September 22, 2025 • 22 mins
Actress Bellamy Young, from the hit TV shows Scandal and Brilliant Minds, joins Danielle to share the story behind her advocacy for liver disease—and the caregiving journey with her dad that began when he was diagnosed with cirrhosis and later hepatic encephalopathy (HE). Bellamy speaks candidly about shame, stigma, and the moment everything changed: realizing liver disease can affect the brain, memory, personality, and daily life.
Together, we talk about the hypervigilance of caregiving, why community matters as much as treatment, and the essential practice of asking for help before burnout. Bellamy also shares what’s changed in HE care, how speaking her story healed the 15-year-old inside her, and where caregivers can find practical support.
You’ll hear:
- What HE is—and the signs families often miss
- The toll of caregiver hypervigilance (and realistic ways to refill your tank)
- Why shame isolates—and how truth + community set us free
- Resources Bellamy points to for appointments and next steps
This conversation is a reminder: you’re not alone, and asking for help is an act of love.
Resources mentioned
- *Caregiver planning tools and questions for appointments (the Caregivers Corner Bellamy references at xifaxan.com).
- Local support, peer groups, and your doctor’s care team for HE education and follow-up.
Thank you for listening to Hope Comes to Visit. If this conversation helps, follow the show, share it with someone who needs hope today, and leave a review - it helps others find their way to these conversations.
New episodes drop every Monday, so you can begin your week with a little light and a lot of hope.
For more stories, reflections, and ways to connect, visit www.DanielleElliottSmith.com or follow along on Instagram @daniellesmithtv and @HopeComestoVisit
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
It was heartbreaking, honestly, because you know I
thought my dad hung the moon.
You know he really was my NorthStar and as a kid, you know you
always, you think your parentsare always going to be there and
I was terrified of losing him.
Speaker 2 (00:30):
I'm Danielle Elliott Smith, and this is Hope Comes to
Visit, where we celebrateconversations about hope,
healing and the power ofstorytelling.
Today's guest is Bellaby Young,actress and powerful advocate
for liver disease.
Let's take a quick moment tothank the people that support
and sponsor the podcast.
When life takes an unexpectedturn, you deserve someone who
(00:52):
will stand beside you.
St Louis attorney Chris Dulleyoffers experienced one-on-one
legal defense.
Call 314-384-4000 or314-DUI-HELP, or you can visit D
Dullelawfirmcom that'sD-U-L-L-E-Lawfirmcom for a free
consultation.
Bellamy, thank you so much forspending time with me today.
(01:15):
How are you?
Speaker 1 (01:16):
I'm happy to be here.
So thank you so much for allyou do, all the love and hope
that you put into the world.
I'm glad to share it a littlebit this morning and uh, and
just grateful to listen to allthe other that you put out.
Speaker 2 (01:30):
You are so wonderful.
I am so excited to connect onyour story of hope, Um and I.
I know that there is a piece ofhope that you are now putting
out there, but it originateswith your own personal story and
how you were a caregiver foryour dad.
So will you tell us a littlebit about your dad and about
(01:53):
your personal story, and then wecan get into some of the
beautiful work that you're doingnow?
Speaker 1 (01:59):
Thank you very much for asking.
I grew up in the mountains ofWestern North Carolina and my
mom was a teacher, my dad was atax man and auditor for the
state.
But he was a good guy and youdidn't dread seeing him like you
can.
I mean he's like.
You hear the word auditor andyou think, oh my goodness.
But when he, when he was in hisfifties, he was diagnosed with
(02:24):
cirrhosis which was a byproductof his alcoholism.
In our case it isn't at all thecase that.
You know, liver disease canhappen for a variety of reasons.
But that was our story and wevery much felt like that
diagnosis was our end point.
(02:45):
You know, we'd arrived at avery sad destination and we sort
of went home and closed thedoor and were ashamed and afraid
and just had no idea that wewere really just beginning a
journey with liver disease.
No idea that we were reallyjust beginning a journey with
(03:09):
liver disease.
So over the next little bit oftime he started changing in new
ways and you know, when you livewith someone and you're up
close all the time, you don'talways notice as things change
incrementally.
But what got us back to thedoctor is one day he couldn't
find his way home from the placehe'd been working for decades.
(03:32):
And so we went back to thedoctor to say, oh my goodness,
now what's happening, what'swhat's happening.
Speaker 2 (03:39):
And and this is actually a man in his 50s, so
relatively young, right I?
I'm in my 50s.
I would like to be confusing,or more than a little bit
alarming, and I don't know thatwe always, or that we would
connect.
I can't find my way home withliver disease.
Speaker 1 (03:58):
Well, that's the thing of it, we were given the
diagnosis of hepaticencephalopathy and eventually
overt hepatic encephalopathywhich means overt, it's not
hidden hepatic, it comes fromyour liver encephalopathy.
It's affecting your brain.
Okay, we have no idea that aliver disease could affect your
(04:19):
personality, your comportment,how you walk, how you talk, how
you remember.
We didn't know it could affectyour brain.
So it was devastating to usbecause it's something that had
been happening right in front ofour eyes and we didn't know to
look for it.
(04:39):
So we hadn't noticed and weweren't able to have been good
advocates for him or goodcaregivers, and it just broke
our hearts.
And once he got a diagnosis hewas very far along, so there
weren't a lot of treatmentoptions and there wasn't a lot
we could do.
Speaker 2 (04:56):
So there are a couple of things there.
Number one this was a number ofyears ago, so you were quite
young, so the treatment optionswere probably very different
from what they are now.
But how did this affect you asa young woman taking care of
your dad?
Speaker 1 (05:15):
it was heartbreaking, honestly, because, um, you know
, I thought my dad hung the moon.
You know, I, he really was mynorth star and, um, as a kid,
you know, you're always, youthink your parents are always
going to be there, and I wasterrified of losing him and
(05:38):
guilt-stricken that, um, Ihadn't been the daughter that I
wanted to be.
You know, like that, I had letthis happen on my watch kind of
thing, and we kept, very, westayed in our shame about it.
There's such a stigma aroundliver disease, more and more,
less so, because we are havingthese conversations and that is
(06:00):
what gives me so much hope andlight and joy.
So thank you again for that andbecause liver disease affects
so many people, right, but wedidn't think about that.
We just went home and wereashamed and waited it out,
really, and I never want anybodyto ever feel like that again.
Speaker 2 (06:19):
I think we have so many more open conversations
about medical issues, whetherthey are physical or mental
health related, now, so it givesme so much hope that you have
taken an experience thathappened to you in your teenage
years and said I'm going toallow this experience to inform
the work that I do now.
(06:40):
So at what point did you say Ineed to be an advocate for this
and how can I best help?
Speaker 1 (06:46):
Well, there were many , many, many decades where I
continued to just be ashamed ofit all and to push it away and
to lock it down and really notlook at it and not go through
the guilt or the healing.
And I'm so lucky because when Igot to begin working with Salix
(07:08):
Pharmaceuticals about gettingthe word out I really at first
it was terrifying to tell mystory, just out of so much
weight that I carried with mearound it, and also because I I
really felt very othered andalone and um and ashamed.
(07:30):
But I'm just telling you what,yeah, I cannot believe like,
first of all, how healing it wasfor me to talk about it, to
face it, to examine it, to putsome light in that corner of my
heart, but then to find thecommunity and there is a
thriving community now aroundthis disease process, and one
(07:54):
that those of us who are in itnow just want to keep growing,
because there are still those ofus who are out there feeling
alone and ashamed and there isno.
That is a wasted moment and wehave, you know, just this one
life to live and we don't needto waste our moments.
We need to come together,support each other and walk
through everything that we'regoing to face, because we're all
going to face something, but wecan fit.
(08:15):
We're so much stronger togetherand we and we can, you know,
once we find our community.
So it's meant everything to me.
I'm really lucky because I getto do what I love for a living
and lots of people talk to meabout acting and projects and
all different things that I'vegotten to do in that regard.
But when I started talkingabout liver disease,
(08:35):
specifically hepatic ostemopathy, I had people come up on the
street and talk to me about thatnow and just the relief of it
not living in the shadows andthat just means the world to me,
like it heals.
It heals the 15 year old insideof me, but it heals the five
year old in front of you too.
Speaker 2 (08:55):
See, I love that.
See, there was a piece of whatyou said there that gave me
physical chills, because I thinkit is universal in its healing
in that.
This is why I do the podcast,right.
I want people to be able tofind hope in other people's
strength and the community thatthey seek out, in recognizing
that they aren't alone inwhatever it is they're
(09:18):
experiencing and you mentionedyour dad's alcoholism.
Anyone who listens to thepodcast knows that I'm six years
sober and that sobriety journeywas part of while this is not a
sobriety or recovery podcast,part of that informed my journey
in wanting to speak to peopleand say look, you're not alone.
We can transform tragedy anddifficult moments into something
(09:42):
that is more triumphant, andthat's a large piece of what
you're doing.
I know that, in addition to theliver disease piece of your
heart work, there is a caregiverportion to what you're doing.
What do you want caregivers toknow about the heart work and
what they're going?
Because I know that on thatside sometimes we feel
(10:04):
incredibly isolated when we moveinto a space where we're taking
care of someone and we can feelquite alone there.
Speaker 1 (10:12):
Well, I was going to say it's just as important for
caregivers to have community aswell and their own community.
I think about it and like whatyou're talking about in terms of
like AA and Al-Anon right,there's different roads but
equal need.
And as a caregiver you muststay vigilant, which is an
(10:35):
exhausting state to live in,right, because you need to be
aware and watching andresponsive and, you know,
educating yourself and makingsure your loved one has what
they need.
And it is a state ofhypervigilance which can take a
big toll on mental, physicalcondition of the human body and
spirit.
So it's of paramount importancethat you remember that you
(11:01):
matter too and that the careyou're giving your loved one
needs to also come towardsyourself.
You know you can't.
If you deplete the tank of fuel, the car won't run.
You know you have to keepfilling up your own tank and
that's not selfish, it'sabsolutely a survival mechanism.
(11:24):
You have to.
If it's meditation or if it's abath, or you know if it's some
sleep, it has to happen somehow.
And often that can only comewith the help of other people.
And that's the hardest thing forcaregivers sometimes to ask for
help for themselves becausethey just don't want to bother
(11:46):
anybody and there's so muchgoing on and it really is vital.
And I will say to anybody who'slistening, who knows and we all
do somebody who's going throughsomething offer your help, you
know, cook them a lasagna sothey don't have to make dinner
for their family that night, oroffer to watch the kids for a
(12:06):
minute so they can take a nap orjust zone out on Instagram or
something.
Just have a second of peace tothemselves, like it's um, yeah,
this is a.
This is a community, this worldwe live in.
Nobody gets through this lifeby themselves.
So we have to ask for what weneed, but we also have to be
(12:29):
watching for how we can help.
You know we just engaging willjust give a lot of joy in both
directions.
Really, it's vital to receiveand to be able to receive and
that is a hard lesson to learnAlso such a joy to be able to
give and lighten somebody else'sload when you can.
Speaker 2 (12:52):
I know that so many of us I like to give.
I know that it's harder for meto ask for help.
What would you say to somebodywho is in that space where they
are pouring out but don't quiteknow how to ask for the help
they may need?
What's the key to doing that?
Because so many people who arecaregivers don't know how to ask
(13:14):
for that key piece.
Speaker 1 (13:16):
Well, the most important thing is not to let it
get to the point where you'reasking by screaming when you're
well past, when you needed help,and you're just like spent and
so frustrated and just brokendown Like.
Don't let it get to that point.
Like, love yourself enough to,even if you have to act as if,
(13:40):
act as if you're a person who'sgood at acting for asking for
help.
Just pretend, put it on like alab coat and try it out.
You know they always say thebest way to make a friend is to
ask a favor, and that's still,to this day, such a hard for me
as a human.
I agree, but I tell myself in avery intentional and cerebral
way.
I try to remind myself of thatevery now and again.
(14:02):
I agree, right, return whenit's possible, you know.
Like you know, always keeppeople in mind and be aware.
So keep yourself in theequation as well.
But, yeah, act as if.
(14:23):
Don't let it get to the pointof extreme burnout and duress.
Before you reach a handoutacross, you know, the ocean of
need to say please see me ofneed to say please see me,
please help me.
Speaker 2 (14:43):
What has changed over the years in terms of HE, with
what your dad's experience was,versus what episodes look like
now, and what should people know?
I mean, you mentioned the shamepiece and the liver disease.
Was this thing we didn't talkabout?
What do you want people to knownow?
Speaker 1 (14:57):
Oh, my goodness Well that's the other great part of
this.
All is so much has changed.
So that's why family wentthrough this and the disease has
, you know, endures as it is.
It is persistent, it comes andis episodic, but the treatment
(15:17):
options, oh my goodness, like somuch has changed and doctors
know more about it now.
There is a huge community ofpeople who are living with it
and people who are caring forthe ones they love going through
that, and there's so muchinformation.
So the first thing to know isthat you're not alone, and the
(15:40):
next thing to know is there's somuch information.
So the first thing to know isthat you're not alone, and the
next thing to know is there's somuch information out there.
I can support you in going tozyfaxincom.
There's a caregiver's cornerthat you can have all the like
getting ready to see your doctor, like a list of questions so
you don't forget, because thoseare high stress moments and you
get back in the car and youthink, oh, I should have asked
(16:00):
right there.
You have a list and it's ready,or, um, you know, just finding
different communities, maybe onein real life, near you, or one
online that you can get to anyhour of the day, whenever you
need, uh.
But yeah, that is the most mostwonderful thing is that so much
has changed, there's so muchlight, there's so much support,
(16:23):
there's so much to know, there'sso many treatment options and
that they're really wonderfulways to manage this disease, to
live with this disease, to treatthis disease, and for that
reason I give great, greatthanks every moment of every day
.
Speaker 2 (16:41):
What piece of this has been the most healing for 15
year old Bellamy?
To get to the point where youare now, where it actually feels
as though you are giving, in away that you hope nobody goes
through, what you went throughat the time.
Speaker 1 (17:04):
That's such a beautiful question, danielle.
I will say that that's for me,the greatest gift, beyond
getting the message out itself.
The greatest personal gift isputting down the weight of shame
.
So for everyone who's listening, whatever you're afraid to show
(17:25):
the world, the world loves youanyway, and probably most of the
world has been through that too.
And just um, getting, uh,getting to a point where I can
talk about things that used toreally, really, um, make me hide
has given me such a um, nolease on life and such a freedom
(17:48):
of expression in my own self.
Because you know, when you'realways carrying something that
you're hiding, you're alwaysaware of who you are and what
you're saying, what you'rerevealing.
Don't look too close, don'tmention that.
And once you're free of thoseblinders and parameters, it's a
much more authentic, wonderfulway to be.
Speaker 2 (18:13):
I was going to say there's a lack of personal
freedom there.
When you are carrying somethingthat is so heavy and when
you're able to put that down inwhatever form that is whether
it's doing the work yourself orfinding community, but really
connecting with other people,there is I saw you, you know you
and I get to see each other,and so some people listen to the
podcast and some people watchit, but it's having that ability
to take a deep breath andreally feel the air in your
(18:37):
lungs in a different way, and Ican see that in you, which is
really beautiful.
Speaker 1 (18:43):
It's wow.
I see it in you too.
So thank heavens for thejourney, thank heavens for a
life that gives us time toexperience things, learn from
things and grow, and also thetime to reflect and learn.
I really do stay so grateful,but it's also conversations like
this that make all thedifference.
You know, I listen to thingsand I'm so moved and freed by
(19:08):
people sharing their truth, andthese conversations are part of
it.
So thank you.
Speaker 2 (19:13):
Danielle.
Thank you, as am I.
Are there any other heartprojects you're working on, or
anything else that you're reallyexcited about right now that
you'd like to share?
Speaker 1 (19:21):
Oh gosh, you know, my one of my best friends and I
wrote a YA sci fi novel, whichsounds like a crazy thing, but
we had so much fun doing it andso I'm very, very proud of it.
It's the first in a trilogy.
It's called the Ethereum Code.
I love it.
That was super fun.
I'm back and forth doing a TVshow called Brilliant Minds
(19:42):
Folks can listen.
I did a podcast for thehumanitarian organization CARE
called she Leads Care.
Speaker 2 (19:48):
I was listening to it and right up my alley, right up
my alley talking to womenaround the world doing amazing
things.
And you know I found thepodcast and I was listening to
different episodes and I justthat's beautiful heart work.
I mean, storytelling is at mycore.
So listening to the work thatyou're doing and you're in so
(20:09):
many different arenas and I lovethat.
But what's beautiful is seeinghow you are equally lit up by
each of the pieces that you havepulled into your life.
Speaker 1 (20:21):
Well, I do feel very.
To feel connected with peopleis my greatest, greatest joy,
and I feel like storytelling isthe method of that, like
listening to people's stories,sharing my story, as I'm able to
share it more authentically.
It's much more resonant when ithappens, but, yeah, they all
(20:46):
light me up because it feelslike all of a piece.
It's connection and mutualsupport and I really do feel
like in this life, if we canshow up for each other, really
see each other and listen toeach other, it's just A, a joy
and B, I feel, the only waywe'll get where we all want to
(21:06):
go.
So I want to wind up in abetter world that loves each
other and lifts each other up,and moments like this are part
of that.
Speaker 2 (21:16):
Well, I have long been a fan of yours and I am
honored and delighted that youwere able to take time with me
today.
Is there anything I didn't askyou about that you wanted to
share?
Speaker 1 (21:26):
Oh, no goodness, this has been wonderful.
I really am so grateful to getto talk about this with you.
So thank you, thank you, thankyou very much, bellamy Young.
Speaker 2 (21:34):
You are wonderful.
Thank you so much for spendingtime with me and friends here on
Hope Comes to Visit.
Thank you for spending timewith both Bellamy and I and I am
confident you found someinspiration and some light that
you can take with you and sharewith the people that you love.
And until next time, pleasetake good care of you and I will
see you again next time.
Naturally, it's important tothank the people who support and
(22:01):
sponsor the podcast.
This episode is supported byChris Dulley, a trusted criminal
defense attorney and friend ofmine here in St Louis, who
believes in second chances andsolid representation.
Whether you're facing a DWI,felony or traffic issue, chris
handles your case personallywith clarity, compassion and
over 15 years of experience.
When things feel uncertain, ithelps to have someone steady in
(22:24):
your corner.
Call 314-384-4000 or314-DUI-HELP or you can visit
DulleyLawFirmcom to scheduleyour free consultation.
It was heartbreaking, honestly, because you know I
thought my dad hung the moon.
You know he really was my NorthStar and as a kid, you know you
always, you think your parentsare always going to be there and
I was terrified of losing him.
Speaker 2 (00:30):
I'm Danielle Elliott Smith, and this is Hope Comes to
Visit, where we celebrateconversations about hope,
healing and the power ofstorytelling.
Today's guest is Bellaby Young,actress and powerful advocate
for liver disease.
Let's take a quick moment tothank the people that support
and sponsor the podcast.
When life takes an unexpectedturn, you deserve someone who
(00:52):
will stand beside you.
St Louis attorney Chris Dulleyoffers experienced one-on-one
legal defense.
Call 314-384-4000 or314-DUI-HELP, or you can visit D
Dullelawfirmcom that'sD-U-L-L-E-Lawfirmcom for a free
consultation.
Bellamy, thank you so much forspending time with me today.
(01:15):
How are you?
Speaker 1 (01:16):
I'm happy to be here.
So thank you so much for allyou do, all the love and hope
that you put into the world.
I'm glad to share it a littlebit this morning and uh, and
just grateful to listen to allthe other that you put out.
Speaker 2 (01:30):
You are so wonderful.
I am so excited to connect onyour story of hope, Um and I.
I know that there is a piece ofhope that you are now putting
out there, but it originateswith your own personal story and
how you were a caregiver foryour dad.
So will you tell us a littlebit about your dad and about
(01:53):
your personal story, and then wecan get into some of the
beautiful work that you're doingnow?
Speaker 1 (01:59):
Thank you very much for asking.
I grew up in the mountains ofWestern North Carolina and my
mom was a teacher, my dad was atax man and auditor for the
state.
But he was a good guy and youdidn't dread seeing him like you
can.
I mean he's like.
You hear the word auditor andyou think, oh my goodness.
But when he, when he was in hisfifties, he was diagnosed with
(02:24):
cirrhosis which was a byproductof his alcoholism.
In our case it isn't at all thecase that.
You know, liver disease canhappen for a variety of reasons.
But that was our story and wevery much felt like that
diagnosis was our end point.
(02:45):
You know, we'd arrived at avery sad destination and we sort
of went home and closed thedoor and were ashamed and afraid
and just had no idea that wewere really just beginning a
journey with liver disease.
No idea that we were reallyjust beginning a journey with
(03:09):
liver disease.
So over the next little bit oftime he started changing in new
ways and you know, when you livewith someone and you're up
close all the time, you don'talways notice as things change
incrementally.
But what got us back to thedoctor is one day he couldn't
find his way home from the placehe'd been working for decades.
(03:32):
And so we went back to thedoctor to say, oh my goodness,
now what's happening, what'swhat's happening.
Speaker 2 (03:39):
And and this is actually a man in his 50s, so
relatively young, right I?
I'm in my 50s.
I would like to be confusing,or more than a little bit
alarming, and I don't know thatwe always, or that we would
connect.
I can't find my way home withliver disease.
Speaker 1 (03:58):
Well, that's the thing of it, we were given the
diagnosis of hepaticencephalopathy and eventually
overt hepatic encephalopathywhich means overt, it's not
hidden hepatic, it comes fromyour liver encephalopathy.
It's affecting your brain.
Okay, we have no idea that aliver disease could affect your
(04:19):
personality, your comportment,how you walk, how you talk, how
you remember.
We didn't know it could affectyour brain.
So it was devastating to usbecause it's something that had
been happening right in front ofour eyes and we didn't know to
look for it.
(04:39):
So we hadn't noticed and weweren't able to have been good
advocates for him or goodcaregivers, and it just broke
our hearts.
And once he got a diagnosis hewas very far along, so there
weren't a lot of treatmentoptions and there wasn't a lot
we could do.
Speaker 2 (04:56):
So there are a couple of things there.
Number one this was a number ofyears ago, so you were quite
young, so the treatment optionswere probably very different
from what they are now.
But how did this affect you asa young woman taking care of
your dad?
Speaker 1 (05:15):
it was heartbreaking, honestly, because, um, you know
, I thought my dad hung the moon.
You know, I, he really was mynorth star and, um, as a kid,
you know, you're always, youthink your parents are always
going to be there, and I wasterrified of losing him and
(05:38):
guilt-stricken that, um, Ihadn't been the daughter that I
wanted to be.
You know, like that, I had letthis happen on my watch kind of
thing, and we kept, very, westayed in our shame about it.
There's such a stigma aroundliver disease, more and more,
less so, because we are havingthese conversations and that is
(06:00):
what gives me so much hope andlight and joy.
So thank you again for that andbecause liver disease affects
so many people, right, but wedidn't think about that.
We just went home and wereashamed and waited it out,
really, and I never want anybodyto ever feel like that again.
Speaker 2 (06:19):
I think we have so many more open conversations
about medical issues, whetherthey are physical or mental
health related, now, so it givesme so much hope that you have
taken an experience thathappened to you in your teenage
years and said I'm going toallow this experience to inform
the work that I do now.
(06:40):
So at what point did you say Ineed to be an advocate for this
and how can I best help?
Speaker 1 (06:46):
Well, there were many , many, many decades where I
continued to just be ashamed ofit all and to push it away and
to lock it down and really notlook at it and not go through
the guilt or the healing.
And I'm so lucky because when Igot to begin working with Salix
(07:08):
Pharmaceuticals about gettingthe word out I really at first
it was terrifying to tell mystory, just out of so much
weight that I carried with mearound it, and also because I I
really felt very othered andalone and um and ashamed.
(07:30):
But I'm just telling you what,yeah, I cannot believe like,
first of all, how healing it wasfor me to talk about it, to
face it, to examine it, to putsome light in that corner of my
heart, but then to find thecommunity and there is a
thriving community now aroundthis disease process, and one
(07:54):
that those of us who are in itnow just want to keep growing,
because there are still those ofus who are out there feeling
alone and ashamed and there isno.
That is a wasted moment and wehave, you know, just this one
life to live and we don't needto waste our moments.
We need to come together,support each other and walk
through everything that we'regoing to face, because we're all
going to face something, but wecan fit.
(08:15):
We're so much stronger togetherand we and we can, you know,
once we find our community.
So it's meant everything to me.
I'm really lucky because I getto do what I love for a living
and lots of people talk to meabout acting and projects and
all different things that I'vegotten to do in that regard.
But when I started talkingabout liver disease,
(08:35):
specifically hepatic ostemopathy, I had people come up on the
street and talk to me about thatnow and just the relief of it
not living in the shadows andthat just means the world to me,
like it heals.
It heals the 15 year old insideof me, but it heals the five
year old in front of you too.
Speaker 2 (08:55):
See, I love that.
See, there was a piece of whatyou said there that gave me
physical chills, because I thinkit is universal in its healing
in that.
This is why I do the podcast,right.
I want people to be able tofind hope in other people's
strength and the community thatthey seek out, in recognizing
that they aren't alone inwhatever it is they're
(09:18):
experiencing and you mentionedyour dad's alcoholism.
Anyone who listens to thepodcast knows that I'm six years
sober and that sobriety journeywas part of while this is not a
sobriety or recovery podcast,part of that informed my journey
in wanting to speak to peopleand say look, you're not alone.
We can transform tragedy anddifficult moments into something
(09:42):
that is more triumphant, andthat's a large piece of what
you're doing.
I know that, in addition to theliver disease piece of your
heart work, there is a caregiverportion to what you're doing.
What do you want caregivers toknow about the heart work and
what they're going?
Because I know that on thatside sometimes we feel
(10:04):
incredibly isolated when we moveinto a space where we're taking
care of someone and we can feelquite alone there.
Speaker 1 (10:12):
Well, I was going to say it's just as important for
caregivers to have community aswell and their own community.
I think about it and like whatyou're talking about in terms of
like AA and Al-Anon right,there's different roads but
equal need.
And as a caregiver you muststay vigilant, which is an
(10:35):
exhausting state to live in,right, because you need to be
aware and watching andresponsive and, you know,
educating yourself and makingsure your loved one has what
they need.
And it is a state ofhypervigilance which can take a
big toll on mental, physicalcondition of the human body and
spirit.
So it's of paramount importancethat you remember that you
(11:01):
matter too and that the careyou're giving your loved one
needs to also come towardsyourself.
You know you can't.
If you deplete the tank of fuel, the car won't run.
You know you have to keepfilling up your own tank and
that's not selfish, it'sabsolutely a survival mechanism.
(11:24):
You have to.
If it's meditation or if it's abath, or you know if it's some
sleep, it has to happen somehow.
And often that can only comewith the help of other people.
And that's the hardest thing forcaregivers sometimes to ask for
help for themselves becausethey just don't want to bother
(11:46):
anybody and there's so muchgoing on and it really is vital.
And I will say to anybody who'slistening, who knows and we all
do somebody who's going throughsomething offer your help, you
know, cook them a lasagna sothey don't have to make dinner
for their family that night, oroffer to watch the kids for a
(12:06):
minute so they can take a nap orjust zone out on Instagram or
something.
Just have a second of peace tothemselves, like it's um, yeah,
this is a.
This is a community, this worldwe live in.
Nobody gets through this lifeby themselves.
So we have to ask for what weneed, but we also have to be
(12:29):
watching for how we can help.
You know we just engaging willjust give a lot of joy in both
directions.
Really, it's vital to receiveand to be able to receive and
that is a hard lesson to learnAlso such a joy to be able to
give and lighten somebody else'sload when you can.
Speaker 2 (12:52):
I know that so many of us I like to give.
I know that it's harder for meto ask for help.
What would you say to somebodywho is in that space where they
are pouring out but don't quiteknow how to ask for the help
they may need?
What's the key to doing that?
Because so many people who arecaregivers don't know how to ask
(13:14):
for that key piece.
Speaker 1 (13:16):
Well, the most important thing is not to let it
get to the point where you'reasking by screaming when you're
well past, when you needed help,and you're just like spent and
so frustrated and just brokendown Like.
Don't let it get to that point.
Like, love yourself enough to,even if you have to act as if,
(13:40):
act as if you're a person who'sgood at acting for asking for
help.
Just pretend, put it on like alab coat and try it out.
You know they always say thebest way to make a friend is to
ask a favor, and that's still,to this day, such a hard for me
as a human.
I agree, but I tell myself in avery intentional and cerebral
way.
I try to remind myself of thatevery now and again.
(14:02):
I agree, right, return whenit's possible, you know.
Like you know, always keeppeople in mind and be aware.
So keep yourself in theequation as well.
But, yeah, act as if.
(14:23):
Don't let it get to the pointof extreme burnout and duress.
Before you reach a handoutacross, you know, the ocean of
need to say please see me ofneed to say please see me,
please help me.
Speaker 2 (14:43):
What has changed over the years in terms of HE, with
what your dad's experience was,versus what episodes look like
now, and what should people know?
I mean, you mentioned the shamepiece and the liver disease.
Was this thing we didn't talkabout?
What do you want people to knownow?
Speaker 1 (14:57):
Oh, my goodness Well that's the other great part of
this.
All is so much has changed.
So that's why family wentthrough this and the disease has
, you know, endures as it is.
It is persistent, it comes andis episodic, but the treatment
(15:17):
options, oh my goodness, like somuch has changed and doctors
know more about it now.
There is a huge community ofpeople who are living with it
and people who are caring forthe ones they love going through
that, and there's so muchinformation.
So the first thing to know isthat you're not alone, and the
(15:40):
next thing to know is there's somuch information.
So the first thing to know isthat you're not alone, and the
next thing to know is there's somuch information out there.
I can support you in going tozyfaxincom.
There's a caregiver's cornerthat you can have all the like
getting ready to see your doctor, like a list of questions so
you don't forget, because thoseare high stress moments and you
get back in the car and youthink, oh, I should have asked
(16:00):
right there.
You have a list and it's ready,or, um, you know, just finding
different communities, maybe onein real life, near you, or one
online that you can get to anyhour of the day, whenever you
need, uh.
But yeah, that is the most mostwonderful thing is that so much
has changed, there's so muchlight, there's so much support,
(16:23):
there's so much to know, there'sso many treatment options and
that they're really wonderfulways to manage this disease, to
live with this disease, to treatthis disease, and for that
reason I give great, greatthanks every moment of every day
.
Speaker 2 (16:41):
What piece of this has been the most healing for 15
year old Bellamy?
To get to the point where youare now, where it actually feels
as though you are giving, in away that you hope nobody goes
through, what you went throughat the time.
Speaker 1 (17:04):
That's such a beautiful question, danielle.
I will say that that's for me,the greatest gift, beyond
getting the message out itself.
The greatest personal gift isputting down the weight of shame
.
So for everyone who's listening, whatever you're afraid to show
(17:25):
the world, the world loves youanyway, and probably most of the
world has been through that too.
And just um, getting, uh,getting to a point where I can
talk about things that used toreally, really, um, make me hide
has given me such a um, nolease on life and such a freedom
(17:48):
of expression in my own self.
Because you know, when you'realways carrying something that
you're hiding, you're alwaysaware of who you are and what
you're saying, what you'rerevealing.
Don't look too close, don'tmention that.
And once you're free of thoseblinders and parameters, it's a
much more authentic, wonderfulway to be.
Speaker 2 (18:13):
I was going to say there's a lack of personal
freedom there.
When you are carrying somethingthat is so heavy and when
you're able to put that down inwhatever form that is whether
it's doing the work yourself orfinding community, but really
connecting with other people,there is I saw you, you know you
and I get to see each other,and so some people listen to the
podcast and some people watchit, but it's having that ability
to take a deep breath andreally feel the air in your
(18:37):
lungs in a different way, and Ican see that in you, which is
really beautiful.
Speaker 1 (18:43):
It's wow.
I see it in you too.
So thank heavens for thejourney, thank heavens for a
life that gives us time toexperience things, learn from
things and grow, and also thetime to reflect and learn.
I really do stay so grateful,but it's also conversations like
this that make all thedifference.
You know, I listen to thingsand I'm so moved and freed by
(19:08):
people sharing their truth, andthese conversations are part of
it.
So thank you.
Speaker 2 (19:13):
Danielle.
Thank you, as am I.
Are there any other heartprojects you're working on, or
anything else that you're reallyexcited about right now that
you'd like to share?
Speaker 1 (19:21):
Oh gosh, you know, my one of my best friends and I
wrote a YA sci fi novel, whichsounds like a crazy thing, but
we had so much fun doing it andso I'm very, very proud of it.
It's the first in a trilogy.
It's called the Ethereum Code.
I love it.
That was super fun.
I'm back and forth doing a TVshow called Brilliant Minds
(19:42):
Folks can listen.
I did a podcast for thehumanitarian organization CARE
called she Leads Care.
Speaker 2 (19:48):
I was listening to it and right up my alley, right up
my alley talking to womenaround the world doing amazing
things.
And you know I found thepodcast and I was listening to
different episodes and I justthat's beautiful heart work.
I mean, storytelling is at mycore.
So listening to the work thatyou're doing and you're in so
(20:09):
many different arenas and I lovethat.
But what's beautiful is seeinghow you are equally lit up by
each of the pieces that you havepulled into your life.
Speaker 1 (20:21):
Well, I do feel very.
To feel connected with peopleis my greatest, greatest joy,
and I feel like storytelling isthe method of that, like
listening to people's stories,sharing my story, as I'm able to
share it more authentically.
It's much more resonant when ithappens, but, yeah, they all
(20:46):
light me up because it feelslike all of a piece.
It's connection and mutualsupport and I really do feel
like in this life, if we canshow up for each other, really
see each other and listen toeach other, it's just A, a joy
and B, I feel, the only waywe'll get where we all want to
(21:06):
go.
So I want to wind up in abetter world that loves each
other and lifts each other up,and moments like this are part
of that.
Speaker 2 (21:16):
Well, I have long been a fan of yours and I am
honored and delighted that youwere able to take time with me
today.
Is there anything I didn't askyou about that you wanted to
share?
Speaker 1 (21:26):
Oh, no goodness, this has been wonderful.
I really am so grateful to getto talk about this with you.
So thank you, thank you, thankyou very much, bellamy Young.
Speaker 2 (21:34):
You are wonderful.
Thank you so much for spendingtime with me and friends here on
Hope Comes to Visit.
Thank you for spending timewith both Bellamy and I and I am
confident you found someinspiration and some light that
you can take with you and sharewith the people that you love.
And until next time, pleasetake good care of you and I will
see you again next time.
Naturally, it's important tothank the people who support and
(22:01):
sponsor the podcast.
This episode is supported byChris Dulley, a trusted criminal
defense attorney and friend ofmine here in St Louis, who
believes in second chances andsolid representation.
Whether you're facing a DWI,felony or traffic issue, chris
handles your case personallywith clarity, compassion and
over 15 years of experience.
When things feel uncertain, ithelps to have someone steady in
(22:24):
your corner.
Call 314-384-4000 or314-DUI-HELP or you can visit
DulleyLawFirmcom to scheduleyour free consultation.
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