEAKER_02 (23:53):
She's a very strong woman.
SPEAKER_04 (23:59):
After witnessing her go through all of that, how
would you describe her?
SPEAKER_02 (24:09):
Strong, resilient, and just a little bit broken.
SPEAKER_04 (24:19):
Did you guys ever communicate with the doctor's
office again?
SPEAKER_02 (24:25):
Eventually, um, after a lot of soul searching
and worry and concern, we didend up going back to the same
doctor who had helped usconceive in the first place.
SPEAKER_04 (24:44):
Okay.
SPEAKER_02 (24:45):
And when he found out what happened, he was livid.
I think a lot of people losttheir jobs.
But he was very supportive,especially of her.
Like when we went to see him,she was the only one in the
(25:07):
room.
He didn't care what I had to saybecause I didn't go through it.
So that was helpful for her.
SPEAKER_04 (25:16):
She felt heard.
Yeah.
That's important.
So was it that doctor that wasable to help you, the two of
you, conceive again?
SPEAKER_00 (25:30):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_04 (25:32):
Okay, so so tell me about the miracle that is young
Richie that we just heard fromand saw a few minutes ago.
SPEAKER_02 (25:43):
A lot of that, especially in the beginning, was
really rough because of our age.
I think we might have rushed it.
So I don't think she had a lotof time to recover from what
happened before we even startedagain.
And honestly, in the beginning,even after he was born, there
(26:08):
was a lot of guilt.
SPEAKER_00 (26:14):
We kept talking about how he wouldn't be alive
if our first baby didn't die.
SPEAKER_04 (26:39):
Happy the two of you had an opportunity to talk to
someone about that, to to gotogether and talk to someone, to
talk to each other about it, toto recognize the miracle in him,
and to understand how fully outof your hands all of this was.
SPEAKER_02 (27:27):
Sometimes it still comes up.
SPEAKER_04 (27:31):
I understand that.
And to know that we now wouldadvocate for ourselves
(27:54):
differently.
It taught you that if someoneisn't going to advocate for you
as as you would hope, then youwill advocate for yourself,
right?
Um, you now know that you'reallowed to advocate for your
wife, and you're allowed toadvocate for you, and you are
allowed to advocate for yourson.
So no matter what anyone tellsyou, moving forward, if you have
(28:17):
a question, you're going to getit answered.
SPEAKER_01 (28:20):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_04 (28:21):
And that knowledge and that commitment to you and
to your son and to your wifewill do well for you moving
forward because it means thatyou know.
Like when we know more, we domore.
And a lot of times we have to gothrough things in order to
(28:44):
understand how we have toadvocate for ourselves.
I hemorrhaged during childbirth,and I had to fight, fight, fight
to get doctors to pay attention.
Um, because even after I wasfixed and packed, I knew
(29:04):
something was wrong.
And I was hemorrhaging furtherinternally, and everyone just
kept saying, Oh, it's fine,you're packed.
You're it's just because you'repacked.
The pain you're feeling is justbecause you're packed.
And my husband at the time gottired of going back out into the
hospital and to the nurses andsaying, like, I swear, like, she
won't, she won't stopcomplaining.
Like, there's something wrong.
(29:25):
And they're like, no, no, no,it's just because she's packed.
And he finally went down to thechapel to pray, and I just
begged them to just look.
And when they looked, they werelike, Oh, uh, something's wrong,
because the internalhemorrhaging was pushing out,
and so I ended up in emergencysurgery.
But if I hadn't continued tosay, I swear, I swear, I I would
(29:48):
have died overnight.
But it's only, I mean, had itbeen up to other people around
me, I would have just continuedto take the morphine and just be
quiet.
So it was after that that myhusband at the time said, okay,
I will never again doubt when wehave to advocate for ourselves
(30:12):
because we're trained to believethat their professionals know
best.
So when they say, we'll callyou, we'll tell you what the
next steps are.
You believed them.
And that's okay.
No, but you know what?
(30:33):
You are healthy.
Becca is good and healthy now,and you have Richie.
SPEAKER_02 (30:41):
That boy's amazing.
SPEAKER_04 (30:43):
He looks amazing.
So how soon after that traumaticexperience did you guys find
yourself back in the doctor'soffice saying, you know what?
We don't want to waste any time.
We would like to try again.
SPEAKER_02 (31:03):
She wanted to try again as soon as the doctor said
that she was physically allowedto.
As soon as her body would do it,that we did.
SPEAKER_04 (31:14):
Okay.
And did it work immediately?
SPEAKER_02 (31:18):
It did.
SPEAKER_04 (31:20):
Based on the timing, it sounded like I was assuming
that it did because Richie'sthree, and you said this was,
you know, three, four years ago.
So I assumed that we were on apretty tight timeline.
SPEAKER_02 (31:31):
Yeah, right away.
SPEAKER_04 (31:33):
Was she sick during this pregnancy as well?
SPEAKER_02 (31:36):
Yeah.
Yeah.
The whole thing.
SPEAKER_04 (31:39):
So, in some ways, was she comforted by feeling
sick because it meant thatthings were moving along as they
should be?
SPEAKER_02 (31:48):
Kinda, yeah.
Because we expected the reasonit didn't bother her as much the
first time is because everythingwe read says, you know, around
12 weeks or so it can go away.
And it did.
SPEAKER_04 (32:01):
Well, I think the the challenging thing is every
single pregnancy can bedifferent, right?
And no matter how many books youread or how many things you find
online, it's you can find amillion experiences that mirror
yours and a million that don't.
So that's the challenge.
(32:25):
Uh you can scare yourself todeath.
Was he full term?
SPEAKER_02 (32:34):
Yes, actually, he was due on my birthday.
His due date was my birthday.
SPEAKER_04 (32:41):
Which is when?
SPEAKER_02 (32:42):
April 2nd.
SPEAKER_04 (32:44):
Okay.
SPEAKER_02 (32:45):
And he was actually born a week before.
SPEAKER_04 (32:47):
Okay.
SPEAKER_02 (32:48):
So, yeah, he went the whole way.
SPEAKER_04 (32:51):
Okay, so how do you guys feel being parents now?
SPEAKER_02 (32:56):
It's amazing.
It's terrifying.
Being well, I don't know,responsible for raising a good
person.
And unfortunately, he might besmarter than us, so it can be
(33:19):
tough.
SPEAKER_04 (33:22):
I think that's probably a a fear and a
realization all parents come toat some point.
But they're also our greatestteachers, right?
So it's there's a lot of beautyin there to learn from them.
Richie, how would you definehope?
SPEAKER_02 (33:49):
The resilience to not quit against all odds.
SPEAKER_04 (33:55):
That's beautiful.
What would you say to otherparents, other couples who are
wanting to start a family in inwhat are considered to be later
years?
So even say in your forties.
SPEAKER_02 (34:17):
I mean, it's terrifying, but it's worth it.
There's nothing like it.
All my friends, they all hadkids much earlier in life, and
everybody talks about the firsttime you hold your baby and how
you've never loved like that.
And it always seems likehyperbole, but it isn't.
(34:42):
It changes the way your heartworks.
You have literally never lovedlike that.
SPEAKER_04 (34:52):
What would you like to say to your wife that you
haven't been able to say aboutthis journey you guys have been
on together?
SPEAKER_02 (35:08):
I don't know.
I'd like to say I'm sorry I letthat happen, even though I know
I didn't let it happen.
But I am so very sorry.
SPEAKER_04 (35:23):
Okay, Richie, if we can, if I can somehow give you
the grace to remove the guilt orthe responsibility you feel.
And maybe you can focus on orlook at from a bird's eye view
(35:48):
that what you guys have now,then what would you say to her?
What have you learned about her?
What have you learned about thetwo of you through this journey?
SPEAKER_02 (36:03):
Well, it's it's cliche, but together we really
can do just about anything.
Even though she doesn't believeit, she is a wonderful mother.
She doesn't realize how well shesupports everyone around her.
SPEAKER_04 (36:34):
I love that.
What do you want young Richie toknow about how loved and wanted
and cherished he is?
Because there will be a time atthree right now, he won't be
able to comprehend any wordsthat you have to say, but
someday he'll be able to look atthis, listen to this.
(36:58):
What do you want him to knowabout how wanted he is?
SPEAKER_02 (37:06):
He was the entire reason why we're alive.
That's what we wanted.
We're here just to love him andraise him and hug him and hold
him.
The entire reason the universecreated us was to create him.
SPEAKER_04 (37:26):
What do you hope for him?
SPEAKER_02 (37:29):
Uh, everything.
I want him to be free of theguilt and pain that we had when
we were children.
I want him to see the worldthrough the eyes of love and not
(37:52):
fear.
SPEAKER_04 (37:55):
I'm so grateful to you for trusting me with your
story.
Thank you for reaching out.
Is there anything that you wantto share that I did not ask you,
Richie?
SPEAKER_02 (38:06):
I don't think so.
I don't.
I'm grateful for thisopportunity.
Uh I hope eventually now I canwrite this down so that my wife
can read it.
I hope she will.
SPEAKER_04 (38:22):
I'm sure she will.
She'll watch or she'll listen.
She can do either.
And uh I know that I mentionedearlier on that you are an
entrepreneur.
Where can people find you?
SPEAKER_02 (38:36):
Um, I know it seems kind of vain, but my website is
just my name.
It's RichieTredway.com.
That is because originally Ibought the domain to run for
school board.
And then when that didn't workout, I owned this domain, so I
just use the domain for mybusiness.
SPEAKER_04 (38:55):
You are talking to a girl who owns the domain to her
own name.
And that's where most of thepodcasts live.
Um, under Dioniel Elliott Smithand Hope comes to visit.
And I purchased the domains forboth of my kids' names when they
were very little, just so thatthey eventually had a place to
(39:16):
exist if they wanted to.
So I don't consider it vain atall.
I uh I think it's I think it'ssmart to have that.
So, and it's an easy way forpeople to find you.
Richie, I so appreciate youspending time with me.
And thank you for sharing yourstory, um, for sharing the the
hard parts and the light and thegrief and the pain and the
(39:39):
challenges, but also the thebeauty of your wife's strength
and the light that you have inyour sweet boy now.
SPEAKER_00 (39:52):
Thank you.
SPEAKER_04 (39:53):
Thank you.
And friends, thank you so muchfor joining Richie and I in this
light-filled conversation.
I so hope that you have seensome of the inspiration and some
of the heart, and you arewilling to share it with the
people that you love until weare here and chatting again.
Please take care of you andthank you for being here.
(40:18):
Naturally, it's important tothank the people who support and
sponsor the podcast.
This episode is supported byChris Dulley, a trusted criminal
defense attorney and friend ofmine here in St.
Louis, who believes in secondchances and solid
representation.
Whether you're facing a DWI,felony, or traffic issue, Chris
handles your case personallywith clarity, compassion, and
(40:39):
over 15 years of experience.
When things feel uncertain, ithelps to have someone steady in
your corner.
Call 314 384 4000 or 314 DUIHelp, or you can visit
doublylawfirm.com to scheduleyour free consultation.
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