August 17, 2025 • 45 mins
What happens when life breaks open in every direction? For Aimee Kandrac, it all came crashing down in a six-week period — empty nesting, a cancer scare, the end of her 23-year marriage, and selling her dream home. But from that breaking point came something extraordinary: “Amy 2.0.”
In this episode of Hope Comes to Visit, Aimee shares how she rebuilt her life with new boundaries, deeper self-knowledge, and a joy her own friends and family had never seen before. As CEO and co-founder of What Friends Do, Aimee also brings hard-won wisdom about how we show up for each other in times of crisis. Because when we let others in — when we accept help as much as we give it — we create the kind of connection that heals us all.
This is a story of transformation, community, and the gold that can mend our broken places.
Connect with Aimee here on her website: AimeeKandrac.com, on What Friends Do, and of course on her social channel - LinkedIn, Facebook and Instagram.
Thank you for listening to Hope Comes to Visit. If this episode resonated with you, please follow, rate, and share the show — it helps others find their way to these conversations.
New episodes drop every Monday and Friday, so you can begin and end your week with a little light and a lot of hope.
For more stories, reflections, and ways to connect, visit www.DanielleElliottSmith.com or follow along on Instagram @daniellesmithtv and @HopeComestoVisit
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
I also was in a situation two years ago where my
life just fell apart, justshattered, in ways that I didn't
see coming.
Speaker 2 (00:21):
This is a space for stories that matter, for real
human connection.
I'm Danielle Elliott Smith andthis is Hope Comes to Visit.
I'm very excited about ourguest today.
Our guest today is Amy Kandrick.
She is a speaker, consultant,author and the co-founder and
CEO of what Friends Do.
Her work is instrumental toorganizing support during
(00:45):
life-changing events and shespeaks to organizations about
creative ways to help friendsand family during times of
crisis.
Amy has been recognized as atop 50 mompreneur by babblecom
and has been, and is, the firstfemale CEO in the state of
Indiana to close a $500,000funding round.
(01:05):
She's been featured in Forbes,time, fortune and the LA Times,
oprahcom and more.
Amy's the host and producer ofthe podcast Kitchen Chats, a
graduate of the University ofIllinois and enjoys spending
time with her two childrencooking and playing in the
garden.
Let's take a quick moment tothank the people that support
(01:26):
and sponsor the podcast.
When life takes an unexpectedturn, you deserve someone who
will stand beside you.
St Louis attorney Chris Dulleyoffers experienced one-on-one
legal defense.
Call 314-384-4000 or314-DUI-HELP, or you can visit
Dulleyullylawfirmcom that'sD-U-L-L-E lawfirmcom for a free
(01:50):
consultation.
Amy, thank you so much forbeing here with me today.
Speaker 1 (01:54):
Danielle, thanks for the opportunity to join you and
your audience.
Speaker 2 (01:58):
I am so excited to have this conversation because
so much of the work you do isheart work, the work that so
many of us always want to do,and in reading about the work
that you've done, I know it'sthe work that people want to do
(02:21):
and aren't always sure how tohelp.
So I want to start by askingyou to explain what is what
friends do, and then we're goingto get into why you started it
and sort of how you accidentallystumbled into this CEO role.
Speaker 1 (02:43):
Sure, thanks.
Well, um, oh, and it's uh Itell the story hundreds of times
and this week just happens tobe the anniversary week of um,
one of the reasons that westarted this Um.
So we had a um, a family lovedone, who had terminal brain
(03:05):
cancer when she was 25.
And we were the first layerfriends who were kind of getting
information from the familywhen they were in the hospital
and sharing it with I say themasses in quotes, but all of the
people who wanted to be up todate on what was going on.
(03:29):
And as we were sharing thatinformation, the response was
always twofold.
It was always first andforemost, please tell the family
that I love them and I'mthinking of them.
And the second was always andlet me know if there's anything
I can do to help.
Speaker 2 (03:47):
And isn't that always the question?
What do you need?
How can I?
Speaker 1 (03:51):
help Right and so so what we figured out, though, was
, if we could give peoplespecific ways to help, they
would help they would, and Ibelieve that, after all of these
(04:12):
years, the reason I continuewhat I'm doing is because I see
the magic that happens and thehealing that happens on both
sides when people who are inneed are willing to accept help
and people who want to help aregiven that opportunity and who
are actually plugged in in theright way.
Speaker 2 (04:35):
To what the actual need is, as compared to just
floundering with the.
Do I give you dollars?
Do I give you food?
Do I do your laundry?
Speaker 1 (04:46):
Yes, and I would say there's actually one more, even
more critical piece of that,because I agree a hundred
percent with what you've said.
But the other critical piecefor that is what are they good
at?
I love that.
So I I actually like to cook,so I don't mind making a meal
(05:09):
for someone.
But my best friend is like Ican't get dinner on the table
for my own family.
Why am I trying to put food?
Like, why am I giving food tosomebody else?
But she's?
She's a CFO, and she's like ifI could go and organize all
their bills for them and makesure everything was paid?
(05:29):
She's like that's where itfeels better to also receive the
help when someone's doingsomething that they love.
Speaker 2 (05:54):
And that they're good at right, because I don't
necessarily want the best chefin the world messing with my
bills Right, correct, well, butI do want someone who is, who
doesn't feel overburdened,someone who can't stand doing
their own bills.
I don't want them having totake on the burden of my bills.
Speaker 1 (06:17):
No, and let's.
Let's go back to this otherfriend who I love so dearly.
He's never cooked for me.
There's probably a reason forthat, right.
Speaker 2 (06:27):
Like.
Speaker 1 (06:28):
I don't.
I don't want someone whodoesn't like to cook and and
like my family, we have someonewith severe food allergies.
If somebody doesn't understandthat, so I.
So I say this I'm I'm kind ofnagging on food and I don't mean
to do that because food is, Ithink, one of the first love
languages that people think ofwhen anything is going on.
(06:48):
But knowing that that's justnot where everybody, it's not
always the need that needs to befilled.
Speaker 2 (06:57):
But it is most frequently the let's get a meal.
Train together, right Right,train together right.
So how does what friends dowork?
How does it tap intoeverybody's love language of
giving?
Speaker 1 (07:15):
Right.
So we actually are in theprocess right now of launching a
brand new service.
It's a concierge service and weare talking to people about
what their needs really are.
Okay, and so the reason I liketo start with that is because
(07:36):
sometimes you don't even realizethat somebody could come and
walk your dog and take yourtrash out and clean your house,
and once we can talk throughsome of the needs that you might
have, what friends do?
We're a software, right, we'rean online software that allows
people to have their ownpersonal calendar to post all of
(07:59):
the things that they do needhelp with.
And maybe it's, maybe it's achemo buddy, maybe it's somebody
taking the kids to go buy newshoes because school is starting
, and all of this can be laidout on a calendar on the what
Friends Do software.
And then we engage your socialnetworks.
We're looking at the people whoyou already have in your
(08:22):
network and I think people don'talways understand and
appreciate how many people wouldbe willing to help them if they
were given those reallyconcrete things that they could
do to help so it's almost likeyour best friend would come in
and say I know these are thethings that Danielle needs done.
Speaker 2 (08:41):
And then everyone else could tap in and say okay,
I'm going to go walk her dogs.
And someone else would come inand say I'm going to go ahead
and I'm going to clean out thiscloset, and someone else would
say that's brilliant.
Speaker 1 (08:55):
So so it's all one online space.
We also have a um, a spot inthere, um to kind of give
updates.
That way you don't have toretell the story all the time,
like we used to play that gameof telephone right Like right.
It never gets told the same wayand it's also really exhausting
(09:17):
to have to retell the storysometimes.
Sometimes, as the person oreven that frontline, it can be
emotionally draining to have torepeat it over and over.
You get the text message andyou're like, oh shoot, I sent it
to the wrong group and I leftoff these two people and now you
(09:37):
know.
So, all of having all of thatstuff in one space, we have a
place for donations.
We have a place for anintegrated Amazon wishlist, so
all of it can be held in onespot for people to go find.
Speaker 2 (09:51):
How long have you been doing this now?
Speaker 1 (09:53):
So we've been doing this for almost 10 years.
We actually started it a littlebit before that.
I started it with my mom andkind of figured out a few.
You know after a few years thatwe were best as a mom and
daughter and not as businesspartners and at that point
(10:14):
switched our business model upand that's when I raised venture
capital funding, was the firstfemale CEO in the state of
Indiana to close funding over$500,000 and really pivoted away
from consumers and moved intoselling our product into
(10:35):
healthcare systems and workedkind of alongside a lot of
healthcare.
Speaker 2 (10:42):
And is that what it does now?
Speaker 1 (10:49):
of healthcare, and is that what it does now.
So that's what?
Um, we are in the process ofdoing that now and integrating
this new concierge service.
We actually had some roughyears during COVID.
Um, the first couple of yearsof COVID were gangbusters for us
, and then, um, we found, oncewe were inside of those hospital
systems, workflows changed.
Caregivers who we used to giveinformation to to help set up
(11:10):
our service weren't in hospitalsanymore.
Right, people weren't coming inin the same way, and the
delivery of services has justchanged so drastically in the
past five years.
And so that's why we're in theentrepreneurial world, pivoting
again and adding this newservice level.
Speaker 2 (11:34):
What have you found has been the most important
lesson you have learned, workingwith people who are in this
place of struggle and loss andneed?
Speaker 1 (11:57):
The word grief comes up the most as I try to think
through the struggle, and thatis because we as humans like to
think of ourselves as capableand all of the sudden your life
changes and it doesn't look likehow you thought it was going to
(12:20):
change, or it doesn't look likewhat you had even dreamed of
having your life look like, andyou are grieving the way you
thought your life was going tobe.
The fact that you can't carefor yourself independently,
that's a huge thing.
(12:41):
I share the story of a fewyears ago.
It was a Friday night and mykids were not old enough to
drive yet, but old enough for meto leave them home alone.
And I went to the grocery storeto get some things for dinner
and as I was walking into thestore I got hit by a car.
(13:01):
Into the store, I got hit by acar and I ended up with a broken
foot and a broken hand and I'veexplained a little bit about my
business so far and had to havealmost a little intervention.
My mom and sister walked in oneday and they were like you need
a what Friends Do page.
(13:22):
You cannot drive, you can't goget your own cup of coffee, you
cannot get in and out of thebathtub or shower by yourself.
You have to accept help forthis short amount of time.
Speaker 2 (13:38):
That is the hardest thing, right, and so go ahead
yeah, I was going to ask you ifyou'd had been in a position to
accept the help you are offeringto others well.
Speaker 1 (13:54):
So that that's my easy story of it.
Um, I, I also was in asituation, um two years ago
where my life just fell apart,just shattered in ways that I
didn't see coming.
Over the course of six weeks, Ibecame an empty nester, had a
(14:23):
cancer scare.
It was benign, but I ended uphaving to have surgery.
My husband of 23 years decidedhe didn't want to be married
anymore and filed for divorceand then subsequently moved out
and we had to put our dreamhouse up for sale.
Oh, amy and I was shattered.
(14:45):
I refused to let friends dopage because I was so
embarrassed, because I was sobroken.
Um, and I think that's somethingthat happens to a lot of people
um, is that we often can't faceit, and so the fact that we
(15:09):
would have to talk to othersabout it, it's just too
overwhelming.
Um, but one of the things.
So I also have a podcast and,uh, I've shared a lot of this on
my podcast and my sister hasbeen my rock through everything
and she's a therapist, so I geta little bit of sister, a little
(15:31):
bit of therapy, a whole lot oflove, a whole lot of love.
Who knows where the doses lie?
Speaker 2 (15:39):
each day, some days it's a full therapy and 15%
sister, some days all sister.
Speaker 1 (15:48):
But very much.
But one of the things that shesaid to me was she was really
proud of me that I put my oxygenmask on first and so easy to
forget to do that.
It is and and it took me I mean,it's still taking me like I'm
(16:09):
going to verbally process thisagain right now with you Like
what?
What did that mean?
What was my oxygen mask for me?
And for me, I think it reallywas the friendships and
relationships that I hadestablished already, knowing
that I had safe places, knowingthat I had safe people who could
(16:34):
come in and pick me up out ofbed and say we're just going
downstairs for coffee today.
Kick me up out of bed and saywe're just going downstairs for
coffee today.
People who would come in andsay I am cleaning out your
closets because the house has togo up for sale.
I don't care what the closetslook like, I can get this done.
Speaker 2 (16:56):
It doesn't bother me.
To someone who is going througha breaking point, like you were
at that point, who feelsresistant to allowing themselves
to be seen at their bottom, tosay it's okay, it's okay, we've.
(17:20):
You're not alone, we've.
I've been there, we've beenthere, you're going to be okay,
but you've got to.
Let us see you.
Speaker 1 (17:34):
So that's one that I don't know, that there's any
particular words that are right,any particular timing that is
right for whatever the situationis you're going through, and
whether or not this is the rightthing or not.
This is what I often say topeople, and that is, if the
(17:58):
roles were reversed, how wouldyou want me to be behaving?
And if you knew that I wasgoing through something, would
you want to be here helping andwould you be loving me
unconditionally?
And the answer is, of course ofcourse.
(18:22):
Now again, this is where thetherapy sister could say well,
that's not the right way to doit.
But um but it's something thatworks for me in my life.
Speaker 2 (18:32):
Well, and I think what's powerful about that is
and this does go to the therapysister piece, right that I've
had therapists say to me if thiswas your daughter, how would
you treat her?
Right, and I can remember atherapist saying that to me at
one low point in my life.
(18:54):
Would you, would you allow yourdaughter to put herself as such
a low priority?
Of course's, I mean, that's ananalogy I've heard over and over
(19:28):
and over.
I remember the first time Iheard it I want to say the first
time I heard it, susie Ormansaid it when she was talking
about finances and I've sinceheard it ad nauseum, to the
point that I'm like, yeah, yeah,yeah, my oxygen, I got it.
And I still don't alwaysremember to do it.
(19:48):
I still probably don't do itmore often than I do it, and but
I know it, you know it.
But I believe this goes to oneof the core principles I have in
this show that hearing someoneelse telling a piece of your
(20:12):
story, seeing that someone elsecan make it through something,
is powerful.
Knowing that there are otherpeople who go through hard
things and they don't just clawtheir way through, barely
(20:41):
surviving, they find light in it, that is powerful.
The most powerful things we canhear are truths we already know
, and I think it comes out ofsomeone else.
Speaker 1 (21:01):
It does come out of someone else.
And I think the other part ofit is, um, when we're going
through something we're we'renot always going through it as
alone as we like to think we areRight, and and it's almost.
(21:21):
You know, when I was gettingdivorced, my family was losing
family.
When I was moving, my neighborswere losing me as a neighbor,
and and I forgot you know when,when we have things in life,
other people are affected bythose changes as well.
(21:44):
And again, that healing canhappen for both of us when we
can go through that grieftogether, when we can move
together through some of thesetimes where you feel like all
you can do is crawl your waythrough, claw your way through,
(22:04):
maybe sleep your way through.
Who knows?
Yeah, it's, it's really hard.
What pulled you through?
It was my people, literally mypeople, who I could call in the
middle of the night, who cameover and pulled me out of bed,
(22:28):
who came over and just did stuff.
Right, they're like, no, butI'm here, I'm here.
Right, they didn't have tonecessarily answer.
They didn't take no for ananswer and and they used the
(22:51):
gifts that they had, right.
So some of those people whowere lawyers were good at
helping me through all the legalstuff.
Good at helping me through allthe legal stuff.
Um, I, I became such beautifulfriends with a woman who I was
already friends with, but sheended up being my realtor and I
didn't know the level offriendship that I could have
(23:13):
from her through all of this andthe support that I needed from
her in order to get these thingsdone.
Again, people came in withtheir strengths and that's where
I just kind of would lookaround and I was like, oh,
that's done.
And they're like, yeah, it waseasy for me, right, because they
(23:36):
did the thing that was good forthem, right.
Speaker 2 (23:40):
How do you define hope?
Speaker 1 (23:50):
for them, right?
How do you define hope?
Oh, you should give me apre-reminder on that question.
You should have given me awarning hope.
I think that my definition ofhope today is nothing like what
(24:12):
it would have been two years ago, three years ago, 25 years ago.
Speaker 2 (24:17):
Would the two years ago, three years ago, 25 years
ago have been the same or?
Would they be different eachtime.
Speaker 1 (24:24):
I think they'd be different each time and I say 25
years ago because it wasactually more like 27 years ago.
I lost my dad.
25 years ago.
We I guess 20 years ago we lostour friend.
Two years ago I was goingthrough my divorce and empty
nesting and all of those things,and each time hope looked a
(24:48):
little different, I think.
Hope, though, if I want to comeup with an overarching theme,
it's the golden thread that kindof puts everything through, and
(25:08):
actually it's not even thegolden thread.
I'm going to share a quickstory with you.
I love stories.
While I was going through mylife quake and the shattering
that happened, I had a visualthat kept me going, and it's
(25:32):
called a Kintsu bowl, and Idon't know if you've ever seen a
picture of this, and it is thisbeautiful asian ceramic dish of
many, many, many pieces, and itis soldered back together with
pieces of gold, and all I couldthink about as I was going
(25:58):
through everything was one day Iam going to be put back
together in an even morebeautiful way than I was before.
Speaker 2 (26:08):
So funny, funny story .
I was sent one when the man Ihad been with for five years
passed away two years ago.
Um with that story and I hosteda retreat this past weekend and
(26:29):
I found cards with a picture ofone with the story and I gave
them to each of the women whocame on the retreat.
That explained that.
So it's funny that you broughtthat up, because I have always
(26:51):
said that I would rather sit ina room full of people who are
beautifully broken that have hadto work to put their pieces
back together, because the waywe get put back together leaves
room for the light to go in, andI said that before that bowl
(27:11):
was ever sent to me.
I would rather sit in a roomfull of people who are
beautifully broken than peoplewho consider themselves normal.
Because we have to fight to bemore self-aware.
We have to fight for ourpatience and our empathy and our
compassion, because we had tochoose to stay and to be here,
(27:36):
and that's what you'redescribing with that bull.
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (27:45):
I, I love that and how?
Um, I'll just say, of course,of course, we had this.
No, that sounds about right Was.
Speaker 2 (27:57):
was there a time during any of those experiences
25 years ago, six or seven yearsago, two years ago that you
felt hopeless?
Speaker 1 (28:11):
Oh yeah, I didn't know who I was anymore.
Um, many of those times, like Iwas really, I was really young
when my dad died.
I'm sorry, so I don't think so.
Well, like 20, um, which ispretty young, and, uh, I didn't
(28:36):
know what the world would belike without a dad.
Right, right, but even thatloss wasn't the same as my
entire identity being changed.
I was no longer needed as a momon a minute-by-minute person
(29:01):
basis.
Right, I'm still.
Yes, I didn't have my house.
I wasn't a wife anymore.
I um, didn't really know who Iwas going to be.
Speaker 2 (29:18):
So who is Amy?
Speaker 1 (29:23):
Amy is experiencing a life that I didn't know existed
.
I did not know that life couldbe happier and easier and that I
still get to learn somethingnew every day and that I get the
(29:50):
opportunity to create the mostmagical life that I want.
I didn't know that was anoption that I want.
I didn't know that was anoption.
I didn't know that I got todecide how people treated me.
(30:13):
I didn't know that I got todecide how I want to show up.
Speaker 2 (30:21):
I want to show up so this version of Amy has
boundaries.
Speaker 1 (30:25):
Yeah, yes, this version of Amy has boundaries
and they are magical, andthey're magical and um, and it's
been a little weird.
Some people are like I don'tknow about this Amy we used.
Speaker 2 (30:40):
you know this isn't quite, but but, that's not a you
problem, amy, that's a problem.
Speaker 1 (30:55):
Oh it is.
But the thing that makes me sohappy is literally, at least
once a week, someone's likeyou're just glowing and I feel
like that.
Speaker 2 (31:03):
I get that this 2.0 version of you is Is bright,
yeah, bright and shiny and fullof energy that isn't tamped down
(31:24):
by all of the ands that definedyou in everyone else's terms.
They're all stories you arewriting and definitions you are
putting behind your name.
Yeah, thank you, you're welcome.
(31:46):
It's uh, I mean clearly wedon't know each other very well,
but this is wonderful, but it'suh, I don't know.
I mean it's it's fun to to seeand to to have these
conversations and to get tolearn, not just the story you've
(32:11):
had, but the story you'rewriting.
Speaker 1 (32:23):
Well, and I think I didn't know how much I've read
all of the things right, andI've heard this so many times,
and it's so similar to put youroxygen mask on first, but you
are the writer and creator inyour own story.
Uh-huh, and I wasn't.
I wasn't owning that enough.
Speaker 2 (32:48):
Well, I think that there is seeing a quote, and
then there is the application ofit in your life.
Right, there is, and I usedthis quote in a we were talking
about it in a previous interviewone day at a time right, I'm,
I'm in recovery, and anotherwoman was using it in terms of a
(33:11):
business model she has forfamilies who are in a different
kind of struggle, like it.
Just, they need to focus onthings one day at a time.
All they're focusing on makingsure that families are focusing
on today.
And I get that.
When I first used to hear thephrase one day at a time, I
thought stupid sobriety phrase.
(33:32):
Okay, until I actuallyunderstood its application in my
own world.
I need to focus on just makingsure I'm not drinking today.
And until I really applied itto that day and thought, okay, I
need to make it through thenext five minutes, I need to not
walk to the store, I need tonot go to the grocery store and
(33:56):
buy a bottle of wine.
I need to make it until I go tobed.
I need to get to bed tonight.
So it's one day at a time.
My goal is not I'm neverdrinking again.
My goal is I'm not drinkingtoday, right?
So until you're actuallyapplying something to your life,
when you think someone else hasbeen writing my story and then
you say, oh, no, no, I get tochoose, I'm going to decide what
(34:22):
this looks like.
And it's once you start to ownit.
And then someone says to youyou're glowing and you think,
right, that's because I'm owningmy story, right, because you've
started to apply it.
And you realize that the reasonyou are glowing is because you
are taking ownership for yourown life.
(34:44):
No one is telling you what todo anymore.
No one is telling you who youare, or what time to get up, or
who you can be, or what job tohave, or how to behave or what
boundaries to have.
Those are all Amy decisions.
Speaker 1 (35:04):
And I think, the the unlearning of unwritten rules.
Um, you know, I did have onefriend who told me she's like
Amy, there are no rules.
Right, like I I was, I wastrying to live like I had
(35:29):
created this big, beautiful,pseudo picture perfect world.
That wasn't.
Speaker 2 (35:37):
So this begs a question what rules did you
recognize you had been living by, that you didn't need to apply
to your life anymore?
Speaker 1 (35:54):
Um, I thought that I had to stay married, even though
we just weren't the rightpeople for each other.
I did too right like we werenot.
I don't like the Amy.
I was with him, right.
I don't like how we treatedeach other.
Speaker 2 (36:16):
My ex-husband is one of my good friends.
We are not supposed to bemarried.
My kids will tell you.
We are better apart.
He has a girlfriend and she isdelightful.
Yes, and I am getting marriedin November.
Oh, congratulations, thank you.
And he is fantastic in everyway and we are happy.
(36:43):
I mean, my daughter turned 21 acouple of weeks ago.
We were celebrating with herand she looked at me and she
said Mom, you are so happy and Ilove seeing you this happy and
I've.
It's amazing.
I've never seen you this happy,like it's just and there is
beauty in that Like my fianceand I have been able to talk to
(37:05):
each other and say isn't it coolthat our kids get to see us
like in love, like because we'reflourishing in love with each
other and our kids get towitness that, right?
And so you're walking out ofone thing and making yourself
(37:32):
available to the rest of yourstory.
There's so much more to comeand I just didn't know that
Right and and it, it.
Speaker 1 (37:44):
There's no part of me .
That's logical.
That would say what were youthinking Like?
I should have known better, butI I didn't.
Speaker 2 (37:52):
Why would you?
Why would you?
Because you were, once youentered into that marriage,
understanding as well, untilthere was a realization that we
(38:24):
weren't the right people foreach other.
Not that either of us were badpeople, both good people.
We're just not the right peoplefor each other, and that's okay
.
Speaker 1 (38:34):
And that's okay.
And I didn't know that, um, andI didn't know that, um, I
didn't know that and I didn'tknow that, I didn't know that
love could be easy and kind andsacred, and I thought it had to
have clashing, I had to berubbing in turmoil and it
(38:57):
doesn't.
Speaker 2 (38:59):
Doesn't.
Speaker 1 (39:01):
So that's yeah, and and again.
There's just um, I get to learnsomething new every day, and I
wasn't as open to that before,even though I was learning
something new all the time.
I think that life is fun again.
(39:27):
Right, mm-hmm, once you realizethat the growth and the
evolution are supposed to bepart of the process and that the
person you are now had to gothrough, and I wouldn't be the
person I am now if I hadn't gonethrough all of these things
exactly, and I think that's oneof those that like as people are
(39:53):
in it.
Whatever it is, I don't like toshare it's going to be better.
Sunny days are ahead, eventhough there will be but there
might be some really hard,tragic things that happen that
you don't necessarily want tolose, right, and so it's hard
(40:18):
when you're in it.
Speaker 2 (40:21):
Well, grief and loss are the one universal experience
we have.
Not everyone's going to getmarried or have kids, or find
the love of their life, or livein the city they love or have
the job that they love, butevery single one of us is going
to experience the loss ofsomeone we love dearly.
Speaker 1 (40:37):
And so.
Speaker 2 (40:41):
But you're right, without each of these
experiences we don't get to bewho we are.
And until we experience thehard, we don't necessarily
appreciate the dichotomy of that, right?
I don't?
I don't know true joy withoutexperiencing hard.
If everything was good all thetime, there would never be
(41:04):
amazing, because everything wasgood Right, so I wouldn't know
extraordinary Right.
And that's where joy gets tocome in.
Speaker 1 (41:17):
And I think, along with what you just said, is
recognizing that some people'slows are lower than others and
that doesn't make it worse orbetter for any one person or any
other thing.
And that's I do hear frompeople every once in a while.
(41:41):
They're like oh well, I'venever had a time in my life
where I would need your serviceand I secretly think I'm like
what a fucking great life youhave led.
Yes, that is the thing, yes.
And so then I also like to saywell, that's wonderful if you
ever have someone else, andbecause the other problem is, no
(42:03):
one ever wants to think thatthey're going to need my service
because they don't.
Speaker 2 (42:09):
It's congratulations so far, right, right, you know,
I think that it's amazing thatyour service exists, because
everyone's going to need itsometime, whether or not they're
open to having the help,because we do have to be
vulnerable enough to accept thehelp.
(42:30):
But what a huge gift it is tohave people who love you enough
to make sure you're taken careof, right.
Speaker 1 (42:45):
And to be the person who you love, someone enough to
be willing to take care of themCompletely.
Speaker 2 (42:52):
It has been such an incredible gift having you on
here with me.
Where can people find you andsupport the work you're doing?
Speaker 1 (43:00):
Oh, thank you.
So obviously our service isavailable at what friends docom
and then you can find out moreabout me, my podcast.
I have a written workbookplanner that you can either buy
a hard copy or a downloadable.
That is at amykandrakcom anda-i-m-e-e-k-a-n-d-r-a-ccom and
(43:32):
follow me on the places, on allthe socials I'm on there.
I'm pretty easy to find and Iwould love.
One of my gifts is being ableto help people figure out how to
help, and so I encourage peopleto reach out and ask.
Speaker 2 (43:54):
Perfect.
Amy, thank you so much forspending time with me and with
our listeners and with peoplewho show up with us on YouTube.
I am so grateful for the workyou do and it's a joy to get to
know this 2.0 version of you.
So thank you for being here,thanks for having me, and thank
(44:16):
you, friends, for taking timewith us here on Hope Comes to
Visit.
I certainly hope that we havemet you with the inspiration and
hope and light that you needed,and I hope you will take time
to share this episode and makesure that other people in your
life get a little bit of hopevisiting them today.
Between now and the next timewe visit with you, I hope you
will take good care of you.
Thank you for being here, andthe next time we visit with you,
(44:37):
I hope you will take good careof you.
Thank you for being here.
I'm incredibly grateful to thepeople who support and sponsor
the podcast.
Sometimes, life takes a sharpturn and when it does, having
someone steady in your cornercan make all the difference.
Chris Dully is a trusted StLouis attorney who personally
(44:59):
guides his clients throughcriminal defense cases with
clarity, compassion andexperience.
From traffic violations toserious charges.
He shows up fully and directly.
Call 314-384-4000 or314-DUI-HELP or you can visit
DulleyLawFirmcom for a freeconsultation.
I also was in a situation two years ago where my
life just fell apart, justshattered, in ways that I didn't
see coming.
Speaker 2 (00:21):
This is a space for stories that matter, for real
human connection.
I'm Danielle Elliott Smith andthis is Hope Comes to Visit.
I'm very excited about ourguest today.
Our guest today is Amy Kandrick.
She is a speaker, consultant,author and the co-founder and
CEO of what Friends Do.
Her work is instrumental toorganizing support during
(00:45):
life-changing events and shespeaks to organizations about
creative ways to help friendsand family during times of
crisis.
Amy has been recognized as atop 50 mompreneur by babblecom
and has been, and is, the firstfemale CEO in the state of
Indiana to close a $500,000funding round.
(01:05):
She's been featured in Forbes,time, fortune and the LA Times,
oprahcom and more.
Amy's the host and producer ofthe podcast Kitchen Chats, a
graduate of the University ofIllinois and enjoys spending
time with her two childrencooking and playing in the
garden.
Let's take a quick moment tothank the people that support
(01:26):
and sponsor the podcast.
When life takes an unexpectedturn, you deserve someone who
will stand beside you.
St Louis attorney Chris Dulleyoffers experienced one-on-one
legal defense.
Call 314-384-4000 or314-DUI-HELP, or you can visit
Dulleyullylawfirmcom that'sD-U-L-L-E lawfirmcom for a free
(01:50):
consultation.
Amy, thank you so much forbeing here with me today.
Speaker 1 (01:54):
Danielle, thanks for the opportunity to join you and
your audience.
Speaker 2 (01:58):
I am so excited to have this conversation because
so much of the work you do isheart work, the work that so
many of us always want to do,and in reading about the work
that you've done, I know it'sthe work that people want to do
(02:21):
and aren't always sure how tohelp.
So I want to start by askingyou to explain what is what
friends do, and then we're goingto get into why you started it
and sort of how you accidentallystumbled into this CEO role.
Speaker 1 (02:43):
Sure, thanks.
Well, um, oh, and it's uh Itell the story hundreds of times
and this week just happens tobe the anniversary week of um,
one of the reasons that westarted this Um.
So we had a um, a family lovedone, who had terminal brain
(03:05):
cancer when she was 25.
And we were the first layerfriends who were kind of getting
information from the familywhen they were in the hospital
and sharing it with I say themasses in quotes, but all of the
people who wanted to be up todate on what was going on.
(03:29):
And as we were sharing thatinformation, the response was
always twofold.
It was always first andforemost, please tell the family
that I love them and I'mthinking of them.
And the second was always andlet me know if there's anything
I can do to help.
Speaker 2 (03:47):
And isn't that always the question?
What do you need?
How can I?
Speaker 1 (03:51):
help Right and so so what we figured out, though, was
, if we could give peoplespecific ways to help, they
would help they would, and Ibelieve that, after all of these
(04:12):
years, the reason I continuewhat I'm doing is because I see
the magic that happens and thehealing that happens on both
sides when people who are inneed are willing to accept help
and people who want to help aregiven that opportunity and who
are actually plugged in in theright way.
Speaker 2 (04:35):
To what the actual need is, as compared to just
floundering with the.
Do I give you dollars?
Do I give you food?
Do I do your laundry?
Speaker 1 (04:46):
Yes, and I would say there's actually one more, even
more critical piece of that,because I agree a hundred
percent with what you've said.
But the other critical piecefor that is what are they good
at?
I love that.
So I I actually like to cook,so I don't mind making a meal
(05:09):
for someone.
But my best friend is like Ican't get dinner on the table
for my own family.
Why am I trying to put food?
Like, why am I giving food tosomebody else?
But she's?
She's a CFO, and she's like ifI could go and organize all
their bills for them and makesure everything was paid?
(05:29):
She's like that's where itfeels better to also receive the
help when someone's doingsomething that they love.
Speaker 2 (05:54):
And that they're good at right, because I don't
necessarily want the best chefin the world messing with my
bills Right, correct, well, butI do want someone who is, who
doesn't feel overburdened,someone who can't stand doing
their own bills.
I don't want them having totake on the burden of my bills.
Speaker 1 (06:17):
No, and let's.
Let's go back to this otherfriend who I love so dearly.
He's never cooked for me.
There's probably a reason forthat, right.
Speaker 2 (06:27):
Like.
Speaker 1 (06:28):
I don't.
I don't want someone whodoesn't like to cook and and
like my family, we have someonewith severe food allergies.
If somebody doesn't understandthat, so I.
So I say this I'm I'm kind ofnagging on food and I don't mean
to do that because food is, Ithink, one of the first love
languages that people think ofwhen anything is going on.
(06:48):
But knowing that that's justnot where everybody, it's not
always the need that needs to befilled.
Speaker 2 (06:57):
But it is most frequently the let's get a meal.
Train together, right Right,train together right.
So how does what friends dowork?
How does it tap intoeverybody's love language of
giving?
Speaker 1 (07:15):
Right.
So we actually are in theprocess right now of launching a
brand new service.
It's a concierge service and weare talking to people about
what their needs really are.
Okay, and so the reason I liketo start with that is because
(07:36):
sometimes you don't even realizethat somebody could come and
walk your dog and take yourtrash out and clean your house,
and once we can talk throughsome of the needs that you might
have, what friends do?
We're a software, right, we'rean online software that allows
people to have their ownpersonal calendar to post all of
(07:59):
the things that they do needhelp with.
And maybe it's, maybe it's achemo buddy, maybe it's somebody
taking the kids to go buy newshoes because school is starting
, and all of this can be laidout on a calendar on the what
Friends Do software.
And then we engage your socialnetworks.
We're looking at the people whoyou already have in your
(08:22):
network and I think people don'talways understand and
appreciate how many people wouldbe willing to help them if they
were given those reallyconcrete things that they could
do to help so it's almost likeyour best friend would come in
and say I know these are thethings that Danielle needs done.
Speaker 2 (08:41):
And then everyone else could tap in and say okay,
I'm going to go walk her dogs.
And someone else would come inand say I'm going to go ahead
and I'm going to clean out thiscloset, and someone else would
say that's brilliant.
Speaker 1 (08:55):
So so it's all one online space.
We also have a um, a spot inthere, um to kind of give
updates.
That way you don't have toretell the story all the time,
like we used to play that gameof telephone right Like right.
It never gets told the same wayand it's also really exhausting
(09:17):
to have to retell the storysometimes.
Sometimes, as the person oreven that frontline, it can be
emotionally draining to have torepeat it over and over.
You get the text message andyou're like, oh shoot, I sent it
to the wrong group and I leftoff these two people and now you
(09:37):
know.
So, all of having all of thatstuff in one space, we have a
place for donations.
We have a place for anintegrated Amazon wishlist, so
all of it can be held in onespot for people to go find.
Speaker 2 (09:51):
How long have you been doing this now?
Speaker 1 (09:53):
So we've been doing this for almost 10 years.
We actually started it a littlebit before that.
I started it with my mom andkind of figured out a few.
You know after a few years thatwe were best as a mom and
daughter and not as businesspartners and at that point
(10:14):
switched our business model upand that's when I raised venture
capital funding, was the firstfemale CEO in the state of
Indiana to close funding over$500,000 and really pivoted away
from consumers and moved intoselling our product into
(10:35):
healthcare systems and workedkind of alongside a lot of
healthcare.
Speaker 2 (10:42):
And is that what it does now?
Speaker 1 (10:49):
of healthcare, and is that what it does now.
So that's what?
Um, we are in the process ofdoing that now and integrating
this new concierge service.
We actually had some roughyears during COVID.
Um, the first couple of yearsof COVID were gangbusters for us
, and then, um, we found, oncewe were inside of those hospital
systems, workflows changed.
Caregivers who we used to giveinformation to to help set up
(11:10):
our service weren't in hospitalsanymore.
Right, people weren't coming inin the same way, and the
delivery of services has justchanged so drastically in the
past five years.
And so that's why we're in theentrepreneurial world, pivoting
again and adding this newservice level.
Speaker 2 (11:34):
What have you found has been the most important
lesson you have learned, workingwith people who are in this
place of struggle and loss andneed?
Speaker 1 (11:57):
The word grief comes up the most as I try to think
through the struggle, and thatis because we as humans like to
think of ourselves as capableand all of the sudden your life
changes and it doesn't look likehow you thought it was going to
(12:20):
change, or it doesn't look likewhat you had even dreamed of
having your life look like, andyou are grieving the way you
thought your life was going tobe.
The fact that you can't carefor yourself independently,
that's a huge thing.
(12:41):
I share the story of a fewyears ago.
It was a Friday night and mykids were not old enough to
drive yet, but old enough for meto leave them home alone.
And I went to the grocery storeto get some things for dinner
and as I was walking into thestore I got hit by a car.
(13:01):
Into the store, I got hit by acar and I ended up with a broken
foot and a broken hand and I'veexplained a little bit about my
business so far and had to havealmost a little intervention.
My mom and sister walked in oneday and they were like you need
a what Friends Do page.
(13:22):
You cannot drive, you can't goget your own cup of coffee, you
cannot get in and out of thebathtub or shower by yourself.
You have to accept help forthis short amount of time.
Speaker 2 (13:38):
That is the hardest thing, right, and so go ahead
yeah, I was going to ask you ifyou'd had been in a position to
accept the help you are offeringto others well.
Speaker 1 (13:54):
So that that's my easy story of it.
Um, I, I also was in asituation, um two years ago
where my life just fell apart,just shattered in ways that I
didn't see coming.
Over the course of six weeks, Ibecame an empty nester, had a
(14:23):
cancer scare.
It was benign, but I ended uphaving to have surgery.
My husband of 23 years decidedhe didn't want to be married
anymore and filed for divorceand then subsequently moved out
and we had to put our dreamhouse up for sale.
Oh, amy and I was shattered.
(14:45):
I refused to let friends dopage because I was so
embarrassed, because I was sobroken.
Um, and I think that's somethingthat happens to a lot of people
um, is that we often can't faceit, and so the fact that we
(15:09):
would have to talk to othersabout it, it's just too
overwhelming.
Um, but one of the things.
So I also have a podcast and,uh, I've shared a lot of this on
my podcast and my sister hasbeen my rock through everything
and she's a therapist, so I geta little bit of sister, a little
(15:31):
bit of therapy, a whole lot oflove, a whole lot of love.
Who knows where the doses lie?
Speaker 2 (15:39):
each day, some days it's a full therapy and 15%
sister, some days all sister.
Speaker 1 (15:48):
But very much.
But one of the things that shesaid to me was she was really
proud of me that I put my oxygenmask on first and so easy to
forget to do that.
It is and and it took me I mean,it's still taking me like I'm
(16:09):
going to verbally process thisagain right now with you Like
what?
What did that mean?
What was my oxygen mask for me?
And for me, I think it reallywas the friendships and
relationships that I hadestablished already, knowing
that I had safe places, knowingthat I had safe people who could
(16:34):
come in and pick me up out ofbed and say we're just going
downstairs for coffee today.
Kick me up out of bed and saywe're just going downstairs for
coffee today.
People who would come in andsay I am cleaning out your
closets because the house has togo up for sale.
I don't care what the closetslook like, I can get this done.
Speaker 2 (16:56):
It doesn't bother me.
To someone who is going througha breaking point, like you were
at that point, who feelsresistant to allowing themselves
to be seen at their bottom, tosay it's okay, it's okay, we've.
(17:20):
You're not alone, we've.
I've been there, we've beenthere, you're going to be okay,
but you've got to.
Let us see you.
Speaker 1 (17:34):
So that's one that I don't know, that there's any
particular words that are right,any particular timing that is
right for whatever the situationis you're going through, and
whether or not this is the rightthing or not.
This is what I often say topeople, and that is, if the
(17:58):
roles were reversed, how wouldyou want me to be behaving?
And if you knew that I wasgoing through something, would
you want to be here helping andwould you be loving me
unconditionally?
And the answer is, of course ofcourse.
(18:22):
Now again, this is where thetherapy sister could say well,
that's not the right way to doit.
But um but it's something thatworks for me in my life.
Speaker 2 (18:32):
Well, and I think what's powerful about that is
and this does go to the therapysister piece, right that I've
had therapists say to me if thiswas your daughter, how would
you treat her?
Right, and I can remember atherapist saying that to me at
one low point in my life.
(18:54):
Would you, would you allow yourdaughter to put herself as such
a low priority?
Of course's, I mean, that's ananalogy I've heard over and over
(19:28):
and over.
I remember the first time Iheard it I want to say the first
time I heard it, susie Ormansaid it when she was talking
about finances and I've sinceheard it ad nauseum, to the
point that I'm like, yeah, yeah,yeah, my oxygen, I got it.
And I still don't alwaysremember to do it.
(19:48):
I still probably don't do itmore often than I do it, and but
I know it, you know it.
But I believe this goes to oneof the core principles I have in
this show that hearing someoneelse telling a piece of your
(20:12):
story, seeing that someone elsecan make it through something,
is powerful.
Knowing that there are otherpeople who go through hard
things and they don't just clawtheir way through, barely
(20:41):
surviving, they find light in it, that is powerful.
The most powerful things we canhear are truths we already know
, and I think it comes out ofsomeone else.
Speaker 1 (21:01):
It does come out of someone else.
And I think the other part ofit is, um, when we're going
through something we're we'renot always going through it as
alone as we like to think we areRight, and and it's almost.
(21:21):
You know, when I was gettingdivorced, my family was losing
family.
When I was moving, my neighborswere losing me as a neighbor,
and and I forgot you know when,when we have things in life,
other people are affected bythose changes as well.
(21:44):
And again, that healing canhappen for both of us when we
can go through that grieftogether, when we can move
together through some of thesetimes where you feel like all
you can do is crawl your waythrough, claw your way through,
(22:04):
maybe sleep your way through.
Who knows?
Yeah, it's, it's really hard.
What pulled you through?
It was my people, literally mypeople, who I could call in the
middle of the night, who cameover and pulled me out of bed,
(22:28):
who came over and just did stuff.
Right, they're like, no, butI'm here, I'm here.
Right, they didn't have tonecessarily answer.
They didn't take no for ananswer and and they used the
(22:51):
gifts that they had, right.
So some of those people whowere lawyers were good at
helping me through all the legalstuff.
Good at helping me through allthe legal stuff.
Um, I, I became such beautifulfriends with a woman who I was
already friends with, but sheended up being my realtor and I
didn't know the level offriendship that I could have
(23:13):
from her through all of this andthe support that I needed from
her in order to get these thingsdone.
Again, people came in withtheir strengths and that's where
I just kind of would lookaround and I was like, oh,
that's done.
And they're like, yeah, it waseasy for me, right, because they
(23:36):
did the thing that was good forthem, right.
Speaker 2 (23:40):
How do you define hope?
Speaker 1 (23:50):
for them, right?
How do you define hope?
Oh, you should give me apre-reminder on that question.
You should have given me awarning hope.
I think that my definition ofhope today is nothing like what
(24:12):
it would have been two years ago, three years ago, 25 years ago.
Speaker 2 (24:17):
Would the two years ago, three years ago, 25 years
ago have been the same or?
Would they be different eachtime.
Speaker 1 (24:24):
I think they'd be different each time and I say 25
years ago because it wasactually more like 27 years ago.
I lost my dad.
25 years ago.
We I guess 20 years ago we lostour friend.
Two years ago I was goingthrough my divorce and empty
nesting and all of those things,and each time hope looked a
(24:48):
little different, I think.
Hope, though, if I want to comeup with an overarching theme,
it's the golden thread that kindof puts everything through, and
(25:08):
actually it's not even thegolden thread.
I'm going to share a quickstory with you.
I love stories.
While I was going through mylife quake and the shattering
that happened, I had a visualthat kept me going, and it's
(25:32):
called a Kintsu bowl, and Idon't know if you've ever seen a
picture of this, and it is thisbeautiful asian ceramic dish of
many, many, many pieces, and itis soldered back together with
pieces of gold, and all I couldthink about as I was going
(25:58):
through everything was one day Iam going to be put back
together in an even morebeautiful way than I was before.
Speaker 2 (26:08):
So funny, funny story .
I was sent one when the man Ihad been with for five years
passed away two years ago.
Um with that story and I hosteda retreat this past weekend and
(26:29):
I found cards with a picture ofone with the story and I gave
them to each of the women whocame on the retreat.
That explained that.
So it's funny that you broughtthat up, because I have always
(26:51):
said that I would rather sit ina room full of people who are
beautifully broken that have hadto work to put their pieces
back together, because the waywe get put back together leaves
room for the light to go in, andI said that before that bowl
(27:11):
was ever sent to me.
I would rather sit in a roomfull of people who are
beautifully broken than peoplewho consider themselves normal.
Because we have to fight to bemore self-aware.
We have to fight for ourpatience and our empathy and our
compassion, because we had tochoose to stay and to be here,
(27:36):
and that's what you'redescribing with that bull.
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (27:45):
I, I love that and how?
Um, I'll just say, of course,of course, we had this.
No, that sounds about right Was.
Speaker 2 (27:57):
was there a time during any of those experiences
25 years ago, six or seven yearsago, two years ago that you
felt hopeless?
Speaker 1 (28:11):
Oh yeah, I didn't know who I was anymore.
Um, many of those times, like Iwas really, I was really young
when my dad died.
I'm sorry, so I don't think so.
Well, like 20, um, which ispretty young, and, uh, I didn't
(28:36):
know what the world would belike without a dad.
Right, right, but even thatloss wasn't the same as my
entire identity being changed.
I was no longer needed as a momon a minute-by-minute person
(29:01):
basis.
Right, I'm still.
Yes, I didn't have my house.
I wasn't a wife anymore.
I um, didn't really know who Iwas going to be.
Speaker 2 (29:18):
So who is Amy?
Speaker 1 (29:23):
Amy is experiencing a life that I didn't know existed
.
I did not know that life couldbe happier and easier and that I
still get to learn somethingnew every day and that I get the
(29:50):
opportunity to create the mostmagical life that I want.
I didn't know that was anoption that I want.
I didn't know that was anoption.
I didn't know that I got todecide how people treated me.
(30:13):
I didn't know that I got todecide how I want to show up.
Speaker 2 (30:21):
I want to show up so this version of Amy has
boundaries.
Speaker 1 (30:25):
Yeah, yes, this version of Amy has boundaries
and they are magical, andthey're magical and um, and it's
been a little weird.
Some people are like I don'tknow about this Amy we used.
Speaker 2 (30:40):
you know this isn't quite, but but, that's not a you
problem, amy, that's a problem.
Speaker 1 (30:55):
Oh it is.
But the thing that makes me sohappy is literally, at least
once a week, someone's likeyou're just glowing and I feel
like that.
Speaker 2 (31:03):
I get that this 2.0 version of you is Is bright,
yeah, bright and shiny and fullof energy that isn't tamped down
(31:24):
by all of the ands that definedyou in everyone else's terms.
They're all stories you arewriting and definitions you are
putting behind your name.
Yeah, thank you, you're welcome.
(31:46):
It's uh, I mean clearly wedon't know each other very well,
but this is wonderful, but it'suh, I don't know.
I mean it's it's fun to to seeand to to have these
conversations and to get tolearn, not just the story you've
(32:11):
had, but the story you'rewriting.
Speaker 1 (32:23):
Well, and I think I didn't know how much I've read
all of the things right, andI've heard this so many times,
and it's so similar to put youroxygen mask on first, but you
are the writer and creator inyour own story.
Uh-huh, and I wasn't.
I wasn't owning that enough.
Speaker 2 (32:48):
Well, I think that there is seeing a quote, and
then there is the application ofit in your life.
Right, there is, and I usedthis quote in a we were talking
about it in a previous interviewone day at a time right, I'm,
I'm in recovery, and anotherwoman was using it in terms of a
(33:11):
business model she has forfamilies who are in a different
kind of struggle, like it.
Just, they need to focus onthings one day at a time.
All they're focusing on makingsure that families are focusing
on today.
And I get that.
When I first used to hear thephrase one day at a time, I
thought stupid sobriety phrase.
(33:32):
Okay, until I actuallyunderstood its application in my
own world.
I need to focus on just makingsure I'm not drinking today.
And until I really applied itto that day and thought, okay, I
need to make it through thenext five minutes, I need to not
walk to the store, I need tonot go to the grocery store and
(33:56):
buy a bottle of wine.
I need to make it until I go tobed.
I need to get to bed tonight.
So it's one day at a time.
My goal is not I'm neverdrinking again.
My goal is I'm not drinkingtoday, right?
So until you're actuallyapplying something to your life,
when you think someone else hasbeen writing my story and then
you say, oh, no, no, I get tochoose, I'm going to decide what
(34:22):
this looks like.
And it's once you start to ownit.
And then someone says to youyou're glowing and you think,
right, that's because I'm owningmy story, right, because you've
started to apply it.
And you realize that the reasonyou are glowing is because you
are taking ownership for yourown life.
(34:44):
No one is telling you what todo anymore.
No one is telling you who youare, or what time to get up, or
who you can be, or what job tohave, or how to behave or what
boundaries to have.
Those are all Amy decisions.
Speaker 1 (35:04):
And I think, the the unlearning of unwritten rules.
Um, you know, I did have onefriend who told me she's like
Amy, there are no rules.
Right, like I I was, I wastrying to live like I had
(35:29):
created this big, beautiful,pseudo picture perfect world.
That wasn't.
Speaker 2 (35:37):
So this begs a question what rules did you
recognize you had been living by, that you didn't need to apply
to your life anymore?
Speaker 1 (35:54):
Um, I thought that I had to stay married, even though
we just weren't the rightpeople for each other.
I did too right like we werenot.
I don't like the Amy.
I was with him, right.
I don't like how we treatedeach other.
Speaker 2 (36:16):
My ex-husband is one of my good friends.
We are not supposed to bemarried.
My kids will tell you.
We are better apart.
He has a girlfriend and she isdelightful.
Yes, and I am getting marriedin November.
Oh, congratulations, thank you.
And he is fantastic in everyway and we are happy.
(36:43):
I mean, my daughter turned 21 acouple of weeks ago.
We were celebrating with herand she looked at me and she
said Mom, you are so happy and Ilove seeing you this happy and
I've.
It's amazing.
I've never seen you this happy,like it's just and there is
beauty in that Like my fianceand I have been able to talk to
(37:05):
each other and say isn't it coolthat our kids get to see us
like in love, like because we'reflourishing in love with each
other and our kids get towitness that, right?
And so you're walking out ofone thing and making yourself
(37:32):
available to the rest of yourstory.
There's so much more to comeand I just didn't know that
Right and and it, it.
Speaker 1 (37:44):
There's no part of me .
That's logical.
That would say what were youthinking Like?
I should have known better, butI I didn't.
Speaker 2 (37:52):
Why would you?
Why would you?
Because you were, once youentered into that marriage,
understanding as well, untilthere was a realization that we
(38:24):
weren't the right people foreach other.
Not that either of us were badpeople, both good people.
We're just not the right peoplefor each other, and that's okay
.
Speaker 1 (38:34):
And that's okay.
And I didn't know that, um, andI didn't know that, um, I
didn't know that and I didn'tknow that, I didn't know that
love could be easy and kind andsacred, and I thought it had to
have clashing, I had to berubbing in turmoil and it
(38:57):
doesn't.
Speaker 2 (38:59):
Doesn't.
Speaker 1 (39:01):
So that's yeah, and and again.
There's just um, I get to learnsomething new every day, and I
wasn't as open to that before,even though I was learning
something new all the time.
I think that life is fun again.
(39:27):
Right, mm-hmm, once you realizethat the growth and the
evolution are supposed to bepart of the process and that the
person you are now had to gothrough, and I wouldn't be the
person I am now if I hadn't gonethrough all of these things
exactly, and I think that's oneof those that like as people are
(39:53):
in it.
Whatever it is, I don't like toshare it's going to be better.
Sunny days are ahead, eventhough there will be but there
might be some really hard,tragic things that happen that
you don't necessarily want tolose, right, and so it's hard
(40:18):
when you're in it.
Speaker 2 (40:21):
Well, grief and loss are the one universal experience
we have.
Not everyone's going to getmarried or have kids, or find
the love of their life, or livein the city they love or have
the job that they love, butevery single one of us is going
to experience the loss ofsomeone we love dearly.
Speaker 1 (40:37):
And so.
Speaker 2 (40:41):
But you're right, without each of these
experiences we don't get to bewho we are.
And until we experience thehard, we don't necessarily
appreciate the dichotomy of that, right?
I don't?
I don't know true joy withoutexperiencing hard.
If everything was good all thetime, there would never be
(41:04):
amazing, because everything wasgood Right, so I wouldn't know
extraordinary Right.
And that's where joy gets tocome in.
Speaker 1 (41:17):
And I think, along with what you just said, is
recognizing that some people'slows are lower than others and
that doesn't make it worse orbetter for any one person or any
other thing.
And that's I do hear frompeople every once in a while.
(41:41):
They're like oh well, I'venever had a time in my life
where I would need your serviceand I secretly think I'm like
what a fucking great life youhave led.
Yes, that is the thing, yes.
And so then I also like to saywell, that's wonderful if you
ever have someone else, andbecause the other problem is, no
(42:03):
one ever wants to think thatthey're going to need my service
because they don't.
Speaker 2 (42:09):
It's congratulations so far, right, right, you know,
I think that it's amazing thatyour service exists, because
everyone's going to need itsometime, whether or not they're
open to having the help,because we do have to be
vulnerable enough to accept thehelp.
(42:30):
But what a huge gift it is tohave people who love you enough
to make sure you're taken careof, right.
Speaker 1 (42:45):
And to be the person who you love, someone enough to
be willing to take care of themCompletely.
Speaker 2 (42:52):
It has been such an incredible gift having you on
here with me.
Where can people find you andsupport the work you're doing?
Speaker 1 (43:00):
Oh, thank you.
So obviously our service isavailable at what friends docom
and then you can find out moreabout me, my podcast.
I have a written workbookplanner that you can either buy
a hard copy or a downloadable.
That is at amykandrakcom anda-i-m-e-e-k-a-n-d-r-a-ccom and
(43:32):
follow me on the places, on allthe socials I'm on there.
I'm pretty easy to find and Iwould love.
One of my gifts is being ableto help people figure out how to
help, and so I encourage peopleto reach out and ask.
Speaker 2 (43:54):
Perfect.
Amy, thank you so much forspending time with me and with
our listeners and with peoplewho show up with us on YouTube.
I am so grateful for the workyou do and it's a joy to get to
know this 2.0 version of you.
So thank you for being here,thanks for having me, and thank
(44:16):
you, friends, for taking timewith us here on Hope Comes to
Visit.
I certainly hope that we havemet you with the inspiration and
hope and light that you needed,and I hope you will take time
to share this episode and makesure that other people in your
life get a little bit of hopevisiting them today.
Between now and the next timewe visit with you, I hope you
will take good care of you.
Thank you for being here, andthe next time we visit with you,
(44:37):
I hope you will take good careof you.
Thank you for being here.
I'm incredibly grateful to thepeople who support and sponsor
the podcast.
Sometimes, life takes a sharpturn and when it does, having
someone steady in your cornercan make all the difference.
Chris Dully is a trusted StLouis attorney who personally
(44:59):
guides his clients throughcriminal defense cases with
clarity, compassion andexperience.
From traffic violations toserious charges.
He shows up fully and directly.
Call 314-384-4000 or314-DUI-HELP or you can visit
DulleyLawFirmcom for a freeconsultation.
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